#if i had it in me everytime i badmouth my parents i would beat the living shit out of myself just as i spread rumors about them doing

[boo-bookeys]

Sometimes, I wish I had enough willpower to boot myself out onto the curb just as my parents should have done a while ago.

[curiouspeachgirl]

Do You Love Me Now? [1]

Do you love me now?

I liked him eversince, but he seem to be oblivious of my existence. Maybe, he just sees me as a friend.

"Hey Y/N here comes your crush!" says Yeri, your bestfriend.

And you see Jaehyun together with his friends walking towards your direction.

"Y/N good morning! Have you been well?" Jaehyun said while he settles in his seat.

Your heart beats fast and your face automatically turns red everytime Jaehyun would look at you.

"hmf, such a flirt. It's early morning and he starts flirting with you." Yeri whispered.

You are too shy to respond to his words, so you just smiled at him.

"Jae, someone's looking for you." One of your blockmates called him.

He took a glance at you and smiled before he left the scene.

Jaehyun is really famous in your university, he' a known performer after all. Also, he is really a "people person".

~ ♤ ~ ♡ ~ ◇ ~ ♧ ~

One morning, you just got back from an overseas trip and you called Yeri and Wendy to help you unpack all the goods you bought for them.

"Woah, Y/N! I really feel the mistreatment! Waaah. I got a mirror and lipstick, while you bought Jae a perfume which costs you half of your allowance? Woah Y/N I'm hurt." Yeri says while rolling her eyes.

"Yeri, just let Y/N give it to Jaehyun, perhaps she liked Jaehyun for 2 years now. Maybe it's time to step up their game now." Your "Unnie" friend Wendy says smiling at you. You always feel that Wendy is the only one who understands you.

"Hmf whatever. Y/N, Jaehyun is a flirt! You know the pretty instagram girl? I heard they're talking now." Yeri adds

"Whatever, Yeri. I just want to give him this present because of his birthday and nothing else." You explained while you continue to unpack all of the things you bought.

"Woooo... lies lies lies." Yeri coos with a shrug obviously not buying your lies.

~ ♤ ~ ♡ ~ ◇ ~ ♧ ~

The next morning, you called in your guy bestfriend Jungwoo to give him his presents.

"Hey Y/N! How have you been?" Your bestfriend Jungwoo from another class approaches you.

"I have been well, Jungwoo! How about you? It's been so long since I saw you!"

"Well, we're quite busy preparing for the show. You know our team leader aka your Crush is a perfectionist." Jungwoo

"He's just competitive, Woo. You know him."

"Yes definitely, from all your stories? I think I've been close even with his parents." Jungwoo said with sarcasm

You saw Jaehyun walking towards your direction all smiles and then it suddenly fade when he saw you with Jungwoo; all you can do is to bow your head.

"Hi Jungwoo! Hi Y/N!" He greeted, and again... you just smiled.

You inhaled his scent and you cannot be mistaken... he used what you gifted him! You silently squealed and Jungwoo pinched you.

"He used my gift! He used my gift!" You said. Jungwoo just looked at you and mouthed "lovesick" while walking back to his room.

~ ♤ ~ ♡ ~ ◇ ~ ♧ ~

Hi Jaehyun! Did you liked my gift?

Hey Y/N! Yes! I love it. Thanks for this. I really appreciate it.

No problem, besides I know you liked that scent.

You really know me, Y/N... I promise to get you a gift when your birthday comes.

You jump around and suddenly squealed out of happiness.

"Wtf Y/N! Are you planning to give me a heart attack?" Yeri says with a hold of her chest

You showed Yeri what Jaehyun texted, you were all smiles and jumping around.

"A flirt indeed." Yeri said and rolled her eyes. Whenever you talk about Jaehyun, she would always playfully roll her eyes and call him a flirt. It's just a Yeri thing.

~ ♤ ~ ♡ ~ ◇ ~ ♧ ~

It's been 3 years since you realized you like Jaehyun. It's kinda funny that in that three years, you tried your best to forget your feelings for him and just treat him just a friend but still end up liking him again.

"Y/N, I'm totally into Jacob! He's smart and really a smooth talker! I think I love him!" Yeri shares while hugging you tightly and showing you their pictures.

"Yeri, it's just been 2 weeks since you know that Jacob and now you're telling me you love him? What bull$hit was that? And besides, Jacob looks like he fvcks everything that moves! A total fuckboi"

"Y/N, I hope you know that your words hurt me, I never said anything about you liking Jaehyun. I don't appreciate you badmouthing Jacob." Yeri clenched her fist and gave you a tight-lipped smile then left the scene.

You immediately felt guilty with your words and somehow wants someone to talk to, so you tried to reach Jungwoo, but he didn't answer. You paced back and forth and swallowed constantly, wishing you can unsaid all the words you said to Yeri.

Then your phone suddenly lit up.

Y/N, I am with Yeri now. I know you need company now, but Yeri cries nonstop. I hope you realize what you did.

Wendy texted you. You feel anxious and your conscience haunts you even hours after. You tried to act normal and go to your next class but everyone around you feels that something's wrong.

You cover your face with your hands and tried to calm yourself down. Then suddenly someone touched your shoulder.

"Y/N? Do you need someone to talk to?" Jaehyun smiled as he said this to you

Jaehyun felt something is wrong because you're unusually quiet. He realized that you have something in your mind that makes you sad and burdens you.

And as soon as you arrived in your university's garden, you cried your heart out.

"Hey, Y/N it's alright. It will soon be alright." Jaehyun said while tapping your shoulder while you lean onto his chest.

"I shouldn't have said something like that. I am a bad friend. I am disloyal."

Jaehyun continues to comfort you with his words and wholesome touches. If the situation's a little different, you would scream for this kind of skinship.

After minutes of crying, you finally realized that you're "semi-hugging" Jaehyun.

"Oh I'm sorry! I'm sorry!"

"No, it's okay Y/N. I hope You can mend your friendship with your bestfriend. I don't want to see you cry again. Do you like to eat anything? Or should I walk you home?" Jaehyun asked

~ ♤ ~ ♡ ~ ◇ ~ ♧ ~

Days, weeks, months passed and thankfully your friendship with Yeri is restored and it is stronger than ever. It is now winter time and the weather is really cold these days. 

"Y/N can I sit beside you? It's too cold on the other side" Jaehyun said with his usual smile that makes your heart flutter. 

And just like before, you are too shy to answer him so you just smiled in reply.

All he does is to play games in his phone and suddenly, everybody's attention is on the two of you.

"Hey did I make you feel uncomfortable?" Jaehyun suddenly whispered and made an eye contact. 

"No! Definitely not. It's just that everyone's looking at you. I'm uhm... I don't want the attention." You explained while you feel your face getting hot. 

"Just let them be. Perhaps they can only just look." He said and continue to play games on his phone.

The room is getting colder, and you can't help but rub your hands together because you brought a little thin jacket today. 

The surprise of the century came when Jaehyun held your hands and put it inside his jacket.

You looked around your room and saw your blockmates smiled and tease you.

Hey, Don't let Jaehyun know you're head over heels on him. You looked like a tomato now. You're so red!

Yeri sent you a message and winked.

"Do you feel fine now?" Jaehyun asked while still looking at his phone, still playing games. 

You avoid his gaze and just nodded and got your hands out of his jacket, but still held his hand.

You enjoyed your moment holding his hand until his phone rang and he had to go outside to pick up his call.

“Y/N... Is it okay?” He said while gesturing that he will just answer his phone. 

After Jaehyun went out, Yeri immediately sat beside you. 

“Hey, Have you heard the news?” Yeri whispered as she move closer to you

“What news? About what?” You answered while peeking at the door waiting for Jaehyun to comeback.

“Do you remember the pretty Insta girl? The one with the curly hair and naturally blushing face. Dianne Lee?”

“Hmmm, yep what about her?”

“I heard Jaehyun and Dianne are talking. I mean not the literal “talking” talking, but you know that kind of talking that would eventually be dating... you know.” Yeri explains carefully for you not to be offended.

“Hmf... Is that even true? Dianne just dated Ten from Jaehyun’s team, I mean, bro code?” 

“I heard it from Johnny. He said Jaehyun is constantly on the phone, like right now.” Yeri adds. 

You wouldn’t believe the rumors but somehow your little heart hurt a bit with just thinking of Jaehyun dating another girl. 

~ ♤ ~ ♡ ~ ◇ ~ ♧ ~

The wind blew a little colder and the school’s atmosphere is a bit wilder especially it is nearing Semestral Vacation and the annual University Festival is happening today, and also your birthday. 

Everyone in your friendlist greeted you a happy birthday and some even sent you gifts. Your coming-of-age feeling is too overwhelming but you feel like something’s missing because Jaehyun is still not greeting you. 

Later that day, you came accross Jaehyun in the university field because they are preparing for a presentation and he didn't attend any of your classes. They were sweating because of practicing and decorating the stage as well. 

"Wow, Y/N you look really pretty today." His friend Yuta said and gave you a “Hi-5″.

The team seemed busy and somehow stressed, Jaehyun just greeted you with a smile and went back to the stage where they will practice.

You were expecting something like he would look back at you and greet you Happy birthday, but he didn’t. You passed by the university field and you sighed with the realization.

"He forgot." You whispered.

Yeri just hugged you to console you. 

"I swear, Y/N. I am not making this up... he asked me what present will he buy for you."

You just smiled a little and went back on your way. Shrugging the sad feeling Jaehyun gave you on your special day. 

“Y/N cheer up! It’s your day today! You don’t have to be sad over that guy. Let’s just party tonight and I heard the University club hired a DJ!” Yeri said to lift up your spirits. 

Somehow that night, you forgot about the whole Jaehyun thing and did yourself a favor, you enjoyed the party all night with all your friends without thinking about him.

~ ♤ ~ ♡ ~ ◇ ~ ♧ ~

Winter time elapsed and you’re back from the vacation. Happy giggles and small talks filled the room. 

"Woah! Woah! Did you see Dianne's latest post?"

"Oh my gosh! For how long did they hide their relationship?"

"I knew something between them was up when I saw them in the mall and they're walking hand-in-hand."

The rumors greeted you this morning. Jaehyun arrived in the room and all you can hear is Congratulations. You have no idea why the people are congratulating him but you managed to smile at him.

"Congrats Jaehyun and Dianne! How long have you been in a relationship now?"

You tilted your head and furrowed your brows in confusion. Like Jaehyun? Dating? Who? That fact kinda shocked you and you can just look at Yeri who looks at you apologetically. 

Jaehyun happily admitted the news and said that he and Dianne spent almost all the days of the vacation together, while sharing his vacation stories, he made an eye contact with you and you just fake smiled. You can’t even believe yourself that you managed to listen to him without crying. 

You’re unusually quiet all day, and you just bow your head on the table preventing yourself to cry... but unlike in the past, Jaehyun did not noticed your mood. He’s always outside your room and meeting with his girllfriend. 

“Are you sure you can go home alone?” Wendy asks you while she walks you infront the gate of your village. 

You put your two thumbs up and acted jolly in front of her. Little did she knows, your heart feels heavy and your tears are about to fall, so you quickly ran to your house and immediately went to your room.

You cried your heart out that night. You felt deceived, you liked him for a long time and you thought he feels the same with all those gestures but for him, it is just friendly.

"I liked him for more than 3 years! I gave him everything he likes! What's lacking about me? Why did he not liked me back? Maybe because I'm not that pretty. I am not that rich. I am not that fit. I am not that intelligent. I am not that girly. I am not the girl he would want to date. And I will never be that girl. I will just be the friend forever." Those questions went on and on and tears kept falling from your eyes.

~ ♤ ~ ♡ ~ ◇ ~ ♧ ~

Weeks passed and Jaehyun is still happily inlove with Dianne and you decided to stop liking him. You have made extra efforts to avoid him and not associate yourself with him.

Tonight is the batch party, all your batchmates gather in a place and have a few drinks and enjoy the night. You expect Jaehyun to be there and you made up your mind that you will still do your best to avoid him. 

Yeri went with his boyfriend Gab, and you're left with your other girl batchmates in the table. You had a few drinks and you’re feeling a little tipsy.

"Y/N." Jaehyun called you and offered you a drink.

You accepted the drink and he sat beside you. Right then and there, you knew you mission failed. All the weeks of avoiding him is wasted, suddenly you remember all the happy moments you shared with him. The feeling when he smiles or talks to you. You suddenly remembered all the things you tried to forget... especially your feelings for him.

The Karaoke sound was so loud and you can barely hear what your seatmates are saying... Then and Adele song played and you feel like it fits to your current situation. You just decided to sing, or rather shout the chorus of the song playing.

"ALL I ASK IIIIIS IF, THIS IS MY LAST NIGHT WITH YOU... HOLD ME LIKE I'M MORE THAN JUST A FRIENDDD!" You sang your heart out while you look onto Jaehyun's eyes. Singing it like it was the words you always wanted to tell him but you never had the chance to tell him. Jaehyun on the otherhand maintained an eye contact, he would have think that you’re just drunk, but he feels like you mean everything in the chorus. 

The next song played and you're somehow a little sober now. You immediately break the eye contact and tried to make a conversation with your other batchmates. 

"Are you angry with me?" Jaehyun abruptly said. 

You just looked at him and thought... Am I angry with him? Why would I be angry with him? I just made my own heartbreak and he has nothing to do with it. It is all my fault, it is my fault that I am hurting now. While your inner selves are debating, he sighed loudly and drank the alcohol he was holding.

"You're angry with me." Jaehyun surely said.

"No. I'm not angry with you. Why would I be?" You said with a chuckle.

"You're avoiding me." Jaehyun said

"No, I'm not." LIES LIES LIES. You tried your best to keep a straight face so that he would not detect all the lies you said.

Jaehyun just looked at you and all you can do is sigh.

"I just don't want to give Dianne a wrong idea. Where is she, by the way?"

"She has another schedule but I'll pick her up later."

"Ohhh." You didn't want to talk about them anymore and you're somehow suffocated inside, so you decided to just leave the place.

"I'll get going now. I'm a little tipsy." You said and tried to stand up straight.

"Can I walk you home?" He asks. You wanted to talk to him more and wanted to linger this time with him but when you're about to say yes...

"Oh I'm sorry Y/N, Dianne just texted me and I'll pick her up now. "

You just waved your hand and head home alone. You hated yourself for tearing up again. It is like all the walls you tried to build over the last weeks fall miserably and all you can do is to cry. Perhaps, crying is good for the soul. 

~ ♤ ~ ♡ ~ ◇ ~ ♧ ~

After the incident at the party, you decided to call Wendy and Yeri and tell them what happened. They immediately proceeded to your house directly to your room and decided to stay the night. You never told them your true feelings, you never told them how many times you cried, how many sleepless nights you spent just thinking of Jaehyun, how many times your world crashed when you see Jaehyun and Dianne. You pretended that you are not affected by them, and you thought your friends buy that. But little did you know, they are just waiting for you to share it. 

"I really hate Jaehyun for leading you on. He's such a flirt. Damn him" Yeri says as she consoles you while you are crying.

"Also that bitch Dianne who flaunts Jaehyun everywhere and asks innocent outside but a total bitch inside. " Wendy agrees while you are hugging her,

“Tch that Jaehyun... he holds your hand, buys you food and comforts you but he dated somebody else! Like don’t tell me he still doesn’t know that you like him? With all those gifts? Oh C’mon I will not buy that excuse.” Yeri says with a slightly higher voice. Obviously annoyed with the situation.

“Y/N, you will eventually forget about him and one day Jaehyun would give you the attention you gave him and you’re no longer interested in him. It is okay to hate him now, you have all the right to do that.” Wendy said while looking directly at you.

And then a realization came across your mind. Why would you cry over someone who didn’t even become your boyfriend? Why would you hate him? He did nothing wrong, all you did is break your own heart by assuming things but he is unmistakably uninterested in you. 

"You know what, you have no reason to hate him. He did not lead me on... I just made it up myself. I overanalyze everything he does but it is just friendly gestures for him. I just made myself a heartache by overanalyzing things. Maybe I just needed time to heal and I can face him again."

Then and there, I promised myself that I will work on myself first, do self-care routines and focus more on myself and finally move on from Jaehyun.

END OF PART 1.

a/n: tried writing again... I hope you will like it. Hihi. Special thanks to my Katy Unnie (@jaehyunpeachparty) for helping me with the first chapter. Luv u Unnie! 

[reverselights]

[Yu Narukami] - Concealed

In which Yu is oblivious to your feelings about him and Marie, so Nanako decides to take matters into her own hands.

______________________________________________________________

"Where are you going?"

"Going out to help Marie," Yu responded, turning to the left slightly. Your almost-wet eyes met with his gray ones, making you feel like you were about to cry.

"You'll be back in time to get some studying done with me, right?" you mumbled sadly. Exams were coming up next week, so you proposed the idea of studying with your boyfriend in order to prepare for them. Yu agreed of course, wanting to spend time with you and study.

"I'll try, besides we have tomorrow. Bye, Y/N," Yu said. His hand turned the doorknob and exited his house, leaving you alone. You sighed loudly and pulled your knees up to your chest. It was the fifth time Yu had blown off your plans with him, just to spend time with Marie. You felt bad for her of course, she was an amnesiac with barely any clues to aid her journey. Even though you felt bad, it was like she was taking Yu away from you; you knew it wasn't true, but still, it just...felt that way.

You decided to study alone, without him. At least that way, you could get something done.

___________________________

An hour slowly passed by the clock and Yu had not come home yet. But on the bright side, you got a good chunk of studying done without Yu, even though he was pretty smart.

Suddenly, the door opened. Your heart started beating faster by the second, hoping it to be Yu. Instead, it was his cousin, Nanako! You saw her a lot everytime you visited, and she seemed very pleased when you did. You of course, felt the same.

"Hello, Y/N-chan!" she greeted. Nanako set her backpack down and ran over to give you a hug.

"Hey, Nana-chan," you greeted back. You gave her a loving hug back, hoping that her presence would cheer you up a bit.

Nanako let go of you and scanned the room, thinking that if you were here, her big brother would be there too.

"Where's big bro?" she asked innocently.

You winced at the question, and Nanako picked it up as soon as she saw it.

"H-he's with Marie..." you answered with a bitter smile. Nanako frowned at the answer you gave her, knowing that it made you quite sad.

"Big bro's such an idiot!" she exclaimed. Your eyes widened and you were surprised. But that soon made you laugh quite loudly, something you haven't done in a while. Nanako never usually says those things about Yu, but when it comes to situations like these, she badmouths him a lot.

"It's okay, Y/N-chan. You can play with me!"

"Of course Nanako," you laughed.

______________________________

Yu came home when the sun started to set, hoping to get home in time to eat dinner with Nanako, since Dojima was going home late. He also hoped to see you too of course, hoping that you hadn't left yet.

He opened the door, to reveal Nanako, watching some TV.

"Hey, Nanako."

"Big Brother!" Nanako yelled, with a furious tone. Yu didn't expect this. Nanako usually greeted him in a softer, more excited tone, not like this!

"W-what is it, Nanako?" Yu asked. Although he didn't show it, he was a bit nervous. After all, girls did tend to make him, well, confused at times.

"By the way, where's Y/N?"

"That's who I wanted to talk to you about!"

_____________________________________

Although your house was quite a long way from his, Yu ran as fast as his athletic legs could allow him to. Nanako had scolded him about his actions, from spending more time with other girls instead of his own girlfriend to blowing plans off. He was surprised by what Nanako told him. He never knew that he was doing those things, and he sure didn't pick up any of your sadness.

In his mind, he was helping his friend and never considered your feelings. Thinking of that made him sad, but most of all worried about you.

After several minutes of running, he finally reached your house, which only had one person living in it, which was you. He knew that you lived alone, with no parents, grandparents, no one. It was also probably why you felt even more lonely when your boyfriend blew you off several times.

Yu regained his composure and breath at the front of your door, trying to also think of what to say to you.

Finally, he ringed the doorbell, and to knocked on your door a couple of times. He then regained his posture and waited for you to open the door.

"Hel- oh, Yu!"

You were surprised to see him outside your door, you would've never imagined him to visit you during the night.

"What are you doing here? Isn't my house far from your's? And it's night time-"

"Nanako told me everything, I'm sorry Y/N. I never knew that I was hurting your feelings. I wasn't thinking of your feelings so.... I'm... sorry," Yu apologized. His eyes were on you, yet he wanted to look elsewhere except you, thinking that you would not forgive him.

Your eyes were coated with tears and you embraced him, startling him for a moment. His hands were placed on you and he squeezed you slightly, putting his head on top of yours.

"Thanks, Yu. I'm so glad you came to see me," you whispered. You two let go of each other and looked into each other's eyes longingly under the starry sky.

Yu lowered his lips onto yours, and kissed you, for a few seconds. He pulled away and redid the action once more, turning your cheeks bright red. He pulled away and embraced you once more, showering you with affection.

Although he's oblivious to the ways of women at times, he loves you, with all his heart.

Bonus scene:

Yu came home after spending quite some time alone with you, and opened the door to see Nanako, with expectant eyes.

"So, how did it go, big bro?" she questioned.

"It went fine," Yu responded vaguely.

"You kiiiiiiiised her didn't you?"

Yu stared at Nanako for a few seconds, and retreated to his room, a faint red casting over his cheeks.

"I guess Detective Nanako saved the day! "