#if only there were speedpaints sigh...

[freshluxbreeze]

every time i see daisuke ishiwatari's old illustrations i wish that there was some sort of video or even a book of him explaining his art process because the level of color knowledge, posing and composition ideas stuns me everytime it's like seeing someone who is capable of putting what's in their head on the page. like it would be stupid to say that skill level was/is rare lol but im like. flabbergasted for some reason

[snappydragonsclaw]

you can watch the speedpaint here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uZaACu3TcL0

Food Fight glanced out the window staring into the flourishing forest and town of woodburrow, and sighed. "what kinda skylander am I? Attacking an innocent village. An ally at that." food fight drew his head down. Ashamed of what he had done. The image of striking Scott appears in his mind. "I'm no hero," he whispered to himself. His leaves flattened even more. He then thought of spyro and the rest of the skylanders. "they must be furious at my actions...all of them must hate me for what I have done. Surely they are. I'm a monster!" 

 Tessa opened the door."food fight, I brought you breakfast..are you hungry?" she asked with a plate of toast, eggs, and bacon on the shiny cream and honey-colored plate in her soft paws. Food Fight's nostrils shift, sniffing the air as the scent of meat grabs his attention. Telling by the food fight's leaves suddenly shifting up, Tessa walks over and hands him his plate. She then left the room. As she walks into the living room, snap shot sits on the couch reading a book. "So he's still…reflecting on last night?" he asked, peeking his eyes away from the book. "yeah…I overheard him talking to himself. He seems anxious about how others view him now and how safe woodburrow is now." Tessa replies. "food fight always was big on defeating monsters in such. Now since he is one, I can only imagine how he feels right now…he basically became the thing he was always fighting against." snap shot added, putting the book down and taking off his reading glasses. "I guess when you say it like that…it makes what happened even more horrible," Tessa said.

 "I'm just worried about the rest of the Skylander's reactions. I don't even know how spyro will break this to the minis…they would be heartbroken if they found out, hearing about what happened to one of their teachers. If they haven't already figured it out, that is. They definitely have the habit of overhearing things they aren't supposed to be hearing." snap shot explained. "I haven't even thought about that! When they find out, it will be an absolute mess! Between Spry's stubborn nature and Breeze's temper!" Tessa spoke out. "yeah and not to mention chop chop. I don't know if Ya noticed, but chop chop has always disliked food fight from day one! He didn't like how playful and "childish" food fight is and always the fact that he had troll gens in him. As a matter of fact, chop chop doesn't like a lot of skylanders, including me! The only person I think he actually likes or at least respects with that kinda personality is spyro!" snap shot added.

 " I noticed. I don't know how but chop chop glared at him a certain way whenever they were on the same mission, which I don't even know how that's possible because he has no eyeballs!" Tessa said. Scott then came into the room, still very shaken from his previous experience. "hello, Scott." Tessa greeted the timid fox. "h-hi…." Scott said shyly. His voice was soft-spoken. He held his paws together most of the time and was anxious to speak. However, since the attack, this has only worsened. His tail curled around his leg. "Are you hungry? I made breakfast." Tessa asked."not really…." Scott responded quietly. Scott then awkwardly sat in a chair, grabbed a large chapter book, and started reading.

Snap shot, then looked at the hand that got bit. The bite mark glowed a faint purple. "welp, that can't be good." snap shot said. Scott then peaked over and saw it. "holy fudge! That looks bad!" he said, breaking his usual timid, soft, quiet tone. Snap shot, and Tessa jumped at Scott's sudden change of tone. Scott then noticed and went back to his usual manner.  "oookaaaay…. That was the first time I heard Scott sound like that…" Tessa said with her fur still being puffed up. Food fight, then walked out of his guest room.

Even after seeing each before, there was still a shock behind it. Scott's tail whiffs up nervously as food fight does the same with his leaves upon catching a glimpse of each other once again. "okay, before you two go screaming your heads off, can we sit down and talk?" Tessa asked, sensing the tense feeling in the air. They both hesitantly nod and sit down. Scott sat back down in his chair while food fight sat across the room next to snap shot. The room was silent for at least five minutes until Tessa spoke. "okay, I didn't just have you two sit here in the same room to just stare at each other say something!"  snap shot gave food fight a box of tissues noticing that he's rapidly sweating. "so uh nice weather we're having isn't it?" food fight nervously asked Scott. A moment of silence passed until Scott responded. "yes…I suppose it is…" A few minutes then pass before they say something again.

“Soo…do you know spyro and cynder? I heard that they are quite legendary.”scott asked. Food fight nods. “Yeah, I know them. Every skylander does. Spyro has somewhat of an unofficial leadership role.” he responds. “Are they nice? I heard cynder can be a bit angsty upon meeting her.” scott asked. “Well, cynder can come off as cold when you first meet her, but over time she’ll start to warm up. She’s slow to warm. Spyro, however, is the direct opposite. While cynder hates jokes, spyro, on the other hand, loves them, and he’s very social, often hosting parties and celebrations. Have you heard of the time he hosted a hotdog eating contest? He and everyone that participated had stomach issues for weeks!” food fight said with a slight chuckle. “And also, hot dog thought that it was some sorta sacrificing ritual or something. Yeah, he ran from us for weeks.” upon hearing that, Scott gave a soft chuckle. “What else do you guys do other things other than protect Skylands?” Scott asked. Scott and food fight kept talking as they were starting to warm up to each other. To be continued.

[giant-sketches]

Happy birthday @gentlegiantdreamer!!!  You are such a wonderful and inspiring person to me and I hold you dear to my heart! So for your birthday I made you this art and wrote you a little story to go along with it. I wish you a day full of fun and love! There is also a speedpaint!

I hope you can feel the effort I put into this and long hours of work too. I hope you and everyone enjoys my interpretations of Lilypadton and enjoy the story. Disclaimer: Almost Drowning/Cussing/Pain/Shouting/Monster Transformations

Word Count: 1746

At the start Patton was very active after his first transformation as Lilypadton. That may have been due to him going about the day believing it was a one time deal, but that wasn’t the case. From time to time the other sides would catch glimpses of his skin turning green around his hands and dark patches appearing on his neck. However, whenever the subject was brought up with the moral side he’d brush it off as a trick of the light or some kind of baking material he missed in his clean up. They all knew better though, especially his boyfriends Janus and Virgil.

“We need to go talk to him….TODAY!” Janus was pacing around Virgil’s room with his arms crossed, expressing his impatience with his partner.

Virgil thought it best to give Patton space, but his changes were becoming more frequent. Now things were even worse as their cutie had locked himself in his room for the past two days.

“I know you wanted to give him space, but now he’s trapped himself in his room. We’re the only ones on this side of the mindscape that can help him through this.” Janus hissed and cursed himself for not doing something sooner.

“Please calm down Jan.” Virgil got up from his bed to hold his boyfriend. “It’s going to be alright. Let’s go see him now and tell him about what’s happening to him.” He paused in thought. “Though, I never thought we’d ever have this kind of discussion with him honestly. To think he was like us this whole time.”

Janus touched his scaled face and looked at Virgil with soft eyes. “Are you going to show him? You know how h-” “Yeah I know...but I have to. It wouldn’t be fair for me to hide it when he’s going through something ten times worse.” Janus kissed Virgil’s cheek to reassure him.

Both left the room and slowly made their way to Patton’s door. Virgil tried the door knob, still locked. “Patton? Sweetpea we’ve come here to see how you are doing. Can you let us in, please?” Silence...no wait there was some kind of groaning sound coming from behind the door. “G-go away…” Was that Patton just now? It sounded like he was gurgling water while trying to speak.

“We can’t do that! We have something important to talk-or show you!” Janus looked to Virgil nervously. The former dark side nodded his head as Jan’s nails grew out to a point and sliced the doorknob off. “Excuse the intrusion.”

Both stepped into a darkened and rather humid room. Thankfully, both of them could see in the dark. In the corner they spotted Patton curled up and shaking, facing the wall. He visibly showed signs of changing with his green tinted skin and dark patches all over his arms and neck. “Pat?”

Startled, Patton sprang to his feet and turned to face them. They gasped at how their little buddy appeared taller now, his eyes now distinctly like a frog’s, and his hair showed faded tips of green. His eyes were filled with tears as he had to look down at his friends. He felt like a monster!

“No, no please….you have to LEAVE!” Patton’s voice croaked and boomed as he shot up another 10 feet and banged his head on the ceiling with a loud thunk. He groaned as he fell to his hands. The tears intensified as water seeped from the cracks in the wall and began flooding the room.

“Shit! Hold on to me!” Virgil clung to Janus for dear life as they quickly rose to the ceiling with the increasing water level. Patton was down below still weeping and expanding. His form pressing up against every nook and cranny of his tiny room. “Patton! Patton please! You need to stop crying or we’re going to- gurrglrrglr”

Time was up. The water had now completely filled the room as Janus and Virgil started sinking. Luckily, their froggy friend heard their pleas and snapped out of his distress. Quickly he expanded the room, changing it’s form as he scooped up the two tenderly in his webbed hands. With a kick of his strong legs Pat breached the surface. The room was now a large pond with only a small island in the center. The sun was warm and there was the sound of life all around them, but this was no time to relax.

“Virgil? Janus? Oh my gosh please, you have to be okay kiddos! Please!” Patton begged for his sweethearts to be okay as he set them on the soft grass. He poked at their stomachs as gently as he could.

*Cough* *Cough*

Oh thank goodness! Both were hacking up small volumes of water as they gasped for air, sweet-sweet air! “Patton?” Their vision was foggy from nearly drowning as they tried to focus on the green blob in front of them. Virgil raised up his arms, “A-are you okay?”

“What do you mean am I okay?! Are you okay? You two almost drowned b-because of me!” The big softie was on the verge of tears once again as he leaned in to nuzzle his dark darling with his nose.

“Woah...how big are you Patty?” Virgil giggled. He definitely wasn’t expecting to be cuddled by a gentle green snout of all things. “We’re okay Pat. Just a bit out of breath and-” Janus shivered, he had gotten too cold.

Virgil noticed as he escaped from Patton’s schnoz and immediately started cuddling up to his scaly boyfriend to warm him up. Pat climbed up onto the island, but at his current size of 100 feet he covered the majority of it as he scooped them up in his hand to hold them both closer to the sun. Jan was thankful for this as he hissed happily. His cold blood started to run warm again.

“Thank you darling! The numbness is fading now.” He lifted himself up to look at Patton with a warm expression. “Wow, look at you Pat.” “Yeah, Mr. Green right here.” They both joked to cut the tension. Patton laughed along with them as the ground shook, causing ripples in the water. His size really was something to behold. Still, their joy was cut short, “I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have bottled up my emotions like that and hidden away. You two could have gotten seriously hurt.”

“Oh Patty! We understand…w-we have something to tell you.” Virgil looked to Janus hoping he would start. “That’s right Patton, Virgil and I have both gone through what you’re experiencing right now. Okay, maybe not the exact same thing, but something similar.”

Patton was surprised. “W-what do you mean?” Janus smiled flashing his fangs, “I’m sure you’ve already noticed my face, but have you ever wondered why it looks like this?” Pat shook his head, he always thought it’d be taboo to ask about. “It’s because of my monster side.”

Monster side?! What was that? Patton was obviously confused as Virgil spoke up, “Mhm...Janus, Remus, and I...we all have a monster side to us. Janus doesn’t hide his like I do though and Remus is always shifting so it just seems ‘normal’ for him. It was a huge surprise when yours was revealed. Honestly, I never thought you’d be like us Pat.” Virg was feeling anxious as he kept his head down while talking.

“B-but you’ve never looked like Janus at all Stormcloud. What does your monster side look like?” Damn...that was a question he really wanted to avoid. “Guess there’s no use hiding it anymore huh? B-before I show you, you have to promise me you won’t freak out...okay Pat?”

Virgil looked so serious as he stared at Patton. What was he so worried about? “Awe kiddo, you know I’d never be scared of you! I love you too much!” He beamed a smile that put the sun to shame at them as Virgil sighed feeling a bit more relieved. “Alright.”

Concentrating, he closed his eyes as eight pitch black spider legs spread out from his back starting from the spine. He winced in pain, it’d been a long time since he last transformed. A pair of sharp mandibles poked out from the corners of his mouth; four slits opened up underneath his cheeks in pairs, each containing a solid black eye with a hint of purple.

“Aaaahhhh!!!” Suddenly, Virgil screamed lightly in pain as the transformation came to end with his new set of fangs and claws growing to a point. Janus caught him as he slumped over, huffing from exhaustion. Weakly, he looked up to Patton trying his best to smile.

Patton was mortified as he watched Virgil writhe in pain in his hand. When it all finally came to an end he was looking eyes wide at a big black spider...fuck! His heart was racing as he tried to not physically throw his boyfriend into the pond. Wait! That’s right this was his little sweetie, his Stormcloud, Prince of Darkness, etc. There was no need to be so scared...he gulped as he reached down to stroke his loves face.

Oh! He was still so soft and honestly his spider legs kind of tickled. The fear in his heart dissolved instantly. Patton giggled at how nervous he was only moments ago as he pressed them both to his cheek. “So I’m not alone after all.”

God, Virgil was instantly healed by his Sweetpea’s warmth. He hugged into the green flesh happily. “Of course not Patton, we’ll both always be here for you!”

“I’m so happy right now! You two are the best boyfriends in the whole wide world!!!”

Patton slid into the pond once more as he laid on his back. He kissed his cuties to his plush lips and then placed them right on top of his chest as he floated along the water. All the while they laughed and smiled at their giant lovers' touch.

“This new form is scary, but at long as I have you two I think I’ll be okay.”

“We love you Patton and we’ll always love you no matter what you are.”

The couple laid on Pat’s chest as tiny frogs hopped up from the lily pads to play with them as they enjoyed their time together. All content in knowing that each of them had a little cute monster inside of them that made them special.

[hollycreadisserda]

cozy days

happy valentines day!

i drew my babies holly and acke:)

speedpaint: https://youtu.be/Ue1DgRwpJ0w

also i wrote a story based on this drawing!

if you want to read it, click read more or read it on wattpad here: https://www.wattpad.com/story/258769207-cozy-days ♥

Since we started living together in our small house, Acke always made sure that I wake up in good humor every day. He promised me that he would help me beat all my demons. Whenever I had a worse day, he was there to comfort me. He always made sure I felt better. This morning I didn't feel well. I was staring at the ceiling all night, couldn't close my eyes. I was scared. I didn't even know why. Sometimes you are scared without a solid reason, and surreal thoughts are covering your mind. When Acke asked me, what's wrong, I wasn't even able to speak. After a moment, he just shook his head and kissed my forehead. "Rest today, give yourself a day-off, my sweet blueberry pie." I nodded. Acke gave me a warm smile and gave me a few more smooches on my cheek. He always made sure that every minute I spent with him made me feel loved. And he was always succeeding. Either it was by kissing my neck when we were making out or just telling me that he is proud of me because I cleaned up the bathroom all by myself. I felt love and happiness in my life thanks to him. I've never realized how much I needed this in my life. He hugged me tightly and told me to try to take a nap. I took a deep breath and put my face on his chest. His heartbeat made me feel calmer. I didn't even know when I fell asleep. Though, when I woke up, he was already out. I wished he could stay, but people at our office were gossiping a lot whenever we both stayed at home. After all, I was still his boss and shouldn't give him days-off just because I am madly in love with him. Well, they were right, but sometimes I couldn't help my heart. I was usually forcing Acke to stay in bed with me, but he never really seemed to complain. It wasn't happening a lot anyway, just whenever it was really important. It was hard for me to get out of bed. During days like these, I wished to do nothing at all. I wanted to lay in my cozy bed as long as Acke would be at work. On the other hand, I didn't want to waste my entire day. I knew it would also make Acke worry a lot. Apparently, not having the energy to go out of the bed wasn't normal. I was still new to the whole "self-care" thing and never really felt like doing things for myself, so for now, doing things for him was good enough for me. I texted him that I got up. He almost immediately replied that he is proud and that he loves me. I was thankful for him. I took my notebook. I wanted to plan this day and spend it productive so he can be proud of me again. I smiled. I could imagine how he smiles when he hears that I planned the whole day by myself. I was feeling butterflies in my stomach again. I took a warm shower, used the best shower creams, used conditioner on my hair, and put a lot of moisture on my skin. I even used some products for my face. I didn't have significant problems with my skin, but it just felt nice to wear all these masks. I felt like in a spa. I looked at the mirror. I still didn't like what I see. My lips were shaking whenever I tried to smile to myself. It felt so hard. I remembered what Acke was telling me. "You need to look beautiful for yourself, not for me. I already know you are the prettiest woman that ever existed. It's time for you to acknowledge that." Yet, I couldn't believe it. It felt like someone was telling me that the color black is white. It just felt surreal. I opened my mouth to say that I love myself, that I love every part of my body, every scar, each finger, and a strand of hair. I bit my lip and closed my eyes. Not today. I wasn't ready yet. But I will be one day.

I got dressed in my casual but still comfortable clothes. Sometimes I didn't have the energy to even wore anything besides my pajamas but, I wanted to fight this urge every day. And I was getting better. Things that felt like a challenge months ago were easier now. I was slowly taking steps in my healing. Every time I did it, I was proud of myself. Then I was writing it to my sisters and Acke so they can also be proud. I was so happy they were by my side. I finally didn't feel alone. I didn't know that sometimes you simply need to tell people how you feel. It felt so abstract to me. I was scared that they wouldn't understand my words and feelings and that I am just a psycho. But they understood every word I said. They helped me find peace in myself. It's still hard for me to believe in myself, but at least I have people who do. *** I loved cooking for Acke. Acke couldn't prepare food at all. He often forgot about either adding important ingredients or about turning off the oven. Once, he wanted to do a surprise date for me. He was preparing one of the Anyposian traditional dishes, which are not that easy to cook. It ended up cleaning up the whole kitchen and ordering food from the restaurant. Though, thanks to that, he always enjoyed my food. He never complained, even if I added a little too much salt. If I wasn't proud of my food, he told me that he would probably burn it already. Whatever I did was tasty for him anyway. I wanted to bake a cake. I rarely baked anything. We were usually just buying sweets whenever we wanted to eat something sweet. But today, I had an opportunity to surprise him. I never really was in love before I started dating Acke. I didn't know how it is. I couldn't understand why people love loving. It wasn't logical at all. Why would you do something that might not reward you? But love is not reserved for the brain but the heart. I acknowledge that the little sparkle in the eye of your loved ones is the reward. That little smirk after hearing your stupid joke is what you get. That was the best thing I could get. Him being happy. After I prepared the dinner, I started making a cake. I wanted to make it in time, so when Acke would finish eating dinner, I would put a plate of warm cake in front of him. However, he came back earlier. I looked at him. He seemed to be a little tired. "Hey, do you feel any better?" he said while unbuttoning his shirt. I nodded. It was weird for Acke to come back so soon. "I... I think I feel a little better." "What were you doing?" I described to him my whole day. I told him what book I read and what did I watch on TV. He always seemed to be interested. I was lucky to have such a good listener. "Well, if this book is that good, I need to read it too." He said and gave me a warm smile. I smiled back while mixing the dough. He held my cheeks and gave a kiss on my forehead. "So, why are you so early?" He looked at me and opened his mouths a little. It felt like he couldn't find words. I raised my eyebrow and put the bowl aside. We were staring at each other for a while. We were doing it pretty often. Either it was just for the sake of us admiring each other or us wanting to give another person space to think. He was stroking my cheeks with his thumbs. His fingers were a little shaky. "You know you are beautiful, right?" I didn't know how to reply. I know I am beautiful for you. I know I might be for everyone else. But not for me. I couldn't reply. I didn't want to lie. "I wanted to bake a cake as a surprise, but I guess it's not a surprise anymore..." It was a pain for me to avoid some topics. I hated playing stupid. It felt as if I didn't know what he was talking about. He took a deep breath and looked at the window. The last rays of sunshine were coming to our kitchen. Our neighbor's cat was observing kids who were playing. I sighed and put the dinner on the table.

"Holly...just..."

I looked at him. He came to me and hugged me tightly. I glared at him, a little confused, and hugged him back.

"So...why did you come back early?"

Acke put his face on my chest.

"I was scared that you will leave me."

His breath was shaky. Mine got a little, too.

"How could you even think that way, honey? I love you with all my mind, body, soul, and heart. I would hate myself for eternity if I left you."

He didn't reply. He just held me as if I were going to disappear. I put my hand on his head. I was stroking his dark, soft hair. I could feel his heart beating fast as if he just ran a marathon.

"I know I worry too much. But I can't lose you, too."

Losing people I loved was the worst thing I have ever experienced.

When I was a child, I thought losing is about someone disappearing from your life suddenly and forever. That death is the only way I can lose people I love.

Acke lost his whole family.

When he became a soul, his parents, brother, and sister forgot about his existence. He watched his siblings die, yet the worst pain he felt was that he couldn't talk to his parents again like a son would.

Acke wanted to tell them that he is in a relationship with me, that he is working, that he is doing good. But he couldn't. His parents forgot about his existence.

He would prefer to know that he can't meet them anymore. But he could.

I tried to encourage Acke to meet his parents, but he didn't even want to hear about it. I didn't want to argue with him about it, so I don't talk about this.

At least not that often. Because I still believe Acke's parents would understand. They were some of the loveliest people I ever encountered. They would welcome him with open arms. They would be as proud of him as he is of me.

"You need to understand that you need to think about yourself too."

He sighed.

During my 27-year-old life, I learned a lot. When we think about others too much, we might forget about our problems. I didn't care about what I truly feel for definitely too long. I was thinking only about revenge on Eysha. I fell into the trap of constantly thinking about other people instead of focusing on my problems. When I was forgetting about taking care of myself, Acke was here to remind me that it's time to think about what I feel and what I need instead of blindly seeking revenge the whole time

Acke was the most supportive person I could ever meet. However, he was also the first one to forget about himself.

I wasn't the greatest friend, most of the time, but now I wanted to change it. I wanted not only to learn how to take care of myself. I wanted to know how to take care of other people.

"I want to stay quiet with you today."

I didn't bake the cake after all.

For the rest of the day, we sat on the couch and listened to his favorite music. We didn't talk. Acke just needed me, not my words.

He cried.

I was thankful that I have Acke. That he wasn't scared to show me who he truly is.

I loved spending with him all those cozy days.

thank you for reading what i wrote:) its my first time actually posting my writing so im kinda nervous haha

tell me if you liked it ♥ have a good day

[19umbrellas]

The Great Escape || Ben Hargreeves x Reader || Chapter 6

Description: After the death of your childhood sweetheart you began to have very gory and horrific nightmares that lead to your drug and alcohol problem. After your family found out, your sister admitted you to a rehabilitation facility you begin to see glimpses of your old lover walking about the hallway. Have the nightmares finally drove you insane or is your beloved Ben Hargreeves really back from the dead?

Read and find out uwu

Word Count: 1190

Index: uwu

CHAPTER 6

"You touched her?" Klaus asked, amazed. "And she was able to see you?" He was sitting on a toilet with his trey on his lap as he took a bite out of his sandwich. Ben was standing right in front of him, smiling as he nodded. "Yeah and I think this all has something to do with your powers." he said excitedly and Klaus furrowed his eyebrows. "I... I don't know man. I mean even back then when I was still training with sweet old daddy-o the best I could do was to just... See dead people." he shrugged, mouth filled with ham and bread. "Are you really this desperate to get laid?" he asked after he swallowed the mashed sandwich. Ben deadpanned as he breathed sharply. Klaus was obviously not taking their conversation seriously as he might have hoped. "Klaus, can you please take not turn this into another one of your lame jokes?"

"Hey, don't get pissy on me, man. You're the one who dragged me out of the cafeteria during breakfast time." Klaus said, opening a bottle of orange juice and sipping on it. "I need my nutrients, bro. My body is a temple." Klaus laughed at his impression of Diego but Ben merely shook his head in defeat. "Let's... just go back to the cafeteria." he sighed as he passed through the stall door. Klaus opened the door and followed him. "Aw, don't be like that! You used to love my Diego impressions!"

Klaus was humming happily to himself, clearly satisfied from the breakfast he just ate. As he returned his plates and utensils to the cafeteria lady he told her how much he enjoyed the food today and she just grunted in response. Ben was beside him, tapping his foot to the ground as he waited for Klaus to finish. As Klaus continued his one sided conversation with the lunch lady Ben realized that this was going to be a while so he decided to check out the news on the tv that hung on the wall since the staff and most of the patients seemed interested in it.

He listened to the reporter and his eyes went wide slightly when they showed a blurry picture of a man lying lifeless on his own pool of blood. The reporter said that the victim was a lawyer who got stabbed in the neck and abdomen multiple times and a name carved into his chest. Then the screen cut to a buff man who said that he was a bouncer for the bar next to the crime scene.

"I know that guy! That's my cousin Tommy!" one of the patients yelled. Ben glanced at him before turning back to the news. The bouncer explained that the victim came into the bar ordered a lot of drinks but didn't have money to pay for it then the camera cut zoomed on to a lady detective on the crime scene. "Excuse me, Detective Patch, right? what can you say about this gruesome event?" the journalist held the mic a little too close to the detective's face but  she answered their questions calmly despite her discomfort.

"Do you have any comments about the murder? Do you already have a suspect? Do you think the Wondering Stranger has finally reached our city?" the reporter pressed on. "The stab wounds match the pocket knife most commonly used by the Stranger on his victims however we cannot confirm this yet without further testing." another detective interjected. He already looked annoyed at everyone stepping all over the crime scene. "Now, please, ma'am, sir step back out the yellow line and let us do our jobs." the TV turned off and everyone was silent, patients and nurses alike were all dumbfounded at the horrific news. Klaus was standing next to Ben, with his arms cross as he observed the reactions of his fellow patients.

There were no movements at first until the everyone started whispering to each other in a panic. Their voices gradually got louder and louder to the point where it seemed as though they were going to start a riot but the caretakers and the nurses were quick to defuse the situation.

"Everyone, please remain calm. The police still do not know if the killer is in fact the Wondering Stranger. Even if it was we assure you that we will do the best we can to ensure your safety while you are staying with us." Nurse Elaine, one of oldest nurses in the facility, said in a loud but reassuring voice. "Please do not worry yourself, I assure you that you're safety and well being is our number one priority." This seemed to have cut the tension a bit as everyone piped down the air was still filled with dread as everyone thought about the infamous serial killer being only a few blocks away. Nurse Elaine instructed the other staff to please direct the patients accordingly to start their daily routines. Everyone was escorted out the cafeteria including Klaus as he made his way to Blue and Webber as they all filed outside.

Ben stayed behind and sat on one of the tables as he stared outside the window onto the bright blue sky. He was thinking about the killers nickname, The Wondering Stranger. Why did that name sound so familiar to him. He had an odd feeling in his stomach like he should know this. But he didn't. He quietly skimmed through his memory for a similar name as the cafeteria staff began to clean up the mess that the patients left on their table.

You sat on the same bench you sat on last night as you quietly watched the birds drinking and bathing on the sculpted rock in front of you. You held a leaf in your hand as you twisted it into a knot as you stared off into space. "It's time for your group therapy, (y/n)." A hand suddenly perched itself on your shoulder, bringing you back to earth as you noticed Nurse Millie smiling down at you. "Oh my, you don't look too good, dear. Are you alright? I didn't see you at breakfast." She looked at you worriedly. You nodded reassuringly before saying, "I had a bad dream last night and I just.... lost my appetite, I guess."

"Oh, alright then." She said."Still you must be starving. Here take this." she handed you a (f/chocolate bar). "It's my favorite" she said. "You should eat something to start off your day. Even if it's just chocolate." you thanked her and placed the bar into your pocket before standing up. Nurse Millie walked inside and led you to a room where every sat in circle and talked about their experiences when they were under the influence of certain substances. Everyone stopped and looked at you as you walked in with Nurse Millie.

She whispered something to the therapist as you looked at the people in this room. You didn't recognize any of the faces other than Klaus who was smiling at you and waving his hand. You waved back, still feeling a bit awkward after crying to him last night but the look on his face made you loosen up a bit. "Alright everybody, meet your new circle group mate, (y/n)." Everyone said "Hi (y/n)" simultaneously and greeted them back. "Grab a chair over there (y/n) so we can get started." You nodded and grabbed a metal chair over at the other side of the room and placed it next to Klaus who was gesturing for you to come sit next to him. Once you were comfortable, you shot a grateful nod to Nurse Millie before she smiled and left.

"Alright, so where were we? Ah, yes, Luke, you were saying about your mother?" one of the patients nodded and picked up where he left off before you came in.

A.N.: Heyyy!

Sorry for the late update, I’ve been working on some fanart huhu, yes I draw fanart... well I only drew two so far Q-Q. I’ll be posting it later on my main blog, @pipschtick, along with a speedpaint on Youtube! So if you’re interested in that stuff just follow that blog or something huhu.

Taglist:

@purple-alien-monkey @sweetkenzo @rougemme @padfootz-princess

[authorkimberlygrey]

“You’re gonna get us in trouble...again.”

Speedpaint here 

and here is this week’s short story: 

Glory was beginning to wish that he’d stayed home after all. When Papa had offered to take him with her he’d thought they’d be doing something exciting. Instead, they’re standing around talking.  If he’d wanted to stand around and listen to grown-ups talk he could go anywhere.

Instead, he’s in the healing ward which is even worse than the normal places grown-ups stand around and talk in because he has to be quiet in the healing ward. He tugs on Papa’s hand, hoping that he’ll take the hint and quit talking. He doesn’t, he just lets go of Glory’s hand and pats him on the head.

Glory scowls at her and sighs. Papa keeps talking. He sighs louder. The healer he’s talking to notices and smiles at him. “Why don’t you go see if Clemency is done with Honor’s lesson for today?”

Glory doesn’t know who Honor’s supposed to be but anything would be better than standing here. The healer points him down the hall and to an open doorway. The room is filled with strings of drying herbs and jars of medicine. Glory wrinkles his nose at the smell.

To his surprise, there’s another boy in the room around his age. He’s following another healer around as she shows him the difference between two leaves that look pretty much the same to Glory. The healer looks up when Glory steps into the room, “hello,” she says, sounding a little bit confused. “Can I help you?”

Glory hesitates for a second, “one of the healers told me to see if Honor was done with his lesson for today?”

The healer’s face clears. “You must be Unity’s boy, is your father still talking to Peace isn’t he?”

Glory nods, scowling a little.

The healer smiles softly, “well if Honor would like to go play then he’s welcome to.” She looks down at the boy and he smiles brightly up at her.

“Can I?” he asks, voice eager.

“Run along,” the healer says, “but quietly.”

“We will,” Honor and Glory reply in unison, grinning eagerly at each other.

They dart out of the herb room and down the hall. Glory sneezes as the smell leaves his nose. “I don’t know how you can stand that stuff.”

“You get used to it,” Honor replies with a shrug. “What are you doing in the healing ward?” He takes a step back, “you’re not sick are you?”

Glory shakes his head. “No, my Papa is talking to someone.”

“Oh,” Honor says, a little quieter. “My Papa is sick.” He brightens quickly, “I’m learning to be a healer though and so I’ll be able to make him better. I’ve read a ton of books.” He puffs his chest out proudly, wings flaring a bit.

“Being a healer is boring.” Glory tells him. “My Papa is a soldier and I’m gonna be one too. He protects the queen. And before her, he protected the king.”

Honor scowls at him. “My Papa is a soldier too, but he says that Healers are the ones who fight the real battles. Soldiers only fight White-Wings but Healers fight tons of different stuff.”

Glory frowns at him but he can’t really think of an argument and he doesn’t want to fight with Honor because if he does then he’ll have to go stand with Papa while he talks and he’ll be bored all over again. “Do you want to play something?” He asks instead.

Honor thinks for a moment, eyeing Glory suspiciously. “Are you a tattletale?”

Glory’s wings bristle. “No, I’m not.”

Honor looks at him for a minute more, eyes squinted. “Are you sure?”

“I haven’t tattled once.” Glory insists.

That convinces Honor and he nods. “Then let’s go on an adventure.”

“An adventure?”

“I know a way out of the city,” Honor says proudly, “My mama took me once. We can go out there and find herbs like a real healer.”

“But I want to be a soldier.”

“You can guard me,” Honor says, “like a real soldier.”

“Alright.”

Honor smiles and takes his hand and they dart out of the healing ward. No one takes notice of them as they race through the city. Glory loses track of where they are at some point, but Honor seems to know where he’s going so Glory just holds his hand tighter.

Then they’re in the forest. Its louder than Glory thought it would be. Leaves rustle and animals and bugs make noises to each other. It's darker too, the sun is blocked by all the plants and only makes it to the ground in little patches.

“Come on,” Honor says, tugging his hand. “I see some stuff over here.”

Glory follows after him, but he’s suddenly feeling a tiny little bit less brave. “Maybe we should stay close to here,” he says, “so we can find our way back.”

“It’ll be okay,” Honor says, “If we need to go back we can just retrace our steps! I know lots of stuff about the forest, I’ve read three books on it.”

“Three?” Glory asks, impressed.

“Yeah, and they didn’t even have that many pictures.” Honor brags.

“Wow,” Glory whispers to himself.

“Yeah, so I know what I’m doing.” Honor takes his hand again and tugs him deeper into the trees. As they walk, Honor points out plants to him, “that one’s a burrower root, you can eat them. And that’s one’s...uh...that one’s just a plant I think.”

“What’s this one?” Glory asks, pointing to a plant with red flowers about as tall as his knee.

“That’s a flower.”

“But what kind of flower?”

Honor takes a step closer and perks up once he sees the leaves. “That’s fever-balm, you chew it up and it makes your fever go away.”

“We should get some for your Papa,” Glory says, reaching out for a stem.

Honor smacks his hand away. “You gotta be careful when you pick herbs,” he says, “if you’re too rough with them then you can mess them up.”

“That sounds dumb.” Glory frowns.

“Its what Clemency told me,” Honor says with a scowl. “And I’m the one who’s gonna be a healer so you’ve gotta listen to me.”

“No, I don’t.” Glory argues. “Soldiers don’t have to listen to anyone but the queen.”

“Do to! Papa says that Healers get to tell soldiers what to do all the time and they have to do it. He always listens when healers tell him what to do.”

Glory glares at him, but Honor isn’t paying attention.

He’s already bending down next to the flower and gently plucking individual leaves off of the plant. “See?” he says, “you just gotta take the leaves off so the plant can grow more.” he gives Glory the first handful and goes back for more.

“They make my skin tickle,” Glory says after a moment.

“They’re supposed to.” Honor says, “that’s probably the medicine.”

Glory rubs one of the leaves up and down his arm, laughing at the trail of tingles that follow it. “I wanna be a healer.” He decides. “This is fun. “

Honor wrinkles his nose, “no you don’t. It's mostly boring. This is the fun part.”

“Well, I just want to do this part then.”

“That’s not fair.” Honor tells him, standing up. He has a handful of leaves too and the plant looks a little bare. “We should leave the rest so the plant can recover.”

Glory nods. “Should we head back then?”

“Yeah.”

Glory turns and looks for the clearing they came from. All of the plants look the same. Beside him, Honor is very quiet. Glory glances at him and sees that Honor is looking at him. “Do you know the way back?” Glory asks in a whisper.

“Yes!” Honor says, sounding insulted. “Its just...this...way?” he looks at Glory.

“Is it?” Glory asks.

“Well, maybe its this way,” Honor points in the opposite direction. Glory drifts a step closer to him so that their wings brush. Suddenly the forest seems impossibly big.

“We should just pick a direction and go.” Honor says. “We’ll find it eventually.”

“No, we should stay here.” Glory argues. “Someone’s gonna come looking for us and it’ll be easier if we stay in one spot.”  

“But if someone finds us we’re gonna get in trouble,” Honor whines.

“Being in trouble is better than being lost.”

Honor doesn’t look all that convinced, but before he can argue there’s a familiar shout. “Glory! Honor!”

“Mama!” Glory calls back, “we got lost!”

A second later both of his parents come through the wall of leaves along with a woman that must be Honor’s mother. Glory’s parents sweep him up into their arms and crush him. “Never scare me like that again,” Mama whispers to his hair.

Glory feels tears burning in his eyes and he buries his face in her neck. “I’m sorry,” He sobs. “We were just getting herbs for Honor’s papa.”  He holds up his handful of leaves to show her. They’re a little bit crushed now but they’re mostly okay.

“Its Fever-Balm,” Honor says, sounding a little tearful himself.

His mother gingerly takes a leaf from him, “Oh darling no, it's not,” she sighs. “Let’s get the both of you back to the healing ward.”

***

“I think I’m gonna be a soldier again.” Glory says as Clemency wraps his hands with bandages and ointment. The tingles have faded and now his hands are red and itchy and there are spots on his arms where he rubbed the leaves.

“Don’t scratch,” Clemency reminds him, putting balm on the spots.

Honor is quiet until all the grown-ups have stepped away to talk and then he leans over and promises in a whisper. “Next time I’ll bring my plant book.”

“Next time?”

“My mama says the only way to learn is to keep going after you make a mistake,” Honor says.

Glory thinks about it for a minute. “Next time I’ll bring some yarn too, so we can leave a better trail.”

“You’re a good friend.” Honor says, leaning his forehead against Glory’s. “We’re gonna be best friends.”

“Forever?” Glory asks.

“Forever.” Honor agrees.

[Ascendant is my upcoming christian fantasy novel about Guardian angels. My WIP page for desktop users is Here you can read the first chapter Here

and the post for mobile users is Here and you can read the first chapter on Wattpad Here Summary:

For hundreds of years, war has raged across the realm of Guardian Angels. White-Wing against Black-Wing. Grace is the Saboteur, daughter of the White-Wing Spy Master, destined to end the war once and for all. But all of that is snatched away when she is captured by the Black-Wings. Trapped in their secret city, Grace finds herself questioning everything she’s ever been told. About her enemies, and about herself. ] Tag List: @wingedcatwblr @angelwriteblr  @elaynabwriting

@nightskywriter @panticwritten

@ill-write-when-im-dead @ceejay-silvertongue

@emberris @itwasanalaskanbookworm @ragethegemini @boothewriter

@hazeywrites @chargeofastar @kainablue @mezvii @inexorableblob

@quilloftheclouds

If you’d like to be added or removed from the list just shoot me a note

[thefallenarbiter]

READ ME!!!!!

>>>>>>> NOTE!!! DRAWING WITH EVERYONE's CHARACTER WHO WAS NOTIFIED TO THIS POST IS TOWARDS THE MIDDLE!!<<<<<<<<

SPEED PAINTS/ PROCESS OF ART

---------HERE 1. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e_ZxtQ6RhA4 HERE ---------

2. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vys4D71bgAw&feature=youtu.be

  3. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=592zJhAAFok

STORY WITH DRAWING DOWN HERE

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Midnight Trick and Treat

“This is the perfect chance to take all those snacks,” Olive said with such glee that I had to glance over to make sure they didn't hear her. Evia hushed her before she could let out another booming cry of desire. Olives ears quickly perked down, a pout was on her face from being hushed. I watched as Evia rolled her eyes but gave a quick lick to her ears. The fur on Olive's cheeks somehow turned a rosy red from blushing. But her ears perked back up, a wolfy grin was on her face again.

I held in a groan. This was was not a good plan. We were hidden between the grass, its long blades kept both me and Olive hidden but Evias horns poked through when she shifted her weight. Looking back at the ground I watched as they chatted between one another. I noticed a pattern as one would move their mouths and the others would laugh not long after. Olive followed my gaze but her eyes were stuck on the unguarded bags of treats.

A devilish grin formed on Olives face, ”We gotta get those treats. Ill split all the bags with you two.” she said.

“I dunno Olive, It doesn't sound like a very good-” I stopped when I looked back over at Olive. A grin was placed on her mouth while her eyes tarted between me and the treats. I nearly shivered when I looked at Evia. Half her face was hidden behind Olives but I could see her eyes narrowed dangerously at me with a scowl. When our eyes met she started to mouth something to me. I stared at her mouth, what is she trying to say to me-..Oh. Her claws began to tap the ground impatiently.

I laughed softly, ”Oh god Olive, I knew leaving all the ideas to you was just a fantastic idea! Nothing will go wrong!” I said with the biggest, fakest smile I could muster. You couldn't blame me for lying. You really couldn't when you were stuck between pleasing a giant warrior and a tiny dog who could make you regret anything if you upset her.

“S-so what's our plan?” I asked, the tapping stopped. I held back a sigh of relief at least one of them is pleased with my answer.

“Oh it's pretty simple, we're gonna sneak up right up to them and they won't even notice a thing! It's gonna be great!”

Oh my god, we're going to die. Were so dead. Dead,dead,dead. She's going to get us killed! I laughed nervously. Maybe I can eat a few candies before they catch us. Yeah, that sounds less bad than dying on an empty stomach I thought. The panic I was feeling felt less bad when I thought of this.

“Well, we better get this over and done with! I'm just DYING to get all that candy.”

Olive must have agreed with me because her face lit up but quickly disappeared in the mass of grass as she crawled away.

Evia smirked at me, ”If all hell breaks loose and I have to choose one of you, I'm choosing Olive.” her smirk widened when my eyes grew in size with my mouth agape. She quickly slithered after Olive. I stayed where I was for a moment before following suit. The grassed softly brushed my sides as I crawled through slowly. When I lost sight of Evia I peeked my head out to see a large white wolf sitting on a bench. I tilted my head as a bag of candy was right under them. They were distracted by the messages on their phone. I peered at the candy and nearly sighed in relief. The wire was under their leg to keep it from falling which meant one less person after us during the run.

I quickly hid back into the safety of the grass and proceeded to follow the scent of both Evia and Olive. My ears tilted towards the left at the sound of rushing water. I suddenly felt thirsty but pushed on. I spent a few seconds crawling before stopping. Evia was facing me and when she saw me she pushed me past her. When I was right next to Olive she stopped, I glanced around than stared at Olive puzzled.

Her eyes moved to the area ahead of us, I followed her gaze than wished I had made them both upset. The group was right in front of us, each one chatting away as their bags laid helplessly on the bench closest to them. I looked back at Olive who looked at me expectantly. I quickly looked away so she wouldn't see my panicked expression.

I slowly began to crawl forward and paused when one of them shifted more than 60 degrees. When I made it to the bench safely, I observed the bags, each had different animals which held the candies inside. I slowly moved my head forward, grabbing of the largest bag which Evia helped me put down. Once it was released she had a firm hold on the end. I then grabbed ahold of two sets of strings, I pulled softly until the bags were softly nestled on the ground. Olive reached forward, bit onto the wires and held them in her mouth like Evia.

I glanced at the last bag, it's pumpkin eyes staring intently at me. I gulped nervously. I

slowly took a step forward with my head outward to bite the string. With a snap, the twig underneath my claws broke in half. Any conversation that the group had halted, they all turned towards me all at once to see the source of the noise.

I smiled nervously, ”Hello! My name is Sona. It's nice to meet all of you-” I paused when Olive and Evia made a run for it. The group let out shocked cries looking between me and the runaways. I bit into the wire and made a dash for it. The sounds of feet stomping and yelling were right behind me. This is all Olives fault.

Birthday gift for @Spoopy-snek

Don't kill me pls

So For your bday, I decided to draw a group picture that involves your friends. Side note I'm sorry if I forgot anyone. I tried finding everyone and drawing them but again I'm sorry if I forgot anyone.;n; But If I did miss any close friend go ahead and comment saying that you were forgotten so when I do something big like this again I can add all her friends.

Happy Birthday old lady!!!! I hope you have a fantastic bday and get to celebrate it, friends and family. DONT DO DRUGS. Drugs are restricted on your bday and I will steal all dem drugs for myself >: ) BUt ANyway… Happy birthday to my closest buddy! <33333 You mean so much to me and always got to use your bday as a way to spoil you with love and art cuz you deserve it!!! Even tho you're a major butthead but two can play with fire!!! I really hope you have a fantastic day!! you so much. I'm so thankful to have met you and I can't believe we've been friends for 6 years???!!! Wow, time really flies I can't believe we're so old now. You meet me when I was basically a smol gorl. Like much wow were both getting so freaking old. (as my lollipop decides that falling is a better idea than living,,,) But again I'm so freaking thankful we're friends, you've been there for me for so long and I can't thank you enough for sticking with my ugly butt. You helped me through much whether it be mentally or with anything. You've been there for me and when I get money I'm gonna try to repay you for everything that you've helped me through with gifts. You're my closest friend Olivia and without you, I would be in a different place. I doubt I would be the same if it weren't for you. You always had my back no matter once. Every time I lost someone close to me whether it be family or relationship wise you've helped me stay strong and keep going. Honestly ilu so much you big softy and I'm so sorry we don't hang out enough. I really want to return the favor and help you in any way I can because you're my best friend Olivia. Were both total nerds and goofballs who love videos games way to much and basically kill our characters lmao. I can't wait to spend the rest of our life as besties. We need to seriously meet in person tho. We have been friends for so long but I only ever see you through your photos. We have to meet eventually because your my best friend and we've been through thick and thin together. If we don't meet I'm sending the squirrel after you!!!! I'm so glad we have each other even if we lost all our other friends through time even tho I miss them, I can't wait to spend our time together through hell and heaven. We're gonna kick life's butt and get through everything together. Hopefully, we both can hang out more often because we're both busy bees and never get the chance ;n; I still can't believe we both happened to join DA around the same time and managed to start talking right after. If it weren't for you I would have been dead on that website a year after I joined. Anyway, ilu and I wish you the biggest Happy Birthday you spoopy butt. I would attempt to give you the biggest hug I can muster but my arms are too short :,,,D

Explanation of each drawing

Golden Skull Zayn with Olive ----- When I did the three doodles in the speedpaint I was planning a creepy vibe with each one. So for this one I wanted to show off the fact that parts of Zayn are indeed made of gold. It was meant to go with his design just to fit the color combo but I decided that any character that has future sight have gold parts to them. It would be very rare for a kaian to have all gold bones but I figured it would fit the prophet when they start to loose their mind to the visions. There's always a price to pay when you can see into the future. Poor Olive just happened to be around when he ripped the skin off during one of his major visions. But don't worry she lives and he gets his face back.

Sona and Loch ------- I wanted to have Sona soothing one of Lochs sessions of pain. Not much to say here other than I wanted to have her kind of grumpy looking and comfort him since in our story for them she kinda uses him for bad to get what she wants so she gets a body.

Olive's Secret Protector ---------- Again not much to say other than Evia is using her dark powers to blend into the shadows to keep an eye on olive.

Run Run from the Scary Mob ------ The main drawing that I spent the most time on that comes with a speedpaint. For this one I wanted to show off our main characters plus a side character that she loves. When I made this I realized I wanted to make it big just for Olivia so I decided to include all her friends that I could think of or find. Each character is dressed in something to show off the fact that each one is trick and treating for Halloween. I'm pretty proud of how everyone turned out and how most the background turned out.

Experiment Brewing ------ A little sketch where I had an idea that maybe Olive wasn't a real Kaian and was actually a experiment made by the banished shadow go. I like the idea that maybe he made her so he could put himself into a form onto the home planet of the Kaians than seek the other gods out for revenge. This was before he used Evia as a host even if she's in control. He hoped that when Olive was ready he could take her body over. Sadly the scientist who made her on the home planet did not complete the project and Olive had gone missing when the lab was destroyed. Funny thing is that not long after Olive was found by Evia when in a field of flowers. The god believes Olive is dead but I like to think that he takes over Olive during the final battle to use her to summon him when the other banished god is summoned by Calla. If he did succeed in taking her body over than she would look like her portals. I like the idea of the gods portals and powers looking like this but his are purple. The crystals on her help power the portals and powers she uses which are basically just like the gods expect weaker since she couldn't handle all his power in her body.

Selfie ----- A head doodle to show off Olives looks frontview. First concept sketch of how she would look. Also based on one of Olivia's doodles of Olive with crystals imbedded in her body. I decided to expand on that.

Design ---- A design for Olivia to repay the design she made for me >:0

Thirsty as heckles ---- Olive ready for some Evia but decided on the way to bed that she also likes Zayn a lot. Evia stops what they planned to go find Zayn.

Official Design for Olive as a experiment ---------. I wanted to show off the fact that she would be constantly dripping from the gods powers that she barely holds in her body.

This is War ------- Zayn has a vision in a different timeline where Olive chooses Evia over him and betrays him by killing him. He mistakes it for it being in this timeline and plans to repay the debt by killing them first. Looks like everyone has to fight with the person they love eventually.

Left to right are the corresponding characters belonging to their creators

Big brown and green wolf, Evia dressed as Dracula belongs to me

Tiny yellow doge, Olive wearing snake onesie belongs tp @spoopy-snek

smol purple and blackbird, Sona dressed as a messed up Egyptian belongs to me

spooky dog on a broom, Ney dressed as a witch belongs to @neyzilla

Purple dragon in sleeping wear, Hobbes dressed in a dragon onesie belongs to @hobbledragon

Tall skelelly boi being attacked by hungry doggy, Calabaza dressed as a skelly belongs to @anxietywithaspook

The white dog that shakes, Milk belongs to @milkfake

Mummy that is so done with you, Wilhelm dressed a mummy belongs to @wilhelm-the-undead-man

A woman who wants her candy back, Shaman dressed as a literal Shaman belongs to @missmcgregor

[enigmasalad]

(This fic is based off of Crystal Cat’s sanders sides horror au speedpaints on youtube. NOW WARNINGS THIS CONTAINS KNIVES, BLOOD, STABBING, ANXIETY AND DEATH. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.) Patton sighed as he washed the dishes. This past year had been hell. Patton had no clue of how it started but it hit fast and hard on everyone. Especially Virgil. Most nights Patton could hear Virgil crying in his room, alone and in the dark. He noticed Virgil had a harder time controlling himself or calming down. This in return harmed Thomas. Thomas had pushed everyone away and locked himself away In his home. Thomas had tried so hard to stabilize himself at the beginning. However…somehow he broke. He just..lays in bed all day now while Virgil’s screams echo the halls. Speaking of which Patton jolted from the sudden shrill noise. “Patton Virgi-“ “I got it Logan! Thanks.” Patton said to his fellow side with a grin. Logan looked so tired. The black “eyeshadow” was subtle in all of them. However Logan has been working hard in helping Virgil be contained and making Thomas get up to do things like eat or shower. He was the one who would make Thomas go out to buy groceries or pay bills. It was keeping Thomas alive thankfully but it hurt. And it was definitely taking a strain on him. Especially when the screams of“How everything is meaningless” and “We’re dead anyways.” “Patton how about I go with you this time? You look..tired.” Logan offered. “You do too Logan. It’s okay! I got this.” Patton said with a smile. Logan was too tired to protest. He just slumped in a nearby chair and went…blank. Patton went to the cupboard and began preparing the only thing that lets them rest now a days. Herbal tea with sleeping pills. It sedates Virgil long enough for them to regain some energy. And Virgil seemed to be thankful for it. After the drink was set up Patton grabbed something else that would come in handy. He slipped this item in his pocket and began his journey to Virgil’s room. As he passed doors he saw Roman sitting against a wall. He was slumped over and had the same blank look Logan did. The poor guy had long since used his powers in to trying to get Thomas to go out or even talk to his friends and family. He was now in periods of active behavior and being dead to the world. “Roman? Buddy?” Patton gently asked as he crouched down before the prince. Roman was unresponsive. Patton lifted the side’s head and sighed sorrowfully. The poor Prince had the eyeshadow more intensely than himself or Logan. And he just looked so exhausted. It made Patton want to cry. His family was suffering. “It’s okay Ro. I’m gonna help Virgil and I’ll come back for you okay? Hang tight.” With those last words Patton got back up and carefully set the prince against the wall. After he was certain Roman would be comfortable he continued his task. The halls were filled with shadows that had even kept Deceit away. Patton had to smile a bit. The snake-like side had come to them begging to make Virgil stop screaming quite a few times. Now the poor snake was in his own room cowering in a corner. Patton brought him food but Deceit didn’t dare speak. He just ate in silence and covered his ears. “Oh. Im here already?” Patton smiled the best he could as he entered the one he considered his son’s room. Virgil was standing on shaky legs. His hoodie sleeves were rolled up to reveal scratches. His eyeshadow was practically covering his upper face. “Hey kiddo! I got your sleepy tea! You want it?” Patton said as he made his way to the poor side. Virgil jolted in surprise and fell to the ground. However realizing it was merely Patton, he hugged his knees and looked at the father figure. “I know it hurts buddy. Ill help you drink it okay? Here, crawl into my lap.” Patton said as he got to the anxious side’s level. Virgil shakily crawled over to Patton. His arms almost collapsed but he forced himself up. Within a minute he was settled in Patton’s lap. Patton gently put the mug to Virgil’s lips and helped him drink the sedating tea. The powers of this room gripped on Patton but he forced himself to stay strong. For his son, for Logan and Roman and all the other sides, and for Thomas. Especially for Thomas. “There we go. Good wasn’t it? Im glad.” Patton saidPatton started humming softly and held Virgil in a loving embrace. He rocked back and forth as Virgil’s tired eyes slid closed. “Dad….” “Shh. Sleep kiddo. You need it.” Virgil sighed and allowed himself to be swept away into a deep sleep. Patton now knew this was the time. He gently placed Virgil on the ground, which was unfortunate. If he was strong enough he would have tucked him into bed but he couldn’t. He pulled the item out of his pocket and held it shakily. “H-Hey kiddo? I got something that will help you feel better even more. Now it will hurt a bit but I’m doing this because I love you, and Lo, and Ro and Thomas. So please don’t hate me.” Patton took a deep shuddering breath and moved quickly. There were wet, squishy sounds and sobbing grunts echoing the room. Patton moved faster and faster with this special object. Virgil’s eyes remained closed the whole time. “T-There we g-go! Doesn’t that feel b-better Virgil?” The bloodied knife fell to the ground in a clatter. Patton could feel the effects of the anxious side slip away. The shadows faded and Patton felt himself grow stronger. He could sense Logan snapped out of his daze. He could feel Roman lift his head and stand up for the first time in weeks. Patton cried but continued to smile blood on his face, clothes and hands. “Im gonna put you to bed now okay? Im sorry if I made everything messy. But this is for Thomas right?” Patton took a moment to look at Virgil. Virgil’s eyes were still closed. One could assume he was sleeping, but the blood splattered on his face and soaking his shirt and hoodie would suggest otherwise. He..looked at peace. Patton gently brushed away Virgil’s bangs a bit and kissed his forehead. “I hope you aren’t hurting kiddo. Im...sorry.”  Just then Patton heard someone come into Virgil’s room. “Patton is Virgil okay? Is he better?” a voice asked. It was Roman. He had rushed to see if his dear friend had managed to pass this hell. Patton sniffled and stood up. He turned around to Roman and smiled. Roman’s face looked confused for a moment before it was twisted into one of sheer horror. He stumbled back against the door and covered his mouth. “W-What did you d-“ “Virgil’s okay now Roman. And Thomas is too. We’re all okay.”

[starryeyed-char]

On Camera

Or that one time Lance decided to live-stream when he really should’ve been resting. The (established) klance YouTuber AU that no one asked for, but you’re all getting. Domestic klance sharing an apartment is my jam, and throwing a little angst in there is a bonus.

I’m actually really happy with this, and if people like it I might do an actual long AU thing with this setting, so feedback is appreciated! For now though, just a one-shot. This is also proof that the best writing for me happens at 3 AM… oops. I hope you enjoy!!

Psst @taylor-tut this is that thing I not-so-discreetly mentioned in my tags, have a wonderful day.

Lance McClain was a rulebreaker in every way, except for one thing. He believed it was always necessary to have a routine, and never stray from it. If asked, he’d inform you that a steady routine was the foundation for a steady life.

Showering every morning, brushing his teeth every night, thinking of a cheesy one-liner for Keith each day without fail, the list went on. Little things.

One of his many routines was to live-stream, always on Sundays. Because who did anything besides sit at home, definitely not with a hangover, on Sunday?

New videos went up on Wednesdays, but the carefully edited ones on YouTube and his live-streams were very different. Many fans even preferred seeing him live, mainly because he couldn’t stop himself from making bad jokes, and was usually too lazy to straighten his bedhead.

And they would always ask him to go bother Keith in the next room, which Lance more often than not was obliged to do.

So when he woke up late one Sunday with a killer headache and a stuffy nose, Lance wasn’t about to let it get in the way of his routine.

He discovered a note from Keith on the kitchen table that said he’d be out running errands, and Lance lamented that he hadn’t been awake to tell Keith to get soup. After shooting him a quick text, the only response Lance got was “You don’t even like soup.”

Lance chuckled softly, which quickly led to a series of wet coughs. Clearing his throat, he began to set up his camera, wrapped himself up in blankets, and started the stream.

“Hey guys,” he said with a small wave, and winced at how raspy his voice sounded. He sniffled, and edged the off-screen box of tissues closer to him.

The chat was quickly flooded with “HELLO”’s and “LANCE!”’s. By now, all the fans knew when he went live. Lance was, however, surprised to see several inquiries about his health.

There were quite a few “Are you okay”’s, and even some “You seem sick”’s, with one of Lance’s personal favorites being “You look like shit.”

He read off the last comment with a short laugh. “Thanks, KeiththeKutie05.” Then, as an afterthought, he added, “Nice name.”

After a short pause of him continuing to scan the chat, he spoke again. “I’m fine though, just got a cold or something. Nothing could stop me from live-streaming!”

As the viewers seemed satisfied with this response, Lance wasn’t surprised to see the usual repetition of “Where’s Keith?” in the chat. He sighed.

“Mullet Boy is running errands,” Lance told them, rolling his eyes for effect. “Probably going out to buy a new pair of fingerless gloves.”

Keith and Lance had been sharing an apartment for some time now, and the Internet was very invested in their relationship, or so it seemed. Keith was annoyed by the whole thing at first, but Lance found it entertaining that his fans seemed to like Keith better than him. Lance could, admittedly, relate.

Eventually, the accidental publicity that came with dating a YouTuber inspired Lance to make a collab channel for them, though Keith never got his own. He insisted that he was too awkward to film anything by himself, which Lance secretly found adorable.

Numerous people began telling Lance to prank Keith when he came back, to which Lance grinned. Playing tricks on Keith during live-streams had become somewhat of a tradition in and of itself. “Maybe I will,” Lance tapped his chin thoughtfully. “You guys got any ideas?”

Lance read through some of the responses but saw nothing particularly appealing, then perked up at someone asking when he’d do a video with Hunk again.

“Actually, I got some good news for you guys,” Lance declared, sneezing into his elbow before continuing. “Hunk and I are going to be playing videogames on Pidge’s channel sometime next week, and Hunk has both of us coming over to his and Shay’s for a baking video. I haven’t decided what we should do for my part yet. Maybe a Q & A?”

Once again, Lance’s eyes scanned through the suggestions until his eyes snagged on one he liked. “Cards Against Humanity, huh? With YouTube’s shitty new rules it could get demonetized, but I do love that game, so why not? I’m positive Pidge owns it, and I can tell them to bring it over. Maybe I can even convince Keith to play with us.”

Lance couldn’t help but smile at the enthusiastic response that got.

“I think I’m going to get myself some more coffee,” Lance decided, looking down at the empty mug resting on a coaster. “Last night Keith made me watch this really scary movie, so I naturally had trouble falling asleep. Gotta have coffee to keep myself functioning. Do you guys prefer coffee or tea? Keith and I are both coffee people, but he likes his black. No sugar or anything, disgusting if you ask me.”

Lance almost regretted this comment as a war of opinions on black coffee slowly took over his computer screen.

“Well, anyway, I’m gonna go to the kitchen real quick. I’d bring my laptop but… I’d probably spill coffee on it, and we can’t have that.”

Lance stood, and was about to start towards the next room when his vision abruptly blurred and refocused. He knew immediately something was wrong.

His legs felt like jelly, and the room seemed to spin as he took a single step forward. Had he only been fine when he was sitting? Lance had half the mind to sit right back down, but his brain was growing muddled, and direction simply didn’t make sense.

Lance’s migraine flared abruptly in intensity, and then suddenly the wood floor was rushing up to meet him. Everything went dark.

Keith glanced at his phone as he moved around to the back of the car, where he’d stored the groceries, and had to repress a fond smile at the Twitter notification on the screen. Lance was, apparently, live-streaming. Keith thought he might actually miss his time-slot for once, but he figured by now he should be used to the Cuban boy’s dedication to routine.

Lance’s channel got some negative feedback from more ‘sophisticated’ YouTubers for being… all over the place. A dedicated beauty guru, or PrinceLotor as his channel was called, had dragged Lance on Twitter on more than one occasion.

Lance was anything but consistent when it came to videos. He did whatever he felt like doing that week, and the fans loved it. Sometimes he played songs on his guitar, sometimes he did prank-calls. He would film Q&A’s, or tell stories about all the interesting stuff that happened in his life— Lance’s bad luck was rather famous. He recommended TV shows, did hauls of what he got for holidays, vlogged on occasion when he went to stores, you name it.

But Lance’s favorite thing to do were collabs.

Hunk, an incredibly smart engineer, had a baking channel as a hobby, and Lance was his favorite assistant.

Pidge was a newer gaming channel, but their obsession with theorizing about the game’s lore while playing and busting other fan theories made them grow in popularity quickly. For two player games, Lance was ideal.

Allura was an extremely popular beauty channel, and Lance let her give him makeovers whenever she wanted to. Shiro could use extra actors in his short films.

And Keith… well, the two of them had a channel together that had no pattern whatsoever, much to Lance’s dislike. Absolutely spontaneous and random, usually doing things by popular fan request, like dancing or karaoke. And uploads were by no means regular.

Keith was surprised at how much he had started to enjoy it. Lance had been telling him he should start an art channel, with animations and speedpaints and the like, and Keith wasn’t… that opposed to the idea. It could be a useful source of income, to help with all the debt he would come into after graduating college. But he’d never tell Lance.

Without thinking too much of it, Keith swiped right across his screen, taking him to Lance’s tweet about the live-stream in order to like it. He was about to close his phone again and begin taking groceries up to their apartment when his eyes snagged on something odd.

Lots of the replies to Lance’s tweet mentioned him, particularly the recent ones, even tagging him in it. Keith couldn’t fathom why they would be talking about him if he wasn’t on the stream, unless Lance was complaining about him live again.

Keith bristled. Lance better not be still annoyed at him for the movie the last night. Signs wasn’t scary at all, and not even a real horror movie! Lance simply stated that 'he didn’t mess with aliens.’

But when he looked at all the mentions, Keith felt his irritation give way to confusion, and then panic.

“KEITH GET TO UR APARTMENT”, “YOU BETTER GO CHECK ON LANCE”, “HOLY SHIT HES COLLAPSED KEITH HURRY YA ASS UP”, and the one that really sent Keith reeling “UH GUYS IS IT JUST ME OR DID WE WITNESS LANCE’S DEATH ON CAMERA?”

Keith slammed the trunk, all groceries forgotten as he sprinted into the apartment building and ran for the stairs. They only lived on the third floor, and he was not about to wait for the slow, crowded elevator.

He fumbled to fit his key in the lock and opened the door to the living room, only to spot the live-streaming set up, with no Lance. Keith rushed forward, but drew up short when he realized that Lance was in fact passed out on the floor in front of the couch.

“Oh my god— Lance!” Keith sank down beside him, turning his boyfriend over. “Lance, are you okay? Can you hear me?”

Lance’s eyes opened slowly, and Keith felt relief flood his system, despite the uncharacteristically pale skin. “K-Keith? Wha… I thought you were shopping?”

“I’m back,” Keith answered shortly, wincing as he pressed a hand onto Lance’s forehead. “Jeez, you’re on fire. Why didn’t you tell me you were this sick?!”

“Are you a fire?” Lance mumbled under his breath, and Keith furrowed his brows in confusion.

“What? No, Lance, I was saying you have a fever.”

“Because you’re hot and I want s'more,” Lance continued, as if he hadn’t heard him at all. Keith was suddenly painfully aware that the live-stream was still going, and that his face was even more flushed than Lance’s, and not because of a fever.

Keith glanced at the computer sitting on the coffee table briefly, noting that most of the chat was full of random keyboard smashing. He smiled apologetically. “At least he’s conscious,” he shrugged, hoisting Lance up off the floor and propping one of his arm’s around Keith’s shoulder. “I’m going to take this idiot to the hospital, he’s way too hot.”

“So you finally admitted it,” Lance’s voice was barely audible, and Keith glanced back down to see him grinning up at Keith tiredly.

“I meant your temperature, dumbass. Next time, tell me when you’re not feeling well.”

And with that, he shut off the stream.

[coffeeandcalligraphy]

Evading eternal gloom and chaos in general | November Goals Update

Hey People of Earth!

Today is December 1st. Which means, November (death) is over, and I can officially restart life during Christmas break in 21 days. November as a whole was much better than October (so much, we don't even compare the two) which is strange, as November is the month of death usually because school gets crazy. Regardless, I’m very pleased that I somehow evaded eternal gloom (for the most part) in November.

Some cool things happened this month, including two university open houses in two different locations in Ontario (London + Windsor = two road trips, two weekends in a row), that high school dance life (my first hs dance when ur last year is next year and this is the first social occasion you’ve attended haaaa lol rip) and Literally The Worst Case Of Writer’s Block Ever I Kid You Not. (Which I will definitely go into in this month’s writing update!)

Overall, November was this very chaotic amalgamation of busy, but cumulatively, was pretty darn memorable. Darn.

Onto the goals.

(Also, I don't know if I’ve ever explained this in recent years, but I work with goals in a very strange way. As in, I don't really work with them, as in, I write these posts every month with goals, then never refer to them for the entire month, then come back a month later ?? and ?? for some ?? reason this ?? works ?? it’s also very entertaining to laugh at my failures is that morbid that I enjoy this very much oh no)

(I enjoy writing these posts a lot though, they give me some time to reflect on the last 30 or 31 days I’ve lived and they act as a great routine. :))

Anywhoozies, onto the things I did and mostly did not do:

1. Hit 15k in FOSTERED #6

So. Let’s just talk about this goal very briefly, shall we. As I mentioned above, November and I did not get along in terms of writing, as in, November served me a big ol’ slice of Writer’s Block and left me to choke on it. I wasn't really expecting this block to be so severe, but it was a thing, and it was very real. I mentioned this in DtWT #66, and I know writer’s block is controversial (some people thinks it’s a bullshit excuse, some people don't care, some people strongly believe in it, etc). I stand on the side of ‘in creative fields, every artist is bound to run into some form of a challenge at some point in their career’. As a creative person, I've experienced tons of creative block. In some cases, yes, this block is caused by fear, lack of ideas, sometimes procrastination, but ohhhh myyy, November’s writer’s block was none of these things.

Initially, it was straight up fear, I’ll admit that. I was just starting this book, didn't want to screw up the beginning of the *very last* book, couldn't piece together ideas that I thought were good even though @sarahkelsiwrites​ was very honest about them and had good feedback, etc, etc. I would say the first week and a half of this block were straight-up fear based. And then weeks 2 + 3 came and it sort of wasn't anymore. I wasn't scared to write this book because at this point, I was pretty fed up with my moping and fear, and just wanted to get some words out.

*and then the words stopped coming and they just stopped coming*

(which isn't entirely the truth, but let me elaborate)

In this time period, I was still writing. I was still hitting my 250 goal almost every single day, and there wasn't one day I didn't go about writing, or go about figuring out how to go about writing. To me, writer’s block doesn't mean I’m not writing. It just means there’s this disconnect that prevents me from immersing myself into my work, thus holding me back from creating the best thing I possibly can, OR making me think I’m creating something of unsubstantial standards. Does this make sense.

So yes, I was very out of it, and I really do think this block was triggered by fear, and once I got over that fear, lingered. BUT I’m doing MUCH better now, let’s not jinx this, AKA I hit 15 587 words this month and when I made this goal literally didn't think I would haaaa bless.

2. Outline more of ALANNIS, and like maybe try to finish it, though I mean this isn’t going to happen, so yeah, just work on it pls

No. lol. So. I’m going to count this as a half win, because I did complete this goal, but not by much. In October’s post, I mentioned I wanted to go through this outline to see if I could possibly shift some of them into the POV of my boi Matthew. This novel is narrated by Chris, and while I love my girl, something was missing from the story, and so I was like, yanno, screw it, let’s see if I can find some chapters to give to Matt just for the hell of it. Overall, I found about 12 or so chapters I could give to him (excluding new ideas that I haven't gotten, but yes), which is pretty good. Not sure I even want to do this dual POV thing, but I mean, I worked on the outline sort of so. (I really need to get on top of this thing I’ve been outlining it for like a year oops.)

3. Upload cover making video

So abridged version of this disclaimer: basically, my hard drive died on me this month, it had all the footage for all my upcoming YouTube vids, including all the speedpaints and cover making vids, lol sigh back up your stuff kids, didn't listen to myself, rip my data, you will be missed (didn’t lose anything personal and my documents are always protected because they’re the most important) SOOO that happened. HOWEVERRR, this is not an excuse for why I did not finish this goal because I literally had another cover making video exported and ready on my computer BUUUUT I’m vERYyyY extra and wasn't liking how my THUMBNAIL was coming out so yesterday when I was scrambling to actually get this goal done because good job time management, was like yo okay imma redo this tomorrow, and so here’s the thumbnail:

And here’s the ugly shit it was before:

AND ACTUALLY, the only reason I never got this vid up like I dunno THREE WEEKS AGO WHEN IT WAS READY, was because of this THUMBNAILLLL WHICH HAS BEEN LIKE A 2 WEEK PROCESS.

(why do I take these things so seriously)

(this thumbnail took me longer to make than the goddamn book cover)

(I digress so sorry for that rant)

(th u mb n a il)

I did get the video up today, though, and you can watch it right here:

4. Read a book yo.

I actually did this, lol. I finished Kristen Martin’s Shadow Crown this month and started History of Wolves by Emily Fridlund, but I’ve been reading that one at school and like, so far, I’m getting the vibe that I need some hardcore tea and snow and a fire log and some peace and quiet to just appreciate this book because so far I’ve read it in math class and while I do enjoy my math class, i’m getting the feeling this book ain’t no math class aesthetic. (so, the answer is, no I didn't finish this book, but yes, I really really want to because i’m liking it a lot so far and the voice is nice as fuuuuuuuuh and dooooon’t get me started on the writing clapz for dayz)

5. Finish another character portrait

I actually did four portraits this month, two of which are Christmas gifts so I can’t share those at the moment, but here’s one I did of @sarahkelsiwrites​’ character Simon:

(and you can watch the speedpaint HERE)

And then one I did of Quinn, my MC for THIS IS WHERE THE END STARTS:

(which might be my favourite piece of art and you can watch the speedpaint HERE)

6. Find and finalize an ALANNIS epigraph

I dunno why this is still a goal because I’m literally not going to do it if I’m hardly working on the darn outline, but yes, no, fail.

7. Work on FOSTERED #5′s book cover

Epic fail, XD. I don't like the design of the re-designed FOSTERED covers, but for the sake of consistency, I’m going along, and that's serving for some unenthusiastic cover designing but I do need to get this done so I can order copies. (WHICH, by the way, I have a new copy of I’M DISAPPOINTED to order, a copy of my sister’s novel, A HAPPINESS TO WONDER, a copy of my novelette sort of thing THE TREATED and on top of this FOSTERED #5, you can totally call me cheap for realllyyyy not wanting to pay for that shipping twice, lol. Point is, I’ll be doing an unboxing because those are literally my favourite videos ever and I’ve watched every single one on YouTube no lie. ;))

So those were the goals. Finished 4ish/almost5 out of 7 goals this much which is pretty ass, but the ones I didn't finish (with the exception of one AKA THE OUTLINE) weren't super important. Some shtuff I’d like to get done in December:

1. Hit 25k in FOSTERED #6 (aka REWIRED)

2. Outline more of ALANNIS, and like maybe try to finish it, though I mean this isn’t going to happen, so yeah, just work on it pls

COME ONNNN

(it’s literally been so long since I actually outlined this book)

3. Upload a video

4. Read a book yo.

I really do doubt I’ll get this one done, but it’d be real nice.

5. Finish another character portrait

7. Work on FOSTERED #5′s book cover

Probably also won’t finish this oneeee haaaheeaahahe

8. Make a character aesthetic

(this is sort of a cop out because I have to make one for Lonan this month since his birthday is on the 9th and for those birthday posts I need one but also I've been telling myself to do this since the start of November and ohhh noo I’m running out of time oops)

So that’s it for now, folks. I hope your November was great. :) Keep an eye out for the monthly writing update! That’s it for now, thanks for reading!

--Rachel

[sssoto]

Creator’s update #2

Hey guys! I’m back with another update to keep y’all posted on what I’ve been up to (= I’m getting this up a week later than I wanted to, but hey, what can ya do. It’s still very much up to date, I just didn’t have the time to get this typed up last week, buuuut making up for that now!

Mood: Juuuuuust chillin’~

Music I’ve been digging recently:

This is basically just gonna be a looooong list of Selena Gomez, because dammit I’m into her music right now. The girl is gorgeous and I’ve always liked her music, but I used to be more into her old stuff, and now I’m just living for all the songs I didn’t listen to as much from the time she released her Stars Dance album and onwards. These are just a select few of the songs I’ve been listening to on repeat for the past week or so lol.

Selena Gomez - Fetish (ft Gucci Mane)

Selena Gomez - The Heart Wants What It Wants

Selena Gomez - Do It

Selena Gomez - Me & the Rhythm

Selena Gomez - Me & My Girls

Selena Gomez - Nobody

Selena Gomez - Save the Day

Selena Gomez - Like a Champion

Writing

So I DID ACTUALLY DO SOME WRITING THESE PAST FEW WEEKS OMG.

I finished editing an entire scene I’d been struggling with for the looooongest time (and now I’m having trouble with the next scene, sigh you just can’t win). For that scene, I had to rearrange three different scenes and combine them into one in a way which made sense, and geez it wasn’t fun. The real struggle is finding out what to keep and what to cut, right? I dunno ‘bout you guys, but I’m very reluctant to cut anything until I’m sure I don’t wanna use any of the prose somewhere else.

The light came to me late one night (as it usually does) when this random line popped in my head as I was mulling over what to name my second chapter. Okay, backtrack, I title my chapters, and ever since I started revisions and essentially condensed the first four chapters down to three, I couldn’t figure out what to name the second chapter. The other two chapters could easily just take on the titles they had previously, but the structure and overall focal point of the second chapter had changed so much that I needed to rethink the title (at least if I wanted it to be a good title lol). So chapter 2 was untitled until just recently, when this line came to me and finally made me decide on a name: The Find. A find in this sense refers to an archaeological discovery (my main characters study and work in the archaeological field), and you might see how it plays into the chapter in my excerpt later this post. But yeah, this line came to me, and along with that came the realisation that I could move a whole paragraph from the scene I was revising in chapter 3 to chapter 2, since that paragraph was oriented in a pretty similar fashion to what I was going for with that new line. Does any of this make sense? My thought process is a little strange lmao.

Anyway, so knowing what I needed to do with chapter 2 gave me the push I needed to move on with that scene I struggled with in chapter 3, and I finally managed to restructure all the bits and pieces of those scenes I had to combine. It became much easier because I’d moved an entire paragraph that didn’t really fit in that scene anyway to a place where it was much better suited lol. Since the new dialogue was already written out, it was pretty straightforward to draft new narrative to go with it after I had reassembled the pieces (though I’m sure it’s all veeeeery rough cuz I’ve not given it a proper read through yet).

It all worked out in the end, and I’m so happy I made that progress wee! And I think I know what to do with the next scene, so it’s just about kicking my ass into gear lol (special thanks to @coffeeandcalligraphy who helped me brainstorm for this scene, ugh bless my friends). I already knew the next scene needed to be edited a lot, because basically the entire thing was just filler. The first half was a way too long narrative summary with a bunch of unnecessary detail which could be condensed significantly, and the next half was a scene also way too long for the purpose it served, and to make matters worse, it also introduced a bunch of pointless characters that never show up again, so the scene just feels kinda forced. I’ve done some trimming on the narrative summary, and I’ve cut out the scene that follows, so what I need to do next is add some details that pertain to the timeline and illness change (if you read my last post, you might recall me mentioning that I was doing these revisions in the first place because I aged my characters up and changed the illness of my MC’s sister), and then I’m gonna draft a new much shorter scene that’ll serve the same purpose the previous scene did, but without so much pointless, contrived detail, and without friggin’ introducing new characters that’ll never appear again, my god Soto what were you thinking.

But you know what, I shouldn’t be so hard on myself. I’ve made an important discovery during these edits, which I discussed with @shaelinwrites, who herself was recently stuck in revision hell with her manuscript I’m Fine, and we both agreed; it’s honestly much easier to draft new, better prose than trying to elevate very old less mature prose. As I’m revising these chapters, I sometimes get the feeling that my prose isn’t very complex or sophisticated, but then when I get to draft completely new lines or even paragraphs, I wonder how the new words seem so much better than the old ones. Then I look back at the date and remember that these chapters I’m revising were written in friggin’ 2014. It’s no wonder the prose ain’t that sophisticated lmao. It’s hard work improving something which at its core is less refined!

With that said, I think it’s time for some excerpts. I didn’t show any last time since I hadn’t been working much on my writing recently, but this time I have stuff to show!

Excerpt:

He seemed a hidden gem waiting to be uncovered, layered deep in the crusts of his own humility and class, a rare find with all the potential it entailed – academical and monetary.

This was the line I talked about which basically solved all my problems for me lol bless this line. And bless @shaelinwrites who convinced me to get rid of an unnecessary word, THANK YOU GIRL, I WAS DUMB, YOU WERE RIGHT, THE WEASEL WORD HAD TO GO.

Excerpt:

They arrived in Naples, grandest seaport of the Mediterranean, without incident. The capital of the Sicilies was a majestic sight when approached from the sea, rather alien with its numerous colourful structures raised on slanting green hillsides amongst sprouting palms, so very different from the grey, uniform London back across the English Channel.

Just some description; looking at pictures of Naples helped a lot for this lmao. I’m still not entirely happy with it, it needs a good clean up and stuff. Buuuuuut you know what, it’s progress, and that’s all that matters right now!

Chapters edited: 2/16

Current total word count: Around 123k (I’ll give a more precise number when I’ve gathered all my chapters in one document)

Current total chapter count: 16

Look at the lovely progress on chapter 3 since last update <3

Art

So honestly I don’t have a lot of WIPs to show in the art department this time around, because a) I’ve mostly been finishing up the sketches I showed last time, and b) the new stuff I’ve started are secret projects I’d rather not reveal yet. So don’t blame it on inproductivity! d:

Like I said, I’ve finished some of the WIPs I talked about last time, and even better, I’ve posted them as well, so you can go and take a look at the final product: the Disney portraits, and my portraits of the Armstrong siblings.

And with that said, can we just marvel at this improvement?

Sometimes it can feel like you’re never getting anywhere, and that’s when it’s important to gaze back at your journey and see how far you’ve come. I’m certainly pretty happy with how my skills have developed in the past two years! I want to do more “draw it again” pieces in the future so I can track my own development n.n

The only thing I feel I can show a WIP of (that I’ve not already shown, anyway) is this character portrait I’m working on for Serena. Used my girl Selena Gomez as reference cuz she’s the best face claim for Serena I’ve come across <3 It’s actually this portrait’s fault that I got into this entire Selena Gomez groove, and oh how grateful I am for it because Selena Gomez slaaaaaays.

I’m not entirely sure I’m gonna keep the portrait like this for her official character portrait though, because I feel it’s a little risqué~ for a Victorian portrait LOL. I mean, slay that hair, Serena, you know ya sexy af, but gotta stay in character with your setting, yanno? Lmao I dunno, I need to rethink it a bit, but regardless I’m digging the sketch thus far!

I think the next thing I’m working on will be lining and colouring Owen’s portrait, and then I also have all these secret things in the works that I wanna make progress on so I can reveal them. Aside from this, I’ve been hard at work on setting up commissions, and I’ll soon make an announcement, so keep an eye out for that if you’re interested in getting a portrait done by me!

Youtube

It’s been a month since last update, and I upload new videos every Friday, which means I’ve got new videos to announce to y’all! So if any of you like kpop, vocal covers, or speedpaints, here’s where you should look :D

I’ve actually gotten pretty good at this Youtube thing (thanks to the scheduling feature, it saves lives), so my uploads are fairly consistent. I upload every Friday; every other week it’s a vocal cover (usually kpop, but not exclusively), and the other week it’s a speedpaint, so *hint hint* you should subscribe if you haven’t already *hint hint*. I’ll soon run out of covers to upload though, so I should record some more... Ahem.

Anyway, here’s the most recent one I uploaded. The song is a bit obscure if you’re not a dedicated 4minute fan, but it’s one of my favourites!

And my second cover can’t be embedded due to copyright, but I’ll leave a link for it here so you can check it out! It’s for the song So Good by Kara. The acapella for this one was super fun to record what with all the harmonies and background vocals and stuff.

And of course, I uploaded a few speedpaints as well! There are actually four up on my channel now because one of the speedpaints was split into two parts to prevent a 45 min video lol. So if any of you are interested in seeing my process, check them out! The first one was a birthday gift I made for the amazing @juliajm15 back in March <3

And the second, split into two parts (lineart and colour), is one I find particularly interesting since it’s more elaborate. I really do like how the colouring came out for this piece!

So yaaassss, remember to subscribe if you’re into this sort of stuff!

Bonus: Fanart feature!

So you guys, I have some really amazing friends who make some really amazing fanart for me, and I must share.

Where to even begin? I seriously get all teary-eyed when someone takes the time to make something because they enjoyed my story and characters so much *cries*. If you’ve been following me for a while, you’ve probably seen me gush about all the amazing artwork @juliajm15 has done for me over the past couple years, but I wanna shine some light on two of my other good friends and loyal supporters who made some incredible and thoughtful tributes to my little labour of love!

First up are some amazing edits as well as a drawing done by Rachel over at @coffeeandcalligraphy.

This pretty thing is a fan book cover Rachel made for my first book, Memoirs! I love the aesthetic of the title so much, and there’s some actual symbolism in there with how she chose to colour coordinate the elements; green for Daniel, red for Serena. Just knowing how much thought and care she put into it makes my sentimental little heart swell <3

These two edits are just GORGEOUS. Once again done by Rachel, she made this for my birthday last year <3

For the first one, she used lyrics from Elton John’s Daniel because I’d mentioned that this song was the perfect message for Hazel to give Daniel, and the little doll reading the book is sooooo adorable because Daniel and Hazel have this thing with reading fairytales together *cries* and then it’s wearing a white nightgown too, which is basically what Hazel always wears since she’s confined to her bed!

For the edit beneath, she picked an actual quote said by Serena to Daniel, and the summer aesthetic with the greeneries and the flower in the background to symbolise the summers they spent together, bah it’s too much! The care and thought put into this makes me emotional all over again, and these edits are just so lovely!!

And last one: my darling, Daniel! Rachel actually made this for our friendship anniversary a short while ago, and I still feel bad that I didn’t think to make anything for her lmao. She used the ref I found for Daniel, and his face honestly is just so friggin’ adorable, and then she used a quote from Renaissance to go along with it! I seriously have the best and most thoughtful friends in the entire world, like wow.

Another one of my friends who’s been giving me a bunch of cute fanart lately is @sarahkelsiwrites! Just take a look at this adorable drawing she did of Hazel:

Hazel is a very beloved character, but she doesn’t get nearly as much love in terms of artwork as my other characters, so it’s always so nice when someone remembers her <3

And okay, but this one kills me:

I literally screamed when she sent me this. LOOK AT HIS TATS HAHAHAHAH. So for some context, basically @coffeeandcalligraphy has a weird fetish for angst, and we started talking about how our characters have different kinds of angst. I started calling her characters angsters, because they angst like it’s cool to angst, aka gangster, aka angster. Rachel then said that Daniel’s angst is elegant, which turned into a really lame pun, and the rest is history...

Long story short, don’t mess with E. Angst’s tea, yo. Much British, very angst.

And the last one and I DIE CUZ MY BBY LOOKS SO HANDSOME <3 <3 <3 So Sarah brooded that somehow, everytime she tries to draw a girl, it turns into Daniel, but yanno... Can’t complain.

LOOK AT THE SMOOTH LINEART THO. I couldn’t draw smooth lineart for the life of me until I’d had my graphic tablet for like two years. Ugh I love how Danny looks here, his expression is so perfect! Thank you so much @sarahkelsiwrites and @coffeeandcalligraphy for the amazing gifts, I feel so blessed to have such generous, thoughtful and talented friends! <3

So that was all for this time around; I hope you enjoyed seeing what I’ve been working on! I’ll be back soon to summarize my progress on all my projects again, so until next time, folks!

[celestiaknight-blog]

This is just a little speedpaint I made with a cute little sketch of my characters Artur with his son Kitza’n, I wrote a short scenario to go with it. Just below the cut! Hope you enjoy!

   “AAAAAAAAH!!”

        Artur sprang up from his bed, body puffing up in surprise as the scream echoed down the corridors of the castle. With pupils as thin as a hair, he leaped out of the nest and ran out of the room in a flurry of feathers, his instincts taking over his logic. He ran almost mindlessly through the corridor and arrived to his children’s room in an instant. He pushed the door-curtain out of the way with wide eyes, calling:

        “Aarron?! Kitza’n?!”

        The sight that awaited him in the room was one he was sadly used to; Kitza’n curled up in a tight ball in their nest, with a scared and distraught Aarron sitting next to his brother, unsure of what to do. With a short sigh, Artur walked forward and kneeled next to the nest, and as he did, Lyra appeared in the door frame, just as distraught. When she also realized what had happened, she shared a knowing look with Artur and went to take Aarron in her arms, whispering reassuring words in his tiny ear. Gently, Artur also took Kitza’n in his arms, and cradled the shaking ball of fur in a tight and warm embrace. Standing up with him, Artur exited the room, his pace now slow and calm, and when they were alone in the corridor, the prince told his young son:

        “It’s alright, child, you’re safe. Papa’s here, nothing can hurt you.”

        As he expected, his son remained dead quiet, but Artur continued walking. Since he reached his twenty years, Kitza’n had begun to experience night terrors more frequently, and though Lyra and Artur were told not to worry, Artur couldn’t help but be afraid for his son’s well-being. Whenever he woke from a nightmare, Artur would take Kitza’n to walk around the palace, sometimes taking him outside to give him some fresh air, and it was usually enough to bring him peace.

        The corridors of the palace were quiet, with only the breeze of this warm summer night coming through the leaves of the trees growing against the palace walls, creating their own soothing melodies. The night was still young, and the moons were shining brightly atop the starry sky, sending their dancing light through the windows and passageways.

        “Papa…,” the prince heard a soft mumble from his arms, making him look down at his child.

        The hatchling was curled up in his wings, solidly attached to his chest with all four of his arms, and Artur could hear his little sobs even as his face was buried in his chest fur. The poor little thing was a shaking mess, and his voice a weak whine mixed with scared little chirps he couldn’t control. Artur cradled him and held him a bit more up against him, smiling kindly at his scared little son.

        “Hush, my child,” he whispered in his ear. “There is nothing to be scared of. The monsters can’t follow you here.”

        The boy in his arms sniffled and hiccuped, crying a bit more before he was able to form the words he wanted to say. Artur gently rubbed the child’s back, doing his best to comfort him in his sorrow.

        “T-th… t-they were huge… t-tall and skinny… they had horns, and… a-and, and claws and their eyes, hic! b-burning f-f-fire, t-they wanted to eat me!...”

        His crying intensified a little bit, and he began to pull at his father’s fur as he held on for dear life.

        “They were running a-a-after me and I couldn’t run away, and I was hurting everywhere and no one could hear me! T-the monsters won’t leave me alone! They’re everywhere!”

        Kitza’n’s sobs were muffled, but they were loud and coming from so far deep in this poor little soul, they pulled at Artur’s heart harshly. The worried father remained quiet as he cradled his young chick, and he stopped walking when he reached a tall entrance that lead outside. He stood by the warm gleam of a nearby torch, and let his son bask in the pouring lights of the moons, while the wind gently sang sweet songs in the trees.

        “The monsters are gone, my son,” Artur whispered in his baby’s ear. “They are gone, and they won’t come back. If they do, I will come and chase them away, that I promise. Now, now, hush, my sweet little child…”

        A soft rumble came from deep within the adult’s throat, soon followed by a series of beautiful notes as the father sang a sweet lullaby to his fearful child. The vibrations coming from his throat, in synch with every note he sang, echoed down into the chick, slowly reducing his sobs to hiccups, and Artur gently rocked his body from left to right, leading the young one into calmness.

        “Papa…?”

        Kitza’n raised his wide, golden eyes to look at his father, and in those eyes one could see all the fear in the world reflecting into his trembling and glowing irises.

        “Why are the monsters after me, papa?” asked the young one in a tiny voice.

        Artur attempted to reassure him by rubbing his beak against his in a gentle manner, taking a moment of silence to think of an appropriate answer. He needed Kitza’n to not be afraid, but not to the point where he would become insensible should those dreams continue.

        “Because… that is what monsters do, my dear child. They haunt and scare us, because it’s all they know. You’re not the only one afraid of monsters, you know. Your papa is scared of them too.”

        “Really?” the young child appeared surprised, forgetting that he was crying a second ago. “But papa’s invincible! You’re not scared of anything!”

        Artur couldn’t help but laugh whole-heartedly at his son’s response, and he held him a bit more up against his chest as he replied:

        “Hahaha! Oh, but of course I’m scared of things! There are many things that do scare me, you know.”

        “Like what?”

        “Mmh,” Artur hummed, looking up at the ceiling of the corridor while he searched. “I’m scared of heights. That’s why I don’t fly as much as Uncle Gavvy.”

        “No way!”

        “It’s true,” Artur chuckled. “I’m also scared of the monsters of the night, just like you.”

        “But you’re strong, papa,” Kitza’n pouted. “You can outrun them, but I can’t…”

        “That’s why I’m here, son,” Artur told him with another bump to the beak. “Until you’re strong enough to outrun them, I will carry you away from the monsters. After all, you know how fast I can run. Does that make you feel better?”

        Kitza’n hummed lightly, looking unsure of his response, and he replied his question with another question, his specialty.

        “Are you scared of anything else?”

        Artur looked outside the passageway into the night sky, staring off into space a short moment.

        “Let’s see… I’m not a huge fan of snakes, and insects freak me out. When you or Aarron get sick, I get the most scared. I can’t help it. When something happens to your mother or Uncle Gavvy, I get scared too. Same with papy and mamy.”

        “And what about those black goopy monsters on the continent?” Kitza’n asked, much to his surprise. “Do they scare you? They scare me a lot, I don’t want to see them here…”

        Artur took a moment to measure his thoughts on the matter, and he shook his head.

        “Not afraid of them,” was his response, much to his son’s shock. “Although those monsters are a lot like those in your dreams, I’m not afraid of them, because I know I can defeat them, and I know I can protect all of you. That’s my duty as Black Guardian.”

        “But,” Kitza’n objected, “they’re scary, and they’re worse than the monsters of the night… I don’t get why you’re not scared of them…”

        Artur couldn’t help but chuckle, and he rubbed his beak against his cheek in a playful way, feeling much relieved when he saw the hint of a smile on his son’s face.

        “You’ll understand when you’re older, Kitza’n. Until then, know that I will always protect you, from anything that can harm you, until you’re strong enough to fend them off by yourself.”

        “Strong like you, papa?”

        The prince smiled warmly.

        “Yes, strong like me.”

        He was rewarded for his efforts by the brightest smile he had ever seen, and Kitza’n dove forward to hug him around his neck with two of his four arms. Artur gladly embraced him back, relieved that his son was no longer scared. For a moment longer he held him like this, still rocking left and right to appease him, and eventually, when the little chick’s grip was loosening and the late hour of night finally caught up to him, the father whispered:

        “Do you want to sleep with mama and papa tonight?”

        Kitza’n lightly shook his head, replying in a low mumble:

        “I’m strong like you, papa… I can scare the monsters away…”

        “I am sure you can, little one…”

        Giving him a little lick on the head, Artur turned away and began to walk off, feeling that Kitza’n was ready to go back to his nest. Perhaps all the child needed was a bit more confidence; if he felt like he could chase the monsters away instead of being chased by them, it was already a step forward. Artur could only hope that those dreams wouldn’t haunt him forever… Perhaps he was even the one to blame for this evil haunting his son…

        When Artur set him down in the nest he shared with his brother, Kitza’n raised his head and gave him a little lick on the beak, making the adult smile.

        “Good night, papa…”

        “Good night, my sweet child. May your dreams be happy ones.”

        And to bring him peace, Artur started singing a sweet lullaby once more, until both of his sons had fallen deeply asleep, into a land of serene dreams and sunny fields… Being a father wasn’t easy, but if there was one thing he loved, it was to see those happy little faces as they slept, peaceful…

[coffeeandcalligraphy]

Hard Times | June Goals Update

So it’s been another month. Somewhat scary to think that time flies straight over your head, and doesn't ever stop...

Anywho...

*If you would prefer to not read my struggles with bipolar disorder and in particular, the depressive side of it, feel free to skip past this ramble!*

Hey People of Earth!

I’ve had a month. It opened shitty, ended shitty, lots of shitty things happened in between. In regards to June--damn, how shitty it has been.

I have tried writing this post on its own for around a week now. And every single time I try, I end up trashing the draft. Last night I decided not to trash the draft, and post it today, but I’ve somehow trashed the draft.

Again...

So. I've sort of been severely depressed since the start of the month... Oh boy...

If you don't know, I was diagnosed officially as bipolar on May 31st of this year. I kid you not, the very next day, I fell back into this terrible depressive rut I haven't been able to escape since.

I’ve been waiting three years for someone to just validate the feelings I've had--I’ve been desperate for someone to tell me what my doctor told me on May 31st. I was convinced that hearing those words, hearing that diagnosis would make me the happiest person in the world, and I think it’s the disappointment that stemmed from not having that that just choked me this month.

I don’t know why hearing so hey, Rachel, yo, you’re actually bipolar sent me into the deepest, darkest hole I have ever existed in. Because I’d been waiting so long to hear those words. Past Me was positive everything would be better after I heard those words. Past Me always thought everything would get better after hearing those words, but things have only gotten progressively worse.

I’m diagnosed as bipolar, and I can’t tell you how hard that has been to swallow.

I’m sincerely sorry for missing blog posts, and promising I’ll come back, and then never coming back. I’ve literally torn myself apart because of this... But, I’ve lived like a ghost this month, and doing anything has been so painful. 

I went from high to low in the span of seconds, and I can’t leave.

I want to get into how it feels to be bipolar, and to cycle into these moods so frequently. Of course, this is only my experience with this disorder. Others might not experience this like I do.

So for me, shifting from high to low feels like someone is punching me in the face, and will not stop. I hate going from okay one moment, to so low the next. It’s so frustrating to me. Ask my family or friends--it’s fucking frustrating for them too because do you know how difficult it is for someone to see you having the time of your life one day, and then being in such a dark place the next? I hardly understand this. I can’t imagine how those around me feel. Switching from high to low feels like I’m a failure, and I cannot stop failing, because of all things, I can’t control my own brain, even though I feel like I should have that right. I’m not strong enough to control my brain--it controls me. Switching from high to low makes me feel so stuck. Like I’m struggling in quicksand, but there is no way out. You feel defeated by yourself, even though you shouldn't have a competition within yourself . But that’s kind of what goes on with me every time this happens. My body and soul go to war, when that should never happen.

I feel like to a point, while I emphasize honesty in my blog posts, there’s a line I draw. There’s a point where I fear if I talk more about this, and talk more about the fact that every single thing I did in June was torturous, people will not want to listen. I don’t want to bog people down. But this affects my writing life so much, and in turn, will affect you.

Imagine one day, you’re on top of the world. You have everything you could ever want. You are successful. You feel great about yourself. You are in the best state you have ever been in. Now imagine, the next day, you witness something so upsetting, you spiral into the deepest rut you’ve ever been in. You don't want to keep going. You’re choking on your own life. You feel hollow.

This happens to me. Every day. Every week. Every month.

I wish I could be more positive about this... I miss my positivity so much.

I can’t remember if I’ve talked about this on here before. But January and February are always the worst months I ever have to experience. Jan and Feb of 2015 were emotionally draining, but I didn’t know why, so I moved along as they went. Jan and Feb of 2016? A little harder to get by, but I did it, with a little help from ALL THE BRIGHT PLACES. Jan and Feb of 2017? Completely different ball game. I’ve never fought so hard to stay here.

Until June…

I always said that if I didn’t have a diagnosis before January and February of 2018, I’d probably not survive beyond then.

I didn’t know I was capable of feeling that pain in a completely different realm of time.

June isn’t the winter. June is sunny, and bright, and where all the happiness should stem from. There are flowers outside. The sky is blue. Everything is beautiful. June isn’t supposed to bring misery like January and February. June is supposed to be breezy and light, and the cross into summer vacation. But I just exited the hardest month I’ve ever had to live through. And I hate that I’ve said that statement somewhere around 8 times in my life, and I’m hardly even sixteen.

I can’t tell you why I’m so depressed. I can’t explain it. I can’t tell you it’s because something bad happened in my life. Because nothing did. Nothing happened. Nothing should have changed.

Gah. I didn't want to have to say all of this. But I know if I don't know, I never will.

So welcome to my off day. Or my off month. I guess.

So now that all of that's been said, let’s get into these insanely ambiguous goals, shall we?

1. Hit 80k in FOSTERED #5.

HIT 90K BABY.

2. Outline more of ALANNIS, and like maybe try to finish it, though I mean this isn’t going to happen, so yeah, just work on it pls

Didn’t even touch the thing. lol sorry.

3. Upload another video.

Guess who didn’t do this. Guess who has a video ready to upload just sitting on her computer. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Actually, I do. (Reference above, lol)

(I will get this thing up when I feel a little better I promise!)

4. Read a book yo.

Didn’t do this. Also because of the above. Sigh. I did start THE HATE U GIVE and it’s amazing thus far. I’m around 100 pages in, and I love it.

5. Finish another character portrait.

If there’s something I did this month... Jeez...

I did a lot of art this month, man... So I mean, if there’s a silver lining to anything, it’s that... I actually just finished one of these an hour ago. I’m not going to show you one of them because I’m not digging the final outcome that much.

I finished this AWESOME painting of Emily from the FOSTERED books AKA the character who looks different every time I write with her... lol. (Did I just call my own art awesome? Uhm, well I say awesome because @sarahkelsiwrites​ drew the sketch, I only painted it in. So yes.)

I don't like complimenting my own work, but um, I think I have substantially (and quite miraculously) improved my abilities to shade using the painterly technique.

I actually did my first digital painting using the painterly technique earlier in the month.

Here I bring you, ‘Angsty Ben’

LOOK AT HIS EYELINER

LOOK AT HIS BLEACHED HAIR

LOOK AT HIS LIP RING.

LOOK AT HIS ANGST PATCH JACKET

LOOK AT HIS STROKES FANBOY T-SHIRT

THE SURF CURSE PATCH KILLS ME

WHO ELSE SEES THE CLIFFORD IS A DISAPPOINTMENT PATCH ON THE BOTTOM LEFT.

LOWKEY WHAT A FUTURE 17-YEAR-OLD BEN LOOKS LIKE.

Hahahahahaaaaaaa

I know. This is the best thing I’ve ever created. Ha. So this cheered me up. Awesome.

Obviously, it’s not entirely finished, though I’m just stopping here at this point, because it was really only here as a test in shading.

My point here, is that I think there’s quite a large improvement in shading...

@sarahkelsiwrites​ did an amazing job on Emily’s sketch, so huge thanks to her! I have a speedpaint for this, so it’ll be up at some point in time... Harrison is actually supposed to be next to her, buuuuut he’s giving me trouble, so... (He will be completed at some point in time also.)

AND NOW LOOK HOW LIT THIS IS

@sarahkelsiwrites​ drew me the most AMAZING portrait of Lonan, and I die.

If you don't know, the name Lonan means blackbird, and the meaning of his name, though never stated in the books, is a huge point of symbolism in the novels...

This is the sketch she drew (excuse the world’s shittiest scan):

(It’s shitty a) because the paper is kind of way too big for the scanner, and b) because haha my scanner is shitty)

BUT CAN WE JUST.

And then I, around an hour ago, went in and added colour...

AHHHHHHHH

Sarah said she’d eventually like to do a digital painting of this as well, so I’m just so stoked... THE SYMBOLISM IN THIS DRAWING ACTUALLY MURDERS MEEEEEE.

Cuz yanno, birds are supposed to be in cages, but LOOK AT HIIIIM.

In other news, I finally have an idea for book five’s cover...

Bless you, Sarah. Bless. This thing makes me so happy.

I also have a speedpaint for this. So yeah. Onslaught of vids coming your way the minute I start feeling better.

6. Complete that huge edit on FOSTERED #5.

YAAAAAS. I did this. In school. Like a boss. If you don't know, I like to go back and edit my novel every 10k words or so, and accidentally eventually let the usual 10k turn into 30k... So to continue writing, I had to make a bit of a large edit, and I did it! I think it happened in a day or so? So it was a lot less arduous than anticipated.

7. *Maybe* re-visit I’M DISAPPOINTED. Just maybe. If it won’t drive you nuts. Or at least look at the query and fix it up a little.

I thought about re-visiting I’M DISAPPOINTED. lol. Does that count. (More news on what the heck is happening with this book in my writing update which should be up at some point in time..)

8. Write at least 100 words in the I’M DISAPPOINTED short story.

I didn’t do this. I was supposed to edit what I had. I have it all formatted and everything. But I never printed it out... So then, I just never wrote anything...

Ahhh well, look at all the amazing art above, lol. I’ve done more, but I’m saving all that stuff for later when they’re all cleaned up and stuff.

So those were all my goals and stuff. So I mean, even though I had the shittiest month ever, I still managed to somehow get a lot of things done. I’m addicted to work. This is a problem.

(Oh by the way, another goal I hit this month... You know how I said a while back that I wanted to get a 97% average this semester? Well... uh. I kind of did. 97.25% to be exact... yeaaaaaahhhhhh I should stop...)

So here are more goals:

1. Hit 100k in FOSTERED #5

2. Outline more of ALANNIS, and like maybe try to finish it, though I mean this isn’t going to happen, so yeah, just work on it pls

3. Upload another video.

4. Read a book yo.

5. Finish another character portrait

like come on

6. Write at least 100 words in the I’M DISAPPOINTED short story. 

pls.

Some exciting things happening in my life right now:

- I’m seeing Ed Sheeran in concert this FRIDAYYYYYY

- I might be seeing Precious Kid in Pennsylvania. Possibly.

- MY BROTHERS MET PRECIOUS KID

- I’M SEEING FLIPPIN SURF CURSE IN CONCERT AT THE END OF AUGUST

- Also going to Mexico

So many things are happening, man...

Because this post started out as the world’s biggest bummer, I want to maybe help anybody out there who needs some comfort by sharing a couple of things that’ve made my past month less terrible.

Daughter performances have been the only thing keeping me going at night when I can’t sleep. My insomnia hasn’t left me alone for this entire week. After trying everything I know of (come on fam, even my favourite ASMR vid doesn’t work), I’ve resorted to watching performances of one of my favourite bands.

Elena writes beautiful songs about her own sadness. She does it in a way that brings me so much comfort. And while all that I go through is ugly, Elena uses words that make it sound beautiful, and in doing so, make my pain less hurtful.

I’ve never seen them perform their song Made Of Stone live, so finding this performance was absolutely amazing. I love that she expresses thoughts I’ve had myself. It makes me feel like hey, I’m not the only one. Someone gets me. This song does that very well.

See, this is why I love music. 

You’ll find love kid, it exists

I also love

This one really helped sooth my mind a bit. Which is nice. :)

This post really helped me when I was in a really suicidal rut a couple nights ago: https://themighty.com/2016/08/if-you-want-to-die-read-this/

^^^ I love this post.

On a little bit of a lighter note, Paramore’s Hard Times hits me where I need it.

If you’ve been a long-time follower, you know how much your girl loves Paramore.

THIS SONG.

Lyrically, it’s one of the saddest things Paramore has put out. But they’ve paired it with this funky beat that’s so ironically happy… And guys… The accuracy in representing depression… Oh my lord…

Hard times Gonna make you wonder why you even try Hard times Gonna take you down and laugh when you cry These lives And I still don’t know how I even survive Hard times Hard times

And I still don’t know how I even survive… <<< this hits my heart so much

I sing this part with no chilllllll.

*this brings me so much happiness*

Paramore was the thing that got me through that second terrible Jan+Feb beyond ATBP, so this is somewhat fitting…

This video by Dodie is the thing that pushed me to not give a shit if this seemed too bitter and pessimistic. She really made me feel that if I feel bitter and pessimistic, I should be real about that.

I’m not actually a fan of hers (I just don’t watch her vids, though I probably will now), but I’ve seen this thing pop up in my recommended since it came out, and I finally watched it last night. I love this video.

Also just kind of a simple one, but my sister helps too. Like loads. So far, she’s been the one to make me smile and laugh, even when I’m in the actual middle of this muggy period.

Maybe you don’t know this about me, but I’m a die-hard ASMR fan (if you suffer from insomnia, this is my secret to sleep), and CarolineASMR’s 24/7 livestream has been giving me life.

Whenever I’m just very down, and need something to do, I listen to this. And it’s always there. Which is so great for so many reasons. I wasn’t going to mention this one because I didn’t think it was that much of a help, but after going through my YouTube history, I realize that I’ve relied on this livestream so much this past week…

(If you ever need ASMR recs, hellooooo)

(START WITH BRIGHTGREYASMR THAT’S ALL I HAVE TO SAY, YOU’RE WELCOME. THIS video is the only one that kills my insomnia around 90% which is AWESOME)

So all of these things have contributed to making my life a little easier. I wanted to share them with you to hopefully bring some light into your life, if you’ve been going through some hard times too. Just know that at some point in life, this suck will ease. I don’t know if it will ever get better, and I won’t say that because I know I don’t even like when people say that to me. But you’re literally going to keep kicking ass. Even if all you’re doing right now is existing, you are still worthy of every single moment you have. I know I don’t have hope right now, so I can’t tell you to just have hope, because sometimes, being hopeful isn’t always easy. I hope you find your hope, and I hope I find my hope. If you ever need someone to talk to, I’m all ears.

That’s kind of the end of this post... Thank you for listening, if you made it this far. Thank you for letting me express myself when I need to. I hope this serves as a bit of an explanation for my MIA-ness. I’ll try to be back as soon as I can. You guys are sincerely the best.

See you in the next one. :)

--Rachel