#if only I could write fanfiction and other essays like this maybe id be happy or something idk

[tiistirtipii]

Day 125 of missing #AkkAyan and I’m going to get four separate parts out of this one scene so buckle in.

We all already know that Ayan knows exactly how to trick Akk. But as I’ve said before it’s interesting to consider it as Akk allowing himself to be tricked. By ‘trick’ I refer to the little games Ayan plays to get affection from Akk. I’m hesitant to call it manipulation even if it is because Akk is in a way consenting to this manipulation as it allows him to show honesty instead of having to say it. Something we know he struggles with. I don’t at all want to label their relationship as one of manipulation. I see it more as understanding each other to the level where Ayan is exchanging the teasing words that allow Akk to take a passive role (see day 123 and 120) for acts from Akk such as eating dinner together or kisses in order to get more comfortable with them overall. To a point where these exchanges aren’t needed or can grow to become a form of playfulness.

Ayan’s first attempt to get Akk to kiss his cheek very nearly works judging by the stunned and mesmerised look on Akk’s face and the fifteen straight seconds it took him to answer the question. This is when Ayan pulls out the tactic. Slightly different then what’s talked about above and on day 120 this trick of Ayan’s goes for Akk’s honour.

I could talk for longer about the politics behind the translation of the word ‘wife’ but there are many people who have done it far better than I could already so go read their stuff about it.

Anyway Ayan calls Akk his ‘wife’ and the anger that lights up in Akk’s eyes is quite funny. And quite cute. Ayan gives him an option when before his only choice to in a way retain his honour/masculinity was by not giving Ayan a kiss as the things he were concerned about were his position as head prefect and loyalty to the school (and also a bit of his honour as a man who shouldn’t like another man- internalised homophobia yay). Ayan gives him the opportunity to focus on another position he has. The one as Ayan’s boyfriend. The one where the honour comes from being, ‘the only one who kisses.’ And suddenly this task is so much easier for Akk. He’s not thinking about being head prefect he’s thinking about #winning at relationships.

You could go down the path of saying it’s sad this works on Akk. Him doing things for honour is part of why he got into this mess in the first place. But I chose to think Akk is smarter than that. As said before these teases are an exchange. It’s not like he actually didn’t want to kiss Ayan. More like the only way he can reconcile placing his prefect honour aside for a moment is picking up something to take its place- that being boyfriend honour. Which Ayan happily pushes him towards.

Finally Akk gives in and gives Ayan the longest cheek kiss he could possibly pretend to give as if forced to. He really could have given Ayan a tiny peck or the barest touch with his lips but no we all saw your nose get squished there Akk. Ayan felt it too judging by his smile that could light up the whole earth afterwards.

I’ll continue on with this scene tomorrow hopefully but things have been getting busy lately I’ll try keep making these daily but who knows. All i know is that I miss Akk and Ayan. More and more every day.