#if i get any hate asks for making this post im gna get very sad

[krelboyne]

depressing malcolm in the middle headcanons

general trigger warning for things such as self-hx, eating disorders, bullying, abuse, really anything that you’re struggling with please keep a look out and feel free to skip this post. if you got anything to add on, either send me an anonymous ask or send me a DM! please don’t read this if you know you will be significantly upset by this!

- reese has a lot, and i mean a LOT, of negative thoughts about himself that can be. concerning.

- francis often wonders if he actually deserves to be considered a good brother, or even sometimes just part of the family, due to being gone from his younger brothers for so long

- speaking of that, francis sometimes lowkey blames himself for being sent to military school. would he ever bring this up to lois though? HELL NO

- dewey struggles from isolation from his family quite a bit and takes that and turns it into music, hence why music means so much to him and why he got a little offended when malcolm was misunderstanding music so much

- malcolm mentally is just. a mess. a huge, emotional mess. a disaster area. being the gifted child fucked him up GOOD

- this is just. canon. BUT. hal often sees himself in the boys, especially when they’re doing something chaotic. and because of that, he fears that he will accidentally neglect them like his father did to him, so even negative interactions with the boys such as reprimanding them can make him relax, and going too long without doing a little something special with them makes him upset

- lois can occasionally get “flashbacks” to her mother ida when she’s shouting at her children, and she knows she can’t stop punishing them because of her “flashbacks”, but they often make her feel regret later on and it leaves the boys with a much lighter punishment than they would usually receive

- im not sure if anybody would agree with me or not, but i kind of imagined lois with c-ptsd due to past neglect and abuse (i have c-ptsd myself i promise im not just making stuff up out of nowhere)

- malcolm suffers from extreme suicidal thoughts and, on bad nights, self harm

- malcolm’s “confident” (arrogant) act stems from his insecurity. he’s very much aware of his flaws and despises himself because of it, but unsure of what to do about it, he hides it instead

- the same thing has happened to reese, but rather than acting confident, he acts like a bully so people don’t even think twice about hurting him (or his brothers that he deeply loves). this is actually a huge reason of why reese and malcolm can relate to each other so much despite acting very differently

- malcolm and reese find comfort from each other emotionally. they will never, and i repeat never, bring this up with each other, nor would they acknowledge this to themselves, but they struggle with so many of the same things even if the problems presented themselves differently in their lives (ex. they both struggle with school, bullies, making friends, socializing, their family life, life in general). this over the years has formed almost a sort of co-dependency

- dewey feels like he often has to outprove himself in order to get any attention whatsoever, which, unfortunately in his family, is sort of true

- malcolm, francis, and dewey suffer from imposter syndrome

- the whole family has adhd because i said so

- reese and malcolm have bad physical esteem issues, which can result in them occasionally skipping meals and generally feeling quite bad about themselves. it never turns into anything too serious but it’s something they have to conquer

- malcolm has atypical depression and HORRIBLE, HORRIBLE social anxiety. like some of the worst you’ll ever see

- everyone in the family suffers from panic attacks, some more than others

- francis’s relationship with his mother turned sour very early on, but his chaotic streak actually originated as, as cheesy as it is, wanting attention (no matter positive or negative), but over the years he just learned to love chaos

- harvard will hit malcolm like a brick- the stress of being the family “savior”, working multiple jobs, constant nonstop homework, chores, debt... it leads to, unfortunately, quite a bit of trips to the hospital and a bit of time in the psych ward

- they all need therapy let’s be real

[fl0r4dical]

New you but goodbye too

i never really formally talked about you here but its okay because i think its over anyway.

Dear you,

there is really no doubt in my mind that i like you.. alot. while now im realizing that the feeling is not reciprocated but i just want to express how fluttery you made me feel. things that i like/liked about you? well where do i begin?

firstly, you are such a sweetheart, always carinf for the people around you and their feelings and what they need.

secondly, your work ethic. to be honest, it was really a major turn on that you were willing hustle between intern and working on the weekends (7 days of work week) just to make ends meet for yourself, i really found that massively attractive, that drive to work hard and all for yourself

thirdly, how you can be quite manja and actually kind of a whiny baby, lowkey i found that rlly cute

fourth, how you never ever rejected any task i assigned you even though you hated it, i really really respected that about you

and then around february was our peak i guess. you started replying to practically all my stories and im not going to deny that i posted more just so that i could have that little little conversations with you. and our study dates, i wont lie that i was productive cuz i was soooo frikin unproductive but that little time i could spend with you and the lepaking sessions after, how i wish i could relive it. all our mac dates also, i mean i honestly love macs but eatinf macs with you was always a whole other feeling. and when you surprise delivered mac to my house just because i complain that i was hungry, you waiting so damn long in queue just for me cuz im a hungry brat, honestly i thought that was it already, i thought that was a sign that you liked me back because what normal friend wld do that for their "friend"? seriously thats going waaaay out of your way to satisfy me and no guy has ever done that for me before. i thought it was it , we were gna be together already soon. but well i guess not.

after that it kind of went downhill? we talked less, we met up less, also the fact that you finished your intern report already so you did not need to meet up with me already. i felt kinda used at that point but its ok, i was fine with it. and then you stopped asking me out. it was more of me clinging on to you, and im not going to lie bcus no doubt i used quiffy so that you could be there too. i really just wanted you. even when you had both friends around, like that car ride, you totally ignored me and didnt even try to include me? and when we hanged with quiffy at the back when you were with your bros, once again you ignored me. you suck at balancing two grps of friends because you always ignore me. trying not to be petty but, i guess im not important enough in your life. and i tried to be honest, to be sweet and cringy to show you i had some affections for you, but well you really did not reciprocate it at all.

i tried and tried to cover my shame and embarrassment and just continue the convo just so i could still talk to you. i confided in you when i was feeling super emotional but to be honest i could tell that you did not give a rats ass. i tried but i guess im not what you were looking for. i would have treated you so well, give you all the space with your friends and showered you with love, but i guess you dont want that from me. i waited and waited, because maybe i liked you before you "did" so i had to give you time to be on the same level but yep nope, i really guess im just not it.

eventually, right now, i mustered the courage to tell myself that i am worth more than this. if you dont like me for me, if you dont find interest in me at all, then what can i do? feelings cant be forced and i have to accept that. we are not meant to be and i just have to accept that. im just sad because i keep thinking of what could have been and how im not crazy to have assumed you liked me, but i dont want to seem desperate for affection even though i admittedly am. but its okay. the right guy would prove to me that he likes me, not keep me in constant shadow. the right guy will eventually come along and i just have to be patient. i know i put up a very strong front and look as though im fine being independent and everything but it gets a little lonely sometimes. i was to grow with someone, achieve our goals together, but i guess that wont happen with you.

i thought you could have been the one yknow, but wel God has other plans for me so i just have to embrace it and move on. even though nothing happened, i went through 14 weeks of being unsure and insecure about myself so really that is enough. im better than this. i am ready to let you go, MFBF. thank you for giving me a slither of hope. but i guess thats over.