#if this continues I’m gonna end up owning a gallery of art from weird friendship endings

[datamodel-of-disaster]

Life update!

So, my birthday passed (the new front door is installed -my 20s are truly over), and the anniversary of the disastrous friend breakup from last year has passed (somehow, I ended up going to the nude spa and having sushi after, *exactly* as I did the year before, and only when I was already halfway my sashimi I realised the bizarre parallel), and…

Let’s just say, if I had a dollar for every weird friendship that came to a confrontation/confession/breakup near the end of November and resulted in me adding a new piece of art to my dining room, I’d have 2 dollars. Which isn’t a lot, yadda yadda, BUT IT IS WEIRD THAT IT HAPPENED TWICE.

(If this becomes an annual thing I’m gonna run out of wall space.)

Cryptobro gifted me a Damien Hirst lithography for my birthday. The “Pharmacy” wallpaper print on metallic silver backing. (I’d post a picture of the actual piece but it is still at the framer’s.)

(It’s a panel just like this one)

I’m not gonna lie, king move. I had mentioned just once that I bid on it at auction but didn’t win it, and he went and tracked a version of it down for me. This is the kind of gift giving swag I thought only I myself possessed.

It is gorgeous (Hirst is problematic AF but I love stuff with pills on it sue me) and it wasn’t cheap, and… Yeah.

I thought I had sidestepped the whole math-themed confession from Cryptobro (see this post) but… no. There was a letter, and later on, after I cautiously addressed that letter over dinner and “reinforced the friendzone” so to say, a voice note.

Oh man.

Cryptobro is a man who doesn’t know how to have intimate friends. And more importantly, he is a man who fits the archetype, “wants a woman who is free because he wants to cage her”.

You see, I am who I am around him. Even tho I kept certain things private (my mental health conditions, my nonbinary identity) I’ve never hidden that I am married, I don’t want children, I love my husband who takes care of the household for me (and I find capacity to do laundry very important in a potential partner -learning that Cryptobro for the longest time DID NOT WASH HIS SHIRTS and instead just BOUGHT NEW ONES when he ran out of clothes would have been a monumental turnoff even if I *was* interested in him, which I’m not.) And yet… Cryptobro has this idea of a future me as a good little housewife with a nest of children and it is horrifying to me.

I just…

Aside from the fact that I’m still convinced he’s gay and repressing it like his life depends on it, I just… don’t know how to get through to him that he’s in love with an illusion and not the real me.

He’s starved for affection and has never had a friend who is understanding and kind rather than a posturing bro-type who’d pounce on him if he showed vulnerability, and his only model for intimacy is romance, and I’m just… BRO. BRO I AM BASICALLY YOUR THERAPIST. WAKE THE FUCK UP.

He could have everything he wants of me as a friend. Companionship, advice, fun dinner dates, hanging out, emotional vulnerability, therapy sessions, long philosophical debates, the lot! HE IS NOT EVEN SEXUALLY INTO WOMEN FFS. But no.

Sigh.

Anyway, I think whatever this bizarre relationship was may just be properly over now. Which…

I don’t know.

My emotional investment was decidedly tempered by how incredibly unhinged a man he is. (I wish I was kidding about the not washing his shirts thing, but that’s not even half of it. I didn’t make a post about it at the time because it felt cruel to put him on blast when I’m hardly Martha Stewart myself, but… 🤷🏻‍♀️ IT BAD.)

But I still mourn it. I mourn that this man cannot see how much fun we were having as a thing with value in itself, without any romantic label. I mourn that so much of the good thing we had going was him angling for something else. I don’t know. I got girlfriend-zoned and it feels shit.

I feel like life is making me catch up on all the flavours of weirdbad relationships I didn’t experience before I got into my current relationships with my husband and my QPP.

It kinda sucks.

[whyarethedolanssoattractive]

Paint You Wings ~ Ethan Dolan {Part Four}

Ethan’s POV

Averly got out of the car and walked to the door of the all-metal building in front of us. Before she opened it, she turned around and leaned against it.

"Okay, just so you know, this place is a complete mess. Watch where you step so you don't ruin your shoes, and please don't be too judgmental." She laughed, then turned the doorknob slowly.

As soon as I stepped inside, I was breathless. The walls were covered in tumbling murals and there were canvases everywhere with beautiful pieces. In the back corner, there was a pottery wheel and a table with a bunch of vibrantly colored vases.

She leaned against a wall that was composed mostly of geometric forms in bright colors and folded her arms. "This is it." She laughed quietly.

I could still barely speak, so I kept walking through the studio. My hand ran over a wall with spiraling forms going from right to left. It was entrancing.

"Av, this is great." I breathed out.

She pushed herself off of the wall and walked towards me. "You think so?" Her hands went behind her back and she stood just beside me.

I nodded, still taking everything in. A few seconds later, I realized she was staring at me. "Do I have something in my face?" I moved my hands up to my face and started wiping them around.

"Freeze!" She pointed at me and bit her lip.

I stared at her for a few seconds, but didn't dare move a muscle.

She took a deep breath, then closed her eyes. "Ethan, this is probably going to sound very weird, but only if you let it."

Without moving much, I nodded my head.

"I want to paint you. You can move now by the way."

I brought my arms down to my sides and raised one eyebrow. "Like paint a picture of me or paint my body?"

She laughed and shook her head. "No, no, a picture. Would that be weird? I don't know if we're far enough along in our friendship for that. Are we? Because I need an earth-shattering piece to get into the gallery and if I don't," she started pacing the length of the studio. "I'd rather not even think about that."

I walked over to her and put my hands on her shoulders. "Averly," she didn't look at me, so I gently angled her chin up. "I want your art to be put into the gallery, too," I smiled at her. "So it would be an honor for you to paint me."

She laughed, then squealed with excitement. "You're seriously the best, you know that?" She wrapped her arms around my shoulders and mine automatically looped around her waist. It was kind of hard because she was so much shorter, but we made it work.

"So, we doing this or what?" I asked after we broke our hug.

She laughed, then sat down on a swivel-chair. "I need some different supplies before we can start, and the only store in the area with my favorite brand of materials is closed today, so tomorrow."

I nodded my head. "Alright."

A few seconds later, my phone started buzzing in my pocket. It was a call from Grayson.

"Hey, what's up?"

"Dude, Jack and Aaron had an awesome idea. Get back to the apartment now. We're gonna film a video." He said, then laughed and mumbled something to Aaron or Jack.

I sighed, then looked at Averly. "Alright. I'll be there in ten." I hung up the phone then walked back over to her. "Sorry to stop the party, but Gray needs me back at the apartment. We're gonna film."

She nodded her head. "Alright, let's go."

We left the studio and went out the car, then started our drive home. We talked a little bit on the drive, mostly about art. I asked her how she started, and she absolutely lit up. I adored they way she spoke with such passion about her work. It felt like barely any time had passed when we got back to the apartments.

"You wanna watch us film?" I asked as we walked up the stairs.

"I don't want to be in the way." She shook her head and looked down at her feet.

I couldn't help but laugh. "In the way? Av, I'm willing to bet everything I own that Jack or Aaron will try to get you in a shot."

She smiled, then looked over me. "Alright, alright."

We got into my and Gray's apartment and were immediately greeted by Jack and Aaron tackling me to the floor. Of course, Grayson jumped down on top of us. Averly stood against the wall and watched.

After they finally got off of me, I started introducing them. "Okay, this is Aaron Carpenter and Jack Dail. You kinda met Jack over FaceTime yesterday, but whatever."

She smiled at them both and shook their hands. "Nice to meet you guys."

Grayson looked at the four of us, then gasped. "Guys! I just got the greatest idea for a different video! What if we asked Averly about all the things we don't understand about girls?" He put his hands out and looked at all of us alternately.

Averly was first to respond. "Yeah, sure."

"I'm down." I shrugged.

Aaron and Jack agreed too, so we all sat down on the couch and started filming. On the far right was Grayson, then me, then Averly in the middle, then Jack and Aaron.

"What's up guys? We're back!" Grayson and I shouted at the camera, even though on Tuesday it would be evident that we were back.

Grayson took over the next part of the intro. "And as you've probably noticed, we're here with Aaron Carpenter, Jack Dail, and our neighbor that you've never seen before, Averly Dixon. Wait! Do you want me to put your last name on it? Like are you okay with that?" He asked and snapped his head towards her.

"I don't care." She laughed.

Grayson nodded, then I continued the next part. "So, for today's video, pretty much, we're just gonna be asking Averly a bunch of questions about girls." I put my arm around her shoulders.

"Yeah, so, let's get started. Aaron, you go first." Grayson nodded at Aaron, then leaned forward more.

Aaron stroked his non-existent beard and looked at Averly. "Ooh! I got it! Why do girls wait forever to open Snapchats? Like seriously, ten minutes is way longer than necessary." He laughed.

Averly licked her lips and started at the ceiling for a second. "Um, I don't know. I, personally, don't do that." She laughed and shook her head. "I think it's just so they look like they're doing something and not devoting their entire attention span to you, but how is that flattering at all?"

"Exactly!" The rest of us said in sync.

"Finally! A member of the female population who understands!" Jack laughed and gestured to Averly.

She smiled, but was obviously uncomfortable.

"Okay, your turn, Jack." I tried to move things along a little bit for her.

Jack clicked his tongue a few times, then turned to look directly at her. "Why do girls always wear so much makeup? I mean, I'm not trying to be one of those guys like, 'No Babe, you're too pretty for that stuff,' but it's just so expensive. I'm afraid to even look at makeup because if I break it, that's an ass-ton of money."

Averly stared at him - deadpan - for a few seconds. I almost started laughing at her lack of expression, but managed to hold myself together.

She folded her hands and crossed her legs. "Jack, girls like feeling pretty and confident and badass. Am I allowed to say badass?" She turned to Grayson and I quickly. We both laughed and nodded our heads. "Okay. So, yeah. We like feeling the way makeup makes us feel, and if that means spending a few bucks, it's kinda worth it." She shrugged.

All the guys stared at her. None of us could picture spending that much money on stuff that you wash off of your face at the end of the day.

"Um, my turn I guess." I looked over at her and thought for a second. I really wasn't sure of what I wanted to know. For a second, I tried to think of some smooth way to call her beautiful, but decided against it due to the video and all the guys. "Okay, how come some girls, I mean, I haven't seen you do it before, but why do some girls act stupid around guys?"

She stood up and pointed at me. "Thank you! Thank you!" She sat back down took a deep breath. "Okay, here's the deal: I know a few girls who do that, and they admit to it. So one day, I asked one of them why she does it. She deadass told me it was because boys like to feel dominant as far as physical and mental strength both go. So, yeah. It's your fault." She laughed and poked me on the chest.

I put my hands up in mock defense and smiled. She pushed a strand of hair behind her ear and held a smile at me. It was like I couldn't look away.

Until the boys caught on.

"Woah, woah, woah!" Aaron leaned over Jack and Averly both, then looked back and forth at the two of us. I rolled my eyes and pushed his face away, then looked at Grayson.

"Oh, it's my turn, huh? Okay, why do girls like talking about their love for food so much? Like, don't get me wrong, I love a good pizza, but I'm not gonna marry you for spontaneously getting me one."

We all laughed, then awaited Av's response. She thought for a second, then sighed. "Dude, I don't know. I'm guilty, though. Deadass, if you bring me a watermelon or honeydew, I will love you forever." She explained.

I laughed, but made a mental note. . . Just in case.

After we all quit laughing, she started hitting my arm repeatedly. "Okay! Now I get to ask you guys a question!" We all looked at each other and nodded. "Why do boys always feel the need to act like they've got tons of girls? Because when I so much as think a guy has a girlfriend, I try to stay away." She shrugged.

We all thought for a second before Aaron answered first. "I don't know. I guess because you wanna look cool?" He shrugged.

Jack hummed. "I don't do this."

"Bro, yes you do!" Gray and I replied in sync. He rolled his eyes and folded his arms.

"I won't lie, I do it so that girls are like, 'Hey, if I wanna get something going, I need to work fast.' you know?" I sat back and looked over at her.

She shrugged. "Makes sense, I guess."

I kind of realized how douchey it was. She did too.

"Um, if you liked this video, give it a thumbs up! If you like Jack and Aaron give it a thumbs up and subscribe to them! If you like Averly, give us a thumbs up, maybe we'll ask her to be in more of our videos!" Grayson said to the camera.

"Yeah, thank you guys so much for watching! Averly, would you like to do the honors?" I asked. She looked at me like I was crazy. "You just say 'Peace', but you've gotta make it hype."

She laughed. "Oh, okay. Peace!" She yelled, then grabbed a throw-pillow and hit me with it.

Of course, I had to get her back, so I grabbed a different pillow and hit her. After that, the other guys joined our battle and we ruthlessly beat the shit out of each other via pillow.

"Wait, wait, wait!" Averly shouted and got her phone out of her pocket. "My sister's calling me! I'll see you guys later!" She gave me a quick hug, then left the apartment.

The second the door closed, Jack, Aaron, and Grayson interrogated me.

Gray got me in a choke-hold before Jack asked the first question. "What's the story?"

I rolled my eyes. "What story?"

Aaron thumped my nose. "The Averly story!"

Mentally, I throat-punched him. Physically, I scoffed. "There is no story. She's cute." I wasn't lying. I was just carefully avoiding any words that would spark the conversation of feelings. There wasn't a story there, though. I liked her, she probably didn't feel the same way. Period.

End of "story."

Wow okay so this part is kinda cliche at first lmao sorry