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#if i was toddler i would so try and fail to put the square peg into the round hole
ilaiyayaya · 6 months
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Haunted Bernkastel Fumo that idk probably does something scary
I think buying a scanner was possibly one of the best purchasing decisions I've ever made now I can do dumb shit like this
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And I guess I can also do like actual scans of useful stuff like my Umineko Zepar doujin that I've wanted to scan for like an entire year because there's literally no Umineko Zepar content on the internet. But like the dumb shit is funnier and like it's April Fools Day so like I'm morally not allowed to do anything that isn't a really unfunny joke.
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IT SCANS SO HIGH QUALITY TOO!!!! LIKE THIS IS MID QUALITY SETTINGS AND IT STILL LOOKS SO GOOD!!!
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I CAN DO ANYTHING NOW!!! I'M SO POWERFUL!!!! this thing wasn't even that expensive like I had no reason to not buy one like a year ago like I'm a fucking idiot I've had like 50 things I've wanted to scan but thought a scanner would cost like $500 and for some reason never actually looked into the cost of one...
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joohoneyhoe · 6 years
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You Are My Life: Three
Why is it you? I’m going crazy. What is this? I think I’ve fallen for you.
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[song inspiration: Flume - Say It Feat. Tove Lo]
| One | Two | Three | Four |
info: lee jooheon x oc genre: single dad!au, boxer!au, a lot of fucking angst, suggested smut word count: 6.1k
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{Monday}
I was wandering around putting away weights, waiting for Ozzy to show up. My eyes glanced over to the clock, it was already past four and it was the first time she had ever been late for a session. I brushed my worries aside and just continued the task at hand. By the time I had finished and began wrapping my wrist, it was nearly four fifteen.
Just as I pulled out my phone to call her, the door chimed and in she came. I immediately noticed that she looked tired, her eyes red and her cheeks flushed. She didn’t even look up at me as she approached, her shoulders not carrying their usual confidence, but slumped slightly. She looked almost defeated in a sense, like she had been knocked down one peg too many. Once her eyes finally met mine, I gave her a small smile and a slight wave, but received nothing in return.
It hurt, but I carried on with my job anyway.
“You ready to practice some new drills tonight?” I asked cheerfully, trying to lighten the strange mood permeating my gym.
“I suppose so.” she muttered, wrapping her wrist with ease as she spoke. My eyes dragged over her, trying to figure out if her behavior was because of what I had done on Saturday or something else. I felt a knot in the pit of my stomach, making anxiousness well up within me.
“Is everything alright, Ozzy?” I inquired finally, approaching her with caution. “Yeah, it’s fine, Jooheon. Can we just get started?” her answer was curt, it immediately shutting down the conversation.
“Sure. No problem.” I swiftly walked away from her, shoving my feelings deep down and ignoring them so I could make it through this session. Though, I had a hard time turning off my brain, it telling me I fucked something up over and over again as she followed me to the ring.
We started our session without a single word exchanged, bringing the focus mitts in and working there before we moved on. Her shots were halfhearted and weak, which was not like her at all. I kept that going for longer than usual, hoping to stir a fire in her.
It never came.
Finally I tossed away the focus mitts, my frustration starting to seep out in my mannerisms. I grabbed my gloves and got into defensive mode. She didn’t even bother, just got into her stance and waited for me to go for her. I shook my head, letting out a loud huff as I swung at her ribs, it landing perfectly, but not too hard as usual. She bit her lip, stepping back, but her defenses were still down. I swung again and she failed to block it for a second time, not even attempting to move away. I stopped what I was doing, ripped my gloves off and threw them aside, marching up to her, her eyes downcast.
“Ozzy, you’re not even trying to block me. Your shots are sloppy, your defense isn’t up and you won’t even look at me. What is going on? Did I do something?” I exclaimed, waving my arms in frustration as I stared down at her.
“No. I’m just-I’m just having kind of a shit day, okay.” she snapped, that feisty look coming back into her eyes for a brief second. I sighed loudly, realizing my temper had gotten the best of me. “I’m sorry. We don’t have to keep going if you don’t want to.” I quickly apologized, trying to set my actions right.
“You know, I think it’s best if I take the week off. I’ll still pay for all my sessions, I’m just not up to it right now. I’m sorry.” she stated, swiftly ducking out of the ring and heading to her gym bag. I followed closely behind her, confused and wondering what it was I had done or what could have happened to make her act this way.
“You sure you’re okay?” she spun around, looking up at me with watery eyes, her face flushed once again. I immediately regretted my hasty reaction, seeing that she truly was upset about something and I had obviously made it worse. “No, not really. But, what can you do about my ex-husband who decided to show back up after three years? Not much.” she blurted, taking a hold of her bag and hoisting it over her shoulder.
“I-I’m sorry, Ozzy.”
“Nothing to be sorry about, Jooheon. Just something I have to handle.” she said softly as she wiped a stray tear away from her cheek. “Is there anything I can do?” I offered, stepping a little closer, but she took a step back. “You’ve done enough.”
I felt her words hit my chest like a ton of bricks, feeling as if it was being crushed by the weight of her words. “Okay, just let me know when you’re ready to come back. I’ll be here.” I reassured in a soft voice, my throat feeling very dry all of a sudden.
“Yeah, see ya.” 
I sat down on the bench her bag had been on and one of the bars instantly snapped and sent me tumbling onto the ground. I just spread myself out against the cold cement in defeat, arms and legs spread out like a starfish.
“Of fucking course.”
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{Wednesday}
“Heyyy, you called and I am here!” Wonho proclaimed as he rapped on my door frame. I didn’t even glance up from my paperwork to acknowledge him.
“Hey, Wonho.” he ignored my moodiness and went and sat himself down in Shownu’s chair, dropping his bag of welding gear onto the floor beside him. He spun a few times, his long black hair spinning with him.
“Where is Ozzy at? I thought you were giving her after hours sessions for the next like, six months. I was looking forward to seeing her. It’s been a while since I’ve been down to the shop.” he questioned, stopping finally to face me. I continued to not look at him, knowing he would be able to tell I was upset the minute we made eye contact.
“Oh, um, she took the week off. Said she had some shit she had to straighten out. I don’t know what’s going on. I’m just her instructor.” he leaned as far over as he could, angling his head to look me in the eyes and I ignored him.
“Dude, are you alright?”
“Yeah, I’m fine. Anyway, one of my benches rusted out and snapped, luckily it was on me and not a client. Do you think you can fix it?” I requested as I stood up, shutting my laptop and walking out of my office to said bench. Wonho trailed close behind me, his gear in tow.
“Jooheon-”
I turned and faced him finally, my face showing my disinterest in the conversation he was trying to have with me. “Look, I really don’t want to talk about it. I’ll wave your gym membership for the rest of the year if you fix the bench and let this one go for now.” he scoffed at me, sliding his leather jacket off and throwing it over to the nearest surface, revealing his muscle tank underneath that displayed all his hard work in my gym as of late. 
“You’re not waving my fee for the year. Just a month and I’ll have it fixed within the hour.” he told me with a wide grin right before bringing the visor down on his welding mask.
“Thank you, Wonho.”
“Anytime.”
I walked away, leaving him to do his work while I went back to my office and moped some more. I slumped back down into my chair, eyes wandering over the paperwork on my desk, immediately spotting Ozzy’s information. I picked up the document, eyes scanning over it for the millionth time that day. Nothing was different on it, so why did I keep looking at it? 
What the fuck is wrong with me?
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“Hey, your bench is fixed, man.” Wonho said as he popped his head into my office, his bare arms all covered in residual soot marks from where he was welding, his helmet still on his head. I set my pen down and turned to face him, crossing my arms over my chest.
“Awesome, I can’t thank you enough for constantly fixing my busted ass shit.” I thanked him as he walked in and sat back down in Shownu’s chair for the second time today. “Seriously, stop thanking me for this crap. You feed me, let me crash on your couch when I get too shitfaced and basically give me a free gym membership. We’re square.”
“If you insist.”
“You sure you don’t wanna talk about what’s bothering you?” he probed, leaning back in the chair as he draped his arms over the armrest.
“Free membership for next month revoked.” I told him, kicking his foot in the process. “Come on, Jooheon. I know something is really bothering you. You haven’t acted like this since the divorce. What the fuck happened?” he continued, kicking me back. I let out a loud sigh as I rubbed my face with my hands in frustration.
“I’m an idiot is what fucking happened.”
“Does this have to do with Ozzy?” he inquired, his eyebrow raising suspiciously. “Sure does.” I replied, my tone short. “What, you like her?” he said with a snort as he took a drink from his water bottle, like he almost couldn’t believe it.
“Like her, I had my tongue down her throat five days ago.”
He proceeded to spit his water out, making me jerk back so he wouldn’t hit me with it. Promptly he wiped his face and set the bottle down, leaning forward with his elbows on his knees. “What?!” he finally questioned me, eyebrows raised. “It’s a long story.”
“No, no, no! You can’t tell me you guys were playing tonsil hockey and then not explain how you got there!” he exclaimed loudly, flinging his arms around like a toddler. “It’s irrelevant.”
“Like fuck it is! Do you know how many guys I’ve seen try to get her to even talk to them?! So many, dude. And now you’re telling me, you’ve had your tongue, in her mouth, without context? Nope. Need the whole story.” he demanded unwaveringly.
“Jesus…” I complained, throwing my head back dramatically.
“Just tell me what happened, Jooheon. I want to help.”
“Fine. Um, I guess it started when I ran into her at the grocery store with the girls.” I began, leaning forward to try and get more comfortable, but I was quickly interrupted. “The girls have met her?!”
“If you would shut the fuck up and listen for a minute, I'd tell you.” I scolded him, hitting his arm with a resounding smack against the skin. He flinched and rubbed the spot, jutting his lip out as he pouted. “Sorry, I’m done.”
“Anyway, we ran into her, Jee being Jee, invited her to just come over. Well, that turned into Ozzy offering to do a warrior tea party with them at their request. So, I figured she was just being nice to them and didn’t mean it. But, Friday she came in for her session and brought it up, asking when we could do it. Well, I agreed to do it Saturday, she showed up at eight like she said she would and then ended up taking both girls to her house until like eight that night.
I literally slept all day, only waking up when she would text me with updates. I woke up around nine to her standing over me, trying to get me up. She had bathed the girls and bought them new pajamas before bringing them back, and then put them to bed all on her own.”
“You’re gonna fucking marry her, right?” he interjected with a smirk.
“What did I say about listening?”
“Sorry. Continue.” he apologized again, folding his hands together in his lap as he sat back.
“Anyway, she had brought me dinner and had it all warmed up for me and shit. I asked her if she wanted to just hang out and watch a movie with me. I was surprised she even said yes after having the girls for like, twelve hours, but she did. So, we watched a movie and at the end I kinda told her I wanted to...kiss her. She asked what I was waiting for and then it escalated from there.” my eyes wandered up from my shoes, finally meeting his and hoping he wouldn’t press for more details than that.
“Escalated how exactly?”
“None of your fucking business.”
He snorted, his lip curling like I was the asshole. “I mean did you sleep with her?” I shot him a look of irritation, scowling deeply as my nose scrunched up all on it’s own. “No, I did not sleep with her. We just...fooled around and then she went home. But, things were fine when she left and she acted as if she wanted to do it again.”
“Does Changkyunie know you wanna fuck his boss?”
“I’m going to murder you if you don't shut the fuck up. Anyway, she came in on Monday and all of a sudden it was like the air had been turned on. She didn’t even greet me the way she usually does. So, I’m thinking I’ve obviously fucked up. Then halfway through the session, I ask her if she was alright and she just said she decided she should take the week off. Something to do with her ex resurfacing and fucking up her week. I mean, that could be true, but to me, it just looks like I royally fucked this. 
And man, I really, really fucking like her. I don’t-I don’t know what to do.” I flopped against my chair, head hanging off the back as my arms dangled over the sides. I felt completely and utterly stupid after explaining what had happened.
“I think you should just give her time. I’m sure she just needs a bit to get her head straight. She hasn’t been with anyone since her ex-husband and I’m sure it’s a bit different for her, just as it is for you. Just be patient, give her the space she needs and she’ll come back around when she’s ready.” he rested his hand on my knee, giving it a reassuring squeeze.
“How are you so stupid all the time, and yet you always have the best advice?”
“Well that was just rude.” I let out a laugh at the pathetic look taking over his features, clapping him on the back before sitting comfortably again. “Thanks for listening, man. I’m sorry I was such a dick about it earlier.”
“I get it, and you know I’m always here for you. Stupid or not.”
“I know you are, on both accounts.” I teased, him shooting me a frown in return.
“Firstly, I resent that and secondly, I’m gonna head home now, you should too. Call me if you need me.” he gave my knee one more squeeze before he got up, gathered his gear and walked towards the door.
“Okay, I will.”
“I mean it!” he shouted as he proceeded out the exit, making me laugh.
“Get the fuck outta here already!” I hollered back, him flipping me the bird before the door slammed shut behind him. I let out a heavy sigh, looking down at all he shit on my desk. I took a hand through my hair, brushing the long strands away from my eyes, feeling even more defeated now than I had earlier. I slumped back down into my chair, covering my face with my hands.
“FUCK!”
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{Sunday}
"Daddy?" "Yes, baby bun?" I looked up from my plate to meet Dae’s gaze, her big brown eyes giving off a distressed look, making my heart leap into my throat immediately.
"Why doesn't mommy live with us now?" and there it was, the question I had been dreading since we moved out of Joy and I’s once shared home. I set my fork down, pushing my plate aside to give her my undivided attention.
"Well, sometimes mommies and daddies don't live together anymore. They sometimes grow apart and it's best to live separately. Does that make sense?" I told her gently, reaching over to take her hand. "Why don't we see her though?" there was the other question I had been dreading. "Mommy is very busy with her job, baby bun. It's not that she doesn't want to." 
"But you're busy with your job and we see you. Uncle Changkyunie, uncle Wonho, and uncle Shownu are busy with their jobs and we see them. Does she not want to see us anymore?" she argued, her little eyebrows knitting together. "That-that's not it, Dae. Her job is just very different than ours is all. You'll see her soon." 
"I don't want to see her." my eyes flew to my other daughter, my stomach turning at her harsh words towards her mother. "Jee, why would you say that?" "Because she doesn't love you anymore and I love you. She should love you too. I don't want to see her until she loves you again." my heart broke, for her and Dae, knowing that there was no explaining this to them right now. “Honey, mommy doesn't have to love daddy if she doesn't feel that way anymore and that's okay. Daddy understands.”
“Well, I don't. Can't Ozzy love you?”
“Love bug, that isn't how it works. Ozzy is just my fr...my client.”
“But I like her and she makes you smile. I like it when you smile. I want her to love you and make you smile all the time.” she stated, pushing her plate away forcefully, it clanking against the baking dish in the middle of the table.
“Jee...I-I’m sorry.” my voice cracked, my eyes watering as I looked over her beautiful little face. Her eyes began to well with tears, my hand reaching out to brush her bangs from her eyes.
“I want a mommy! Why can't I have one?!” she shouted, scaring Dae in the process.
“Jee, you have a mommy and she loves you very much.”
“No she doesn't! If she did, she wouldn't have forgotten about me.” she wailed, tears streaking down her now flushed cheeks. There it was, my four year old daughter already making connections no child should have to make so soon.
“Don't cry, Jee. Please...” her sister pleaded, her own tears now cascading down her face.
I got out of my chair, quickly bending down and turning her to look at me, my thumbs wiping away the tears. “Jee, I need you to listen to me. I love you so much, and your mommy loves you just as much. I'm sorry she has to work as often as she does, but that doesn't mean she's forgotten about you or your sister. She loves you both, I promise.” she sat there silently for a moment, then flung her little arms around my neck and hugged me tightly.
“I'm tired, daddy.” she confessed, burying her face in my neck. I felt Dae’s little arms attempt to wrap around my waist from behind, her cheek pressed against my spine. “Me too, daddy.”
I pulled both girls away from me, helped Jee down from her chair and swiftly picked up both of my babies and held them close. Their little hands clasped together, resting against my chest as they lay their heads on my shoulder. My tears couldn’t be stopped anymore and I just let them fall freely down my face as I hugged them tightly, never wanting to let go.
“Alright, let's get you both to bed then.”
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After putting the girls to bed, I found myself pacing my room restlessly. My mind on overdrive, trying to think of ways to explain to my children what has been happening. How do you explain any of this to two four year olds? The reality was that they shouldn’t even have to be in this sort of situation. They didn’t ask to be born, to be disregarded by their mother because they weren’t male. They were innocent children that only wanted the love of their parents, and right now they were only getting one out of two.
I felt a panic rising up in me, my breathing becoming shallow. I had no way to calm myself down because I couldn't leave and go do what I normally would, which was lay into a punching bag for an hour or so. I pulled my phone from my back pocket, finding the contact I needed. It barely rang twice before he picked up.
“Yellow!” Wonho greeted me happily, far too awake for this time of night. Though he was probably in his garage doing something with his welder that he shouldn’t.
“Hey man, I know it's kind of late and out of the blue, but can you come sit at the house while I go to the gym? Girls are asleep and I-I need to um-” he cut me off, his tone calm. “Dude, you don't even have to explain. I'll be there in ten.”
“Thank you, Wonho.” I replied with a sigh of relief.  
“That's what friends are for, man. See you in a few.”
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My bare fist crashed against the punching bag, sweat dripping from every pore as I punched relentlessly. Every clash of my knuckles against the leather bag sent a jolt through my entire arm, reminding me that I was still alive and could feel things other than hurt and pain. I jerked my wet bangs from my eyes, narrowing in on the bag as my shoeless foot came up to land a kick to the top of it, another jolt soaring through my calf all the way up my thigh.
I kept going, kept punching and kicking with all my might, my frustration slowly dissipating as I worked myself into a frenzy. I was so focused on what I was doing that I didn’t hear the bell to the front door chime and someone come in.
“Jooheon?”
“O-ozzy, what are you doing here?” that voice I had been wanting to hear all week rang out in the large gym, making me stop mid punch.
She approached me slowly, her hands in the back pockets of her gray skinny jeans, converse scuffing along the floor. “I was at the shop drawing and lost track of time. I saw the lights on when I was going by and decided to check and make sure everything was alright since it’s,” she glanced down at her watch. “One in the morning on a Sunday. Are you okay?”
I pushed away from the bag, walking up to her and taking a deep breath in. She didn’t shy away this time, instead she met my gaze with a sympathetic look. My brow furrowed in frustration and confusion at her presence, wondering why she suddenly cared if I was okay or not.
“No. No I'm not okay. My children essentially don't have a mother and I have to explain to them why. I have to see them making the connection that their mom doesn't give a flying fuck about them. That no matter what I say to reassure them that she does, one day they'll just realize it all on their own. I'm raising twin four year old girls alone, balancing them, a business, finances and everything by myself. I'm tired and yet I can't sleep. I don't have time to even think about meeting anyone, because I'm literally always here. And when I do finally meet someone, I fuck it up tremendously. This will be my life for the next fourteen years, me, alone.”
Her hand reached up to touch my cheek, her fingers soft against my damp skin. I leaned into it without even thinking, eyes closing as I relished in her gentle touch. “I don't believe that for a second, Jooheon. You shouldn't either. Any woman would be honored to have you as their significant other. I know I would be.” I looked down at her, meeting those eyes that were as blue as the Caribbean sea on a sunny day.
“That's the other thing. I fucking like you, Ozzy. But for the life of me, I can't figure out if you feel the same. You're so honest and open, but at the same time, you're closed off and careful too. After that night at my house, you just-you acted like you were upset with me. Like, maybe I had overstepped my bounds and you decided it was a dumb idea to do what we did. I-I didn't know what to think after that. I feel like I'm reading into something that's not there, because it's been so goddamn long since I've tried to date anyone. Fuck.
I just-I’m confused.”
Her hand remained perched along my cheek, her thumb rubbing it tenderly. I reached up and covered it with my own, fingers gently feeling the faintly raised skin from her tattoo, a sensation I had come to enjoy.
“Jooheon, you are the first man I've put this much effort into spending time with since I met my ex-husband ten years ago. I know you couldn't possibly know that, because I haven't told you. But, it's true. That night was probably the most fun I’ve had since I was a teenager. Afterwords, I didn't quite know what to do or whether or not I had overstepped my bounds.
Then my ex-husband showed up out of fucking nowhere, put it into my head that no one else would ever want me again and I panicked. I let him get to me, even after all these years. I thought the best thing to do would be to step away and clear my head. I didn't want you to do something you would regret later. You haven't been separated as long as I have, and I obviously still struggle with all of this. I didn't want to push you into anything too quickly. So, I'm sorry if it seems like I'm so hot and cold with you, it's been my defense mechanism for years after being married to the type of man I was for so long.” she explained, my hand leaving hers as she slowly dropped her own down to my throat, fingers curling around the nape of my neck and toying with my hair.
“What happened with him, Ozzy?”
She let out a long breath, her eyes moving down to my chest, her other hand coming up to trace along the lines of my tattoos, following them like a path. The sensation of her long nude nails against my naked flesh raised goosebumps, my nipples perking almost instantly, but I didn’t stop her. She appreciated the ink along my skin just as much as I did hers.
“What happened was I woke up from the fantasy world I had created in my head. One that wasn't really a fantasy at all, but a nightmare. He controlled everything I did, said and wore. I was a trophy, not a wife. I thought he loved me, blinded by the way he had treated me in the beginning of our relationship, even though looking back, all the signs were there. He loved the title of perfect husband and wife. It made him look good.
In the beginning, it was a love like I never thought I would experience in my lifetime. In the end, it was just a charade. He just needed someone next to him to make him look like the perfect family man for his family's business, and me being white helped with international business. He didn't love me. I was just someone there to show he was perfect and could have the perfect wife, a fucking prop if you will. He didn't even use my real name in public, he used my middle name, Anne. I was so goddamn stupid for not seeing it.
He controlled every little detail of my life, right down to the makeup I wore and how I fucked him. Which by the way, was the most boring sex of my entire life and it only got worse as time went on. I could go on and on about what a horrible and selfish lover he was. So bad that I haven't fucked anyone since I left him. I had a better orgasm with you just fooling around than I ever did with him, and that even includes the beginning of our relationship. But, this is beside the point.
The last year of our marriage I began going against him in every way possible. How I dressed changed back to the way I had always done it. No more overpriced dresses, slacks and whatever other ugly expensive bullshit I was forced to wear. It was back to holy jeans, giant t-shirts and converse. I basked in how much he hated it. I started changing my makeup the way I wanted and got my piercings back.
Then he began to totally isolate me to the house, not taking me out in public with him anymore at all. The final straw was when I got a huge thigh tattoo, the skull of a cat. He lost it and I said fuck you and left. I never looked back and that was almost three years ago. So, here I am, standing in front of you pouring my heart out, because I like you and I want to be completely transparent with you. This is all so new to me, but I'm pushing aside my anxiousness for this, because I think it could work. So, that's my story. This is why I am who I am.”
Her hand rested against my chest now, her palm feeling as if it was burning my still sweat slicked skin as the other laced our fingers together. I reached up and brushed the pads of my fingers along her jaw, her skin soft against my calloused hand.
“I'm sorry, Ozzy. You didn't deserve any of that. I can’t imagine you any other way than as the woman standing in front of me. I can’t even fathom trying to dim who you really are, because it’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever encountered. You’re the type of genuine, kind and strong willed woman I want my girls to be one day. You should be celebrated, not hidden away. Period.”
“I think we both deserved a lot better than what we put up with for all those years, Jooheon. But without those hard years, we wouldn't have become the people we are right now.” she pointed out with a weak smile, her eyes roaming my face.
“My ex-wife...she-she did all the same things to me, controlled and manipulated everything and anything I did. It wasn’t like that at the very beginning of our relationship, but she had just started up her company then and wasn’t the cold, calculated and calloused woman she is today. We were together for ten years and the last six were the hardest for me. She convinced me that she wanted to have children, that she wanted to have a family with me. But, what she really wanted was someone to pass her legacy on to as her business began to grow, and nothing more.
We tried for nearly two years to have the girls and then ended up having to go through In Vitro Fertilization to even conceive. It took five times for it to actually take. But, as soon as she found out the twins weren’t boys, her entire demeanor towards her pregnancy changed. She didn't even hold them when they came out, she refused and I took them both, never leaving their side unless I was forced to. From that day forward, I was simply the babysitter, they were my problem and she was just the provider. It obviously took its toll on me and my girls, considering the state we’re in today.
But you, you came in here the way you did, strong, honest, kind, funny and just a breath of fresh air and you blew my mind. I haven’t looked at a woman the way I looked at you in over ten years. You’re everything I’ve ever wanted in a partner and you seemed so...out of reach to me, until that night at my house. And then-then suddenly it felt as if I had blown the only chance I may have had with you. So now, here we are, telling each other all the fucking bullshit we’ve dealt with over the course of the last ten years and I still feel like a fuck up.”
Suddenly, her lips were on mine, arms around my neck as she pulled me against her. My hands instantly moved to her waist, digits splaying out along her back as she pressed herself against me. Her tongue slipped past the seam of my lips, my stomach becoming tight and filled with butterflies as it always did when she kissed me this way. Her hand slipped into my hair, fingers tangling into the sweat ridden strands.
“What was that for?” I questioned once she had parted from me slightly, her warm breath tickling my lips.
“To show you that I really like you too, Jooheonie. So much, and I’m sorry for making you feel the way you did. That was never what I wanted to happen. There is so much about you that I enjoy, admire even. And it makes me want to be near you as much as I can. Honestly, It scared me how quickly I began to like you and how easily I became attracted, like almost instantly. It freaked me out and after we fooled around, it scared me even more and I disappeared, and I shouldn't have. I'm sorry, but this totally freaks me out.” she explained softly, her lips brushing along mine as she spoke.
“You don't need to be sorry, I really do get it. This freaks me the fuck out too. But, I like you. I'd rather feel like this, than what I felt the last 6 years of my one sided marriage. I want you because I think we could really do this and enjoy each other like we do already. I just-I like you so much, Ozzy. My kids like you, and to me that is important. God I feel like an asshole saying all of this out loud.” I said with a chuckle as my head tilted towards the ceiling, her fingers still interlocked in my hair.
She pulled me back down to look at her, a smile on her beautiful face. “Well, don't, because I really do feel the same. I want to do this with you, with your girls.” she informed me, giving me a chaste kiss. “Are you sure?”
“Positive.”
I darted for her lips again, cupping her jaw roughly as I pushed her towards the wall near the punching bag. Once her back hit the cement, her hands grabbed my face as she tilted her head to deepen our heated kiss. My free hand slipped under her t-shirt, gripping her hip as I pressed my groin into her, a small moan leaving her lips.
“Fuck, I've been wanting to taste your lips again since you left my house eight days ago. Why are you so addicting?” I told her after I pulled away, my hand traveling along her lower back now, fingers toying with the waist of her jeans.
“I could easily ask you the same. Monday all I wanted to do was feel your hands all over me again, your lips and anything else you could give me. I still do.” she admitted as her hands slid down my chest to my hips, fingers digging into my skin.
“Fuck, come here.”
I grabbed the bottom of her shirt and tugged it off, throwing it behind me carelessly as I began mouthing along her shoulders, hands beginning to unbutton her jeans. Her head rested against the surface behind her, hands holding my neck as I kissed every tattoo my lips could reach. Once her jeans were undone, she shoved me away, giving me a devilish smirk.
“I’ll have you know, I’m not into passionate slow sex. I had enough of that bullshit and not cumming for ten years. If you’re going to fuck me, you better commit.” she ordered, her eyes now dark like a stormy sea, blown out in lust.
“Oh, don’t you worry about that. I’m going to fucking tear you apart."
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sixthousandbees · 7 years
Text
I DUN DID a neato thing with code and image manipulation. having an image with three distinct parts of r,g,b, and replacing each of them with a target colour. IT WAS SO HAAAARD. so many things went wrong, and I shall catalog the ones I remember after the cut.
BUT I’M SO PLEASED!! this is genuinely something I’ve been wanting to do for years, and I’ve tried several times and I FINALLY have a method that WORKS. and its shot the “you’re useless everything you try will fail” thing right in the NOSE. BOOYEAH
so PROBLEMS.
First problem is ME. my learning process is not very refined, and can be likened to a toddler bashing a square peg into a round hole many many times until something looks vaguely promising, and then bashing in that direction some more. I read up on these problems, and sometimes its enlightening but often its endarkening, and I’m back to just shoving numbers into the problem and trying to figure out what happened.
Problem two, for whatever reason, the matrix transformation thing wasn’t accepting variables, which meant I’d have to put in all the data raw. this is bad, as I couldn’t manipulate the matrices without having sprawling messy code, where making mistakes would be easy and finding mistakes would be hard. (and there were a lot of mistakes.)
I think the reason this was happening was because the matrix transformation is a prioritized piece of code, meaning it goes first, meaning it goes before all the data it needs to use is declared. simply having the data earlier in the code structure wasn’t working, so I had to forcefully initialize the data earlier. which meant the data was in its own snippet of code with init -1 on it. which is silly.
problem three. made some matrices. randomly broke. “invalid symbol” *points to a comma just like all the other commas* THANKFULLY this one was solved with a google search. in making all the different matrices lined up I was using 0xx to make two digit numbers the same kerning as the three digit numbers. god knows why, but doing 0xx was putting xx to the base 8. ????? easily fixed.
problem the fourth. matrix formatting confusion. the program I was coding in doesn’t really have innate matrix support, as its not designed as a maths program, and matrix support can be expensive in terms of space and coding so understandable. anyway so its just a long array. each pixel can be represented as  [r,g,b,a,?] which is red, green, blue, alpha and a 5th variable what I dont know what does. the transformation I was after puts an individual/unique r,g,b values instead of the singular r, g or b
basically I got it reversed. instead of new r,g,b along the top its old r,g,b. this makes transcribing new colours a pain in the tushy, but it was easily fixed once I figured out what was going on. 
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