#if they're choosing to use an avoidant coping mechanism constantly without communicating with or working with us

[fortunemars]

Beh me when I see someone defend ppl who neglect their daily lives and friends family and relationships to play games as (not directly quoted) "a distraction and coping mechanism to avoid (insert stupid doomer take on life)" and I'm just like.

Page break, rant below

Dude Idk about you but if you're so addicted to your games that you're refusing to leave the house or talk to people or do anything other than game, then you have some serious things to think about. Bc yes it can be a coping mechanism but there is a point where it does more harm than good.

Defending gaming addiction and saying that guys who play games 24/7 and neglect everything outside of their screens are just "struggling with coping with the horrors of life" is such an amazing way to 1- make neglected partners feel like absolute shit by telling them it's a coping mechanism and implying that getting upset about it makes them the bad person (cause that happened to me) and 2- tell people that it's okay to doom scroll through games 24/7 and ignore the world around you instead of giving them ways to ACTUALLY cope.

Yes you can cope by playing games. No you should not cope by ignoring the world around you and neglecting everything else.

Give people options to do instead, don't brush off the bad parts of a bad coping mechanism and just say it's okay bc "at least they're coping".

Btw this is absolutely not to say you can't have a hyperfixation! I'm ND, I know how intense those can be and I know how often I can get stuck doing something without even considering the outside world. What I'm talking about here is willingly choosing to ignore everything except your game so you don't have to deal with it. Avoidance is the worst thing on earth and we should not condone it in any way.

++btw I say "guys" and "men" this whole post, I just want to say that I know that isn't fair bc it's possible and very common in all genders and all types of ppl. I'm heavily biased in this conversation and I'm acknowledging that while also acknowledging that ANYONE can be neglectful or abusive especially in this way and I don't excuse any of that.

All people can be toxic, not just men and not just cis men, so don't let anyone get away with this shit bc you think it can't happen bc of their gender. Abuse does not conform to gender roles, it can happen to anyone and be perpetrated by anyone, gender doesn't change that. There are way too many people who are told and convinced that they were not/are not being abused because it doesn't match what people's idea of abuse looks like and that's horrible. Please don't downplay shitty treatment because of a person's traits.

Remember that You are the most important person in your life, you need to value yourself because if you lose yourself then there is no you to live through. Please don't avoid leaving someone who treats you like shit cause you don't want to be intense or drastic or "too much". It's not worth it to stay with someone that's hurting you. There is no excuse for abuse, you do not deserve to be hurt.

If it's safe for you, if you have somewhere to go or people able to protect you then please do not stay with a partner that is hurting you. No amount of pain inflicted on you is okay. You're never required to accept an apology, especially if there is no change. At the very least, try to accept help and ask for support. I know it can be hard to disconnect emotionally and that doesn't make you a bad person. Sometimes we just need help, that's completely okay.

(and if it's not possible for you to leave safely then that's okay too, remember to stay as safe as you can, protect yourself and reach out if it's possible. You are never less valid for staying with someone if you cannot escape, you're never less valid because you've been abused. We love you and we want you to be safe, safe and alive.)

[wakeupfreanz]

The Inner Child Speaks 🔑PAC Reading🔑

I swear I'm not really a pac kind of reader, but I will never ignore the call of the universe. Be advised that this reading might be emotional for some of you, choose a pile that resonates. Many blessings. None of the images are gender specific, truly pick whichever calls to you.

Pile 1: KnoW, 5oP, Justice, 7oC

Pile 2: PoC, 7oS, Death, KoW

Overall: AoP

Messages: Heart Chakra, "It's going to be okay", Overthinking.

"I feel like you shut me out sometimes." "I don't know if you like to hear me sometimes." This pile has a lot of strained feelings when it comes to connecting with themselves. Like you're trying to break off parts of yourself, ashamed of who you once were. There are probably some capricorn and pisces moons here. A lot of you are very quick to police and shut yourself up when it comes to expressing yourself. Like you didn't feel seen or heard so your first assumption is that nobody cares or wants to know, so you tend to just do the job yourself instead of be set up to feel hurt.

Your inner child is saying that it's okay for you to relax and chase things you like. This pile made me get really tear for you, because you tend to stomach so much and quietly carry your burdens without saying you need help. You'd collapse first without asking for help. Your inner child is telling you that we don't have to keep pushing and struggling through. We aren't climbing the mountain anymore. You're so worried that if we stop pushing forward that it's all going to fall apart, it doesn't make sense anymore. You're so scared of being betrayed that you have your defense and guard up constantly.

You might be a person of a more timid/quiet nature in truth, but you walk in the room and try to appear intimidating so nobody will mess with you. Your inner child is asking to be hear, stop trying to cut them away and detach yourself. Listen to them, understand them, hear them. They are you, they aren't a gum wrapped that's thrown away and never seen again. Your inner child is proud of who you are now and how far you've come, but it hurts them that you're trying so hard to forget that they ever existed.

Some of you in this pile might struggle with showing and receiving love and compassion. It feels like a lot of you might be the oldest in your family, you were made to be a caretaker before you knew how to take care of yourself.

_

Pile 1: 10oC, PoW, Moon, 5oS

Pile 2: Lovers, 7oC, 5oW, QoW

Overall: World rev

Messages: "It's going to be okay", "You hurt me", Overthinking.

There are some libra and aries placements in this pile. Your inner child is hurting when it comes to love and relationships. Almost as if you weren't given enough love or attention and it wounds you still today. Many of you may find yourselves overcompensating in all sorts of relationships because you believe that if you don't do enough they'll stop caring or loving you.

A good bunch of you in this pile when it comes to romantic relationships may find yourself trying to compensate for love you didn't receive in other relationships, especially in romantic. Partners to fill in parental roles, friends who will take care of you more than healthier platonic boundaries sometimes. Your inner child is telling you that the end of relationships isn't forever. Romantically, you can only bring yourself so much fulfillment in life. A good marriage isn't going to be the end of your life, you don't have to dedicate your entire being to someone because you feel like it could fix you. Your inner child and your past childhood tells me that you were very often confused. Some of you may have been very attached to some of your teachers in the past because they reflected or were similar to one of the caretakers in your life, or somewhat felt like they filled in the role of the one who could have been absent. Whether physically or emotionally.

Your inner child is asking you to stop fighting with them, stop fighting with others. It's hard to let go but what is yours will return to you and what must go should flow with the rest of time. Many of you in this pile may have more proclivity to emotional openness or being extroverted. You might be like the class clown or the funny friend. Your inner child is asking you to understand that there is so much more to life.

_

Pile 1: 10oC, WOF, KoP, 3oP

Pile 2: AoW, QoC, 8oP, 2oP

Overall: Star

Messages: Heart over Mind, Throat Chakra, Strength/Bravery

Those of you in this pile might struggle with headaches or migraines. Some of you might have a divorced family. Maybe some of you had parents of whom it felt as if you were the parent or had to handle much of the family business despite your youth.

Your inner child is asking you to speak to them. Many of you in this pile were often called "mature" for your age when you were younger. There is a lot of middle child energy. The independent one, the one that nobody had to worry about because they function very well independently. You often hold it together and walk along the fence easily through conflict. The problem is when it comes to you communicating how you feel to others, very strongly. You often feel like there truly might be no one that understands your problems or will listen long enough to get them.

You might feel as if you come off as monotone or boring, you often choose apathy as your coping mechanism because it's much easier for you not to feel much or look like you're feeling much from the outside. There are a couple of scorpio and gemini placements around here.

Your inner child is sending you much love and strength. They're saying that you won't end up like those around you and to stop worrying about it. You often might think or say to yourself "when i get married/have a family/get older, i wont be like them." Be reassured that you will not be. You are not doomed to the same fate that those around you are or might have done to themselves. Continue to work hard because you will make it. However your inner child is also telling you that you don't have to be so rigid and stick in the mud all the time. Please do not forget how to smile and enjoy yourself. Many of you might still have some bitterness and resentment for those who raised/were around you. Forgive them not just for them, but so you are open to receive that you are deserved. Blessings.

Some of you are much more like the father/dad friend rather than the mom friend. You often find strength in loyalty and taking care of those you deem worthy of it.

_

Pile 1: AoS, 9oP, 8oS, KnoS

Pile 2: KnoP rev, 9oP, KoS, AoW

Overall: 3oP

Messages: Identify, "It's going to be okay", Growth, Throat Chakra

"Please get to know me." Aquarius, Leo, and a few cancer placements here. Many of you in this pile might remember much of your childhood if at all, as if you've blocked it out of your memory consciously/unconsciously.

Some of you in this pile still feel like you're a kid at times, like you're not mature enough or equipped to handle anything in your life that happens. Like you're trapped on a merry go round and are forced just to go and watch what happens.

Your inner child is asking you to look back and understand who they are, who you are. You might have been so preoccupied with others that you might not have ever gotten the chance to really understand and develop your own identity. You might often find yourself spacing out and not noticing it, and generally avoid going through your emotions. So when they happen, they hit you like a freight train. Those closest to you might truly not know how to reach you because you're afraid of expressing yourself at all, even in private.

Many of you in this pile might struggle with self love and often bring yourself down. You might experience little bursts of enjoying yourself but they are generally very short lived. Your inner child is asking you to release your quietly pessimistic view on life and the world and be not afraid to explore it and try new things. Some of you in this pile are insanely intelligent but truly refuse to believe it. Some of you also may often argue with those who raised you. It's okay to not always know where to go or have a plan set out like everyone else. Stop being so hard on yourself.

Some of you also struggle with depression and may often take very long depression naps.

_

*TW for mentions of substance use and abuse in this pile.*

Pile 1: 3oS, Devil, PoP, 7oP

Pile 2: Fool, 10oW, AoC, 9oW

Overall: Star

Messages: Plan of Action, Shadow Side, Get Serious

I'm feeling strong leo placements for this pile. Some virgo placements too. For some of you, substance use/addiction might be in your family line. Some of you right now might use substances as a coping mechanism.

Some of you might have been or took witness to physical or emotional abuse in your youth in addition to this. Some of you here might have also been sickly as a child, constant colds, flu, fever, etc.

For many of you here, humor is also a big way for you to cope with some of the things that you experienced. You might not know how to stop joking, even when you're upset. Some of you struggle with bitterness toward the world and those around you.

Your inner child was not very talkative when I tapped into your energy. By nature you may be very introverted and quiet, some of you struggle with social anxiety and getting to know others.

Your inner child just wants to hug you and tell you that there is always a new day tomorrow. There is always a better place to go, a better place to be, better people to be around. There will be people who will teach you how to give and receive love, despite how painful it will be for you to unlearn old ideals imparted upon you. Many of you with traumas only speak of them to others who understand or have experienced similar things.

It will be hard to accept, but your inner child is asking you to reverse your self hatred and understand you are a gift to this world. There is beauty in life that will find you all around. Please be nicer to yourself. I'm sending a lot of love to this pile, you do not have to be the spokesperson or representative of everything you go through and have been through. Facing your shadow and understanding it is one step at a time, you are not broken person.

_