#if they're choosing to use an avoidant coping mechanism constantly without communicating with or working with us

[fortunemars]

Beh me when I see someone defend ppl who neglect their daily lives and friends family and relationships to play games as (not directly quoted) "a distraction and coping mechanism to avoid (insert stupid doomer take on life)" and I'm just like.

Page break, rant below

Dude Idk about you but if you're so addicted to your games that you're refusing to leave the house or talk to people or do anything other than game, then you have some serious things to think about. Bc yes it can be a coping mechanism but there is a point where it does more harm than good.

Defending gaming addiction and saying that guys who play games 24/7 and neglect everything outside of their screens are just "struggling with coping with the horrors of life" is such an amazing way to 1- make neglected partners feel like absolute shit by telling them it's a coping mechanism and implying that getting upset about it makes them the bad person (cause that happened to me) and 2- tell people that it's okay to doom scroll through games 24/7 and ignore the world around you instead of giving them ways to ACTUALLY cope.

Yes you can cope by playing games. No you should not cope by ignoring the world around you and neglecting everything else.

Give people options to do instead, don't brush off the bad parts of a bad coping mechanism and just say it's okay bc "at least they're coping".

Btw this is absolutely not to say you can't have a hyperfixation! I'm ND, I know how intense those can be and I know how often I can get stuck doing something without even considering the outside world. What I'm talking about here is willingly choosing to ignore everything except your game so you don't have to deal with it. Avoidance is the worst thing on earth and we should not condone it in any way.

++btw I say "guys" and "men" this whole post, I just want to say that I know that isn't fair bc it's possible and very common in all genders and all types of ppl. I'm heavily biased in this conversation and I'm acknowledging that while also acknowledging that ANYONE can be neglectful or abusive especially in this way and I don't excuse any of that.

All people can be toxic, not just men and not just cis men, so don't let anyone get away with this shit bc you think it can't happen bc of their gender. Abuse does not conform to gender roles, it can happen to anyone and be perpetrated by anyone, gender doesn't change that. There are way too many people who are told and convinced that they were not/are not being abused because it doesn't match what people's idea of abuse looks like and that's horrible. Please don't downplay shitty treatment because of a person's traits.

Remember that You are the most important person in your life, you need to value yourself because if you lose yourself then there is no you to live through. Please don't avoid leaving someone who treats you like shit cause you don't want to be intense or drastic or "too much". It's not worth it to stay with someone that's hurting you. There is no excuse for abuse, you do not deserve to be hurt.

If it's safe for you, if you have somewhere to go or people able to protect you then please do not stay with a partner that is hurting you. No amount of pain inflicted on you is okay. You're never required to accept an apology, especially if there is no change. At the very least, try to accept help and ask for support. I know it can be hard to disconnect emotionally and that doesn't make you a bad person. Sometimes we just need help, that's completely okay.

(and if it's not possible for you to leave safely then that's okay too, remember to stay as safe as you can, protect yourself and reach out if it's possible. You are never less valid for staying with someone if you cannot escape, you're never less valid because you've been abused. We love you and we want you to be safe, safe and alive.)