#if someone gets angry for some reason ill remove em

[theesteppenwolf]

More Lorant and Jasper to brighten your day 💛

Jasper belongs to the super awesome @marvelous-goose

they're so in love they make me sick im throwing up rn

[wisemanners]

@wadamwoltron asked sincerely for my take on The Scene so here it is, i guess, but on my blog and NOT in her DMs like a weirdo. also some additional background context i guess. i’m trying to keep this somewhat objective, though obviously my specific memories are probably going to color it anyways.

so background context: this is mostly metatextual analysis regarding what is apparently a hotly debated topic in fandom of “what shiro’s mysterious disease.” the wiki says muscular dystrophy; we can’t find a source for this (though, if you know of one, please feel free to share). what’s stated in canon (in 7.1, “a little adventure”) is as follows: 

it’s a muscular disorder

it’s degenerative

it involves muscle stiffness or tightness, which is alleviated by electrostimulation

we know for sure it affects his right arm; keith’s asking “what are those?” MAY imply that he has two (or more?) EMS devices but in the later scene where he has both sleeves rolled up we only see one. 

a quick search of EMS therapy brings up this page which lists the following uses: you suffer from muscle spasms, have suffered from muscle atrophy due to disuse, your muscles need to be stimulated and re-educated, your muscles are weak and lack tone, you've lost range of motion due to an injury or illness. (it’s also used for circulation reasons, but since he mentions keeping muscles loose we can assume it’s related to one of these.) searching “degenerative muscle disease” brings up MD (general) as the first result, followed by other neuromuscular disorders; the symptoms listed that EMS is used to treat check out as the various muscular dystrophies all feature one or more of those symptoms. given that, this analysis will proceed as if this is the factual diagnosis (not ONLY because as far as i recall it was, though that is also the case). 

[there are numerous types of MD, and we’ve done a fair amount of research to determine which one is the most likely given the symptoms presented (myotonic, probably DM2), but that’s less significant other than its CURRENT mortality rate.]

that said: the scene itself. 

“Everything okay?” The only thing to analyze in the first line is the genuine concern in it, but that does contextualize the scene; i AM coming into this conversation from a place of being worried about someone i love. 

“Iverson thinks I shouldn’t be part of the mission. Called in the big guns; Admiral Sanda showed up to try and convince Sam to remove me from the crew.” (there are interesting and significant implications with regards to how the Garrison’s chain of command works here, but that’s not the point of this character analysis.)

“Well, maybe he’s right. Maybe you shouldn’t go on the mission. You’ll only be putting yourself at risk.” the absolute lack of hesitation in agreeing with iverson is i think the bigger clue at the greater context of this argument. this isn’t news. this is something i’ve been thinking about, and have clearly already come to a conclusion how i feel about it. “maybe” is a hedge word here. i DO in this moment think iverson is right, and this is just an excuse to say so. additionally, risk is an important word here, which i’ll circle back to several times. 

[additional note on animation: i show almost no expression during these lines, except to frown and look stern at the end.]

“You know how important this is to me. It’s worth the risk!” Aside from tone and expression (he’s clearly upset and desperate here, and even looks away at the end as if he can’t face me), note risk again. 

“Takashi, how important am I to you?” I know this line is everyone’s favorite. I understand why, even, especially given the dubious nature of “canon” on our actual relationship. The line itself establishes a lot; the first name usage (canon isn’t super clear on why he goes by Shiro, even with the other people he’s closest with (Keith, Sam, Matt), or its relationship to his Japanese heritage (which is significant here whether or not producer LM would agree), but to this point I’m the ONLY person in canon who ever addresses him by first name) as well as the general phrasing makes this the most obvious statement that we’re in a relationship. That’s arguably good, considering canon does little else to show it. 

The significance in the CONVERSATION, however, is to position this as a choice - your dreams, or your partner. It’s actually the biggest reason I hate people siding with me in this argument! That’s not a good thing to ask someone you love to choose. More on support in a second, though, as well as more about what I’m asking for here. 

[animation note: let’s talk about my coffee here. the hand shake and slamming down my cup is definitively the most show of emotion I have here, which IS significant. that line + the choice presented AREN’T coming from a place of deliberate manipulation, it’s emotionally charged despite me trying my best not to show it.]

“Every mission, every drill, I’ve been right there with you. But this is more than a mission. This is your life at stake.” here’s the support bit, obviously, since that’s what I’m evidencing here - reminding him that I’ve always been by his side and supported his dreams. that’s not actually the important thing going on here, though, because it’s the end where he cuts in: 

“Don’t start that again, Adam! You don’t need to protect me. This is something I need to do for myself.” First: again - we’ve had this discussion before. Second, the timing: it’s not until I bring up the risk again that he gets upset. 

A relevant concept here that I think most people in the fandom genuinely will not have heard about but is TREMENDOUSLY important to this conversation and to understanding what’s happening in this argument is dignity of risk. The article linked is a good overview, but in short: many things can only be gained or achieved by taking chances of getting hurt, and disabled individuals (originally those with cognitive and intellectual disabilities, but certainly applicable to physical disabilities as well) are disproportionately PREVENTED by overly-cautious caretakers from taking those chances. 

Shiro’s objection that I don’t need to protect him, I think, points really strongly to THIS being the actual issue. I’m trying to look out for his safety because I don’t believe he can or will do it himself (which I DID think, at the time); he feels smothered by this because he’s an adult who has the ability to assess risks for himself and decide which ones are worth it to him to take. 

“There’s nothing left for you to prove. You’ve broken every record there is to break.” This is significant in that it shows I think how highly I regard him, but I also think it’s the strongest textual evidence in the scene that we’re talking about COMPLETELY different things - that I fundamentally don’t understand what’s important to him about this mission OR why he’s upset that I’m trying to stop him. 

[animation note: he’s stopped arguing, gesturing, or looking at me here, and doesn’t look up again until I reinforce the ultimatum in the next line.]

“I know I can’t stop you, but I won’t go through this again. So if you decide to go, don’t expect me to be here when you get back.” I feel like “I won’t go through this again” is another line that people sympathize with, which makes sense; I’m afraid and wounded, and people sympathize with fear and hurt. It reiterates the cyclical nature of this argument, too. It’s also still bringing back the choice: stop taking chances on things that matter to you, unless I’m not one of them. 

[animation note: shiro looks both hurt and angry and doesn’t take his eyes off me the whole time i’m saying this, but doesn’t say anything. I also only look at him once during it, at the very end.]

“I’ve got a class to teach.” probably obvious without additional analysis, but in addition to an emotional reaction, this puts an absolute hard stop to anything else he might say in response.

having gone over the scene, some additional considerations: 

I think a lot of people latch on REALLY hard to “this is your life” and shiro’s later “it’s getting worse” line and somehow conflate the two into an implication that this is about a lack of TIME. It is, I think - but NOT the way people assume. 

Prognosis now, in the 21st century, is for a good percentage people with even severe forms of MD to live high quality, enjoyable lives into their 30s and 40s or later; even without a curative treatment, it’s reasonable to assume that in the 24th century this has improved. Given Shiro’s current overall health still being good, with the primary effects we see being localized to just the one side, it seems a little odd to assume that 30s-40s is still his life expectancy. 

My lines about the risk to his life also don’t actually discuss an imminency of death in GENERAL - it’s SPECIFICALLY risky to go on the mission. why? well, most likely, because a minimum of 10 months is an AWFULLY long time for someone with a serious progressive condition to go without medical care or a checkup. which is a reasonable thing to be concerned about! 

but we also have textual evidence that shiro’s GOOD at being responsible and taking care of himself, even if he sometimes sacrifices his needs for others’. he wears his assistive/medical devices. he keeps a workout routine. he can push himself hard, but we also see places where he knows his limits. and the majority of interventions for MD are about upkeep - building stamina, range of motion exercises, monitoring condition - and having the right tools on hand for an emergency. so, at what point does the concern become about not trusting him to take care of himself well, especially when the kerberos mission was in regular contact with the garrison?

and the flip side of the coin about time: with a progressive disease, there IS always a looming time limit, on everything. that included his dreams. our time together wasn’t limited the way people seem to assume - but his time as a pilot was. so having more perspective now, I can see his side better, and find myself frustrated both with myself from before, and with the people who agree with me. it feels dismissive to his wants and needs, as WELL as his right to self-determination. 

i don’t think takashi abandoned me when he went to kerberos. i think i abandoned him, when he badly needed my support, by forcing him to choose between someone he loved waiting for him, and a dream which was running out of time. i know it’s popular to joke about what happened and that i’d say “i told you so,” but he was right, and I should have listened better. 

[grumpyalpacaman]

Nexus Notes - Chapter One

"I already told you, you big dumb bastard, that energy core regulator isn't worth 3,000 Credits. It's not even close!" The young woman slammed her hands down on the clerk's table. Her eyes set in a narrow glare, she scowled between loose strands of bright red hair that fell in front of her face.

Behind the ramshackle stand of partially gnawed scrap metal stood the enormous shopkeeper.  The device she so coveted was tightly gripped in his huge, clawed hand. Dangling cables swayed to and fro and the polished chrome casing reflected the blinding glare of the sun. 

The taurus were the inhabitants of the planet Kakataka in the Aldebaran star system and the largest, most cantankerous of all sentient species in the galaxy. They were also notorious hoarders.

It erupted in a flurry of guttural growls, its ruddy brown scales rapidly scraping and clattering against one another to create a series of accompanying clicks. The chattering noises he emitted elicited a whir of life from a machine strapped to his broad, tapered chest. The gadget lit up and started to translate in a low, robotic voice.

"You don't know what you're talking about, Nexus. This a rare treasure. There is nothing else like it on Pantainos."

"Zakka, you are so full of shit," she said, as she reached into her lab-coat and withdrew a small pair of oval-shaped glasses. Slipping them over her nose, she peered past the imposing, alien shopkeeper to the staggering pile of discarded mechanical trinkets and components behind his kiosk. “I can see two more in the back from here!” Frantically, she removed her glasses and stuffed them back into her coat.

"3,000 credits or no regulator." 

The young woman stood up as tall as she could and crossed her arms over her chest in her best attempt to look authoritative. She was short and scrawny by human standards, not to mention leaning on a cane and absolutely minuscule compared to the seven-foot monster before her. "Listen here, you idiot, you have no idea what that's worth to me and you're just going to eat it anyway! So hand it over for a fair price and stop impeding scientific progress."

Without warning, the shopkeeper opened his jaws for the first time, the lower portion of his face splitting into two and spreading out in a slavering, triangular maw. Then, he chomped into the device in his hand. His shredding teeth crunched and tore the metal apart with ease as he ripped off a chunk and swallowed it before hurling the remnants straight at Nexus's head.

With only a moment of shock, she narrowly ducked under the incoming projectile. The move sent her stumbling and she barely managed to catch herself with her cane to avoid an untimely fall, face-first onto the cold steel ground. If the yelling earlier hadn't drawn the attention of the other merchants and customers that populated the market, this certainly would. Within moments, Zakka had dunked one of his whopping lizard paws into a pile of scrap parts and used it as a shovel to hurl yet more junk at the girl.

"Whoa! Is this how you treat all your regulars?" Head held low, she scurried away from the bellowing Taurus. Gears and batteries skittered across the ground and peppered her lab coat. One unfortunate stray something or other even bounced harmlessly, but no less annoying, off of her forehead. "Zakka, you Lunatic," she yelled as she departed the market square.

She looked back over her shoulder more than once on her way back to her apartment, just to make sure there wasn't an angry alien reptile behind her. It wasn't until she was nearly three blocks away that she stopped to catch her breath, leaning against the wall of a building and wiping her brow with the sleeve of her coat. Just from that short run, her muscles ached and her chest burned with exertion. "I left my apartment for that damn regulator and the dumbass took a bite right out of it," she said between gasps. “Still, I hope nobody calls the police on him. He may be a seven-foot, spiky asshole, but he’s still got the best stuff in the entire city. And perhaps more importantly, he doesn’t ask ridiculous questions like, ‘what are you gonna do with this?’ or ‘do you have a license for this highly unstable radioactive material?’”

She spent nearly a minute bent over and panting before rising back up and fanning out her coat to relieve some of the intense heat. “What I would do for a breeze right now. Just a little one.”

Pantainos City, built in the most habitable, lush part of the colony planet for which it was named, was in Nexus's own words, "Too damn hot in the Summer to be conducive to intellectual pursuits." So then why, she often wondered to herself, had the United Earth Federation decided to build its premier academies here? Pantainos was one of the UEF's earliest and most prosperous colonies and had become a grand centre for training and education in the past several decades. Academies and accompanying campuses for humanity's most prestigious schools in the fields of science and military had developed here and dominated much of the city. The best and brightest across all of UEF space were sent here to learn.

But far from the glamorous universities and labs at the city's centre, Nexus walked along the ill-tended streets at the fringes of the sprawling metropolis as she made her way home with a scowl on her face. Not that her neighbours could tell the difference between her usual scowl and today’s, extra perturbed scowl. 

The moment she stepped into the lobby of her apartment and felt the cool, temperature-controlled air hit her face, she let out a long sigh. The familiar sights of the dusty floor, the seemingly permanent ‘out of order’ sign on the secondary elevator and the ever-expanding patch of mould on the far wall were just about the only means through which she could differentiate this and every other apartment building on the black. Nexus whispered a silent thanks to the closest thing she knew to a religious figure, Joey the maintenance guy, that one of the two lifts remained operational. If given the choice between the stairs and sleeping on the crumbling bench in the lobby, Nexus would have to spend some time seriously weighing her options.

With only a brief stutter of resistance, the elevator ascended to the second floor and deposited her in the hallway to find yet another annoyance. "Great. If the heat and the taurus weren't bad enough, some ass-clown piled a bunch of boxes in front of my door!" she thought. For some reason or another, cardboard shipping boxes of varying sizes, piled six high, stood right up against the entrance to her apartment.

Without another thought, she stomped forward and delivered a swift, hard kick with a flip-flop clad foot to the side of the box mountain. Much to her chagrin, the pile barely moved. So, she took a step back and shoulder checked it with the entire, fairly insubstantial, weight of her body and this time she sent it tumbling to the floor with an appeasing clatter. She grinned down at her handiwork, hoping there was something both fragile and valuable within.

The commotion brought someone running almost immediately as a man stepped out of the open door across the hall, looking concerned. His expression promptly shifted to surprise and confusion as he spied Nexus standing over the upended pile of his belongings.

If he put on a uniform, he'd look like he walked right out of a military recruitment ad for the Federation. She thought immediately of a very large and very stupid dog. He was like a man-shaped golden retriever and just as blonde.

"Did you knock over my boxes?"

"Oops," she replied with a shrug as she reached for the keycard in her pocket.

"The hell, lady? I keep important stuff in those."

"Well then maybe you shouldn't keep 'em in front of my door." By this point, she was already daydreaming about punching him in his stupidly handsome face. Though she was pretty sure she’d break her hand on that square jaw. 

He furrowed his brow and attempted to speak up but upon noticing the cane in her hand, he suddenly became very stiff and cast his eyes toward the floor. "Uhm... Sorry," he said as he kneeled and started to gather up his things, shuffling them out of the way for her. "So that's your apartment then?"

"Yep, 37B," she said with the absolute most disinterest she could muster while jabbing a thumb toward the numbers posted behind her.

With an armful of boxes, he stood back and extended his free hand toward her. "I'm just moving in next door. I'm Parker Walsh."

Her eyes drifted back and forth between his hand and his face for several seconds. "Are you suggesting I make physical contact with you?"

"Generally speaking, an offer to shake hands with someone would imply that, yes." Yet more confusion was starting to creep into his voice.

"Ew.” Rolling her eyes, she turned, swiped her card over the electronic lock and stepped into her apartment.

"Ouch," he shot back. "Can I at least have your name?"

"Nexus," she said as she slammed the door behind her.

"There is no way that is your real name," he yelled with his lips scant inches from the door but to no response.

"Parker?" said another man, sticking his head out of the open apartment. He was thinner and less chiselled than his friend but with a sly, fox-like countenance. "What are you doing out here?"

Parker shrugged. "Neighbour girl kicked over our boxes."

"And so you quit unpacking to come out here and flirt with her?"

"Not at first."

"But you did flirt with her?"

"She didn't even give me a chance. It’s just not fair."

"My heart aches for you, brother. Now get back to work. We need everything set up by tomorrow."

"On it." With boxes in hand, he started back toward his apartment, taking one glance at the door behind him as he went. "Well then. See you around, Nex."

The moment she stepped inside her apartment and flicked on the lights, she felt her legs start to shake. She grumbled softly, finally allowing herself to wince at the constant pain she felt in her muscles and eased her body into the wheelchair lying in wait by the door.

Inside her apartment, where one might normally find furniture, decorations or just about anything, Nexus had cables, power generators and several large processors stacked against the wall. In the corner sat a desk with a pair of computers, razor-thin glass panes mounted on swivelling stands. Nexus produced a third, smaller device from inside her coat. With a few swipes on the surface, her chair wheeled itself over to the desk. Once situated, she began sliding her fingers across the dual screens and they came alive with images and information. Her eyes darting back and forth between them. Within arm's reach of her chair sat the single greatest scientific achievement of mankind, an espresso machine. The divine tool was accompanied by a mountain of discarded flavour pods, generally counting among the excessively sweet variety. Though that didn’t stop Nexus from addition several more teaspoons of those godly white granules once the machine had finished its business.

All this technology (save the espresso machine) was connected to a strange, ceiling-high object in the middle of the room. The device occupied the vast majority of the available floor-space. It appeared to be a huge mechanical ring of some kind; that stood eight feet high and across. At the moment, it was deactivated.

She looked upon the centrepiece of her chamber briefly, shook her head, and returned to her work. "Damn Zakka, always a pain in my ass."

It wasn't long before she noticed she had an update on her post on the local University forums. She wasn't exactly a student, but where else was she going to share her hypotheses?

"Oh fantastic, this idiot," she said with mock excitement when she saw who posted. "Hello, Student 681966, a man so boring he uses his student ID as his screen name." Nex skimmed over his latest dull refutation of her work and rolled her eyes. 

"Your ridiculous idea of a potential intersystem artificial intelligence program has no bearing in modern computer science. Even the most simple-minded of your species is aware that software is limited by hardware.

You persist in the idea that your entirely theoretical sub-space processor would alleviate this issue and allow a program to move freely between systems, but this has in itself a litany of issues. There is no evidence to support the idea that information can travel freely between sub-space and normal space. How do you propose such a device would maintain a fixed location within sub-space? In addition, the power requirements would be astronomical.

Fixed sub-space pockets have never been found to be a remote possibility and tests have resulted in failure, every single time. The only possible use for sub-space is point A to B travel through fixed gates."

With a guttural groan of frustration, Nexus swept a hand back through her sweat-matted hair. "This guy has no imagination."

Reclining in her chair steepling her fingers, Nex pondered the list of possible rebuttals. Everything from explaining the potential power of a flywheel energy storage system in the absolute vacuum of sub-space or reference to the sub-space tests performed by Earth scientists decades earlier that implied the possibility of direct access to sub-space beyond simple two-way passages. However, when she received a sudden response from a rather important contact, she decided to let her opposition stew for a little while.

Anxiously, she opened the message with a tap of her finger and pulled the contents up on-screen.

"I have acquired the information you requested."

That alone was all she needed to send her mind alight with fireworks. There was some more afterward about releasing the hold on the promised payments and how to contact him again. She absent-mindedly tapped out an affirmative response and delved into the attached files with all haste possible.

A few weeks ago she'd contacted someone who claimed to have worked on some classified Federation experiments performed on Pantainos. She'd been making a few inquiries about them and they had become a subject of great interest to her, even though they never got off the ground. What they were attempting to develop and why it failed is still unknown to this day, but Nexus's digging had told her that it had something to do with personal-sized sub-space gates, as opposed to the massive rings that transported ships across the galaxy.

"I was right," she muttered to herself after nearly twenty minutes of poring over the contents. "Schematics, test results, dates and locations."

She gleaned from the notes that they had managed to design a miniaturized sub-space gate, though from what she could find, it wasn't able to sustain itself before collapsing after only a few seconds. Several pages appeared to be missing, including details of who was involved and the purpose of the experiments, but all the technical data she needed was right here in these files.

Again she gazed upon the massive mechanism in the centre of her apartment, this time with new excitement and rattling nerves. She bit her lip and considered her options before giving a small nod of affirmation. "To hell with the regulator, I've got work to do."

She wheeled over to the huge ring and pushed herself out of her chair. For hours she consulted the new specifications and adjusted her machine. Multiple trips were made back and forth between the device and her computer and she went through around a dozen cups of coffee and sixty teaspoons of sugar. She scoured every crate of spare parts she had lying around (which was no small number) and the clamour of her tools filled the apartment until the early morning.

She awoke with a start around noon the next day. She had passed out in her wheelchair with a collection of her tools sprawled across her lap and around her wheels. She yawned, grumbled and rubbed the sleep from eyes shadowed by black bags.

Blinking rapidly, Nexus looked at her device, consulted the schematics and then back to the device. It was a match. Better than a match even. She felt she'd improved on the old schematics. "I did it?" She brushed back a tangle of red hair and chuckled to herself. "Of course I did it."

Still coming to, she mumbled out a few commands. "Computer, begin recording a new log now. " A small robot, not unlike an ambulatory tripod, came alive. There was a lens built into the machine’s head, which promptly veered in Nex’s direction.

She pushed herself to her feet and stumbled toward the terminal mounted at the edge of her ring-like device. "Sub-space portal NG Model-1, test 27, sans energy core regulator. Upgraded system to further compensate for the Verdricci effect. Added new subsystems to target a specific location within sub-space, based on new research documents. No more firing off randomly. Begin activation now."

Triumphantly, she punched in the key sequence to start up the machine and listened with glee as it whirred. Lights flickered on around the ring and sparks coursed across the empty space in the middle.

Staring into her would-be sub-space gate, Nexus's hands shook excitedly. "Alright UEF, let's see what you were up to."

The machine's laboured noises intensified and she could feel a charged tingle on her skin. Then, all at once, a disc of torn space appeared inside the ring, contained and stable. Her smile vanished, only to be replaced by a slack jaw and wide eyes. The sight beyond the portal sent shivers through her body and made her stomach churn. Floating in the vast emptiness of sub-space, was a cylindrical device surrounded by lifeless human corpses.

[chuffyfan87]

Growing Pains. Part 22c

"Louis what happened?" Duffy asked gently.

“Some lad started on me. Then he got his friends involved.” Louis sat up quickly, “Couldn’t go to the canteen!”

"Its ok lie down." She turned back to the locum. "What makes you suspect intoxication? He's as lucid as I'd expect for someone who has sustained a substantial head injury."

“The school said he was tripping. I need to rule out drug use.”

“I wasn’t!” Louis protested and sat up again. He was becoming more and more agitated. “I’m not scum ok!”

"Louis you need to lie still sweetheart." Duffy attempted to soothe him as Charlie entered the cubicle.

“Don’t want to be here.” Louis mumbled. He lay down and closed his eyes.

"There was a fight at school." Duffy explained sadly to her husband.

“He’s been fighting?”

"Sounds like he was set on by several lads." She sighed.

“What? Why?”

She shrugged. "The school say he took something but I'm not convinced."

“He hasn’t?”

“No!” Louis replied from the bed, “I’m clean! I’m clean, I promise!”

"We were talking this morning about how well he's doing, about increasing his school hours and maybe getting a tutor. Why would he jepodise that now? It makes no sense!" Duffy argued.

“He’s a recovering addict, there’s bound to be relapses.” Charlie whispered back.

"Well I believe he's telling the truth, even if the rest of you don't!" She stepped back across to Louis, taking hold of his hand in hers.

“You believe me?” Louis looked up at Duffy. “I promise I haven’t touched anything.”

"I know it's like to be judged on your past."

“He... Shoved me. I wasn’t going to hurt him but—" Louis sighed.

"But what? Did he say something?" Duffy probed gently.

“Said Em had shit for brains and I pinned him against the wall.”

Charlie stepped closer to Louis. He was torn. He desperately wanted to believe his son.

"Was Emmy there when this happened?" Duffy asked sadly.

“No.” Louis shook his head. “No one talks about my sisters like that!” He began to cough up blood and groaned.

"OK, you're OK." She squeezed his hand again.

“Couldn’t go into the canteen.” Louis mumbled, repeating himself.

"Don't worry about that now."

“Too many people. I don’t like it.” Louis paused for a second, “Gonna be sick...” He declared as he sat up quickly, searching for a sick bowl.

Duffy grabbed a bowl and held it for him, rubbing his back soothingly. "He needs a CT now!" She was beginning to get frustrated with the locum.

Louis threw up into the sick bowl, it had traces of blood in it.

“I’ll go and order the CT.”

"Thank you." Duffy muttered sarcastically.

The doctor went to order the CT scan. Charlie stroked Louis’ head, “It’s ok son.”

"How could the school let this happen?" Duffy sighed.

“I don’t know. I knew it was going to be tough going back to school but I didn’t think they’d let him get battered like this.” Charlie said gently.

"Do we pull him out? What about the girls?"

“I don’t know. Maybe we can look at a new school for the girls? Ask for their opinions?”

"Yeh. Good idea. If a bunch of fourteen, fifteen year olds can do this to him..." She sighed.

“The girl’s might be ok. But I don’t want to take any chances.” Charlie sighed.

"It sounds like they were in Emmy's year."

“We’ll talk to the girls? I’m happy to pull them all out so this doesn’t happen again.”

Louis began to lose consciousness. His eyes rolled in the back of his head and he began to fit again.

"This has to be a serious head injury." Duffy remarked sadly as she and Charlie moved Louis gently onto his side.

“You’re ok, son.” Charlie reassured Louis as they held him as he fitted.

"You do believe him don't you?"

Charlie hesitated, “I want to believe him but I’m scared of believing him. In case he’s lying.”

"Do you think the same of me when I'm ill?" She whispered.

He didn’t answer for a minute, “I worry one day you’ll go too far and I won’t know how serious it is and you might die.”

She sighed sadly.

“I promised Em, I’d get you better for them.” He said quietly. “For the children. I promised and I can’t break that promise. I’ve already broken enough.”

"Oh Charlie..! That's not your promise to make."

Charlie shrugged. Louis’ fit began to subside.

"That's it, you're OK Louis." Duffy soothed.

“I believe he’s clean.” Charlie said quietly.

"You need to tell him that." Duffy replied softly.

Charlie kissed Louis’ forehead.

Once he'd stabilised Louis was taken for a CT. Charlie and Duffy sat anxiously waiting in their office for news.

Duffy reached over and took hold of Charlie's hand as her husband called the doctor in.

“We’ve got the results back from Louis’ CT. He’s got a subdural haematoma.”

"And his tox screen results?" Duffy asked.

“Nothing except traces of methadone.”

Any smugness Duffy might have felt at being right all along was overridden by the seriousness of her stepson's condition.

“We’re going to have to operate to remove the blood clot.” The doctor explained.

"What's the wait time for a theatre?"

“There’s a space in theatre for him. The surgeon is just finishing off a trauma case in theatre three.”

"Can we see him before he goes to theatre?" Charlie asked.

“Of course you can. He’s currently in resus.”

"Do you want me to stay here whilst you go?" Duffy asked. "I can call the kids and my mum. We should let them know what's going on."

“I don’t mind. Whatever you think is best.” Charlie kissed her cheek before he got up and went to see Louis.

"I think you need some time alone." She smiled softly. She picked up her phone. There was a message from Emily.

There was also a missed call. The text read: 'Heard Louis’ been hurt??? Is he ok? Xx'

'He's here. Are you free for me to call? Xx' Duffy replied back.

There was no reply. Emily, along with her sisters had left school and made their way to the hospital. They were stood at the reception desk in their uniforms.

Duffy looked up as there was another knock on the office door. "Come in!" She called out.

“Hi Duffy, sorry to interrupt but it appears you have some visitors in reception.” Noel told her with a small smile.

"Is there three of them?" She chuckled.

“Yes. Shall I bring them here?”

"Yes, send my daughters in." She smiled.

Noel nodded and closed the door again.

A few minutes later, the door opened and all three girls ran into the room and hugged their mum tightly. “Is Louis ok?” Tilly asked sadly.

"Sit down girls." Duffy told them softly.

All three of them looked terrified as they sat down in front of their mum.

"Your brother was assaulted at school by a group of boys. He's hurt his head pretty badly so is about to have an operation to make that better. Your dad's with him."

They nodded. Tilly swallowed, “He was acting weird, I saw him just before second lesson.”

"Weird how?" Duffy asked.

“Jumpy. On edge, that kinda thing.” Tilly shrugged, “He shit himself when I put my hand on his shoulder from behind. Think it’s anxiety or something.”

"Seems he had every reason to be anxious." Duffy sighed sadly.

Emily and Lottie were really quiet. Tilly sighed, “Some people just won’t let things go.”

"No." Duffy hesitated slightly. "Have any of you had threats or problems from other kids at school?"

All three of them shrugged. Emily answered, “I’ve been teased a few times but nothing out of the ordinary.”

“No mum.” The twins replied in unison.

"OK. You need to tell me or your dad immediately if that changes."

“We will mum.” Emily smiled sadly and rubbed the back of her neck.

"Its going to be OK." Duffy reassured the girls.

The girls stared at their mum and nodded. They desperately wanted to believe her.

"I need call your gran and older brothers."

“Anything I can do mama?” Emily asked.

"Do you know the boys that did this? Louis said they mentioned you."

Emily shook her head, “They mentioned me? Why? What did they say?"

"Just that they knew that he was your brother. We presumed that they're probably in your year so you'd know who they were."

“Did... Did they say something bad about me?”

"Just that he was your brother." Duffy replied, flicking through her phone to bring up her mother's number.

“Mama, that’s not true. What did they say about me? Why did Louis get hurt?”

"Just that they recognised him as your brother and decided to start on him." Duffy replied before holding up her hand and turning her attention to her phone.

Emily sighed. She got up and went to leave the office.

"Where you going Emmy?" Lottie asked as their mum spoke to their gran.

“For a walk.”

"Can we come too?" Tilly piped up.

“Stay with mum. I won’t be long.” Emily forced a smile.

The twins grumbled but let her go.

Emily walked around the hospital, she was upset, confused and angry.

"Are you lost? You're not supposed to be back here." Fletch called out as he spotted Emily by the staff area.

“No.” She sighed, “Do you know where resus is?”

"Its down that way." He pointed in the opposite direction to where she'd been headed. "You're a Fairhead aren't you?" He smiled.

She smiled, “Is it that obvious?”

"Well you are pretty much the spit of your mum." He grinned.

Emily blushed, “Well if you think I’m the spit of mum, wait until you meet Tilly, she’s got mum’s attitude too.”

"Oh heck, is she running round the department today too?" He laughed.

“She’s in our parents office with Lottie.” Emily smiled, “Thanks for telling me where resus is. I best get on.” She turned to walk to resus, trying to find Louis.

"You can't just go there on your own. Don't matter who your parents are."

“Dad’s there with Louis. I want to see him before he goes for surgery.”

"I'll take you there then."

Emily nodded, “Thank you.”

Fletch led her to the doors to resus before poking his head inside. "Charlie mate, I've got one of your kids here looking for you."

[crimsonrevolt]

Congratulations Prince you’ve been accepted to Crimson Revolt as Amycus Carrow!

↳ please refer to our character checklist

There was so much obvious love and thought that you put into Amycus that your entire application was so beautiful to read through (although heartbreaking and terrifying at times too!) You crafted a villain who we can sympathize with, and gave Amycus a humanity that others might’ve failed at. We think that his relationship to his family, his father and Alecto in particular, was really well explored -- and you gave us a firm grasp on who Amycus is in a way that brought him to life before our eyes. We’re so happy you decided to apply and we can’t wait to see Amycus on the dash! *your faceclaim change to Ben Barnes has been accepted 

application beneath the cut ( tw: gore, torture, abuse, murder, etc.) 

OUT OF CHARACTER

INTRODUCTION

Prince 19 he/him

ACTIVITY

7/10 I work about half the day so I’m free early afternoon on/weekends.

TRIGGERS

*removed for privacy

HOW DID YOU FIND US?

the marauders rp tag, promo blog. was in this rp like, ~7-8 months ago??

WHAT HARRY POTTER CHARACTER DO YOU IDENTIFY WITH MOST?

I don’t remember much since it’s been such a long time since reading. I know I definitely always had a soft spot for Neville when reading the books though.

ANYTHING ELSE?

Here you can tell us everything else you have in mind like questions, concerns, notations or anything else you can think of

IN CHARACTER

DESIRED CHARACTER

Amycus Aldrich Carrow

Amycus; Amykos, Latinized as Amycus, in legend was the son of Poseidon and the Bithynian nymph Melia. He was a boxer and King of the Bebryces; killed ina boxing match.

Aldrich; A name meaning ‘a wise and aged ruler.’ With such a name, his family expects and predicts great things of their boy. He will one day be powerful, so very strong.

Carrow; “Carrow” in Norfolk, or “Carraw” in Northumberland. The first is assumed to have its name derived from the Old English word “carr”, meaning “rock”, and a word of Celtic origin; “hoh”, meaning “spur of a hill”.  

FACE CLAIM

Xavier Dolan, Ben Barnes, Mikkel Jensen

REASON FOR CHOSEN CHARACTER

I’ve played Amycus for, about a year’s worth, on and off, and I enjoy him because he’s his own person but also has the ‘dynamic’ of having a twin, and living/making decisions not only for himself but sometimes for the both of them, or having them being treated as ‘the same’ by others, because they are twins. Like, it’s interesting to have a character so closely linked to Amycus. And I love exploring his family dynamic bc he’s one of the characters that doesnt really have a ‘set’ past in canon, so there’s so many different ways he could end up because of what his life was like as he grew up.

—

Amycus could say his childhood had been. Interesting. Born the male of a pair of twins, he was favored, and it wasn’t hidden. He was given the love and attention his sister was denied, and the words that best described his as a toddler were ‘spoiled brat’. He grew up learning he could have whatever he wanted, and that ‘no’ didn’t really mean ‘no’, not to someone with power and money like him. Though his parents weren’t entirely interested in raising children. They wanted an heir to the family and had no time or patience to deal with a growing child, let alone two. A lot of Amycus’ childhood was spent playing his sister and hiding from his tutors and nannies.

Amycus was very young when he realized what the world was like. His father had never been a pleasant person, and the nights he would drink were the nights the whole family suffered by his hands. He and his sister learned the world was ‘dog eat dog’, and many dog eaters looked like humans. They learned to be vicious and bare their teeth at others. As they got older, they learned it wasn’t enough to look scary; you had to be scary. They must pit themselves against the world or die trying. Fear of his father and reality of the world drove Amycus to learn to defend himself, in anyway he should need to. Amycus learned to defend himself, he needed to be the monster he was afraid of, and very readily embraced it.

Amycus learned to be vicious, as did his sister, but didn’t learn to hide it behind polite smiles and good manners as she did. The words that best described him as a young teen were ‘cruel monster’. Amycus was mean, he was a sadistic monster that choked kids until their eyes pleaded with him for their lives, whose pranks turned from mean letters to disemboweled pets as Christmas presents. The voices that coo words to him in his head remind him what a monster he is. Sometimes, the voices are quiet, and Amycus is never sure whether he’s glad for the silence, or is afraid of it.

Amycus has dragged himself down into a rotten little hole now, which he knows will one day make his grave. His time in school in Slytherin house led to him to making friends with other ‘bad’ children, and is where he found his interest in the Dark Arts. Now working with the Death Eaters, Amycus has found a place where he feels more accepted, though he still garners dirty looks with his bloodied hands and maddened grins.

PREFERRED SHIPS // CHARACTER SEXUALITY // GENDER & PRONOUNS

Amycus will sleep with whomever says yes. He’s not picky by any means whatsoever. Sex is sex, after all. A means to an end. Amycus identifies loosely as a cis-male, and prefers he/him pronouns but also answers to they/them as he’s used to being addressed as a pair along side Alecto. If he had the information, he’d probably identify something closer to agender, but as that’s all very abstract and not widely shared information at this time, he’s simply content with being called a male.

CREATE ONE (OR MORE!) OF THE FOLLOWING FOR YOUR CHARACTER:

Quotes and lyrics: -  “When the Fox hears the Rabbit scream he comes a-runnin’; but not to help.” – Mason Verger - “Killing must feel good to God, too. He does it all the time. Are we not created in his image?” –Hannibal Lecter - “ I love you crookedly because my heart’s been unhinged from birth. The doctors gave me strict instructions not to fall in love: my fragile clockwork heart would never survive.  “ –Jack and the Cuckoo Clock Heart -“ In the end You dig yourself the hole you’re in” –Dig Your Own Hole -“  God, I pity the violins In glass coffins they keep coughing They’ve forgotten, forgotten how to sing ” –All The Rowboats

headcanons;

-Amycus is surprisingly good at memorizing spells, and knows quite a few charms and curses, more than the average students learned at Hogwarts. He’s had a few private tutors at the behest of his father, and read quite a few books on magic in his spare time. He’s very good at martial magics, and can sustain a Fiendfyre for quite a long time without losing it’s control. -Amycus is photosensitive, and often gets migraines from being in the light for too long. Thus, he prefers being a night owl, or at least avoiding being outside, especially if it’s a sunny or bright day. He likes keeping his room and as much of the house dark as he can, which makes the place look pretty gloomy. -Due to very little social interaction beyond his sister as a child, Amycus has a hard time understanding sarcasm, and often take’s other’s opinions in a very ‘black and white’ way. He thinks people either like him, or hate him, and there’s no in between. Also, people are either angry with him, or enjoy him; he has a hard time knowing if he’s upset people, and struggles to read into tone of voice and other social cues. -Amycus is rather paranoid about noise, and enjoys the quiet. He very often moves around to avoid noise, and is easily set off into distress or anger over loud noises. He’s most afraid of the sound of footsteps, as it reminds him of the sound of his parent’s coming down the halls of their home as a child. -It’s more likely than not Amycus lies somewhere on the Autism Spectrum, but his parents only considered him a fussy child. Even he doesn’t think he’s autistic, mainly because mental illness is stigmatized and not talked about, especially among wizarding communities. -Amycus has schizoaffective disorder, and cycles between intense depressions and manias. He suffers from auditory hallucinations that started to develop during his time in school, and soon after he started having visual hallucinations, though those are much more uncommon to him. -Amycus is a very physical person and enjoys being able to touch objects or other people, but understands personal boundaries. He won’t continually touch those who’ve expressed discomfort about it. When idle, he often likes having something to hold on hold onto, or to be held himself. He wears heavy jackets often, even in the heat, because the weight of it on his shoulders is comforting. -Amycus usually has his wand up one of his sleeves strapped his his forearms; mainly to his right as he’s a left handed person. He also often carries a switchblade on him. Amycus often wanders off into the Muggle parts of town, and fighting with a knife leaves less clues to point back to him than using magic against them. Though due to his temper, he’s been known to try and stab anyone who upsets him, even other wizards.

IN CHARACTER QUESTIONAIRE

♔ If you were able to invent one spell, potion, or charm, what would it do, what would you use it for or how would you use it? Feel free to name it:

“Some kind of…Weaker Cruciatus maybe. I mean, hey, a good Cruciatus is great. But sometimes you only need a little, something to push someone off the edge. You have to stop a Cruciatus to get people to talk. Something a little less strong, you could torture them and get ‘em to give up whatever you want. Wouldn’t that just, be great?”

♔ You have to venture deep into the Forbidden Forest one night. Pick one other character and one object (muggle or magical), besides your wand, that you’d want with you:

“Alecto, obviously. But it’d probably be her fault, why we’d be going into the Forest anyway. And bring. Well, besides my wand, how about Alecto’s wand? It doesn’t work the best, for me at least. But it’s something, isn’t it? And it’s not my wand so it’s not breaking the rules, huh? Twins don’t count.”

♔ What kinds of decisions are the most difficult for you to make?

“Very, puzzle like decisions. Where people want to trick you with their words. Saying one thing, meaning something that’s not what they said. People make things so much more complicated than they should be, almost all the time. Bullshit.”

♔ What is one thing you would never want said about you?

“That I’m the worse twin. Just look at Alecto. I’m even, better looking. There literally can’t be any way that I’m worse. I’m very obviously the better twin. Who would even think twice about it? Huh? Even Alecto knows, I’m the better one. Though she won’t admit it. Which makes her worse. She’s too up her own ass to see it, really. ”

WRITING SAMPLE

—Amycus hissed and withdrew his hands from the piano when it shocked him, looking over his shoulder at his father. “Start over.” Darius replied, leaving Amycus to quietly turn back to the piano and begin the piece again. The boy got tripped up at the same spot, and was shocked once more by the piano. He bit his tongue to keep from whimpering, and without being told started from the beginning. The third time he was able to play it, but only a few bars past made another mistake. He yelped when the shock hit him, and this time he turned to look at Darius. “Father.” The man stopped his pacing to stare at his son, and Amycus did his best not to let his voice falter, “Please, I-It’s very hard to continue learning the piece if I have to start again at every mistake. I w-won’t get good at the end if I only play the beginning, sir.”

“If you paid more attention to what you were doing, perhaps you wouldn’t have to begin again so many times.” Darius quipped back, leaving Amycus deflated. He bit his tongue again and gripped the piano bench tightly. After a few moments he turned back to the piano to continue playing. The nine year old could only endure the harsh treatment for so much longer, and after about another half hour Amycus stood abruptly after being shocked, the piano bench scraping across the ground. He stood with his hand balled into little fists, tears in his eyes and just beginning to tremble. “Sit down.” Darius warned with a hiss.

“No!” Amycus snapped back, glaring at his father with teary eyes, “I don’t wanna play anymore!” The boy began storming away to the door, and just before he reached for the handle he was thrown to the ground harshly, landing on his side. “I said sit down.” Darius had his wand raised and slowly moved to stand over his son. Amycus was crying by now, getting back to his feet slowly.

He stood there and hung his head, and just as his father began to speak again, Amycus shoved him as hard as he could and bolted out the door. Darius stumbled back a bit and almost fell in surprise, then snarled and yanked the door all the way open to storm into the hall. “Amycus!” He screamed at his son, who was just barely scrambling down the stairs out of sight. Amycus made it to the front hall, fumbling with the locks on the door. When he opened the door he only got one foot outside before he ran headfirst into his father who had Apparated in front of him.

“Where do you think you’re going?” Darius hissed. Amycus sobbed, crying out when he was dragged back to his feet by his arm, feebly attempting to pull himself from his father’s grip as he was dragged across the marble floor in the front hall. His feet scrambled for purchase as he tried to stop his father from dragging him, screaming and tossing himself around like a trapped animal. Amycus was close to hyperventilating now, body shaking with fear as he desperately tried to escape his father. His head turned at the creaking of a door and he saw her there; Alecto stood in the door way, expressionless and staring. Blank empty eyes looked into his own as he began pleading for Alecto to help him, but his pitiful cries seem to fall on deaf ears as the girl didn’t so much as blink as her brother was dragged through the basement’s door.

Amycus knew what an Unforgivable curse was before any of his friends.

—Amycus stormed past his mother as he walked through the front door of the Carrow Manor, dropping his suitcases with a harsh clatter and climbing the stairs two at a time, quickly making his way to his room. He slammed the door behind himself and moved to stand in the middle of the room. He shook with anger, his nails biting into his palm as he made white-knuckled fists. It’s not fair. Why couldn’t he stay? All of his friends got to stay at school over break, but he had to go home. Amycus stormed to his dresser and swept his arm across the top, knocking everything to the ground and letting anything glass shatter. It’s not fucking fair! Why the hell should he be home? He fucking hated it here, and both his parents knew it. The boy strode to his desk and threw the chair aside, throwing the journals and books to the ground and chucking the inkpot at a wall. Ever since he began attending Hogwarts, Amycus had loathed returning home for winter vacation, and especially for summer vacation. He never wanted to be home anymore. He never wanted to be around his father.  

“You’re upsetting your mother, if you insist on throwing a fucking tantrum like a child, I’ll-” Darius yelled as he swung the door open, and a picture frame very narrowly avoided his head and shattered against the wall behind him. “Fuck you!” Amycus screamed, grabbing a book from the shelves next to his desk to throw at his father as well. “You fucking wanted me home! I’m here! What the fuck did you expect, father?” the boy’s tone was mocking, and he shrieked with pain when hit with a Cruciatus Curse. The fourteen year old crumpled to the ground writhing in agony as white hot pain shot through him.

“Don’t you dare speak to me like that you ungrateful mongrel!” Darius snarled at his son. Amycus could only scream, the pain terribly overwhelming. The Cruciatus Curse was more powerful the more hatred the user felt. The pain made him want to black out. The teen laid on the floor struggling to breathe when the curse was lifted, making no move to get up when his door was slammed close. Amycus laid on the floor for another hour, his body aching too much to move.

One night soon after, Amycus waited until late to leave his room, to make his way down to the kitchen. He grabbed the biggest knife he could find and took the back door into the yard, walking across the wet lawn in the moonlight. He grimaced at the sting of the cold, only wearing his pajamas and socks in the freezing weather. It took most of his strength to push open the door to the stables, and it took no time to walk over to the stall. Amycus stared at the horse, looking at the medals that decorated the wall behind it. Father’s prized racing horse. The stall door was easy to open.

Amycus said nothing as his father walked into the dining hall, staring the man down as his father stopped dead in the doorway. He watched the color drain from the man’s face as he looked at the crudely butchered horse that was strewn across the entirety of the long table. He sat back in his father’s chair, giving his father a cold and hateful stare. “Merry Christmas, father.”

Amycus always got the best gifts at Christmas time.