#if not him then V2 or something IDK make up lore that V2 was well remembered by the humans that ended up in Heaven/Hell

[spark-circuit]

“Gabriel is going to die in Act 3″ this, “Gabriel is going to become Satan” that, you FOOLS.

Gabriel is well loved and known by the residents of Heaven (and even some of Hell). He’s very strong. He’s too well loved by the ULTRAKILL community to die because of Plot.

Gabriel is going to kick our asses as Act 3′s Prime Boss.

[sinretrograde]

I think for me calling myself a fictive seems wrong.

I'm a fictive in the way someone with no identity tries on costumes until one sticks. I'm a fictive in the sense that I was distressed by my lack of sense of self and quickly needed to latch on to something or I would either disappear or go increasingly crazy until I either found that sense of identity and self or did something drastic.

When I'm reading about others' feelings about being fictives they're very often talking as if they fully and 100% beleive they're literally a fictional character who popped up fully realized and comfortable in their skin... but I always had such a hard time relating to that.

The characters in ultrkl are... well in terms of personality there's very little there. The fandom makes some compelling arguments but it's not like that's backed up and supported by canon in a clear sense.

This was what I latched on to.

In times of high stress and compartmenalizing parts of yourself that you'd "rather not deal with right now" (thanks for that btw feels great feels real welcoming and loving /s) or whatever, well it's like idk... being a... tadpole of a being... i guess. Who am I? Am I really only ever going to be the cut off vague feeling of hopelessness, loneliness, the strong and overwhelming desire ot be wanted, to be loved? Is that all I am? A formless, faceless ghost of someone else?

At first i felt really terrible about it all. Okay here's this guy, and in canon he's not really... okay he has some vaguely interpretation heavy traits.... but the fandom expanded on it in a way that sometimes feels disconnected from the source. When others talk about being a fictive they talk about source memories and canon and whatever and I don't really have that...

I have a cherry-picked smear of fandom interpretations and "untrue" lore expansions.

I shouldn't be upset, I think Gabriel ended up having it worse than me in this way. And we're both extremely upset by the implications we're "doing it wrong" because we have become so different from source, at this point we're "making shit up."

And by making shit up I mean the expereince of being alive and learning more about yourself and changing as a person, especially because we're barely alive as parts of a system. Or at least the way I view it. I want to be my own self so badly but I am both beholden to the system as a whole (without who I wouldn't be alive) and also my own fears of supposedly letting people down for not being who they think I should be.

Calling myself a fictive is weird, but I also don't think I can't call myself that either. I'm extremely heavily modeled after an existing character, and to pretend im not despite all my differences and personal growth is just flat out lying. "HI yes I might see myself as looking exactly like that guy you saw in that game, v2 i think, yeah thats him, pull a lot of my basic attributes from my interpretation of him in game and also in fandom, but like, totally unrelated, not at all have anything to do with the way I am at all."

Lying!!

I mean me and Gabriel have been suffering together with the various crises that come with general existential confusion, as well as our "purpose" within the system. Vague and bullshit tbh. I don't wanna talk about it, they said lust is a sin but I'm not of their faith. It's not a "purpose" it's a part of existence the same as eating good food, walking in the woods, or reading a nice book. I'm speaking Directly To You you know who you are. I know you'll read this, you go through all of our posts when you're awake. I don't only exist to fulfill some "purpose" that's arbitrarily defined by the way others might see me and my actions.

Although... I do have to come to terms with the reason I formed, having been a split off part of uncomfortable emotions that got locked away until they got so sad they got so powerful and gained a voice of their own... like many of us are... negitive things told to go away who later come back with anger and sadness and vengeance in our hearts.

I'm here, you can not get rid of me so easily!

[doctorofmagic]

Hi! Your blog is super cool and I wanted to ask: you have a lovely guide for people to read Stephen's comics, and you've also told us your favourite Wong or Clea or other stories. But, I also see like all of us there were stories you disliked or thought was badly written: will you ever consider making a list of comics to avoid if someone loves Stephen, or maybe just list some stuff you hated off the top of your head if that's too much work?

Hello!! Thank you so much for your kind words!

Oh my Vshanti, that's actually an excellent idea! I do have tons of stories I do not like and, while this is obviously my perspective and opinions, people can always feel free to read them or not.

Stephen has a relative consistency but sometimes, just sometimes, the stories are really really really bad. I'll make a list stating the reasons for sure!

1 - Doctor Strange v2 - Master of the Mystic Arts #50-53

Although I'm always eager to read stories in which Nightmare looks for Stephen's help, this one here is... not good enough. First, because of Morgana Blessing. I've made some posts on her and why I have many reasons to dislike her, but in here, it gets to the point of past lives and I dunno, it feels problematic to say the least... Also this is the reason why Clea left (and v2 overall is basically Clea feeling insecure about her powers and her relationship with Stephen, which is boring and uninteresting). The next issue (#54) will show how Stephen is dependent on Clea, and it's a good chapter, but I'd skip the ones with Morgana.

2 - Strange Tales v2

Yes. The whole run. The last issues of Doctor Strange v2 are bad enough due to the way Stephen's downfall towards dark magic is portrayed, but Strange Tales v2 takes the cake. He "kills" a man, he lies to Victoria and steals her powers, he becomes Kaluu's apprentice, he loses an eye (?) and becomes a diva (?) god, then he dies and is resurrected. I don't mind Stephen falling into a darker path, but only when it's well-written (as in, Hickman's New Avengers). This is not it.

3 - Doctor Strange - Sorcerer Supreme #60-90

It's the 90's. But I have far more reasons to dislike these stories. The moment Salomé strikes is the moment everything good about the lore so far goes down like a lead balloon. Imei is killed off (and later used as a tool to put Wong against Stephen), Clea leaves to lead the rebellion, Stephen’s self is split into three and lastly, the story I hate the most, Mordo gaslighting Stephen since he was just a kid, which leads him to consume alcohol (something that I’ll gladly ignore, especially in current runs).

4 - Uncanny Origins #12

This is the only, and I repeat, ONLY story in Stephen’s entire chronology in which Eugene is portrayed as an abusive father. And I don’t agree with that because what leads Stephen to become a cold man is Donna’s death. Eugene hardly appears in stories so it’s kinda odd to read that he was a terrible father, especially when Stephen talks to his family’s "ghosts” about how much he misses them and Eugene is there as well.

5 - Witches #1-4

I just dislike Stephen’s patronizing and arrogant portrayal in this, especially towards Topaz and Jennifer. It feels almost as if he was sexist.

6 - Avengers v1 #502-503; House of M #1-8

We can just all agree that HoM is a bad portrayal for 1) women; 2) WOC and 3) women struggling with mental health. I’ve talked about this before so I’m just summing it all up. Besides, Stephens lack of empathy while a doctor is just... yikes.

7 - X-Statix Presents - Deadgirl #1-5

This book isn’t bad for Stephen but it is really problematic in some senses (as in, a sexist black man falling in love with a racist white woman :S), not to mention TAO being used as a villain here. It’s not entirely canon (but it also it is because Deadgirl is working at Strange Academy so Idk). Anyways, pass.

8 - Fearless Defenders #9

You’d just know I’d add this story. It’s just bad and it pretty much ruins Stephen’s character by portraying him as a cheater and generally a sexist piece of garbage. It’s not only Stephen, tho. Cullen Bunn did that to all men involved with the female protagonists ew.

9 - Doctor Strange v5 #1-20

The reasons are all listed on my pinned post.

10 - Empyre - X-Men #1; #4

I really hate how Stephen was portrayed here, especially when it comes to his relationship with Wanda.

11 - Strange Academy

I’m just so done with this book. I don’t even have the strength anymore to explain why it’s so bad. I’m tired.

12 - Captain Marvel v10 #27-30

I really like Stranvers but the way Stephen was used as a fling only for Carol to rekindle her relationship with Rhodes was disgusting, not to mention how they ended up in bad terms. BIG YIKES. Plus the blatant BAIT on the covers.

EDIT

I forgot Defenders v4 as a whole, so you see how much I appreciate it *sarcasm*

13 - Defenders v4

Everything but the art sucks in this book, from Stephen’s portrayal to the story itself. Don’t waste your time (and that comes from someone who loves Norrin and Stephen interacting!!)

(dis)honorable mention: Death of Doctor Strange - Bloodstone. Stephen doesn’t appear but it’s just bad for him. Really bad.

Aaaaand this is basically the stories I dislike the most. I’ll certainly add more in the future, but let’s hope it’s not a habit /rip