#if the lasagna is made with pork my mother will also get drunk

[docholligay]

Oh I'm gonna get DRUNK at my mom's Christmas party tonight ahahhaah.

(It's an open bar, and dinner is lasagna, and...as a general rule I don't often eat beef and dairy together. Certainly not something ill break for catering at the least.)

[kyriemrmister]

tw time prison fic but

the po honda civic post was on my dash and even though there's So Much Wrong with the time prison fic there's also some lines and moments that live in my head rent-free because i love to torment myself with continuing to read it

(elw*nn j*mes my beloathed, tw for mentions of genitalia, daddy kink, slurs, madness combat mentions, sex jokes, five nights at freddy's mentions, pee jokes, poop jokes, sexualization of minors in a smutless manner, mention of drugs and drug trips, and the fact this is a long post about a very cursed crossover fic that i can describe as 'loud house revamped meets tails gets trolled' quite easily. don't click the read more if you can't handle/have triggers towards these things, just scroll past and don't barge into my askbox about it. curate your experience or perish.)

socks getting drunk on vanilla extract (like the meme) and hallucinating that ghosts stole his balls, and the narration reiterating that since he's transmasc he wasn't born with them

oc catgirl fursona tells him that. which only convinces socks that ghosts timetravelled back in time, went into his mother's womb, stole his balls and made him trans

scooby-doo parody in the reboot that involves socks, seiya, shiryu and hyoga trying to bust a ghost in a manner like ghostbusters that somehow shoves a half life full life consequences ("zombie goasts leave this place") AND a the exorcist ("the power of christ compels you") reference one after the other in the dialogue (hyoga says both) and when that doesn't work seiya just tries to intimidate the ghost by flirting/screaming at it

said sequence also involves seiya calling shiryu an 'egirl son of a bitch' (??? i guess shiryu's daphne?) and the ghost isn't even a ghost, it's davy jones in the onion armor from the dark souls memes and davy is just delivering catnip to oc catgirl fursona

seiya is punished for there not being any actual ghost and is forced to clean clearly self-insert mike nesmith's fireplace in a sexy catgirl maid outfit

ikki in this fic works for peppino's pizza as a delivery person and his first delivery is to snick's house, who transforms into, not snick.exe but a 'sanic'-ified version of himself and chases ikki while the sanic meme music plays, bassboosted low quality and all

oc madness combat employer makes mike nesmith x reader fics and they are accidentally printed on the group's printer and this somehow leads to the fic's version of mike porking her

peppino gets a giant purple pizza cutter with angelic runes that translate to the 'pizza pasta put it in a box' ditty, and when they're read out loud the person that read the runes gets attacked by a horde of ghost rats

micky asking if davy needs anything at the store. davy says she wants to fuck. micky's response is, verbatim: "they don't have that."

the peppino weed trip sequence that is set to running in the 90s, features peppino getting beat up by a plethora of cameos, including jd knudson from loud house revamped, cecil from nightvale, and the fish from sharktale

also it ends with him getting jumpscared by freddy fazbear, and then "you have hurt peppino" in the dark souls font with that "game over yeeeeaaaah" soundclip playing over it

messing with the storyline of head (1968) somehow by having the setting's gods trap the victor mature character in the traptanium from fuckign skylanders. this traptanium powers a city in the arctic btw

one bit that takes place in peppino's has the noise breaking through the wall, t-posing, in a sexy catgirl maid outfit (when one of these is involved in the story its always a joke btw) and the fuckibg nyan cat song plays at full volume

peppino's response is um, this: "You sonnuva rotten lasagna! I'm gonna beat-a the mcfuckin' shit outta you and your tiny little dick!"

he doesn't get to. ikki just uses the phoenix cloth and 'omae wa mou shindeiru's him while saying that line verbatim

seiya and hyoga argument that involves the lines 'fuck your stupid baka life' and 'if it pisses like a duck it shits like one too'

mike breaks up the argument and seiya calls him 'daddy'. mike slaps him and kinkshames him because he's not part of the harem and therefore cannot call him daddy

also the time prison bit originates from an actual plot development that never gets mentioned again where the guy who gets thrown there and talks about it is kyle carrozza of funny music project and mighty magiswords fame

luke ski gets tossed into the sea of japan and becomes, basically, monica from ddlc and gets so clingy and attached to kyle he erases his GODDAMN IRL WIFE from existence

the ending of the original fic involves mike killing valo by using an attack so powerful it just destroys the entirety of reality (previously established to be everything fictional, including fanfiction, as well as our reality) and everyone and everything in it and it breaks everything so bad reality as a whole has to be rebooted

i wouldn't recommend it.