#if i wasn't typing them here i would probably just be rambling to myself in a google doc so. y'know

[showyoumyfavoriteobsession]

loaded the cazador fight back up this evening to get a taste of ascended astarion (pun intended)

not sure i really have anything insightful to say tbh, other than i was a little surprised that halsin and lae'zel just had their standard -1 disapproval (as far as i could tell) despite both being pretty outspoken against the ascension during the scene. i also didn't put together that we would have to fight the gur right after, so that fight took me by surprise lol

i explored the options for the night after a little bit and liked that you can push back on astarion for a bunch of different reasons. i got in one fight where i called him out for acting like cazador and he basically broke up with me on the spot, and then reloaded and went through with becoming a vampire.

i was a little too eager on my playthrough to finish astarion's quest, so i did the cazador fight relatively early in act 3 (before getting the orphic hammer or fighting either orin or gortash). i'm not sure i'll have the patience to play all the way through to the end again just to see the ascended epilogue - i may just look it up. i guess i could try to rush the end by just going straight for the netherstones and then right to the brain and ignore all the other quests just for the sake of getting to the end, but that would probably still take 4+ hours. i'm playing on the easiest difficulty and have gotten pretty decent at combat (haven't had a single tpk on this run), but i have learned that everything in this game just. takes a while even under the best circumstances.

and ok. not for nothing. the romance scene you can get for that night was really hot but it would have been better if the animations were fixed:

it was better in some shots than others (the actual biting scene for the morning was fine, plus since i loaded an old save this is a couple hotfixes behind and maybe it's fixed now) but tbh it was kind of irritating to see what were clearly animations for a shorter player character. let my big buff tiefling be seduce-able!

[appleblueberry-pie]

Can can… we reject yan gojo? I actually deeply need it. *shakes head* My spirit guides told me it’s beneficial to my life’s journey. Him just being so down bad and we could never. Gojo is not our type. He’s tall but we aren’t compatible. I want angst, despair, his tears, pleads. Desperation. This would be even juicier if it’s based in like school because now he’s going to have to live out his adult life hoping 😔

This felt more like a regular teenage confession gone wrong.

I imagine waking up to him being at your dorm room door confessing, haha.

You've been up on your phone for like 20 minutes, but it's still extremely early. You're in your pj's and you drag yourself to the door, and he's there in the same state, a guilty smile on his face. You both knew it would happen sooner or later though. Lately, he's been staring at you as if he's gonna explode if he doesn't talk to you. You tried to avoid him, but here he is now.

"Hey, I just.......can I tell you something real quick?" Hands in his pocket as he speaks. You sigh and shrug. ".....Just say it. I don't care."

The things he planned on saying wasn't something that should elicit an "i don't care". He knows you'll turn him down. He lets out a shaky breath before finally rambling.

"I just wanted to say that I have been feeling differently about you lately. Like, I really love to spend time with you and talk with you, it just makes my day whenever you're around-" It felt so unnatural now that he was saying it out loud. And your face was beginning to change into a not-so-good look. "You always talk to me, make me feel included, you just do everything so nicely, I can't like...look away from you sometimes because you're so bright. I just.....I feel like I can be myself when you're there, and I just wanted to say that I feel really attracted to you, and I am in love with you."

"..........................."

He wasn't sure what face you were making. It looked like you wanted to pull a neutral face, but you were also simultaneously surprised and confused and frustrated. He doesn't know. You were still and weren't speaking and he felt like he was going to throw up. So, he kept talking.

"I can't ignore how I feel about you anymore. I wanted to, like, leave you alone, but you taught me to not ignore my feelings and always tell someone about them, so here I am. I don't know if you feel the same way," You didn't. "But, like, everything about you is fucking amazing and I can't just.....look, please just say something." He awkwardly laughed and shuffled in his spot while you kept staring up at him like he had another head. You didn't say a word. He shuffled his hair and pulled at it anxiously and still kept talking.

"I know what you're thinking......but like please give me a chance." Your lip twitched nervously and you took a very small step back, which he, of course, noticed. "I know! I know I'm being weird right now, it's just, like, I could give you everything you want, you know?? Like, I'll pay for your stuff, I could take you wherever you want to go, you like that one sushi place before right?? I can give you all the attention you want, I could- I could, um.....I could like scare off any guys bothering you, I can drive-" No, he can't. "I'll be so good to you, I promise. Please."

You sigh and shake your head. "Gojo...." "What will it take??? I'll do anything, I just really want to be yours, you understand, right??" He backed up a little to give you space and spoke in a low volume not to alert anyone from their sleep since it was still super early. "You're not my type." You just tell him flat out, but he still tries to find any possibility, which you immediately crushed. "Like, at all, Gojo. I don't want anything that you have in my dream guy. I don't want you and probably never will."

It doesn't make any sense to him at all. He just stands there extremely confused. "........what?" "I don't want you, I'm sorry." And you shut the door.

Words can't even explain how he feels right now. He never thought at all at the possibility that he wasn't even anything close to what you desire in a man at all. It just felt so unreal for that to even be a possibility. Was it his voice? His hair? His face? What the fuck was it? Was he not skinny enough? Does he need to gain weight and muscle? He doesn't even fucking know what your type is because he always thought it would be something like him. Now he's entirely lost. What did all of those lost lives and kidnappings mean if you won't even love him?

He doesn't ever want to force you into anything, but even he doesn't know how far he'll take it. He already has a hard time not killing your ex-friends or people you don't get along with. And he definitely can't stop stalking you anytime soon, there's too much to figure out about you. There's too much time that he's dedicated to just you. And it has to all be for a reason, there fucking has to be. He's not loving you for nothing.......does he have to kill more people? Is he going to have to take you by force? He's lost and doesn't like his options.

"Hm."

[theycalledhimastar]

>w< HELLO AGAIN, IF YOU HAVE TIME LEFT

Nikolai , price and ghost with So with likes video games books and all nerdy stuff OWO

Hallo >w<! Of course, I'm a bit of a nerd myself and I totally love the idea of at least Price having like a total nerd of a partner, it feels so cute! I wasn't sure if you meant like a soldier or civilian, so I left it mostly ambiguous <3

☄. *.

Various X Gn!reader

(prolly a little ooc, that's my bad lol. Put my entire soul into Nik's, can you tell?)

Nikolai ☄. *.

I like to think that Nik is a bit of a nerd himself, he feels like the kind of person to dabble in older, retro type video games. Like I feel that this man has a figurine collection, all in the box, mint condition, the works. So when he meets you and realizes that he FINALLY has someone else that he can talk about his interests with, he is over the moon!

He'll just be working on something, maybe some blueprints, maybe he's chatting with John about an upcoming plan. He'll ask you to sit there and tell him everything about that new game you got. Or the newest release from your favorite author. "I just adore the graphics, and the voice acting is amazing!"

"Sounds much better than your last purchase, you were distraught about that one."

"Oh, it's five times better, and this one was free too! I had to like fight fifty other people to try and download it when it released but it was so worth the lag, because-"

He might not always follow what you're saying, especially when you get really into your rambling about game mechanics and such, but he just loves hearing you so happy about something.

If you ever got him any kind of action figure or even something similar, he would actually potentially start crying because like... You got that for him??? You cared that much about him??? that makes him so happy, regardless of the fact that it was a bootleg version of one he already had, it's 100 percent the thought that counts. (Also the official one cost him like a small fortune, if you actually got him one, he would likely worry about your finances.)

He would be the type to cosplay cute little couples cosplays with you. Especially if it's something you both enjoy watching together, he might even be the one to suggest it in that case. Doesn't matter if it's halloween, comic con, or even just because you feel like it. He thinks that the idea is such a fun one, and he's never been able to do it before. Now that he can, there's no way he's gonna throw away the chance.

He probably met you when he was browsing through the game store that you worked at. Off duty, just looking to see if you had anything that he had yet to collect. (Which wasn't likely, but one could hope.) You were restocking the shelves and something caught his eye, although it wasn't the array of colorful plastic figures. It was the cute worker that had an armful of them. None of them were new, but he wasn't about to miss his shot to try and talk to you a little bit.

"Is there any new stock coming in?"

"Pardon me?"

"New stock, new figurines. I like to collect them, but I've already got the ones that the store has on the shelves." He explains awkwardly, thinking about backpedaling and just leaving.

"Oh! No, we don't have anything new, I don't think, sorry." You gave him that customer service smile, trying to be polite of course. Although you appreciate that someone comes here for something other than their child's gaming hobby. "Y'know, it's pretty impressive that you've collected all of those. We have a large selection, I can't imagine how expansive something like that would be."

He does a double take, his heart skips a beat for a moment. You're impressed? By him???

"Yes, I like collecting various pieces, this store is the best place to get them for a reasonable price..." the silence is incredibly uncomfortable, so he breaks it almost immediately. "Do you? Collect, I mean. Even just like cards or something similar?"

"No, my paycheck doesn't really allow for that. Although I have managed to harbor my video game addiction somehow." Your little joke makes him crack a smile and wow this guy is attractive...

"Really now? What do you play?" Maybe he would have to frequent this shop a little more often...

John ☄. *.

John probably dabbled a little bit in video games as a young man, before he enlisted, but he never considered himself the type that was worthy of the "nerd" title. He gladly listens to you though when you talk about the lore for Lord of the Rings for an hour straight. (don't ask him about anything you said the entire time, please...)

He's as supportive as the next guy, but he just does not understand the appeal of all those video games you play. In his mind, so many of them look repetitive. You scream at the screen more often than you seem to be enjoying yourself, even with the cozy games. He admires the dedication to the craft, but for fuck's sake, please step away from the keyboard. You look like you're going to snap it over your knee...

Books, however, he can get on with, same thing with movies. Newer ones, good old classics, doesn't matter. He's always down to sit and watch an entire movie marathon with you snuggled up next to him under a soft blanket. He doesn't mind, even when you start commenting on every little fun fact that you remember from the film documentary you watched a while back. "Did you know that the line right there was improvised by the actor? They thought it matched up with the character better than the original line." "Hm. I'd agree to that, mate knows the character better than the script does."

Takes you to game stores so that you can buy whatever you want with his credit card. What else is he going to be doing with everything he has sitting around from working in the SAS? Don't even worry about it, he wants you to be happy and what better way to show affection than getting you that limited edition signed copy you wanted?

He'd regularly take you out on movie dates, just to have an excuse to sneak kisses in the back row during the fight scenes because nothing important happens during those. Kissing down the side of your neck while the main character fights some minor side character, you're trying to focus on the screen but you can't help leaning into his touch just a little bit.

"John..." "mmh?" "What're you doing?" "Nothing... Just keep watchin' love. Someone's gotta watch and tell me what happened later."

Menace to the rest of the theatre, best hope it's a late viewing or something, because man isn't all that worried about being seen. Is it a crime to show some affection in public? He thinks not. You better get home before he decides that he wants a lil more than affection-

Simon ☄. *.

Honestly, he has no clue what the hell you're on about most of the time. Like he tries his best, but all he hears is utter nonsense. Not to say he doesn't listen, because he does, he straight up memorizes what you say, even if he doesn't know what it is. He won't ever tell you, but if he has extra free time, he tries to research and watch/read whatever it is that you love so much.

Sometimes he finds it intriguing, so much so, that he becomes a bigger fan of it than you are. (Low key what happened when you introduced him to farming games, man is an absolute beast at cozy games now and you're not sure whether you're proud or jealous of how much better his island is than yours in Animal Crossing.

"How did you get apples!? No fair!" "It's called being good at something, love."

Stares at you sideways if you ask him to play a FPS with you, like "I literally play that for a living, why would I do that?".

Lets you cozy up in his lap while you read your latest fantasy novel, nodding along when you make comments about what's happening in the chapter. He's not listening, he's too busy staring at you and thinking about how much he loves you, but cut the guy some slack, you're prettymuch giving him footnotes about a book he doesn't read.

Comments about the realism of the previously mentioned FPS when you play them. It'd be funny if you weren't in the middle of a ranked match while he was ranting.

"What are those muppets doing?" "trying to kill me, Si." "They're doin' a shit job of it. A proper waste of ammo." "Yeah, well, I'll let em know that."

Just about died when he saw you in cosplay of one of your favorite characters, stared at you with those big ass eyes and asked you kindly what the fuck you were wearing.

"It's cosplay, Simon. Like a costume?" "You look..." "Watch yourself, Riley." "Unique. Why again, are you wearing this?" He looked you up and down, holding his tongue surprisingly well. "Because it's fun, Simon. It's a character I really like, and I made most of this myself." You gave a slow turn so that he could see all of the detail and hard work you had put into the clothing. "Not sayin' it doesn't look good, just sayin' you look proper strange in a getup like that."

Bro says this all like he doesn't run around on the field in a skull mask like some edgy middle schooler. He means well, and afterwards, he'll admit that you looked plenty nice and you clearly worked hard on it. But don't just walk up on him like that.

[aannonn]

★ ─。colorful text , strong colors , bold text , brief mention of suicide , implied/referenced grief , swearing

okay i know we are all excited about the actual short that just came out but let me ramble a bit about Red cause im getting emotional about this stick ... ( before my motivation to type all of this ends and i dont feel emotional anymore lol )

Red in season 3 went through so much istg ;; not only did he and Sec went through a very tense (and needed) fight which almost caused the end of their friendship (+ Sec was clearly in the winning side here, or Red was just really terrified of her at that moment given to how he tried to run away from her - of which i will probably talk about it in a later post maybe), but he was also really fucking tormented in monster school (i felt so bad for him in this episode i legit wanted to cry)

+ after all of this fiasco he really went ahead and carried this thing (of which, given to how he hit it on the ground and it made a soft thump, it must have been heavy asf) all the way to the other side and??? fucking smashed King's chin which made him fly to so fucking far ;; which means he literally used all of his strenght to carry this staff, and dropkick King with it, even if it was so hard he almost even dropped it at first

AND THEN HE JUST. PROCEEDS TO PASS OUT ON THE FLOOR CAUSE HES SO FRICKING TIRED AND EXHAUSTED AAWRGHWS

there are also other moments where i think he really deserves a break tbh ;;

he lost a pet. i have a pet myself and just the thought of ever losing him hurts so fucking much to the point i can feel my oof'ing urges coming back.

;; granted; it was a minecraft pig and it was high with all the potions, and also tried to kill all of them, but he clearly atleast had some care for that pig ... (the fact that he immediately stood up and spawned another animal makes me think about that one post/tiktok (i dont remember the user) i've seen ; which talked about Red possibly hiding/bottling up his sadness from others , in order to stay happy and positive or because he doesn't think his struggles are important enough compared to the others' - which i think it make alot of sense since you rarely see him cry or something, just going numb and/or looking down in despair - the only ever time we ever saw him cry was when Green supposedly died.)

i haven't talked about this actual short before since i had no desire to , but damn bro the way i felt bad for Red in this(っ °Д °;)っ he just wanted to have red stuff for him aswell, since apparently it wasn't dropping for him for some reason???? okay he should have included green and blue stuff aswell instead of possibly removing them but. still. Green and Blue were so fricking wrong in this

and !! his and Sec's tense relationship in the past seasons ... i love Sec he's literally my fav out of them all but i cannot defend xem on this. i know she had her reasons and im not saying Red was in the right either but, gosh ... pretty ironic given he's the one who inspired xem to break in in their site and join them in their battle

... i dont even need to explain do i

he lost a pet ... again. and because of his own fault aswell ! he knew the possible dangers of fusing the command block and the staff together , given how he almost got possessed alongside his friends the first time something like this happened , and yet ... he did it anyway . and beeper died as a consequence . i cant imagine how much guilt he must have felt .. (probably one of the main reasons why he didnt put up a fight when they put him in the timeout box)

i think he wanted to cry at this scene ngl ,,,

thinking about this ; they are all really tragic characters tbh ,,, stepping away from the heavy angsty all of c!Alan's stickfigures go through , rygb goes through a lot of shit aswell , and tbh i just feel bad for all of them ; they are all such tragic characters that deserve a very well-needed break break/_ \

since we are in this topic aswell , i would like to mention how i really love Blue and his immediate rush in being a comfort for the others<3

i used to think Yellow was the therapist friend but we only ever saw him comfort Blue lolll ( i love him anyway ;; i think Blue is more of a therapist friend than he is though )

[sadkachow]

(cw: brief mentions of internalized arophobia)

now that i've actually realized i'm arospec, i'm starting to notice just how obvious it was. like, i've suspected it a few times in my life, but each time i was like "nooo, i can't POSSIBLY be aromantic". and, um. yeah, so that was a lie.

so, here's a:

list of things that probably should've made me realize/accept i was arospec before i actually did:

only ever had "crushes" on people that either would have made social sense for me to, i just thought were really cool and wanted to be friends with, or people who either confessed or me first or who other people assumed i had a crush on. i legit just went through a list of these with my friends, and literally everyone single one of the people on it was one or more of these three things. speaking of that is:

only ever had a "crush" on literally six people. six. this doesn't count what was assumed to be "crushes" on fictional characters, but even that i'm??? not really sure if i ever did??? plus, the first crush i can remember having wasn't until i was like 9, which would've been around the time that kids at school started getting more into having "crushes"

always got frustrated when i wasn't believed about not having a crush on someone.

that Uncomfy feeling in my tummy the few times when i actually got into a "relationship" with someone and literally anything "romantic" happened ever. seriously i would be trying to be all "romantic" and stuff, and i'd be like "huh, what is this weird all-consuming nausea i am experiencing? why do i feel absolutely awful being perceived to be in a relationship or acting romantic?? i'm sure it's nothing!!!"

my confusion at dating culture. @theeviltwinduh can attest to the rambles/rants i've been on about how weird i find dating culture, specifically the fact that people just. meet people for the sole effort of getting into relationships.

my inability to actually express what crushes felt like and my confusion about what it meant to have one. furthermore, my confusion about what actually qualified as romantic and what separated those feelings from other ones. (i still don't really get this one. i just??? what makes something romantic??? how do people Know??? why are certain behaviors perceived as only for romantic relationships and no one else??? what makes those things inherently romantic, other than just that society deems them so???)

finding characters and people attractive, but never actually really imagining myself in a relationship with them. or if i ever did, it was just kinda like a friendship.

really really liking the idea of qprs for a reason i could not explain. and also being confused about the differences between qprs and romance bc idk what romance is supposed to feel like.

liking the concept of "being in a relationship" but literally any time that concept is brought up as an actually possibility just having fight or flight instincts kicking in (mainly just flight)

when imagining my future and trying to imagine a partner, just kinda seeing some sort of formless blob. or not imagining one at all. or just imagining like a really good friend type thing.

literally ID-ing as aro at one point but being like "nooo i can't possibly be aro!!! i've "totally" had crushes on people before!!!"

that's really all i can think of right now, but i'm sure there's definitely more!

[lvjyronline]

I don't know if you meant to send this on anon or not, but it wasn't on anon - So I figured I would go ahead and screen shot it instead of posting it with a link to your blog!

Anyway -

I don't necesarily think you're spouting bull, it could be an option that that's what happened, but I personally don't think that's exactly what happened. While mass hysteria is an occurance and could happen in a situation like this - Especially with big creators who can say anything - I don't think that's the case here.

I think that some of these things have been taken out of context - For example, the Billzo situation, to my knowledge, came partly from a point where Bill had handcuffed Wilbur and was joking(?) about throwing out the keys - Or something along those lines, getting the keys out of his reach etc, I'm not too clear on the exact details - Which ended up with Wilbur yelling at him - Which is a fair response to being told the keys to unlock the things that are binding you are going to be thrown from you.

I also think that things may have been taken out of context from their persepctives when Shelby came out with the alligations - Let me explain what I mean by that, because I know that statement alone is kind of confusing.

When a person says someone did something terrible to them, with or without proof, it may make the accused friends, or people who have been around them, look at what happened in the past and reconsider it. That's pretty normal - But I think with such big alligations of abuse it could skew the ideas or feelings that someone had about something.

Since these alligations are so heavy, it could've very well made them look at something that wasn't at all with malicious intent and make them believe that, because Shelby said he did all these things to her and he was doing them on purpose and to hurt her, that he was also doing similar things to them with the intent to hurt them, when in reality it wasn't like that at all.

It's less hysteria and more thoughts by proxy - If that phrasing makes sense. I think it's kind of similar to what you originally thought, but I wouldn't really describe that as hysteria?

I just think it's more of reconsidering things that happened to them with someone elses persepctive in mind and coming to a conclusion because she said it was abuse.

I have no idea if any of this is actually comprehensible, I'm gonna be honest - But I hope it is?? I hope I'm making sense?? I make sense in my own brain but that doesn't mean it makes sense to anyone else lol so I can try to explain better if need be.

What really sends the idea that it didn't happen to the curb is the fact that some people closer to Wilbur said they didn't see it happen - Hell, no one has actually confirmed they saw it happen.

Specifially noting how Jack Manifold literally said he never saw it happen, which brings up suspect considering during that road trip video (meat mountain) they were all together and that would line up with when Shelby and Wilbur were in a relationship - So assumibly the biting would have been going on then and he would've seen it.

I'm sorry this turned into a mini-essay-rant type thing- I didn't mean it to, I'm just trying to get out my thoughts. I know it's kinda long lol

But generally, I think that idea is probably a degree of what happened, I just wouldn't consider that mass hysteria. I know that peoples perceptions of experiances can be changed in specific contexts, and I do think that's what happened to a degree. I'm gonna go ahead and end this so I don't keep repeating myself, haha

Anyway, have a great day/night, and remember to stay safe out there right now, especially since ILGWIS just came out which means more people will be bickering.

(If you need me to explain any of this more/better just ask, I know sometimes when I ramble things off they only make sense to me, so I won't take any offence to my rambling not being fully understood.)

[crazylittlejester]

DAILY BRAINROT

Disclaimer: If nothing I say makes sense, it's probably because I'm so stressed I almost set the microwave on fire.

I'm glad to see that the Warriors knits headcanon is alive and well. In fact, it is thriving. This brings me immense joy because I've been losing my mind over it for the past several months, and it looks like it's here to stay. :) The best part is when someone writes a scene where Legend is embroidering/sewing and Warriors is knitting, and they're BONDING OVER THEIR CRAFTS.

In other news, I am seriously considering making glowing Warriors' power and having it be kind of like those glow-in-the-dark stickers people put on the ceilings of their kids' bedrooms. Hear me out. He can be powered by the sun, like a solar panel, and store the extra energy to do Cool Superhero Stuff with. The unfortunate side effect being that he tends to burn off excess energy by glowing in the dark. This means he has been explicitly banned from working night shifts because his cover would be blown.

It also means that he's the perfect nightlight for kids with nightmares.

I'm really looking forward to writing up more of the first meeting stories now that I've gotten the one about Legend & Wild posted, but since I'm making myself wait until I get the next chapter of Hyrule's fic up I'm just going to ramble at you about it instead.

I haven't decided which one to do next, but I have thought about the one for the trio (I also need a better name to refer to them). Anyway, I'm thinking that Twilight and Warriors actually grew up knowing each other, but sort of lost touch for a little while. Twilight was busy with the Twili stuff and getting used to his new abilities, while Warriors was in the middle of the mess with Cia. Sometime after that, they get back in touch, and they've both decided that they want to move out. Twilight wants to leave Ordon because he feels uncomfortable there now, and Warriors wants to move to a different district in Castletown to avoid anything related to Cia. Right around the same time, Sky is looking for roommates because he doesn't want to go to college in Skyloft or something. Ghirahim probably has something to do with it because I kind of doubt that he'd be very chill about Sky killing his master... Regardless, they get introduced to each other and the rest is history.

Slightly related to that, Sky is going to be an interesting combination of ideas here and is quickly becoming a favorite of mine for this project. He's kind of similar to Time because he's an incredibly powerful individual that dropped off the radar. He showed up, kicked villain butt, and then vanished (curtesy of Sun). I'm poking him because I have a lot of ideas about that. Maybe he doesn't like thinking about it? Maybe he doesn't remember what he did? Maybe it wasn't actually him and he was just possessed or something? Could he maybe be the source material for the experiment that made Wild? Is he just like this or is it trauma or his power(s) or did someone else do this to him?

Gnawing on all these questions as if I don't have things due tonight.

IM SO SORRY DUDE. they call me the kitchen appliance killer, i think the only thing safe from me is the stove and the blender- but i’m also afraid of fire so like, i don’t go near the stove anyway lmao 🕺 but fr I really hope you feel less stressed :(

YES YES YES. I love the wars knits headcanon it’s everything to me, i’ve been tryin to find a good place to throw it in a fic. AND WARS AND LEGEND BONDING OVER CRAFTS IS JUST PEAK

DO IT. DO IT, TAKE MY FUCKING MONEY. /j SOLAR POWERED NIGHT LIGHT GLOWSTICK WARS IS EVERYTHING TO ME

ooooooh okay okay, i like it >:)

istg the ‘hero/vigilante’ type au turning sky into peoples favorites is a real thing, it happened to me writing FH9. He’s my FAVORITE character in that ENTIRE au 😭 im so excited to see what you do with him in this 👁️👁️

remember to take care of yourself 🫶 get some water and snacks if you need em

[blessed-pizza]

For the oc asks, 1, 20, and 30!

"Huh? We have mail?" (How long has this been sitting here... whoops hehe)

"Let's see..." "A couple questions huh... Sure why not."

1: Do they sleep with a stuffed animal? If they have multiple, who’s the favorite?

"As far as i know, the only one to sleep with plushies is Ace, she has a Latias and a Latios plushie. She seems to adore them both equally, as far as i can tell. And, well... I have to admit, I'm kind of jealous."

"I'd love to have a plushie as well, though, with my size, most of them would probably be bigger than myself"

"Also, well... Im not sure if it counts, but Rose always sleeps with her hammer"

"It helps with my sleeping posture, OK?!"

"yeah, sure..."

20: What do they like that nobody else does?

"I think I saw Cotton eat a whole tomato berry once, like.. just raw... Ate the whole thing in three big bites, she didn't even break a sweat or anything... (She kinda scares me sometimes)"

"They're really good for your health, you know?"

"You should try one! Maybe you'll like it more than you think."

"I think I'll pass."

"Dude, you have no right to talk. You eat electricity."

"That's... THAT'S DIFFERENT! Besides, I don't eat it, I use it to recharge. I don't produce enough on my own to properly recharge, so I need an external source to help."

"What about Frillian then? He uses the sun to recharge, why isn't that weird?"

"Cus a lot of pokemon do that. It's called photosynthesis."

"First of all, that's not the same as photosynthesis. Secondly, a lot of other electric types also need outside sources to recharge their electricity."

"At least they don't ramble on about 'what battery tastes the best' for an hour."

"That wasn't about tas... Urghh.. Never mind"

30: What would they do if they knew it would be forgiven?

"I'm... I'm not.. sure.." "I.. I can't really think of doing anything that would normally be unforgivable..." "I... don't think i could bring myself to do something so bad.."

"Uhh.. Amp? I... I think you might be looking a bit to deep into this one."

"You know what I'll do?"

"I'll take all the blast seeds we've collected over time, stuff them into some kind of closed container, take it outside and light m' up!"

"I'm curious how big of a fireball it would create."

"Hehe... Yeah... Yeah, that does sound kind of fun..."

"What about you, Bouy?"

"Hmm... I think I'll take one of my dad's atlases with me back here. I'm wouldn't be allowed to take them under normal circumstances, because they take my dad a ton of work to make."

"I'd love to have one, one day."

"Hatchet, Ace? you got anything?"

"I'll eat all the perfect appels in the pantry!"

"Yeah! And the Pecha berries. Those are my favourites!"

"As if the two of you don't already do that... Anyway, what I'll do is to just take a break for couple of days. With all the work I have to do, I can barely take a day of."

"Trying to keep track of the stock, keeping the bedrooms clean, filling in orders for resources and plenty more, all the while there are two literal teenagers running around... isn't the most relaxing experience."

"Even the weekends used to quite busy. Though a lot of the load has been lifted of my back since Amp and Rose joined. They help around with most physical tasks and while I share the paperwork with Frillian, most of it still ends up on my desk..."

"Well... Planning and preparing for expeditions takes quite a lot of time and resources, especially the maps. Dang those things are expensive.. And I haven't even started on the... Oh, yeah, right... the question."

"Well.. how much I'd love to take a couple days off like Cotton, I don't think forgiveness is going to be enough. Running an exploration team isn't really free, you see... How much I've loved it to be. So, yeah... I guess I'll be joining in to watch Rose's blast seed pile."

[imsoquarky]

OKAY IM GONNA TALK ABOUT TMNT MM NOW

WARNING FOR SPOILERS BELOW THE CUT!!! THIS IS A RAMBLE POST, I AINT TIPTOEING AROUND IT!!!

Also, probably gonna start making # for post types. I feel like I reblog so much stuff that it's hard to find my actual content-

♠️ - ♣️ - ♥️ - ♦️

Starting off the bat, everyone who said Rise lovers were gonna love MM were absolutely correct. I adored this movie with every fiber of my being and I really think it could bring new people into the TMNT fandom just as ROTTMNT did.

While I will always be sad that Rise did not get the merch it deserved, I am over the moon that MM is getting it. The toys I've seen and merch I've gotten are already extraordinary. For the most part they are very very well made and most of it doesn't look like they've seen their entire family be brutally ripped limb from limb.

But moving away from my opinions about merch which is a whole other bag of worms being the physical item lover I am. THE MOVIE WAS BEAUTIFUL!!!

The storyline, the characters, the voice acting, the line delivery, the writing, the comedy, and ofc most of all

THE ART!! OMG THE ART!!! I LOVED EVERY SINGLE BIT!!! I see so much dragging on the art of this movie because it's ugly BUT THATS THE WHOLE POINT!!! It's meant to be messy, asymmetrical, even uncomfortable at times. Every character is so vastly different from the last, including every single background character. Some of my favorite overall designs were Splinter, April, Stockman, Superfly, Mondo Gecko, and even that fuckin BEAST Superfly turned into at the end.

This was the first iteration I watched where Splinter started out as a rat, being only into the more modern media, I had no idea that he was originally a pet. I could go on and on about MM Splinter and that is what I am going to do. I LOVED HIM. SO MUCH. He was such a dad, and an absolute badass when he wanted to be. Kicking ass to save his sons and just worried out of his mind about them. Despite his distain for humans, he was willing to take their help when it was offered. Instead of reprimanding his sons right then and there, he'd give them a hug and make sure they were safe beforehand. And when he saved them from getting their blood taken (I'm not calling it milking, please don't make me omg- /lh), he was like "I told you so!" but not in like.. a toxic way?? I never thought Splinter would end up as my favorite of any iteration, yet... here we are.

But y'all probably aren't all that interested in my gushing about Splinter yeah? Let's talk about the turtles, going from my favorite to least favorite (not to say I don't absolutely love them all, I just like some more than others.)

Raphael and Donnie are tied, but I'll start with just Raph. Raphael very much reminded me of when I was younger. Down to the struggled with volume & um... well, anger issues. Deep down, he loves and cares about his brothers, but he wants to branch out and meet new people. It's not that he doesn't want them to be there when he dies, it's that he wants to know other people outside of them. He loves them, but it's only natural to not want to ONLY have them.

Donatello was a silly guy, lots of playful jabs at his brothers and I just loved him. Also, the guy can DRIVE. Technically, being old enough, most places I know you can get a learners permit, so he probably realistically could drive. Despite complaining about having a "giant stick" much like 2012 Donnie, I found myself less annoyed by his complaints. Maybe I'm bias? Who knows. Point is, I loved him.

Leonardo, like Raph, was extremely relatable. With his upbringing and having a very anxious father, it makes sense to have such chronic anxiety. I swear, sometimes I feel like a mix between MM Leo and MM Raph. While ofc, I wasn't a fan of the little crush on April, it's not unrealistic. This is the first girl they've met and he has dreams of getting a girlfriend, obviously a 15 year old like that is gonna fall head over heels for the first girl he sees. Hell, when I first found out girls could like girls I honestly wasn't much different. (Ofc, I'm not a girl anymore, but that's besides the point here). But April shutting him down at prom was a relief, I'm hoping it just stays as a little puppy crush. It was handled SO much better than 2012 ever did, and I'm standing by that.

Now Michelangelo. Mikey was the SWEETEST OMG. Him and Mondo were an adorable duo and I'm hoping in future content we get more of them. Also, what is with Mikey and almost getting hit with cars in this film? I think the mans needs to keep away from the streets because he's like the critters down here in Kansas, very bad luck with cars. Only reason he's probably my least fav here is because I guess I don't have much to say about him, like, specifically?

Anyways. That's a lot of rambling, someone please talk to me about MM.

[narastories]

catching up about fandom stuff

Oh, hi! Do you mind if I ramble a bit?

I feel like I've been a little distant and antisocial in the past few months due to personal stuff (mainly because my trauma bucket got kicked over many, many times, but also I've been trying to get the ball rolling on a few things I've been meaning to do for a while). And I know I'm not the only one who has been having a hard time. But now it's spring here, and I'm feeling a little hopeful and a bit more inspired. Is it just me? Do we dare to be hopeful??

I'm reminding myself that both of my favorite urban fantasy series, and main fandoms nowadays are due a new book maybe this year, and that is exciting and very much things to look forward to! It also makes me want to quickly write fic ideas I have before the canon status quo changes lol (Not that it matters. I believe you can write whatever you want. But with both of these series, we love to theorize about what is going to happen, so it feels like things are just not going to be the same when we get new pieces of information, you know?)

I'm also acutely aware that I haven't posted a Harry/Nic fanfic since the OTP challenge in NOVEMBER 2022 wtf. And uh, yeah. If you needed any further proof of my poor mental health then it is probably proof enough that I haven't touched my favorite obscure little OTP.

The good news is, that I have actually been inspired to write lately. I'm doing a little re-read of the FPA books, and also Skin Game, and it's all putting me back in the mood for fanfic. And I have been typing away for the past few weeks, trying to get back into it.

The bad news is, that I don't feel like posting things yet. I just want to be kind to myself and create without having to worry about sharing it. I know this might sound hypocritical bc I just shared a post about connecting in fandom. At the same time, sometimes it does good for a story to just let it sit and simmer a bit.

There is this expression (that I don't think is actually very popular in the English language) "to write for the drawer" and I never thought that was a bad thing. Sure I write very niche stuff so you would think it doesn't matter either way, but a story is never the same after you release it out into the world. So it's okay to keep it to yourself for a while and tinker with it and enjoy the process.

I also discovered gif making for myself. (If you have seen the gifset I posted yesterday, no you didn't :P I put it on private bc I wasn't happy with it yet. Mainly bc of the subtitle thing. I either have to figure out a clever overlay or venture out into the foreign planes of the internet to forage a little bit more lmao) I think the popularity of gifsets on tumblr is so fascinating, bc it's a format that just isn't very popular elsewhere (or convenient lol). When I was younger in fandom I never had a good enough computer to do this kind of editing. So now it just made me so happy to realize that my computer can do it, and I found it a relaxing activity.

I already dipped my toe in it with that Hellraiser/DF quote gifset, but now I figured out a method to make it look a lot better. And with open source tools too! That made me especially happy lol But I also realized that if I want to post gifsets then I might have to break my "no sideblogs" rule... Anyway, this is just one more thing that I will probably experiment with privately, and then we'll see if I put it out there or not.

So I guess what I'm trying to say is: creative hobbies are important. And if you can bring yourself to do them even when you feel like shit, it usually helps to feel a little less shitty. And that I will incubate my little projects for a while longer and then maybe I will feel like sharing them.

[yandere-paramour]

Y'know, I think Atalanta just has that type of personality I would not be compatible with in general, like, we would be business rivals maybe because I'd always feel like I have to one-up her😭 that being said, she is kinda growing on me in the span of these few days because I can see a gentle and caring side in her from some of the things you've written and that's really cute. She loves in the way she knows best and that is an admirable trait, so she has my respect.

Ahhh, but Vivien brings light to my life, reading about him is so fun!! Really, just wanna walk in when he's at work, buy flowers right from the shop and then give them to him as a present. If it were up to me, he would be all pampered. I know Noelle is still sort of new but she also gives me the same vibe, I would totally treat her sweetly and I also think she would just be nice to talk to. I can imagine she'd be understanding, but then again, I guess all the yans would try to be for their darling anyway.

I'm glad that whatever I had to say was inspiring to you!! I'm also sorry because it wasn't a very eloquent message at all, but I'm happy you could extract what was of value from it. And I wanna say thank you for writing and sharing it with us here, because honestly you've built such a beautiful reprieve in your blog and I know it's a place I can always come to for a needed escape whenever.

Anyway, I think I'm rambling now, I actually just wanted to wish you happy birthday now that it's July 3rd (at my time of sending). Happy 22nd and I hope today and every other day coming is great for you. Take care of yourself and rest when you can. All the best to you always!!

Atalanta is always such a fun character for me to write because she is always trying to put on this front of being calm and cool and collected and for the most, she truly is like that, but she has these moments of vulnerability with her Darling that I like best because it shows her as being just Ata and not Atalanta Montclair. She truly is the product of her upbringing; she is somehow both her mother's daughter and her father's daughter at the same time. She loves her Darling in the only way she knows how. Even if it isn't perfect, I like to think I manage to convey the high esteem she holds you in. She holds her Darling in such regard, she just doesn't know how to properly protect and care for you.

Oh Vivien is my little guy, I love him so much. I'm glad you enjoy him. He is probably the least dangerous of my yanderes, at least towards Darling (remember, he is technically a serial killer). He has had such a hard life, I can't bring myself to write him in any angst because I just want him to be happy.

Noelle is new and I'm still fleshing her out as a person. She strikes me as someone who stays silent a lot, not because she's shy but just because she has nothing to say to you. But when she's with her sisters or with Ata, she's funny and charming. I think the thing that endears me most to her is her fear of losing what she has. She has clawed her way up from the depths of the hell that was her childhood and now that she has reached the top, she would sooner die than give up her lifestyle, and that includes her Darling. I think she's the most controlling yan (more on this later, random fan I got your ask and I'm working on it, I swear, I'm just balls deep in the neuromuscular junction rn) because of this fear of hers. I should write something to try and shake her to her very core and see what comes out.

Ah, your messages are so kind. I really do find comfort and happiness in kind messages like this. I always want to know what you guys think about the characters and kindness about my writing and my birthday is just the sugar on the cream. It is so easy with blogs like this to turn from a writer to just a content creator churning out as much work as possible to keep the followers happy, but it's messages like this that make me feel human again. Thank you. It means a lot to me to know that I have created a space where people can come to lose themselves in my stories.

And yes, haha, it was my silly lil birthday today. I spent most of it in school or driving but I watched King of the Hill and I studied so it was okay :)

[girlwithanaverageeq]

Day Thirteen

Hello!

Consistency is so hard, oh my goodness. Obviously, I have not updated in a while, my apologies. But right now, I have something I'd like to talk about so here we go!

So, talking to people about what you are feeling or going through is hard. That's one of the great things about having this blog! I can just say this stuff and it's not as scary.

So today the AP scores came out. I did well but two of my close friends did better. Now, I don't want to be jealous, but it's important to understand that us three are all great friends and do lots of stuff together. We are all in band together, model UN, scholars' bowl, were in gifted together, we're all smart, okay? I thought we were supposed to be like this trio of smart girls, but I'm realizing now that people see them two as the super smart ones, and I'm just an outlier.

That is so freaking frustrating. I understand that this probably sounds annoying, you know, like I still did good and whatnot, but, and especially as a teenage girl, this is so difficult to deal with.

My sister said that I did really good still and I tried to explain this to her but got a little nervous and she wasn't getting it, so I gave up. Now here I am explaining it to you guys.

The important thing here though is getting these thoughts and feelings out some way or another. I would encourage talking to somebody more! If you don't have somebody in person you feel comfortable doing this with, there is an app called Sincerely where you can send out anonymous rants or stories and ask for advice, and strangers can help you!

But getting your emotions out effectively is so important and a key part of emotional intelligence! I am probably going to try to deal with my situation the best I can, not getting mad at my friends and being rude to them and instead just improve myself for the future, but just typing this out already makes me feel better!

Anyway, I am starting to feel like I am rambling, so thanks so much for reading. God bless you! ♡

[its-all-papaya]

🫧 (sheets and towels lol)

I was wondering how you usually go about outlining? I’ve always been so terrible at it so if you had any advice or even just explaining the process a bit that would be lovely.

YAY ALL MY LOADS OF LAUNDRY ARE AT LEAST STARTED TYYYY

assign me a chore!!

i'm actually probably a bad person to ask about this because i'm usually kind of awful at "outlining" fics in any definite way. however.... i do kind of have a process, it's just not usually a formal outline.

my USUAL process is to kind of just dump every thought i have related to a fic in a bullet point list that gets added to and subtracted from as the fic develops. if i have pm's with a mutual that inspired a fic, i'll copy paste those into the list to start. if i have ideas for scenes, i'll add those to the list. if there are irl quotes or events that are relevant, those also go in the list. from there, i'll kind of rearrange things in the order that makes sense (either chronologically or by "type" of thing - i.e. for the hollow hereafter, i had a section of quotes with sub-bullets that were just transcripts from each segment of media, then i had a section of "vibes" that were like "lando just wants it all to end, can't imagine ever feeling right again after how dramatically everything inside of him has shifted", etc). once they're in an order that makes my brain feel good, i put them below a page break and start typing actual sentences at the top of the fic in a blank page. then as i'm typing a fic, if i have thoughts about things i want to do down the line NOT in the scene i'm currently typing, i'll add those to the list too as not to disrupt the actual "proper" text i'm building. once i use a thought off the list, it gets deleted so i can see what's left in the bank more clearly. basically everything that is ACTUAL COPY I INTEND ON PUBLISHING gets written from the top of the doc down, then every stray thought i want to preserve gets added onto the bottom of the doc until i use it. there are usually like sections and sub-bullets on that list to keep things semi-organized.

when i DO outline more formally, such as dad lando, it's honestly kind of stream of consciousness. i started with rough, one-line summaries of what i thought each chapter might be (i.e. one was "first meeting", two was "start texting" etc etc until we get to "epilogue"). then i filled in in sub-bullets what i wanted to include in each chapter. some, such as "oscar meets emma" are like SUPER SUPER vague rn. like three sentences. some, such as "lando goes golfing with max" had really clear inspo in my head and are like two pages of rambling. because i felt strongly about how i wanted it to go, i just started typing in half-coherent sentences (honestly how i answer asks here sometimes? this is a good example of the flow i'm talking about). however, half of that extremely rushed, just-trying-to-get-it-down-on-paper musing about this golf outing is probably word-for-word going to end up in the fic because i just let my brain work. and that's how it works a lot of the time for me. i start typing thinking it's just going to be the gist of plot points, and it ends up prose i really, really like because i'm letting my brain work freely.

my MAIN advice for outlining based on my own learning curve:

write down LITERALLY every thought you have related to a fic. whether it's half a sentence, a guiding vibe, a real event that inspires you in ways related to the fic... literally anything. you obviously don't have to use it all, but sometimes those stray thoughts help re-center me when i get kind of lost in the sauce of a fic. when i'm stuck, i just scroll the list and see if anything sticks out to me to use or draw from to get me out of the block.

don't FORCE yourself to outline every moment or plot point. like i said, some of my dad lando chapters are really thoroughly outlined, some are suuuper vague. i didn't force myself to try and plan out any of chapter three bc i wasn't feeling particularly strongly about how i wanted it to go, and it just worked itself out in time as i typed instead. i've outlined what i've figured out, and i'm going with the flow with the rest. the outline mainly motivates me and reminds me what i'm building towards, ultimately, instead of dictating every little thing i want to include. i'm never afraid to say "and then ????? but they end up kissing" and revisit once the vibes have built around a moment.

may seem obvious, but outlines are not final. i've pushed sooooo much shit i meant to include in chapters one and two of dad lando to chapter four bc it didn't hit right when i thought it would. my outline for thh was like six times as long as the actual fic bc i cut out so much stuff i thought i wanted to use. outlines are literally just to keep track of thoughts, imo, and like i said, to guide you. doesn't have to be fully formed to be useful.

hope that was helpful!!! a lot of this is very very similar to how i used to process my research papers in college, so i've had upwards of like eight years now to refine my process and find what works for my brain specifically. so i guess last tip is just try different things and use what works and throw out what doesn't in terms of methodology. everybody's different!

love u good luck writing feel free to ask more about any of this if you'd like 🫶

[princeandrogyne]

this... uh. probably isn't an incredibly hope inspiring message now that I think about it, but I wanted to say I relate a lot to your blog. your blog looks like my unpublished notes app ramblings, the random bullshit I type out to myself, I just don't have the self-esteem to publish it anywhere. I don't expect anyone to care, I guess.

sometimes I feel like my life would be better if I knew I wasn't the only person like me, if I knew someone like me shared my struggles and had that same sort of "thing" festering in them like it does in me. anger, dissatisfaction, yearning, something. wanting to pass like a man while knowing it's impossible without blowing up all my beliefs, all of my living situation, all of my pride. feeling unlovable just because I rolled the shit 50% odds and it just so happens something in me decided I could never be happy. a computer programmed to fail. an animal wired to throw away their survival instinct. I guess this is me saying that I sort of see that in you? god, that's sort of weird. sorry if it comes out weird!

I wonder if knowing you're less alone is actually helpful. I used to think I was alone, just because the people around me were so unlike me that I made a skill out of learning how to act just like them, even though I consciously knew they'd never know me. I know I'm not, obviously. it'd be a bit self centered to think that, probably. it's partially comforting to know that I'm really not unique. exactly like the other girls, so to speak. but I don't know! I don't know if it's good to know I'm not special and my problems are not unique but also the people who are just like me haven't exactly found the solution to any of those shared struggles either!

anyway, out of some weird desire to offer advice and a kind word, I guess I ended up in your inbox! I wanted to write some helpful things, partially because I sort of wanted to, in a roundabout way, give advice to myself too. then, I realized I couldn't think of anything to say. I don't know how to help myself either. it's just been a lot of escapism and coping mechanisms for my worst problems, pretending like I'm better than other people (sometimes I am) for being able to at least be self-aware, to have shame and the ability to accept reality. the thing is, I see reality. and it's shit! being a dysphoria-filled, inexplicably weird but not in an easily medicated way, unappealing in looks to the majority of the world, no five year career goals like everyone else, too young to have fallen in love or experienced life fully but always on the brink of feeling sick of it all, just frankly outcast female homosexual, is not like... the best place to be as a 19 year old! and I have no idea what to actually do about it other than just find reasons to keep living despite it all. just let it happen and force myself to make others care about me because I really do care more about what other people think of me than myself. I'd be sad if other people were sad because I killed myself or whatever. terrible practice probably I do not recommend but uhhh I lost the thread here. basically. sorry. I really opened this tab with intention to be helpful and it sort of became a pity fest.

I don't know. does it mean anything if an internet stranger says they see you? they perceive your pain and they might even feel like they understand? that she knows what it's like? does "you are not alone" actually mean anything? I never thought it did, it feels hollow always since I know the people saying it never mean it. but to me I suppose right now it means enough to write this grossly honest and probably huge pain in your inbox (you are more than welcome to toss it out. I'm not gonna save this text anywhere either so fully feel free to help me to create some lost media lol). it's just that something about your blog presence speaks to me...and that may be the cringest thing I've typed on tumblr. shockingly. wow, anon makes it so much easier to speak. is this what honesty looks like?

I won't waste too much more of your time if you've already read this all. I hope things get better for you. I don't know what that would look like, but I hope it looks like something real and fulfilling and warm and wonderful and it proves every self doubt and desperately loathing impulse within you wrong. and if anything, at least know your personality through text is readable and impactful and perhaps gives psychic damage to certain people who like to think and talk too much. have a good one.

People who aren’t like us also do care, I’ll let you know. If someone demonstrates an issue it’s kind of human nature to care for them, often even with no prior attachments. I get outreach from a lot of people on here who are worried. The only issue is that there’s just not a whole lot people can do behind a screen besides offer anecdotes and time and patience and a promise of understanding. 

It’s not weird you see those bad and strange sort of things in me. I always figured I was built to be an example for other people. “This is what a suicidal person looks like. This is how they will act and how you need to treat them. This is how to react when they die. ” etc etc i always thought i wasn’t built to be here and I’m a living fluke in the system. I definitely feel the “computer programmed to fail.” i was diagnosed with depression when i was 5 or 6, I believe i was born with it. Not even going to touch the autism within this conversation. I do genuinely also believe i was born in the wrong body but I’m swallowing it the best I can. Sometimes strange identities still emerge a bit like vomit - coming from a sickness and humiliating me. Cleaned up hastily so no one else has to see. I don’t know. I don’t like my body. 

You might be exactly like some girls, but there are statistically very few of us in these familiar situations. I think it’s hard for us to recognize that there are some of us who are older too. Who have made it a little further. I’m unsure if you’re 19 like me as mentioned due to the wording but i digress… its becomes harder to recognize someone who is you when you are out of there because I think we change. Drastically. But I’m not sure that’s just a theory. 

I am thankful you reached out. Even if you think you hadn’t much to offer, this was very kind. You were honest and you reached out in recognition to give anything you thought you could. 

Something different about us is that i don’t care if people are sad if I kill myself. I feel maybe pity towards anyone who might or worry for some individuals, but I know once I’m dead it wipes that all away. It’s a release of tension in my eyes. Regardless, i understand the aspect of continuing existence despite it all.

I don’t usually like when people say they see me in themselves or they relate. You’ve done a good job. I feel sort of proud to be thought similar to anyone who would spend this much time on someone like me. Sort of a complicated concept. I hope you stick around on my blog and learn more about me and maybe even communicate further. 

Being told my personality is impactful is going to give me a big head, thank you so much. I’m not doing this because I have self-esteem btw it’s because I’m dumb as rocks and also because for some reason openly sharing every issue I have on a semi-private-from-IRL platform is the only way I can get myself to journal. Anyway I think I had a point, but it’s lost so thank you just thank you. I love you, whoever you are.

[words-of-wolf]

main blog of knifedog-machina here - I have a question! do you have any memories involving scent, and territory markings or prey tracking through that? I've been a bit enthralled with WolfQuest recently, and I wanna know how their visualized scent system holds up for a wolf!

Hello!! I love this question, things like this are some of my absolute favourite things to discuss!!

Gonna put a cut here because I rambled wayy more than I planned. :P

I do have memories of this, yes! It's not a simple answer though, because one problem I run into with some of my memories from other lives is that I don't always have the.. capacity to comprehend them exactly, as a human? It's a weird feeling! I can remember it but some aspects of it are just so hard to grasp.

I think to describe properly how I experience those memories will take some thinking, so I'll stick it on my blog post to-do list and aim to write something more meaningful later on!!

In short, though: I absolutely cannot overstate how central my sense of smell was in my memories of being a wolf. It was like... hm. How humans centre a lot of their understandings of the world and their place in it through our eyes? Like seeing eyes as windows to the soul and all that? Like that, but it was smell instead.

Smell wasn't just a tool, it was a really vital part of how I conceptualised the world and my place in it. I'd say even how I thought about things, and processed things internally, was very focused on smell!

As for your specific question... I've never actually got around to playing WolfQuest yet myself (it's been on my to play list since I was like 16 ahaha) but I watched a couple of videos to see what the scent mechanics in it are like!

Overall, I think they look pretty good! Ideas like scent are always gonna be hard to capture in a game, especially when you've also got to keep in mind limitations of performance and stuff, plus obviously making the game feel actually fun to play.

For the tracking scent mechanic, I really like that they added scent nodes in the air that are influenced by wind! When it comes to tracking something by scent, wind has a really big impact - the way the WolfQuest devs found to make wind relevant without being really taxing on performance is really clever, and interesting!

Territorial markings would be a really difficult thing to represent properly in a game, I think. WolfQuest seems to have a solid solution for that. It's not what I'd call "realistic" exactly, though also they base their game on Yellowstone's ecosystem, which is a very competitive location for wolves. The amount of elk there makes it prime habitat, and that means there's higher wolf density, so territorial behaviours are way more defined and intense than in other places. So some of the things that feel "off" to me, I think also come as a result of that!

It's hard to really articulate my thoughts on territory and marking, I might have to come back to the topic later when I've had some time to mull it over!

Thinking about this got me thinking about how I'd go about making a scent tracking mechanic in a video game... in a fantasy world where I can ignore hardware limitations and how difficult it all would be to code. :P

I think I would format it as a different visual mode taking inspiration from infrared videos. In this camera mode, a lot of visual objects are unclear or ambiguous, particularly anything distant.

And I would use different colours to differentiate three different scent types: yellow would be "uninteresting background scent" - grass, trees, that kind of thing. The stuff you just don't pay attention to. Green would be "distracting non-prey scent" - things that might obscure what you're looking for, or maybe just catch your attention enough to distract you from what you're focused on. Then I'd probably use red as "prey scent".

Things that have a very strong "prey scent" would be bright red and show up from furthest away compared to other scents - for example, fresh deer scat.

Less strong "prey scents" would be harder to discern from further away. These would be things that either are fresh but don't smell as strongly (like the area a deer was resting recently), or older scent sources. These would probably fade to a more orange tone when you're further from them.

I also quite like the idea of older and weaker scents being harder to identify, and maybe something based on the idea of focus - an older, weaker scent would be harder to concentrate on than a fresh, strong one.

And wind would influence how strong the scents are, especially over distance! So scents you're downwind from are clearer and more visually distinct, whereas scents upwind are less so.

If I were gonna make a game based on this, I'd say the mechanics would encourage piecing together clues from scent, sound and sight. There would probably be a separate camera mode for hearing focus, and then the default mode would let you see visual cues if there are any - flattened grass, game trails, marks on trees, etc.

Hm! It's a bit of a tangent but fun to think about, hehe. ^u^

I hope this satisfies your curiosity a bit! :D

[midnights-wish]

|| 06.04.2024, saturday. ||

i've been thinking a lot about 'eleanor oliphant is completely fine' the last day or two.

to give a quick synopsis, the book is about eleanor, who has had a very traumatic past & is thus struggling in her adult life; she's got some odd ideas about how things should be, but also problems when it comes to the social aspect of things. i won't say how it ends, because the book is very well-written & i feel it is worth finding out yourself.

the one thing i have a difficulty grappling with, though, is that the book is described as 'funny' - both by critics & according to storygraph's genre categorization. and i've been wondering whether i'm one of the fewer people who didn't see the humour? because for me, a lot of the realizations eleanor made about other people, about herself, about how to socialize, etc., are things that i had to make & discover myself ---- & you know, as far as i understand, her moments of realization, i assume, are supposed to be the funny bits. because those are such logical conclusions to make, something that should be so clear that it is considered 'funny' that one even needed to think about these things for so long. but for me, on the other hand, the conclusions she made, & the way she formulated those conclusions to herself, are very very similar to what i would think to myself when i understood these simple truths of life (& sometimes, still do). so to me, the book wasn't funny at all, but just deeply emotional & it awoke quite a few memories of when i first understood these things.

i also don't mean to be misunderstood here: i'm not saying that the book isn't funny just because there's people who went through similar realizations as eleanor did - i'm sure in a few years time, when i'm (hopefully) done understanding how things work myself, i'll pick the book up again & see the humour in it, maybe even laugh at myself, that other people will do the same and probably already do. what i'm trying to process with this ramble, is more the realization of how big the gap between my way of thinking about how to socialize and going about life & the way other people think about socializing and life still is. while reading the book it was kind of surreal to me, is what i'm trying to say, how differently these situations in the book are perceived just because of differing experiences.

(i feel the need to clarify something, because i don't want to have any misconceptions created even if only a handful of people choose to read this post -- i did not have a traumatic upbringing. what i did have was an authority figure in my life who made me feel & think horrible things about myself, other people, & how the world works. while this may sound kind of bad, i don't think that this is enough to call it 'traumatic', simply because i have taken charge of things & learned how to correct them myself. still not completely done, obviously, but i figured out the solutions & i'm working diligently on it. however, the results of having to deal with that person caused me to live with the need to hide from people & experiences, which is why i lacked social skills & a simple understanding of the world. f.e., i didn't understand that if i wanted something, i could just ask for it or take actions to get it myself -- i didn't feel i deserved it, i didn't feel i was the type of person who was allowed to. these were things i had to understand and learn first, & that journey led me to make a lot of the similar conclusions (& also a quite a few not mentioned in the book) eleanor herself had to make. my experiences regarding bettering myself are what this ramble is focused on)