#if it doesn’t end up top 10 on my Spotify wrapped at the end of the year… idk what I’ll say bc I’ve played it like a crazy amount these | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

helliontherapscallion · 4 years ago

Text

Magnum Opus (Adrenaline Junkie Part 7)

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12 Part 13 Part 14 Part 15 Part 16 Part 17

Spotify Playlist (collaborative)

Warnings: swearing

Word count: 2,451

(A/N): our dear little (y/n) needed a break from the angst, so I gave them one : )

You were finally done with the prototype for your prosthetic. It took blood, sweat, and tears and hours upon hours to get the measurements precisely right, but you were finally done. You were one step closer to freedom and you were ecstatic. You were practically vibrating with excitement.

Sprinting up the stairs with your pride and joy closed and wrapped in a sheet, you made a beeline for the front door passing Philza in the process. You heard him ask you something, but you were already darting past him through the door and outside. Before long, you were at the top of the cliff you designated as your test site.

The cliff was perfect for gliding. It towered over the ground at a perfect height for you to gain air resistance in time and overlooked a vast, empty field that stretched as far as the eye could see. A few herds of chickens and cows were scattered here and there, but if you were careful you could probably steer away. Probably. If you hit a cow, it wouldn’t hurt that much, right?

Sliding on the prosthetic was a little bit of a struggle. You had to awkwardly twist your body around and uncomfortably reach for your upper back to fasten the leather belts securely around your nub, but you would get faster at it once you put it on more. Smiling in satisfaction when it was on, you tested out the abduction and adduction capabilities of the iron joints by pulling on the string you attached to the ends of each joint. The wing opened and closed with ease.

Now, the only thing you had to test out was if it worked or not. You backed up to the point of the cliff where it started to slope down and took a few deep breaths. Here goes nothing.

You broke into a sprint towards the edge of the cliff. The precipice was coming nearer and nearer, there’s no backing out now, you had to follow through if you wanted a successful flight. If you killed yourself in the name of innovation, then so be it.

When you bunched up the muscles in your legs to jump out as far as you could, you pulled the rope that extends your wing and firmly pulled it taut. You wobbled in the air slightly before you stabilized yourself. The air was flowing freely past you as you glide through the warm summer air.

You started to laugh loudly in triumph as you soared through the air. For the first time in almost one and a half years, you felt truly free. You felt infinite even like nothing could drag you down. Time around you seemed to slow down as you relished the feeling of freedom and being emancipated from your life on the ground. The warm air rustling through the base of your feathers on your left wing felt like heaven.

Unfortunately, what goes up must come down. You were getting closer and closer to the ground, so you had to land. You extended your legs under you and your feet made contact with the grass below you. Your momentum made you take a few swift steps forward, but overall, you landed safely.

Cackling, you jumped up and down in place and repeatedly punched the air. Your wing fluttered happily rustling the strands of grass around you with strong gusts of air.

“YES YES YES YES I FUCKING DID IT!”

“I’M BRILLIANT!”

“HOLY SHIT!”

The nearby herds of animals scurried away from you, their peaceful grazing interrupted by your excited shouting. Normally you would’ve felt bad for them, but you didn’t care; your invention worked! You had to show your family, they had to see this.

Philza was startled by the front door bursting open and banging against the wall. Your loud voice booming through the silence of the house. There goes his quiet day.

“DAADDDDD, WILBUR, TECHNO, TOMMY COME HERE I FUCKING DID IT! I! FUCKING! FIGURED! IT! OUUUUTTTT!”

You heard footsteps running towards you as Philza ran down the hallways and into your field of vision. His startled wide eyes scanned your form. Your face was split in a wide grin and your eyes were impossibly wide as they regarded him. Your entire body was practically vibrating like you were barely keeping your excitement and elation at bay. Your wing was flittering rapidly behind you.

But what caught his eye was the leather attached to your back where your other wing was supposed to be. It was the exact same size as your left wing.

“I-Is that…?”

You giggled uncontrollably in glee. “Yes! Oh, I need to show you how it works!”

You grabbed his hand and drug him to the couch with a surprising amount of strength. Plopping him down, you began spewing and gesturing wildly towards your newest invention.

“Ok ok ok, so this is just a prototype of course, but I was inspired by a bat’s wings with the leather and the general structure. I made the joints and the structural support rods out of thin iron so that it doesn’t weigh it down or make any drag. I can open and close it with this,” you pulled the rope and the wing opened, “and I have a hole for my wing to go into and it’s secured by belts and it even lets me glide and ohmygoddadisntitamazing?”

Philza looked at you with disbelief as you rattled on about how your invention works. How exactly did you make this without him noticing that you were making it? Where did you learn how to work with leather? When you were done, he looked at you with a smile.

“It’s fantastic hun. But how do you know that it lets you glide?”

You paused and gave him a sheepish smile. “About that… I may have, kinda… sorta, jumpedoffacliff.”

“You what? Do you understand how dangerous that was?”

You felt a burning anger flare up from deep inside of you. You just found out that you could somewhat fly again and he has the audacity to not care. “Yes, but how was I supposed to know if it worked or not? It’s not like I have anyone with the same sized wing as I do. The measurements had to be exact. One wrong measurement would make you crash! But that’s not the important part, I can fly again! Don’t you care about that?”

His eyes softened. “Of course I do, (y/n). It’s amazing that you can fly again but I’m just worried about how you tested it out. What if it didn’t work? You could’ve died again, (y/n).”

You felt your eye twitch. “Dad, life is all about risk. If you don’t take a risk every now and then, you’re just… standing still! What kind of life is that?”

He held your heated glare with sad, desperate eyes. “I… I just can’t lose you again, (y/n). Promise me that I won’t lose you again. That you won’t do reckless things like this anymore.”

Oh.

You let your stance relax and your left wing tucked itself back in. Walking over to him, you sat next to him, wrapping your left wing around him in an awkward kind of side hug. Fiddling with your thumbs, you replied softly. “You aren’t going to lose me again anytime soon, that I can promise you, but I can’t promise that I won’t do reckless things. Like I said, life is all about risks. You have to take them if you wanna move on. I wanna move on with my life, I’m sick of being stuck in one place.”

He rubbed at his eyes tiredly as he sighed. There was no convincing you when you were like this. He’s learned that trying to steer you in another direction is like Sisyphus finally reaching the top of the mountain only to have the massive stone roll back down again. Getting you to agree was something that went against your motives just wasn’t going to happen.

“...Do you want to move out?”

“What? Nonononono, I don’t want to move out yet. I just meant that I was tired of not moving on with life after that thing took my wing.”

He gave a watery chuckle. “Good, I wouldn’t have anybody to make me breakfast in the mornings or split wood with me if you moved out.”

He twisted his upper body towards you and pulled you into a warm hug. “I’m not leaving anytime soon. You don’t need to worry about me anymore.”

You two stayed like that for a while before he pulled back and gestured for you to turn around. You obliged and he got a closer look at your prosthetic, opening and closing it with the rope.

“...This is just a prototype. I’m still trying to figure out a way to automatically move the wing without having to pull the rope.”

He hummed in thought. “Have you thought about using redstone?”

“Yeah, but everything’s just too… bulky. I might have to make a tiny sensor so that it receives impulses from my muscles and moves when I want it to. That’s gonna take me a long time.”

“I’m sure that you’ll figure it out soon, you’re creative. Probably the most innovative of your generation… I’m proud of you, ya know. You’ve grown up and overcome so much in such a short amount of time.” He said genuinely.

You felt your face heat up and a small smile shaped your lips. You loved it when people praised you for your achievements, especially your dad. It warmed your heart to hear that he’s still proud of you, even if you’re almost an adult now.

He clapped a hand on your shoulder and started to walk to the door.

“...Where are you going?”

He looked over his shoulder with a smirk. “We are gonna go find your brothers so we can show them how amazing you are.”

Your eyes lit up and your previous excitement returned tenfold. Laughing boisterously, you grabbed his hand and started sprinting, dragging him behind you. He laughed with you as he kept up with you with ease.

You two ran until you hit the forest where Tommy was with Tubbo at the goat hybrid’s bee farm. They looked at you with alarm as you both almost crashed into one of the hives. Bees buzzed around peacefully, completely contradicting the energy you and Philza had.

“Tommy, Tubbo, you have to follow us!”

They glanced at each other. “Why-”

You shushed them. “No questions! I have something to show you!”

You turned on your heel and started to sprint towards the woods where you can hear the soft strumming of a guitar.

“WIILLBURRRRR”

His head poked out from behind a large tree trunk. “What could you possibly want? I’m practicing.”

“No time to explain, follow me.”

You once again ran away towards the shooting range Techno was in. Currently, he was working on his aim with a crossbow.

“Techno!”

He jumped and accidentally pressed the trigger, making the arrow completely miss the target by several feet. He lightly glared at you. “(Y/n), don’t do that. I could’ve sho-”

“Sorry Tech, but you’re coming with me. I have something to show you.”

Like you did with Tommy and Wilbur, you darted off without letting him respond. In no time, you and your family reached the cliff. At the top, you turned towards them with a slightly crazed grin and sparkling eyes. They looked extremely confused as to why they were up there.

“I bet you’re all wondering why I’ve brought you here today. Well boys, I present to you,” you paused for dramatic effect, “my magnum opus!”

You yanked the rope and your leather wing extended with a glorious fwoosh. You watched as their jaws dropped and they looked at you with differing expressions. Philza looked at you with beaming pride, Techno and Wilbur looked at you with complete surprise, Tubbo smiled widely at you, and Tommy was speechless.

Grinning wider, you pointed out all the intricacies of your invention. They all listened attentively, absorbing every single detail you explained. They were fascinated with the idea of using prosthetics.

You smirked. “Now, I’m sure you all would like a live demonstration. Step aside.”

You turned around and started walking towards where you started your take off earlier. You steeled your nerves and broke into a sprint. Once again jumping off the cliff and pulling your wing open, you heard your family gasp as you wobbled in the air slightly before you steadied yourself and began gliding. Their horrified gasps and shouts quickly turned into cheering as you glided away from them.

As you were midair, you heard the flutter of feathers behind you as Philza appeared in your peripheral vision. He was grinning widely at you as his giant wings flapped to keep him next to you. You grinned back and in that moment, everything felt right. You would always have your family to support you.

You landed safely on the ground with a few steps and Philza followed suit, pulling you into a soft winged hug. You squeezed him back with vigor.

“(Y/n),” he whispered. “I am so, so proud of you, my little inventor.”

You felt tears sting your eyes as you hugged him tighter. You could hear your brothers and Tubbo (whom you considered your pseudo brother at this point with how often he hangs around the house) running towards you two. It would be a minute or two until they reached you. Until then, you just wanted to stay in your dad’s loving embrace.

“OI DAD DON’T HOG THEM!”

You were ripped away from Philza’s comforting embrace and pulled into Tommy’s chest. He squeezed you in a bone crushing hug and started to spin you around.

“(Y/N) THAT WAS SO FUCKING COOL! THE WAY YOU FLEW WITHOUT BOTH WINGS HOLY SHIT THAT WAS POG!”

He let you go and you were given a congratulatory pat on the back and wide smile from Tubbo, who wasn’t quite accustomed to you yet. Techno smiled at you with pride and rustled your hair and Wilbur swung his arm around your shoulders, leading you back towards the house. “Well, I say this calls for a celebration.”

The feathers on your wing fluffed up proudly at the praise. “I’m down, but first could one of you help me take this off? It hurts after a while of wearing it.”

The rest of the night was illuminated with laughter and joy, the house booming with life. This was another moment where you felt infinite in the universe, surrounded by the people you hold dearest.

Taglist (comment if you want to be added):

@acecarddraws @goldenstarofthunderclan @ravennightingaleandavatempus @dirtydiavolo @yeiras-world @immadatmostthings @hee-hee-haw @jackalopedoodles @m1lkmandan @vanhakirja @im-a-depressed-gay @coolleviauchihadreamerlove @questioning-sanity @camisascam

@bongwaterflavoredgatorade @kakamiissad @jayistrash4 @lifestylesleep @speedymaximoff @sun-shark-tooth @appetiteofapeoplepleaser @lestrangenymph @kinismanditory @dragons-lurk-here @rinzyx05 @the-wandering-pan-ace @sparkling-gayyyy @angelic-scent @shinipii @dont-hug-me-im-a-fander @izzydimensional @used-avocado

#sbi x reader #sleepy bois x reader #sleepy bois inc x reader #mcyt x reader #sbi #sleepy bois inc #philza x reader #technoblade x reader #wilbur soot x reader #tommyinnit x reader #tubbo x reader #sibling reader #platonic #fluff #light angst #very very light angst #tw: swearing

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xavantina · 2 years ago

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I posted 2,645 times in 2022

9 posts created (0%)

2,636 posts reblogged (100%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@i-see-you-jon

@sjweminem

@vildmus

@strideerandflashlightgirl

@powerbottombrucespringsteen

I tagged 1,483 of my posts in 2022

Only 44% of my posts had no tags

#our flag means death - 145 posts

#stranger things - 90 posts

#hannibal - 81 posts

#loki - 73 posts

#succession - 69 posts

#loki series - 68 posts

#mobius m. mobius - 52 posts

#eddie munson - 50 posts

#ugly laughter - 46 posts

#the sandman - 44 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#five minutes of awkward silence eventually replaced by him starting to tell me in detail the workings of elevators and the odds of us dying

My Top Posts in 2022:

cries i love your loki memes

Thank you 😊 I appreciate the support of my meme follies.

1 note - Posted October 24, 2022

Spotify being down causing such a level of distress worldwide really says a lot about our lives…

1 note - Posted March 8, 2022

This is my cat. Her everyday name is Good Girl, but her full name (as written on her pedigree) is Good Girls Go to Heaven.

So you can imagine, based on that, how much Meat Loaf’s music means to me. I’m genuinely upset by this loss. I mean yeah, he had deeply problematic political opinions, but in this case I’m happy to separate art from the artist. Bat Out of Hell is one of my favourite albums of all time, ever since I was a child. It’s one of those cases of “your dad played it a lot and you automatically imprinted on it”. I think we owned it on fucking cassette tape? So yeah, his music is intrinsically tied to my childhood.

Rest in peace, Mr. Loaf.

2 notes - Posted January 22, 2022

I am so very bad at actually doing these things, but I was tagged by the lovely and talented @gavotteangel, so I finally got off my butt and went to town.

Fanfic Writer 20 Questions!

1. how many works do you have on ao3? A measly 31. But in my defense, I’m ancient, so I have posted at least twice as many on LiveJournal back in the day.

2. what’s your total ao3 word count? 162,236

3. how many fandoms have you written for and what are they? Six are represented on AO3, including a mix of various RPF fandoms, Hannibal, Law and Order: SVU, A Series of Unfortunate Events, and recently Loki. But back in my teenage years I wrote fic in the Lord of the Rings fandom, Harry Potter, and as I got older even more diverse RPF, mostly centered around US political media and, uh... Top Gear. Look, I have a past, okay, leave me alone.

4. what are your top five fics by kudos?

Assemble, a lighthearted, non-graphic-but-still-very-shippy Marvel RPF

As Loud as the Hell You Want, smutty Will Graham/Frederick Chilton

The Ties That Bind, a Barisi soulmate AU

Arrest Me - another Barisi fic, this one smutty

Young Police Cadet Bottoms for Busty Blonde - a Carisi/Amaro (and Carisi/OFC) porn fic where I’m actually super proud of the title. it really sets the tone 😂

5. do you respond to comments? why or why not? Almost always. If you took the time to comment, I will take the time to say thank you. Especially when I get the really juicy comments, like those that quote favourite lines and stuff. I love those comments, they’re so helpful!

6. what’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending? I’m really bad at following through on angst, I wrap that shit up with a vaguely happy ending. That said, Control You is pretty bad. It’s also locked, because I lock RPF religiously. kill them; kill them with fire is technically still a WIP, so it doesn’t count, although it’s some of the angstiest fic I’ve written.

7. do you write crossovers? Not so much these days, but I used to

8. have you ever received hate on a fic? Oh yes, before the US Pundit fandom hid all the RPF away in secret, thoroughly locked LJ communities, there were some pretty ugly instances of hate going around.

9. do you write smut? if so, what kind? Ahahaha, yes, I do. 23 of those 31 fics are rated E. And it was the same back on LJ.

10. have you ever had a fic stolen? Not as far as I know.

11. have you ever had a fic translated? I’ve received requests for a couple of fics to be translated into Russian. I gave my permission, but I have no idea if they followed through with it.

12. have you ever co-written a fic before? Yes. Way back when I was 18 I had a 42 year old BFF from California who shared my brand of absurd humour and we co-wrote a sprawling 20K+ Pundit RPF comedy zombie AU, where we took turns writing the chapters as we went along, playing off what the other person had written in the previous chapter. I was a great experience, like the fic equivalent of improv comedy groups. An entire story based on ‘yes, and...’ as a concept.

13. what’s your all-time favorite ship? I can’t possibly answer that question, I’m a bit of a whore in this respect. I mix and match. Although judging from my AO3 account it’s Chilly/Willy and Barisi, and it’s true that I love those ships.

14. what’s a wip that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will? kill them; kill them with fire probably. It’s a ASOUE Zombie AU with stand-alone chapters focusing on different characters in different locations, but in a vaguely chronological order. Can you tell that I adore zombie AUs? Anyway, I was very proud of this one, because this particular zombie apocalypse is totally “realistic” in-universe. It takes an existing killer-fungus danger and replaces ‘certain death’ being the result of infection with ‘zombies’ being the result. So yes, it’s The Last of Us-style “zombies”. I actually stole the terminology from there as well, because I couldn’t be bothered with creating too much lore. I never care about the actual zombie horror anyway, I care about the human reaction to a deadly crisis.

15. what are your writing strengths? A writer I admired very much in ye olden days once told me that I was good at blending genres and moods organically, in those day it was combinations of action, humour, and smut. She then asked me, me, for advice on a fic. I still think about that every single time I feel down.

16. what are your writing weaknesses? Definitely a tendency for overly detailed, flowery, self-indulgently elaborate prose. I spent years forcing myself to use a plain ‘said’ more often, because God knows I struggled with the concept from the beginning. And commas. So many commas. I often joke that Ernest Hemingway would fucking deck me if he was alive and reading my stuff. Oscar Wilde would you rather discuss writing with? Case closed.

17. what are your thoughts on writing dialogue in another language? I think it’s fine in controlled doses, especially if you consult native speakers to confirm that google translate isn’t about to make you look really silly to native speakers of the language in question.

18. what was the first fandom you ever wrote for? Lord of the Rings, I think? At least in English. I was 14 when the first film came out, so it was around then. It was really bad. English is my second language, and my grammar... left something to be desired. Okay, technically I wrote fic for The Hobbit first, because our teacher was pretty cool when it came to assigning various writing challenges, and in this case he made us all write fanfic that should be a twist on the pretty anticlimactic (according to him) ending of the book. I proceeded to literally kill off half the dwarves in a gruesome Smaug-fight. Very indiscriminately, I might add. Completely random. Just piling up dead, scorched dwarves for shits and giggles.

19. what’s your favorite fic you’ve ever written? Okay, bear with me here, but I’m just really proud of Young Police Cadet Bottoms for Busty Blonde. Probably the smuttiest smut I’ve ever written. I enjoyed every second of the writing process, I had a wonderful time, and it lives up to its title in terms of balls to the wall PWP insanity. A Guide to Recognizing Your Ghosts and Unfortunate Living Arrangements are also up there, because I’m still a Chilton fangirl at heart.

20. who do you tag? all of my old ASOUE peeps! @beatricebidelaire, @virginian-wolfsnake, @kitsnicket etc. etc. You know who you are.

6 notes - Posted November 22, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Nine months clean and sober. The party I’m dolled up for is for my dad’s though, he turns 60 today.

48 notes - Posted March 27, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#my 2022 tumblr year in review

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fruitcoops · 4 years ago

Note

Could you maybe write a “73 questions with Sirius Black” Vogue one? Or something like that.

Yes! I had never seen these videos before and it was a fun challenge to write. Hope you enjoy! Sweater Weather credit goes to @lumosinlove!

The house is large, two stories tall and painted a soft gray with white trim around the windows. Holiday lights have yet to be taken down and shine in all colors of the rainbow from the eaves as the camera crew walks up the front steps. The curtains in the window tremble for a moment, then a dog pokes her head through—she is all-black and curious, and looks quite large.

Dorcas Meadowes knocks on the front door; a moment later, it swings open and reveals Sirius Black. “Hey, guys, come on in! You can leave your shoes by the door inside.”

“Thanks, Sirius.” Dorcas kicks off her flats and follows him inside as he sets a dish towel on the end table and leans against it. “How are you today?”

“I’m doing pretty well. Morning practice was productive and I’m feeling good about our upcoming game.”

“We’re here today to ask you 73 rapid-fire questions while you lead us around. Sound good?”

“Sounds good. You can all come inside instead of freezing on the porch,” he laughs, waving them closer. The door shuts with a gentle click.

“First question: on a scale of 1-10, how excited are you about life right now?”

“Hmmm. A solid seven.”

“Do you have any pets?”

“I do!” Sirius leads them into the other room, where the dog is curled up on the couch below the window; he picks her up and gives her a kiss on the head. “This is Hattie and I love her very much.”

“Cute! If you could do a dramatic love scene in a movie with anyone, who would it be?”

Sirius sets the dog down and thinks for a second. “Aside from my fiancé, I’m going to say James Potter. We would kill it and I don’t think it would be that awkward.”

“What’s the origin of your name?”

“Pretty much my whole family has star-themed names. Sirius is the dog star from Canis Major.”

“Brightest star in the sky, too. What’s one thing people don’t know about you?”

“I’m an introvert. Lots of people assume that I’m super social because of my job, but I’m very quiet in real life.” He walks back out to the entrance and takes the towel off the table, then moves into the kitchen. It’s well-lit and painted a deep, warm red. The countertop is scattered with knickknacks and picture frames—clearly, this is a place people spend a lot of time. Hattie, who followed them in, lays down by the oven with a heavy sigh.

“What’s your wakeup ritual?”

Sirius reaches up and pulls two mugs out of the cupboard. “I wake up around seven am and make coffee while Re is in the shower, then rinse off and get dressed while he makes breakfast. It’s a good system. Want some tea?”

“Sure. What’s your bedtime ritual?”

“I don’t think I have one,” he says as he puts the kettle on and ignites a burner on the stove. “Usually we read or watch a movie, then go up to bed and talk for a while. There’s not a big routine or anything.”

“Sounds nice. What’s your favorite time of day?” Dorcas sits on the other side of the kitchen island while he takes a box of peppermint tea down.

“That’s a tough one. I like the in-between spots, like just after sunrise or dusk. Three in the afternoon is usually pretty chill as well. Does anyone else want a cup?”

There are a few murmurs behind the camera and he takes two more down. “What is one thing no one knows about you?” Dorcas asks.

He raises an eyebrow. “If I told you, everyone would know, and it wouldn’t count.”

“Fair enough. Dream country to visit?”

“Anywhere. I think I want to go to Ireland first, though.” Small wisps of steam begin curling out of the kettle, but it doesn’t whistle.

“Do you ever feel pressure to post things on social media?”

Sirius makes a face. “I used to. Eventually I just got tired of it, you know? The whole point of social media is sharing bits of your life with people and it makes me happy to show off my dog, or Re, or my friends. I post things just for fun now.”

The kettle begins to hiss and he reaches back to turn it off. “Sneakers or skates?”

“Skates.”

“Vintage or new?

“Vintage, especially for t-shirts and sweaters.”

“Who is your biggest role model?”

“Pascal Dumais.” Sirius stops pouring for a moment to look up at the camera. “If you ever get a chance to meet him, listen to what he has to say. You’ll be better for it.”

“Wise words. How do you deal with negativity? Oh, thank you.” Dorcas wraps her hands around the mug and takes a small sip while Sirius passes the other ones to the crew.

“Honestly? I don’t give a shit. It used to really bother me, but I’m happy, I have a job I love, and my family cares about me. Why should I care what people I’ve never met think of me?” He sits on the counter and rests his elbows on his knees, blowing on the hot water.

“What are three things you can’t live without?”

“My dog, Remus, and my family.” There is no hesitation in his voice.

“Not hockey?”

“I’d be devastated if I couldn’t play, sure, but it’s not the central focus of my life anymore.”

“What’s one ingredient you put in everything?”

“Does salt count?” He winces as he takes a drink. “Ugh, burned my tongue. I put salt on a lot of things because I drink so much water that it throws my balance off.”

“What is something you’re completely bored of right now?”

Sirius rolls his eyes. “Gossip columns and tabloids in general.”

Dorcas hums in agreement. “What’s your biggest fear in life?”

“Losing my loved ones.”

“Window or aisle seat?”

“Window. Anyone walking by always steps on my foot or hits my elbow if I’m in the aisle. Plus, I get a good view and an easy nap spot.”

“What’s your current TV obsession?”

“Avatar: The Last Airbender, which I’m watching for the third time already.” He shakes his head. “It’s just so good.”

“Favorite app?”

He takes a second to think. “Spotify.”

“Secret talent?”

Sirius looks at her over the rim over his cup. “This is going to shock you. Ready?”

“Ready.”

“Hockey.”

“You’re the worst.” Despite her words, Dorcas smiles. “What the most adventurous thing you’ve done in your life?”

“Uh, probably going to Europe with some of the guys last year. We had a lot of fun, but it was crazy.”

“I can imagine it was. How would you define yourself in three words?”

“Tall, dark, and handsome.”

“And apparently not humble,” Dorcas teases. “Favorite piece of clothing?”

“Hoodies.”

“Clothing item everyone should have?”

“Hoodies.”

A door opens behind them and the camera turns; Remus walks out of the basement, covered in sweat as he wipes his forehead with the hem of his shirt and holds his skates in his other hand. “Baby, have you seen…” he trails off when he sees the group of people in the kitchen. Hattie’s tail thumps on the floor. “Um. Hello.”

“Hey, Remus, how are you doing?” Dorcas asks mildly.

The camera pans out to catch both Sirius, who is laughing quietly, and Remus, who flushes pink. “I’m good. I thought you were coming at ten?”

“It’s ten-thirty, sweetheart,” Sirius says, hiding his smile in his tea.

Remus glances at the clock before giving an awkward nod and walking toward the stairs. “I guess I’ll take a shower, then. Sorry about that. Uh, carry on.”

“What’s a superpower you would want?” Dorcas asks as soon as he disappears.

Sirius shakes his head with a grin. “Uh, teleportation. That would be really cool.”

“What’s inspiring you in life right now?”

“Ah, une grande question.” He thinks, then tilts his head toward the staircase. “Moments like that. And the Stanley Cup, of course.” He reaches back and knocks on the wooden cupboard.

“What cause is closest to your heart?”

“LGBT+ rights, especially trans rights. I’m privileged enough to have a platform and I intend to be loud as hell about that.”

“Good.” Dorcas sets her almost-empty mug on the table. “What’s one thing you’d say to your teenage self?”

Sirius lets out a long breath and drums his hands on the light blue ceramic of his cup. “I would say…it gets better. It really, really does. You’re going to feel super shitty for just a little bit longer, but then I promise you will be so incredibly happy that you wake up every morning and it hits you all over again.”

Dorcas nods, and the kitchen is quiet for a moment. “What’s a book that everyone should read?”

“The Hobbit, by J.R.R Tolkien.”

“What would you like to be remembered for?”

“This is going to sound so corny, but I want to be remembered for just being a good person.”

“That’s not corny. How do you define beauty?”

“Remus Lupin.”

“That’s corny,” she laughs, making him smile. “What do you love most about your body?”

“I’m a big guy, which can be a little bit intimidating, but it means I give really great hugs. I’m sure everyone saw the video that went around a while ago.”

“Cap Cuddles?”

He snorts. “Right. You’ve got Finn O’Hara to thank for that.”

“In your opinion, what’s the best way to take a rest or decompress?”

“Being alone,” Sirius says. “There is literally nothing better than getting home and sitting down with a book or something while I can hear Re doing his own thing and Hattie’s napping. It’s one of my favorite parts of the afternoon.”

“That’s the most introverted thing you’ve ever said.” Dorcas grins and finishes her tea just as a faint beeping noise begins in another room. “What’s your favorite way to experience art?”

“Through music, for sure.” He slides off the counter and walks down the hall, leading them toward the laundry room. He gives the camera crew a look as he pulls dry clothes out of the machine and heads back to the living room. “What? Did you think I didn’t do my own laundry?”

“You lost a sock,” Dorcas informs him, picking it off the ground and laying it on top of his head.

“Thanks, D.”

“What question do people ask that you wish they wouldn’t?”

“Lots of people have asked me when I decided to be gay, which is wrong on so many levels.”

“If you could master one instrument, what would it be?”

“Guitar or piano.” He dumps the load of laundry on the couch and opens the back door, holding it for the crew as they walk out into the sunshine. Hattie weaves through their legs and disappears into the bushes along the back.

“I might have to take your dog home with me. If you had a tattoo, where would it be?”

Sirius mock-glares at her. “Let me have my girl! Um, I would love to have a tattoo somewhere on my arm.”

“This might be a hard one. Dolphins or koalas?”

“Oh, that is hard. Probably dolphins. The ocean is terrifying but those little guys are just having a blast.”

“What’s the best gift you’ve ever received?” Dorcas asks as he picks up a tennis ball and throws it across the yard. Hattie emerges from the bushes and races after it in a blur of black fur.

“An engagement ring.”

“Yeah, it was.” Remus walks into the backyard and kisses Sirius’ cheek before bending down to catch Hattie in his arms. His hair is still damp from the shower. “Hello, sweet girl!”

“Who’s your favorite musician?”

“Queen.” Sirius laughs at her surprised look. “I’m gay, what did you expect?”

“True. What’s your favorite board game?”

“Monopoly.” Remus and Hattie disappear from the frame, but the bouncing sound of the tennis ball creates some background noise and Sirius watches them for a moment with pure affection.

“Favorite color?”

“Blue.”

“Least favorite color?”

“Orange.”

“Bowties or knot ties?”

He frowns. “Don’t they all have knots?”

“Smartass.”

“Yep! Uh, regular ties.”

“Bowties are superior!” Remus calls.

“Get your own questions!” Sirius laughs.

“Going off your music answers: records or CDs?”

“I don’t own a lot of records, so I’m going to have to go with CDs. I love the way vinyl sounds, though.” His eyes widen as he looks to the side. “Are you okay?”

“Fine,” Remus wheezes. “I didn’t need those ribs anyway.”

“For the viewers, the dog just football-tackled him into the grass,” Sirius says, and Dorcas snorts.

“Your hair is famously luscious. Blow-dry or air-dry?”

“Air dry.”

“Coffee or tea?”

“Coffee, but tea is nice in the evenings.”

“What’s the weirdest word in the English language?”

Sirius laughs. “There are so many. Uh, ‘jeez’ is the one that comes to mind first.”

“What about the French language?”

“Oiseaux,” he says in a crisp accent. “It means ‘birds’, and you pronounce about three of the actual letters.”

“Good to know. Do you prefer dark chocolate or milk chocolate?”

“Dark chocolate.”

“Stairs or elevators?”

“Elevators. I don’t want to walk up three floors after playing hockey for two and a half hours.”

“Summer or winter?”

Sirius bites his lip in thought as they walk around the yard, where small flowers line the fence in beds and colorful pots. “I love summer because I have actual free time to be with my friends, but winter is hockey season. I don’t know, next question.”

“What’s a dessert you don’t like?”

“I’m not a huge fan of caramel. It’s too sticky.”

“A skill you’re working on mastering?”

“Will you ban me from more interviews if I say hockey?”

“Yes.”

“In that case, I’m working on keeping plants alive, as you can probably see.” He taps the nearest flowerpot gently with his foot; it has ‘Harry’ painted across it in sloppy blue letters. “My godson made that for my birthday.”

“What’s the best thing to happen to you today?”

“This, for sure,” he says with a smile. “I haven’t seen you and Marley in ages.”

“We missed you, too. What’s the worst thing that happened to you today?”

He pouts slightly. “Burning my tongue on tea.”

“Hugs or kisses?”

“Hugs! Though I’ll accept kisses from a few very specific people.”

“Do you have a favorite smell?”

He pauses and cranes his neck to look behind the cameras. “Re?”

“Yeah?”

“What shampoo do you use?”

“Uhhh…” There’s a moment of quiet. “It’s something with lavender, I think.”

Sirius turns back to Dorcas. “Something with lavender.”

“How specific,” she laughs. “What’s the best compliment you’ve ever received?”

He smiles to himself. “There was a young woman, maybe sixteen or seventeen, that came to one of the games earlier this season. I saw her standing with a puck and went over, and while I was signing it she looks at me and says, ‘you are exactly what I wish my older brother was like’. Turns out, she was bisexual and her brother wasn’t super accepting of her. That was…” He shakes his head. “That meant the world to me. I’ll never forget it.”

“You’ve definitely made a big impact on the community,” Dorcas agrees. “What’s the last piece of content you consumed that made you cry?”

“I watched ‘Soul’ the other night and almost had to pause it at one point to pull myself together.”

“Do you prefer animated movies or live-action?”

“Animated, mostly because I wasn’t allowed to watch Disney movies as a kid, so I’ve been catching up as an adult and they rock.”

“What’s your nerdiest quality?

“I love watching documentaries.”

“Sweet or savory?” The back door creaks a bit as they walk back inside and the camera catches a few frames of Hattie and Remus running around the yard together.

“Sweet.”

“In ten years, you have a daughter. What age do you let her date?”

Sirius gives Dorcas a look. “Whenever she wants to. I’m going to impose curfews and stuff, but I’m the last person on the planet to police her love life.”

“Good answer. What’s a song you can listen to on repeat?”

“Don’t Stop Me Now by Queen. Absolute banger.”

“If you could switch lives with someone for a day, who would it be?”

“Arthur Weasley,” he says after a moment. “I would love to know what it feels like to get up in the morning and know you’re about to spend another day wrangling our team. It’s a miracle he hasn’t killed us all with his clipboard.”

“How do you know you’re in love?”

“Oh.” Sirius blinks at her in surprise at the sudden topic change. “Well, for me, I think it’s just…being comfortable around someone. Being able to spend time with them without saying anything and knowing you’re safe, no matter what. It’s the best feeling in the world.”

“What are you most excited about at this time in your life?”

A slight smile crinkles his eyes. “Getting married. That’s going to be awesome.”

“Who is your go-to for having a good laugh?”

“James Potter. He’s the best, and I love him.”

“Last question,” Dorcas says, sliding her list into her pocket. “Many LGBT+ people, especially teenagers, have spoken about how you’re an inspiration. Any words for them?”

Sirius hums in thought. “First of all, thank you for being so open and welcoming. I would never have expected the sheer force of people’s love to come through like that when so many people were saying horrible things. Second, to any kids out there who need to hear it: I’m proud of you. It takes a lot to be true to yourself and even if you’re still in the closet, you’re just as valid as the rest of us. Stay proud.”

“That’s a wrap.” Dorcas gives him a quick hug that he happily returns. “Thanks for letting us crash your morning, Cap.”

“Any time. Thanks for tuning in to Lion Pride, everyone!”

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thethousandyearwitch · 4 years ago

Text

The Show Must Go On! Chap. 7

- A Youtuber AU you didn’t want and didn’t need -

Hisoka Morrow, italian Makeup Youtuber, enjoys his life in the comfort and occasional drama of his profession. But nothing brings more drama into his life than the eldest son of the Zoldyck fashion magazine empire.

Meanwhile, aspiring australian Twitch Streamer Gon Freecs forms a special bond to a Speedrunner commonly going by "Kil".

Chapter 7 “Montero” out now!

AO3 Link

What could be worse than taking care of a teenage boy who is developing a steady video game addiction?

There was a loud bang coming from the room above the kitchen, followed by laughter and cackling. The boys were in Gons room and tried their hardest to set up the sleeping cod. They refused help, naturally, convinced that they are just as capable, confidence heightened by being in each other’s presence, hyping each other up, and the consumption of their own body weight in burgers.

Another bang. A shriek. More laughter. Mito sighed so deeply that she feared a piece of her soul might have left her.

Taking care of TWO teenage boys who are developing a steady video game addiction.

Her phone vibrated with a new message. Gon had sent her a selfie of himself and Killua on the cot, which seemed to be standing securely. The boys were flexing their arm muscles (or lack thereof) with proud looks on their faces, and the only caption was “#success”. Well, at least they are having fun.

Bellissimo<3: Good morning. I am going to pick you up at 1pm, be dressed by then, and pack your bag for tonight’s show. We are going for a brief detour.

Hisoka stretched out on his bed and squinted at the too-bright phone screen. It was 10 in the morning, though the rooms curtains were drawn shut tightly as a defence against harsh sunlight. A lazy smile spread on his lips.

Hisoka: Are we finally running away together to get married in Las Vegas? I thought you’d never ask~~❤️

Bellisssimo<3: I am trying to reward you for not getting arrested last night.

Bellissimo<3: Do not make me regret this.

Hisoka: I should avoid getting arrested more often ❤️

Bellissimo<3: 1pm Hisoka. See you then.

Hisoka let his phone drop back into pillow-mountain. This was certainly an interesting surprise, and an opportunity that the make up artist wasn’t going to waste. Getting One-on-One time with the Zoldyck was something precious and rare to him. Because Illumi was a rarity himself. In a world of increasingly bland and repetitive personalities, especially in his field of work, Illumi presented a challenge of raw potential. Cold and calculated to the masses, an obedient dog to his family, a revolutionary in his work. Hisoka knew that he must be hiding so much more, and the more walls he encountered with the man, the more he wanted to tear them down with his bare hands. Hisoka hated calling whatever this was a ‘Crush’. Sure, he was affectionate towards the other man, and at this point he couldn’t deny the pleasant twist of his heart whenever they touched. But he didn’t yearn for lazy Sundays in bed together, didn’t want the peaceful domesticity that seemed to be inherited in being a ‘couple’.

What do I want?

Hisoka pulled himself out of bed, and made his way to the shower, determined to abandon this pesky train of thought. There was no point in pondering the unlikely. Though… Illumi had been indulging him. And he was going to indulge him again this day. Maybe he wasn’t the only one getting soft, even if neither would ever admit it. The thought brought another satisfied smirk to his lips as he massaged his favourite shampoo into his scalp.

He wondered how Illumis family would react, hypothetically, if they were to end up a couple. The eldest son of the Zoldycks, not just gay, but in a relationship with a makeup artist who is famous for starting drama whenever possible. They certainly would be a more feared and adored couple than if Illumi were to marry some busty heiress who hooks up with her tennis coach when he’s away.

Silva Zoldyck would drop dead right on the spot if Hisoka would ask him if he should call him dad, he was sure.

He stepped out of the steamy shower and mustered his refreshed face in the mirror. Maybe that’s all he wanted. To form something with Illumi that would be even more powerful than the Zoldyck empire, to make everyone else envy/fear/adore them. They had the capacity and the ability to do so, no doubt.

Or maybe he just wanted to have something he wasn’t supposed to have.

Hisoka shrugged to himself, before he went over his usual beauty routine. Today could prove very interesting.

12:45 pm, Hisoka leaned on his kitchen island, absentmindedly scrolled through social media to beat time. Illumi wasn’t going to be late, but he’s never been early either.

He decided to go with a casual look, fitted beige khakis, with an oxford blue button up, sleeves rolled up just above his elbows, debated with himself on how far unbuttoned would be appropriate-yet-slutty (Top 3 Buttons unbuttoned, was the conclusion). Under his eyes, rested on his cheekbones, he had painted his signature star and teardrop, eyebrows plucked to perfection, and after 10 tries he managed to get a satisfying cat eye done. It was perfectly normal to want to look like hell on wheels while meeting with your friend-partner-associate-crush-insertsatisfactoryterm.

The afternoons were always the worst time to check social media, the calm before the posting-storm that comes during the evening and night. Hisoka had already reached posts that were done last night, a few screenshots taken here and there for future reference and roasting purposes.

Almost fed up with endless scrolling, suddenly it appeared. Hisoka had followed a twitch streamer on twitter recently, some kid who was definitely going to screw up in some point of his career (they always do, when the fame gets to their heads), and didn’t want to miss that mess. “Foxbeargaming”, what the fuck is even a foxbear, he had thought.

He had seen the brat before, in his profile picture and clips of his streams. But that wasn’t the problem with the newly posted selfie.

The problem was that he also recognized the second brat in it. Remembered the way Illumi boasted about his talented little brother, the same wild hair and blue eyes as he showed him a picture of the kid. Killua Zoldyck is currently in the middle of nowhere Australia, and his family most likely doesn’t know about it.

Oh, this will be delicious.

Hisokas day had been upgraded from surprisingly interesting to extremely entertaining if everything were to go smoothly. Immediately revealing to Illumi before their date that his little brother is out in the desert trying to tame himself a boyfriend wouldn’t do either of them good. Let it simmer, let it fester, keep Illumi away from his phone the rest of the day.

Lost in his scheming, he just barely noticed that the clock hit 1pm. He grabbed his bag from the floor and stuffed his phone into his back pocket before he headed out the door.

Hisoka wasn’t sure what he expected, yet he was taken aback by the sight in front of him as he exited the apartment complex.

Illumi leaned leisurely against a black sports car, as if that were his only purpose in life. His sleek hair was tied into a neat ponytail, eyes hidden behind a pair of sunglasses. Hisoka let his eyes take in every detail of him. Peridot green jeans, fashionably washed out, paired with a simple grey polo shirt, the collar popped open just enough to reveal more neck than usual.

“Are you waiting on an invitation?” Illumi didn’t sound as agitated as he probably intended, giving Hisoka only more reason to push his luck.

“I was thinking about whether I want to pounce on you now or later.” He approached the other man, who in turn straightened up his posture in defence. But instead of any hostile movements, Hisoka simply took Illumis hand, and bought it to his lips for a caste kiss. “But I’d rather not spoil our date this early.”

Illumi pulled his hand away, though maybe with a second’s hesitation. “Not happening, also not a date. Get in the car before I change my mind.”

The car was equipped with fabric seats, which Hisoka was grateful for in the Italian heat. “Maybe I should film one of those Vlogs today, what do you think of the title ‘Partner takes me away for secret date’?”

“What about ‘Multimillionaire kicked me out of a speeding car’?”

“Touché.” Now Hisoka was sure that his companion had to be in a good mood, despite what he’d claim, he’d never go along with his jokes if he were feeling neutral-to-pissed otherwise. He rolled his shoulders back into the seat comfortably, golden eyes fixated on the way that Illumis elegant pale hands wrapped around the steering wheel. “I didn’t know you can drive, considering you always have someone to do it for you.”

“I prefer it over flying, and I still consider myself a better driver than half of our staff.”

“I’m sure you’re great at handling stick shift as well.”

“Of co-“Illumi pressed his lips together in sudden annoyance, he most definitely had caught onto Hisokas smirk as he waited for an answer. “That is repulsive.” That prompted the makeup artist to break out into self-satisfied snickering.

“No clue what you’re talking about, Tesoro.” This earned him an eye roll, and silence as the car made its way through mostly empty streets. Hisokas eyes fell onto Illumis phone that rested on the console of the car. “Ah, I’m sure mister multimillionaire has Spotify Premium, right? Let me turn on some music.”

“Use your own phone.”

“I ran out of data volume. Are you that afraid I’ll discover your disastrous music taste?” His teasing smirk was met with another, more defeated eyeroll and a sigh.

“Don’t play anything trashy. The passcode is 0707.” After a questioning silence, he added “It’s Killuas birthday.”

Hisoka replied with an appreciative purr, before he started scrolling through the others music library. No personal playlists, not even a profile picture attached to his account. He was almost offended at the man’s lack of care for something as deeply personal as ones Spotify account, something that surely could tell a lot about a person. “Tchaikovsky? I’m not sure if I am impressed or utterly bored. Oh-“ His eyes stopped on a familiar album cover. “Maybe you’re not a lost cause after all, dear.”

A button press later, and the familiar opening sounds to Tame Impalas “Currents” played. The faintest trace of a smile curled on Illumis lips, barely noticeable, but Hisoka wanted to burn it into his mind anyway. Never mind that he took the brief distraction to turn the others phone onto silent mode. No unnecessary distractions.

It took the rest of the album until Illumi pulled the car into the exit towards the nature reserve near Lago di Bracciano, the last notes of “New Person, Same old Mistakes” dying together with the engine as they parked.

Hisoka stretched at the warm sunlight that caressed his skin when he exited the vehicle. Birds sang happily in the trees that lined the path around the large lake, and the only other person in sight was an elderly woman walking a small white dog. As the second car door shut close, he turned around with a pleased smile that showed off his shining teeth. “I never took you for the kind to take afternoon strolls.”

His friend-or-whatever set a relaxed pace onto the path and looked out onto the deep blue water. “I can’t sit around the hotel room the entire day, can I? And Rome is crawling with sweaty tourists and noisy journalists.”

“So you wanted to get some quality time outside?” Hisoka absentmindedly ran his tongue over his own sharp incisors.

“Correct.” Illumi didn’t seem to notice, or at least ignored, the predatory gesture.

“With me.”

He missed a beat before a simple, “It seemed appropriate.”.

This earned him an appreciative purr, before the men walked in silence along the large lake. Italy still wouldn’t reach its heights of temperatures this time of year, but any breeze was still a welcomed change from the rising humidity and sting of the sun. Hisoka wondered how much the others pale skin would change if he’d expose himself for a bit longer to the sun, if he’d immediately burn up in red, or if he’d start to tan, even just the faintest bit. He’d definitely look more alive, less like a puppet on invisible strings.

They continued to walk in a comfortable silence next to each other, took in the different sounds and sights of nature and the others presence, until eventually they reached the border of one of the shore towns. Beautiful stone buildings climbed the side of a smaller hill, only interrupted by greenery sprouting up between them. The main path was lined with flower shops, cafes, and Gelateria, whose smells mixed into a pleasant sweetness in the air. But one store in particular stood out. It wasn’t super flashy, it could have been found in any city and any street, but Hisoka knew this one from memory.

Without hesitation, he grabbed the others hand, effectively stopping him in his tracks.

“Excuse me-“ Before he could free his hand, Hisoka intertwined their fingers and pulled him closer.

“Let me treat you to something as well, I promise you won’t regret it,amore.” As his flaming eyes were met with a wrinkled nose, the sunshades Illumi were as not-telling as his eyes, he added “If you do regret it, I’ll gladly let you drown me right here.”

There was hesitation as the other mans wrist twitched against his hold. “You’d love that, wouldn’t you?”

The absence of a struggle was still taken as accepting whatever had gotten him so excited, and thus Illumi was quickly pulled and seated outside the small café. Hisokas attitude had changed from a lazy yet scheming happiness, to pure, unfiltered excitement. It became almost impossible for him to sit still, he rapidly tapped his fingernails against the small glass table, until a waitress (in her mid-40s, he assumed) stepped out. She handed the men a small, leather bound menu, though both were immediately snatched by Hisoka and held back towards her.

“Non sarà necessario. Ordineremo la Cheesecake alla fragola. Grazie.”

“Certamente.” The woman replied with a smile, before she retreated into the shop.

“Cheesecake?” Illumi asked with a raised eyebrow, he had taken off his sunglasses by now and placed them on the table.

Hisoka tutted, “Not any Cheesecake, dear, it is the best Cheesecake you will ever have. I will have it at my wedding, funeral, and every occasion in between that.”

“I take it you’ve been here before.”

“When I had just moved to Rieti, I’d come here almost every weekend, though I unfortunately stopped when weekends became workdays as well.” He considered carefully how much more he was willing to share about that time of his life with the other, though the decision was taken off him as the waitress approached with two plates, each adorned with a generous slice of cheesecake, topped with strawberry slices and strawberry jam dripping off it.

His jaw clenched in anticipation as he watched Illumi take the first bite of the cake, reminiscent of all the rituals he’d do for him whenever he visited. It felt degrading to admit that he wanted to impress and gain the approval of the Zoldyck, but not degrading enough to stop the attention seeking behaviour.

A bite. Some careful chewing. Averted eyes because Hisoka was staringbut he did not care. He swallowed.

Illumi didn’t look at him as he spoke, seemingly engrossed in studying the décor of the shop. But his eyes betrayed him, Hisoka swore he saw something within the dark orbs glisten and flash to life. He didn’t know people could smile only with their eyes, but Illumi continued to be different in the most intoxicating way. “It’s… really good.”

Hisoka tried hard not to pick up his train of thought from the morning, tried not to think about what he wanted from Illumi or a relationship, and he especially tried not to think about the growing urge to leap across the table at that very moment to kiss him until their lips were sore. Instead, he started to eat his own cake, and failed to supress his sharpened smile.

They ate mostly in silence, safe for Hisokas muffled crazed snickering, and ordered espresso to chase down the thick cake.

“Hey, let’s play a game. What is wrong with that woman over there?” Hisoka pointed at a blonde who rested against a railing near the lake.

Illumi seemed to consider for a second whether he even wanted to play a weird game like that, before he stopped mid espresso-sip. “Ah. Those red heels are obviously spray-painted on.”

“Bingo~! It’s super obvious, right? You can still see the black shine through.”

“I’m more concerned about the uneven stitching on her shirt. Either she did that herself, or she has gotten scammed.”

Somehow that conversation triggered them to analyse the fashion choices of every stranger they encountered on their way back to the car with increasingly devilish tones. Illumi Zoldyck was a surprisingly good gossiper, and Hisoka filed that fact into the growing corner of his brain that he reserved just for him.

In the car, Illumi informed him they would just head to his hotel room to get dressed for the show, and then head there together. Any attempt at a joke about spending hotel-room-time wisely was, expectedly, cut off.

Illumi had never focused on the road this much in his entire life. He tried to be grateful that they had managed to get ready for the show in his hotel room without any major incidents, but now Hisoka was seated next to him again, wearing the suit he made for him. He looked good, annoyingly so. Naturally, Illumi wouldn’t grant him the satisfaction of telling him that though. He had indulged the man plenty enough for that day already and was holding back from chastising himself for it.

Last night had made him soft, Illumi decided. A brief waver of confidence and self-preservation that made him want to spend one-on-one time with Hisoka, in what may have resembled friendship to an outsider.

But his head was clearer now, cleansed from whatever foolishness had overcome him – the image of his mother recovering from a coughing fit and regaining her composure crept itself into his mind. Unrelated, he thought, though cleared his throat regardless.

“Machi says the crowd tonight is dreadful. Do you think she is just saying that to keep me from going~?” Hisoka tapped his long nails against the screen of his phone. Machi was a model they both have worked with in the past, though she was no where close to a breakthrough. A pretty face, objectively spoken, though smaller than most models, and the personality of royalty about to be executed. Do they always text each other?

“She’s there as well today?” He tried not to sound bitter. He didn’t have a reason to be bitter.

“Mhm, she’s modelling for a friend of hers it seems, though all the examples she sent me looked like someone with a priest-kink designed them, so it doesn’t hurt as much that she didn’t hire me as her artist.”

A moment of silence. “I see.” Illumi was not going to indulge Hisoka even more by inquiring about the nature of his relationship to the woman. It did not concern him; it wasn’t relevant to him or his work.

“Illumi?” Hisoka leaned over in his seat, golden eyes piercing into the side of his face.

“Yes, Hisoka?” Just now he noticed that he had been clenching his jaw uncomfortably.

“Are you jealous of Machi?” He didn’t need to look to know that Hisoka was smiling from one ear to the other, voice dripping with joy. He wasn’t going to look at Hisoka.

“You are insane. Why would I be jealous of her? I pity the girl, still having to work as a favour for acquaintances.”

Predatory eyes continued to drill into him, and a dangerous purr escaped the man, “Is that so?”.

“Yes, don’t be ridiculous.” They pulled into the valet line.

“Then you surely won’t mind that she’ll meet us in the entrance hall, wonderful!”

Illumi shouldn’t mind. It should be perfectly fine that instead of spending the evening alone with Hisoka, a good-looking young woman with an unclear relationship to him would meet them. He definitely couldn’t be jealous; it would be irrational and yet-

He threw the keys to the car at the valet and grabbed the number-marker without a word. His face wouldn’t give it away to others, that he was practically fuming, but Hisoka seemed to take pleasure in the subtle way that Illumis facial features tightened. “I heard jealousy can give you wrinkles~” Hisoka whispered cheekily as they approached the venue entrance, rows of reporters and interviewers lined at the sides, even more so than at the opening day before.

“You must have a lot of experience with that.” He hissed in reply and straightened his posture as they passed the crowd, mostly reporters who desperately tried to take pictures of attendees. Pictures, Interviews, all loathsome cries for attention that Illumi has always tried to avoid as much as possible without damaging the families reputation. He looked down the carpeted entrance and spotted the young woman known as Machi Komacine, clothed in a painfully tight black dress adorned with rosaries draped around her waist like belts, her messy pink hair pulled into a high ponytail. Her posture signalled boredom, but her eyes screamed murder.

Illumi was not a man who easily feared anyone, especially not a woman who stands at 5’2 proud; But he also was not necessarily thrilled to approach her. As he tried to hiss something in Hisokas direction again, something about not having much time to chat with their acquaintance due to meeting a client, he noticed: The other man had stayed behind, and was now busy posing for numerous cameras. Their eyes met, and with a mischievous grin, Hisoka held his hand out to beckon Illumi closer. For Pictures. Together.

Take pictures with Hisoka together in a public appearance that will most definitely set the gears of the rumour mill in motion; Or approach Machi alone and run the risk of uncomfortable conversation about our respective relationships to Hisoka?

He looked back at Machi, whose eyes met his instantly with a raised eyebrow. Fucking Hell-

Illumi made his way back to Hisoka, casually disregarded the hand that was held out to him and positioned himself as practiced – left arm leisurely to the side, right arm three quarters across his front. Not too strict, but not too relaxed either. In contrast, Hisoka had his left hand in the pocket of his suit, his right hand rested on Illumis shoulder as if were the most natural thing in the world. Journalists started to yell even more for their attention now, asking pesky questions that he tried to ignore, telling them to stand closer to each other, the likes. He kept the façade of his neutral face through the blinding flashes intact, even as Hisoka snaked his arms from his shoulder around his waist. “Do you wish for a public execution?”

“It looks better for the pictures~”

Illumi brushed a few strands of hairs behind his shoulder and used the motion to glance back to where Machi was waiting, her steady gaze on the two of them. “It’s rude to let her wait.”

“How considerate you are!” Hisoka snickered. “I know you aren’t jealous, caro, but I’d still like to reassure you of something.”

“And what’s that?”

“Machi and I look for, how should I say, very different things in a partner.” He tugged at Illumi waist and pulled him closer. “She’s looking for women and I am not.”

“Oh.” Illumi continued to look at the reporters cooing for their attention, as he tried not to think of the warm hand on his waist that felt searing hot and- Wait.

“OH.” He turned in Hisokas hold to properly look at him, who in turned grinned like the cat that ate the canary, then he looked back to Machi, and suddenly he felt stupid, which he didn’t experience a lot.

“Feeling relieved, even though you definitely weren’t jealous?”

“I think they got enough pictures.”

Illumi heard Hisokas snickering trail behind him as he made his way down the entrance. Machis eyes met his again, hands steady on her hips. Up closer now, he could observe the details of her dress, white seams stitched into crucifixes that crept up the sides, and the number “3” painted on every bead of the rosaries. It was cleanly executed, but Illumi was confident in the superiority of his own work.

“Miss Komacine.” He extended his hand to her, which she shook half-heartedly.

“Illumi. I’d like to get to business talk right away, so I don’t have to look at this clown longer than necessary.”

“Business talk?”

The young woman lit a cigarette for herself and shot a glare to Hisoka. “I assume you didn’t tell him I wanted to speak with him?” This granted her only a shrug and a smile from the man. “Fine, whatever. Illumi, I want to model for your next line, it would proof beneficial for both of us.”

“I don’t deal in women’s fashion. Furthermore, I do not see how I’d gain benefits from having you work for me.” Finally, a topic he felt comfortable to speak about, even it was only to criticize the woman for her awful attempt at business.

“I don’t mind wearing a suit, you should be at least competent enough to make smaller sizes, right?” She stepped closer to push a sharp index finger against his chest. “And about those benefits; Having me model for you would give me more exposure from a mainstream crowd, and thus exposure for my group. You would gain exposure to a wider audience of underground fashion-following, that isn’t influenced by your family’s name, meaning you could manifest a name for yourself. Unless you prefer being ‘a Zoldyck’ forever.”

The nerve. The audacity. Illumi considered just calling her a presumptuous cunt and leaving with his pride intact, but Machi looked like the kind of woman who knew how to slice car tires and break-wires.

A manicured hand curled around his shoulder, and Hisoka pushed himself between Machi and him. “What could be better than this; My two favourite people in this world, getting along, talking friendly business. Unfortunately, dear Machi, there’s some people inside that are dying to meet us tonight, so we’ll catch you later~”

Before he could object, Illumi was pushed through the entrance of the venue. The large runway was occupied by a high-end brand that premiered their women’s gala collection, mood-lighting engulfed the rest of the room, rhythmic beats of low music drowned out most of the talking crowd.

“Be a darling and just let her offer simmer a little. Machi can be very scary when she’s mad, and not in the way I enjoy.” Hisoka purred closer to his ear.

“Did you know she was going to ask?”

“What if I did?”

A waiter offered them drinks on a tray, and Illumi leisurely grabbed a glass of champagne.

“What does that even mean, ��a Zoldyck’, as if it is something bad.”

“Don’t wreck your pretty head over it, you know how women are.” Hisoka laughed, and Illumi wasn’t sure how serious he meant that, considering that personally he had no idea how women are, and after newest revelations, neither did Hisoka.

But through the course of the night, Illumi couldn’t get it out of his head. He pretended not to notice how people approached Hisoka, addressed him by his name, first or full name, and talked with him about the content he has created, complimented on his most recent videos and looks. And he pretended not to notice how people approached him, addressed him only by his last name, and asked about the family business. “Mr. Zoldyck, are you going to write an article about this line?” “Mr. Zoldyck, about the next issue-“ “Mr. Zoldyck, tell my greetings to your father.”

No word about his own collection he had premiered. No one even uttered his first name.

He was ‘a Zoldyck’. Nothing more, nothing less.

“If looks could kill, we’d be ankle deep in a blood bath by now.” Hisoka snaked an arm around Illumis waist again and rested his hand on the tip of his hip. The designer took a long sip of the bitter champagne, casually slapped away the offending hand, and kept his dark eyes fixed on the crowd. “Still pouting because Machi was being a bully?”

“I am not pouting.”

“And you weren’t jealous either, got it~”

An eye roll, followed by “I have a headache, what’s the time anyway?” Illumi tried to reach for his phone in his pocket, though before he could grab it, Hisoka took hold of his wrist. They locked eyes, and even in the dim lighting of the venue, Illumi saw something wild glisten in those amber eyes. “Let’s leave, together, to my place.”

“Very subtle, Hisoka. I am not going to-”

“Indulge me, Tesoro, I want to show you something.” Determined to blame it on the repulsive atmosphere that had build itself up at the fashion show, Illumi let himself be swept away by Hisoka for the second time that day. The thought of getting away from noisy reporters and cockroaches of the industry who only knew him as the eldest Zoldyck.- former Heir to the empire, was pleasant enough, yet he also didn’t have to be alone and actively think about his reputation, name, and being a ‘lapdog’, technically a win-win situation.

The drive back to the apartment was oddly quiet, despite Hisokas prior excitement. The car tore through the dark night primarily in silence, only accented by the ‘The Velvet Underground’ album they agreed on after scrolling through Hisokas bizarre Spotify library. It definitely wasn’t the kind of music he was used to from the home he was raised in, didn’t fit between the classical music his mother used to play before her headaches made it impossible and the obscene noise music that Killua would play to trigger the same headaches.

“Could you check my messages for me?”

Hisoka hummed in response and grabbed the phone, manicured nails tapping on the screen, before dropping it unceremoniously back into the cup-holders. “Batteries dead.”

“That can’t be, I charged it before I went out this morning, the battery is supposed to hold for a minimum of 72 hours when idle.”

“Your dainty British batteries sometimes give out under Italian heat, invest in better engineering, and charge it at my place for now.”

“…This will better be worth the trouble.”

The streets of Rieti were expectantly empty, and Illumi parked the car right in front of the apartment (Was it a legal parking spot? Unlikely. But parking fines barely matter when seemingly half the world knows your families name.)

The stairs, the door, the entrance, Illumi knew all of these things about Hisokas apartment. “What is there to show me?”

“Patience. Come here~” Hisoka opened the doors to the balcony, white drapes gently tossed in the fresh breeze. The Zoldyck followed- with sceptical hesitation, but followed nonetheless.

He rested his hands on the railing, eyes turned sky-wards, a few strands of hair upset by the wind.

“If you took me here to just look at the stars, I’m not sure which one of us is the bigger fool.”

“Right, if we wanted to look at soon-to-be dead stars, we could have stayed at the show. But we’re not here for them. They are insignificant, always there to look at until one day they vanish and are forgotten. The real star of the show is over there.” He pointed a long nail at the night sky, and Illumi tried to follow where it pointed.

“The moon? Really?”

“Close, but also mundane and boring. Here- “Before Illumi could react, the strange man had placed their heads next to each other and started to correct Illumis position with a pointed yet gentle grip on his chin. “Look straight ahead.”

Just a little bit off to the left of the moon shone a star brighter than anything else, for a moment Illumi felt ridiculous for missing it.

“It’s Venus. Among all these long dead stars, she’s ever present, stands out the most, and is a rare sight to behold.”

“You took me away from the show to gaze at other planets?” Illumi turned towards the other man, suddenly all too aware of how close they were standing once again.

“I took you away from the show because no one there is capable of understanding your true potential. The way everyone there only sees you as an extension of your family is so infuriating, that it makes me want to ruin all their hopeless little dreams right in front their pitiful faces.” With a swift movement Hisoka had pinned the designer against the railing of the balcony. “You could crush all these people under your heel and make them beg for forgiveness. And there’s nothing I’d rather see than that.”

“I don’t need to make anyone beg, if I want something, I get it. It’s always been like that.” A cold thumb traced the line of his sharp chin, followed by a dark chuckle, and all of a sudden Illumi felt fatigued, all air leaving his lungs. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he remembers his mother recalling symptoms like that. It’s a sickness, nothing more nothing less.

“You get it because you’re a pretty show dog held on a short leash by your family.”

Fucking lapdog. The weight on his chest feels like it could crush his organs any second.

“I’m not asking you to bite the hand that feeds you. But I’d give everything to see what you could do if you were free of restraints.”

Feeling like he needed to hold onto anything, Illumi grabbed onto the back of the other man’s head, fingers buried in wild hair. “And why would you care so much? If you’re just trying to rile me up, there’s ways that don’t make me want to throw you off the balcony and watch your mangled body struggle for life.”

“It’s because you fascinate me, Illumi. You’re my Venus in a sea of dying stars. I want to observe you in all your glory as you outshine everyone else, in your full potential.”

“Who says I won’t crush you as well?” His fingers grasped harder on a few strands of hair. Everything in his body felt wrong, the way his skin was freezing all over, but searing hot wherever he made contact with the other man, the suffocating weight on his chest increased by the second, and in the back of his mind something about sickness echoes again.

They locked eyes, and just then Illumi noticed how close they truly were, Hisokas hot breath falling onto his lips.

And he should have pushed him away.

Should have slapped him, insulted him like the sorry maggot he was.

But he felt weak and sick and so cold, and Hisoka radiated pure heat.

Their lips met, softer than expected of either of them, and Illumi wondered if this is what it feels like to be saved from drowning.

A pleasant warmth seeped into his body, and his lungs felt weightless, like he could breathe for the first time in his life.

Hisoka kissed like each touch might be the last, and Illumi let himself be guided as he wanted, eventually wrapping his arms around the others neck, eager to steal as much of this intoxicating heat as possible.

The man kissed along his jawline, stopping just barely below his ear. “Stay here tonight, cuore mio.”

And Illumi placed a kiss to his temple, as gentle as a man who was never been taught gentleness with people could manage. “Let’s go inside.”

#hxh fanfic #hisoillu #killugon #hxh #hisoka marrow #illumi zoldyck #killua zoldyck #gon freecss #mito freecss #machi komachine #fanfic #fanfiction #I continue to have the worst update schedule known to man <3

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modgirlyreposts-revamped · 4 years ago

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so I went to your Spotify account to find your count the ways playlist and saw your yandere! Millie AU playlist. If it’s alright with you can you tell us more about it?

hkhgkdldsk people actually like my playlists I-

Alright, so the Yandere!Millie AU starts out similar to A.I. with the whole deal between Funtime Freddy and Millie happening, but the deal is... different to say the least.

Millie starts to develop a crush on Sarah, and after what happened with Dylan she doesn’t want to lose her to anyone else. When she’s about to finally confess to Sarah, she ends up witnessing Mason flirting with her, even though the two just went through an extremely messy breakup. This is what causes the whole “Count The Ways” part of the AU to happen, but Millie gets an idea after meeting Funtime Freddy.

Since Funtime Freddy just wants to kill something, or someone, Millie convinces him to help her with “something”. Funtime Freddy’s sensibility is completely gone at this point, so Millie is able to easily manipulate him into helping her.

When Millie returns to school she finally confesses her feelings to Sarah, much to Mason’s annoyance, causing him to only bother Sarah more just to get under Millie’s skin. If Millie was having any second thoughts about her plan, then these moments completely killed those thoughts.

That evening while Mason is walking home, a rustling in the bushes gets his attention. This is simply a distraction, as Funtime Freddy quickly makes his way up behind him, his wires wrapping around him and forcing him into the chest cavity, not before knocking him out.

When he wakes up, Mason finds himself tied to a chair in what looks like a basement. He does try to escape, but all that does is alert Millie and Funtime Freddy that he’s awake. With Mason awake, Millie makes it clear just why he’s here.

He dared to mess with what belongs to her.

A part of their deal that Millie came up with, was to make her victims suffer. She explains that he might be able to make it out alive, as long as he “plays by their rules” (which is why “Little Game” is on the playlist). Millie has planned out a game of cat and mouse between Mason, and Funtime Freddy, in what he finds out is an abandoned warehouse in the middle of the forest.

Since this is Millie’s first “game” she held, there are only a few cameras and alarms she managed to get powered up, and working. After untying Mason and letting him escape into the warehouse, Millie sends Funtime Freddy to another part of the warehouse and takes her place by the monitors, to watch where the two of them are at all times. On top of that, Mason has a time limit. He only has an hour to escape the warehouse, and cannot let Funtime Freddy find him. Escape isn’t an option, which Mason finds out after trying to pry open a window, only for Millie to set off an alarm in that area, alerting Funtime Freddy to his position. Throughout the “game” Millie is feeding Funtime Freddy hints to where Mason is, and setting off alarms when she catches him trying to escape multiple times.

With only 10 minutes left on the clock, Mason finally makes his way to the main area of the warehouse, and makes a break for the front door. He’s too late though, since Funtime Freddy knows exactly where he is. Right before reaching the door, Mason is grabbed by Funtime Freddy’s wires and dragged back into the chest cavity, Millie watching all of this go down on the cameras with a satisfied smirk.

Ever since the first game, new classmates are warned to stay away from Sarah by others, as other kids start to notice that anyone who tries to get a little too close to Sarah, soon go missing usually by the next day.

Sarah is completely unaware of what Millie has been doing, and doesn’t believe that her girlfriend could do anything like that.

From that point on Funtime Freddy is Millie’s right hand man in these games, the two of them more than willing to kill others to get what they want.

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clippedwingsmusic · 5 years ago

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Ashton’s Top Releases of 2019

Chris Farren - Born Hot

One of my favorite things in the world is the juxtaposition between Chris Farren's online presence/stage persona and his lyrical content/actual personality. 'Born Hot' is the perfect example of everything I love about Farren starting with the music and going all the way down to the oven mitts and hot sauce that were released as part of his merchandise line. All jokes and bits aside, this record reminds you that it's ok to feel everything on the entire spectrum of emotions and that it's relation to you and the ones you love does not define your life- just that tiny moment in time.

The Band Camino - tryhard

Since I already touched on this EP earlier in the year, I'll just leave everyone with this: It is absolutely ridiculous how much I listened to this release this year (so much that The Band Camino topped my top artists on Spotify). These boys found exactly where they were meant to be this whole time while writing this EP and that alone has made these songs shine brighter than every star in the sky. It's been months and these perfect pop songs are still floating around my head on a constant basis.

Briston Maroney - Indiana

Last year's 'Carnival' (and a couple live shows) introduced me to Briston Maroney as 2018 came to a close, and as this decade is now wrapping up, I'm back again at his doorstep. Not often do I find a release that has me enthralled from top to bottom, but this release is the 2nd one in a row from Maroney that has done so. Many of the tracks on this project carry a slower tempo and a nostalgic tone, allowing you to fall deeply into the intricacies of guitar-driven melodies and heart-wrenching storytelling. I can't imagine my year, or my life, without these songs.

The Greeting Committee - I’m Afraid, I’m Not Angry

An absolute kick in the chest is the only way that I can think to describe this EP. A full range of sound and sanity is held within the tracks of this project, and every little detail leaves traces of who you were at the time and who you feel like you're becoming in your memory. I feel as though it's crucial to listen to this EP front to back every single time I'm reminded of it because the flow and production between each track and transition is impeccably executed and cannot be missed. The Greeting Committee has become one of my favorite bands for many a reason, and this EP is a huge one.

Renny Conti - The Horse

With 5 of his songs gracing my top listens of the year, it's safe to say that Renny Conti is one of my favorite songwriters that I've had the pleasure of finding in the past few years. 2018's 'People Floating' and this year's 'The Horse' offer a full spectrum of lovely, lonesome, and lively tunes, this time around being hosted by a full band arrangement. The varied tempos and complete lack of genre are the unlikely strings linking each track on this release; the variety simply adding to how genuine every tiny detail feels with each listen.

Nightly - Twenty Something

I don't have much to say about this track because my appreciation of it is simply overwhelming. If you've kept up with this site at all since it's creation 4 years ago, you've seen Nightly's name quite a few times, and that is obviously not going to end anytime soon (sorry not sorry). With a hypnotizing instrumental and lyrics that read like the transcript of a late night phonecall, this ambient-inspired track is one of Nightly's best efforts thus far. My personal biases aside, this is one damn good pop song.

Liily - I Can Fool Anyone In This Town

Liily is by far my favorite band that I have seen perform this year. End of story. This EP was their first collective release and was written during the band’s teen years, but now into their 20s, they’ve hunkered down and honed in on all of their successes and amplified them by 10 fold. It’s nearly impossible to throw this release on and not let it replay for days due to the consistent flow of energy between every track from start to finish. Although most of the songs from this release have already been phased out of the band’s live set, that doesn’t mean that they should be overlooked from this list.

Dayglow - Fuzzybrain

At this point in time, I don't think that any record has ever brought me as much joy just from it's integral sound than 'Fuzzybrain' has. The whimsy of this record is right in the surface from the start but is just one of the thousands of little things to love. The perspective of each track's lyrics is one not found in a lot of music- one of acceptance, calling out your own bullshit, getting a little sad from time to time, but knowing that's ok. Each song walks you through a feeling you know you've had in the past but maybe didn't know how to handle, and now you can take it in stride (or in dance due to how groovy this record is) and look towards brighter days.

Valley - MAYBE

One of the things I always look forward to when diving into a new record is the variety of tracks included, and 'MAYBE' gave me one of my favorite grab-bags of the year. Each and every track sounds like none other than Valley, but just as you can feel like a new person in a new outfit, they transform into a new band with each concept. With this record also including acoustic and orchestral versions of a few tracks, Valley really left no musical stone unturned with this record but still somehow stayed the course with their sound. This record (as well as 'Fuzzybrain') won my vote for "Most Fun Had While Listening".

SWMRS - Berkeley’s On Fire

Overall, I'd say that 2019 was a pretty angry year for the majority of people my age, and all that was summed up better than any of us could've done it with this record. SWMRS are always on top of social and political issues, but that doesn't mean my jaw will avoid falling to the floor every time they release a rock record for the gods using those themes. On top of the importance of the content of most of the songs, each one is crafted perfectly as to never leave your head or your car stereo. This record was one of my sleeper favorites of the year because I would go a period without listening to it, be reminded of one of the songs, then suddenly be swept back into the midst of the record for the next 3 weeks as if it had never gone away. SWMRS is one of the most powerful bands of our generation- this record and this year proved that.

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sillydetectivepizza · 5 years ago

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5/10/20 - “The Willows” - Algernon Blackwood

All plans are half-thought-through, apparently. I never bothered to check “The Willows”, the seminal piece of weird fiction, written by Algernon Blackwood and published in 1907. It of course is not a short story. it’s a novella, and it reads like it’s written from the time. So, in my perennially-scattered mind, it’s not a day’s affair to read it and give some thoughts. I can be pretty dumb.

I tried to read it on Saturday and was not in a place to do so, though I made some good progress. Today, after a night’s game of Arkham Horror that my wife has been insisting we play since the start of the quarantine (and I am so fond of her that she has such insistences) I tackled it again, this time queuing up a playlist of “A Forest” by the Cure, the song and all its covers. Which helped, and I recommend one do so.

You can read the novella here: http://algernonblackwood.org/Z-files/Willows.pdf

or anywhere you get your Gutenberg files from. It is, as I suggested, quite long, so buckle down for a very patient journey. My favorite cover of “A Forest” is by Steven Wilson, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YgGYRi-nx7A - but there are so many good ones one can and I did make a whole Spotify playlist from it.

I’ll start my thoughts with some math. And then I won’t explain it for a while, my brain being the weird thing that it is:

H.P. Lovecraft = Algernon Blackwood + wrath

And my brain is weird. Because this is not a modern story and is very much a product of early 20th century/late 19th century Britishisms, “The Willows” is a languorous journey of run-on sentences that run a mile just to get around the block. And I have a thing that’s always kept me from enjoying this kind of stuff, my brain just skips over swaths of text without me noticing, or something in the story inspires me to think and now I’m looking up locomotives or something or wrapping my thoughts around some half-mentioned idea in the text.

And then I realize my mistake, skip back, feel ashamed that there’s a page of text I just... didn’t read, and go back and reread the same paragraphs over and over, this time skipping over a completely different section.

I end up coming out of these things like someone staring at a painting through a sheet with some holes poked through it. “I think it’s a painting of an elephant! I think. Maybe a girl in a gray dress, come to think of it...”

By the way, I love the run-on sentences, too. Blackwood just takes his time getting around to describing something. Take a description of both the protagonist’s sense of unease and the elements here:

The wind was simply enjoying itself, for nothing rose out of the flat landscape to stop it, and I was conscious of sharing its great game with a kind of pleasurable excitement. Yet this novel emotion had nothing to do with the wind. Indeed, so vague was the sense of distress I experienced, that it was impossible to trace it to its source and deal with it accordingly, though I was aware somehow that it had to do with my realization of our utter insignificance before this unrestrained power of the elements about me.

For Blackwood, there are still so many things that man will never really be able to understand. And he has a sort of mystic’s joy along with the sickening fear that such a lack of understanding may lead to awful things. There is rapturous joy in realizing you are not the center of the universe, along with the quite rational terror in understanding you never really understood your place quite like you do now. Another quote I saved from long ago:

Blackwood’s skill is in mixing these things. And he has a lot of skill. “The Willows” is one of H.P. Lovecraft’s favorite stories, and one can make a case he tried to top it his entire life, possibly only succeeding towards the end of his days with “The Shadow Out of Time”. In Lovecraft’s stories, his gaze, unlike Blackwood’s, does not linger over the terrain. Lovecraft never seems to have taken that deep breath somewhere out in the forest, so alone that if he screamed no human would hear him, realizing right there in that moment how utterly alive he was. Lovecraft realizes there are limits to his mind and imagination and he just hates it. He has that reputation of course for his virulent racism, his hatred of the other, his doggedly proto-facist views. And I’m talking about that too, but I’m also talking about that primal rage that bubbles out of some men the moment they feel a certain weakness. It’s there, all over Lovecraft’s writing. And at times he seems to use it to further the story. But it’s always there, something he seems urgent to rationalize away. Blackwood just doesn’t do that. Blackwood’s “others” here are barely described - the protagonist views them as these vague giant amber things, when he does at all, and they seem to be both there on the island and not there at the same time. The protagonist’s companion - the guileless “Swede” (I love that) starts off being almost contemptuous of reflective thought. By the end the Swede is worrying away at the problem of what he sees and hears and what he does not, coming to wild conclusions, while captivated by his own terror.

Speech relieved him. He had to get those words out lest they spin in faster circles in his thoughts until they drowned him. God, I love that. I think that’s the core of most weird fiction, too. What we do when we are knocked out of our self-oriented worldview and forced to come to terms with what we’ve taken for granted both in the other world and within our hearts. Blackwood, at the very start of weird fiction itself, gave us that, and good fiction can come from the answers to those questions.

#weirdfiction

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quarantingz · 5 years ago

Audio

slow mornings, impermanence and turning 21

10 April 2020 9:32 am (but I started writing this 30 minutes prior)

I’m currently sitting out on the deck, listening to Leon Bridges and Khruangbin’s Midnight which has quickly become one of my favourite tunes for slow mornings like this. I made myself a flat white, without which any morning would feel not empty but lacking. Of energy and warmth. Cathy and I decided to deviate from our usual Karajoz beans and opted for a more economical 1kg bag of this Italian brand of coffee beans so we don’t have to keep going back to the supermarket which to be honest I didn’t even mind. The sole fact that it was an outside activity and I could be in the presence of and observe other human beings for an hour made it a nice pasttime.

I’m looking up at the sky, noticing the shade of blue change from minute to minute. It’s a lighter shade compared to how I saw it two minutes ago. Almost reminiscent of a classic light wash pair of Levi’s denim jeans. I’m staring specifically at this spot between two neighbouring trees where faint clouds have now come into view like smoke wafting from a chimney. I look to my right, eyes fixating on the rows of houses stacked on top of each other just beneath the horizon, framed by power lines that stretch from one end of this distant street to the other. Although from my vantage point it looks like I could walk over to the said street in less than five minutes if I jumped over the fences of the houses that block what would otherwise be a straight path, unguided by concrete roads.

Now Lovely Day by Bill Withers is playing from my Spotify playlist titled ‘21st at the park, eating Mediterranean food’ and I look up at the aforementioned spot in synchronisation with this bird landing on a lanky branch, perched there for a moment. Just as the song switched to Here Comes The Sun by The Beatles, it flies out of my view. A random thought comes to mind: how many times have I seen the same bird without knowing in my existence? Last year in September, we lost our cockatiel Coco who took flight when he saw his chance. Cathy had him on her shoulder when she sneezed and startled poor Coco and sent him flying over to the garage door which was open and out he went. Just like that. Never to be seen again. I was doing work in one of the studios at uni with my friends, WE533 I think that was, when Cathy delivered the heart-wrenching news to me via Instagram. I started crying, to everyone especially Cullen’s surprise. He thought it was the workload stress getting to me and in true Cullz fashion says, “Chill, we good.” I hadn’t cried in front of them before and I chose to do so over a bird. But Coco wasn’t just a bird, we had him for 4 years but I guess birds were meant to fly. Not domesticated and caged throughout their rather long lifespan. About 30 minutes after I let my guard down in front of them, Cat, Shannon and Cullen started dancing. Moving their feet to a non-existent beat in the middle of the room. I was laughing then. One of those sincere, loud chuckles where your mouth contorts into a grin so big your face hurts.

I needed to mourn over my loss even for just a moment, a step which I think we shouldn’t try and skip in times of grief. Whether it’s a breakup or realising you just poured down the pasta water you were supposed to save to help thicken the sauce for your pasta al limone down the drain. Coincidentally, In My Life by The Beatles started playing and it occurred to me how crazy it was that I pieced this birthday playlist together as if I knew I was going to be sitting here a day before turning 21, reflecting on my morning and now inevitably my life as a whole.

There are places I'll remember All my life, though some have changed Some forever, not for better Some have gone, and some remain All these places had their moments With lovers and friends, I still can recall Some are dead, and some are living In my life, I've loved them all

21 is a pivotal age in one’s life, or at least society made us believe that it is. I don’t know what else this year has in store for me but right now I’m more hopeful than ever. Three days ago I was wallowing internally over the fact that my initial birthday plans were all for naught as not even my parents are going to be here to celebrate it with me. But on the same day and in the same hour, I read this article on how companies like Dyson and Ford who don’t design or manufacture medical devices are having to respond to the increase in demand of mechanical ventilators by outputting their own versions. And just like that, my birth week didn’t seem to matter so much. I didn’t seem to matter. I am but a speck, a crumb (ha!) on this planet where countless of other (more important) events are all happening at the same time. This thought brings me comfort more than anything else. At this point I don’t even know where this entry is going as I haven’t attempted to write something ‘postable’ in a while. I guess what I’m trying to get at is that we or at least I need to stop living under societal as well as my own pressure. Since I was little, I’ve always carried this notion with me that I needed to always be striving to achieve something, whether that’s an A+ on a project or a perfectly browned crust on practically anything I bake. In response to Alyssa’s most recent blogpost (that’s right, we’re bloggers now!) why can’t we [I] just do things just cause? Or without there even being a cause. Just do. To be honest right now I’m rummaging through the drawers in my brain for more words to at least try and write an ending to this that makes sense. In doing so, I’m going against exactly what I just said before. Merde.

I guess it’s all human nature. Sometimes I feel too much, my cup filled to the brim and spilling out onto the surface in a messy puddle. Other times I feel nothing at all, staring at nothing and thinking about nothing in particular. Humans are ambivalent, I suppose. I felt alive, empowered and motivated yet light and calm when I first started writing this in my physical journal. Now I’m sitting typing away on my laptop two hours later wanting this entry to mean something. But maybe it doesn’t have to like Alyssa said. With or without readers I’ll just treat all of this as practice. Besides, what got me to put my thoughts into writing in the first place was this line in a book I should’ve taken my time with and not rushed to finish (again, pressure on myself):

“Writer’s block isn’t hard to cure. Just write. Write poorly. Continue to write poorly, in public, until you can write better [...] Do it every day. Every single day. Not a diary, not fiction but analysis. Clear, crisp, honest writing about what you see in the world. Or want to see. Or teach (in writing). If you know you have to write something every single day, even a paragraph, you will improve your writing. The resistance, of course, would rather have you write nothing, not speak in public, keep it under wraps [...] Write like you talk. Often.”

Except I actually don’t talk often which I realised a long time ago. I’m trying to now though as I get older. As cliche as it sounds, this year brought me new lessons as I encountered new people. From guys I’ve gone on a date with to the product development engineers who are also pro badminton players I met at work, they taught me that I need only to be myself around people. And I mean really unapologetically myself. Without comparing myself to anyone else which I spent a lot of time doing in my formative years. Instead of a photo, I’ve decided to share my birthday playlist and use it as the cover of this entry as it includes (almost) every song I’ve ever loved and abused by playing repeatedly throughout these years. So I guess I present to you: the soundtrack of my life. 🙃

Now to carry on with my day and make my own rendition of the Mediterranean food I was supposed to have with my friends and family tomorrow night for my birthday...

- p

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bakudekuficlibrary · 6 years ago

Text

BakuDeku: No Quirks AU Part III

Click here for Part I, Part II, and Part IV!

6 Series. 72 Works.

Through Your Eyes by KingHugin ( G | 4,137 | 1/1 )

Maybe this Android thing wasn't so bad after all, and maybe his change of views had nothing to do with a certain Android who had more humanity then most humans.

A little Android one shot because i played Detroit: become human way to much.

The World Is Unkind To Those Who Love by grxundzerx ( Not Rated | 1,215+ | 2/? )

Izuku and Katsuki live in a time where homosexuality is highly illegal. This leads to the pair hiding their love from everyone and thing, resulting in Katsuki to "hate" his lover and to be an easily angered boy, and Izuku to be a shy and an easily flustered boy. Yet behind closed doors, the tables turn, and and the couple are like completely new people.

[Homophobia]

[Series] Kasumi vs the world by kewltie ( G | 12,048+ | 2 Works | WIP )

love scenario by sundaechii ( T | 6,054 | 1/1 )

Some nights, they both speak only sparingly. They would share an earbud as they listen in to Broccoli’s Spotify playlists. In those nights, Broccoli would scribble down on his notepad and Katsuki would either scroll on his phone with his secret, private social media accounts or watch Broccoli work with his brows furrowed in concentration.

Weeks go on like this for them and every night, Katsuki tries his damn best not to fall.

In which Izuku is a street performer that Katsuki, an idol in training, is completely enamored with.

A Place by KatieKat527 ( T | 3,170+ | 2/? )

“You, Katsuki Bakugou, are dead.”

Then things got weird.

[Series] Inseparable by Eggs_in_a_cloud ( G/T | 8,208+ | 2 Works | WIP )

Falling by Dokuine ( G | 2,016 | 1/1 )

Midoriya Izuku did not have much experience or luck when it came to love, but he never expected it to literally knock him onto his rear one day. Not that he recognized it for what it was, not in that first meeting.

Forget Me Not by SummerCinnamonRolls ( M | 6,930+ | 3/? )

Izuku was kidnapped at the age of fifteen. Five years pass and he is now twenty years old in a world he doesn't recognize or fit into. Enter Katsuki Bakugo. He will make sure that his childhood friend has a place to belong. He will give him a world where it is okay to say "no" again.

[Rape/Non-Con | Past Abuse | Self Harm]

All Was Golden When the Day Met the Night by oyasumi_yue ( T | 3,895+ | 1/2 )

Katsuki Bakugou loathes their Collegiate Theatre Club on a spiritual level. On the flip side, he would be very much willing to audition for the Musical character lead if it's for his best friend whom he loves so dearly.

Or: i-would-portray-that-main-character-on-your-stupid-play-just-for-you-to-notice-me

It's Dangerous To Say Something Like That To Me by karmaticinstitution ( E | 3,001 | 1/1 )

Bakugou Katsuki is not one for parties, social gatherings, events, or otherwise, but he sure can be conned into going to them and he can leave them satisfied with his decisions. Based loosely off of this post from bathtubaccidents on tumblr.

The Reviews

"Do people not talk during sex?" - My Friend, to which I say, 'Not if you're doing it right.'

"Can you stop sleeping with people and calling it 'research'?" - My Roommate, to which I say, 'no'

Love is like Heaven but it Hurts like Hell by SecretKiwi ( M | 2,065 | 1/1 )

Katsuki is trying to hit on the cute hipster boy, but Izuku is just trying not to go to the hospital again.

Making Due by Daiako (Achrya) ( T | 6,250+ | 4/? )

If anyone asked Izuku what he thought of 'Omega Cafes', where omegas dressed up and paraded around catering to lonely alphas and betas, he would have said they were degrading and indecent and humiliating.

And who would know better than him, who secretly works at MidNight Cafe? Well, secretly until former friend Bakugou Katsuki walks in and catches him there. Now all Izuku can do is brace himself and wait to be mocked and exposed...right?

What We Learn Along The Way by Wanderer5 ( M | 29,576+ | 10/? )

Third grade teacher Izuku Midoriya has his hands full this year but the person they bring in to help is...distractingly handsome.

Cinnamon Spice by Sonday ( E | 12,873+ | 3/? )

A cozy story about a sweet coffee shop bartender and a smoldering customer. -- Ch 3

Katsuki blushed. His voice was a little rough when he spoke. “Do you like the wine?”

“I do…” Izuku murmured. “It’s sweet.”

“I like sweet things,” Katsuki confessed moving a little closer, his soft cologne luring Izuku in, those red eyes smoldering as they trailed down his body. Heat pooled in Izuku’s blood, his pulse thumping in his throat, and he was suddenly very, very aware that this game was over before it even started.

They Cry Discord And Salvation by MelodyCircus ( T | 10,968+ | 2/? )

The world below knows strife. Wrought to ruin at the hands of demons and sealed by the God who brings about punishment to their sins. They fight for their survival, employing the power of demons to destroy them. A post-apocalyptic Tokyo, of which its denizens know nothing else. The world above is like any other kingdom, a peace kept through hierarchy and disturbed by the snakes that lie in the underworld. As both worlds begin to interact against the divine that forbid it, secrets of their worlds unravel. It becomes a fight for survival, a fight for a new world, and a fight for humanity. The path son of man chooses is of his own.

A Demon-Apocalypse AU based around the Shin Megami Tensei IV & IV-Apocalypse games.

[Graphic Depictions Of Violence]

Throttled by prettyreklessa7x ( E | 16,081+ | 6/? )

Ground Zero is the top motorcyclist in his district, claiming victory in every street race he enters with practiced ease... until a new rider rolls into town, threatening his #1 spot in their very first race together. When the finish flags drop, Katsuki Bakugou is determined to see what *nobody* almost beat him. Unfortunately, he’s faced with a pair of electrifying emeralds that have plagued his dreams for the last 11 years.

Inked Heart by Ludwhick ( M | 14,075+ | 6/7 )

Midoriya Izuku, a college English teacher, goes out drinking with his friends one Friday. After one too many shots, they all decide to get tattoos. Izuku ends up falling inlove with a certain tattoo artist.

Together, Alone by pandorasboxofsecrets ( M | 2,246+ | 1/? )

It wasn't fair that in their new society, their new order of life, Izuku Midoriya, couldn't love who he wanted to love without fearing for his life.

[Graphic Depictions Of Violence]

Finally I Have You Again by onebreathyboi ( Not Rated | 4,219 | 1/1 )

Katsuki was taken away because he was dangerous. Izuku is broken by it.

They meet again. Emotions ensue.

Series Part 1 of God Couldn't Keep Us Away

Service With A Smile by asmalltigercat ( T | 8,609 | 2/2 )

Izuku liked working in an ice cream shop, but there wasn't really anything exciting about the job—until his estranged childhood friend showed up one day.

Symbiote by shingekino_neon ( E | 4,845 | 1/1 )

In which Deku arrives home not exactly himself, and Bakugou's just along for the ride.

The Pocky Game by rekamohcs ( M | 4,981 | 1/1 )

As if Izuku didn’t have enough trouble keeping his intruding feelings for his unfairly attractive best friend at bay, Ochako had to go and teach him about the Pocky Game. Now here he was, his lips wrapped around one end of a chocolate stick, while Katsuki’s wrapped around the other, faces mere inches apart.

And they were both too stubborn to back down.

Izuku had a feeling he knew where this was headed.

(He made a mental note to remember to thank Ochako later.)

If We Lie Here by NightshadeDawn ( G | 2,263 | 7/7 )

Short stories and poems for bakudeku positivity week!

The boy who smelled of Roses by EngelDreamer ( G | 1,233 | 1/1 )

La prima cosa a colpirlo non fu tanto il suo aspetto, ma l'intenso profumo di Rose che sembrava permeare ogni indumento, ogni lembo di pelle, di lui e che lo travolse come un'ondata d'aria fresca, insinuandosi nelle sue narici ed imprimendosi in ogni parte del suo corpo. La seconda furono gli enormi occhi verdi che, un po' dispiaciuti ed un po' intimoriti, si andarono a posare dentro i suoi. •Bakudekupositivityweek 2k18 ❀ Day 2 ❀ Prompt: Flowers

Series Part 2 of Bakudeku positivity week 2k18

Do You Want to Be a Hero? by SecretKiwi ( T | 1,817 | 1/1 )

Two teenage boys learn the hard way that being a hero isn't always as fun as it looks.

Short one-shot, No quirk Vigilante AU

Kunwari (Make-believe) by KiKingofSpades ( T | 1,719 | 1/1 )

Izuku was unexpectedly enjoying his commute to work.

Series Part 5 of Boku no Hero Academia Lyric Prompts

Icebreaker by EtherealBeing ( E | 9,916+ | 2/? )

Izuku tried his best to stay positive, and remind himself that his predicament was nothing to be ashamed of — that doctors dealt with this sort of thing all the time. Needless to say, he gave up on trying to maintain that optimism the moment his childhood friend walked in, white coat, stethoscope and all.

“Holy shit, I can’t believe this!” Katsuki managed to wheeze, in between raucous, choking bouts of laughter. “You— You got a dildo stuck up your ass?!”

Or: After several years of no contact, Izuku and Katsuki are reunited at the ER when the former gets a dildo stuck in his ass, and the latter is the doctor tasked with removing it.

Good Luck, Kacchan! by sparkyyy ( G | 1,704 | 1/1 )

Izuku accompanies Bakugou to help him move into his new college dorm. Cute shenanigans ensue.

1327 by don_donaQ ( E | 64,481 | 20/20 )

N/A

[Graphic Depictions Of Violence]

2305 by don_donaQ ( E | 3,276 | 1/1 )

这里是无人之境。没有人会来打扰他们。在万里星空下，只有他们。交缠在一起。

desiderata by sora_san89 ( M | 2,655 | 1/1 )

Let them affirm their humanity, their existences, at least only for this night.

(BakuDeku Positivity Week 2018 - Day 04: rise / havoc)

Series Part 4 of BakuDeku Positivity Week 2018 ^^

[Graphic Depictions Of Violence]

[On Hiatus] HypoThalamus [Hiatus and Being Rewritten] by ToxicPooPoo ( Not Rated | 41,131+ | 7/? )

Coming across old friends wouldn't cause you to discover more about the global mass murderers, an unusual dreaming ability, and the problem of seeing too much, yet Izuku Midoriya found himself in these conditions. The boy is driven by his concealed passion to rescue the innocent despite how illegal it is. With four hours of sleep every night and a hidden power that no one has acknowledged, he manages to complete vigilante duties at midnight. Izuku soon realizes that secrets aren't permanent, tragedies are the future's best friend, and that you should never ever play with fire.

I wouldn't recommend reading this story since I'm rewriting it, building on it and on more important things that I couldn't add at the moment. I feel like it's too rushed since I definitely did rush when I officially began writing. I also feel like I wasn't able to incorporate bigger meanings and ideas that would make this story better. Currently, I am motivated to make this story a lot more built on and understandable. Some parts just felt unneeded. Once I finish planning another fic, I might come back to this or I might finish the other and then come back. Thanks :)

[Series] Tickets Straight To Hell by Tokiji ( E | 30,378+ | 2 Works | WIP )

It All Started With Beer & Pizza by x_tincan_x ( E | 31,406+ | 13/? )

Half an hour after Kirishima had left, there was a knock on the door. Katsuki had a beer in his hand and walked over to the door. Mumbling under his breath, “fucking shitty hair forgot his fucking keys again..” to himself.

Katsuki opened the door, he looked from the dripping wet Kirishima to the equally soaked male he had gone to pick up. When he saw the familiar tangle of green hair and freckles, he choked on his drink. “The fuck…?” he half whispered.

~~~~

Or, the one where Izuku has a past that he finds hard to talk about. Can he build himself back up with the help of his new friends, and re-kindle a relationship with his childhood friend?

[Graphic Depictions Of Violence | Past Rape/Non-Con | Panic Attacks | PTSD | Abuse]

Chance Encounter by Eggs_in_a_cloud ( T | 6,518+ | 3/? )

The first thing Izuku thinks of when he sees Bakugou for the first time is that he is a storm. Uncontrolled and raging, strong and bold. Unapologetic and surging. Swirling all at once and creating chaos. Izuku has never been so captivated.

High school student Izuku Midoriya decides to take a shortcut on his way to school, and he meets a blond boy that changes the course of his life forever.

Painting Flowers by Arysa ( T | 49,912+ | 12/? )

Where Bakugo Katsuki works at his parents' flower shop and Midoriya Izuku is a hot regular that simply comes to sketch flowers all day long.

[Series] Angels & Demons by zuccin ( G | 6,957+ | 3 Works | WIP )

Uprising Imminent (Katsudeku) by Death_by_Crayola ( T | 3,036+ | 2/? )

The world Izuku Midoriya lives in is routine, quiet, and isolated. He lives by harsh rules, harsher punishments, and the fact that he didn't have much else to do. The path he was set on was the way it was because that was what he is supposed to do. Nothing else appeals. That is, until he sees infamous delinquent Katsuki Bakugou in person, uprooting a strange curiosity that drags him down an entirely different path.

Midoriya ends up joining the group, what he used to call a gang, and learns not only how to be an individual, but to know what it feels like to truly want more. And, the person at the head of these personal discoveries - the violent, withdrawn, and heart-stopping Katsuki.

Thrills Don't Come For Free by karmaticinstitution ( E | 6,880 | 1/1 )

Bakugou goes to a new school, makes a kickass friend, they do a lot of dumb things, including maybe falling in love.

The Reviews

"Really? You picked that song?" yes

"Did you actually fall in love?" (no comment)

"That's some funky poetic shit" -Bunsie

October 2018's Writing Prompts by LucyDarkhive ( Not Rated | 1,171 | 1/1 )

Bakugou Katsuki didn’t believe in myths. Most were lies based on what someone thought they saw anyway. He didn’t believe, so why was he witnessing one of those myths right before his eyes?

Where the Road Leads by bkdkwritingsdump ( T | 6,627 | 5/5 )

Izuku is called to chase something by the inhuman blood in veins - he needs to - he has to - and there's no stopping it. So, like any good, supportive boyfriend would, Katsuki goes along to make sure he doesn't get himself killed in the process of unraveling the secrets of his lineage.

[Series] Toy With Me by zuccin ( E | 6,674+ | 2 Works | WIP )

Where I Belong by Nafarik ( M | 50,510 | 13/13 )

Izuku a toujours rêvé d'être danseur. Bercé par les représentations de son idole, son rêve à pourtant pris un détour. Du moins, jusqu'à ce que son ami d'enfance ne resurgisse dans sa vie et le remette sur le droit chemin, sans même en avoir conscience.

Tie Me Up! Please? by sterekhalinsk ( E | 7,526+ | 1/1 )

While browsing through wank-off material, Izuku discovers that he may or may not have a thing for bondage. Resigning to buy some rope and forever closet his new fixation, he wanders into a hardware store late at night. It's there that he encounters a very grumpy, but very attractive blond whose more than willing to test out his new kink.

(Kinktober Day 9 - Bondage)

drive-by by infernalangels ( E | 12,661+ | 4/? )

He should’ve never let Uraraka drag him here. The whole place reeked of beer and gasoline, drunken laughter breaking out from the group of boys he and his best friend approached. Izuku honestly didn’t know why he’d come. Signing, he began to follow Mina, silently praying he wouldn’t regret this.

Oh, he had no idea.

or: Katsuki Bakugou is everything Izuku Midoriya despises: a tattooed covered badass who takes no shit from anyone. He's arrogant, rude, addicting... Maybe that's why Izuku can't stay away.

[Homophobia]

A Champion's Memento by girlygrl25 ( M | 22,758+ | 6/? )

In a world where pokemon replace quirks, Izuku has grown up idolizing Fighting type Champion All Might. Despite his dreams, however, Izuku has always failed when confronted with a prospective Fighting type pokemon for himself. As the entrance exam for UA, the premier Trainer school in Kalos, approaches, he decides that maybe it’s time to try something different, with a little help from an unlikely source. Something that fits better with him than Fighting types...despite his deceptively weak appearance.

Room 1217 by ImpossibilityGirl ( T | 56,533+ | 9/? )

When Izuku found his room again, he could hear music behind the door- loud, with lots of screaming and guitars. His heart sunk a little, but he tried not to pass judgement too quickly. The guy inside was alone right now, after all. He’d probably use headphones once he met his new roommate, right? Izuku took a deep breath and twisted the doorknob, pushing it open as casually as he could to hide his nerves. He thought about the greeting he'd rehearsed in the mirror earlier today.

“Hey! I didn’t see you here earlier! It's nice to meet you, I’m--” Izuku froze in the doorway, the other man in the room mirroring him. He was holding up a sweater, clearly in the middle of putting it on a hanger when Izuku had barged in. Izuku had been preparing for a lot of possibilities behind the door, but this was not on his list.

Blond, spiky hair, and eyes like fire with a temperament to match. Katsuki Bakugou, undoubtedly.

Pocky Sticks and Sunsets by o_r_i_g_a_m_i ( T | 2,710+ | 2/? )

Izuku Midoriya is an exceptional college student at the local Culinary Arts Academy. He has a decent paying job at a candy store, but he can’t help to not help his mother with her bill issues, which lead him to where he is. Izuku is behind on bills, so he has no other choice but to post a Roommate Needed blog. Little did he know, he would soon reunite with someone he hasn’t seen since his middle school days...

(Thank you for picking this read! It’s going to be a little simple, but I’m going to keep a schedule for updating chapters. I want to say thank you to my beta for dealing with my constant mistakes ^^’ Please make sure to leave kudos and comments! I love reading them.)

入宿指南 by don_donaQ ( E | 3,001 | 1/1 )

「请多指教。」爆豪胜己说，「绿谷……学长，可以和我交往吗？」

Falling for You by xpira ( G | 1,235+ | 2/? )

"Kacchan, I love you."

"Yeah."

Brick by Brick by skellingfish ( T | 2,618+ | 2/? )

Sometime around elementary school, Kacchan had put up a wall between himself and Izuku. Now they're living together, Izuku's determined to tear down that wall, brick by brick.

WALANG POREBER MGA ULOL by sundaechii ( Not Rated | 1,203+ | 1/? )

“Punyeta, ano ba?! Bakit niyo ba ginagawan ng isyu? Di ko nga kilala yung tao eh!”

Bagong taon, bagong mga kaklase, bagong mga aralin, at... bagong crush?

The Kill by aoi_inu ( M | 1,373+ | 1/? )

What if I wanted to break? Laugh it all off in your face? What would you do? ___

Midoriya Izuku is no stranger to social alienation. Middle school was hell and he didn't expect high school to be any different.

[Underage | Implied/Referenced Suicide | Implied/Referenced Self Harm]

She's Mine by masteremeraldholder, purplecrystalgem ( T | 3,504+ | 1/4 )

Izuku takes her hand into her own warm, soft palm (Katsuki can’t bring herself to jerk her hand away this time) and says, “It’s okay… You can say it.”

So she does. “Sometimes, I feel like I’m not enough. Like I’m never goin’ to be enough. It feels like it’s all for nothin’.”

It’s quiet other than the gentle hum of the air conditioning. Soothing.

Then Deku’s shifting onto her knees, and her hands come to Katsuki’s face.

“You’ll always be enough for me,” Izuku cups her face. She’s letting Shitty-damn-Deku touch her. “You’re more than enough.”

[Or Katsuki's attacked for making it onto the varsity basketball team.]

[Transphobia | Implied/Referenced Self Harm]

You're My Tear by herosuneater ( T | 2,707+ | 1/? )

╚»★«╝ ᴘᴏᴋéᴍᴏɴ ᴀᴜ ╚»★«╝ ═══════ Being pressured to be in charge of an important job can really break someone terribly. Luckily for Izuku, he has someone he could cope with, and he has his mother who he could always depend on as well.

"Will you always be there to prevent me from doing anything stupid?"

"I've been doing that my whole life, this is no different."

Series Part 1 of BNHA AUs

Album Title in Progress by Allotrope ( E | 50,167+ | 9/20 )

"Are you trying to be funny? Because you need to work on the punchline." Katsuki scoffed in disbelief, eyes narrowing in on the grown man trying and failing to get a pen clip out his forest of curls. "You really don't think you can sing?"

"I mean, technically, sure. Anyone able to sing can sing. But am I good at it?" Deku left the pen alone so he could gesture as though he was weighing two different invisible objects. "...Yeah, I'm okay."

Now that got a chuckle out of Katsuki.

"I wouldn't call that just 'okay'." -- OR; Izuku's singing makes Katsuki realize sex is Real™ and uses those feelings to make a bomb-ass(lol get it? cuz his quirk is...) album while also helping a self-doubting Izuku realize how fire his mixtape is.

or so they say by Ciaru ( T | 2,726+ | 2/? )

Izuku is a nerd, Katsuki is hot, what else is new

(this is) home by Kasplode ( T | 2,900+ | 2/? )

often i am upset that i cannot fall in love but i guess this avoids the stress of falling out of it

izuku is a boy. not that anyone knows that. (not yet.)

[Transphobia | Implied/Referenced Self Harm]

Soft Wings by actualdevil ( T | 1,533 | 1/1 )

As someone already prone to accidents, it was no surprise when Deku took a bad fall during track practice. (Or, a quirkless AU where everyone has wings for no reason)

EVP Sessions by autochorystalize ( T | 9,682 | 2/2 )

Izuku had been interested in the paranormal for years now, spending many weekends exploring haunted locations and trying to document proof of spirits. Tonight was the start of his next big project: creating a documentary series about paranormal investigation. Katsuki thought Izuku was full of shit, but he always showed up anyway

another day, another misadventure by dekustyle ( T | 3,155 | 1/1 )

Katsuki’s date with Izuku is ruined when Todoroki Enji arrived at Izuku’s doorstep without prior notice. Now, Katsuki’s stuck babysitting a problematic five year old child with a weirdass hair color as his boyfriend cooks food for them…miserably.

Series Part 1 of (mis)adventures of little shouto with bakudeku

Burn the Witch by sundaechii ( T | 2,233 | 1/1 )

A week after the start of summer break, the Bakugou’s got a new neighbor.

Affection Brewing by KinkyKaitsu ( M | 1,758+ | 1/? )

Katsuki Bakugou works part-time at the local coffee house, Insomnia Café. He hates every second of it. The customers exhaust him, hours piss him off, but the money is good and after a chance encounter with a green-eyed stranger he decides going in to work might not be so bad.

[Series] Hybrids x My Hero Academia by GreyLiliy ( M | 21,654 | 2 Works | WIP )

Vemödalen by shrill_linguini ( T | 2,382+ | 1/? )

Katsuki Bakugou found such frustration in photography, especially when photographing something amazing; as thousands of identical photos already exist- and his didn't even compare.

He had nothing to say anymore.

He thought all of the stories had been told.

All but one.

it's magic (if it's with you) by MsFluorescent ( M | 29,088+ | 9/? )

high school is... quidditch, love potions, and a little too much butterbeer.

Riley’s Ficlets: Bakugou/Midoriya by AutisticWriter ( T | 1,500+ | 3/4 )

A collection of 500 word ficlets.

Series Part 1 of Riley's Ficlet Collections Part 64 of Aspec Characters Part 43 of Neurodivergent BNHA Characters Part 249 of Autistic Headcanons Part 521 of Tumblr Prompt Fills

[Homophobia]

Our Treehouse by Flavorful_Evening ( T | 19,164+ | 3/? )

Katsuki's forced to adjust to his new life in an ordinary, small town. But he's 13, with no friends, and is a stubborn loner who spends most of his time alone in the woods.

Yeah, it's as depressing as it sounds.

But just when he thought he could get through all problems by trudging past or blatantly ignoring them, some kid with a mop of green hair forces his way into his life. So...how much worse can his life get?

Izuku Midoriya sees the lonely lifestyle of a new Junior High student and can't help but want to butt in rather than watch from the sidelines. Throw away words and inconsistency won't work with this kid, he has to be there all the way.

And it looks like Katsuki isn't going to accept it without kicking and screaming the whole way.

[Underage | Bullying]

Finding Balance in a Typhoon by ameliescoup ( Not Rated | 1,563 | 1/1 )

Newly promoted research diver, Midoriya Izuku, gets the assignment that he's always wanted, a deep sea expedition to complete his research on whale sharks. Getting his dossier, and setting sail on this unknown named ship, excited for what's in store for him, he's suddenly thwarted when he realized who his captain is...his old flame, Bakugou Katsuki.

63 notes · View notes

externally-upset · 6 years ago

Note

1-100

Alright going all in I see. Let's do this

1. I mainly use Spotify

2. I try and keep it clean but somehow always winds up messy

3. I've got brown eyes

4. y'know I've got a really generic name but I do like it. Why, I have no idea

5. I'm currently single

6. Scatterbrained, happy, adventurous

7. I've got natural black hair

8. So I don't drive because it actually hurts my leg to drive. Also I can't sit still for longer than 5 minutes

9. I shop everywhere that has toys lmao. I'm a toy collector so I'll go anywhere that has em

10. I don't really have a style. I try and live my life as cozy as possible

11. I don't really have a favorite social media account

12. I have a full/queen size bed

13. I've got lots of siblings. In all, I've got 6 sisters and 2 brothers, but some are step family. I've got 1 bio sister and 1 bio brother, both younger than me.

14. I've been looking into moving to Washington recently, but I think I'd rather travel the world than settle down somewhere, for now at least

15. I don't use the filters myself so I can't speak on that

16. I don't use makeup so I don't have a fave brand to talk about

17. I shower everyday, I get really sweaty so I gotta

18. I don't have like a definite fave TV show. It varies from month to month. Although this summer it was Nisekoi, which is an excellent anime

19. I wear a size 11.5/12 shoe

20. I'm 5'11

21. I wear almost strictly sneakers

22. I don't go to the gym, I should though. I really should

23. Dream date would be to have one lol, um I guess to go up to the mountains together and star gaze or something to do with the mountains. I just enjoy being outside

24. Too much to count 💸💸 lmao jk I've got $60

25. Ain't wearing any but if someone came through right now, I'd put some black ones on

26. I had four, but my mom stole 2 of them

27. I was working in drywall for awhile but I hopped out of that and am currently applying to places. I specifically was a taper, so like when drywall is put up in the house, there are gaps between the pieces put up. I covered those gaps up, all over the house. It doesn't seem like a lot but when you've got 15-20 feet ceilings, it gets hard

28. I've got quite a lot of friends and I love them all

29. I've know I've done bad stuff that others remember me for but I can't think of anything

30. Oh man I loooooove lavender scented candles. Lavender scented anything is the best

31. I honestly can't think of any boy names that I like

32. 3 girl names: Sochi, Lavender, and Laurie, which is actually the name of one of my best friends

33. Anthony Hopkins is my favorite actor by far

34. Fave actress is definitely Meryl Streep, I fell in love with her when I first saw the Devil Wears Prada years ago and it just snowballed from there

35. My celeb crush is either Bonnie Wright or Jessica Keenan Wynn

36. Fave movie has gotta be The Great Mouse Detective

37. I used to read a lot, not so much anymore. Of everything I've read though, Christine by Stephen King has been my favorite read

38. Everyone wants to say brains are more important and they are, but unfortunately in the world we live in money rules over all

39. I used to be called Chancho but not any more

40. I've been to the hospital more times than I'd like to think. I had a heart condition that flared up in high school so I spent a lot of time at the hospital. I'm still not even sure what it was and am sure the doctors made it up to take my money

41. TOP TEN SONGS:

Beauty and the Beast - Angela Lansbury

Beauty and the Beast - Celine Dion, Peabo Bryson

Higher - Creed

Eres Mi Droga - Intocable

Crossing Field - LiSA

Don't Blink - Kenny Chesney

Junkhead - Alice In Chains

Your Decision - Alice In Chains

Losing A Whole Year - Third Eye Blind

Forever Halloween - The Maine

42. Nah, no meds for me

43. I think I have an oily skin type

44. Biggest fear is leaving those I love behind when I pass along to the next life

45. I don't know how many kids I want

46. I always have my hair either in a bun or braided

47. I live in a medium sized family home

48. My grandma has been and always will be my role model

49. It was being told how wise I am

50. Last text I sent was to my homeboy, telling him "this school shit is wack"

51. I was 6 years old when I found out Santa wasn't real

52. A nice Truck is my dream car or maybe a souped up Subaru, with an anime wrap for shits and gigs

53. I'm cool with smoking weed, but no cigarettes and only smoke outside, don't need my stuff to smell

54. Yeah, I'm here in college, but I don't like it

55. Rural areas by far. I've always wanted my own farm

56. I wanna be a high school history teacher and that requires a degree, so that's why I'm in college

57. I don't like the shampoo and conditioner from hotels, don't like the way they feel. That being said, yes I'll take them

58. I've got freckles but you can barely see them unless were face to face

59. Yes and no. It really depends on my mood. I try to take more smiling pictures now

60. I've got quite a few, mostly memes though

61. Of course I've peed in the woods, with the amount of times I've been hiking and camping with no bathroom in site, you gotta

62. I watch almost strictly cartoons, if we're being completely honest

63. Chicken nuggets smack, no matter where they're from

64. If it calls for it, honey. If not, then sweet and sour sauce

65. Alright, so it depends where I'm at. If I'm home alone, just my underwear. If there are people here, shorts. If I'm at someone else's house, I wear whatever I have on

66. Never participated in a spelling bee in my life

67. My hobby is collecting. I've been collecting things since I was a kid. I've switched between many things in my life. I've gone from Wrestling figures, to sports cards, to vinyl records, to Funko Pops. I actually collect a little of everything I've mentioned now

68. I can't draw for shit

69. I don't play any instruments, although I've tried learning how to play the Ukulele

70. Last concert was seeing Four Year Strong and Seaway like 2 years ago

71. I prefer tea over coffee

72. I guess Starbucks as I've never had Dunkin before

73. Marriage sounds nice, but I don't need to. Like if I'm dating someone and they said they don't wanna get married, I wouldn't have a problem with it. As long as we're in love, that's all that matters

74. Aha, I'm not answering this one

75. If ever I get married, I don't know what the last name situation is gonna be

76. Burgundy and blue look absolutely fantastic on me

77. Yeah there are a few people I miss

78. I always sleep with my door closed and my closets too

79. I belive in ghosts, although I prefer to call them spirits. Used to see them frequently as a child, still do sometimes

80. Biggest pet peeve is when people try to tell me what to do. Not like suggestions but actually tell me what to do. Irritates me to no end

81. Last person I called I think was my Dad, but that's because I couldn't find him in the store

82. Black Cherry Vanilla is the best but no one sells it anywhere

83. Golden Oreos are pretty damn good so I'll go with those

84. If I have to choose, probably rainbow sprinkles

85. Just a plain white tank top

86. My phone background is a picture of Ricky from Trailer Park Boys saying "Man, maybe I am gay."

87. I can be outgoing, it kinda takes a bit for me to open up though

88. I fucking love when people play with my hair

89. My neighbors across the street are very nice, but next door neighbor is a dick, always judging shit

90. I usually wash my face in the mornings

91. I used to get high a lot, not so much anymore, although I'd really like for that to change

92. I spent a good portion of this year drunk, so that's a problem. I actually only started drinking when I turned 21 last September. Never been hungover either, so I've been blessed

93. Last thing I ate was some chips

94. "Thank you to the miracle that we are able to meet in a dirty and ugly world, even like this" My Song - Girl Dead Monster. This is from Angel Beats and these are rough English translations

95. I prefer winter over summer, but spring is my fave season

96. I love night time, always will

97. I will always pick dark chocolate over all other chocolates

98. September is my favorite month, not because it's my birth month, but it's the one month where everything feels right

99. I'm a Virgo

100. Last person I cried in front of was my homeboy Mason, albeit I was drunk as fuck and don't remember it but he does. Says I scared him

Goddamn that took forever, but I did get over being bored, so bless you Anon

0 notes

pagesuponstpages · 6 years ago

Text

waiting for you

inspo: songfic of waiting for you by the aces

word count: +8.8k

synopsis: she’s always been close with luke, best friends even. and when feelings are realized does she find out that maybe their friendship had always been a little more than ‘just friends.’

a/n: sorry if my capitalization doesn’t make sense. also this kinda got out of hand, thus being so long. also the last line is kinda eh but yeah, hope you enjoy

Ping! Ping!

She cracked one of her eyes open, blindly grabbing for her phone.

Bzzt Bzzt

Remember the words you told me, love me till the day I die.

Y/N finally caught her phone, clicking the home button to turn it on, which also shut off the ringer.

“Fucking shit,” she yelped as the white light nearly blinded her eyes. After turning down the brightness to a considerable amount, she saw the notifications pop up, one after another.

lu: I’m having one of those moments lu: I can’t sleep (2) missed calls from lu cal-pal: did u pick up luke? cal-pal: he’s interrupting my sleep (2) missed calls from sumo smash ash mikey-crikey: please tell you’re with him sumo smash ash: u up mikey-crikey: I don’t need more late night phone calls sumo smash ash: pls talk to luke sumo smash ash: I need my sleep mikey-crikey: he scared the daylights out of southy and crys (1) missed call from cal-pal lu: I’m sorry if I woke u up

She rolled her eyes, reading the texts, before unlocking her phone and replying back.

y/n: no but I guess I will now cal-pal: thank god, bless your soul y/n: overdramatic ass. I’m getting up now cal-pal: oke gn :) y/n: gn u dork

y/n: lazy hoe sumo smash ash: wOW OKAY sumo smash ash: but please? sumo smash ash: he somehow calms down the best with you y/n: fiiiiiine sumo smash ash: :D <3 y/n: go to sleep then! sumo smash ash: -.- zzzz

y/n: nope mikey-crikey: please? y/n: getting up and putting my jacket on mikey-crikey: you’re a lifesaver y/n: the story of my life mikey-crikey: love youuuu

“Hello?”

“Hey, are you at your place?” she said, grabbing a sweatshirt from the chair next to her closet that was probably either Calum’s or Luke’s.

“Yeah, why?” Luke replied. She slipped on the two sleeves while the phone was tucked between her ear and shoulder.

“I saw your texts, I’ll be there in 10 and be ready to leave.” She ended the call before he got another word in. She grabbed her wallet and keys and slipped on a pair of mustard-yellow vans, that Mikey called atrocious and Calum called vile but she loved them to death. She went out the door, locking up behind her and walked down the 15 or some steps down from her floor to the street front, where her car was parked. Once she started the ignition and warmed up the car, while fiddling with her phone trying to find her calming playlist, she pulled out from the curb, towards the direction of Luke’s place. Y/N had been there so many times, that the drive from hers to his was muscle memory, thus her mind drifting off, just enough that her eyes were on the road, but not focusing on where she was going.

Before she knew it, she was pulling up the curb right outside his place.

y/n: i’m right outside your windowwww lu: wait lu: what?? lu: oh

She saw his head peek out the window, grinning widely at her, then she assumed he ran downstairs, a few seconds bursting out the door. He was clad in a 5SOS III hoodie and grey sweats, the hood up, which was mostly covering his curls that were spilling out from the sides.

“Y/N, you didn’t have to do this,” Luke said, settling in shotgun. She rolled her eyes, as she shifted the gears from park to drive.

“What, no hello? No ‘early morning to you’?” she teased. His laughter filled the car, warming her more than the hoodie that she was wearing.

“Top of the mornin’ to ya’, lassie,” he then said, in the best Scottish accent that Luke could muster. Which wasn't the greatest to be fair. Y/N giggled, while flicking on the turn signal to get onto the main road.

“Alrighty matey,” she replied, trying to keep a straight face.

“What, was that the best you can do?” he retorted, his thick accent becoming more prominent.

“I tried okay!” She slapped his knee, all the while staring at him cross-eyed and tongue sticking out.

“Hey! Eyes on the road!”

“Alright dad.” That prompted a shove, which Y/N responded with the car shifting to the left, nearly going into the other lane.

“Staahp it,” he groaned, leaning back in his seat.

It was quiet in the car after that, minus the music playing quietly in the background. There were barely any other cars on the road, just them speeding down the road with the windows creaked open giving a light breeze in the car.

“What playlist is this?” Luke finally said, as the song switched from Coldplay’s Fix You to Landslide by Fleetwood Mac.

“It’s my chill playlist.” They would often share music with each other, from being of their time, as they made playlists on spotify with titles that were either one-worded or twenty, to them burning CDs for each other. Thankfully, Y/N’s car still had a CD player, which she would play Luke’s mixes on the way to work.

Luke grabbed her phone that was docked next to the dashboard, where it was placed for easy access if she needs to see it for navigation or messages while driving.

“I’m not telling you the code,” she said, watching him try to unlock it in the corner of her eyes.

“That’s alright,” he said, swiping up on the screen and placing the phone in front of her face for a couple seconds before the device was unlocked.

“Hey!” she said, which earned him another smack, this time on the shoulder.

“Oww, you hurt me.”

“That’s what you get for abusing phone privileges. And now I’m not loving that function anymore, Apple,” she grumbled, as the car slowly stopped for the red light.

Luke flicked through her phone, reading through the list of songs in the playlist currently playing in the car.

“Kacey Musgraves, Fleetwood Mac, George Ezra,” he mumbled, “and 5 Seconds of Summer?!” She rolled her eyes but watched him read through her playlist amusedly.

“Yeah heard of them? They’re alright but they have some tunes.” This prompted another shove.

“Oi! Stop hitting the driver!” He stuck out a tongue at her, which she nearly missed as the light turned green. To annoy Luke even more, she sped up the car, accelerating the car as quick as she could to the speed limit of 40 mph.

“Hey!” She glanced in the rearview mirror, checking to see if there were any cars nearby, which there weren’t. Thus her slamming the brakes, careening Luke forward and her phone smacking on the dash in front of him.

“I regret ever getting in the car with you.” Luke groaned, rubbing his head which also received casualty during the sudden stop.

“But you still love me.” He watched her, hands loosely gripping the wheel and hair blowing in the breeze, as they continued down the road.

“Yeah,” he breathed out, “I do.”

Antics quieted down after that, and it just became the music and the road ahead of them. Y/N noticed Luke drifting off, as she was telling him a story of an incident that happened at work, right when she was getting into how her coworker, Brooke broke the coffee machine. She smiled at him, as she heard his soft breaths, his chest rising then sinking in slumber. Y/N turned at the next light, slowly circling back to Luke’s place.

Once she pulled up at the same spot from a couple of hours ago, she shut off the car, the music cutting out as well. He was still asleep, thankfully. Y/N knew that the guys were pulling in the extra hours on their next album, even to the point of not sleeping regularly, which worried her. So she was happy to help any band member calm down and relax in the comfort of her car, which also happened to be her favorite thing: driving down the road in the dead of the night, with quiet conversation and her trusty playlist to accompany her and the other passenger.

She climbed out of the car, shutting the door silently as she could. Then Y/N walked to the other side, opened the door, and reached over the tall blonde boy to unclip his seatbelt. Then she shifted him, so his legs were hanging out the door and one arm over her shoulder. She would’ve tried to fully carry him but considering that Luke was at least seven inches taller than her, she didn’t even bother. Thankfully, despite him still drifting in slumber, his legs cooperated with her, taking steps to the door. She kicked her car door behind her and clicked the fob to lock it, before finding Luke’s house key on her keychain.

“Okay work with me here,” she whispered, once they got into his place. Y/N sat him down on the couch, slipping off his shoes and placed them by the door next to hers. She then pulled him off the couch, having him leaning on her again as they walked slowly to his bedroom. She assumed that Luke was somewhere in between consciousness and sleep as he held her arm, right as she was walking away from his bed, in which she tucked him into moments before.

“Stay with me,” he mumbled, while tugging her back towards the bed. Y/N weighed the options, thinking when she needed to get up for work that would give enough time for her to get back to her place and change in time.

“Okay,” Y/N decided. She opened the clock app on her phone, pressing the alarm for 7:45 am and 8 am before plugging her phone in Luke’s phone charger next to his bed. Then Y/N untied her hair from a half ponytail, putting the hairband next to her phone, wallet, and keys on the bedside table. She slid into bed, right next to Luke, who wiggled a bit away from her to make room, and once her head hit the pillow, his arms and legs wrapped around her frame, warming her enough to immediately drift off to sleep.

Why you acting like a stranger, when we do this every night.

Y/N’s eyes opened, before groaning. She was exhausted due to not going to bed early enough, much less considering her late night/early morning drive with Luke. Speaking of Luke, she briefly forgot where she was, until a large form curled around her shifted to slap her phone off the bedside table, which she assumed Luke hoped would shut off the alarm. Alas, no.

You only ever wanna love me after midnight.

She peered over the bed, looking for where her phone was. Surprisingly, it was still plugged in. So, Y/N reached out, trying to grab the phone on the ground whilst still in bed. But no, the universe didn’t want to give her all the pleasures in life.

Thuump!

“Owww,” she groaned. She quickly unlocked her phone, this time thanking the apple gods for facial recognition and shut off both of her alarms that were blaring 5SOS music.

“The funniest part of that was not the music but you falling off the bed.” She turned around, to see Luke smiling, his eyes half open and his voice scratchy.

“Shut up Lu,” she groaned, rubbing her side and hoping that a bruise won’t form there. She checked the time on her phone, cursing. “Gonna be late!” She stood up, shoving her items into the hoodie’s front pocket and tied up her hair into a floppy bun.

“Goodbye hug?” Luke said, holding his arms out. She sighed, watching this adorable man-child curled up in bed. What she would give to have another hour, heck even fifteen more minutes.

“You dork,” she said, as she put one knee on the bed, balancing herself before Luke nearly swallowed her with his arms.

“Can’t you stay longer? It was comfy with you.”

“I cannot Lucas. Also being your human teddy bear was too hot, especially when the human teddy bear is wearing sweats.” He chuckled, then retracted his arms, snuggling back under the covers.

“It was hot last night,” he agreed. The fact that both of them were wearing sweats under the comforter, not even considering that Luke was a human space heater, had Y/N slightly sweaty when she got out of bed. She walked out of the bedroom, spying a block of post-its next to a mason jar full of colored sharpies by the jar. Y/N wasn’t surprised.

After first meeting the guys and getting to know them, whenever she visited their apartments, she noticed that there were random places where there was stationary and writing utensils, post-its and sharpies being preferred the most. Calum explained to her one day that when they have random bouts of inspiration, the boys would quickly scrawl it down, trying not to forget anything. Or other times, they would leave little notes or drawings to each other before they would leave each other’s places. Some notes being thoughtful and lovely and others with crude jokes with badly drawn stick figures.

Finished with her sticky note that one was placed on the fridge and the other on the counter and putting on her shoes, she unlocked the door.

“Bye Lucas!” she yelled into the house, then shutting the door and locking up behind her with her set of spare keys, before Luke could even respond.

When Luke got up, about an hour or two later after Y/N left, he saw something neon pink in the corner of his eye once he walked into the kitchen.

hello lucas bobby hemmo hope u had a decent night of sleep and I was happy to help (you were heavy to carry when asleep!!) don’t forget to eat something before going into the studio and do the guys a favor and shower before too!!! love ya u man child your temporary uber driver

He grinned, reading the message while waiting for the coffee machine to finish brewing his morning cup. After getting out a piece of bread that he immediately put in the toaster and two boiled eggs from the fridge, he saw her second message, this time on a neon green post-it.

aaayyee ohhh hemmo1996 (never letting that go) also if you dented my phone case or cracked my phone when you smacked my phone to the ground with your humango hands I will send u the bill (also I suggest wearing the plaid pants and black high tops, it’s a look and gunsta be ‘chilly’ today!!) don’t understand you people thinking that 55 degrees is cold give Pet my best, I didn’t get to see her :(((( I bet ur eating those nasty-ass boiled eggs for breakfast ~love ya~ ;D y/n

He scoffed, biting into one boiled egg and taking a sip of his coffee. He heard the pitter-patter of Petunia’s feet on the hardwood.

“Hey Pig,” he cooed, kneeling down to rub her head. “Y/N says hello and is sorry for leaving so early.” She grunted in response, then trudged away from him to her food bowl, lapping up the water.

“Yeah, I wish she stayed too.”

Luke stood up and opened the cupboard where all of Petunia’s food, snacks and treats were housed. He grabbed the correct plastic jug, popped open the lid and used the lid which was dipped enough to indicate how much dog food to give per meal, then poured it into her bowl. He shut the jug and placed it next to the ziplock bag of homemade treats that Y/N made two weeks ago. Petunia happily started eating as he finished his own breakfast, toast now finished with butter and vegemite.

“Pet, I just-” he said, talking to his dog, “I think I like her, like, like-like her and I don’t really know what to do.” As if she was listening to him, Petunia turned around, watching him with her chocolate brown eyes. Luke sat on the ground, followed by Petunia padding over and laying in between his legs. He took another bite of his toast, chewing thoughtfully.

“And she keeps telling me that she loves me, but what does that even mean?! Is this a platonic love? Or a familial love? Or like a romantic love?” The white bulldog mix grumbled, before sniffing her own leg.

“I don’t know, man,” he said, stroking her back. He paused before laughing to himself.

“I don’t know, WO-man.” And there was silence, as if Petunia understood his bad joke. “Get it? Cause you’re a girl Pet? Not a man?” Petunia made some whining noises, before getting up and laying on her bed near the couch.

“Alright then,” he grumbled. Luke got up, realizing that he should probably get ready for the studio.

“I’ll figure it out. Maybe.”

Just as she walked into the cafe where they were having brunch, she heard all of their laughter. More specifically Luke’s laughter. Despite having a deeper-toned voice, Luke’s laugh was more high-pitched and breathy, which was something that always brought her a smile to her face and even had her laughing along.

“How can I help you?” Y/N snapped from her daze, now seeing the slightly too peppy hostess in front of her. “Hi, I’m here with a group, and I think they’re in the back.” The hostess frowned, clicking on the screen.

“I’m sorry but that’s a private party,” she said. Y/N noticed that she was tenser compared to how the hostess was a few seconds ago.

“Is there a problem? My friends are there; we made a reservation.” The hostess chewed her lip, contemplating before deciding.

“What is the name that the reservation is under?”

“I think it’s under Bobby or Thomas. For a party of 7?” Whenever they would have these get-togethers, the boys would always put the reservation under a different name, to limit the crowds of people that would form out front once someone recognized them. She mentally rolled her eyes, as they weren’t that creative with names.

“Uh,” the hostess said, her hands slightly shaking and her eyes shifting around them, “can you give me a second?” Y/N frowned, annoyed that she had to wait when she could hear them just a few feet away from her. But she nodded, which then the hostess walked into the back.

y/n: what the heck?!! cal-pal: what? what did I do? y/n: what’s the reservation name under cal-pal: ...fuck cal-pal: I think I put it under Thomas y/n: …… cal-pal: sorry cal-pal: are they giving you trouble y/n: I think so, the hostess had to quiz me y/n: then I think she’s getting her boss cal-pal: do u want me to go up there y/n: no it’s fine, I’ll figure it out cal-pal: ..okay just lmk if u want me to y/n: oke

“Excuse me, ma’am?” Y/N looked up from her phone, now seeing the hostess move onto another customer while a young lady and a guy that seemed to be the epitome of a hipster watched her, their eyes looking over every part of her and her outfit. Y/N normally didn’t care what people thought of what she wore. Some days it was lazy and comfortable with a sweatshirt while other times it was more dressy and fashionable with colored ankle boots to match. Today was an in between, with a polka dotted t-shirt dress, black stockings, and olive green combat boots. Oh, and she was wearing Luke’s 5SOS sweatshirt again, which she stole from him and basically claimed as her own. Now thinking over her choices this morning as (what she presumes) the two owners look her over, debating if she truly is apart of the group that’s closed off the back of the cafe or if she was a rabid fan that wanted to meet the band of her dreams.

“Oh! Y/N, you’re here!” She spotted Ashton behind the cafe owners, sporting a wide grin. The owners automatically relaxed and stepped aside.

“Sorry about that sir, we just weren’t sure if she was-”

“That’s fine, and I’ll take her to our seats,” Ashton said, cutting off the hipster dude. The two nodded, before walking away, into the back area near the kitchens.

“Perfect timing,” Y/N breathed, as she and Ash walked down a corridor to the closed-off section.

“Cal told me about the situation, and after taking awhile, he asked if I could check up to see if they had thrown you out.” She rolled her eyes, elbowing him.

“There you are! What took you so long!” Michael said, pulling her into a hug.

“Sorry guys and gals, the front wouldn’t let me go for a bit.” Luke’s eyebrows furrowed, as he took a sip of what Y/N assumed to be some fruit/vegetable health concoction that she would say far away from.

“I think the sweatshirt didn’t help,” Cal said, who was sat next to her. Y/N shrugged.

“Probably. I didn’t think much of it this morning, was just cold. But hey, at least you know that you’re covered with security and privacy at this place.” The boys nodded, looking back down at their menus.

“We didn’t order yet, except for Luke’s weird-ass smoothie and Crystal’s juice,” Cal said, leaning on her shoulder. He gave her his menu, since there wasn’t enough for the whole table, thus him reading over her shoulder the options.

“Heyyy,” Luke said, who was sitting on the other side of Y/N. He leaned in, to the point where Y/N was squished in between the two freakishly tall dudes (okay so there are many people, specifically guys that are around their height but to Y/N and her measly height they all seems gigantic). “I heard that. And it’s not weird; it’s tasty and good for you.”

“Mate, those two don’t belong in the same sentence,” Ashton quipped. He was sat across from Y/N, still flicking through the menu, unsure what to get.

“Unfortunately I would have to agree, it might be healthy but definitely doesn’t taste good,” Y/N said, facing Luke who was pouting at her statement.

“Have you tried it?” His eyes bore into hers, and when she looked into his, there was a lack of laughter that would usually be there. She shook her head.

“No,” she mumbled.

“Try it.” Luke reached out the straw towards her lips, and with some nudges from Luke, she took a sip to her dismay and the laughter of her friends around her. Once the liquid hit her tongue, her eyebrows crinkled and her eyes squinted at the bitter and sour taste.

“HA! I told you it wasn’t good!” Calum said, pointing at Luke. Luke raised his eyebrows at Y/N in question.

“I mean it’s not bad-”

“See!”

“-but I wouldn’t pay money to get it.” The table chorused in laughter, with the exception of Luke.

“Are you ready to order?” Their whole group suddenly went silent, now realizing the waitress that was standing at the end of their table, for who knows how long.

“Uh yeah,” Mikey said. Everyone said their orders, going clockwise around the table, until it stopped at Y/N.

“Uh this is awkward,” she mumbled, flipping through the menu to see if anything stuck out to her. She had something in mind earlier, but now it was slipping her mind what that was.

“Just get the eggs benedict, it’s pretty good here,” Luke whispered to her, who was practically on her shoulder.

“You and your fucking eggs,” she grumbled.

“And what would you like ma’am?” Luke choked back his laughter, as the waitress spoke immediately after Y/N, who was now mortified that everyone around her heard what she just said.

“I’ll have the eggs benedict, with hash browns on the side,” she finally said, after a nudge from Cal, which broke her stupor. The waitress nodded, scrawling it down on her notepad before collecting all the menus.

“It will be out in about 15 to 20 minutes, and is there anything else that you need? Refills?” Cal and Ash snorted, then quickly composed themselves.

“No thank you,” Michael said, almost rolling his eyes at the boys’ antics. The waitress nodded, then walked away back into the kitchens. “Really?” He glared at Cal and Ash.

“What? We were laughing at Y/N.” Ash said, still giggling. The whole tabled looked at her, who was doe-eyed, like a deer in the headlights.

“What? All I did was this,” she said, shrugging. She then pointed at Luke’s smoothie, followed by the pantomiming of her chopping her neck along with being cross-eyed and her tongue sticking out. The whole table erupted in laughter.

“Man, I’m stuffed,” Mikey said, patting his stomach. Y/N rolled her eyes, yet chuckled at the currently blonde-haired boy.

“Heading back to the studio?” Y/N asked, as they got up from their seats. Some were stretching and others were sliding on their jackets. Mikey shook his head.

“Nah, we have the day off.” Y/N nodded, while tying the sweatshirt, that may or may not have caused her so much trouble earlier that day, around her waist.

“So, you’re just gonna chill?” she replied. Ashton shrugged, frowning slightly.

“Yeah, I guess.” They all walked out of the cafe; the cool breeze lightly hitting them in the face. The group stood in twos, with Luke and Y/N bringing up the rear.

“What are you gonna do today?” Luke said, swinging his arm, back and forth, which was holding her hand. She shrugged, also swinging her arm in tune with Luke’s.

Normally, when they would casually be holding hands or any other form of affection that was shown more in couples, Y/N didn’t think much of it. But today it felt different between them. Maybe it was the excessive joking at the cafe, or how they split chocolate chip pancakes together and he fed her the first bite, but whatever it was, it was all adding up in her head. Did he like her? Because damn, if he did, her heart would burst out of her chest, just like how it is now, thundering away.

“Just it’s gonna be us singletons!” Y/N snapped out her reverie, now seeing Mikey and Crystal walk away, giving them a wave with her free hand.

“Mate, it’s just us,” Calum point out, nodding at Luke and Y/N’s intertwined hands. Her cheeks turned hot and were probably pink.

“No, my hands are just cold,” Luke said, who was also sporting tinged cheeks.

“We’re in the west coast? And look, you have pockets, man.” Ashton was pointing to Luke’s leather jacket, which indeed did have pockets.

“They can’t fit with his humango hands,” Y/N quipped, grinning at Luke. She maintained eye contact with the blue-eyed boy as she put their enclosed hands into her own coat pocket that was unusually big. Something in her compelled her to do this; she wasn’t sure what. But based on the widened eyes and grin that Luke was giving her, Y/N was glad she did.

The boys didn’t say much to the gesture, as they continued walking down the street, side by side. Luke gave their intertwined hands a brief but tight squeeze, as he continued to chat with Cal about some band, that Y/N didn’t catch the name of, and that band’s new album that was going to be released in the next few days. She glanced at him in the corner of her eye, while she was listening to Ash ramble about a new song that the band was writing recently.

“Y/N?”

“Hm?” She looked up from her shoes, to see Ash staring at her with a smirk.

“Thinkin’ about something?” Her mouth flopped open then closed, after a moment, noting that she probably looked like a fish flopping out of the water.

“No?” Her cheeks grew hot. Was it just today, or has it always been that her mind drifted to thinking about Luke?

“Well,” Ash said with a raised eyebrow, “I was asking you about your thoughts.”

“My thoughts?”

“About the song?” Y/N’s eyes widened suddenly, trying to rack her mind of the song that Ash was talking about, to pull something out of her ass to convince him that she was listening to him.

“Yeah, the one I was talking about?”

“Ah, um, it’s interesting?” she paused, thinking of something better to say. “Like, I can’t imagine creatively writing a melody that doesn’t copy an already written song?” Ashton nodded at her, his face grim and stoic.

“That’s-” he said, before bursting into laughter.

“What?” She stopped walking, seeing the older boy bent over laughing. Oh yeah, she forgot Luke was holding her hand. Y/N was immediately pulled forward, causing her to trip and stumble, which also induced Ashton into further laughter.

“Why did we stop?” Luke said, watching the two of them, one who was still bent over in laughter, while the other gripping his arm to prevent from falling over into the pavement.

“Y-Y/N-” Ashton said, then giggled further. He stood up, taking deep breaths to calm down, though he was still sporting a huge grin.

“Shut up dude,” Y/N groaned, pulling Ashton’s arm up till he was standing upright again. Luke smirked at Y/N while Cal rolled his eyes at the two of them, and the two of them continued on with their conversation.

“I hate you,” she groaned, once they were again situated back in their positions: the four of them walking down the sidewalk in a row of four, much to the annoyance of other pedestrians that would pass them with a stink eye. Ash would give them an exaggerated frown back at them, which would be responded with a huff and a mutter something along the lines that they were done with tourists for the month. Cal and Luke were completely oblivious to those stares and grimaces, as they were wrapped up in their conversation, which Y/N was not sure if was still about music or about the recent rugby match that Luke dragged her out from her cozy cocoon of her bed at 3 am to watch the match with him at his place. (She later found out that both Ash and Cal were also up at the godforsaken hour at Ashton’s apartment, much to the neighbors’ disappointment.)

“Nah, pretty sure you love me,” Ashton quipped, sidestepping behind Y/N to let an elderly couple walk past them. Y/N rolled her eyes, but the smile creeping up on her face said otherwise.

“Unfortunately.” She slumped her shoulders, which pushed her hands deeper into her coat pocket. She also missed the widening smile that Luke was on his face, while Cal and Ash noted the quiet exchange in their minds.

“And you love him more,” Ashton said, quiet enough for her to hear, but for the other two Aussie boys to not.

“Well I mean,” she hesitated, “I love all you guys.”

“But him more.” He raised his eyebrows slightly, as the corner of his mouth quirked up, the smirk threatening to spread across his face. Y/N frowned for a moment, then her expression changed to a soft smile in an instant.

“Maybe so.”

cal-pal: I don’t understand cal-pal: why cant u just tell her lu: dunno lu: I’m sure she doesn’t like me in that way cal-pal: dude cal-pal: have u SEEN how she’s like with u around? lu: like any other normal time we hang out? cal-pal: smh lu: ?? cal-pal: whatever man

Luke sighed, placing his phone on the coffee table in front of him. He likes her, that for sure he knows. Heck, he’s also pretty sure that he loves her.

But his mind is going crazy if she does too. It also didn’t help the poor boy when she decided to hold his hand while they were strolling down the street with Cal and Ash. And she made no comment or further action about it, other than teasing him with the boys that 1. he’s cold and it’s LA in the spring, and 2. he has, and she quotes, “humango hands,” which she also said exactly in her post it the other week. Does she or does she not?

Petunia padded over to where he was sitting on the couch, sniffling and whining for his attention.

“Hey Pet,” he said, a soft smile adorning his lips as he rubbed her head, placing a kiss or two right above her eyes.

“Maybe it’s just a close friends thing,” he grumbled, “like, she greets all of the guys with a hug and a kiss on the cheek.” He paused thinking. “I mean she calls Ash ‘babe’ all the time.”

y/n: am forward or being too forward sumo smash ash: normally, I’d say a bit too forward y/n: and? sumo smash ash: let me finish! sumo smash ash: but with luke’s thick-ass skull I’d almost say not enough y/n: aCTUALLY y/n: I mean, last week I stayed in bed with him and we CUDDLED y/n: I don’t cuddle with guys too often sumo smash ash: cept us dudes sumo smash ash: cause we cuddly y/n: facts y/n: but like I helped him fall asleep at the “ass-crack of dawn” y/n: who does that? y/n: and we slept in the same bed, intertwined PRIOR to falling asleep y/n: I left the dude cute-ass notes sumo smash ash: to be fair sumo smash ash: u do the driving thing with us, along with other poor fellas that suffer jet-lag or insomnia sumo smash ash: even at the ass-crack of dawn y/n: I guess sumo smash ash: but u do seem to be more personal and flirty with him compared to your usual nice-ness

Y/N groaned, dragging her fingers through her hair. How come he just didn’t know?

She had been trying to give Luke hints that she likes him, hell, that she loves him, but alas he has no clue.

Two weeks ago, they had a movie marathon, the day right after the boys came back from 5SOS III, in which they were both tucked up on the couch with a few blankets and at least four pillows. And after awhile, at about the beginning of the second movie, they were spooning, and she was also hand-feeding Luke red vines and popcorn. Not to mention that they also fell asleep on the couch and were woken up at 7 am by Petunia licking her face and whining in Luke’s ear.

The following weekend they spent time “browsing,” as what Y/N called it, thus so that her wallet wouldn’t be dead by the end of their spontaneous shopping trip. They went everywhere, from boutiques that housed fashions worth more than her apartment rent, to beauty counters where she needed more matte eyeliner and the two of them gazed and glitter palettes (they both bought one each, though they promise to borrow and share the wide variety of colors) and rows and rows of nail polish in every color under the sun. To normal clothings stores, “lucas, these clothes are barely in my income range, and I want plaid pants too,” and of course the stores that allowed Y/N to get five white t-shirts of the most minute styling differences all under 20 dollars. They even ran into a few fans, which she silently stepped aside, continuing to look at other items in the store, all the while being a couple feet away from Luke in case they needed to make a swift exit. No questions were raised about the two of them together, out on the town, all assuming that she was just a supportive friend in all endeavors of Luke Robert Hemmings’ life.

It became to the point with the amount of time that they were spending with each other outside of Luke being in the studio or Y/N at work, that her lingering feelings that she’s housed for the light-haired curly-headed boy turned into actual, vivid emotions that came up fluttering in her belly, especially when he would give her that wide, eye-crinkle, grin.

y/n: I just don’t know what to do sumo smash ash: maybe bring it up a notch? sumo smash ash: like to the point where it’s painfully obvious y/n: well if that doesn’t work then might as well tell him myself y/n: despite ya know y/n: the overwhelming potential rejection y/n: damn. y/n: guys have it hard, when going first with these kinds of things sumo smash ash: YEAH sumo smash ash: that’s if guys go first sumo smash ash: despite it being the 21st century y/n: yeahhhh ik y/n: girls kinda still want some reassurances that the other is into you before they jump in too sumo smash ash: c’est la vie

Y/N frowned, trying to wracked her brain of more, should she say, creative ways of implying that she’s in love with her best friend.

Remember the words you told me, love me-

Y/N awoke immediately, swiping on her phone screen to answer the call.

“Hello?”

“Hey, you coming?” She furrowed her eyebrows, now looking at her phone screen, which popped up with more notifications that she seemingly didn’t hear during her nap.

in 2 hours - cashton’s rando bar hang lu: do u want me to pick u up lu: I think cal and mike want to go eat before lu: are you there? cal-pal: hey so thinkin that we should eat first cal-pal: to ya know, avoid the sudden alcohol rush cal-pal: nvm ash is pregaming mikey-crikey: are we meeting at the restaurant ash: what restaurant mikey-crikey: I wanna eat dude mikey-crikey: starving, ate an early lunch cal-pal: me too cal-pal: y/n where to? ...read more messages…

Y/N cursed to herself, seeing that it was a little past 8, while the guys had planned to hang at 7, and the additional last-minute dinner plans that they decided at 6, made her super late.

the true 5 seconds of summer y/n: SORRY SORRY SORRY y/n: OVERSLEPT cal-pal: finally cal-pal: we were just about to leave and bust down ur door mikey-crikey: luke was getting worried lu: WAS NOT mikey-crikey: you kept checking your phone every minute ?? lu: shut up ash: y/n hurrry upppp wer’e abtt to go HARD y/n: what? cal-pal: luke and ash are tipsy now, ash more than luke y/n: alright imma comin, imma comin

She plugged her phone in the charger, as it was likely that it was gonna be a long night and she didn’t want the risk of her phone being dead, trying to get a cab or uber with four utterly smashed guys.

Y/N looked in her closet, trying to find the dress with zodiacs embroidered in gold, that she was planning to wear, as she thankfully already planned her outfit for the night.

“Now where’s the jacket,” she mumbled, after slipping on the dress, breathing out heavily.

Luke swallowed another shot, trying to numb himself of the incessant thoughts in his head.

“Dude, you should slow down. Wait until Y/N comes,” Calum said, then taking a sip of his water.

“Don’t bother, she’s probably with that guy from her work.” Calum raised an eyebrow at the younger boy, but didn’t question him.

Ever since Luke heard from Y/N about this one guy that she met from work, who was a new hire, he couldn’t stop the seething jealousy. Despite him not voicing his own feelings, she would blabber on about how they both like similar music and movie marathons, which he thought was their thing. Much to say that Luke hated this guy’s guts, and the funniest part is that he doesn’t even remember the guy’s name.

“Hey, did Y/N make it yet?” Ashton said, with Michael trailing behind him.

“Not yet, but she just texted me, and the uber driver said about 2 more minutes,” Calum said, shrugging.

“I’m getting another drink.” Luke stood up suddenly, though he wobbled a little walking to the bar.

“I’m sorry again, but how much longer until we get there?”

“I don’t know ma’am, there seems to have been an accident.” She frowned, re-crossing her legs and vowing that she will set up ten alarms before she takes a nap ever again.

y/n: sorrrrry again cal-pal: ? y/n: there’s an accident on the highway y/n: hella traffic y/n: if I wasn’t on the highway, I would walk, we’re that close cal-pal: it’s alright cal-pal: except luke is getting antsy cal-pal: apparently you’re with a guy from work and it’s driving him crazy y/n: wait what

She raised her eyebrows, before frowning. It makes sense now: the hesitance, the nervous blushing, the need to cling onto her at all times. He liked her too.

But she also recognized that in Luke’s thick ass skull, he thought that when she was talking about her new co-worker Steven and how he wore a Fleetwood Mac t-shirt to work and oddly made it work in a business-attire setting and how Luke should try that. In her rambling on about Steven and his band t-shirt, Y/N presumed that he thought she liked Steven, which in her head, was the complete opposite. She was also glad that she didn’t bring up that Steven had subtly asked her out, in the form of getting drinks with a few of his buddies, but she gently let him down because she had plans with a blonde rockstar that had just come home from a promo tour of a new single off of his band’s third album (not to mention that she was head-over-heels in love with him).

Much to say that she had to bring her A-game tonight.

“I’m really sorry I’m late,” she huffed, slamming her purse on the table.

“Y/N! You’re finally here! Did you get to visit Sydney while you were at it?” She scoffed, rolling her eyes and shoved Mikey.

“I fucking hate you,” she grumbled, squeezing in between Luke and Calum. Y/N took the two shots that Ash pushed in front of her once she got settled, which went down her throat in a nice burn.

“Love you too,” Mikey said with a wink.

“Traffic finally let up?” Calum asked, leaning close to her ear, as the music was progressively getting louder once she arrived.

“Almost an hour, yeah.” She rolled her eyes. “It was just an accident with an out-of-towner that doesn’t know how to drive the California highways.”

“Figures,” Calum scoffed.

Then her phone went off, ringing and vibrating on the table in all its glory.

Remember the words you told me, love me till the da-

Y/N picked up her phone quickly, answering the call, not even checking the caller id.

“You have our song as your ringtone?!”

“Shut up!” Her cheeks turned red, from either the comment or the alcohol, but she would claim that it was the latter. “Hello? Who is this? Stevie? Stephen? Steven? Sorry, give me a second. Give me a second!”

She got up, holding onto Luke’s shoulder for balance, before teetering towards the entrance of the bar which was quieter.

“Dude, you really need to jump on that before the train leaves the station.” Luke was staring at the drink in front of him, then peered up, seeing all three boys, at different stages of drunkenness, all with knowing looks.

“What do you mean?” Ash scoffed, his arms leaning forward on the table.

“You need to get your head out of your ass and talk to her,” Ashton said, taking a sip of his beer.

“In the span of the three, maybe four minutes since Y/N has arrived, you haven’t spoken to her, even acknowledged her. Of course she’s gonna think you’re not interested and move on to another guy.” Calum said. Luke sighed, taking a huge gulp of his beer.

“Guys, just because I like her, doesn’t mean that she’s interested.” Calum was pretty sure that both Ashton and Michael were seconds away from decking the youngest boy. But he just shook his head, then took a long sip from his drink.

“What do you mean Linda won’t cover for me? I covered her last time!” Y/N huffed, rubbing her arms absentmindedly, as the front of the bar didn’t have the best insolation and the night cold seeped in every time someone walked in or out. Turns out Steven called because Caroline’s phone was dead. “Sorry Y/N, she had a conflict in the last minute.” Y/N frowned. She was hoping that her schedule would work out to tag along with the boys on one leg of the tour. She had saved about two and a half weeks of vacation days, planned to use for the tour, and the vacation could be a little longer with Linda covering her projects for about a week. And she was hoping that she could surprise the boys with the news tonight. But it looks like life had other plans.

“Can someone else cover them for me?” she said, taking a few glances back at the table. The boys were animatedly chatting: Cal sporting a soft smile, Ash with a wild grin on his face and waving his arms around, Mikey rolling his eyes, though a smirk was plastered on his face, and Luke, head tilted back in laughter. She could even hear him all the way from where she was. Or it was that she could hear what his laughs would sound like in her head.

“Y/N? You there?” She blinked, focusing back on Caroline on the phone.

“Yeah, yeah sorry. What were you saying?” Caroline giggled on the other line, barely loud enough for her to hear in the bar.

“I’m pretty sure I can find someone. And even if they don’t, I’ll split up the work and pass it out with no exceptions. Babe, you’ve been working so hard for the past few months. This break, you deserve it.” Y/N broke into a smile, the tips of her fingers tingling in excitement.

“Thank youuu, I don’t even know what I owe you.”

“Staaaph, you don’t owe me anything. And I better hear all the stories that you’ll get up to on tour.”

“Oh you will,” she said, while being sidetracked with Luke back at the table. This time, he was taking a long drink of his beer, his adam’s apple bobbing and the strands of hair tucked behind his ears falling out. Damn he looked perfect, with his shiny hair, shiny boots, and even shinier personality. And all the feelings swirling in her belly continued to swirl around with no destination in sight.

“-and I bet you’re not even listening to me, staring at the blue-eyed beauty with heart-eyes. You know what, you should tell him. Cause if you keep waiting any longer, complainin’ to me, I’m gonna tear my hair out, then shove the both of you into a small closet and throw the key.”

“Hey!”

“What? Bet you he’s driving his friends crazy with his overwhelming emotions that he doesn’t know what to do with too.” Y/N scoffed. “But anyways, I should let you go. Have fun! And tell him before I do!” Then Caroline hung up on her before she could inch another word.

“Caroline-!” She looked at her phone, her co-worker’s face disappearing from the screen and her call history showing up. She scrolled a little, before finding another number.

“Hello?”

“Hey Sam, it’s me.” She crossed her arms, balancing the phone on her shoulder, to give herself some warmth.

“Well, I hope it’s you and not someone else with your number.” She rolled her eyes.

“Listen, I just got off the phone with Caroline, and Linda can’t cover for me. So be a dear and help out Caroline with my projects, please?” She heard a sigh, followed by a thump, which she assumed was him landing in his desk chair.

“Fine. But you owe me. Like food or something.”

“Yeah, yeah I know,” she said smiling. At the office, she was the only few people that can cook well, thus favors being repaid in food.

“Okay gotta go, Caroline is telling me you have a hot date.”

“Wait no! It’s not a date! It’s just with guy friends.”

“Surrrre. And you must be in love with at least one of them,” Sam scoffed.

“Well, that may be true but this is not the time!”

“Aha! Well have fuuuun!” And he hung up on her.

“I’m gonna kill them both,” Y/N muttered, as she walked back to the table.

“There you are!” Ashton said. The other three turned to face her; they all had dopey grins, minus Luke who was giving her mixed signals.

“It was work,” she frowned. Calum raised his brows, silently asking if there was something else going on.

“Nothing important, buuut,” she said, climbing back on the barstool while gripping Luke’s shoulder for balance. “I do have a surprise.”

“What is it?” Mikey said, his eyes widening.

“It’s nothing big, but I did have to work out the logistics with work, and also talk to your manager for the details and the permission to do so but-”

“Tell me, woman!” Ashton said, slamming a fist on the table. “Fuck, that hurt!” He gripped his fist with the other hand. Y/N bit her tongue from laughing.

“So that all means that I get to join you for tour!” The four of them froze, eyes wide, with some gaping mouths.

“You’re fucking joking,” Mikey said. She shook her head.

“Not joking. Confirmed with the boss man yesterday and with my boss earlier today. I get to tag along for the euro leg!” Next thing she knew, she was clobbered by four tall dudes with bear hugs.

“Can’t fucking believe it. You’re coming on tour,” Cal said in her ear.

“Y/N’S COMING ON TOUR!” Ashton nearly yelled in her ear.

“Ow, tone it down Ash,” Luke said. Well, more Luke’s ear than hers.

“Aw geez guys, thanks for the love and warmth, by the way, this bar is fucking cold, but I’m also losing oxygen.” They all reluctantly let go, sitting back in their chairs, except for Ash, who went to get more shots.

“Can’t believe it,” Luke mumbled in her ear. She scooted her chair closer to Luke, before tucking herself in his bomber jacket and wrapped her arms around his frame.

“What are you doing?” Luke said, giggling.

“It’s fucking cold,” she said, pulling herself closer to Luke, “and I’m the dumb idiot that wore a backless dress to the cold-ass bar.” He wrapped an arm around her shoulder, rubbing the other side not attached to him, pausing slightly when she mentioned the backless dress.

“At least you were sensible enough to wear a jacket,” he finally said.

“It’s your jacket, asshole.” Luke giggled, then taking the shot that Ash brought back to their table, handing her one as well.

“Here’s to the true 5SOS band’s Meet You There Tour!” Y/N twisted herself enough to face the group with her shot glass raised in the air.

“Cheers!” They all clinked their glasses, then swallowing the clear liquid down. The other three boys walked away from the table: to dance, to smoke, to get more drinks.

“You’re truly something,” Luke whispered into her ear, rubbing her back.

“Truly yours,” she said back. He stopped rubbing her back, staring into her eyes. She kept eye contact, while straightening up in her chair.

“What?” he said softly. “You mean it?” She rolled her eyes.

“I mean it,” she said, grabbing the lapels of his jacket, “and I love you.”

Luke’s gaze softened, tugging her closer to him.

“Wow, I just never-” he stopped, looking down at her, nearly in his lap and wearing his leather jacket. “I love you too.” She smiled, wrapping her arms around his neck.

“I’m glad, and I thought we were just friends.” Luke blushed, staring at the sun on her dress.

“I’m glad you made the first move.” Then she pulled him down for a kiss, their lips meeting halfway.

“About fucking time.” They both jumped, breaking apart.

Ash, Cal, and Mikey were standing in front of the table, all with smirks plastered on their faces.

“I hate you guys,” Y/N said, before reaching up to kiss Luke again. Once they broke apart, Luke smiled, gazing down at her.

“What?”

“I’ve been waiting for you, all this time.”

#5sosff #luke hemmings fic #luke hemmings x reader #5sos imagine #5sos fanfic #5sos fic #luke hemmings #luke 5sos #ashton irwin #luke hemmings fanfic #calum hood #michael clifford #5sos #5 seconds of summer #luke hemming imagines #luke hemmings imagine #damn this has been a PAIN to format and lowkey regretting the texting parts bc thosewere the worst part of formatting #also i feel like i'm missing something but oh well #content creation

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makingnewenemies · 6 years ago

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Hi Hi Hi. Here is a little blurb I wrote off the top of my head about all my friends on this year’s Group Picture Vol. 8. I love them all. I love their songs. And I love that we still keep up this stupid tradition; and somehow the comp keeps getting better and better. Thanks everyone! Merry Christmas / Happy Holidays :) - walt

Sour Guy - All Those Plans Were Wrong

Last summer Kris Schobert (Sour Guy, Walter Etc. / Mitty core member, Ernie…) was admitted to the hospital… and then again… and then again…. I think he spent like a month total in the hospital. It was not chill. But when he got out, the whole experience gave him a bit of clarity and new perspective on his life and the decisions he has made thus far. I won’t speak any further for him, but Kris… hey, nice song! And your quality home recording production and continuation of the WMAHMO slop sound doesn’t not go unnoticed! This song made me tear up in a coffee shop the first time I heard it.

Slaughter Beach, Dog - Big Band

Slaughter Beach, Dog are randomly GP staples by now but also one of my favorite bands and greatest friends. This song is a bit of a sound change for them, swapping mid tempo soft rock John K Sampson vibes for a theatrical late 60’s / 70’s sound that is a bit more light hearted than normal and I LOVE IT. It’s catchy, it makes me laugh, yet its so true. Glad to have these boys back this year.

Teal & Jer - Alphabet

Portland’s dreamiest duo Teal & Jer (Chain, Riled, Loose, lots of projects) bring a quirky alt edge to our otherwise bland and boring comp. Without them, we’d just be us. I personally would like to hear more Teal solo work??? Teal???

Milk Flud - Rodeo

If you don’t fuck with Milk Flud then you can get out.

Chase Hoyt - Health

Chase Hoyt (Ubu Roi, Feed, Chaz and the Minions of Chaz, The Rodeo…) is a GP fixture by now, and important asset to MNE because it’s his classic rock sensibilities that balance out the overload of folk / indie rock that we swim in. This song not only has a comically true message (health is the most important, i agree Chase) but the vibe, especially the chorus, has my head bobbing and me feeling like I’m on a grassy hillside at an outdoor concert in the 70’s, but also one glass of wine deep making homemade pizzas at an Air BNB with a girl I love, and that is a nice combo of feelings. “Let’s wrap it up / I’ve embarrassed us all enough”

Dry Goods - Learnt Nothing

You hear that flawless acoustic finger picking? That masculine story telling voice that sounds somewhere between a suburban Bob Dylan and a cowboy singing to the emptiness of the high desert? Yup, its Russell Park AKA Dry Goods and FKA Weston Bookhouse coming at us with another folk masterpiece, but this year adding in some new elements we aren’t quite used to- namely some cruisey guitar solos! Rumor has it Dry Goods is in the studio recording a new album right now and I would not be bummed out if this song were on it.

Byronius Punk - Beautiful Things

I just spent 3 weeks with Byronius Punk (Ian Farmer of Slaugher Beach, Dog / Modern Baseball) at his studio The Metal Shop in Philadelphia making a record with his beautiful mind and his new drum machine- so this song really hits home for me. I could write an essay on why this is the perfect Group Picture song- my three main points being - 1. It is a song about the act of creating. (“in everything that exists there lies a certain beauty / I want the world to know how much it all means to me”) which is exactly what Group Picture aims to celebrate. 2. It’s a song written and performed by someone who is usually more in the background of his bands (bassist / backup vox / recording engineer) but here has a platform to express his own individual style and skills, which is exactly what Group Picture wants to promote. 3. It has a Milk Flud name drop, which is a classic and classy GP / MNE move. Thank you Ian. You rule.

Dante Elephante - It Bothers Me

Dante Elephante are Santa Barbara legends and their new album “Rare Attractions” shows them evolving their sound into more loungey and ethereal territory. I am so glad they have joined GP this year, because I see singer / songwriter Ruben almost every weekend when he DJ’s at The Tavern in Ventura and I drunkenly annoy him / vaguely fan boy out on him. Dante being on Group Picture is a sign that our friendship extends beyond Saturday nights at the Tavern. Also their album vibes hard. Check out Rare Attractions on Spotify.

Peanut Butter Cups - Highest Quality

Petition for Aaron Kovacs (Peanut Butter cups, Lauren Records CEO, Winter Break and Summer Vacation drummer) to finally put out a full album? This catchy lo-fi pop rock is undeniably infectious. Fun fact: I’ve been hanging with this boy for almost 10 years and I’ve never heard him sing, but then he sends me these recordings and I’m like wtf your voice is so cool! If he makes a full album, MNE will put out the LP and still give him 100% of the digital income. That is how much I like Aaron’s style.

Anika Pyle - Young Love

I once wrote a song with the lyric “I’ll probably see her on tour but she won’t be on Group Picture this year.” I’m so glad I was wrong. Welcome to GP Anika Pyle! Anika (Katie Ellen, Chumped) plays raw emotional pop rock songs and this gem “Young Love” is just the tip of the iceberg. When her vocals max out at the end of the tune and you get a little bit of musical goosebumps, that is the feeling you get for a full 30 minutes of watching her play live. Anika, please come in and stay for a while!

Walter Etc. - This Would Only Happen to Me

Ok ok enough of the soft emotional bullshit. Here’s a song about someone coming to kill me! It’s 100% true. If you’re reading this, help!!!

Jake Lee - Good Run

Jake Lee (Bleeding Gums Murphy) strikes again with a lo-fi indie gem in which we hear Jake Lee reflect on his gaime from last year. Sounds like he made some interesting choices and is coming to terms with them? Or did I miss the mark, Jake? He is and always will be one of my favorite songwriters and his voice in this fuzz effect is not a bad look, I have to admit. The only way my life would be better is if Jake made a full album. Cheers homie.

Babytooth - State Quarters, OR

Technically, this is Babytooth’s official debut on Group Picture, but Portland, OR singer / songwriter Isabel Zacharias had a song on the comp last year that blew me away. It was her vocals and lyrics that hooked me then, and are still yanking me now. Now backed by a full band that gives dynamic range to her songs, it was still that first line “now you know you want a girl without a phone” that had me nodding “yup i love this”. Fingers crossed for Babytooth to become a GP staple.

Trashbike - Weasel

Trashbike is Bread (Blowout, Walter etc., Donkey Lips) and his homie Ru playing the pedals. He told me he wrote this song while stumbling home from the Bye and Bye. Bread is like a sexy emo prince, can’t you hear it? This song rules and I really hope Trashbike is more than just a one and done GP band. I would listen to a few albums of soft songs like this, wouldn’t you?

Banned From Japan - Vegan X

Welcome back to the Socal Valley punk rockers Banned From Japan! If you know that singer / songwriter Matthew Earle has been sober for a few years, this song is hilarious, simultaneously poking fun at vegan straight-edge and himself. The music rips and his vocals are catchy af. Fat Wrecks Chords come and sign Banned From Japan asap!

Walter X - Winter Shy

Ok. This is a bit meta. Walter X (Michael Mahaffie and his WMAHMO / Walter Etc. hardcore chip tune cover project) covers an old Walter GP song as his own GP song. Pretty niche MNE content! This song, in this Lifetime-esque style, his vocals so clear but so gruff, those guitar harmonies, the creative intro and chip-tuney bridge…. this literally gives me chills and is so much better than the original. I encourage anyone reading this to go check out his own original music under the name Jump Cut. It sounds just like this but with Michael’s own songs, shedding the limitations of the musical simpleton Walter songs. Also, check out the full Walter X album on Spotify! What a talented dude…

Curling - Genkai Trip

Curling released their MNE album “Definitely Band” this year and the musical arrangements / song structures absolutely floored me. Genkai Trip is a song that got left off the album, but lives on through GP! Singer / guitarist Bernie Gelman noted “There's some pretty wacky guitar overdubs where Jojo and I each doubled some guitar parts while the other person was playing with the trem on the guitar, so you get this really weird detuning effect.” and yup that is Curling in a nutshell for you. Always excited to play around with gear and recording techniques that are way beyond my level. I think this is an extremely underrated band and highly encourage the world to check out Definitely Band on spotify!

Ali Muhareb - DIY Hell

Ali? What the hell did you even make this song? It’s intriguing in the verses and then when the chorus busts out it sounds like if Dough Martsch were an up and coming artist in Portland in 2018. I actually had to text Ali to ask what these guitar sounds were and, if anyone is interested, he responded, “I compressed two guitars together through a virtual amp. And they’re both running through this sick pedal I got called the Data Corrupter.” For sure Ali! Thanks for a bad ass tune.

Dakota Loesch - Don’t Solve My Mysteries

I’ve been listening to a lot of Dakota’s music (solo, Animal City, Lemp Lungs) recently. I keep coming back to it, and its not a mystery. After hundreds of songs in his pocket, songs like “Don’t Solve My Mysteries” still sound musically and lyrically fresh, like Dakota has never had writer’s block in his life. When I listen to his music, I feel like it vicariously breaks down my own creative barriers. For instance when I first heard this song and he dropped the hook “just don’t solve all mysterious” I had that knee-jerk urge to ditch what I was doing and go write a poem or something. His will to create is just that contagious. Combine that with the Casio-keyboard bedroom drum machine vibe that I love so much about his songs like “The Basmati Rice” and you have a 10/10 GP banger.

Jerbear - Nowhere Girl

Jerbear is Jeremy Murphy (Teal & Jer, Riled, so many) and he is the king of a few things: weird bad guitar tones, asymmetrical organic song structures, rad lyrics that I never understand, and a voice that is universally loved. He stole my heart with Cranberries in the Cosmos on a previous GP, but I think Nowhere Girl takes the cake. Jer- when do we get the full solo album? Please don’t fall into the category of GP lost wonders. You’re not too shabby at this music thing!

Hemingway - Catch My Cool

Catch My Cool is a B-side from Hemingway’s You Will Never Be Happy.

I played drums in Hemingway at this time and I always vibed that Benny didn’t really like the way this song came out int he studio. I don’t get why? That vocal melody, soft sad and surfy guitar leads… it makes me wanna hold hands with a girl on Christmas Eve while walking down some bougie street looking at Christmas Lights. It sounds like a Starflyer 59 worship track and I love it for that. Benny, you made a mistake. This song should have made the album.

Alex Maddox - The Hypocrit’s Dilemma

I’ve heard Alex play this song when we get together to jam, and he always laughs it off as a Walter Mitty rip off song. But honestly, this is what I wish WMAHMO would write about if we made a folk punk record today. If you listen to this song knowing that Alex Maddox was a guy who quit his high paying job to travel Europe in his van, surfing and skating and working on farms, the lyrics to this song are way more wanna-be Walter Mitty. The song depicts a transformation in his paradigm and is completely raw, authentic, and sincere. Alex inspires me to chase a wholesome life that is designed for and by myself, rather than the obvious and sterile template that is provided for us, and this song exemplifies that 1000%.

Uncle Uncle - Nira (I’m Alive)

We played with Uncle Uncle last year in Santa Barbara and I honestly think we should have opened for them. They are actually a good band, both live and recorded. Stylish, friendly, and comically laid back- they might be the quintessential Santa Barbara band. A semi-new band, Uncle Uncle is gaining momentum quickly, and I won’t be surprised when the day comes that Kevin and Dom big time me on State st. Til then, I’m just glad I get to claim that they were on a Group Picture.

Humphrey Orlando - Set U Free

Ah, Humphrey. No, Humphrey accompanied by Toast. Two legends as old as MNE itself. What is there to say? I could listen to their wandering ballads til I fall into the Big Sleep, and still the melodies linger on…

#group picture #group picture volume 8 #making new enemies

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kitty084 · 7 years ago

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Worthless (Shawn Mendes imagine)

Authors Note: Okay this is my first try at doing an imagine. I think mine is a little long, but I’ve been wanting to try writing one for a while. Hope you all enjoy and let me know what you think of it. Can’t wait to read your responses. Also, I listed to the SAD LOVE SONGS playlist on Spotify while writing this so if you want the full effect, listen to this while reading it. All the things that are in this story is something I deal with on a day to day basis and it’s really personal to me. Hope this helps others out there who feel unloved. P.S. Happy Canada Day! Thanks. Lots of love. xx

I thank the driver as I hop out of the uber, handing over the $30 fee. Walking across the street to my apartment complex I let out a yawn. I slide the key in my door and turn the handle. Swinging the door open I step through the doorway and lock it behind me. My backs aching and my legs feel like led after working 8 hours at my dead end job. I make my way to my bedroom, throwing my bag onto my bed and pull out a clean towel from one of my drawers. Slipping off my shoes and socks I head to my ensuite, turning on the shower. While I’m waiting for the water to warm up I peel my clothes off and assess my skin. I know my eczema’s getting bad again because I had to vacuum the skin flakes off my bed this morning, and it’s starting to stick to my clothes. So I’ve gone back to using the steroid creams and doing my wet wraps twice a day. I’ve had eczema ever since I was a baby. It went away for a while, but came back in high school and it’s still here at 23. The waters finally warm enough so I step in a let it run across my skin. 10 minutes later I pat myself dry and wrap my hair up. I slip on a pair of shorts and a tank top. Pulling four bandages out of the bathroom drawer along with my cream I get to work. While I’m putting on the three different creams, I sit the bandages in warm water in the sink and let them soak. Once I’m all creamed up I start wrapping my legs and my arms and then I wrap a towel around my legs as I sit on the cold bathroom floor, resting my arms on my legs. Then I tilt my head back against the cupboard and let the tears fall, sobs wracking my body. Along with my eczema I had depression and anxiety which made matters worse. It doesn’t help that I’m dating Shawn Mendes. I love him, of course I do, but it hurts when he’s on tour. He can’t be with me and I hate that. I constantly felt like a failure and hated how I looked. My anxiety prevented me from leaving my bed some days. I’ve made some pretty big mistakes in my past and I constantly felt worthless. I hear a bang, but I’m pretty sure it comes from my noisy neighbours. I have to catch public transport all the time because I can’t drive. My retail career isn’t my dream job, but I’m not qualified in anything else because I dropped out of university. It’s not fantastic, but it pays for my rent and bills. Most people don’t understand how hard it is to deal with eczema. They take clear skin for granted and that annoys me so much. “Baby?” I hear from outside the bathroom door “You in there?”

“No”, I say my tears although they’ve stopped still make my voice wobbly.

“Y/N, are you okay?” When I don’t respond the door swings open and Shawn is there in the doorway. “Oh, love” he says before rushing over to me to gather me in his arms. “Shh, its okay, I’ve got you”. He pulls away to place his hands on my cheeks to wipe away the tears that stream down my face. Leaning forward he plants a sweet kiss on my forehead, “come on, let’s get you cleaned up”. Shawn un-wraps my bandages and helps me rub moisturizer on my skin. “You okay to do your hair?” I nod still numb, even though the tears have gone. He gives my hand a squeeze before walking into my bedroom. After I’ve finished drying my hair and putting the dirty clothes in my hamper, I find him laying out a long sleeve top and some sweatpants. He respectfully turns around while I change. “Okay, I’m decent” I say. Shawn turns around pulling off his favourite hoodie and sliding it over my head. I pull my arms through the sleeves and slide on some clean socks. “You want some water?” I’m still too numb to talk, so I nod my head and follow him into the kitchen. He fills a glass up and hands it to me, watching as I take small sips. We walk into the lounge room and I sit on the couch next to him, placing my glass down on the table. I look down, fiddling with my hands in my lap, until he gently takes them in his. “Y/N, baby, what’s wrong?” he asks with concern, sliding his thumbs over my hands. I shake my head and refuse to look at him, until he releases a hand and lifts my chin to my eyes meet his “talk to me”. My eyes start to water

“I…” is the only thing I can get out before I break down again. He wraps both arms around and pulls me onto his lap, letting me cry against his chest. “Shh,” he says as he rubs my back in gentle strokes “just take your time. Follow my breathing. That’s it”. Once I finally get my breathing under control and the tears stop I pull back to look at him. “Hey” he says tucking a stray hair behind my ear, with a small smile on his face. “You ready to tell me what’s been going on in that pretty little head of yours?” I take a deep breath.

“Yeah. I’ve just had a stressful day and I panicked. Sitting in the bathroom before, I couldn’t help but feel guilty about doing this to you”

“Doing what to me love?” he asks in confusion, eyebrows drawn

“You have to look after me all the time, like I’m a baby. I can’t be a problem to you, because you have your busy music career. I’m worthless, I don’t deserve you’re love. I’m ugly, I don’t have a great job, and I can’t even do something as simple as driving. I just don’t know why you stick around anymore, when you could have someone less complicated.” I don’t look up at him as I finish, because I don’t want to see the judgment in his eyes that proves I’m right. I start to get up off his lap, but he grabs me around the waist pulling me back into him. He shoves his face in my neck and he says “don’t you dare” I can hear the anger in his voice and I feel him shaking. “Don’t you dare think you’re worthless”, He pulls away and takes my face into his hands “I want you to listen to me carefully, okay?”

“Okay” I say quietly.

“I love take care of you because I want, to not because I feel like you’re a little kid. I’ll never not want to take care of you. You’re never a problem to me; it’s my career that’s a problem. It makes me spend too much time away from you. I know you’ve made mistakes and it doesn’t matter to me how big or small they are because everyone makes mistakes. I know I sure do. I don’t care that you can’t drive or that your job isn’t amazing. Most importantly I don’t care that your skin isn’t flawless, you’re still the most beautiful girl in this world. I’m the one who’s not worthy of your love.” I place a hand on his cheek and peck his lips before placing my forehead on his “I’m sorry” I say

“No, I’m the one who should be sorry because it’s obvious I don’t say I love you enough and then you start thinking like this. I hate it when you get down like this. I want to be here for you all the time and I want to help you fight your battles. Fight your depression and anxiety. Be your hero. I love you, I love you with everything in me and I’ll remind you every second of everyday if you need me to”.

“Thank you. I love you to, my hero” I say with a giggle “you’re amazing you know that?”

“Not as amazing as you, beautiful”. He says with a big smile before leaning in and capturing my lips with his. I can feel the love in his kiss and I eagerly return it, wrapping my arms around his neck, while his wrap around my waist. We pull apart and he kisses the tip of my nose. “Now, Y/N my love, what did you want to do tonight?” I look at him in confusion

“Don’t you have to go to the studio tonight?”

“No, I called Geoff and told him that you need me tonight, and tomorrow you can come with me to the studio. I’m all yours” I grin at him and give him a quick kiss. “How about pizza and a movie?”

“You read my mind. I’ll go order and you can pick the movie” he picks me up and puts me on the couch so he can go make the call and I start to surf Netflix. I end up picking A Cinderella Story because it’s my favorite. A little while Shawn comes back with a big, comfy, blanket. “Pizza will be here soon, I’m just going to take a quick shower.” He says before passing me the blanket and giving me a quick kiss on the cheek. The pizza arrives and I serve it up along with two glasses of coke when Shawn turns the corner. I press play on the remote and he wraps his arm around me covering us with the blanket, while I snuggle into his side. “Cinderella story, huh”

“Yep” I say smiling up at him. Pretty soon the pizza’s gone and I feel absolutely content. I let out a yawn and I feel Shawn chuckle beside me. The movie finishes a few minutes later and he cleans up while I get ready for bed. A few minutes later he walks in, taking his jeans and t-shirt off, leaving him in only his boxers. He climbs in the bed beside me gathering me in his arms and we just look at each other. I take this time to play with his hair, fresh and still slightly wet from the shower, his curls sticking to his forehead. He closes his eyes and hums in response. My eyes are getting heavy and I let out a yawn. “Alright sleepy head, time for sleep”. Shawn rolls me over and pulls me tight into his chest, resting his face in the crook of my neck. He places a small kiss just beneath my ear. “Hey, Y/N”

“Yeah”

“I love you”

“I love you more Shawn”

“Not possible, I love you the most”

“Okay, you win”

“I know, because I’ve got the most amazing girlfriend”. And with that we drift of to sleep, me tight in his loving arms. I still had my insecurities and doubt, but knowing Shawn loved me for me made it a lot more bearable and I couldn’t be more greatful.

#Shawn Mendes

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