#if this ain't me in a maladaptive daydream idk what is

[doodletae]

i want to continue living here i think this is more correct oh no leave me alone swallow swallow swallow swallow swallow swallow swallow my life it's better, better, better, better, better it's better than the world i've known

-"잠꼬대 Zzz…" by xdinary heroes

[olivianyx]

A FEW UPDATES ON MY JOURNEY 🎀

Sooooo there's still more I've manifested!

🎀 money, money, money, must be funny in a rich mans world~ lmaoo just more and more money everyday!

🎀 I stopped listening to subliminals for a while and I saw major results like my hair growing over an inch, my lashes getting longer and prettier, my weight going down, and I grew an inch again y'all 😭 I'm 173cm rn 😩 I wanna be tall as my boyfriend gojo hehe 🦋🦋 but not exactly tall as him but a lil shorter lol then I can't wear heels 😭 or my boy be looking like my son instead of my bf lmaoo

🎀 minimalist skincare products!

🎀 my skin tone lightening up a bit 🍃 like I didn't notice it until my family members and peers complimented me.

🎀 my grades going high again!

🎀 okay this one's a bit personal, but lemme get this straight. I mentioned in my last success story post that I got closer to crush... When in fact I wasn't even in love with her 😭 that was just admiration, not love. I realised my worth, and I stopped putting efforts, now the ship has sunk. She isn't bothered anymore, and me too since I was the only one obsessed. No offence but she wasn't worth my time. So I decided to spend it on satoru instead 🎀🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍

🎀 my parents becoming more lenient nowadays 🙌

🎀 I've been getting more free foods and snacks! People love to hang out more with me! 🤍

🎀 my singing skills improving! I wanted to sound like lana, it's not exactly like hers but I'm getting there!

🎀 there's still more I'm just lazy to type lol

MY RESPAWN JOURNEY

So I haven't yet respawned yet since I'm too attached to this reality. I'm still scripting a custom dr that I wanna respawn and also my jjk dr too. So when I finish (idk myself when I'm gonna finish lol) I will surely respawn.

But don't worry! This account will be run by another consciousness that I replace. I know I manifested stuffs here, I enjoy and all, but deep deep down I realised that I never wanna be here. I belong to the lands somewhere far away, not in this city 😭 I'm just too attached to this reality that's making me feel guilty to leave.

I'm working on it tho. I mean I deserve everything, why would I feel guilty for having what I want, right? I've encountered the worst traumas and situations here, yet something inside me is telling me not to leave this reality, while also feeling that I don't deserve to be here, and somewhere better where I have everything I want.

I remember bawling my eyes out cus I don't wanna be here anymore, yet feeling guilty to leave. Everyone has a journey, so do I. I know this ain't gonna be longer and ik it's already done, I'll respawn once my script is done. Keeping this in my mind, I'm spending my last few days here being happy and I'm doing everything I want so I don't feel something irrelevant while I leave. I wanna leave this place in peace.

With that being said, y'all deserve everything too! Don't hold yourself back, sometimes the ego holds us back, but don't let it take control and keep going! You're the God of your reality. So why not take that chance and stop being lazy? I mean it's the life of your dreams and some of y'all aren't even putting 0.000000001% effort? It's not the physical effort but the mental work, everything is the mental work and you don't even need to lift a finger. I mean it's not that hard focusing on your 4d. I agree for some people that have mental health issues like adhd, aphantasia, anxiety, and all. Even I had them too! I had avpd, anxiety, low self esteem, depression, maladaptive daydreaming, and ptsd, but still I did it while staying with a toxic narcissistic family that cares only about themselves! They who were constantly nagging me every 5 mins, now are quiet and unbothered. Why? Because I changed the version of me who was thinking that they were toxic, and I assumed they were lenient, and now they are. Honey, it's not hard at all. You're making it hard for yourself. So just stop with the bullshit and go live your dream life!

- Olivia 🎀

[little-laurance]

ok here’s my connections:

welly boots - i have multiple ideas for this one but basically it’s garroth after vylad’s death or even Zane after garroth’s “death”

horror and the wild- shadowknights and the calling, laurance going against shad, stuff like that

farewell wanderlust- irene and shad

that unwanted animal- vylad, zenix, laurance w/ the calling

that’s most of mine :)

iaownwkw i love the amazing devil and their songs are amazing maladaptive daydreaming material

Omg these are so good!!

Welly Boots as Zane afted Garroth's "death" is so sad!!

That I'll be with you all along, as long as you are kind To those who are not strong and cannot find their scarlet welly boots

He's just asking him to be good without him and Zane isn't!! Although Vylad and Garroth is a nice fit too!!

Horror and the Wild is a nice shadow knight song! Especially with the rebellion

"Remember me," I ask "Remember me," I sing Give me back my heart, you wingless thing

Them at Shad

Farewell Wanderlust is so good for Shad/Irene and I never would have noticed it myself!!

You brought me through this darkness, but you left me here behind And so long to the person you begged me to be He's down, he's dead Now take a good long look at what you've done to me

SCREAMING

That Unwanted Animal was MADE for the calling. It's perfect!!! Of course I am a Laurance girlie so I am sitting here like "yesss, let him suffer :)" to this one.

And you, you follow philosophies, but me, I laugh, I choke "Well, hello, my hollow Holofernes" I wink, but you don't get the joke

If that ain't him idk what is!

[pavlovers]

take over, this ain't a scene, don't you know who i think i am, after life of the party, you're crashing

the take over, the break’s over: who’s your favorite celebrity?

hhhhhh i have a lot ,,, maybe i’ll say patrick stump and winona ryder because patrick was like,, the very first musician i really really liked and looked up to and he seems like a genuinely good guy y’know? and i literally never feel strongly about actors/actresses, but when i went through an 80s movies phase in like sixth grade, i just?? loved winona especially and she’s so kickass i love her

this ain’t a scene, it’s an arms race: how would you describe your sense of humor?

ohhhhh i don’t know i laugh at everything.. i guess i do particularly enjoy nihilistic and surreal comedy?? maybe idk

don’t you know who i think i am: what’s the best thing about you?

i don’t know,, i like that i’m good at performing well in academic settings and i always try really really hard in school. idk if that’s my best attribute but i can’t think of any others without my brain screaming “hYPOCRITE YOU’RE ACTUALLY AN ASSHOLE WHO CANT DO ANYTHING RIGHT!!”

the after life of the party: when you zone out what do you think about?

depends, i’m either maladaptively daydreaming about musician!au me being a badass and going through a bunch of made up dramatic situations that i will never ever go through in my real life or overthinking about something i’m really worried about 

you’re crashing but you’re no wave: what’s your dream job?

idk.. there’s not really anything i’m talented at or super interested in that i can think of turning into a living, i guess i’d be lucky to get a job at all considering how inexperienced and untalented i am