#if u read this i know u rly fw my fic lmao

[whatevermakesyoubreak]

she’s not *quite* a shapeshifter, but this was me when i gave my oc the ability to copy other ppl’s abilities, but only after understanding how they work— so that she literally needs to connect with, get close to, and depend on other people.

only to be cursed by the fact that she can’t truly relate to any of them because she doesn’t fucking know who she is & her nature, combined with her trauma has turned her into a callous and overly solipsistic individual.

so— her whole life— she’s just there. born slightly defective, never quite having a real, positive emotional reaction to anything— only a base level of irritation and boredom— any chance at normalcy only further destroyed by her upbringing. but, she’s intelligent enough to know that’s not normal.

she grows up constantly watching other people in order to know what to do and how to act. participating, but not understanding. surrounded by people she has nothing in common with and who don’t know, care about, or understand her.

as an adult, she’s always been so focused on just staying alive, she hasn’t had the chance to find out who she is, and her ability only reflects this in her personality as well, giving her an inherent selfishness and the almost pervasive need to take, take, take, but no matter what, it’s never enough.

she’s always unfulfilled, and she doesn’t know why. she’s done everything she can to be the strongest she can be— to be accepted by her family (lol), to excel in her career, to be alive— and it’s backfired, leaving her with nothing but a weakness that she’s aware of, but she can’t understand or explain. but, that doesn’t align with the way she thinks she should be feeling— she’s young, she’s beautiful, strong, rich, etc. she shouldn’t feel like anything is missing, right?

every minute of every day is an oscar award winning performance. she puts up a sweet and friendly facade which is so, so contradictory to how she truly feels, it’s actually slowly driving her insane with how hollow it leaves her feeling. now, she’s hateful. she’s angry. she wants to be seen. she wants to be understood. but, she refuses to show herself, because there is no true self. like a child, she acts out— dramatic, glib, and near histrionic— in an attempt to force those emotions and connections— to feel like an actual person.

so, it’s no wonder that when one person actually resonates with her, makes her feel something, and coincidentally treats her with something close to acceptance & respect— even after seeing a glimpse of the ugliness underneath— she latches on to him so fiercely there’s no way she’s not leaving him with claw marks, no matter how gentle she tries to be. she’s so attached that she would crawl inside his skin and live there if she could. she’s desperate. she’s grasping. she’s lonely. he sees that. part of him feels validated by that. it makes him feel seen. it makes him feel wanted. it makes him feel like there’s a point in him being alive. she wants connection and love, but isn’t emotionally intelligent enough to understand that. neither is he. so, what could once have been genuine love is somewhat tainted, twisted into obsession and possession, because something is there— oh, my god, something is there between them— and they’re both aware of it, but they can’t quite put their finger on what it is. so, they do the only thing they know how to do in a situation like this— consume. and, ultimately, that’s the healthiest way it all could’ve ended up for her given the way they are. their relationship is a coin-flip, a true-or-false question, a butterfly effect— if one thing had gone differently the first time they met, they’d unquestionably have killed each other. they’re extremely compatible, but they can’t change each other or grow as people together. they can just remain content, but stagnant in who they are, and after lives of constant turbulence, they’re okay with that. they’re happy with that.

even though she’s not sad at all, i think it’s still sad. the tragedy of lira is being self aware enough to know that something is wrong, but not self aware enough to know what it is, and being too apathetic to truly fix it or care. so, you’re always looking at life through a veil of dissatisfaction, you don’t know yourself, but you inadvertently repeat cycles and cling to your toxicity like a lifeline because it’s the only thing you do know and that feels comfortable. finding comfort in chaos when it never had to be that way in the first place.

Shapeshifter characters are so inherently tragic and i eat that shit up every time. I fucking LOVE when a character's sense of identity hinges upon being anyone but themself. Like yesssss babygirl struggle with your identity as an individual person and not just a reflection of others youre so sexy haha