#if i hadn't already paid for tickets to the show i wanted to see i'd have just said to fucking forget it

[raspberryconverse]

Spouse: We should take advantage of the free museum days.

Also Spouse, after me trying to plan what time we're going to go: That's a lot of walking and standing.

[shebeafancyflapjack]

Once In A Deathtime

(Based in @idiotwithanipad 's Corporeal AU, where the ghosts get to have a physical body and be able to leave the grounds on their birthdays. But as my oc Silver sleeps through most of her birthdays due to her curse, the rare ones where she is awake on a full moon, she gets a bonus).

-

If anyone had asked Danita Kaur last week if she'd ever see herself going on a blind date, she'd probably have choked on her Dr. Pepper. The idea of dating on its own was tricky enough, but figuratively going into one blind? She couldn't think of anything more anxiety inducing.

To be fair, this hadn't been pitched to her as a blind date. More of an escort request with the bonus of a trip to London, two tickets to a West End show and dinner in the Shard, all expenses paid. With that kind of incentive, she'd have gladly agreed to accompany an ogre.

Thankfully her date was far from that.

"Does your aunt always spoil you like this then?" She asks it somewhat teasingly.

The girl sat across the table from her doesn't look like the sort who is used to money and privilege. If anything, she looks as out of place dining in one of the most expensive restaurants in England as Dani feels. But then again, she's been rather nervous and jumpy since they got off the train at Victoria station.

Dani had been prepped for that though.

Robyn has been through a lot. Can't really go into the details but this is gonna be her first time in the city...and also out of her room, for a while. I was meant to take her out for her birthday but somethings come up with Mia - and I think you two would have a lot of fun together.

The pink fringed girl shakes her head; "Nah. I mean, she does a lot of things for me I'm super grafeful for, but this is a...very rare and special treat."

"Oh it's been 'special' has it? Glad I impressed."

A giggle passes between them, Robyn's cheeks flashing rather adorably, before the waiter brings out their desserts.

They both went for the chocolate lava cake. As with the last two courses, Robyn eats like someone who hasn't had a meal in weeks. Dani doesn't want to make any assumptions, but given how skinny the girl is she can't help but wonder if she's been recovering from some sort of eating disorder.

It earns them a few looks from some of the upper class prats who probably eat here two or three nights a week.

Robyn catches their sneers and quickly wipes the melted chocolate from her lips, uttering an apology to Dani.

"Pfft. Fuck 'em." She grins back before shoving a huge mouthful of the dessert between her lips, making just as much of a mess.

Her date giggles some more. She has the most infectious laugh Dani thinks she's ever heard, and the way her unnaturally blue eyes sparkle each time is mesmerising. Those must be contacts, but Dani can hardly judge with her hair extensions.

They discuss the musical they'd finished watching just over an hour ago, when they'd left the theatre with Robyn dabbing at the tears making her eyeliner run.

"I cried the first time too." Dani had confessed, though she'd been thirteen at her first viewing. This was her third.

"It was soo good! Totally lived up to the hype. I just wish Glinda and Elphaba had-."

"Gotten together?"

"Yes! I'd only ever seen a few clips on YouTube, I thought that it was a gay Wizard of Oz fanfic musical!"

Dani chuckles; "One day someone will make the real version where she runs away with Glinda instead of the scarecrow. I'm sure someone from TikTok is already on it."

"Is that a band?"

"No, I mean...the app?"

"Oh! Yeah, of course! Apps! I know all about those..." She grins, sounding more like Dani's grandfather when he tries to be 'down with the kids slang' rather than a nineteen year old.

There's been a few weird moments like that today. Like when Robyn had been stressing about needing to buy a ticket to ride the tube only for Dani to explain how she only needed to tap it with her phone. Despite having one of her own, Robyn seemed at a loss of how to use it, like when Alison called to check on them earlier and she couldn't seem to work out how to press and drag the answer icon.

"My parents were super strict and anti-technology. They've not let me have anything more advanced than a Nokia since I was a kid." She'd explained.

"And I thought my folks were backwards! But honestly, probably better for you. Most people these days can't get off their phones." Dani had that same problem when she was younger but was proud to say she'd massively reduced her screen time since getting her job as a greenskeeper at the Button House golf course.

Most of the time she was on her knees in the grass and muck, picking up lost balls and litter, but other times she was tending to the plants and trimming the bushes. She had no shortage of fresh air, even on her break she preferred to sit in her quiet spot in the woods and read rather than scroll through social media and vids.

Only yesterday she'd been sat in that spot when the former owner of the hotel who visited often had approached her to ask for this very favour.

Once they've finished their desserts and ordered their second round of cocktails - Robyn reassures her that Alison said they could "go nuts" and so they do - Dani has enough Dutch courage to ask the question that's been on the tip of her tongue ever since she first laid eyes on Robyn getting out of the cab in her stunning, rather New Age dress and chunky knee high boots.

"So. Cards on table. Did your aunt intend for this to be a blind date?"

Robyn bites her bottom lip; "Uhh...maybe. I mean it was definitely her idea. And she knows I'm into girls so...I hope she didn't make any assumptions about you though?"

"I wear a lesbian badge pin on my coveralls. I'd be worried if she came to any different assumptions."

"Oh, yeah, 'course you do! I mean...she might have mentioned that..."

Another weird little moment. Dani frowns as Robyn sips at her White Russian. From the moment they met, she was certain that she'd seen this girl before....somewhere....

But they didn't live anywhere near each other. Robyn was a few years younger than her, thankfully not too much to make Dani feel like a cradle snatcher.

"I mean...is it okay with you that it did turn out to be...that?" Robyn asks, swirling the ice with her finger.

Dani smirks; "Think it's been pretty fun so far. What about you?"

"Oh, yeah, yeah, I....This days been fucking ace, hahaha."

"Ace? You're so retro, I love it."

"Y-you do?" Robyn tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear.

"I really do." Dani dared to reach across and take the pale hand on the table, covered in a translucent long sleeved glove that went with her dress.

Robyn was nearly scarlet as she let their fingers link up.

Was that electricity she felt running between their hands? Dani had always thought that to just be a cheesy metaphor. But something about touching Robyn made her feet truly tingly all over.

Perhaps she was magical. She was a 'witch' after all. Dani had asked about her pentacle necklace shortly after meeting her and Robyn had been rather open and eager to talk about her faith.

Dani had been brought up Sikh and would still identify as such if asked. But there was so much beauty to be found in all the many, many religious myths and stories that she felt like they all had some sort of truth to them. She wasn't sure if she believed in some of the spiritualist spell stuff but the way Robyn spoke about it made it sound fascinating.

"I do kinda believe there's a world beyond what we see, you know? It's not exaxtly what I was brought up to believe but I do feel like spirits from those who've died are watching over us. Does that sound crazy?" She'd asked Robyn.

The pale girl had gulped, her lips curling a little; "Not crazy at all."

They moved out to a private lounge Alison had booked for them with a stunning view of the city at night. Light pollution made it seem as though the stars had fallen from the heavens and were scattered out before them either side of the Thames.

Both of them were truly tipsy now, knees knocking as they sat on a comfy sofa. They were doing their best not to get too shit faced, Alison had text to let them know a cab would pick them up outside the Shard just after midnight.

"Proper Cinderella vibes. You're not gonna turn into a pumpkin on me, are you?"

"What version did you see where Cinderella becomes the pumpkin?!"

"The cool version, shut up!" They crease up into giggles as they start to lean in closer to each other.

Robyn brings her fingers up to stroke against Dani's neck.

"This has been the best birthday ever." She sighs.

"I didn't even get you a present!" Granted she didn't know the girl existed before yesterday.

Robyn smiles; "You did. You came."

Dani blinks. Robyn speaks as if her specifically coming had been her desire. But they'd never met before. Had they? The girl was more than a little unique, no way would Dani have met her before and forgotten about it.

She's about to lean in to kiss the girl when she notices a tear fall from her eye.

Dani pulls back; "Hey. You okay? We don't have to..."

Shit. Alison's words about her niece having been through something repeat in her brain. What if it was something more traumatic than she'd thought?

Robyn shakes her head; "N-no...I want to, I really do, it's just...."

"Just what?" Dani squeezes the other girl's hand.

"I....I feel like if I kiss you, I'll want to do it again."

Dani frowns, then chuckles; "And that's a bad thing?"

"Yeah...Because I can't. Not after tonight."

A cold beat.

"What do you mean? You really are gonna turn into a pumpkin? Or whatever happens in the dumb story?"

Robyn shakes her head; "Not quite. I just...we can't see each other again."

"Why not? I thought you'd had a good time. I know I have. It's been strange but....a cool strange."

"I know. But I...I have to go away, after tonight. Really far away. I can't say where."

Dani felt herself begin to sober a little, in the worst way; "Uhm...okay. But I'm gonna be working at the hotel for a while, I mean if you could ask your aunt to book you a room or if you're ever in the area-."

"No. I'm sorry."

The girl can't even meet her eyes now. Dani let's go of her hand and sits up.

"Did I....Did I do something to upset you?"

"What? No, gods, Dani, you've....You've been everything I hoped for."

"So you did go into this knowing your aunt was setting us up? Even though you knew it wasn't going to go anywhere?"

Robyn wipes at her cheek; "I....I didn't expect you to like me back. Fuck, I wasn't even expecting you to say yes to coming!"

"Is that a low opinion of you or me?"

"Me, obviously."

"Why? Robyn, we've spent the whole day together and I've never clicked like this with anyone. There is nothing wrong with you."

The girl scoffs, "Oh, you have no idea..."

Dani knows she shouldn't say the next words. Don't assume. Don't let her imagination run away. But fuck it. Someone got into this gorgeous girl's head.

"Were you in a cult?"

Robyn stares and touches her pentacle; "What?"

"No, I don't mean Wicca, I mean...I might have just read too many novels but...You just seem like someone who's been shut off from the world? If you're in some kinda trouble then-."

The girl laughs. And then Dani does too. It was a pretty wild theory.

"No cult, honest. Though I do have some...rather weird friends. But they're good. You can ask Alison. I really wish I could tell you more. Fuck, I wish this night could last forever-."

"Then let it!" Dani encourages, taking her hand again, "Robyn, I've only recently felt comfortable being out. I never thought I'd be lucky enough to actually find a girl I like this soon...I dunno if I believe in fate or maybe it's just the vodka talking but...This feels like we were meant to meet each other. Doesn't it? I feel like I've known you for months."

"...Thirteen, in fact."

"What's that?"

"Nothing." Robyn shakes her head, peacock feather earing tickling her bare shoulder.

Dani wipes her tear with her thumb and guides her face towards hers again.

"C'mon. It's your birthday. Whatever happens next, let me at least give you this."

Robyn's sapphire eyes sparkle as Dani moves in closer, hands beneath her jawline, before their lips connect. There's tension at first, her companion awkward and stiff, hesitant, before leaning in and moving her own fingers up Dani's sides. It feels like both of their first kissed with another woman, and the first of any to matter. Robyn smells of magic; of sage and lavender incense. Dani hopes the perfume she borrowed from Shanon at Reception is masking any nervous sweat.

There's that tingling again. That fizzle of energy that doesn't quite feel normal. She doesn't pull back from it, instead letting it vibrate through her bloodstream and to her pounding heart beneath her ribs. Robyn's fingers are touching the fabric over her breasts. Fuck, why couldn't they have booked a hotel room? Couldn't Alison have sprung for that little bit extra for her niece? As the clock strikes midnight, Dani realises she wants to explore everything and everywhere with this girl with skin like the moon.

Her eyes are closed when they finally pull back and Robyn takes her hands away.

"Thank you." She whispers.

Dani opens her eyes.

She blinks. She sits alone in the private lounge. Alone with the dazzling view and an untouched White Russian vodka on the table.

"Robyn? Robyn?!"

When she asks the waiter where her 'friend' went, he gives her an off putting look like she's insane. Her temper rises when she goes to the bar and demands for someone who must have seen something to tell her where Robyn went. Then to check the CCTV if necessary.

But it brings her the same answer that chills her to the bone.

"Miss...You've been dining alone this entire night."

As promised, there is a cab waiting for her on the street eighty seven floors below.

Alison is waiting for her in the backseat.

"You probably have questions."

Too fucking right she does.

-

Silver opens her eyes. The gate which she'd rode out from in the back of Alison and Mike's car earlier that day stands before her. She glances down at her outfit. Her dress is gone. Back to her regular gear. Back to Button House.

Back to being invisible.

For a dead girl, her heartbeat still echoes in her head as if it continues to thump away. The tingle of Dani's lips remain on her own mouth. She brushes her fingertips against them. She cries.

It was the best birthday ever. Why did that mean it had to hurt?

Tentative footsteps approach her.

"....Good trip?" A gravelly voice asks with a hint of humor.

Silver turns to her friend whose name she'd borrowed for a day in case either of hers was too obvious. Had he been waiting up for her? At the sight of her tears, his face falls with concern, the paw stroking at his front reaching towards her.

She runs to him and let's him embrace her tight. He doesn't ask anything. Good. She can't begin to describe what this day has been.

Incredible. Spellbinding. Devastating.

-

Dani stares at the sketch. She knew she'd seen the girl before. And she had. Many times. Every lunch break where she'd sat beside this memorial, this bed of flowers and statuettes of Greek gods, the sketch of the sleeping girl on the tree had been in the corner of her eyes.

The girl who she'd sat on a train with and watched her look out the window, eyes wide, like a dog allowed on a car ride. The girl she'd linked arms with as they walked around London and laughed at the street performers and bought sweets at Covent Garden. The girl who'd cried watching Glinda and Elphaba sing their goodbyes. The girl she'd sat at the top of the world with and had her first real kiss.

The girl who died when Dani had only been a toddler.

"You should have told me the truth." She whispers towards the bed, hoping the pink haired Wiccan is there, "I'd have been cool with it. Okay I might have freaked and called your aunt...I mean, whoever Alison is to you...but I'd have chilled out after a bit...I think."

She takes a seat on the grass beside the flowers.

"Alison told me everything. About this...stupid curse you've got. She said you'd be awake for today so I hope you're here. Otherwise I guess I'll just have to keep repeating myself next time I'm working on the full moon." She smiles, "So ghosts get one day a year to feel things like a living person....and you sleep through yours? That fucking sucks. But on the flip side...You get to be seen too? Once every...twenty years or so? Still sounds like a rubbish deal but...Hey. It means we got to meet, so..."

Dani moves her hand through the flowers, gently, trying to imagine Robyn...No- Silver's hand there.

Tears blur her vision.

"It was a pretty amazing day wasn't it. I guess I can wait twenty or so years for the next one. Give me enough time to plan how to treat you." She smiles, her chest aching. "Typical. First pretty girl I kiss is a forty year old ghost. Didn't know you were a cougar too....that's kinda hot."

She gets out her phone. All the photos she took of the two of them together throughout the day are now mere selfies with a curious empty space beside her.

But she remembers. She'll always remember.

[jameslovin1]

Introduction: I used to do a thing back in LiveJournal days called "The Patti Report", about Ghost of the Robot shows and James Marsters appearances. I stopped because I started getting negative pushback that I was bragging (I wasn't, or at least, didnt mean to; I wrote them for people who weren't able to be there to get a taste; I even held back things so it wouldn't look that way. Ah jealousy!), and others were taking my words and twisting them out of context to read negatively and I was NOT having that. It became not worth it. I'm kinda reviving TPR for a friend who requested it, but about the show I saw last night. Here goes:

The Patti Report

Louis Tomlinson "Faith in the Future World Tour" at MGM Music Hall, Boston, MA

July 25, 2023

So, I went to see Louis Tomlinson, late of 1Direction, now solo-touring with his "Faith in the Future World Tour" show, promoting his solo album, delayed 2 years because of COVID19.

It started with me nearly not making it at all. I had flown across country for another show (added much later than my Louis tickets) the previous day with no issues and plenty of time. (I should be in an ad--or maybe a record book--flying across country and back to make 2 concerts in 2 days!😅) The return was tight, I knew, but had it been on time, would have left me just enough time to get to the venue, maybe even to my car to drop my bag and back (which thankfully the venue had a coatcheck! Thank you MGM Music Hall!) But, I was flying Spirit Airlines (note, for the frist, and hopefully, the last time! Spirit Airlines deserves every bit of the ragging they get!), so they were late leaving, and because of that, we got stuck on the tarmac on arrival for almost 45 minutes, complete with screaming baby the whole time. The cumulative effect was that the show had already started before I even got off the plane. I paid dearly for a cab and got there, thankfully, just as the opening act was finishing their set. Which I didn't know was happening, thank goodness for them, and sorry I missed them! I was massively stressed out and exhausted by the time I got there.

I admit up front that I was not a fan of Louis Tomlinson nor of 1D--not against them, just not interested in most current music, mainly because of bad tinnitus that makes music hard to listen to, and because of a lack of music I find palatable... I'm old, OK?!😅 and picky--last music genres I got into were Alt Rock and Grunge! So, that rather describes my most recent musical tastes, which is not Louis, LOL! I went for a friend who couldn't go herself. What I found there was a very pleasant surprise.

I hadn't listened to much of his music, see above for why. So, I was unfamiliar with any of it and him for the most part. I had gone to see Harry Styles' "Love on Tour" back in 2021, another ex-1D member I'd had no prior interest in until my friend introduced them to me. I was only barely a little more familiar with Harry's music, but as with Louis, I went for my friend to see him, too. I can't help but compare the two ex-bandmates from my limited experience of them, but I also want to get into how I experienced Louis individually. So, here are my observations:

First, Louis and Harry are *very* different! Different styles, energies, personas, all of it. Almost night and day different. I had expected a little more "Harry-ness" (as I think of it, the whole rock-star persona/performance) given their joint past of "teething" as a corporate-formed boy band from a TV show contest. But none appeared. Despite their time as part of the same band, they are very different as solo artists. Where Harry's is a very big, polished show, Louis's is intimate, raw and very 'present'.

I decided that Louis is a modern version of a classic "crooner". He sings heartfelt songs (not that Harry doesn't, just very differently, and less of them.) He sings them with little fanfare or theatrics, just a man and a mike which he sometimes removes fom the stand to walk across the stage. (Aside: He seemed to favor stage right over stage left, even beginning the encore on that side, which made me wonder if there was someone, or something special going on, over there.😆)

With Harry, you get a whole show--dancing, theatrics, showy outfits, and lots of Harry-the-rock-star persona. Not so with Louis. No dance moves or showy showmanship, no costumes, just singing. It's all about the music with Louis; not putting on a show, but just singing from the heart. Which isn't a bad thing, not at all, just a different thing.

Louis wore black. Black jeans, black sneakers without the usual ugly, gigantic soles of most running shoes (hallelujah!), and a very cool black t-shirt with a stylized face on it. Given some of his stagewear choices (extremely rumpled tan shorts,really?😆) I gave this choice a huge thumbs-up!

I have no idea of the names of the songs, so no setlist, sorry. Sadly, because I enjoyed a couple of them especially, and would like to hear them again when the crowd isn't drowning him out (the tinnitus. From being too close to stages in my youth, let me be a cautionary tale!). I'll have to do some digging, and hope I can find them. NOTE: Since writing this, I have discovered it's "Written All Over Your Face" and apparently I am far from alone in its affect!🤣

I'll admit I'm not into tenors, preferring baritone male voices like Harry's. Louis has a way more than passable voice, but maybe because it was a second night? he sounded a little strained, hit a few flats, and let the audience do a lot of the singing, which they were more than happy to do at ear-splitting volume, LOL! All that minor stuff aside, the show was really enjoyable, way more than I expected, going in (sort of) blind as I did. The upbeat songs were perky and made me want to move (I was too exhausted to actually get up and dance, though, LOL); the slower songs were sung with a ton of heart. I was thoroughly engaged and engrossed. (continues below photos)

I had known Louis likes going walkies, and that he has a stage set-up that allows him to step down into the crowd, which I was looking for, and which he did near the end of the show (maybe in case his clothes got ripped? It has happened!) The crowd was well-behaved, it appeared from my seat; didn't maul him or at least, didn't rip his cool shirt, just touched and adored, which Louis eats up, it was obvious! The other amusement (to me) was someone threw a kid's ball on stage, which the soccer-loving Louis couldn't stop kicking, LOL!

The backdrops were 5 drop-screens that alternately showed the band, Louis, and very cool, sometimes psychedelic graphics. Later those were exchanged for what appeared to be drapes with lighting embedded in them. The overall lighting scheme was either red or blue dominant about 75% of the show, depending on the song (faster vs slower, respectively, or maybe based on lyrical content.) Red steamers came down near the end of the show. There was a brief break--all annouced rather than pretending to wait for the audience to go hoarse screaming for an encore the artists will do anyway--before a 4-song encore. One small negative note: he never introduced his band individually, which every other solo artist I've ever seen does.

I was so into it, but also so tired from a long 2 days, that I didn't check to see how long it was, but I'd guess about 1.5 hours. And, because of the unknown and his being a tenor, I was just a little surprised that I enjoyed every note of it as much as I did. I highly recommend his show even if you don't know his songs, it's just that infectious! The earlier stresses just melted away in the joy of the music and shared experience, and I went home energized enough for that 2+ hour midnight drive despite my earlier exhaustion. Thanks, Louis and company, for a lovely evening after the nightmare of getting there!

Peace,

PattiB

#louistomlinson #faithinthefutureworldtour

[robinofgothamcity]

♡ scenario: connor losing his mind when you're hurt and charging into the fight recklessly.

♡ pairing: connor kent ( superboy ) x fem! reader

♡ note: not checked for grammar or spelling mistakes / i'm sorry but i'm living for these angst to fluff moments rn especially bc i rewatched reign of the superman and forgot how much i loved connor in it.

Connor watched as you were completely slumped on the side of the building, no longer clear headed and struggling to stay awake. what was supposed to be a clean and easy mission turned out to be more than what the league expected.

he had requested for back up and while they were already trying to fight off the thugs that were attacking Connor, he could still see that you were fighting to stay alive and he had no idea if you were even going to come out of this fight alive.

"what the fuck?" Connor whispered, seeing you now slumped on the ground. he turned to the person who attacked you, eyes fully red with no intention of holding back. Clark could sense his song was a second away from committing murder as he saw Connor charge into the heart of the battle with no game plan, just murder.

"SUPERBOY NO!"

+

you waved shyly to the group of league members as you hid behind Wonder Woman. you were new to the scene of sidekicks and had no idea how to even introduce yourself without sounding like a complete idiot.

"woah new girl!" you heard a male voice say as you stood in your place petrified. you had no idea who it was as Diana had yet to individually introduce you to everyone, "i call dibs!" you heard the same voice say.

Diana turned to you before grabbing the boy who was charging towards you by the head and tossed him back to Superman, "she's not up for 'dibs' Superboy. she's my newest apprentice and you will treat her as such," she threatened.

you giggled behind her as a few of the sidekicks introduced themselves. you knew them as the Young Justice team and although you weren't formally with the team, you figured Diana was training you to become apart of them in the future.

"( your hero name ), this is Superboy," Wonder Woman said, "he associated to the Super family," she explained as he pushed up his dark circled glasses and flicked his hair back, "pleasure is all mine," he muttered, shaking your hand.

you returned a tiny smile before she continued to introduce you to Robin and Impulse. you noticed how Superboy kept his eyes on you. you had no idea if it was because he liked you or he disliked you but every time you turned to look at him, he was already staring at you.

after introductions and the cliche 'your real identity is sacred' conversation ended, Diana felt it was for your own good to get used to your new 'teammates'. she wanted you to make sure you weren't uncomfortable around any of the YJ team even if that included Superboy.

"so, what do you like to do for fun?" Wonder Girl asked, sitting down next to you and handing you a bowl of popcorn. you shrugged, "uh, not much. I like to watch tv and read for the most part. no one really invites me to do things with them," you admitted, scratching the back of your head.

she laughed, putting her arm around you, "well that ends today! we should all do something fun! how about we go to the county fair? doesn't that sound fun?" she asked. you shrugged, not really opposed to the idea, "I call all the rides with ( your hero name )!" Jinny replied.

you smiled, following her and Wonder Girl out the door as Robin, Impulse, and Superboy followed behind you. Robin looked at him, "you like her don't you?" he asked, already calculating the minute Connor had fallen in love with you.

"well she's apart of the team, i'd like to hope we'd all like her," he replied as Robin shook his head, "no, you get what i mean by that," Robin pressed as he could see Connor's face fall with realization. he didn't reply but he could tell what he was tell Connor's real answer through his face.

as they arrived to the fair, they all booked it to the first food stand they saw. Robin offering to pay for everyone being Bruce Wayne's son had its benefits. you ordered a simple coffee as you didn't want Robin to spend too much on everyone.

"what ride should we all get on first?" Jinny asked excitedly. you pointed to the tallest ride, it was one of those high rides that sat two people at the top and had them spinning around, "oh I can't do that. it's way too scary," both Keli and Jinny said.

Superboy smiled at you, "I'm down if you are," he said as he grabbed two tickets from the worker, "cool," you replied as the two of you walked to the line, sweat already building up from nervousness.

once they sat the two of you and made sure you were both buckled in, you stared at Superboy nervously as the ride started up and pulled you up before immediately starting to spin. you stared at Superboy, screaming for you life. you unintentionally grabbed his arms, not realizing you were holding onto him as you continued to yell.

Superboy chuckled, finding your reaction cute.

+

after the months passed and you finally grew closer to everyone on the team, you were particularly close with Jinny and Superboy. you and Jinny shared a lot of common interests as she showed you how to shoot a gun and Superboy...well, everyone could tell the two of you were just seconds away from actually dating.

you walked into the YJ lair, sipping on hot chocolates with Jinny as the weather was turning cold. she was cracking some cringe dad jokes, trying to make you laugh as you tried to contain from choking on the hot chocolate.

"hey, where we yall at?" Keli asked. you turned to Jinny before giggling, "just doing a few errands we had to run before I had patrol with Superboy," you said, not really clarifying on what you both were actually doing.

although everyone could see how much you liked Connor, Connor himself thought you had a thing with Jinny. he knew she was particularly close with you and felt as though he was practically competing with her for your attention.

"do you have my phone?" you asked Jinny as she dug into her pocket and handed it to you. you grabbed your phone before quickly snatching her hat and putting it on, "yee-haw," you giggled into the mirror as Jinny started chasing you down the halls.

as you turned a corner, you bumped into Superboy and fell flat on your ass, "oh, I'm sorry Superboy, I didn't see you there," you groaned as Jinny grabbed her had and put it back on her, "you've yee'd your last haw," she said, making you laugh harshly.

Superboy's eye couldn't help but twitch as he gave you his hand, "ready for patrol?" he asked sternly. you looked to Jinny who crept away from the angry Kryptonian and left you to deal with him, "yeah, let me just freshen up again and I'll meet you outside," you murmured, going into the bathroom.

you quickly used the bathroom before checking if you had everything. you opened the door and walked into the lair's common area. Connor had yet to drop the angry attitude and everyone was eerily silent as you walked in. he grabbed you by the arm and practically rushed you out the door.

"weird," Jinny told Robin as he shrugged, "what isn't weird about him," he replied making everyone laugh.

patrol started extremely awkward. you hadn't felt this weird since you first started on the team and you had no idea what was wrong with Superboy since he wasn't telling you.

the two of you walked on top of roof, scanning the empty roads before you turned to look at him, "what's up? you seem bothered," you asked him as you both sat on the ledge, "seriously? you seem annoyed at me or something so at the very least you can try and tell me what's wrong," you pressured again.

he looked at you with eyes of determination before grabbing you by the collar of the shirt and pulling you into a very heated kiss. you were taken back by surprise but let him continue to kiss you. a part of yelled at Connor pulled you close but another part of him was still screaming at him that you still could've liked Jinny.

"I had to do that before Jinny officially took you away from me," your eyes fluttered in confusion, "uh, what do you mean by 'take you away from me'?" you asked, not knowing what he was talking about.

Connor sighed in frustration, "I see the way you're around Jinny and figured that she likes you and vice versa," he finally admitted as he stood up, not wanting to hear your response. you quickly stood up and grabbed him by the wrist, "hey wait," you said.

he stared at you, "I'm really not in the mood to get rejected ( your hero name )," he ran his fingers through his hair annoyed. you shook your head, "I don't like Jinny nor does she like me. we're just really close friends Superboy," you whispered, bringing him into another kiss.

this time, he was the one taken back but he melted into the kiss, all his negative emotions washing away as you continued to kiss him. he wrapped his arms around your waist as you him in closer by the neck. Connor was definitely not expecting this tonight.

"so does this mean that we're like....together together?" you asked playfully shy. Connor let out a laugh before lacing your hands together, "clearly. I can't let Jinny steal you away from me," he jokingly replied.

+

Connor ran to the three different henchmen as his strength was to the point of killing, not caring if he died in the process. he was recklessly dodging bullets, knowing they wouldn't do anything to him. he grabbed the first man and threw him against a wall as it collapsed around him. Connor only hoping that it did enough damage to unalive him.

the second one he managed to choke him out enough to the point where he passed out but that wasn't enough for him. you were on the brink of death and if he had to see you die, he was going to make sure the men who possibly killed you got what they deserved.

"SUPERBOY!" he heard his father scream again. Connor paid no attention to him as he grabbed the third henchman and slammed him to the ground, throwing punches left and right, "listen to me," Clark screamed at him.

he could see the tears coming down Connor's face as anger, fear, and sadness clouded his mind, "this is not you! pull out of it!" he yelled, shaking Connor's shoulder, "you're about to kill this man. I get that you're angry but you don't get anything out of hurting him. all you get it consequences and your girlfriend needs you right now more than ever!" he continued.

Connor finally shook himself out of his trance as he heard his dad telling him to go to you. Connor nodded and ran to you, seeing you unconscious and hardly breathing, "I'm taking her to the hospital," he yelled to Batman before hauling your body into his arms and flying towards the nearest hospital.

once he finally reached the emergency doors, he shoved everyone out of his way and to the front desk, "she needs help...NOW!" he yelled to the poor receptionist. the girl jumped up from fear but nodded and screamed for a bed and a few doctors.

the doctor asked Connor to place you on the bed before the doctor told him that he could follow them inside. a part of Connor wanted to straight up move the doctor to follow you into the OR but he knew that he'd get into more trouble with his dad and the MPD if he hurt anyone else.

for what felt like hours, he was waiting inside of the room they had told him you'd be in once you got out of surgery. he had already gotten the lecture from his dad about the consequences he would've gotten if he actually managed to kill the three men earlier.

"she's going to make it," the doctor told Connor as he walked into the room while they adjusted you to the bed. Connor nodded, "she'll be out of duty for months. she sustained a lot of injuries to her body that'll take weeks to recover and she got a nasty concussion so you'll need to play doctor for the next few weeks to make sure she's okay," he explained.

Connor nodded as the doctor told him that you should be waking up within the next few hours. Connor adjusted himself on the seat and got comfortable as he had no intentions of leaving your side until you were awake and ready to leave the hospital.

you woke up a few hours later, your body killing you from all over as you saw balloons all around the room. you knew you had landed in the hospital but you had no idea how long you were asleep or in a coma even. you turned to see Connor passed out next to you, his body slumped awkwardly.

"Kon, Kon wake up!" you whispered, shaking him softly. Connor jumped up in a fright as he immediately realized you were awake, "how do you feel? are you okay? do you need anything?" he immediately asked as you couldn't help but laugh at his frantic attitude.

"Connor, I'm okay, I promise," you whispered as you brought him in for a kiss, "my body just hurts and i'm still kinda tired," you murmured as Connor nodded. you managed to wiggle yourself enough to make space for him, "babe, it looks like you haven't slept in days."

"I had to make sure you were okay so i haven't exactly slept in a while," he admitted sheepishly. you shook your head, "you're too much sometimes," you giggled as you put your head on his shoulder, "but you love me regardless," he replied.

this was the first time the L word had came up in the relationship, "yeah, I guess I do but now you need to sleep," you said as you closed your eyes and felt Connor pull you closer to him, "I love you too by the way," you whispered, giving him another kiss on his partially exposed chest.

[scuttle-buttle]

Chapter 11

WC: 2077

Rated: E

Chapter Tags: full on angst, discussions of emotional trauma, mild depictions of blood/gore, mentions of self h*rm & su*cide, mentions of child abuse, discussions of physical disabilities, institutionalization, some dialogue & plot canon to TV show, hurt/comfort

🧠

The rest of the conference went by much like the first day did. Both you and Laszlo bought a few books for your collections. An ease had settled over your conversations with the help of Sara and John's presence; you spoke more freely with each other. You tell yourself it is not because he's going soft on you or vice versa, but rather that you have found yourself in this imaginary bubble where you happen to get on well. It's inevitable that it will pop once you’re back at school and Laszlo will revert back to his usual callous state.

Laszlo. It still felt odd to think of him like that, rather than by his title. You couldn't lie, it gave you a sort of thrill. Even in your dreams you had only called him by his honorific. Thankfully you didn't have another dream after Friday. You couldn't escape the feeling that you'd said something incriminating in front of the man in question. So you chose to pretend it didn't happen.

Monday morning came and you headed to the train station. Once again he had secured a private cabin for the journey. This time you came prepared with a book since you had yet to replace your broken phone.

"Thank you again for inviting me to this, I really enjoyed myself. It was really nice of the department to foot my travel expenses, the hotel was really fancy. I may have helped myself to a mini-bottle or two," you joked.

"There is no need to worry about the department's finances; they were not involved."

You pause. He paid for you? Laszlo did say he would take care of the arrangements; but the four-star hotel, the private compartment train tickets, the admission to the conference, and every meal? Shit, that must have been a fortune, hundreds of dollars at least.

You don't know what to say, so you settle for an awkward "oh." A moment passes before you add "I appreciate that, um, I can pay you back. Might take some time but I can."

The professor is flippant in his reply. "There is no need, it was well spent for the research and knowledge acquired." He opens his book signaling the conversation is over.

You lick your lips. Fine then, I'll just consider it payment for emotional suffering and damages of the last eight weeks.

The first few hours of the journey were spent reading one of the new books you picked up at the convention. Occasionally you would peek over the pages at the professor. He was engrossed in his own selection; sometimes he would pause to write down a thought.

Around the seventh hour of your journey you had given up on reading anymore in favor of looking at the fields outside. The silence was comforting.

Laszlo had trouble concentrating on the book in his hand. He saw you as a conundrum. One minute you could be sociable and teasing with your comments, then next you were biting at his throat with your quick wit and fierce ideals. He decides that he wants to know what made you into who you are today. Now is as good a time as any.

His eyes on you cause a tingle up your spine but you ignore it. Laszlo breaks the silence; "may I ask a personal question?"

"You just did," you answer, still peering out of the large window. He huffed once, amused. At his following silence you face him. You raise your eyebrows to signal him to go on with his question. Curiosity grows at the thought of what he intends to ask.

"Twice now you have made implications of a traumatic past," he begins.

Bubble popped.

Interrupting, you snark "is this the part where you psychoanalyze me, doc? Because trust me, I've been through enough of that." You pick at the lint on your jeans.

Laszlo tries to choose his words more carefully the next time he speaks. "What I mean to say is, the first afternoon in the classroom where you defended that student you implied you had been witness to a trauma. You then displayed signs of anger and embarrassment before leaving prematurely. Yesterday you mentioned having entered a psychiatric facility. As an alienist I can't help but find myself curious about your experiences."

You slide your eyes to meet his from across the cabin. Your face is devoid of any emotion. "We all have our demons. Even you can't argue with that."

Your jaw clenches. Everyone had warned you. They all said he would try to worm his way into your head to figure you out. All the reviews, the gossip, everything. It was a big fat 'I told you so'. You give a pitiful laugh at the situation. "You know, everyone told me that you would pull this stunt."

He seems confused by your statement. "And what is that?"

"That you'd get inside my head and try to figure me all out or whatever. You already know I googled you beforehand, what everyone says about your methods. By now I assume you've done a little research yourself. I promise you there is nothing exciting here," you scoff and point to yourself.

"You would be correct in your assumption." You chew at your cheek as he starts. "I do know some of what happened in your past. Yet I also know that society likes to dilute the truth into something either more palatable, more entertaining, for people to consume greedily. What I want to know is what you have faced. How you have not allowed the experience to overcome you so much so that your humanity is erased like the characters I lecture on."

Eyes closing of their own volition you are thrown back in time to that night so many years ago. You didn't talk about it anymore. Bitsy knew of course, but that was the extent.

Laszlo waits. He knows this is likely to push you over the edge if your history with him means anything. Quite frankly, anyone would be tossed to their limit at his interrogation had they gone through what you had. John always told him that he needed to work on his bedside manner; that he had a habit of coming on too strong in his pursuit of learning the intricacies of the human mind. But your earlier comment about being sent to a so-called 'nuthouse' rubbed him the wrong way. It left a bad taste in his mouth. He needed to know. He needed to understand.

Laszlo can imagine the reprimand that he would receive from John and Sara for this. Just as he considers apologizing for his intrusion you open your eyes.

"She was fine. None of us suspected anything was wrong. I came home from having dinner with some… boy, and she had locked herself in the bathroom. She- she must have started over the sink and moved to sit on the side of the tub. She was hunched inside it when I got the door open. I pulled her out. Blood was… everywhere." Your voice is clinical as you explain.

"After, I shut down. So I checked myself into a psych ward a few days later when I couldn't get the feel of her blood off my hands. It's slippery, you know. And it smells. You wouldn't think so but it does." You clear your throat. "I did the therapy, took the meds they prescribed, all the standard treatments. Later I started watching true crime documentaries. I'd heard about exposure therapy so I figured the more I saw the gore, the less the image of my dead roommate would bother me. And it did help. The nightmares stopped after a while, I came back to school. I was better, just not the same.” You had watched the passing landscape as you explained. Turning to face him you speak again. “That's why those pictures didn't bother me. They weren't anything I hadn't seen before."

He contemplates you. The discovery and subsequent loss of your friend in this manner would no doubt cause lingering effects to your psyche. A stain that would forever remind you. "I offer my sincerest condolences. I do not presume to know what that would be like to experience, but I am glad you sought help afterwards. To make the choice to alleviate yourself of your own suffering where possible.”

As he says this he realizes that your anger towards the idea of being enslaved to unconscious impulse makes perfect sense. It explains why you focused so much energy on defending your belief in free will. That you have the power to choose how you carry your joy, your anger, your healing. It reminds him of how he held onto his own guilt and hurt, ignoring how it festered within him for so long. He feels as though he needs to share a piece of himself with you.

“I played piano as a child, quite well too. My mother hoped I would someday make a career of it. I vividly remember playing Mozart’s Concerto for Piano No. 20 in D Minor at a holiday party when I was seven years old. It was my favorite to play.... It requires two hands." You finally look at him. "My father...” He pauses to gather himself.

Now it is the doctor that cannot meet your eyes. As you listen you feel your confusion grow. How could he have been a talented pianist if he only had full use of his left hand? Unless..., the realization dawns on you just as he continues, his words slow.

“My father had two sides. One loving and the other brutal, the two often coexisting. It was something as trivial as putting me to bed, I recall... A game of tug of war. We were laughing…” He inhales a sharp breath. Already you can feel the tears begin to blur your vision. “I don't remember if he was drunk or if I said something that offended him. He must have pulled my arm behind my back.” Laszlo exhales shakily. “In small children, fractures can often affect…” he trails off, unable to finish. You can hear how he barely holds himself together.

Your heart aches for the broken man that sits in front of you. He never let on how much his arm bothered him, at least not within your presence. Suddenly you don’t see him as this rude, insufferable, obsessive man, but instead as someone that spends his life trying to protect himself. He projects his own anger and hurt so that he may, just for a minute, forget about his own demons. He wants to help others even when he feels he cannot bear to help himself.

But unlike you, he has to live with the physical reminder of his past every day of his life.

You stand and move to sit on his right side. Before allowing yourself to think too much of your actions, you place your hand atop his own, curling your fingers around his palm and squeezing delicately. You don’t bother wiping away the tears on your cheeks. “I’m so sorry, Laszlo;” the whisper is barely heard above the sound of the train. A second passes where you fear you have overstepped and offended him by touching the affected limb. When his thumb tightens against the backs of your fingers you know he is not. He holds you in place.

“You asked me how I kept my humanity. How does anyone really? We learn to take what we get and we carry it in a bag. Sometimes you have to drag the damn thing behind you. But eventually the weight gets less and less if you allow yourself to move forward, even if it’s still there with you all the time. I dealt with what happened years ago and it does still haunt me. It’s easier now than it was, but… I- I suppose I’ve learned from you too. Sitting in those lectures and hearing you talk. We can either let it haunt us for the rest of our lives… or we can accept it… and use the memory of our pain to help ourselves and others.”

“I’m not sure the choice is entirely in our hands.” His tone is mournful.

You turn to smile at him through your tears. His own eyes are bloodshot. “I disagree. If it weren’t, if we didn’t have the freedom to choose that, we’d all be murderers.”

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