#if u can’t tell this is 1000% satire and I am a ride or die odypen shipper

[little-cereal-draws]

Going on a dinner date w Odysseus 😍✨🥰😘😊💕💞💖

Nervously, you waited at the table in the fancy restaurant that you booked. It was your first date with Odysseus and you were excited. After what felt like an eternity, he finally arrived. He hovered in the doorway, warily sizing up the other patrons. You stood and waved him over.

“Heyy!” You exclaim. “I’m so excited that we could finally do this! I’ve been so looking forward to it.”

You were in your best dress, a velvet green that elegantly draped or hugged your figure at all the right spots. And the low neckline wasn’t bad either.

His muscles rippled under his olive skin as he walked towards you. A sea of sunspots and scars adorned his shoulders and arms. His green eyes seemed to take in everything about you; nothing was left private. You could see why so many women pursuerd him. His kingly stature and clever eyes made you bite your lip. You weren’t lying when you said you had been looking forward to this.

He brought a well toned arm up to brush his midnight black curls out of his eyes. “Uhh… I have to go.”

“Wha—“

Before you could get a single word out, he ran and threw his body at the window, shattering the glass with his elbow.

“Oh my god!” You ran over to the window and looked out. He was sprawled on the ground in a pile of glass shards. He was bleeding and shaking his head in a daze. “We’re on the second story! Are you ok?!”

Looking back to at you, his perfect eyes widened. “Fuck!” He scrambled to his feet and sprinted down the sidewalk. “Penelope! I’m coming!”

With a sigh you stepped back inside. So much for being the queen of Ithaca.