#if it seems like im neglecting to address eds feelings i promise its not that i think theyll be neglected

[stedebonnit]

Ok small theory time: I think Lucius' comments really stuck with Stede, when he said (and I'm paraphrasing, I apologize) that Ed was the best version of himself because of Stede. Stede said outright he didn't believe it. I know he meant largely that he doesn't believe that the Ed he knew was fake. I know he meant that he saw Ed's truest, most open self, and he knows that was Ed's heart.

But I also know that he meant that he doesn't believe for a second that he could be the reason that Ed showed that side of himself. He doesn't believe he was the cause of something good in Ed. He said

"I'm afraid you're happier without me."

He heard Lucius saying

"This is all your fault."

He hears the ring of Chauncey’s "You destroy beautiful things."

In his mind, he was not the cause of Ed's good side showing, but he was the cause of this dark side coming out. He firmly believes its his fault.

So when Ed inevitably says that he's not ready to be with Stede ("shipmates" "former"), Stede will grit his teeth, smile and nod. He wants to help Ed find himself again, and he understands that he's not special, he's not the reason Ed will come out of this, but it is his duty to make up for putting Ed there in the first place.

Stede is going to hurt behind smiles this season, taking the time to care for Ed (like he should, of course) and apologize. He wants Ed to find himself again, he wants Ed to be happy. He hates that he made Ed feel anything else.

I think our Stede bathtub scene is going to be a breakdown, feeling like he's not needed anymore, feeling like Ed is finding his way to happiness and is losing his need for Stede's support. He'll be happy. He loves Ed, loves everything about him. But he thinks Ed won't need him anymore, and that will be a heartbreak that will touch on all his vulnerabilities that he won't want to show. He cares most about Ed's happiness, he doesn't want Ed to feel bad for not wanting Stede. This is his fault after all, he believes it is all his fault.