#if im actually not interested i will say so politely and wish luck and move on. but!! i will also give all my options a chance | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

sombreboy · 5 years ago

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Corrupted | yandere!myg

▎ 18+ ▎ xtremity; 6 ▎ pairing: yandere!myg x y/n ▎ genre: smut, mafia au ▎ word count: 5.8k ▎ warnings: toxic/possessive behavior, myg cuts kth, oral(f!rec), cursing/dirtytalk, unprotected sex.

You're the sweetest of fruits, the aura of purity surrounding you sparks a fire within Min Yoongi that has him utterly smitten with an obsessive need for you in every way possible. He brings you into his world as his personal secretary, but in reality he doesn't need it. What he craves with his entire being is to corrupt the pure angel that is you with his carnal desires.

Min Yoongi.

The most powerful and renown of men within the mafia realm.

Feared by companies, feared by men, desired by women.

He's extremely intelligent and a delicate planner, loyal to the bone if you've earned it & utterly merciless, thus have grown to become what people would call an invincible man. No one dared to try to play him at this point. Many have tried, and they'd be politely greeted with their boss' heart on a silver platter. And word travels fast

With a flick of his wrist he could end anybody's opportunities and connections.

Everyone wanted to become his ally, because if you can't beat them, join them, as they say.

And with power, comes responsibility.. And a disgusting amount of wealth.

Dirty cash, yes. But money is money to him.

Throughout the years he'd been building his empire, starting from the bottom until he's so high up nobody could dream to get even remotely close to his level.

But something was missing in Min Yoongi's Life.

Even with this incredible amount of power, which he loved... He loved it, the power kink he's developed ingrained within him along with other questionable ways of getting his adrenaline pumping.

But he's grown quite bored of the one night stands. Those girls were already dirty, corrupted and let him do whatever he wanted. They were gladly a whore for his cash, and it was a fun time killer for a while... But it's grown oh so dull.

As if fate was on his side (hah), his world was turned around when he was going through the sent in applications for the position to become his personal secretary. He technically didn't need it, but 'some work load off his shoulders' didn't sound all too bad, as his right hand Taehyung had urged him to finally do something about.

He sighed in disappointment as he flipped through the resumes. To be honest, he didn't bother to read most of them, and simply took a quick glance at the photos provided of the applicant.

''Hey boss, did you look through the apps yet?''

Taehyung carefully closed the door behind him before strolling up to stand next to Yoongi's large office chair, bending slightly to get a view of the papers as well.

''I am currently, as you can probably tell.'' Yoongi answered, a mild annoyance in his voice as he crumples up one of the papers into a ball before throwing it at Taehyung, whom only scoffs in amusement.

''What about this one? She's very qualified.'' Taehyung continues as he leans over the desk to point at the woman's previous experiences.

Yoongi sighs, ''She's perfectly qualified, but if you look closely you can also see that she's worked for one of our competitors. Can't trust that.''

Taehyung raises his eyebrows followed with a quiet 'ah', skimming through the stack of papers himself in silence.

That's when Min Yoongi suddenly leaned forward in his chair, causing it to shriek out by the sudden movement, startling Taehyung.

''Let me see that one again. Go back.''

Taehyung's eyebrows were drawn together in confusion, but he did as told and went back to the one resume his boss seemed oddly interested in. He picked it out of the stack, and quickly Yoongi snatched it from his hands to put it flat down on the desk in front of him.

''Boss, she's not qualified at all...''

''Silence.''

Yoongi fished out his reading glasses from his pocket and put them on, bringing the paper closer to his face to get a proper look at your face. His tongue snaked out to wet his lips, a common habit of his when in deep focus. A new feeling came to life within his usually so monotone soul. Well, it wasn't new... He knew exactly what this emotion was.

''I want her here by tomorrow, Taehyung.'' He said as he handed the paper over to his right hand man.

Taehyung was shocked, and it was obvious in his expression, ''T-tomorrow? That's such a short notice, Yoon-''

''I'm sorry, but did it sound like I was asking you, Mr. Kim? Tomorrow, 9 a.m Sharp. I shall have her desk in order for her outside of my office by then.''

Taehyung looked at your photo as he licked his lips in thought. He's seen this look on his friend-... boss this way only once before. And it didn't end well, because he ...'let her go', as he'd been told to phrase it.

''Yes... I'm on it, right away.''

Yoongi observed his right hand man exiting his office, a fire burning up in his core as he clasped his hands on the table whilst staring blankly into nothingness.

This time he wouldn't make the same mistake.

This time he'd have more self control. He's certain of it.

You were over the moon when the news reached you over the phone, a certain Mr. Kim personally congratulating you for being hired as the secretary for the Mr. Min Yoongi himself.

You'd been throwing out resumes everywhere, and never in a million years did you expect to hear back from this one. It was a long shot, but turns out that miracles do happen.

''Thank you, thank you for this opportunity, Mr. Kim!''

A vibrating chuckle echoed through the call, ''Don't thank me, Mr. Min personally asked me to hire you.''

You remained silent, not able to properly register what was just said.

So Taehyung continued,

''He also requires you to be available to start right away, tomorrow. 9 a.m.''

You choked on your own breath, ''Tomorrow? That's..''

''A very short notice, I'm aware. But there is no room for negotiation, so if you would please accomodate to his wishes...''

You nodded, blushing when you realize he can't see you, so you croax out,

''Y-yes, It's no problem. I'll come tomorrow.''

Taehyung giggles, this time sounding a lot more lighthearted,

''9 a.m, don't be late. Good luck- I mean... Congratulations. It will be a pleasure to work with you.''

And with that, this Mr. Kim hung up on you, leaving you in the silence on the other end.

A wide smile spread across your face as you went to bed that night, excited for new opportunities and a higher paycheck.

8.45 a.m

You anxiously stepped into the grand building entrance, dressed in your favorite work appropriate outfit.

It was simple, really; A cream white dress-shirt fitted to your curves with a flattering v-neck, matched with a black waist high pencil skirt that ended just above your knees, topped off with a pair of cute, black low heels.

You were greeted by a handsome young man standing by the front desk, confidently striding over to you with a box-shaped smile on his lips as he reached his hand out to grab yours,

''Good morning, Miss L/N. Im Kim Taehyung, you spoke with me on the phone last night. On time, even a little early. You're putting in a good impression already.'

You bow before accepting his hand, which he shakes lightly before letting go. He gestures with his hand for you to follow him into the elevator.

Standing there, he presses the button to the floor on the very top, watching the doors close before redirecting his attention to you,

''If you have any questions regarding any matter, don't hesitate to ask me. It is my job after all.''

He looked almost apologetic, and you shoot him a soft smile,

''Thank you. I'm curious, actually...''

''Anything at all, I will do my best to answer you.''

''Well,'' You shift the weight on your feet, ''I don't really know much about secretary work... And I'm quite nervous that I won't live up to Mr.Min's expectations.''

Taehyung's smile softens, a vague hint of concern in his eyes. He puts his hand on your shoulder in reassurance,

''Don't worry too much. That's why I'm here, to teach you and guide you. We know your experience isn't as high as it could've been, but Mr. Min insisted for it to be you.''

You look up at him with confusion, ''Why did he insist?''

Taehyung bit his lip, knowing he probably said too much. He shook his head with a dismissive smile,

''I believe he saw potential, and the fact that you have no past experience means we don't have to worry about other companies being behind you to try to get at our company.''

You froze for a second, his choice of words kind of didn't make sense to you. But before you were able to say anything else, the elevator doors opened.

Taehyung let his hand move from your shoulder to the small of your back to guide you out of the elevator, ushering you to walk next to him.

He halted at a big desk in the lobby outside of an office with a big sign hanging on the door,

Mr. Min Yoongi.

You put your purse down on the big desk. Your desk. It was a lot fancier than you imagined, and the large office chair looked extremely comfortable and high end, almost like a throne.

Meanwhile, Taehyung knocked on the office door to your new boss and carefully opened it, leaning in to announce your arrival. He came back out, nudging his chin in the office's direction,

''He's waiting for you.''

''Oh, I better head in then. I'm nervous...'' You straightened out the pencil skirt while Taehyung walked up closer to you with a reassuring smile, placing his hand on your shoulder once more before speaking,

''Good luck.''

And with that, he returned to the elevator, a small wave thrown your way before the doors closed on him.

You took a deep breath, straightening your posture before carefully opening the door, peeking inside.

''Don't be shy. Come in.''

Closing the door behind you, you finally let out the breath you've been holding. He beckoned for you to come closer,

''Have a seat.''

You sit down in front of him, hands clasped in your lap as you finally get a good look at the man you're now working for.

He was incredibly good looking, pale clear skin, blonde hair that was neatly styled to frame his face. He was dressed in a very expensive suit, definitely personally tailored to fit his frame like a glove.

His eyes, however, were completely unreadable. Beautiful, yes, the feline-like shape and intense stare piercing through you like a sharpened knife, but there was no indication of any emotion whatsoever.

Until his lips curled up in a gummy-like smile, instantly softening his entire expression. He was almost too beautiful.

To be honest, you had expected somebody older. Much older, considering the grand Company and it's reputation (which you didn't know that much of, but you did a tiny bit of research before getting here.).

''What are you thinking about?'' He interrupted your thoughts.

You smiled shyly, looking down at your lap, twiddling your fingers anxiously,

''It's silly...''

He leaned forward, his chin resting in his palm as he keeps his gaze fixed on you with genuine interest,

''Tell me.''

You nod, one hand running through your hair to put strands of it behind your ear. The action alone had Yoongi's chest erupt into fireworks, mouth already watering at the flustered state you're in. He loved feeling so powerful, the status difference between the two of you so apparent.

''Well, I was just thinking that you weren't at all how I imagined the Min Yoongi to be.''

He tilted his head to the side, a smirk playing on his lips,

''Oh? Then what did you imagine 'The Min Yoongi' to be?''

''I kind of imagined you as an old man, considering..'' You gesture around you to emphasize, ''All of this. How did you manage to create all of this at such an age.''

He scoffed, amused, ''Understandable.''

''It's just impressive, is all.''

The praise hit him differently. He's never heard his success to be described as 'impressive', and he's sure you wouldn't say that if you knew the things he'd done to get here. But still... When it came from your lips, he almost felt proud.

''And now you're part of it.''

A long moment of silence followed, Yoongi simply keeping his eyes on you as if he's dissecting you with his eyes. You slowly started to feel fidgety, not sure what to do or say in this situation, and he was thriving off of it. The uncertainty in your eyes, the way you kept playing with your hair. He finally broke the silence by pulling out a stack of documents from his desk drawer and dropping it in front of you with a loud thud, causing you to jump in your chair.

''I want you to digitalize these documents for me and then send them to my e-mail. Everything is set up for you on the computer by your desk, and if you have any questions just call for Mr. Kim or give me a knock.''

You were surprised by the sudden change from conversation to business, but you stood up and took the Heavy stack of documents into your arms, bowing politely at your boss,

''Yes.''

He placed his hands on his hips, clacking his tongue once in disapproval,

''In here, you're to address me as Sir... So, try again.''

You exhaled quietly, his entire change in demeanor making you feel both weak and excited at once,

''Yes, sir.''

He nodded, a flick of his wrist to usher for you to leave.

''Good girl. Dismissed.''

You bowed once more, a blush on your cheeks before hurrying out of his office to get to work.

Yoongi threw himself back against the backrest of his chair with a groan as soon as the door closed behind you. Hissing curses to himself as he looked down on his lap, the strained fabric caging his prominent erection had given him hell Throughout the entire conversation. How did you affect him so greatly?

Fuck, he wanted you so badly already.

He wanted to take this slower. He really did. Give you time... Enough time to maybe love him too.

But he's so incredibly impatient.

''Min Yoongi... Control yourself.'' He whispered to himself as he palmed himself through the fabric of his dress pants, a soft, vibrating groan rumbling in his chest at the thought of you on your knees underneath his desk.

Just a little more patience.

You were finally getting the hang of this, but you sure hoped he didn't expect you to finish this entire stack today. It was way too much.

You leaned back into your chair with a sigh, glancing over at the Clock.

Crap, you hadn't eaten lunch yet! And the day just literally flew by.

Just as if on call, Taehyung waltzed out of the elevator with a big boxy grin on his face as he came up to you.

''Hello, secretary. I was gonna ask if you've had your lunch yet? Me and some coworkers are having some takeout on the floor below if you'd like to join.''

You were almost about to say no, but then your stomach protested,

''Actually, that would be Lovely. I'm starving!''

You got up and walked towards the elevator with Taehyung before halting, glancing over at your boss' office.

''What about Mr. Min?''

Taehyung shrugged, ''He never eats with us.''

You pout, ''Do you ever ask?''

Tae looks guilty, ''Not lately.''

''What?! I bet he's super hungry too, I'm gonna ask.''

You strode over to the office door without a thought, not listening to Taehyung's protests in the back before knocking and opening the door without waiting, peeking in to simply see the back of Yoongi's chair facing you.

''Sir?''

The chair turned around slowly, the very same handsome man as you saw this morning looking slightly less put together in a way staring back at you. Something was different, yet not.

''What can I do for you, y/n?''

''I-I was just... gonna ask if you wanted to come with me and Tae- Mr. Kim downstairs for lunch...If you're not too busy.''

You didn't know why, but the air felt thicker in his office, and you felt as if you shrunk underneath his gaze.

He licked his lips in thought before nodding,

''I'll be right there. Go ahead without me.''

You couldn't help but smile, giving him a nod before closing the door, heading back to Taehyung, who's looking at you dumbfounded.

''He rejected you, didn't he? I told you he-''

You held up your hand to silence Taehyung, a victorious smile on your lips,

''He said he's coming, but we could go ahead.''

Taehyung's jaw dropped before breaking into an amused smile, ''No way...''

Yoongi stood up from his chair, taking a moment to take a good look at himself in the large body mirror on his wall. He ran his fingers through his hair as to fix the slight mess he'd caused. How inconvenient that you'd walked in on him just after he'd relieved himself off some well needed stress.

How couldn't he, you drove him mad, his body is aching for you already.

He was surprised that you'd asked him to join you for lunch, and part of him was thrilled. This was a good step, a good development. You must already feel something for him. You're closer to being wrapped around his finger.

As he made his way down to the staff room, he saw you sitting with his other employees, chatting and smiling. You looked gorgeous.

But Yoongi was boiling at the way you smiled, because it wasn't directed towards him, but towards his own right hand man, Taehyung. And he had the audacity to smile back, sitting way too close to you.

The entire room fell silent when they noticed Yoongi's presence, he casually sat down across from you at the table, as the space next to you was already occupied by Taehyung.

''W-welcome, boss.'' Jung Hoseok exclaimed with an uncertain smile.

Yoongi nodded in acknowledgement,

''What are we having?''

You smiled widely, completely oblivious to the tension between the others at his presence, pushing forward a takeout box in front of him,

''Chinese! It's delicious, try it!''

Yoongi scrunched his nose. He hadn't had takeout in years, accustomed to a more expensive taste at this point. But it was you... You offered this to him. The others anxiously shared looks, knowing that if they were the ones who would've so casually offered this to him, he wouldn't have reacted all that kindly.

''Thank you.'' He simply responded as he opened it, grabbing a pair of chopsticks before calmy diggin into it.

Everyone's eyes widened, but as soon as Yoongi looked up they hurried to continue eating and chatting as if their stern boss didn't just THANK the new employee.

You smiled, ''Good, huh?''

Yoongi nods, saying nothing as he chews his food. He almost looked harmless, cute even with the way his cheeks puffed up when they were full of food.

You turned to Taehyung to continue a conversation that you had going on before Yoongi's arrival. He listened in, and it was purely business talk, but the way you were leaned in and so casually addressing his by his birth name had Yoongi's blood boiling once again. This was no good. His right hand man knows that you were his, his only. HIS. He better step back on the casualty.

Taehyung didn't. He smiled back, conversing way too nicely the entire lunch, and it did nothing but spur Yoongi's possessiveness on.

He's too far gone. He knew that. There's no way he'd be able to wait longer, he needed to claim you before anyone else did. At least that's how it felt in his world.

Yoongi put his food back on the table when he finished, taking a sip of his water before standing back up, making the chair scrape and screech against the floors which silences everyone once more.

''I'm heading back. Thank you for the lunch.''

Everyone bows and nods at their boss, including you. He gives Taehyung a piercing glare before saying one last thing,

''Mr. Kim, stop by my office when you're finished.''

''You asked for me, boss?''

As he's done countless of times before, he steps inside of Yoongi's office, striding over to stand in front of the familiar desk. He kept his hands in the pockets of his dresspants, swallowing tightly as to where his adam's apple bobs heavily. He knows it couldn't be good.

''Sit down, get comfortable.. Why would you act as if I'm a stranger to you, hm?''

Taehyung hesitantly sits down in front of Yoongi, whom is sitting frozen in Place with his hands clasped together on the table before speaking once more,

''Mr. Kim Taehyung. You're my right hand, aren't you?''

Taehyung nods.

''But first and foremost, you're also my friend, correct?''

''Correct..''

''So you're loyal to me, no? You'd do anything to prove your loyalty?''

Taehyung didn't like where this was going, but he nodded with a confused expression.

Yoongi suddenly lunges forward, a tight fist grabbing onto Taehyung's collar to pull him forward over the desk until their faces are merely inches apart.

''Then you will understand why I am doing what I am about to do.'' Yoongi growls out.

Taehyung reaches up to claw at Yoongis tight hold, gasping for air,

''W-what the fuck Yoongi... Let go!''

Yoongi holds him in an iron claw grip as his other hand reaches to grab onto Taehyung's wrist, then lets his collar go. Taehyung gasps for air, not registering when Yoongi pushes Tae's palm flat down on the desk Surface and holds in in Place as he reaches for something in his desk drawer.

''Boss, what is this about, w-what are you– FUCK! WHAT THE FUCK!''

Taehyung whines out in pain when Yoongi had pulled out a small, golden plated knife and didn't hesitate for even a second before letting it chomp down at the tip of Taehyung's ring finger. It was just enough to cause immense pain, a bleeding, but not so much that it'd be noticeable in the long run. He had considered taking a whole finger, but since Taehyung was his closest friend, he felt generous.

Yoongi let go and sat back down in his chair, calmly watching Taehyung hiss and curse as he hid his finger to keep pressure in the fabric of his shirt. He looked up at his boss with anger, and fear, and Disappointment.

''What the fuck was that for, YOONGI?!''

Yoongi clacked his tongue as he cleaned off the blood from his knife with a napkin,

''For overstepping boundaries.''

''I OVERSTEPPED BOUNDARIES?!'' Tae yelled while staring at the knife.

Yoongi stared up at Taehyung, ''You're being too friendly with what's mine. You know I don't like that.''

Taehyung scoffs, ''YOURS?''

''Taehyung...''

''Seriously, I'm worried about you Yoongi, and I stay by you through it all. But what if you end up repeating the same shit you did four years ago? I already see the way you look at y/n.''

Yoongi's eye twitched at the reminder, stopping his movements of cleaning the knife, ''Watch your mouth. That's none of your business.''

''Isn't it though? I'm your right hand, I'm supposed to give you my advice if needed.''

''You're supposed to keep your mouth shut if you want to keep your job... And your fingers.''

Taehyung admits defeat, and sighs, ''Anything else?''

Yoongi shakes his head, ''As long as you understand.''

Taehyung gets up and walks towards the door, looking back at his friend...boss, one last time with a concerned expression,

''Just... She's too pure... Don't repeat the same mistakes.''

Yoongi's jaw clenches,

''I'm different now. Dismissed.''

Yoongi had kept his fair distance the following week, letting you simply do your job. Everytime he saw you interact with any of the other employees, he was seething. He kept his eyes on you as often as he was able to, just watching you work. The way you'd tuck your hair behind your ears, to the way your nose scrunched when you were focused.

His chest fluttered, his soul burned.

His flesh craved yours.

You were the sweetest, purest person he's ever encountered, and he knew this was the fact from the very moment he saw your face on that photo. He could tell, he knows people, their faces. You were so innocent, filled with hopes and positivity.

Everything he wasn't.

The desire to corrupt your purity was more intense than ever, and he'd decided; tonight he was gonna indulge in what he's been craving. And he always gets what he wants.

Suddenly life didn't feel so dull anymore. Honestly, ever since you joined, every day has been anything but dull to Yoongi. He almost loved the torture he put himself through by not just ravaging you on day one. Watching you, pining for you. It was new, this Alien feeling of wanting something so badly.

But patience was at an all time low, it was time. He needed you.

You answered your office phone,

''Mr. Min's office.''

A dark, familiar chuckle echoed on the line,

''Hello there, angel.''

A nickname your boss had given you the past few days... Angel. You were still not used to it, a blush on your cheeks at the petname.

''H-hello sir. What can I do for you?''

You were kind of confused why he decided to call your phone, he was literally in the room behind yours.

''There's so much you could do for me, angel. But let's start with you coming into my office, I need you.''

You furrowed your brows, ''You need me? I'm already working on the documents you just gave me–''

''No, no. This is much more important.''

''Oh?''

''I'm waiting.''

Click.

Yoongi stood up as soon as he heard your footsteps approaching, striding over to you as soon as the door opened, pulling you in to push your back against the door to force it closed behind you. He towered over you like a predator, instantly making you shrink down into a prey.

''S-sir, what are you doing...''

Yoongi's pupils were blown wide, breaths shallow but Heavy as he stares at you,

''I need you....Fuck, angel, only you can help me.''

You shrink down further, almost slowly sliding down the wall. Yoongi lets you, and as you sit down in a squat he's dropped down to his knees with you, his palms pressed against the door as he leans closer to your face,

''Do you think you could help me?''

You look down at the floor, heavily blushing,

''I-I'm not sure what you mean...''

He grabs your chin to direct your attention to his face, the expression on your face of fear mixed with confusion makes his cock twitch.

''Do you need me to spell it out for you? I've wanted you since I first laid eyes on your pretty face. I can't contain myself any longer, I can't... stay away from you.''

Your mouth falls open in realization, your cheeks reddening even further. He stares at your plump lips before leaning in to Place a soft, experimental kiss. He groans at the taste,

''You're so sweet. Too sweet. Too pure, aren't you?''

You exhale sharply, and he withdraws to look at your obvious expression.

''Are you... untouched, my angel?''

You hide your face in your hands, heart racing so fast it feels like it's gonna burst out of your chest. But you nod.

Yoongi feels a wave of this incredible urge once more, his cock hardening even further at the thought of ruining you completely.

''I'd be your first...''

He stands up, pulling you up with him as he leads you to his desk and lifts you up on it, spreading your legs for him as he steps inbetween to pull you in for Another kiss. He whispers into your lips between chaste kisses,

''I'd be your first... And your last... Your only one... You wanna be mine, angel? Hm?''

You feel the heat rushing through your body, the familiar burning sensation rushing down to your core growing more intense with every kiss.

''Tell me, angel.''

You nod, whispering a breahy 'yes'.

He groans into the kiss as his hands pull your skirt up over your ass pushing himself closer to grind his clothed erection against your clothed core. He nips at your lips when he hears your small whines, and pulls back with a frustrated noise rumbling from his throat,

''As much as I love teasing, I have basically been teasing myself for days waiting for this very moment.''

He drops down to his knees in front of you, spreading your legs further as you lay back on the desk. He swiftly pulls your panties down to expose your tight little slit for him, and he licks his lips in anticipation, no longer able to wait.

''Mine.'' He whispers, moreso to himself before giving your clit a kiss. You Breathe out quietly, and he dives in once more to let his tongue taste you.

''Mine.'' He repeats with a soft moan as he alternates between licks and kisses, finally drawing out more noises from you. It still wasn't enough, though. He wanted you to be a screaming mess for him, begging for more.

''Delicious and soppy, all for me.''

''yes, yes..'' You whimper out, not able to focus as you put your arm over your eyes to hide in shyness. Yoongi easily slides one finger into your cunt while still licking at your clit, moaning once more when he feels your pussy already tightening around his finger.

''You're gonna cum already, angel? Have you ever been fingered before?''

You shake your head, ''Not by...somebody else..''

''Oh, my dear...'' Yoongi chuckles before sliding a second finger in, curling them slightly to provide a pressure towards your sensitive spot as he finds it. You buck your hips against his fingers as your moans grow louder, and your cunt gets soppier and dripping down to his knuckles until there's a wet puddle growing on the table.

''My good girl loves this... Look how fucking dripping wet you are.'' He growls out, speeding up his fingers whilst licking your clit faster. You whine out when you finally cum, back arching and pussy pulsating as it contracts in a vice grip around his fingers. He keeps fucking you with his fingers, digging deeper to draw out the most beautiful sound of your painful whines of overstimulation.

''T-too much....'' You cry out, but he continues.

''But you feel so fucking good, it sounds so sexy when you whine for me..''

''A-ah s-sensitive, Sir, sir.....!''

Yoongis lips curl up in a wicked smile, finally pulling his fingers out of you, smearing the wetness on his fingers over your clit as he slowly rubs your sensitive nub in circles, drawing more twitches from your body. He fucking loved it.

''Oh, you're so precious.''

He stands up again, admiring the view of your totally messy wetness.

''Now...'' He pauses while he unbuckles his belt, pulling his pants and underwear down to his hips to pull his painfully hard erection out, ''I'm going to claim what's mine.''

You spread your legs further when he positions himself between your legs, lips agape and breathing heavily while looking up at him, ''Please...''

His lip twitches as if he wants to smile at your current state, so fucking beautiful. And all for him.

''You want my cock that badly?''

You nod, ''Yes, please...''

''Your first, last, and only...'' He hisses out when he lines himself up with your entrance, finally pushing himself in without letting you adjust properly. You cry out, a mix between pain and pleasure in your voice, the perfect sound in Yoongi's ears as he moans softly with you.

''Your cunt feels so fucking good already... And it's all mine to use.''

He places his hands on your waist to pull you down a Little until your ass hangs off of the desk, giving him the perfect angle to thrust himself into you roughly, drawing more moans from your throat.

''I'm gonna use your little pussy every single day from now on, this is the only thing I want you to do for me from now on. Nothing else. I'll get a new secretary. All you gotta do is be mine.''

You nod, chanting out 'yes' with every snap of his hips becoming faster and rougher. His eyes are blown wide with desire and admiration at the way your body sinfully bounces beneath his ministrations.

''I love you. I love you, I fucking love fucking you.....'' Yoongi growls out, making a point out of every word with a thrust, the wet soppy noises of his skin slapping against yours like music to his ears.

His cock hardened further inside of you, reaching spots neither your or his fingers ever could. You cry out , arching your back for him when you feel your second orgasm building inside of you like an incoming wave.

Yoongi slows down when he feels your pussy tightening, lifting you up to carry you. He sits down in his large, throne-like chair with you on top of him, you leaning over to Place your palms on his shoulders to keep yourself in Place. He roughly grabs your ass to Bounce you up and down on his cock, the raw strength in his hips and arms making it more than easy for you to ride him.

He nips and kisses at your breasts, leaving small love marks here and there and admiring the way your skin bruises from his lips. He grows greedier, fucking up into you with less rhythm as he feels his own high reaching him,

''I'm gonna fill your little pure pussy up with my cum, angel. Your first. Your only. You're mine, baby, you're mine. Tell me.''

He growls as he bites your neck, this time definitely rougher than before as he listens to the beautiful noises of your pain, pleasure and incoherent attempts of telling him that you're his. Your cunt squeezes him tightly when you cry out as you cum for the second time.

Good enough, this is exactly the state he wanted you in.

''Mine.'' He snarls out before holding your ass in a bruising grasp, pushing you down on his cock whilst bucking his hips up into you, stilling when he cums in hot, pulsating ropes to fill your pussy up at last.

He hisses out curses and praises, staying like this for a moment as he litters kisses all over your neck and chest.

You're like a ragdoll on top of him, breathing heavily and whimpering when he rubs circles on your bruised ass.

Yoongi nudges your head to make you look up at him, your cheek pressed against his chest as your doe eyes stare back up at him.

You smile, your usual small, precious, innocent smile, and he can't help but give you a gummy smile back.

His hands move up your back to play with your hair, leaning in to place a kiss on your forehead and inhale your scent before whispering,

''You belong to me now.''

#bts smut #yoongi smut #yandere bts #yandere yoongi #mafia yoongi #yoongi x reader #yoongi x you #yoongi x yn #suga x reader #suga x you #suga x yn #suga smut

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greensconnor · 5 years ago

Note

i’m asking about your dragon age characters

molly i would KILL for u im ur personal hitman now

anyway i said my city now because the entire bioware writing team sucks shit xoxo and i’m so much smarter than all of them but also fully incapable of having a normal amount of ocs for anything (see: the time i made 20 rwby ocs in less than two weeks) so i have. five worldstates here r some assorted thoughts

uhhh so the worldstates r as follows

eira mahariel (two-handed berserk/champ spec), rhett hawke (two-handed berserk spec), alas lavellan (mage knight enchanter spec), romanced alistair/fenris/dorian respectively

shiv tabris (dual wield duelist/assassin spec), radella “rads” hawke (mage spirit healer spec), kat adaar (two-handed reaver spec), romanced morrigan/isabela/cassandra respectively because im a pc gamer and i think i should be able to date whatever video game woman i like because im infinitely better than cishet men

this world state said yeah i respect mens rights. mens rights to shut the fuck up

twins bronson (sword/shield reaver spec) & bryant cousland (archer ranger spec), carmine hawke (archer assassin spec), syracuse trevelyan (dual wield tempest spec), romanced zevran/anora/josephine/bull. if ur wondering how that works my city now and the warden, hawke and the inquisitor should all meet and so they do because i Said So

riva amell (mage arcane warrior/battlemage spec), graham “gray” hawke (mage force spec), hellathen “hela” lavellan (archer assassin spec); romanced cullen/anders and later blackwall because hawke only likes men who will break his heart. hela doesn’t have a romance because she’s literally 20. who let her lead the inquisition (me it was me). also it should be noted the version of cullen i have in my head only vaguely resembles actual cullen because i write better than dragon age writers ever could and i gave him an Actual Cohesive Narrative and he gets bullied relentlessly for being scrawnier than his mage boyfriend

malien “mal” surana (mage spirit healer/keeper spec), jules hawke (sword/shield reaver spec), ash adaar (mage rift spec), romanced leliana/merrill/krem because i should have been able to kiss krem and its a Crime that i am not allowed to

knight enchanter is a Very op specialization and by Very op i mean it makes a mage with their built-in low constitution stats able to solo the biggest baddest dragon in the game on nightmare mode in under five minutes so like. alas lavellan fist fights dragons for fun send tweet

i think lavellans should be able to hit ppl with bricks for all the shit they endure. thus solas gets pranked by mahariel and alas by which i mean they just tip buckets of water onto him from the rookery

kat might be my only competent inquisitor but she did also try to knock out the right hand of the divine and attempt to gap even tho there’s fucky magic burning up her hand so does she have a brain cell? you decide

also its fantasy land and i do what i want so kat has blue/gold sectoral heterochromia

gray “mage rights” hawke is best friends with fenris which surprises literally everyone. their friendship started because they got into a fist fight and then they were like okay i respect u now. hawke is like hey fenris give me ur sword i have a fun trick to show u [uses his sword as a foci to zap carver in the ass with lightning]

i am Always thinking abt like how cullen could have been one man anti-chantry propaganda machine if he hadn’t so blatantly been shoehorned into every game past origins so anyway bioware forgot about a wholeass moon i can write what i like. [holds up cullen by the scruff of his stupid armor] not only are you bisexual you are also a bottom

i also Hate the whole uwu mage haters get fixed by romancing a mage

unlocked secret dialogue option where my inquisitors verbally cuss out dorian’s dad instead of whatever sympathetic narrative the writers were going for cuz its bullshit.

riva is a showoff and a Menace about being as good as he is because he unabashedly loves being a mage and hes like oooh look at me im sexy i dont need to use my hands to cast magic because i’m just that good ;)) and you know what. hes right.

gray, on the other hand, does Not want to be mage. he wants to be a druffalo farmer and retire in the hinterlands and be left the fuck alone. unfortunately he is gay and has one brain cell and terrible, terrible taste in men. ribbed relentlessly for this by riva (altho does he have room to talk hes been hung up on cullen since he was like 13)

shiv is trans n kieran is the result of doing the dark ritual with her wife and he looks a Lot like shiv (dark skin pointed ears, shock-white hair) and morrigan always just Assumed she dyed it or did something magic with it so seeing their kid come out like that was a WEIRD time for her

leliana almost Murdered by cassandra in worldstate 5 because the warden is Actually There The Whole Time, but its been 10 years, mal’s cut off all her hair and gotten full facial tattoos and she’s like “no one will know its me its fine” and she’s right. she gets away with it. only cullen like, Knows, because he knew her before the blight but he doesnt have a death wish n he like. will Not piss her off

shes dalish by birth n she was stolen from her clan by templars and thus is vehemently anti-circle and anti-chantry in general

uhhh the vallaslin (elf face tattoos) of my 4 dalish characters are:

eira = ghilan’nain (chose em cuz shes rlly interested in the navigation aspect of the goddess)

alas = falon’din (god of the dead n he picked them because he’s Also the god of fortune and alas is like tee hee fun but also he can and will kill u if u fuck with him so yk its fitting)

hela = june (god of the craft bc she likes to Make things but june is also the god who taught the elves 2 hunt and hela is. a hunter.)

mal = elgar’nan (allfather/god of vengeance bc. she is Vengeful. she is Angry. but yk fucking with shem politics and fucking their divine is like. mal may have little a retribution. as a treat.) yes she has the full half-face solid colour tattoo she does NOT fuck around.

bronson and bryant r not genetically identical but they Look similar enough 2 anyone who doesn’t know them well enough 2 play spot the distance. anora and bronson think this is a super fun game to play, especially when nobles realize they’ve swapped out the king but they’re too nervous to say anything

eira mahariel has two hands. one is for holding hands with alistair and the other is for throttling elven gods, apparently. she’s killed one before so solas she’s coming for your bitch ass next. watch urself.

speaking of eira and alistair are married thru dalish tradition and humans don’t recognize it n alistair loves 2 re-propose to her with random things. he’ll just pick up like. a bit of cheese and be like “marry me ;)” and she’s like GASP but whatever will the chantry say!!!! all of their friends r sick of them

“vhenan if you love me bring me a sword” “you think i could do better than a sword made out of space rock?” “:)”

eira is my youngest hero at 18 at the start of her game and kat is my oldest at 32 at the start of her game.

none of my hawkes are under six foot. rhett is the tallest (6′8″) and rads is the shortest (6′2″).

syracuse trevelyan would have been the Perfect inquisitor if he were not a pretty boy himbo and a gay bastard who does Most Things just to spite his parents.

[corypheus pointing at syracuse’s visage in his crystal orb thingo] i want that twink obliterated

i love the companions from older games return thing i truly do so i make it a point for Every companion to return in inquisition so the gang rlly is all here because i am a Slutte for found family

i lie in my keep worldstates because i dont want to choose between hawke and alistair during here lies the abyss but i never make him king and every time i play inquisition and cole has the wicked grace line it makes me Scream. alistair baby im so sorry i did this to you but i didnt actually do this to you

yes this is my everyone lives au but like. all the time. i have never left hawke in the fade and i do not intend to.

fuck whatever nonsense about wardens not being able 2 have kids. by sheer divine power (me) anora and bryant have three daughters; eleanor, sabina & cecelia n both bronson and zevran make Excellent uncles because i think anora deserves good things because i’m tired of bioware being like women bad, actually,

so like most of the time i have the warden & hawke turning up after the move to skyhold n then staying on, with the exception of bryant, carmine & mal. mal is as mentioned previously just There the whole time with her girlfriend. bryant steps in as king of ferelden w/ interests in closing the big hole in the sky spewing demons in2 his kingdom yk. carmine shows up because she wants to help & she wants protection for bethany but she outright says she’d rather die than be inquisitor so cassandra is shit out of luck.

“CHANGE HER MIND VARRIC” “she once doubled down on insisting amaranth was a shade of blue because she didn’t want to admit to being wrong. no one’s changing her mind seeker”

alas is the middle child of eight and is thus very good with children and also bossing around people older than him. 2 of his older siblings come to the inquisition when stuff in wycome has been settled

i left ash with the basic canon background with Some variation (he grew up under the qun and left of his own free will when his magic was discovered n he realized he couldn’t take living as a saarebas

kat on the other hand was raised tal-vashoth and has bounced around basically all over thedas and leads her own merc company when the conclave blows up. she also speaks multiple languages. is there a language she doesn’t speak? probably not

just realized how long this got so im gonna like. stop my general rambling now but lmao yeah theres some basics. waves hands.

#sol.txt #sol.orig #long post #late night followers im SO sorry for this #but also like.#i love them so yall just have 2 cope w/ it #no thoughts head dragon age #peonydarling

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nocancer · 6 years ago

Text

Tryna by Cancer moon

Before Young T went to bed he poured a glass of water and looked out the kitchen window to his backyard and noted how the snow made 3:00 A.M. look like 6:00 P.M.. Only difference being that if he stepped outside with his glass of water to the seeming twilight he wouldn’t be able to hear the rush-hour traffic like he usually could if it was Friday and 6:00 P.M.. Young T didn’t bother going outside because the snow was still falling a little and it’d be there when he woke up. And the neighborhood would still be silent, as it always was.

Young T woke up and his fan was still humming its white noise which he needed to sleep at night even though it was January and his dad was reluctant to leave the heat on over night. The small fan sat on his dresser and was pointed away from his bed towards his window which emitted a sharper and more blinding afternoon light than what he was used to. He checked his phone for the time, it was about noon - about the time where his parents bedroom door would open and their TV would blast the local news and his persian cat, Jo Jo, would meow at his door from which would force him out of bed to open the door so Jo Jo could jump up on his bed to sleep on his pillow from which he would either start his day or keep doing nothing. This time he laid back down, idly on his bed, with the covers pulled over his head to lessen the effects of his slight cat allergy. Jo Jo had a flat face and was grey and fat, and he occupied the entire pillow. Young T thought of how he wanted to trade lives with Jo Jo.

Young T couldn’t fall back to sleep, so he looked at his phone. He bireifly looked at worldstarhiphop, Twitter, then Instagram.

Then he went to bed with a head ache and woke up in college.

9/27/17 wednesday

Tycho: excuse me, hey, getting along just fine, I see? Yolandra: hey, and yeah, sort of, just studying, whats going on with you T: Nothing, the usual, i guess, being responsible, trying not to offend anyone. Y: Oh but you're so innocent. If anyone's offended its on them, not you. T: But my presence alone, I dont know, like I'm out of place or something. And I just want to tell people, Yeah, so, I know how strange it is, me being here and all. Y: You're a free spirit amongst prisoners. That was my favorite part about getting to know you.

Tycho: After all these years, not for a second did i think you were right for me. And thats why i liked you. Cus I'm crazy. Yolandra: thats okay? what do you mean?, i want to get inside your head again. T: [pause] Most people wouldnt understand. Y: Don't be too cool for school. Im not most people. If I knew what was good for me, I'd have cut ties with you a long time ago. But im a crazy bitch too. Havent you realized? T: Yes. Youre highly psychic when it comes to "free spirits" like me - and you, though maybe, "lost soul" would be a better term for me. Though I dont mind being lost. It keeps things interesting. Anyway, you should spend your energy on solving world hunger than worrying about me. Y: dont be so difficult. catching vibes isnt easy you know? coming for your type. Who knows, maybe youre worth it. Tycho: well, your the first to try me like this. im mysterious for a reason. Yolandra: And do you know why exactly? T: Thats for me to decide. Y: It's so damn frustrating. But I guess some things are better left unsaid. T: Most people wouldnt understand that, what youre saying. Indescribable feelings we know happened but fall short in explaining. That sort of thing. Y: I call those. "You had to be there" moments. Tycho: Honestly i never gave up on you, only myself, thinking you were different from my dream girl. it took months for me to realize that but when i did the only thing i wanted to do was forget i ever met you. Yolandra: than what? T: the rest of these simple people that surround us, they see in a way thats opposite of what i am. Y: how convenient it must be. to blame your problems on people you dont even know. and just say "fuck it." I envy you. T: just my luck haha. of being born into myself, my personality forgive me, i dont mean to be such a downer. thats my ego talking Y: you had to be there T: where? Y: in my memories. T: it matters that much to you? Y: if I could find you in a crowd, just to say something, anything, even if i have to scream it in your ear, then you'd know how much it means to me. Tycho: I'll be waiting for you to say hola.

9/30/17 saturday In the midst of an obnoxious trap beat I remember what my grandpa used to tell me. It's the harsh realities of life that stick with us the most. A dream is only a dream until you make it come true. Never hit a women no exceptions." He would say to a 7 year old me. Now I wish I had the balls back then to tell him that his strict army ass probably never had a dream that went beyond what he already knew. Like revisiting the same shitty cloud of meaningless thoughts every night till you reincarnate into someone who revisits a slightly less shitty cloud over and over until they become someone like me, who lives on the cloud everyone strives to be, forgetting those elvish looking folks of the below who never leave the house except to get groceries. There's comes a point in life where you just gotta be honest with yourself, and say hey, i just dont match the freqeuncy anymore. It's okay. I can still pretend like that one MGMT song, but im fading away. Fuck. I get naseous and imagine a cop coming around the corner which kills my vibe for a second so I take my headphones off, spit on my finger tip, ash the blunt, and walk to my dorm. I'm in water so muddy that the surface is all I have to cling onto. What lies beneath is my past, housing the memories like demons. Of course, her face, would be in the middle. Falling more faintly in detail as I wake up sober and go to sleep high and dream nonsense that somehow doesnt go away like the usual forgotten dream you usually wouldnt give a second thought to otherwise but this morning my head feels foggy and theres a vague recollection of a search going on but I dont know what it's for and my chances of knowing diminish as I go deeper into the day. A search, it's on repeat, like my brain is an actual TV. Thats probably a normal thought to have, though I've never heard it in real words. "Is my brain a TV." I say to myself. if you can call it that. but those take the shape of monsters of which, as if I had no choice, I find myself preparing for so when the moment really matters, I can either go down in a blaze of glory or come out on top like the badass I imagine myself to be. All I know is that I was born and now I have to live.

Maybe because my past is so glaringly depicted onto a person I refuse to acknowledge. All that shit was a dream. The only thing that matters is the present, right? Bill Nye the Science Guy would agree with that. Back in elementary whenever we had a sub for the day, a cart would roll in and thats how you knew. I watched his show in elementary school, when we had a substitute teacher. Those were the best days. I had no worries then, able to speak freely with no inhibitions as if duality had nothing to latch its mechanical claws onto. Wait, I'm thinking about the past again. And thats going way back. Fuck! Okay.. On your feet soldier! That baby momma drama dont fly out here in the real world. out here it's the winners and the losers, haves and the have-nots, thats the way it is.

We're here to endure anxiety. I dont care about this slave shit. I think im gonna drop out. These fucking people bro, I shouldve known better than to come here. Deep down in the recesses of my highly realized capacity for recognizing everyday objects I'm hearing the voice my computer makes. It just so happens that I'm a little different from everyone else. I see things. Feel them. Some are expressed. Others proccessed. Though most get put away for later. These things I speak of is all they'll ever be to Some bad. Some good. But in the end I understand the root cause is nothing and thats where I pretty much exist anyway. In between any and all things, including people. At least that what it feels like. So although I may come off as shy and maybe a bit soft to the average layperson I aint no bitch and I wont hesitate to put my body on the line to make some headway when it comes to cementing my place as a savage demon in the halls of said layperson's memory bank. Someone who is wise would recognize the virtue of my conviction It is only because I must prepare for that singular moment, an unknown point in the fabric of time and space. To where if theyre not careful, a life's worth of energy should be pitted against me as if one were to stand a chance against the power housed within my vessle. Theres no such thing as a polite gesture. Nobody asks me how my day is "going" for no other reason than to relay to me how their own special day is "going". reckoning between a humble acknowledgement that I can never truly grasp the reason for existing and therefor should play my part in keeping the peace, versus pure badass in a world of sheep. And the more I get to know my surroundings, the more I reach erradically for the inherent bliss found within the path of satanism.

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Spmewhere off in the distance, Crermoth sits on a palm tree idly sculpting astral suspensions into a tattered fervor of mesh for working the keys of ineptitude. She is oblivious to her surroundings, not caring for chatty and gossip which she cant seperate between her reality and theirs because she is sensitive and when the the fully recognized sage, Esoh, confronts her about she says she much prefers it that way.

Their balance among them. With the wind at her side, Hojihka refuses the initial preference of her stillness and moves in a nameless precession by the whim of her ancestral birth right. "aaa may-ee soo shay-noo"

Her possession wakes up without a name. a new and more elaborate transposition of jubilee onto each successive indifference. The attention to one area renders the outer confines a vacuum enveloping the excess span unto both of their liable to taken over like a plain, sole, unconscious will. It certainly does its job Crermoth and has become something of a plan b pill thats taken during one of her many unpredictable episodes of self hate and general spiritual torment. One time she told J-Money she was a demon in a matter of factness that still haunts J-Money in moments when he pretends it doesnt bother him.. Reliant upon the interaction of her world and the next. Crermoth normally prefers being to herself on nights like these, that way she can answer any calls at a moments notice. A dimension close enough so that she may assist her friends in earthly manners of which, by the natural law of limitation, those lacking the incessant nobility of the Orisha cannot be bothered to see to themselves, less the tether between her world and theirs be rendered a useless tattered fervor of mesh that gives way to any varitable knock of an over arching brood of usurpment of the mundane frequency. “I need space. I only have but so much light of see to her calling as a being of light, assisting the pieces of herself that we’re lost during the falling. You remember that don’t you?” She says “Of course I remember. But only as a matter of fact. Upon closer reflection I fail to see the relevance of a subtle hunch with no bearings in the present.”

I must know that I’m allowed to be straight up with you, else I run the risk of straying from my calling. If there’s anything I hate more than being ignored its catching myself being lazy to the voices. “She musn’t veer to far.” Esoh said on a mountain.

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The woman wakes up to look around. Store-bought soil, empty bike-rack, office building. "Harder. Think harder. Come on girl." She stands for dignity's sake. A car traces a hilltop in the distance. She raises her cold arms to the sun in defiance of stillness. Nothing is in tune with the nature of her being besides the stale wind of a coming day. "Where are you?" The car freezes as it reaches the horizon, but the sound remains on loop. Whirrrrr A portal manifests abruptly and Elegua arrives on a chariot of skulls. "Erzulie, madame, how nice it is to see you this early in the morning." A whisp of fire cleans her face and the car continues over the horizon. "It really shouldnt be, not like this. Where Im at should tell a lot you know." Erzulie said. "Quite a dense reply to a longtime friend, dont you think" "Hmm, considering how I slept in a bush last night and dont remember a thing. I shouldnt need to explain myself." "No? is the friz on your hair not matching the blood on your knees? I can't tell which." Elegua said. Or is the attitude possessing you as if theres no consequence for ill-manneredness? I cant tell which." So long as one's not so dense up his selfish ass that he aint notice." "Oh so now all a sudden you about the finer things in life? We can switch places less you miss me. Erzulie said. Im only pointing out the obvious." Elegua said. Erzulie replied with silence, forcing life to flash before his eyes. She learned this from her Mother, Darkness. "Attitude is possessing you. I cant tell why but its a poison I dont deserve. I was only trying to help" He continued. "I just dont fuck with being called too early. So long as youre not too dense up your ass to take notice, safe to say i'm in some shit right now." "Clearly. A product of consequence." Elegua said randomly. "Yeah, recognize. Please, for me, baby?" "No more testing your patience, Goddess immortal of justice. Save that for what I came to tell you about." "Take me to cleanliness, saintly promise of wisdom. For im not feeling myself." They left the scene to the past and pondered on the pyramid they had just made with each other. "It's nice to be home." Erzulie said. Flying over the palm trees brought Elegua back to his power. "On the basis of love." Elegua said. The salt-water washed away all glimpses of doubt Erzulie had of her beauty. And she harnessed the pastels of the ocean. Thus, all guilt was abolished and unconditional love was convinced to dance within them. Drying his body under the rays of Amen reminded Elegua of his first words. Long ago, before Time was born. "O Father, you are so brilliant." "Thank you, son. I am the Light" "Then tell me, Father, if you are the Light, and are so brilliant, then why is it you flee from Darkness?" "All I do is my purpose, which seeks to balance harmony with creation. Although it is much more complicated than that. Like always I suppose. I'm afraid you ask me a question that I cannot answer. Here, because you are so curious, I will show you." "I'm ready, Father." Light grew brighter causing Elegua to cry in his recollection of what it felt like to say words. The links in his mind straining to pull in the right words. Not too plain to where the moment would be lost in happen stance, and not too radical so that his manhood could stay irrefutable (to convey meaning.) Then Light disintegrated into everything and Elegua searched for Light ever since. So Elegua went to the crossroads, and prodded Darkness for Light's wherabouts, "I want to relive the the moments before he left for eternity. Where can I find him?" Without a hug or a kiss, she told him to let go of his experience in order to live in the now, "Take his place and move forward. Grow up, your Daddy's gone cus you never did." "How could you say that me? I love you, Mom. Yet all I get is hate. Why are you hiding the truth from me?" "If I don't hate you, then who will? You got so much to learn that my heart breaks into brass. You must leave, understand me? LEAVE, before I do what your Father did and them some. I'm this close. Believe me." With nowhere else to go, Elegua obeyed the commands of his Mother. Although lonely at first, the spirits of the dead related to his despair, and offered to guide him through all the known and unknown realms of Ether, so long as he guided the spirits of the living to his Mother. So that the dead could learn for themselves the origins of their being dead. And when Light came back, they could say "Father, we know of Hate, now teach us Love." Elegua tried telling them that it was hopeless, that his Father was there, just not in the way they imagined, that they we're actually his Father and they had to realize it through an altered perception. but that negativity only made them more adament to their cause which annoyed Elegua into a manic spell of existential irony which persisted during times of war with the Snakes on 5th density. One battle in particular Badly wounded, he pulled his chariot with his arms to the middle of a corn-field on a full-moon during the Solstice, it was there he made a pact with his self, to never be ignorant to the fact that fate was an inescapable constant within all contributors to existence. That the very fabric that distinguishes the dead from the living was comprised of scattered shards of an indestructable essence that attached itself to the spirit-body via fate which is the Father of destiny. That the collective conscious is woven by the thread of Fate, thus binding a common goal, or Destiny, inherent to all beings of both polarities, thus setting in motion the spiral of gnosis, which lends itself to the spreading of keys that open the doors to helping each other fulfill each others Purpose. "I will collect the pieces of my Father so that I may speak with him again as I did as a child. I will never forget you because I love you. You are everything to me, which is all I ever could be. Please, I want to know why you flee in the face of Darkness."

____10/9/17 monday

My pace quickens as I veer away from the crowd onto the handicap stairs. I silently count my steps to give off a pensive, non-assuming vibe. Over by the quad theres crows just walking on the grass. Yet I'm the only one who seems to notice, even from a distance. The busses haul ass down Memorial St. I've learned to always be on alert because I'll never know whats waiting for me when I turn my attention off the floor and become reminded of string theory. Artificial energy, cork boards with grime on the edges, tunnel of dull ends, spongy plywood cielings. as i step with my head down and in every so sudden a demarcation in the bricks, the reptiles answer emails. This is where I'm going. Because my soul chose to live here at some point in time not too long ago considering the relationship between all that the universe has to offer and my general apathy towards said all as in any and all one. Which has become quite of a bore ever since the first week ended I had to come to terms with the reality that friends won't simply fall into my lap like they would if I wasnt such a masochist for being lonely. The row of pillars turn to one and all I see is the contentment in the air of the lobby. In the hallway are casually turned faces which glide about in a linear fashion like the ghost of a lost bride.. I get a side-view of the people afraid to admit that this is far from the paradise we expected it to be. The brochure in our acceptance letters didn't include the drunken nights of another dimension. I'm inside the life of an architect. One who's dead by now, but lives on through his work. I'm not going anywhere, the building would say, if it could talk. And I suppose it can. Because I just had the thought, and nothing is ever truly wrong without another thought to compare it to. But then if buildings could speak existed first, and was allowed to grow and find its place in the universe, then it'd be established enough to not warrant an adversary. But the question remains where, if it existed, was its fate organized before coming into my mind, awaiting my final judgement. Substitute me for a unicellular collective conscious and it seems like we're all dealers of fate her on planet earth of the milky way of the universe of the whatever comes next (should we ever know for sure). he or she deserves all the credit for it manifesting onto the grid of my consciousness, which is a zig zag joint's worth of a high right now. The perfect amount for not giving a fuck while still staying slick enough for witty comebacks. Which wouldn't hurt right now. This building isn't going anywhere. Though I wish it would. Because I dread what I'm about to do How he must have pained to communicate something he could call his own while maintaining a dignified and safe, always safe, because god forgive, well, you know, , putting the pen to the pad, drawing collumns in front of a Victorian fassad Succumbing to authority just to eat with a roof over your head and not freeze your ass off like a homeless freak. Profit margins in the final half of quarter one are lower than 1 standard deviation to what is considered by corporate to be optimal. As of now, the college has no incentive to ship in product from outside sources. All inventory must be stored in house to the buyer's demand. You better not be late.

___ On the parking deck

Tycho: “I had a dream I was on an internet forum. Someone posted the words: “life is an endless hell. With a blurry picture of a street at night-time. Not much different from what’s in front of us. I thought that made sense, until I scrolled down, to see a video looking out the windshield of a vintage rolls royce, coasting along a pacific highway. And the lines kept going. Next thing you know I’m falling down a pitch black waterslide, dreading my destination. If I never woke up I have a funny feeling i know where it was leading.

Preacher: In that instance did you feel the need to repent for your sins?

Tycho: No. that didn’t cross my mind. It was too late at that point.

Miranda: “I used to.

T: What made it stop?

Miranda: Seeing all the happy people around me. And knowing that they’ve been through the same shit. Break-ups, Death in the family, just generally feeling lost.

My heart was broken ”

T: Getting over the mind can be a dark place when it has nowhere else to rest. You can train it to think anything.”

Miranda: True

Tycho: Lately Ive been taking these long drives late at night into the boonies. Just to see where I up. I realized theres so many lives I’ll never know about.

If i wasnt born into money maybe I’d be humble enough to hate myself for even thinking such a thing.

How’d you get out of that?

Miranda:

These know it all professors are getting on my nerves. I fear Im crossing into an abyss I’ll never fully understand. Honestly I can’t fuckin stand these people. What name do I have to make for myself that i haven’t already experienced in the depths of my soul?

Tyco: You know how they try to act like they all official and shit, like I won’t see past it.

Miranda: [agreement] They do that.

Tyco: [stream of consciousness] So I just told her look I know its a rule, but I’m all about learning at my own pace and no disrespect i love her but Mrs. Soso can only go so far in telling me how to write. You can give tips and tricks but at the end of the day, I’ve been developed my writing style.. Like I thought we were done with all this high school shit. Well I didnt say that.

M: And what’d she say?

Tyco: She was like “As you get further into your major 90% of your assignments will be in essay format.. we require full participation “ At this im like she gonna hit me with the book like hell nah THEN outta nowhere She said “However, I also believe in 2nd chances.”. On the outside I was cool but inside I was like “*fist bump* yo i cannot fail outta college like someone watchin out for me idk who but-

Chad: fuck that shiiiiit *holds up white rum in front of street light”

Friend in background: 12! 12! 12!

Abrupt scene change. Camera shows Tyco zoned out. Then police car, as Tyco begins to hide behind the tree hes smoking on.

My black hoodie and phone-call to my dealer will still be with me tomorrow as I do the same thing.

(From a dream 10/23)

Tyco is driving around serving with Shantel when she lights her phone up from the passenger seat and puts the phone to her ear.

Shantel: You are not finna be talkin all that mess on my phone. Be honest with yourself. Don’t lie. You a hoe ass bitch.

?? Caller: Why are you even calling me? I dont give a fuck.

Shantel: Wait till I pull up then and slap the shit out you. Would that be better sweety?

?? Caller: I’m at Kawaii’s 30 deep. Bring your lil boyfriend and see what happens.

Shantel: Try me bitch.

[ The economy sedan turns right on red seemingly without breaking. ]

Tyco: 30 deep huh?

Shantel: With them ratchets.

Tyco: She sounds scared as hell aint nobody sticken up for her like that. You know they gonna talk shit right but soon as we throw them hands they gon be like, I dont know that bitch.

Shantel: nah but she stupid tho like not even worth all that extra

Tyco: We’re going. Wheres that nigga house i’ll waze that shit and we get there we just pop off. Aite?

[Not looking at the road, but to her, coasting down an average 2-lane with box neon trimmed tire shops and drive-thru windows governed stately as immovable beasts of mothership stores lurk behind low-sodium trenches of the new world order’s surveillence agenda for mass poplations en masse. ]

Just follow me. I’m walkin in and gonna start a commotion just bussin and you just break this bottle on her mother fuckin head and we out.

Shantel: haaah what okay

Tyco: You’re gonna fuck her shit up som serious.

Shantel: She talk shit about you.

Tyco: It’s in the stars babe for real.

Shantel: You gonna help me find that bitch?

Tyco: You my fucken queen I love you and I got you.

Neighborhood entrance.

Cars parked for miles.

House identified first glance.

Park.

Car doors..

Hip-Hop

Grass.

Walkway.

Steps.

Porch.

Door opens and yellow tops within the frame.

!! WHERE YOU AT// YALL FAKE AND CANT FINESSEE !!

AAAAAH YOU UGLY DARK SKINNED NIGROS

The caller is sitting on a couch ass to ass with other dudes. Looking stupid.

She never saw Shantel. Who came upon her like The Ring.

She has become a party magnet. It is a Slayer concert now. Nobody knows who’s who. Though Tyco is surely getting his ass beat. He catches of glimpse of Shantel’s fat ass ducking through the doorway and he could die right now and it wouldnt matter.

*GUN SHOT*

FUCK GOIN ON HERE MANE

“This not the place for you bro. - White boy comin up here in my place of business - Tryna pop shit off like you really not a bitch”

Kawaii looks up with his glock-9 extendo at his GD party mostly all gone just like that. The poor girl is still leaking.

“She need to go to the hospital.” Her friend says.

He points the glock at his head. Despair.

“Look around before I kill you.” An invitation.

Tycho: “I sold a 4 oz today after my accounting exam. I could be GD, 74, rock purp. whatever it be its nothing but Respect yo. Got connects with chad and Becky nahmean dog. Could put you on to some numbers they white and they fiends. Please OG.

“How much for a zip.”

“80, gas.”

“Was that yo bitch?”

“yea”

Kawaii: You lyin to me?

“No.”

“She eat your ass?”

“Yeah and bounce on my BIG ASS DICK” Tyco says with autism.

K walks away.

T: they don't even sell Molly bruh

K is you fucken high you dummies. Beat this nigga ass. *Tyco imagines the why the fuck you lyyin vine and remembers the exact moment he realized that wasnt an original song but actually a spin off of a classic throwback jam by the 90s R&B group “Next” in their hit single “Too Close”.. He was driving home from the cafe he used to write high school essays in while smoking a menthol american spirit with the windows rolled down on a spring evening playing KISS 104.1 Atlantas classic jams. Then he realized there was a full 6 minute video of the vine on youtube. After watching it he felt gayer. Thats all it did for him.

Tycho wakes up on living room floor.Terry (random G, on couch): *Hands him note× Kawaii said he's sorry. No hard feelings ya heard dog?

Tyco: I guess thugs act on impulse. *looks at note* and don't count on a gahdamn thing you bitchass motherfuckers. Tyco walks into class with a black eye. The Professor talks about interest loans. Tyco meets Moe after class in parking lot.

*Moe: Waddup

Tyco: It's lemon og I just got in.

Moe: Bet. Those last cookies you got. Bomb dude. It had them frar mother fuckers leanin like they can't handle that purp like that nahmean.*laughs*

Tyco: I got some backwoods you wanna hotbox.

Moe: Yo I'm down.

10/24/17 thursday

____ Last night I decided not to hate myself. The look I get from them doesnt bother me. Really, its a simple sign from nature that I’m used to by now. A wrong impression can sustain the fog of memory, of which I will be seen from the lens of another dimension, with not a care in the world, an angel in disguise. Thats the crux of my life up to this point. To no longer hate myself. But appear as if I still do. The nameless place in our past with no address., one of which even a frat boy can relate to. This invisible standard that’s thrown us into the pits of despair must be addressed. To seperate the real from the fake. Like the others are sleep walking through class fronting like they dont see me. The pyramid of perspective is an accordian overlayed on my third eye, televising scenes of sleep walkers who stay fronting like they dont see me. Walking behind the parking deck where green dumpsters were with my phone to my ear is a feeling that remains within me until I do the same thing over again in a few days. Buying in bulk never appealed to me. And if a 20 a g was the price thered be nothing my lonely ass could do. Fuck this worthless paper, I tell myself.

I tell myself. Anyone who catches my glimpse pauses for a split second, calibrating my own opinion of the why in life. A definition of nuance that was never meant to be expressed but felt. To sense what I’ve been wanting, free and alone, after all those wasted days.

I’m signalling. Though I havent been approached yet.

Figuring that would resolve the look I give other people. I mean, christ, I turned 18 last March. And spent the Summer in a last ditch effort to secure an identity before I made my plays in college. For too long I’ve avoided the call of the light and in return have gotten blank stares.

(SOMEHOW gets wrapped up into a petty conversation with sorirty girl (on top of parking deck.)

Clarissa: I was the only one alone in the entire party.

Tycho: Why didnt you leave?

T: Dont worry I dont wanna know your major.

C; Good cus it keeps changing.

T: You think you know everything dont you? This world aint nothin babe.

C: Why do you say that?

T: What do you wanna know? That I get money? Thats nothin.

Clarissa drifts off.

Hannah: So Stacy’s telling me the banners weren’t in that right place and we’re like an hour away from starting and we still haven’t even got the chairs in order and barely anyone who was suppose to be here has shown up yet.

Tycho: Where were they?

“Well for one, Candace, I dont know whats her problem lately, but shes been gone because her best-friends now telling her she’s not rushing anymore but thats honestly a relief because that girl wheres winged eyeliner and thinks shes better than us.”

Tycho: Oh, I think I’ve seen that girl at the library or something.

I intuit that in order to justify her reasoning for not liking the winged eyeliner girl, that she channeled my very own resonant storm cloud of which I emit silently in the face of vanity..

H: Well you’ll probably see her there a lot more cus shes definitely not with us.

“Okay so thats one.” I say as if taking notes.

“Then Rachel’s out at some charity event that I never even heard of probably with a guy she’s not telling us about which is so frustrating that of all days you pick friday night at the peak of rush to go be a hoe behind our backs.”

“Did she ever show up to the party?”

“Yeah. And she was fucking drunk.” She said as if surprised but not really because this is Rachel we’re talking about, after all.

“Like wasted orrr “

“Damn I didnt know yall got down like that.”

“Umm when youre stumbling through the door and your first words to all the new girls is hallelujah bitches!

She wasn’t with a guy.

“So tell me more about the party. Like was there”

who nobody knows anyway

is that Cheyenne is just out of it because her friends now telling her she doesnt want to rush anymore and for one its like look,

Wait, who’s hannah?

Hannah’s the leader of her sorority.

Ooooh, Okay, I see why now

-Yeah, I mean if word got around that would literally mean she was going around their backs to cover up that she was lying.

> Right. Yeah I hear what you sayin. She’s trying to make it seem as if it never concerned yall in the first place but if thats the case then she dont need to be acting like she got the right to be trusted.

This goes beyond reputation. Manipulating emotions just cus she has none of her own. Conniving biitch. just to get her way goes beyond reputation.

Aint nobody wanna be around that energy.

> So what you tell her?

I get schizophrenic when it comes accepting new ways of being. The person I made him out to be was the perfect cure for my suffering. All those forgetful nights of boredom I knew what I needed all along, but was to scared to do it myself.

------ Frat house halloween party kidnap scene ----

GD shaman prays to shango for power to go out by mantra. Squad in car repeats the same mantra. The power goes out at 1:00 (or peak of the party).

Tycho throws blue flare through the side of the window

at the Tycho must find Chad and lure him downstairs near the door so the squad can get the keys to the room full cocaine and adderal. After looking everwhere he’s no where to be found. He walks in on a couple having with the girl in missionary with devil ears. “Yo chad that you?” Its

(fuckem x3) Music stops from power so he sneaks in wireless speaker in his robot costume and puts it at one end of the room. Squad member 1 will carry bigger wireless speaker and set it down when he storms in. Tycho also brings a timed strobe light to distract people and keep the illusion of the party still going.

Tycho runs down stairs and towards door with chad chasing him. Squad slaps tape and mask on him and carries like a battering ram although theyve already kicked the door.

*Power turns back on*

“Fuck em, fuck em, nigga get out my section

Don’t want to see him, I don’t want to touch him

*waves zippo lighter in front of face so chad can see him through mask*

“Ima count 3 seconds and your dead on 5 if i dont get this combination” says calmly. thus saiyth the lord thy god”

“Three... No mercy”

“Two.. Shall be given unto those”

*gives code*

“One.”

Love takes many shapes and forms.Tycho never opened up to people, hating himself for being incapable of feeling what others felt. He wanted more so he went spiritual. Which his close friends perceived as going off the deep end."Ayy whatsup bro you tryna smoke?""I have a calc exam tomorrow but I'm down after."Aight good luck on your studying tonight and then kill it tomorrow I know you got this calc is your specialty can't say the same for me but that's why you always tutored me haha."Let me know if you need more help. Figuring their was no bounds and he could be whatever, even silent, and experience irony rather than fate. How bland, he thought, to have a life plan and nothing to look forward to. Running drugs would be a necessary chain reaction. The highest elixer exceeding the bliss provided by the very weight he'd be pushing, itd be getting off on defying his own life, leaving spirit his only option. And so like a blackbird his soul seeks experience only in the clearest degree of visibility. Swerving transgressions of lonliness to levy the burdens of contrived responsibilities at societies every turn until his flight patterns veer from the trodden path to and fro the calling of reality in which he desires to preside over as a God of many statures. Untainted by works, head first into the entity of the adversary, of which he is able to predict the situational consequence in only a glimpsing moment before havoc ensues and the final hour is upon him, his loose wings coated with astral charcoal of depravity. Be caught slipping once and he loses the jump until the enevitable program takes its course - an unstoppable relationship between fate and reckoning that must be fulfilled as day turns to night. Once that happens he reverts back to being like the rest of them. Yet to the world, now desolated beyond repair, hed still be alive, exuding a calm presence that something is not quite right with him existing without remorse. The truth is simple enough, a hint just ever so slight as to never be able to cross the threshold of utterance, thus becoming rendered a convinction of self delusion on the part of the unknowing accuser, who by this time hates himself for even thinking badly of such a good guy to make peace with. The collage curtails past the illusion of what is already known and at last the watchers take notice and thus regeneration is able to take place along all the land, allowing for new energy to take the throne of anticipation. One that has harnessed the potential to become anything the wonder puts his mind too. So what if I'm imaginative? Yolandra: I mean everyone's different in their own way. Like yeah the soroitys have a dress code and all that Starbucks and capris. But I don't know. You just have to get know a person for who they are and not how the outside world perceives them to be. T: So what'd you first think of me? Yolandra: Honestly not much anything. You were one of those people who could be anything. But then I overheard you say taurus's are gold diggers and I hated you cus I'm a taurus. T: Oh sorry I really didn't mean it like that but c'mon now I can tell you have a taste for finer things you bougie little.. Boob. *laugh\ haha "you know what I mean" It doesn't bother you? What? That so much could go wrong so quickly? Look, deep down he's telling you his heart lies with getting over and you let him because that's /just what you like about him, how deep he gets. cus he's a sad and selfish individual who was never about loving anything other than vanity. The best thing to do would be to trust his actions, intentions aren't what's important right now. Really, forget about the soul connection. Loves comes through all types of people as long as you're open to receiving them. Those energies. Don't lose yourself in the illusion. Without ever taking credit for what truly matters which should be you. Then your fashion made sense to me. T: I'm so caught up in myself. I mean, it's impossible to know anything else. I'll never get to stand in your shoes. Its just truth. Yet I'm the bad guy. You're not like the other people I've met. T: Yeah I'm kind of loner if you couldn't tell already. I guess that's a good thing.T: Hey it's okay. I get that a lot... Wait what do you mean you guess? Ive found that who evers saying does a 180 in their normalcy. Knowing your even here right now is a good thing. Knowing that you're with me even when im not. Don't you think? Starting out with confidence and ending strong to be lucky if I'm not hurt. Tell me what you want out of this. Sometimes I feel so lame, then I realize how fun itd be to not care. Through the window screen i see parchments and grass blades, this is an image I've sought to ignore for its blandness thinking I was over recognizing such mundane structures. The sunlight made me drunk with non verbal contemplation. I crave this heat when I'm in low spirits. And a breeze when I'm high. My thoughts are channeled from a lonely place (My thoughts come from a lonely place) I've had no choice but to become accustomed to for my own sanity. To work faster and breach that veil of reckonning. So unreachable and enticing at the same time.T When I'm alone, welcome something more than the past if you ever cared to help me. This isn't the only world out there. And even if it was the material would eventually reach infinity. Then a black hole would open or something. Don't quote me on that, science is the hottest thing going right now. It cant hurt to butt in unofficially. As long as no one calls you on it. The universe molds to your confidence. That's another story. At the end of the day, I have too much pride to be a scientist. The God they're serving calls for a lot of self sacrifice. A self that ignores emergency when called to speak. A self i'm not prepared to lose. "Why are you here again, nothing will change, you're gonna be quiet like last time" any handle on reality I had during the sun rise flees like an ex girlfriend into the night. I'm not prepared to lose. Anxiety is that humid feeling you get when roughnecking the time away. Jaded peripherals, internet browsing, and fading friends initiate a color spectrum so cruelly vivid in its inability to be shared with the CVS cashier who looked at you wrong because you bought 3 4oz bottles of robitussin. A man who couldnt care to see the streets, stop signs, and traffic lights. Man is a slang term we use when caught in the moment. Of which matrix programming loves to grasp onto. --- 10/25/17 wednesday So here I am enjoying a piece of lackluster nothing for the sake of something I've agreed to experience in a past life I can't even remember but somehow must make amends to as if its an actual concrete thing I can touch and make sense out of without caring to ponder how life puts us in these type situations like getting your hair done a new way and meeting a friend of a friend superficially without ever following up like aight word up bro I feel you by the way hows life and what's the special fact I should become one with in this moment while not thinking too much in to things or else id be alone as if we're not alive under the stars for any other reason than to be happy but still to me that becomes too much like a flash in time rather than something meaningful because then sex would have to be our purpose for being here but you and I both know it's more complicated than that so we look into it via memories and realize the journey was brighter than the reward as in I don't remember the actual sex part but rather the day as a whole with stained glass sprinkled in on a film reel to push the past into something real and unexplainably alluring to the self of which we projected this light onto in order to perhaps know in advance maybe how to repeat this metaphysical phenomenon for a second time because we're not quite there yet although at this rate if seems that to finally reach a state of thereness would mean we wouldn't be able to be here right now having this conversation like a building block struck from below or a house of cards we have to keep faith that every moment plays its part because we had an emotion for it and therefore couldn't be rendered to nothing in a wreckless attempt force it all together rather let each tile compliment it's neighbor and bypass the need for destruction by allowing enough caring energy to flow through that filter mechanism within you that deems lifes moments as worth remembering or forgetting and pretend you never heard about forgetting and avoid it like the plague because everything that ever was is depending on you to go forth into righteous so that gods original intention for letting go of unwanted baggage be synthesized within your vessel of upgrades intelligence so that the journey can still be appreciated only this time without th deceptive veil of the end. to question the little things that somehow don't mean much but at the same time appear to us daily as conduits for good fortune and thats what we must uphold ___ 11/2/17 thursday

I you and me playcated on a surface of stones that match our longing to search in the wrong places. Convenient are we done such a conceivable time that is time which is also time because what more can be said other than us winding down a fire escape to an inexplicable hatch sitting like paper mache on our transformative spiritual natures. Gone already but not forgotten just make sure to take the negative side of every situation involving 1 or more parties so as to make sure the rythym is in order because you can't go wrong with challenging the status quo of an area you're not suppose to be in even if that seems too easy and superficial it's the right choice because even the idea of rebellion as a bad thing must be able to project into a physical thing prompt for examination so secrets may be revealed. Wouldn't you know i stopped believing in faith due to its redundancy of chasing metaphysical strings too far out for us to put into words and isn't that the source of all our angst. Depraved of propositional phrases and elemental tables it's all so clear to me now. Casandra had a bag and Mikey had his sneakers in the forefront like a low hanging fruit but of course they had personalities that weren't so easy to see unless the hard work of interfacing came into the equation. Lets judge people based on judging for the sake of basing ourselves onto something not within our realm of reality. Perception is a hard question i think maybe inanimate objects could tell us a thing or two. Low pressure sodium lamps.Documentorial lecture hall amps failing to reach the end of the pyramid turned 90 degrees away from its focal point. May disease not reach our unexplainable selves if ever they may inhabit our temporary vessels like a friend who has no friends but you and wants desperately to get along with others but is attached to your ways. Are we in hell? What can our astral travels tell us about signaling locations with Etheric marks of time dialation. Things are what they are by defintion or they wouldn t be things however stepping the observer up a notch sets in motion cancer to grow from the singular notion that we ourselves separate on a cost of lightening our load. I am partly responsible for this mess we have made. Pulling my hair out in thin strands so as to not make a difference. Some people just don't understand what it means to be so far gone yet in a place of enchantment that lets us know we're not alone as Michael Jackson plays on the ham radio and Wikipedia says the song was written by r kelly. I'm a solitary young man, joined at the seams complacency and red-ridden vanishing points to a line of sight I'd rather not identify with if I had a choice. I'm seriously considering becoming rich and famous despite others already forcing me to. I guess eventually my spirit will give in as my soul looks from a distance and says what a fool I am then goes about his day. You can't be like the rest of them no matter how hard you try. Thinking on the sensualities you avoided after this rap shit led you no where. The palace at the height of creation where Jesus stopped and stared to collect his thoughts before he kept going when his alarm rang as his slave bending consistency tracked the new melinnia into a moldy piece of sandstone cheese the better of which tasted nutty with fruity notes and 80% abv shards of liquid glass on the throat thatd make even an immortal weep a shy tear or two. The pigs down in Mississippi feel things we can't understand in their slaughterhouse decrepit and forwarned in a musk ridden air flow that's non existent to hypocritical angels who were supposed to stop atrocity but opted to sit on their ads and play virtua tennis all day. Oink says the pig. Hee haw says the donkey. Give me life says the God and there on the 30th night fags came to tell the story on their faces. The bag lady told them to shut up and stop whining but they wouldn't listen though they lost their ability to speak. Goodness gracious me oh my great balls of fire. Great balls of ball you are the Lord of my lonely century in this dimension I took awareness to when I allowed you into my heart space.And then I left asking my self: Who is this I?

755559888a

Let’s stand for a while and think about the dastardly ways we have gone under the waters and flew away from temptation. Have us saying isnt it so pretty to be in something and have that to fall back on due to the struggles of forgetting the place we come from which didnt always have it out for us this bad in refusing us of inconjunctions we can at least point to and blame our problems on saying “See! There, I told you so. That’s why we cant find our beginning!” And we’ll keep toilling the fields as halflings saving up for a chance to leave the very universe we serve. “So thats more like it. Finally something I can get my flows on to” Shelly the alien said. “The Stars dont have to like you just because you see them. They have their place and so do we” Gerald said. “Oh but they do.” “How do you know?” “Well for one they always shine bright at the most oppurtune times, like when I’m feeling down about the part of myself that conveinently seems to escape me just when I need it most. If that be so then put me on to something else and that’ll do just fine.” “Perhaps you're not as big as you thought ” Gerald held up his hand to salvage what was left of the dissolving psychic barrier between them. An invisible giant with an ocd issue. For now he could only listen. “No im not here to choose and thats exactly why Im not afraid to go where you can’t. Having the courage to admit your wrongs requires as much energy as universal rotation itself - a force which exists beyond our pleaidien awareness. ” “ But Shel- Okay whatever” Gerald paused and rolled the horizon through his scaly fingertips. “Keep calling on the unknown and you might get lost because it’s been there forever and sometimes Look, Shelly, no offense, you know I love you, but your awareness has no filter on what representation it can cling onto like danger isnt a reality to you. Me and Dazel always had to look out for you and thats just in this world what makes you think you can take on things you cant even see? “But do you believe in me? Anyone can say they love me. I’ve been hearing that my whole life. So much that it holds the same meaning as “um” does in conversation. Is that really the final conclusion we have at the end of the day? That you love me? Besides, I dont think you really meant that.”

“Here goes Miss Type-1 personality again. Always needing to label circles into squares, stars into gods, this as that, out of an inability to cope with insecurity. Leaving the rest of us as unwilling participants.”

“HOW DO YOU KNOW WHAT’S WRONG IN NATURE?” Shelly bawled.

The beach of Temofose was out of walking distance from the orange cottage they grew up in with there Mom. When they were young it was somewhere theyd go when they had nothing else to do. Euweu Sister Beach was the brighter of the two, but now too populated for their liking. Temofose is less frequented by other families and polluted by cargo ships and a lack of open views but as they stood there a semblence of twilight through the holographic cages offered closure to the purpose of them arguing in the elements about a timeline Shelly was going to step into And no matter what argument he could put forth, Gerald thought of it fruitless unless he spoke from his heart, a heart of which Shelly was currently taking the place of, so that he could not use it against her. “Shelly, I just hope you can understand how I dont want to let you go.” “I’m sorry you feel that way. But it’s my choice. Have a good njght Gerald. I love you” She said as she went into darkness.

Summer Break 2018

As a street light exploring strip malls, I am a linoleum tile on top of a trapezoid emitting frames of rave scenes. Heres where I find myself walking through last nights dream of the gang member selling duck pussy then getting assaulted by a pizza guy and a cop. Alone after those nights. Seems love was never meant to be expressed but felt. I look inside to see if I’m about to die, seeing diamonds mixed with sky. Materializing in the backdrop of my memories. Now I know why.

Now I know.

Then a wren on the fence manifests when it needs to. The perspective pyramid is that I pleaded for a higher calling. There’s nobody bohemian as me. One day I’ll take this civic off the road and escape into my sacred grove. If only I wasnt such a bitch.

I carry my single briefcase through the airport parking lot. I’m hot and out of breath. Everyone watching me. I can read their thoughts but not my own. They say look at the guy who isnt me but is still conscious enough to move his vessel.

The a/c runs down to the end of the terminal, but my spirit is squared by the stores selling vain material. The pyramid of perspective is an accordian overlayed on my mind’s eye televises scenes too chaotic to put into words. Walking through customs is an event to be remembered, I tell myself. Anyone who catches my glimpse pauses for a split second, calibrating my own opinion of the why in life. A definition of nuance that was never meant to be expressed but felt. To sense what I’ve been wanting, free and alone, after all those wasted days. I board the flight to say finally I am my own religion. If I was flying over africa I’d see bon fires, but over Georgia I only see street lights. Thinking how absurd that they will speak of me as crazy. Others will listen. A vibration through these amber aisles to look no further than my destiny. Because everyone has their destination is the way it goes. I refuse. I’m tired of being a number. Atlanta had its place. Now I’m homeless in Tokyo. This is the not-so perfect end to the chapter planned out for me by the higher power. Not-so bad neither.

Save me. I’m on the other side now.

#chapter 1 #short-story #novella #atl streetz #cancer moon #tryna

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verminviscount · 6 years ago

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Remember that story I wrote with eli i never posted?

Here it is. By the way, it’ll be a long one. you may notice im a master of double texting. everything in parentheses is our commentary.

Me: *will add emojis later*

Me: here he is

Me: this is Gerald

Eli: Gerald is beautiful

Me: he likes to break gender roles

Eli: I see

Me: Gerald says thank you

Me: for calling him beautiful

Me: Gerald is opening a Q&A

Eli: what’s his fav color

Me: gerald likes green

Me: mint green

Eli: Ooo nice

Eli: What’s his sexuality

Me: Gerald is poly

Eli: cool

Eli: is he single

Me: yes

Eli: so I take it he’s looking for someone

Me: yes

Eli: *will add emojis later*

Eli: This is Rebecca

Eli: She thinks that Gerald is cute

Me: Gerald thinks that Rebecca is sweet

Eli: She usually doesn’t do this but she is wondering if Gerald would like to grab coffee

Me: Gerald doesn’t drink coffee, but Gerald will get a hot cocoa with Rebecca

Me: whats Rebeccas favorite band?

Eli: Neither does Rebecca but she thought that’s what people say. She is flattered

Eli: She is v much still in love with mcr

Me: Gerald thinks that even if this doesnt work out, this will be a wonderful frenship

Eli: Rebecca is looking forward to this

Me: Gerald is outside Rebeccas house.

Me: Gerald is ready to go to Starbucks with Rebecca

Eli: Rebecca is heading downstairs right now

Eli: She is v excited

Me: Gerald thinks Rebecca looks wonderful

Me: they go to Starbucks

Eli: Rebecca forgot to tell Gerald how good he looks

Eli: She offers to pay for the hot cocoa

Me: Gerald politely turns her down

Me: there is a woman glaring at Gerald

Eli: Rebecca starts to feel self conscious so she tries to start a conversation

Eli: She accidentally spills her drink

Me: the woman walks over and starts harassing Gerald over his fashion choices

Eli: Despite feeling embarrassed about the spill she stands up for Gerald

Me: the womans husband comes over and apologizes for his wifes behavior, paying for Gerald and Rebeccas drinks

Eli: Rebecca asks Gerald is he’s okay

Eli: She reassures him that he looks great

Me: *will add emojis later*

Me: Gerald is shaken, but he says he will be okay

Eli: *will add emojis later*

Eli: Rebecca feels bad but tells him that he looks way better in a dress than that bitch

Me: Gerald hugs Rebecca and thanks her for standing up for him

Eli: Rebecca hugs him back and tells him that she would do it anytime

Eli: Rebecca will fight a bish

Me: Gerald gets his second hot cocoa and notices the barista has written his number on the cup

Eli: Rebecca tells Gerald that she would be okay with him calling the barista although she would be disappointed

Eli: She says she would be his wingman but she points to the huge stain on her shirt

Me: (Why is rebecca actually the best?)

Eli: (only the best for Gerald)

Me: Gerald texts the barista, but tells Rebecca maybe they could make it a polyam relationship if she and the barista are okay with it

Me: (OT3 OT3 OT3)

Eli: Rebecca has never done anything like that so she has to give it some thought

Me: Gerald respects that and takes the time to ask the barista

Eli: Rebecca thinks Gerald should know that she once dated the barista

Me: Gerald is a little surprised, and wants to know more

Eli: The barista is a great guy and they actually broke up because he needed to figure himself out

Eli: They have no bad blood

Me: Gerald is happy to hear that

Eli: Rebecca has decided that she is willing to give the polyam relationship a try

Me: the barista said the same thing

Eli: Rebecca is happy to hear that

Me: Gerald asks if Rebecca knows Carl and Nico

[AUTHORS NOTE: that was the first story like this we wrote, I’ll post it if you’re interested, but you don’t have to know it for this to make sense]

Eli: (oh no)

Eli: Rebecca says that she is cousins with Nico although they aren’t exactly on good terms

Eli: That’s why she wasn’t at the wedding

Me: Carl and Gerald are twin brothers

Eli: Rebecca is surprised. She had a twin brother but he died sadly

Me: Gerald asks his name

Eli: Ace

Me: How old was Ace when he passed, and where did you guys live?

Eli: Rebecca says they were 17 and they lived in North Carolina

Me: GERALD AND ACE WERE BEST FRIENDS

Eli: Rebecca is taken aback. She and Ace were v close and she had never heard about Gerald

Me: Gerald didn’t want anyone to know about him

Me: except Ace. Ace was special to Gerald

Eli: Now that she thinks about it Ace did mention someone he cared deeply about but never gave a name

Me: Ace and Gerald had been dating for a few years before Ace died

Eli: Rebecca begins to cry. She remembers that Ace had been planning to come out on his 18th birthday.

Me: Gerald feels awful that he made Rebecca cry

Me: (shit this got really depressing)

Eli: Rebecca tells Gerald that it’s not his fault

Eli: (shit it did)

Me: the barista comes over to comfort them (wtf is his name?)

Eli: (Chad???)

Me: (ew no he needs a cool name)

Eli: (Rodney???)

Eli: (???)

Me: (hmm Michael)

Eli: (okay)

Eli: Rebecca appreciates Michael coming over but she decides she can’t be in a relationship with Gerald

Eli: Gerald meant too much to Ace for her to do that

Me: Gerald is heart broken, but understands

Me: (fUCC im like, about to cry)

Eli: (im sorry sammy)

Eli: Rebecca wishes Gerald luck in life and still wants him to date Michael

Me: Michael is crying and hugs Rebecca, wishing her the best

Me: Gerald kisses Rebeccas cheek and says he hopes she finds someone good enough for her

Eli: Rebecca tries not to cry as she says goodbye

Eli: she decides maybe its her turn to find herself and she decides to move away

Me: (AAAA MY HEART)

Eli: (god this is so sad)

Eli: (what have we done)

Me: Michael asks Gerald out on a date. Gerald says yes, but he wants to help Rebecca move first

Me: Gerald wants to stay friends with Rebecca

Eli: Rebecca appreciates Gerald’s help. She invites him to have hot cocoa one more time before she leaves

Me: Gerald accepts

Me: (i am legit tearing up rn wtf)

Eli: (this is happier although part of me wants to make it sad)

Eli: (OK maybe not)

Me: (screw it, let’s make it sad)

Eli: Rebecca is glad to spend this time with Gerald. She decides to break the news to him that she’s dying

Eli: (ahhh what did i do)

Me: (AHHH WHAT DID YOU DO)

Eli: (IDK)

Me: Gerald is devastated and asks if he can help

Eli: Rebecca says that she appreciates the offer but she doesn’t want him to be around when it happens. That’s the real reason why she’s moving.

Me: Gerald asks what shes dying of

Eli: She has cancer

Me: (this is some john green book type shit right here)

Eli: (oof)

Me: (maybe hot cocoa can be our always)

Eli: (my heart)

Eli: (XD) [A/N yeah... both Eli and I are stuck in 2005.]

Me: (same)

Eli: Rebecca wishes she could stay have hot cocoa with Gerald all day but it’s time for her to leave

Me: Michael holds Gerald as he cries (bitch me too) Gerald says he will miss Rebecca and he hopes that if she dies from the cancer she will meet Ace again

Eli: Rebecca hugs the two of them and says she will tell Ace that Gerald is doing well (im not tho)

Me: (we should end this story before i start full on sobbing)

Eli: (im not crying you’re crying)

Me: (were both crying, lets be honest here)

Eli: (Rebecca leaves and everyoneliveshappilyeveraftertheehd???)

Me: (that works)

Me: *three years later*

Eli: (why would you do that)

Eli: (my heart can’t take anymore)

Me: Rebecca beat the cancer, Gerald and Michael are engaged and Rebecca is Geralds best woman

Me: (dude dont worry happy ending)

Me: THANK FUCC THATS OVER

Eli: oh yay

#kind of angsty #poorly written #happy ending

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sometipsygnostalgic · 6 years ago

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xenoblade chronicles 2 rapidfire review

π after i started writing up a 5000 word review and was still on the “character” section ive decided to make a rapidfire version to get to the fucking point.

Story - at the end of the day, it’s a tale about how to deal with all the pain and insecurity that life throws at you. how to dig down deep and find a way to continue in what you may interpret as a dreadful world. it also has some of the most satisfying mysteries and plot resolutions i’ve ever seen in a videogame. utterly touching themes. unfortunately gets a bit too shonen at points especially with the protagonist. also quite possibly a lowkey harem anime.

Story rating - 8 out of 10.

Characters - mostly all amazing in the english version.

Rex - a top lad. your best mate. however, becomes a total flawless gary stu pretty quickly. better than many protagonists out there. i like the way he gets people to open up by acting so casually friendly around them. 7 out of 10.

Pyra - unfortunately the weakest character in the main cast. has 3 forms that are treated as different characters for some reason, and no emotions beyond “sad” and “in love with rex”. her mythra form is a slightly better character who will talk to other cast members and sass down people. however mythra also comes across as weak and overly emotionally fragile at times, considering she is supposed to be the Master Blade. i suspect she exists for rex to have 4 3 girlfriends at once.

Azurda - dragon grandpa. subversive in that when he dies for the hero to move on from the homeland, he immediately resurrects himself as a cute furry thing that sleeps in rex’s helmet. best videogame decision ever. gives top advice.

Nia - welsh. double furry. how old is she? 6? most useful NPC. swears a hell of a lot. hilarious sassmaster with an intriguing story and well-rounded motivations. consistently interesting relationships with other cast members up to the end of the game. even remains the same after receiving her compulsory magical girl transformation. has the most awesome magical girl transformation. gives the main villain super cancer, causing him to blow up like harry potter’s aunt. probably the best character. lightly orbits the black hole of the rex harem, struggling to maintain geostational stability against the powers of fanservice.

Dromarch - a good dad cat. there is not a lot else to say about dromarch, except that you can ride him, which is badass. he and azurda are the old dad types babysitting the kids.

Tora - meh meh. actually likable mechanic child. why is this furry cat thing a key member of my party. despite rarely ever upgrading his blade he has made me basically immortal many times. nopon mask is underrated. masterpon is same at start of game as at end of game. that is to say he is an ambitious child, and a bit of a pervert. however, has terrible taste in upgrades. has many IRL blades pointed at him.

Poppi - poppi artificial blade who speak like masterpon. poppi α has cool design. poppi α adorable and cool. due to being newborn blade, poppi have refreshing and truthful view on world. poppi have tragic artificial sister who almost die terribly after evil nopon brainwash! poppi have most sad heartbreaking scene at end of game. however, poppi QT and poppi QT π designs can die in big fire. poppi good at throwing shade. it endearing and special trait.

Morag - technically the group normie. however, very weird. when you first see morag she reeks of pure chilled badassery. logical and with a strong sense of justice and compassion, morag starts off as an intimidating antivillain but becomes a staple member of the party. even though rex and the gang are fugitives in her city, she lets them leave because she senses they weren’t crooked ruffians and they had a purpose of their own. but she comes back to kick their ass when she thinks they’re causing more trouble, and is actually quite pissed off about rex and pyra holding back on her. has a sweet relationship with the emporer, her distant cousin/adoptive kid brother. morag learns on her adventure the value of the optimistic views the kids around her have of the world, and says multiple times if more people thought like they did, maybe there wouldn’t be so much political nonsense stopping people from living together peacefully. morag has a lot of pride and cannot deal with being oneupped. i love her.

Brighid - Morag’s wife blade who is one of many that struggles with the thought of losing her identity after regenning. has a diary of her past lives. uses it to taunt mythra about that one time she kicked her ass. pretends to be a little distant but low key super emotionally invested in the cast’s development. literally asked a main villain if she was like her past self that he knew, causing him to reconsider his entire philosophy on blades becoming completely different people when they’re reborn. bitchslaps rex that one time. Owns everybody at some point. such a beautiful character design that i never even noticed her chest is basically bare.

shellhead Zeke - the prince... of NOTHING. wishes he was still a student. that one time he nearly died, he was probably impaled by a falling twig. enjoyed playing Team Rocket. surprisingly wise for a teenlike NEET. does not look after his precious turtle. potentially does have a thunder powered eye. however, definitely requires second contact lens. unfortunately not comparable to rex in combat especially as his Luck stat means using a legendary crystal on him is like throwing it away.

Pandoria - i often forget pandoria is a blade because she is zeke’s girlfriend, also i never use her in battle due to his redundentness. well reknowned for also not looking after turtles properly. also well reknowned for slam dunking the prince over his nonsense while being equally silly.

BAD GUYS

Jin - apparently has special people-drawing trait that makes all the good cast who know him shocked he is ordering such evil bastard things to happen. not entirely sure what that trait is. emo about much bad stuff that happen to him and his driver. wishes to never forget his life with his driver. dirty child killer.very aniime. why is he the only flesh eater whose core turns red? okay character with decent enough motivation. was confused as to why Malos was following him until the very end.

Malos - evil bastard. cheesy villain. you can kick his ass many times and he will get back up 3 minutes later and laugh at you while swallowing back the bile of a bitter defeat. is actually a little tragic by the end of the game. dies for no reason. makes morag jealous because he found his purpose in life, though im not sure what that is.

Akhos - N3RD. probably the most likable member of Torna. had a silly Blade companion who he was really upset died. i like how he was sentimental about his ‘sister’ blade.

Patroka - most forgettable Torna member. a little bit tsundere.

Mikhail - grew on me significantly at the end though like Akhos and Patroka his backstory was unceremoniously dumped on your lap at the last second. must be a great fan of Prince Zeke as he’s heard of the term Blade Eater. also why has Mikhail got awesome blade powers and immortality when Zeke hasnt? maybe Mikhail is “possessing” the blade per se.

Amalthus - emo bitch. stared God in the face and raised his middle finger. hypocritically creates flesh eaters then sends witch hunts out for them. i like that he reminded himself every day about how bad humanity was by doing his best to help people. so despite the praetor being this “benevolent” figure he had somehow manifested a being of pure hatred.

Theres a lot of other people I cant be assed talking about right now.

Character rating - 9 out of 10. Even though some important characters arent as impactful as they should be, everybody is memorable and I can remember all of their damn names and backstories.

Gameplay - not particularly amazing. battles are alright, RPG-wise, with orb breaking combos and cancelling being fun to use. but they’re highly limited by the fact you can only control 1 character at a time and there is no Co-op feature. they also take an incredibly long time, even for just one enemy encounter, and there can be unfair Spike damage moves that oneshot you. my most satisfying moment battling ever was when i was fighting Aeon, the final boss, and got a Full break for the first time... I decimated the fucker when he was at 60% health.

Of course, those are just the battle mechanics.

The game is full of complex mechanics that do nothing but add tedium. Every single quest in the game forces you to farm for certain “collectibles”, plants that grow in specific unlisted locations that respawn when you fast travel. Many character “affinity” upgrades, which can lock out certain areas of the map, special skills, or unique interactions, also require you to do this shit. A guide is NECESSARY for this. There’s also the Merc Missions. Little did you know, you will need to complete Merc Missions to reach the end of many blade quests!!!you know what’s FUN? Waiting for a timer to pass after 25 fucking minutes!!!! this game has NO RESPECT FOR YOUR TIME WHATSOEVER.

the biggest bullshit of all is when you’re locked out of the main story because a specific character on your team hasn’t unlocked level 3 of a specific skill, because there’s no way that you’d be able to unlock that by naturally playing the game as you have to go out of your way to fill the criteria and grind something or other for 20 minutes.

This makes sidequests absolutely worthless.

The saving grace for the gameplay is probably the customizability of the blades themselves. Not so much the skills you can attach to each blade, but that you can unlock a number of fun characters to use, and they will have their own unique dialogue. The drivers and blades talking during battle also makes a 20 minute fight feel a lot quicker.

Battle gameplay mechanics: 6 out of 10. Fun but could be better. Sidequests, crafting, and field skill mechanics : 1 out of 10. Worthless trash that should never have been greenlit.

Considering that you will be spending so much time on the gameplay, why even bother playing the game at all?

It’s very much the story that pushes the player to move onwards. If this game didn’t have such a fun cast and meaningful plot then I’d probably not have gotten past the first act.

Music and Environments - Xenoblade Chronicles 2 is filled with vast, beautiful and diverse environments. Unfortunately, there’s not a lot of interactivity with them other than killing monsters or foraging those bloody collectibles, but they’re beautiful enough with a diverse range of monster inhabitants that give them life. The MUSIC is godlike. My favourite track in the game would be the song used for the city in Tantal. Very ominous and beautiful hymn, sung in English.

Music and environment rating - 8 out of 10.

Localisation - While many sneer at the localisation choices for this game I thought it brought it to life. Granted I have great bias as being a Welsh girl who is familiar with the differences in UK regional dialect, but it felt like the dialogue the characters were saying also had a heavy makeover to fit the new voices... I really don’t believe that Rex’s Japanese voice actor also sounded like a Top Lad, or that Nia’s japanese voice actor sounded as much like she was ready for a valleys bar fight. However there are some clear obstacles as well - the characters seemed to have no idea of the context of their lines. This is obvious when they shout something for a long time. Rex’s “HIYAAAAAAAAH” and Nia’s “NOOOO MOOOOORE” sound comically off-tone when they are supposed to be epic. It’s the works of someone who read those lines off a script without knowing what was going on. Tora’s actor saying “meh meh” sounds like it was meant to be a COMPLETELY different noise. Morag and Zeke never go off-course, however. I think either they had an advantage with more visuals being completed by the time they were cast, or they just don’t have diverse enough dialogue in the game for it to have been an issue.

Localisation - 7.8/10 too much Meh.

FINAL THOUGHTS

Xenoblade chronicles 2 is a highly addictive game that pulls you to the finish line with an interesting plot and a cast you just can’t let go of. While Pyra is certainly the weakest link of the characters, and the game has some extremely goofy shonen scenes that it’s hard to take seriously, and oh dear me that’s an awful lot of boob shots, I had a lot of fun powering through it. I’m going to have a tough time letting go of this story and these characters.

Unfortunately the gameplay itself is not similarly addictive, and becomes more of a chore for you to get to the next cutscene or funny interaction.

Final rating - 6.5 out of 10. While a worthwhile experience, the greatest story in the world cannot save this game from piss-standard design choices. It is probably better to spend your time on a game that doesn’t have anti-fun mechanics. But I’d be hard pressed if any had a cast that touched your hearts quite like that of Xenoblade Chronicles 2.

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aggresivelyfriendly · 7 years ago

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~Meet Me In The Hallway~ huge thanks to @emulateharry for the beta!! Chapter One-Terminal

That was all I wanted to do. I just needed to pass through. That was the whole fucking point of a hallway, right? To get from point A to point B? It didn’t have to be damn metaphor for being stuck, being unable to move on.

I was there, and I wanted to be, now I’m not and I can’t move to the next place, so I wait in a long lonely corridor and wish for yesterday.

Yesterday and Tuesday are gone with the wind though. And I was glad of it. It had been years since I’d seen his face, and frankly, that was better for me. It’s how I had gotten better. I’d even managed to avoid nearly anything and everything about him. That was easier out here. The east knew his name, but it was not the brightest nor the biggest.

It was almost like when we started. His star was ascending, but his name didn’t come with a trademark quite yet.

I’d toured with his openers, someone’s little sister cum make up artist. But I was actually good, and I didn’t mind being around a bunch of gross boys either. That was what I’d grown up with, and so my brother and his band and the biggest band, idiots all, brought me right in. Gave me a spot, a job, a family, a goddamn complex with all of their teasing.

Except for him, Harry. He had not immediately seen me as one of the boys, despite the jeans I hadn’t washed in many many moons, and the vans someone had puked on, and the t shirt I’d found on the floor of the bus between stops. I expected to be one of the boys, but he made me feel like the only girl.

It started in a hallway, but of course. I’d gotten kicked out, well, shoved out, by a groupie with a killer bod and a rep for head. The sock was on the door and I knew the rules. It was late, everyone was drunk, and I was homeless.

I sat down in the hallways and laid my head upon my knees and hoped I’d had enough beer to put me right to sleep. I had not.

I sat and played music, as loud as I dared, to drown out the sound of my brother getting off. Gross. But so fucking familiar. He was just old enough to be in charge of me and young enough to know better but not care. And we were close enough in age that it wasn’t that weird. Except it was always my friends. Let me tell you, the last thing you want to hear is your best mate screaming your brother’s name.

But the girl in the hotel room was far away from my mate, she’d looked at me like she couldn’t figure out where the fuck I came from and what I was doing hanging with baby rockstars.

“Who’s she?” She’d asked like I wasn’t able to hear as my brother pulled her into the room.

“My little sister.”

“Oh,” had been her disinterested reply as I’d been dumped in the hallway. Lovely.

It was an auspicious start. I should have known with a beginning like that, an end was inevitable.

Something started that night in the corridor. I think it all started for me that night. After our first hallway rendezvous, I gave Harry years of my life. Always meeting him in the hallway, sneaking into his sheets, and trying to work it out. It ended in a hallway too. He left me and I stood there hoping we could work it out for too long, years maybe. But then, I walked away, and I got better. Seeing him here, tonight, another sparse but posh place that wasn’t, felt like I’d walked into a time machine. Like I’d just left his bedroom. His hair was short, like it had been when I fell for him. I thought I had gotten up, but I know now I was still on the floor.

I watched him, his back was to me, but I could tell by the loop of his stride, the set of his shoulder, the occasional smack of his gum, that it was him. He has yet to see me. If he did he must have been disinterested. Apathy is the worst, I hate it more that hate.

Harry had never shown disinterest in me, though I guess he wasn’t interested right away, polite and kind I’d say. But busy and charming and rolling in girls. So, imagine my surprise when he fell for me. Though it would be lie to say I didn’t fall first.

“Hey,” I looked up at the voice while I sat wishing for my ear phones that first leg of tour. He was all mussed curls and bare torso dotted with nonsensical ink.

“Hey, Sorry, was the music too loud?” I picked up my phone and notched it down.

“Nah, I heard you get the boot. I waited to hear another door, then heard the music. Figured you could use a refuge.”

I smiled brilliantly at him. I’d had a crush from the first time I’d met him that had only grown in magnitude as I watched him navigate around the first arena we rocked up to. He was in a muscle t, riding a Segway, and later, I watched him when he wrestled and sloshed beer with the other rowdy boys, the same shirt had got stretched and see through and he’d caught me trying to read the words at his hip. He’d quirked a brow.

“What’s it say?” I’d asked.

“‘Might as well.’” He quoted

“Just fuck?” I finished and slapped my hands over my mouth. But he sneezed or laughed and wheezed before being pulled back into the joyful altercation.

I could definitely read the lyrics the night he invited me in. I’d say to his hotel room, but I got into so much more than that. His good graces, maybe then his good books, and at one point, I’d thought his heart.

He’d set me up with a beer and a controller and we’d played xbox until ridiculously late.

“You’re really good,” he bemoaned after I’d beaten him for the 14th time.

“Yeah,” I shrugged and tossed some more crisps into my mouth. “Boys play on the bus. There’s not much else to do. What aren’t you better?”

“I sleep a lot.”

“On the bus?” I pointed at the tv as I selected another round.

He nodded his delight and we started in again. “Pretty much anywhere I can. Our schedule is crazy. We’re always on planes, and I hate sleeping there. So, I sleep on the bus and whenever I can—”

“Why aren’t you asleep now?”

“Another part of the merry go round, I can’t sleep after shows for a while. I’m all wound up, so then I’m tired the next day, but we are often on a plane, where I can’t sleep, so I—”

“Sleep where you can when you. So you miss out on fifa?”

“Pretty much,” he dimples at me and I felt so happy he had opened his door.

We played for a while longer, until I caught him yawning and called him out for it. “Tired? Ready for bed?”

He looked sheepish, “Yeah, should sleep, Sorry.”

“No,” I got up and grabbed my trash, “I’ll go, just let me see if the damn sock is gone,”

I’d just gotten a glimpse that the sock was still very present on the door across the hall when he pulled me back. “No, you can crash here. I just meant I needed to lay down.”

“Mkay, I’m not to proud for the couch. Looks like it’s there or the floor out there,” I gestured. I kept talking, I couldn’t seem to stop my mouth. “This is a nice hotel, but the floor is still pretty grotty.”

He scratched the back of his neck and I catalogued the new tattoos the move revealed to me. I could see no relation between pieces or how they’d fit into a sleeve. Maybe after a few more nights of video games I’d get really brave and ask him.

He must have felt braver than me, “no, um….this isn’t a come on, k?”

He paused for my reaction but my 3 am brain was sluggish and I just stared until he continued.

“I figured you could sleep with me, just to sleep. I like a body next to me, but…” he trailed off and stared at his feet. The toe of his right sock had a hole near his big toe, I could see why, his nail needed a clip.

“But?” I prompted.

“I can’t sleep with the girls I hook up with, because who knows who will find out, and I can’t handle another segment on tmz. I’ve watched you around. You’re not a big talker. You listen a lot. I like that.” He smiled a little and I returned it.

“You listen a lot too,” I commented. “You pretend to be life of the party, but I catch you hovering round the edges all the time.”

He stubbed his foot down, “I like being around people, just gets tiring to be on all the time.”

“You can turn off with me.” I meant it and caught his hand as I said it.

“I know,” he said. “I can tell. Know you know some dirty shit about all of us, never hear about it from you. Think I can trust you. Not gonna have to confiscate your phone.”

“Well good luck there, babe, not relinquishing my phone. Only line I have home while I’m out trying to keep up with you ragamuffins and keep my stupid brother alive.”

He laughed and then yawned.

“Bed,?” I suggested.

“Bed.” He pulled me behind him. “You can have a shirt if you want?”

“No, I can sleep in this.” I went around him to the unpopulated side of the fluffy white bed and sat down to pull off my shoes and socks before I slid in under the covers.

“Not in the jeans,” he shook his head, “that’s so uncomfortable. I’m sleeping in my pants.”

“Feel free, your bed and all, but your ploy to see me in my knickers is going unmet, Styles,” my laugh was an attempt to cover my nerves. “cant, cuz im not wearing any.” I laughed.

“You’re not wearing any what? Any knickers?” He blushed.

“Nope, had to rush out this morning. Sans pantaloons I’m afraid.” I’d arranged myself under the blankets and was trying to look cool as a cucumber while he’d fish faced across from me.

Finally, he about faced on his heel and I wondered where he got to. He returned with a fresh pair of boxer briefs. “You still can’t sleep in jeans, be right un comfy, an I don’t want them rubbing on my legs.”

I don’t know where it came from, but I took the pants and met him cheek for cheek by standing and sliding my jeans down my legs and slipping his blue shorts over my hips.

“You’re gonna catch flies,” I quipped and slid back beneath the overs and shut the light.

And that was how I came to sleep with Harry Styles in his underwear most nights for years.

#harry styles #Harry Styles fanfiction #Harry Styles fanfic #Harry Styles imagine #one direction #one direction fanfiction #mmith #meet me in the hallway #song fic

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hibisha · 8 years ago

Text

The Ace

Chapters: 1/1

Fandom: K (Anime)

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings

Relationships: Akiyama Himori/Hidaka Akira

Characters: Akiyama Himori, Hidaka Akira, Benzai Yuujirou, Awashima Seri, Gotou Ren

Additional Tags: Crime, AU, Murder Mystery, Romance

Series: Part 2 of

Dire Needs

The Ace

External mirrors:

1.) Fanfiction

2.) AO3

BAU, PSIA headquarters, Shinjuku, Tokyo, Japan.

04th July, Monday.

[8:30 AM]

Mondays were just one of those things that made for a very tedious existence.

The observation was made by a young man staggering through the main entrance of the bureau and collapsing in his work space, glaring at the pile of case files in front of him that needed reviewing and debriefing. Benzai Yujiro had sworn to himself that he would never look at another piece of report for a month but then again, that’s what he swore to himself each weekend as he stuffed some paperwork in his bag to take home with him. Next to him, Kamo Ryuho was sipping coffee and was already flipping through a case, not batting an eye at the gruesome display of bodies before him.

"I can't believe it's Monday already." Both of them turned to look at their newest recruit, a young red head, drag himself into the room and throw himself into his own chair. "I can't keep doing this every week, my body can't handle the stress." Doumyoji Andy was so far the youngest person in their department and Benzai knew for a fact that Kamo had taken quite the shine to him – the only reason why he offered him a smile instead of a scathing remark with a complimentary eye roll as Benzai was about to do.

Speaking of new recruits...

"Weren't we going to get two new members transferring in today?" He mused out loud, thinking back on what the Captain had told them before the weekend. Both his colleagues were about to respond when a sharp click of heels against the marble floor of the place made them all turn around.

Awashima Seri, the young blonde woman who had replaced Gen Shiotsu as the communication liaison around a week ago, marched straight out of her office and made her way over to them.

"Gentlemen." Her tone was brusque, eyes going over their desks, disapprovingly taking in all the unfinished files and paperwork. "Has anyone seen Akiyama kun arrive since this morning?" Benzai and Andy, both who had clocked in only moments ago, turned to look at Kamo, who presumably had been there since six am, only because he didn't have any other obligations. The dark haired man shrugged.

"I haven't seen him, sorry." Awashima nodded, her blue eyes glancing at the large clock hanging on the wall before she turned to Benzai and gave him an almost pleading look.

"Could you call him and ask him where he is? He was supposed to bring the two new comers from the airport -" Andy let out a small noise and they all turned to look at him as he ducked his head low, face turning a bit pink, "- and he hasn't been picking up any of my calls." Awashima finished, still eyeing Andy suspiciously, the later having dropped a pen and having to dive under his desk to retrieve it. Benzai on his part, kept a straight face until she had left only to have Andy break out into a fit of giggles and even Kamo was trying to hide his amusement behind his hand.

"Okay you two, knock it off."

"Akiyama-san. She sent Akiyama san to get the two newbies. From the airport. She sent Akiyama-san to drive them back here from the airport." Andy couldn't even seem to breathe and Benzai almost wished he'd choke on behalf of his best friend. He was about to snap back at them when another soft laugh joined Andy's explosive ones and Benzai looked up to see Fuse approaching them with Enomoto tagging along behind, both holding steaming mugs of coffee and wearing matching grins.

"Akiyama-san's driving? Alone?" Benzai sighed.

"I'm sure it's not that bad..." He mumbled, pulling out his phone. Dialing his oldest friend's number, he waited for the line to connect as all the others listened in, showing various levels of interest and amusement.

Beep. Beep. Beep.

Click.

"I'm not lost."

That's when Andy truly couldn't control himself. The red head bent over, laughing soundly as Fuse joined him and even Enomoto and Kamo let out a small chuckle. "Why are you all laughing, I said I'm not lost!" Akiyama's tone sounded too peeved for Benzai to take those words in account though. "…I just took a wrong turn."

"Enomoto kun..." The bespectacled man nodded at Benzai, and pulled out his laptop, setting to work on tracing Akiyama's cellphone coordinates. "Akiyama, take a left."

"...okay but I just want to confirm everyone knows that I'm not lost."

"Of course you're not lost. How are the two with you?" Benzai added hastily, coughing to drown out the noise of everyone snickering in the background. There was a derisive snort heard from the other end that was so unlike Akiyama that Benzai had to pause and blink for a while before confirming that yes, this was still his best friend's voice. "Akiyama?"

"One of them had the bright idea for me to let him drive."

"Alright?" Keeping an eye on the red dot on Enomoto's screen, he quickly added before Akiyama could respond, "Take a right and then just drive straight – you'll get on familiar roads soon."

"Why is the headquarters so far away?" The other man complained, "Anyways, like I was saying, the car broke down. Twice." Benzai raised his eyebrow, even though the other couldn't see it.

"Oh?"

"Yes. It was weird. It just stopped and wouldn't move forward and … it was odd."

"Okay, just be careful and make it back in one piece alright?"

"Yes but for the record-"

"Yes Akiyama, we get it - you weren't lost."

BAU, PSIA headquarters, Shinjuku, Tokyo, Japan.

04th July, Monday.

[9:42 AM]

"Hidaka Akira and Gotou Ren." The young brunette looked up with bleary eyes as a tall man approached them, "Sorry for the inconvenience. We were unaware of the troubles that could have happened." The fact that the man did not look even the slightest bit sorry – if not anything, he looked a bit amused – made Hidaka almost snipe back. The other man had dark hair, deep violet eyes framed by the delicate frames of his glasses. He wasn't taller than Hidaka yet his presence alone made Hidaka feel smaller. "I'm the section chief and SSA, Munakata Reisi, you must be the two new recruits from Kyoto?"

Both of them nodded. Munakata san smiled, eyes twinkling behind the lenses.

"Well the, I'm glad to welcome you to the team. Rest assured, Awashima kun will show you around but for now, why don’t you two just rest. After all, I heard it was quite a taxing ride."

"It was alright – wasn't it Hidaka san." Gotou smiled at him in his usual demure manner and all the frustration and annoyance that had been building up inside him was calmed down – a bit.

Gotou was no miracle worker after all.

"Yeah." He mumbled, "We'll get over it." Out of the corner of his eye, he spotted a certain green haired man walking towards the coffee pot and he almost marched straight up to him to tell him exactly why he shouldn't be allowed on roads if he couldn't even follow a GPS map on his phone.

"Excellent!" Munakata said, clapping his hands together. "Why don't you take some time to familiarize yourself with the place – we haven't had a case today so it’s a slow day."

"Alright sir." Both of them nodded and in a blink of an eye, Hidaka was in hot pursuit of the short directionally challenged man who had escorted him to the HQ - if you called it an escort.

What was his name again? Akiyama Himori right? The man had been so focused on getting them back to the bureau that introductions had gone sailing out of the window.

"Akiya-!" The rest of the words got drowned in his mouth as he saw the look of utter despair and resignation on the other man's face. There was a phone lodged between his ear and shoulder and he was talking very vehemently, the hand that was not holding the coffee mug, was making all sorts of gestures, clearly indicating the other man was highly agitated.

"-on't do something you'll regret... You know what, fine. Have it your way! We're done!" Grabbing his phone, he angrily cut the call and whirled around only to come face to face with Hidaka who had enough sense of mind to realize he might have witnessed a breakup.

A rather abrupt and depressing one.

"It's not polite to eavesdrop on someone else's conversation." Akiyama sniffled out, his hair swept across his face, covering his right eye, making him look rather...adorable for lack of other words. "I don't know where you've transferred in fro-"

"Oh no, I wasn't eavesdropping! I was here to -" Yes, telling him off about his atrocious navigation skills was really not going to help the other right now so he began searching his mind for an excuse. "-ask you where I could get some coffee!" Akiyama looked at him and then pointedly at the coffee machine that sat right next to Hidaka, innocently doing what it was meant to do – brewing coffee.

The sudden low chuckle that escaped the other's mouth made him almost cry with relief because really, what the actual fuck. Coffee? Really?

Thank you brain.

"It's alright, I wasn't exactly somewhere private or secluded enough to have this conversation." Jamming his hands in his pocket, Hidaka shot him a sympathetic look.

"Tough day?"

"You have no idea."

"Want to talk about it?" A single green eye blinked at him as if he hadn't expected this before a small smile crossed his features, turning them softer and making them look much more meek and mellower than before.

"It's alright...Hidaka san?" Hidaka grinned.

"Yup! That's me! Hidaka Akira! I suppose I'm your junior right now!" The small smile on the other's face grew wider and even thought he could still blatantly see the other's misery reflected on his face, he didn't push his luck in trying to make him laugh even more.

"Well Hidaka san, I hope we get along." Hidaka watched as the shorter of the two made his way to a work bench where he got comfortable and was immediately joined by a group of people, all who were slapping him on his back.

He also noted how there was now a smile plastered on the man's face.

BAU, PSIA headquarters, Shinjuku, Tokyo, Japan.

11th August, Monday.

[8:45 AM]

"Right guys, since we're all here I'll get started right away." Awashima announced as soon as she waltzed into the conference room. Over the past month, Hidaka had gotten used to the fact that while the curvaceous body looked like it had been in every man's dreams at least once, the woman also possessed quite the sharp tongue that could quite possibly rip you into two if you stared at her chest for longer than absolute necessary - 0.01 seconds to be precise.

That and she had a boyfriend, who was equally just as terrifying as her.

Next to him, Gotou merely smiled into his cup of tea.

Gotou Ren had turned out to be a blessing in disguise for Hidaka. When the young man was looking for an apartment to live in after being randomly evicted from the one he was staying in on his second day because of a very bizarre reason - "You're too tall, you scare our children. We're sorry but could you please find somewhere else to go?" - Gotou had offered him to come live with him in an apartment that his family had owned in the area.

He also found out that no, Gotou did not smoke pot every morning, he was relatively this calm by nature.

A tap on his head made him turn to the right just to stare into the disapproving face of Akiyama san, who was staring at him steadily with the one eye that wasn't covered by the mess of his hair.

"Pay attention." he chided, "Hidaka san, you're going to get yourself into trouble if you keep zoning out like that."

"Sorry Akiyama san..."

"It’s alright, just don't make a habit of it. Also, you've been tapping that pen against the desk for a while now, it's getting a bit distracting - could you please stop?"

Akiyama Himori, Hidaka had discovered, liked everything to be in perfect order. He was always smiling and was the person you went to for advice.

"Alright Akiyama san, I'll stop distracting you."

"You'll need to stop existing for that to happen Hidaka san."

He was also the person who, and here's the part Hidaka didn't understand quite how it had happened, seemed to have started a sort of fake relationship with him where both of them pretended that they were dating.

As if his life wasn't odd as it was.

He supposed his constant flirting had been to blame too.

But he really hadn't expected quiet and shy Akiyama Himori to respond to his subtle remarks with even more highly inappropriate things – all in subtext of course because Akiyama san was going to be inappropriate, that would be improper - that made him think that maybe he was dreaming up the whole thing.

"Guys!" Benzai admonished them from where he sat, giving them an exasperated look. Akiyama immediately gave him a sweet smile and returned his focus back to the case.

"Right, we have a series of women abduction cases in Itabashi - so far seven women have gone missing over the past month and two of them just turned up dead - Maki Mamoru and Reiko Masashi. Both strangled, with their hands and feet showing signs of being bound to something."

"Any signs of sexual assault?" Benzai asked, looking at the file in front of him. Awashima shook her head.

"None but if you see here around their necks, you'll realize-"

"The marks come from collars."

Everyone turned to look at Akiyama, who in turn had gone very pink in the face and mumbled something along the lines of "know from a friend..." Hidaka wondered what kind of company Akiyama liked to keep.

"Are we sure it's the same guy who kidnapped all seven?" Benzai interrupted, raising his eyebrow, "I mean, it could be possible that some of them aren't related to the case."

"That's what I thought too except this guy likes to throw a calling card." The screen behind Awashima lit up, revealing an image of a playing card.

"The Ace of spades?" Hidaka asked, giving a small smile. "How..."

"Original." Benzai deadpanned from across him. "I'm guessing that's what the media has started calling him."

"You know, in legend and folklore, it is also known as the death card." Gotou added a bit dreamily. Awashima nodded and sighed.

"With the captain and half the squad away on a business trip in LA, we're kind of short staffed as well."

"Don't worry Awashima san." Akiyama said, smiling politely, "I'm sure we can handle it." The blonde woman nodded, her eyes flashing with determination.

"Indeed we have to, seeing as we don't have a choice. Alright squad let's move out!"

"Yes!"

Middle of nowhere, Tokyo, Japan.

11th August, Monday.

[ 09:18 AM]

"Akiyama san, why did you not listen to me when I asked you to let me drive?"

"I'm. Not. Lost."

"You're right. We're lost. Both of us." Hidaka couldn't believe his luck. Of all the people who could have driven on the one day he fell asleep in the van, it just had to be Akiyama. The rest had gone ahead in another vehicle and Benzai had explicitly warned him not to let Akiyama take charge.

And he'd fallen asleep.

"I didn't want to wake you up! You looked so cute just sleeping there." Flirting aside, the man did look very apologetic and remorseful, so Hidaka supposed he could overlook it.

"Okay okay, but where are we?"

"I don't know but-"

"Okay yes you're not lost I get it. We get it. The world gets it. But that's not going to help us right now." Akiyama pouted and Hidaka felt his heart skip a beat. Or several. "Oth-other than that – we're not getting any cellphone reception here either." Akiyama looked away, looking the absolute picture of misery.

"I know what you’re thinking and yes, this is why I'm not allowed to drive by myself."

"...Okay, let's just keep driving till we find some cell phone signals?"

"You think I'm incapable of driving without a guide."

"Akiyama san – we are currently in the middle of nowhere with no cell phone reception, no cars within sight – yes I think you are an extremely incapable driver." Seeing the other man opening his mouth looking affronted, he held up a hand, stopping him before he could say anything. "Still, I don't mind being stuck here with you. But we need to find a way back to the others okay?" Akiyama didn't respond or even meet his eyes, opting to tap his fingers against the steering wheel.

"What?" Hidaka was suddenly filled with realization that just maybe his words could have been taken as a tad bit offensive and he suddenly began to splutter out an explanation. "No, that's not what I meant – I think you're a great driver -"

"I don’t' mind being stuck with Hidaka san either." The words were mumbled out as if Akiyama wished Hidaka wouldn't hear them. The tall brunette started, a slow and easy grin creeping along his face. Slinging an arm around the other, he poked him in the cheek.

"Aww Akiyama san is so cute."

"Remove your arm lest I remove it off for you - permanently." But even as he said it, Hidaka noticed the small smile on the man's face. "Alright, let's start driving, you keep focused on looking for a signal okay?" Hidaka nodded and offered the man a mock salute before the car was revved up began to move down the road.

Police Department, Itabashi, Tokyo, Japan.

11th August, Monday.

[10:45 AM]

"So how does he get to the girls?" Benzai stared at the whiteboard in front of him, frowning. All of them had arrived about half an hour ago and had just received a message that Akiyama and Hidaka were on their way, after taking a small detour. By detour obviously they meant Akiyama had gotten "not lost" again. Seriously...

And he had warned the other man to not let Akiyama take charge.

Benzai loved his best friend but even with him closing his eyes to all his faults, there was just this one thing that he couldn't let go off mostly because he was sure it would end up putting Akiyama in danger one day.

"Well we figured out that all seven of them had no places they'd ever come across each other except for this one bar." The local head of the PD, Chitose Yo said, reaching out to tap the map pinned on the board. "This place is the only bar around here for miles that offers a single ladies night once a week. Now according to the locals and regulars of the bar, they had seen each of the missing ladies at least once there."

"So the unsub scopes out single women at the bar and then what?" Gotou asked, cocking his head to the side thoughtfully. "It's not like he can just grab a woman in front of everyone and drag her away."

"He?" Chitose asked, looking startled, "I assumed it would be a female seeing as the killer manages to watch his victims at a ladies' night." Awashima shook her head, her blonder hair pulled back in a bun.

"That's what we would have thought too except the woman he abducted last - Haruka Maki was an all-star athlete. It would take a very large person to subdue her."

"Unless the killer had a gun." Benzai pointed out, "Guns usually make the strongest fall and become compliant. So we’re not ruling it out entirely."

"It could also be a really tall woman." Relief flooded Benzai's system as he whirled in his seat to stare Akiyama who came striding in with Hidaka on his heels. "Haruka san is strong but what's saying it couldn't be a stronger woman?" Awashima looked thoughtful.

"Well yes, I suppose that could be it."

"So we're back to square one.”

"Let's look at the victimology." Gotou pipped up, "All young women, dark haired, around their late twenties. All of them single and just out to have a good time."

"Something happens in that party that triggers off our unsub." Awashima added, "And next thing you know, we've got ourselves a new victim." Her blue eyes darkened, forehead wrinkling with worry. "That's all fine and good but why keep them for so long and then kill them? The bodies showed no signs of torture - no defensive wounds or anything. Just the marks on their hands and feet. They were well fed and no signs of being starved or being unkempt. They even had their toenails all trimmed and proper."

"So the unsub keeps them prisoner, takes care of them and then what? He just kills them?" Hidaka asked, raising his eyebrow. Benzai drummed his fingers against the table absent mindedly.

"No, something isn't quite right here. We're missing something. We need to go talk to the families and see what they say before we make any deductions." Akiyama suggested from where he was perched on a counter, "There has got to be something that links these women more than just their build and appearances." Awashima nodded.

"Okay, everyone pick a family and go talk to them. We'll meet back here and discuss what we've found out alright?" Nodding, all of them got to their feet. Benzai made his way to Akiyama.

"So - what happened?"

"Well, I took a wrong turn or two. Not my fault, you see, the signs were all very faded and it was hard to decipher one arrow from the other."

"And Hidaka san?"

"Oh he fell asleep. But he does look cute when he's snoring so I let him stay pressed up against the window, drooling." Benzai snorted. Akiyama smiled brightly. "I even took pictures!" Benzai just shook his head and reached out to ruffle the already messy hair before him.

"Don't make me worry like that again."

"I'm a grown adult-"

"-with no sense of direction."

"Still. I can take care of myself and you know it." Benzai snorted again, remembering their training days together in the academy. Akiyama had been known as some sort of silent holy terror. 'His bite is definitely worse than his bark' - the rumor that had drawn him towards the otherwise very silent and sweet looking individual.

"Well yes, I have no doubt that you can take care of yourself."

"See? You have nothing to worry about." The smile Akiyama gave him made him not even a little less worried about him.

"I'm still going to be the one to drop you off where you want to go right now."

"That is such -"

"Hidaka san can pick you up."

"- such a nice idea." Akiyama grinned. His eyes were twinkling mischievously - or eye. The only one he could see anyways. Benzai groaned.

"You know, you could stop pretending you don't have a crush on him and outright instead."

"Now where would be the fun in that? Besides, it's not like he ever takes any of my comments seriously..."

"Well maybe you should openly tell him instead of making a game out of it."

"He started it! We're just joking around Benzai." The two of them were making their way to where one of the cars they were supposed to be using was parked and Benzai slid into the driver's seat, Akiyama climbing in next to him.

"Well actually, I think he flirted with you genuinely and now he's confused..."

"He flirts with everyone!" Akiyama did have a fair point. Hidaka did flirt with everyone - or used to. Except everyone else had just given up while Akiyama had responded and Benzai knew when his best friend had a crush from a mile away. Akiyama on the other hand, was still in denial about the whole thing. Factoring in the last relationship that he had, which had ended rather sourly, it was understandable why Akiyama wouldn’t want to get into another one – his boyfriend had just up and realized one day that he wasn’t gay, something that Benzai couldn’t understand because how on earth do you just, after being in relationship with a man for almost a year, just suddenly realize you weren’t gay? But apparently that was a thing that happened. Which made this all such a huge pointless drama that Benzai wouldn't be surprised it was written by some young college student who liked creating nonexistent complicated messes.

"Okay look, if by the end of this case you don't tell him, I'm going to do it for you. He may turn you down but then at least you'll know?" Akiyama pouted.

"Well true enough I suppose. Alright, when we're done with this case, I'll tell him." Benzai smiled as he pulled out of the driveway.

"That's the Akiyama Himori I know."

Mamoru household, Itabashi, Tokyo, Japan.

11th August, Monday.

[11:30 AM]

"Good afternoon Yuki Mamoru san, may I come in?" The short brown haired woman nodded and stepped aside to let in Awashima as she flashed her credentials. The blonde woman entered the house and looked around, seeing what you'd find in a normal everyday household. Framed pictures on the walls, a small living room with an attached kitchen and some doors which she assumed were the bedrooms.

"Ah thank you for speaking with me Yuki-san." she said, bowing her head a bit, "I wanted to ask you a few questions regarding your daughter?" The woman let out a small sniffle but apart from that managed to hold herself together and give her a tiny nod.

"Okay, did Maki have any enemies? Anyone who'd want to do this to her?" Yuki shook her head aggressively, eyes shining with unshed tears.

"No, not that I can think of. Maki was an outgoing child - a bit rambunctious but over all a nice kid. She wouldn't hurt a fly and wasn’t bad at heart. I know – I know what everyone says, that Maki – my Maki, probably did something stupid and reckless – and that she d-d-deserv-" Awashima reached out and put a gentle hand on her arm and gave a firm look.

“Yuki-san, I know this is hard but know that no one blames Maki or thinks she deserved any of this. We will find whoever did this and we will bring him to justice. But I need you to be strong and answer my questions. Can you do that for me?” Yuki nodded, wiping her eyes on her apron. Awashima gave her an encouraging nod. "Alright, you told the police that when Maki didn't return home for a day, you didn't think too much about it until it crossed was about three days later?" Yuki let out a sob and shook her head.

"You - you probably think I'm a bad mother but I didn't - she would usually spend nights at her boyfriend's house so I didn't - she never listened to me anyways." At this the woman dissolved into tears and Awashima awkwardly reached out to pat her back. The woman finally took a deep breath and managed to calm herself down.

"She recently just broke up with him too - I should have known. But I thought they made up - they always do. Always." At this she just broke down once more, not even attempting to pull herself together. Awashima, sensing that she was not going to get any more answers out of the woman, got up and bid her farewell. The woman just looked up and gave her a hard stare.

"Find this person. Find them - save those other girls." Awashima nodded and exited the house. Pulling out her cellphone, she put all of the squad on a conference call.

"All right Maki Mamoru was a bit of a rough edged girl but she didn't have any enemies. She was recently going through a breakup -"

"With an on again off again boyfriend?" Benzai interrupted. Awashima blinked.

"Yes that's exactly-"

"I think I know what this is all about." came a clipped reply. “Everyone gather at the PD's conference room." Hearing all the others agree and drop the call, the bewildered blonde woman was left wondering what on earth was going on.

Police Department, Itabashi, Tokyo, Japan.

11th August, Monday.

[01:14 PM]

"He's targeting women who're single - but not just single. Recent breakups." Benzai pointed out. "Women who are all together with some on again off again romance and by the looks of it, he's telling them that he wants to tie them down - in other words, they should settle down once and for all."

"Why the girls though?" Hidaka asked, "They aren't the ones who initiated most of these breakups." Awashima frowned.

“He’s also taking care of them.” She argued, “Doesn’t seem like something a man would do if they were just discipline his victims.”

“Unless he thinks he’s saving them from that way of life.” Akiyama supplied. “Tie them down and enforce them to not go back – stay with him who treats them so kindly?”

"Maybe something to do with his own past?" Gotou pipped up from where he was sitting, "Either way, I think I have a plan on how to catch this guy."

"How?" Chitose asked, looking confused. Gotou smiled mysteriously.

"All we need, is some insider's information."

Raven’s Heart, Itabashi, Tokyo, Japan.

12th August, Tuesday.

[9:45 PM]

“I still say this is a highly bad idea.” Hidaka muttered under his breath as the two slipped into the bar, wearing tuxedos. Akiyama shrugged, looking around cautiously. Zeroing in on Dewa Masaomi from a distance, he nodded to Hidaka.

“There.” Hidaka turned to look at the quiet dark haired man, just sitting there quietly, sipping vodka and scoffed.

“You have got to be kidding me – that’s our informant?” Akiyama shrugged. It appeared he was a close friend of the local PD head so what was the point on commenting. Not that Akiyama was going to deny that the man looked way too different to be a friend of what Akiyama had established on first sight, a very flashy police officer.

“Well, he’s our best lead. He’s going to be the one who helps us identify who’s a regular here and who’s not.”

“And we’re looking for a regular?”

“Yes, because the unsub needs to visit a lot to know everything about the victims as he did.” Akiyama signaled the informant with his head and the man gave them a long hard look before very subtly pointing in the direction of the bar, where a small group of women were hanging off the arm of a dark suited man, giggling and batting their eyelashes. Next to him, Hidaka whistled softly.

“Check out that girl’s ra-oof!” a sharp elbow in his side made the rest of his words die in his throat as he found at the end of a highly disapproving glare. As the other was apologizing profusely, Akiyama began to recall the plan in his head.

Grab a drink and go make small talk.

How hard could it be? Smiling, he picked up two glasses of cheap wine off a passing waiter and handed it to Hidaka. It was going to be as simple as baking a cake.

Swank Motel, Itabashi, Tokyo, Japan.

13th August, Wednesday.

[3:55 AM]

"You have got to be kidding me." Hidaka stared at the dress in absolute horror and then at the man holding it up, smiling rather smugly.

"No Akiyama san, I can't-"

"But you promised." Hidaka swore internally - Akiyama seemed to have discovered some internal weakness of his which was basically making the worst sad puppy dog face you could manage to pull off. And he was getting too good at them. Or he was always good at them - fuck.

"I was drunk!"

"Promised." The man in front of him wasn’t giving up though. The plan, the night before, had gone horribly wrong. The two of them had been doing a stake out in a bar, like they had been originally assigned to do, all the while keeping close to one of the only suspects they had. While he had ordered more drinks with the suspect so they could all drink, Akiyama had severely overestimated Hidaka’s ability to hold liquor. Two drinks in and he was blabbering nonsense and Akiyama had to hurry him away in case he accidentally blew their cover. Amidst all that, at one point there had been a conversation that Hidaka could only vaguely recall.

"Akiyama san is really pretty."

"What?"

"Like lots an' lots of pretty. Bet you'd look even more pretty in a dress."

"Hidaka san you're starting to go incoherent and you clearly cannot think straight."

"Can't ever think straight around you."

After that was a huge gap in his memory and he remembered nothing except when he woke up, Akiyama was grinning at him and telling him he had promised to wear a dress - for him. Hidaka was willing to bet his life on the fact he hadn't promised any such thing but Akiyama was persistent and so here they were.

"Look, if I promise to wear the dress, can we just leave?"

“You already promised to wear a dress. And yes, you can leave wearing the dress."

Really, why was it always Hidaka's job to deal with this?

"Okay, but I'm not entering the hotel in those clothes - just till we reach the police station then I'm changing in the back of the van. Got it?" The green eyes in front of him blinked.

"Alright, whatever Hidaka-san feels comfortable with."

"I feel comfortable in my own clothes." Hidaka couldn't help but put in a tad bit desperately.

"Not that comfortable." Really, Akiyama Himori was a demon.

Itabashi, Tokyo, Japan.

13th August, Wednesday.

[5:30 AM]

"I see, thank you Awashima san." Disconnecting the call, Hidaka turned to look at Akiyama, who was keeping his one eye focused on the road. Somewhere in the back of his mind, Hidaka wondered if that was the reason why he was always getting lost but discarded it. Sitting there in a sparkly pink dress, with his hair done up in a clump of pony tail, he hardly was in any position to say anything.

"You make a lovely woman Hidaka san." The corner of Akiyama’s lips was twitching and Hidaka had the painful urge to punch him straight in the mouth.

“Why thank you, I really work hard on this body.”

“Lets put it up on display next time in the conference room alright?”

"Shut up, Awashima-san said we should meet her at the bar so you’re going to have to turn around. I'll go change in the back." He looked around him to see if his original clothes were there but he was unable to spot them and figured they were probably in the back.

"Isn't in convenient we took the van?"

"...I don't know how but you planned this somehow."

“I did not.”

“Where did you even find the dress?”

“I bought it while you were knocked out. Two drinks might I add – just how weak are you? Can’t keep going for more than two rounds.”

“I am not in the mood for this right now.”

"I don't know what you’re talking about.” Really, it would be so much easier to believe him if only he hadn’t been smirking when he said that. As Akiyama turned the van around, Hidaka clambered behind to the back and began to look for his clothes.

“Akiyama san, where did you keep my clothes?”

“Oh, they’re in the black bag.” The other man said, trying to keep his mind on where they were going.

“What black bag?” That got him a response. Akiyama turned to give him an incredulous look, before immediately facing the front again.

“The one I told you to pick up on from the bed!” The small note of panic in Akiyama’s voice filled Hidaka with dread. The man was serious…

They had left his fucking clothes at the fucking motel!

“Let’s not panic.” Akiyama finally managed to voice out and Hidaka wanted so badly to snap at him that no, he was going to panic because Akiyama wasn’t the one in the dress. He wasn’t the one everyone would see in the dress and the ridiculous makeup and hairdo. Akiyama san wouldn’t be the one going to get off the van looking like some trashy version of a one night stand from a nightmare in hell. Angrily, he was about to turn and tell off the man when he saw the dazed look on his face.

No. He had only taken his eyes off for 15 minutes. Surely…

“Hidaka san..." His tone was fearful.

"Yes?" So was Hidaka's if he was completely honest.

"Don't get angry - we’re not lost but-“ Hidaka just closed his eyes and moaned.

"Fucking hell Akiyama san, just keep driving, we'll find some place -"

"And we're also out of gas," The car stopped.

"Okay look, I'll go and look for help, why don't you stay in this van and I'll return with some clothes too?" His soothing tone of voice did nothing to placate Hidaka's anger but the idea was appealing so he nodded. Akiyama smiled, looking a bit relieved that Hidaka was at last talking to him now. Well, nodding at him – he still wasn't talking

"Okay, I'll just walk straight and hopefully someone will pick me up and then we can go back okay?" Hidaka nodded again, still too busy sulking to care about what was going on. Watching Akiyama's disappearing back, he was suddenly struck with a horrible thought.

"Oh fuck, did I really just send Akiyama san out alone?"

Yeah he was most definitely screwed.

An hour.

It had been an hour since Akiyama left and now Hidaka was sure he was hopelessly lost –Hidaka could just see him muttering "I'm not lost" over and over again and the thought would have been funny had the situation not been so dire. Not only was he stranded, Akiyama had taken the keys with him so he didn't have much of a choice but to stay put. Looking out of the van miserably, he was just about to fuck it all and go to sleep, when he saw a sleek black jeep pull in next to him.

A raven haired head poked out and Hidaka felt his breath get knocked out at the sight of the beautiful woman.

"Hey girl, you lost?"

Girl. She thought Hidaka was a girl. Hidaka wondered if this was a good or a bad thing – he certainly wouldn't mind anyone's help right now but-

"I'm waiting for my uuhh boyfriend to come back – he kind of went to get help."

And now I need to find a way to get us both help.

"Oh – do you need a ride?" The woman smiled gently, tilting her head. "We can leave a note here, get you somewhere safe and have your boyfriend comeback and pick you up later." That was actually a very good idea. Hidaka smiled.

"Thank you uuuh..."

"Maria. Mari Yubikiri."

Police Department, Itabashi, Tokyo, Japan.

14th August, Thursday.

[1:32 PM]

"I shouldn't have left him there."

“Akiyama san, it isn’t your fault.” Gotou said, casting a worried look towards Awashima who shook her head a bit, indicating she did not know how to calm the man down. Hidaka had been missing for well over twenty-four hours and counting. Akiyama had returned to find the van empty with just a note saying Hidaka had found a ride and was getting help and that Akiyama should stay next to the car. Except Akiyama had already found help and had returned with Benzai but Hidaka never came back.

And there, in the seat, was the card.

The Ace of spades.

“Akiyama, I know you think you didn’t see anything. But you have got to think hard. You probably do remember things but we both know how panic makes someone over look things that are usually very important.” Akiyama frowned.

“Girl.”

“What?”

“Hidaka was dressed up like a girl.” Ignoring the shocked looks of various faces, he jumped to his feet, pacing back and forth. “While me and Benzai were on our way back, I saw a black jeep drive past. I didn’t think much about it but – that road is kind of not used at all isn’t it? On top of that, Hidaka wouldn’t be so stupid that he’d just climb into the car with some random man. A woman on the other hand...” He turned to face Benzai. “It has to be woman who took him.”

“That fits our earlier profile too.” Awashima added, looking thoughtful. “And it also makes sense why she would target women who were in and out of relationships. Taking care of them until something happens to trigger her off.”

“She’s asking them to stop returning to their boyfriends.” This came from Gotou, who was frowning slightly, “That’s what the chain and binding are for – keep them from going back."

"Ace of spades." Akiyama said, his eyes getting brighter and brighter, body shaking a bit. "Not King. Not Queen. Ace. A King represents a male role that she doesn’t want to assume and the Queen is usually signified in the game as of less value than the King. She doesn’t want that title either. An Ace on the other hand – it beats them both. The Ace of spades is traditionally the highest card in the deck of playing cards.”

“That would also explain the lack of sexual assault and the way she kept them healthy and well taken care of. She probably had some bad relationship in the past and never got over it. So she’s helping women who she feels are in similar situations as her. Forces them into accepting that they don't need the men in their lives.” Benzai added softly. A sudden thought made them all freeze and Chitose was the one to voice it out.

“So what happens when she finds out Hidaka’s a guy?”

Itabashi, Tokyo, Japan.

14th August, Thursday.

[07:55 PM]

This was a bad situation.

A very very bad situation.

In retrospect, Hidaka knew he couldn’t really blame Akiyama san but it was really much easier blaming him than having to think about anything else in this situation. After he had gotten into the vehicle with Maria – if that was truly her real name – she had blitz attacked him and injected him with something that had made him unconscious till he had come round to see himself bound to a bed. Next to him was a row of beds, each containing a quiet terrified looking woman. Five to be exact.

The missing women. Something inside him swelled in relief at seeing all of them unharmed if not looking terrified and teary. But they were alright. All of them were fine.

Him on the other hand…

He looked down at his feet which were bound to the bed by a single long rope. Looking up, he could detect collars around the necks of the other prisoners, which were chained to their respective bedding.

Hence, the bad situation. Maria had come in minutes ago to tell them all it was time for all of them to get ready for bed. Hidaka didn’t know how long he had been knocked out for but it was already the whole of the next day had passed and it was night time again and he had a sinking suspicion that no one really knew what had happened to him.

Shit this was a really really bad situation.

He should really consider himself lucky that she hadn’t decided to change his clothes while he slept or else she might have murdered him in his sleep.

“You, come with me.” He looked up to see Maria smiling at him. Gulping, he got to his feet and wondered how hard it would be to overpower a woman. But then he remembered the athlete and the fact that this woman had single handedly carried him up here and groaned. Of course, the one time he got caught, it had to be some woman with near inhuman strength. Maria knelt down and undid the rope and even then Hidaka knew making a run for it would be bad. For one, he didn’t even know if she had a gun or not.

Following her out of the room, he found himself facing an empty changing room.

“Here.” Looking down, he was startled to have some clothes suddenly pushed onto him. “Wear these.” Looking at the clothes then at the smiling woman, he could feel realization dawning upon him. Slowly, bits and pieces of the story were coming together and he finally could make out the bigger picture.

So that’s what’s going on…

“Why thank you,” he managed to keep his voice high enough to pass off as a gruff woman, “I didn’t know what I’d be sleeping in.” If he could just keep her believing he was a woman till –

Till what?

It wasn’t as if anyone knew where he was.

Thus no one was coming to save him – he was on his own.

Maria must have read the depression on his face a bit differently because she rested her hand on his cheek and lowered it a bit to stare into his eyes.

“It’s alright – you don’t have to go back to him. He’s only going to hurt you. Just stay here until you know how to be your own person again.” Hidaka’s mind was whirling with a thousand questions but he chose to stay quiet. Mostly because he knew this wasn’t going to help him. The woman’s razor sharp nails cut him a bit on his cheek and he watched as she smiled at the sight.

Fucking psycho.

“Go wash your face – then I’ll take you to your bed. You’ll stay here where it’s safe.” She urged and Hidaka shook his head. Take off the hideous make up? The only thing that was keeping him from being exposed? For one thing, he couldn’t believe Maria still thought he was a woman. Mostly because no matter how you’d look at it, Hidaka wasn’t in any form or shape feminine. Now Akiyama on the other hand-

Okay that’s too much think about Akiyama and less thinking about how to get out of there. Looking around, he spotted a small window in the corner of the room. Analyzing it in his head, he mentally made a few calculations. It would be a tight squeeze but maybe he could just-

No, it wasn’t possible.

Miserably, he turned to look back at her. Maria smiles sweetly and he felt a trill of danger run through him.

“I don’t like taking my makeup off, it completes me.” He had seen some girl use this line in a TV drama once, whatever it meant. He must have said the right thing because Maria smiled at him, shaking her head softly but not exactly forcing him either. Leaving him alone, she shut the door behind her to give him – her? – privacy to change. In a flash, he was next to the window, trying to open it. If not anything he could always yell out for help.

It wasn’t like he had any other options.

“What are you doing.” It wasn’t a question. She knew exactly what he was doing. Turning around, he all but shook with fear as she stood there in the doorway, holding long rope. “This is truly disheartening – and here I thought we could have been friends… You men only lie. Lying, deceitful little creatures you are.” The blood in his veins froze. She knew. Maria let out a small laugh. "Oh what? You thought I would see past your pathetic disguise?" Hidaka shook his head. Well, if he was going to die, might as well not give her the satisfaction of knowing she frightened him – even if she did just a bit.

“We’re not friends. You’re just a psychopath who likes to abduct people and kill them under the pretense of looking out for them.” Something in him made him keep speaking even though it was very ill advised in his current situation. “You cover your own guilt by saying you’re keeping them safe but you’re not – you’re just like every other guy who kept them prisoner – no you’re worse. They just did it emotionally; you’re doing it physically. You’re nothing but hypocrite Maria Yubikiri!”

The woman let out a snarl and pounced on him. Hidaka struggled against her, but discovered soon, that her petite frame was only a misleading cover to a ferociously strong body. As she pinned him to the ground, he stared at the ceiling.

Huh. So this is how it ends then.

Really, he had so much left to do. He hadn’t even called him mum in a long while now. What had it been – a month? Two?

The hands round his neck tightened and dark spots began dancing in his field of vision. His chest heaved trying to get some oxygen in as he scratched at her hands hoping to get her to let go.

If only-

“Let go of my boyfriend, you crazy bitch!” The last thing he saw before he blacked out was tiny blur of green yank the body off of him and with a smile, Hidaka’s consciousness faded to black.

BAU, PSIA headquarters, Shinjuku, Tokyo, Japan.

16th August, Saturday.

[8:30 PM]

“So how did you guys even find me?” Hidaka asked, rubbing his throat a bit. The marks were still there, scars where her nails had bit into his skin and made him bleed. The darkening bruise across his tanned skin would take days to heal but Hidaka knew it would disappear sooner than later and this whole business would be behind them. Benzai coughed.

“Well once we realized it was a woman with a black jeep, the rest was easy. We just looked up every woman in the area who owned one and fit the description of the victims. Maria Yubikiri lit up like a beacon. Her own relationship had gone south and she had killed her ex-boyfriend but the charges against her were dropped since the boyfriend was such a douche. She had been in and out of therapy. She was such a cluster fuck of problems that you could just tell from a mile away were trouble.” Hidaka nodded. They had all just returned to the headquarters, him being finally released from the hospital after many threats and angry outbursts.

Really, he hadn’t even been in that bad a shape.

To top it all off –

His eyes found themselves fixed on a certain figure that was discreetly trying to leave in the background. A small push made him stumble forward and he barely manage to catch himself, turning to look at Benzai, confused.

“Just go ask him out properly, you both are giving the entire team a head ache with your constant tip toeing around each other." Behind him Gotou nodded savagely while even Awashima made a shrugging motion with her shoulders. Hidaka turned to look back at the figure only to realize it was gone. He quickly bid the other goodbye before sprinting out after the other man.

Really, they were going to see each other the next day – he shouldn't really make such an effort right now. But something inside him told him it was either now or never.

Spotting his desired company walking ahead, he smirked and grabbed him by the shoulder-

And found himself lying on his back, his body screaming in agony and stars floating in front of his eyes.

"Oh my God, Hidaka san!" Akiyama's horrified voice pulled him back into the world of the coherent and Akiyama helped him sit up. "I thought someone was attacking me so I just -"

"I always knew you were the ones who could make me see stars in their eyes."

"You really do have a concussion don't you, wait, I'll go get help. I should probably call the ambulance – you need to go back to the hospital."

"NO!" Hidaka's body jerked in an upright position. Akiyama blinked.

"Alright then, I'll just leave you here to die then See if I care." He huffed, getting to his feet. Hidaka followed suit even thought he was sure he had dislocated some of his vertebrae. Groaning, he held up a hand, silently asking the other man to stop which he thankfully did. Hidaka inwardly rejoiced because he really didn't think he could run after someone right now.

Fucking hurts like bloody murder.

"Okay no, I needed to ask you something." Akiyama paused, a bit of pink dusting his cheeks. Before Hidaka could get even two words in, the man was rambling on, not paying attention to what the brunette wanted to say.

"If this is about that boyfriend comment, I acted without thinking – I was in a panic -"

"Akiyama san..."

"So you can't actually blame me -"

"Akiyama san."

"Besides, do you realize how worried you had made all of us -"

"Akiyama san."

"Always doing careless things. I mean, who just -"

Hidaka just kissed him to get him to shut up. Which did work – until he pulled away because then Akiyama was all up in his face.

"What was that?"

"Well I'm not sure what they call this in your home planet – but here it's called a kiss Akiyama san."

"Why?"

"Well you kept talking and not listening -"

"Oh so you did kiss me only to make me quiet."

"What? No, That's not -"

"I'm sorry." Hidaka blinked. His mind couldn't keep up with the conversation and he vaguely wondered if there had been a bit of a time skip here.

"Excuse you?"

"I'm sorry." Akiyama repeated, looking away. "That day – it was my fault." Hidaka's eyes widened comically and he raised his hands, waving them frantically in front of him.

"No no, it wasn't your fault. Really."

"No it's – Hidaka san made no such promise." The low mumble made Hidaka stop and stare, a bit bewildered by the small confession. Confession to what exactly, he did not know.

"What?" Again, there was probably something he skipped - he was missing something majorly important, he was sure of it -

"Hidaka san never promised to wear a dress - I made that up." Hidaka stared. And stared, He opened his mouth to say something but really, nothing came out.

"Ah."

What else could he say? Anything he wanted to say was highly wrong in the current atmosphere.

You're here to tell him you love him. You're here to tell him you love him. You're here to tell him you love him.

"Please don't be mad, I thought you'd look really cute." Hidaka stared at the other man, incredulity spreading across his face.

"Akiyama san?"

"Yes?" The words were a tiny squeak as if he expected Hidaka to yell at him. He didn't though.

"It's a good thing I love you otherwise I might have just murdered you right now." Akiyama's eyes widened only for a fraction before Hidaka found himself being on the receiving end of a very long – and possibly bone crushing – hug.

Yup definitely slipped a backbone or two. he thought wincing slightly. But it was worth it though. Akiyama pulled away and began to dig around in his bag.

"I planned on giving you this tomorrow, as an apology, but here." Hidaka stared at the wooden box in surprise and blinked, looking at Akiyama then at the box and then back again. Akiyama nudged him. "Well, don't leave me standing here like an idiot. Just take it." Hidaka nodded. Opening the box he stared at the contents in surprise.

"Ah." Once again rendered speechless, he held up the wooden pen in the light, admiring the way the light reflected off the polished surface and the intricate pattern carved in. Akiyama shrugged.

"I really didn't know what else to get, I'm not good with-"

"Thank you Akiyama san." Hidaka cut in, placing his gift back in the box, "It looks really nice." Akiyama blushed again. Hidaka came to the conclusion he liked seeing Akiyama blush.

"Yes well, you did get kidnapped and all so I suppose it's the least I could do." He ducked his head and Hidaka grinned.

"You can also go out for dinner with me." Akiyama looked at him blankly then at his wrist watch.

"Well, I guess it's not that late." He finally receded. Hidaka grinned.

"Great, I just recently found this amazing diner-"

"A diner? On our first date? I would have at least expected a gourmet meal."

"It was a very last minute thing Akiyama san, I'm sorry I couldn't arrange for the flowers."

"That's no excuse, I want my flowers."

“Well if you want those flowers so badly, maybe you should ask me out on a date.”

“Why would I do that? Then I’d have to buy you flowers.”

“Akiyama san…”

#...I'm done #this got very out of hand I did not plan on making it this long #AkiHida #k project au #k project #fic

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zhuletta · 8 years ago

Text

Thorns of Fate: Chapter 5

Summary: One tiny mistake could ruin them completely. They were neglected by society. Hunted down. Dan Howell wasn’t about to let anyone know his secret, and if becoming enemies with Phil Lester was the only way to manage it, he would. If only he knew how crazy fate could be.

Word Count: 5.2k (im fkn generous love me)

TW: None

A/N: Feedback makes me update faster<3333

Read it on AO3! or Read it on Wattpad!

Masterlist

Last Chapter and Next Chapter (once i post it)

There really wasn’t much to talk about with Mrs. Howell after she took him away. It’s true, he and Mary have been basically together for a long while now, but what was there left to say? Yes, she was funny. Yes, he enjoyed spending time with her. Their conversations were almost always about the books they read or getting to know what else there was with the other. and truly, that was it.

When Mrs. Howell sat him down and asked him how was everything going with Mary he struggled to extend his answer to something more than a poor ‘good’.

Phil suspected that probably she was expecting something more… just, more.

Bollocks. Phil didn’t suspect a thing. He just knew. It was just the way Mrs. Howell smiled when she sat and the pure expectation, and really it was plainly obvious what she was expecting from him, and obviously Phil didn’t catch it. Until it was too late.

Marriage. Like, actual holy marriage. Phil knew sooner or later it would eventually happen, but he dreaded the sooner and praised the later. Don’t get him wrong, Mary was everything you could dream of a woman, she was intelligent, she got good looks, she had a voice, an actual knowledge about the world.

She was the perfect woman.

And technically, that was the only problem.

Not that he was actually going to say it. God no, there was no death wish present in his mind. Or maybe there was?

It’s not that it mattered, after all he is not that sure that he can actually die.

What does that has to do with the situation he was now in?

Nothing, but it was nice to get it off his chest. Now actually, he wanted to take his chest completely altogether because damn he was horrible at social situations.

The ball started, and Phil had a reason to avoid them before and right now he had more than one reason to disappear, like, forever. He could put a cover, he could perfectly pretend that everything was fine and that this was a everyday thing, yes he could. But he couldn’t pretend not to be full panicking in the inside.

The winter ball was huge. Huge. He’ve been in other social encounters but never at this scale.

Everything was beautifully decorated, and there wasn’t a thing Phil could complain about without lying. The party itself was perfect, the problem? The huge amount of people. No, scratch that. The huge amount of people that expect something from him.

Phil Lester is no idiot. He knew that suddenly appearing in a celebration like this that he used to avoid would raise suspicion, and truly, that was intended. Still, intended or not, he still felt a huge pressure over his shoulders. But he was aware that the only way of covering gossip is to give an even greater one. Phil knew the type of rumors there were about him, and he wouldn’t lie, those were one of the main reasons of his relationship with Mary. He should feel bad for using her, but he isn’t, not anymore. At first he was, but with the time he actually got to like Mary so he was now at peace.

He knew that there were at least a dozen of news reporters that didn’t work for him here, so he tried his best to just encounter those who did work for him as he knew that none of those dared to raise their voice against him. Maybe later he would talk to those beyond his control, but he would once he got Mary in his arms and with no way to screw his meticulous plan up.

As he was deep in thought he didn’t notice the for walking towards him until he was way too late to avoid it.

“Mr. Philip Lester, I presume?” A feminine voice said behind startling him. He quickly turned around meeting cold, deep brown eyes. He frowned as he saw her because it was the second time in the same day that he had encountered someone with an incredible lookalike with Mary, he was so concentrated in staring he didn’t get what the woman said next.

“Pardon me?” He was glad he didn’t stutter.

“Excuse me for not introducing myself, Mr. Lester,” she said. He noticed that she looked like Mary, but the way she talked was way more colder than hers. “I’m Shelia Howell,” she said extending a hand which Phil shook politely.

“Mary’s cousin, I see. Well, there is no need to introduce myself I presume,” he said with a small smile. Shelia did have a semblance with Mary, but if you looked closely they were very different, Shelia looked more mature, she looked as if she were tired, almost exhausted. She didn’t look happy. She had beautiful eyes, but they were almost like turned off. That and her hair was longer.

“I must assume that you already know about my cousin,” she said monotonously before sipping her cup.

“Yes indeed, she wrote to me this morning,”

“It must be a relief.”

“Excuse me?” Phil frowned, not really believing he heard what he heard.

“I mean, her not being here means to be left alone from thoughts of commitment and marriage which, I must feel sorry in behalf of my Dear mother who, without a doubt already flooded you with questions of when and how will you propose. I must admit that she is desperate after all, Mary is in a age where she should already have a spouse or else she will become a lonely woman with an enormous inheritance which if someone ever asked me, personally don’t think sounds bad at all. But, I know how social pressure is an issue in all of this and that most people are susceptible to it so, it’s not in my place to judge.” Shelia said all in one big intake of breath which had Phil head spinning. Wasn’t Shelia the quiet one?

“M-maybe,” he finally said after some quiet moments. Shelia raised an eyebrow and chuckled once before looking at him.

“Was I too bold, Mr. Lester?” Phil was just left dumbfounded. “Pardon me, I was just testing how much preparation you will need to become a part of the Howell’s and, oh lord, good luck. Mr. Lester.” Shelia said with a bow before retreating as she saw someone who caught her interest.

“What in the name of hell…” Phil muttered to himself before calling a butler to refill his cup.

For the next fifteen minutes or so, Phil just floated around in conversation with people who knew more about him that he himself did. He did notice the amount of journalists trying to engulf him in conversation, but he did his best to avoid them. He almost did until-

“Philip Lester! My dearest pal!”

-The damned of Aleister Brier appeared.

“Aleister, fancy seeing you here,” Phil said while forcing a smile, resisting the urge to just tell the man to sod off upon seconds of seeing him.

“Isn’t it? This is almost unreal, I’ve have never seen you in one of the Howell’s celebrations.” Mr. Brier said moving a hand to pat Phil on the shoulder, but before he could Phil quickly moved back, avoiding the contact.

“Well, yes, Work keeps some of us quite busy, you know?” He smiled bitterly at the man infant of him before raising an eyebrow and sipping his glass.

“Who could know better than me, dear pal? Same business, don’t you remember?” Mr. Brier mimicked Phil’s expression. The black haired noticed how the older’s man eye twitched as he also sipped his wine.

None of them wanted to be here right now, but this was like a competition. Tensed shoulders, clenched fists, forced smiles, and the best? The winner was the last to back down.

“Business running good, Philip?”

“Like you wouldn’t imagine,” better, than yours, that you can. Phil bit his tongue. He hated how this man took the worst of him. Phil wasn’t mean in any sense, he has always been someone who hates really rarely, but this man before him, he could rise the hell that there was inside of him with a single breath.

Phil couldn’t imagine hating someone more than him. It just wasn’t possible.

But he had his reasons. Since day one Brier and his company has been trying to take him, and his father before him, down with the worst they could find. They were the ones who started the hell that was his life. He was the one who started the hell that was his life. The one who made backs turn to him, backs that he had never seen before, backs that he had trusted during his whole life. Phil has more than once hoped someone would just take him out of his life forever, it has gotten to the point were he himself has dreamed about sinking his teeth-

No, Philip Michael Lester, calm down.

“So, friend, is there a reason why you decided to join the world for once?” Okay that was rude to say, but he’d gave it to him because he has thought worse things. Phil took a breath before answering, knowing that his answer would take that annoying smirk off his face.

“Mary Howell, who will probably soon change her last name,” That was way too bold even for Phil, but the face Mr. Brier made was worth it. His surprise was imminent, and Phil was thankful he didn’t know the truth. Little white lies don’t hurt anyone.

“O-oh? Is that so?” Mr. Brier asked, trying to mask his surprise, not succeeding much. Phil was about to declare victory when suddenly something clicked inside Mr. Brier mind and his expression changed to a smirk, Phil immediately frowned. What in the name of hell did he let slip? “Right… Interesting,” Phil head started to boil. What was interesting? This man wasn’t even hiding the fact that he was plotting against him.

“What could be so interes-“ Phil was about to bark when a hand touched his back.

“Philip Lester, what a surprise seeing you here.” Phil growing discomfort wasn’t going to back down if this continued the way it was. At least now he had a distraction from the awful man before him as Hector, an old friend of Phil interrupted the conversation. “I was just talking to Abraham and Judy over there, you know what, wait a second,” Before Phil could mutter a syllabi, the three mentioned men were walking towards him. Phil wasn’t sure if he was thankful or not.

You see, Phil wasn’t the most sociable person on earth, actually he was quite the introvert. But obviously, his role in the world couldn’t let him be like that, so when meeting new people he always had to be friendly and approachable (not counting Mr. Brier, Phil could be standing before him as he drowned in lava and he would still just stand there), but he still did have one or two friends, not that intimate, but friends nonetheless.

Hector, was his friend.

Abraham and Judy, who were they again?

“Philip! Long time no see!” Judy—Abraham?— said. Phil just nodded and tried to keep his thinking face at the minimum. The other man just looked at him and nodded slightly with a shy smile.

“Yes indeed but don’t flood him with questions or else he is going to hide in his cave once again.” Phil chuckled a little, glad for his friend remark that could maybe let him be some minutes without having to speak a word.

As conversation flowed Phil eyed the two gentlemen brought by Hector as they started with Mr. Brier and another two men that probably joined when Phil wasn’t paying attention. Both of them looked younger than him, in their early twenties or so. One of them- the one that didn’t talk to him before- had dark black hair, straight, not really fashionable— But who was Phil to judge?— his skin was noticeable more tanned than the rest and Phil was sure he wasn’t from England, his suspicion was confirmed while hearing his accent as he made a small remark, still Phil has never been good at those so he couldn’t tell. He noticed how he was mostly nodding at the conversation than actually speaking. Phil would just assume he was Judy, he had a ‘Judy’-ish face. Still, he had never seen him in his life, Phil was sure.

The other man, Phil could say that it was more probable he had met him before, Phil wasn’t good with faces-nor names- either way. He— Abraham, Phil designed— Had his dirty blond hair up in a type of quiff, still having some hair by his sides pulled back. He had clear skin covered with freckles and light brown eyes which from time to time would switch from the conversation to Judy.

To his side, was Hector, right as Phil remembered him. His smokey grey hair pushed back in a small ponytail. His eyes seemed darker behind his glasses, but they were still a unique shade of Ochre.

“A penny for your thoughts, Philip?” Hector said to him with a soft nudge to his side, startling Phil slightly. Phil noticed almost everyone was looking at him.

“I just couldn’t remember where had I met Judy before, I was trying to recall,”

“Oh you are right, I don’t think you have met Judy before,” Abraham— yes Phil got it correct thank god— said laying a hand on Judy shoulder, “He wasn’t here two years ago when we met” —so they have met, interesting— “He came from Thailand and has been here since the day at my house,” Judy blushed slightly as Abraham smiled looking at him, suddenly his expression changed slightly into a more panicked one “Well, no, My family’s house, not only mine of course!” Abraham nervously said and Judy just smiled with a bashful frown.

“I’ve heard a lot about you, Mr. Lester. I’m glad I am finally able to meet you.” He said and Phil noticed this was the longest sentence he has spoken since he came here. “Hector and Abra think really highly of you.” Judy smiled, and Phil felt him smiling back. He noticed that Abraham blushed slightly and whispered something to Judy and the later just giggled. Hector had all the signs that he was holding back a comment that would probably be inappropriate in an instance like this.

“What brings you here anyways, Phil?” Hector asked after he swallowed the unsaid comment. Phil was just about to answer when a voice spoke for him.

“His future fiancé.” Mr. Brier said and Hector eyes widened as well as Phil’s. He felt his fists tightening and he was about to spit at him that it wasn’t true when he noticed that he couldn’t because he was the one that insinuated it before, so he just fulminated him with his stare as Hector did the same to him. Phil saw Mr. Brier smirk and noticed his mistake. This was exactly why he wanted to wait for Mary to be here before encountering people like Brier. Hector was about to ask something but Phil interrupted.

“Now, now. Don’t go telling the stories which you only know the title of.”

“What do you mean, Phil?” Hector asked

“I just insinuated my friend about the possibility of something and he is already taking it for a fact. I’ve just been seeing Mary Howell lately.” Phil said before sipping his glass, trying to avoid Hector widening eyes.

“Mary Howell as this Mary Howell?” Hector said pointing to the ground, probably meaning the Ball and Phil just nodded, lips still against the glass “Honestly, didn’t expect it coming from you.” Was that an insult? “What a surprise, Mary Howell.”

“What about Mary Howell?” said a new voice making Phil look up and suddenly—

—there just wasn’t air.

Out of nowhere there was a hand his his back, Phil didn’t notice when did he start choking on the champagne he was drinking, because in an instant beautiful and brown was everything in his sight.

“You alright there?” The same voice said as Phil stopped coughing. Was everything alright really? No.

“Yeah, sorry, caught me by surprise.” Phil answered without meeting those brown eyes with his now tearful ones. Dan just frowned slightly looking at the man before him, he looked familiar…

The thing was, Dan came here knowing that Phil Lester had black hair, and this men did, and blue eyes, but he couldn’t quite see as he was… avoiding his eyes?

“Well, this is just the man that intends to take her away, Philip Lester.” said person head immediately snapped towards the man that said it, not being really surprised when said man turned to be Aleister.

“Philip Lester, huh?” Phil noticed how the brown haired checked him out with his eyes before frowning. He didn’t know if to blush or be insulted because, was he looking down on him?

“Who is him, Abra?” Phil heard Judy whisper to Abraham and Phil sneaked closer to hear the answer.

“He is nothing more and nothing less than the hair of this whole property, Mr Daniel Howell,” Phil eyes widened but he did his best to hide it. Howell? Oh no, that was bad. Great first impression with the only member of the Howell Family that he had yet to meet.

All the while Dan looked towards Phil curiously. This was the man he had to hate? He felt an uneasy feeling in his gut, he didn’t look like a bad person at all, he wondered just how hard would all of this be. It was easy for him to dislike someone, all he had to do was find something they didn’t agree with and it would do, at least that’s what Dan hoped. When he disliked someone he never really thought much of the reason.

“So you are the one my cousin keeps talking about, huh?” Dan asked raising an eyebrow. Phil just chuckled once before answering.

“Well, I hope so,” Phil said before finally meeting his eyes for the first time.

An ocean, was the first thing that crossed Dan’s mind before quickly shrugging it off. Okay, he had nice eyes, he’d give him that, even thought it was an understatement. His family did mention he had ‘the most beautiful blue eyes’ but his imagination ran short with this. They truly were- Wait, what? You are supposed to hate the guy, not praise him, Daniel.

“I’ve also heard a big deal about you from Mary, I hope we get along,” Phil said with a kind smile and Dan almost felt bad for trying to hate him.

Almost.

“Yeah, wouldn’t you?” Dan murmured rudely, making Phil frown. What was wrong with him?

“So Mr. Howell, how is having to host such big celebrations four times a year?” Hector asked, clearly noticing the hostility in Dan’s answer and trying to change the subject.

Dan quickly looked at Hector and made a half-hearted smile.

“Well, it is indeed stressful, People running from room to room, everyone trying to be original with the decorations, but it’s mainly for my mother and sister, for me is not so much, after all I just help with the flow-“ Dan interrupted himself before he could finish. “—invitations, I sometimes help with the invitations.” He started again, raising some frowns among the men in the group, still, none said nothing.

“Yes I can imagine how stressful it could be, after all, how many hundreds of people attend every night?” One of the men that joined before said, probably an acquaintance of Mr. Brier said. Dan noticed how he was wearing a military suit, he was covered in medals and pins.

“Well, you’d know better than anyone how stressful is to deal with hundreds of people, William.” Mr. Brier chuckled making the other men confused.

“What do you mean, sir?” Abraham questioned.

“Oh! That is right! I haven’t introduced you already. This is William Merchant, head of the royal military,” Said man nodded his head with pride. “He has served our country for decades,”

“And I’ll continue to do so until my last breath.” Mr. Merchant continued proudly.

“I bet it’s an entertaining job, Mr. Merchant,” Hector remarked.

“Oh yes, stressful and full of important choices, but entertaining nonetheless.”

“Well, his job keeps giving me new headers so, everyone is happy,” Mr. Brier joked making the men in the group laugh. Dan couldn’t help but to notice that Phil chuckled bitterly more than laughed, and even though he was curious to know why he knew better than to ask. “I have to admit that before, news were far more interesting though, don’t you agree, Philip?”

“Hm? What do you mean?” Phil asked with a frown.

“Oh… maybe you were too young by the time that happened, but you William must remember, don’t you?”

“Yes I do, Aleister. Well, maybe it got more boring to you because you can’t announce it to the public, but for me it’s the same job, just more… secretly,” Willian said with a smirk before drinking his wine, confusing the rest of the group.

“What are you two talking about?” Phil asked them, not really liking the internal conversation they were having.

“It’s right, all of you, you are way too young. I don’t think they lived through those days,” William said to Mr. Brier. “Don’t you remember boys reading or being told about the old dark days, a period of maybe twenty or thirty years ago?” William continued, now in a lower tone Those days sure were black, I wasn’t head of the military yet, but my troupe gave me enough responsibility. I have never detained so many people at once, but we had a reason, after all this was no ordinary period, it was—“

“—the witch hunts.” Phil finished in a whisper, Dan eyes widened and his shoulders tensed, but he tried his best not to let it notice.

“W-witch hunts?” Dan asked trying not to let his nervousness show, not really succeeding.

“Oh yes, those days sure were glory, the satisfaction of executing those disgusting… things,” Dan tried his best to not visibly flinch at the way Mr. Merchant spat the word as if it were utter scum. “Now maybe it’s not the same but, it’s enough.”

“Pardon me, Sir, but didn’t the witch hunts end decades ago?” Hector, who seemed interested in the conversation asked, confused. Even though Dan wanted to do nothing with the conversation before him, he still leaned in to hear the answer. The two older men exchanged a smirk before leaning in.

“Between us, I’ll tell you a secret… In the record, they ended up with the execution of Janet Horne but do you think a whole species got extinct that day?” It did sound stupid once you pointed it out, “Of course it didn’t. Gentlemen, witches are still among us, and not only that, even more creatures. I’ve seen them all and there hasn’t been one of them that isn’t deadly. Werewolves, Fairies, Vampires,” Dan was so concentrated in his own discomfort, he didn’t notice the uneasy stares Judy threw at Abraham, nor the way Phil shuffled from one feet to the other while avoiding eye contact from all of the men in the group. “All of these creatures are still out, infecting more and more people, and gentlemen, let me assure you that are still people in the shadows getting their hands dirty. Which hunts are still on.” William finished with a proud expression and Dan felt sick. His hands started trembling slightly so he stuffed it into his suit pockets and tried breathing deeply trying to dissipate the knot in his gut.

“I wasn’t aware of it until William told me, but I must admit I always had the suspicion that those horrible entities were still among us. I was so relieved that they are getting what they deserve. How come they dare to breath the same air as us.” Mr. Brier added disgusted. “Just… Imagine them walking among us, normal people, those freaks infecting our lives, ruining them forever, just thinking about it makes me feel awfully repugnant!”

You know nothing.

“But don’t you worry gentlemen, as long as I am the chief of the military, I assure you I will fight to the death to bring justice and exterminate all this mistakes of the lord.”

Shut up.

If Dan weren’t fulminating the two older men with his glare he would of have already ran from the conversation. His heart was hammering again his cage, and he knew that he had to stop the anxiety before it started as hard as that could be.

“Don’t be so shy gentlemen, you are allowed to speak about this.” Mr. Brier continued, noticing the silence among the people there. Just as Henry was about to comment on it Mr. Brier interrupted. “What do you think of all of this, Philip?” Phil threw a dagger at him, of course he would make him speak. “Don’t you also think everyone should know that there are still people making justice in the world? That there are still people daring to clean the world from those plagues?” Dan stare, who had been focused on Mr. Brier quickly shifted to Phil, frowning deeply, daring him to say something about it. This was not helping with his growing anger at all. Phil just stood silent for a second, recollecting himself, knowing that it wouldn’t be the best to just spit to the damned of Alesteir and walk off. He didn’t want to say anything, he didn’t want to, he had to.

“Those…” Phil searched the best word “…Creatures, are getting what they deserve.” Phil finally said, trying not to sound too reluctant.

“Aren’t they?” Dan spoke for the first time in sometime making the men heads turn towards him. His glare was stuck in Phil, and the later almost felt as he was attacking him. Dan jaw was clenched as he spoke again. “Aren’t they getting what they deserve for… existing?” Phil frowned confused, why was he so… angry?

“Yes, yes they are.”

“Of course. After all they are infecting our lives ruining them just like Mr. Brier said before. They are utterly disgusting, they don’t need a chance. Better said; don’t deserve a chance, that’s what you are saying, isn’t it, Mr. Lester?” Phil just couldn’t understand were all of this was coming from, but he knew that all of this supernatural bashing was getting under his skin, but there was nothing he could do but to join unless he wanted to kill himself. Still, the growing annoy was there and if this Howell guy wasn’t holding back, why would he?

“Yes, that is indeed what I’m saying, Mr. Howell. Why would something that ruins life deserve anything at all?” Phil spat at him. None of them noticed when but suddenly they were closer to each other. One of them had to take the first step, but right now it wasn’t important who did it. Now they were centimeters away from each other’s face, that’s when Phil noticed he gained several inches on the younger men letting him look down on him.

“I think you are completely right, Mr. Lester.” Dan said, but with his eyes he meant otherwise, no that Phil was going to dwell too much in what could that mean, his frown only deepened as the brunette spoke again. “Those disgusting things are just the worst scum upon this world.”

“I strongly agree.”

“Nothing gets me more labored than thinking about them.”

“I could say the same.”

And from that it was just a glare competition, both of them were fulminating each other and even though none of them wanted to, one had to back off.

Dan felt his blood boil just remembering the words the black haired pronounced just some minutes ago, he didn’t know if they had actually been that bad or if this was just blending in with the new knowledge that now witch hunts were still a threat, but it still made him angry.

It made him angry to know people hated supernatural entities. It made him angry to hear people speak bad about them. It made him angry having to talk like that too. It made him angry not having power in this. It made him angry not being able to do something about it. It made him angry that Philip Lester hated those entities too. And that was exactly what he needed right now;

A reason to hate Philip Lester.

With that, before any of the men could say a word or try to separate the two men, Dan stormed out of the room and soon the black haired excused himself and went opposite of him.

Seconds after, Dan was already outside, locking the glass door behind him that lead to one of the deserted balconies, hands on the marble baluster, head down. Now that he was finally alone he let himself explode. In seconds his teeth turned into fangs, his iris turned red and his sclera pitch black and every sense of his heightened. Dan could of have noticed the owls cries in the distance, or the endless chatter inside the room as if he still were inside, but no, he was too concentrated on calming his erratic breath and the furious beating of his same as artificial heart.

He wanted to break something. How dare someone like Phil Lester, who had his whole life pitch perfect, speak about a ruined one? How dare he speak that way about supernatural people? He did too, he would admit, but he did it to defend himself, Philip Lester sure did not.

Dan closed his eyes and breathed, trying to take the man that was quickly invading his every thought off his mind., but it was just too difficult.

For some reason Mr. Brier mean words didn’t stick with him as much as Phil’s did, and even thought Dan wanted to know why, he was too afraid of finding the answer. Maybe Dan didn’t want him to hate entities, maybe Dan wanted him to be hard to hate. Maybe Dan wanted to like him.

No. Dan hated him, and was right to do so because Phil Lester was a men who didn’t know better than to judge before knowing. Right?

What other reason would have Philip Lester to speak so bad about them? And if Dan dared to consider the possibility, he would probably strike with the answer. Right now in the balcony opposite of the one Dan was standing on, stood Phil Lester in no better condition than Dan, wondering the same thing as him, questioning the same things as Dan with a distressed heart and an angry mind, both too bothered to actually dwell in the truth, just hearing the lies.

That’s how the first night of the winter ball ended; both saying words they didn’t mean, and lying about the things they really were, but at least there was one thing both knew was true; they absolutely despised each other guts to death. If only they knew that neither of them could actually die.

They were ignorant to it, but that didn’t change the fact that both of them carried the same curse. They both carried the burden to be those said disgusting creatures they both called things they regretted. Because if you haven’t caught up here goes the answer.

Yes, Dan Howell was a Vampire.

But little did he know that Phil Lester was too.

Next Chapter: The tension just raises as our both protagonists just can’t help but to run in each other, suitable spouses, lies and more lies cover the story and… are those my flowers?

#phanfiction #phanfic #phan #phan au #phandom #i got really inspired with this one #hope someone is still reading though #give me feedback it makes me feel better

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nanalikessurveys · 6 years ago

Text

Alphabet Tag

aka another long ass survey

A – Accidents

01. Have you ever been in a car accident? No  02. Do you have a lot of scars? Not many, but some  03. Have you ever been in a fist fight with someone? No  04. Have you ever seriously hurt anyone by mistake? Well not very seriously  05. Have you ever had stitches? Where? My stomache, when i got a mole removed surgically

B – Beauty

06. Do you consider yourself beautiful? HAHA no  07. Are you self conscious of how you look? Yes  08. Do you put on a lot of makeup? Yes, i hate to say this but i can’t go out without makeup cos i’m ugly af  09. Would you ever consider getting plastic surgery? I have considered that, yes. but not yet tho.  10. What do you think makes a person beautiful?

As cliché as it sounds: confidence

C – Consequences

11. What was the longest amount of time you’ve been grounded for? I have never been grounded  12. What would you do if you got pregnant, keep it or have an abortion? I would not have an abortion, i would put the baby into adoption, simple as that. But i understand if someone would want to have an abortion don’t get me wrong.  13. Do you ever think about how your actions affect other people? Yes  14. What do you think is the worst punishment someone could give you? Take my family away<true  15. What is one thing you wish you didn’t do, just because it wasn’t worth it in the end? I have no idea

D – Dealing

16. When you are mad at someone, how do you show them? I’m just quiet, don’t talk to them  17. Name a time when you had to be strong. The bullying i suffered, and parents splitting up  18. Have you ever dealt with a divorce or parents fighting? Any kind of abuse at home? Parents splitting up, no fights or abuse tho  19. When people at school don’t accept you, or have problems with you, how do you react? I don’t really know, i’m pretty weak tbh  20. Have you ever lost someone to death? Explain how you got through it. I have lost a cat, i cried alot

E – Experience

21. Have you ever had a job? Any volunteer jobs? No, never  22. Do you think that you are sexually experienced, or not at all? Haha not really  23. Have you gone through a lot emotionally, or has life been easy thus far? I have been through some bad times but idk  24. Do you think you are ready to be on your own (have your own home, job, etc.)? I’m moving next saturday(in two days) to live on my own. And i would like to have a job but my mental health says no  25. How old do you act? I’m pretty childish LOL

F – Family

26. Is there anyone in your family you don’t talk to? Why? No there’s not  27. If you had to choose, family or friends? Don’t make me choose  28. Can you tell your parents or one of your parents anything? I can tell my mom almost everything, we’re really close 29. Do you have any siblings? If so, do you ever get jealous of them? I have and older sister, and no i’m not very jealous person in general so no i don’t get jealous of her 30. How often do you spend ‘quality time’ with family members? Everyday

G – Growing

31. How tall are you? How tall do you wish you were? 160-163cm, i‘m happy with my height  32. Do you think that you have grown more in the past year than any year before that? No  33. As a person, do you think you are mature for your age or still act childish? I’m childish like i said above  34. Are you scared to think that one day you will turn 30, then 40, then 50? Very, i hate aging  35. Do you believe you still have a lot to learn? Of course

H – Hope

36. Love – real or not? Real, obvi  37. Are you a pessimist or an optimist? I’m both depending on the situation  38. Do you believe in fate, that everything happens for a reason, or do you think that our actions lead the way? Hmm, i don’t know  39. Do you think that after we die our spirit is still alive? I hope so at least  40. What gives you hope when you just feel like dying? My family and my friend

I – Issues

41. Do you suffer from depression or constant sadness/loneliness? I don’t have the diagnosis depression but i have other mental illnesses that include depression soooo, yes  42. Do you have any type of disease or disability? Hypothyroidism and anemia  43. Are you currently in a hard relationship or have bad luck with the opposite sex? I am not in a relationship  44. Do you think that you are alone in this world? No i don’t  45. How often do you think about death, suicide or running away? Every now and then

J – Jokes

46. Say a word or phrase that would not be funny to anyone but you & one of your friends (an inside joke) It is what it is  47. Are you usually the one who makes people laugh,Or the other way around? Hmm, both tbh 48. Do you cry when you laugh hard? Yes  49. Write down a hilarious moment you had with someone that makes you laugh to this day! Too many to name just one 50. Do you ever get in trouble for laughing or talking a lot during class?

When i was in school, for laughing yes, sometimes for talking

K – Knowledge

51. The purpose of school: to learn, to cause trouble or to hang out with friends? To learn and be with and maybe make friends 52. Do people refer to you as smart, dumb, or average? I’m DUMB AF and i know it 53. What was the highest grade you have received (full course mark) ever? Our grading system in Finland is from 4-10, 4 meaning failed and 10 being the excellent, soo my best grade i ever got on my report card was 9 from English and swedish

54. What was your last average? This year would you like to maintain it or aim higher?

My gpa on my last report card was 7.6 i think?? not the worst, but not even near being good

55. What do you find the most interesting subject to be (to study or to talk about)? Psychology

L – Love

56. Are you currently in love? If not, have you been before? No, yes 57. Do people around you show you a lot of love (tell you they love you, hug you, kiss you, etc.)? I guess so 58. Is love worth it? It can be

59. Do you hate it when girls in their young teenage years say they ‘love’ someone that they’ve been dating for a few months? What, no, why would i hate it?

60. Does it take a lot for you to say you love someone, or is it just a word? Yeah, i’m really bad at expressing my feelings in general

M – Money

61. Do you believe that money makes the world go round? Yes i do 62. Is your family on the poor side, average, or above average when it comes to money? Average 63. Are you saving up for college/university, or planning to? No need to, it’s free here, besides i’m not going to uni anyway 64. Would you rather win millions of dollars & be set for life, or find the perfect person to marry & start a family with? Tbh, millions of dollars, lol

65. On a scale of 1-10, how important is money to you?

I’d say 7

N – Naughty

66. Are you a virgin? No 67. What do you think about doing sexual things with someone you’re not going out with? I wouldn’t do it, i’d have to be completely relaxed with that person 68. Do you know anybody you consider a ’slut’? What makes you say that? No, i don’t call people sluts 69. If you could, would you erase some things you did in the past or make it so you did more? Yes 70. Do you consider yourself more nice or more naughty? You can’t say both! Nice

O – Openness

71. How long does it take for you to open up to someone? Pretty long actually 72. What does it take for you to fully trust someone? I don’t know 73. Are you generally untrusting towards people because of past experiences, or any other reason? Yeah, i guess so 74. When are you comfortable with someone sexually? i don’t knoooow 75. When it comes to parents and close friends, what’s the limit of what you can tell them? I would tell my mom almost everything

P – Positive

76. Have you ever had an experience with someone that didn’t necessarily end positively? Do you remember the sad times or keep the memory of that person because of the good times? Well, yes 77. Do you agree with the saying: better to have loved and lost than not have loved at all? Sure 78. Are you more optimistic or pessimistic? What do you try to be? I have already answered this 79. Do you agree that something good can come out of everything? Yes  80. Have you ever had a time where something really bad happened, but something really good happened because of it? If so, please explain what it was: I don’t really know

Q – Questions

81. When faced with a problem, do you ask for help or try to figure it out yourself? Haha, i try to figure it out myself usually 82. Do you often question the world and how we came about? What are some things you would like to know about creation? Not really, that makes me scared thinking about things like that 83. Do you think the government is truthful? If you could ask the president one question, what would it be? TBH, i don’t know 84. When someone does something wrong to you, do you confront them and ask them why they did it or just let it go? Depends who it is 85. What is one unsolved mystery about the world that you want answers to? Hmm

R – Respect

86. How do you show respect? Just being polite and smiling, saying nice things etc 87. What can someone do for you to lose all respect for them? Being ignorant, racist or sexist i guess, those don’t really make me lose my respect tho so idk, i respect everyone’s opinions even though i don’t agree with them 88. Do you respect your teachers, parents, and other authority figures? Yes, like i said above, i respect everyone in some way 89. When you are disrespectful to your parents, what is the punishment? Im not disrespectful to my parents. But in my family we don’t have any punishments anyway 90. If someone is mean to you, are you mean back or do you kill them with kindness? Just ignore them

S – School

91. If you are still in school, what grade will you be going into? Nope, not in school 92. When will you graduate high school/college? Already gratuaded high school 93. After high school, what did you do/are you planning to do? I have no clue 94. Do you like or hate school? What do you like/hate about it? I don’t like school, never did 95. Have you ever been suspended, expelled, or dropped out of school?

I dropped out of college, but no i’ve never been suspended or expelled

T – Temptation

96. Have you ever done something wrong, knowing it was wrong, because something inside of you said it was okay? I guess 97. Has anyone ever pressured you to smoke or drink? Did you do it? Not really pressured, but i’ve tried my friends cigarette two times, because i was curious, it wasn’t my thing, and my friend has quit it too 98. Did you ever cheat on someone? Why did you do it? No 99. Did you ever want to do something sexual with someone you didn’t really know or love? What did you end up doing? Yes, haha, but i didn’t do anything 100. Do you give in to temptation easily, or are you more independent and strong willed?

I don’t know tbh

U – Unique

102. Do you do a lot of things because your friends are doing it? No  103. Do you follow trends, wear whatever you want, or wear really unique pieces? I wear what i want 104. Do you give in easily to peer pressure? Do you do things such as smoke, drink, or have casual sex? I don’t think i give in easily to peer pressure, and no i don’t smoke, drink or have casual sex 105. What makes you different from people your age? I don’t know?? i’m not studying OR working?? but i’ll start my studies next month tho

V – Value

106. What’s the most expensive thing in your room? My computer it think 107. What’s more valuable: your life or the lives of your loved ones? Would you sacrifice your life for other people? Loved ones i think, i think i would 108. What is something you value not because it cost a lot, but because it means a lot to you? Hmm 109. If there was a fire in your house/apartment, what is the first thing you would grab? My cats and maybe the photo albums 110. Do you think past memories and experiences are more valuable than what could possibly happen in the future? Too tired to answer LOL

W – Wishes

111. If you had three wishes, what would they be? I want to be healthy, and my family to be healthy and everyone in the world to be healthy in general tbh haha 112. Would you rather wish yourself to be happy, or your loved ones? Loved ones 113. Do you believe that wishes come true if you really believe in them? No 114. Have you ever had a wish come true? If so, what was that wish? Well kinda, when i was little i wished we had a cat, then we got a cat, lol 115. Do you find wishing for things a waste of time because everything that’s meant to happen, will happen? Not, not really

Y – You

121. Are you more independent or social? Independent 122. What is something that makes you very mad when you see it? People being mean or abusive to other people or animals 123. Do you think that you have potential to do great things? I would hope so 124. Do you think people are born a certain way, or develop their personalities based on what they go through in life? They develop personalities 125. Do you think people are generally good ? I believe everyone has something good in them

Z – Zest

126. Are you currently happy with your life? Why or why not? Not really, i’m sick in the head and physically aswell and i have no future plans 127. Do you go on FacebookCraze.com to get facebook survey’s and quizzes like this one? I do not 128. When change occurs, do you get scared or are you excited for it? Really depends 129. Do you like to try new things, meet new people? Nope not really 130. What is the most motivational thing in the world? LOL idk, how interesting answers i have

#survey #surveys

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itsiotrecords-blog · 8 years ago

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http://ift.tt/2ro28rk

Although in post modern society superstitions don’t have much of a place, at least not in the typical sense (think OCD). For most of history, superstitions around the world have played a huge role in shaping cultures and societies. Whether superstition examples include old wives tales, urban legends, or just scary stories, every group has their share of them. These are the 25 strangest superstitions from around the world.

#1 Cannibalistic gum chewing in Turkey In some parts of Turkey you may want to think twice before whipping out the chewing gum. There is a belief that if you are chewing gum at night it is actually rotting dead flesh.

#2 Groaning cheese for a newborn You’ve probably heard of swiss cheese, cheddar cheese, or pepper jack cheese but have you heard of Groaning Cheese? In Medieval England, expectant mothers made what they called a ‘Groaning Cheese’ which was a large wheel of cheese that matured for nine months as the unborn baby grew. When the ‘groaning time’ or time of birth came, the whole family would celebrate by eating this cheese until nothing but the outer rind was left. The newborn would then be passed through the rind on Christening day to be blessed with a long and prosperous life. What a cheesy superstition!

#3 Good luck horseshoe Some people believe in order to bring good luck and to keep nightmares away, you must hang a horseshoe in the bedroom or on a door knob with its ends pointing upwards. This belief stems from the fact that a horse shoe has seven holes, which is considered to be a lucky number, and is made of iron, so it can supposedly ward off evil spirits that may haunt you in your dreams.

#4 Friday the 13th Friday the 13th has been a source of superstition ever since the 19th century. Though it’s origin is shrouded in speculations and theories, it’s impact is quite evident. Many people will purposely avoid doing anything significant (like business meetings, socials, banquets, etc) due to the belief that the day is cursed and its a source of ill fortune.

#5 Curse of the Opal stone If your absolute favorite stone is the Opal, you’re out of luck…literally since this stone is said to bring bad luck to whoever wears it. This superstition stemmed from the best selling novel ‘Anne of Geierstein’ by Sir Walter Scott in 1829 where Lady Hermione was falsely accused of being a demon as she dies shortly after a drop of holy water accidentally falls on her opal jewelry and changes its color. This book had such an effect on the image of the Opal that shortly after its publication, the Opal market crashed and Opal prices dropped by 50%.

#6 Ringing of the bells Have you ever wondered why bells are always associated with weddings and special occasions? As it turns out, bells are sounded during special occasions due to the widely held belief that bells frighten evil spirits away. This belief originated during Queen Elizabeth’s reign for two reasons; to ask for prayers for the departed soul and to drive away the evil spirits who stood at the foot of the bed.

#7 Bird poop equals riches Don’t worry, you read the title right. In Russia, there is a belief that if a bird defecates on you, your car or your property it’s a sign good luck and may bring you riches. The more birds involved, the richer you’ll be! So next time a bird poops on you, just count it all joy.

#8 Old, new, borrowed, blue This popular wedding tradition is said to have originated during the Victorian era and involves giving the bride various gifts. One is something old and represents continuity; another is new and represents hope and the future; the third is borrowed and symbolizes borrowed happiness while the last is blue and is supposed to bring purity, love, and fidelity.

#9 Black cats, bad luck Most people have heard the saying that if a black cat crosses your path its bad luck (if you haven’t well now you have). This interesting superstition finds it’s origin in the middles ages due to the misconstrued belief that single women (usually elderly) who associated themselves with many cats where actually witches who could become cats themselves. Thus a black cat crossing your path could actually be a witch.

#10 Unlucky smoking triad From the Crimean War through World War I, it was considered bad luck among soldiers to light three cigarettes with one match. It was theorized that by the time the third cigarette was lit, a sniper would have had the time to have the soldier in his sight, ready to make the kill. However, some believe that the superstition may have been invented by match tycoon Ivar Krueger to drum up more business.

#11 Counting crows No, im not referring to the 90′s band. It’s believed that the amount of crows in a murder has the ability to predict your fortune as exemplified by the popular phrase: “One’s bad / Two’s luck / Three’s health / Four’s wealth / Five’s sickness / Six is death.” More than six however seems to be up to the person whose counting.

#12 Jinxed birds The Wryneck or Jinxtorquilla are a breed of birds that can twist their heads very liberally. A superstitious belief among the locals is that if this bird twists its head towards you, death is on the horizon.

#13 Soul capturing mirrors Most people use mirrors everyday which means, according to this superstition, most people are soulless. There is a superstition that states that looking into a mirror steals your soul. This superstition definition helps explain why the evil queen uses a mirror to harm Snow White, why Narcissus was ensnared by his own reflection, and why soulless vampires have no reflection. Think twice before you look into the bathroom mirror…you have been warned.

#14 Fingers crossed for good luck To cross one’s fingers is a hand gesture commonly used for good luck. Which makes sense since it was used during ancient Christian persecution by believers to identify other believers as a sign of peace. Today however, this has evolved to excuse the telling of white lies which may have its roots in the belief that the power of the Christian cross may save a person from being sent to hell for telling a lie.

#15 Photographic soul cage When photography was first invented in the early 19th century, people all over the world held the unfounded belief that taking someone’s picture was akin to taking his soul. Thus if an enemy was able to obtain a photograph of you, he not only held your soul but also held a spiritual power over you. Thank goodness this is just a superstition, I can only imagine how many people would have power over me…(IE. Facebook).

#16 Unlucky number 13 Not to be confused with Friday the 13th (which is a superstition of the actual day) but similar in nature, this superstition simply states that the number 13 is associated with bad luck. That’s why many architects refused (some still do) to design stairs that ended with 13 steps or buildings that ended with a 13th floor. The fear of the number 13 is so real to many people, that an actual phobia has been created to describe it; its called Triskaidekaphobia. (try to say that 13 times fast).

#17 When you wish upon a star The superstition involving wishing on the first star you see in the evening is somewhat uncertain, however Europeans believed that the gods would occasionally peer down, and when they moved the sky, a star would escape and fall down. The Greeks also believed that the stars where falling human souls, and it was lucky to make a wish on them.

#18 Opening an umbrella indoors According to superstition, if you open an umbrella indoors you are literally asking for bad luck to “rain on you”. One explanation comes from the days when umbrellas were used as protection from the sun; opening one inside was an insult to the sun god who would then curse you with bad luck. Another theory states that an umbrella protects you against the storms of life, so opening one inside your house insults the guardian spirits of your home (whom also protects you from the storms of life), causing them to leave you unprotected.

#19 New broom, new house, bad luck There are many superstitions associated with brooms (heck, that could be a list all in itself) but there is one very curious and particular superstition that we want to caution you on. As the lore goes, you cannot sweep dirt out of a new house (or apartment) with a new broom unless you sweep something in first. If you don’t sweep something in first, then you will be sweeping out your good luck. Do not sweep out your good luck!

#20 Lucky rabbit’s foot To have this token is an unfortunate thing for the rabbit but a magnet of fortune for the wearer. According to superstition (which can be traced as far back as the seventh century BC) the rabbit’s supernatural luck could be exploited by taking the left hind foot of a rabbit that was shot (or captured) in a creepy cemetery on a full moon.(I still fail to see how this is lucky for the rabbit).

#21 Knock on wood Knocking on wood, or simply saying “knock on wood” after making a hopeful statement, finds it’s roots in the idea that you’re tempting fate by acknowledging your good fortune. It’s believed that the expression comes from an ancient belief that good spirits lived in trees, so by knocking on something wooden, a person was calling on the spirits for protection. Another reason why we should all be tree hugers.

#22 Breaking a mirror We’ve already mentioned how mirrors are believed to be soul sucking mystical items (which is bad enough) but what happens when you break these devices of misfortune? Why, seven years of bad luck of course! Some superstitious sources state that the trapped souls adversely influence your luck. And here you thought you were doing them a favor! Nope, make sure those suckers stay inside that mirror.

#23 “God bless you” For many; saying “God Bless You” after someone sneezes is a gesture of politeness. However, the origin of this interesting superstition finds its roots in Pope Gregory the Great who would say it to people who sneezed during the bubonic plague; and from the erroneous belief that the soul escapes the body during a sneeze and the heart momentarily stops. Therefore, saying “God bless you” was a way of welcoming the person back to life.

#24 Four-leaf clover Though the origin of the superstition: wishing over a four-leaf clover is lost to antiquity it has long been a symbol of good luck and fortune. It has also been used in some traditions for finding a husband or a wife. The way this works (for you single people) is by first finding a four leaf clover (good luck with that one), if you happen to find one, you must then eat it (or put it inside your shoe…but eating is more fun). After this, the luck powers will activate and the first person you come contact after the activation will be your future mate…(Word of warning, stay clear of anyone you don’t want as a future mate).

#25 Itchy palms There seems to be a lot of variations on this superstition, but the idea of having an itchy palm generally refers to someone who is greedy or has an insatiable desire for money. Some people believe that if the right palm itches, you will lose money, while an itchy left palm means that money is coming your way. If both palm itches…you may want to go to a doctor for that.

Source: List25

#IoTRecords

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viralhottopics · 8 years ago

Text

Ive Had 3 Surgeries In 5 Months. My Mom Wants To Know Why I Dont Have A Job

Every week, theAsk Beccacolumn tackles life’s complicated questions, big and small! From sex and love to health and workplace problems, I’m here to address questions and concerns that we can all relate to.

Have a query of your own? Send it to [email protected]! We sort through tonsof reader submissions every week to look for questions that will help everyone in our audience deal with the complex ups and downs of the human experience.

There’s nothing better than starting a powerful conversation that brings people together. That’s why we also love to see you weigh in with your own advice in the comments section!

Last week, the column took on a new relationship with a younger man, a dad who left the picture, diminished sex drive, and the difficulties of a blended family.

This week, we’re addressing medical mysteries, political divisions, a bitter divorce, and the jumpback into the job market.

Scroll through below to read my very best advice, and add your own words of wisdom.

If you have your own complicated questions and are in the market for some insights, shoot me an email at [email protected]!

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Sick And Tired

Laura Casely for LittleThings

Dear Becca,

Hopefully you have some insight for me. I’ve been very ill and I have no family in the area. I am struggling with the little things; even paying for food has become difficult.

My only support system is Facebook. My family gets upset that I share things on Facebook or ask for help when things are bad.

However, they do not attempt to help me and have flat out refused when I have asked. I don’t want to have a grudge against my family and I don’t want to upset them, but I also don’t want to lose my support through Facebook.

My mom’s concern is that future employers will see what I have been through and decide not to hire me because I’ve been sick in the past. (I’ve been in the hospital 10 times and have had three surgeries in five months. All hospital stays have been multi-day stays and the doctors have been unable to explain what is going on.)

I need help, but I’m unsure where to turn at this point.

-Confused and Alone

Dear C&A,

I’m so sorry that you’ve been going through the medical wringer. There’s nothing worse than feeling awful and having no idea what’s causing all the trouble.

I also agree that Facebook (and the internet in general) can be a lovely support system. That’s especially true when you’re stuck in a hospital bed and can’t socialize in person.

It also sounds like your family really isn’t there for you, which is a shame. Your mom should know better than to put so much pressure on you when you’re that ill.

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with turning to online friends for help and emotional support in a time of need. However, I think it’s a good idea to be very careful about soliciting too much financial help from your friends online.

Asking for a ride to the hospital or company for dinneris totally fine, but if you frequently request money, you’re going to burn through a lot of goodwill quickly. In the end, if you abuse the kindness and generosity of your friends, you might find that your support system starts to fade away.

Here’s what I would suggest.

Cast out a wide net to all of your friends online with a new request: Ask if anyone knows of any part-time, low-impact jobs that are hiring, and ask if anyone knows of support groups and funds for people with chronic illnesses. Having a part-time job that you can do online and from home could help pay the bills, and help build up your rsum for future employment.

Meanwhile, having a support group that can help to fund medical expenses in a pinch is a great way to make sure that you have a well-informed safety net to turn to in an emergency.TheHealthWell Foundationmight be a good resource!

Who knows, you might even find a way to combine both goals. I bet there are a lot of chronic-illness support groups out there looking for part-time bloggers and social media specialists. That might be an ideal solution!

Best of luck, and here’s hoping that your health takes a turn for the better!

Becca

Stuck In The Middle

Laura Casely for LittleThings

Hi Becca,

My family is very divided when it comes to politics, especially my two sisters. One is very liberal, one is very conservative. We have a family reunion coming up where everyone will be there. Im dreading the arguments that might happen.

What can I do to diffuse any situations? Do I change the subject? I love everyone in my family and want the event to be enjoyable for everyone, regardless of politics.

How can I make sure everyone stays civil? What should I say if someone asks me a loaded question?

-Tug of War

Dear Tug of War,

Oh boy. I hear you. Political discussions of any kind are a doozy this year.

No matter which side of the aisle you fall on personally, it’s tough to deal with the bitterness and resentment left behind after a tough election year.

As someone who wants to stay neutral in political conflicts, you’re in a very tough position. Of course,anyone in your family who is stirring the pot probably feels very strongly about their beliefs, and it might be hard to guide them back onto neutral ground.

A certain amount of political conflict just isn’t avoidable. People in your family are going to have to talk out some of their disagreements, otherwise that tension isn’t going anywhere.

However, in the interest of keeping the event pleasant for everyone, maybe you just have to take it upon yourself to be the referee.

If you spot a heated debate beginning, it might be your moment to drift in, an angel of neutrality. Try to turn the conversation away from politics to something less divisive.

If that doesn’t work, try to find some common ground; even your most partisan relatives might be surprised to find that they share a few core political beliefs.

Of course, if the debaters are just spoiling for a fight and can’t be turned away from the conversation, kindly suggest that they take their conversation elsewhere. If they want to get into an intense argument, they can do so in private without ruining the whole event and pulling everyone else into the disagreement.

Good luck keeping the peace!

Becca

Still Struggling

Laura Casely for LittleThings

Dear Becca,

My ex-husband and I went through a very messy divorce, and even though it was a long time ago (10 years), I still struggle to get over what he put me through.

My whole life was torn upside down, financially and emotionally. I know its in the past, but I cant get over what he did to me and took from me.

But Im so sick of being bitter and angry. How can I forgive and move on? Im ready to be happy again, but I dont know how to let go.

Thanks, Divorce

Dear Divorce,

There’s really no expiration date on an emotional, grief-laden experience like a divorce. People might tell you to “get over it,” but you’ll recover at your own pace. Whether it takes six months or 10 years, there’s no wrong way to mourn a complicated and painful marriage.

You express the desire to move on. Honestly, justsayingthose words is the first step. Wanting to move on proves that now, you’re readyto go ahead and leave the pain of the past behind you.

You don’t necessarily need to dredge up all the pain of the bad old days to feel better. Maybe go through all your mementos and shared stuff, and get rid of anything that is full of bad memories. Hang on to any shared stuff you really can’t bear to part with, though we’ll get back to that in a minute.

Take one day to think through your whole relationship with him, from start to finish. Try not to fixate too much on any high or lowpart, just allow yourself to follow the timeline.

When you reach the end of the relationship, say, “Thank you, John, for the experience of our marriage, good and bad. I forgive you for the bad, I’ll remember you for the good, and now I’m letting you go.”

Call me a hippie if you want, but this kind of symbolic ending can really,reallyhelp you close the book on a messy part of your life.

Next, a little more hippie stuff. Find a way to cleanse your space and any shared stuff you hang onto. Do whatever it takes to make your spaceand your memory feel fresh and clean andyours. Scrub it with Lysol and bleach, or smudge everything with sage smoke whatever helps get to your idea of “cleansed.”

All that matters is that you do plenty of mental and literal spring cleaning and give yourself a fresh start.

With love and best wishes for a new beginning,

Becca

Ready To Retire

Laura Casely for LittleThings

Hi Becca,

My job is killing me and I want to start looking for a new one, but Im turning 62 this year. Who is going to hire me at this age? I have years of experience, but people only seem to hire twentysomethings.

I need to pay my bills and I cant retire, but I cant keep going like this.

Do you have any interview tips for an old lady like me? Please help!

Sincerely,

Burnt Out

Dear Burnt Out,

I’m sorry to hear that your job isn’t treating you well. The job market has never been very kind to older employees, and that has only become more complicated in recent years. The cost of living (and therefore the cost of retiring) has been rising and rising, but most companies aren’t upping their paychecks to match.

I think you have a few options here.

First and foremost, don’t count yourself out. There might be lots of companies that are only interested in hiring young whippersnappers, but there are still plenty of businesses that recognize the value of years of experience. You might actually be an ideal candidate for many companies, especially if you are keeping abreast of new developments in your field.

If your job involves new technology, new research, or anything else that didn’t exist when you first started out, get yourself up to speed. Make sure that you are just as much of an expert as any twentysomething who grew up on the computer.

It’s not easy, but it’s also far from impossible. If you can master those new trends, you can combine the expertise of a young person with the experience and maturity of an older employee. Believe it or not, that combo makes you theperfecthire for a new job.

As for interviewing, as long as you come in knowing your stuff about new developments in the field, you’ll blow the hiring manager away. As a mature adult woman with lots of professional experience, you are definitely going to make a better first impression than an unkempt 25-year-old in a too-big suit. Sorry kiddo, better luck next time.

Secondly, consider whether retiring is really as far-fetched as you think it is. You have three years before you hit “official” retirement age. What can you do in that time to help secure a comfortable future? Talk to a financial advisor about investing any savings you have, moving to a more affordable area, and cutting out unnecessary expenses.

With a few savvy financial choices, you might be surprised by how much a small nest egg can grow in just a few years.

You still might not be able to fully retire at 65, but you may be able to semi-retire if you play your cards right. You can take a step back from the working world, and put in maybe 20 hours a week, instead of forty. You’ll still have some income, and your stress will be lowered substantially. You may even find that work is a lot more fun (and more productive) when you’re only doing it 2o hours a week!

Show ‘em that you’ve still got it!

Becca

Laura Caseley for LittleThings

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