#if that makes sense lol. kirkwall was only for her mother now that shes gone allyn was waiting for an end to her stay there and it came

[amatres]

I know you have to choose the option but the farewell conversation that sticks most in my head in the Gallows is with Carver where Hawke can say something along the lines of 'This is how we're supposed to be, side by side' and he tells them they know it can't be like that forever.

Like, my Hawke at least spent so much of her life building her identity in service of her family. Hawke most resembles their father no matter what, and the family is shaped around them narratively (if you're a mage or not deciding which sibling you lose first and how that class effects how those siblings feel about themselves and their place in the family) and they shape themselves around their family in turn, exist for them, takes up the role of leader after Malcolm has passed. The answers of where Hawke considers home when they're asked never felt right, because they lived on the run for so many of their formative years, the true answer feels like to me to be their home is their family, the place never mattered beyond being allowed to rest and not look over their shoulder every day.

What happens to that identity when everyone you built it around is gone? Where would they consider home when it's all said and done? The Amell estate was something they got for their mother, one of the answers they can give to Varric in Act 2 on what they plan to do now is watch over their mother, Carver tells Hawke to look after her when the expedition separates them. Then their mother is gone too.

There's no final statement for this since it's just me rambling, but it's hm, sad to think about. Who is Hawke if they aren't living for the sake of another, when all those they lived for are gone and they never felt at home anywhere but in the people they surrounded themselves with?

[commie-eschatology]

Annulment at Ostwick

Summary: Trevelyan kills her mentor, Senior Enchanter Lydia, as the mage rebellion begins.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/29683359. Shoutout @5lazarus for the “this is systemic, not personal line” lol. tw/cw: somewhat graphic depiction of violence near the end. 

Judging by the commotion outside her chambers, Senior Enchanter Lydia of the Ostwick Circle imagines it will not be much longer. The rebels, once her students, have nearly broken through the barrier; she holds no illusions about what will happen afterwards. She seals her final letter to Vivienne and hands it to her ravens. The world has gone mad, she only hopes her dear friend avoids the same fate as herself.

This rebellion has been brewing for a long time, since even before what happened in Kirkwall. For years, she has tried to avert this suicidal course of action. With Vivienne’s help, she even got the Ostwick Circle to formally declare neutrality after Fiona’s stunt at the White Spire. Lydia knows the Circle is imperfect, that is not a controversial observation, but what chance do her people have against the entire Templar Order? She knows how this rebellion will inevitably end, with witch hunts, mass executions, and the widespread use of the Rite of Tranquility. When her people are eventually forced back into the Circle, she’s certain all political rights they have earned will be revoked; eight hundred years of careful advocacy swept away by the rash actions of a few miscreants.

She hears the barrier outside her chamber break. Lydia stays sitting at her desk, quickly adjusting her hair and posture. One can never truly be ready for death, but she goes through her mental checklist one last time. She’s sent instructions to Vivienne and made her peace with the Maker. She sends a quick prayer to the heavens one more time just to be sure. Trevelyan steps through the door, armed with a staff. Lydia sees other students behind her, guarding the door.

“Hello Enchanter Trevelyan,” she greets, trying to keep her voice neutral. There was a time she called her protege by her first name, but so much has changed since she fell in with the rebels. Growing apart from Tara is just one more casualty of this madness.

Both say nothing at first. Lydia looks up at her protege and feels like she should say something wise, provide some parting words of advice for her daughter by choice. Instead she just says, “well this is a state of affairs.”

“Indeed. Now get up,” Trevelyan orders, staff at the ready. Lydia slowly raises her hands above her head and stands. She looks up at her once protege and thinks of that terrified child brought to this very office, all those years ago. Tara has grown so much since, Lydia isn’t sure if she should be proud or disappointed.

A week ago, with Vivienne’s help, she had forced a neutrality vote through the Ostwick Circle. It was her hope that this victory would protect Tara and the others, even as the rest of Thedas fell into chaos.  She had expected a response from the Liberati, but not something as appalling as this. Apparently, the Maker does have a sense of irony. She knows anger at her Creator is a sin, but she hopes He’ll understand in this case.

Tara raises the staff, its crystal glowing with mana. It won’t be long now. She cannot detect any regret on her protege’s face, just rage and determination. One might expect that she would feel the slightest bit of sadness at murdering the woman who raised her, Lydia thinks. But bitterness is also a sin, she reminds herself, and she’s quickly running out of time to make penance.

Their last fight after the vote had been particularly tempestuous, even by their standards. Trevelyan had shouted endless slogans at her, “the people united will never be defeated!” and other trite nonsense that she should be intelligent enough to reject. “The slogan retired, will never be repeated!” had been her response, she can’t help but be a little proud of that line. It is such a tragedy that their relationship has devolved into shouting platitudes. She knows Tara, her brilliant protégé, is smarter than this, and wishes she wouldn’t throw her entire future away on a suicidal crusade. There is, however, nothing more she can do now.

To her surprise, the blast from Trevelyan’s staff hasn’t come yet. Lydia cautiously takes a step forward, hands still in the air, Tara flinches backwards. Perhaps there is some regret, Lydia thinks with some relief, at least she did not completely fail as a mother.

“For whatever it’s worth, I am glad it’s you,” she says. Lydia has always found deathbed reconciliations trite, but what choice does she have?

“Now that’s manipulative,” Tara accuses.

“You believe I’m being manipulative? Tara, you came here to murder me.”

“You made this rebellion necessary. We have nothing , not even the college of enchanters anymore. You’d rather us be trapped in a fucking prison forever, like good little mages. I... we will not grovel to our oppressors any longer. Our people have no choice but to fight for the same freedom as anyone else.” More platitudes, she hopes they’re comforting to her.

“ I made this rebellion necessary? So it follows my own murder is my fault then?” Lydia scoffs, “and you accuse me of being manipulative.”

Tara lowers her staff and runs her hand through her hair, a nervous tick she knows well. Lydia is almost tempted to try something but what good would that do? “I’ve been trapped here, in this fucking tower, my entire life. What other choice do I…” her voice breaks, “we are far past the point of reconciliation. For non-violent civil disobedience, or whatever you loyalists tell us to try over and over again. Your neutrality vote saw to that.”

Trevelyan paces back and forth as her speech reaches its crescendo She gestures to sounds of fighting outside the door, “We will break the Circle or die trying. Our people have no other choice.”

“I have no desire to relitigate our many political debates,” Lydia is so tired of wasting her breath, can no longer listen to the cliche platitudes anymore. “I am sorry it has come to this.” It feels as if they are just reciting the same lines back and forth, as they have for years.

“It didn’t have to be like this.” Tara says, Lydia sees her eyes swell with tears, “if you had just listened, if you hadn’t…” She wipes the tears from her face. “Fuck,” she says.

Lydia steps forward cautiously into her space, slowly she wraps her arms around her adopted daughter. Tara freezes in response, but then cautiously responds in kind. It’s awkward and stilted at first, Lydia isn’t sure where exactly they stand. Deathbed reconciliations may be trite, but it’s better than nothing at all she supposes.

Tara leans further into her embrace. “I should note that this is systemic, not personal,” she says.

Lydia laughs, despite everything. “Good to know.” Tara wraps her arms more tightly around her, but holds onto her staff. Lydia is proud of her survival instincts, how she has learned to never let her guard down. She likes to think Tara will survive outside the Circle, won’t end up dead in a ditch somewhere, but she knows the danger she faces. She’ll be an apostate, hunted her entire life. It’s a terrifying thought.

Lydia holds Tara just a bit closer, while she still can. She’s given birth to two children in her life, both taken by the templars. She knows more than any the importance of chosen family. It’d be a lie to say she has no regrets, who wouldn’t when your adopted daughter is your murderer? She reminds herself to push down the bitterness, and try to dwell on the good memories, before the end.

“This is so melodramatic,” Tara sniffles into her shoulder.

“You are melodramatic, love. Just lean into it.” Tara laughs through her tears. Neither says a word for a time. Eventually, Tara slowly draws back, and once more readies her staff. Lydia holds her head high, she’s always aspired to die with dignity.

“Clan Lavellan in Wycome took in apostate refugees from Kirkwall. You may wish to seek them out,” she says. Those elves have a tendency to meddle, to use the rebel mages as proxies in their own heathen war against the Chantry. She can only hope they will, at least, keep her daughter safe.

“I know,” says Tara, “who do you think gave us our weapons?” The thought of Dalish elves supplying weapons into the Circle is appalling, Lydia curses herself for missing that. She knew Tara to be conspiring with Liberati and perhaps even the Mage Underground, but not with elven terrorists like the Lavellan clan. If the elves and rebel apostates are both working towards a common goal, Lydia fears this rebellion is far beyond the threat she anticipated. She looks at Trevelyan and wonders what else she does not know.

Tara’s face is wet from tears, her eyes are red and swollen, and there’s a raw cut near her right eye, she imagines from a templar blade. The rage of an apostate radiates from her very being. Lydia begins to fear not just for Tara’s safety, but what she might do once she is free.

“For the rebellion,” she says.  The blast of fire hits her in the chest, and knocks her back into the desk. Her back slams into the wood, splinters embed themselves in skin, and she falls gracelessly onto the floor. Her whole body burns, and she sees embers on her robes. But she still is, as far as she can tell, alive.

“Shit,” Tara says, as the fire drains from her staff, “templar smiting. Fuck, uh,” she begins to frantically look around the office. Lydia can hear fighting outside. “Do you, uh, have a knife?” she asks earnestly.

“How did you fuck this up?” Lydia snaps, “You come here to murder me and you can’t even, fuck,” she yells in pain as the burning grows more intense. “Just hurry…”

Before she can finish, Lydia screams in pain, as she feels the impact of Tara’s staff against her head. Her vision goes blurry, the thoughts become disjoined, her world shrinks into nothingness.

[avaquet]

Evelyn Lavellan - Detailed Backstory

Because why not?

Her backstory has kinda changed throughout the course of me lol, most things have changed.

Under the cut because it’s long - consider it a short story lmao (lotta HCs please don’t mind too much, Ev is also part of an AU)

Let’s do a briefing on her parents!

Taelhen Lavellan- He was born in the clan, son of the keeper and of a mage in a coastal clan. His father, the keeper of Lavellan, had died prematurely from an illness while Taelhen was still quite young. This is when Deshanna took over as keeper. When Taelhen became old enough, he was destined as First due to his magical abilities and bloodline to Lavellan them-self. In his thirties, he had contact with a city elf by the name of Valonna who had escaped an alienage wishing to join with a clan. Clan Lavellan was welcoming to her, and Taelhen had a soft spot. They soon fell in love, and after a few years, Evelyn was born.

(A/N: no mods were used here, this was purely photoshop. At the time I made this, I was still on Xbox)

Valonna Lavellan- Born in the Kirkwall alienage, Valonna had always sought to escape. She had always felt on edge where she was and craved a place where she could feel decently safe. Her best friend was a homeless half-elf by the name of Evelyn. Evelyn did not actually want to leave, but she helped Valonna because she wanted to see her happy. Evelyn had informed her of a clan up north that frequently did business with travelers and traders that came to and from Kirkwall. Then, Valonna set off, saying her final farewells. She joined Lavellan and changed her last name in her early thirties. Because of the help Evelyn had given her, she decided to name her daughter after her.

(A/N: Looks kinda like Ev’s twin almost, yeah? Based it off my own life, as I look eerily similar to my mother)

Early Childhood: Ages 0-7- (Warning: Abuse is mentioned and described) Despite Taelhen being First, he did most of the work raising Ev. In fact he worked his ass off while Valonna seemed absent. And despite that, Taelhen never raised his voice, yelled, or otherwise blatantly argue with Valonna over it. They got into a few disputes, but always made it a point to never do it in front of Ev. When Taelhen was out doing his job, Valonna stayed back basically to make sure Ev didn’t accidentally kill herself. Ev personally cannot remember much during this time, in fact most of her memory is blank from ages 0-4. During that time, Valonna had used some questionable parenting tactics, at least in front of Taelhen. Alone, no one knew exactly what she did. It was never physical, and no one heard any screams or crying, but little Ev did seem excited to see Taelhen come home, a bit too excited.

One night when Ev was 5, now this is a memory she remembers, though cannot get into vivid details because it hurts, Valonna and Ev were alone at the house (AU: HC they have fold-able houses that can easily be transported) and Valonna was particularly frustrated that day. She had told Ev to stay out of the cookie container, but had forgotten that she moved it. There were a few containers on the counter and Ev was curious about the new objects. So, she took a peek. Valonna walked in on Ev while she was examining the cookie container and basically lost her shit for no plausible reason. She yelled and over-scolded Ev, in fact little Ev was on the floor with her back pressed up against the corner practically frozen. Valonna went on a harsh, emotionally abusive rant that would be ingrained in Ev’s head for decades.Of course, Ev was terrified and confused, so she muttered out for her Paba (father). Valonna took great offense to that and struck Ev. Little did she know, Taelhen had just walked in and saw the moment she struck her. It was a mix, she had made a fist but struck in a back-handed motion to Ev’s face. Of course, Ev gave out a scream of bloody murder, she was in all different levels of pain and betrayal. A traumatic moment that had given her PTSD, and was the catalyst to her anxiety, depression, loss of self-confidence, loss of passion, and intrusive thoughts down the line. Valonna had immediately seen the repercussions of her actions and immediately felt regret, though it didn’t matter for the damage had been done and Taelhen forcefully yanked her away from Ev. He finally cursed and screamed at Valonna to get the fuck out, and he almost hit her but he prioritized Ev and knew more physical violence would not help and she needed to be attended to ASAP. Valonna left and ran, pulled over by the Keeper and she confessed her actions which got her banished from the clan, though Valonna found a new clan to stay with later.

Once Valonna was out of the house, Taelhen went directly to Ev, the bruising had already started and her lip was bleeding. He picked her up and let her sit on the lounge while he frantically got different things from around the house to help. He got a wet rag and cloth to help with the bleeding and pain. He got a potion to help with the inevitable headache that would come. He got her favorite blanket. He stayed up with her all night and held her so she would feel safe and secure and so he could watch over her for a concussion. He would use his magic to make the wet rag colder or warmer depending on which would soothe the most at the time. He did his best to make her laugh, he braided her hair, he did everything he could to help. All while biting back his own tears, he couldn’t help but blame himself because he didn’t listen to earlier times. It was the only time Valonna got physical with Ev, and it would be the last. That night, Ev got a busted lip that turned into a small scar, a bruised facial bone, black eye, welts, and a concussion.

At the age of six, Ev’s magic started to manifest along with the ability to tamper and control her dreams a bit. This is when she started to spend a lot more time with Deshanna as she was taught about her magical abilities. Ev was also given books because she felt good reading. Started off with tales and fiction and then it was sprinkled in with magical theory and demonology at an older age. But she had a strong affinity with books and found a sense of comfort within. Ev at this time was the youngest in the clan, and the other children saw her as somewhat weird because she read more often than she played outside. Ev is an introvert as well and the other kids sorta found that odd. Ev also liked to observe the other people to learn, and she learned quickly. For about a year or so, the other kids treated her as an oddity and were barely nice to her. Though, the other kids didn’t actually realize they were offending or hurting her. A year or so later, most of the kids warmed up to her and realized that they were hurting her. Ev was quite kind and respectable, she showed a lot of care as well. For instance, a kid she didn’t particularly like herself because they were mean, wanted a candy but was too lazy to get one. So, Ev got up and got them a candy, just because. Ev’s greatest strength, caring, is also her greatest weakness. For a while there, Ev went through a phase of wanting to please as many people a possible, even if that person was mean. Merrisiara or Merri, became Ev’s first and closest friend. Though Merri befriended Ev out of pity at first. They are still, to this day, close friends.

Late Childhood: Ages 8-12- Ev was officially declared a Dreamer at this time and had received more books and studies on the matter. Ev loved to learn, she just hated being tested on it or pushed by a due date. Her magic skills were improving and improving quite fast, in fact Deshanna began to think about making her First.

There was a time that Ev got quite sick. Her allergies flare up the most during the winter and spring, this year was particularly bad. She was wheezing for a solid week and coughing up phlegm constantly, one night she coughed too hard and threw up. The circumstances were just right to send her body into an overdrive and it was like she was having some sort of respiratory attack. She couldn’t take deep breaths, and her breathing was extremely fast and short. Her back was in pain due to the amount of effort it took her to breathe. She was with healers and clan medics for about eight days, and since then she had developed emetophobia. The phobia was strong enough to keep her from puking again to this day. Though it’s not pleasant, each time she feels close to throwing up she goes into a panic. She knows rationally that what happened to her before probably won’t happen again, but her mind remembers the event all too well and is overly afraid of it happening again. She’s gone through many events of some kind of stomach ache or pain that would be easily rectified if she were to puke, but because of the event and how strong the fear is, she puts up with it. (A/N: Based off a real life event)

During these years she got to spend a good amount of time with the coastal clan her grandmother was from. She got to meet another friend who became close to her at the time and they kept in contact. This is when she got heavily into music. Singing, dance, and instruments. The dance she learned and practiced to this day is a solo dance, she knows how to tell a story through her dancing, and the style is focused mostly on the hips and belly, she had to learn most of her dances while balancing a book on her head. She learned a style of singing that got the halla’s attention and worked with the halla care-taker often. Her singing style is a mix of (what we would call) a Celtic/viking-esque and her own personal style. Taelhen learned a bit about instruments over the years and decided to learn more about conducting and at when Ev turned ten, he gifted her a violin and they practiced together. Though Ev is shy about her passions out of fear of being ridiculed for them. She also just dislikes most attention and it takes her a while to look past the fact she is receiving attention.

She rescued a stray cat and named her Echo, they became akin to what we see in movies with a witch and their familiar. Echo had a very close bond with Ev and Ev poured so much love into the little kitty.

When she was twelve, she first started to menstruate, though she only got one or two cramps before the bleeding started, the rest of the time she felt bleh and she searched for a way to feel less bleh. One of her clan mates told her of this method she’s been using for about a year or so now that has worked for her. Shortened the length and got rid of almost all the bleh and pain. It was true, except they were both ignorant to what else it caused to happen. Ev used the method for half a year before feeling really weird, and actually got into more pain. Her friend told her to seek out a healer or something because she might’ve had an allergic reaction or something. So she did. When she explained the method to the healer, the healer themselves almost had a heart attack. The healer got both of them in and did tests with the medical. For the method that they were using had a side effect of infertility if used long enough. Her friend had to actually get her ovaries removed because it was so bad (AU), Ev hadn’t used the method long enough for it to be that severe but it did render her infertile as it had basically fried her eggs and killed them. Her friend felt devastated and horrible about what happened, though Ev felt more sorry for her. Ev wasn’t devastated at all, in fact, she felt more relief than anything. Ev was always a bit uncomfortable and afraid of becoming pregnant, and truly believed she has no maternal instinct. She doesn’t wish for kids, but she knows if by whatever chance she changed her mind, she’d rather adopt anyways. She gave a lot more support to her friend and knew that she didn’t feel the same way as she (Ev) did so Ev didn’t treat the situation the same way, instead she catered towards more what her friend needed and needed to hear.

Around this time, Ev questioned her belief in the elven pantheon. She didn’t feel like she truly believed or wanted to believe. Inspired by a book she read she began to question many things on faith and life itself, she would pace the home and talk to herself trying to figure out different philosophical questions. At this point she was agnostic, and wasn’t sure if she wanted to believe in gods at all but kept going with the flow just in case. It wasn’t until later that a fantasy book gave her the idea that maybe the pantheon might not have been gods but influential or powerful mages? Then she became atheist, but still deeply respected the views of her peers.

Teenage Years: Ages 13-17- (Warning: Harassment and brief statements of sexual activity) During these years, her anxiety and depression became more and more prevalent, along with the voice in the back of her head she calls the gnat or the voices of abuse past, referring to her mother. The gnat is extremely harsh on Ev, tells her she’s not good enough, and keeps her from fully enjoying her passions. She even tried to pursue new ones like sketching and journaling, but alas, the gnat’s voice only got stronger seeing her as a beginner try new things. It made her into a perfectionist and somewhat of a hypocrite. Where she would say others deserved love and kindness the gnat in her head would tell her that she herself didn’t deserve it because she can’t seem to get over herself, ignore the voice in general, because she’s a burden for having an internal conflict such as this, or whatever reason the gnat comes up with. Early on, Deshanna finally decided to start training Ev to being First, Taelhen happily stepped down, proud of Ev, and became her mentor and basically Second.

When Ev was 13, she thought she had a friend where there wasn’t one. A person that added to the voice of the gnat. Ev opened up to him about her internal thoughts and he responded basically by telling her to get over it and to grow up. That no one wants to deal with it, that if it continued she’d be more like a leech to society because she just can’t take care of herself it seems. He told her it’d be unwise to enter any sort of relationship because she would be a burden at times, because it seemed she didn’t love herself so how the hell could she love anyone else? She was defensive and pushed him out of her life and sought solace in Merri, Taelhen, and Deshanna, who all told her that he was wrong and a dick. But his words, no matter how much she tried to ignore them, fueled the gnat she was still battling. 

She learned different ways of battling the gnat, whenever an unstoppable thought told her that she hated herself, she would have to consciously catch herself and correct it. “No, I don’t hate myself, I just dislike the situation I’m in.” Merri, Taelhen, and Deshanna would also catch her with self deprecating humor and reminded her to try out the more positive thoughts. For her, it worked for the most part. Sometimes the gnat would become too strong and just rapid-fire thoughts would hit her all at once and she would break down crying. Taelhen usually heard and would always come to her aid. One moment, she came out to her Paba about some deeply disturbing thoughts she’s had, thoughts that come out of nowhere and made her question if she was truly a kind and caring person. He reminded her that she is not her thoughts and that actions speak more, that she is kind, and recommended ways to ignore or let these “thoughts from the void” pass. Sometimes Ev would break down crying because those intrusive thoughts could be so damn horrible. And it wouldn’t just be thoughts, her mind would immediately make her imagine it, would play out the what if, she’d never do it in real life, by the way her mind played it out like any and all ideas that crossed her mind, would sometimes make her break down crying. 

These years also uncovered a trigger of hers; accusatory yelling would cause her adrenaline to pump, if it was directed at her then her freeze response would kick in and a slight panic, and if flesh struck across her face she would break down completely. She became hyper-aware of her mistakes and a fear built up behind it. She mistakenly looked in the container of cookies and she got hurt badly, what if she made another mistake? - the way her mind worked. That’s what really drained her of her passions and made the gnat win many battles. She became severely afraid of making mistakes and then would regret not taking action to begin with. She fell into a spiral, as she basically became afraid of being a person.

But, she had a lot of support, a lot of care, and a lot of love by not just her Paba, Merri, and Deshanna, but varying members of the clan that were friends with her. Over the years she learned how to quell and fight back these internal thoughts effectively. Reminded constantly that it is okay to seek help and have a shoulder to cry on. Reminded it’s okay to be emotional, that it’s okay to feel. Yes she reached a very dark point in her life where she felt she could only escape by sleeping, but she was also helped a lot. It wasn’t perfect and she wasn’t cured by any means, but she wasn’t spiraling anymore and she was building herself back up over the years. 

If you asked her if she’s ever been in a (romantic) relationship before, she will tell you no. Though, she has called someone her boyfriend, and she will tell you that yes, at the time she called him her boyfriend, even a friend, but she’s learned now that that wasn’t the case. It would be akin to holding an orange and calling it an apple, the orange is not an apple just because she mislabeled it. She was 15 when she entered this little fiasco with him. He was a friend and moved to the “relationship” a little quick for her liking but, she cared for him. (Remember greatest strength can also be the greatest weakness) She didn’t really feel ready for the kind of relationship he wanted, but wanted to try it out anyways. Some time passed and he expressed interest in wanting to kiss her, and she told him that she would want it planned out because she’s anxious about it and uncomfortable with a surprise first ever kiss. Her irrational thoughts were rampant still at this time. On the surface, he agreed. Later on, unannounced he leaned in to try and kiss her, and she immediately panicked. She covered her face entirely and thoughts like, “Hadn’t brushed my teeth since the last meal, my lips are a little chapped, I don’t know what I’m doing, this is going to be horrible” rampaged her mind immediately. Then, she felt like an utter bitch the way she reacted. “Oh fuck I offended him...” When he calmed her down a bit and she let her guard down, he tried again and lo and behold the same reaction occurred and it took her even longer to let down her guard and she even started to flinch whenever he moved. He was disappointed and upset, and she felt awful because well...she cared. They never kissed at all their entire “relationship”. Another instance of broken boundaries, is when she was around friends and he decided to slap her ass in front of them, and she got mad. Ev was extremely uncomfortable with that kind of thing especially in front of her friends, she sternly told him not to do it and had to explain why because he questioned her. Then in his mind, for shits and giggles he did it one more time. The rest of the day she felt she couldn’t turn her back to him. Hell the entire fiasco made her uncomfortable but alas, she cared too much and ignored the red flags which when she looked back in hindsight, kicked herself for. He found a way to frustrate her to the point that she bawled, and he enjoyed it. Finally, after not letting him do anything she deemed she wasn’t ready for, he broke it off. She was relieved and also saddened. The first thing she asked is if she did anything wrong. He told her it felt like a glorified friendship and he wasn’t getting anything out of it. Sure she cared a lot, but she had a lot of stubbornness, and if it wasn’t for that, she would’ve given into everything and been even more unhappy. And even as a friend, he was an ass and soon she refused to call him a friend. In hindsight, she knew she should’ve broken off the fiasco much sooner, and now she knows what happened was more of a one sided asshole-ry rather than a relationship at all.

Later on, Ev and Merri became experimental. They shared a lot of firsts together, though Merri and Ev were not romantically involved. They preferred it like that, but they felt safe and comfortable practicing kissing and the likes with each other. They didn’t have any romantic feelings toward each other but still remained respectable friends. Their experimentation lasted around half a year before Merri got herself a girlfriend, then the experimentation ended. Their friendship didn’t, and they were extremely mature about it as well. Merri’s girlfriend was also mature about it, in fact she became friends with Ev. Ev is glad Merri is happy with her girlfriend, and there was no jealously. This is what really taught Ev that the fiasco with dick face was abnormal.

Deshanna had Ev get her vallaslin at the age of 17, a year earlier than most. Ev was hesitant about it because it was supposed to honor the gods she didn’t believe in. Deshanna reassured her that it’s okay for the tradition and symbolism. Ev chose Mythal because if the gods were real, maybe Mythal would understand the most her predicament. Would offer protection and care. And thus, she had the simplest Mythal vallaslin applied to her face in a coming of age moment. Ev wasn’t sure if she would regret it or not, but it’s there forever. At least she’s fond of the style. That day she was officially declared First, though she still constantly learned. Her relationship with her own magic grew a respectable amount.

Recent Backstory: Ages 18-21(Now)- Ev had always dreamed of exploring. She wanted to write songs about her adventures and the vistas she visited. Paba always told her stories of adventure growing up and she longed for it. She constantly begged Deshanna to let her go out on some kind of excursion, and she did when it was for the Conclave, but that’s the present.

Most of this time, one may consider uneventful, but Ev had a lot of fun. She learned so much about Elvhen history and studied many things, including a few artifacts Lavellan had procured over the years. It was a calm three years in retrospect. Some events she can remember literally had her laughing and rolling on the floor wheezing because of some stupid random shit. It wasn’t even that funny! But she was with friends and they all just started laughing for what seemed to be no damn reason and it just spread. Then they started to laugh about how they were laughing for no reason, and for just how stupid it was which made everyone laugh harder. Everyone was on the floor or slumped over wheeze-laughing, and then Paba came into the room completely unaware what was going on and questioned the shit out of why are there people wheezing on my floor- which you guessed it, made everyone laugh harder if that was a thing. Just, stuff like that. 

Though, a tragic event did occur during these years. Echo had passed away and Ev felt so alone without her little feline familiar. She cried for days, and held a solemn heart for months.

When she was 19, she fought her first demon. A member of the clan had gone rogue and betrayed Lavellan. Ev was alone in the woods collecting herbs when the desire demon cornered her. It was the first time she had ever truly fought something, especially one that could fight back. Ev had a strong will, though, “Yeah? Well right now my biggest desire is to see you dead. Can you make that come true, demon?” It was an intense battle, but Ev ultimately sent the demon back into the fade. At the clan, they had already defeated the culprit that let in the demon and that was the first time Ev had seen a dead body like that. It was extremely unnerving and she felt light headed almost instantly. She knew the culprit, at least she thought she did, and now they were dead, defeated in battle. Deshanna and Taelhen helped Ev to deal with the sight and praised her for defeating the demon.

(A/N: All these pics of Ev is what she looked like before Inquisition, and well before she got her many scars. I know I mention that often, but idk who’s new to her story or not.)

As it stands, Ev had a very supportive and loving childhood despite Valonna. She had dreamed of adventure and getting away from the clan for a while, but she proudly calls it home and she does miss the people during the events of the Inquisition.

[buko-pandan]

all right, i think i’m just going to ramble about my first off-lore inquisitor. this was originally supposed to be a fuck-around playthrough where it’s me but as always i slipped and created a character instead:

meet isadore trevelyan (though the trevelyan last name wouldn’t make sense?)

she’s not a mage, nor a warrior or a rogue, lol, which stems from another joke-y idea i had (though she’s a mage in the actual game). if you wanna read there’s more under the cut because it’s rambly and long 

i’m bored of only noble origins for humans so i made one up that isn’t. it’s mostly the same for isadore but there’s some changes. her father was a struggling antivan peasant who moved to kirkwall, hopeful for a new start. unfortunately it all fell through and he ended up bankrupt and living in darktown. there, he meets isadore’s mother and they have three girls: isadore (first born), nina, and trista. 

isadore grew up in darktown and she and her sisters and father made a living by selling secondhand (often stolen) goods. when her mother got sick, the chantry was no help, so they sent her to the darktown healer, anders. during this time, isadore learns about the mage underground and helps them, despite her parents’s protests. she mostly passed messages and supplies along darktown, as she was not trained in combat.

while isadore spoke to anders often, she only ever saw hawke in glimpses. during the chantry explosion, isadore was separated from her family. she wandered around aimlessly for a while, thinking she was going to die, until some mages she’d helped takes her in and she travels with them. she stays with the apostates and travels to the conclave, hoping she’d see her family there.

but of course the explosion happens and she ends up with the mark on her hand. she was insanely terrified after, and agrees to join the inquisition because she was afraid they’d have her taken to trial and killed for justinia’s death. 

isadore is very sympathetic towards mages - after all, anders nursed her mother for years for free. she helped them and saw what they went through and how templars abused their power. they also took her in during the rebellion and when she got separated from her family. she chooses to ally with the mages.

as for combat, isadore is not trained in weapons. she’s used broken glass back in kirkwall to defend herself, but she isn’t an expert. she’s tried training as a warrior with cassandra, blackwall and bull, but fails. she also tries training as a rogue with cole, sera, and varric but also fails. solas then attempts to see if they could coax some magic out, but nothing. when travelling she often just hides behind everyone and wait until the demons are gone to close the rift.

isadore only survives corypheus’s attack because the mark on her hand was powerful. when they get to skyhold and recruit dagna, she makes a contraption she could slip on her arm that harnesses energy from the mark and can attack with a force. she manages to learn how to use it efficiently. 

she saves celene from assassination, leaves stroud in the fade, and redeems blackwall. at the temple of mythal, she doesn’t think morrigan should drink from the well because she isn’t elven. she tries to convince solas but solas won’t. and because she knows she shouldn’t drink from it either, she just lets morrigan do it. 

after defeating corypheus, she chooses leliana as the divine. 

during the exalted council, she disbands the inquisition, as she is tired and feels she could no longer give to them what she had before. she tells solas she’s going to stop him from destroying the world. 

as for her family i’m still trying to figure out whether or not she finds them or they’re dead. but nevertheless after trespasser, she goes with varric to kirkwall and helps him rebuild things.

for relationships, she ends up becoming very close friends with varric, sera, and dorian. she becomes a red jenny and often joins sera when sera visits kirkwall. she talks to dorian a lot through the crystal. 

as for romance, right now i’m messing around but since it is based on me, i figure canonically isadore would have crushes on like every woman in skyhold but never pursues anything because she isn’t interested in it. i very much like the idea that she and varric are bffs who after the events just go back to kirkwall to try to make it better. after all, kirkwall is still her home.