#if my practice schedule doesn't let up soon i am going to kill everyone in my section and then myself

[drippingmoon]

Merry new year to everyone, again! 🥳💞🥂

I know it wasn’t an event this year, but writing a yearly wrap-up is really therapeutic, you know? So I decided to continue the tradition, and if anyone wants to join me, absolutely view this as an open invitation^^ Introduction is over, and now let’s see what 2023 looked like:

(spoilers: I adored it. I'm also probably going to make this my fixed post, in case anyone ever wants to catch up with me. And also because my second baby, AoS, is growing, and it doesn't have an intro, but I can't leave it out.)

Stats

Aquiver, Aglow: 181k (draft 4) + 195k (draft 5) + hmm, draft 6 is an outlier, because I didn’t rewrite from scratch, so I’m unsure of the written word count. I didn’t change much from draft 5, so I’d say an extra 15-20k. Total word count: 376k+

Remains of a Night: 120k 

Aberration of Sunlight: 134k

This was definitely my most productive year to date. And I got so hungry: the more I wrote, the more I just wanted to keep writing, and honestly? I’m proudest of myself for literally carving writing time whenever I got a spot into my schedule. Mostly it was from 8pm-11pm, but I had a mad run where my only free window was from 1am till I literally felt I was dying… I’ll talk about that separately🤣🤣👌

Though, I'm seriously understating it.

Like a lot of other people, I would have all these hours when I was younger when I didn't have anything to do, yet I'd still find some excuse not to write. "I'm waiting for the right time." "I'm anxious I'm not going to get it right." "Tomorrow! Tomorrow I can start right from the morning, and I'll have more time to write, yeah?" or "I'm too tired now, it's late..." and so the snowball rolled down and downhill and I found every reason under the sun not to write, now that I think about it. Sigh. So much time wasted. But I can't regret it either, because I needed those baby steps at that time.

And now! Now I do what I thought I'd never learn to: I prioritize, and I actually organize my daily stuff so it's not so impossible anymore to have a little bit of writing time. I don't take it for granted either. It feels like such character growth for me, I'm immensely proud of it.

And for the record? This year was a huge improvement over yesteryear mentally, too. It turns out, what I needed to get over my word count anxiety… was to be faced with people who literally didn’t give a fuck about it, and just cared about the story. One of the most unexpected things beta stage managed to do to me… was to quench all my anxieties. It’s as simple as that. I read and enjoy very long books. People also do that. So, I’m very happy to say I’m no longer in a tizzy about ‘quiv. It might kill my chances for trad publishing, it might not. I’ll be happy come what may.

Because it’s so simple how working on ‘quiv or thinking about it makes me joyous, and now I can just enjoy that freely. I will miss writing this story so much. I really will. But at least I’ll have it forever to reread, and I hope this thought brings comfort to everyone who also has problems letting go, like it does to me.

Let’s break it down a little, shall we?🤩

Aquiver, Aglow◇◇◇

My little star of the hour. How fond I am of it.

Like you could glean from above, ‘quiv went through three drafts this year. More specifically: in the first part of the year, practically almost as soon as February arrived. I knew it was getting closer to the final version, and gave me the push to finish all three back to back. I couldn’t justify anymore the bazillion AUs I do with rewrites (basically, WHAT IFs from events, WHAT IF it went this different way, WHAT IF Tyrone actually said this here… and so on and so forth. I wanted to test out as many pathways as possible, and did I exhaust every one of them in existence? Definitely not. I don’t think that can happen, you just keep getting new ideas. On and on. What happened, instead, is that these couple different pathways, at some point, cemented themselves as canon in my mind. I didn’t want to tease myself with alternatives anymore, and that’s when I knew they would be it. Some bits from the first draft, some from the third, some from the second. Some were even draft 6 originals!

It’s a bit of a weird process. I definitely didn’t need to reach draft 3, and meet Mezusa, because I could’ve feasibly made it work with just Yles in the story. It still would’ve made sense, though in a different way. But if I hadn’t… I might’ve missed one of the best characters I’ll ever probably have created, and the story (and Yles) is much stronger for her, if you ask me. 

For that matter, yes, full rewrites every single draft might take a lot of time and effort, but honestly I don’t think I’d ever change my writing process (save for the moments of frustration when I think I will lol) because of the sheer satisfaction of it. Whoever said so long never to settle on the first version, I owe you a beer and probably some curses as well lmao, but very lovingly. You shaped my writing life.

I don’t have much else to share about ‘quiv, other than it’s off with my beta readers my beloved, and maybe a tentative promise that, if anyone wants, you’ll be able to read this precious ball of hope of mine relatively soon. This story is so gentle to me. And as much as I loved to write and work on it, I dearly hope that whoever decides to give it a go, is treated just the same. That’s the only wish I have.

I also don’t know if I’ll go trad or self-published. Instincts say trad, because I fuckin’ suck at marketing (fact), and I know I’d grow resentful if I’d have to put so many hours into advertising when I know I could instead… write. I’m a writer. That’s the only thing I know how to do. Trad, however, might not be as kind on a ~200k as life’s been, so I might not have a choice. If it comes down to that… I’ll just treat it as I do everything. I don't love this story any less if I just write, publish without a fuss, hope that maybe, just maybe, a reader or two will stumble upon the story and we could talk. Maybe we can have the fun of our lives, create some genuine connection. I know that’s applies to a lot of writers. I hope we can accomplish it.

And so, I’ll finish this section of the wrap-up with a kiss to my ‘quiv, for all the warmth it’s ever brought me. It’s come so far, I know it can live distinct from me from now on. It brings me great comfort. And I look forward to the times I’ll reread it, and we can relive our best experiences together. Never thought I’d get to this point. Thank you, ‘quiv.

Remains of a Night♤♤♤

Mwhahaha! And because ‘quiv took all the pressure, this left AoS to be an extremely fun and spirited experience. Literally the chillest I’ve ever been writing. In many ways, it’s more my thing than I expected ‘quiv to be: I get to murder characters left and right, it’s more plot-heavy and banking on the tension created by a creature that horrifies the characters down to their marrow, but still the only way to defeat it is to know it better, which, uh, might have unpleasant consequences for them. It’s got chase and stealth scenes, and it always shoots me with adrenaline to think about them. In short, exactly my jam.

It’s not a new book, nope. You knew it before as Aberration of Sunlight, but from the get-go I felt it would be bigger than ‘quiv. Very fortunately for me, I had a place where to break it, and behold: there’s RoaN (book 1), and AoS (book 2). There might be a third book, which I dearly hope not because titling sucks, but it depends on the Sycamine arc. More on that in AoS.

One last thing to note, before we delve into the story (hoo-ray for earlier drafts, because I can talk more frankly about them). This is the culprit of my 1am writing adventures!!😫❤ My schedule became too packed, then NaNo came round and I couldn’t pass up the opportunity to honor how AoS began, because it was last year’s NaNo, aaand I’m happy to say I won NaNo, somehow, with 56k down before I died. At that time, I only had one section left to write (from both books), otherwise, hahahaha, yeah, it wouldn’t have flown. Still, most of draft 2 I’d written in September-October, with my fairy lights, late nights, and cups of hot cocoa, exactly like how life should be<3

Alright. We’re going through them chapter-by-chapter again, exactly because I love seeing the titles so much:

ACT 1

Cracked Visor, Scorpion Grass

I did it! I did! Twas another shower thought I managed to get down in time. Bare broken sentences, but they did the impossible, and arranged this chapter into a structure I adore to bits and won't ever change. (And 'quiv's naughty voice left me alone for once and I could write it properly!) While I don't think I'll ever be happy with a first chapter (not as a concept, but the writing — part of me will always wish that the reader just had all the information already lol), this one is in the right place.

It pays its respects to the story of the broken helmet at the foot of a spaceship, and how it reconnects Madigan with all the people who'd suffered from being tethered to the planets when they yearned to fly, but the Beast punished them cruelly for it. It makes him feel phantoms of their efforts. The tone is exactly what I needed this story to start from: melancholy and numbly hopeless, against the backdrop of the Beasts's echoed cries.

Rain Through the Universe

Unlike 'quiv, because RoaN and AoS are way more plot-heavy, it's not as easy to change things willy-nilly (whereas 'quiv was all about character bonds and dynamics). As such, it's very similar to draft 1. Because of that, I'll frankendraft next (select and combine drafts 1 and 2, rewrite to connect them) and afterwards I'll try something I've always wanted to. (Scrivener keeps hinting at it!) I'm gonna split the chapters into scenes, and focus on those individually and how I can just rewrite them and set their purpose in stone<3 I'm excited!

As for the chapter itself, gods, I love the atmosphere. Just the wreckage of a sundered ship, and Madigan’s sudden madman appearance making a lasting impression on Spica, because how could it not. They no longer answer distress calls in that age, it just means more dead bodies. In fact, they're forbidden to. Madigan instead brings him what he himself lacks: hope. And a lot of crawling around while dreading the Beast's lambent eye opening, and oh my, the moments are really flying by😈👏 extreme fun for me as the writer.

Aberration of Light

If you remember, the books follow two timelines, which will connect at some point. The first and main one is Madigan and Spica’s story. The other is Holloway’s, in the distant past of that universe, and who’s been dubbed the most selfish man in existence. That’s important, because of how the Beast came to be. But that becomes important later. For now, a weird-ass new recruit has joined the ship, and the witchy crew will very soon start making bets if she’s the Beast in human flesh, which really wouldn’t bode well for their future.

Night Falls On Their Reflection

Draft 2 became Spica’s draft. It was high time. He didn't exist in the original idea beyond chapter 2, but he refused to die with his story untold. And now he's one of the most independent thinkers I've ever written. Now he's Madigan's son (yes, even at 25), best friend, back-to-back partner all in one, and I could watch the trust and mutual respect between these two forever. To be sure: Madigan comes up with the dumbass plans, and Spica's only too happy to follow him through everything (it is good fun.)

He's repaying the incredible kindness Madigan's shown him when answering his distress call, after all.

But it goes a bit further than that, doesn't it? Madigan is used to watching over myriad people. He's the Superintendent of his planet, and while he genuinely loves people, kindness is his default. It doesn't go further than that for him. He doesn't necessarily think people need, much less desire his presence there beyond Madigan extending help, and most of the time, he's content with that. Kindness does make him happy. And it should be the same with Spica now, shouldn't it? He's kind, but he's not Spica's family, nor ever will be. Yet he immediately feels a connection with the boy, that has nothing to do with bonding over escaping-a-cosmic-disaster. And so does Spica.

This is the moment when Madigan starts feeling guilty, for stepping where he should not. But here's the beauty of Spica's character: he's nothing if not dead sure of his own feelings, and what he sees with his eyes. It's okay if Madigan keeps unexpectedly taking steps back. For very long, there'd been nobody to support Spica's beliefs. So he does the same, as when he followed his heart to go into dead space: he believes in himself and Madigan, and that their paths aren't meant to diverge. They mean too much to each other for that to ever happen.

(In short, and legend says you can still hear me screeching about these two ten thousand years later, I love these two so much, and especially the parallels between Spica going alone into outer space and loving Madigan.)

(And, okay, obviously all these developments don't happen in a single chapter, but I couldn't stop gushing🤭🥰.)

Who Puts These Tombs in Ice

Overall, I think draft 2’s Luitgart performed worse than draft 1. Mainly it's the setting I want to revert (still an icy, sempiternally dark hell, but with different ice constructions) because some of the beats are a huge improvement, and again, I gotta combine the two. Otherwise, I’m still as obsessed about the Luitgart arc as I’ve ever been, and huge thanks to it for being so strong it could function as an ending of its own, allowing me to split the book.

Gettin’ into spoilery territory, but I have to un-kill Madigan so many times it leaves me in hysterics. That was what I was supposed to fix this draft. It got worse. Considerably.

(One constant: the chapter being a love letter to Madigan, and how his first answer will always be to help the other, no matter if they deserve it or not<3 and finally, finally, he gets acknowledged for it, and the favor returned.)

ACT 2

Lemon-Dotted Days + Remnant

Two Holloway chapters! I’m actually massively pleased with how they’ve turned out. Last year, I said the main issue was that I had an outline, and that never works for me. So I did what I do best and rewrote everything from scratch, and the result is both uncanny and… unexpected.

Unexpected, because I never in my life thought Holloway’s voice would make me laugh so much. He’s supposed to be unsympathetic, but then you get his interactions with Saintlark (the new crewmate, possibly Beast) where they’re contemplating the harvest of a nebula, and he’s harshly critical of it, which gives Saintlark hope… only to go deadpan One Moment Later: if they’d used the nebula to prolong their lives instead of bolstering the war, they wouldn’t have died like clown idiots. 

And, they could’ve maybe stolen immortality from the nebula. They would've had to share it with him, of course. Or he would've murdered them to get it.

That, my guys, is his personality in a nutshell.

I have a lot of feelings on Holloway now, and most involve me huffing and slapping my forehead while groaning, but oh my gods. Was it ever so fun. And wait, wait, wait. Since I'm talking of humor (apparently a lot of comedy fit into this horror lmfao) I have to show you guys the following section🤣🤣👏:

Corpse Snow

The drifters are set howling on the ice. They share glances, five separate vehicles nodding at each other. Madigan revs up the engine, splitting the air with a jet of steam and vibration.

The last of the marines are climbing into the box. A figure flashes past Madigan’s drifter — and he leans over, teeth grinding because of his ribs, and he does his very best to grab someone by the back of their suit and pull. Workout days were never his strength, though. He only succeeds in stopping them in the frost smoke.

It’s Spica dangling from his hand, expressionless.

Lieutenant Hahn instantly seizes on the situation. He throws Madigan a long, withering look. “Whatcha doing, Boss?” he asks softly, about to unhinge his jaw again.

Madigan nudges Spica into the drifter. “Picking up your boy.”

Spica gets the hint and deposits himself into the front seat, glancing from his father to his Superintendent. He seems to give up on whatever’s going on, and makes himself cozy in the frosty spot. And Madigan, of course, pretends not to notice Hahn’s drifter sliding closer.

“And you didn’t consider I might want to have my son with me?”

Madigan looks up and sighs. “Lieutenant, dear Lieutenant,” he starts pleadingly. “Why won’t you show some leniency to a poor, wounded man?”

Hahn’s drifter stops, summoning a breeze across the icy floor that gently rocks the other vehicle. His breathing distorts the comms with static. “And what exactly is my son right now?”

“My trusty navigator,” Madigan answers easily.

“Sir’s emotional walking stick?” Spica pipes in at the same time.

They both look over. Spica’s quietly turned to the navigation, as serene as daylight, seemingly oblivious to how Madigan's expression changes, lightning-fast. He quickly hides it under the guise of a polite mask, as the marines stir and turn their attention on them. They’re snickering.

Lieutenant Hahn throws up his hands, giving up on everything.

This is also the first 30k chapter I’ve ever written. It's everything I've ever wanted to do with ice.

Heart of the Void

The end of the book. Originally, it was the ending section to Corpse Snow, but since it already got so ungodly long, I chipped off that bit and I have to say I’m very happy with how it works as an epilogue! So it ends the frosty, weary journey, and I can’t see the two books as separate yet, but here we bid goodbye to the first.

Aberration of Sunlight♧♧♧

I did the unthinkable and created a fifth arc. This might not seem like much to you, but I was screaming bloody murder you guys😭😭😭. Sigh. It’s so sigh. For so long, AoS consisted of four clear-cut acts, but it was necessary. With the introduction of Sycamine, and making it two books, it was just needed. It’s still one of the worst things I’ve ever done because I was used to four😃💔

(The chapters continue from where RoaN left off – from chapter 10, to 21.)

ACT 3

Retro Spectrum

Sycamine, oh Sycamine. Definitely the break I needed before Days in Darkness. It made for a really neat beginning. It’s calmer, focusing on the knowledge they have on the Beast. It’s also a reflection on Procyon (their main star) and the story of the two straggler dog constellations, and what they'd been running away from. I liked the direction it took. It veered away from the Beast for a bit, so the tension kept expanding in the background. And when it returns, well... maybe they shouldn't have been so eager to see it again🤭.

It suffers from the same syndrome as draft 1’s first chapter… it’s there in the vicinity of the idea, but too much to the left. Not bad for a first attempt. The setting annoys me – I really don't enjoy writing cities, and AoS didn't change that. So, for our next try, I was thinking... maybe we don't need to be on the planet, but up close and veeery personal with it. It's a secret❤.

And, oh gods. I put a moustache-twirling villain in this. And then I couldn’t stop myself from naming some sucker Sweetman Calories. I don’t know what happened to me during those days, but I’m crying🤣🤣🤣.

Toast to the Light

Holloway and Saintlark’s story is slowly coming to an end. Unexpectedly bleaker than draft 1, yet it feels much more sincere. Holloway has a way of saying everything Saintlark needs to hear. No surprise. They did that to themselves.

Dissonant Recognition

Ahhhh, the Madigan-is-slowly-losing-his-grip-on-reality chapter, or maybe he should really stop staring into the suns. One of my favorites<3 Also because it features Moren (!!!) who has a blast staying in the grey morality area, because she doesn’t know if her actions could ever matter, or if she could change anything. Does she just exist? Is she a player or just pawn? Who knows. Besides that, she gets along great with Spica. They form such a teasing duo, the level of mutual respect they felt for each other on sight was a delight to write. My favorite ally of theirs, even if her destiny lies elsewhere.

Night Beneath the Elevator

Best title hands down, dethroning Solgesis. I’m going batshit crazy about the visuals, it's exactly my thing. This half-light slanted over an elevator waiting in a rundown basement to be boarded. And there's something underneath it, and always has been. Something insidiously creeping up and waving its tendril fingers at you as you're just waiting for the fucking thing to ascend. Immaculate, guys, I'm telling you, and I'm cursing my hands because I can't make a wallpaper of this. I want to eat that atmosphere.

Time-sensitive missions, y'all.

And why the heck did nobody inform me I was going to add Command as an actual character and have them talk with Madigan?! That entire convo, made up entirely on the spot but somehow with a direction, made me realize what an idiot I’d been for not doing it sooner. They mean so much to Madigan, after all.

(And Mariya. So much Mariya in these chapters.)

ACT 4

Loop System

Like Who Puts These Tombs in Ice, draft 1 might’ve done it better. Not Spica and Madigan, though, because of the sheer development Spica’s been through and the dynamic he’s managed to form with the crew. It's different from Madigan’s, but similar enough that it’s got Hahn commenting lightly: [Spica’s] picked up quite a few habits from Madigan, hasn’t he? Almost as if they’ve gotten very very close, huh? How about Madigan tell him more?

(I adore writing Hahn.)

Outreach

Another Holloway chapter. Doesn’t have the punch of the kids subplot from draft 1, but this just makes it worse for Saintlark personally, because, this time, the consequences are on her.

Days in Darkness

I knew the moment I first got the idea this would be my favorite chapter. Well, it finally happened in draft 2: when the entire crew is here, this time, and ready for the final countdown, to relive the experience of being trapped in a ship that's disintegrating. No more heroes left behind. I'd been so tired writing this chapter in draft 1, but this time around it was incredible. Everything went up sharply from here, both in terms of events and how on fire I was.

(Maybe less than the gorgon, but I was.)

ACT 5

Echo Terminal

The first of the two log chapters.

I've never written smoother, more visual chapters than in this period. Days in Darkness changed me so much, I was writing day and night by this point and couldn't get enough. Well, I hit my limit in the second half of the very last chapter, but I am beyond satisfied. Even the Beast's metamorphosis took me by storm, because I'd been wondering what the final verbs, the final images, the final design for it was going to be. I didn't expect it to come to me this early, and with such thrill. Those were my very best days of the year, and I toast to them.

(And I knew it was going to be fantastic when Halo's Warthog Run OST started blaring in my head, with as much adrenaline.)

Where, Now? + Solgesis

My beloved. The second and last of the two log chapters, but it’s Noelle Saintlark’s log.

Holloway’s timeline ends here. Or maybe it just gets carried into the future. I thought I’d want to rewrite his parts again, make the plot just a tiny bit more psychedelic and nonsensical because it’s so close to the Beast… but Solgesis put all my fears to rest. Even the formatting and layout is a bit of that special thing I’ve always wanted to try, and it really changes the perspective of the previous chapters. There's a new confession that stands at the heart of Holloway's stories.

Honestly, the only thing that needs urgent working on is the anger at the end of the chapter.

Anger is so hard for me to write sometimes. Not because I don’t connect with it, but because I feel self-conscious writing it. The wildest I felt it was when I tackled 'quiv's chapter 3 and Imera's Turning speech, both in quick succession (before I'd even written draft 1. I'd been taking notes.) Since then... I just thing back to how keenly I'd felt that anger, and I kind of intimidate myself out of it. Kind of like a natural resistence, I quench it from myself. Which is actually hilarious when you think about it. It’s like I’m going I BANISH THEE FROM MY BRAIN because generally, as a person, I dislike feeling and operating on anger. But no worries. I’m going to find a way around it.

Watch me😎.

What Goes Around…

(Now it’s the time for me to start crying some rivers, and, alright, it won’t be visible so I’ll say it: the chapter titles are holding a conversation, guys. They speak to each other. And sometimes it’s both sides of the same coin, like how What Goes Around (comes around) hints here. If you take two chapters, one from the beginning and one from the end (for example 1 and 21) it'll tell you a little secret. Okay, What Goes Around and Rain Through the Universe communicate through their plot, which I can’t spoil but of course it has to do with Madigan and Spica and how they first meet… but there is one title pair that does it best visibly. 

Lemon-Dotted Days and Days in Darkness.

And I hadn’t even planned this. All the parallels I wanted to draw… I feel like they built themselves, guys. They really did, and it makes me so wildly happy I don’t even know how to stop my hands from flailing.

And, with them being 21 chapters, they meet in the middle, on the one unpaired chapter.

Called Toast to the Light.

I friggin’ love everything.

New Sunrise, Forget-Me-Right

Of course, Forget-Me-Right is a play on Scorpion Grass. But it’s also such a gentle name for the chapter, because everything ends here. Lying on their backs, staring out into the universe, and it really, really is over. Just a dark horizon on which stars flare and bloom. And suddenly, that maddened rush to make every sacrifice count, to remember every soul they’ve encountered because the legend says the Beast absorbs you when it kills you – all that suffocating pressure dissipates. Lightness remains. Because they’ve protected each other.

For the first time in my writing journey, blood rushed to my head with such emotion I had to stop writing, which never happens. I had to look up and exclaim, holy fuck. But how could I not, considering how the story ends for the Beast? I am speechless. A lot of gorgeous surprises this draft.

Conclusion□●□

Whew, what a year it's been! As for how 2024 will probably look like, though I don't like making plans: finishing the beta stage for 'quiv, and tackling RoaN and AoS's draft 3. Thaaaat one I'm actually starting on Christmas, when I can (finally!!) reread draft 2 with my mug of hot cocoa (or maybe mulled wine for a change) and, no surprises here, I'm hyper stoked for that<3 <3 <3 I legit can't wait to see where the new draft brings them. I might not have set any expectations for them, but they're vying to keep up with 'quiv and I adore it🤭❤

As for my lovely friends... well, you know by how I spam your tags how much I adore you and wish you happiness forever🤩🥺🥳 I don't know what my activity will look like in the near future, so for now I won't be saying anything, and my semi-hiatus continues. Semi, because you're unforgettable and I crave to see what everyone's been up to and (!!!!) what you've written!

So let's meet in 2024 again, and all the best wishes to you, the reader🥰🥂❤.

[memeyqueenybeany6996]

The Teaching Assistant

Chapter 6

The wait for monday is painfully long!! She does get called out for a mission and gets scolded when something goes wrong, when it wasn't her fault! How is bad intel her fault, her only objective was to get in and out with the injured while the other heros on her team fought. It was like they knew someone was coming and hid a villain among the hostages. She fought tooth and nail and almost kill the guy, lucky she didn't.

She did get bruised up, and a fractured arm but nothing her quirk couldn't handle, even if it made her extremely tired in the end. She did heal up the hostages, even the knocked out villain who almost died of blood loss. But once again seems everyone in her brothers agency finds fault with her for no reason. It's stupid majorly so.

Back to Monday night she's showing off a few different button up shirts to Stubby, "so be real with me, which one should I wear to the interview, the red one or the black one?" She ask

The cat huffs and gives a head tilt which Amelia replies, "I know it's a virtual interview but I still need to look, ya know, professional."

She looks at the mirror in her room and holds up each air of clothing, "I think black works better, I already have red hair and red eyes, it would be to much to wear red." She comments to herself

She looks at the time, Japan is about 12 hours behind America. So  she needs to wait until 3 am, since that's when the video call is scheduled for.

(Okay so correct me if I'm wrong about the time, but I believe that's right)

She sits the shirt flat on her desk and debates on wearing dress parts or PJ bottoms to the virtual interview, cause what's the chance they make her stand up and show her outfit off? She decides to stay on the safe side and wear dress pants, plus it shows she went the extra mile.

She checks the time it's 9:13 PM. She's got time to shower, maybe nap before getting up closer to 3 in the morning. She nods as she does just that. She wakes up to her blaring alarm as, she lazyly swipes her phone screen to shut the alarm off as she sits up.

Her red hair needs another brush through as she swings to feet to the edge of her queen bed before getting to her feet. She does a big stretch and rushes to get dressed in the bathroom still having 30 minutes to make herself presentable.

Stubby is already sitting on the counter by her laptop, as she comes out of her room looking good in her blue button up and black dress pants, she doesn't bother with shoes as she sits down on the barstool getting her laptop ready as 3 am in 5 minutes away.

She runs her hands through her red locks and looks at Stubby, "okay, I look good right? Oh jeez so I speak Japanese or do I speak English, what if I mess up!? I never had the chance to really practice my Japanese before." Amelia says begining to panic

The cat gives off a purr trying to be reassuring, he believes in her after all. His white tail stretches and wraps a pound her hand in reassurance. Which Amelia looks grateful for as she looks at the time and decides to join the Oogle meeting.

She stares at her own video feed before it a conference room pops up, she sees a mouse looking thing and a really really tired guy and a-wow how does someone get their hair to stand like that?

She feels her heart beat pick up, as she feels like a deer caught in headlights as the sound soon feeds through.

"Miss Tano correct? Can ya hear us just fine?" The mouse thing (is he a stout?) ask in Japanese

She gulps before nodding, "y-yes sir I can hear you loud and clear. Can you umm.. hear me?" She replies cautiously in Japanese as well

(Just a word of warning she'll be speak in Japanese for the meeting and so will Nezu, Aizawa, and Present Mic)

The mouse thing nods back as the blond Cockatoo gives a thumbs up.

"I was worried their would be tad but if a language barrier but I'm glad there isn't. Let me introduce ourselves. Am I a mouse, a bear, whatever I am, all you need to know is I'm the principal of UA, I go by Nezu." The mouse thing states

The blond goes giving a big grin, "I'm Present Mic, but my real name is Yamada Hizashi! I teach English here at UA, I'm mostly here to help translate if there's issues with communication. Glad a cutie like you doesn't have a problem-ow. Sho that was my shin."

The tired man seems to have kicked Yamada under the table, while Nezu just sips tea and enjoys the chaos a bit.

"I'm Aizawa Shouta, class 1a homeroom teacher, I'm the person who you'll be working with if this goes well." He states a bit tired with a neutral expression, looks like he doesn't wanna be here

"Way to bring down the mood dude." Whispers Yamada and the microphone barely picks it up

Nezu clears his throat taking back control of the meeting, "now that we have introduced ourselves, I think it's time you introduced yourself, don't you think?" Nezu says in his usual cheerful tone

Amelia feels tense but she nods none the less, she remembers everyone's been introducing themselves by last name first, then first name. "I'm Tano Amelia, I've been a pro hero for 6 years and ranked in top 150. I'm a rescue hero, so while I can fight I prefer more slip in and out unoticed with civilians safe. My hero name is Mercy, and I'm known as the Medic Hero." She states softly and confidently (so proud 🥲 of my shy baby)

The three on the other side of the world take notes, as she talks. She does pause a small amount to give them time to ask but when they don't she goes on talking, "my quirk is a bit weird, I can't turn it off."

Before she can speak again someone is speaking up, "a passive quirk huh? That could be dangerous." Says a tired Aizawa  looking right at the camera, Amelia feels a bit intimidated.

"Well, umm not exactly, I'm pretty careful especially if I'm in a fight, cause that's when I need to be mindful of it. It's not touch based or anything, umm it's.. my bodily fluids, like blood, snot, spit, anything labeled under bodily fluids has a bit of my quirk, some like blood have a more potent version of it."

The blond Cockatoo looks squeamish while the dark haired homeless man looks about the same, maybe his eyes got a bit wider or something? Nezu looks the same but he gets a interested look on his face.

"Now, that's interesting, what is your quirk exactly?" Nezu ask setting his tea cup down

"Oh umm it's called Healing Fluids, it doesn't really um give me any draw backs, well actually, the only problem I get is anemia if I use to much blood, and dry mouth if I use my saliva too much. I do get negative feelings, like disgust, feeling itchy if I use it to much in one setting. Other than that, theirs nothing else. The people I do heal complain about different things, If I heal with blood; they complain about a burning sensation like their being burned but it's only for a moment and then it's gone. My saliva its kind of like a numbing agent, it doesn't burn but it isn't as potent in healing. I can use that for bruises and scratches but the big stuff, I gotta use blood all the way." She says a bit embarrassed to be talking about her quirk she sometimes despises

Nezu looks very intrigued, "with a quirk like that I can see why you took up the name Mercy the Medic Hero."

"The question is.. do you relie on your quirk to much? You could concuss yourself on the field and cause issues if your quirk wasn't there, or working right. You did say if you over use it you feel disgusted or itchy, what happens when you push through it?" Aizawa ask his eyes narrowing

"Oh umm, I don't like using my quirk unless absolutely necessary. The whole reason I got the title Medic Hero in the end was because I went to college shortly after graduating from my hero school, I am a certified CNA. I didn't debute until age of 20. There's something I gotta be able to do, to heal without my quirk. If I use my quirk to much I quite literally shut down, feel quite sickly. While I can still fight, I'm more paranoid. It's.. a weird draw back." She says nervously, "so yes I know my weakness and I back them up by not using my quirk unless necessary."

Aizawa looks a tad bit impressed, but it's hard to tell when he has a resting bitch face.

Nezu hums as he replies, "impressive none the less. Now then how about you us about yourself, maybe why you think you'd be a good fit for this job. Ya know just the standard questions at a interview."

She blinks in surprise, she tries to think of something that she can say, "oookkaayy.. so I like to read and learn new things. As weird as that sounds, I also like to bake when I have a down moment. As for why I think I'm a good fit.." she trails off thinking, to be honest she has no teaching experience, she doesn't have a teaching certification either.

"It's because I care, incredibly so. If I can help educate the future heros of today, arming them with knowledge and skills that can help them after graduation or even on internships, that's all that matters. Statically speaking less than 40 percent of heros survive two years after graduating, if I can make sure that the students I help teach aren't in the 60 percent that don't survive, that's all that matters." She says, "while I don't have a teaching certificate id be more than willing to go and get one, I umm was planning on trying for one but actually didn't know where to start when you called last week Nezu."

Aizawa looks impressed by her words at first until he heard about her not having a teaching certification. Yamada was moved and didn't seem to bothered by the lack of credentials.

Nezu hums, "yes I know that, that's something can be fixed. Well do you have any questions for us before we end this meeting?"

Amelia thinks on it, "if I get this job, will you help find a place to house me? I have money I just would rather not fly half way across the world an not have a place to move into."

Nezu chuckles as he picks his tea up and takes a sip, "of course! Let me handle everything. Consider it a investment if this works out. I'll call sometimes this week letting you know. Now I'm sure you wish to get some sleep, as its.. 3:41 am your times correct?"

She blushes and nods, "t-thanking for having me. Have a umm good afternoon."

She bows her head and then ends the call. She slouches in her seat as Stubby makes his presence known now by a cute meow.

She turns to look at him and sighs, "I feel like I was to awkward.. what if I don't get the job because of my weirdness."

The cat gives her a look before trying to close the laptop screen so she can go to bed.

"Okay, okay, I'm heading to bed. Let's go." She says getting up leaving her laptop on the center island, walking to the side turning the lights off and heading back to her room to sleep.

[caveangelascendant]

imagine that ur standing on a stool and ur juggling. if u falter with the ball, even a little bit, someone throws a rock at you. you’ve juggled before, plenty of times, but you’ve never juggled this much, and never on a stool this tall and shaky. you really just want to get off the stool and maybe eat or something, but you can’t. you HAVE TO juggle. your arms are tired. your whole body is tired. finally, someone tells you that you can get down for a little bit. as you start to put down the balls, someone runs over and tells you to keep juggling. they have a large rock. that’s how i feel right now

[honesthammie]

Te amo

I am working on a few of the other prompts and a part 2 to prompt 4 the soulmate au I just recently got another puppy and I still have uni work to do so I'm a bit behind schedule with these and I'm so sorry. Hopefully this little kinda songfic makes up for it.

13th doctor x female reader

Warnings: swearing as usual, fluffy, sad thoughts, twist the original songs meaning, long as fuck.

Probably terrible as its my first songfic

I don't know much Spanish so some of the examples later on are Google translated and I know it can be wrong so I do apologise for any mistranslations

This is based off Rhiannas song Te Amo but I'm switching it up a little. I dont why 13th doctor came into my head when I was listening to it but it gave me this lil oneshot idea so enjoy! The picture is not mine but the rainbow effect added is done by me! Same for the picture later on.

I've been travelling with this amazing alien for a whole year now. The adventures are always amazing if she's there! The others sometimes complain and say its boring, especially on a junk planet but to see her face light up with excitement makes my day and it well worth the dirt we cover ourselves on by the time we are done. And when she finds something that she thought was useful and it turns out, it's not her scrunch is amazing.

Okay, I'll admit it. I'm in love with this alien. I know, weird, a human and an alien together? But I can't help it! I'm completely besotted with her. If she even looks in my direction, my legs go to jelly and I get butterflies. I know, cheesy. But thats exactly how I feel around her. I barely want to touch her because I nearly fainted the last few times. And I fear she may pick up on how I'm distancing myself from her. I don't want to break her heart and leave, the thought of her look kills me as is so I'm trying to get her to kick me off.

It doesn't seem to be working though. I've been distancing myself since I found out about how I feel, which is now 6 months ago and she's trying to get me to be as close as I was with her.

I'll tell her. On one of our amazing adventures but I can't do it straight forward, it's making me sick with anxiety just thinking about it. I'll fancy it up, make her work it out. Whenever we are next to each other and the moment is right, I'll tell her in another language!

I finally get out of bed after I finished writing in my diary. I slip some comfy clothes on and head out to the TARDIS library and hope no one is there, especially her. I'll be distracted and right now, I need to concentrate. I wonder the warm halls, grateful that the TARDIS had considered my preferences. I think the TARDIS likes me more than the others because I talk to her and show her gratefulness for taking us somewhere amazing and I chat to her regularly and I try to involve her in my conversations. The others find it weird, except for the Doctor, she just smiles and joins in with me. Im still learning how to translate her but I think I've sort of got it.

I reach my hand forward and grab the aged bronze doorknob and open to the giant room. There were so many floors that an elevator had to be used to access some of them as the Doctor said "walking would literally take weeks to reach some floors". Thankfully the TARDIS organises them to make them easier to find. I looked forward and saw an interactive map in front of me. My hands touched the screen and many subjects and categories came up. Anything ranging from kiddie tales to straight up smut, I have a feeling either River or Missy are to blame for that addition.

I've never met them but the TARDIS showed me videos from her database and brought books to my attention about them. They both seem very dirty minded people so I'm not surprised those are there. I wonder if the Doctor has ever stumbled upon this section or is it for none Doctor eyes only? If she does know about them, has she ever read one? No, don't go there you stupid brain! She probably doesn't know!

I quickly stop that train of thought and catch my breath. I've never thought about those kinds of things about anyone before. Stupid Timelord, making me go all weird and think dirty things. Now my face is all red, I really hope I'm alone in here. I quickly focus back to the task at hand, finding a new language to learn. The TARDIS seemed to know where to go and blue arrows appeared, guiding me to the right section in what could be a maze.

As I walking, I felt excitement rise within me. What if she felt the same way? What if she was impressed by how far I wanted to go just to say those 3 words? Would her hazel honey eyes sparkle with delight? Would she scronch her nose in amazement?

Before I knew it, I'd arrived at the language learning section and there were many alien languages but the TARDIS seemed to have a better idea of what would be perfect for me as a white hardback book fell off the 4th shelf onto the wooden floor. I picked it up and noticed how smooth the cover was and how old yet unused it looked. The white was a little off, almost a dull cream from ageing which made the gold writing harder to read. The title was simple:

Spanish basics and need to knows.

I did always find Spanish in school fun to learn, more than French or German anyway and I don't wanna stereotype this into a typical French is the language of romance. I never really found it romantic sounding compared to Spanish.

I picked up the book and quickly flicked through to the right page and took a note on my phone as to what the translation was and put the worn book away. I quietly thanked the TARDIS and rushed out of the library and back into my room where I could practice without getting caught.

A few weeks have passed since I picked up the new words and practiced them until I was confident and had the TARDIS' approval that I was saying it right. Today the Doctor wanted to take us to this party in the 18th century and we all decided to dress for the part once we landed.

Yaz was wearing a beautiful black and red ballroom gown, accented with little bows around the bottom and lace cuffs. She had her black hair curled into a ponytail. It was simple and cute, much like her style normally. Graham and Ryan wore similar suits but Graham wore green accents and Ryan wore yellow accents.

I let the TARDIS pick my dress. She picked a black and dark blue ballroom gown with blue roses on the bottom. It had black lace underneath and blue lace as the cuffs. The gown also seemed to glitter slightly in the light making me sparkle very subtly. I put my comfy boots on as you couldn't see my shoes as I walked anyway so why did it matter? With all the running we do, I'm not risking my ankles with heels, thank you very much. I had my (h/c) hair in (fave style). It suited my dress perfectly.

I nearly choked on oxygen when I saw how hot the Doctor looked in her suit. It took me a few moments to realise we match. We both blushed at the realisation. Of course the TARDIS makes us match! No wonder why she was more than eager to help me pick an outfit! Stupid sentient ship, shipping us already!

I quickly cleared my throat and complimented everyone on how amazing they looked but I just couldn't take my eyes off the Doctor for long. She was like a magnet for my eyes. Someone help before she realises!

"Don't we all look brilliant? Perfect for the party! 18th century Yorkshire to be exact! What a great century for you guys. Now then, this party is for Nobles and higher, as per usual in these times. Ryan, I suggest you keep in mind about any racist comments that may come out. But as long as you say your Graham's personal butler, you should be welcomed with little resistance. And Yaz, I want you to be (y/n)'s personal maid. That does mean you'll have to follow your so called "masters" around and do anything they ask unfortunately and Graham, (y/n), please act like the others around you and use them. Unfortunately this is the only way all 5 of us can join the party. You'll be fine as long as you bite your tongues. Now the Noble Edward Collins is the host so be sure to thank him for inviting you, even though you technically weren't. And try not to get too drunk, I know what you humans are like! Now follow me." The Doctor explained. I was going to tell the Doctor today, but I guess, I'll have to wait.

The Doctor opened the doors and we were in a cupboard under some gorgeous marble stairs. As we walked towards the party I noticed some family portraits along the walls. They were a very beautiful looking family. The mother had long blonde hair and pale blue eyes. The father was buff, long brown hair and daring brown eyes. There were two children, a girl and a boy. The girl had long brown hair and sparkling blue eyes, whilst the son had blonde hair and brown eyes. They also had a brown greyhound dog laying by the sons feet. The son must be the host, Edward. He looked not much older than 10 in the last painting but the daughter was no where to be found in the portrait and theu all looked mournful. Is she dead and is that the picture capturing the moment of grief? Why would anyone want that? It's so strange, even for this time period.

The Doctor held me and Yaz close, stopping us in our tracks. My heart was racing at the simple touch. But as soon as the touch was there, it was gone. "I hope its okay with you (y/n) but you're going to have to be married to someone."

My heart stopped for a moment and I nearly choked on air. "What? Why?"

"Because women like yourself would have been married as young as 13 or 14. Now your only choices are me and Graham. You can't choose Ryan as he's supposed to be a butler and you can't choose Yaz as she's your maid. The choice is yours, I just need to know wether or not I should refer to you as my darling wife or not?"

What. The. Fuck.

Why did her even calling me that l, turn me on? Obviously, I'm going to choose her but I'm going to have to perfect my reasoning here.

"As much as I love Graham, it's going to be awkward if I have to kiss him or anything because he's like my grandad! I guess you'll do Timelord. Come on then husband, we don't want to be late to the dancefloor!" I spoke clearly hoping she didn't notice how excited I actually was to have even a hint of a relationship with her. It may be fake but ill take anything when it comes to her.

We arrived at the welcome committee and handed our cards over, aka the psychic paper. We were going as Mr and Mrs (last name). The Doctor was holding my hand this entire time and it's driving me insane. I don't know if she can feel my racing pulse under her fingers but if she can I hope she puts it down to excitement! We walked down the most grandest staircase you would ever lay your eyes on.

First we walked around, greeting everyone as they came up to us or if she dragged me to someone she knew, but not personally. She was cute when she was fangirling over these people. Yaz found it annoying as she just wanted to party but I couldn't help it. The way her eyes shimmer with recognition was more beautiful than any galaxy she could ever take us. Sometimes her eyes flickered with admiration and it did make me have jealousy for just a moment before I remembered, I'm staying with her and they aren't .

As the party moved on we met the host Edward. He looked a lot different than in his paintings. He was around 20 years old now and his blonde hair was below his shoulders. He looked a lot like his father with his muscley build. And he was very charismatic which I did not like as he poured all his charm into the Doctor. Does everyone here know that he's gay or does he see through the Doctors disguise? Either way, it was rubbing me the wrong way. I quickly excused myself with Yaz and walked into the bathroom.

"I did not like him. I do not like this Edward guy. Something about him rubs me completely wrong. He's handsome but something is telling me he knows the Doctor isn't a man."

"I felt the same way. He knows something we don't. Before we go out there again, do you mind if I ask you a question?" Yaz asked. My mind was racing a hundred miles an hour. She knows. The jig is up with Yaz. "How do you feel about her, honestly? One minute you 2 are inseparable, then you distance yourself and now you are a nervous wreck around her! I won't judge but I just want to make sure my theory is correct."

Shit. I guess I really was obvious. Does she know?

"If your theory is about me falling hopelessly in love with the Doctor then you'd be correct. I can't help it. I'm going to tell her how I feel without being completely stupid. I just need a right moment to say it." I spoke with a heavy sigh. Hopefully, Yaz can help create that moment thay I need. She nods her head and opens the door. We walk back to the Doctor and notice Edward has gone to other guests and she was talking to Graham. I looked around and saw Ryan flirting with a pretty lady near the food table. Why am I not surprised?

A few hours had passed and the Doctor seemed bored with standing and talking so I made a plan in my head. I grabbed her hand and pulled her to the dancefloor as the next song came on. I didn't quite know how to dance properly but I knew the basics if it. She has to lead and I simply follow suit. It took a few moments but I got the hang of it with the Doctors help. Soon we were dancing so gracefully underneath the most beautiful candelabra that lit up her face perfectly.

Her hair swayed to our perfect dance ever so gently. Her eyes sparkled with amusement and her lips were in a permanent smile. She even laughed a couple of times. Then as the music slowed down to a pace that was perfect, I grabbed her waist and looked her. My heart was going crazy and my legs were about to buckle but I had rehearsed my lines. I can do this.

"Hey Doc. Its been an amazing time with you but I can't continue this without being honest with you. But everytime I get close, I back down in fear. So I'm going to let you figure it out. Doctora te amo. Entiendo que si no sientes lo mismo y me iré si quieres. (Doctor i love you. i understand if you don't feel the same way and i'll leave if you want.)" I spoke with as much passion and intention as I could. I looked into her eyes and saw her confused and trying to work out what I said. I would find it cute if my heart was beating right out of my chest. "Well, I've had a great time but I'm fucking knackered. I'm calling it night. I'll be heading to the TARDIS if you need me."

"I'll come with ya. I'm knackered as well and we both need each other to undo the corsets and mine is starting to hurt a little bit. How we used to do this for a full day, everyday, is beyond my understanding. As beautiful as we look, I don't think its worth the pain this will bring in the morning." Yaz spoke with a slight mumble as proof of her mental state and finishing with a yawn. I chuckled at her state and walked back to the TARDIS with a small amount of chat along the way.

She is right though. These corsets really do hurt you after a while, I'm glad I chose not to wear heels or else I'll be fucked for in the morning. I would literally scream. I think the Doctor had the right idea in wearing a suit, no pain. I do feel bad for leaving her but I just need some space after basically admitting everything that's been built up within me for too damn long. Maybe I should tell Yaz how it went and maybe she can help determine if the Doctor is happy or not.

We walked back into the wardrobe room and I helped Yaz out of her corset. She immediately sighed in relief. She finished getting herself into comfy clothes and started to untie my ribbon.

"So did you tell her?"

"Sort of. I basically told her everything but in Spanish. I just hope it doesn't change anything, except in a positive way, of course! If she wants me gone, I've told her that it's fine and I understand. She's very socially awkward and as cute as I find it, it may not help me in this situation. Do you have any clues on how she may react once she figures it out?"

Yaz stopped untying my corset for a moment and placed 1 finger upon her chin in thought. Her eyes were almost shut and seemed almost completely black in the light. After what seemed like forever, she took her finger off her chin and beamed a toothy smile. Her eyes sparkled as she remembered something and seemed to gleam slightly menacingly. A smirk replaced her smile soon after.

"There's a few times she's shown affection towards you. And I mean romantic affection. She always chooses to hold your hand over anyone else's if given the choice. She always steps I'm front of you when an enemy threatens to kill us all or hurt us in anyway. When you go wandering around on your own, she's terrified thats she's lost you forever to an enemy we don't even know of!" Yaz starts explaining carefully as if she's worried on how to word it.

"Those are just friendly affec-"

"I wasn't done. I was warming up." Yaz interrupts me as I was about to go into a self deprecating speech on how I'm just a friend to everyone and never a lover. "She always looks to see your face on adventures because she secretly loves your reactions, bad or good. When the Master revealed himself, she looked straight at you for support on how she should react. When she came back from the Kasavin, she ran straight to you and made sure you were ok first before any of us. When we were in the Tsungra medical ship, the first person she asked for was you! Whilst she was unconscious on board the ship, she kept mumbling your name, over and over again. When she saw how gorgeous you looked today, I thought she'd take you right there on the spot! She fucking loves you (y/n)! You're just so unbelievably blind to it all!"

Yaz was almost red with rage. Did she really do all that, for me? The TARDIS mustve read my mind and seemed to hum positively in reply. If everything Yaz said is true then she'll be so happy about it and maybe we can be a thing! But then again, maybe losing so many in a similar position as me will turn her away. Maybe her soul is awry and she's asking why right now.

Once I had gotten changed I went to sleep almost straight away, I suppose all that dancing and social ques having tired me out more than I thought.

I woke up to a soft knock on my door. I rubbed my (e/c) eyes and told them I'd be a few minutes as I've only just woken up. It wasn't until I finished brushing my (h/c) hair that I remembered what happened yesterday. All the panic rushed within me at once and I nearly threw up. I took several deep breaths and opened the door.

"GRAHAM THANK FUCK ITS YOU!" I almost shouted at him. He looked a little bewildered for a moment before he seemed to remember what brought him here in the first place.

"Hello Love, I'm here because Doc wanted to speak with you privately in the library. She says that the TARDIS will guide you to her location. She seemed a little off after you and Yaz left. Did something happen? Is everything ok?" Graham asked cautiously. He must be so confused.

"Sort of. I'll explain more when I get back but what do you mean by "a little off"?"

"Well she seemed lost in all sense of the word. She kept muttering "Te Amo" all the time. She was all over the place aswell. She got me and Ryan back here not long after you guys. Something about not trusting Ryan to not get alcohol poisoning without her around. She hasn't really left the library since if I'm honest. She's been in there for 12 hours. I only know she wants you because she whattsapped me on my phone. Whatever is going on, please sort it out, she's starting to really worry me. She hasn't been the same since that Master guy came around." Graham spoke clearly, albeit confused. I nodded my head and walked in the opposite direction to him and hoped the TARDIS would take me there quicker than normal. I want to treat this like a plaster, rip it off in one go.

Sooner than I realised, I grabbed the all too familiar door knob of the library. I took a deep breath and walked in. A blue line appeared towards the interactive map. I awakened the console and I saw a black screen with a few words on it. It looked like a message with how it was presented.

Hello (y/n)! Don't walk until you calm. Breath deeply and try not to panic. I promise you, all will work out in the end. I see more than you realise and I know my thief better than anyone whoever stepped foot into my being. I know of her main problem about the situation. If she loves you, drink this. It won't hurt, she'll know what it is.

The TARDIS

I should have been surprised by this new knowledge that she could speak to me, in a way, but I've seen so much and I am so tender hooks so I didn't take much notice of it. I quickly sat down and tried to control my breathing. After about 5 or so minutes, I felt calm enough to finally meet up with her and hear what she has to say.

I followed the blue line carefully until I spotted her in a comfy room. She mustve gotten changed at some point as she was wearing her usual rainbow outfit, minus the jacket. She was sat on a deep purple sofa, legs curled into her body. Her shoes were on the carpeted floor underneath her, seemingly forgotten for the moment. There were many books surrounding us from many cultures and spieces. One wall had a cozy wood burning fireplace crackling within the silence that surrounded us.

Her face was scrunched within deep thought. Her eyes sparkling with an emotion that I couldn't quite put my finger on; hope, sorrow or excitement? Her lips had a small smirk gracing them and her teeth had bitten a small part of it. Her hands were holding a book in a way where I couldn't quite see what it was.

I didn't want to disturb her as she looked so ethereal with the warm glow of the fire highlighting her in the perfect way. Unfortunately, it's plaster time and I wanted this sorted sooner rather than later. I took a deep breath took in the picture for memory.

"Hey, Graham said you wanted to talk to me? Is everything ok?" I asked gently and as softly as I could so she was carefully brought out of her little world. I didn't want to scare her. She raised her eyes from her book for a moment and bookmarked the page she was at with a little TARDIS paperclip. She placed the book on the table at the side of her and patted the seat next to her.

As I sat down my nerves were through the roof. She gave nothing away as she stared at me for a minute, as if assessing something about me.

"Why are you so nervous? Calm down. You are right, It is to do with last night. You left pretty abruptly after basically confessing your feelings to me. I was so confused, not just about what you said but about myself and what I wanted to do about you." The Doctor spoke monotonously. Did she mean get rid of me? "I had to first of all, find out what you said, well done on learning a new language by the way, one even I'm not fluent at. I'm guessing the old girl had something to do with that idea. Not that, you aren't smart enough but you don't know what languages I do or don't know."

The Tardis seemed to chuckled at the accusation and I simply nodded my head. "I wanted to buy myself time and to impress you."

"You impressed me a long time ago Miss (l/n). That is just a cherry on top. After I figured out what you said, no thanks to my old friend here, I went through a lot of thinking. I've not been in many relationships and you know my history regarding the ones I have been in. You know, River and Missy? And I have such a bad past with it ending in nothing but tears for me. I always lose those I care for deeply." She spoke with tears spilling from her gorgeous eyes. I grabbed her face gently and wiped away the stray tears that managed to escape their home.

"That was when you were a man. You're a woman now, everything is so different. Relationships can be heartbreaking. I know what you're main problem is and the TARDIS has a solution to that. I just need you to tell me the truth. How do you feel about me? Do you want me to stay or not?" I stated holding the small shot glassed amount of liquid in my hand. The liquid was golden and sparkled slightly in the light. There were specks of orange and silver within it and it was as hot as a nice cup of (hot drink). Her eyes sparkled with hope and shock. Her lips were smiling wide. And she seemed to giggle at the sight of it. She held it for a moment as if examining it like a rare artefact, maybe it was. Either way, I trust her judgement and if she's happy about it, then so am I. Once she had analysed the drink, she practically leapt into my arms and pushed me down on my back. She smelled of custard creams and the TARDIS which was odd but completely her and I couldn't imagine her smelling any other way.

"That does solve our problem! What she has just given you is the rarest liquid in the universe seeing as only one thing in the entirety of space can produce it. That drink is known as the nectar of the chosen ones. It's rare as the race that used to make them has practically gone extinct. There's only 3 left in the known universe and you're living in one. That drink is the blood of the TARDIS. It grants you immortality if you drink it. It is said to resemble your favourite beverage no matter who you are. However, it only lasts 100 years and you must drink it every century or else your body clock will kick in and you will age and be as mortal as you are now." She speaks with a warning as we sit up holding holds.

"I have no problem with that. I would sacrifice everything if it meant I got to call you mine. Just please tell me and I'll drink it." I told her with adoration in my eyes.

She held me close and planted a soft and gentle kiss to my lips. It was short but it sent more fireworks than you can imagine through my body. I knew I had found her. She grabbed my waist and whispered next to my ear:

"Te Amo"

[itsadamcole]

graduation day

fem!reader x finn balor

Finn is reader’s English professor. He's spent the semester doing everything he can to make sure he doesn't do anything deemed inappropriate to her. Little does he know that reader feels the same way. The day of graduation, reader stops by Finn's office and the two confess how they've been feeling .... "is this what you want?" & "i've never wanted anyone to fuck me this bad before."

word count: 3k+

warnings: smut, a brief student/teacher relationship, sex in a semi-public area (office)

— enjoy this that i wrote at 3 am bc i was bored and couldn’t sleep .... idk what made me even think of this honestly. maybe it’s the thought of finn in a suit, idk .... there also could be a part two to this, i may need to think about it tho —

masterlist || part 2 | part 3 | part 4 | part 5 || request an imagine here

~ 18+ content below - read at your own risk ~

You've always found your English professor attractive. He's made the school day bearable. Everyday at 3 pm, you'd walk into that classroom and everything would instantly feel better for that hour long class.

When he would teach, you would look at how his muscles looked in his shirt or how well his pants hugged his butt. He'd notice you looking at him but never thought anything of it because he thought you were just paying attention to the subject of the day.

Finn's always found you quite attractive as well. You've made his school day exciting. Everyday at 3 pm, you'd walk into that classroom and his day would instantly get better for that hour or so of class. After he'd assign his students their work, he'd always sneak glances at you.

You had noticed these glances but never thought anything of them because he occasionally glanced up to make sure everyone was doing their work.

It was graduation day today. Your white gown and cap hang in your car as you pulled up to campus. You hoped that Mr. Balor would be here. He'd told his students on the last day of classes that he'd be in his office from noon until 3 on graduation day to make sure everyone's grades were okay or if anyone needed to talk about how nervous they were to be graduating college.

It was 2:45 when you parked your car in your usual parking spot in the student parking lot. No one was here on campus. It was practically empty. Everyone wouldn't be arriving until five or six for the scheduled seven o'clock graduation ceremony. Only faculty members wandered around campus, packing up the last few things from their offices no doubt.

You got out of your car and checked the time again on your phone. 2:47 pm. The English building was at least a five minute walk from the parking lot. You'd just barely make it.

So you ran. In your white three inch heels you'd decided to wear to graduation. The skirt on your white dress you decided to wear under your gown was flaring out as you ran toward the English building. You pressed your hands down on the skirt so nothing would be revealed to any onlookers. You were terrified that you would pop out of the dress too as the neck dipped very low, revealing a lot of your cleavage. The dress looked a lot like the famous white Marylyn Monroe dress, just a lot shorter and the neck was more lowcut.

Finn was wrapping up in his office as you made your way across the large campus. He finished filing the last papers he had to and he turned off his computer. He leaves his office to run down to the teacher's lounge area to clear out his things from that room.

You check the time again when you arrive to the doors of the English building. 2:52 pm.

You'd been to this building so many times. The classroom you looked forward to coming to everyday was located in this building. His office was located two floors above the classroom.

You take the stairs, running up to the fourth floor.

As you walk down the hallway of the office floor, you check each room's name plate as you walk by, looking for the "Mr. Finn Balor. English Professor" name plate on the door.

One room door was open. You approach it and look at the name plate on the wooden door.

Mr. Finn Balor. English Professor.

You swalllowed, walking into the medium sized room.

Everything was neatly packed away. Everything filed. Computer off. His supplies were neatly placed on his corner desk that took up about 25% of the space in the room. His jacket hung on the back of his desk chair. The backpack full of summer work sat on the black leather love seat that faced the desk on the other side of the room. The door marked the halfway point between the desk and the love seat. Two book selves were placed opposite the wooden door. The medium sized room had a cozy feeling to it.

You had never come to his office before. You were too scared. Scared that something would happen and he would know about your little crush that you've had on him since day one of class in January.

Finn noticed this. How you'd never ask for an appointment or stop by his office for a question. Your grades were excellent and that's why he assumed you never stopped by.

You wait a few minutes in his office to see if he had gone somewhere and will come back. 3 pm approaches and your hopes diminish. He probably left.

You let out a defeated sigh as you make the decision to leave.

As you walk out the door, you physically run into something. Not something. Someone.

"Miss L/N," the all too familiar Irish accent said. "Nice of ya to stop by. I was just thinking about ya."

You finally meet Mr. Balor's too blue eyes and you ask, "You were?"

He nods and walks around you into his office. You swallow nervously as you stand in the doorway and watch as he places a box full of objects on the large desk. "I was hopin' to get to see ya before the ceremony," he says. "I'm glad ya are here."

"Why's that?" you ask curiously, walking into the center of the room.

Mr. Balor looks over at you before he says, "I wanted to congratulate ya on your big day and because ya passed Honors English with flyin' colors. Ya should be very proud of yourself, Miss L/N."

You say, "Thank you, Mr. Balor."

He blinks at you before he says, "Ya graduate today, Y/N. Let's stop with the formalities, shall we? Call me Finn."

"Finn," you echo, trying to get his first name to sound more familiar than foreign. Calling your professor by his first name is not something you had done during the semester.

Finn smiles as you say his name. "So, Y/N," he says, dropping all professionalism. "What brings ya to my office on graduation day? I know it's not to talk about grades."

You shake your head and say, "No, it's not."

He packs a few pictures on his desk away into the box he'd just brought into the room as he asks, "So what do I owe the pleasure?"

Nervously, you say, "I wanted to come talk to you, um, about how I've been feeling for a while."

The packing stops as Finn looks up at you. "Nervous about graduation?" he asks.

You rub the back of your neck and say, "Not really."

"What's going on?" Finn asks, leaning back on his desk. He crosses his arms over his chest and his ankles.

The light grey button-up shirt Finn is wearing is tighter than usual and accentuates his arm muscles when he does this simple movement. It's tucked into his black dress pants. The first few buttons are unbuttoned. He's dressed somewhat casually.

You say, "I graduate today. In about four hours, I will no longer be your student and you will no longer be my teacher."

Finn nods along as you speak. "That's correct," he says.

Before you say anything else, you quickly run your fingers through your Y/H/C color curls. "I thought that now would a good time as any to tell you that over the semester, I've developed some feelings for you and I find you very attractive," you blurt out, trying to speak as slow as you can but it still comes out as a mess.

He's caught off guard by that statement. In that one sentence, he's realized that when he thought you were paying attention to the content on the board, you were looking at him. He's realized that you never came by his office was because of your crush on him. He's realized that you feel the same way that he does about you.

You watch as Finn lets out a sigh of relief and you tilt your head in confusion. "I'm so happy that you said that," Finn says. "Because I've been feeling the same way."

That's when you realize that the glances he's been stealing from you all semester were because he felt the same way. He could never keep his eyes off of you while you concentrated on your work.

A smile forms on your lips as you look at your soon to be former professor.

Finn smiles at you as he walks over, closing the door in case anyone was around.

"It has killed me over the past four months to be your teacher," he says as he approaches you.

You look up at him and ask, "And why is that, Mr. Balor."

He smiles and says, "Because it's prevented me from doing this." He leans down and lightly presses his lips to yours.

You've envisioned kissing Finn a bunch of times, his his soft kiss exceeds all your expectations.

As your lips move against Finn's slowly, you drop your arms. You hadn't realized that you crossed them over your very exposed chest while having that conversation with Finn.

The light kiss continues for a second before Finn pulls away and looks down at you. Even in heels, you're about five inches shorter that Finn's five foot eleven frame.

"Ya look absolutely stunning in that dress, Y/N," Finn says, complimenting you.

Your face turns a light red as you say, "You don't look too bad yourself, Finn. Is that what you're wearing to the ceremony tonight?"

He shakes his head and says, "I had a suit I was going to wear tonight but now, I don't think I'll be wearing it."

"Why won't you be wearing it?" you ask.

Finn says, "Because if ya think I'm going anywhere right now, you're crazy. I won't have time to go get the suit from my place and make it back here on time for the ceremony."

You glance at the time on the clock in the office. It's close to 3:30 now. You look back at Finn and say, "There's still about two hours before everyone starts to arrive for the ceremony. There's plenty of time to kill."

His eyes scan you as he says, "I plan on killing every second."

In one movement, his lips are back on yours. This time, they move more harshly and passionately than they did the first time. Your hands fly to cup Finn's face.

Finn's hands go to your thighs and he lifts you up, walking you over to his desk and setting you down gently on it. His tongue makes its way into your mouth as the kiss intensifies.

You find your fingers on the buttons of Finn's button-up after you pull the shirt up to untuck it from the waistband of his pants. Your fingers work to undo each button quickly but carefully.

He shrugs off the shirt and your hands run up and down his toned chest and abs. Finn's fingers are under the skirt of your dress as you kick off your heels. The digits slowly slide up your thighs, closer to your throbbing core. You are aching for him, just like you have all semester. Except now, you'll get the satisfaction of his fingers instead of yours.

The thought of Finn's fingers inside of you is enough to make you wet. Well, wetter than you already are. The white colored panties you're wearing are probably ruined at this point.

Finn's free hand works at sliding the sleeves of your dress off your shoulders. The fabric falls, exposing your breasts to Finn.

He pulls back from the kiss to look at your exposed chest. "So beautiful," he mutters under his breath. "All mine."

Finn pushes you back on his desk and stands between your legs as he starts to kiss and suck on each breast. You let out soft sighs as your core starts to pulsate again.

You need Finn to touch you before you explode.

"Finn," you gasp.

He looks up at you with his eyes and he asks, "Something wrong, my love?"

You swallow and say, "I need you to touch me. Down there. Please"

Finn crouches down in front of his desk between your legs. "Of course," he says, pushing your skirt up to expose your panties. "Already so wet for me."

"Only for you," you sigh as Finn runs a finger over your clothed core.

He takes the waistband of your pantie in his fingers and pulls them down slowly, almost teasingly. He sees just how wet you are. Your folds are soaked with arousal.

Finn kisses your thighs and says, "I've always wondered what you've tasted like."

You throw your legs over Finn's shoulder and say, "I want your tongue. Please." Desperation is laced in your voice.

He smirks and runs his tongue slowly through your folds. You gasp and smile. He sucks on your clit for a second before swirling his tongue around it. You feel him push a finger inside of you, making you moan softly. Finn moves the digit slowly, teasing you.

You reach down and run your fingers through Finn's short hair as his finger speeds up. He soon adds a second finger. He stands back up, hovering over you as he fingers you. You're a moaning mess beneath Finn's touch.

Finn kisses your neck gently as he moves his fingers a little faster. Your body jerks under his touch occasionally as you're pulled closer and closer to your pending orgasm.

"Ya taste so good," Finn says against your neck. "And ya take my fingers so well."

Your fingers run up and down his back lightly as he speeds up his fingers, adding a third one. You gasp and moan as his fingers move inside of you.

Right as you're about to reach your orgasm, Finn pulls his fingers out and you whine. He sucks on the three digits he had inside of you before he says, "Get on your knees for me, my love."

You nod and get off the desk. You get on your knees in front of Finn. You reach up and start to undo the button on his pants. You pull down the article of clothing and run your finger over Finn's hard member. You free him from his boxers. You're shocked by the size of Finn's member. You knew he was packing but not this much.

You take Finn in your hand and pump him a few times before you take him in your mouth. You start slow and shallow before eventually taking most of him in your mouth. You move your head, sucking occasionally. Finn starts to thrust into your mouth as saliva drips down your chin.

Finn groans softly as you suck him off, but it's not long before he stands you up and his lips are on yours. You push the dress off your body, stepping out of it.

He turns you around so your butt is pressed against his erect member. He gropes your breasts and kisses your neck. You gasp and moan as his member runs through your folds.

You're bent over the desk and Finn spreads your legs apart. "Is this what ya  want?" he asks.

"I've never wanted anyone to fuck me this bad before," you admit.

That's all Finn needs to hear before he pushes himself into you. You grasp onto the desk as he pulls out, only to thrust hard into you again, making you moan.

Finn's trusts are hard and deep from the beginning. He's waited a while for this moment, and so have you. He's not going to be gentle with you.

You pull your left leg up onto the desk and hold it, giving Finn more access. He thrusts harder and harder, making you moan loudly.

When Finn finds your g-spot, you let him know immediately. "Oh, Finn," you gasp. "Right there." He starts slamming into the spot over and over again, making you moan louder and louder.

After a few moments of this, Finn stands you up and turns you around, laying you on your back across the desk. He thrusts harder into this time and his lips are on your neck. You gasp and moan as he moves.

One of Finn's fingers rubs your clit as he thrusts hard into you.

You lift Finn's head up and kiss him roughly. Your tongues battle for dominance and his hand rests around your throat.

A thin layer of sweat has formed on both your bodies as he continues moving.

Your walls begin to clench around Finn and he pulls back from the kiss, resting his forehead on yours. "Come with me, princess," he says, out of breath.

"Tell me when," you gasp.

After a few more seconds of movement, Finn says, "Now."

The two of you come together. You let out soft moans and whines as Finn helps you ride out your climax. He collapses on top of you. The two of you sloppily kiss for a few seconds before detaching from each other.

Both you and Finn get dressed but the kissing and touching doesn't stop. You make your way to the love seat, where you lay and makeout with Finn until six.

He walks out of the building with you and walks you to your car. Other seniors have begun arriving by this time.

Finn says, "Come by my house around nine tonight. I'll show ya a real celebration then."

You stand in front of Finn and look up at him. "What will this mean for us?" you ask. "Will we get to see each other after I graduate?"

He says, "Let's cross that path once that graduation cap is in the air and you've officially graduated."

You giggle and nod. "I'll come by at nine," you say. "Tell me the address and I'll be there."

Finn tells you his address then says, "See ya when ya walk across the stage."

"I can't wait."

[b000mbayah]

Without

Warnings: I wrote this last year when I was dumb so ignore how putrid it is :)

Word count: 2k

Snow gliding through the sky as it piles up on the concrete streets. The sky is cloudy as a mist fogs up our surroundings. Streets of Seoul full of people looking for gifts for relatives. The festive holiday is coming up and people are able to spend the day with loved ones. I used to be one of those people.

I lost my true love a month ago. It was a stupid argument over the most irrelevant thing imaginable, I was just so fuming at the time that I had no idea what I had gotten myself into. It was a trap, either way I was screwed. If I had continued the argument it would have worsened and if I had stopped earlier she still would have left me.

I could see in her eyes that she was broken due to the amount of times I've done this to her. I broke her again... I've broken her for the last time, and now she's gone.

If I had said sorry she would have left, if I begged she would have left, if I had just stopped myself from shouting in the first place. She's scared of me now, her eyes so full of fear as she trembled on the spot. I'll never forget the way she looked at me every time.

The following mornings were full of me proving to her that I loved her whether she wanted it or not. I would have done anything to make her forgive my foolish actions, couldn't do that last month though. It all seems pointless, love. I mean there are positive and negative outlooks on love.

Love can fill you with pure joy and excitement to the point that you forget the numbness that you'll feel after it's over with.

It leaves you broken as if you're a ship with treasure that crashes onto land, losing all its precious moments and times as everything inside spills out, never to be found again.

There are more negatives to love than positives and I swear that I'll never forget her, she was the one I loved most and I let go of her hand, I let her slip and now she's gone.

watching her on stage made me cry every time, hearing the news JYP sent out made me depressed... hearing that she had to have a break from her schedules made me feel guilty.

I look around my room as I retreat away from the window, empty takeaway boxes and cans all around my room. My eyes droop down to my phone on the floor.

Cautiously, I crouch down and pick the electronic up off of the ground. I bite my lip as all my notifications pop up. Multiple miss calls and text messages from all my contacts.

I tap on my messages to see hundreds upon hundreds of messages from my contacts, all of my contacts had text me, all but one. The one that had deleted my number, I refuse to delete hers though, it contains too many memories for me to simply release into a void.

I gulp as I click onto Jihyo's contacts as our last conversation over the phone comes up. All of this was just before the final argument. I was questioning where she was and when she'd get home. She was only practicing with her other members in their dance studio, I let my jealousy get the best of me, again..

I throw the phone at the wall as I got dressed and headed out, I can't say in my apartment forever. I forced myself out the door for the building and into the chilly winter breeze. I inhaled and exhaled the fresh air before taking steps towards the supermarket.

Layers of trampled snow surround the street. As I pass shops I take a simple look inside.

"Y/N!" I turn on my heel to be greeted with my best friend running up to me, a member of twice. I let out a broken smile as sana springs up to me with a massive grin and arms open.

Within seconds she gives me a bone crushing hug. ''y/n, please tell me you're okay?" sana rushes in a speed faster than chaeyoungs rapping skills.

"yeah, I'm just.... Upset about the situation" I frown as she gives me a look of sadness. She nods her head and opens her mouth, "I'm upset as well, I really liked you two together" sana smiles at her words as I gulp, she really liked us together?

"I've been trying to contact you for weeks and weeks but nothing, please may I take you to dinner? You look like you haven't been eating the correct amount of food, I need to stuff you up I time for Christmas" sana says with a worried tone

"s-sure" I stutter out as she grabs my hand and takes me through crowds of people that surround the streets and up to a fancy restaurant where richer people would dine. "w-we cat eat here, it's to expensive, I don't want to cost you that much money"

"no y/n, it's okay, it's nothing really only a few hundred. My clothes are worth more than this'' sana giggles out as she gets us a table with a view of a frozen pond. It took us what? Twenty minutes to get here for a view I'd a pond with what's most likely to be frozen fish inside. I'm not complaining but like those poor fish...

"Take your time, when you're ready to order please ring this bell" a waiter explains as she hands us the menus. We thank her before she walks away.

"what do you fancy getting?" sama asks as I scan the menu's dishes. "urm, the... Mmmm"

"steak?" sana asks me as u nod and go along with the choice. Sana hums as she also decides on what she's getting. I ring the bell as the waiter from before comes back with a pen and notepad.

"what can I get for you ladies?" they ask as sana gives him the order. He bows and leaves us. I turn my head to sana who's wearing a permanent smile right now.

"please come round to our dorm, the girls miss you" I tilt my head before nodding.

"sure but I may have to avoid jihyo" sana frowns at my words but nods her head.

Soon after the meal I ended up at the dorm. Still have no idea how I'm going to deal with this but I'm just going to have to hope for the best I guess. Sana pushes the door open silently, we take our shoes off before continuing on. As we creeped up on tzuyu, even though there was no point, I managed to make eye contact with momo who was eating the packet of cookies I had sent her months ago. She must be really far behind in her food gifts if she's only eating them now.

I place a finger to my own lips as she nods and watches with curiosity filling her eyes.

As we were practically behind Tzuyu we both leap at the same time, causing tzuyu to let out a yelp as we all tumble to the floor. I let out a giggle as tzuyu groans due to the impact. "Get off of me you pathe- y/n?" tzuyu changes the subject half way through as notices me. I smile and give her a small wave. "what are you doing here?" she questions looking at me like she's trying to read me.

oh so I'm a book now????

"I invited her-" I cut sana off, "she dragged me here, oh it was awful, she demanded it and she explained how she would burn down my house and throw me in a ditch if I didn't come" I dramatically say as sana huffs out a gush of air.

"alright then... If you say so but please get off of me, you're both killing me" tzuyu states as we stand back up, dusting ourselfs off.

We enter the living room to see everyone here, including Jihyo...

"Y/N!" everyone in the room exclaims but Sana, Tzuyu and Jihyo. I somehow become covered with six different females as they squeeze me like a teddy bear. Once they all release me, I give them a wide smile and bow as they copy my action.

"y/n, how have you been? We've been busy with-" and I couldn't hear anything dahyun was saying, I am way more focused on Jihyo. Her expression is unreadable as she gulps from time to time. her eyes dart around to find an excuse to leave but nothing comes to her mind.

As soon as she looks up we lock eye contact. I forgot how much I loved those eyes, her eyes show dedication, passion, strength, love... All the things I wish I had. I probably sound whipped for her and the truth is, I am. I would do anything for us to get back together but that wont happen.

"right y/n?" I break eye contact as I respond with a simple nod since my throat is sore from all the crying and screaming I've been doing. I really have been beating myself up over this break up.

"I said that her hair looked like a donkey on steroi-" and blank out again as I make eye contact once again with Jihyo. Only this time we break it for a few seconds before reuniting our eyes.

Without me or Jihyo noticing, Tzuyu manages to take the other members away to give us alone time. Once we realise they're gone an awkward situation is placed between us...

"how have you been?" she begins as she examines the pictures hung on the walls. "pretty bad, you?" I respond as she gulps down on air. "same, what's your reason?"

I freeze, thinking on if should I tell her the truth or not? There's nothing wrong with the truth. "if I'm honest... I've been beating myself up about the breakup, I'm deeply sorry for how I treated you Jihyo. That month I had spent alone had given me time to reflect on my behaviour and what I have done" Jihyo looks at me with an interested look but there's also something else there. "continue..."

"the way I treated you during that relationship was completely irresponsible, I had spent that entire month locked up in my apartment crying about what I had done, I was so frustrated with myself that I couldn't bring myself to forget about it and I'm sorry if I'm invading your personal space by being here but I really hope that one day you can forgive me" my voice goes shaky towards the end as tears form in the corner of my eyes. Jihyo looks me up and down, about to say something when the door opens up.

I watch as a male walks up to Jihyo, I could only see the back of his head as he's asking her questions before turning around to face me. RM? "she doesn't want to see you, please leave her alone she has me now."

My eyes widen in shock but I bow and apologise once again before rushing out crying again. I rush past the other members who share a look of concern before chase after me calling my name. I ignore them though and continue to rush my way out of that place, not wanting to be there anymore due to the once sweet but  now awful memories I have there.

[jaehyunisyoon-oh]

Ae-jeong [ affection ] chapter 1 : The first encounter

Pairings: NCT Jaehyun X OC/You

Genre: Romance, thriller, romancethriller, best friend to lover, fluff

Haewon POV

The day of the incident, December 1st 2018

SM’s Office

I heaved a sigh of relief at successfully holding the elevator door before it closed, grimacing slightly because today I decided to go to the office with heels as high as 5cm. I exhaled annoyed and took off my heels, -the hell- with all of this I will be barefoot through the cold floor of the SM office in this winter.

   "Your feet are all scratched" I turned around and Jaehyun with his black hoodie was frozen while leaning his body against the wall.

   "Shit, Jaehyun, since when were you here?" I asked.

   "Since a while ago, didn't the doctor say you shouldn't be carrying heavy things for a while?" Jaehyun asked then took the box I had been carrying.

   "This is your v live property for today's live broadcast" I dodged, trying to avoid his sharp gaze.

   "Is there no male staff in the NCT team?" Jaehyun asked coldly. If he has that look, that means I have to be careful, otherwise, he can explode in this elevator.

   "There are tons of them, but you know how hectic it was. The other members just had to take off the accessories while running around, and then this box was left behind and by chance, I was still in the basement. So that's how it is," I explained at length. He remains silent, which make everything more awkward. Then silence broke out between the two of us, and if it's like this I don't know what to do. When I was little, every time Jaehyun sulked I would reluctantly have to share my weekly ice cream portion for him, and we will make it up again. But now, it would be very strange if suddenly ice cream pop up out of nowhere from my pants pocket right? Oh my god, why is going to the 5th floor take so long? Suddenly the elevator stopped on the 3rd floor and the door opened, a bearded man in a full cycling shirt looked at me while grinning like a fool. Yes, my brother. Cousin more precisely

   "My sister?" Said Siwon with a dramatic pretentious face while entering the elevator. Then Siwon with his body still sticky with sweat hugged me.

   "CHOI SIWON ARE YOU CRAZY ?! HOW MUCH HAVE I SAID DON'T HUG ME WHEN YOU ARE ALL SWEATY LIKE THIS?!" I shouted. More precisely, wrath. Fortunately, in this elevator, there are only three of us.

   "Let your brother hug you, it won't kill you ... Soon Oppa has a schedule to Hong Kong so we won't meet again until...maybe at Christmas... Jaehyun? What's up?" Siwon hugs me and just realize that Jaehyun was behind us enjoying our lovely siblinghood moment, which I hate because I don't like it if by chance some workers see it, and start to think that I am the luckiest person on earth by coming from a rich household, being cousins to Siwon and is Jaehyun's best friend. That all happened before I was even born in this world, there is nothing I can do about it.

   "How are you, Hyung? I have a V live schedule on the 6th floor" Jaehyun answered casually.

   "I don't usually see you two together, you said that in the office you want to be professional with each other? Be careful later on becoming the centre of attention" Siwon raised his eyebrows with a happy smile. Look how they are chatting casually while I already want to pass out because I can't breathe in Siwon's arms.

   "Compared to being afraid of being topic of the gossip, it's better to fix your drunk habits, stop rummaging through our family story," I grumbled.

   "Eyy, at that time Oppa made a mistake. Seeing the two of you growing up like this, makes Oppa so emotional "Siwon increasingly tightened his arms and pressed his cheek to mine.

It's annoying to remember that again. Exactly after one year working as Entertainment manager of NCT, I am so glad that everything went peacefully because Jaehyun and I agreed to hide our relationship. But all of that was destroyed because Siwon explained everything very detailed about our 'friendship' at the Halloween Party last year. After midnight, when everyone was half-drunk (except the manager because they had to take the artist home), Siwon went onstage and made a very long speech, talking about how proud he was to see me achieving my dream - yes everyone already knew that you both are cousins since your mother married Choi family's youngest son - and suddenly reveal all the useless things about me and Jaehyun that make all the employees went awed.

"I went back to the basement because my charger was left in the practice room. Then I saw her ran around carrying a box this big" Jaehyun pointed at the large box he was carrying. More precisely like rattling me to Siwon. I gave him a cynical look that was completely ignored by him.

   "Geez, Choi Haewon, you should not have carried this heavy stuff, last month you just had a Lasik surgery, what if the stitches come off? Then you... AWWW Haewon that’s hurt!" Siwon's chatter was interrupted as he grimaced in pain because I just bit his cheeks. It just so happened that the elevator opened on the 5th floor and I left those two annoying humans together.

When I arrived on the 5th floor, many employees were greeting me, a little surprised to see me barefoot while busy staring at the device in my hand. When I entered my cubicle, there were tons of unsign documents on the table. There is a placard with "Haewon Choi / Entertainment Manager of NCT" printed on it. I was just sitting down when Na-ri, the head of the artist planning department came in and brought several boxes with Louis Vuitton written on it.

   "Haewon, we have a problem" Na-ri stood still, shaking her cellphone. I looked at her confused then stood up, looked at the cellphone and read the short message from Louis Vuitton who wanted their items to be returned right now.

   "What? it's like 10 pm and drove to their office will take 2 hours. Oh my god, this is why I don't like it when a high-end brand asks us to do endorsements. After getting what they want, they will suddenly treat us as if we are going to steal it, "I said.

   "How annoying, you should know the bracelet that Taeyong used was immediately out of stock. Taeyong's bracelets were trending all over the internet, yet they treat us like this? it seems like we have to stop doing this just to get a discount for the NCT stage outfit, can't we ask to raise the budget? 10 million won per member doesn't seem to be enough, "said Na-ri.

   "Unfortunately I can't do that, the budget problem is the realm of finance and I don't want to argue with Mr Jang, our budget is at its highest now, we have to cut down a little bit because we have concert upcoming. And don't forget that we are the youngest team in this company, and I don't want to take the risk, that's kinda sensitive in Korean culture" I answered seriously. Mister Jang has been the head of finance at SM for almost 15 years, his hobby is to tell how hard the idol's of that time to have proper accommodation and now we are buying outfit that cost like one freaking car. Suddenly Na-ri's cellphone vibrates, and the owner of these box sends us a message again. I showed the message to Na-ri, with an annoyed face she posed as if to slam the box... which she couldn't possibly do because the price of one item in it could cost her entire salary.

   "Alright, I'll return this right away," Na-ri said while sighing, I patted her back and put the cellphone into her backpack. Na-ri looks very adorable today, I and the other employees almost died out of laughter because Na-ri casually entered the meeting room with a rabbit-shaped backpack, short pink skirt and a white blouse. Fortunately, SM does not have strict regulations on how to dress its employees, in the end, this company is in the field of Entertainment and this type of company is famous for its concession in binding regulations that exist in Korean companies in general.

   "Here, take my car. By the way, NCT's schedule will end in 2 hours, and they will immediately be taken to the dorm by the manager. So you should go straight home. " I give my car key to her.

   "Thank you. Oh, by the way, Seung-ho Oppa (NCT manager) is still sick, can you please find someone to take the members home to the dorm? Today is the last day of NCT Dream's concert, maybe you should start asking anyone besides the managers." Na-ri pleaded and I replied with a happy smile. Finally, my chance came too.

   "Of course I can," I replied with a smile, trying to hide my intentions from her.

   "You ... don't even think about it! Just find someone else who can take the ..." Na-ri's chatter was cut off when I pushed her out and hurriedly closed the door to my room.

Jaehyun POV

10.50 PM

SM's Parking lot

We all just finished Live broadcasting on V app and now we are heading to our van to go back to the dorm. Every end of the year is tiring. No, this year is very tiring because all of us, as in 18 members, is promoting under NCT 2018 project, a Lee Soo Man's project that was finally happened because Haewon- our entertainment manager- felt that this project is going to be a very brilliant marketing step. Well, guess she was not wrong. Almost every day some members do live broadcasts, almost every week we have a schedule to appear on events or TV shows, even last week we just signed an exclusive contract with a sports clothing brand. Everything went according to plan and as artists, we are very proud to make it happens.

I, Doyoung, Haechan and Johnny had just arrived at the parking lot when I saw a woman, a girl to be exact, leaning against our van. She wears jeans with a black coat that almost sank her entire body, barefoot with heels on both of her hands. What was she thinking of not wearing any footwear in this weather? I exhaled annoyed while approaching the girl. The other members, especially Haechan gives dramatic screams and the others have put on a super horror face because our nightmares have finally happened again.

   "Guess who will take you guys home today?" Haewon asked with her sweet smile while leaning in our van.

   "Don't joke, where's Na-ri Noona?" Asked Doyoung while looking around.

   "Na-ri is returning the sponsors' belongings and Seungho Oppa is still sick. Don't ask too many questions and get in quickly. The weather is very cold, you can't catch a cold on this super tight schedule," Haewon explained while with great difficulty trying to open our van's door.

We all decided to trust the girl and sat in the passenger seat with very tense faces. Doyoung, Haechan, Johnny and Taeyong looked very pale while watching her trying to adjust the height of the driver's chair.

   "Haewon, the button is on your door," Johnny said with a sigh.

   "Oh, thank you, Johnny," Haewon replied with a grin.

   "Johnny Hyung, how about you just drive?" Haechan asked Johnny.

   "Lee Haechan! It would be very dangerous if an idol drives alone, you understand right? Just wear your goddamn seat belt and go to sleep there!" Haewon grumbles.

   "Wouldn't it be more dangerous to let Noona drive?" Grunted Haechan and checked once again the seatbelt he was wearing.

   "Never mind, stop making Haewon nervous, I still want to live longer in this world" Said Taeyong who was met with Haewon's ferocious look.

During the trip to the dorm, I could not stop staring at the girl beside me. She looks very adorable when she's serious. Her petite body must try as hard as possible to drive this van, and I should be worried because I am inside it. For several times I saw her moving her legs, and that made me very uncomfortable because I'm not used to seeing Haewon with blisters on his body, if Grandpa Han sees this, he will be very angry.

In a short time, our car has entered the gate of our dormitory, and as usual, there are already Sasaeng huddled waiting for us there. I can tell because most of them wore white shirts with our names printed in it when they saw our car coming, they immediately surrounded us while pointing the camera at us.

   "They all are this many?" Haewon asked, gritting her teeth.

   "It's not as much as usual, considering the weather ... Some must be very smart not to freeze themself to death," Johnny replied.

   "They can't go up, can they? You all close the window's curtains now!" Haewon looked back with her horror face.

   "Ahjumma said that there are some Sasaeng who live in this apartment, they even wait at the dorm's front door every night" Doyoung answered as he lowered his bucket hat.

   "Aish, you guys just moved here, it looks like it won't be possible to move again, especially since SM has just paid in full for this dorm. I don't want to argue with Mr Jang from the financial division," Haewon chats at length.

I could see the girl in a hurry to take her handbag and start looking for something, then after a while, she growled in frustration because the object she was looking for was located somewhere of that bag she had never tidied. I stared at the girl exasperatedly, with my impatience, I wanted to scold her, but with a situation like this, it felt like I could save my scolding for later.

Author POV

NCT 127 Dorm

After almost 30 minutes of drama with the Sasaeng, they finally arrived at their dormitory. Haewon took a deep breath seeing the condition of the 10th floor's dormitory residents, feeling grateful that Na-ri and herself managed to win the budget to hire maid services for all NCT dorms. On this floor, there are Mark, Taeil, Yuta, and Jaehyun while the other members are on the 5th floor. In the living room, Yuta is tidying up things in his suitcase. When he saw Haewon coming, Yuta immediately closed his suitcase, after all, they seem to realize that no matter how close they are with Haewonm she is a woman after all and it would be very embarrassing if he let Haewon see something that should not be shown to others especially to a woman. Haewon smiled and immediately walked towards the kitchen, checking the performance of the maid service recommended by Na-ri herself.

   "here, it must be very tiring going here with all those Sasaengs.." Mark emerged from the kitchen, offered a glass of water to Haewon with half-sleepy eyes.

   "It's okay, Mark. Make sure to sleep early, tomorrow morning there will be shooting for your concert's VCR" Haewon smiled at Mark and took the drink.

   "I heard, better to prep my skin using some mask, right?" asked Mark while holding his cheek, Haewon laughed at Mark's behaviour. When they first met 1 year ago, Mark looked like a child and now he is taller than her.

   "You already look good Mark" Haewon replied while patting his back. Mark looked a little shy and went straight to his room. Mark always admires her, and it is common knowledge that he has a little crush on Haewon. Jaehyun was very, very uncomfortable if Mark had shown it very clearly when they were together.

   "Haewon, have you eaten? I want to heat Ahjumma's cooking, do you want some too?” Taeil also appeared from the kitchen while carrying piles of Tupperware from the fridge.

   "No Oppa, I have to go home now" Haewon smiled and slowly left the kitchen area and walked to the front door. Haewon intends to go straight home when suddenly Jaehyun pulled her hand and opened the door to his room.

   "Why?" Asked Haewon confused. Jaehyun said nothing and pushed Haewon until she sat on the edge of his bed. Haewon's eyes widened when Jaehyun suddenly squatted and she flinched to the cold sensation on her ankles.

   "Don't wear anything that you don't even know how to use. For example, heels?" Jaehyun smiled mockingly in the direction of Haewon while rubbing the medicine on her blistered ankle.

It's been a long time since she has a conversation with Jaehyun, and it feels very nice to see his best friend's room again. Jaehyun's room is very minimalist, the arrangement is simpler than his bedroom in the Jung's family house. Haewon looked at Jaehyun and felt a little guilty because he often ignored Jaehyun's invitation to hang out together. Haewon was at the end of her semester when Jaehyun was announced as a member of SMRookies after that every time Haewon visited Korea, they only met at the Christmas party held by their family. And now, even though they are working at the same company, plus the fact that Haewon leading NCT projects herself doesn't mean they can freely show everyone that their relationship is this close. First, Haewon is always busy in her office on the 5th floor, while Jaehyun always practices on the basement floor and NCT's schedule is always tight. Besides, Haewon often goes abroad to attend contract signing meetings with parties who want to work with NCT.

    "Sorry, I should pay more attention to Sasaeng. I didn't think they would be this brutal. It seems like I have to make an emergency meeting immediately" Haewon bowed her head looking all sad. She is gazing at Jaehyun's hand who painstakingly applied ointment all over her ankles. Jaehyun stared back at Haewon and shook his head.

   "Take your time, you know that Sasaeng is a difficult matter. Even SM is seen giving up on it ”Then Jaehyun took something from under his bed, thrusting sneakers on Haewon's lap.

   "Wow, apparently my shoes are here?" Haewon smiled and wore those shoes. Smiling slightly as she closed her eyes, feeling how comfortable it was to wear shoes compared to the heels.

   "You have to stop leaving all your belongings in my house, Eomma is very worried, she thinks that you are senile at this age" Jaehyun laughed a little at Haewon's reddened face. And he thought that was very adorable, well that girl would always look adorable to Jaehyun.

   "Isn't that our picture?" Haewon stood up and walked toward the wardrobe where Jaehyun kept all his things. Amongst all the stuff, the only thing that stunned her is a photo of Jaehyun and Haewon's family while on vacation in Disneyland.

    "It was our first vacation together" Jaehyun lay down on the bed. Still looking at Haewon who smiled looking at the photo.

    "Yeah and you were crying because apparently, Mickey Mouse is so big to you, oh my god you're so cute at that time" Haewon hugged the photo and looked at Jaehyun with a big smile on her face. Suddenly the memory becomes fresh again, the memory of their first encounter that leads him to the most beautiful fate of his life.

December 25, 2003

Jung’s family house

Little Jaehyun rolled his eyes in annoyance, this was the umpteenth time he was forced to be the role of a husband in the house played by his cousins. Jaehyun is an only child and all his cousins ​​are girls, he's already fed up with all this, suddenly throws all the cutlery in front of him and runs into the backyard. The little boy was still sulking while playing with snow piled up in the yard when he could feel someone approaching him, his father with a glass of hot chocolate sitting beside him.

   "Are you okay?" the man asked and Jaehyun shook his head. The man smiled, understanding that his child must feel very lonely being the only boy in this household.

   "I didn't ask you guys to give me a little sister, but at least give me a friend to play basketball," Jaehyun said while staring at the long-frozen basketball hoop. Jaehyun's father smiled and wiped the chocolate that was on the corner of his son's mouth.

   "Let's pray that Uncle David's next child will be a boy," said Jaehyun's father. And Jaehyun exhaled, more pessimistic that there would be more male offspring in this family besides him.

   "If Uncle David's next child is a girl then I will make him a boy," his son's innocent words made the man burst into laughter. The conversation between the father and son stopped when the gate was wide open, and several people got out of a black car. A man in a suit walked towards the two of them with a big smile, behind him, there was a woman who was holding the hand of a girl who kept her head down.

Jaehyun's father stood up to the man and hugged him tightly. Jaehyun frowned in confusion. This is the first time their family has a guest at a Christmas party. He saw his father returning with a little girl on his hands. The girl was wearing a white dress, long hair flowing and looking all embarrassed. Jaehyun felt awkward when the two people were in front of him.

   "Jaehyun, this is Letisha Alana Choi or Haewon, let's say hello," his father said. Jaehyun stood up and extended his hand trying to shake hand with her. A little upset because the girl is not yet returned his good intentions. Suddenly the woman who is the mother of the girl whispered something in her ear, the girl immediately looked up at Jaehyun with her bright brown eyes sparkling.

   "You like basketball?" asked the girl that he replied with a small nod. Then the girl smiled very brightly and take his hand. At that time for the first time in 6 years of his life, he saw a very beautiful smile.

And until this moment Jaehyun was still stunned to see the smile that Haewon always carved. He realizes that this is not right, because his family considers Haewon their daughter. But he could not stop this feeling no matter how hard he tried to.

"Why?" Haewon lifts her eyebrows looking at Jaehyun who kept staring at him.

"No, it's just...you are very beautiful today" Jaehyun smiled and Haewon with all her strength had to hold back not to blush. If not, Jaehyun will tease her until a time limit that she can not specify. But Jaehyun's praise gave a warm feeling to her, a sign of gratefulness that having Jaehyun in this world is the best thing that ever happened in her life.

Haewon POV

11.50 PM

Location Unknown

"Yes, I just come out from the dorm," I said to Na-ri who has been calling me for a while now.

"You've made sure Haechan and Johnny don't play games, right? If they are late tomorrow I will be furious because shooting starts early in the morning" Na-ri said from the phone.

"Yes, oh my god we are not their babysitter, let the boys lived, Na-ri!" I replied quickly. Before going down I took myself to the dorm on the 5th floor. Talking briefly with the manager about tomorrow's schedule, scolding Haechan for drinking coca-cola on this cold day, and almost having a heart attack because Johnny casually came out of the bathroom wearing only a towel.

"Alright, I'll pick you up tomorrow morning. Thank you for the car, by the way. " I ended up lending my car to her because it will be uncomfortable to take a bus to Louis Vuitton's office, it's already very late and it could be a danger for her. I thought that she already ends the call but then she asked again, "with what are you going to go home now? Jaehyun?" Gosh, if he takes me home now, I can guarantee that by tomorrow our face will be all over the news.

"are you crazy? do you know how much Sasaeng are outside? I'm taking the bus" I said with a snort of annoyance. I just argued with Jaehyun because he insisted on taking me home. I have my reasons, I don't want a piece of cheap news about our relationship popped up while NCT is at its peak year.

"Do you know how to ride a bus?" I gaped in disbelief at the question.

"Really? Do you think I'm stupid?" I replied rhetorically.

"Well who knows, you're rich from birth ... eh no, before you were born you already inherited all of your family's wealth. Naturally, you never take a bus, right?" I shook my head at her babble. Of course, I know how to take the bus, back in school at SOPA Jaehyun and I always took the bus. That is the kind of topic I always try to avoid, when I arrived at the bus stop, I end the call with Na-ri and waiting for the bus to come.

There is not a single person around here considering that it's almost midnight and this place is kinda desolated because lots of idols live around here. Should I just take a taxi to go home? I waited, and wait for the bus or taxi to come but there are none of them passing by. Suddenly realize that on weekdays, bus stop working at 11 PM which was 50 minutes ago was the last bus of today. I tried to remain calm, as the coldness hit me and I tighten my coat.

At this time, all I can think of is to use my last card, the only person that is still awake and will pick me up immediately. I sigh a relieved sign and start calling the number.

"Uncle Jung? It's me Haewon... I'm sorry but can you pick me.." my words stopped as I feel something stab my shoulder, something very sharp, I can feel the hot breath flowing through my neck as the person come closer to my ear."There should not be a girl in NCT's staffing" the person said. The sharp edges leave my body and that person run immediately, I was about to chase after that person when I found myself all weak on the floor with blood flowing from my shoulder...

to be continued