#if u read this all the way thru tell me which of her lives u like the most

[resonette]

⸻⸻⸻⸻⸻ would you know me in every life?

a meta regarding: all of major seren's canonical lives in order as to be explored on this blog as of september 27th, 2024. a study of: losing one's religion, the concept of the sacrificial lamb, loss of girlhood, objectification, and the weaponization of the self. WARNING. love & deepspace spoilers as well as love & deepspace canon divergence ahead. these verses serve as a general summary of personal canon and can/will be suspended if there are interactions with a canon or named character featured in any of the memories below.

⸻⸻⸻⸻⸻⸻ briar , the flower maiden.

born to an unknown mother and father, the flower maiden is a young woman born to the beautiful kingdom of philos. chosen by the god astra to be HIS sacrificial lamb, a messiah, a vessel of HIS will, she is destined to die in every life so that the citizens of philos may continue on. watched over by the witch corrine, the flower maiden's name is rarely spoken, the first aspect of her to be forgotten. corrine is at peace with the fact that her granddaughter must die in order for philos to survive, so corrine keeps her away from the world, hides her in fields of beautiful flowers so that she may never grow attached to the outside world, never make connections so that she has no reason to fear her own death. when the ice comes for her skin, and for her bones, briar is scared, but she does not take action so long as her grandmother is there. she is scared, but at least she is not alone.  she prays to astra every night for a companion, someone her age, someone who can keep her company.  HE  does not provide. when corrine passes, her body one with the earth, her skin and bones fertilizer for the flowers, briar's fear returns, and she researches her grandmother's magic to find the worst: the truth about what was happening to her, about her life, about her destiny. a fate she couldn't run away from even if she wanted to. in panic, she reads the stories of the philean people, learns the legend of the foreseer, and fixates on the gem of his staff. the creatio protocore, an item of true divinity, something that will save her. ( all she wants is a chance, just a single chance; she does not know yet that astra is a cruel god. every morning she prays to HIM. ) when she climbs the foreseer's tower, she meets the enigmatic demigod and, fearing not even death, attempts to steal the protocore over, and over, and over again. he tells her that she must treat the jasmine, to make it bloom, and she laughs at him : is that all it takes? she has nurtured flowers back to life over and over again; she has tended to the toil, purified the water, treated their sick leaves, banished the infectious insects. there is no one who knows flowers better than she does, and yes, she is somewhere foreign and cold, with not even light surviving in the tower of thorns, but she is not afraid. she prays every morning to astra for the patience and the strength to make the jasmine bloom again.  how little she knows , how little she knows that each statement she makes to HIM , every attempt at asking for HIS help, turns HIS eyes to the tower of thorns, where HE watches the first of HIS tools fall from HIS control . in searching for her father god's approval, the flower maiden dooms both herself and the foreseer. the jasmine is a message - love, beauty, purity, sensuality, modesty - and a reminder - CAN YOU REMEMBER WHO YOU ARE? the flower maiden learns that she is not the first of her lives to seek out absolution. many of her lives die willingly, slain at the hands of the philean royalty; others die with a fight, pleading, mocking, begging, asking astra WHY ?  and this time, rather than the god, the flower maiden's eyes look to HIS foreseer instead, whispering a quiet . . . why? why her? why does she have to be the one to die? has she wronged astra? and the foreseer tells her that tools of astra are not allowed to love. the flower maiden and the foreseer both defy astra's rule that night, but not without intervention. how could she have forgotten something like this, she thinks, she wonders, she craves? how could she have forgotten all of the lives before this one, and how will she forget all of the lives after this one? as the tower of thorns crashes down around her, her heart forever within reach of the creatio protocore, their bodies but dust and intertwined in the eternal mountain, she understands she never had a choice. she is a tragic maiden with no hope of happiness, and when she dies, held in the foreseer's arms at the bottom of the wreckage of the tower of thorns, philos survives another cycle. and the people celebrate.

⸻⸻⸻  maren, lemuria's beloved, princess of philos.

experiencing the wrath of astra after her initial betrayal of HIS goal, the flower maiden becomes the princess of philos, a bird in a cage held captive by astra's most devoted. she is, here, still unaware that she is to die for the betterment of her people, but she notices how those around her mourn her while she is still alive. a bright and sunny girl, they name her maren, after the star that represents the ocean, and as a result, she goes to the beachsides, the ocean horizon, and the sands of time often. the salt of the water waves her hair and brightens her smile, and her chest does not ache, for she is not ill. she runs and dances in the replications of the saltwater sea, tossing it up around her feet and ankles, running from overprotective nursemaids.  (  they do not tell their princess that the oceans have all but dried up; that this visage of oasis exists because she wishes for it to. the king forbids such things. astra's word is absolute.  )

the first time she meets the man on the beach, she is not a girl but a woman; her hair is long and her eyes are kind and he looks at her as if he's seen a ghost, and she is used to this, because her people gaze upon her as if she is a corpse that speaks, that walks, that breathes. she asks his name, and he does not give it to her, but she tells him that she is maren, and when she says that, the way he looks at her is as if she's answered his question incorrectly.

when she looks at him, her hands are stained red. she wonders why that is.

every time she escapes from her maids and ladies in waiting, she goes to the beach to see him. and every time she arrives, he is there, waiting. there is something pleasant about the consistency, as if she knows he will always be around to see her. when she goes, she greets him like an old friend, and every time she sees him, she stands closer to him. she shows him her magic, how she can create things with brightness and kindness and love, and he calls her a witch as a playful response. she tells him she'd sometimes rather be a witch than a princess, and he tells her she should be careful what she wishes for. 

he shows her the ocean, the lack of it, and the truth of his people. when she sees that the ocean she has been playing in is an allusion, fabrication, and falsehood, she mourns it. her hands dig in the sands until they bleed, and she cries; she cries so intently that one might think she was trying to refill it with her tears. this is your fault, he wants to say, but when she cries, the space where his heart might be clenches around nothing, and rather than blame her, rather than grit his teeth and demand her penance, he sits with her while she cries, and when she is done, her head rests on his shoulder, her body exhausted and her mind feeble. she is soft here, as she was when they first met, and it is then that he decides that she must know what she has done.

whether or not she pays for her crimes is not up to him.

rather than bring her to the ocean, he brings her to the city, where he wears robes of black and purple, hidden by the shadow of the moonless night. they laugh and run through the streets together, and he takes her away from the city. surely, the guard will find themselves in a panic as their immortal princess disappears, but maren holds her breath as she leaps from her window, safe in the lemurian man's arms. when she touches him, she leaves behind a stain of red. 

in the desert, she learns the plight of their people; she cries again when he tells her that the lemurians wish to return to their world, and she wails when she learns it is through her hands that the oceans she beloved so intensely have dried up. in her dreams now, the waves are red, and her eyes are crazed, and she rips the heart from the body of the dying god, laughing all the while -- those laughs become sobs when she realizes her god is missing, her god is gone -- why does she worship a god other than astra? the sea is red because she is bleeding, because she is holding his heart to her chest and they are bleeding, together.

in her dreams, his body becomes seafoam, and while she does not remember, he tells her the truth.

long before she knew the body of the flower maiden, and long before she knew the body of the prince's classmate, she was his beloved, his devoted. long before she knew the comforts of astra's hearth, she found safety in him, and he in her. the people of lemuria are without homes because of his love for her; he is bound to her, subservient to her, because she was bound him, subservient to him, once to him long ago. in this body, she does not remember his kiss or his touch or his love, but she sees it in his eyes, and knows that he is telling the truth.

when he tells her that astra's devoted have used her as a bait for him, luring him in like a siren's song, the anger that manifest only in her hands when she bit into his heart is evident in her eyes again. they have taken him because he loved her, and she knows, no, she knows, that astra challenges another god because he is afraid of the power the lemurians might have if they return to their ocean, if the moon returns to the sky and challenges his dominion of the night again. she is young, and she is angry, but she has a duty: if the man rafayel can come to her and confess this to her, and if the god rafayel can give up his people for her, so too can she.

when she tells him that the magic of the philean mages has turned her into a witch of the abyss, she is angry; how dare this magic be used for silence, agony, and evil? how dare he sacrifice his corporeal form, becoming seafoam, so that she might return to her waking world? she must have died alongside him in her grief, she believes, for she does not remember asking of his scales, and she does not remember living beneath the cascades of the ocean. surely, she thought, the abyss witch does not just live in my dreams.

he does not want her heart, he tells her, for he does not have the stomach to take it. but maren is a vengeful, angry girl now, her agony born of grief, of pain, of tyranny. how dare astra harm innocent people. how dare he tell her that she must suffer in silence, immortal so that she can bless his people with her gift, when he has no hesitation in eliminating an entire civilization simply for challenging his own pride? 

rafayel turns and walks away, leaving with her the knife.

and she plunges it into her own chest.

when he turns over his shoulder to find their blood leaving his chest - for her heart is his, and his heart is hers - he exclaims something she does not remember. how her body falls backwards into the sand, her hair glowing against the dark night, how she laughs and laughs when she realizes that this prophecy that rafayel speaks of can be made manifest: if astra is going to take away an entire civilization because he is threatened by them, then so can she.

so. can. she.

⸻ her imperial majesty maeve, lonely star, queen of philos.

giving the immortal maiden power and control over others is what gives her power and control over herself, astra learns, and so HE tries again: this time, rather than nobility, HE keeps her where HE can find her, and HE inflicted upon her a sickness again. this time, it is the stars and not the ice that plague her, and HE keeps her away from those who would try to heal her. within the walls of the palace does she reside, a student at the academy, and though she will not survive to see her graduation day, she perserveres. 

HE sends her someone to comfort her, so that when she dies, her purity in immortality will be passed on to HIS people, and that boy is an enigmatic star cast across a galaxy. he holds her hand when she is dying, and despite astra's wishes, he loves her - or at least, he tries to. he fights with a blade blessed by HIS will, and when the starry-eyed girl's pulse runs cold, her fingers limp in his grip, astra scowls. tools of astra are not supposed to fall in love, so says the story, but even these ones are rebellious. HE learns that the immortal girl that holds the aether core in her heart is a powerful girl, magnetic to those around her, as if her soul is worthy of freedom even when her body is not. 

the god of fate grits HIS teeth and tries again.

this time, HE gives the boy that saved her responsibility: something to pursue rather than the girl. and this time, he gives the girl strength and duty: they must stay distracted. placing her into the line of war means that it increases the chances she has to die; so long as her body perishes in noble sacrifice, philos' journey will continue, and the loop of time will continue all the same. the girl's name is maeve, named after a noble sacrifice that a girl made forever ago, a girl whose duty lies in protecting her people and her prince. the prince's name is rarely spoken in lieu of his highness, but maeve has earned the honor of calling him by name, their swords crossing in a synchronous, resonant dance. over and over again do they train, pushing one-another to their limits, and she earns the title of gladis knight, the highest honor a swordswoman of her skill can obtain. to be the prince's noble protector, and more selfishly, to stay by his side.

tools of astra are not to fall in love. but that does not stop them, yet again. when the king tells the prince that he will be married to another girl, maeve is quiet, pleasant: she knows how to keep a secret, and so she promises to be his secret, if he allows. (  the prince refuses. he will not wed. not if it is not to his gladis knight. the first person he has loved since chasing a ghost.  )

confronting the king, the prince discovered the plot of the devoted of astra: the king, his priests - for so long, all have been watching the immortal soul that continues to reincarnate: different bodies, different shapes, different women. the prince, appalled, staggers backwards away from his father, and while the memories of the girl he knew before begin to dissipate into mist, blending the maeve of then and the maeve of now, he is resigned: he will defeat his father in combat and personally find the way to save the philean maiden. 

as prince, he scours the archives for hours, and he finds them in bits and pieces: the legend of the foreseer and the gardener's bodies encased in ice; the philean princess who took her own life to return to the ocean to philos, the weary classmate and now - his gladis knight. his leader of the lightseekers.

it must be him, he decides: he must go and be the one to save her. and in doing so, he gives her everything: his crown, his kingdom, his people. he promises that he will return, and when he does, he will save her from the curse of their false god. maeve kisses his knuckles and tells him that when he returns, she will await him with open arms. 

while serving as their queen, maeve is known to be relentless. she is firm and sturdy, enigmatic and charismatic. she is brave and kind and gives her everything to her people. they tell her that she is not fit to sit upon the throne, that it does not fit her ( as if they are describing her position as an ill-fitting pair of pants ). she laughs at them and holds them to her standards - they are the standards her prince would have, as the king before her. unaware to that which is to befall her, maeve is beloved by her people: her common people. and when the power moves from the upper class to the commoners - when she becomes the people's queen, the devoted of astra act.

devotion is power, after all. those who are devoted to a concept or cause gain power, and those who are devoted to a person give that person power. whereas the king before her may have been beloved by the upperclass, they were few in number, and so the power he obtained came only from those who were sworn to him by their duty.  (  but in the end, were they truly devoted to the crown, or the person who wore it?  )  as the commoners grew to love their queen for the way she entered the villages and streets, bought food for those who forgot their wallet or were struggling to make ends meet, talked with those who needed her most - she grew in power. the crown glowed upon her head, her eyes golden and bright, her magic immeasurable. skilled with a sword and with the magic of the divine, the high queen was quickly becoming a threat. so astra calls for her death.

she is sitting on her throne when they kill her, and she knows they are coming. maeve may have briefly had the gift of foresight, but of this, she is unsure. the dreams come to her as nightmares; the blade pressed underneath tender flesh. but she smiles as they kill her, and she tosses her head back, shrieking out a wail: one that goes beyond the cosmos, the night sky, and to the tender deepspace tunnel. it reaches the halls of celestia, where she knows astra sits, and she wails: I WILL KILL YOU, it says, despite carrying no syllables. as the high queen is murdered atop her throne, she gives the god of fate her own prophecy: astra will die by the immortal maiden's hand.

and the lonely star of philos, the prince's guiding light, snuffs out.

⸻⸻⸻⸻ seren amphelos, deepspace hunter.

this time, the immortal soul is reincarnated outside of astra's reach. it is still unknown how this happened - perhaps the backtrackers and their breaking of the time loop caused such a thing; perhaps the deepspace tunnel had something to do with it. despite this, the immortal soul is not born to a family in philos, but instead to a family on earth. ( and perhaps, just perhaps, that is the beginning of the end. the end of astra's prophecies coming true, and the beginning of the immortal soul's. ) born to damian and lyra amphelos, two researchers at the ever corporation, as part of a long-term project regarding protocore syndrome, aether cores, and the connection between the deepspace tunnel and the emergence of the evol gene. immediately handed over to the research project in exchange for money and advancement in their field, seren was placed alongside other infants who were purposefully impacted with protocores - aether cores, as they were called - into different organs. while other children may have received them in the lungs, liver, stomach, eyes, or brain, seren received hers in her heart, which severely impacted development of necessary cardiovascular functions, but did not kill her. the trial - known as the UNICORN TRIAL - took place over the span of two years before it was shut down. thirty children entered the program on day one. only three survived.  by the time josephine blew the whistle on the operation, only seren and caleb could be saved by her, the unnamed third child taken away by another researcher to be lost to time. she thinks of him, often, josephine does, but with two children to tend to, there was no time to accept the fate that not everyone could be saved. she only hoped that they did not continue the unicorn trials in her absence. how she wishes it was enough to shut evercorp down, but it wasn't. nothing ever is. while caleb grew up a physically affluent and brave young man, seren's childhood was not as prolific. struggling with the aether core in her heart, josephine falsified her medical records to say that she had a rare and dangerous tetralogy of fallot. the surgeries and treatments she had as a child, in the care of a doctor that josephine personally knew and trusted to help revert this brave little girl back into her best self, were under this impression and seren, innocent as she was, knew no better. by the end of the second surgery, they had moved the aether core into a place where it would allow seren's heart to begin working at slightly lesser than a normal level, and the therapies afterwards - respiratory therapy, physical therapy, psychiatric therapy - helped her, in her teen years, become someone whose health could be managed with medication and diet and exercise only. modern medicine was a marvel, wasn't it? it is here that she meets zayne ( and not the foreseer ) , and rafayel ( and not the sea god ) , and xavier ( and not the prince of her kingdom ) , and caleb ( and not subject 0205 ) , and sylus ( and not the missing relic of the unicorn trials ) . it is here that she learns the truth, finally, and has her eyes peeled open to the nature of what this otherworldy being has done to her. it is here that fate is defied, replaced with a prophecy that seems to fit her soul better, and it is here that a bleeding heart must find itself in the company of those who can heal it, lest she lose a fight to this god once more.

⸻⸻⸻  amaris , godslayer, divine throne of verdure.

when seren amphelos is slain, there is chaos; with no herald of goodness to protect them, philos crumbles. she was supposed to be the one. wasn't she?

the tears of mourners fall to the earth - of ice and flame and light and energy - and from the earth, another being awakens. born a young maiden, astra's failure to influence these reincarnations means one thing only: when amaris is born, she remembers the loneliness of briar and the grief of maren and the pride of maeve and the sacrifice of seren. when amaris is born, and she becomes a woman, it is her who storms the gates of the divine heavens, bearing with her the blood of a freshly-bled heart. how dare you, she says as she ascends the divine tower, the loneliness of the flower maiden guiding each footstep. i can do this journey on my own, she believes. how dare you, she says as she steps over the corpses of all of those versions of her who have become before, grieving as the princess did. i must do this for those i have wronged. HOW DARE YOU, she shrieks as she echoes her own voice of a past once lived: I WILL KILL YOU! AND HOW. DARE. YOU, she asks as she approaches him upon his throne, her weapons surrounding her on all sides, legacies of lives beautifully lived.

their fight is legendary: she is just mortal, but she dances like a god (  of course she does; she was made in his image  )  and the blades, pistols, staves, knives, fists, and MORE, MORE, MORE - puncture divine flesh over and over again. he is three times her size, but the bigger they are, the harder they fall. ALL OF PHILOS , AND EARTH , AND THE DIVINE GALAXY SURROUNDING THEM trembles as they wait for the outcome, for one of two things will happen:

IF THEIR DIVINE LORD is victorious, the time loop will continue, and the maiden will be punished with her death OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN, dying so that they might have their immortality. A MARTYR, so that philos might know nothing of their own mortality. she is dying so they do not have to, and it's not fair, not fair, not fair, not fair. 

IF THEIR MARTYR ASCENDANT is victorious, she will break the time loop and rise to the highest peaks of divinity. THERE WILL BE REPARATIONS: the foreseer will be able to grow jasmine on his windowsill, the god of lemuria will be able to dance among the waves without giving up his own heart, the king of philos will rule as the people's prince, the conqueror of fate will be able to lay his weary blade down and rest. THERE WILL BE HARMONY, for the souls of all mankind will sing in unison, no longer bound by a disharmonious opening note. THERE WILL BE FREEDOM, for all of mankind will know that they are not longer part of a divine machine, something grandiose and elegant, something righteous and unobtainable. mortalkind will know the face of their god.

her blade plunges into astra's chest.

SHE accepts the divinity that leaks out of him in the same way that he took HERS from HER. SHE rips his heart from his bones and feasts upon it, each bite consuming more and more of the divine until HER corporeal form changes: SHE is a mortal, made divine, and with it, SHE too rips out HER own heart, throwing it down into the cavernous abyss, so that no other may trample HER in the way SHE has trampled fate. crawling atop his HER throne, amaris brings HER knees to HER chest, a blanket of starlight wrapping around HER, and as SHE sleeps for the first time in eons, HER soul at peace, knowing that when SHE wakes, there will be no more pain or suffering or strife.

how tired the goddess is now, but SHE will not be forever. to hell with fate and destiny and fortune. there will be no more need for that in the world of the present, for mortalkind will decide all things: when to have children, when to die, when to live, when to rest, when to work. SHE grants them their free will in exchange for their immortality, and they know that if at any point they become too reliant on what they would consider their goddess, SHE will remove their gift, and they will die. they climb the highest mount for HER guidance, and in return, they bring HER flowers, but SHE cannot make decisions for them. no - SHE is a mother, sister, friend, mentor, goddess. SHE is not a master or creator. forever, SHE will protect philos and the surrounding worlds as they tried to protect HER, for it was never anyone's fault other than their oppressive god.

in HER eternity, they keep HER name: amaris. amaris the abundant, goddess of the cosmos and keeper of verdure. SHE is known for HER reclusive nature, thought it is said that SHE walks among the mortals on occasion, dressed as a woman with white hair, a gardener who keeps flowers.

and the goddess likes that SHE is known for having flowers.

[novy2sirius]

MERCURY HOUSE CORE ©novy2sirius

trigger warning: mental health issues, pedophilia, killing, physical health issues ☘️

this is just a random post abt things ppl with these placements could experience ☘️

these r only abt isolated placements so take it with a grain of salt bc the whole chart matters ☘️

a lot of these r experiences i’ve heard from my friends and ppl who’ve purchased readings from me directly ☘️

☿ mercury in 1h core

being diagnosed with more mental illnesses than u can count, being very intelligent which leads u to be anxious just by existing bc of all ur knowledge, saying things u don’t mean cuz u were angry, being told u have a youthful face, knowing a bunch of random facts abt things and telling ppl and them asking why tf u know that or care, hyper-fixating on things u can’t control, getting internet hate by simply existing, getting dmed sexual stuff by random weird dudes trying to prey on u (especially when ur younger), getting nauseous bc ur anxiety is so bad (especially before school), having sexy hands, skipping school to be on ur phone all day and do nothing, asking way too many questions bc of ur curiosity abt everything and annoying ppl (especially as a kid), giving ur opinion when no one asked for it, being told u could be a good rapper/singer, being rly good at flirting bc of ur charm, cussing a lot

☿ mercury in 2h core

being obsessed with mukbang/eating videos and then making urself rly hungry and being frustrated bc u can’t have the food they’re eating in the video, valuing ur own opinions more than others, not answering texts or calls bc ur too lazy to but then liking those same ppls posts on instagram, saying “um” too much or having a lot of pauses in between words bc ur a slow thinker, talking to ur toys as a kid when u were lonely, getting all ur food recipes from pinterest, buying online gift cards for ppl instead of putting effort into an actual gift/on the flip side if ur a more creative person putting a lot of thought into gifts, being good at making things from scratch, being more wealthy in online games than in real life, being obsessed w the papa’s food games on cool math as a kid, holding grudges against ppl who kill u on roblox, liking scents that smell like food or scents that make u smell rich/boujee, always making money, making money online

☿ mercury in 3h core

double texting bc u have sm to say and will forget abt it if u don’t type it immediately, being able to get lots of followers on social media, being gossiped abt online, being a huge reader, enjoying hearing abt other ppls drama but not wanting to be in any, having a child-like energy (this can be in a positive or negative way depending on what vibration ur at in life), saying childish things in arguments when ur at a lower vibration (example: meh meh meh :p), drama following u wherever u go, aging well, being obsessed with sims, not believing things unless there’s very good reasoning to back them up, being able to communicate well, being a talented writer, forming all ur opinions from ur older siblings (if u have any), math or literature being ur favorite subject, being a good driver, enjoying traveling but not for too long bc u get tired quickly of it, being charming af, being witty and quickly thinking of good jokes

☿ mercury in 4h core

posting all ur feelings on social media or going thru that emo phase in middle school where u would post those sad lyric vids on ur snapchat, ur family gossiping abt u a lot and u overhearing it in the next room, having a super low pain tolerance, enjoying watching self care vids, getting baby fever after seeing tiktoks of cute babies, being a rly good person to come to if someone needs a comfort person, living in an rv/camper at some point in ur life, telling ur mom everything and her giving u advice abt certain situations but then u don’t listen and she ends up being right abt the whole thing, coming to ur mom for advice on everything in general, ur mom being more childish than u, being able to write stories that readers rly emotionally relate to a lot, ur mom having videos of u still up on her facebook from when u were little that still haunt u to this day

☿ mercury in 5h core

being creative as hell, being a natural performer, having a fun childlike energy, being a huge risk taker and thrill seeker, being a talented actor, being rly good at video games and possibly becoming famous from playing them, living for the drama but not wanting to be a part of it, downloading tinder and not knowing y u don’t just delete it, being sassy, being told ur trying to hard to be the main character but u literally r the main character and can’t help that, not having ur first love until ur an adult and only experiencing puppy love in ur youth, going to a bunch of concerts, being turned on by wattpad stories and feeling like a whore bc of it, flirting w ppl online and then being scared to say anything to them in person when u see each other, being a good driver

☿ mercury in 6h core

ppl saying u come off super innocent (even if ur not), constantly doing things for others even when they don’t give the same energy in return, being obsessed with improving ur health or with videos online abt being healthy/fit, feeling awful before going to school bc it gives u horrible anxiety and makes u feel like ur gonna puke, thinking ur gonna get a stroke every time u have a normal headache (and being a hypochondriac in general), not functioning without consistency in ur life, having an entire pinterest board of cute animals, being good with animals, being obsessed w ur hygiene and feeling nasty when u don’t shower everyday, weirdly loving medical shows such as greys anatomy, having a lot of stomach issues

☿ mercury in 7h core

convincing ppl to do things with ur charm, wanting to tell ppl something and be honest with them but being too scared bc u don’t want them to hate u and r constantly afraid u’ll hurt them, copying ur romantic partners slang/ur partners copying urs, meeting lovers online, dating or marrying gemini/virgo placements, having age gaps in ur relationships, getting into a lot of conflicts online, ur ex partner/ex best friends posting abt u and subbing u (not saying ur name directly but talking abt u) online after u have a fallout, flirting with ppl on club penguin or roblox when u were younger, changing ur opinions easily based on what ur partner or close friends think, dating ppl when ur too young to even drive, posting a lot abt ur relationship online

☿ mercury in 8h core

analyzing ppl well and understanding them before anyone else does, ppl randomly telling u their deepest darkest secrets when u didn’t even ask, being interested in the way ppls minds work which leads u to become obsessed w books abt psychology/astrology/tarot/etc, starting to masturbate from a rly young age that’s almost concerning, having a lot of mental health issues bc of ur childhood trauma, using dark humor as a way to cope with ur trauma, not realizing how much trauma u’ve went thru until someone verbally tells u that u’ve been thru a lot (usually a therapist), being a tomboy as a kid, being obsessed with true crime, being told ur mysterious, saying out of pocket shit that has high shock value, being stalked online

☿ mercury in 9h core

having a more optimistic mindset than everyone around u, enjoying traveling a lot, wanting to leave ur hometown as soon as possible, driving when traveling instead of taking a plane cuz u don’t wanna pay for the flight, majoring in communications or something involving technology or literature, having an interest in other cultures more than ur own, coming off as intelligent bc of the way u talk and ur mannerisms, being told that u could be a good lawyer from a young age, being a good interviewer, knowing multiple languages, having logical ethics, being a comedian, being an amazing story teller

☿ mercury in 10h core

trying to keep ur daily life private and ppl still getting in ur business, being able to influence the public easily bc they seem to care a lot abt what u say, being famous on social media, being a famous singer, rumors being spread abt u to the public, having a talent for teaching others, having goals that u set as a kid that u feel u must fulfill, having a career involving cars, having a career involving technology, having a career involving writing/literature, being seen as someone who’s intelligent (especially in ur workplace), having dad humor, coming off as a know it all (10h is associated with experts and mercury is the thinking/the mind), being known for ur humor and how funny u r, playing online games that involve having a job such as papa’s freezeria

☿ mercury in 11h core

having random bursts of creative ideas and doing crazy stuff like writing an entire movie and then literally forgetting abt it the next day, ur best friends being ur siblings, having the most random thought processes, being able to make friends easily, having lots of online friends, being clumsy as hell, having a fan page/editing page when u were younger, being known as “the weird kid” in school (this doesn’t mean it’s always in a bad way tho it can mean in a unique/fun way), being popular online, having unique mannerisms, having a unique voice/unique speech patterns, being a good rapper, being dragged into online drama, cussing a lot, saying random things out of nowhere like ice bear from we bare bears, having a lot of ideas that r unique bc u think outside of the box, having unique perceptions, constantly changing ur mind abt things

☿ mercury in 12h core

speaking/writing things into existence with minimal effort, being obsessed with the feeling of nostalgia and making urself feel it then regretting it bc it hurts, ppl interrupting u and talking over u a lot, ppl ignoring what ur saying and making u feel like a ghost, having a huge interest in spiritual things, manipulating and lying a lot when at a lower vibration, being bullied (especially as a kid/in school), feeling lonely even when ur literally socializing or at a social function, having an astrology account, having more online friends than friend’s in person, daydreaming a lot in social settings (and in general), gaslighting ppl when at a lower vibration, being able to speak to the dead thru ur dreams, hearing ppl talking when ur half asleep, sleep walking, being sensitive to things ppl say but trying to hide it, healing ppl through ur words, hiding ur true thoughts abt someone, hiding ur true intentions, having strong emotional intelligence when at a high vibration, easily figuring out what someone’s feeling, being able to do rly good impressions

[clownmoontoon]

RAAAAHHH HELLO ITS BEEN A MINUTE!!! \OUO/

YOUR FAVORITE CLOWN IS BACK IN BUSINESS ive been quiet a while, a LOTS been going on in my personal life that brought my social medias to a complete (and unfortunate ToT) standstill til now!

i rlly wanna talk about it, its been honestly life changing and for safety i need to add some warnings:

cw for abuse both physical and emotional, and suicidal thoughts/ideation (dw im ok and not suicidal! i used to be and i finally have real context as to why)

ANYWAYS LETS TALK ABOUT IT

i got the opportunity to see a therapist for free for the first time since i was a kid and it was IMMENSELY eye opening.

SOME CONTEXT: ive lived with just my mother since i was a teenager as i tried to "make it" as an artist. ive had my ups and downs w this career goal and have been heavy in the midst of a very big Down period. entirely brought on by how sick i was at the start of the year to june (infected lymph nodes, pneumonia, 2 pounds of tumors in my uterus that required the removal of the organ entirely etc, i may have a weak immune system im realizing sdlkjd) which resulted in me having very little energy to create and/or post content. by july i needed to basically start over. which i was excited to do! i WANTED to get back to work and i was even excited for art fight! ;u;

aaaand in july is when my mom thought would be a good time to threaten to kick me out unless i found money to give her or got a "real" job. this came as an extreme and horrifying shock as i had just asked her the month before to "believe in me just a little longer" as i finally felt i realized what id been doing wrong all these years before and felt strongly i could succeed before the end of the year, she not only emphatically agreed but even said i didnt need such a time limit and she definitely didnt mind supporting me til i reached my dream lol i couldnt even do anything until july bc i was busy recovering from major surgery, coming home with tape on my stomach to heal the incision that hadnt fully closed yet

ive wanted to see a therapist for ages bc im Full O' Trauma and i knew it would help. The way this worked was basically like getting a free trial, i got six days of therapy (to be spread out as far as i liked) thru zoom.

i used the visits more for getting advice on how to reach my goals thru mental blocks and exhaustion bc ultimately i felt like 6 days wasnt enough time to get into trauma stuff and i really just wanted to get my career off the ground again, hopefully permanently.

i had vented a tiny bit about my mom and by the final visit w my therapist i decided to forgo the "how to better reach my goals" questions and ask if she had advice on how to handle someone like my mother, who i had to live with and rely on and who would often say something cruel whenever the mood struck. as i told her about my situation she stops me and asks

"do you hear yourself? bc i hear you"

and im suddenly so scared shes going to tell me the same, "get a real job" "stop acting so selfish" etc

instead she says, "this is abuse, youre literally describing an abusive relationship"

i was in complete shock

i even asked her how could i be the one being abused when i was the one using the resources and she compared it to a person getting married to someone rich and that rich person treating them like theyre worthless for not also making money.

it shook me to my core especially bc my mom loved calling me an abuser and comparing me to her abusive ex husbands (one of which used to abuse her physically, punch her/beat her etc) and saying im just like them

for the record ive never laid a hand on her, she would say these things whenever the mood struck, often out of nowhere

once bc i told her i couldnt read her mind and didnt know what she wanted lol wild

ANYWAY after this conversation i started looking back on my life and realizing why ive always felt so worthless, why i thought until my early 20's that suicide would be the best option for everyone. i was so exhausted from chasing this dream and feeling like such a worthless burden, my mother would get so angry with me for just existing and i felt like she would be so much happier if i were out of the picture, my sisters (both a decade older and living w their own families) calling me a leech and selfish for "using" our mother etc

any time i would stand up for myself, kindly and meekly as i could my mother would tell me how she wanted to punch my mouth, slap my face etc for years i thought she'd eventually fly into such a rage one day that she'd kill me and... i honestly didnt really mind the thought once while in high school my mom picked me up for lunch and offered to pay for a prom dress. i told her that it was ok, i knew she was struggling w money rn and i didnt really wanna go to prom anyway she flew into such a rage she pulled over on the highway just to pull my hair and beat me, and then dropped me back at school to finish my day lol

realizing that all of that IS NOT OK OR A NORMAL WAY TO FEEL OR BE TREATED AND I DEFINITELY DIDNT DESERVE ANY OF THAT was extremely eye opening

i told my best friends what my therapist had said and they were both like YEAH... DID YOU NOT KNOW YOU HAD AN ABUSIVE MOTHER??

apparently it was very obvious ^^; my friends were shocked to find that i thought everything was my fault, my therapist even used the term "gaslighting narcissist" to describe her which was WILDLY VALIDATING for me lmao

sitting w all these thoughts whirling around my head my mom texts me suddenly and tells me to ask my sisters for money (13 hundred dollars lol) bc she needs it for "bills"

i didnt want to do that at all she told me to "use my big words" to convince them and not to say it was her idea, but instead to act like i was asking bc i wanted to

it felt gross and made my skin crawl and honestly didnt even make sense bc WHY would i need that money so i asked but let my sisters know it was my mom asking and said she prob felt embarrassed to ask, while telling my mom that i asked in the way she wanted

my oldest sister makes good money and has helped our mom w money in the past. she texted me back asking why our mom needed money and why 1300 and i told her honestly i didnt know, i asked my mom what to say and she said to tell her she had an itemized list but she left it at work and couldnt remember what was on it lol

my sister told me to tell our mom that she couldnt help rn, so i did and my mom encouraged me to push harder to my other sister

suddenly the sister i had been talking to texts me and says that our mom left her a voicemail saying she doesnt know WHY i would ask for money, must be bc she threatened to kick me out bc i never help her with money :,( which was WILD bc any time i had money my mom would get most if not all of it, i havent been able to save money since ... ever tbqh, even when i tried my mom would successfully guilt every dollar from me letting me know i didnt deserve to save a penny after all shes done for me aaAA

ANYWAY i was so angry and hurt that my mom would just throw me under the bus i told my sister i had proof i wasnt lying (bc she was already inclined to believe our mother since they both considered me a leech to start with) and sent her screenshots of my texts

she was shocked and hurt too i decided to tell her about my therapy and how my therapist had called our mom an abuser and she answered that she understands more than ill ever know... which is very sad hjghfgf

we havent really talked more since and i deleted my texts to the other sister, more likely than not my mom sent her a similar voicemail

im very tired

i want to get out of here, im finally seeing this relationship for what its been for years and years, even back to when i was a little kid! i didnt know about suicide but id dream of being an animal in the wild bc i felt like if i were just out of the picture everyone at home would be less angry

its something that enrages me now tbqh ive tried all my life to be as little of a burden as possible and now im ready to be a problem LMAO :o)

the long and short of it is that i will be posting art sales and opening my patreon FINALLY to try and save up funds to get out of here ive also gotten a part time job on weekends for a little cushion tho some of that money will inevitably go to my mother, unfortunately

she doesnt know about the money i make online :o)

my family has constantly called me selfish, entitled and spoiled for just asking for common decency and to be treated like a person, theyve dehumanized me to the point that my greatest coping mechanism was creating a creature sona that isnt human but a monstrous equivalent lol AND I LOVE THEM IM EMBRACING CREATURE LETS FUCKIN GO

i know this has been long and if youve made it to the end i love u and im so thankful for your support!! ;u;

FOR ALL YOUR SUPPORT!! i want to come back full force, i havent stopped drawing at all, just havent had the energy to do much til now

my therapist even pointed out that i probably WOULDVE had at least moderate steady success by now if it werent for my mom's constant abuse

OH ALSO I NOW HAVE FOUR CATS LMAO a stray i had been giving water to and keeping safe from weather things (extreme heat, extreme cold etc) had her kittens here! and my mom gave me the ok to keep them all ;u; (and then ofc rescinded that but thats hardly a surprise now lol) and man, having kids cats sure changes your perspective on what u want and feel like you deserve! I NEED TO DO WELL BC THESE KITTIES DEPEND ON ME AND I LOVE THEM QVQ <3<3

SO YEAH IM BACK BABY IM GETTING THE HELL OUTTA HERE ASAP AND CONCENTRATING ON MY WELL BEING AND MENTAL HEALTH!! 😤🔥

[aroacesigma]

YIPPEE ok . funni rhythm game . project sekai. its got miku . the only important background lore here is: there's kind of another world called "sekai" that is made from either strong emotions, or the shared will/dreams/desire/etc of a group. there are 5 units/groups/whatever. 2 of the sekais in the game were made by One Person. one's the clown group dw abt that. but Mafuyu !! fuyu made her own sekai. i thiiiiiink out of her desire to "disappear"?

anyway. mafuyu asahina. silly lil girlie. she is so depressed man. her mother sucks and is constantly pushing her to be the perfect straight-A student and train to be a doctor, and in public fuyu DOES put up that facade (in-game she has two very distinct voices - a more upbeat, happy one, and this very quiet, almost mumbley-one. in lives she'll use her Public Voice when talking to anyone that isn't of her unit)

so ! fuyu. she wants to make music. and train to be a nurse not a doctor. but her mother is super manipulative and controlling (and thats a theme you see across her cards too. in her first event she's literally depicted as a marionette for example) and really has no real control of her life. and then she meets Niigo. because kanade savior complex go brr

so. nightcord at 25:00, or niigo as they're called in the jp fandom, is made up of Kanade Yoisaki, Mizuki Akiyama, Ena Shinonome, and Mafuyu Asahina. they originally only know each other online (kanade finds fuyu thru her music which kanade notes is very dark and depressing, and later resolves to create a piece of music that will make mafuyu smile and bring back some joy into her life. tbh idk abt the other two i uh. am bad at reading lmao) but !! they talk on Nightcord (its discord) until they all meet in the Sekai. which is fucken EMPTY. there is NOTHIN THERE. and its Mafuyu's Sekai. so given the Empty Void that has been remarked upon that it's very easy to get lost and never find your way out .......yeah

so . as the events progress you get to see mafuyu come out of her shell more as she hangs out with niigo. her mom is. Not Happy (when is she ever smh) and in one event her mom even throws out her music equipment and laptop (iirc) claiming that it's a "distraction", and tells her to stop hanging out w/ niigo bc they're "bad influences" (or smth). mafuyu, obv, does Nyat do this and continues talking to the others.

a few events later mafuyu finally reaches her breaking point and stands up to her mother . and then promptly flees to live with kanade after everything she had to deal with. so now kanade & mafuyu live together ! but mafuyu rlly is making progress like despite it all, in newer cards/depictions you can even see light in her eyes !!!

but yeah shes . shes my silly. and so like. Gender to me. her and mizuki (canon transfem/nb person btw. go mizuki go!!!!!!!!) got a duet version of the song "Villain" which is literally abt bein fucken. trans. u can't just put the Canon Transgirl in with the Transmasc Vibes Character in a Song About Being Trans, man /j

i lov her tho shes doin her best. she kind of lost all sense of identity due to having to be what her mother wanted her to be, and niigo is slowly helping her figure out who she is, not who her mother wants her to be. its very nice

compared to the other stories niigo's is. way more deep and intense. but ! they all have their Things :3

anyway yeah im insane abt mafuyu asahina this has been my tedtalk i need to go to bed

OHHH she sounds awesome fuck yeah :) very glad that she is happier these days...love that . i really do need to play project sekai honestly i tried one time but i got too used to the enstars format for rhythym games and i sucked absolute balls at it. anyway gn bff <3

[1eos]

Hi, just read your post about immigrant mothers ruining their kid's jobs. My mother is not an immigrant but she's asian and she cannot for the life of her be considerate with my previous job situation.

I earned 2k monthIy. It's quite low bc we're poor and I have to use half of my pay to support my family. So I decided to take this remote part time job for savings (not just for me but for the family also) and bc of that I am almost in front of my laptop 24/7. It's a report writing job and usually I would have 2 reports weekly to be submitted within 4 days.

My mother hated that I am always in my room doing work and would get so angry because "I listen to the employers more than her". She would make me do a lot of house chores when she knew I was tired from work just to spite me, saying that in the house I do the least chores???? Yeah bc I have a deadline to catch OMG.

Usually I would plan my week for the reports but then she would make me drive her for errands etc and would guilt trip me if I don't do so. Because of this I would stay up all night trying to finish the report just so that she won't throw a fit. Also, I have 2 other brothers who have a lot of free time but just for gaming, not for chores.....but somehow I'm the bad guy......which also makes me believe all asian mothers are "boy moms" but that's for another day.

The problem about these mothers is not because they don't understand their children. It's because they DO NOT WANT to. Because if they do, it means they have to listen/cater to you; not the other way around. They rather die than doing THAT.

first n foremost i haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaate that you're going thru this :(. it's truly thee worst to be sabotaged by a mother its truly so insidious and too many ppl in this day and age think its cute or like something we just have to suffer thru bc hey that lady gave birth to us and helped raise us. like the idea that GIRLS --bc they rarely if ever do this to sons--are literally put on earth to toil and suffer and serve their mothers, brothers, aunties etc until some man comes along and then u serve him w no thought or care for ourselves until we die is sooooooooo pervasive.

like its so sad that in 2024 you have someone purposefully going out of her way to sabotage your hustle :(((((((((((((((((( and i won't do the annoying 'just move out!' bc trust me ik how hard it is to move out right now!!!!!!!!! i will say i hope you maintain the strength and energy to persevere thru the sabotage 😐 you will win. misogyny will not win! m*thers who are mad that their daughters aren't just rolling over to be the family doormat. and its like? you'd think they'd be happy but that post partum jealousy is something else i'll tell you that

i still remember being a kid and my mom waiting until i was totally asleep to force me awake to put two dishes in the dish washer?????? and would be yelling and totally pissed off that im not standing at attention to do the dishes at 11pm 😭😭😭😭😭 bitch i was in literal rem sleep why are u screaming at an unconscious child? just lacking control or excitement in their own lives and take it out on their daughters its fucking sick

bc you're right lolllll its not that they 'dont understand' they deadass do not want to. which is why i don't believe in extending grace for bad mothers in a lot of these situations bc why the hell do i have to put myself in YOUR shoes and suffer disrespect always thinking about YOUR feelings when for the first 18 years you were the ONLY adult??? absolutely bizarre. i hope one day we can stop lighting up mothers for shit they can't control like crying babies or having to breastfeed and clock them for the way theyre cornerstones in keeping the patriarchy alive. and the specific bullshit mothers dole out and get away with it bc society expects total devotion to mothers especially from daughters like i need everyone to wake it up bc there's nooooo reason for a grown ass person to be sabotaging you like that! a lot of us are living in the house with our worst opponents and i hate it!

but bottom line? I AM ROOTING FOR YOU ANONNNN WE WILL MAKE IT OUT OF HERE I PROMMY

[mvrkieboo]

(3/3) THAT IS WHY....... i kinda support tragic sad ending lol. I am IN for a realistic road. I think fiction is a perfect chance to make shit goes up in flames.

Everything stressed me the hell out, but yk after finishing P43 i blowed out the heaviest sigh and thought 'well the worst that could happen is she dies, so if by some miracle she's not then living her life w everyone hating her is not so bad' it's all about ✨perspective✨ everytime i read a chapter i was spiraling then after finishing it i blowed out the breath i was holding and found a 'you know what?' consolation bc i refused to be stressed out.

Yoonsu was hella smart, and the day she chose to be under his mercy was the day she chose a death sentence. And ofc yoonsu is this sticky parasite-like bitch that u just can't easily swat or kill, so i KNOW we're not getting rid of him that easily.

Now i think either everything burns down to the ground first then she can rebuild her happy ending orrr everything burns down to the ground, period (i'm leaning towards one side guess which one 😜).

I love me some catharsis, and easily-attained happy ending just won't do it for me 😌 So I support whatever u want to put me thru. You rarely get a good heart-wrenching stories here and i'm hella grateful for yours.

oof. a tragic sad end. personally, even i don't have the heart to do that. i mean, yeah i enjoy the pain im putting everyone through rn, but i feel like it could become so hopeless that this story would have a tragic end.

because, realistically, do you really think yoonsu's going to execute the murder-suicide sloppily? he really fucking hates y/n so much that he's lost all of his humanity tbh. back then, in his own sick way, he did actually care for y/n. now? he'd make sure she won't ever have a moment of peace, even in her death. once he's had his fun of isolating her from the people she loves, he's going to kill her and commit suicide in an isolated spot, just to really drive the nail that she's always going to be alone with him, even when all that's left of them is their rotting corpse. and the reason why i can explain how this tragic ending is going to be is because this was my initial ending for old bloodhounds.

he kills her and kills himself, and y/n's friends and family are going to report her as a missing person because she's missing her classes and not seen anywhere else anymore. then, a few months after, some poor hiker stumbles upon y/n's and junyoung's corpse.

only then are they going to find out that junyoung wasn't junyoung, but actually cha yoonsu. especially because authorities in gangnam already uncovered the original junyoung's body. dna testing proved that the corpse beside y/n's was yoonsu. then as the authorities investigate this fucked up case, they'd find the messages y/n and yoonsu shared and the blackmail material yoonsu had over her.

as the authorities explain what really happened to y/n, it would dawn on them that they had a hand in making y/n's worst nightmare come true—for the people she loves to abandon her once again when she needed them most.

BUT that's not my ending anyway but if you guys want this ending as a bonus chapter once old bloodhounds end, just tell me okay???? 🥰🥰🥰

[fg083nrt]

What ships from Naruto do you like, except Kakuhida? I'm asking out of curiosity :)

Also your art makes me want to eat tables!!! RAAH!!!!! (/pos)

This is a surprisingly loaded question because I have so many and some of them span for almost 20 years now.

Also, as usual, disclaimer, since I've seen all the ship wars and holywars, THESE ARE ALL PERSONAL OPINION. PERSONAL OPINION ONLY.

(endless yapping below the cut)

In the past:

My first ship when I was 12 was Pain/Konan, and I think that was the first smut I've ever read like period. I was a big cheerleader of Hinata and Naruto/Hinata because I liked that Hinata just minded her business and stayed in her lane while everyone else was going thru shit (Team 8 had the best work-life balance, I think, they just clocked in and clocked out, no shenanigans). Obviously, Temari/Shikamaru and I loved Neiji/Tenten. I think as a kid these were like really fun dynamics. Once the anime reached the Akatsuki I was all over the Akatsuki LMAO.

But now, as a grown adult, I am almost 99% just KKHD, and Akatsuki ships are like the default absolute truth to me, but recently, I've been obsessed with more Naruto Yuri.

Love Ino/Sakura for that double-income spy who owns a secret flower shop/doctor dynamic; it's just nice. Like I am a firm believer that they could have solved their differences by scissoring or something. Also like, I think their backstory is like an insane missed opportunity (but what's written cannot be unwritten, so whatever) because these pages made me feel like I was reading some kind of josei backstory. Like, go ahead and read these pretending this is not from Naruto, and tell me where do u think this could be from.

Like "pussy from a girl who treats you like a small stupid animal (good until psychic damage hits)"

Like, I would be like, this is either a shoujo manga, or the next page is older Sakura crying in the kitchen with a photo of Ino or something, and then by the end of the story, they, like fuck in the field or something while Sakura is like "I can't believe my toxic female friend from school has 4 fingers up my pussy!", but this could just be projecting, but I still like the ship. On a serious note, Sakura being a crybaby who was picked on would have been a fun opportunity to play with her character and create more empathy for Naruto within her, but her role was more like tying the two characters together, which worked well, but lots of people were salty, but it pushed people to support her character more so it evens out.

Tsunade/Shizune is like my next super fave, especially after rewatching the Tsunade arc. Tsunade's character is just so well done when it comes to how people cope with grief by doing destructive things, I loved it; Kishimoto is fantastic at mature story beats like this weaved between magical ninja fights. But yeah I loved their dynamic like Shizune is essentially her attendant/pet girl/assistant who is extremely loyal to her, but also nagging in a way and also Shizune is just very animated and kinda dorky while Tsunade is a calm mommy- sorry a mature rich woman of status who needs to be taken care of (nearly blacked out writing this). Their back and forth is just chef kiss, too. Honestly, I think that's my favourite Naruto arc; the first part of Naruto is great when it comes to mundane details that I now have more appreciation for.

Their auntie banter!

GODDDDD THAT WAS SO LIKE IT HURTS SEEING OTHERS LIVING THE LIFE YOU DREAM OF

And obviously still love Temari/Shikamaru! I loved that Shikamaru was always very tsundere and going on about how much he hates girls, but deep down is actually like, "Me when a bad bitch tells me to do anything." it's a satisfying way to play with his "character flaw". Seeing him go soft on Temari was like a mini character arc within his already happening character arc during Sasuke's pursuit, like we saw him grow up twice, great stuff!

The entire chapter 235 is just an amazing growth for Shikamaru in elevating the like "men/women" way of thinking to like "what makes a person who they are" way of thinking I really love that. The character is also a great reminder for those afraid of failing btw.

Kakashi/Iruka is my fave, 50% from a historical standpoint; the fact that you can find Kakairu fanfic on Geocities from 2001, and I have some doujins in my collection that are more than 20 years old now is fascinating to me. Love how incredibly loyal the Japanese fans are to Iruka; these guys were holding onto hope for so many years till the Pain arc and then, boom, Studio Pierrot's final Naruto arc!!! It's just incredible fandom history. I love that kinda stuff, love the ship itself too, it's very homey to me, some of the legendary fic they had was fantastic, like entire book's length, incredibly loyal fans.

[unfilteredflare]

I was just reminded of how much I love Chobits

Chobits the manga and anime were so fucking formative for me as a person

And I highly recommend it

It starts out really fucking sus. Cuz the series, I'm almost certain, was written as a response to those gross ecchi animes and mangas

U know the ones. Harem animes with lots of boob and panty shots. And mediocre plot to explain why the girls r all magical and bound to the main guy

So Chobits starts out like that. They really want to establish early on that the MC is a pervert. And Chi is a robot that he owns and looks human. So obligatory ogling of Chi naked and pointing out her boobs and shit.

But like. Chobits was written by CLAMP. And if u don't know, CLAMP was a really big and popular group of mangaka. They made a lot of old classic series. Including Cardcaptor Sakura, xxxHolic, Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicles, and many many more

So like, an all female group of mangaka writing Chobits. The series does not go the way u expect it too

It's very good. It's really slow and charming romance shoujo. I would also HIGHLY recommend it for asexuals specifically. Like, this series was so important to me, as an asexual person. For....... spoiler reasons..... about the ending

End of series major spoiler under the cut if u really want to know. But just take my word for it. Watch it or read it

So the robot girl, Chi, forms her own personality and feelings. The series is about her becoming essentially human. And of course she ends up falling in love with the MC

The reason the series was so formative for me was because of the way the ending was tackled

Chi, as a robot, was designed with her reset/on/off switch as part of her vagina. Like, first episode he has to turn her on by literally groping her. Which is why the series starts really sus

Point tho is, MC falls in love with her thru the series. And at the end, he is given a choice

Because of the placement of her switch, he is never allowed to have sex with her. He loves her and wants to marry her and spend the rest of his life with her. But he will never be allowed to have sex with her or she will be reset. Her personality and all her memories, gone. Everything he loves about her gone.

Chi's creators, referred to as her parents, tell him that if he can't handle that, they will reset her and he won't get to be with her

His choices r to give up on Chi and maybe move on 1 day and fall in love with a regular human girl

Or stay with Chi but never be able to have sex with the girl he's in love with

He is very clearly not asexual. He very much wants and enjoys sex. But by the end, he loves her so much that he is willing to give up sex altogether so they can spend the rest of their lives together

And like, that ending fucking changed me as a person

When I first read the series, I didn't yet know that I was asexual. But the ending has never left me. When I did figure it out, Chobits gave me hope that, as a sex-repulsed asexual, maybe 1 day I could have a romantic relationship where the other person loves me enough to respect my boundaries and be ok with that

And the ending was published way back in fucking 2002. The anime aired in 2002. Talk about being way ahead of it's fucking time

[oasisofgalaxies]

"sorry i stole your tag" NO this is the website where we're all freaks about our interests. now tell me about rosegold i wanna hear what it is

oh dear lord that is a can of worms but I’d be happy to open it !!!!

Ok SO Rosegold is a story that is shared between me and my friend @ind1c0lite !!! It’s abt to go thru a major rewrite bc the plot is as filled with holes as a Rhode Island interstate and we can’t have that

But the basic concept won’t change SO here we go!!

In Rosegold there exist beings known as Guardians. The Guardians were created by the Universe, who they call Mother. Mother created the Guardians to watch over certain aspects of existence. Each Guardian is assigned an aspect which is called their Domain. A guardian can have up to two Domains and they are usually related to one another in some way.

As creation exists in Mother, destruction exists in the Collective. The Collective are a hivemind, a rolling tide of eldritch flood that exists to destroy. The Universe weaves and the Collective tears. Opposing forces, a sort of yin and yang. The Guardians know that all destruction of Mother’s creations cannot be stopped, but they do their best to keep the Collective at bay.

The Guardians live in a realm called HQ. It exists somewhere outside the mortal plane and therefore can’t be accessed by mortals. HQ is headed by three guardians, who are also our main characters!

(Art by @ind1c0lite)

This is Una, the Guardian of Timelines and Reality! She was the first Guardian to be created by Mother. Because of this, Una takes her job as head Guardian very seriously. She’s stoic, serious, and very dedicated to her duties and to her fellow Guardians. In her free time (which is an amount that is next to nothing) she enjoys collecting and tending to her extensive collection of swords! While she cares deeply for everyone in HQ, she doesn’t open herself up to many people. I can count on one hand how many people she’s let herself be vulnerable around. But even with her closest friends, there’s some secrets that she will never tell.

(Art by @ind1c0lite)

Memento, or Mem for short, is the Guardian of Time and Memory! He was one of he first Guardians created after Una, and is one of the head Guardians in HQ. There is never a dull moment around Mem, he’s a huge dork and is always getting into some kind of shenanigans. He tends to skirt his duties as head Guardian a bit more than his compatriots, but he is capable of buckling down and getting shit done when needed. Mem is extraordinarily loyal and will often rush headfirst into danger in order to protect his friends. As a hobby he enjoys metalworking! He can create some fantastically intricate pieces, and quite thematically he enjoys making pocket watches. Where Mem is, you can trust that Mori is not far behind.

And speaking of, this is Mori! Mori is the Guardian of Life and Death and the third Guardian to be created after Una. I can’t really say third because he and Mem were created at the same time, so it’s hard to put a number to their arrival. The two are basically inseparable and it’s a rare sight to see them apart. Mori has one of the biggest hearts in HQ and cares deeply about his friends and fellow Guardians. He can be a bit of a stickler for the rules which sometimes gets him the reputation of being a bit of a spoilsport, but he means well. Mori tends for HQ’s sprawling gardens which he himself worked tirelessly to cultivate. He spends hours pruning and caring for his flowers. His prized rosebushes are his favorites! His relation to flowers extends outside the gardens as well. Flowers tend to bloom wherever he goes and can be a good way to tell how he’s feeling. If he’s in a particularly bad mood, however, plantlife around him will wilt and wither. Luckily, it’s rare that Mori is ever in a bad mood.

And those are the main three guys!! Our protagonists :D! I don’t want to make this post super long but if u or anyone reading has any questions please feel free to ask I LOVE talking abt Rosegold so so so much hehe

[astro-naut9]

I know nothing about your OCs, so consider this a request for any infodumps about any characters you feel like talking about.

Educate me about your lil' guys.

OH BROOOTHHERRRR OK SO !!! PREPARE TO READ VERY CONFUSING STUFF !! and trigger warnings for mentions of self-sabotaging and anything related to it.

this is Francis Wry !!

They're 16 and they use he/she/they pronouns! Their identity is loosely based off of me but so are my other characters tbh. ANYWAY!! He's a very chaotic person but also very caring towards his friends (alex)! They love destruction and they also love peace, which makes his morals questionable. Francis will do anything for his wants, as long as it doesn't affect his friends at all. He will go through lengths for it (will include self sacrifices and world destruction). BUT!! overall, he's not too complicated to understand. jsut that friends > others

ANYWAY !! story time

Francis, was legally named Vanessa, was born in a poor family of three (including him). She spent her time ltierally working for her family. anyway, no, she did not live with peace when she was with her family. BUT, she did find a friend, Neil, when they were both 7 years old and then they grew up together cuz their family is friends with each other and they have the same hobbies. (unfortunately i dont have pics of them tgt) however, this did not cure francis' depression (she didnt know she had it), so yeah !! anyway, long story short she unalived herself by jumping off a building BUT GUESS WHAT !!!! SHE DIED, BUT SHE GOT REVIVED !! TO ANOTHER WOOOORRLLLDDD !!!

with that process, lets go to the revival thingy first.

in order for people to be revived, alien scientists grab their wandering souls in their planet and bring them outside the universe (to the multiverse) where a rogue sun and planet travel. The souls are then magically revived by a god who the alien scientists had held hostage (the god does not mind the reviving too much, however, he wishes for them to treat him kinder). ANYWAY, the aliens then take dna from the deceased bodies and put it in a cloning machine.

no, the scientists does not care who they revive. it is for the sake of experiment.

so, that implies Francis was taken as an experiment :3

niszen is the scientist in charge of him. they have some sort of sibling bond as the scientists are tasked to act very kind to the subjects as a manipulation tactic, so their relationship is either genuine or just a hoax. Anyway, you could tell what francis went thru with the experiments as it had always been painful and exhausting. then one day he couldnt take it anymore and js went batshit crazy. with the mix of other dnas mixed in his blood, his strength and abilities were a bit crazy. with that, francis escaped from his cell and went to the fuel room. he grabbed jugs of gasoline and poured it eevrywhere he went. the aliens had a room filled with stuffs that are alien to them which was where he found the match box. this then led to him burning down the laboratory, causing it to explode yada yada. (there are details i didnt include because it will take this very long)

then he proceeded to live in the wild. since the planet, Astrylis, was made for the preference of different species, the woods was js like the woods from the Earth. anyway, he lived there for like 2 weeks until a grandma saw him and then helped him with ways and stuff. then he was exposed to the outside world after 4 months of in denial.

then he met uhh Alex!!

alex was 14 when they were 13 !! then they uh became best friends for 4 years (present time, which is 6036). anyway, i actually have no more to add unless im asked about specific things auuughgh but

anyways here are some of the uhh arts w them :33

i have more ocs but,, idrk,, i cant seem to describe some stuff without the questions beign specific for some reason??? but hey i hope i did give u a little about my guy here !!

[izzy-b-hands]

So. I'm allowing myself a vent post or two abt Stuff in the Brain today that won't fuck off, but it'll all be under a cut if I feel I'm at risk of being too wordy so folks don't gotta see this if they don't wanna. And on this one I did get wordy, multi-paragraphs so. fair warning if u decide to be brave and read thru it lol

I'm behind on getting Mum a bday gift. Like two weeks behind. Partially bc money, partially bc the thing I really wanted to get her involves bidding on ebay and attempting to win a listing (and I just haven't managed it yet lmao), and partially bc like:

For once I've been living my life for me, thinking abt me and Housemate first and foremost, and focusing on what I actually want/need from day to day, and that means I'm away from my phone a bit more than usual, which means I've missed some calls and texts from Mum and just haven't been as Available via phone/apps/etc as I've been in the past

(including one time in the last week or so where Housemate and I stepped aside to the kitchen to make ourselves mac n cheese, and Mum was late to calling me for a planned call, so I figured I was safe to leave the phone by the couch while we cooked. Nope! In that less than half hour, 25 mins at most that it took us to finish mac and get plated up, she figured we'd both A. fallen down the stairs and were now dying from brain bleeds while the cats sniffed us in panic and fear B. decided to cut her out of my life forever and so now I wasn't going to be answering her calls (tho this point I didn't know until a much more recent text where she admitted to it and did say she was ashamed of feeling that way.) )

So I really need to get something out to her, either the chocolates I was planning on sending for her and the family from a local shop, the Snoopy Build-A-Bear plushie with a lil 'I miss you' tshirt and a voice thingy inside it with me telling her to remember that I love her and am always grateful for her help and care and things like that, whatever will fit lol (this is the fucker that triggered this whole train crash of a set of thoughts today lmao), and/or something from one of the ebay listings I've been trying to get (I just need to accept it and pay the buy it now price considering what the thing is isn't like. Uber rare? But apparently Bon Jovi doesn't have their figurines made any more, so they're a bit harder to find and I'm gonna risk not getting one at all if I don't just. do the dang thing lmao)

I'm thinking the Snoopy would be best/easiest for rn, but I keep getting stuck on what I'll say for the recording and it's so dumb but like:

I know, for the sake of both of us and the deeply grown and intertwined sort of emotionally incest-flavoured codependency Mum and I have, we probably should eventually try going NC or LC for at least like. a month or two in the future? Probably even a bit longer? Not as like a 'this is forever' thing (unless something would happen that would point to that as the best option for both of us), but just until we can maybe both heal a bit and work closer towards something even vaguely approaching a more normal mother/son relationship.

And the particular fear is very silly but like. I'd hate to say the things I have planned, that I mean (I do love her, and I know she does her best, and so I'm grateful for every bit and every sort of help she's ever given or will ever give me), and then we someday go NC or LC, and she's hurt by having the plush and audio around as a reminder of how things were before. I could see her throwing it away in a fit, and then being so sad and begging for a new one by the next day. And I'd want to get her one. I don't know if that's right of me or not.

Like, the trauma has me Entirely overthinking this and I know it's ridiculous, you know? But still. Got the Build-A-Bear tab open on my phone bc the chocolate is at least partially to be shared, so that's Not Enough as a partial belated bday gift; and I'd like to hit another paycheck (or part of it, since the uni rarely puts the full fucking direct deposit in on scheduled payday lmao) before I try for the Bon Jovi figurine (and hope it isn't bought before that point.) So the plush is really the best choice, and I don't want to wait any longer to send anything out bc like. Her bday was at the beginning of March, this is fucking ridiculous of me and not how I like handling gifts at all, for anyone!!

Fingers crossed I just. Get the fucking recording done, get it ordered and have them send it out to her, and that'll be enough until I can get my hands on a figurine and/or order the chocolates and candies for her, her bf, and to share with the rest of the family.

[rahleeyah]

So I read a lot of fic lol and one of the things I find so funny is that authors either write that Liv still can’t cook a thing and still gets takeout for everything or they’ll say she had to learn for Noah’s sake and now she’s actually a decent cook. (And as someone who now lives alone and had to grow up and figure some shit out and has actually gotten pretty good at cooking now if I do say so myself it really isn’t that hard so I’m usually team liv figured out how to use her kitchen for Noah’s sake)

Anyways I always have this head canon (that I’ve never wrote out but maybe I should) that when liv got Noah she got a phone call from Nick’s abuelita who was like “my Nicky tells me you have a baby and you cannot cook anything” 😂 and then Liv goes to her house and learns how to cook. And probably Barba’s mom and Mrs. Carisi teach her some things too cuz I want to believe they shared more time together than could be shown on screen.

Anyways I’m thinking about this mainly because there’s been some fics from Mrs. McCann’s POV and obvs she’s an excellent cook. And that’s not to say liv doesn’t get takeout often I’m sure she still does but I mean she’s also an adult with a child I’m sure she learned how to make some meals😂

You mention food a lot regarding svu and how it was nice in 1.0 when the characters sat down to meals together and how it made them very human which I totally agree with so I was wondering if u had any thoughts?

Have a great day!! Happy L&O Thursday!! ❤️

I love this so much thank you friend!!

So the thing is like. 1.0 Liv doesn't ever cook, it's established there's no food in her fridge, she's always getting delivery. There's a scene early in s13-14 where she is actively trying to cook at home when Nick brings her bad news and she throws her half cooked dinner in the sink, as if she no longer has the strength to keep trying (or as if she no longer thinks she deserves it, but that's another post). By s15 she is throwing dinner parties, of the manic kind (@calliopecantaloupes being of course the expert on the trauma response dinner parties). When Noah is going thru his particularly unbearable phase we see Olivia actually making dinner for him and trying to get him to eat his vegetables.

So my theory is that Liv always knew how to cook in theory, but never spent the time on it in practice. When you're just cooking for one delivery is so fucking easy, and she's barely ever home, why bother? I live alone and I love to cook and I'm pretty good at it and I know a lot about it and I cook once a week on Sundays and heat up leftovers or order in every other night of the week. It's not lack of knowledge that held her back, it was lack of need. She just didn't have to.

Now we know Cassidy cooks, at least a little, and cooking with someone is a special kind of intimacy, and I like to think he taught her some recipes. But then he's gone. But then she has a baby.

And Olivia is devoted to being a Good Mom. She sings to Noah she's working with him on his speech she's buying him all the little toys and outfits and trying so fucking hard. I absolutely think Liv started to cook more - not learn to, bc she already knew how, but started to actually do it - bc she had a child and feeding her child is important emotionally and practically.

But she took the boy to get shake shack this season, she is not above a return to her old ways lol

But I love your thought bc I love the idea of all these older women who are tangentially connected to Liv - Nick's mom even looks after Noah! - taking her under their wing and I love the idea of Noah growing up in this rich and varied quasi family with influences from multiple cultures/traditions, not being any one thing but being deeply loved.

But I do think Elliot can't really cook (beyond one or two set meals like spaghetti or whatever) and if I see one more fic that treats cacio e pepe like it's a fancy complex dish that Elliot "learned" how to cook while he was in Italy I am going to start biting people

[therhythmafterthesummer]

Hello my dearest rhythm, I am back with my (still messy) thoughts on FPS part 2 🥹

First of all, i had to reread it cuz the first time that i saw it was after a day (or days) of hectic training when i just wanted to shut off my brain but i saw that u updated and my whole world sTOPPED, i swear i held my breath and thought i was hallucinating the new part 😭 i’ve been waiting for it for so long and it’s definitely worth it 🥹😭

I might babble a lot about it so if anyone hasn’t read it, pls don’t read this cuz it will have spoilers 😭

I WAS NOT PREPARED TO EXPERIENCE THE CONFLICT IN HIS HEAD WHEN THE REVEAL HAPPENED 😭😭😭😭😭 literally, i was holding my breath,, i wanted to cry too 🥹 MY BABIES, why should the world make them meet like that 😭 they just wanted to love and be loved huhu i hate u (i love u so much pls i know it hurt u too). Knowing everything that was going on in his head, gosh, I’m so crushed. I want to hold him and tell him it’s okay because he didn’t know it was her 😭 akshjsdjjdskbsjsjx

“The fact that you wouldn’t take his life puzzled him. How could you not want him dead? After all that had transpired, why wouldn’t you?” ——BECAUSE I LOVE YOU GOD DAMMIT 😭🤕🥹 

“and if you’d been fine with it, he wanted to ask you to move in with him.” —nO WAIT STOP PLS,😭 i’m beyond wrecked and i haven’t even gone thru half of the story yet.

The flashback to their first date 🥺🥺🥺 i wanna scream. Knowing how both of their lives were filled with chaos, them being able to find peace and comfort with each other is just sooooo wholesome. WHICH HURTS EVEN MORE WHEN I REALIZE ITS JUST A FLASHBACK——brb gonna go sob in a corner. “If I tried to kiss you… would you let me?”——😭😭😭😭😭i love love love how they get so spontaneous and relaxed with each other. I love how you wrote about it between the lines of their stressfully calculated and rigid line of work 🥹

3 freakin’ months of no contact 😭 i wonder what happened to MC then. Although you did write a bit about her forfeiting her mission and also, technically, her spot in the Guild, I wonder what she was thinking after everything. Three months is a (kind of) long time, and I guess like Chris, she would’ve been wondering all of her what-if’s. Did she ever think about contacting him too? Did she ever considered his side of the story? idk i’m just hurting with them at this point.

—i’m gonna skip the reunion but just know that i screamed and held my breath and punched the wall and banged my head on the desk and— yeah

The honesty and vulnerability between them is just so pure. The way they both pined for normalcy with each other is just *chef’s kiss* 🤍 i love them so much, it hurts how much shit they went thru even before they met 🥺 i’m not gonna spoil much about the rest of the story but i just want you to know that i loooove how you wrote them. Their stories feel so real to me and their emotions were very well conveyed. I love how the story went and, to be honest, i don’t think i mind the ending being open as much as I initially thought. (tho i wouldn’t complain if ur brain lizard decides otherwise— 👀)

Aaaahck my babies 🤍🖤 thank you for publishing this new part!! I hope you have a really nice day :> hugs!!

~🍓

plssss this is so detailed kjfhsdjfshfdkijsjikd

that whole first scene recounting the reveal from his POV hurt me more than you can imagine. every time i sat down to write this story i felt like my heart was being squeezed (which was exactly what i was looking for sdjfhskdfh). Chris really just wanted to have that bit of peace he had with his girlfriend and it was ripped away from him ))):

as for what happened on the MC's side during those three months... i'm sure she almost called him several times, but, just like Chris, i don't think she was ready to face him. she had hurt him and tried to kill him (before she knew it was him, ofc), so she probably had to process all that, plus the fact that she couldn't finish her mission at all (which i'm sure was a whole different problem in itself). essentially, both her heart and her pride was hurt, and, honestly, if she hadn't heard those people talking about picking up her failed mission, i feel like she wouldn't have reached out at all (or at least not that "soon").

everything that happened at Chris' flat after they met again was very therapeutic to write for some reason??? idk, i feel like i was able to let a lot of feelings out writing this story in general, so i'm glad some of those feelings were conveyed well.

i really wanted to leave the ending a bit open so the reader could interpret what could happen next. they could run away together, one of them could retire, Chris could try to get the Kims to pardon her, or (for those that want a bit more angst) maybe you can even imagine she is deceiving him still, trying to fulfil her goal and that's why she came back... the possibilities are endless atp haha. all i know for sure is that i wanted to end this story with them together, so i did!

thank you for reading this, and for your thorough feedback. i'm glad you liked it💜💜💜

[straighttohellbuddy]

HELLO SO THAT FIC U POSTED???? CHANGED ME FOREVER. I relate to that other anon deeply my brain chemistry will never be the same. it frankly hasn't been the same since the fic was just snippets you posted abt once in a while and now it's posted and it's A 25K DELIGHT AND I JUST---- *SCREAMS**SQUEALS**CRIES*

I CANNOT STRESS ENOUGH HOW PRESENT IT'S BEEN IN MY MIND SINCE FOREVER KQMCLWKFS I'm dying. reader is great her thing with Wilbur is great I am screaming and crying and Oh My God thank u for sharing it w us I am. /SCREAMING./

no but genuinely I've been grinning and letting out like. fickin SQUEALS for over an hour kqmflsjxkalck like I'm so glad and happy I got to read it istg. u have SUCH a way with words?????? and characterisation??????? and like. developing relationships hello????????? I am in shambles. every once in a while I return to ur writing bc it's just So Good and now I got to do it thru this fic I've been excited for for the last????? TWO YEARS I THINK. idk how long it's been but it's been A WHILE so thank u thank u thank u thank u not only did it live up to my expectations it also absolutely went over them. thank u genuinely you've made my past two years pretty much. for the last however long there hasn't been a week in which I haven't thought abt reader and Q's interaction (the snippet of ‘this is how it started the last time’) for at least an hour straight genuinely like. and haVING CONTEXT??????

anyway basically this is like a huge thing for me and I just thought I'd tell u that😭💕 like I hope u know your writing has been v important to me for a while, from what you love you devour to like. everything kinda but wylyd just struck a chord w me if that makes sense lmao and like. I would've totally gotten it if you'd lost interest but I'm glad u didn't and decided to share that absolutely amazing fic💕💕

(*25K*!!!! oh my god!!!!! I wasn't before either, but now I will literally never stop thinking abt it)

((THE GHOSTBUR STUFF WAS SO SWEET)) ((and heartbreaking in the most PERFECT manner)) ((and don't get me STARTED on Dream. and Q. and WILBUR OH MY GOD WILBUR WILBUR WILBUR WILBUR-------))))))(and reader oh my god reader I will never shut up about reader)

I'm gonna rotate your message in my head like a microwave dish for the rest of my life I love you so much 💖💖💖 I've been meaning to answer this for days but I wanted to take the time to properly answer it because I'm going to ramble about this fuckin fic I hope you know!!

this fic means so so much to me and I'm so glad that I finally got it published, but also that I ended up publishing it like this, like I definitely could have added more but I think it would have ended up kind of bloated, and it's already such a huge fic 😅😅 the vignette style makes me feel like I'm getting snapshots of the important moments while still getting the sense of the reader having a life between scenes, and the rest of the dsmp plot still going on around them

I mean this so genuinely, WIPS are always In Progress, I never forget a fic, I still reread what I have of my Mafia!Corpse AU from 2019 and wonder what I should add next, same with the other like, 20 drafts I have. 😅😅 I hope they all get published eventually, but I feel very lucky to have come back to this and recognise that it's good enough to put out there ☺️☺️

but OKAY I WANNA TALK ABOUT THE READER'S RELATIONSHIPS WITH ALL THESE FUCKING CHARACTERS BECAUSE THEY MAKE ME YELL !! im making this into it's own post because i literally wrote so much just talking about the reader and dream and i have so much to say about them and Q and WILBUR and i'll tag u xx i LOVE YOU SO MUCH AND I LOVE THIS FIC IT STILL MAKES ME FERAL

[solaaresque]

hello reze.. pls tell me more abt madachia

ok so. so. all i ask is that u consider the parallels between the two of them. chiaki is a "hero" and mama is a "villain". chiaki is the sun whilst mama hides in the shadows. they both tried to save kanata but where chiaki succeeded mama wasn't able to.

the thing is, what i think would work w their dynamic is the fact that they're?? thematic opposites?? sort of?? see, mama likes to push and pry and chiaki likes to bottle things up. chiaki sees the best in people and mama sees the worst. chiaki believes there is good in everyone and mama thinks he's irredeemable. and because of all the things i mentioned, mama would make sure chiaki never felt like he had to shoulder all the burdens. chiaki would make sure mama knows he isn't a bad person, he's simply a victim of his circumstances. they would balance each other out. do u see my vision?

the COMPLEMENT eachother. they both encourage the other to be the best they can in their own ways.

another thing i like about them is that since they both lived through the war, there is a special kind of understanding/solidarity that comes w that. chiaki doesn't know A Lot about kanamada's backstory, but he knows enough to care and trust kanata as a comrade–so it stands to reason he'd do the same for mama. it’d also be nice for someone to hear about mama’s life or wtv, since i feel like he might need closure and just talking about what he went thru is a good start (at least imo)…

also mama-kuro parallels!! both born into a life of violence, both alienated from their family/peers at a young age, both trying their best to make up for their past mistakes, etc etc. idk i just think it would be silly if chiaki was someone they both came to cherish. chiaki’s an overall v accepting person and like. he’d just be good for mama. green flag/red flag typa dynamic.

OOO also idk where this is from but i remember reading somewhere that mama likes (liked?) tokusatsu (he was ryusei purple) so i think it would be good for chiaki to have someone to share that w. tokusatsu marathon date nights at es perhaps…

and i remember that one ! scout story where anzu recruited chiaki for a motorbike ad or something similar? and chiaki told her to talk to mama because he remembered how much mama cherished his bike and he listened to mama ramble about baby-chan which was v sweet!

idk this mostly stemmed from me thinking mama needs a healthy relationship and that chiaki would be good for him.

wow this was Long but! i hope after reading my madachia manifesto u will grow to care them the way i have <3

[essiekuko]

that’s not fair nicole ur 5’2 ofc ur gonna be lower than 100lbs 😭😭

u guys like. i have heather duke in my pfp. how else did u expect me not to have an €d lmfao

finally getting back into f4st1ng, like it’s abt time. it’s almost christmas soon and like my whole family tree is coming over. i need my sk1nny comeback asap. my longest f4st was from sept 30 - oct 3 (mean girls day hehe) for 74hrs. i didn’t even know about keto, c4ls, i just had sunrise fast app and a dream lmfao. and i just did it just like that. now it’s nov and it’s pretty much now or never

it gets easier when u either sk1p the start of day m34l or end of day of m34l. like if u sk1pp3d brek/din u set urself up for a successful f4st. that and avoiding the kitchen at all times lmfaoo

idek anything abt berserk but i just b liking it cause of guts and casca. shld i even be liking it cause of guts and casca cause i feel like i shouldn’t like i feel like something bad happens that i don’t wanna know. which is why i’ll never read it (fanboys cry harder)

anyway i like that girl with the short blonde hair in the cute two braids i think? what era is this berserk even taking place in. looks either medieval or victorian.

i love misato sm. obviously not what she did. i mean i love mai sm, i especially like her hair and want hair like that soooo bad

this is probably the besttt mean girls broadway cast ♡ i still dk who sabrina played but ik she ate wtv role she got anyway

theres only 3 times in my life where i eat. when im on my period, when i have to study and during family events. rn im on my period AND i have to study smh. so i cant rlly f4st as long as i'd like. i rlly need to lock in especially now bc theres only abt 1 1/2 weeks left of nov and then its december and i srsly cannot be f4t in december. not again!!! my period ends this saturday so by sunday i'll start a big long f4st til the end of nov. and i made up this little challenge, i call it the advent calendar, where i f4st from december 1st to december 25 and christmas will be my big break. december is like perfect f4sting season, cause there's no more exams so no more studying and everyone's in holiday mode. i think. if i get my period before dec 25 it'll fvck everything up, cause even when i dont 3at i still get that stupid fvcking period w31ght g41n. hopefully if it does happen, it'll happen close to dec 25, but not on dec 25, but close so that by the time it's over i would've sl1mm3d back down. my old c4l intake used to be 600cal, but i notice i just 34t over that anyway, so it's 800c4l now and i dont even 34t all the way up to 800, i usually stop at around 750-780. as long as its under 1000 is all that matters. then i kinda get to thinking, if im gonna sk1p din and brek, why 3at at all lol. cause i always be 3ating at around 1-2pm if im feeling hmm idk a bit normal today. and i felt a bit normal today so i 4te unfortunately. but then again im on my period so im not normal??? also bc while i was studying i was falling over the table so i just got up and 4te immediately awww. more honestly, it's cause nobody was around. so i dove straight in and b1nged it out. thats a rlly bad habit but ik its not just my experience. 34ting when nobody's around and then f4st1ng when ur in the public eye. it should be more like this: 34ting when everyone's around to look normal and then f4st1ng when nobodys around. but then thats the thing, ppl want me to 3at, but i dont want to do what ppl want me to do, so i dont 3at kind of in protest of that. and obviously when theres no ppl around to tell me what to do........ and besides, i look normal enough. so who's gonna worry anyway??? i feel like i just annoy ppl when i dont 3at lol. shit i should've just come straight here when i felt hvngry in the first place. then i wouldn't have freaking 3aten at all lol.

OMG THIS. THIS IS WHAT I WAS TALKING ABT. if u want to see what im talking abt js search keyword 'live thru this' on my blog. also how do u do that 'below the cut' thing. cause my bulk posts are starting to annoy me.

miss destiny snow is BUILT DIFFERENTT i just had to say that before i move onto my next post but she rlly is!!!

I FOUND THAT ARTIST THAT SPECIFICALLY DRAWS THE UMMM THE THIGN!!!! THE TIGHN!!! THE THING!!! THEY DRAW THE STUFF1!!