#if making art is like breathing I've been slowly suffocating. hands around my own throat. and for what?

[dr11ft]

I was so fucking worried. That my art would have no further depth to explore, that I'd be a laughingstock, that I'd be wasting money. That I wasn't actually meant for this. And now, after lying to myself for years, I realize that that's just how it feels to be a developing artist. And I wanted to make art the whole time. That's what I wanted. That's what I want.

[xxisxxisxxis]

Gateway Drug | Part Ninety-Two

Words: 4.3K

Warning(s): explicit language, sexual situations, violence, drug abuse, domestic abuse

Tag List: @unknownoblivion  @edwardtriggerhandzz  @haileynicoleseavey17  @cierrasixx19  @oskea93  @mgkobsessed  @sharon6713  @itsametaphorbriansblog  @miriampraez  @allie-mcginn @xpoisonousrosesx  @rebeccaphillips14  @nicholeh7 @lilmou5ie  @emariehorror  @divaanya  @6ixx6ixx  @ratedrkohardychick91  @floregrohlssard  @oldschoolimagineblog  @abaldboi  @liith-ium  @jd-johndeacon-or-jackdaniels  @ytwahsog  @scarecrowmax  @random-internet-user-4471  @solohqrry  @sparxx27  @kaitieskidmore1  @cruecifymesixx    @meetthesixxter    @arianareirg  @gingerspicetalks

@fancywasmyname1  @teller258316  @ggorehorror  @blowinmeupwithherlove  @xrosegoldwolfx  @mylifeisjustafeverdream  @redlipscrystalskies14 @str4nge-haze @reigns420 @sixxseconds2love @leatherandheels @dogmom2014 @allyouneedislove-mp3 @n0-self-c0ntro1 @viinceneil @crystalbaby12

LET ME KNOW IF YOU WANT TO BE TAGGED

Vivian strikes again. 

My leg shakes with each tap of my foot as I impatiently wait for her to come through that door. I've been waiting for nearly forty-five minutes. 

Maybe I scared her off with pitching a fit over her not telling me about her miscarriages. But I had a good reason to be upset. Addict or not, I fucking deserved to know what the hell was going on.

"Where's your wife?" Amber asks me, glancing at her watch. 

"Hiding more kids from me, probably." I mumble and she raises her brows, staring at me for a moment. 

"While we wait for her, can you do me a favor?" She asks and I shrug. "Take a few minutes to try to imagine what having kids during the last four years would have been like with your drug addiction. Because you would still have a drug addiction--babies wouldn't have changed that." She points out. "Honestly," she adds. "Close your eyes, and take some breaths, and just use your imagination as to what having children during these last few years would have done to you, and to your wife.

I take a breath and close my eyes, deciding it probably couldn't hurt to try to wrap my head around being a dad right now, especially with as many as she lost...

1984

...I feel Viv's weight shift from me, her eyes closed, a little hum comes from her when she turns her back to me but still keeps close, her feet tangled with mine, her lions mane of hair still spread out over my pillow as well as hers. Despite being half asleep, myself, I tighten my arms hold just under her ribs and pull her to me before my hand slides over her five-month pregnant stomach. 

I lull back to sleep, before I'm woken up merely minutes later by the sound of the baby crying and Vivian pulling herself away from me, putting her robe on to cover her naked body. 

She sighs under her breath, mumbling something, and I sit up. 

"I can go--"

"--No, I got it." She says, dismissively.

"Vivian, are you still pissed at me?" I ask. 

"You ditched me on our anniversary and stayed out all night smoking smack and partying with your moron friends."

"I offered for you to come out with us." I remind her.

"I'm pregnant and we have a daughter here, Nikki. One of us needs to remember that." She adds before stomping out. 

I roll my jaw and feel a spiteful twinge in my mind. 

Perhaps spiteful, perhaps wanting to chase away the guilt of ditching her last night…

I end up in the bathroom, chasing the dragon, curled under my high while hearing Vivian softly sing hymnals to the six-month old…

I assume she knows exactly where I'm at once she's done, because I hear her walk back to our bedroom and, when she usually comes to find me so she's not by herself, she doesn't come looking for me. 

1986

"...No, you idiot, not that…" I say to myself, rubbing my forehead, scribbling out the line of lyrics I've been fighting to get out. 

The door of mine and Viv's bedroom is soon bursting at the hinges, allowing me to fully hear Pierce crying while Frannie and Johnny come rushing into the room, squealing. 

"Hey, hey, hey!" I stop them before they can crawl under the bed. "What's goin' on?" I ask them, slowly hiding the Jack bottle in my bass case.

I spent last night freebasing and I'm still trying to coax myself down. 

Frannie looks at me with sharp green eyes, her brown hair knotty looking from wallowing on the living room carpet earlier...Johnny, brown eyes and red hair, just puts his attention on the pissed off Vivian that's stalking her way in here with the baby. 

"Um," Frannie starts, trying to think up her excuse. 

"Francesca and Johnathan tried to tote Pierce off again." Vivian states, eyeing the two toddlers with daggers, and they slowly sink down to try to use me as a human shield. 

"He's a new baby, Viv, they don't mean any harm. They just--"

"--Okay, well maybe if you put the bass down and actually come in here and help me out, you can supervise them while they 'hold' him, since I'm trying to start on dinner." She states. 

I glance at the kids and then at her…

"Or you can stare at me like an idiot, too." She mumbles, going to shut the door as she says, "You have no issue knocking me up but won't help me with them once they're out."

 I roll my jaw and grab my bottle of Jack, putting my bass back. 

What the fuck? 

If it wasn't for me writing songs, the band wouldn't have new material, which would mean no new album, which would mean no money--not enough to support her and three fuckings kids, anyway, so she should be thanking me for still wanting to provide for my fucking family. Because anybody else with three kids in two years would be putting a bullet through their skull. 

"C'mon, guys," I say to Frannie and Johnny, and they follow me out, Frannie reaching up to grab my hand. 

I put old cartoons on the TV while Viv puts Pierce down to sleep once he's drifted off. 

On her way out of the nursery, I'm stopping her in the hallway, my hand grasping her arm in a tight hold, roughly tugging her into the guest bathroom, cracking the door. 

I've got her against the counter, hand around her throat, gasping little breaths pushing past her lips for a moment as I say, "if you ever talk to me like that in front of my fucking kids again, I'll give you plenty to bitch about." I promise her, lowly, and she just looks up at me and nods. 

"Now turn around." I say next and she glances at the door. 

"Nikki, we don't have tim--"

"--They're watching TV. Turn around." I repeat and she grins a little, licking her lips and turns to face the mirror. 

I'm unzipping my pants, yanking her shorts down and pushing her panties to the side before grabbing a fist full of her hair and sliding it in, tilting my head back and grinning as she makes little whimpers in an attempt to keep from being loud. 

We've mastered the art of 'a good time in a short time,' and once we've both had our release, I'm zipping my pants back up, and she's still bent over the sink, hands white knuckling the edge of the counter, hair in her face, bite marks on her shoulders, cum down her shaking legs, trying to catch her breath.

I kiss the place between her shoulder blades, the back of her neck, her hair, my hand getting her hair from her face to look at her in the mirror.

She's looking at me with a little smile, right before, "I'm pregnant again," comes out and shatters my post-orgasm buzz. 

My knuckles sting as blood rolls down my fist, glass falling onto the counter, sink, and floor, when I drive my fist past her and into the mirror. 

She just hangs her head and I'm getting out, feeling the walls of the bathroom caving in on me. 

"Daddy, what's wrong?" Frannie asks as I grab my keys and my jacket. 

"Nothing, Frannie. Daddy's going out, alright?" I tell her. "When mommy gets in here give her a big hug." I add, seeing Johnny's too enthralled with Charlie Brown to notice I'm even leaving. 

I kiss her head and I'm out the door before Vivian gets out of the bathroom. 

I swear the only thing keeping us together is the fact that when divorce is an unspoken thought for either of us, she gets pregnant. 

I'm twenty-seven years old and I have a two year old, a one year old, a two month old, and now she's fucking knocked up again?!

How the hell is that even possible? Don't chicks need like six months for their bodies to reset after popping kids out or something? Jesus I married a PEZ dispenser with a never ending supply of eggs. 

By the time I get to where I'm going, I already regret it. 

Incense, crack fumes and perfume suffocate me as soon as she opens the door in her bra and panties. 

Not necessarily in a sexy way--more so in a higher than a kite and disheveled type of way. 

Which is perfectly fine with me because I don't need 'sexy' right now. I just need to get outta my head. 

Despite that, though, clothes come off, we end up on the living room floor, and instead of smoking a cigarette once we're finished, we opt for more erasure. 

"She's pregnant again." I confess to Tansy  out of nowhere after breathing out some smoke, my mind getting pushed aside, the crawling of my skin starting to settle. 

Blue eyes look at me as I hand it over before her greedy hands snatch it. 

"What?" She asks me. 

"Vivian's pregnant." I repeat. 

"I am, too." She says it so seriously that I look at her for a second, before seeing the very corner of her lips tug for a millisecond. 

"You're bullshitting me?" 

"I'm bullshitting you." She says, giggling, and 

I start ranting about it, my words getting more and more jumbled and lost the more hits of the pipe I take, until I'm not even worried about Vivian due to the paranoia that ensues. 

I get home at 5:00a.m….the day after the next. How low do I have to be to continuously go her best friend and my own moronic self pity? I don't know. 

I shut the door to the house and put my shit down, nearly tripping when I try to take my boots off. 

I'm on Halcions and Jack, and I think they're starting to kick in because I'm fucking exhausted. 

I glance at the living room scattered with toys and rub my face. 

I get it: "Mötley Crüe, don't give a fuck, fuck precautions, fuck all of it," but come on, man.

 How the hell could you be so fucking reckless?

I walk into our room, the lamp on Viv's night side table on while she's got one long leg out of the covers, laying on her stomach, arms under her pillow, the covers falling just enough to cover the tops of her thighs and her ass, her back and the side of her chest peeking out, exposed. 

She looks fucking beautiful.

Oh, yeah, that's how the hell I could be so reckless. 

I go rinse off in the shower for a second to try to wash away Tans and the drugs...maybe even guilt….

When I'm done, I peek out of the bathroom to see that she's still asleep, and I turn off her lamp and crawl into bed, closing my eyes for a moment. 

I feel her move closer to me before her lips are pressing to my cheek, hands running over my chest gently before she lays down, throws her leg over my stomach, and rests her cheek on my chest. 

"Are you still mad at me?" She questions softly, and I let out a breath.

"I'm mad at myself, Viv." I mumble. 

"Oh." She replies quietly. "I would get on birth control but it wouldn't react well with my Nardil."

"You mean the Nardil you aren't taking anyway?" 

She's silent. 

"Honestly at a point where I don't even want to have sex anymore because you're gonna end up getting pregnant." I add, gruffly. 

"Oh, come on, Nikki." She scoffs, not believing me. 

"I'm serious, Vivian. I'm tired of being a fucking baby mill." 

"Oh you're the baby mill? You just get your rocks off and I'm the one carrying the thing for nine months but you're the victim here?" 

She sits up and glares at me. 

"Yes! I am!" I argue. "You have this weird thing with cum that I've always thought was hot but now I'm starting to realize you're just trying to boulder me down." 

"Nikki, you've made it very clear that marriage and babies aren't bouldering you down. You still go out and party and do your drugs and your day drinking--you were just gone for over a day...so I don't want to hear, 'you're bouldering me down,' because I'm not. If you wanna leave, then leave." She snaps.

I roll my eyes and she goes back to her side of the bed and turns away from me, before she snatches all the covers away from me. 

I'm too tired for it so I just pass out. 

1987 

"Nikki!" Doc is banging away at my door, making me snarl to myself before capping my needle and hiding it under my pillow. 

"What?!" I bark out, going to the door. 

I swing it open, naked, aside from stained underwear, to see Vivian and my whole litter of kids.

"S-Surpise!" Viv tries to keep her tone light and cheery for the five kids around her, our brand new girls in her arms.  

I don't know how to react except to shut the door in their faces and angrily get my shit together. 

I'm out of the shower and dressed in the next hour, taking the smallest hit from the needle I hid, just as a maintenance dose, before I'm heading to Doc's room--where I'm assuming he took them when they realized I wasn't coming back out. 

I knock on the door and Viv opens it, looking up at me. 

"Suprise!" I mimic how she greeted me earlier, and she scowls at me and goes to slam the door in my face, but I'm stopping it with my hand and shoving it open. 

"Daddy!" Frannie, Johnny, and Pierce come running to me and I'm getting down and letting them attack me, wrapping my arms around them. Pierce is nearly two, now, and he's nearly as tall as Frannie. 

Dannie is walking cautiously to me, smiling at me and I meet him halfway and pick him up, kissing his cheek as I go over to the little babies Doc's supervising, one a replica of me, the other of Viv…

I lean down and kiss both of them, making them smile and kick their feet, excitedly. 

I wasn't there with them when they were born. 

I go over to Vivian, who's got her arms crossed, her jaw clenched.  

"Does Daddy get a kiss from Mommy, too?" I ask. 

"Daddy doesn't have to fuss at mommy for having more babies anytime soon because daddy isn't gonna get to be in the same bed as mommy for a long time." She replies. 

"Mommy seems to forget that the last three babies weren't even made in a bed." I reply. 

"Do you guys wanna few minutes alone? I can get Fred, Emi and Donna down here to help me." Doc offers and I look at him. 

"That's out of character and nice of you." I state suspiciously. 

"Despite you being an asshole, your kids aren't." He shrugs and I roll my eyes. 

I kiss all of them bye for a couple hours, and put Dannie down before tugging at Viv's hand once Fred and the girls get here...I see Donna and feel guilty…one of the chicks I cheated on my wife with is taking care of our kids…

When we get to a new room--mines so out of wack I don't want Viv to pass out--we do what we do best and in the aftermath, small talk in between breaks of making out, Vivian drops the ball. 

"I know you've been seeing her." She tells me out of nowhere when my lips press to her neck, quietly. 

My body tenses up. 

"What?" I sit up and she does, too. 

"There's no need to be shocked that I found out--we both know you wanted me to find out. Why the hell else would you leave letters you two write back and forth with each other, out in our closet where you know I'd find them?"

I just look at her. 

"You and Tansy, Nikki." She states, tears in her eyes. "Why the hell have you done this to me, Nikki? She's my best friend?" 

Is she serious? 

I get out of bed and pull my pants on, ignoring her. 

"I'm not shocked, you know, I always knew you'd be a deadbeat husband and a deadbeat dad, just like your father." 

I start clapping slowly, really appreciating her performance.

"Bravo, Vivian, really, you should get a fucking award for those tears." I state, fed up. "It's gotta be theatrics because what sense would it make for you to be genuinely upset I've been hooking up with Tansy, when you and Robbin have been seeing each other for two fucking years, now?!" 

Her eyes widen, she looks like a deer in headlights...which just confirms it all the more to me. 

"How fucked up do you have to be to cheat on your husband with his fucking brother, while pregnant with his fucking kid?" I ask and she takes heavy breaths, obviously trying to get her temper under control. "Not to mention that I'm starting to question if Dannie is even mine being as he looks nothing like me." 

She's slapping the piss out of me, tears streaming down her face. 

I rub at the stinging hot skin of my cheek and roll my jaw, staring at her a few seconds, before shoving her back to the bed, grabbing her shoulders, getting in her face while shouting, "you stupid fucking bitch, I fucking hate, you ruined my fucking life!" 

She's sobbing now, her head turned, mascara staining her cheeks as I push myself off of her and trudge to the door. 

"Cheating on me for two goddamn years, you fucking whore, who the hell do you think you are?! I can have kids with anybody, I can have anybody I want, but I fucking chose you and this is how you repay me?! Fuck you! There's a million fucking yous out there!" I throw a bottle at her and it misses by a couple inches and she sits up, trying to stand up as I open the door. 

"I'm getting my fucking kids away from you, you fucking crazy cunt!" I call and she's rushing out, wearing my t-shirt to cover herself up, grabbing my hand and yanking me to a halt before I can start to Doc's room. 

"You're not touching my kids, Nikki, I swear to God I'll fucking kill you, don't touch my fucking kids! You're fucking stoned!" She threatens me and I turn. 

"Oh, you'll kill me?!" I bow up at her and she punches me, her ring cutting my cheek, before she's hitting me again. 

She goes for a third time but I block her and shove her down, kicking her as hard as I can in the ribs, knocking the breath out of her. 

"Don't fucking touch me, you fucking slut." I smear the blood from my cheek, banging on Doc's door as she crawls a few feet before managing to pull herself up, resting against the wall, coming towards me. 

The door opens and I see Emi with Pierce in her arms. 

I don't say a word to her, I just grab him and smile at him, bouncing him a little, as I say, "Frannie, John, c'mon!" 

Of course they come, not realizing what's happening. 

Until Vivian's trying to pry Pierce from my hands. 

"Let go of my baby!" She screams at me, trying to bat me away from him while he starts whining. 

She hits me with her closed fist in my ear and I lose it, punching her so hard she hits the ground, Frannie and John immediately start crying upon seeing their mother bloody and dismayed.

The door opens more to reveal Doc as Emi looks at me, horrified, pulling John and Frannie back inside before Doc's snatching Pierce from me. 

"What the hell is going on?!" Doc shouts as guests peek their heads out of their doors. 

It's as if my demons give me the reins back and split, leaving me to look down at my beat up wife, crying, hearing my traumatized kids crying out behind the door. 

I just stumble back, my back hitting the wall before I'm sliding down it to the floor, staring off as Doc continues to yell at me...

...I blink, being pulled back to reality, staring down at the floor of Amber's office.

I'm not sure if we had kids by then, if Viv would have stayed or left. I'm not sure why I imagined I would've been with Tansy and not Vanity, why she would have had an affair with Robbin and not Duff...maybe I knew, subconsciously, that us having children at that time would have changed the way everything happened between us.

"I guess it was for the best." I reply to her, finally, looking at her. 

"Everything happens for a reason." She assures me. "There is a reason she didn't have any babies in the past four years." 

"Okay, wise one, is there any reason she isn't here today?" 

VIVIAN

"...Mom, and my brother Jon, my sister Carol, my brother Mark, my brother Bruce, my sister Joan, my other sister Claudia, and that's Matt--you know Matt," he glances at me and I nod, looking at the picture of the family, "And then there's me." He points to a toddler and I grin, looking at him. "My dad didn't wanna be in the picture, which I'm glad he wasn't because I would've cut him out if it, anyway when he left, so…" he shrugs, looking at it another moment. "Alright, let me show you to your room." He wiggles his brows and I giggle as he picks up my suitcase and leads me back down a hallway. 

"This is Joan's old room, obviously been redecorated because it's not covered in ABBA and Cher ." He mumbles. 

"I heard that!" Joan says from the living room. 

"No ya didn't!" He replies, smiling at me, putting my suitcase on the bed. "Everybody's coming over for dinner tonight so you have time to take a nap, get comfortable, whatever." He shrugs and I nod. 

"Okay." I tuck a piece of hair behind my ear. 

"I'm gonna go help my mom and Joan start cooking." He adds. 

"I can hel--"

"--You didn't sleep at all on the way up here, Viv."

"Because I wasn't tired." I lie and he looks at me. 

"Take a nap." He tells me, moving the suitcase off of my bed. 

"Fine." I roll my eyes. 

"Love you." He leaves me, shutting the door and I get on the bed, getting comfortable, and wondering what Nikki's doing right now...he's probably shitting a brick. 

After an hour, the door is opening and Duff's squeezing my fuzzy sock covered feet, making me laughs and yank my legs away from him. 

I haven't slept, but I've rested enough that I don't feel as sluggish. 

"You stink." I wrinkle my nose when he lays beside me. 

"Onions." He replies. "Joan kicked me out for chasing her around with the raw chicken." He adds. 

"And now raw chicken juice is on my feet?" I ask. 

"No, I washed my hands." He assures me. 

"Okay." I chuckle, rubbing my lips together. 

"Who all's coming to dinner?" I ask, next. "Jon, Bruce, Claudia, and my buddy Andy." He informs me. "Matt's coming up to go out for breakfast with me, you, Andy, and Joan tomorrow morning, and later this week we're gonna have a barbecue and you'll get to meet everybody, including my nieces and nephews." He adds and I raise my brows. 

"That's a lot of people." I reply, raising my brows.

"Very big family." He agrees. 

"It's weird." I say next and he furrows his brows. "Not like that, just...I don't know I'm used to being the only child, no cousins, no aunts or uncles--well, aside from aunt Lily--Nikki's not real close to his family, so we just...we're not really big on family." I shrug. "Well, dad is, he's always wanted more kids and a big family, I think, but my mom didn't so he didn't press her about it since she was ultimately the one who'd be carrying them." I add. 

"Do you want anymore kids?" He asks me and I let out a breath. 

"I'm not sure…" I trail off. "...I'd like to, but I don't know. I haven't thought about it, much." I lie and he nods. 

"Do you want anymore kids?" I ask him. 

"I do at some point, I don't think Mandy wants to, though. She says being a step-mom at the age of twenty-five is enough." He tells me. 

"Maybe she'll change her mind." I say. 

"She didn't want any kids when we first dated, so I think the only reason she's even making leeway for a stepchild is because she loves me." 

"It says a lot about her if she's willing to do that, though. A lot of women would've left." 

"Yeah, she's cooler about it than I thought she'd be." He agrees. "What did Nikki do when you first told him?" 

"He cried." I admit. "Like, a lot." 

"That's understandable." He says lowly. 

"Yeah, it is." I nod. "He's okay with it, now, though. He's not mad at either of us. I think he's more upset with himself about the whole thing." 

It's quiet for a few minutes before I get up enough courage to ask him, "are you happy?" 

"What do you mean?"

"Like...you know...our break up, and then you and Mandy are engaged now and I'm pregnant…"

"Oh, yeah, yeah, no, I'm great, Viv." He assures me, sounding genuine. "I don't know, things are a mess and crazy right now but I feel like it's falling into place at the same time, you know?"

I nod, smiling softly…

…I bought it for that moment.

I realized he was lying to himself the next morning at breakfast when he told the waitress to bring him a screwdriver--a triple--and, "just keep 'em coming."

[xxkellsvixen19xx]

Opposites Attract Colson Baker X Reader PT 2

Requested By: @ateliefloresdaprimavera

Word Count: 2,437

It didn't take long for Colson to post the news of your guys engagement to IG the love and support poured in from fans and friends alike.

@TommyLee: Congratulations you two I couldn't be happier for you!

@PeterDavidson: It's about damn time you two, I know you and @YN will be happy together!

@IwanRheon: Looks like the right woman came along to tame your wild ass buddy congrats!

@AshleighVev: See I told you you two were meant to be together ;)

It wasn't long before every paper and magazine across the country spread the news. TV and radio buzzed as well the news spread like wildfire. Casie was absolutely thrilled when you both broke the news to her, "Now I can call you mommy!" She hugged you so tight you almost couldn't breathe. "I think you would make a cute flower girl." You offered hugging her back, Casie squealed in excitement over the moon you had asked. "Well I think that is Cas's way of saying yes babe." Colson chuckled.

Y/N wanted to surprise Colson after some thought the perfect idea came to mind. You had never once gotten a tattoo but you wanted to find the perfect way to show Colson just how much you loved him. You got in contact with his tattoo artist friend Ceven and ended up getting two specific and very special tattoos. You got a double XX on your right hip and EST19XX on the back of your left shoulder. Y/N held off for as long as she could unable to wait any longer excited to show off the new body art to Colson. "God damn babygirl you look hot!" His world famous smirk appeared making you melt, safe to say that the idea of some tattoos on you actually turned him on. Though in the smallest of ways you both rubbed off on one another and according to the guys that was actually a good thing.

**********************************************

"Ummm alone at last." Colson murmured into your lips pulling away from a heated kiss. It had been a busy day between the recording studio and fielding phone calls and emails with Interscope Records.

You turned your attention to him then, twisting your body and inching closer until you were nearly in his lap. You hit him with a sultry stare as you reached forward and took hold of the back of his neck, pulling and catching him in a deep, bruising kiss.

He couldn't help by smile against her as their lips moved together in a hungry and building need. With one hand trapped between their pressed bodies, his other landed to your knee, thumb running aimless circle across your soft skin.

"So eager..." Colson muttered on an intake of breath.

"I've been waiting to do this all night," Y/N replied softly, smirking at him in the close quarters, before kissing him heavily once more.

Having spent the night barely keeping from throwing yourself at him, now that you both had a smidgen of privacy you were quick to take advantage. Watching him distantly while you both attended a public appearance had left you hungry and desperate in your yearning for him. A need that soon became an all-consuming delirium. You could think of nothing else but his lips and hands finally on you, the city lights and people all warping into white noise and static as your focus zeroed in on your one and only.

With a heavy sigh, your fingers gripped tightly into one of his jacket lapels now, pulling him harder against your body as the movements from the water bed beneath them shifted them closer.

"Why wait?" Colson asked, breaking their kiss again.

"To see if I could," Y/N answered swiftly, tilting to welcome his warm breath and lips on your face then neck.

Colson chuckled softly as his kisses trailed across your jawline and then down the column of your throat, "And?"

"It was...hard, Colson. So, hard." You sighed, nudging at him to return to your lips.

He hummed his approval as you began to encourage his hand on your knee to track up the inside of your thigh while you kissed.

It had been hard, really fucking hard, following your lead as he did that night, his hands twitching to reach out and smooth over the leagues of soft exposed skin, his body aching to pull you flush against him. Just watching you all night long was near agony, his mind all but consumed with how the sway of your hips would feel under his hands, as you moved about sensually.

//I got what you dream 'bout

Nails scratchin' my back tatt

Eyes closed while you scream out

And you keep me in with those hips

While my teeth sink in those lips

While your body's giving me life

And you suffocate in my kiss//

Groaning against you and with tongues coiling hungrily, he slowly leaned into the sinful movement, pushing you firmly into the mattress with his body. After skimming his fingertips across the smooth skin of your thigh he slipped under the hem of your dress with a heated momentum. He nearly reached his warm destination at the apex of your thighs before his low gasp broke your kiss.

"No panties, Y/N?" He whispered, so lowly that you almost didn't hear him. Almost. If anything you felt him, his deep, heavy tone rattling through to your bones.

You smirked at him lust filling your eyes "maybe" you replied in a coy manner.

"Humm." He moaned, still mildly buzzed and definitely love drunk, oblivious to anything other than the bombshell center of his whole fucking universe, currently under his heavy petting touch.

You opened your legs a little bit more, as much as your tight dress would allow without riding all the way up. Noticing your slight movement, he took full advantage of the freed constraints and brushed his fingers over your wet outer lips. You bit back a groan, lifting your hips to his touch while he torturously withheld from slipping into your core, teasing, barely touching; driving you fucking crazy.

He huffed out a thick laugh, "always fucking amazing how your body responds to my touch."

You panted softly, and while you tried to swallow your longing, god damn how he could drive you insane and absolutely enjoy every second of it while he's at it.

Colson let out a low whine, his forehead pressed to yours, hand still up under your skirt, still teasing, still ghosting his touch over every inch but where you craved him most.

"God what you do to me babygirl." He mumbled.

You  reached over and with fingers hooking into his jean pocket, you shoved the lace fabric of the discarded panties into the rough pouch, then purposefully palmed over his bulge as you withdrew your hand. He groaned quietly again as his free hand came up to cup your cheek, fingers dipping into your sweat-damp hairline while he pulled you in hard and kissed you wildly.

That keeps telling you to listen to all the bad things I say//

Colson leaned back against the headboard with a smile, looping his arms around your waist and lifted you to him. With your arms hooked around his neck, you kissed heedlessly, eager groans and sensual sighs swallowed and encouraged. He held you so tightly against himself, gripping into your lower back and ass, leaving less than a breath of air between you, determined to feel every inch of your body while the soft canting of your hips met his own.

//You're my pretty little vixen

And I'm the voice inside your head

That keeps telling you to listen to all the bad things I say//

Moving gracefully Y/N dropped one hand down to Colson's waistline and smoothly palmed over him through his jeans, retching a low groan from his depths before you worked both his button and fly open. You couldn't help but moan and snake your body against him when you felt him hot and hard under your touch, elated in how you left him gasping from so little.

Colson pulled away from your lips to full on moan when you finally got your delicate hand into the confined fabric of his jeans and boxer briefs.

He rubbed the bridge of his nose along your jaw and up to your ear, "Y/N..." He growled, his voice half pleading and half warning. It turned him on, you were usually so demure and shy this was a different side of you and he was actually enjoying it.

You tilted your head up with a smile to look at him, "Yes, my love?"

His head tipped falling with a thud against the solid wood, eyes screwed shut as you wrapped your fingers around his solid length. Every word, every touch, every taste you gave him was like an oasis in the Sahara Desert, yet each drink left him thirsting for more. Next, your grasp on him tightened ever so slightly and he couldn't help but buck himself into your hand.

Somewhere in this lust filled haze he found his basic motor functions and moved his hands from your waist, tucking up under your cardigan to find the small dress zipper that ran the length of your spine. Fumbling fingers finally grasped the warm metal and slid the zippered teeth open before finding the warmth of your lower back.

His breathing was rapid already, heart pounding, his head; light and spinning. But he shook the dizziness, as best he could, and tried to right his brain enough in order to move again.

Colson found his hands working on their own accord, pulling your sweater off the caps of your shoulders, his lips drawn to and finding purchase on the soft heated skin below. You let out a sensual sigh that swirled around him like a pulling undertow. Your head fell back slack against his shoulder as he touched you greedily, his lips travelled up the long slope of your neck.

He seized this opportunity and his freed hands tracked back up your body. You pressed yourself back against him harder as he mapped the soft flow of your curves over silky designer fabric, and god, you could hardly breathe. Your knees had felt like jello since leaving the function, with how he held you, how he grabbed onto you like nothing else would ever satisfy his need, left you feeling near prurient and heaving.

//The way we love, is so unique

And when we touch, I'm shivering

And no one has to get it

Just you and me

'Cause we're just living

Between the sheets//

Colson cupped both your breasts from behind with a soft squeeze and you let out another spin tingling sigh as he palmed over you heartily. Covering and encouraging his hands with your own you moaned his name when his lips on your neck became far more ardent, his touch becoming even more fevered and tracking down lower. With a roll of his hips and a groan he played and pulled on the hem of your dress, inching higher and higher with each passing second.

You then quickly pushed his worn leather jacket off his shoulders and swiftly unbuttoned his white shirt sliding it  from his torso, all while keeping hungry lips moving together.

You felt like the world was spinning off its axis now, for a whole new set of reasons other than the drink, as he claimed your mouth with a building and heavy intensity. Urgently, his hands pawed and slid over your curves and pulled you in close while your grip hooked around his neck, your fingers sinking habitually into his hair with a thirsty moan.

You didn't really have the sense to think of anything other than Colson, nor could a single sentence form to even speak, even if you tried.

With hooded eyes and a sly smile you stared on as Colson now knelt at your feet there on the bed, his expression focused, his intention abundantly and delightfully clear. You then watched as his nimble hands moved smoothly from your ankles, to run up the length of your legs and bunch your dress around your waist, with a helpful lift of your hips.

He smiled at you, a wicked lopsided grin full of promise and mischief as he gently urged your legs to part wider with a small nudge. You obliged him willingly with a soft moan, a sound that sobered him up in an imminent instant, and the moment he had enough space he buried his face in your slick valley and set to work.

Goosebumps and shivers ran across Y/N's skin at the contact and your head fell slack, "God...Colson."

He lapped up your slit, his own growls and moans sending sensation, heat and vibrations through you. He knowingly took his time swirling around your clit, feeling your grid to him, relishing in how you tugged him closer by thick fist fulls of his hair, listening to you moan loudly and completely without restraint. Your thighs around his head and fingers in his hair clenched as he suckled at your sensitive bundle of nerves before worrying at it relentlessly.

You  felt like you was going to burst into flames, or go insane, or perish as every emotion and sensation crashed over you at once. The entire night had been a sneaky, creeping, heady form of foreplay and now you felt yourself toppling towards release extremely quickly. You barely held yourself together for long enough to warn Colson, though he didn't seem too surprised when you all but screamed his name and fell apart under his prowess.

Colson  let his grip on your thighs go, that smug lopsided smirk returning to his glossy lips as he looked up at the panting mess above him. While you floated back down to earth you blindly pulled him up by the hair to meet your lips, kissing him so passionately and thoroughly that you could taste yourself over every inch of his tongue.

You settled heavy on his lap, his coarse denim against your oversensitive center ignited you all over again. So you shimmied back a bit and popped the buttons of his jeans once more, eager to strip the layers still left between you.

Colson watched on in spellbound amusement, his hands smoothing up the tops of your thighs to grab a thick hold of your hips under your skirt. You looked so overwrought already, skin flushed, hair wild, dress falling off your shoulders and spilling open to reveal the soft swell of your breasts in a creamy strapless bra.

"I need you now Colson," you finally replied.

[writingishard-loverandloser]

Hey could I get a match up for it and stranger things? I'm like 5'3" and bi. I've boy short, bright blue, and and deep brown eyes with big glasses. I've asthma so I don't really play sports but I'd love to. I love drawing and making things and reading. Holy shit I'm a fucking nerd. I'm usually labeled the mom friend and care alot about those I'm around. I'm very protective but also terrible with feelings lol I've been told I'm a flirt but also and angry chihuahua who can stop cursing lolol

First of all you’re like the Reddie love child we’ve all been looking for and I love it.

IT:

I ship you with Mike!

God we would love his smol fiery mouthed chihuahua. You and Mike met when you were riding home one day. You say Mike getting beat up by Bowers. It was just him but by how bad Mike looked you guessed that the others were there earlier and Henry just stuck around to kick Mike while he’s down. Of course — being the decent person you are — you couldn’t stand for it. “Hey, Bowers! Cut it the fuck out you freak!” Bowers turned around and sneered at you, “Why aren’t you a pretty thing. Maybe I can have some fun with you instead of the low life.” “Do not fUCKING TOUCH ME!” Right after you screamed Bowers fell face first onto the ground, behind him a bruised and bloodied Mike stood over him holding a large stick. “Thank you...” “You too...” Needless to say the two of you felt a strong connection after that. You’re actually the reason he got so into books. The two of you would read the same book then have in depth conversations about it once you finish. You’d always ride your bike to his house after school and draw while he finishes his chores. Your excuse was that you like the landscape but really you’d take any excuse to be around him constantly. Your sketchbooks are filled with cute drawings of him and his animals. Mike always knew he cared about you he just wasn’t sure how much he really did — since you guys met and started hanging out before the IT summer. When you all were in the sewers at IT’s lair he noticed how protective he was, how close he was, how his heart started pounding whenever you shifted your stand slightly away from him out of fear of you wandering, how when Bowers attacked him you were the thought in the back of his mind that made his will to live even stronger. He didn’t feel that with any of the other Losers. A few weeks after everything was over he told the other boys about it during a sleepover at Bill’s house. Richie laughed in his face, “You like her, man!” “No… no she’s my friend. You’re all my friends.” Richie scoffs, “Who’s the first person that comes to your mind when you wake up in the morning?” “Y/n…” Stan injects, “What about when you go to sleep?” “Y/n…” Ben smiles, “Do you want to sing but throw up all at once?” Bill adds, “D-d-does your stomach tie into knots when she l-laughs.” Eddie gives him a knowing glance, “Does your heart to backflips and breath catch in your throat when she smiles?” Richie smirks, “Does your groin start to tingle when she stands close to you?” “Richie!” He laughs, “Do you do any of that stuff when it comes to any of us? Or even Bev?” Mike blinks and shakes his head. Richie grins, “Well there’s your answer!” Mike stands up slowly, “I, uh… I have some place to be.” Stan winks at him knowingly, “We know.” With that Mike smiled at them and ran out the door. MEANWHILE: Bev had just convinced you to let her look through your sketchbooks and she can’t stop smiling, “These are fantastic!” You smile shyly, “Thanks.” “But like all of them are of Mike…” You guys widen a bit and heart lurches. She smirks, “Do you like him?” “Fuck off! Of course I don’t! We’re just friends.” Bev gives you a look, “Just friends don’t draw just friend in flowery heart crowns sitting on your porch.” Oh shit. She’s got you there. “If you like him why don’t you just tell him?” Bev continues. “Easy for you to say,” You scoff, “Every boy in town has liked you at some point. You’re pretty and smart and—” “Stop. I’ve seen the way he looks at you.” You bite your lip, “Really?” Bev smiles, “Go get him.” So you run to his farm. By the time Mike got home you were asleep in a pile of hay in the barn with two sketchbooks on your lap and a origami heart in your open hand. Mike smiled softly and picked the sketchbooks up from your lap carefully sitting beside you. You never let him look through your sketchbooks for now painfully obvious reasons. He couldn’t help grinning as he flipped through the pages. The pictures gave him confidence — some proof that you like him too. He was halfway through the second sketchbook when you opened your eyes. Horrified and embarrassed that he was looking through the last thing you’d want him to see right now. “Oh God…” You gasped sitting up, “I can explain those. You see— I— I just—” You sigh in embarrassment and frustration. Mike open his mouth to speak but you cut him off. “I like you a lot okay?!” You blurt out, “And I made this for you,” You hold out the origami heart, “I’m terrible with this stuff I’m sorry. I know you probably don’t feel the same way I just love you a—” Mike cut you off with a kiss. Your eyes widened but them you melted, leaning into it. “I love you too,” Mike whispers, pulling away.

ST:

I ship you with Jonathan!

The two of you are hella compatible. You have similar interests but your personalities are just different enough for the two of you to benefit from the relationship. The two of you met in woodshop. He was having trouble so you helped him and made sure he didn’t fail the course. Neither of you had too many friends so you kinda stuck by each other. You were at his house a lot and his family loved you. He introduced you to different music and you introduced him to good literature. You and Will bonded over art and would draw and listen to music all the time. Joyce just loved that her oldest hs somebody. You were sweet and protective — you remind Joyce a lot of herself when she was younger. When Will disappeared you were there. You knew that Joyce and Jonathan would be destroyed so you needed to be strong. You let Jonathan talk and cry — even if you weren’t sure how to comfort him it was comforting for Jonathan just knowing you were there. You lost your shit when Steve started harassing him in the school parking lot. Screaming profanities he didn’t know existed. When Will came back you gave Jonathan space and time — something Nancy couldn’t — you knew he needed time to settle back into things about you knew it was comforting for him knowing you’d be there. And you were. Jonathan and you were back to normal in no time with the exception of Nancy. He started to see you in a new light during this time. You were strong, smart, caring, protective, creative, beautiful, funny, and the only person outside his family willing to wait for him. You waited. And got along with his family like they were your own. You noticed him acting slightly different around you but didn’t let it bother you. You were spending a lot more time at the Byers’ house when Will started getting worse. You wanted to help him. You knew Joyce and Jonathan mean well but you also know how suffocating they can be. Helping Will escape is one of your many hobbies. You and Will were sitting on his bed drawing when Will suddenly spoke up, “Do you like my brother?” You froze for a second before responding without looking up, “Why do you think that?” “It’s just… the two of you are always around each other. He cares about you a lot. He’s always talking about you,” Will glances up at you, “And I’ve seen the way you look at him.” “You’re a very observant kid,” You comment in a slightly annoyed tone. Will chuckles, “Thank you.” Will really made you think. You and Jonathan have been there for each other for a while. And you knew you both cared about each other… but you guess there’s something else there if a part of you melts whenever his soft brown eyes been yours. When everything went to shit — Will’s a spy, a creature’s after Hawkins again, everything is more dangerous than ever before, and now Jonathan has to leave you to go burn out Will while you stay with Steve — Jonathan couldn’t let anything else happen without letting you know. Before he got into the car he ran back and kissed you. It was explosive, powerful, electric, soft… it was everything. “He pulled away breathless and rested his forehead on yours, “I love you…” Joyce honked the horn of the car to tell him to hurry up, “I have to go. Don’t die.”