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killthe-illusionarydreams · 4 years ago

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Ashes To Ashes

Pairing: Fred Weasley x Reader

Request: ‘Please could you write a Fred Weasley imagine where you’re inside the burrow when Bellatrix sets it on fire and Fred runs in to get you out?? Thank you, I’m really loving you writing!’ For anonymous

Ps- i havent read the books or seen the movies in a while so I kinda went w the time it was fleur & bills wedding & intergrated it w that, sorry if its not what u wanted but I did write Bellatrix’s attack in x

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Today was the big day. For today was the the day where Fleur & Bill were finally to be wed. For their celebration to erase war from anyones thoughts, today they were just two kids in love, not undercover Order Workers. Today they were simply girl & boy.

“Oi Y/N hurry up, Fleur’s asking for you” Ginny shouts practically breathless as she runs past your room, trying to find Hermione for the bride.

You pick up the gorgeous bouqet that earlier today you picked up from the florist for the woman and made your way downstairs into the living room. As you take a closer look, you notice something is off. Fleur was standing rigidly still, looking in the mirror unblinking.

“Fleur, darling, are you alright?”

The woman remained silent, Y/N had no idea what to do, she’d never seen her friend so paniced, so immobile. Ever since Y/N’s sixth year (after the Triwizard Tournament) the two kept in contact, maintaining a solid friendship with the other, who wouldve known that years later Fleur would join the family that you had already been apart of.

“Its okay to be nervous.” You sit beside the Frenchwoman “Just talk through it” grabbing her hand you pull her down to sit beside you.

“It’z all so scary Y/N. I love Bill, I really do, but what if he realises he doesnt feel the same about me and leaves me there?” She faces you, eyes glossed over

That caused you to frowm slightly “Bill loves you more than he loves life itself Fleaur, everybody knows that he’d do anything for you just to see you happy- not many can say that they have a person like that.” You smile lightly, thinking about your person. “You constantly say how much you love him, so if you stil feel that for him, theres no need to be scared of getting married-These are the normal pre wedding doubts, none of them are true. Besides, I’m sure if Bill tried to run away from such a gorgeous and talented person as you, Molly would raise havoc and go to the ends of the earth to get him back.”

Fleur looks up at you, smiling, but with stray tears going down her face “Thank you Y/N” she throws herself forward and hugs you “It’s just a big step & I’ve been so emotional lately because of-“ she hesitates

A look of realisation dawns on you and you beam, hugging her once more but tighter “You’re joking? Congratulations!” You give her a peck on the cheek “Does Bill know?” You queried as she shook her head

“Non, I only confirmed it a week ago. Please dont tell anyone Y/N.” She looks at you with pleading eyes and you vigorously nod

“Of course. I wont say a thing, this is your secret. But how about we start getting ready for your wedding hmm.”

As Y/N started to do Fleurs makeup, Hermione rushed in with the wedding dress that her and Molly had been making final adjustments to, Ginny was running around frantically trying to get all the guests in the right places and seats. Once commisioning your help to shout at a group of loiterers to leave the premises because they wouldnt listen to the red head girl. All in all, after many hours, Fleaur was ready.

“You look gorgeous.” Gabrielle beamed at her sister

“Stunning.”

“Ethereal.”

“I might just steal you from Bill” you wink and cause her to laugh and blow you a kiss “I’ll go get everyone ready, you still have plenty of time to relax.” Handing Gabrielle the bouqet, you rush out of the room, which proved to be quite difficult in heels. But bearing through the pain, you get outside and see rows and rows of the fragile golden chairs set on either side of the long purple carpet. The supporting poles to the gazeebo top were entwined with gorgeous white and gold flowers. As you look to where there was supposed to be an enormous bunch of balloons, you frown to see it bare.

“George!” You shout getting his attention ��Wheres Fred? You were supposed to the balloons up ages-“ you feel strong arms pick you up and spin you around, making you let out a shriek of surprise, thankfully not loud enough to get the attention of the others

“I’m here my love, disposable at your command.” He purrs into your ear, sending chills down your spine

“Put me down asshole” you laugh and turn to face him, before you could manage to say anything you were taken aback at how he looked. “You got a haircut.” You stated plainly and ran a hand through his hair as he put his arms around your waist.

“Correction, George cut my hair when I wasnt paying attention so ‘people would be able to tell the difference between us’” he wrinkled his nose

You stare at him, dumbstruck “As if the hole on the side of his head wasnt enough.” Fred laughs and says thats what he said “I like it, it suits you.”

Fred grins and kisses you, “Lets face it Y/N you like anything when its to do with me.”

You roll your eyes and hum in agreement “Thats because I love you Fred. But I will seriously consider breaking up with you if you dont get the balloons up as you promised.”

Fred gives you a small peck & jumps back from you “I’m on it!” and runs over towards his brother to finally do what he had to. You smile at him, reminiscing at how you managed to fall in love with such an idiotic man, yet you could never wish for more. Fred Weasley was truly perfect.

Shaking your head you turn back to the guests that were not where they were supposed to be before shouting “Get to your seats and away from the food please! Thats for after the ceremony!” You swat their hands before adding “If you dont know where youre supposed to be, go to Hermione and Molly, they will tell you.” You motion to the pair before walking around to make last minute adjustments.

The wedding ceremony went beautifully, Fleur was walked down with her bridesmaids: Gabrielle & Ginny. When in sight, she rendered everyone breathless, she was ethereal, the most gorgeous a person could possibly look. Molly teared up from the get go at the sight of her eldest marrying, many more joined in when they said their vows. You could not believe that the day of your friends wedding had finally arrived. Throughout the entire sitting down portion of the ceremony, Fred was holding your hand and rubbing circles on it, an assurance that through everything you went through- you were still together- still alive.

The loud music was ringing through the field, dancing bodies surrounded you, but you paid them no mind, your main focus on Fred.

“Did I tell you how gorgeous you look Y/N?”

You laugh lightly as you sway to the beat “No, I must’ve missed it the other ten times you said it”

“Well you do, absolutely bewitching, are you sure you didnt use a love poition on me? I never knew feeling this was possible.” He jokes as he spins you

“Must be my natural charm and charisma that got you so captured Fred.”

“Must be.” He mutters softly looking into your eyes. Fred was completely besotted by you, more than anyone had ever seen him be, he just knew that Y/N was perfect. The way that she’d light up any room she walked in, the way that she’d never back down from a challenge, and just simply how she made him feel. Dear Merlin he loved the girl. “After this do you fancy going away for a bit?”

You look at him sceptically “Planning out your murderous fantasies are we?”

He laughs and shakes his head “You’re impossible. No, since the shops closed I thought we could go away somewhere before everything with the war kicks off, I want as much time with you as I can get.”

“Oh” you forgot that the wizarding world was on the brink of war “Yeah. Yeah, I’d like that. But if you sneak George along i swear to Merlin I will live through my murderous fantasy & kill the pair of you.”

Fred chuckles again, before nodding “Promise, no George. I think he got an eyefull when he barged into our room without knocking.”

“Serves him right.” You mumble “I told him on multiple occasions to knock.”

The rest of the song died down and you stayed in Freds arms for a moment, before he was being wisked away to dance with Aunt Muriel, he held an awfully sour look as you giggled when she hounded on him to straighten his back, then saying that he was too tall.

“I’m a bit cold, I’ll go get a jacket then I’ll be right back” Y/N kissed his cheek & left to get back inside the burrow. Thinking nothing of it, she poured herself another drink, smiling to herself at how Fred would have to have another dance with Muriel. What an awful woman.

Unbeknown to the girl, a silver patronus intruded on the celebration to announce grave news. “The Ministary has fallen. The Minister of magic is dead. They are coming. They are coming.” Everyone scrabled to find their loved ones, to make sure that they were safe, but before Fred even had the chance to look for Y/N, everything burst into havoc. The gazeebo was now engulfed in flames, Death Eaters showing up everywhere to curse them.

“Y/N!” Fred shouted, frantically looking around for the girl “Y/N!”

He turned around and was greeted by a paniced Mr Weasley “Theres not much time Fred, I dont know where she is, you need to get to safety and leave. Now!”

Fred ignored his fathers protests and ran, dodging various spells being shot from either side. He had to find you, he had to know you were safe.

An abrupt crash jolts you back into reality, you get up to run and go outside but with a sudden ‘whoosh’ and black smoke- two Death Eaters appear infront of you.

“Shit.” You mumble & grab your wand, quickly dodging their spells you manage to knock one out & try to deal with the other. “You’re quite persistant-“ blue sparks shoot from your wand, the figure ran upstairs & you follow.

“And you’re associated with mud-blood scum!” A flash of green emerged from their wand that narrowly missed you, you grin

“You missed.” You kick a chair at the figure, momentarily distracting them to cast a spell “Stupefy! Petrificus totalus!” As the figure was knocked out & bound together, you walk over and spit out “Get a life, prick” snapping their wand in two.

In the middle of your fight, you had not noticed that the commotion outside had turned to an arsonists playground. looking through the window you call for Fred, hearing no response your heart stops, you leave the room & try to get down the stairs but now they were already engulfed by flames.

“Oh shit” you panic and shoot spells at it to stop the fire from spreading, but to no avail, it only got worse. Smoke was now clouding your vision, realising that if you were not to jump down you’d perish in this fire. Letting out a short breath, you hype yourself up for the leap of your life “You can do it Y/N. Come on” violetly coughing, you jump. Unfortunately landing a fair few stairs too high. Unbearable pain shoots up through your leg & you cry out in pain.

Sinking to the floor you couldnt even move, the pain in your arm and leg restricting you. This was it, this would be how you die. All alone, with no one to help you, no one to save you. In a burning house. Yet the only thought racing through your mind was ‘Is Fred safe’. Thankfully most of the fire was behind you, the staircase had completely gone up in flames however, the roof was begining to crumble down. A plank toppled down, narrowly missing you, but making the room next to you catch on fire.

As you were losing conciousness you hear a strained yell “Y/N!” You try to respond, but all that came out was a series of violent coughs “Y/N im coming, hang on!” You couldn’t see what was happening, i dont know if it was the thick cloud of smoke or the fact that you were breathing most of it in, but your vision blurred.

A faint figure emerged, breathless, trying to get through the flames & to you fast enough “Hey Y/N ive got you, im here.” You felt yourself being picked up & your body fell like a ragdoll. “Oh merlin dont die on me Y/N.” Was the last thing you heard before passing out.

The abrupt light and noise woke you up, yet you were unable to open your eyes, they were far too heavy for the little energy you had. Were you dead? Is this what death felt like?

“Stop pacing Fred, she’ll be fine.” You heard a voice say, however, unable to distinguish who it belonged to “shes a strong girl, the nurses said so.”

“Yeah they also said she’d wake up yesterday, so my apologies if I dont believe what they have to say.” He snapped

Fred. Oh yes, Fred. He came into the building to save you didnt he? So that answered your question of being dead. You were very much alive, but dear Merlin you were in unbearable pain.

“She’ll be up and about soon though? Her body was exhausted thats why shes sleeping so long right?” He continued, sounding unsure. Well if this is how they reacted to you passing out you wouldn’t want to know how theyd react if you died.

“And id appreciate it if I could sleep some more.” You croak out as you let your eyes open. Coming to face the whole clan of distressed red heads, Harry, Hermione & Fleur.

Fred snaps to face you and a look of relief washes over his features “Y/N” he whispers and rushes to your side hugging you “You’re okay. You’re alive. Thank Merlin.”

You try to chuckle, which abruptly turns into a wheze “I’m okay yeah, in a lot of pain but I’m fine.” Fred retreats from you, an apologetic look on his face.

“Come on kids lets give them some space.” Molly ushers everyone out of the room “I’m glad you’re okay Y/N” she sends you a smile and leaves the room for you and Fred to be alone.

Moments pass with Fred just looking at you with glassy eyes before he abruptly let out “You bloody scared me half to death!”

You motion for him to help you sit up “Oh I do apologise that me nearly burning in a fire scared you. I wasnt very happy about it either.”

Fred looks at you speachless, confused at how you can joke about it so soon. He remains quiet before letting out a big sigh and hanging his head into his lap “I thought I lost you.” He mumbles, barely loud enough for you to hear

“Hey, look at me.” You say and put his face into your left hand with the little energy you have “I’m okay, I’m alive. And so are you” he smiles faintly before you continue “Obviously as gorgeous as ever, so nothing irreversible happened.”

He laughs “Obviously.”

While in the room Fred filled you in on what happened, that after the Death Eaters showed up & they fought them off- Bellatrix Lestrange set fire to the burrow & he ran in to get you out. He told you that you passed out & that you had to be taken to St Mungos to treat your broken leg and the burn on your arm.

“The nurses said you were lucky to get out alive Y/N” he said lowly, not being able to bear the thought of your death.

“Im alive because of you Fred. Thank you.” You offer a weak smile “There were two Death Eaters in the house when it burned up-“

“Thats not on your concious to bear, Its on Bellatrix Lestrange.”

You nod, in all honesty you didnt feel bad that they perished in the fire- their downfall was their own undoing. But what was on your mind was the fire burn “When I’m better do you recon I’ll l have a cool badass scar?”

Fred shakes his head as he holds your hand, of course thats what Y/N is thinking about “‘course you will, It’ll become part of badass backstory.”

“Good” you mumble and close your eyes. After a long silence you relax back into your pillow, the sleeping draft & skelly-grow hitting you like a brick. You begin to mumble incoherent sentences

“Hey Freddie?”

He looks at your peaceful face, all calm against the pillow and responds “Yes my love?”

After a little pause of small mumbles, you ask “When I’m better, can we leave for our trip?”

“Whatever you want Y/N.” He smiles lightly & watches you drift off to sleep, hoping that ‘better’ would come along faster.

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Ahh okay hi! Omg this took so long to write, again sorry its not the actual bellatrix fire story, i jus forgot how it happened & when I remembered I wrote too much of it. <33

#slytherin #harry potter #hogwarts #hufflepuff #gryffindor #ravenclaw #james potter #remus lupin #sirius black #draco malfoy #fred weasley x slytherin #fred weasley imagines #fred weasley imagine #fred weasley #fred and george #fred weasley x slytherin!reader #hermione granger #ron weasley

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artificialqueens · 5 years ago

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Not Nineteen Forever (18) (Branjie/Scyvie/Ninex)- Ortega

a/n: heeey heyheyhey! i tried not to leave u all on a cliffhanger for too long. thank u so so much for all the love on the last chapter, it honestly made my whole week! again if u like this one feel free to send some love either to AQ or on my blog. hope u all enjoy! P.S. i knew i forgot to mention something! the song the girls sing at the end is called Good Girl’s Gone Bad by Booty Luv (lmfao) if u want to get the vibe of how it actually sounds, because i hate trying to convey a song via simply italicised lyrics lolol)

trigger warning: alcohol xo

please note: this fic contains young adults often behaving in irresponsible/unadvisable ways with regards to alcohol, drugs and sex. if you are someone who feels as if they could be heavily influenced by fic and incorporate what happens in the plot into ur own life, pls steer clear!

summary: Brooke, Yvie and Nina are three flatmates who forged a friendship in their first year of university and picked up some other waifs and strays along the way. Now in their final year, there are feelings that need to be unravelled and confessions to be made whilst navigating drunk nights, hungover mornings, takeaways, group chats, library meetups, cafe gossiping, and the small matter of getting a degree.

last chapter: the gang headed to a big house in the country and things between Brooke and Vanessa got a little more than civil in the hot tub.

this chapter: the girls have to pick up the pieces for the 195th time. but karaoke and gin solves everything, right?

***

Scarlet lay back in bed, panting and looking up at the ceiling as Yvie emerged from the covers underneath her, her cheeks red. Holding her arms out for a cuddle, Scarlet’s heart swelled up as Yvie, exhausted, threw her head down against Scarlet’s chest. Scarlet knew Yvie would be able to hear her heart beat. She liked that. She liked being intimate with Yvie in ways like they just had been, when Yvie’s tongue was between her legs and Scarlet was crying out into the silence of the house without a care for who heard them, but she also loved the intimacy of Yvie knowing parts of her that nobody else knew, like a secret they both shared.

“I love you,” Scarlet sighed, pressing a kiss to Yvie’s chaos of curls as the other girl wrapped her arms around her waist and squeezed.

“I love you too, baby. So much,” Yvie replied, Scarlet able to feel how she smiled against her skin and unable to stop herself from smiling too.

They lay there for a moment in the foreign room, Scarlet taking in their surroundings. A green carpet, scuffed and worn. A white ceiling with endless cracks snaking across it like a map. An inexplicably out of context painting of a hunt in the countryside, and a window with no curtains where the bright sunshine of the new day shone in unrelentingly through the unpolished glass.

“How are you this morning, you hanging?” Yvie asked her, Scarlet frowning.

“Nah. I never drank that much. You?” she asked, sitting up a little and causing Yvie to shift.

“I’ve got a little headache but I’m not sure if it was the alcohol or just this bed.”

“We were drinking red wine, to be fair. That was a bad call,” Scarlet rubbed her temples, concluding that she’d had a lucky escape. They’d bought it when Plastique had stopped at the small Co-Op in the village nearest the house to stock up, and they’d giggled in the wine aisle as they had decided to buy something civilised to pretend they were characters in an Agatha Christie novel and swan around the big house dressed to the nines. Although when Scarlet had seen Yvie last night she’d immediately wanted to rip her dress off. It had turned out Yvie had thought the same, and a little smile spread across Scarlet’s face as she remembered them, pressed up against the bedroom wall, messy and passionate as they hitched their dresses up and touched each other frantically and came apart. Scarlet wriggled, crossing her legs and squeezing them together.

“Jesus, what is with you this weekend? You’re so horny, like, all the time,” Yvie laughed, noticing her reaction. Scarlet gave a guilty smile.

“I can’t help it that I have the sexiest girlfriend here,” she shrugged, Yvie rolling herself onto her back and throwing her fists in the air into a triumphant stretch.

“Actually I think you’ll find I have the official hottest girl in the room as a girlfriend, so. Check and mate, princess."

Scarlet gave a snort. "Hey, I was merely a pawn in the huge game of fucking chess that is Vanjie and Brooke at the moment, I don’t think I was anything more than a jealousy crash test dummy.”

“Hmm, well. You got dummy right,” Yvie said playfully, laughing as Scarlet pushed her slightly off the bed, then pulled her back again. Scarlet pulled her close, unease forming in the pit of her stomach.

“You know I’m just yours, right? I only-”

“Oh my God Scarlet, relax!” Yvie laughed, squeezing her. “I know there was nothing to that kiss at all, shut up. I trust you. I love you. It was a dare, these girls are our friends, and Vanjie’s about as harmless as an actual cucumber. Chill.”

Scarlet obediently relaxed, glad to have reassured Yvie even if she didn’t need reassured in the first place. She paused, then spoke again. “I don’t know, you could do a bit of damage to someone with a cucumber.”

“I’d do a bit of damage to you with a cucumber,” Yvie wiggled her eyebrows, Scarlet screeching a laugh and swatting at her.

“You’re disgusting. I hate you.”

“You wish you hated me,” Yvie stuck her tongue out at her, and Scarlet sighed.

“It would make my life a lot easier if I did,” she replied playfully, a loud rumble from her stomach cutting her off. She frowned. “Hungry.”

Yvie gave another stretch, her ankles cracking loudly. “Do you want to go down, get the glasses from the living room and stick some bacon on a pan or some shit?”

“Stick some bacon on a pan or some shit. Gordon Ramsay, love your work!”

The two girls continued to bicker as they threw their pyjamas back on, bounced down the stairs and collected the glasses left in the living room from last night. Scarlet was glad to see that there were no rings left from any drinks on tables, her airbnb account safe from a scathing review from whoever even owned this place. Looking at the sofa her and Yvie had sat on last night, she laughed as she remembered her and Vanjie’s ridiculous kiss. The girl got no points for subtlety.

“How did Brooke get more jealous than you when me and Vanj got with each other? You’re my actual girlfriend and you gave less of a shit,” Scarlet mused, walking into the kitchen behind Yvie and setting the glasses down beside the sink.

“Because I know that I’m yours and you’re mine and Brooke knows that she fucked it with Vanjie so she can’t kiss her whenever she wants to like I can with you. I got to have you back in my arms after that kiss and have you reassure me, she didn’t get that,” Yvie shrugged, getting the bacon out of the fridge. She ran her tongue over her teeth as she locked eyes with Scarlet. “Plus it was hot, not gonna lie.”

“Fuck, are we going to have a threesome now, is that what this is?” Scarlet asked dryly, secretly flattered.

“Bad enough having to throw your fuckin’ teddy across the room whenever I’m dicking you down at yours.”

“Just once I’d love to talk about sex with you and not want to blow my own brains out,” Scarlet continued deadpanning, snorting as Yvie began to laugh in her own goofy way. Scarlet loved the old married couple bickering that they always seemed to fall into, having absorbed so much of Yvie’s humour the longer she spent with her. It was one of just so many things she loved about her. “Did something go on between them last night, by the way?”

“Oh, hundred percent,” Yvie rolled her eyes as she wrenched a frying pan from a cupboard. “Yay, another Brooke Lynn shaped mess me and Nina are gonna have to pick up the pieces of! Can’t wait!”

“Yves,” Scarlet warned, dunking the glasses into the hot, soapy water she’d filled the sink with. “Be nice. She’s your best friend, we all make mistakes.”

“I want to grab her by the shoulders and shake her like a fucking maraca. It’s like she’s been challenged to make as many bad decisions that she can and if she gets to a certain amount she wins a prize. What do you think her target is? Two hundred? Five hundred?”

“Stop,” Scarlet laughed, her smile almost cracking her face as she turned around, hearing a set of footsteps pad softly down the steps to the kitchen. Akeria emerged, her makeup from the night before smeared across her face like a child’s painting and her long, blonde hair twirled up into a bun. “Morning, Kiki. You sleep okay?”

“The sleep was fine. It’s the awake part I’m strugglin’ with,” she groaned, sliding into one of the wooden chairs and resting her head in her hands. “Is this what a hangover’s like when you turn twenty two? I don’t want it.”

“No, that’s what a hangover’s like when you drink three bottles of six pound Shiraz,” Yvie raised an eyebrow at the suffering girl, Scarlet feeling guilty as she laughed.

“Leave me alone, it’s my birthday,” Akeria whined, Scarlet’s stomach rumbling again as the smell of bacon began to waft through the kitchen.

“Are you gonna use that excuse for the entirety of March?” Yvie chuckled, turning around from the aga. Scarlet took the rolls they’d bought out of the cupboard and got the butter out of the fridge.

“Yes,” Akeria rubbed her eyes so hard Scarlet worried for her eyelash extensions. “Tell me I didn’t do anythin’ embarrassing?”

“You honestly didn’t,” Scarlet said kindly, her heart going out to Akeria. “I don’t think you have any bad decisions to worry about.”

“Apart from the whole drinking three bottles of wine thing,” Yvie shrugged.

“Vanjie, on the other hand…” Akeria sighed, Yvie growing animated at the stove.

“Right? We were just talking about this. Do you know what happened?”

“Not yet. She better be in that fucking room with Silk and Plastique or I’ll personally whoop her ass,” Akeria narrowed her eyes.

“She’s not,” came Plastique’s voice from the stairs, Silky following after.

“Good morning campers! How are we?” Silky’s voice boomed cheerfully into the echoing kitchen, making Scarlet flinch even though she wasn’t all that hungover.

“Silky, I’m honestly going to murder you in your sleep,” Akeria said flatly.

“You think this is bad! The bitch decided to give me a full one-woman show of The Bodyguard last night before bed!” Plastique cried in outrage, filling the kettle up and flicking on the switch.

“It was BEAUTIFUL and EMOTIONAL and GROUNDBREAKING!” Silky yelled, throwing herself down into the chair next to her flatmate dramatically.

“Please someone kill me,” Akeria sighed.

“Were you guys talking about Brooke and Vanjie?” Plastique steered the conversation back as the kettle bubbled. “They’re in Brooke’s room. She didn’t sleep in ours.”

“I’m losing the will to live with her, I swear to Jesus,” Akeria sighed woefully, shaking her head like a long-suffering mother.

“So wait, what exactly is going on between them? Like, we can build quite a unique perspective here. We got me and we got Yvie to tell you what Brooke’s thinking, and we got you three to give us Vanjie’s perspective,” Plastique said, with all the energy of a detective solving a mystery. Yvie snorted.

“Yeah, good luck with that, we all know Brooke’s mind is like fucking Alcatraz,” she rolled her eyes, distributing the bacon between the rolls Scarlet had sliced open and buttered.

“And Monet can give us the Monique tea. Once she stops banging Nina,” Plastique shrugged. “Who wants tea, who wants coffee?”

“I want the sweet embrace of death,” Akeria murmured.

“TEA!” Silky ordered at top volume.

“Or failing that, to be deaf.”

Scarlet helped Plastique dish up teas and coffees. She remembered Monet and Nina were both tea people, and how they both took it (she’d spent enough time round at Yvie’s to be a tea-making expert for everyone that lived or was frequently round at the flat) so she made one up for each of the girls in case they emerged within the next five minutes or so.

“We should set up a charity. Flatmates Living with Absolute Pisstakers,” Yvie laughed humourlessly, Scarlet laughing as she realised something.

“FLAPS,” she abbreviated, causing the girls round the table to snort out a few giggles.

“Okay so what do you know?” Silky pointed a finger at Scarlet, the girl jumping a little in surprise. “We wanna see if it matches what we know.”

Scarlet shrugged. She’d had lectures with Vanessa and hung out like she always did, but if she was honest Vanessa hadn’t given away much about how she was feeling about Brooke. Scarlet had tried to prise something out of her, mentioning how it was good they had seemed to get along at her birthday party, but Vanessa had just shrugged and said she had to grow up and be civil eventually. She relayed this to the girls, Silky sighing deeply.

“Okay, good. So we know about as much as you,” she said, voice full of regret.

“She’s treating the whole thing as a massive joke, but we know different. We were there when she cried herself to sleep in the flat, we made her food when she couldn’t get out of bed. None of which she fuckin’ ate, but still. We know how much Brooke affected her, even if Brooke doesn’t,” Akeria explained. Scarlet’s heart hurt remembering how badly Vanessa took the breakup.

“She’s pretending that she’s over her and fuckin’ around with Monique ain’t helping,” Silky hissed.

Plastique made a face. “I think Brooke knew how much Vanessa liked her. She felt really bad about the breakup, but she was just doing what she thought was best.”

“Which is okay if that’s the decision that she’s sticking to! But it’s not! The bitch got up last night, kissed her in front of all of us and then probably slept with her!” Akeria sighed irritably, tearing into her bacon roll with aggression. Scarlet mirrored her sigh. That was the thing, she did have to agree with Akeria- Brooke breaking things off with Vanjie was fine, but changing her mind so violently? It had to mess with Vanjie’s head.

“Well, basically,” Yvie began, exhaling a little as she presumably knew what she was about to say would cause tension. “I get the impression from Brooke that she has changed her decision.”

Silky laughed harshly in disbelief. “What?!”

Yvie raised her hands in the air. “I mean, don’t shoot the messenger, but yeah. She was big pressed when V started sleeping with Monique. I think she feels like she fucked it.”

“Well, she did,” Akeria said venomously, just as footsteps came from the little steps to the kitchen. The girls held their breath, Scarlet’s eyes growing wide as she craned her neck to see who was coming.

“Morning!” Nina’s sing-song voice cut through the silence happily, pausing abruptly when she felt the atmosphere in the room. Scarlet felt sorry for her; she had no idea what she was walking into.

“Hey, girl. We made you both tea,” she smiled, addressing Monet who had traipsed in behind Nina in her huge baggy pyjamas, looking every inch still half-asleep.

“Okay, and what is the tea? Because you’re all suspicious as fuck right now. In the time I’ve known these girls, they’re never silent,” Monet raised an eyebrow, taking her cup and leaning against the counters. Silky leant forward, her face conspiratorial.

“We’re talking Brooke and Vanjie.”

“Oh, good,” Monet flared her nostrils as she celebrated sarcastically.

“Good, so you’re about as done with them as we are,” Akeria rolled her eyes. “V didn’t sleep in her own bed last night. We think she slept with Brooke.”

“Well, that was obvious enough when they never came to watch the film.”

Scarlet pulled a face, eager not to jump to conclusions. “Maybe they talked everything out? We can’t assume.”

“Scarlet, come on. If there was talking involved, it wasn’t gonna be U rated,” Yvie smiled indulgently at her. Scarlet had to concede.

“You’re Monique’s flatmate, girl, where does she come into all of this?” Plastique asked Monet, bringing her knees up to her chest and balancing her coffee cup on top.

“It’s none of my business,” Monet threw her hands up in the air. Akeria rolled her eyes.

“Come on, bitch, give us a crumb.”

Monet sighed, relenting. “Aight, well. Monique is well aware how much Vanjie still seems into Brooke, because from what she’s said Vanessa has made that perfectly clear to her.”

“Oh, Jesus Christ on a crucifix,” Silky exclaimed, rolling her eyes.

“So Vanjie’s still hung up on Brooke?” Scarlet asked, trying to clarify the situation.

“And Brooke’s still into Vanjie,” Nina said casually, some of Yvie’s coffee splashing onto her pyjamas as she whirled around to face Nina.

“What?!”

“She told me after Scarlet’s birthday. Shit, I wasn’t meant to tell you guys that,” Nina clamped a hand over her mouth involuntarily, worry etched onto her face. “Guys, fuck, you can’t tell her I told you.”

“Nice of her to let me know, Jesus!” Yvie snarled, Scarlet reaching a hand out and stroking her knuckles soothingly.

“I wouldn’t take it personally, babe. You know it’s like trying to get blood from a stone with her and her feelings. I guess it’s good she at least told one of us?” Nina gave a sympathetic shrug, clearly feeling bad.

Plastique tore a hand through her hair. “So wait, Brooke likes Vanjie and Vanjie likes Brooke? Why don’t they just get back together then?”

“Because like fuck is my girl getting hurt again when Brooke changes her mind for a third time,” Akeria scowled up at Plastique. “And anyone who thinks they’re gonna be good together after everything that’s happened is trash, sorry.”

“Kiki, c'mon. That’s harsh,” Nina frowned, disapproving. Akeria shot her a nasty look.

“Nobody wants to see Brooke or Vanjie get hurt. They’re both our friends,” Scarlet cut in, trying to play peacemaker.

“I’m just sayin’, Vanj would do well to just focus on Monique, who from what I’ve heard actually treats her right. She certainly doesn’t use her like a fucking sex doll whenever she wants,” Akeria spat. Scarlet grew tense as she saw Yvie bristling.

“Actually that’s exactly what their entire friendship is built on,” Monet cut in with a laugh, keen to ease the tension.

“Akeria, come on, we both know that’s bullshit. If Brooke and Vanj did sleep with each other last night it was one messy fuck after a bit of drinking, they weren’t thinking straight.”

“Did you see V top up her drink once last night?” Akeria shot back instantly, the lawyer jumping out. “Yeah, exactly. And Brooke had what, three, four beers? I was sinking more than that in parks when I was fifteen, that’s fucking children’s numbers. Weren’t thinking straight my ass. They both knew exactly what they were doing.”

“Brooke doesn’t exactly know that V still likes her back, does she? For all she knows this is just a bit of fun to her. Let’s not be too quick to judge,” Nina soothed. Silky snorted with derision.

“Nina, I love you, but the blind man’s fuckin’ guide dog can see Vanjie’s still got feelings.”

“Ah, but you have to remember Brooke’s got the emotional intelligence of a Build-A-Bear,” Plastique pointed out, Akeria shrugging slowly and nodding.

“I guess.”

“I have a great plan for you all,” Monet said suddenly, frowning ever so slightly. “Why don’t you just let the pair of them make their own fuckin’ decisions and mind your own damn business? This has nothing to do with any of us.”

“Sorry Monet, but if it involves our best friend getting her heart broke again then it damn right does have something to do with me!” Akeria objected, Plastique breaking out into awkward laughter at the tense trajectory of the conversation.

Monet calmed down, taking a deep breath. “Look, Kiki, it’s hard for me too watching one of my best friends sleeping with someone that’s clearly still hung up on someone else. But it’s their lives, not ours. We can’t make them do anything. You just have to be the good friends I know you bitches are and be there for them if it all falls down.”

“When it all falls down.” Yvie raised her eyebrows and took a long sip of her drink.

“Yvie, you’re not helping!” Scarlet hissed.

As Monet’s words sank in, the girls had a small moment of silence to reflect on their conversation. Before Scarlet had time to generate any new thoughts, however, there came a sharp thud of footsteps down the stairs and Vanessa emerged, her hair brushed, her makeup removed, and wearing plain jeans and the orange jumper Scarlet had seen her wear so often. Her face was grave, and she pulled her trainers onto her white socked feet as she spoke.

“Kiki. I’m packed. Ready to leave when you are."

The room was silent as she haphazardly tied her laces, stood up, and left as quickly as she had come in.

The rest of the day was decidedly tense. Vanjie hardly spoke a word to anyone that morning, and when Brooke emerged she was similarly silent. Nobody ripped into them about the obvious- usually they would, but this time was different. Feelings were on the line, and people were getting hurt. Scarlet and Yvie spoke about the situation with Plastique all the way home, and by the time they both got back to the flat Brooke had already barricaded herself in her room. Yvie would usually try to talk to her, but not today. Today, Brooke was best left alone.

It took her three days to say something.

Scarlet was round at the flat and she and Yvie were in the living room with Nina, watching Coronation Street (Yvie’s choice, of course) when Brooke came into the kitchen, walked calmly through to the sofa, threw herself down on it and let out a small sigh.

“Hey, babe! How’re you- oh shit. Oh, girl, what’s wrong?” Nina sighed, seeing two tears fall from Brooke’s face that she quickly hid in the sleeves of her black hoodie.

“I’m a fucking terrible person,” she cried quietly, still burying her face in her hands as Nina launched herself into the armchair Brooke occupied and wrapped her arms around her in a hug.

“No, Brooke, you’re not. You’re not, honey,” Nina sighed, shaking her head and murmuring into Brooke’s hair.

“Everything’s ruined. Vanessa hates me…and you guys probably all do too,” Brooke sniffed. Scarlet sighed.

“Brooke, nobody hates you. Least of all us! You’ll always have us!” she smiled comfortingly. Brooke brought her head up to face her, resentment in her eyes.

“Oh, Scarlet, come on, I know your loyalties lie with Vanessa.”

Scarlet let out a displeased laugh, appealing to Yvie. “Fuck me, right!”

Brooke let out a sob as if she’d immediately regretted snapping. “I’m sorry Scarlet, that was unfair. Shit, fuck, there I go again. All I do is just push people away and bottle up my problems and never tell anybody anything. What the fuck is wrong with me?”

“Nothing’s wrong with you! And you can always tell us anything. You know that!” Nina shushed her, tucking her hair behind her ears. Brooke smiled gently at her.

Yvie piped up, leaning towards Brooke. “Yeah. And you could start by telling us what went down between you two the other night when we were away, because I don’t understand what’s happened.”

Brooke took a long, deep breath and sighed. “We got carried away…she’d been joking with me all day. Like she was flirting and being touchy…anyway, we were in the hot tub and we were talking about us. Kind of. How long I’d liked her for before we got together, and the fact we’d kissed. And then everything just sort of happened. You know we slept with each other, I know you all know. You’ve all got brains. Things were said…and I don’t think she believes any of it. Even though it was all true. And even if she wanted to speak to me, I wouldn’t even know where to begin…fuck-”

“What did you say to her?” Scarlet asked gently, holding her breath a little.

“That I missed her. That I was sorry. But I feel like she thinks I was saying it because I just wanted her so badly. I mean, I did. I do…fuck,” Brooke sighed, rubbing her face with her hands.

“What happened when you woke up? That morning. You were both obviously…not yourselves,” Nina said, trying to word things tactically. Brooke let out a huge exhale.

“I woke up and she wasn’t even in bed with me. She just pulled on her bikini from the night before, had a face on like she wanted to kill me. I tried to talk things out, but she just told me there was nothing to say. She didn’t want to speak to me…” Brooke hung her head. “And that night, after we’d slept together, we’d just…lain there and held each other. We never said anything, she didn’t leave to go back to her own room. She put her head on my chest and I put my arms around her and just felt her breathing. It was like everything was back to normal, back to how it was. Jesus, I’ve absolutely fucked it.”

This time it was Yvie that fell forward and hugged her as Brooke sobbed, quiet and resigned. Scarlet felt her heart hurt for her. As much as Brooke had behaved inconsiderately and rashly, she’d clearly recognised the mistake she’d made. Scarlet believed that she did genuinely care about Vanjie, that she wanted to make things right with her. The only issue was how to try and make Vanessa see that.

“Right,” Nina said decisively, slapping her thighs. “I’ve got an idea. Let’s go out. Let’s put all of this out of your mind and just remember what it feels like to have fun being silly and drinking with friends before all this drama happened.”

Brooke, to her credit, let out a genuinely humoured laugh. “Nina, I was silly and drinking with friends three nights ago. That’s exactly what got me into this mess.”

"No,” Nina said firmly. She was going to make such a good teacher, Scarlet thought, as she watched the girl’s face snap into a frown. “This time you’re not going to think about V. If she turns up, you don’t interact. If Akeria makes a fucking nippy as shit comment, you blank her. This is going to be a fun night, with no drama. I promise.”

Nina was clearly some level of convincing, because Brooke rubbed her eyes and sighed. “I mean…getting drunk and turning our speakers up so loud I can no longer hear my thoughts sounds pretty good.”

The three flatmates shared an indulgent grin with each other. Brooke laughed, letting out a resigned groan.

“Yves, Scar. You down?“

Scarlet smiled at Brooke so hard she felt her face hurt. Reaching out and squeezing Yvie’s hand, she knew what her answer would be. “Always, angel.”

Impromptu nights out were always the best ones, Scarlet thought, and she hoped tonight would be no exception. To be fair to Nina, it seemed as if it had been a good idea. Brooke had smiled and laughed as she helped the other girls decide what to wear, cobbled together pre-drinks from the random assortment of spirits and mixers they had around their flat, ordered Nina to either skip or turn up songs on the playlist. Nina, seemingly the one in charge, had heard about this karaoke bar from Monet which seemed to simply be a karaoke machine in the middle of a quintessential old man’s pub named The Swan, but Monet had posed it to Nina as one of the best nights out she’d ever had so of course her word was gospel. Secretly Scarlet kind of hoped Vanessa wouldn’t turn up, which was harsh but Scarlet was as much Brooke’s friend as she was Vanjie’s and she just wanted Brooke to have a good night after so much upset.

“We don’t have to message the others, you know,” Scarlet shrugged as she emerged from Yvie’s room in a borrowed red cropped jumper and the jeans she’d worn to the flat in the first place. She got the vibe that this night out was not a fancy one.

“Noo, I wanna see Plastique. And Silk’s always fun,” Brooke pouted, apparently a little tipsy already.

“If we have a night out without at least offering it to Antigua Road it’ll only start more drama,” Yvie rolled her eyes. “Besides, they’re still our friends. Also I would live to see Plastique doing karaoke.”

Scarlet laughed, agreeing as she typed out a message to their group.

Yvie’s Bitch: Ladies, we are thinking karaoke tonight??? Anyone down? Xxxxxxxxxx

okay then: omg yesyesyesyesyesyes!!!!

okay then: can Ariel come too???

Scarlet was glad of the prospect of a new addition to their night. Ariel’s presence would hopefully diffuse a bit of the drama, nobody could exactly kick off when someone new was there.

Yvie’s Bitch: Yes absolutely!!!

There was a pause. Scarlet flicked her eyes over to Brooke, who had an insincere smile on her face as Yvie and Nina did every horrific TikTok dance imaginable. Scarlet saw her turning her phone over in her hand, looking at it anxiously. When Scarlet’s phone buzzed, so did Brooke’s, and she watched as the girl practically pounced on the message.

large incongruous silkworm spiced praline: KARAOKE BITCH????? OH LAWD WE COMIN

Pres that evening were divided up between the three flats, a mutual and unspoken understanding that it was probably for the best if they met at the bar. Scarlet was glad that Brooke seemed to loosen up as the evening went on, and by the time they were in the taxi she was chatty and giggly, her words spilling out of her like liquid. When they arrived the pub was packed, and they nearly couldn’t see the girls sitting cramped around a small table that was clearly only meant for four people but was also the best they were going to get in the crowds. Scarlet didn’t miss the way Vanjie blanked Brooke as if she wasn’t there, going for a hug with Yvie and then with Nina who were on either side of her. Scarlet vowed to speak to her about things at lectures on Monday. They only had a week of classes until the Easter break began, and then they would all start basically living in the library as dissertation hand-ins and exams would start looming over them like a huge stress boulder. Scarlet tried to focus her energy into chatting politely with Ariel, who was sitting beside an already very drunk Plastique. Scarlet had met her only a few times before when she’d been with Plastique on campus, but she’d never come to any big group nights out with the girls and Scarlet wanted to make her feel welcome. Although that was currently hard with the tension between Vanessa and Brooke, and by proxy Akeria, who had a protective arm slung around Vanjie like a mother lioness. Scarlet was distracted from the scene for a moment by Yvie, who had bought her a gin and lemonade. Scarlet thanked her and squeezed up on the chair she was sitting on to accommodate her girlfriend. She felt herself smile involuntarily as Yvie kissed her cheek. Yvie, the drink in her hand, and somebody new to get to know. Those were the three things Scarlet would focus on.

And that worked out. For a while. But Brooke had wanted to drown her feelings and it looked as if she was giving that a pretty good attempt. She’d returned from a simple drinks round with Jagerbombs for everyone (even Vanessa, although as peace offerings went it was one of the worst Scarlet had ever seen) and had been quite happy to sink the ones that some of the girls had refused. Then she’d dragged Nina up to sing a duet of Beyonce and Shakira’s Beautiful Liar which Brooke was essentially making into soft porn judging by the way she was flipping her hair and grinding on Nina, who was dying of laughter as she tried to get her notes out. Scarlet was nudged by Yvie who nodded to Akeria and Vanjie. The two were frowning at the girls on stage and muttering disapprovingly.

“I’m going to say something. This is a joke, they’re acting like they’re in high school,” Yvie rolled her eyes, as the girls got up from their seats and moved in the direction of the bar where Silky was in the queue for drinks.

“Don’t, Yves. Kiki’s only looking out for V, and she’s still upset. Brooke’s taking it a bit too far, to be fair,” Scarlet winced as Brooke hit a note that definitely wasn’t written anywhere in the song.

“She’s trying to have a fun night, Scarlet. But she can’t, because Judge fuckin’ Judy’s giving her death stares any time she so much as breathes,” Yvie seethed, whipping her head around and trying to find the girls in the crowd. It appeared they weren’t in the queue any more.

“They’ve probably gone to smoke. Yvie, leave it, baby. Brooke is having a good time, look!” Scarlet insisted, as the song came to an end and the girls laughed and hugged each other. Brooke almost took a tumble going down the steps from the podium the stage was on, and flopped back onto her chair.

“I’m the next Beyonce. I’ll take autographs later,” she murmured, Scarlet laughing at her ridiculousness. “I also need to pee. Anyone else?”

Scarlet indulged her and went with her. She didn’t actually need, but she also needed to make sure that Brooke wasn’t about to pass out on a toilet floor, so the two of them crammed into the only cubicle that wasn’t out of order or already in use.

“You’re having a good night, then?” she asked, looking at the grubby floor as Brooke pulled her jeans down.

“I’m actually having…the best time,” Brooke nodded emphatically, carelessly ripping bits of toilet paper out of the dispenser. Scarlet watched it fall like gigantic blossoms as Brooke rambled on. “This was the best idea, Nina is…Nina’s just so good with ideas, she’s going to be a primary teacher…and she’s going to be so good at it…they’ll probably make her a headteacher within the year…”

Brooke finished, stood up, flipped the lid of the toilet seat down unnecessarily loudly, yanked up her jeans, then fell back onto the lid. Scarlet sighed.

“Jesus. This is like babysitting. Come on, zip up your jeans.”

Brooke obeyed, her limbs moving as if she was made of jelly. As she did up her zipper and the button at the top, she kept speaking. “I’m having such a good time, oh my God, Nina just has the best ideas ever…you know this whole thing was her idea? She’s going to make the best teacher ever…I wish I had a teacher like her when I was little…”

Suddenly, Scarlet froze as she heard quiet sobs come from the cubicle next to them, and judging from the way Brooke had stopped talking, she’d heard them too. The two girls were still and silent, and Scarlet could see the same hope dawning on Brooke’s face that she felt in her gut.

Please don’t let this be Vanjie, please let it be some random drunk girl instead…

“Shhh, shhh, babe, c’mon. It’s gonna be alright,” Akeria’s voice was soft, lilting through the wall, and Scarlet felt her heart sink. Fuck. She snuck a quick look at Brooke, whose face was blank and expressionless, just blinking slowly with glazed eyes as she looked in the direction of the voices.

“But it ain’t alright, is it? None of it’s alright,” Vanessa’s voice came, thick with emotion and sadness in a way that made Scarlet’s heart crack.

“Vanjie, the goddess herself Miss Whitney Houston told us that it’s not right, but it’s okay,” Scarlet was unsure who spoke next until she realised that it was Silky, her voice softer and more gentle than she’d ever heard it before. She’d coaxed a blessed laugh out of Vanessa, and Scarlet was glad she was there for her. “You’re here, you’re doing the hard part. It’s gonna get less hard every day.”

Vanessa’s sobs quietened, and a huge sigh came through the wall instead. The next time her voice came it was quiet, nothing more than resigned and sincere. “I miss her…so fucking much, girls.”

“I know you do, angel. I know you do.”

There was a pause, a sniff, and a small stifled sob.

“It just hurts that…I’m still in love with her, and I never got the chance to tell her in the first place.”

Scarlet felt as if she’d just been launched out of a plane on a parachute jump with no goggles, safety gear, or parachute. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. This was bad, this was so bad. She looked frantically to Brooke, who had a single mascara tear rolling quickly down her face, her eyes threatening to overflow.

Akeria’s voice was strict. “Who do you love more, Brooke or yourself?”

There was a pause as Vanessa let out a breath. “Myself.”

“Correct answer. Come on, girl, look at you. This ain’t how you spend a night out.”

Another small laugh from Vanjie, meanwhile Brooke looked more broken than Scarlet had ever seen her. Back in the bar, whoever had been singing had finished, and the host’s voice was now booming over the speakers. The loud noise was muffled as it came through the bathroom wall.

“Alright, up next we have the dreamgirls! Do we have the dreamgirls?”

Silky let out a screech. “BITCH! It’s us!”

A little pause, then Akeria’s voice. “Your call, V. Home or stay, what do you want?”

There was a small sniff, a pause, then a scramble from the cubicle. Silky let out a cheer, and Scarlet heard the bathroom door swing open then shut again. Scarlet and Brooke were silent and frozen. Scarlet didn’t know what to say- didn’t know what she could say, so she simply held out her arms for a hug. Brooke stood up, shuffling forward and wrapping her arms around her, Scarlet trying to convey how sorry she was through squeezing her tight. The ditzy, drunk girl from before had been replaced with this quiet statue, and Scarlet didn’t know if she was imagining it or if it had been the confession they’d both just heard but Brooke seemed to have managed to sober up slightly. There was silence, and then Brooke gave a murmur against her shoulder.

“I’m in love with her too.”

Absolutely nothing about Brooke’s admission came as a shock to Scarlet. She sighed, rubbing the taller girl’s back. “Then tell her.”

She felt Brooke shake her head and let out a breath, her ribcage shrinking in Scarlet’s arms then blowing slowly up like a balloon as she took a shuddery, verge-of-tears intake of breath. “No. It’s…no.”

Scarlet nodded understandingly, then stepped back, tilted Brooke’s face up to look at her and swept two fingers underneath each of her eyes, catching her tears before they fell. “Hey. We’re not gonna let this ruin your night, okay?”

Brooke nodded silently. Scarlet knew the words were bullshit as soon as they’d left her mouth but she had to say something vaguely positive, she had to at least offer a speck of hope. She took Brooke’s hand and squeezed it, forcing a grin. “Besides, Silky singing is going to be a mess that we need to experience.”

Brooke let out a snort, a smile gradually creeping onto her face as Scarlet led her out of the cubicle. They washed their hands rapidly then grabbed fistfuls of scratchy paper towels before re-emerging into the bar and sitting down at their table. Plastique, three sheets to the wind, put her hands on either side of Brooke’s face.

“Where were you, bitch?! The girls are doing a song!”

Almost on cue, the lights began to flash purple and pink and a dance bassline blew out through the speakers. Silky’s voice cut through it loudly, the three girls already assembled on stage and holding microphones.

“Good evening, Swan! We are your Dreamgirls, show us some love!”

Scarlet couldn’t help but laugh as she whooped along with the rest of the bar, Akeria launching into her verse in a moderately tuneful voice.

“So you think that you can play around,

And that she will simply stay around,

Did you think that she’d just wait around for you?

Wait ‘til you get the news, wait ‘til you get the news that she’s,

‘Bout to do the same thing, ‘bout to play the same game!”

Scarlet risked a look at Brooke before the girls launched into the chorus. She was sure the song choice had been a coincidence. Maybe not. Scarlet always tried to be optimistic, but Brooke was smiling tightly as Plastique clung to her arm and screeched with excitement. The three girls hit the chorus, attempting and half-succeeding at a harmony.

“When ya good girl’s gone bad, whatcha gonna do,

When she’s out there doin’ the things that you do?

When ya good girl’s gone bad, whatcha gonna say,

When she’s out there playin’ the games that you play?

Whatcha gonna say to that, whatcha gonna do when she hurts you,

Whatcha gonna say to that, whatcha gonna do?”

Scarlet’s attention was pulled from the song as Yvie sat down next to her with two drinks, sliding one across to her. “This is like cats being strangled.”

Scarlet bellowed a laugh. “Aww, come on! They’re not that bad. Plus everyone seems to be loving them.”

She watched Yvie looking around the bar. There were a group of five middle-aged women in front of the stage, dancing around and cheering them on. In the corner, a big stag night group were shouting approvingly during Silky’s current verse, Silky of course winking and waving at them mid-solo. The rest of the bar was either punching the air for the girls or singing along incoherently. Yvie laughed, kissing Scarlet’s temple lovingly. “Babe. Everyone’s pissed.”

Scarlet laughed, shrugging as the three girls launched into the ever-so slightly cutting chorus again. She didn’t look at Brooke, even though she wanted to. Plastique would be looking after her, she hoped anyway. Suddenly Vanessa launched into the breakdown, her voice loud as she sang out into the microphone.

“She’s been watchin’ everything you do,

She’s been learnin’ everything from you,

And it won’t be too long before she shows you just how it feels…”

Silky and Akeria grabbed Vanjie by the waist as they backed her up, making their flatmate laugh as they belted out the last chorus together. Scarlet felt her heart swell up. As much as the whole situation was messy and people were getting hurt, Scarlet supposed it had brought out the love everyone had for their friends. Akeria had said she was done with Vanessa, but she wasn’t, not really. Scarlet could see that as she twerked against her on stage, making Vanessa laugh through her final lines.

“Whatcha gonna say to that, whatcha gonna do when she hurts you,

Whatcha gonna say to that, whatcha gonna do?”

As the pub roared their approval, Silky yelled into the microphone. “Thank you, Swan! Gentlemen…I will be at the bar.”

Scarlet grabbed Yvie’s arm as they both burst out laughing at Silky’s no-fucks-given approach to finding her men. As Scarlet turned to Brooke in the hope that Silky’s comment would’ve made her laugh, she saw with a small flash of panic that her chair was completely empty- no jacket, no bag, and no Brooke.

“Plastique! Where’s-” Scarlet shouted over to her, then realised that she’d had her back to Brooke’s chair and had been talking to Ariel. As the girl turned to face her, Scarlet shook her head. Casting her eyes to Nina’s chair, she found it equally empty. She knew they’d both gone home, and Nina would make her tea as Brooke got upset over the confession she’d overheard earlier. Casting an eye over her friends that remained in the bar, Scarlet did a small calculation in her head. Just over three months until graduation.

Scarlet hoped to God they would all get their shit together soon.

42 notes · View notes

midastouches · 4 years ago

Text

why i love long live (2010)

i really could break this down line by line but i will not micha this is for u honey enjoy <3

Long Live

I had this best guy friend, since like sixth grade. We really only became friends because he started dating my best girl friend and i actually dated his best friend for like a solid two weeks because well, sixth grade relationships :) ANYwho, me and this bgf would talk a lot because we spent a lot of time together because of my bff/his girlfriend. Anywho, eventaully our conversations got really deep and I developed a huge huge crush on him that I couldn’t admit because well, he was dating my best friend.

flash forward a few years later when i finally actually have my own phone and can talk to him, he and my best friend go through this huge messy breakup that essentially means I have to pick a side and can never talk to the other one. I pick the boy that this point i’ve had a crush on for four? years at this point of my best friend (this is actually one of my biggest regrets, and yes, me and girl bff made up later that year on valentines day wow im so bisexual woo)

we end up getting super close, and we talk a lot. i learn that he used to cut himself, except he would do it on his back so no one could see. i would tell him about how much i hate my body, how uncomfortable it makes me and how much i hate eating and gaining weight. we would talk about our depression and the things we hated about high school, and I really though he would fall for me, I did.

He didn’t.

I learned about his new girlfriend later that day at a winter strength and speed session. She was blonde, blue eyes, and i somehow convinced myself that she was essentially going to be someone he dated until I turned sixteen and would be able to date him. I recognize now how utterly stupid that was of me just to assume that, assume someone’s feeling were only a placeholder.

Anyway, high school goes on, and we’re still super close, but there’s now a buffer. I turn sixteen, he and this girl still date. He turns sixteen. They still date. My anorexia gets even worse and my junior years goes to shit. I find it in myself that I can’t talk to him, I can’t be that girl who obsesses over someone elses. So, I simply start to remove myself from him for my own well-being. I put my feelings for in a denial mode and I start to flirt with other people, other boys that make me think I’m moving on, but I’m not.

Because everytime I get a text or a snapchat from him, my whole face lights up and I know I’m fucked.

And to my credit, I was not othe only one trying to convince myself he felt something for me. Countless other people in my high school shipped us, countless other people could tell I had a crush on him and they would tell me all the ways they could tell he secretly liked me. It made the narrative continue and my feelings for him were still buried. I couldn’t tell him, I wouldn’t tell him. I was not going to jeopardize our friendship, his relationship with his girlfriend all because I had a dumb crush on him. I just kept thinking it’ll go away, it’ll go away.

It didn’t, but again, let’s go into the denial phase.

Hit senior year. We barely talk now except for in person stuff, mainly because I’m trying to convince myself that he doen’t care about me at all. We’re both in cross country though so August hits and I see him eevery day. Except that I think the crush has faded a bit, and I’ve got this other guy I’m talking to, one who makes me feel seen and compliments me and is just overall an amazing guy. Septemeber passes by, now I have a boyfriend and there’s homecing nominations coming up. He gets nominated, I get nominated. I joke to my boyfriend that I’m not going to win, I’m not part of the popular crowd. He bets that I will win.

This boy texts me in class later that month, after everyone’s voted and now the boy and girl our paired. He send a photo with the pairings and oh look, we’re paired together. All I can think is fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. There’s a ton of homecoming events, lots of pictures, and we’ll be in every single one of them together.

(also one of the dress up days for homecoming that week is goth day and he gets smudged eyeliner put on him and i just about lose it)

spring forward to the pep rally and we’re all down there, facing eachother, me holding a rose covered in foil and tape with about a dozen other couples surrounding us. I’m looking at him, he’s looking at me.

They finally tell us to unravel the roses and i can’t. i’m struggling. just about every other girl has their rose unwrapped but I don’t hear any screaming yet, no winner has been declared. I’m looking at him and he’s got a damn smirk on his face watching me struggle when I finally get. The homecoming queen is announced when she is holding a red rose.

As I finally get the foil off and stare at the rose in shock, I realize it’s as red as sin. The whole gymansium goes up in a roar of celebration and all the sudden he’s hugging me so tight tight tight and I’m hugging him back just as tight but we’re being pulled from eachother and the other girls who lost are hugging me and I glance back and he’s just go this huge smile on my face and

holy shit we won. holy fuck shit. we aren’t popular in the way the others were. we were just a rag tag team of a girl and boy and we fucking won.

we’re crowned king and queen and the entire time long live by taylor swift is stuck in my head.

the photos of us are gorgeous. the candids, the staged. our crowns.

and everytime i look back at them i just think of this:

I said remember this moment In the back of my mind The time we stood with our shaking hands The crowds in stands went wild We were the kings and the queens And they read off our names The night you danced like you knew our lives Would never be the same You held your head like a hero On a history book page It was the end of a decade But the start of an age

flash foward to today. We don’t really talk at all. Occasionally I see him on a run, or at his work. Occasionally we’ll see eachother around, but it’s never awkward. He always brings the same grin to my face that makes me wonder if he ever knew.

I still love to look at the photos. Every smile, every laugh.

I think I’ll be in love with him forever. I think that a part of my heart will always belong to him, and I don’t think he’ll ever know. But I hope that sometimes, just sometimes I linger a bit too long in his mind as well.

Hold on to spinning around Confetti falls to the ground May these memories break our fallCan you take a moment Promise me this: That you'll stand by me forever But if God forbid fate should step in And force us into a goodbye If you have children someday When they point to the pictures Please tell them my name Tell them how the crowds went wild Tell them how I hope they shine

Long live the walls we crashed through I had the time of my life with you

This is why Long Live is one of my favorite songs. It provides this amazing narrative for me to relate one of the greatest people who have ever touched my life. As far as I’m aware, he doesn’t have tumblr, so he’ll never actually see this, but yeah, that’s kinda it. if you read this far, tysm and I hope you have an amazing day <3

and for one moment a band of thieves and ripped up jeans got to rule the world.

#self harm trigger warning #anorexia trigger warning #suicide trigger warning #depression trigger warning #i hope i tagged these triggers right please lmk if i didn't ill fix them asap #micha hope u read this all #long live by taylor swift #ill forever scream this song in my car #i actually connect this boy to treachorous #the 1 #and a few other songs by taylor #but they all stem like this #he was the one that got away and now im too much of a coward to tell him how i feel #ive written countless letters #to him but i know i could never send them without hurting someone in the process #i don't know if he's ever felt an inkling of the love i have for him #but dear god i want him in my life forever #even if i cant #yeah this is me admitting that basically ive been in love with a guy for about eight years going on nine and ive never told him ahh fuck me #anyway enjoy reading this #<3 #to the mutuals that know me in real life u didn't see this for the sake of my humanity #and if any of u tell him i will execute u with a guilotine i am not going to wreck his happiness #he deserves the world

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honeylikewords · 4 years ago

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B, R, U, and Y for Walter please!

Oh, oh, thank you! I love my dear Walter so much and no one knows about him but he’s my favorite! Thank you for sending in a request for my utterly adored Walter :’3

Now, without further ado... here we go!

(Letters come from this prompt list!)

B = Baby (Do they want a family? Why/Why not?):

I think Walter does want kids... someday.

He used to have a whole plan for his life: serve a few tours, come home, settle down as an accountant, meet a cute girl, get married, all that good stuff. But then all that happened overseas and he was conscripted into Homecoming for “treatment” for his trauma, which only made him more traumatized than he ever could have feared. And that delayed... everything.

After a few years hiding from Geist and Homecoming, safe out in California, in a cabin in the warm, wooded arms of Yosemite, his memories returning and a new, blooming calmness filling his soul, Walter finds himself in love, and, once again, thinking about the future, and in his mind’s eye, the future holds himself, his beloved, and little ones who look just like them.

Walter struggles to feel confident about that feeling, though, because he doesn’t know if he’s, you know, “alright enough” to be considering becoming a father. He worries he’s too broken, too unstable to risk endangering a tiny, helpless little person. He worries day in and day out that his lover will leave him, and if they introduced a child to that and she left, taking their baby away... he’d never recover. Ever.

They do eventually get to talk about it and she reassures him that she won’t ever leave, but that they should definitely take their time in moving towards a child; he’s spent so much of his life in service of others, in pain, all alone, that maybe he deserves a good few years of happiness and privacy before having a baby.

She wants to have kids, and she does want them to be his kids, but he deserves freedom, to taste what that’s like, to savor his youth, before he devotes himself to this new little person who will need him forever, and in whose service he will be for the rest of his life. And while that will be wonderful, it needs to come at a time when he’s ready for it, and not a moment too soon.

Walter, of course, feels relieved to hear that, and it helps him get a more concrete, reassured feeling about his future, his life, and about enjoying this time, just the two of them, while he has it.

So while he’s working on himself, enjoying his youth and his love with his sweet girl, he’s confidently hopeful that, someday, he and his lovely one will have a baby of their own (and many more after)!

Besides, his mom would never let him hear the end of it if he didn’t give her grandkids.

R = Rainy Day (What do they like to do on a rainy day?):

It does rain every so often in Yosemite, where Walter has chosen to live, and on those days, he stays in the cabin. He likes to get warm under a big blanket on the couch, his girlfriend cuddled up to his chest, and put on a movie. He loves to riff on movies, and calls these days in their “Mystery Cabin Theater 3000 (Trademark Walter Cruz And Definitely No One Else)” (yes, he says all of that out loud). He loves to make fun of overdramatic, maudlin romance movies and suggest that something dark is going on behind the scenes, make fun of schmaltzy lines, or point out how dumb and contrived the plot is.

They both have so much fun with it, and Walter loves hearing her laugh, knowing that it was his stupid joke that made her smile so much.

He also likes to cook with her on rainy days, dedicating a whole day to the kitchen, trying something new or doing an old favorite, especially if it’s one that takes a lot of time. Walter especially enjoys baking with her, since he’s typically worked on savory dishes or less finicky foods, and baking is so different and specific.

They’ve made several pies on such days, and Walter enjoys nothing more than eating a meal they’ve made together, sitting side by side, and being able to cut into the pie at the end of the day and taste the labors of their love.

U = Unencumbered (What helps them relax?):

For Walter, it’s working with his hands. Any project he can throw himself into and distract himself with keeps him from letting his thoughts spiral somewhere dark, and if the project he’s working on is for someone else, or in service of someone he loves, he feels even better about it.

He loves to do woodwork in the yard, help with gardening (he’s an especially good weed-puller), or even do mundane things like clean around the house or do the dishes. Some tasks he likes to do with his girlfriend-- the dishes go a lot faster if he washes and she dries or vice-versa, and gardening is great when they’re both talking and digging up the old flower beds to make room for new plants-- but other times, he needs to do it alone.

Walter sometimes needs to just be on his own, in his own space, doing his own work. He can’t always have the energy to talk or listen, and, if he’s stressed out and in need of relaxing time, he might be getting into a headspace where being around other people will only make him more stressed. It isn’t that he doesn’t love her, or doesn’t find her presence soothing, but just needs time to be able to think about nothing but work. Her loveliness would only be distracting.

If not working with his hands and, instead, needing to just chill out and be with someone who loves him, he likes to lay in bed and let his sweetheart massage his shoulders, back, and legs; he’s especially happy if a tight joint or cluster of vertebrae pops, easing the tension. He loves when she puts on some music they both like-- whether playful, upbeat tunes, movie soundtracks, or moody guitar grooves-- or a film they both enjoy, and he gets to lay on his stomach while she works his tight muscles and helps him de-stress.

If he’s in a very, very bad, stressed out headspace, Walter may need to go take a long, long drive out into the city and head to the gun range. It’s not something he likes to do often, but sometimes, it’s the only thing that quiets the noise in his head and lets out the pent up soldier-layover tension inside him.

However, that’s very rare; if he’s going to bother taking the long drive out into town, Walter will get his sweetheart in the car with him and drive to the big mall, the one with the movie theatre, and they’ll mill around the stores, get something to eat, maybe buy Walter a new, ugly, novelty t-shirt, and see a movie. They’ll see anything, good or bad, though they do so many garbage-movie viewings at home that they like to, usually, spend their day at the theatre seeing something worthwhile.

The experience of being somewhere new, not having anything to think about but the story unfolding on the screen? It calms Walter down and distracts him, and by the time the film’s credits are rolling, he’s relaxed and rested, ready to take on the rest of the day with his girl.

Y = Yes (Do they ever think of getting married/proposing?):

Yes.

Yes, yes, yes.

Walter thinks about getting married pretty often!

It went off the radar for a while there during and immediately after the events of Homecoming (both the narrative and when he was under the direct control of the organization of the same name), and Walter wondered if it would ever be a possibility, now that he was so... damaged, by his own estimation.

He’d never seriously dated in high school-- he was too young to, and he knew he’d be shipping out at 19, so he didn’t have any desire to break her heart or his own by tying down too tight-- but he did know he wanted to get married and have a family when his service was over.

Tragically, that was all off-put by the horrors of the Homecoming Initiative and by his need to escape, and it delayed Walter’s life in every possible area. Everything was taken from him, and he needed to build himself back up from square one. Not exactly the best time to be considering a lifetime partnership.

He spent a long time alone, just driving from town to town, piecing himself back together, a patchwork quilt of returning memories and new experiences, of loneliness and claustrophobic surrounding by others. He just kept going, driving along in relative silence, letting the radio fill the space of the passenger seat, and his thoughts would drift to wanting someone there, by his side; someone loyal and loving, someone to trust and treasure, to hold above all others.

He waited, though, and kept drifting, but would pass couples on the street, see them holding one another and kissing and floating in their own miasmas of happiness, and his heart would ache, tugged by a longing he had always known would be there, but had no idea would be so powerful.

Now, years later, as he holds his girlfriend, tender and sweet and trustworthy, he looks at her and thinks about the future. He thinks about the way forever might feel, and about how he may never have to go so long with an empty passenger seat; how would it feel to be a permanent fixture in someone else’s life? And how damn pretty would she look in white?

Though he’s waiting for the perfect moment to really put it all together, Walter’s got plans in the back of his mind. He wants it all to feel special, but honest, never anything showy or splashy. He wants her to have all of him, raw and honest and happily vulnerable, not too practiced or poncey. Walter wants to just... have it be right.

Not like a movie, not like a song, not like a story; just right. Real.

And someday, he’s going to know when to say it. And when he does, he hopes his whole life will change for the better, because she’ll be in it, forever side by side.

Thank you for sending this in! I love writing for Walter so much; he’s such an underappreciated gem!

Send Prompts From This List!

#long post #messages #anonymous #walter cruz #gif warning

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jawnjendes · 5 years ago

Text

shawn meets... | kat

SUMMARY: in the life of a rockstar, shawn mendes comes across some unique people. sometimes, things stray from the norm. (AU, shawn x every one of my oc’s)(continuation/spin off of goth gf)

AN: sry for the lack of writing lets blame a little green dude. no one cares abt this story anymore lmao anyways this kinda goes with @fourtristattoos spooky fest. i used one quote from the list lol and the oc for this chapter is uh,,, fitting for this fest :) ALSO i know it says k1, but this is the third chapter of the series so go ahead n clicky ze masterlist if u wanna catch up

***let me know if you wanna be added to the taglist

previous chapter

kat’s blog | kat’s playlist | masterlist

Five years later.

Despite what the media, the fans, and all of Shawn’s team said five years ago, Shawn has actually been single for six years. Any relationship that was ��outed” to the public was merely for promotional purposes. Shawn has kissed whatever person he was supposed to be seen with, and took the backlash from his fans with a smile. He was supposed to be in a happy relationship with the girl he went to university with, no one needed to know the stress and anxiety that weighed down on him, even after that stunt was over.

Thinking back, it really hurt Shawn internally. The stunt with Camila happened only a few short months after the actual relationship with the goth girl from university had ended. Shawn was just reminded of what used to be, and how badly he missed his ex. Wondering what she must think, seeing her ex-boyfriend go after one of her friends. After practically breaking down in front of Andrew, it was discovered that Shawn and Camila were in this for good, for as long as their careers were standing. There would be “break ups” every so often, but there would always be a “getting back together” chapter of this narrative. Shawn really regretted not reading his contract back when he was 21. Camila probably did too, though they didn’t really speak much during that time unless they were staging a date in public.

In the last five years, Shawn and Camila have broken up and gotten back together three times. Singles, albums, or other projects were always announced following these stories, and anyone who was not on Twitter were able to call out their shit. Shawn knew this shit was obvious, painfully obvious, but there were good reasons for keeping this stunt going.

Shawn hasn’t been in a real, serious relationship since university. He’s been on dates and one night stands, but a relationship in this life was nearly impossible. A typical twenty six year old might wonder about settling down, but nothing about this life was typical. Marriage, romance, anything that was remotely stable… Sure, Shawn thought about it every so often, but there was just no time. Not to mention, his PR team was very anal about who he chooses to publicly spend time with if it wasn’t Camila. In the six years he's been going at the music thing, there weren't any signs of slowing down, and Shawn preferred it this way. He wouldn’t know what else to do with his time.

That being said, Shawn made time for pretty ladies, men, and nonbinary friends when he wasn't bombarded with photoshoots, interviews, and a hectic tour schdeule. He went on dates and the public (and sometimes his team) were none the wiser. His sex life was fulfilled, and he had little desire to make relationships with these people. Other times, pretty ladies reached out to him. Like today, for instance.

Shawn was currently off tour and off writing songs for the month, which was perfect timing for a socialite by the name of Sapphire Venus Lilith. She wanted Shawn to be the entertainment at her 27th birthday party in London. The only reason why Andrew approved of it was the amount of zeros on the baby pink check that was sent in advance. Shawn had been in Los Angeles for one day, with plans to hang out with Aria and her fiance, but by the afternoon, he was put on a plane to England.

He had intended to Google this socialite on the flight, just to see what about her was going to make this random show worth it, but he knocked out as soon as he was in the air. There was no time to stop at the hotel either; Apparently, Sapphire demanded they land on her estate. Meaning, this girl was so rich that she could afford a private jet to land on her massive flower garden.

The property was surrounded by lush green trees and a large field that would have been better for the jet to land on. There was a walkway between the two crushed flowerbeds, and it led to a massive, old school mansion. Shawn was looking at the structure through the tiny jet window before following Andrew and Brian out to the walkway.

"You know how I know you've changed?" Andrew said. "We just killed a bunch of daisies, and you didn't even argue."

Shawn looked down at the crushed little plants, trying to identify the petals. "They're jasmines…" He mentally blew a kiss and apologized to the poor plants, as if they had the capacity to appreciate it.

Then, Brian came up on his side. "You think they'll let us stick around for the party after your set?"

"We're here on business," Andrew reminded him.

"All work and no play makes Shawn a dull boy!"

It was a joke, but there was a certain type of energy to that. Shawn woke up this morning with plans to hang out with an old friend and have some normal fun. Instead, it was morning again and he had a job to do. He went up the walkway, staring at the massive structure ahead.

His condo in Toronto felt like a rickety shack compared to this place. The red bricks probably cost more than a single paycheck he gets. The large fountain in the roundabout had scented water spouting out of it and pink rose petals floating around. There was a staircase leading up to the front doors and ramps on either side. Some roadies were walking up and down the ramps, carrying various types of equipment. An elderly butler was waiting at the bottom of the stairs, smiling politely.

"Welcome to the Lilith estate," he greeted to the three men.

Andrew introduced himself first, shaking the man's hand. Then Shawn, then Brian.

"What's your name?" Brian asked.

"Charles, sir," the butler replied, his wise blue eyes lighting up. Probably wasn't asked that too often.

"Good to meet you, Charles!"

"Likewise, Mr. Craigen. Now, if you will all follow me…"

Charles led the three of them up the staircase. He pushed open the massive doors, revealing the inside of the luxurious home. Note: the outside of the mansion was all red brick and dark cobblestones, but the inside was pink. Soft, baby pink. The walls of the entrance hall were white, but the decor, the knickknacks on the long tables, the artwork on the wall, and the chandelier were tinted with pastel pink. It was the first thing anyone would notice stepping in here.

"Would you care for some refreshments, gentlemen?" asked a maid who had walked in, carrying a tray of - you guessed it - pink lemonades, garnished with tiny little yellow flowers. The maid was in a white uniform, a pink flower tucked behind her ear.

They graciously accepted the drinks, thanking the maid who nodded with a smile before disappearing down the hall.

"I thought just her checks were pink," Andrew commented before taking a sip through the straw.

Shawn and Brian agreed, looking around at the frilly room. The rug they were standing on was the loudest of all, being a bright Barbie pink. Wonder what her favorite color is…

Then, Shawn noticed the pink flower in Charles's blazer pocket. It was the same as the maid's one. He tilted his head, studying the ruffly pink petals.

"Is, is that a carnation?" he asked.

Charles glanced down at his blazer. "A peony, actually. Ms. Lilith recently added it to her staff's uniforms. She believes it will 'boost morale,' as she put it."

"Oh." Shawn shouldn't have kicked himself mentally for the mistake. The flower shop kid in him has been dead and gone for a while, anyway.

The further Charles led them into the mansion, the more pink there was. There were also workers moving equipment, tables, and chairs in and out of the vicinity. The party wasn't for another couple of days.

Finally, they stopped in one of the many pastel pink sitting rooms, and even that wasn't empty. Again, white walls, pink furniture. Giant, sparkling chandelier. There was a grand piano (you already know what color) and a girl sitting at the stool with her back to the others, playing a classical song.

Shawn's heart went fast and slow at the same time. This girl was decked out in a black pantsuit and had long dark hair cascading down her back. Even though she was sitting down, Shawn could determine that she was just the right height. There's no fucking way…

"Ms. Adair," Charles politely called from the entrance.

Oh. There really is no fucking way.

The girl turned her head as she kept playing, revealing a pale face, high cheeks, and a strong jawline. Shawn's insides relaxed completely, but also went slightly heavy with disappointment.

"Is Ms. Lilith ready?" Charles asked, voice going softer upon making eye contact.

Ms. Adair's dark eyes flickered over to Shawn. She stopped the classical piece she was playing and instead played the last few notes of Memories. Shawn didn't know how to feel about this.

"Sapphire had a last minute visitor," she finally said as she stood up, her voice even, professional, and very British. She stepped towards the group, her stilettos clacking on the floor. She was honestly really beautiful. She looked nothing like the woman Shawn was thinking of, but Katherine’s neutral expression was uncanny.

"A visitor?" Charles repeated. "Has Mr. Doyle returned once again?"

"I'm not authorized to give specifics but-" Ms. Adair pointed to the ceiling just as a loud bang came from there. Some debris sprinkled down in the space separating her from the group.

Shawn, Brian, and Andrew were equally put off by this, while the two staff members were unfazed. There were several other bangs following, causing more debris to sprinkle down onto the floor.

"I was asked to fill in for her. My name is Katherine Adair, personal assistant to Sapphire Venus Lilith."

"Ah, you're the one I spoke to on the phone," Andrew said, holding out his hand to shake hers.

However, she turned and walked through the other entrance. "If you'll follow me, we will go over to the garden, where the entertainment will take place."

Andrew mostly spoke to her, asking all the questions that Shawn seemed to forget the moment he laid eyes on Ms. Adair. He usually spoke and brainstormed ideas for how the set would look, but his stomach was flipping. He doesn’t have a type, does he? He wouldn’t be putty in the hands of a girl with dark hair, dark eyes, and dark clothes, would he?

He wouldn’t, because Ms. Adair was very uptight and professional. She remained stone faced when Andrew cracked a joke. They just flew over her head, or maybe she understood them and just chose not to emote. She just let an awkward silence take over until Andrew stuck to the topic at hand.

“So, Ms. Adair, where will the stage be?” he asked.

“This way,” she said, leading them through some French doors and out to the yard. “And please, call me Katherine.”

“Kat?” Shawn tried.

Her dark eyes went over to his. She quirked her eyebrows and said nothing, reminding him too much of-

Brian nudged his friend’s arm as they walked outside. He gave Shawn that look. This girl is hot as fuck. At least that’s probably what Brian thought. Shawn was busy watching Katherine’s general body language.

She stood up straight at all times, her chin up with confidence. She had the same neutral, almost cold look on her face. Speaking of her face, it was white. Very white. The pink blush on her cheeks only emphasized it. But she was still practically flawless. She pursed her lips when she thought about a question Andrew asked her, nearly smoldering. Her eyes were alert when she was spoken to, but something about them seemed different. Did she even blink? She was serious, but not too serious if she gave some type of reaction to Shawn’s nickname for her.

Katherine gestured to the big grassy yard, where the stage was yet to be built. There were workers running around like busy bees, moving around speakers and pink party decorations.

“The set needs to be at most, an hour,” she said, “because after that, we have acrobats coming in, as well as some firebreathers.”

“Wow,” Shawn said, “she’s really going all out, eh?”

“Sapphire does as Sapphire pleases,” Katherine confirmed.

“Are we gonna get to meet the birthday girl anytime soon?” Brian asked, sounding eager.

Katherine checked the time on her black iPhone. “Not until the party, I’m afraid. Oh, and she did want me to inform you all that you are more than welcome to stay and enjoy the party after the set.”

Brian and Shawn shared excited glances. Anytime there was a chance to party, they ran with it. Keeps them young.

“Excellent, I just have to make a phone call,” Andrew said, typing on his phone. He walked in a random direction and pressed the device to his ear.

Katherine turned to the other two boys. “Is there anything I can get for you two? Anymore refreshments, perhaps?”

Shawn looked at the pink lemonade in his hand. He hadn’t even drank it yet. “No thank you. This is fine.”

“Everything is fine,” Brian added.

“How long have you been working here?” Shawn asked her.

“Nine years,” she replied shortly.

“Live nearby?”

“Closer than you can imagine.”

“Is your place pink too?” Brian asked with a chuckle.

Katherine said nothing, only blinking before changing the subject. “Sapphire is very excited for you to be here, Mr. Mendes. You’re one of her favorite singers.”

“Oh, thank you,” Shawn said. “And call me Shawn.”

“Shawnie?” she tried, quirking her eyebrows once again.

He grinned. “You can call me whatever you want.”

Shawn wasn’t always the one being pinned against the wall, but Kat was apparently very strong. She was able to reach his height in her stilettos as she hungrily pressed her lips against his. Shawn was already too hot and bothered to notice how cold she was, and he was too busy trying to wrangle his hands free so he could pin her to the hotel room wall.

It was a blur of heat and panting and kissing before Shawn was down to his boxers underneath her, while she was in just a pair of black panties. His hands felt up her thighs, her stomach, and her breasts with fervor.

“You’re fucking freezing,” he said, running his hands over whatever skin he could reach.

Kat hummed as she took his hand from her collarbone. She looked him in the eye as she wrapped her plump, wine colored lips around the tips of his fingers. Her mouth was nowhere near as cold as her body. Warm, soft, inviting… Shawn let out a slow breath, feeling it all the way down in his groin.

She used her mouth on him, practically begging for him to move his hips as well, only intensifying the feel. Kat was relentless, kept going until Shawn was whimpering and coming hard in her mouth. She even insisted that Shawn didn’t have to return the favor. He probably wouldn’t have been able to muster up the energy if he tried. His whole being was just sucked out through his-

“Let me hold you, I’ll keep you warm,” he mumbled as Kat lied down next to him.

“Or maybe I’ll make you cold,” she replied as she moved closer to him. She nuzzled into his side like it was second nature. “I had fun, did you?”

“Yeah,” Shawn sleepily hummed. Not even the chills of Kat’s skin kept him from dozing off.

She was in the exact same position when he woke up. Not a hair on Kat’s head was out of place, her hand was still open on his chest, and her legs were still tangled around his. Shawn didn’t even feel her toss or turn while they slept. In his experience, the one night stand would eventually turn away from him completely, already unconsciously showing their disinterest.

Oh, and Kat was wide awake by the time he started stirring. She picked her head up, dark eyes alert.

“You need anything from me, honey?” he asked as he stretched his legs from the position he was in. Despite what Kat had told him, he wanted another taste of her.

She shook her head. “I only wish to please you.”

He grinned. “It’ll please me if you let me, I don’t know, go down on you?” He left it as an offer, giving her the chance to accept or deny.

Kat returned the smile, revealing a tiny dimple in her cheek. It was a very cute dimple. “What if… you guide me?”

It got Shawn all hot and bothered again, so he accepted. Kat lied on her back and obeyed every touch and caress that was commanded until she was moaning and writhing on top of the sheets. Shawn had his hand in his underwear as he watched, and he tired himself out yet again, and knocked out.

He didn’t know the amount of stamina Kat had. Shawn wouldn’t remember the hickeys he left on her skin because they would be gone the very next day. The only thing he would remember was just how goddamn cold her skin was.

next chapter

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taglist: @normalcyisoverrated-beyou @justordinaryjen @chillingbythesea @iloveshawnieboi @shawnsunflower @someoneunimportantxx

#shawn mendes #shawn mendes fanfic #shawn mendes imagine #shawn mendes blurb #shawn mendes smut #spookytattoosfestival #shawn x oc #shawn meets fic #i have kats origin story in me noggin #thats why i dont have a link for it other than her blog lmao #'her' blog lol i run it

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rayliur · 5 years ago

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Little Fires Everywhere; Everything I Never Told You

“To say that Celeste Ng’s novels have changed my life is an understatement; her works have saved my life.”

by Ray Liu

Follow me on Twitter for more: https://twitter.com/rayliur

No, I’m not being dramatic. They really did.

I first discovered Miss Celeste Ng through Twitter. I believe one of my friends had retweeted her and her tweet made it to my feed. At the time, I wasn’t an avid reader; I barely picked up a book (and this was in 2016). Fast-forward three years, Ng had inspired me--through her two amazing novels--to write my own novel. But my novel isn’t the focus of this blog post.

See, my whole life as an Asian American was atypically strange. I thought it was just me, an individual who didn’t know how to navigate through life. Somewhere inside me longed to see someone--a successful someone--who represented me in this country. I was born in Manhattan, lived in Brooklyn throughout my childhood and early adulthood, and only recently moved to Queens. But I was born here. In America.

But I never read a single book in all my twelve years of school that was written by an Asian American. And as a Chinese-American boy in his teens, I thought that I could never write a book or even be part of the English/literary realm--because no one would want to listen to my stories. Because I am Chinese.

Of course, after high school, and during my journey of self-discovery, I came across works like Joy Luck Club ... that was it. So scratch off that s after “work.” Just work. I was young at the time, so that was not a book I paid attention to or spent time trying to read it or understand it.

There just wasn’t enough authors who looked like me or understood stories like mine.

Over the years, I’ve dealt with issues--personal issues. And they all stemmed from my oddly dysfunctional family. I’ve tried so many ways to express my feelings toward them and about them, but none of them worked. At least not to the extent I thought they would. And I couldn’t just tell them how I felt at the time because, in Chinese households, you just don’t talk about feelings. In fact, therapy is taboo. I screamed inside every day and night--they just didn’t understand what I was going through; that my identity here in this country felt diminished, on the brink of disappearing.

To say that I never thought about death is a lie.

Then I came across Everything I Never Told You by Celeste Ng.

“Ng,” I thought. “Interesting. An Asian-American author. Wow.”

It was at the Amazon Bookstore on 34th that I picked up the book. I was so excited. I had heard of Celeste Ng on Twitter, but never put two and two together until I googled her on my phone that day at the bookstore, and sure enough her bio popped up, including her Twitter page which I had already followed. I read the back cover. “Death!” I was immediately hooked.

The book opens with Lydia, who is dead. It’s not even a spoiler, because the whole story surrounds this incident--how Lydia’s family deals with her death and how her death reveals all the secrets that, in time, consume the family until everything falls apart. The title is elegantly designed. The choice of “I” instead of “She” or “They” had me thinking about the overarching frame of the novel. “I” applies to every character--not just one. Soon, I was swept into the seventies, where Ng takes me through a conservative society that frowned upon interracial couples, marriages, and relationships.

The first scene in this novel that stood out to me--made me rage and cry in joy--is the pool scene where Nathan (the oldest son) is bullied by white kids in a game of Marco Polo. “Chink can’t find China,” says one of the white kids at the pool (Ng 90). Ng unapologetically exposes racism in her novel by using Nathan as a target for these bleach-blond, ignorant white kids. I was Nathan. I had been in his shoes and reading this scene made me cry--not because it triggered horrific memories, but because I’ve finally found an author who gets it--who isn’t afraid to tell the whole truth, raw and with zero sugar coating.

Then there was the theme of death and suicide. Just to be clear, I’ve only thought about death--never did I ever try to harm myself in any way. Just like Lydia. SPOILER ALERT! Skip this paragraph if you haven’t read this book and are planning to read it in the near future. Lydia hates her life; she was always the quiet girl who got good grades (the stereotypical Asian) simply because she was afraid her mother would run away from her family, again. Of course, Lydia had nothing to do with Marilyn leaving. Needless to say, Lydia’s parents really fucked her up, mentally. Relatable? Fuck yes! Reading proses and passages from Lydia’s POV felt so real to me, like I had somehow channeled myself into her head. At the end, when she decides to challenge herself--rowing herself out to the middle of the lake--by swimming back ashore, she gave me hope. That, shit happens but you just have to choose to live and know that things will get better. Lydia dies of course, because she couldn’t swim and thinking you can swim is very different from knowing you can swim.

Not only does Ng break stereotypes in this novel, she bends the old narrative of Chinese Americans in the U.S. and points the fingers back at trashy white folks--all the while doing it with grace and perfection.

Little Fires Everywhere, however, had little takes on the Asian narrative. But that doesn’t mean she didn’t make a powerful statement through the lens of Asian Americans and racism toward Asian Americans. I’ll get to that very soon. This novel opens up with the Richardsons’ house burning down. And yes, this story focuses on a (presumably) white family--very privileged and very perfect in white standards. It takes place in Shaker Heights, Ohio, a town that was built on order and strict city-community planning. The streets are always clean and the color of houses all share one Home Depot swatch palette. Then comes the wild card character Mia Warren with her young daughter Pearl. Ng doesn’t specify Mia and Pearl’s race or ethnicity--but photos of the cast had been released by Hulu (due to the novel being picked up as an original series on the platform--congrats, Celeste!)--and I believe Kerry Washington is going to play Mia. With that little tidbit in my head, I read through the novel picturing Mia Warren as a black woman with a mixed-race daughter. It’s a great dynamic, actually. Mia inadvertently becomes the mirror that reflects all of Mrs. Richardson’s (and her family’s) pretentiousness and overly saturated life. That’s the synopsis.

SPOILER ALERT (again)! Skip this paragraph if you wish to read this book in the near future. Like I said earlier, there’s an Asian-American component to this novel. While drama ensues between the Richardsons and the Warrens, a subplot underlines the novel. Bebe Chow, a Chinese woman from Hong Kong (I believe it was HK), abandons her few-month-old child May Ling in front of a fire station. The city claims the orphan and hands her over to the McCulloughs, who could not have children because of infertility. Bebe puts her life back together again and decides she wants May Ling back--who now goes by Mirabelle, a white name given to her by a white family. Toward the end of the novel, a large chunk of it is dedicated to the court case that decided May Ling’s fate: to go with the McCulloughs or be returned to her biological mother. During that legal battle, Ed Lim comes in (Bebe’s attorney). Ed Lim is my favorite character, so my review here is clearly a little biased. Ng creates Ed Lim to be someone who breaks the stereotype of Asian men. Ed Lim is “six feet” tall, “lean and rangy” (Ng 258). Wow. Ng is a literary god. As Bebe’s attorney, Ed’s job is to win the case of course. He questions Mrs. McCullough regarding how she plans to raise a Chinese baby girl. McCullough replies that she would learn Chinese herself: but she doesn’t even know the difference between the variety of Chinese dialects (Shanghainese, Toisan, Mandarin, just to name a few). Then, McCullough shoots herself in the foot by telling him that she buys Mirabelle a lot of toys--namely a teddy bear. Oh, no--not just any bear. Because Mirabelle is Chinese, McCullough got her Chinese baby a fucking panda bear. I laughed so hard at this point. Ng is a genius. But what’s most important and to be taken seriously in this scene is when Ed Lim asks if Mirabelle has any dolls, you know, because most girls in the nineties had wanted to play with Barbie dolls. McCullough, confident and chest-puffed, answers him. “We buy her dolls ... one of them closes her eyes when you lay her down...” (Ng 261). This was when I knew exactly where Ng is going with this: the eyes. Ed Lim asks McCullough what the color of that doll’s eyes is and she says, “Blue” (Ng 261). He proceeds to lecture her, telling her that the Barbie company does not manufacture Chinese or Asian dolls. There is no doll that represents May Ling. Ah, America. Fucking up children of color since 1776. And Mirabelle would lose touch with her heritage as she grows older. A young impressionable girl without any understanding (real understanding) of her identity is dangerous. Just when I thought Ng was planning on drilling through her novel with the focus on a white and black family, she crashes through the fabric of her story with THIS! Only a true legend and storytelling extraordinaire can do things like this.

In conclusion, Celeste Ng is my hero. Her powerful proses articulate the issues of racism and cultural stereotypes in America, and the [inner] human psyche--all through the telling of interpersonal and small-scale stories--that majorly impacts the world we live in.

I hope you all get a chance to read both of her books. I would definitely recommend starting with Everything I Never Told You. I love her writing style in both novels. The debut novel interchanges between past- and present-tenses, which is refreshing. And Little Fires Everywhere is written in all past-tense, which helps the reader focus more on the story.

So like I said. These books saved my life. Ng gave me relatable characters that I absolutely cannot find elsewhere and plots that had me white-knuckle through both books. I truly hope that schools across the country add at least one of her works into their curriculum because it is THAT IMPORTANT.

Below is an excerpt from Little Fires that I tweeted earlier. It’s pretty self-explanatory. It entirely captured my current situation with my familial issues. And thank you Penguin Books for retweeting it!

(p. 294, 2019 ed.)

(From Twitter)

Thank you, Celeste! Thank you, Penguin, for picking up her works to publish.

Thank you for reading my thoughts on these two works.

Now, off I go, back to writing my own novel.

Ray

#celeste ng #little fires everywhere #everything i never told you #penguin books #asian american #chinese american

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theyuccaandtheroadrunner · 7 years ago

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Mom’s Story

This first story is the narrative of a midwestern catholic school girl who moved to the desert southwest. My mom, Chris Cázares (Healy), met a Mexican ‘illegal’ immigrant farm worker who she would later have a child out of wedlock with that did not exactly bring delight to the minds of my strict Catholic grandparents. This is her story of why my parents moved from the wet lush and green beautiful landscape of rural Michigan to the arid blistering landscapes of the desert southwest. To my surprise, it was not the reason I long believed.

(Chris on the left holding Danielle)

The transcribed version of this audio interview is provided down below, but if you wish to hear the raw real interview than you can go here .

Danielle: So we’re going to start with some basic information about who you are, so first off please state your name.

Chris: Hi, my name is Christine Cázares.

Danielle: And do you have a middle name?

Chris: Yes, Marie.

Danielle: OK, and then do you mind disclosing your age?

Chris: Sure why not, I’m forty-nine (49).

Danielle: Lets see when umm, oh, I wanted to know where were you born?

Chris: I was born in Detroit Michigan in the suburb of Warren.

Danielle: And where were you raised most of your life?

Chris: I was born [raised?] on the Lake Michigan side of Michigan [actually it was the Lake Huron side of Michigan] tree hours from Chicago…on the lake.

Danielle: But that’s where you were raised?

Chris: Yeah.

Danielle: But when did you guys move to Benton Harbor?

Chris: Well that’s what it is, its just that all the town surrounding: Coloma, Benton Harbor, Saint Joe, all of its combined.

Danielle: OK, well let me get specific. You were born in Detroit, in the suburb of Warren, which is on the east side of Michigan, but you ended up moving to Benton Harbor…

Chris: To Coloma

Danielle: Yes, but…

Chris: Coloma and Benton Harbor are neighbors. I went to school in Coloma, but my address had a Benton Harbor address.

Danielle: OK, so then, but that’s in the southwest cornerish of the Michigan mitten, if you look at the mitten of Michigan, it’s the southwest corner is it not? Southwest, right?

Chris: Yes, yes.

Danielle: So, around what age did you move to that area?

Chris: We were, I was in elementary, I was the youngest of three (3) kids, and I was in first grade.

Danielle: OK so, what is…alright since you lived in Michigan, Michigan’s geography is kind of like low running hills, right, there’s no mountains in Michigan.

Chris: It depends on where your at in Michigan, because the upper U.P. of Michigan…

Danielle: Oh, so that has mountains, like skiable mountains.

Chris: Yes.

Danielle: OK.

Chris: Because Michigan’s license plate says “Winter Wonderland,” we are known for our famous winters.

Danielle: So, you guys are famous for winters, so there are mountains, but in the U.P. Which for those of you who don’t know Michigan is a peninsula, which means a portion of the state is attached to the mainland, but most of it is surrounded by water.

Chris: Correct.

Danielle: But its fresh water because it’s the Great Lakes, and its not like Florida where its surrounded by ocean water.

Chris: Correct.

Danielle: Some of the other characteristics of Michigan is that its extremely green and I’ve always described it to other people as whether you want grass or not, your gonna get grass.

Chris: Correct. And the humidity is always at 100 (%) and I talked to my dad the other day and it was 103%.

Danielle: That’s horrible.

Chris: Its disgusting. You get out of the shower and you have to get right back in, you can’t wear makeup, your hair is curly, even if you don’t have curly hair, you will have curly hair.

Danielle: So wait; when you were a teenager did you ever just say screw it I’m going to get a perm.

Chris:Yeah, it was that era where everyone had a perm anyway.

Danielle: OK, because you grew up in the 80’s right? Right?

Chris: I consider myself 90’s because I graduated in 87’

Danielle: But you had your teenage years in the 80’s and then you had your ‘older youth’ age, whatever you want to call it, with me in the 90’s.

Chris: Yes.

Danielle: With Michigan, green everywhere, forest, the woods-the woods. Whenever you were younger did you ever recognize, or be able to look at your surroundings and go ok I live in a really forested area, theres lots of grass. How did you take in your environment, or do you think you were born there you took it for granted and you never thought about the lush environment you…

Chris: Yeah, I would say I took it for granted, because it took until I moved away to Texas to I guess really appreciate where I came from.

Danielle: So at the moment, in your youth, in your teenage years, did you [believe] this is normal life, its nothing special.

Chris: Yeah, that’s exactly how it was.

Danielle: How old were you when you first came to the southwest?

Chris:I was...Adrian was born in 90′, and we came to El Paso in 1990.

Danielle: I remember I was four.

Chris: You were born in 86′.

[We take a couple minutes to do what we think is math, in our heads, to figure out when we moved.]

Danielle: So you were 22 when you moved to the Southwest.

Chris: Yes.

Danielle:Do you remember, if its even possible, to remember what your first impression of the Southwest?

Chris:I was modified, honestly. I lived in El Paso [Texas] for six months and I hated it and I moved out of here.

Danielle: And we moved where?

Chris: To Deming, New Mexico.

Danielle: And was that any better?

Chris: Yes, because I was used to the small town family thing instead of living in Detroit.

Danielle: Because El Paso to you was like living in Detroit?

Chris:Oh my god, it was so overwhelming. I was having a hard time finding myself to go anywhere. I couldn’t even function, I didn’t like it. And the Culture shock had a lot to do with it because...it just did.

Danielle: Because you went from a mainly anglo Midwest small town to a highly mixed, but mostly hispanic city; Deming was the same way.

Chris: I didn’t even know any white people, its still that way. Which is odd in a way.

Danielle: But you don’t think about it?

Chris: No, unless I walk into a restaurant or something and I’m the only white person in sight. But I don’t care honestly, because I love living here.

Danielle: Do you remember what your earliest memory of the desert is though? Like visually, really.

Chris:It was very different and we came in January. We moved from Michigan to El Paso in a snow storm. We had the biggest U-Haul they make and we did it in one shot. It took us four days to get here. [Normally, without a U-Haul it can take 2-2 1/2 days -- see map here ]

Danielle: So your first memory was of a winter desert.

Chris: The thing is I really loved the weather, which I though was awesome. The first three years that I lived here, I wore shorts all year around. By the fourth year I already got used to it.

Danielle:If you moved here to the desert in the winter, than you didn’t have a summer visual. Do you remember your first summer here?

Chris: I remember you were nine months old and I was stressing...I knew we were coming... I didn’t want them to pierce your ears.

Danielle: But nine months to four?

Chris: You were nine months old when I came here the first time.

(I was already more than a year old in this picture)

Danielle: OH ok.

Chris: And that is when I got the culture shock, but I liked it enough to want to come down here. I knew you were going to start school soon and I didn’t want to raise you up there [Michigan]. So, we came right away...there was only going to be a six months difference before we put you in school.

{I believe my mother as a lot of thoughts going on in her head at this point in the interview, and I didn’t come up with a clarifying question because I wanted to know why she didn’t put me in school in Michigan}

Danielle: Why didn’t you want to raise me in Michigan?

Chris: Because you were half hispanic [Mexican] and half white and I didn’t want you to have to deal with the brunt of that because Michigan has a very high rate of racism. You’re talking about the KKK -skin head- white supremacy being out of Detroit, I know that sh*t.

Danielle: So even though I was considered by El Paso standards now, as a gringa or güera, you think people in Michigan would have known I was different?

Chris: Yeah, absolutely, especially because when you started to speak your dad only talk to you in Spanish and no one could understand you but me. Which is why I put you in speech therapy, I think we screwed it up.

Danielle: I thought I went into speech therapy because I couldn’t pronounce my ‘Rs’ correctly.

Chris: Well that too, but no one could understand you, the teacher couldn’t understand you. I knew I did the right thing, because Adrian (my brother) had to goto speech therapy for the same thing. And I don’t know why my kids needed it because there are a lot of bilingual homes, but you guys both needed it. Adrian’s situation was different because he knew Spanish from the beginning, I think he was only wanted to speak Spanish and not speak English.

Danielle: I thought I only spoke Spanish first?

Chris: In the beginning, yeah.

Danielle: I thought Adrian’s first language was English?

Chris: No, no, absolutely [he spoke Spanish first], and then the girls would talk to him that way. He would say things to me that I didn’t even what they were.

Danielle: This whole time I though I was the only child to speak Spanish first.

Chris: No.

Danielle: This might sound like a silly question, but I always assumed that since your natural hair color when you were younger was naturally black, because it was right…?

Chris: Yeah, definitely.

Danielle: And I kinda had black hair…

Chris: Scottish people are very very white with black hair.

Danielle: Cause I just assumed O.K. my mom has black hair, I have black hair when I was little, I totally look like the white woman’s daughter.

Chris: No. [We both laugh] I think you looked more Mexican when you were littler, than you did as an adult.

Danielle: O.K. because Adrian looked really white when he was little.

Chris: He looked like a white baby. When you were born grandpa automatically told me, “Oh her eyes are gonna change.” I mean you were born on St. Patrick’s Day with green eyes and he comes and tells me oh their gonna change. I’m like how do you know that the baby is half Mexican…your eyes never changed…

#Mom's story #midwestern #catholic school #mom #dad #illegal #migrant farm worker #immigrant #michigan #texas #new mexico

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