#if im in a depressed episode then i can't imagine things ever getting better

[sodaf]

if we're going to be so real. the source of 90% of my problems is that i get horrifically jealous and I have bpd. but the cool thing is i can also invent reasons to stay upset even if it's only one person upsetting me and he hasn't even interacted with me in a way that would be valid for me to get upset at because i come up with problems that feel worse than they are in reality and in response I stay up until 3am and start spiraling

[imagine-silk]

Pre itsv platonic yandere PB in ur most recent post hits different... sorry for rambling, but im like obssesed with this idea.

• maybe his object of affection is a friend's kid, who he helped raise. He's the coolest person ever in their eyes! He'd be there whenever he could when they were younger, and he still tries now that they're college age.

• but he slowly becomes more jaded and depressed from the stress of being spiderman, and then him and mj divorce.

•he's depressed, he can barely get out of bed nost days ... and his object of affection, worried about their family friend, starts to visit him nearly daily. It's little things, like helping him clean, or taking him out to get coffee, or just... talking. And Peter clings onto that kindness. This kid (they're college age, but they'll always be a kid to him) saves him in a way.

• its only fair that peter looks out for them all the same-- When he patrols, he follows the kid from a distance and makes sure to lead villians away from their part of town. And for a while, it's enough to just keep them safe as Spiderman, and peter is happy for the first time in so long.

•...and then the kid says they're moving out of state for college, and peter can't bear it. He's started to see this kid as his own, and all he can feel is betrayed. How could this kid leave like everyone else in his life? He wouldn't let that happen. Whether it be hiding their letter of acceptance or straight-up just locking them away in his apartment, he'd be keeping them close by. He's delusional enough that guilt evades him-# his kid loves him, right? They'll adjust eventually.

This is a little ooc but like ^^^ platonic yanderes r my passion + im a sucker for depressed yanderes who become obsessed over people who made their lives light up for the first time in ages.

》 That may be so but your OOC is welcomed. Honestly I love prompts like this cause I can get a different angle from what I typically imagine so this was real nice. So yeah, ramble all you like.

In high school he was your dad's best friend. And he had you at the age of sixteen. Shortly after Peter got bit. To say they were stressed was the biggest understatement in the world. They got through high school intact and went off to college while you were with your mother who was and is a fucking legend.

It took a few years to find out he wasn't actually related to you but he laughed and told you no one would ever want to drink blood so water wasn't bad. He always had a quip, was super strong, and he always seemed to know what to do. Having that thought consistently throughout your life had a big impact. You wanted him to be proud of you, you wanted to be him, and your dad laughed while he encouraged you. You would chase him across the world and further.

Looking back on it you realized he had his moments though. Sometimes he would get iffy and leave for a while only to come back like he didn't leave. When you were thirteen you visited him during one of his iffs. He told you to go home. When you were fourteen you did again. He told you to leave again. When you were sixteen he straight closed the door on your face after you said your piece.

Normally his episodes didn't last long, two weeks, maybe three if it was bad. You went over when it lasted a month. When he opened the door you shoved yourself in and said hi. That only took five years. He didn't force you to leave, he didn't have the energy to, but he told you to million times.

You looked around and then at him. He'd never been the cleanest person but the mess he had was almost impressive. But you weren't going to turn around, this was your moment to finally prove yourself as an adult. So you started picking things up and throwing it away while talking about nothing.

Watching you cleaning his mess and talk was the most horrible thing to see. It proved to him he was in such chaos you felt you needed to pick up after him. This shouldn't be happening, he should have handled it better. That was a bad thought and he knew it; no one would brush off people dying because you were too slow, no one should. But you didn't know that so he let you clean a bit and leave.

Having you shove yourself in the next day with a bag under your arm was also horrible, it was cleaning supplies. You still didn't go away when he said. You went around cleaning, you asked if he remembered when he taught you how to clean to get yourself out of trouble, to use bleach and made sure you didn't accidentally make mustard gas. He wondered if he was in hell, that he was to live a pitiful life with no way to fight it.

The next time he didn't open the door. You threatened to break down it down and he said have at it, and to not cry when you hurt yourself. You didn't cry when you hurt yourself, you came back the next day with a lockpick instead. At that point he accepted the idea he wasn't in hell. Then you saw his dishes weren't piling new ones. He didn't know if he was going insane while you cooked and cleaned or if he actually died while he wasn't looking.

You pushed him into the bathroom to get him to shower, when he couldn't get up you stayed and made him laugh with varying success, washed his clothes. He hated every second of it, hated that he was so useless you felt like you needed to do any of this.

Every new thing you found you stitched. It hurt but it made him better. He let you cook new things in his kitchen and take him out to coffee, all under the guise that he was doing you a favor of course. Before he knew it he let you in without a fight, his house was spotless in a way it never had been and you were visiting daily with a smile, he was smiling.

So he tried to return the favor. He stocked up on thing you wanted and liked, things to mess around with in the kitchen, those weird imported snacks you always got, even domestic things for the rare occasions you stayed over. And Spiderman did the same. Made sure you were unbothered when you were out and about, at the time he didn't realize he was punching harder. If a villain was in town he took the party elsewhere. He got used to this life.

His brain malfunctioned when he heard you applied for colleges out of state. Why would you go to Harvard? That was in Boston. California is just as bad if not worse than New York you know. There's nothing for you in Connecticut so there was no reason to apply for New Haven. He's lost a lot, aunt May is gone, his wife left him, he sees the people he can't save up close, Gwen. Now you were so close to slipping away.

You knew he'd be taken aback so you tried to reassure him by saying you weren't leaving them, him, and you'd come back every chance you got. He wanted to take that answer and leave but so many people have said that to him it was hard to. You brought him to tears and broke them with a hug and a key phrase, "I love you." How was he supposed to just let you leave?

The more he thought about it the more his mind swelled with looming regret. But then he visited you when you were opening your letter. Denied. You were frustrated and groaned it was the second letter you got, both denied. Under the excuse he was visiting to keep updated and the help of Spiderman your letters seemed to stop coming all together. No one knew where they went. He saw it as a job well done. You would get too upset to keep applying. Then you applied by email and explained to the recruiters what was happening. He couldn't stop that. A pile of letters in his closet for nothing.

There was so many things he could but he knew they would only go half way or not work at all. He couldn't just tell you no for so many reasons and threatening the recruiters would work but it would also be out in the open. However there was a way to keep you in Queens for sure and he had the energy to do it. Did it feel morally wrong? Yes, but the ends justify the means.

The next few days while he was getting everything ready he reminisced about your life. He asked if you remember how you would always ask him if he liked you're hair when it was obvious you did it by yourself, with too much gel or unnecessary accessories. Did you know he tried to take care of you by himself while you were just a few months old and you got sick, but you didn't really do anything other than sleep and spit to medicine out as much medicine as possible. You might not have remembered the time you were twelve and got lost so you called him to get you because you forgot your parent's number. And you took the stories. It was proof that he always paid attention to you and that's what you wanted, his approval, his pride.

You couldn't remember what you were doing, how far you got in the college process or if you were getting there but you remember having a drink with Peter. Something was wrong and you asked him to help you because you couldn't keep yourself up. When you woke up you were in his bed. Not very weird, it was a one bedroom apartment, what was was the restraint on your ankle connected to the bedpost. You called out for him and tried to get out of bed only to fall hard on the ground. The light from the hallway offended you and he was next to in a second.

You realized a few things; you were in pajamas, you were very weak and you throat was dry, but the worst thing was Peter not helping you the way he should. And his answers to your questions didn't nothing but tell you this was real. Never in a million lifetimes would you say he would be capable of doing this, or rather going through with it. You asked to leave and he said no.

You wanted to be there. You did anything you could to get in. You always said you'd be there for him so do it now. You love him don't you? You've never lied to him so you meant it. You love him. You don't need to leave ever. If he had to force it to happen he will.

[6okuto]

Hcs for felix & mc during the time between CH 11 & 12?? 👀 what do u think they got up to,,,has felix been horny for mc the ENTIRE TIME??? WHAT ABOUT HIS DEPRESSION GIRL HELP IM SO SAD

— felix and mc between chapters 11 and 12

warnings: erm.. angst. horny. note from nia: anon fantastic news there is almost never a moment where felix is not horny! he was infatuated by mc and now he finally has someone to direct it to. horny depression combo. EDJFGJH /hj. /HJ. but everyone who said he knew what he was doing putting on that outfit was Right you should be loud and be proud . i went overboard i don't know what happened to the hcs i got overwhelmed with felix angst i'm so sorry i am not ok

distraction time...you know how he said he wanted to take mc on a date. first of all, :headinhands: . second of all, i want to think mc was able to take him somewhere. his favourite bookstore maybe...for a walk...just a quiet place without many people around

he probably felt guilty about being so upset and y'know,, it not being the dream first date he wanted. but mc was just like "nope. i don't need a perfect first date or anything, felix. i just want you to know i'm here for you and to help you feel better" SMH SMH

maybe they'll have a canonical real first date later. consider these unofficial outings

fr though i don't even want to imagine felix realizing he can't use his magic. like the devastation of that scenario...help girl..."magic was all i had, all i was ever good at" and he can't even keep his favourite flower bloomed? :/ like the insecurity and genuine depression that would bring me . having mc was a saving grace

i'd think that felix, after some rest y'know, would try to do something he could usually do. even something he'd use as a warmup after exhausting himself and then he just..couldn't.

so he kept trying to do smaller and smaller things and god why is nothing working?

depressive episodes r such Ass and felix seems like the kind of person to struggle with wanting to isolate himself and also wanting mc to just,, hold him and tell him it'll be alright

i'm pretty sure he mentions them bringing him food and generally just being very helpful which is </3 i am so sad. he seems to dislike being reliant on people and :// mc is really helping him work through that

they definitely spent a lot of nights together trying to figure out what had happened to him. mc would not let him stay up alone because he'd probably spiral or stay up too late and feel worse without them

break from the pain: he still goes down in the middle of the night for his olives. actually mc brings it to him themself. he laughs

asian parent bringing up cut up fruit except your partner brings your coping mechanism olives HLESDFSOI

bath . b. bath. bath :thumbs_up: they took more baths together. it's warm and comforting and how are you going to be sad while i put suds in your hair to make you laugh

perhaps mc, seeing how terribly stressed he is, decides to read a book to him. even ask how taxidermy works. what his favourite projects were. things that don't. involve magic.

time to be sad again. he'd try to do simple spells while he was alone and every time he failed he'd get more and more frustrated which eventually boils into. sadness

and the mark would just continue to grow and he'd feel worse. before wearing the new ch 12 outfit where it's visible,, he couldn't even bring himself to look at it in the mirror :/

my god. imagining felix having a genuine breakdown at his desk just crying and venting about how useless and weak he feels and how he feels like nothing and how sorry he is to mc for being this way and having to deal with him and maybe if he was stronger maybe if he could stop messing up and tried harder and he just keeps going and going

help. sorry.

that's grounds for a completely separate hurt comfort scenario. i will tell you rn it ends with him clutching mc almost impossibly close and maybe just maybe accidentally saying i love you (i want a canonical i love you HAS THAT HAPPENED YET? but that scenario would be quite silly and fun if he did it!!!)

suggestive/nsfw starting Now // but also with all the time together and comfort and kisses and shit he was probably on the verge of losing it because Help Him He Is So Down Horrendous

like,, building off that breakdown scene. he wakes up and he's like oh god that really happened and then he looks and their face is(/lips are) so close and he's like oh god.

i would not be shocked if they made out multiple times. not even a little bit. once felix was getting more accustomed to their new routine y'know. ermmm smth smth strong emotions smth smth

i don't fully doubt that the mark is actually uncomfortable but no way in hell that was the only reason he put on that outfit. he sat there putting on the corset then started getting these images in his head of mc kissing him again and touching his chest and taking it off himself and there he goes to shove his face into a pillow absolutely flustered and sweating

WHY WOULD YOU NEED A CORSET FOR THAT OTHER THAN TO SLUT OUT

sorry.

his little smut books are on the bookshelf and he passes by that section while trying to research and he physically tenses up. has to lean his forehead against the wall telling himself to get it together. poor guy

once his horny TM overrode his depression TM then mc asked if he wanted to take a bath together again and he yelled No.

sorry but "All I can think of is you. You're on my mind every waking hour. I ache terribly for you...I want you to hold me, and touch me, and..." WHAT!!!! AND WHAT !! fuck. you want to fuck say it with your chest dear god.

that was obviously being pent up for so long he probably got caught staring at them multiple times.

insert cliche scene where their hands brush each other while reaching for a book and they make eye contact like [ ?@?@!# ]

they were both emotionally all over the place. mc is not innocent here mx. check your chest & "i want you to crack me open like one of your books" EXCUSE ME! yeah? what else mc? you want him to pin you down? you want him to try one of his favourite book scenes on you to spoil him? Get Away From Me

and i know it mentions those little awkward silences which first of all, pain. second of all, would only make all of this worse because Oh i want them so bad but Oh No this is awkward Why Is It Awkward

sorry guys i'm dead. if you want explicit nsfw i could try :heart_eyes: but not in this post i need emotional help

[bitingyougently]

Something hit me while I was on my way home. A sort of question to myself:

"How would I describe depression / a depressive episode to someone who's never experienced it before?"

It's no mystery why I asked myself this question, really. Conveyance of experiences is something that's super important to me; I am very picky about how I convey inherently complex and often undescribable things in hopes that what im physically conveying amounts to something more than the sum of its parts, usually stumbling in the process. I think conveying more than "just words" is what people hope for when they describe anything that isn't tangible

Anyway, here's what thought of on my commute home that I think touches what it feels like to me, and I'm curious how it resonates with others, if at all.

Imagine being in deep, small hole. 5 or 6 times your height, a little wider than you. Everything in this hole is mud. It takes a moderate amount, but not an excessive amount, of effort to move, and unfortunately, you're sinking ever-so-slightly.

Depression/depressive episodes feel like being in this hole with a spoon. You tell people "Sorry, Im kind of stuck". People tell you "just use a shovel" without understanding that, not only do you not have a shovel, but you do not have access to a shovel.

You understand the concept and agree a shovel would be pretty nice. But, all there is is a spoon. The spoon is your reality, your everyday, your anything. What's worse is the spoon doesn't actually work all that well, and you know it. You feel it. You try to think "well, this is just how it has to be. this is life.", because, in a way, that actually is all you have.

I thought about this some more as I was writing it down.

I don't mean this as a way to say "you can't do anything about it"; quite the opposite. I realized this metaphor has a built in solution.

For most people, they'll need someone to help them get out of the hole. Some people can power through with just the spoon, perhaps analyzing the "properties of the mud" to best work their way up, etc, but it's so, so much easier to have someone throw you a rope.

And even better: when you see that rope and come to believe it's real as you feel it pulling you out, you think:

"oh. i guess there really is something better than a spoon."

[selfcareparker]

(lovely anon) i'm so happy to finally be answering this oh my goodness hi gorgeous human being i feel that it has been too long 🥲 SO MUCH HAS HAPPENED SINCE THE LAST TIME I'VE WRITTEN ONE OF THESE HOW HAVE YOU BEEN

to answer the things you have said most recently- i'm so mad that spring break is over bc now i have to go back to life??? like dancing and school and shit that feels so unnessacry 😭 and like i can't just do nothing anymore? i was so used to it and now...... ugh. i STILL haven't played sims (i think it's because ✨depression✨ be hitting sometimes) lol but MWAHAH IM SO HAPPY FOR YOUR NEIGHBOR!AU AND THAT THEY HAD LITTLE BABY LEO!! i feel the name thing.. i just come up with something that sounds nice? i think leo is a nice name, it makes me think about lea michele and the fact that her son's name is Ever Leo but anyway. i don't name my sims after what i want to name my children irl either... idk why though. (i don't know why i'm telling you this but for boy names i love Liam🥰 and if i had twin boys i think i would do Liam and Peter though i am not married to the name Peter.... anywho)

LMAOOO the therpaist coming made me laugh thank you :)) i hope it's helpful? this may be tmi but i've only really had negative thoughts recently and not many healthy outlets so i'm hoping crossing one thing off this sad list will make me feel better :') i think during spring break my anxiety and my depression really spiked? idk, it comes in episodes but yeah THIS GOT REALLY SAD

i think a lot of things when i read your posts but i never say them hahaha so imma say it now: i googled what bon appetit meant ( i also just had to google how to spell it ) but ur right, i feel like bone apple tea makes more sense than bone apple teeth.. the "th" is throwing me off bc how i say it bone appa (like app-a) teet (like you're saying tit but teet lol) so bone apple tea makes more sense to me lol

i never know really know the time difference for anything lmao but est to germany (that's not gmt is it?) is like 6 hours wOAH so it's like 9pm while it’s 3pm here? wowee

i feel mega weird after watching this show called hollywood (darren criss is in it, so is laura harrier and a bunch of other people) but i don't like it💀 i feel really icky rn and idk why but reading your last response to my ask (?) always makes me feel better :')

i am doing what you said btw, i'm typing this on my computer first then gonna transfer it to my phone's tumblr lol but when you said a digital detox, it's interesting cuz i feel like i've been having one since tom's new project was announced? gOD i don't wanna get into it bc i get so triggered but i've been off of instagram since then bc instagram stans literally stand by tom through whatever even when something ain't right- i’m just gonna leave it there bc i’ll continue the rant, but yeah so i took a break lol

also heard abt your driving lesson thing (?) was it that bad? i can't find the old post but someone asked if you hooked up with your lesson person and i was sOOO CONFUSED LMAOO LIKE OK ARIA GET SOME BUT UHH HUH?

now to address the actual response HAHA the way you touch my heart :') by :') bringing :') up :') halle :') being ariel :') (i honest to God don't remember if i brought this up first, forgive me if i did, it's been a minute lmao) i'm always talking about it and i'm pretty sure my family is so tired of me talking about it lmao, but YEAH when i found out they weren't twins i was so surprised but idk why i always thought they were twins? but YOU ARE SPEAKING MY LANGUAGE WITH THE DISNEY TALK- everyone is always like "tiana is my favorite princess" and yea she's strong and stuff but...... she was a frog. for almost the whole time. it's about time we got another one!! i do agree with some people on the fact that disney should just make another black princess but halle is adorable and i was ariel on stage so it's already really special to me :')

yeah lol there are good times with my brothers but they make me mad for a good portion of the time (there's the 12yo vincent and the 7yo daniel but vincent??? psshhh he is a piece of work and i'm not sure how much longer i can put up with him HAJAH AND YES VINCENT IS THE ONE WHO WAS 👁👄👁WHEN I CRIED AND THE ONE WHO DOESN'T LISTEN TO MUSIC- writing this now makes it sound like vincent is awful. which he isn't... we're working on him ig. not to add to the awfulness but no, he listens to obnoxious loud VIDEO GAME MUSIC and won't stop when we ask him to stop... he gets beat up a lot) anyway i imagine being an only child is really calming.. like you have time to yourself and its just you and your parents 😌

yeah let me know if you end up watching it (wandavision)! i think it's great but if you like it lmk!! tfatws is sooo good like PHEW i am honestly loving it. sidenote: j*hn w*lker makes me wanna jump through the screen and choke him to the ground. i was thinking right, and the falcon and the winter soldier (THATS SO MUCH EASIER FAJHKDAH) would techinally be like a 10 hour movie right? because every episode is an hour long and there'll be 10 episodes? like wow. i get what you mean though, abt the racism in the show etc, like looking forward to it but not like..... no i get what you mean i will not try and give another example lol but you make me wanna learn more languages like really badly (bc of what you said about the german to american translation) & if you end up watching hamilton PLEASE LMK ABT THAT TOO HAHAHA i love it so much, same thing with lion king lmaoo

speaking of germany, i was at lunch on saturday with my mom and her friend and we were talking about my schooling and like-- she planted this idea in my head lol like what if i just got my GED and went around the world (to england probably) to get a theatre experience??? and i think it sounds so cool but no where near practical lol, it's just..... the dream haha and i would then try and learn a language 😉

uh yes we absolutely should order basically a resturant meal at a cinema, how about burgers, chips (fries), and a large drink? any time next week works for me, should i pick you up?

also about cherry (which i still haven't watched yet lol) i got the timestamps from tumblr😌 i couldn't find them anywhere else, but i agree, i probably wouldn't even look twice at cherry if tom wasn't in it? like i liked tdatt a lot, but it's not a movie i would be itching to see ya know?

HAHAHAHA THE 24 HOUR NOTIFICATION- i think i have around 1030 hours on sims? but i've had it since 2019 lmao (reading the screenshots, yes u are 100% a genuis, i take screenshots too but on anon you can't upload them so i just read them and retype what i wrote lmao) i think the university experience in the game is fun, but time consuming and it's all work imo. idk why i do it so often tho 😭😭😭

and agreed!! when you're making good money in the game you have to find other ways to make it interesting. my cousins who play it just continously do "motherlode" and i'm like.... then what do you do in your game?? it just sounds boring to me... my current sims household, i had a famous comedian sim, her name was dylan, aND SORRY IM LAUGHING SO HARD WHILE WRITING THIS BC ITS A GREAT EXAMPLE OF THE UNI THING UNLESS IM JUST DUMB, she went to college for communications when i wanted her to be a comedian and when she graduated i realized that degree did nothing for the career 🥲 so yeah, i think i'm just dumb. but she had a kid in college, guy didn't stick around and she was pretty broke HA but then she got married to this (great) guy named steve, made good bank, had 5 more kids (two sets of twins and one more lol) but then she passed. uhm... yeah that's still an open wound . lol i'm kidding, but when you get rich like that, you have to find a way to make the game interesting and i chose a million kids.

(this was one giant paragraph until i broke it up uhh yeah) i seriously don't pay attention to the sims prices and just end up spending way too much money and not being able to finish the rest of the house😭 but then again, i'm so used to having sims live in apartments... if i end up building a house FIRST OF ALL it'll look like what you explained before lmao but i'll tell you if i actually end up building a house HAHA & planning out your sims game is so fun to me lol, did enisa and michael take in his daughter yet? i may be thinking too far ahead lol and i love that they fucked woohooed (i say woo woo lol) in celebration HAHA but when i was playing with this one couple i had them woo woo every night hoping the dude would have horrible pull out game and they would concieve, but one night they were too tired and i was like why? get back in there man. if i was in college and lived with my partner we would be fucking every night homie. be grateful. i have been talking a lot about sims, and like you said: enough 💀 i just love this game a lot 😭😭

SORRY LAST THING i think the sims romantic and sexual stuff is so nice bc its what i want?? LMAO IDK like the whole hot tub thing you're talking about- puh lease ITS JUST NICE TO SEE OKAY

i'm reading the german section over again and i said aloud "my german friend is so cool" lol (i was saying that to my brothers & i know they don't care LMAO) (& i'm glad the uni zoom call went well!!) so on a form, in german, it could possibily say Einführungsveranstaltungsteilnehmer because you would be a participant to an introductory event? i swear german sounds so cool 😌 but i love reading your german lessons!! it's really interesting, most of the time my brain can't comprehend it tho?? like that word makes sense to you, but i need a translation. like to be able to look at that and know what it says.... its just appealing and seems so cool lol i kinda wanna write something out in german but i feel that google translate will fail me. während googeln "google übersetzen" mein Computer war so verdammt langsam und es fühlte sich einfach wie etwas Gutes auf Deutsch zu sagen. ich bin nicht sicher, welches Wort ist "fucking", aber ich mag es lmao (did it fail me like i thought it would??)

LMAOOO THANK YOU FOR BRINGING UP JUSTIN BC WHILE AT THE RESTURANT THEY PLAYED A JUSTIN SONG AND I IMMEDIATELY THOUGHT OF YOU AND THIS STORY😭 lol i was thinking it's depending on your age but not even that either... i really don't know.... but tom's fans are hollanders💀 i would consider myself one? he's the only person i'm really into like that (like a lot lol) so idk lmao (directioners 💔💔the pain is real)

LMAOOO (both of these paragraphs started off with “lmaooo” smh) "i like my men when they look like they are on the brink of death" PLEASE, i don't like pete's blonde hair... i just don't. i'm not sure if i wasn't watching the most recent snls but yea. my mom thinks he looks like trash, but i think he's okay? like he said staten island people just look like trash LMAO and I STILL HAVEN'T SEEN KING OF STATEN ISLAND GIRL I ALMOST FORGOT ABOUT THAT!! now i'm gonna make plans to watch it lmao, & yes agreed i find pete hot, don't ask why i really couldn't explain it to someone he's just .

my favorite songs from rex are from pony oh my goodness 🥺 anywho i'm gonna go eat cereal (i ended up eating bun and cheese instead) and listen to the Stormzy songs you recommended... aria. aria aria aria. i would like to thank you for introducing me to stormzy i- i don't have any words or any emojis to express HOW GOOD STORMZY IS. i hope he's popular in germany/the uk because i haven't heard of him but GURLLLL

one second - delicious i love it. it's really good. it’s not my favorite from the album, but its great.

superheroes - at first i played the non-explicit one (on accident) and wondered why the words weren't playing but i was reading them in the lyrics??? THIS ONE THOUGH??? IS THE BEST SONG I THINK I'VE EVER HEARD. i am so SO SO into black people empowering songs (like brown skin girl by beyonce) and this song???? PHEW I CRYYYYY ITS SO GOOD.... i was gonna quote some lyrics BUT THERS TOO MANY I LOVE, "i am young, black, beautiful, and brave" "black queen, you're immaculate, it's coming at the world, they ain't ready for your magic yet, and that was never your fault" THAT WAS NEVER YOUR FAULT- I ALMOST CRIED THIS SONG IS SO BEAUTIFUL (i played it twice lol)

lessons is another beautiful one, like its slow and it feels intimate and nurturing and just OO chefs kiss, beautiful . like you can feel the apology and the regret... it’s so good

own it - OWN IT OWN IT OWN IT IS AMAZING!! swear you would catch me dancing to this song, this song is so fucking good i cannot comprehend like this one might be my favorite for real... "it's the way you wind up your waist, i'm so in awe, you never have to worry abt nothing, you know its yours, you know you own it" 🥲 i played it two or three times honestly

rachael's little brother - YES I DID LISTEN TO IT LMAO AND YES I LIKE IT, its a very complex song and it's very layered in terms of emotions i think and i really like that about it. i probably won't listen to it that often, but its really good. i would recommend this song to my "older brother" bc he would just absolutely love this

shut up - i was taking this song seriously (also very good) until i heard him say shu-T up LMAO, this one is good, i probably wouldn't listen to it 24/7 like rachael's little brother but honestly its still fire

before listening to blinded by your grace and vossi bop, i know you brought up the religion bit, i definitely don't mind that, especially because i'm Christian lol and i actually liked that he brought up God in some of his songs like idk i just like it🥰🥰

(i then went to bed after that lol but first thing in the morning i listened to superheroes and... that song is probably my favorite tbh, i was gonna write MORE quotes that i loved from it but, yeah no there's too many. if you want i'll tell you lmao but this is already so long i would just be quoting the whole friggin song)

VOSSI BOP IS A BOP (lol) I CANT EVEN LIE, i love a song that hypes up a dude's girl so the line- i love that my phone decided to fail to load the lyrics, lemme google it, okay the lyric "looking at my girl like what a goddess" i was like AYEEE its honestly just really good. and no one in america says "sauce" like "i've got the sauce" but now i do (thanks to love island and Nas from last season) and now stormzy so (also im gonna watch the music video for superheroes bc it looks great so 😛)

(because this is already so long i feel like i shouldn't finish the rest but . no i'm gonna do it)

now for blinded by your grace pt2 idk why i’m nervous lmaoo PAUSE I'M NOT EVEN DONE WITH THE SONG GIRL THIS SONG IS *chefs kiss* no words, speechless PHEW y'all gon make me start jumping around. why did i not know about stormzy before, he is amazing i- ok yeah i finished the song, all i have to say is that Stormzy is immaclucate. period. i am literally sending his music to all my friends he is..... amazing

you want my song recommendations 🥺🥺 hmm uh okay lol i listen to a lot of old music, whitney houston, marvin gaye, queen, celine dion, i love "more than words" by extreme uhmm okay, but for actual music i listen to on the daily? (this is a lot of different music like.... they do not go together lmao so be prepared) a song about being sad by rex orange county, betty by taylor swift and lover by taylor swift and... most of that album lol, treasure by bruno mars lmao, OOOO and versace on the floor by bruno as well, lazybaby by dove cameron, creep by tlc has been on repeat lol, deja vu by olivia rodrigo (i saw what you said about drivers license and AGREED LMAO but i like deja vu a lot more haha) and two albums that i listen to in general, rare by selena gomez and ungodly hour by chloe x halle 🥰 you don't have to listen to all of them or any of them lol but that's a sense of what i'm into :) so basically everything haha, i'm into literally every single kind of music really so i wasn't too surprised that i enjoyed stormzy :’)

HAHASBSJHAHA your h20 story cracked me up,, like "wow these actors are so dedicated, learning german just for us" 😭 the beauty of overdubbing

once again, math and maths, in my mind maths makes sense because its mathmatics, but saying maths doesn't feel right to me lol, like if i said maths i feel like everyone would look at me like ??? and yea i was taught it as math so its just more natural for me. but yes math/maths is disgusting, easily one of my least favorite subjects so .

mkay. i- the first time i read this i could not contain my laughter when you said the only pollen you know is sex pollen LMAOKOOSHBABJFAJF STOPPP I'M EVEN LAUGHING WRITING THIS,, anyway. wow! that's interesting, my dad (<<< mostly anything else) gets migraines from the sun and the heat and stuff, yesterday (sunday, i was outside for like hours watching my brothers play football, the american kind lol) i was in the sun for like ever and i got a headache😔

summer clothes🥲 i need to go shopping fr fr. for my birthday my mom and dad got me a giftcard like dedicated to a shopping spree and we've yet to go so..... i should bring it up to my mom lol, but!! i went bra shopping (ended up returning literally all of them cuz they honestly didn't work for day to day work? its a long story) and if i could i would walk around in this new "summer bra" i got, i would. it's so fricking cute and its really light fabric (which isn't perfect for my nipples but still) so i don't get hot in it, but that bra and some shorts would be perfect. its the closest thing to being naked so

IS THE BIRD STILL BOTHERING U ARIA, TELL ME NOW ISTG, i laughed really hard that the bird isn't stupid and is really trying to torture you LMAOO like i was rolling, it wants you to suffer, badly

when you said "mensus" it was still close to mens!!! latin speaking queen 😌😌

okay STORYTIME i was reading back your response and started (fake) crying bc i love you lol and my youngest brother (daniel) gon say "oh man, catherine's crying about something we don't care about, again" I--- i swear when i tell you about them they sound awful, but they aren't that bad, just the stuff i say about them is sounds really mean LMAO

but the thing you said about being kind, same, what i always say is: don't be the person that makes people say "i hate people" ya know? like there's no reason to be a jerk or anything.... but its true 🥺🥺🥺🥺 you are really kind and every time i talk to you i would like to personally fly to germany and give you a hug 💖💕💞💗💓💝💖💘

& i'm gonna show my stretch marks some love bc of you 🥺😭 i really hate how men have basically everyone conditioned that you can't love your own body </3 fuck them, y'all beautiful :')

also thanks for what you said :')) you literally are the kindest, sweetest person i think i've ever spoken to and i love you 🥰🥺🥲💓💗

READING YOUR TAGS HAHAHHAHA the spelling errors makes everything so much funnier. once again, i like your german lessons & yea!! i'm gonna play sims after writing this hahah

#catherine's tags are back #i don't think i've told you my name before?? #anyway it's catherine🥰🥰🥰 #i'm typing this on my computer (without emojis) and if i didn't edit this you would be reading shit shite like #heartface and pout and cry LMAO #yeah abt the tattoos #some stuff with my parents i'm like deal with it??? lol #my mom tells me "if there's something you enjoy or you like but i don't have the same opinion on it... why would my (my mom's) opinion matter? #and i love that #like i'm not gonna go and do whatever i want #but if my mom doesn't like that i swear (which isn't true just an example) #its like okay.... #but whatever #and your tattoo ideas sound really cute!! #and yeah @ your parents, i mean you aren't getting something wild #and the tattoo album>>> #i'm gonna look up ariana's butterfly tattoos just so i know what you mean lol #but i'm guessing you don't want something so incredibily simple, but not super like over the top? #correct me if i'm wrong lol #LMAO the tags were in order don't worry ! #and yeah lol ily2 <33 #and once again, again, sorry for this post JSHJS ITS A MESS AND LONG AS HELL #and you don't need to go in order of my post its literally longer than your german compound words #u're fine #also !!! while writing this the birds were chirping outside and i was like 😳 #and one of your fics (i’ve read all of them, i don’t remember lol) that valentine’s day one where y/n had lingerie on (the pancake one lol) #inspired me to buy lingerie #like when i look back on me “growing up” #that fic & basically you lol really helped with that #that made no sense and i don’t know how to make it make sense... but... yeah. like ily

hiiiiiiiiiii <3333

Dear catherine, 😌

(you have said your name before, but it wasn‘t like an introduction or anything i think you were talking about .... was it possibly the incident at the cinema??? And you said something like ‘calm down catherine‘ like you were telling yourself to calm down idkd dkdkkdkd anyway i didn‘t mention it cause i wasn‘t sure if it was an accident or not dkdjd but now i know 😌❤️ Catherine is such a cute and lovely name btw omg and so are your brothers‘s names 🥰

Sorry that I‘m answering this so late, it‘s been an emotional rollercoaster for me since last week but i‘ll get to that in a second lol

Sksklssk girl i haven‘t played sims in like 2 weeks now ekejdkdlldld ok that‘s not that long at all actually but i keep wanting to play but then i end up not playing for whatever reason, so no news about my sims game 😔 but i love the names Liam and Peter and for twins!!! That sounds really nice actually

okay i‘m trying to answer your ask in chronological answer even though i wanted to wait for the depressing stuff and write it at the end or something OKAY so. i thought that i‘d feel so good when i start uni and that i‘ll like... have a purpose in life again and just be happy (cause in the last year i didn‘t do much and i was depressed like half of the time lol).... anyway i kind of feel even worse now? 😭 i think it‘s because in my brain it‘s like: university!!! that means your life will change and it‘ll all be so exciting. and don‘t get me wrong it is exciting butttt..... idk the online thing is so weird cause you‘re not meeting any new people (i‘m introverted anyway but still lol) and it doesn‘t feel like you‘re listening to/talking to actual people cause it feels the same as just watching a video?

also i thought i‘d be busy again but i only have one lecture (90mins) a day and theres one day where i dont have any lectures at all and just one day where i have 3 hours but.... idk i mean i shouldn‘t complain about having so much free time but i just don‘t know what to do all day and in a pandemic there really is nothing to do but i also can‘t relax bc it‘s like during the week and i know i have uni the next day and .... yeah.

There‘s also this one assignment i had to do that took me AT LEAST SIX HOURS AND IM NOT EVEN EXAGGERATING????? so that was the only thing i‘ve been doing besides “going to“ lectures. for this one course we have to read two (really really long) texts (like it literally took me 3 hours to read them) and we‘re supposed to post it on this website that all the professors in our uni use. So after 5 days of anxiety (✌🏼) i posted mine this morning bc last night i realised that i didn‘t even know why i was having anxiety so i just posted mine today. The deadline is tomorrow at 12 and no one except me has posted theirs yet........ so i have anxiety again 🥰 cause idk if i‘m the only one who did it or if i even did it correctly

Edit while i‘m rereading this: my anxiety about uni is a lot better and i‘m not as d*pressed anymore maybe it was just hormones? idk but i‘m better so that‘s good

(I started writing this like 5 hours ago and then i randomly completely forgot lol)

I‘m in a better mood now though so let‘s move on from that (oh wait also, i think i‘m gonna see if i can find a psychiatrist bc with my anxiety symptoms (long story) i need to go to a psychiatrist, and so far i‘ve only gone to like psycholgists and it didn‘t help but i think that‘s just bc i was meant to go to a psychiatrist and not a psychologist so dldjdjsj

n e ways but yes you‘re not alone, ily, things will get better and yes i love you (i‘m not good at this type of thing🥲 but i‘d hug you right now if i could <3)

Yess i think the time difference between est and me is 6hours but gmt is uk time i believe? i think mine is called.... cet? For central european time? I could be completely wrong though lmao

Oof i completely forgot about hollywood, i remember when laura kept posting about it on instagram but i never actually watched it and i definitely won‘t now lmaodkdksjsn

Okay my driving lesson LEBDJDKDK I DID NOT HOOK UP WITH ANYONE AKSJSKSMMLM especially not my 40 or 50 year old driving instructor lol i like her but NOT LIKE THAT, the lesson was really really really good actually and i think i‘ll have my driving test soon, but i don‘t even remember why the anon would have thought that??? Oh wait now i remember okay KEKSKDLDL so during the lesson my instructor was like do you mind if i turn on some music? AND THIS WOMAN TURNED ON ONE DIRECTION I LOVE HER so i made a post about it and i said something about the song up all night and i guess i phrased it in a .... idk in a dumb way 💀 so the anon made a joke that i stayed up with my driving instructor all night and NO. No.

Wait did i read that right? YOU WERE ARIEL ON STAGE? SIALDBDJDKSLMSBDKDMDMDKDJSLSMDJFJJEDMBFEKLEFBJDLDVSIDLESKSKWKDKDJDOWNYUEKWNDUWLNSUFLWVSUDLEHDOENSIDBEISBEHENJELBSIEMWUDNRIW KB WOBE JO ON SBEUU HIII S HWS LV W ICH US KB okay this keyboard smash is getting out of hand but uh please do elaborate on that 💘😌???? Like you can‘t just drop that information and not say more??? I forgot if you‘re in like your school‘s drama group (is that a thing? lol idk anything about acting) or in an independent group? Either way - ARIEL that is so fucking cool

Your brothers loooooool, no i get it though obviously you love them and stuff but esp at their age children are so annoying so good luck with them 😭😭😭lmao

Yeah “anyway i imagine being an only child is really calming.. like you have time to yourself and its just you and your parents 😌“ yeah just me and my parents who constantly fight 🥰 lmao no i like being an only child, like i cannot imagine having siblings but i feel like if i had siblings i would be saying that i can‘t imagine being an only child so? but i do think it‘s quite different like i‘m trying to imagine having siblings and WHAT that‘s just so different omg i‘ve never really thought about it like properly ???

I saw a tik tok the other day that was like “sometimes i forget that my siblings have a life of their own. like i see them as side characters in my life“ and even though i can‘t relate obviously i felt that. lol, like i can really imagine how it feels idk what i‘m talking about like shut the fuck up, daria

(also my actual name is daria not aria but i dont like it, and also i wanted to be more anonymous on tumblr so now i‘m aria lmao. pls don‘t mention it though cause no one knows except for you and mel (peterbenjiparker) dkdkdkdnkdnd. but i‘m starting to identify with the name cause everyone keeps calling me that looool😭😭😭 (but i like the name, more than daria anyway? well it also depends on the accent, cause the way germans say daria is okay. the was Americans say it is also okay, but some of my family in England are from the north of england and i don‘t like how they say my name 💀 no offence to them(?) but yeah pls don‘t mention the name in your ask cause the chance of people seeing it is higher then (or if you want to say something about it just send a separate ask and i just won‘t post it (IDK what you‘d want to say about my name but yeah just in case slsldlldmsndnsns)

I‘m loving falcon and winter soldier so much but when i was watching an episode the week before last week (?) my laptop broke😭😭😭😭 during the scene where the dora milaje came at the end my laptop just shut down? And it had these lines all over the screen and i had to bring it to the shop where i bought it and they said it‘ll take 6-8 weeks to repair 💔💔💔 but at least it‘ll be for free, cause if i brought it back to apple it would cost like 400€ (i think that‘s nearly 500$) so yeah. but it sucks cause now i‘m “going to uni“ on a really old rusty laptop and on my phone which kinda sucks. oh yeah and also i can‘t watch anything on there 😭 i definitely want to watch wandavision but it‘ll have to wait🤧

Yessss you should def get your GED! I googled and I‘m still not entirely sure what it is dldks but from how you described it- YES!!!!!!

Idk if you know this? Like no idea if I‘ve told you this already (hmmm wait i feel like we talked about it actually?) anyway i was originally gonna go study in England, but for loads of reasons I ended up staying in Germany and I‘m def happy with my decision, but I definitely want to go to England sometime even if it‘s just for six months or maybe for my masters or something? And (obviously everyone is different) but i think everyone should go abroad and live in a different country once in their life, no matter if it‘s for school or what, and even if it‘s just for a few weeks. But i think that‘s something that you‘d never ever forget! And combining that with your acting/theatre??? You really would be living the dream 💘💘😌

how about burgers, chips (fries), and a large drink? any time next week works for me, should i pick you up?— sounds good see you soon 🥰🥰🥰

i used to be one of the people who‘d just do motherlode motherlode motherlode and just... what did i do? Why did i do that??? But not anymore lol. Like I said i haven‘t played sims in a few weeks but i‘ve been watching a few legacy challenge let‘s plays and usually i play with the aging off. So my sims just don‘t age 💀 but i could (should) turn aging on so that it stays exciting and i have limited time and everything. and once i get bored with my current sims i can just make them have kids and continue playing as their children when they get older- like recently i remembered that i haven‘t played the acting career in ages? and i haven‘t had a shop in ages? and i think you can even become a vet right??? like those are definitely some things i want to do in the next weeks!!! Also yes sksksjs i have a few hundred hours on sims as well (if not thousands 😭) it was just that one household that i‘d been playing with for 24hrs

AND GIRL SSKSKJD THE UNIVERSITY THING HAPPENED TO ME TOO, it was a while ago so i don‘t remember what degree and what job it was about but i made my sim study something for aaaaaages so she‘d get a better job from the beginning (you know what i mean like get in at a higher level)...... and i apparently studied the wrong thing cause i didn‘t get any benefits from studying and still had to start at level 1 and shit 🥴🥲

Oh also (this was like 2 weeks ago) Enisa and Michael did take in Michael‘s daughter and i think Enisa currently even has a higher/better relationship with the daughter than Michael but um💀💀💀 also i was hoping (since michael and enisa married (in their back yard i think lol) that the daughter (i forget what her name is😭) would have enisa as her step mom? Like you know how you can see the relationship and it says daughter or son or sister.. and i was hoping that it would say step mom but it doesn‘t say anything 🥲 but in my mind (and if the sims had proper family relations) she is her step mom😌 also Leo is a teenager now???? I mean I aged him up lol dkdk he was being too annoying as a toddler but i don‘t like children so i aged him up twice in one day and now he‘s a teen, but that means he can look after his half sister when she becomes a toddler which is good (the game recognises them as siblings tho even if they‘re just half siblings? why can‘t they have step family members in the sims🥲) okay i‘ve annoyed you enough with sims ✋🏼

I‘ve been a bit sick these past few days and now i‘m getting a headache so i have to finish this response tomorrow 😭😭😭 </3

.

It‘s not tomorrow, it‘s 3 hours later but i‘m better lol

oooff when sims are ungrateful and won‘t woo woo (lol i like that) cause they‘re too tired like?? Be grateful that you‘re not living with your parents anymore 🙄 no okay dkdkdkdl idk if you play with mods (i don‘t) but i know there is a mod (or it‘s part of a mod idk maybe wicked whims?) where you can adjust the percentage of how risky a normal woo woo is, like you still click woo woo (3dksksks okay i‘ll say woohoo again— wait is that what’s it called? 😭) but there‘s like a 25% chance that your sim can still get pregnant just like in real life there‘s always a chance of getting pregnant even if you‘re using protection (just not 25% lmao) but yeah i personally don‘t play with mods sksk and you can always just click try for baby but it would be cool if you could add stuff like risky woohoo to the game without mods (i have no idea how to download mods and i play sims on a really really old laptop and sims is literally tje only thing that works on it anyway so—) i repeat my words from earlier: okay i‘ve annoyed you enough with sims ✋🏼

okay i‘m so sorry i‘m gonna watch fast & furious 1 now cause i need to watch f&f 1-5 until the 30th of april cause they‘re only on netflix til then (i mean i could watch them somewhere else but the quality is never as good) so i will finish this tomorrow after all😭

it is now 1 am, i finished the film, can feel a new obsession coming up again (i always have these f&f obsessions for six months before and after a new film comes out)

THE GOOGLE TRANSLATE wkekdjdj tbh it sounds like someone is speaking with some kind of foreign accent i guess that‘s probably because it just is a direct translation and so anyway slsjsj i don‘t know if you asked me what the word fucking is in german? like idk cause the translation is a bit weird but in case you asked lol sidjsjs theres not really a good translation like we just say fuck for fuck lmao, i don‘t know if you typed in fucking in google translate and it came out as verdammt? cause that means damn (or damned sksjjs) ummm yeah idek if/what you asked so imma move on🤧

I‘m not gonna comment on what you said about every stormzy song cause you already said all the important things but SKSKSJSJSKNSNDBDUDOENWBSLSKKHSULSLSKSBSJSKSK I WAS SMILING SO HARD WHEN I READ YOUR RESPONSE FOR THE FIRST TIME BECAUSE AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH finally i know someone who loves him as much as i do 💘💘💘 also since you brought it up, i‘m pretty sure he‘s considered the most successful UK rapper or if not then at least top 3 so he‘s defffffffffinitely big in the uk, in germany more and more people are listening to uk rap too but not as much stormzy cause theyre dumb apparently 🙄 but anywY i‘m sooooo sooo happy that you like him. i think hith came out end of 2019 (i could be wrong but i think it came out on the 13th of december so (in a european way) you‘d write the date: 13.12 and obviously i don‘t KNOW this but i can definitely imagine that he chose that date because ACAB and yes, Michael. Yes. But he hasn‘t made too much music since then so i hope he‘s working on some new stuff 🤞🏼

Also i ordered the stormzy poster😌 also a nicki minaj one bc i decided i‘m gonna have one wall with red-ish posters (i already have two kinda red ones) and one with blue/green-ish posters (already have two) and i can add stormzy to the blue one and nicki to the red one, but i think that‘s it cause if my walls are tooo full it could look cluttered? I‘m not sure how that type of thing works lmao but my room is generally untidy so i don‘t want the walls to look unorganised too so i think that‘s it for now

I really want to finish this now but my brain is getting kinda slow and i need to sleep soon so this will have to wait till later after all 🥺🥴 (not that it makes and difference to you bc you‘ll see this whenever i post it buttttt i wanted you to know that i want to talk to you again but with my slow brain i‘m just taking too long to do it in one day😭😭😭 and i‘m so busy tomorrow hmm but i‘m sure i‘ll have 30 minutes to finish this then <3)

Okay wait I‘m so dumb I didn‘t realise I‘d nearly answered everything i could have posted this yesterday 😭😭

Oooohh that summer bra sounds so nice like if i was confident enough i literally would just wear a top that resembles a bra (or really is a bra lol) cause my tiddies always be looking amazing i‘m just insecure about my stomach sometimes 🙄🙄🙄 but recently i‘ve been loving myself more and more tbh 😌

also i hope you can go shopping for some nice clothes soon ✨😌

I‘ll be honest I haven‘t listened to your song recs YET but only because i wanna take my time with them and i‘ve been so busy and slso AJ tracey‘s album came out last week and I haven‘t listened to that one yet either so ekdkdj (he‘s also a uk rapper like quite popular and successful as well, but i feel like i‘m not gonna like his album cause whenever i‘m looking forward to an album it ends up being really bad and the albums where you weren‘t expecting it turn out to be bangers.... so yeah but i‘ll let you know when i listen to your songs!!!! :)

Omg i keep having to scroll up all the way to see the next thing you said so sorry if I completely miss some of the things you said😭😭

So when you sent this the bird was still bothering me oh my FUCK DKDLDMMDMDMD but now i‘ve been going to bed at like 1-2am so the bird is probably still asleep lool

Okay and for the rest of your ask my response is: 💘💖❣️💚❣️💛❣️💛💕💞❤️💓💟💞💕💕💖💘💝💟💟🧡❤️🧡💞💛💚💓💚💚💚❣️🧡💖💘🧡💝🧡💕💘🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥺🥺🥺🥰🥺🥺💘💘💘💘💘 (okay that looked cuter in my head i don‘t really like the green hearts dldkkdksndnd)

[dylanxmin]

A Little Serendipity

part 21 - Final

before /

•masterlist•

pairing; min yoongi x reader

genre; fluff, smut, slight angst, strangers to lovers au

rating; M

warnings; fingering, slight dom!yoongi, slight sub!reader, cum play(f), pet names, light dirty talk, aftercare, mention of having sex once again, soft yoongi, 

word count; 5k+

a/n; okay,, i’m little emotional ‘cuz this is the first time im ending a series, and i don’t know what to say,,, thank you for reading and waiting for me to drop another episode all this time. i’m thankful to who read and enjoy this fic. i really like to write this fic, even tho it’s not be my best one, but it’s my first fic so, i really like this fic,,, thank you for being here with me on this journey!!! ♡ ♡ ♡

btw; feedbacks are always appreciated

After all these times, waiting for him to notice me -which it was really hard not to feel pity for myself-, finally, we were a 'thing'. An actual thing. Despite me calling it a 'thing' and not giving this situation a proper name was all on me, and my anxiety to be honest. Well, if I have to defend myself, he didn't say anything, neither did I. It was just casual meetings, eating and going out, just the two of us. And, obviously, I couldn't call it as a 'relationship' as he didn't do it, either. Aish...

I couldn't be lamer than this, and still, can put it in my logic that how he got feelings for me. First of all, I was anxious about everything, shy around everyone, and not that beautiful. If he wants, he can be with someone way better than me, but still, he was here, giving the best kiss I ever had, poting before pull me into a hug because he misses me a lot, and being a big fanboy over me. It was a big surprise for me that he was reading my works from the first time I saw his bookshelf, having all of my books. Even, he had a private spot for placing them in order. Both because I never thought of him as a fan of science fiction, and because they were my book, my works.

Later that night, when he came to my door while wasted and heavily smelling alcohol, we both confessed our feelings, curled in each other on my bed, and talked about every little detail. Mostly it was about how we were so stupid for not confessing these feelings before. Not to be dramatic, but he literally kissed every inch of my face and told me how he was dreaming to do this, over the past weeks. And then, out of blue, his drunkness occurred once again, and he started to blabber about how he was into my works, and make me swear that signing them all.

He said that he was still upset about that day when I only signed one of them and he couldn't ask me to sign the other ones, due to his nervousness. He was nervous around me all the time and irritated how I was close with Taehyung and Hoseok, but not with him. He spilled all of these things that night, and mostly because his filter on the mouth was all blocked by the drunkness. But I couldn't be happier to hear all of these things from him, remembering how my eyes were wide open in astonishment.

And I did, signed them all by the way, and write little fun facts for every one of them. Which he responded to these things by whimpering and giving me lots of kisses and hugs, after reading all of them.

Instead of what I think about him, and how he was so distant and cold. They were all become false news. Because he was the softest person that I ever met, and he couldn't take his hands from me for even one second. Yes, I did have no idea about what was this thing between us, but for the past three weeks, he always finds an excuse to come over or making me going over his place.

Sending glowering looks over the boys if they try to hug me or, pull me from him. And I can't lie that I enjoy these things. He even let me bleach his hair, and for god sake, I didn't burn them all and make him bald. And for the records, he would look amazing even after becoming a bald man.

He even showed his new mixtape and played for me. Oh god, his voice was angelic, and after a couple of times, me insisting to hear his voice live, he even sang. I was stunned to hear his music, how he could open up his feelings, and show his true himself in music, just amazed me. And, of course, I cried after he told me his past memories.

This man, I have right beside me, who I waited for almost five months, was the strongest and the softest person that I ever met, without any exaggeration. All the struggle, and all the pain he had in his past, just made me fall in love with him harder, deeper.

And the best part about being with this man was hearing his laughs, seeing the cutest gummy smile and his hand clapping but in tiny. I did surprise and confused at first, as he was acting like a stranger, rather than himself. Because I never see him like this before, not this lively, and giggly.

''Okay, where is your mind again?''

''Oh god!'' I had no choice but to scream after him getting near me sneakily and scaring the hell out of me. ''Yoongi-ah... you scared me,'' his mischievously shining eyes gazed on mines, his cocky smirk standing on his lips. Even though, I know that he was doing this all purposely. Scaring, and teasing me while having lots of fun with that.

''Well, I have to jump here and yell at you because your attention was nowhere to be found. So, what were you thinking?'' he pulls me after wrapping his arms around me, putting a soft, but long kiss on my cheek. Heaven. This must what heaven feels like, as I feel the butterflies in my stomach, divine peace right beside him, and of course security, as well. Whenever he was around me, the anxiety that eating me, and old habits of thinking too much would just go away, when he is around.

''It was nothing. I just... just lost in... thoughts, you know?'' after responding with a very low voice, just trying my best to give him a reassuring smile, but it was weak, and probably worried him more than before. ''Hmm... what kind of thoughts?'' he inquired, smile starts to fade.

''Well, just thoughts. Nothing serious or important and-''

''If these thoughts taking my girlfriend's attention from me, then I would like to know about them.'' he was looking serious, while all I could do is, gulp. I tried to hold back the urgent needs to look behind me and seeing the 'girlfriend', but even I shouldn't be this dumb. So, I hold back and stare at him with wide eyes.

''Your g-girlfriend?'' palms start to get wet with the anxiety sweating, and mouth dried while watching his face, eyes examines mine with furrowed brows. He gives a 'hmph' as an answer before leaning and taking me in a kiss. Overwhelming feelings start to grow in me, as my heart was overjoyed at the moment, beating at speed of light.

''What did you take you by surprise this much? Am I not your boyfriend?''

Boyfriend. My boyfriend. Starting to nodding my head in slow motion, as this was all too much at the same time. More, his hands cupped my face, thumbs rubbing by the cheek. It is obvious that he was trying to kill me. In a need of a moment, I closed my eyes, taking three deep breaths before opening them again. The heat spreading from his hands, turning my cheeks pink between them.

''Yes. Yes, you are... my- my boyfriend.'' his face covered with a blissful smile. The gummy smile that I adore so much, and dreamed so many times. While my cheeks start to burn under his touch with the sudden confession, his eyes now stated on me once again, questioning something. I could understand that as his eyes now narrowed, knitting one brow.

''You were thinking about us, right? If we were in a relationship, or not?

''No! I mean, yes. Uhh, I don't know... You didn't say anything, and I couldn't ask anything. And I was... you know?'' now I was talking nonsense, babbling as the tension start to confuse my mind, and I was expecting him to make fun of me, saying how stupid I was, but he just stood inches away from my face, softly smiling.

''Do you have any idea how much I love you, Y/N?'' his words have left me with wide-opened eyes, heartbeats flinching as his voice echoed in my mind, euphoric feelings sending tears to my eyes. He said the word. He did not only admit that we were a 'thing' but also he said the word. The 'L' word where I could only hear it in my dreams, sliding from his lips. This wasn't a dream.

He was standing an inch away from my face, and saying the word.

''I know. I know that its too soon, but I do, Y/N. I do love you, and I waited for this moment for months. So yes, I love you.'' once again he proclaimed, searching my face with his radiantly sparkling eyes to see any kind of response from me. Besides wanting to tell him the exact same thing, my throat goes dry, words gathering on there only to cut my breath.

Do I love him?

If getting all hyped up whenever seeing him, -breathing gets hard to achieve, only with a glimpse to his face heart goes crazy, beating in an incredible speed, and butterflies twinkling on the stomach-, means love, then yes, I love him. I never felt this relaxed and free around someone, and never had been cared from someone like him. His affections, cares were real, and I was more than thankful to him.

''Although, you don't have to say it back. I promise it's okay.'' his soft, caring smile appeared on his face, still rubbing my cheeks with his thumbs. But I did want to say it back. I don't care if its too soon, even if he is wrong, misunderstands his feelings and thought that he is in love with me, but not. The only thing that matters for me at this moment, his blissful gaze on me, telling me that he is in love with me. I need to push aside all these depressed, anxious thoughts and say back that I love him, too.

''It is really too soon, and probably others would think that we are all stupid for telling this, but I love you, too, Yoongi. In a way of more than you can imagine.'' His grip tightened around my face, letting a sigh in relief. Despite his words, I knew that he hopes for me to say it back, hearing me while I confess my love, as he is such a soft soul.  ''Oh, just come here,''

His lips pushed to mines, hands of him start to trails to my waist, gripping there tightly to pulls me to him. I opened my legs to give him better access, to become more and more closer because it never feels enough.

''You are... so beautiful,'' he whispers between in the kiss, not stopping it completely. Both because of his words, and his rim touching my core, grinding between in my legs, I start to heat on my cheeks and all over me. Sudden thirst starts to build in my stomach, melting to lower parts.

''Yoon-gi,'' a whimper slips by my lips, as the kiss gets deeper and deeper, his tongue conquering over my mouth, and feeling his hands everywhere, the mind starts to get numb with this overwhelming situation. As the intensity stirring up in both of us, his thrust starts to get harder. ''Fuck,'' he growled while covering his arms around my waist, and changing the position.

With the new angle, now I could feel his member clearly. ''Much better,'' although hearing his words, the passion now I felt both in my core and my mind, blurred my sight. Only thing I want to do now, grinding on him, and giving him more joy and satisfaction. His grip, loosen up from my waist to landing on my legs, very close to my nook, dangerously close. ''Give me a kiss, angel.''

Without hesitation, I let my body to lean on him, giving him a wet, yearning kiss. Shame is now long forgotten, as the pleasure takes all over my body. ''Y/N,'' a grumble left his lips, after moving my body on him, pressuring enough to make him moan.

He fixed his posture, holding me with one hand on my waist, another finds my breast and cupping it, softly. When his finger starts to rub against the nipple, with a sob, I push my head to the back, and immediately his lips meet with my neck as if he planned this. Sucking, twitching with his teeth, sending shivers to my core viciously.

''Ahh.. shit,'' a sob gets out by my lips, as his fingers find their place on my entrance, rolling them on there one time.

''Imm, you like this?'' he chuckles, repeating the movement once again. While struggling not to lose myself and fall from his lap, I opened my eyes lightly, which couldn't realize that they were close until now.

The scene under my sight was very delightful to look at. His completely ruined hair, lips all red because of the harsh kisses, and eyes full of lust. Looking so mesmerizing, all hungry for me which filled my heart with love, and desire. My attend to lean on him to give another kiss, cut by his fingers, taking my short and panties aside to earn better access. When his fingers played with my slit, intentionally moving far from the clit, I gasped.

''You want this angel, yeah?'' I hissed when his fingers teased my entrance, pushing them only inches, and it was enough to give me a shiver, stimulating my greed.

''Yoongi... j-just.. please,'' begging, the only thing I could manage to do now, as his thick fingers teasing, and driving me to my edge.

With the sudden moves of his finger, I clenched his shirt's collar, head falls on his shoulder. One of his hands, holding my waist, keeping me at the place, which I couldn't appreciate it less, as my legs were unable to hold me.

''Does it feel good, angel? Do you want me to stop?'' he leered, keep thrusting his fingers inside, stretching my walls.

''N-no don't... don't stop,'' I cry out. There is no way that I want him to stop right now. His instant pokes start to burn, but it felt pleasingly good. ''All wet, all greedy for me, yeah?''

His words only provoked me more, building the climax on my lower stomach. But I wanted more, wanted to feel more of him. ''M-more,'' my grip, tightened around his collar, as he adds another finger inside of me, and his thumb finds my clit. 

''Good?'' I only gave him a quick 'hmph' and a weak nod. It was unbearable.

''Close... I'm close,'' his three fingers inside of me, dipping and moving deeper, while his thumb pitilessly assaulting my clit, everything felt so much for a moment. His severe fingers, the pressure he applied on my clit, brings me on the edge of my euphoria.

''Mmm, cum on my fingers baby. You'd like that, yeah?'' His filthy whisper, hot breaths was enough for me to sob in delight, clenching for one time before leaking around his fingers, legs shaking viciously. His names fall from my lips, constantly in a whisper, eyelids filling with tears with the sudden relief.

''Imm, all creamy,'' he chuckles once again, but his fingers won't leave at once. He takes his time on there, playing with my ruined pussy. Moving his fingers for a couple of times, while I struggle, and pant under his lap, only able to say his name.

''Yoongi-aah!'' a cry leaves my lips, when he touches bruised clit, causing me to shiver with my whole body. Hasty sting appears where he touches to the stomach. ''Too sensitive, huh?'' he mocked, but his fingers stayed there.

''It stings, Yoongi,'' his fingers immediately leaves there, and relief takes over me after that. The other hand cups my chin to pull me up, face me with him. Thirst starts to awaken in me once again, as his fingers find their way to his mouth, while my drip still leaking on them. His tongue licks his fingers, cleaning all of the remainings of my cum from them.

Oh, boy. It was so aphrodisiac, and suddenly I start to feel hungry all for him. 

''You like what you see, huh?'' his brows moving, teasing me with the grin on his lips. Under his shady gaze, cheeks feel hot again, and desire starts to build once again, even though I did cum for a second ago.

''Then we should take this to bed right, angel?'' after I nod, his arms wrap around my waist once again, and I was grateful that he embraced me, rather than making me walk because my legs were all sloppy. While taking us to his room, he puts soft kisses on my shoulders, whispers how he loves me so much, and patting my hair softly.

Urgent tears start to fill in my eyelids, both because of his aftercare and the intimate scene we just played. ''I love you,'' sniffled, while my head resting on his shoulder. It was true. I never loved someone this much. He was the only man who didn't find me weird or far too anxious.

He did really love me with all of these things, bad and good.  And made me sure of this with every word, move and look. I wrapped my arms around his neck, squishing him until he starts to laugh. ''H-hey, what is now?'' he protests, but won't stop laughing.

''Nothing,'' I simply shrugged one of my shoulders, ''I just love you so much.'' he giggles once again, putting a kiss on my forehead, hand still patting my hair.

''I love you, too, angel,''

''Wake up, sleepyhead,''

I normally hate when someone tries to wake me up, turn into a grumpy person. But, hearing his whispers, feeling his kisses all over my cheeks is just a blessing. How could I hate this, or be grumpy about it? His hand brushing against my hair, caring and putting little kisses, just felt like waking up a Christmas day. Where you know that you’re going to have a present and lots of cookies with milk. Peace. It was definitely felt like peace, but of course, no one would feel that Christmas feeling at my home, just like me. Because there was none.

It was always horrible to be around, where my own family always criticized and told me how lazy I was. How I need to study more to be a good doctor and represent our family name. I couldn't think about that possibility of me, never running away from here and going far from my home. What if I become a doctor, choose to stay here? Would I meet these people earlier than this, or would Soobin never meet them if I hadn't left?

Would I meet with Yoongi earlier than this?  But what if we wouldn't last together, like right now? Would he still love me? Who am I kidding? Of course, he wouldn't love me because I was the weirdest person ever, even weirder from today. Oh god, why he is with me now?

''Okay, I can see how your forehead all wrinkled. Stop acting like you are sleeping and depressing yourself, baby. C'mon, open your eyes and kiss your boyfriend, huh?''

I opened one of my eyes, wasn't waiting for his face inches away from mines, all staring. Heat starts to reach all over my cheeks with embarrassment. His bleached wild hair fell on his forehead, thick lips slightly curled up. And of course, his warm dark browns focused on me. ''Morning, angel.''

''Hmm, morning,'' instead of opening my eyes, I only decided to keep them shut once again to lean over his arms, getting lost on his hug.

''We need to wake up, baby. I have a surprise for you. You want to see it right?'' he offered, obviously knows that I would be all over the surprise.

''What is it?'' I grunted over his chest. Intense vibrant of marine reaches through my nostrils, only to last on oakmoss. He did smell so good, so fresh and intense at the same time.

''If you want to learn what it is, then you have to stop smelling and start to get ready.'' he mocked, under his chuckles. Heat starts to rise once again on my cheeks, tried to cover my face in embarrassment but he was fast to hold my wrists.

''Hey, look at you. All blushed and looking cute,'' he told before leaning to kiss on my forehead, then continuing to kiss my face through taking a track. He always finds a way to distract me from being embarrassed over his jokes and my attitudes. All worries would slide away, leaving only good feelings and serenity on my chest. Never had to overthink about our relationship or, his feelings because he would easily understand what I am thinking at the moment and would be there to brush them away just like before.

''Okay, okay. I'll get ready but I want something in return,'' I said with a fond smile.

''Surprise isn't enough, I guess.'' he chuckles, eyes narrowing before continuing. 

''What if I get down on here, and make your day a little bit brighter, huh?'' His fingertips start to play with the sleeve of my shirt, reaching the skin on the stomach. The idea of wanting something in return wasn't exactly this on my mind, but his touches awakened the desire, sending shiver to my spine. His sheepish smile and keen on his gaze, only push me to the edge already. And how could I say no to this, even if it's not what I meant at the beginning. The damage has already been done.

''How stupid I look that you think I would say no to that?'' his loud laughter filled in the room, head dropped to back, serving his neck and collarbones to my sight. Fair skin lightening under the sunlight, looking so fascinating and unreal. His beauty causes me to quiver every time I stare at him. And, the biggest twist about this, he doesn't know how handsome he is. He has no idea about how he could make someone flinch by only his look and it is so frustrating sometimes.

And, as a side note, he looked very attractive between on my legs, lips all wet by the touch of his tongue. He is one charming man, and he has no idea.

I may, or may not bother him with all of my questions during the car ride. But in my defense, I wasn't good with surprises. Both preparing and receiving.

Patience just isn't my best quality. 

''Remind me to not prepare any surprises for you, baby,'' he said with gentle remonstrance while trying to find a good parking space.

Even though I know that he had his reasons to say this, little pout takes its place on my lips. Yes, I did ask a lot of questions about where we were going, or what was the surprise, but still, I had zero patience. That's why I always had those moments before we got together. I hate for waiting for something, or someone.

''Maybe you should say before preparing me a surprise,'' I uttered innocently while playing with my nails.

''You just can't hold your curiosity, don't you?'' he lets out a chuckle, before stopping the car, and taking the handbrake off.

His brows raised in sympathy, eying me with a smile on his lips. I would love to stare at him, watching his soft hair, plumpy cheeks, and sheepish smile all day. But he cuts the exchange look, leaning for a kiss instead. 

Familiar soft-lipped kissing, feeling his press, brushing my lips like an artist, smooth, intense, and head-spinning kiss. His thumb throbbing at the hollow of my neck, pulse beating under it. It always felt so mesmerizing, and too good to be real. But in the end, it was real. He was there kissing me and weakening me on the knees.

''Does the view looks familiar to you?'' he announced, after breaking the kiss, breaths of him still close enough for me to feel against my skin.

With a knitted brow, I take my eyes from him. Still feeling little lightened because of the kiss but I gasped after what I saw.

It was beautiful, looking eternal, and the best way of mixing the colors of blue, white, and grey. Heavy blue sea sparkling under the dim sunlight, hitting to the wide grey coast of mountains. Nude sands laying on the ground, an uncrowded place filled with the voice of seagulls. Wonderful beauty, rolling on and on to the end of my sight.

''Oh my... god,'' I hardly take my gaze from the sight to Yoongi, which he was looking at me with wide-spread eyes, waiting for me to understand. ''It's almost the same beach from my-''

''Your book, yes!'' he rejoiced, end my sentence for me. I blinked for a couple of times, couldn't believe his thoughtfulness. He did not only read my books but also remembered the beach that I described.

''You have no idea how I wanted to take you here when I first met you, Y/N. That was all I could think,'' he continued, while I could only stare back at him. ''After I found this place, all I could think was your description. They fit each other so good. Look at this sight, you must have seen here before.'' his eyes were shining while talking, lips opened wide with a pout, excitement can be read by his gestures. He looked like a child, who was talking about his favorite game or a toy. So cute, and irresistible.

''Do you want to go down?'' he asked, and I nod immediately. Of course, I wanted to go down there and feel the hot sand on my feet, kissed by the sun.

''You go. I'll follow you.'' he notified after we both get off from the car. He disappeared from my sight, heading to the car trunk. And I obeyed him. It was hard for me to jump from the little bump, but luckily I did it without breaking a bone. Fortunately to my judgment, I wear my purple floral sandals. As I wanted to feel the sand, sandals left my feet swiftly.

Uhh, felt so soft!

It did really felt so good to feel sand on my bare feet, dipping them under it.

''Little help over here!'' after hearing Yoongi's call, I turn my back to him.

''What are... these?'' I hesitated while taking the basket from his hands. It was heavy, but not much. Covered with red and white tartan, having little daisies on the handhold, separately placed.

''Well, it's a picnic?'' he sends a look that saying 'what were you thinking', and I decided to bury my surprise. He planned a picnic, for two of us? Yes, I got a good one over here.

It was such a surprise for me to see him like this, preparing a surprise picnic for us, driving all the way here to show me this place, only because he knew that I would love here, as I exactly described here in my book. He was the sweetest, caring boyfriend ever. Not the cold-hearted, rude person I thought who he was, and he never stops surprising me with his gentle heart.

''Another one?'' his voice distracted me from my thoughts, shaking the wine bottle in front of my face. ''Yes, please.''

''What were you thinking again?'' he exposed, smiling while filling my glass.

''How lucky I am.'' but this time, I didn't try to hide my thoughts. ''I am the luckiest girl in this world as I have you by my side. And I'm so happy about it.'' Normally, I would go shy, blush all over after saying these words, but today, after realizing how he was trying to make me happy, I couldn't hold myself.

''I think we are both so lucky to have each other,'' he said in a soothing tone, thumbs caring against my palm. ''I have to admit that I dreamed about meeting with you after finding this place. I literally stalked you for thousands of times but never had to courage to reach you. And then, bam! You came here, all looking so beautiful and innocent. I waited for you for so long, angel.''

Pet name softened my heart, melting through my stomach. His sudden confession fired up the butterflies, sending wriggles to my chest. I wasn't the only one who suffers through these times. Actually, he did wait for more than me, but it was all so unreal.

Numbing the mind, causing a shake on the body, kind of a way unreal.

Nonetheless, I couldn't open my mouth to say a thing. Anything that would match his words. So, I decided to go with a kiss. Pulling him by the sleeve of his shirt, feeling his warm, soft lips on mines, kissing him passionately, open-mouthed. Delight blossomed like a flower on my chest, hand of him heating my cheek, from where he cupped.

''I... love you, Yoongi,'' breathlessly, I manage to talk, cutting the kiss. I did love him so much and wanted him more than anything. I loved how his hot breaths brushed over my face, fingertips cared my hair, my cheeks. How he pouted when he was talking excitedly or simply, how he looked at me in the eye and told me that he loved me. Every memory, both sweet and bad ones, every word and every gesture of him, made my knees weak. The heart starts to beat fast and strong, every time his gummy smiles appeared on his face.

''I love you so much, angel.''

His hands cupped my cheeks, pulling me into another kiss. This time rougher, tongues conquering each other, soft moans leave both mouths as the kiss deepened. He cuts the kiss one more time, for saying something that would leave me totally shocked and amazed. Heart flinches with his words, but won't let me give any response, and pulls me into another kiss. Only his words beat in my mind, over and over again.

''We will marry in here, Y/N,'' he said with determination, and I believed him.

tags; [ @mochiloverbts ]