#if i ever live alone again i’m getting one of those giant fish tanks that takes up a whole wall

[greatwesternrailway]

i don’t even want a complicated fish tank. well i do i’d love a complicated fish tank. but i would very happily settle for a 40L temperate tank with a shoal of zebra danios and some amano shrimp. i just don’t have anywhere to put one :(

[random-thought-depository]

A short vignette I wrote as part of a discussion on a forum I post on, with past/present tense and other grammar and formatting and math somewhat cleaned up from the rough version I posted there, and I’ve given it a title; it is a stand-alone piece and is not connected to any of my main SF settings; I took the liberty of re-using some relatively generic planet names and taking a little inspiration from John M. Dollan’s Arcbuilder Universe (if you’re interested you can find links to a little of John M. Dollan’s more recent writing on his Twitter):

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Advantages of Specialization

As I departed Cordillera, I passed a sign of the times. There was one of the big Hegemony freighters, on its leisurely upward fall toward minimum safe distance. It was much too far away for unaided eye visual contact, of course, but Mariposa's telescope gave me a fine view of it. And Cordillera space traffic control had supplied all the relevant details, of course; planned trajectory and burn timing, alpha-numeric designation - and a name; the Humbolt. Humbolts are whales that sing. Appropriate, I guess; it was big. Next to it little Mariposa would look - well, like a butterfly flitting around a whale, I guess. Mariposa is 50 meters long and masses 100 tons, 500 tons fueled up, with space for about an elephant's mass in cargo. Mariposa could fit inside Humbolt's fuel tank. Mariposa could fit inside the nozzle of Humbolt's fusion rocket.

Humbolt had finished its escape burn from Cordillera two days ago and it was just falling up now, not very fast. Its orbital rockets had burned at a leisurely .5 MSS, only a twentieth of a G, and hadn't burned very long. It hadn't even reached escape velocity from Cordillera's sun. Mariposa had burned hard, 3 G on the way up from Cordillera's surface, then 1.2 G the rest of the way to outbound flight velocity. Mariposa passed Humbolt quickly; the velocity differential was huge. Mariposa hadn't just reached escape velocity from the local sun, Mariposa had reached escape velocity from the galaxy! If I never burned her rocket or did a hyperspace jump again Mariposa would fall up very long and very far, into intergalactic space, where she'd fall up until her atoms evaporated by proton decay or the Big Rip tore her apart or she disintegrated from the slow sandpapering of the intergalactic medium, whatever came first. Of course, that wouldn't happen. I'd reach the local hyperlimit and jump to hyperspace in three months or so, then it'd be a few days in hyperspace, then another two months to get from the 82 Eridani hyperlimit to Hyannis. Funny; a few months to cross a few dozen AU, a few days in hyperspace to cross dozens of light years, a light year is more than 60,000 AU. Our-space distances aren't applicable to travel in hyperspace, of course, but I still think it's funny. Lots of people do.

As I passed Humbolt I studied telescopic images of it, studied its weaknesses, and thought maybe a whale wasn't the right analogy for it after all. Something from an ocean was, but not a whale. It was more like one of those deep sea fish that explode when you bring them to the surface, into the light.

Humbolt hadn't landed at San Ysidro Spaceport. It couldn't have. It wouldn't have survived trying. Humbolt is a pure creature of the void, that will never know the kiss of air or the touch of ground. It unloads and loads cargo at space stations, leaving transport to and from planetary surfaces to specialized local surface-orbit shuttles.

Humbolt is long thin pillar more than a kilometer long, with the fusion rocket at one end, a spherical fuel tank and the cargo and a small crew section spun for centrifugal gravity at the other end, and huge radiator wings between them. The long pillar is to protect the rest of the ship from the heat and radiation of the fusion drive. The fusion drive has a maximum rated acceleration at full cargo load of 2 MSS - one-fifth of 1 G. If Humbolt tried to accelerate much faster with a full cargo load, its engine would melt with waste heat. And if by some miracle it got itself up to 1 G that long pillar would snap and crumble. Put Humbolt on the surface of an Earthlike world, and it would disintegrate into a mass of rubble. If Humbolt tried to land like Mariposa, it would have the aerodynamics of a brick, and pieces of it would snap off from air friction, and its great rocket wouldn't have the thrust to control its own fall, and its own weight would break its back before it even touched the ground.

Maybe a whale isn't a bad analogy after all. The blue whale is the biggest animal to ever live on Earth; it's easier to be big in the water.

It's about efficiency, see. Humbolt should never experience a force of acceleration much above 2 MSS, so it's not built to take more than .5 G or so. That's a good safety margin, given the gentle acceleration its drive maxes out at. Building it fragile like this is efficient. Saves mass. Saves construction material. Saves fuel. Saves money.

It doesn't even really have a cargo hold. They just attach stuff to the front. Lots of different configurations are possible. On that trip Humbolt's front end was a greebled sphere of snapped-together rectangular cargo containers half a kilometer across, with a sort of tarp draped across it to protect it from high-velocity dust. There must have been hundreds of thousands of tons of cargo in that greebled sphere of cargo containers. It must have been a non-trivial fraction of Cordillera's yearly offworld trade. Cordillera isn't a big colony; it's a dusty dry world with only a few small seas, marginally habitable, only 160 million inhabitants. The sphere is the most efficient shape for a container, and the protective tarp is light, and Humbolt doesn't need to worry about streamlining. Trucks and trains and planes and boats and Mariposa are long and narrow because if you have to worry about streamlining you want to minimize frontal area. Humbolt doesn't have to worry about friction, so its cargo can be gathered into a sphere, which is efficient.

Free traders like me with ships that can take off and land like Mariposa are still a lifeline on Cordillera. Until a few years back Cordillera had just one orbiting space station to service big cargo ships like Humbolt. The Hegemony gave them another one a few years back though. Gave them another space station. A whole space station. Just dragged it in all the way from Alpha Centauri. The Hegemony must have plans for Cordillera.

Humbolt fell behind quickly. After they'd passed a few million kilometers behind they sent a text message telling me they were about to fire up the big fusion rocket. The burn timing was already registered with Cordillera space control who'd passed it on to me, of course; it was just standard procedure. The Hegemony were sticklers for this kind of thing. The contents of the message were very standard too; if it hadn't been composed by a computer it might as well have been. I wondered if it was AI composed or some sort of standardized form they had a human fill out. There'd be an audio warning and check-in too.

The audio warning was less standardized. A male voice, with an accent that might have been Tolimanish, saying, "This is the Kentauric Hegemony nationalized transport KDY-442-A74F, the Humbolt, calling free trader Mariposa. Hello, Miss, uh ... Miss Cherinise? Did I pronounce that right? Just as per standard procedure we're giving you a redundant warning that we're going to fire up the big atomic flashlight in 600 seconds. Please acknowledge."

Mariposa and Humbolt were almost seven light seconds apart at this point; far enough apart for light lag to noticeably influence conversation. I could have fired up the subspace radio, but Humbolt hadn't bothered, and I wasn't going to spend power on it if they weren't.

I sent back, "This is free trader Mariposa, I understand and acknowledge your message. I see we have the same destination. Does that make this a race? Seems to be going pretty well for me so far if so; I left after you and I'm already ahead of you."

I couldn't resist the dig, even though I knew it was lame and wasn't even an effective one, it just drew attention to my own weakness. I made it sound happy, like I was joking and saying something to have an excuse to talk to somebody for a few minutes.

The voice from the Humbolt said back, "You'd lose. Might want to make sure any un-hardened electronics are protected before we fire the big rocket, and maybe put your fuel tank between your crew and cargo compartments and us, just to be extra safe. You should be OK at that distance, but it's gonna be some real Manhattan Project hours out here when we fire. KDY-442-A74F over and out."

I said back, "Mariposa's been in battles and flare star megaflares and I've had to navigate more than one particularly nasty gas giant and brown dwarf magnetosphere. My ship's built tough, I'll be fine. Free trader Mariposa, over and out."

For some minutes Mariposa and Humbolt fell up away from Cordillera's sun, glowing only with the warmth of life support and radar and power reactor standby power and cargo environment maintenance. Then Humbolt's main rocket fired.

Mariposa can do 4 G at a steady burn, more in a sprint. The big limit is my own tolerance. Compared to Mariposa's muscular rocket, Humbolt's great rocket is weak in thrust. It imparts the gentlest of pushes. Humbolt's great radiator wings soon sizzle with heat at a fifth of a G. It ejects less than 200 kilograms of fuel per second, for a ship that masses hundreds of thousands of tons fueled and loaded. It's built for fuel efficiency, endurance, not thrust. The big rocket fires continuously for more than two weeks, compared to Mariposa's 22 hour 1.2 G burn.

And that efficiency implies its own sort of power. That 200 kilograms flies out of the rocket nozzle at more than two percent the speed of light. Humbolt's big rocket is a butterfly's sigh in terms of thrust, but in terms of energy it's a nuclear bomb that explodes continuously for more than two weeks. Ships like Humbolt have to maneuver near planets using weaker secondary orbital rockets because of the damage that storm of radiation and high-velocity charged particles might do. Alerts squawked nervously as Humbolt became a dark speck at the end a brilliant comet of charged particles and radiation thousands of kilometers long, the brightest thing in Mariposa's sky except for the local sun.

Mariposa uses not a lot of energy to eject a lot of fuel not very fast. This gives it the thrust to blast off the surface of a world. It's like one of those gasoline-powered SUVs you see on a lot of low-population worlds with big stretches of hostile terrain; go anywhere no matter how bad the road, power over rocks and through sucking mud puddles. But it's like an SUV; it guzzles fuel. And fuel-guzzling, in space, ultimately means slow. Humbolt uses terawatts of energy to eject a little fuel very fast, and this makes it fuel-efficient, and fuel-efficient in space ultimately means fast.

The man was right. If it's a race, Mariposa will lose, I'll lose. Humbolt will reach the hyperlimit of Cordillera's system in a little over a month, reach Hyannis in a little over two months, well ahead of me. And with ships like Humbolt the Hegemony can charge shipping prices half of the minimum I can charge to stay in business and come out with a 20% profit. And they can ship high-bulk goods that are just out of reach for me. Mariposa is a flying fuel tank with an engine and a crew quarter and a cargo compartment attached, stuffed into something shaped like a delta-winged aircraft. Humbolt gets almost three times my delta V while being less than half fuel by mass.

Free traders like me kept trade flowing through the age of fragmentation and economic contraction after the disintegration of the Terran Empire. Our tough versatile little blast off from anywhere land anywhere rockets were just what human space needed back then. But it's getting tough for somebody like me to stay in business nowadays.

[acrobaticcatfeline]

Of Books, Brothers, and Broadway (Creativitwins College AU) Chapter One!!!

Word Count: 1771

TW: So Remus, obviously, swearing, ocean mentions, sea creatures and reptiles, and I think that’s it!

Pairings: None yet. This chapter is just a ton of platonic creativitwins!

Notes: This is three pages that I wrote last night. I’m now at ten pages of this. I don’t know what I was possessed by but I’m not about to complain. Its a college AU, I mention it I think, but Roman is a theatre major and Remus is a marine biology major with a minor in creative writing. I’m excited for you guys to see more of this!

Summary: “Bro!!! Bro I found a giant ass lizard in the yard look at it bro!!!” Roman and Remus Reyes live together. They figured it would be cost effective to do so while in college. Roman deals with Remus’ reptiles and fish tank, Remus deals with Romans singing at 3 in the morning. They’ve had an interesting relationship, and when Remus reminds Roman of a deal they made years ago, hes ready to start crying. Can a couple of kids from Florida make a Broadway musical?

“Bro!!! Bro I found a giant ass lizard in the yard look at it bro!!!”

Roman was done with his brothers bullshit. He doesn't know where he got the bright idea that the two of them should cohabitate in an apartment during college, but as he panickedly climbs onto the kitchen counters to escape him he knows he must've been on some sort of drug. He released a scream as he backed into the corner of the room as his brother held out a lizard that was definitely going to jump and attack him.

“GET IT AWAY!!! ITS SLIMY AND GROSS AND MALICIOUS!!!”

“This little guy malicious? Nah bro, that's a you problem. He's so cuteeee look at his scales they’re almost a holographic!”

That caught Roman's attention. He stopped panicking to actually look at the critter in his brother's hands. Remus was right, he was almost holographic. Roman gave it a weak smile and Remus beamed.

“See? It's not that scary! I'm gonna keep him! He's gonna be named fred!”

Roman chuckled softly as his brother finally left and brought the lizard to his room. He slipped off the counter and followed at a safe distance.

“Don't you think you have enough reptiles? If you keep getting more you'll need more heat lamps and i'm giving you more of the electric bill”

“Ok fair point but hear me out, have you ever seen a collared lizard quite as colorful as this one? I mean he's such a pretty one aint he?”

Roman took more steps forward, relaxing once the lizard was placed in the terrarium. The lizard was quite colorful, and Roman couldn't deny, it was one of the prettiest ones Remus had captured. It immediately scurried around and dived into the water bowl. Roman laughed at it.

“Besides, he was just begging to be brought in! Like really this time! He kept bumping into my feet, he started climbing my pants leg, it was so cute you should've seen it!”

“I'm sure I would have cried.”

Remus chuckled as he moved to the other wall of his room covered in a giant aquarium that Roman was still amazed fit through the doors. Remus grinned at all the fish swimming around, tipping a good portion of fish food into the tank after turning off the filter. He then made his way to his bed and sat on the twin sized mattress covered with octopus blankets. He grinned at his brother and Roman rolled his eyes.

“When are you finally kidnapping an octopus huh?”

“I'm glad you asked! You know my internship right?”

“Of course, the only time you don't talk about the marine institute is when youre talking about your reptiles”

Remus popped up and grabbed Roman's wrist and dragged him to the whiteboard calendar that hung on the outside of his door, pointing excitedly at tomorrow's date while bouncing on his toes.

“Well they just got an octopus buddy in that needs constant care that they don't have the time for! She's real fucked up, she needs meds twice a day, she needs to be hand fed, its a real fucked up case, they were rescued from a seaworld copycat, the poor thing hasn't been healthy since it hatched we think. There's a chance that she won't even be able to be released cuz she's been so dependent on humans for her whole life. But they opened up for applicants, and I was the only one willing to take her in. they're coming and checking my tank tomorrow and if it is good enough, which i'm certain it will be, and then they'll hand her over and i’ll be her caretaker!”

Roman grinned at the excitement his brother had. He ruffled his hair quickly.

“That's cool rem. I'm happy for you. She got a name?”

“Mhmm! Her name is Cephanie! But I've been calling her Cephy. She's so pretty ro, i can't wait for you to meet her! And she's so friendly!”

“You know every day I get less confused at your choice in major. And more confused about your minor”

Remus grinned at Roman and released his wrist, skipping over to their kitchen, relishing in the fact that Roman followed still. He poured himself a cup of coffee and jumped onto the counter with a grin still plastered to his face. He took a sip from his mug, the one with a tentacle handle, and kicked his feet.

“I don't know why! It's totally sensical to have a minor in creative writing ro! It's not like you can expect me to be your playwright if i don't know what i'm doing! Besides, i can write epic lovecraftian horrors that aren't incredibly racist and who doesn't want that?”

Roman blinked. He had to process what Remus had said and he was still confused. His head tilted like a dogs.

“My playwright?”

Remus giggled, it was funny when Remus giggled, it wasn't a sound that you would expect to come out of him. And yet he did it often.

“Did you forget? Aw ro, you can't back out on it now, you asked me when we were still in middle school to write you a book for a musical, and you were gonna write the music and you kept saying you were gonna get it on broadway. I've held up my end of the deal! In fact, I actually have a story started, I think you're gonna love it! Course, i haven't written it all out yet, it's gonna be my final”

“Wait, you remembered that? Rem we were like 10!”

“And now we’re 21, what's your point?”

“We, we can't get on broadway! We’re a couple of idiots from florida! I’m, i'm not a musician, I'm barely even a dancer, what are you talking about? That was a fever dream from a couple of kids, it's not like we can actually do it!”

Remus frowned. He set his mug of coffee down and hopped off of the counter. He crossed his arms over his chest and gave Roman a serious look.

“Do you know when lin manuel miranda wrote his first broadway musical?”

“No i-”

“His sophomore year of college. Who says we can't do the same? Roman you under sell your talents. You're a theatre major, you may not be amazing at any instruments other than your voice but damn bro, your voice is good enough on its own. I've seen you dance, you're one of the best dancers i've ever seen and you're in your fourth year of college. We have potential. I know we can do this if we try, but i can't make it happen alone. I need your help”

Roman looked lost. He wanted, oh so desperately he wanted, to make it happen. It had always been a dream of his to make it to broadway, but he wasn't wrong, they weren't lin manuel miranda, they were some twins from florida, they had no idea what they were doing. And yet. And yet he held out his hand to his brother.

“Ok. ok, we can try this. I can, I can make a score. We can do this”

Remus grinned again and took Roman's hand. He tugged him into the living room. He sat on the couch, pulling out his notebook and flipping to a bookmarked page. Roman sat next to him and looked over at it. There were a few doodles around a plotline that was both gorey and Romantic a la sweeney todd but also quite similar to ella enchanted. Remus grinned at the book and then started explaining.

“Ok so the main character, played by you presumably, is an author”

“Did you just write out your personal fantasy Remus?”

“No, shut up! Ok so he's written several books, like neil gaiman or terry pratchet level several, but those aren't all the stories he's made, he has several stories that have never seen the light of day. He writes his stories in notebooks and journals ordinarily, waiting until they’re fully developed to make them digital. In one of these notebooks there lies a bit of magic. So he writes in this unknowingly, writes of a powerful magician, and as he sleeps it awakes. The magician escapes and brings each of his hundreds of creations to life just the same as him. The characters run amok and the author awakes to see the most beautiful man he's ever met at the foot of his bed. It takes him seeing the magician running through his home to realize that these are his characters. And the man is the protagonist from his most famous novel, one he wrote as a guilty pleasure, writing of a man he had met in his dreams. And he finds that these characters were pulled from different points in their books. The character had been pulled from the early pages, after he had suffered a major trauma and had no clue of the powers he possessed. So now, with his dream man in his living room, in pain from an event he had written, and gifted with emotionally driven powers, he has to fix this mess with the added hurdle of the character creating villains and fiends ready to destroy humanity as a whole with no way to stop. Along the way, some of his characters suffer mortal wounds at the hands of heinous and violent creatures, and all the author has is one magic notebook to fight them off. Romantic plot between the author and dream MC, with angst from the reality of once everything is dealt with, he will have to go back to the book. Thats what ive got so far, what do you think?”

Roman is starry eyed. It's far less violent than Remus’ normal brand of writing, it doesn't inherently include any sea monsters or snake men, and it's something Roman can really appreciate. He loves it, he can already feel the gears turning for songs and dances. Now that he heard the actual story instead of just going on the drawings, he saw far more nutcracker vibes from it. 

“Oh, and there's a happy ending or whatever that the author gets to like, marry the other MC, and everyone lives happily ever after. I know you like the cutesy shit”

“Remus this is amazing! I can't believe I hesitated, I already have some ideas for the score! Remus you're a genius. I love you!”

Roman launched into a hug with Remus, which had the other laughing. Remus hugged him back.

“Penny for your thoughts?”

It was Roman's turn to turn into a giggling mess.

Taglist: @fivebyfive-finebyfive @tacohippy56900 @analogical-mess @crookedlyoptimisticdestiny @angels-and-dreams @fandomloverangel

Let me know if you want to be tagged in my writing!!!

Thank you for reading I will see you later ladies lords and nonbinary royalty!!!

[musekicker]

I had started this kind of moody drabble to do with my fallen star sonic oc some months ago, but finally finished it. 

Both Wish and Codex are my ocs.

The party had died down at around three in the morning. No one had gone home though. Everyone was passed out on every available surface. Wish carefully avoided stepping over a pair of birds, looking for a drink.

Glancing around the room, Wish couldn't help but take it all in. Boy this place was a mess. Not Wish's problem. It wasn't their home to worry about. And from the look of it the party had gone off how the wish maker had wanted it to.

Not that they knew that Wish had made the wish real. They had over heard the dog that had wished aloud that his party would be the biggest party of the year. And Wish, needing a boost of energy that came with granting more positive wishes, obliged.

At the time Wish had been a deer, a star shape mark on their forehead. Right now Wish was a peacock with star shapes in the dots of their tail feathers.

Wish knew they weren't exactly being subtle with the star motif. But no one would ever suspect the truth. Who would think that their was a fallen star amongst them? And even if they did, it's not like they could keep track of them with their many forms.

Form changing just was a daily thing for them. Sometimes more then once a day if they felt the need. Their general coloring, whether it be fur, feathers, or scales, was always based off their whim at that time too.

No matter their form their starry eyes stayed. Their one constant. Otherwise everything about themselves was open for changing.

Gender, shape, size, coloring, species. It all was on their whim.

How mortals could stand being stuck in one form was a mystery to Wish. It was maddening to be in one form for too long.

They eventually found a can of soda. Wish kind of wanted alcohol but beggars couldn't be choosers. And they didn't feel like searching quietly anymore for something to drink.

Now that they had a drink in hand they moved over towards the windows that faced out towards the more scenic view. They could see the clear night sky great here. Both a boon and a curse.

Wish was after all lonely sometimes. They had to be honest about that. But ever since their fall things had been like that.

Then there was being mortal.

The feeling of mortality was a curse. Feeling like they were stuck to taking only mortal forms. Not to mention they could feel themselves slowly dying. That was a issue they tried to not think about often. And another thing they just could not understand about mortals.

With all those differences, how could they ever really fit in in a world where no one would have any idea how to truly relate with them?

They just wanted to go home.

But there was no returning to the skies though. Not as the way they were now. All mortal like and with form that could be easily comprehended. There was not exactly a big number of other fallen stars on this planet. At all as far as they knew.

On nights like this they thought of their situation. How they had ended up crashing onto this planet. A planet that often was in some form of chaos. And it didn't look like things were getting better quickly. It seemed every other week or so there was some giant, evil plot against the beings of this planet. For Wish it was both distressing and annoying.

They still felt so detached from it all despite being in the middle of it.

Maybe that was why they could not stand being alone. It reminded them on how very alone they really were here. A feeling they could not quite shake even when surrounded by a party worth's of people.

Especially when said beings were all asleep. When it was so very quiet and Wish was alone with their thoughts.

Wish had been looking out the window in silence for some time when someone stirred. A dog, a golden retriever sub species, wearing a simple red vest. They looked a little haggard as they rose, one hand supporting themselves on the wall and the other on his stomach.

"Ughh.. I feel sick. I wish I had something for my stomach." the dog said to himself.

Wish didn't even have to blink. The wish was granted.

As if the idea had came by themselves naturally the dog reached into his vest pocket.

"Weird.. don't remember putting that there." the dog said.

They stared at the tablet a bit long, then shrugged an went to get some water to help drink the tablet down. Wish watched them go out of the corner of their eye.

Wish didn't really need to fulfill the wish. They were full enough on wish granting energy right now. It would had been easy to do nothing.

Maybe they were getting soft.

The dog gone, there was silence again. Wish went back to their quiet moment of self pity. They knew they were living their life like a shooting star.

At high speeds and soon to be out of sight.

"You look lonely."

Wish looked up, startled by the sudden voice.

A zebra joined their side at the windows. They looked a bit groggy, their blue eyes just a bit glazed but beginning to look more awake as seconds went by. Like someone who had been on the edge of a dream but pulled back into the waking world for whatever reason. Grogginess aside the Zebra was alert enough to sense that Wish was at least possibly lonely. 

"Sorry if I interrupted." the zebra said.

"You didn't interrupt anything." Wish said.

Taking that as a hint that Wish didn't mind the zebra's company too much, the zebra stayed. They stood and looked out into the night sky for a bit too. After a few minutes it started to feel a bit awkward. Thankfully the zebra then spoke again.

"I'm Codex." the Zebra said.

"Wish." Wish said.

Wish gave the zebra a quick glance over.

"You seem pretty in the moment for someone who probably had a lot to drink." Wish said.

"Wouldn't know. Haven't touched the stuff." Codex said.

Wish looked a bit curious.

"Oh? designated driver?" Wish asked.

"More like I never found the alcohol" Codex said.

"Where were you all night then?" Wish asked.

Codex sighed and fiddled with a ring on their right ring finger. Wish noted the ring only because of different stripes of opal and jet, like stripes of a zebra, catching the low light and glinting like stars almost. Almost, no gem stone could ever quite depict the glamour that Wish once had in their true form after all.

"Actually... I was in the room where the fish tank was. I was just watching the fish and I ended up falling asleep." Codex said.

That explains why he had clearly been asleep but did not look drunk at all.

"So I take it you weren't up for the party." Wish said.

Codex shook his head.

"I don't even know why I came to this party. I hate parties." Codex said. "I was pretty surprised when I got a invite to this one."

Oh. This was starting to sound like this was something Wish themselves had caused by granting the party wish. Party goers didn't come out of no where, wish or not.

"It was probably a accident the invite was sent to me." Codex said.

"If you don't like parties much and you suspected the invite wasn't for you why did you come?" Wish asked.

Codex shrugged.

"Probably I was feeling lonely. Though maybe this was a chance to make some friends. But once I got here with the loud music and too many people at once? I fled to the fish tank room." Codex said. "You must think that was pretty dumb."

Wish contemplated telling this stranger about how they would try to come up with any excuse to stay longer at events where others were hanging out. To not be alone much longer then a day. To avoid being alone with their thoughts for far too long.

Instead Wish shook their head.

"Hey, you tried, right? You could had just stayed home and not tried at all. I think that's better then doing nothing." Wish said.

Codex let a somewhat relaxed smile ease onto to his face.

"Yeah.. I can say that at least." Codex said.

There was a small silence before Wish turned to Codex.

"Where is that fish tank again? Probably a little more interesting to watch then staring into the dark." Wish said.

Codex smiled slightly and started to lead Wish to the room with the fish tank.

In those moments, watching the fish with a possible friend, Wish didn't feel so alone.

[bvidzsoo]

Dizzy Hearts

 Author: bvidzsoo

 Warning: cursing

 Pairing: Kim Mingyu x female reader

 Word count: 9, 048

 Summary: You and Mingyu have been friends since you were little, but without realizing, your hearts started beating differently for each other.

 A/N: Ay, I’m back with this Mingyu one shot! I’m so glad I finished it before leaving AAA! I hope you enjoy it and don’t be shy to leave feedback! :) 

     It was the big night. And when I mean the big night, I mean, THE big night. It was the homecoming match, our school against a neighboring school, both having the best teams in the city. Now, this isn’t like your usual homecoming thing...it’s just the school match, but since everyone makes a big deal out of it...we just call it THE homecoming match. 

To be honest, I would have liked staying inside my warm room on this cold evening, but having my best friend as the Quarterback of the team, that wasn’t an option. So, wearing a long sleeved sweater, my warmest coat and the stolen beanie from my best friend, I am ready to freeze against my seat and cheer as loudly as I can. People were already antsy around me, murmurs of how ‘We must win this match’ reached my ears. I turned towards Jihoon, one of my friends, and grimaced.

“They should start already, I’m going to freeze”

“Why didn’t you dress up warmly?” Jihoon rolled his eyes, chewing his gum rather loudly.

“You think, this--” I gestured towards myself “Is not dressing warmly?”

“If you are cold” Jihoon only shrugged as I huffed and slouched down in my seat. My eyes went back to Jihoon again as he popped his gum loudly, irritating me. No wonder he wasn’t cold, he’s wearing a freaking winter coat! It’s not even winter yet!

“Excuse me--yeah, uhm, sorry! Move your leg--please, oh! Sorry dude, I told you to move--”

“No” I groaned, covering my face with my cold hands, wishing for my seat to swallow me up.

“Oh, hey!” The guy exclaimed loudly, spilling a little popcorn on the ground.

“You can’t sit with us, Soonyoung” Jihoon rolled his eyes, popping another balloon with his gum.

“I don’t want to sit with you” Soonyoung rolled his eyes, brushing past Jihoon rather harshly, almost knocking him down from his seat.

“I said, us” Jihoon muttered, eyes falling on me as I tried to protect my feet from Soonyoung stomping on it.

“Hey, Y/N” He grinned widely at me as he plopped down in the, unfortunately, empty seat beside me.

“Hi” I muttered, eyes going back to the, still, empty field.

“How are you feeling?” Soonyoung asked, still grinning at me.

“Great, freezing” I muttered, burying my hands back in my pockets. Can someone make Soonyoung disappear? Thanks.

“Oh! I have just what you need!” Soonyoung exclaimed, again, as he messily placed his popcorn on the ground and reached inside his pockets.

“You gone and my room? I’d love that right now” I snapped at Soonyoung making Jihoon chuckle.

“Hot packs” Soonyoung grimaced as he handed me two. I eyed him for a second before taking them.

“Won’t you be cold?” I asked quietly, more to myself, as I gripped the hot packs, feeling grateful to them.

“Don’t worry” Soonyoung nudged my shoulder as he gave me a small smile. I offered him one back, sighing quietly to myself. I think it’s been two years now that Soonyoung won’t leave me alone. He probably liked me, but the problem is...I like someone else, so he has no chances.

“It’s starting!” Jihoon exclaimed as suddenly the horns went off, the lights shone onto the field brigther and the players ran out onto the field. I screamed loudly when I spotted my best friend, waving my little flag around. Yes, the team even had their own flag. And yes, my best friend does have a name, Kim Mingyu. A giant, who started towering over me when we turned fifteen, the clumsiest person who I’ve ever known, he broke my fish tank not once but twice and a person I never thought I’d have in my life, without Mingyu I’d be a loner honestly.

“Kim Mingyu!” I shouted at the top of my lungs, making people stare at me. Yes, I am the biggest supporter of Kim Mingyu, Quarterback and Idiot of Diamond High School.

“I’ll go deaf if you shout again like that” Jihoon complained loudly, trying to shout over the cheers around us, making me laugh.

“You think they’ll win?” Soonyoung asked rather uninterested, nodding his head towards the field.

“I’ll pretend you offered some popcorn for me if you want to live for a long time” I grinned threateningly at Soonyoung for questioning Mingyu’s talents, and the teams of course, before grabbing a handful of Soonyoung’s popcorn.

“Great” He muttered with a glare as the coach blew the whistle. 

Before I knew it, they started out in full force, getting those goals like they were nothing. I tried not to, like I always do, but my eyes couldn’t help it and found Mingyu, even from a big distance. I’ve seen him train so many times, but he was always more fascinating when it was a real match. All the hours I watched him excercising while it was blazing hot outside. I was hiding underneath a tree usually, but Mingyu was running in the hot sun, sweat dripping from his body. The many times he took his shirt off and I had to force my eyes to stay away from his torso and the times when I tried not to salivate at the way his back muscles were flexing was really hard. Those times, I wished I was blind. But seeing him playing so passionately tonight really did no good to my heart. If it was beating quickly for him before, it was beating even faster right now. I wish the heart listened to the brain first before deciding on its own.

The game was a success, to our school at least, just like everyone expected it. We won, and we won big. We became the school with the best team in the city. If all is true, the boys could make it far and go play in the nationals. Mingyu’s dream would come true, but that thought scares me. I’m not sure if others are allowed to go and I don’t think I could last longer than a day without physically having Mingyu beside me. But pushing that thought quickly to the back of my mind, I also quickly pushed the people in my way away. It was like wrestling when wanting to go on the field after the game, everyone filling it up. But my priority was to reach Mingyu before he’d retread to the locker room and congratulate him.

I groaned as someone elbowed me hard in the stomach, but it was worth it when Mingyu’s back was right in front of me. Thanks to the pushy people, I stumbled and fell against his back, circling my arms around his torso tightly. Mingyu’s yelp was loud and high pitched as he jumped, his hands gripping my arms tightly.

“Y/N?” He asked loudly, head turning to the side to get a glimpse of me.

“The only one” I cackled and let go of him to let him properly turn around.

“Y/N!” He exclaimed, his face lighting up like a puppy’s, and before I knew it, his strong arms went around me and lifted me up in the air. I shrieked, gripping his arms for support and out of fear of him dropping me, before I managed to hug him to myself.

“We won!” He exclaimed, still having me lifted in his sweaty arms.

“I know!” I screamed back, laughing while enjoying the hug. It was pretty disgusting but this is Mingyu, and I’d do anything for him...even accept a sweaty hug where I feel like I’m flying and dying at the same time because he’s squeezing me too hard.

“My blood circulation is in danger though!” I patted his shoulder with a laugh and he was quick to put me back on my feet.

“Sorry” He chuckled, a little embarrassed, as he looked down at me.

“You idiot” I chuckled, caressing his cheek before getting on my tip toes, “I told you that you’d win”

Mingyu’s smile only grew as he watched me lean closer to him, my lips touching his cheek for an affectionate peck.

“Congratulations” I finally said, staring into his beautiful eyes.

“I’ll see you after I wash up, don’t leave” Mingyu’s voice was soft as he nuzzled his cheek into my hand, quietly adding, “Please”

“Don’t take too long” I winked at him, taking a step back to let him go. Mingyu grinned and nodded before turning around and running off towards the locker room. I sighed as I watched him go, the people around me still pushing. 

“Are you his girlfriend?” A girl beside me asked, surprising me.

“His?” I motioned towards where Mingyu just ran. The girl’s eyes narrowed as she nodded.

“Yeah, I am” I lied, shrugging as she continued watching me.

“Really?” She asked, eyebrows raising. 

“No” I faked a smile as I turned around and started walking towards the exit. I wish I were his girlfriend.

I thankfully managed to find Jihoon, and Soonyoung unfortunately, again but they left me alone after fifteen minutes. It was freezing and Mingyu was taking too long. He’s always done in ten minutes. Pushing off the brick wall, I decided to head towards the locker room, hoping I would see no naked butts while trying to find Mingyu. The halls were quiet and barely lit as I walked inside, taking a turn towards the locker room. I could hear loud boy voices, half of the team probably is still here. I opened the door and placed a hand against my eyes, leaving a tiny crack to still see something. I walked towards where the loud voices were coming from. Knocking on a locker to get their attention, I grinned awkwardly.

“No one’s naked, right?” I asked, making the boys laugh.

“No” Someone answered and I let my hand fall, offering them a normal smile. The boys greeted me and I waved back at them, looking around but seeing no trace of Mingyu.

“Anyone knows where’s Mingyu? He’s taking too long…” I trailed off, biting my lower lip as the boys shrugged.

“He’s by the back lockers” Jeonghan, a friendly and handsome boy, spoke up as he nodded his head towards the back.

“Oh, thank you” I smiled at him as he returned it and quickly took off. He tells me to wait for him but then he makes me wait for too long for him. Opening my mouth, and ready to call Mingyu out, I turned the corner but quickly stumbled back, placing both hands against my mouth. Fuck! Thank God my mouth wasn’t fast enough. Taking another peek, my heart gave a hard thump. Fuck, I wish I didn’t see this. Mingyu pushing up some girl against a locker while they suck off each others faces, and his hand down her shirt. My heart ached for what I just saw and I felt jealousy flooding my brain. Why is he making out with that girl? He told me to wait for him, in the cold, and he was making me freeze to death because sucking someone’s face off is more important than leaving your best friend alone in the cold and dark? I scoffed as I turned my back towards them, trying to ease my aching hurt. Yes, I am jealous, because I wish that was me. And no, this isn’t that cliche scene where I just realize I like my best friend, because no. I’ve been conscious of liking Mingyu for the past five years. But I’m not confident enough to tell him and I don’t think he likes me back, or at least not more than a friend. And maybe, to try and hide my feelings, I’ve friendzoned him many times. Sighing loudly, I let my feet take me back to where the other boys were sitting.

“Found him?” Jeonghan asked when he spotted me leaning against the wall.

“Yeah” I muttered, crossing my arms in front of me.

“He’s busy?” He asked with a smile, it almost looked evil.

“Pretty much” I said with a chuckle, sending a small glare towards him.

“Well, you can stay with us until he’s done” Jeonghan offered, scooting over and making space for me on the bench. I eyed the other boys but they seemed unbothered by my presence so I took the seat beside Jeonghan, thankful that I didn’t have to wait in the cold anymore...and angry at Mingyu. Screw him, he ruined my good mood and night.

   My white ceiling never got boring, always helping me think or helping me ignore people who I wanted to ignore. My messy ponytail rested on my left shoulder as I lay on my back, hands on my tummy and legs crossed at my ankles as I hummed quietly to myself. My bed moved as the person beside me did too, and I felt eyes on me. I continued to hum, tracing invisible paths with my eyes on my ceiling.

“Y/N?” But I ignored the voice, like I’ve been doing since he came over. This is the best remedy to soothe the ache I felt yesterday and all night, and I’m feeling even now.

“I’ve been telling you about the possibilities we just got by winning this game but you didn’t even pay attention?” He pressed on, but I still couldn’t care less. He didn’t care about me last night enough, did he? Why should I care about his useless possibilities?

“Y/N” His voice was firmer, slightly demanding. I scoffed in my head, annoyed by the thought of him wanting to dominate me. Mingyu lost that title and power.

Before I could react, I felt large hands wrap around the sides of my head and turn it forcefully to the right. My eyes widened when I stared up into Mingyu’s eyes, his face hovering close to mine. I scoffed and tried to pull my head back but he wouldn’t let me. Mingyu’s eyebrows furrowed as I fought against his grip with a glare, now gripping his wrists to pull his hold off.

“Let go of me!” I huffed, finally, letting my nails sink into his skin. Mingyu hissed as he let go of my head with a push, sitting up. It’s not like the first time we do something like this, we always end up physically fighting because of something. But that’s usually playful, this is more aggressive.

“What the fuck?” Mingyu cursed, his hard glare on me as I returned to my initial position of staring up at my ceiling.

“Do I get to know why you are ignoring me? It’s not funny” Mingyu hissed as he leaned closer to me, still glaring at me. I only sighed, biting my lip to keep the answer from coming out.

“Fuck you” Mingyu scoffed and the bed dipped, and for a second I was ready to call out to him thinking he was leaving, but then he was on top of me, his knees blocking mine.

“Mingyu!” I shrieked, sitting up abruptly, pushing at his chest.

“Oh, finally” He scoffed, rolling his eyes as he gripped my hands, stilling me, “Will you stop ignoring me now?”

“Can you get off me?” I hissed, glaring as hard as I could.

“No, because then you won’t answer me and I’ll leave” He said, tugging on my hands a little.

“Leave, I couldn’t care less” I snapped, actually regretting it not even a second later after it left my lips. Mingyu’s eyes widened and it was obvious he felt hurt by my words as his eyebrows furrowed and eyes averted from my face.

“Wait, Mingyu--” He let go of my hands and raised up to his knees, getting off me. Panicking that he really would leave, I raised onto my knees too and quickly hugged him preventing him from moving.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean that. You know that” I quickly said, tightening my arms around him as I let my head rest against his shoulder, “Please stay…”

He stayed quiet and I thought he’d really leave me, that I finally did it this time, hurt him profoundly, but his arms went around me and he pushed me backwards, almost falling on me. Facing each other, with our arms still around each other, we stared into each others eyes.

“You know you could have fallen on me and killed me. You are too heavy” I snapped, after a long silence and Mingyu laughed quietly, his teeth showing. I bit my lower lip, feeling like my heart just grew a little.

“I wasn’t going to fall on you, I knew what I was doing” He said after calming down, giving me a warm smile.

“I’m upset with you” I muttered, chewing on my lower lip as I looked away from his face.

“Why?” Mingyu asked just as quietly, snuggling closer to me.

“You left me alone in the cold yesterday, Mingyu”

“I said I wouldn’t stay for long--” My eyes snapped back at his and I saw the guilt in them.

“But you did!” I snapped, kicking him with my leg, “I had to wait for fifteen minutes and you still didn’t come!”

“I’m sorry, I got caught up” He muttered embarrassed, his hands slowly caressing my back.

“I saw you...kissing that girl” I cleared my throat as Mingyu’s eyes widened.

“It wasn’t anything--”

“Honestly Mingyu--” I laughed, trying to mask the hurt I started feeling suddenly “I thought you’d tell me if you liked someone, I’m your best friend”

“It’s not like that...it was nothing, really” Mingyu said seriously, nodding his head, “She just...came onto me and we ended up kissing. I don’t like her...at all”

My eyes narrowed as I continued to stare at him without saying anything.

“I’m serious” Mingyu whined, nudging my forehead with his.

“I still hate you” I muttered, nuzzling into his chest and closing my eyes.

“I still love you” He said with a chuckle while resting his chin on top of my head. I love you too, idiot, just not like how you love me.

     Monday mornings were never kind to me, and neither is today’s morning. I woke up with a headache and after eating some cereals I took some pills to soothe the ache, but even after two hours I can still feel it. Mingyu decided it was a good idea to blast music loudly in his car while we rode it to school, even though I asked him not to. He was still excited over his win and probably won’t shut up about it for another week. And then there came the tiring people from our school. While walking to our lockers, which were by pure coincidence beside each other, people didn’t stop coming to us and talking to Mingyu like he was some kind of superstar. Which he kinda is, but no one outside this school knows about him...so he’s not really one, do you get me? And then, my day could only get worse as Soonyoung, obviously, showed up too, just to annoy me.

We were waiting for our English teacher when Soonyoung ran inside with at least five books in his hands.

“Y/N!” He exclaimed loudly, our classmates unbothered as they were already used to it.

“Help me” I mouthed towards Jihoon, who was sitting beside me and typing away on his phone.

“When he gets too annoying” He muttered back, chewing lazily on his gum. I groaned and was about to slam my head against our desk but Soonyoung was faster. He slammed the five books in his arms against our desk loudly, waking the sleeping Mingyu behind us. Jihoon yelped as he looked up at Soonyoung wide eyed.

“Damn, those books are so heavy” Soonyoung muttered, eyebrows furrowing as he massaged his wrists.

“Your seat is in the front…” I trailed off, really wishing for some peace before my headache gets worse.

“I know, but--” Soonyoung grinned, leaning against my desk as Jihoon eyed the books curiously “Wonwoo said these books were really good, you like to read, right?”

I could feel Mingyu leaning over my shoulder, supporting himself on his elbows as he breathed onto my neck, “Yes, I like to read”

“Great!” Soonyoung exclaimed again with an embarrassed laugh as Jihoon threw him a small glare, not before his eyes fell on Mingyu behind me, hovering over me. I sighed as I looked at the book titles, Soonyoung and Mingyu having a staring contest in the meantime.

“I read this one!” I said excitedly once I spotted my favorite book, “Pride and Prejudice is my favorite book”

“Really?” Soonyoung’s grin grew as I looked up at him, a grin of mine matching his. His cheeks became slightly red as they were puffed out thanks to his big grin. Honestly, he looked pretty cute.

“Really” I chuckled, opening the book with a smile, “Tell Wonwoo he has a great taste...I read these books already”

“Oh shoot” Soonyoung hissed, eyebrows furrowing, “I gotta find new ones then...I’ll bring some new tomorrow--”

“Why don’t you try and read at least one of these?” I spoke up, placing the book back on top of the others, “If you want me to read a book...give me something you liked and not Wonwoo, okay?”

Soonyoung remained quiet and chewed on his lips as I continued to smile at him warmly. He might be annoying most of the time, but gestures like this really warm my heart.

“I don’t read too much…” He muttered but I shook my head.

“It doesn’t matter...something you read, I’m sure you’ll find one” Soonyoung’s eyebrows remained furrowed until he gave a firm nod and took the books off my desk.

“I’ll make sure to find something” He called as he walked to his seat, leaving me chuckling to myself. Okay, this is the first cute thing he does that I actually liked and wasn’t bothered by. Unlike last year when he brought flowers for me on Valentines Day and I accepted them because I didn’t want to humiliate him in front of everyone.

“This dude, seriously…” Mingyu snorted, still hovering over me, “He’s pathetic”

“Just because he’s not the famous Quarterback doesn’t mean he’s pathetic” I snapped, turning my head only to come face to face with Mingyu, “At least he goes out of his comfort zone and does something he knows I enjoy doing”

“Are you assuming I only do things I like and you don’t?” Mingyu fired back, eyebrows furrowing.

“I never saw you bringing me a book you thought I’d like to read” I muttered, watching Mingyu’s reaction. He scoffed, raising his hand.

“I don’t like to read” He flicked my forehead but I only turned around.

“Soonyoung doesn’t either” I muttered and Mingyu scoffed, probably wanting to say something but Jihoon sighed loudly.

“How about you continue this lovers quarrel when I’m not around, okay?” He said, popping his gum loudly before the teacher walked in, preventing me from punching Jihoon.

Thankfully lunch was quick to approach and by now my headache stopped, making me able to function properly. I was quietly eating my sandwich and listening to Jihoon’s conversation with Mingyu about some new football technique Jihoon just learned. It was rather boring so I tuned them out until Soonyoung was standing in front of me with a big smile.

“So...you told me to find a book I really liked…” He sat down across from us, hands still behind him.

“Yeah, don’t tell me you read a whole book in like...three hours?” I chuckled as Soonyoung shook his head with a little tint to his cheeks.

“I found this book in my grandparent's library when I was little” He placed an old book on the table, I placed my sandwich down to take the book in my hands, “It’s old and from a foreign writer but I know I enjoyed it a lot. I don’t remember much because I was little but I know it stuck with me”

I hummed as I opened the book, reading the title. The Paul Street Boys, written by Molnár Ferenc.

“Do you mind if I borrow it for a while?” I asked with a smile, looking back at Soonyoung. By now, Mingyu and Jihoon were paying attention to our conversation too as Soonyoung fidgeted in his seat, trying to contain his happiness but was failing hard.

“Sure!” He exclaimed finally, giggling when I snorted, “But I’m warning you...the ending is really sad”

“Don’t spoil it!” I yelped, throwing a glare at him and covering my ears with my hands. Jihoon chuckled beside me but Mingyu’s eyes were sharp as they watched us.

“I wasn’t about to, don’t worry” Soonyoung chuckled as I lowered my hands and resumed eating my sandwich.

“I never took you for one that likes to read” Mingyu commented rather coldly as Soonyoung shrugged.

“I never took your for one that messes around with girls either” I almost choked on my food as Mingyu started to laugh loudly, Soonyoung’s smile looked bitter.

“Y/N” I hummed, wide eyes looking at Soonyoung as he called my name.

“Go on a date with me” Jihoon’s gum pop was loud as both Mingyu and I stopped breathing. Jihoon’s eyes were darting from one to another as Soonyoung stared at me seriously.

“Uh…” I chuckled, trying to find the right words, “I--”

“I was just joking” Soonyoung exclaimed, starting to laugh loudly as I nodded, staring down at my sandwich. Well, that wasn’t funny.

“Fuck off, Soonyoung” Mingyu suddenly snapped, voice harsh as Jihoon snorted beside him, earning an almost slap from Mingyu, if only he wasn’t a coward when it came to hitting Jihoon.

“You’re funny” Soonyoung winked at Mingyu and took out his lunch, giving me a small smile. I smiled back but had a hard time enjoying the rest of my lunch because of the tension between Mingyu and Soonyoung. I really wish Mingyu stopped being so protective of me, it gets out of hand sometimes and it’s definitely not funny.

   Classes were finally over and I quickly walked towards the parking lot, knowing Mingyu would be there by his car, waiting for me to drive me home. I couldn’t be more thankful that school was finally over for today, I can’t wait to take a nap.

Greeting a few people on my way to Mingyu’s car, I fished out my phone and didn’t really pay attention to my surroundings until I heard a car’s horn. I bowed to apologize as the guy inside shook his head at me, pushing up his glasses as he drove off. Gripping my phone in my hand, I bit my lip at the sight. My feet stopped as the ache returned to my heart, as if someone suddenly started squeezing it. Fucking great, I hate my life!

Mingyu and the same girl were leaning against Mingyu’s girl and making out, again! What if when Mingyu excuses himself to the washroom in class he’s actually just sneaking off to make out with this girl? At that thought, I felt sick to my stomach as I forced my legs to take me closer to them. The many times I daydreamed about Mingyu in class, but he was actually busy sucking off someone else’s face. 

I cleared my throat once I stopped close enough that they could hear me and they instantly broke apart. When Mingyu’s eyes landed on me he cleared his throat and ran a hand through his hair. The girl’s hair was in a ponytail this time, blond and silky hair, and I couldn’t help but spot the darkening hickey on her neck. My jaw clenched as I forced out a smile at her.

“This is embarrassing” She chuckled, cheeks going red, “My name is Rose”

“I’m Y/N” I said politely, trying not to direct my anger at her. She has no fault.

“I know” She chuckled, turning towards Mingyu a little bit, “This giant told me all about you?”

“Really?” I asked a little surprised, eyes going to Mingyu as he just shrugged, “Cool, I hope he didn’t bore you with it”

“Nah” Rose chuckled, waving her hand, “You sound like a really cool girl”

“Thanks” I nodded my head a little as she looked at Mingyu and gave him a peck before turning back towards me.

“It was nice meeting you but I’ll be going now” She waved at me as she turned to leave.

“See you around, I guess” I waved back as she ran off, going back inside the school. It was quiet between Mingyu and I as I refused to look at him, afraid that he’d see the tears that started to well up in my eyes and his hard stare wasn’t helping either.

“I want to go home” I finally forced out, my voice a little shaky. Fuck. Mingyu nodded and ran his hands through his hair again before going around to the driver’s seat. I blinked quickly, to get rid of the tears, while getting inside the car. Once Mingyu started the engine I turned the radio up, hoping it’d tune out my thoughts screaming at me and aching heart. Can he really not see how much I like him? Will I always be heartbroken? I can’t even be mad at Rose because she’s nice.

“I thought you said it was nothing serious” I finally spoke up, sniffling as I ran a hand through my long hair, definitely not blond nor silky.

“Yeah, it’s not” Mingyu muttered, turning down the volume of the radio, “We are just...kinda dating”

“And that’s not serious?” I scoffed, rolling my eyes.

“It’s not serious to me” Mingyu pressed on, glancing at me as he took a turn towards my street.

“But it is to her” I muttered, gripping my phone tightly, “I just wish you told me earlier...spoke to me about her like you spoke to her about me”

And maybe then I could have prepared my heart and the aching wouldn’t be this bad, because I’d know what was coming my way. But now, I’m left feeling like an idiot for thinking maybe I had a chance with him.

“She’s not that important” Mingyu snapped, hands gripping the steering wheel tightly.

“You are insulting her by saying that and I don’t like it” I snapped back, head turning towards him as Mingyu pressed on the breaks, the car stopping with a rather harsh jolt.

“Bye” I said before he could say anything and got off, slamming the door a little harder than usual. I walked inside my house without a wave or a wink like I usually do, slamming the door closed and locking it, making sure Mingyu couldn’t come inside if he decided to follow me. I need to be alone. Just looking at him right now hurts. Fishing out my phone from my pocket, the tears welling up again, I typed in Soonyoung’s number. He picked up after the third ring.

“You said you wanted to go on a date” I said, the tears starting to fall one by one.

“Uh, I--” Soonyoung stuttered but I didn’t let him speak.

“Okay, let’s go on a date!” I said shakily, nodding my head to reassure myself, “You can choose the place and hour”

“Really? You want to go on that date?” Soonyoung sounded shocked and I chuckled, finding him funny and rather shooting right now.

“I do, so...don’t forget to text me, okay?”

“I definitely won’t!” Soonyoung exclaimed too loudly in the phone and I hung up with a chuckle. I whipped the tears off my cheeks and walked to my room. Maybe it’s time I try and get over Mingyu. It should take time but it shouldn’t be impossible.

     It was a cold evening, but not as cold as on the night of the match. I nuzzled into my coat as I walked beside Soonyoung, following him to the nice dining place Mingyu, Jihoon and I often visit.

“I like this place” I spoke up, amused that Soonyoung was being so quiet.

“Really?” His voice was squeaky, making me snort quietly.

“Really” I nodded, looking at him. He became flustered as he opened the door and held it for me and after followed me inside.

“You are being weird” I spoke up as we looked around for a free table. It was rather full tonight.

“I just never thought you’d do on a date with me...I feel like I’m dreaming” He muttered, eyebrows furrowed as I started laughing. I gripped his wrist and pulled him towards an empty table by the big windows.

“I’m surprised it took you so long to ask me out” I teased him as we took our coats off. Soonyoung scoffed embarrassed.

“Well, I know you don’t particularly like me…” He shrugged and I felt a little bit bad for being so harsh to him all the time.

“Well, you always annoy me so how did you expect me to like you?” I chuckled and Soonyoung shrugged as he picked up the Menu.

“You are too quiet and still, is this Kwon Soonyoung I’m speaking to?” I narrowed my eyes playfully at him as a smile instantly appeared on his lips.

“I have all your attention here, I don’t need to show off” He stuck his tongue out, making me laugh. Soonyoung isn’t even that bad...who would have thought. The waitress came up to us and took our orders quickly, Soonyoung knowing her so I listened quietly as they exchanged a few words.

“You are quite popular, huh” I teased, glancing outside before looking back at Soonyoung.

“You could say that” He grinned and raised his chin a little bit.

“Other than annoying me...what do you like to do?” I asked, growing curious of this boy who seemed to be so different outside of school.

“Dance, I love to dance. I’m the happiest when I can dance” He smiled fondly and I couldn’t help but smile as well.

“I hope I’ll get to see you dance one day” I winked at him as our drinks were served.

“Well, there’s a party this weekend, so if you want to come--”

“Y/N! Soonyoung!” Someone exclaimed, getting our attention. My eyes widened when they fell on Rose and Mingyu, whose hands were intertwined, and were walking towards us. Soonyoung looked at me with his eyebrows raised, before grimacing a little.

“Hey!” I greeted back with a confused smile.

“What a coincidence” Rose chuckled, leaning into Mingyu’s side as they stopped by our table. Mingyu’s jaw was clenched as his eyes went from Soonyoung to me but I ignored him, focusing on Rose only.

“Are you on a date?” I asked while forcing a friendly smile on my face. It hurts even more to see them now.

“Yes” Rose giggled, nudging Mingyu who glanced down at her, “Are you on a date too?”

“Actually, yeah, we are” Soonyoung nodded proudly, grinning widely at Rose who nodded happily. I smiled at Soonyoung before looking back at Mingyu, but he was glaring at the ground.

“There are no empty tables anymore though…” Rose trailed off sadly, my eyes wandering around.

“Well…” I looked at Soonyoung for permission and when he nodded reassuringly I offered him a small smile, “You could sit with us then…”

“Really?” Rose’s eyes grew wide as she looked at Soonyoung and then at me, “We really don’t want to bother--”

“It’s not a bother” Soonyoung and Mingyu spoke up at the same time

“If they say so, let’s stay” All eyes landed on Mingyu, who looked tense but tried to brush it off with a tight smile, “I mean, they already offered, didn’t they?”

“I guess it’s a double date then” Rose giggled and I chuckled. Great, I just wanted a Mingyu free night where I could get my mind off things and now here they are, Mingyu and Rose, both about to fuck up my good mood and pleasant date with Soonyoung. Mingyu made a move to sit beside me but Rose was faster and slid on the seat beside me, smiling at me when I helped her take off her coat. Soonyoung ignored Mingyu as he loudly plopped down beside him, eyebrows furrowed at me and Rose.

“I never thought I’d see you two on a date” Rose spoke up, eyeing Soonyoung and me.

“Me neither” Mingyu muttered with a scoff, earning a glare from me while Soonyoung and Rose seemed not to hear it.

“It took me by surprise too” Soonyoung chuckled, shrugging a little as I rolled my eyes playfully.

“You asked him out?” Rose asked excitedly, her big eyes falling on me.

“Uh...no, he asked me out” I answered, taking a sip of my water awkwardly.

“Oh...it would have been fate if you did…” Rose chuckled, taking the Menu in her hands.

“Why? You asked Mingyu out?” Soonyoung raised his eyebrows, a little teasingly as he threw a glance at Mingyu who only glared at him.

“Yeah, and I had so much convincing to do too…” Rose pouted as she looked at Mingyu who smiled at her.

“Yeah, he can be rather difficult” I muttered with a grimace, glaring at Mingyu when his eyes snapped at me.

“You are not in our classes though…” Soonyoung trailed off, eyes narrowed at Rose.

“Oh, because I’m in art class” She explained and Soonyoung nodded impressed.

“See? You should have gone there too with your passion for dancing” I nudged Soonyoung’s foot underneath the table and he chuckled, scratching the back of his head.

“Yeah, perhaps once I get to college” He muttered, playing with his fingers.

“Wow, you can dance” Mingyu spoke up with a bored tone, running a hand through his hair, “Impressive”

“Truly, it is” I snapped as I looked at Mingyu, “More impressive at least than playing the Quarterback position in the school’s football team”

Mingyu huffed as an annoyed smirk crossed his lips, Rose and Soonyoung eyed me. Fuck Kim Mingyu, why is he so annoying lately? I seriously can’t stand him ever since I’ve seen him making out with Rose against the lockers. And he made me wait in the cold…

Things were going smooth, with Mingyu barely speaking, as Rose and Soonyoung did most of the talking. It was rather funny to see them and I did share stories of mine. Getting to know Rose better was maybe a bad idea, because now I can’t even hate her for dating Mingyu. She’s nice, understanding and really accepting. It’s all Mingyu’s fault for being oblivious towards my feelings for him. 

After we ate dinner, I excused myself to the washroom to freshen up a little bit as I was getting sleepy. I didn’t take a nap today and I’m starting to feel more and more tired. Maybe I should ask Soonyoung to walk me home soon. Drying my hands with the paper, I threw it into the dashbin and opened the door to exit. I stopped, however, when Mingyu was leaning against the wall across from me, near the male washroom entrance. I looked at him for another second before starting to walk away but a strong grip on my arm pulled me back and pushed me up against the wall. 

“What the fuck?!” It was Mingyu who spoke up first, finally letting go of his facade, finally able to see just how angry he was. His jaw was clenched tightly and his eyes were shaking as his grip was strong.

“I don’t see what’s your problem” I said calmly, eyebrows raising. I was only angering him more, and angry Mingyu is scary. Especially when he’s angry at you.

“You don’t?” He chuckled, licking his lips quickly, “What the fuck are you doing with Soonyoung?”

“Why the fuck are you questioning me, Mingyu?” I snapped, brushing his hold off as I pushed at his chest to get him away from me, “Who are you, my father?”

“Why are you on a date with Soonyoung? He’s a loser and an idiot. He always annoys you and you can’t stand him--I don’t understand!” He exclaimed, eyebrows furrowed as I stared up at him confused.

“What is there for you to understand, Mingyu?” I shook my head and crossed my arms, “He asked me out on a date and I said yes”

“Even after I told you not to” Mingyu scoffed and I laughed sarcastically.

“Really? You can’t tell me what to do”

“Yes, I can. And you have to listen to me” Mingyu said lowly, taking a step towards me.

“Fuck you, Mingyu” I pushed him backwards as hard as I could, trying not to raise my voice, “Ever since you started dating Rose you are a fucking pain in the ass. Leave me alone already, okay? You can’t tell me what to do and who to go out with, you are not my boyfriend! You are just my friend”

“Just your friend?” Mingyu’s voice turned quiet as he ran his hands through his hair.

“Just my friend” I repeated my words, ignoring the strong punch like feeling I felt in my gut. 

“What about your best friend?” He whispered, hand reaching out to grip my hand.

“You ruined my night, Mingyu. I can’t do this right now” I shook his hand off and quickly walked back to the table before he could pull me back and continue arguing with me. I really wish I didn’t have feelings for him.

   After that night Mingyu ignored me in school and didn’t take me to school for three days. I was missing him like crazy but I wasn’t going to give in first. He needs to understand he can’t tell me what to do and define me. If he can date whoever he wants to, I can date whoever I want to. We are best friends after all and shouldn’t act like this towards each other. After three days Mingyu was waiting for me in front of my house in his car, the window rolled down. I was about to walk past him and ignore him but he spoke to me, acting like nothing happened. It was hard for me to ignore everything that has happened, but if he wanted that, I could do that for him. Our fights never lasted longer than a day, this was the longest we fought for. But that party Soonyoung invited me to was approaching fast and I figured Mingyu wanted to go as well. Maybe that’s why he made up with me, just so he could go with me. But who cares...having Mingyu back felt good.

     The music was loud and the house was already full with people. We were only two hours late and the party was in full swing. It was all Mingyu’s fault though that we were late as he took almost an hour to gel his hair back and then choose between a red or a green shirt. In the end I started hitting him with a pillow and we ended up fighting and then he pulled my hair and ruined my ponytail and I had to redo my hair and then...okay, you get it. It took us two hours because of both of us. I left some new clothes at Mingyu’s place as his parents were gone for the weekend and I’d sleep over. My pajamas got lost in some mysterious way, Mingyu at least says so, but I just think he’s hiding it from me somewhere in the laundry room because he thinks the pants are too long and make me look like a grandma. 

“Let’s get something to drink!” Mingyu shouted over the loud music and I nodded as I held his hand in order to not lose each other. Mingyu led the way to the kitchen, greeting the people he knew while I covered behind his wide back, thankful that I didn’t know as many people. The kitchen was just as crowded and Mingyu poured some vodka and cola in a red cup before handing it to me. I thanked him and looked around, searching for Soonyoung. He was the one that invited me after all and I really want to see his dance skills. When turning around to speak to Mingyu, I was taken aback that Mingyu was nowhere to be seen. I squinted and slowly looked around the kitchen, even walked a little out before going back but he just magically disappeared. He’s probably with Rose, great. I sighed for getting ditched so fast and decided to down the remaining Vodka I still had in my cup in one go. As I threw the cup away a smiling face entered my line of vision.

“Soonyoung!” I exclaimed, hugging him. He laughed and hugged me back happily. We got closer these past days and I’m glad I offered him a chance because he is really different from how he always seemed to be. He’s collected and very nice, accepts my opinions and doesn’t pressure me. Unlike Mingyu does when he’s being impatient, which is almost every day.

“It’s your chance to see me dancing!” Soonyoung exclaimed and I nodded excitedly as I took his arm.

“Let’s go and dance then!” Soonyoung and I laughed as I led the way to the living room, colliding with a hard chest in the meantime. I was too busy laughing with Soonyoung so I didn’t pay attention, but any other time I would have recognized Mingyu’s chest in a heartbeat.

The music was even louder in the living room and it was full with dancing students, the bass thumping in my chest. Soonyoung walked us closer to the crowd but not inside of it as he had more space here to dance. I swayed to the music timidly as Soonyoung didn’t hold back and started to dance, moving around funnily but each of his move was smooth and amazing. I kept laughing at the faces he was making at me and started feeling more at ease when he complimented my dancing so I started to become wilder as I hopped around Soonyoung all the while laughing. It didn’t take long, however, until I spotted Mingyu and Rose dancing together, rather close to us, Mingyu glaring hard in our direction. Oh God, he’s back at it again.

“Watch this!” Soonyoung exclaimed as the song was changed to a slower one and a rather...for grinding one. Soonyoung did a slow body roll before doing a smooth spin and then ending it with a hip thrust. I burst out laughing as I swayed my way towards him, jokingly circling his neck with my arms and I started swaying with him to the music, our bodies close as Soonyoung’s hand was guiding me by the waist. It wasn’t anything intimate, it was just a friendly dance even if it looked like more to others. I didn’t want to give Soonyoung false hope, so I told him about my feelings for Mingyu and he said he knew and understood. And then he told me he genuinely wanted to be my friend because he thinks I’m cool, and not really my boyfriend because he doesn’t like me like that. Boys are so confusing.

“I think we have lots of chemistry, Miss Park” Soonyoung jokingly said, twirling me around.

“I think so too, Mr. Kwon” I winked at him, making him laugh and was about to show off my own body roll when I was pulled away from Soonyoung and dragged upstairs towards a bathroom. My eyes widened as I stared at the back of Mingyu’s head as he kept on dragging me, grip tightening more and more until he finally found the bathroom. He pushed me inside, turned on the lights and locked the door, glaring at me quite scarily. I don’t feel good about this to be honest. I stood facing him, panting a little from dancing, as I remained quiet. Mingyu ran his hand through his hair harshly and then looked away before looking back at me.

“We made up and then--you just make me want to smash everything in this room” Mingyu breathed out, trying to control his voice.

“Let me leave before you smash everything” I muttered, still haven’t learned to shut up when Mingyu is this angry.

“Fuck, I swear to God you are so--” He groaned loudly, letting his head fall against the door forcefully.

“You are annoying, Mingyu. I hate you, I swear to God, why are you doing this to me!” I exclaimed, marching up to him and punching his chest hard, “I wanted to have a good time and there you go ruining it for me. What the fuck has gotten into you?!”

“I told you to stop seeing him, Y/N” Mingyu breathed out, palms turning into fists on his sides, “But here you are, fucking grinding on Soonyoung. Right in front of me, after I told you to stop seeing him. And you hate me? I’ve known you for longer than that shithead and you still go against my words!”

It was like someone poured ice directly onto my brain. It stopped functioning and I all I could do was blink. And then I started to analyze Mingyu’s words and my confusion became worse. My eyebrows furrowed as I replayed his words in my mind. Why is he telling me such things? God, he really thinks he is that good, doesn’t he? I looked at him, seeing his anger still hasn’t subsided, and I only scoffed and rolled my eyes at him. But it was almost as if something snapped inside of Mingyu. He lunged towards me, gripping my cheeks tightly and turning us around before smashing his lips on mine. My eyes widened as I gripped his wrists, whole body freezing. Did Kim Mingyu just--kiss me? My body was pushed up against the bathroom door as Mingyu pressed his whole body against mine, hands holding my head firmly as he moved his lips against mine. Finally realizing this really was happening, my eyes closed and I started to move my lips against his. His anger was fueling the kiss as he pressed his lips harder against mine, almost making it hurtful as he tilted my head for a better angle, one hand gripping my chin in a dominating way while his other hand rested beside my head against the door. I circled my arms around his neck as I pulled him closer, tugging on his hair as he bit my lower lip harshly. I hissed and pulled him back into the kiss, slipping my tongue inside his mouth as I tried dominating him for once in my life. But Mingyu wasn’t having none of it as he pulled back, breathing hard.

“Go on, hate me now” His voice was lower and all I could do was scoff. I was at a loss of words and breath as my heart couldn’t decide if it was time I die or get a stroke.

   The morning was nothing better. I was still angry at Mingyu and he was probably still angry at me. After the kiss we ignored each other for another hour before deciding we had enough of the party and walked to Mingyu’s house. I wanted to sleep in her sister’s room, as she was with their parents, but Mingyu dragged me back to his room and locked the door, hiding the key underneath his pillow to prevent me from leaving his room. Then I tried to sleep on the floor but he started shouting some horrible lyrics about him hating me and I had to give up on that idea if I wanted to get some sleep. So with our backs turned to each other, we both quickly fell asleep, tired thanks to the party. But we still woke up in each others arms, making me groan when Mingyu wouldn’t let me go in his sleep. I really needed to use the bathroom but he kept on squeezing me tighter to his chest until I bit his shoulder and woke him up, getting a bite back which was definitely harsher than mine as it made me squeal. After using the bathroom, we went downstairs to have breakfast, still no words exchanged as we kept glaring at each other. Will he pretend the kiss never happened? Was he too drunk to remember now? Probably not because something feels different now between us.

Mingyu prepared two bowls while I took out the milk from the fridge and the cereal from the cupboard. Pouring the milk first into the bowl, I threw a glare at Mingyu as he kept on watching me insistently. Just as he raised his hand to run it through his hair, he knocked the empty bowl over, it was a china one too, and sent it flying to the floor. Thanks to my fast reflexes, I was quick to catch it and placed it back onto the counter with a glare sent at Mingyu. He is so clumsy I’m surprised he didn’t trip and fell on his face while playing.

Mingyu’s lips started to pull upwards as I glared at him until he couldn’t contain himself anymore and threw his head back, laughing loudly.

“This isn’t funny” I muttered, pouring milk in the empty bowl too, “Your mother would have blamed me if you broke it because it’s my job to keep the house intact and away from your clumsiness”

Mingyu continued to laugh until I punched his stomach, making him cough a little.

“I still hate you” I snapped at him, but didn’t really mean it. How could I hate him? Mingyu turned his body fully towards me, stepping closer to me.

“Sometimes I look at you and wonder how I got to be so damn lucky” He muttered before leaning down and planting his lips on top of mine. I chuckled quietly, raising on my tiptoes to reach him better, circling my arms around his neck as he pulled me closer to him.

And well, this is where it gets cliche, when we finally both realized we liked each other and...got together, I guess.

[epizkage]

the first chapter of my good omens fic! its a uni au, the main ship is ineffable bureaucracy but there is also background ineffable husbands, hastur/ligur, and maybe future dagon/michael!  i’ll be uploading this to ao3 tomorrow, as well as uploading a page of sketches for each chapter both on here and on my art insta. thank you for reading, im grateful for any feedback at all!!  tagging as #ineffable neighbours on all platforms!! (here, ao3 and instagram!)

“Crowley, what the fuck?” Bee groaned, incredulous, as Crowley handed them another houseplant through the car window. They were sat in the passenger seat, knees near enough at their chest with how far forward the seat had been pushed, their lap and arms already full of plants which they may as well have been juggling in trying to make room for more. 

“I have to bring all of them, Bee, they’ll be lonely if I don’t.” Crowley answered sincerely, handing them another, which Bee shoved rather frustratedly into one of the cupholders by the gear stick. 

"Oh, don't worry about me-" Bee huffed sarcastically, taking the tray of mini cacti that Crowley handed them and sliding it onto the dashboard. "-I'll just be a fucking shelf, shall I? It's not like I wanted to say goodbye to our mothers or anything."

"Language, Bee!" Came their mum's joking voice, though from where Bee couldn't quite tell, their peripheral vision on both sides blocked by leaves and greenery.  

"Yeah, Bee, language." Crowley mimicked petulantly, having the gall to try and hand them one last plant through the window only to be stopped by a string of very colourful curse words. Bee managed, after a lot of growling and swearing and heightening claustrophobia, to transplant the innumerable pots into the vacant driver's seat, swinging the car door open with enough vigour to nearly hit Crowley as they made their escape.

The tiny battered car was stuffed to the brim, back seats folded down to make room for two lots of possessions, Crowley and Bee's lives packed up into boxes and stacked in the world's most audacious game of Tetris, scraping the roof and blocking the back window entirely; sure to make Crowley's already terrible driving even worse. 

"Arsehole." Bee scowled, stepping back from the car to join their parents on the pavement, all watching and doing nothing to help as Crowley attempted to strap a way-too-big suitcase to the roof.

"Don't call your brother an arsehole, dear." Their mama said jovially, nudging them in the side.

"He is a bit of one, though." Replied their mum - the other one - coming up to their other side. Bee smirked at the two of them, and busied themselves with rolling a cigarette. 

"Oi!" Crowley called, turning to throw them all a faux-offended pout, ignoring the suitcase for just long enough for it to start sliding off the roof. At the sight of him frantically trying to stop it from either hitting the ground or smashing one of the car windows, Bee choked on a laugh and dropped the filter they'd been holding between their lips, figuring it was karma for laughing as Mama rushed to Crowley's aid. 

"You could help, you know, dear sibling." Crowley yelled, way too loud for a quiet, late September morning, as he tightened the straps on the makeshift roof rack. The neighbours, inevitably, would talk amongst themselves - middle class businessmen asking "oh, aren't you glad that those bastard kids are finally going back to uni?" over a neat and orderly breakfast, wives responding "I never did understand them anyway, Karen mentioned Satanic witchcraft, but really I think they're just hippies." Maybe they'd even pop round with fake neighbourly intent, presenting the couple with a rehearsed spiel of "my Sophie left for uni again a few weeks ago, you don't appreciate the alone time until they come back!" and a horrid fake laugh when really all they were trying to do was nosey around and determine whether their neighbours were lesbians or just really good friends.

Really good friends, who shared a surname, raised children together, and held a garden party last year to renew their vows.

Bee ignored him and sparked up their cigarette. Both mothers shared a glance and rolled their eyes, and Crowley rounded the car to lean against it. 

"Is that everything?" 

Bee nodded through an exhale of smoke, and suddenly their parents had zoned in on them, Crowley being dragged into their huddle while Bee was made to extinguish their cigarette.

"Oh, we'll miss you, horrible children." Their mum laughed, pulling both Bee and Crowley into a tight hug and kissing them both, Bee on the crown of their head and Crowley on the cheek, before passing them off for Mama to do the same.

"We'll miss you both too." Crowley replied, his smile showing clearly all of the anxiety he was trying to keep hidden.

"Don't worry, kiddo-" Bee slapped him on the back as they spoke, a rare moment of genuine and open kindness flashing between them and making their mothers smile from ear to ear. "-Everyone's nice, you know that."

It was Crowley’s first year while Bee was going into their second, and Crowley was to move in with Bee and their friends that they’d met last year. Crowley had met them all before, too, even considering them friends of his own after spending a lot of time at Bee’s flat, though nothing could help keep the anxiety at bay. 

Truth be told, the poor kid looked like he might cry, and so with a sigh Bee decided to take control.

“Come on, we gotta go, I’ve got all the keys and I don’t want Hastur or Dagon tearing into me for making them wait.” 

Crowley looked understandably dejected, but nodded nonetheless, and with one last long family hug the two bundled into the car.

Bee got in first, bringing all of the plants back into their lap to make room for Crowley, who soon after slid into the driver’s seat, hands balled into fists on his thighs as he took a deep breath.

“It’ll be okay, kid.” Bee tried to be reassuring despite their voice sounding bored and their face being almost entirely blocked by plants, but Crowley smiled at them anyway.

“I know, it’ll just be weird to be so far away.”

Bee nodded with a hum, both of them waving goodbye to their mothers, before they set off for their new house-

-which was fifteen minutes away, in the city. ~

Crowley and Bee had managed to unpack the car and near enough move everything in before the first of their housemates even showed up, perfectly chaotic and exactly at the wrong time, as Crowley battled to fit the giant suitcase through the front door while Bee laid on the sofa and did nothing to help.

Her arrival was made known by three things: the sound of Britney Spears’ ‘Womanizer’ muffled through car windows and getting ominously closer until coming to a head as she pulled up, a crash as the aforementioned car hit the lamp post outside the house, and then a loud, blunt exclamation of “fuck.”

“Ah, Dagon’s here.” 

She ran out of the car, leaving the engine on, door open and music still blasting, and gave Crowley a hard clap on the shoulder as she pushed past him and threw herself into Bee’s lap, only to be promptly deposited onto the floor.

“Aren’t you guys buzzed?” She grinned, red hair messy and falling into her face, partially covered by a black baseball cap that said “women want me, fish fear me” on the front.

“I was until you got here.” Bee fired back playfully, snatching the hat from Dagon’s head and shoving it on their own. It was way too big and the peak fell down over their eyes every time they moved, and they readjusted the size, quite intent on wearing it for the rest of the night, as they got up to help Dagon unpack her car.

Dagon had brought with her far too much of what she didn’t need and far too little of what she did; half of her car being taken up by a giant fish tank (“I’m going back home tomorrow to get them, I hope they don’t miss me too much.”) while the tiny suitcase on her passenger seat apparently held all of her clothes for the year. The music, still Britney Spears, was only turned off once Dagon had unloaded the car completely (as Bee and Crowley had discovered, she had created a playlist of every single Britney Spears song on Spotify), by which point many of the neighbours had already given them some rather distasteful looks from behind their net curtains. 

With the playlist blaring again, now through a speaker upon Dagon’s insistence, the three of them had split up to investigate the house. The outside was irregular and dirty-white, made complete by a wooden door with chipped black paint and a half shiny, half rusted number six nailed to the wall. The inside was no better, old carpets and ragged papering complimenting holes in the plaster and rusty radiator pipes.

None of them had even bothered to look around the place before signing the contracts - an offer of cheap rent and ‘satisfactory’ facilities more than enough to sway them.

Bee had taken to the garden, itching for nicotine, and they extracted a cigarette from behind their ear, scattering loose tobacco through their mess of black hair and making no effort to even acknowledge it, let alone remove it.

The garden was small, narrow and void of greenery completely, except from a pitiful looking tree that looked more like a long twig that had been plunged into a patch of gravel than anything that had ever been remotely alive. The ground was plain concrete, mossy and damp and unappealing in every sense, resembling an alleyway more so than a garden. Bee thought it crunched nicely beneath their thick-soled boots as they walked, and that was enough for them.

They hopped up onto the shoddy brick wall that ran the length of the garden fence, almost barreling straight into the tree-that-once-was, and once they’d found their footing they paused to light their cigarette. 

Crowley would be sure to try and bring the thing back to life, of that they were certain. 

Eyeing the fence, Bee was sure that it would fall down before the year was up, what with the rot and knot-marks and holes between the panels; and they suppressed a laugh at the death-rattle it gave when they kicked it. They spared a glance over into their neighbour’s garden, and then their nosiness overcame them and they draped their arms over the fence entirely, wrinkling their nose a little at how nice next door seemed in comparison. 

It was a wide, open space and the tiles on the ground looked brand new and almost shone under the early afternoon sun. Bee didn’t feel in the least bit bad about dropping cigarette ash all over them. In the middle was a patch of neat green grass, in the far corner a russet-painted shed, and the entire back fence was painted with a sunset-inspired mural.

Inside the house Bee saw a lone girl, busy packing things away into the wall units in the kitchen. Bee found themselves very intrigued, her deep brown skin flawless and shining with a rich gold highlighter that caught the sun every time she moved, and she wore a loose, ruffled white shirt that flowed with her movements and made her look like an angel. 

For someone so seemingly put-together, she’d sure picked a rough neighbourhood to live in.

Bee stopped staring, then, and as they turned to duck down behind the fence to finish their cigarette they met eyes with Crowley, making his way out of the back door to join them.

“Dagon’s setting up her tank," He waved vaguely behind him as he spoke, up on his tiptoes to peer eagerly over the fence. 

"What's next door like?" 

"Nice." Bee replied genuinely with a nod, waiting for Crowley's hum of approval before continuing. "When's your boy moving in?" 

Crowley choked, and Bee snickered when his face flushed almost as red as his hair.

He had started dating a boy named Aziraphale, though Crowley would only ever call him Ezra, Zira, or Angel, over the summer, having met online and hit it off in a fresher's group chat for their university. 

"Weird name." Bee had commented, and then had immediately taken it back upon remembering that their legal name had very nearly been Beelzebub.

The two had met up a few times, and soon become an official item. Bee could still vividly remember the absolute joy on Crowley's face when he'd found out that, arguably through some sort of divine intervention, Zira would be living just next door when term time started.

Who else he was living with, however, Bee and Crowley hadn't the faintest. All Zira had said was that there were four of them, two second years and two first years, and all of them had met through family friends, university societies and extra curricular youth groups. Nerds.

"Uh, h-he-" Crowley cleared his throat, removing his sunglasses as if it'd help him think better, brown eyes so light they almost shone yellow darting this way and that but never meeting Bee's own. "-He should be here tomorrow, or the day after."

Bee smirked at him, quirking an eyebrow. 

"You'll have to introduce us.”

Crowley very quickly brushed it off with an awkward nod.

“What do you think the rest of ‘em will be like?”

Bee finished their cigarette and stubbed out the end on the wall, little ashy embers flying back at them as they flicked the filter in the general direction of the drain by the back door.

‘Get something to put your dock ends in-’ Bee reminded themselves as they followed Crowley back through to the living room. ‘-Asshole. Think of the planet.’

“Insufferable, probably.” Bee shrugged, leaning back against the sofa and crossing one leg over their knee, their foot beginning to twitch and shake out of habit. They decided not to mention the girl they’d seen in the kitchen, knowing full well that Crowley would mislay the information to Dagon, who in turn would mislay it to Hastur, over-exaggerated and not at all true stories of Bee and the mystery girl somehow being an item forming from nothing more than boredom and a need for drama.

“Yeah, probably.” Crowley’s reply was half-hearted, paying no real attention as he instead stared down at his phone.

“Zira likes them, though, so I’m sure they’re nice enough.”

Bee made no effort to reply, but if they had, it would’ve been cut off. First by a crash, followed immediately by the second customary exclamation of “fuck” of the day. 

It was beginning to feel like home already.

[hale-of-stiles-heart]

damn it, here I'm again: how about sterek + (those are all so perfect dear lord someone send help) "I picked up what I thought was a stray on the side of the road last night and it turns out you’re a werewolf. Um. Can I offer you some pancakes?"

This was such a fun prompt to work with! (also on ao3)

Stiles had a history with strays.

Ever since he could walk, toddling around the Stilinski home as fast as his tiny little legs could carry him, he had an affinity for animals. More specifically, taking in any animal in need.

Living in a residential neighborhood adjacent to the local woods meant that he had never been lacking in that department. He couldn't throw a stone around their neighborhood without finding a baby bird that had fallen from its nest or a dog that had wandered out of its yard.

In the creek behind their house, buried in the woods by a groove of black willows and white alders, he used to catch redwood salamanders and Cascades frogs. He would wade knee deep into the water in search of the sneaky amphibians, never caring that his pants got soaked.

He would keep them in an old fish tank, arranging algae covered rocks in the water of the terrarium so his new pets could spend time on land. He used to spend hours digging up worms in the backyard so he could feed his amphibians.

Of course, they eventually died — wild animals weren't meant to be in captivity, after all — and Stiles had been devastated. He had cried for hours, until his eyes were red and puffy and his throat was sore.

A few months later, he found an abandoned squirrel pup in their front yard. There had been no nest in sight, nor any mother squirrel searching for her lost baby.

The pup was cold to the touch and Stiles refused to risk letting the pup freeze to death while waiting for its mother. John had reluctantly agreed and allowed Stiles to adopt the squirrel.

For the next several weeks, he dutifully nursed the squirrel pup with an eyedropper full of puppy milk. He set up a nest for it inside, composed of old t-shirts and ripped socks that made a perfect bed for the tiny pup.

It had been a bittersweet day when Claudia had informed Stiles that it was time for the squirrel to leave. They had released it in the backyard where it ran right up a nearby sycamore tree, chattering away as though saying goodbye.

After the squirrel came a blind kitten they found wandering through the neighborhood, mewling pitifully. Stiles had snuck the kitten into his room and cared for it under his parents' noses for weeks until his mom went looking for something in his room and stumbled onto his little secret.

Unfortunately, with Stiles in elementary school while both of his parents worked full-time, they just didn't have the time or resources to care for a special needs cat. But luckily there was an older woman who ran a cat sanctuary a few towns over.

After taking the cat in, she had assured Stiles that he could visit anytime he wanted. And he did, his mom driving him over every other weekend.

Next came an entire litter of puppies that he begged to keep, only for his dad to painstakingly explain why adopting six Tibetan mastiffs was not a very good idea. And after that was the mountain lion cub that he somehow found on one of his exploration through the woods.

John nearly had a heart attack when he came home from a double shift to find his son cuddling the baby of a two hundred pound killing machine.

He then had to inform Stiles that a mountain lion was not a pet. Park rangers had been called in and the cub was safely returned to its den for its mother find.

But Stiles' affinity for taking in strays never wavered. Even as he got older.

In high school, he worked at the vet clinic with his friend Scott, just so he could help out any animals in need. It was better than working some crappy retail job like many of his classmates.

And it was a great reprieve from the everyday stress of high school. If he was ever feeling particularly stressed, he would just call up Deaton and volunteer for an additional shift.

Basically, his job consisted of bottle feeding kittens and doing trial introductions for potential pet adopters. It was a pretty sweet gig apart from the occasional bittersweet moments when animals were adopted.

Even after he moved out of Beacon Hills to attend Stanford he made a point of dedicating his time to animals, getting a job at the local pet store just outside of town. So it was no surprise to anyone that while on break in Beacon Hills, he didn't hesitate to pull over to check on what looked like a stray dog standing on the side of the road.

He had been driving in from Stanford, having enough days off for Thanksgiving break to warrant the drive back to Beacon Hills. Drumming his fingers against Roscoe's steering wheel while imagining the amazing meal his dad would be making in a few days, Stiles had been absorbed in his own thoughts.

Until he noticed a dark shape in the shoulder of the forest road leading into town. His interest immediately piqued, he had pulled over to get a better look at whatever the dark shape was.

Lo and behold, it was a dog. A stray by the looks of it.

The dog was huge, probably some sort of wolf dog hybrid that someone had purchased on a whim then realized the complications of the hybrid. Its coat was jet black with a few grizzled spots around its muzzle.

Fortunately, the dog didn't seem undernourished or injured in any way. And it wasn't wearing a collar let alone a tag bearing an address or phone number.

But what really caught Stiles' attention was the dog's eyes. He hadn't thought dogs could have hazel eyes with that much green in them, captivated by the specks of gold and rivers of bluish silver in the canine's irises.

His heart instantly captured, Stiles had coaxed the dog closer with a few soft words and careful touches. He had been glad to find that the dog was a gentle giant, docile and sweet as Stiles scratched it behind its ears.

With plans to take the dog to the vet clinic first thing in the morning to check for an implanted ID chip, Stiles had corralled the dog into his Jeep and continued his drive home. His dad hadn't even bothered to act surprised when Stiles showed up on the front doorstep with a stray in tow.

But, of course, because Stiles' life could never be normal for more than a few months at a time, it turned out that the stray he had picked up was much more than meets the eye. He found that out the hard way the next morning.

After a wondrous night curled up in bed where he actually got the recommended eight hours of sleep, Stiles woke early in the morning craving pancakes. But not just any pancakes; his mother's famous pancakes.

They were fluffier than a cloud and had just a hint of vanilla, making them perfect for any kind of syrup under the sun from traditional maple to boysenberry. His mom had always made them on special occasions, especially holidays, which made them perfect for Thanksgiving break.

Once he brushed his teeth and took care of some other hygienic needs, he tiptoed downstairs to the kitchen, careful not to wake his dad. He hurried past the living room couch where the stray dog he had picked up had spent the night, too preoccupied with his thoughts to pause and greet the dog.

He was in the middle of flipping pancakes, adding an extra bit of flair the way his mom had taught him, when he heard the telltale pad of bare feet on the kitchen tiles. Beaming, he looked over his shoulder, cheerfully greeting, "Mornin', pops— Uh... You're not my dad..."

He was pretty much stating the obvious since the tall, bearded, naked man standing in the kitchen was clearly not his father. The aforementioned bearded, naked man said as much, simply stating, "Uh, no."

"Are-Are we being robbed?" Stiles asked, turning the heat on the stove down and tightening his grip on the metal spatula in his hand in case they really were being robbed. "Because, I gotta say, this is fucking weird, man. You're not even wearing pants."

The mystery man's eyes widened almost comically as he tensed and rushed to cup his hands over his crotch. His cheeks flushed, drawing Stiles' attention back to his eyes. His eyes that were oddly familiar.

Hazel-green with gold and silver. Holy shit.

"Shit, you're a werewolf, aren't you?" Stiles groaned, feeling his own face flush. He had practically kidnapped someone! Because he thought they were a stray!

The yet to be introduced man just nodded, still looking embarrassed as all hell. Stiles let out a sigh, "Keep an eye on the pancakes. I'll be right back."

He waited for the werewolf to nod before he slipped out of the kitchen and back upstairs to the laundry room where he rifled around for a clean pair of pajama pants. After finding his baggiest pair, he hurried back downstairs where he was met with an eyeful of the werewolf's firm ass and the tattoo between his shoulder blades.

"Uh, here. These should fit ya," Stiles announced after clearing his throat, holding out the red pajama pants that just so happened to be patterned with white dog bones. Turning his head to give Mr. No Name some privacy, he wandered back over to the stovetop where his pancakes were still cooking. "I'm Stiles, by the way."

"Derek," the Sheriff's voice returned, managing to make Stiles' cheeks flush even deeper. He craned his neck to take a peek at his dad who was embracing the now only half naked werewolf, a friendly smile on his face. "Son, this is Derek Hale, my new deputy."

"Of course it is," Stiles mumbled, hanging his head as he poked at one of the pancakes with the spatula. Sparing another glance over his shoulder, he watched Derek and his dad plop down at the kitchen table.

"So... Can I offer you some pancakes?" Stiles asked, meeting Derek's mesmerizing eyes.

"Yeah, why not," Derek answered smoothly, sending Stiles a sly wink when the Sheriff wasn't looking.

It may have been one of the most embarrassing moments of his life but it made one hell of a 'how I met your father' story.

[jetfuel-cantmeltsteelbeams]

Disney Christmas 2k17

Timeline: New Court

Location: The Four Seasons, Orlando Florida

Characters: Braxis Draekmol, Amelie Smithe-Nightengale, Balthazar Draekmol Smithe-Nightengale, // Astor Smithe-Nightengale, Béla Király // Jaxon Mile, Nicolette Blythe-Demmekke, Astraea Demmekke, Alexei Demmekke // Talyn Blythe-Demmekke, Alastyr Delle // Ashlae Summers, Casimir Luce, Logan // Mattea Cross, Luna Luce

Song Used: King Kunta by Kendrick Lamar

Summary: Braxis has just enough time to hide Amelie’s ring before meeting his newest challenge yet // Astor tries to draw a few laughs out of her warrior with a little singing and dancing // Jaxon returns to their hotel suite after a training session to find his beautiful wife taking a nap with her little cousins // Talyn and Alas find a middle ground to finally learn about each other // Ashlae sets up her gear and settles in with some bad news from her devices while watching Casimir // Mattea struggles with Evryn’s infidelity as she shops with Luna and Nicolette on the strip.

Day One

Braxis Draekmol stood in front of the fancy bathroom mirror, towel drying his black hair as he stared at the little black box on the counter. He’d picked it up weeks ago, before all this shit had hit the fan. Ever since, he’d kept it hidden at the bottom of his bags, wrapped and hidden deep in his spare pair of boots just in case his little painter decided to unpack for him.

Amelie had just about been snatched from their room upon arrival by her sisters, leaving the dragon to fend for himself in the large, luxury suite. He’d known that the queens had money, had his own small fortune squired away between mortal bank accounts, but this type of fugle spending, he was still getting used to. Amelie chalked it up to something about dragons and their need to hoard, but he brushed it off due to her fantastic ass. 

Setting aside the damp towel, he reached for a pair of fresh boxers and drug them up his hips, unable to ignore the box that seemed to stare him down. What to do, what to do…

“Bray?”

With a soft curse, the dragon snatched up the offending box, clutching it as if she could see through walls. He could hear her heels on the wood floors as she searched through the rooms for him, getting closer to the bathroom.

“Yeah- one second.” Scowling, he scoured the room for a place to stash the ring, anywhere she wouldn’t look.

Her voice called from just outside the bathroom door. “Bray, come look! I got us a present- you’re gonna love it!”

“Shit,” he cursed on a breath. He’d brought the box with him into the bathroom for his shower, afraid she’d get back and unpack before he was finished. Now he was trapped with the damn thing unless he could find-

On the counter, a small array of hand towels arranged in swans sat in the corner. It took a second to find one big enough to stow the box in, but if he set the others in front, it wasn’t too noticeable.

Satisfied at the temporary fix, he loosed a breath before opening the door to find his beautiful brunette holding what looked to be a small white handbag.

“What did you get, little love?”

Her grin stunned him, even after all this time. The way it split her face, narrowing her blue eyes- his chest tightened at the sight.

Until her arms came out, and she was holding the bag right in front of his face. A tickle began at the back of his throat almost immediately, and the dragon frowned a second before turning away to sneeze.

Once. 

Twice.

“His name is Balthazar and I love him.”

And when he turned back, brows furrowed as he tried to piece together her words, a small pink dot appeared seconds before the white bag leaned forward and licked his nose.

As he focused, he realized that it wasn’t a bag at all, but a small, fluffy, canine.

Black eyes- eyes that were beginning to itch with irritation- narrowed on the queen before him. “No.”

Her smile turned into a pretty pout at the word. She clutched the dog to her chest, petting its head- or what he assumed to be it’s head. It’s body was one puff of white fur. “Love, do they even allow dogs in here?”

That beautiful, glossed bottom lip extended even more as she answered. “They let Astor in, didn’t they? Oh Bray, he’s so cute and I love him and I know you’ll be best friends-”

“I’m allergic to dogs.”

“No you’re not.”

“I can literally feel the hives forming.”

“They make ointment for that.”

“I’ll eat him.“ 

“You wouldn’t dare.“

“Amelie.“  “Braxis.“

“No.”

“Yes.”

By the first dragons, he was going to have to live with this creature.

“Oh, I got a bone to pick. I don’t want you money mouth motherfuckers sittin’ in my throne again!” Astor Smithe bounced her ass in time to the beat of the music she had turned up to a staggering volume. Dressed in one of her warrior’s t-shirts and panties, her face reflected the lyrics she sang.

“Bitch where you when I was walkin’? Now I run the game, got the whole world talkin’, King Kunta.” Out of the corner of her eyes, she spotted her Berserker in the doorway, resting a shoulder against the frame as he watched her with amusement dancing in those hazel eyes. Turning, she pointed at the tall Hungarian as she sang along. “Everybody wanna cut the leg off him, Kunta. Black man takin’ no losses. Bitch where you when I was walkin’?” Barefoot, she made her way over to him, bringing herself to the middle of the front room from the bed. “Now I run the game, got the whole world talkin’. King Kunta.”

Her hair fell in waves down to her waist, messy from the quick blow out she’d done after her shower. “When you got the yams- what’s the yams?” Her voice turned up as she sang both parts, throwing her eyes to the ceiling while twisting her face in an innocent, vapid expression. “The yam is the power that be.” Snatching up a shirt she’d discarded over an armchair, she tossed it in the direction of her warrior, letting it fall on the floor at his feet. “You can smell it when I’m walkin’ down the street!”

Her lips exploded in a dazzling grin. Reaching for his hand, she pulled him further into the room, encouraging him to dance with her along to the beat. “Most of y’all sharing bars like you got the bottom bunk in a two man cell.” Pinching her nose, she pretended to be a diver. “Something’s in the water- something’s in the water.” Tapping her chin, she smiled up at him. “And if I got a brown nose for some gold then I’d rather be a bum than a motherfuckin’ baller.”

Jaxon Mile released a breath as he walked down the hotel hallway, fishing the keycard to their rooms out of his joggers. He’d spent the past few hours in the private workout rooms, finally working off the urge to pound away at a bag that he’d felt for days now. He stripped off the gear Ashlae had gifted him to help track his training progress, excited to see the results on his tablet inside.

1145. He slipped the card in, pushing the door open once the light turned green. He frowned as he shut it behind him, taking note of the dim rooms and silence-

Not silence; a soft snore called to him, familiar as the rhythm of his own heartbeat. Satisfaction warmed his chest as he made his way quietly through the rooms until he found it’s source.

In the giant white bed, she’d pulled the covers down halfway. Her black mane had been pulled into a messy bun, as if thrown up in an afterthought before passing out. He could make out her grey tank top, an arm outstretched to lay over the two smaller forms curled up beside her. Astraea hadn’t even been changed from her dress, her face pressed into Nicolette’s chest with her brother sprawled spread eagle on his back, two loose fist laying on the pillow.

Jaxon’s hand came up to rub at the ache in his chest as he watched them doze, amazed at the things that brought him comfort these days. He’d never known his wife to take naps, but the midday exhaustion these days barely kept her from falling out around noon.

This vacation was good for her, good for them all. He made his way to the side of the bed, reaching out to brush a stray lock from her cheek.

Her chest rose, and his wife turned to flicker her lashes up at him. “Jake?”

“I’m here,” he whispered through a smile. “Go back to sleep. I’m going to wash off.”

Her reply was lost to the grogginess, and in seconds she was out once again.

Talyn Demmekke reclined on the patio chair, fully engrossed in the book splayed in his lap. He’d changed as soon as they left for their rooms, exchanging his jeans and t-shirt for a black tank top and grey sweats. On the table beside him, a bowl with herbs smoldered beside a stack of tombs he intended to read. The prince was fully relaxed amongst familiar smells and sights, happy to be left alone with his books for company.

And just when he thought this vacation was exactly what he needed to release some tension in his mind and soul, the double doors to his private patio crept open.

As soon as he glanced up from the page, the tiny redhead was frowning down at him. “Is this how you have fun?”

Talyn’s cheeks flushed red, as they always did when she was around. His child bride, his little mate. Sometimes he even envied his twin, who’s emotionless demoness was barely speaking to him these days. At least Evryn didn’t have to deal with a decade long age gap with his mate- just a moral one.

“I...” He cleared his throat before shutting the book in his lap, marking the page with his finger. “Yes?”

Alas shifted her stance, twisting to read the title over his shoulder. Riotous, red curls fell in his face, and the prince struggled to mask how her scent affected him by shifting the tomb in his lap. “The Art of War, by Sun Tzu.” She read the words slow, like a child that was still learning their pronunciation.

Which, he figured, she was. “It’s a collection of military strategies, written over generations of Chinese war generals.”

She frowned, fixing him with those eerie, mismatched eyes. “Why do you read it?” she asked.

He tried not to notice her low cut white top, or the slim curve to her waist, or the pale alabaster skin of her thighs where her shorts cut off, or those eyes that seemed to soak in everything they saw. So he watched her lips, which wasn’t much better than all the rest in taming the blush he was sure tinted his cheeks. “It’s… a good book.”

Her smile, hesitant and unsure as it was, sent his heart stampeding at an uneven rhythm. She took the seat of the patio chair beside his, hands folding in her lap as she waited.

Talyn’s brows rose. What was she waiting for?

Her smile faltered in the silence, as if second guessing herself. A pale, white hand came up to tuck a strand of fire behind one ear. “Will you tell me about it? I don’t know many things.”

The first lesson he’d learned upon entering the Brotherhood of Scholars; the first, and only true truth a man should speak was the admittance of uncertainty in all things. The quest for knowledge began at the crossroads of pride and ignorance; to pursue it meant forever taking the mindset of a student, foregoing arrogance in favor of humbly asking, always, why?

And so Talyn focused his eyes on the tomb in his lap, furrowing his brows as he called to mind what resided in the pages before him- then traveled to the true definition of war, and took a sideroad to the argument of defining justice. Which, of course, brought him back to his favorite philosophy debate; Socrates’ question ‘what is justice? How do we define it?’

Minutes had passed in silence before he realized she was still waiting for him to speak, and his mind had run away from him once again. “I’m sorry,” he offered on a nervous chuckle. “Do you want me to tell you about the book I’m reading?”

Alas shrugged, a very un-princess like gesture. Her own cheeks heated as she stammered a reply. “I… don’t know many things. My brother has teached me so much, but-”

“Taught.”

She frowned, cheeks burning from a pale pink to a bright auburn rose. “Taught. My brother has taught me so much.”

Talyn smiled, giving her a look of encouragement before setting the book on the pile he’d stacked by the table. “What is one of your favorite things?” he asked, leaning back in his chair. This was beginning to feel a bit easier, he realized.

Her eyes lit up, the colors of green and blue nearly shocking him silent as she spoke. “I like the sky very much.”

“Then we’ll talk about astrology.”

Ashlae Summers turned in place, arms locked around the somber toddler on her hip as she glanced back at the shopping proposal Nicolette shouted to her pink headed mate. Luna looked unsure, worrying her bottom lip as she debated on giving her sister an answer. 

“Ash will watch Cas while we shop, Luna, won’t you? We’ll pick you up a dress while we’re out- you don’t like all that hassle anyway. We’ll take care of it for you.” 

Nicolette had a point- Ashlae hated clothes shopping when it came to fashion versus comfort. Apparently her opinion was always wrong in the eyes of the queens. ‘No, you can’t wear a hoodie and jeans to a ball’ had been thrown in her face too many times for the hacker to really care what went on her body, just as long as it covered the essentials. 

Giving Casimir a soft bounce to get him higher on her hip, the caramelatte nodded once and even meet her partner’s concerned gaze. Fighting down the fury that rose, Ashlae told Luna, “I’ve got him- he needs a nap anyway.” 

Relief lit the Hell Queen’s features, and though she hated it, she added, “Something comfortable, please. And dark colors- don’t put me in yellow again or I’ll shred your ball gowns soon as we get back.” 

1152. “I think this is our room, Cas,” she murmured to the toddler babbling softly in her ear as she fished in her deep pockets for the key card. The plastic revolted her- she knew first hand how easy it was to break through the security with nothing more than a well placed scanner and some patience. 

The light flashed red to green, and Ashlae let out a soft gasp at the room laid out before her. Luxury upon luxury- something she could truly appreciate, given the hovels she’d spent the better part of her adult life hiding in. 

Soon as she closed the door behind her, she flicked the latch to slide the bolt home. “Wanna play with Logan, Cas?” The baby’s giggle of excitement warmed her chest, drawing a smile of her own to play on her lips. “Alright, alright. You’re gonna make me jealous.” 

Setting the toddler in the middle of the California King bed, Ashlae set up a pillow bumper system around him as he waited patiently on the white comforter. 

Drawing the backpack from her shoulders, she flipped through the padlock on the zipper until finally, her hand was fishing deep in the middle compartment. “Ah,” she breathed, pulling out a 6x4 white box. She pressed a pattern into the flat surface until a soft hum brought the box to life. 

“Logan?” 

In her earpiece, a melancholy voice answered. “Yes?” 

“Boot up Mystique software, Casimir’s update, the latest mod. Lets work on our animal names today.” She counted the seconds it took for the hum coming from the box in hand to shift, telling her the upload was complete. She’d only gotten to eight before seamless compartments began to contort and adjust themselves, until she set a white monkey about the same height and size of the toddler on the bed. 

And as he clapped, squealing in excitement as the animal moved around mimicking the real thing, she spoke again into her ear piece. “And find what room Arik’s in. Have flowers sent there tomorrow morning.”

“Yes, Miss Summers.” 

“Make sure he doesn’t fall off the bed, please. Scan the surface, alert me if he gets near the edge.” She didn’t wait for a response before she started to move, digging in the backpack until she found the devices she searched for by texture and touch, setting each piece out in front of her as she needed it. 

Striding to the door, she placed small black bricks on the wall. “Any type of floral arrangement in particular, or should I pick the flowers myself?” 

Drawing a device from her pocket, Ashlae let out a snort of amusement as she unfolded the flexible glass until the flat surface of her tablet snapped into place. Immediately all of her technology came to the screen under their given nicknames, thanks to the print reader on the back that scanned her hand for security. “Set a reminder later tonight to look at your personality code. I don’t remember programming sarcasm into your response generator.” 

A soft bell sounded in the background of her earpiece, and on the tablet a notification for her schedule appeared. “Reminder set. The floral arrangement?” 

“Gardenias. A dozen or so will do.” 

“Miss Summers, if I may I don’t think a man of Merlin’s caliber will appreciate a floral arrangement such as gardenias.” 

She tapped away at the screen of her tablet, until the tech blockers blinked twice, a soft green light to alert her of their battery being switched on. That would keep any scanner rendered key from coming within arm’s length from their door without sounding an alarm. “Maybe not, but whatever woman he takes to bed tonight might enjoy them in the morning. What girl doesn’t like gardenias?” 

“Understood. The receipt has been sent to your email, payment taken from your personal accounts.” 

“Thank you, Logan.” She flashed a grin to the bed, where Casimir was giggling at a small white pig that oinked in his face. As she passed, she ruffled the mass of snow white hair on his head before setting the rest of the contents of her bag on the desk. “Start up the security check software, have it scan all the devices in this room that aren’t mine. Alert me of any two-way paths.”

“Yes, Miss Summers.” 

Her projectors took no time to set up in front of the television, extending from three little black boxes she set on the stand. As she waited for them to boot and flicker her screens, she shed the heavy black hoodie she’d worn for the trip, tossing it onto a chair in the corner. 

Her brown gaze took no time scanning the information they displayed, mind running at the outputs as her hand absently scratched at the flexible black brace Arik had fitted to her wrist, which ran all the way up to just before her elbow. 

“Are you ready to see your health summary now, Miss Summers?” 

As her eyes continued to scan the results of what her security scan had turned up, she nodded absently. “First screen, all mobile devices that receive transmissions, please.” As she finished reading the results, the first projector’s content flickered to display a rotating mirror of her body, small blue dots pulsating where the devices on her person were relaying information to be read. 

“Shut down that media connection that’s coming from the television,” she muttered, eyes glued to the green and black text and read off where a potential threat could push through. Her body moved almost on instinct, eyes never straying as her hand tapped twice in the right spot on a grey box, and again on a shiny black one by it’s side. “That’s the transmitter and the router powering on. As soon as they come online have the transmitter block all noise outside my rooms, and use the router’s wifi so that the communications between all devices isn’t lagging.” 

“Yes, Miss Summers. Now, your health status needs some reviewing.” 

“First, I want to be sure this room is silent.” 

“Understood. Countdown to silence in sixteen, fifteen, fourteen...” Ashlae broke her gaze from the displayed information to turn back to the bed, offering a grin to the boy calling out “Lion! Roar!” as a miniature of the animal crouched by a pillow to his side, hide wagging in the air.  

“That’s right Cas, roar!” 

“...Three, two, one. Radio silence from the transmitter. Router has been brought online, and is now in use.” 

“Thank you, Logan.” She turned back to the desk, rolling out a large black mat that had been the hardest to pack and setting all of her devices on it’s soft, warm surface. “Any trouble in charging?” 

She watched every green light come on, but still waited for the sordid reply in her ear before turning away. “No, Miss Summers. All devices are online, in use, and charging. Now, please. The health statistics need reviewing.” 

Ashlae rolled her eyes, even though the software couldn’t appreciate how extravagant an eye roll it really was. Dropping to her knees, she plugged the mat in before speaking. “I’m ready for the report. Go ahead.” 

“Thank you, Miss Summers. Now please, if you’ll face the given displays we can begin.” 

She made a face that, again, went unappreciated before straightening, casting one last look at the bed- a horse now, as Casimir squealed “Pony!” - and turning her attention to the projected displays. All three had merged together to show her miniature floating in space, the seven devices she wore pulsing blue and now red for her attention. 

“Miss Summers, you should know that Mr. Merlin has checked on the status of all devices multiple times since you last asked for a report.” 

A scowl took her lips as Ashlae crossed her arms, the mesh of black on her forearm warm against her flesh. “I had a health report on the plane ride this morning.” 

“My information still stands to be accurate.” 

“How many times did he check, exactly?” 

“Twenty-seven checks as of thirteen minutes and eight seconds ago.” Speaking over her scoff, he continued. “All levels were reviewed from each device and cross examined multiple times. The shortest review log is three minutes, thirty-two seconds. Longest log stands at forty-nine minutes, six seconds.”

“What was I doing during the time of that log, the forty-nine minute one?” 

“Sleeping, Miss Summers. On the plane, I believe.” 

Once again, brown eyes rolled. “He’s such a creep. Is there any way to deny him access?” 

A soft pause sent her brows rising in surprise. “Not unless you’re willing to trash his hardware, I’d say no.” 

“I wrote the software!” 

“He’s not using your pathways to glance in, Miss Summers. There are pre-existing pathways in a double layer of hardware, we’ve been over this.” 

“Are you sassing me, Logan? Do you need another personality modification? It’s been awhile since I really sunk my teeth into that code of yours-” 

“Again, Miss Summers, if you’ll turn your attention to the screen, I’ve brought up the most immediate concerns for your inspection.” As he spoke, her projected miniature shrunk and slid to the right of the screens, making room for the text that read out her results over the past few hours of activity in a quick summary for each device. 

On her body at the moment, she wore a few detachable pieces such as the wristband watch on her right arm, the brace on her left, the earpiece Logan spoke to her from, and the white patch on her right shoulder. All four relayed different health statistics to her health database and could be taken off at any time. But some pieces weren’t so easy to shed, such as the cranial implant, the chip in her left calf, and heart monitor deep in her muscle of her chest. All three had been surgically planted in her body years ago, the software cracked and updated once she left from the company that claimed to own her very thoughts. 

“That’s not so bad,” she whispered to herself as she scanned the data. Her temperature had spiked around three, only by a few degrees and hadn’t lasted long enough for a medical override alert. Other than that, there wasn’t much to worry on-

“Have you gotten to the data relayed from your brace, Miss Summers?” 

Shifting her eyes, she re-read the information displayed beneath the device’s name. Dread crept up the back of her throat as she expanded the synopsis. “It’s spreading, then.” 

“And rising in temperature by a fraction of degrees every few hours. I would have missed it myself, except that’s the device Mr. Merlin spent the majority of his forty-nine minute log pulling up. He’s been monitoring that rash as it spreads- an inch every twelve hours, it seems.” 

Dread turned to cold fear as she watched the display as it zoomed in on her forearm, the brace breaking off her miniature to project a 360 degree view of the mysterious rash that had appeared on her wrist two weeks ago. 

She could only assume that it was a side effect of coming into contact with one of the vials she’d broken in her escape from the lab a month ago. “What about the chemical readings from my calf implant and cranial patch?” 

“Nothing abnormal from what we’ve logged the past three weeks since it was added to the log.” 

Ashlae sighed, taking a step back from the interface and waving a hand as if wiping it all away. The gesture triggered a response from her projectors, erasing the health summary and instead reading her current hacker tag. 

Hell Cat Co. turned in place, the logo colored with a pastel pink and beige undertones. “Are we still silent?” she asked, turning from her tag to watch Casimir give the overgrown white puppy a yank on it’s tail. 

“Quiet as the grave, Miss Summers.” 

Her lips twisted in an amused slant. “Was that a joke, Logan?” 

“I am not programmed to joke, Miss Summers.” 

“Right.” Another eye roll for the ages. “Can I get a party location update, please?” 

“Certainly, Miss Summers. Allow me a moment to find everyone, if you will.“ She murmured that she’d wait, absently rubbing the mesh brace with her free hand as she watched Casimir giggle at the howling wolf before him. “By relevance, Little Love and Hell Cat are together, medical status similar to last logged check.” She grinned at the boy on the bed. 

“Dark Dove, Little Princess and Little Prince status suggests sleep, Cheshire within relative distance that would suggest similar rooms being occupied.” Nicolette, Astraea, and Alexei must be napping then. She’d be surprised if Jaxon left their side at all, let alone the damn room. Overbearing den cat that he was. 

“Raven and Child Bride share a location.” Talyn and Alastyr must be getting along, then. Good, she was glad that they were taking this vacation as an opportunity to learn more about each other. 

“Dawn and Smaug also share a relative location.” Braxis hasn’t left Amelie’s side except to let the goddess piss; if she were less of a logic-centered person and more of a gambler, she’d have bet the house on that part of the update. 

“Twilight and Battle Axe have accelerated heart rates, would you like me to look closer?” 

A sly grin split her lips, and Ashlae shook her head. “No, that won’t be necessary. Continue with the report.” The goddess and her warrior had been going at it like bunnies in heat- she was almost sure she’d caught sight of them coming out of the commode together on the flight over. 

“And that’s all for this level, would you like me to search beyond this floor?” 

Her heart skipped a beat, and she was sure Arik would notice the abnormalcy in his neck check-in.  “Relay location for My Love.” 

“On ground floor, in close proximity to Maleficent, Little Fire and Little Ice.” Relief flooded her as she realized that they must be checking out the play area downstairs. Mattea had been walking around with Daryn on her hip since they landed, Millian’s hand tangled in her shirt bottom as he trailed behind. 

With a sigh, Ashlae ran a hand over her tired eyes. Nicolette must have bailed on shopping last minute for a nap, would probably get up in about an hour and join the others. 

“What about Sparrow and Merlin?” Evryn hadn’t been in the report, but she could assume Arik had already left to prowl for tonight’s main course of tall-slim-and-blonde. Gods she hoped he didn’t get another screamer, she hated those. 

Mattea Cross frowned as she caught sight of herself in the reflection of a shop window, tilting her head slightly. The past few hours she’d spent with Nicolette and Luna, they’d gotten their hair done at a salon in one of the bottom levels of the hotel; they’d encouraged her to cut off nearly half her hair. She’d agreed, simply because tying it back was becoming too tedious these days due to it’s length. Now it sat at the middle of her back, hovering around her cheeks in the front. The girls had taken her along with them as they shopped, determined to get all new wardrobes for themselves and their partners.

And they’d made her change at the first store they found with clothing tasteful enough for the queens delights. They’d tossed her black leather trews and t-shirt into the bin, and now she wore a white swatch of cloth that came down to just above her navel and dipped low on her bust, crossing in the back to be tied by the raven angel. She’d been given shorts as well, a light colored denim that frayed and ended just below her bottom. The sneakers and sunglasses were small comforts, and she was beginning to adjust to the clothing.

As they walked down the sidewalk, Nicolette and Luna’s arms linked with Mattea trailing behind, she began to notice the stares of men. Before, they’d found somewhere else to put their gaze when she’d been clad in fighting leathers. But now their eyes were hungry for the golden brown of her skin, roaming over her body like an unexplored territory they wished to visit to their heart’s content.

Mattea kept her face impassive behind the tinted glasses, her lips never straying from their designated flat line. Even as her mind wandered to the possibility, she never gave any of the mortals a real chance- she was a kingdom in her own right that they would never gain citizenship of, never touch or kiss or warm.

Lost in the land of her thoughts, she didn’t notice she’d been spoken to until Nicolette glanced over her shoulder for an answer. The blonde raised her brows in a silent request for the queen to repeat herself.

“Do you like the new clothes you picked out?” Hope flickered in the kind regent’s gaze, curiosity coloring the grey hues. They had all agreed to attend a dinner reservation together tonight, and while that had been what prompted the three to go hunting for appropriate apparel, it had soon turned into a wardrobe excursion.

She nodded her answer, casting her mind back to the many pieces of clothes the two lunatics ahead of her had pressured her to buy. Maniacs with black cards, she deemed them.

Scrunching her nose, Nicolette turned to the Queen of the Hell Realms. “I can’t wait to see Evryn’s face tonight when she comes out in that dress.” A squeal that Mattea was certain didn’t befit a queen exploded from the raven’s lips. “That should fix whatever’s between the two of you.”

As if her mate’s adulterous antics could be expunged by the correctly colored fabric hanging in one of these vapid shops- only if she searched hard enough. As if she’d find a shawl that could cover that scene from her memory- if only she found it in beige instead of midnight blue. Would a strappy camisole succeed in covering her nausea every time she relived the horror of that night, or would an off-the-shoulder halter top do? Heels or sandals; infidelity or ignorance.

Behind the glasses, Mattea’s green hues found a shop on the other side of the street, distracting herself with the colors she could see through the large windows.

[thebibliomancer]

Essential Avengers: King-Size Avengers #6: No Final Victory!

November, 1976

There’s a sort of joke in various anime fandoms where they like to mock off-model background characters. And that’s all I could think looking at Beast on this cover.

Oh. Yeah and I guess Nuklo is up to his old tricks again. And Living Laser with his new hat. And I think an ennui-filled Whizzer just punched a GI.

And we have another Jack Kirby cover which is frankly obvious by all these Jack Kirby faces. The man had a style.

There’s a lot going on here.

So lets get to it. There’s a lot of pages to cover and I have again waited for the night before to start. Just like in college...

So last time: There’s a lot of context but suffice to say the Avengers stole the very naughty Serpent Crown from another universe and then just left it in the ruins of corporate America just because a giant whale man punched them. That’s just irresponsible.

Also, someone brought Wonder Man back to life and mailed him to the Avengers which is a hecka rude present.

Scarlet Witch went off on a journey of self-discovery and also to retrieve the crown, got ambushed by Living Laser and shot by a mook. Wonder Man wandered off and fell under the sway of Living Laser. And the Whizzer came to ask the Avengers for help only to beat them all up because someone (Living Laser) shot him in the eye with a laser. As you can see, a lot of laser is going on recently.

That brings us to: Scarlet Witch busting through the wall like the Kool-Aid Man Oh Yeah (and she is red)!

And she seriously tries to play off getting shot as just a flesh wound and “nothing serious.” Damn, Wanda. Damn.

Anyway, before she passes out from blood loss or shock or whichever, she manages to remind the Avengers that they kind of just left the Serpent Crown at Brand. But she doesn’t manage to reveal that Living Laser has it. Just that “he’s found it... taken it...”

I’m not going to be too hard on her. I’ve certainly never flown across New York with an experimental flying belt after getting shot, blown up a wall like X-Factor, and revealed nearly everything important to my teammates shortly before collapsing. I can’t judge.

Vision, of course, goes into full on panicky protective husband mode and starts yelling for a doctor physician. It kind of makes you wonder why the Avengers don’t just have one on call all the time? Even the X-Men manage that, sometimes.

Oh, remember how last post I commented that Wanda being afraid of her powers felt like a new direction from a new writing team thing? Because now we have Wasp commenting that the Avengers changing so much since she left the team scares her more than the Serpent Crown.

Which is an... interesting character moment. From gung-ho ‘hell yes i’m going to rejoin the Avengers i’ve been so, so bored’ Wasp.

Annnnnyway. The Whizzer wakes up. Doesn’t even remember attacking them. And while he takes a moment to catch his breath, Beast decides to skip out on old man recap time. He’s going to go look for Wonder Man. And somebody has to be worried about where that mindless chump got off too.

So Whizzer gets into his story. He explains that when he was beating up the Avengers, he saw them as Isbisa, Future Man, and Madame Death. Some of his foes from his All Winners Squad stint.

He guesses he’s just getting old. Again, the horrifying specter of a super-powered man with dementia is raised.

Wasp insists there’s another explanation. Because she understands that this is comic books and nothing is ever simple.

Lets split up, gang. We’ll cover more ground that way, Iron Man basically says. Wasp and Yellowjacket will take Whizzer to get some dinner. Cap and Iron Man will try to track down the Serpent Crown. Vision is off getting medical attention for Wanda. And Beast went looking for Wonder Man.

If the Avengers had a DM, he would be furious at them. Splitting the party so much.

So once Cap and Iron Man are off alone in the scanning room, Iron Man comes clean with Cap.

No, no. Its nothing morally dubious, as will populate Tony’s later years. But when they were on Other-Earth, Iron Man stealthily took some readings of the Serpent Crown’s unique radioactive aura with his wristlojackimator.

So conveniently, they can track the crown. Which I guess is why Iron Man was pretty casual about just forgetting it. ‘Eh, I’ll find it later using its secret radiation signature’ probably.

And the scanning room finds the crown heading west toward California. Wanda was right! In that somebody has the crown as opposed to nobody.

So Iron Man and Cap get into a Quinjet and head off after it alone.

Because going off on your own without telling anyone has never lead to bad circumstances on this ever has it??

They just don’t learn they just don’t learn

Anyways, Wasp and Yellowjacket’s problems of their own is having dinner with a lonely old man who has been spoiling for an audience to tell his sad life story to.

I’m being uncharitable. Actually Hank and Jan would love to know where the hell Mr. Frank has been since the wedding. Because they too were worried, off-panel.

Okay so remember how the Whizzer first showed up because of Nuklo? And the Avengers stopped his rampage. And Whizzer found out that Scarlet Witch and Quicksilver were his kids until they weren’t down the line? Well that was all well and good but old man Whizzer still felt old and useless.

His wife is dead. One of his children is a monster. And the other two are married and don’t really need him in their lives.

So he wrote Wanda, telling her he was going away. And then he disappeared into New York’s Bowery and tried to drink himself to death. He found himself in a charity ward and hallucinated a nurse was his wife and realized that yup, time to get his life back together.

So he took months to sober up. And then he went to the government to find out what happened to his monster son. They weren’t accommodating so he just stole the files from them. Because hey. He loves his monster son.

And apparently what happened to his monster son is that while the Whizzer was pickling himself, Nuklo became a prisoner of the US Army in California.

Hey, isn’t that where Cap and Iron Man are going? Hmm...

Meanwhile, chapter two. INTERLUDE!

Beast has managed to track Wonder Man to an alley. Little suspecting that Wonder Man is lurking right behind him. Beast is also musing aloud about the connection between VIsion and Wonder Man because somebody has to keep the audience reminded of these things and why not Beast?

Anyway, Wonder Man jumps out and CHOMM!s Beast so hard he BOMMmms.

Beast tries to interrogate him to find out hey whats up with you. But Wonder Man isn’t really that curious how he has come back to life. Although he describes his time dead(?) as “For years I lived in darkness, unable to speak, unable to move!”

Anyway, Wonder Man kicks Beast’s big blue ass. And Beast realizes that Wonder Man is powerful enough to turn him into blue confetti unless

Unless he pulls out the most genius battle strategy of all!

He waits until Wonder Man is charging him and just kicks him so he slams head first into a wall.

And that knocks the guy out.

Wonder Man, your durability is confusing.

But a crowd has started to gather and gawk so Beast grabs Wonder Man, takes note of some charred spots that corroborates Living Laser’s involvement, and then takes off to get Wonder Man some medical help.

And that’s how Beast beat a guy who could solo the original Avengers in one move.

Chapter Three: CONFRONTATION!

I’m not really sure how to parse the perspective on this but Iron Man and Cap have followed the Serpent Crown’s signal to a secret army outpost slash mansion.

And the outpost is ignoring their hailing frequencies. Troubling.

And I’m not sure what kind of holding pattern the Quinjet was in but a tank on the ground aims up and blows up the Quinjet.

Geez. Quinjets. Always with the exploding.

Both Cap and Iron Man jumped out at the last second so they don’t die. And Iron Man shoots a tree to ricochet a repulsor at Cap to prevent him from dying to fall damage... somehow.

Its all a bit of a mystery.

Anyway, Cap starts beating up the rogue soldiers. As does Iron Man, who gets a cool moment of tanking a bunch of gunfire like a Terminator.

And then a tank happens.

So Iron Man breaks it.

Anyway. The two heroes have beaten up enough mooks to summon a larger fish.

General Pollock: “We’re ready for a cease-fire -- and I guess it’s time we explained!”

Cap: “You’ve got a lot to explain soldier -- so make it good. We want to know why you refused to acknowledge our radio signal -- and why you jumped us!”

Iron Man: “More important than that, Cap: where’s the Serpent Crown?”

General Pollock: “All those questions have one answer, gents. And at the moment, he’s right behind you --”

ZAMMMMMMMM

And both Avengers are lasered unconscious.

Yup. So obviously Living Laser is in league with this renegade brigadier general. And the cease-fire was just a ruse to let Living Laser surprise them from behind.

Dirty tricks. But if a hero pulled the same move, it would be heroic resourcefulness.

Okay so now: Chapter Four: CLIMAX

From what I gather, Living Laser is up to his old tricks. But instead of taking over South America Country, now he’s going to take over the United States. With a little help from renegade General Pollock.

Who decided to go freelance after Nuklo was placed under his care for national security reasons. Sounds like he was insufficiently vetted, really.

Anyway, lets fill in some more gaps. Living Laser read books in prison! He read about Lemuria and consequently the Serpent Crown! He decided to find it after he got out of prison.

But he heard that the crown had been destroyed so instead he did experiments so that he could incorporate laser energy into his own body and manipulate lasers in more creative ways (such as creating the hallucinations the Whizzer saw).

So now he’s a true Living Laser. Take that anyone who ever mocked his codename.

Oh and then the Serpent Crown resurfaced (from another universe). Its not really clear how he found out about it. It will remain a mystery, perhaps.

Living Laser starts gloating about how with the Crown’s knowledge he is invincible and in true tempting fate fashion, something immediately happens to undercut him.

In this case, big stinky blue feet BONKing him about the head. And knocking the crown from said head.

Vision pulls a Vision and yoinks the crown and just flies off with it.

He honestly just flies off in the middle of the fight to “dispose of this Serpent Crown forever!”

So apparently all the Avengers that didn’t fly off half-cocked (looking at you Iron Man and Cap) compared notes off-panel. And the Whizzer was able to give them the location of the outpost because of those files he stole from the government.

Living Laser tries to regain control of the situation by atomizing Beast but Wonder Man shouts a warning. And then tanks the deadly pink glow.

Iron Man comes to and just marvels at what all happened while he and Cap were going off half-cocked. And then he repulsors Living Laser. And then Yellowjacket and the Wasp distract him with Best Power, covering him with ants.

General Pollock orders some of his grunts to deactivate the support shell keeping Nuklo quiescent.

And the big, radioactive glowing child LIVES AGAIN!

Or rather he wasn’t actually dead at all ever, stop being so hyperbolic, Cap. Geez.

General Pollock orders Nuklo to kill the Avengers. And he makes a mighty CAHROOM! which knocks out Wonder Man, Yellowjacket and the Wasp. But up side? Living Laser is also knocked the hell out.

Oh and when General Pollock berates Nuklo for attacking Living Laser, the giant radioactive baby just backhands him.

I’m not even sure why General Pollock thought Nuklo was even remotely under his control.

Like. Its not like its even made explicit that the renegade army group was doing experiments to control him. Its like he thought that just having Nuklo in his possession implied mastery.

Maybe he’s an idiot.

Anyway, Beast just jumps right up and socks Nuklo in the face.

And Nuklo pays him back in kind. Womp womp.

Oh, also, Nuklo is growing. Even faster than the last time the Avengers encountered him. He’s grown even taller than the mansion/outpost.

Annnnd Iron Man is at kind of a loss? The last time they fought, it was Scarlet Witch who defeated Nuklo, using her powers to drain his energy.

He tries using a reverse-polarity repulsor ray (to reverse the polarity of the neutron flow, perhaps?) but Nuklo grabs him before he can DODGE.

Cap rouses the rest of the Avengers but before they can come up with a plan of attack, the renegade army tanks fire on Nuklo.

But he just feeds on the impact energy to grow even more swole.

What’s worse is that according to actual scientist Hank Pym, Nuklo is building to critical mass.

He’s going to blow up and take most of Los Angeles with him.

Actual engineer Iron Man reacts to this by telling the Avengers (or actually he specifically addresses this to Cap) to “run... before we all explode!”

What part of “most of Los Angeles” seemed unclear, Tony?

But the Avengers being Avengers, won’t die running. Instead they keep trying to fight Nuklo, possibly fruitlessly.

But then. The wondrous Whizzer whizzes wondrously in a golden blur across many panels.

And like a golden hug missile, launches himself full speed right at Nuklo.

AND BAWHOOM! They explode. But not the “most of Los Angeles” explode.

In fact, more of an implode. The Whizzer’s super speed someone triggered Nuklo’s critical mass to implode and also release all his energy. Because now he’s less of a giant.

Oh. And everybody is okay. Both Whizzer and Nuklo survived.

The Avengers prepare to take the two to a hospital while Cap muses:

Cap: “We should also say a prayer -- for a man with the courage of Abraham, a father willing to make the greatest sacrifice of all -- HIS SON!”

I don’t want to rain on your parade, Cap, but that allusion maybe doesn’t entirely fit.

Anyway, that’s the King-Size Special Avengers #6.

I don’t like Living Laser but at least this scheme is consistent with his general pattern. Trying to take over a country while obsessing over the Wasp. But in addition to lasers he has a snake-themed hat, a renegade army faction, a giant nuclear baby, and additional lasers.

Although even with that upgrade, he didn’t amount to much. He doesn’t even get a climactic fight with the Avengers. Once they show up, he gets sidelined pretty quickly. In his first Avengers appearances, he was portrayed as an actual threat. Not so here. And its this trend that will lead him to being punked by Count Nefaria of all people!

Also, Iron Man calls President Rockefeller “Rockefella” and the Whizzer calls Wasp “Mrs. McCoy” which isn’t even the Hank she’s married to.

So not only did new creative team not remember that Scarlet Witch couldn’t fly, they can’t even remember the Wasp’s last name.

There are also a few coloring errors that weren’t really worth pointing out but they existed.

We are getting some growing pains in these post-Englehart issues.

Also, in the original version of this issue there was also a short solo Vision story where he fights Whirlwind. Its not included here but I vaguely recall it from the b&w Essential volumes. You work in mysterious ways, Marvel Unlimited.

Anyway, next time we find out what Vision got up.

When he flew off with the crown, I mean.

[littlelovelymemes]

✰ * º ❛  new girl sentence starters.  ❜

‘  i don’t know which fork to kill myself with.  ’ ‘  damn it! i can’t find my driving moccasins anywhere!  ’ ‘  i’m really bad at making decision.  ’ ‘  if i had a dollar for everybody i couldn’t hang out with because they hated you, i’d be so rich.  ’ ‘  i just want to listen to taylor swift alone.  ’ ‘  pink wine makes me slutty.  ’ ‘  i’m like a mailman, except instead of mail, it’s hot sex that i deliver.  ’ ‘  i don’t mean to be laughing, but are you okay?  ’ ‘  i had figure skating lessons since i was thirteen and then my mom sobered up and realized i was a boy.  ’ ‘  i don’t think it’s fair that women have an excuse once a month to act irrationally angry when the rest of us have to keep it together all the time.  ’ ‘  this plan is officially the worst!  ’ ‘  don’t pretend to know my pain.  ’ ‘  you misspelled the word ‘rhythm’ 38 times.  ’ ‘  i’m as mad as a dad in traffic!  ’ ‘  i could do this all day, son!  ’ ‘  you sons of bitches ready to party?  ’ ‘  i’m dealing with a dingus.  ’ ‘  you’re the most throat-punchable boy in all the world.  ’ ‘  that’s like the president and the vice president not being best friends.  ’ ‘  oh, goodness gracious! what are you, a sorcerer?  ’ ‘  i can buy my own pizza! can somebody please loan me $15?  ’ ‘  i gotta tell my best friend i’m in love with her.  ’ ‘  i’m-- i’m pregnant. i mean, you’re pregnant. we’re pregnant!  ’ ‘  what kind of taco meat do you bitches have?  ’ ‘  i think you need me too much.  ’ ‘  i’m gonna be fine. i am. you know why? cause i met you. that’s why i’m okay.  ’ ‘  i’m the voice of reason, that’s why you brought me with.  ’ ‘  we didn’t bring you with. you followed us there in your car.  ’ ‘  saturday is a day for sleeping, and damn it, you will not take that away from me!  ’ ‘  i’ve seen his penis like... a million times.  ’ ‘  he’s my best friend. what if he gets into an accident? what if he’s horribly disfigured and i have to identify him and all that remains are his private parts? and i’m standing there and i’m saying, ‘no officer, i can’t help you because no, i haven’t seen his penis’ and then boom! he’s buried in an unmarked grave.  ’ ‘  people are the worst.  ’ ‘  hey, do you have any snacks?  ’ ‘  it’s a weird life, but it’s where i’m at right now.  ’ ‘  i was put in an awkward situation and i reacted poorly.  ’ ‘  it is perfectly fine to watch tv all day!  ’ ‘  i am not a successful adult! i don’t eat vegetables and/or take care of myself.  ’ ‘  as a matter of fact, i am tired and i am hungry.  ’ ‘  if i don’t know what’s gonna happen, i don’t do something. ever. i don’t care how much i want to do it.  ’ ‘  i’m gonna hit your ass with a ski.  ’ ‘  i want to cover everything up on my body with bubbles.  ’ ‘  how cute am i?  ’ ‘  i’m a color-blind american citizen and i can’t do puzzles.  ’ ‘  what’s your problem? don’t you want me to have a good night?  ’ ‘  maybe if we get drunk then magically everything will just happen.  ’ ‘  anything beautiful is worth getting hurt for.  ’ ‘  every prank you do turns out either too big or too small.  ’ ‘  it burns! it burns!  ’ ‘  why does your hair look so baby soft?!  ’ ‘  how do you get this thing off? get it off of me!  ’ ‘  everyone drinks midori sours! it’s a melon liqueur!  ’ ‘  what do i think the puzzle will look like? the pictures on the box. it’s a japense garden!  ’ ‘  what the hell is wrong with you, just waving that thing around like an idiot?  ’ ‘  give me the spot or i’ll kill you all!  ’ ‘  i will shred myself! i will shred myself in the shredder!  ’ ‘  that tastes disgusting, i don’t like it.  ’ ‘  sometimes i feel like you’re in one of those weird man-dog body-switch movies.  ’ ‘  where are your nipples, man?!  ’ ‘  stop being so mean to me or i swear to go i’m going to fall in love with you!  ’ ‘  i want you to get off my farm!  ’ ‘  i don’t have a vagina!  ’ ‘  this is my only face! i don’t have a lot of faces!  ’ ‘  i refuse to pay for the wifey.  ’ ‘  i don’t like it! it’s too much responsibility!  ’ ‘  shall i compare thee to a summer’s day? no, a summer’s day is not a bitch.  ’ ‘  gave me cookie, got you cookie! you gave me cookie, i got you cookie, man!  ’ ‘  back off, i’m starving!  ’ ‘  your job could be done by a vending machine.  ’ ‘  i thought god just didn’t give me abs.  ’ ‘  what you’re doing is illegal.  ’ ‘  i’m not taking advice from you. you pronounce the ‘g’ in ‘lasagna’.  ’ ‘  and i’m taking this remote because you always hit the info button by mistake.  ’ ‘  are we all just living in the mind of a giant?  ’ ‘  i don’t trust fish. they breath water! that’s crazy.  ’ ‘  do i regret it? yes. would i do it again? probably.  ’ ‘  i can’t work under pressure like this. you know i get nervous. i am just a man. i am not a god.  ’ ‘  first order of business: we eat their food.  ’ ‘  can i get an alcohol?  ’ ‘  if you are for one second suggesting that i don’t know how to open a musical, how dare you!  ’ ‘  the bees are back!  ’ ‘  i haven’t gotten a non-text message in two years.  ’ ‘  the only acceptable pet for a man to have is a saltwater fish.  ’ ‘  the point of dating is just to keep on dating and then never stop. it’s like burning fossil fuels or seeing a therapist.  ’ ‘  you ever wonder if someone in here has killed someone?  ’ ‘  you realize i say ‘goodnight’ to you every night and you never say ‘goodnight’ back? what is your problem? do you not want me to have a good night?  ’ ‘  i’ve made out with half of the people in this room.  ’ ‘  i’ve had nightmares about making out with two of the guys in this room.  ’ ‘  ah! son of a bi-- ...penis. that wasn’t better.  ’ ‘  someone’s personalized condoms just came in the mail.  ’ ‘  i just found a groupon for hypnosis lessons. think about what you could do with that! sex stuff.  ’ ‘  has anyone seen my good peacoat?  ’ ‘  hahaha. what a dumb idea. do it!  ’ ‘  this is the coin i had in my pocket the first night we kissed. and i always have it.  ’ ‘  i feel like i want to murder someone and i also want soft pretzels.  ’ ‘  i hate doors!  ’ ‘  suck it, mr. krabs!  ’ ‘  no, i don’t dance. i’m from the town in footloose.  ’ ‘  are you sure you’re okay? you’re walking like a disney witch.  ’ ‘  he asked me if i wanted to watch planet of the apes. i didn’t know he meant right now.  ’ ‘  would you eat your damn sandwich?  ’ ‘  when you see a dog cage for sale, you buy it.  ’ ‘  you know... i don’t get what’s going on here.  ’ ‘  hey, you made a difference. how does it feel?  ’ ‘  do you have a tank top i could borrow? you look about my size.  ’ ‘  cheers to unemployment!  ’ ‘  i was about to catch you but then you fell.  ’ ‘  there are tampons hidden all around the apartment.  ’ ‘  i think somebody had sex in my bedroom last night. i think that because they’re still in there having sex, i think.  ’ ‘  please take that thing off. you look like a homeless pencil.  ’ ‘  we are gonna make it!  ’ ‘  i’m not ready to lose you. i just got you and i’m not letting you go.  ’ ‘  i can think of five reasons why i wanted to be your friend: boob, boob, vagina, butt cheek, butt cheek.  ’ ‘  actually, that’s not fair, she might be a really nice ho.  ’ ‘  i’m not doing squats or anything. i’m just trying to eat less donuts.  ’ ‘  you’re gonna be fine. you’re gonna meet somebody and you’re gonna fall in love.  ’ ‘  who’s gonna... lay down a flag on this sweet, sweet continent?  ’ ‘  i like to improvise with my body. i’m like a sexual snowflake. each night with me is a unique experience.  ’ ‘  you can run away from your problems, but you’re just gonna find new ones that pop up.  ’ ‘  i hope you like feminist rants ‘cause that’s my thing.  ’

[cloudscope]

The Life and Creativity of A Great Bethesda Artist

This article has been copied to this blog for backup purpose.

Date of Access: 04-May-2019

Author: Jonah Lobe

Orijinal Link: https://kotaku.com/the-life-and-creativity-of-a-great-bethesda-artist-1740993491

I couldn’t stop smiling one day in late 2005 as I was led through the darkened basement of Bethesda Softworks toward the little corner unit that was to be my cube. My geek barometer was pinging off the charts. I could scarcely believe that I was there.

The place looked like a laser-tag facility; the ceilings were high and black, the walls gray with accents of Zenimax Red. We strode past the programmers, the fishbowl meeting rooms, the designers and world artists, until we reached the final row: Character Art. There, in the far reaches of the office, was a cubicle bearing the name “Jonah Lobe.” I sat down, giddy and a bit stunned, and began day one of what would become a seven-year career at Bethesda.

But this story isn’t about that career. It’s about the man in the cube behind me, a man named Adam Adamowicz.

Although he worked in the farthest, darkest corner of Bethesda Softworks, Adam’s influence stretched across the length and breadth of the studio. What Adam taught me and so many others at Bethesda - about creativity and work ethic - has stayed with us ever since.

I’ve wanted to share my memories of Adam with you, the developers and players in the gaming world alike, for many years. With Fallout 4 around the corner, I think now is the time.

Adam Adamowicz was a concept artist. When I first started, he was the only concept artist at Bethesda, a company that builds landscapes and nations alike. His cube was small, and it felt even smaller because of the relatively large man who worked within it. The walls were tacked with ever-growing layers of sketches and illustrations.

In this temple to computer art, I couldn’t believe that Adam worked in traditional media. He used pencils, pens, markers, colored pencils and paint. What impressed me more than anything was the abundance of creativity on those walls.

Adam’s ideas, wrought fast and bold, practically burst off the paper. He was a living treasure trove of inspiration. He conjured people, beasts, landscapes, outfits and weapons. His creations were often complemented by fascinating and funny margin notes, like “apocalypse sandals,” or “vomits entrails for external digestion” or “’It’s just a space helmet, Jimmy!’”

Adam Adamowicz was a strange and colorful man. Physically, he was unexceptional—tall and strong-looking, handsome, with broad shoulders, pale blue eyes and a receding blond hairline. He stuck to faded T-shirts and jeans, eschewing branding or fashion statements of any kind. And yet, despite this mild appearance, he was crazy. Not really crazy, of course, but his eyes sparkled with demented humor, and the things that came out of his mouth were an unpredictable, mad-lib mix-up of the colorful and morbid. “That Mole-Rat wants to hollow out your body and use it for a toboggan,” he’d say, or “He’s like a voodoo mix of Boris Karloff and disco crabmonculus.” How do you respond to that?

In 2006, while the rest of us were finishing up with the 2007 Oblivion expansion Shivering Isles, Adam began work on Fallout 3, and what followed was one of the most expansive and incredible brain-dumps of concept art I’ve ever seen. I was a character artist. My job was to extrapolate 2D drawings into 3D video game characters. I specialized in monsters. For any given monster, Adam supplied me with between three and 30 drawings, ranging from gestural pen work to detailed, full-color illustrations. From this wealth of material, I created monsters like the Deathclaws, Feral Ghouls, Radscorpions, and Mirelurks that were more novel and inspired than I could have possibly conceived on my own.

As I worked to translate Adam’s concepts into three-dimensional models, I showed him my works-in-progress. I wanted his artistic feedback, of course, but mostly, I wanted his approval. His responses surprised me. He was always positive and brimming with nice things to say, and yet I wasn’t always certain he loved what I had done. That bothered me at first, but as the years went by, I came to understand that it was not so much the faithful reproduction of his work that moved Adam, but my riffing on his idea. If he could see that his work inspired me, Adam was happy.

To Adam, concept art was not so much about aesthetics, but ideas. He treated his art like a series of drills. He put as much source material into his brain as he could, and then output as many concepts as possible. His goal was never to create a body of polished art. His products were always rough-hewn and raw. He mixed-and-matched ideas at an astonishing rate and never concerned himself with what might be considered acceptable. Who else would think to strap a model Enola Gay airplane to the top of a mini-nuke, or slap a cheese-grater to a Supermutant’s helmet? Adam didn’t care. Adam was fearless. Over the years, he created 10 times the number of concepts that we could ever use. He worked and he worked and he worked. And for what?

Oh, nothing much. Just that little thing called Fallout 3.

And then, a few years later, Skyrim.

Because my job at Bethesda was my first in the industry, it took me a while to understand that Adam was one of the best. His work provided us with the visual backbone for these unstoppable blockbusters. But if their critical and commercial success affected him at all, he never let it show. Adam was grateful for his job at the “monster factory.” He doodled through team meetings and yelled out “beer tickets!” on paycheck days. He was humble and he was gracious. He never complained, he never acted entitled, and he never took rejection personally.

And the most important lesson? Adam considered himself a student, through and through; always learning, always improving. His cube was filled with books: huge tomes of anatomy, ‘50s technology, architecture, and style. His appetite was voracious. He absorbed everything, and what he absorbed filtered through the quirky labyrinth of his mind to spill out—garbled and rearranged—onto the page.

How did he do it?

I asked Adam once about his routine, and he described to me a surprisingly regular and disciplined way of life. In the mornings, on the bus to work, he sketched his fellow passengers, sights he passed, and any number of crazy ideas that came into his head. Once at work, he’d refill his coffee mug (his relationship to coffee bordered on religious), sit at his desk and get straight into it. Despite being one of the most popular guys at Bethesda, he ate lunch at his desk on most days, eager to get back to work. He worked all day, powered by banter and coffee, and then, on the bus ride home, he’d draw some more. Afterwards, he’d visit the gym (exercise was important to him), make himself dinner, pop open a bottle of wine and absorb himself in more personal art projects, painting and sculpting.

“Have no fear of perfection,” said Dali, “You’ll never reach it.” Adam took that lesson to heart. He had no fear of the blank page; he did not fear failure. He wanted to learn. He wanted to grow. Unbelievably, over the course of his time at Bethesda, he got better and better.

And then, one day in the fall of 2011, a few years after the development team had moved up to the sun-drenched upper levels of the building, I passed Adam in the hall outside of the art pit. We stopped to chat, as we often did, and when I asked how things were going, he complained that his shoulder hurt. Negativity was unusual for him, but as I watched him grimace and rotate his arm, it never occurred to me that I should be worried. Adam was a big guy, after all, forty-three years old and active. What was a sore shoulder to a guy like that?

A few weeks later, however, Adam left work for health reasons. Weeks went by, then months. I kept popping in to the art pit, anxious to see him again, to welcome him back. But the lights around his desk stayed off, his chair remained empty, and the little rubber-toy nun on his wall—”Squeeze nun for service”—stared back at me, silent and unsqueezed. The word I kept hearing around the office was “cancer.”

A few months later, he was dead.

We didn’t touch his desk. I’m not sure if there was even a discussion about it (though I suspect our head of game development, Todd Howard, had something to do with it). We just left it alone, like a holy place, somewhere to worship at the feet of creativity.

Time stretched by, and his room remained wallpapered with his art; incredible as always, bursting with color and inspiration—except now, nothing was changed or added. The lights stayed off. The only difference was that his fish tank of plant-growth had become a choked mess, one which no one bothered to clean up, since it was agreed that this was probably what he would have wanted anyway.

I left Bethesda in the fall of 2012

By then, Skyrim had shot to the top of the charts, and Fallout 4 was on its way. Professionally, I felt like the boy at the fair who’d just won the giant stuffed panda, and I wanted to leave on a high note. My soon-to-be-wife was in her third year of law school in New York City. I wanted to be with her, and I had dreams of becoming an author. I wanted to grow in ways I’d never known before, to immerse myself in the act of creation, and to build a world, by myself, from scratch.

So what does that mean, exactly, to be creative?

It’s been three years now since I left Bethesda, and I’ve had a lot of time to reflect on that question. Creativity is such an elusive trait, one difficult to foster. How does one reach into one’s mind – limited, as it is, by finite experience and memory—and bring forth anything original? Adam did that all the time. What was it that made him different?

Steve Jobs once said that “Creativity is just connecting things.” While I doubt Adam was a fan of Apple—I’m not even certain he owned a cell-phone— I can’t help but think that this is an apt description of what Adam did. Flipping through his work, I was always struck by the bubbling confluence of subjects, a fearless fusion of influences. He developed his artwork using a range of tools: pens, markers, colored pastels. His creations were a collection of distinct and disparate ideas. When designing an original gun, for instance, Adam didn’t focus his research on the study of other guns, but on tesla coils, industrial power tools, or lab equipment. When designing outfits, Adam employed chew toys and oven mitts, radios and asbestos padding. The results were messy, ridiculous, and utterly original.

Adam’s creative process went beyond mere design. It was Adam who taught me that characters were more affecting with unexpected nuance: the horrifying is more horrible when infused with comedy; the disgusting all the more stomach-churning when mixed with beauty. The Draugr were not simple mummies, but noble warriors rendered in beef jerky. The feral ghouls were both repellant and pitiful. The Deathclaws were cheetahs, long and lean and starving. And Fallout 4’s Supermutants are not lantern-jawed hulks, but long-bodied infant-men with muscles that sag like taffy. Understanding this confluence of appearance and emotion helped me realize designs more original than anything I could have otherwise produced on my own. I have learned that it’s because of these unexpected details that we remember these creatures.

Fallout 4 is around the corner.

The last Bethesda game I played on which I hadn’t already worked long months was Morrowind. I’ve got monsters in this game—the Supermutants, for instance, and, of course, the Deathclaw—but the product will in every other way be new to me. My former teammates who have been working themselves to the bone for years on this game are very, very excited. Fallout 4 is a labor of love. And even after death, Adam’s fingerprints are all over it. He authored hundreds of original concepts for this newest game. He labored, as relentlessly as ever—for the game, for the team, and for you. He worked on it from his hospital bed. He worked until the end.

I have a painting of Adam’s in my office, one his mother sent me after he passed. A woman’s face; her skin like ivory, her hair raven-black. She carries a staff of gold, one that bears an eerie resemblance to the Dragon Priest staffs, and she is draped in a cloak of crimson flowers. Adam painted her on a sheet of cardboard, which a friend and I transported to the loading dock and sprayed with so much sealant that it’s become some sort of toxic polymer alloy. I look at it often.

When someone dies, they leave pieces of themselves behind. What we choose to do with those pieces becomes, in part, their legacy. I intend to honor Adam’s legacy.

So I exercise. I write for four hours every day. Afterwards, I draw, or paint, or model, or maybe I write some more. We eat dinner late in our house. I sleep, and tomorrow, I’ll do it again. I try not to fear the blank page. I try to endure the failures. I will learn, and I will grow, because I am a student, and I will always be a student.

My book is almost done. I’ll be searching for publishers soon, and I’m steeling myself for the inevitable rejections. It’s a grind, by turns demoralizing and exhilarating. When I’m tired, I take a break. I stand, and I stretch, and I stare at the painting of the ivory-faced woman. Her hair hangs in loose black tendrils, and her pale blue eyes are focused just above me and to the right, at some point I cannot see. If I turn and follow her gaze, I would see a digital print of my own work tacked to the wall just behind. I look for a moment, then scan the others beside it. They look drab. And yet, I can see that they’re better than I could have done a few years ago.

So I eat lunch at my desk, and then I get back to work.

Jonah Lobe is a writer and illustrator living in Brooklyn, NY. You can find him on Twitter at@jonahlobe, or down at your local coffee shop, furiously editing his novel, or on TwitchTV, where he hosts an illustration/gamedev stream weekdays at 4PM EST.

[clusterfunky-blog]

UNDERNEATH

A/N: this is the first time I have written anything near a homosexual relationship and I have 0 experience with sexual attraction...this doesn’t even really count as homosexual lmao...

I haven’t written in ten million years and my hands hurt help me

anyways here’s my english II honors dystopian project rip

The wind howled against the sides of the life pod with all the noisiness of a roaring bear, as it always does around two thirty in the morning. Well, it actually does this the whole night, but Xeven’s horrendous sleep schedule usually wakes her up around two, and the wind does her no good to help her get to sleep again afterwards. Xeven groaned, hugging the sides of her blanket to her ears and shifting to one side of the bed. She tried to close her eyes as tight as she could, tried to let the little dots on the ceiling above her lull her back into another dreamless sleep, but the wind was just too loud. It fwapped against the life pod relentlessly, as if beating a dead fish over and over again. Fwap. Fwap. Fwap. Fwap. Fwap. Just another glorious day in Youriopa.

Xeven made a loud sigh of contempt and sat straight up in her bed, swinging her feet over the side of the bunk bed and pushing herself down to the floor with an unceremonious ‘thump’. As if on cue, the dim lights on the sides of the walls quietly clicked on, and the room was bathed in a dim blue light. The covers of the bottom bed quivered and a small groan came up from them.

“X...Xeven? Is that you?”

Xeven jumped at the sudden noise, and then glanced back at the bed and sighed, running her hand through her dark curly hair. “Ah. Uh, yeah, Mavi, don’t worry. It’s just me,” She had nearly forgotten about her new roommate. Up until the ‘Partner Recovery’ order had been decreed, she had grown used to living alone with only the government robots following her around. It had actually been quite peaceful, with no messes to clean up around the house except her own or awkward tension hanging in the middle of conversations she didn’t want to have. But when the government decided that everyone sixteen or older must be issued a romantic partner whether they liked it or not, Xeven had no choice but to accept another living being into her small lifepod and reap the consequences-- meaning no more privacy.

Mavi rolled over in her covers and squinted, the gentle blue hues of the lights highlighting her bright white skin and caramel colored hair. “Are you seriously getting up again? This has been, like...the fourth night in a row.”

“We’ve only been together for four nights,” Xeven retorted, stretching her hand behind her back. “I do this every night-- I’ve got mild insomniac tendencies. It’s not like it didn’t tell you in the pamphlet about my habits.”

The other girl frowned and looked over at the sleek white desk on the right side of the room, which had an alarm clock and a few stray items strung about it. On top was a thin, red leaflet that read ‘PARTNER BIOGRAPHY’ in white letters. “You know that no one reads those stupid things,” Mavi said with a pouty face, blowing a strand of her hair out of her face. “Besides, that’s really unhealthy. It says that for a brain to properly develop teenagers need at least eight hours of sleep, and last I checked, you went to bed at ten! That makes only four and a half hours.”

Xeven grunted and stretched her back out, then walked over to the closet and opened up the door to her wardrobe. “Well, look, it’s normal for me, okay? I always do this. So...technically, my brain would be unsalvageable at this point,” The freckled, brown skinned teen  looked through each piece methodically before finding the one she wanted. It was a black skin suit that had bright blue accents, with a warm, fluffy lining on the insides of it. Xeven threw it over to the other side of the room onto the sleek metallic floor, then began to strip down the under garments and tank top she had on for sleeping, rolling her eyes at the sudden gasp and eye covering from Mavi. “You know, we’re both girls. And we’re supposed to be romantic partners for life, now. Does it really matter if you see me?”

Through hands covering her eyes, Mavi stuttered, “I-I, I just, uhm, I mean...I guess not? B-but, still, just tell me when you’re finished,” She said, swallowing. Xeven shrugged, continuing to undress while Mavi hid behind her eyes in the sheets. After a few moments of silence, the girl continued to speak. “I mean, if you’re going to go to bed and wake up like this, maybe you should go to bed earlier.”

“The lights in this sector of life pods shut off at nine forty five. I can’t go to sleep without the lights off, and during the day the lights are on full blast.”

“...Oh. Right. Sorry, I forgot.”

An awkward drifted through the room. Xeven stumbled over to the suit as she slid her tank top over her head, then began fiddling with the zipper to make the suit open up.

Mavi peeked through the fingers over her hand, then immediately pulled them back over her eyes and looked down at the sheets when she saw that Xeven was still not ready. “Well, uh, if you can’t stay asleep, and you can’t go to sleep earlier...maybe I could join you? It’s probably lonely, just staying up like this.”

Xeven stopped for a moment as she pulled the suit up over her legs, smirking. “Ah. I thought that was unhealthy.”

“You did mention that we were supposed to be partners. If we’re partners, that means I have to be there for you. Which I guess I haven’t really been doing for the past few days,” The brunette rubbed the back of her neck. Xeven huffed. Yeah. If ‘not being there for her’ meant refusing to even look at her or do anything but work alongside her during day hours. And even then, she would rather go chat it up with people from her sector than even be within a few inches of Xeven while working.

After eventually getting the suit around her body and shifting uncomfortably to pull it over to her neck, Xeven looked back at the younger female and threw her tank top and undergarments onto the bed. “Well, If you’re going to stay up, can you get those washed for me? I’ll need them for tonight,” Mavi looked up from her intent stare with the sheets at the wrinkled clothes that had been tossed onto the bed, but still covered her eyes from where Xeven stood in the room. Xeven put her hands on her hips. “You can look now, by the way.”

A sigh of relief escaped Mavi as she put her hand down, grabbing the clothes off the bed and pushing away the covers. “Whew. Okay. My hand was starting to hurt. Thanks, I’ll wash them and get dressed if you can get breakfast ready.”

Xeven shook her head as the other girl walked off towards the washing machine to the right of the closet. She sighed, turning around and walking through the doorway to the kitchen. What a weird girl.

-

Clothes in Youriopian society were usually very practical, consisting of skin tight rubber body suits and the giant, padded coats used to protect them from the cold outside winds and snow. There wasn’t much room for fashion in the cold, icy wastelands, but even so the black suit that traced Xeven’s curves was making Mavi bite her lip and have a blush flushing her fair skin. They were both finally sitting down together, eating a quickly thrown together breakfast. Mavi, completely armored up with the giant padded jackets and the climbing boots, Xeven still in her skin suit, probably for easier maneuverability with the cooking utensils. As it turns out, Xeven kind of sucked at cooking. She had never really noticed her inability to properly cook before because she didn’t really care about the taste of her food(she usually scarfed it all down in a few bites, so what did it really matter what it tasted like? It was all going to the same place), but from the look on Mavi’s face it wasn’t exactly the best meal she had ever had before. She’d have to remember to let Mavi cook food from now on. The smell of the burnt fish that hadn’t taken too well to the seasoning Xeven tried to spice it up with wafted through the air, sounds of clinking from forks and plates filled the small lifepod. It would probably smell like dead fish for the next few days. Wonderful.

Xeven was shoving the last bits of charred fish meat in her mouth when she noticed Mavi’s wandering eyes, who looked much more interested in what was across the table than what was right in front of her. Xeven stopped chewing for a few moments and laid her fork down on the table, giving a knowing look towards Mavi. “Hey. Quit staring. What’s with you today, anyways? Just suddenly taking an interest in me, talking to me, getting up at the same time as me? Doing housework and chores? Watching me like some sort of lust-filled drunkard?”

Mavi blinked, taking her eyes off her partner’s body for a moment, and then flinching. “Ah...I, uh. Well, I was just...I read a book, yesterday. On relationships? One of my friends gave it to me. Apparently it’s from the old days, way before holo-screens and lifepods. It’s crazy. It talked about all this stuff about lasting relationships and making your life worthwhile, and it kind of just...opened my eyes, you know? I mean, originally, before the whole order...I wasn’t planning on getting a partner. I just thought I was too ugly.”

“U...Ugly?” Xeven was taken aback suddenly, like someone had slapped her.

“Yeah. I’m just...like, fat, you know? My hips and thighs are way too big, my breasts are like...huge. My shoulders are also super square, and I’m as flexible as a rock.”

“A rock.”

“Bad analogy, sorry. But still. I’m just not cut out for the whole dating scene. I don’t have a body that others would like. So of course, when I entered the testing rings for the best match, I had no clue who would choose me, because I didn’t even think people would want to choose me. So when I was chosen, I was just...in shock. I didn’t do anything different because it just hadn’t sunk in yet. I thought I could get away with living a disappointing, unhappy life until then. It didn’t really register with me until I read that book that somebody had chosen me, me, Mavi Davison, to be their lifelong partner. Someone to live with, to love, to kiss--”

Xeven scrunched up her nose. “Get to the point.”

Mavi rubbed her arm. “Well, I was just...wondering why someone like you, a beautiful, independent woman with amazing hair, stunning eyes, perfect figure, and adorable freckles, would choose...this.” The girl gestured to her entire body.

“Well, first off, you’re not fat,” With a sigh, Xeven got up and pushed the last few crumbs of her meal into the trash can. “So what if you’re like...two hundred and ten pounds? You’re fine. Besides, that’s really not a deciding factor in whether someone is appealing or not. Second, you’re kind, and intelligent, as far as what the pamphlet says, and a hundred percent better than any of the boys offered to me on the Block.” The Block, as many were now calling it, was a board of five people who were presented to you that might be plausible matches during testing. They compared ages, starsigns, physical features, and personality traits to one another, coming up with the five best candidate profiles. The candidates, in turn, get five profiles of their own, and then people vote on whether you are the one they want. Usually, there are four people opposite to your own gender and one person of the same gender presented, so that they could keep their options slightly open. Xeven went over to the dishwasher and popped it open, sliding her plate into place. “Besides, I’m lithsexual. Boys are usually going to be all over the idea of sex and procreation. They enjoy it. I knew that if I chose a girl, they wouldn’t be pressing so hard to have sex with me all the time just to be disappointed.”

Mavi tilted her head. “Lith...sexual? What’s that?”

“If you’d read the pamphlet, you’d know,” The dark skinned girl grumbled under her breath, then cleared her throat. “Lithsexual is like heterosexual, bisexual, homosexual, pansexual and all of that other jazz, except it means that I am sexually attracted to people before we get together and lose that sexual attraction once the option to engage in sex is presented.”

“W-wait, then…” Mavi traced the edges of her plate, looking confused while Xeven began heading back into the bedroom to get on the gear needed for mining that day. “How am I going to properly sexually arouse you?”

Xeven’s voice was muffled from the other room as she strapped on her harness and put on her padded pants. “That’s the thing. You won’t. I’m only taking you as my partner because the government says I have to. That doesn’t imply that we need to have sex. Or really do anything romantic at all. The law was just to ensure the possibility of children, since everyone is so antisocial these days.” She could practically feel Mavi’s soul being crushed in the other room as she spoke those words. Sighing, Xeven put her arms through the coat and slipped on her climbing boots. “I barely even know you, aside from what the pamphlet says about you. Maybe if I get to know you a bit more I’ll consider it. But just warning you, I’m not very good at anything like that, from kissing to intercourse.”

A long silence ensued as Mavi put up her own dish, as if she had just been told that some sort of horrible natural disaster had just killed thousands of people. “W-well I mean, okay, I guess.”

Not another word was spoken between the two as they opened up the door to the lifepod and walked into the elevator that was waiting to take them down into the mines. All Xeven could think of was how this relationship was already off to a horrendous start.

-

Xeven was beginning to regret reminding Mavi about the pamphlet.

Apparently, while she had been washing the night clothes, Mavi had decided to stick both of the pamphlets into her pocket. Whenever she could get a break from mining(or when the Guardians weren’t looking over their shoulders to make sure they weren’t damaging anything and they were still doing their jobs), she began rambling off as much information as she could to Xeven about her personal life, and asked nonstop questions about Xeven’s. It seemed that she wished to cram as much information as possible into the work day, wanting to soak it all up like a sponge. While she was respectful enough not to mention sex again, Xeven was almost completely sure that she was trying to make sure that the ‘getting to know you’ phase of their relationship would be done as quickly as possible so they could get to the ‘kissy kissy fun times’ phase the moment they got back to the lifepod. Talk about desperate.

Overall, Xeven was alright with it. At least she was here, not walking off and talking up who knows what with her friends. Both of them were working side by side, getting double the work done on one sector and overall looking more busy than most of the other partners now scattered throughout the caves.The busy part was good. It meant less robots and Guardians peeking in to try and see what was going on in their brains. The brain scanners equipped on all of the robots were rumored to read thoughts and ideas from different brainwaves, tuned like a little hand held radio. While Xeven may not completely believe those rumors, she didn’t want some robot prying through her thoughts like a parasite and reporting them back to the government.

When she ran out of things to talk about as far as her own life, and ran out of questions about Xeven’s, she started asking philosophical questions. Just random tidbits and pieces, like ‘Why is snow white?’ and ‘Where does air come from?’ Xeven had been trying to answer her questions before, but she began to tune her out at this point, continually working and chipping away at the glistening ice. Her muscles ached with fatigue as she hammered down her pickaxe. At some point, maybe half way through the workday, she had started seeing a glow underneath the ice, which was the tell tale sign that she had found a crystal deposit, so Xeven began working twice as hard, hoping nobody else had noticed the glow. Sometimes, not often, miners would try to steal the crystals of other miners. It usually ended up in a bloody and violent skin on skin battle for the goods, trying to see who would be registered for the crystal, that the Guardians ended up breaking up with sleep gas. Sure, there weren’t really many people in this sector at this time in the morning-- her watch showed it to be only five o'clock-- but it wasn’t a pretty sight. Xeven really didn’t want to be knocked out today, so she kept picking, keeping her head down as if she hadn’t found anything. Pick. Chip. Pick. Chi--

“Do you know what’s underneath us?”

Xeven stopped picking, just as a bit of the light blue jewels began to shine from a crack in the ice. “What?”

Mavi stopped her own picking for a moment, putting her hand on the patch of ice she was working on. “Underneath, you know? Like under the ice?”

“...I’m sorry, I don’t know what you mean. More ice? I guess?”

“No. Like, think about it. Where did we come from? How did we get here? What are these crystals even for? Why does the government need them? Why aren’t we allowed to go any deeper than the sectors? Are they...hiding something?” The other girl’s foggy breath blew into the air and made everything look blurry.

Xeven paused for a moment, then shook her head. “You sound like a conspiracy theorist,” She went back to picking at the ice. The crystal was beginning to show a bit more, now. She could practically put her hand around it, now.

“No, no. Listen. That book--”

“That book is filling your head with fantasies. You should probably stop reading such a-- HNNGH-- terrible book, full of lies. Dreams about sex and actually fulfilling a good relationship, mysteri-- HNG--ous secrets underneath the ice,” Xeven had now gotten her gloved hands to fit around one part of the crystal, with a firm enough grip to be able to pull on it a little bit. She thrusted herself backwards with her feet, feeling her back pop with the pressure as she tried to get it to unlodge from the ice. “If you want to get real happiness, maybe you should get your head out from underneath that book instead of looking for things underneath the ice.”

Mavi crossed her arms, taken aback. “Well, excuse me for trying to think outside the box for once. All anybody ever does in this place is mine, mine, mine, never thinking for themselves, never talking or trying out new ideas. Maybe you should get your own head out from underneath an ice block and think for yourself, for once!”

“Oh, yeah?” Xeven stopped looking at the crystal and looked back at her partner, glaring. She pulled back with a bit more ‘oomph’, annoyed with the way this conversation was going. “Well, maybe you should get underneath this relationship and stop trying to push for me to do everything-- HNNG-- that you want!”

“That doesn’t even make any--”

CRACK.

Both girls looked over at the crystal. The ice from around the crystal had cracked into a billion little fractal pieces, leading all the way down to the ice around the base of where they were standing. They barely had time to cry out before the ice below them gave way, making them hit a slick surface in a smaller ice tunnel below them. They yelled and held onto each other as they were launched down the slick shaft.

They were only moving for a few meager moments before being spat back out into a smaller area. They both hit the wall, Xeven face first and Mavi sprawled on her back. Xeven groaned, sitting up and rubbing her head. Pain was barely registered, with the hard hats and equipment strapped all over her body, but it was still faintly there. “Wuh...what happened?”

Mavi also sat up, shaking her head vigorously, then blinked. “I...uh...I guess we fell through.”

“...Well, if so, now you have your answer for what’s underneath the ice. A bunch of NOTHING, except for more ice,” Xeven grumbled, brushing the snow and ice off of her boots.

“Uh...don’t be so sure of that, Xeven…” Mavi gently grabbed Xeven’s shoulder and turned her around to see the other side of the small cave they had landed in. Xeven was about to retort back, then she saw it. She gasped.

Hundreds of blue crystals, all sparkling and lined up together in a huge circle. Xeven’s eyes sparkled and she stumbled forward, running up and touching all of the blue crystals. “This is enough to buy us fish for years, maybe even upgrade to a larger pod! Holy crap, man!” She caressed each one with her fingers. “We...we need to get this back up to the main mining shaft. This is huge! We’re basically rich! Mavi, this is ama...Mavi?” Xeven turned around, and saw Mavi looking down at the ice below her. She walked over to the other girl and looked down at the ice, tilting her head. “Wha--”

“Look! Look at the lights!” Mavi began pointing at the clearer parts in the ice. There were little patches of glows, faint, fading in and out. They weren’t blue. They were red, with patches of orange and yellow scattered across them. Xeven crouched down next to the ice.

She squinted, brushing the ice with her glove.“What are those?”

“Something underneath the ice. Xeven...we found something! A way in!” Mavi jumped up from her spot, shaking with excitement. “We need to see what it is!”

Xeven got up as well. Immediately, her first thought was that this was a horrible idea. Sure, there was more underneath, but did it matter? They just found a motherlode of crystals! Who cares what’s under the ice, now? “No. Just, no! We don’t know what’s down there! It could be...it could be some horrible monster, or a bunch of savage demonic creatures bent on drinking our blood and serving us on a platter! Plus, we have no equipment, and...and what if a Guardian finds us, huh? We would be dead!”

Mavi thought about this, but not for very long. She was too preppy to think about it for too long. “So what? This is once in a lifetime! Something to never turn down!”

“Yeah! Once in a lifetime, as in we’d die!”

“If we don’t take any chances, what will we have to really live for?”

“A bunch of food and a larger pod, if we get these crystals up there!”

The brunette crossed her arms. “Come on. Just...let me do this! Please! If you want to, you can go back up there and live with your stupid crystals without me, since you never really wanted me anyways!”

A stunned silence came over the two, the cold air standing still as they looked at one another. Xeven swallowed, and after a few moments, she spoke. “I never said that.”

“But you meant it,” Mavi responded, breathing harshly.

“No, I didn’t. Look, I care about you and your safety. Why don’t we just head back up with the crystals, register them and then go back to the pod for a night’s rest. Then, maybe we can think about trying to do this crazy stunt you want to pull off. Okay?”

Mavi did not speak at first, looking at the tips of her boots and rubbing her arms. Then she sighed. “Alright, fine. I’ll get the climbing equipment so we can try to get back up that shaft.”

-

Later that night, when all of the crystals had been registered and they had been able to successfully cover up the hole they had fallen down so that the robots couldn’t find it with their scanners, the two partners dragged themselves back into the lifepod. Groggily, they both stripped down into their night clothes, though Xeven didn’t even care enough to put more than her undergarments on. They pulled themselves into their respective bunk beds, barely able to say goodnight to one another, before the lights automatically turned off. Xeven’s eyelids drooped down and she let out a sigh, hugging the sheets close to her as sleep took her mind away from the cold, icy caves of Youropia.

She dreamed of red lights.

[cosmosogler]

hi, i am starting late tonight because i was doing RESEARCH!!!

i slept pretty horribly last night. i noticed that my dreams are featuring a lot of wet clothes. clingy, gross, heavy clothes. 

the dream started out as me wandering around “dream philadelphia,” which for some reason features a lot of what looks like giant toy trains. the trains only go one way, so if you leave town and forget something, well, you got a long walk back. also they seem to operate on the same schedule as the spongebob buses. which is to say, the most inconvenient possible.

anyway i was bumming around not doing much when i ran into dad. he was trying to take a train somewhere and didn’t understand how the system worked. i basically said “sucks to be you” and mostly focused on what i was doing, or rather, what i was not doing. i had absolutely no reason not to help him except i didn’t feel like it, and also maybe because explaining how the trains worked was too hard. 

then i was trying to move out of my dorm, as i often am, and the mob was also there? i couldn’t pack wet clothes, so i kept putting them in the dryer, but every time i went to check if they were ready to be packed yet they were still dripping. it was driving me nuts because the dryers’ timers were basically random so i couldn’t tell how long it had been any time i wanted to check.

when i woke up i finished up the sonic fan character picture. i seem to have done other things, but i don’t remember what they might have been. i looked up some stuff about the preliminary exam. i microwaved the leftover pizza for lunch and got super grossed out and gave up before i could finish two slices. i fed one of the crusts to the dogs.

my dad rescued a little cactus mouse from out of the pool filter the other day. we’ve been keeping him in the old fish tank with some leftover fluff we have for the hamster. mom wants to get rid of him asap, but i worry that we won’t know how sick he is unless we keep him until wednesday or so. i actually thought he had died this afternoon, but when i was digging through the drawers to get a plastic spoon to poke him he started breathing again. he opened his eyes and wandered around a little bit yesterday, which is promising. the chlorine had probably really hurt them for the first day and a half.

i didn’t really feel understood in group therapy today. the goal stuff was fine, the therapist gave me a worksheet to fill out and talked about other resources she could probably give me if i asked for them on wednesday. it was when i brought up that i felt like, if a problem is able to be overcome, then it wasn’t really a valid problem. unless a problem is permanent, it shouldn’t be a problem i had in the first place. 

it’s very odd. the therapist used it as a launch pad to go into, like, how she thinks impostor syndome is fake i guess? i don’t remember exactly what it was because at the time i was devoting most of my energy to figuring out how to articulate my problem better. i didn’t really get the chance to go more in depth about it though.

i guess that’s something i should bring up with my individual therapist tomorrow. i kinda know where it comes from, but the examples that come to mind are only tangentially related to the feeling. it appears to stem from how my mother treats my nightmares. she says they aren’t real or i’m making them up or “dreaming while awake” somehow. so, if they get worse, she’ll HAVE to recognize they’re real!!!

except i don’t even care about what she thinks, because she is useless as a source of advice there? and mostly in general useless as a source of advice or encouragement. i can’t figure out why i care and why that problem is so significant that it’s, like, wrecking my willingness to change my situation. 

my therapist said i did make the goal-setting much harder than it needed to be. and she said i was lacking in some areas of self awareness but she didn’t elaborate because she wanted me to figure it out myself.

that made me feel really nervous. it confirmed that i probably don’t know myself very well, or at least i am not confident in my understanding of reality. but i knew that already.

i guess i am living in some kind of funhouse mirror reality where i suck at everything. but i need that reality because otherwise i start thinking too highly of myself and people get angry. i am “egotistical” and “look down on others.” “you think you are all that but you’re not.” “you’ll die alone.” “your ego is going to come back and bite you someday and when it does i’ll laugh.” 

ok i think i may be embellishing that last one but those parents were very angry with me. because i was upset that they had stolen my group’s space station project for the nasa competition. the next day they followed me all the way from the drop-off to the back of the campus where my classroom was, leaned over me, hissing stuff like that in my ear but it didn’t matter because there weren’t any teachers paying attention so it was fine i guess!!!!!!

just like it was fine when craig did stuff because nobody cared!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

dad called me egotistical in grade school too. he also got super mad about it. i would get in the car and he would hold the door open and scream and then slam the door in my face. it was fine because he is my parent so he can do whatever he wants.

the lesson here is that no one else cared about me, so i shouldn’t care about me either. if i start caring about me, i might get upset about all that stuff that happened!!! and that would be bad. because i would be a bummer and no one would want to hang out with me.

it’s like... these people want me to change. but i have reasons, like, lots of reasons, for acting the way i do. and maybe i feel like i’m not allowed to change until i make them understand how hard it is.

i mean, of course i’m allowed to change any time i want. i’m in charge of how i act. but... how easy is it to unlearn a lesson i’ve had repeatedly hammered, beaten, and screamed in for 24 years?

and if it’s not impossible, it’s not hard enough. hard enough for what i don’t know. if i am not literally dead i am not trying hard enough. actually i could probably die from trying too hard for too long and at my funeral mom would say “she should have tried harder to stay alive.”

there is no pleasing her. i don’t think i even want to please her. i don’t know what my subconscious thinks. i guess being denied something just makes you want it more? even if you tell yourself you don’t want it anyway.

i like to joke around that kyral is a “personified explosion,” but i guess in a way i am one too. not in the same way. but the way i approach life. if i am not exceeding my limit at all times i am not good enough. if i get sick because i was exceeding my limit for too long i couldn’t be good enough. if i am at the end of my rope there’s got to be more steam in there, i know it, there just has to be, and i have to use it right now or i won’t be good enough.

self care and stuff like that just distracts from time i could be trying harder. but i am not allowed to acknowledge that i am working hard, or harder than is healthy for me, because that would make me egotistical. the worst offense possible!!! 

why is it so important that i don’t come across in any way as egotistical? i guess because deep down i feel very inadequate, and i find people who oversell their abilities to be extremely annoying. but aren’t i overselling my energy capacity? 

to be honest it probably WOULD be better if i took more care to address my limits. but i always feel the need to make just one more last push, so i kind of forget about the limit or hate the limit. 

i had a self esteem journal i wanted to start filling out this week. i may have to put off starting it until tomorrow though because now it is almost 1 and i am late getting to bed again. 

after therapy i went to my cousin’s high school graduation party dinner with the rest of my family. i acted really obnoxious around my younger brother and cousins because i am pretty sure they think it’s funny. i like seeing them react so i do things i am reasonably certain will get a reaction. and i almost always do!

what i did for the graduating cousin in particular is, since my sister forgot to buy a card, i was tasked with making one. so i put a terrible pun on the front cover and spelled my cousin’s name wrong, wrote “have a good life.” on the inside, and got mom to put a ton of glitter inside and individually tape a couple of 1-dollar bills to the card. it got him to shake his head and sigh. he is normally Too Cool to interact with me.

my youngest cousin asked when i’m going to grow out of pokemon. i said “if i ever want to stop, then i guess i’ll stop then.” he brought up the time he beat me because i stopped to tease him instead of just finishing the battle. i think in my cousins’ eyes i am some sort of unbeatable pokemon god. but really in competitions i lose about as much as i win, and by about the same margins. i just like pokemon a lot.

when i got home i sent an email to the florida physics department asking for some test resources. then i put a lot of time into researching self care and strategies for becoming more assertive and having a more reasonable self esteem. that’s why i started writing so late. i also dumped like 8 of the pages i found into my queue so now you can look at ALL OF THEM too!!!

tomorrow i need to do some more things. i gotta work on the usual stuff, the welcome packet, et cetera. i have therapy at 10:30, so i really need to go to bed soon if i’m going to be able to get up for it. i need to drop by my physician’s office and pick up some paperwork and ask about a test they wanted to schedule. i will probably just have leftovers for lunch... then i’m going to watch a movie with oz. then i gotta do the technology setup and troubleshooting stuff with my classmates to prepare for future study sessions. that should last me until about 5:30. i will try to play in the yard with the dog more in the evening, and possibly make a dinner that’s more than “microwave some rice.” i will have to find some time to work on the self esteem journal, and also on the therapy goal worksheet and packets for wednesday. maybe i will also start coloring the owl picture i got from the resources folder at the hospital. 

pretty sure i’m forgetting something. but that will have to wait until the morning or whenever it comes up i guess.

[chestofstories]

A Fairy Out of Her Tale - Scene 26

11th January 1995

Dear Sociable Diary,

I don’t want to say I feel happy and safe for the first time since my horrible crime but…

I feel happy and safe.

This place… it’s like home, but at the same time it’s so different from home that I can’t even understand how it feels so homely.

I’ve known my housemates for only a few hours, but we’re already like family. They made me laugh, told me stories of the worlds they left behind, and for the first time made me feel like I’m not really alone anymore.

I don’t deserve a family. I don’t deserve people being nice to me. But I still crave it. And I can’t help but smile when I think of everything that happened today. I’m a bad fairy, right? As much as I can still be a fairy, anyway.

‘We can’t change the past, but we can make up for it in the present.’ Those were the words of my guardian angel. I’m supposed to take them to heart from now on. I promised I would try (because noboby can look at an angel and say “no”). But now that I’m alone with you again…

I mean, you understand, right? I’m not supposed to let go of the past. That’s why the loss of my powers is permanent. For the rest of my life, I won’t be able to do anything that a proper fairy does. I won’t be able to forget.

Thanks, Dear Diary. I was feeling great until I started talking to you. You were supposed to be my friend and cheer me up! Stop making things worse!

I have to forget how mean you are, so I’m going to gossip about my new family instead of continuing this conversation. And for you to see how great my new friends are. You don’t have a monopoly on me anymore! You better behave, or I’ll leave you behind!

(Yes, I’m threatening a bundle of paper. I hope my new friends never find out about this.)

And now that I have colour pens again, I get to write each bit in a different colour too!

Lóránt - the Guardian Angel (their name gets the golden pen because that seems to be their favourite colour): A serious person, but with a kind smile. Avoids the sun like the plague. They’re the adult responsible for everyone here, though they’re not even 30 years old yet. The others treat them more like a fellow housemate than the voice of reason. Either way, Lórant was the one who defeated the demon at the coffee shop. So they must be really strong and worthy of everyone’s respect. They’re an actual angel, and their angel-made special barrier is what makes this place safe for me. Somehow. I don’t know exactly how it works.

Unn - the merperson (her name is in blue because, well, what other colour was I supposed to use for people from the sea?): I had no idea merpeople could live inland! Though now that I’ve made myself a fool asking Unn all the inapropriate questions, it doesn’t seem so impossible. She has her lower (fish) body pernamently stuck in a water tank on wheels that she controls with a joystick to move around. Aparently being in the tank sucks when the only way up is via stairs, but she would rather be here seeing the world than under the sea with… whatever boring stuff happens over there? She didn’t go into details.

Lydia - the dwarf (she gets her name in red even though dwarves are earth creatures. I don’t like brown so I’m not going to use a brown pen for her): She’s really short and hairy. I think she's about half my height? And she’s got all those muscles that glisten under her tight shirt when she moves. I’m not sure I find it attractive or intimidating. Maybe both? Not that I would ever make a move on her, though. She’s got enough body hair for three of me. Beard, chest hair, arm hair, armpit hair (isn’t that anti-hygienic?), leg hair… you name it, she surely has it. I’m sure she has toe hair too. She seems nice, though, under all that… hair.

Kris - the ??? (Purple pen because it looks nice. I don’t have anything on that guy to match a colour to a personality): I don’t know what race he is. He didn’t say, and nobody else seemed inclined to tell me either. Why would it be a secret, though? Maybe everybody just assumes I would know he’s a shape-shifter because he hasn’t got horns like demons do, or wings like (most) fairies, or the feathery wings from the angels, or the need for a watertank like the merpeople. And he isn’t ridiculously short like a dwarf or ridiculously tall like a giant (though he’s taller than me). So he could only be a shape-shifter, right? Kris is weird, though. Barely said a word to me the whole day. Kept to his dark corner. Maybe he is a fairy who lost his powers too? I guess I’ll find out eventually, but I hate secrets like this.

Look at the time! I’ve been gossiping for so long I didn’t realise the lights outside my room have all gone dark.

Remind me tomorrow to write about how weird it is to be in a house that is a single building with no access to nature whatsoever.

I’m going to sleep now too. Tomorrow is a new day, and a new opportunity to make sense of my feelings and get to know my family.

Good night, Dear Diary, good night!

Author’s Note: Thanks for reading!

And we finally get a proper glimpse of the new main characters! Most of these people are going to hang around for a while, so I do hope Nessa gave you a good first impression of them.

Nessa’s comment on Kris cited the six races that make up their world: fairies, demons, angels, merpeople, giants/dwarfs (yes, they’re considered one single race… it’s complicated) and shape-shifters.

Come again on Friday, when Nessa is tempted to do something she isn’t supposed to do.

And if you like this story and the other things I write about, your chance to help me a proper job out of writing them is here:

James’s Patreon Page

There are loads of extra rewards for my patrons, from early chapters to behind the scenes material and personalised thank you notes. Want a message directly from Nessa? Here’s your chance!

Have a great week and see you Friday!

[shadowsatlantis]

Dreaming up Atlantis - Chapter 1 God Save the Dreamers

What do you want to be when you grow up? The question is asked to every kid. The answer is supposed to be whimsical. I thought that was the point. How can a small child plan for their future when they are still ruled by imagination? That’s what I think now. But back then I was always jarred by the inevitable, “Oh you can’t be a singer without a way to make money.” To be an artist means you will be starving. That was my programming. I have a rebellious nature, so I grew up determined to be ok with being starving. I got off on the wrong foot.

I would always shoot for the moon, but I was keenly aware of the limitations. I couldn’t fly. I didn’t have a space ship. Not to mention, the moon was in space where I couldn’t survive even if I could somehow miraculously escape the atmosphere. But I never stopped believing. Underneath my sad awareness of impossibility, I somehow managed to bumble through being a dreamer. I’m not usually the one to sit and tell stories. I’m usually the one listening. Unless there’s banter to be had, and then I’m all talk. I thrive on small talk and silly quipping. I can’t say as though a good intellectual discussion is out of the question, but when someone goes off talking about their thoughts all the time without room for the volley, I get bored pretty fast. It’s one thing to have something to share. It’s another to have a discussion about it.

Because of this, I don’t talk about my past much. If what I have to say can’t be said in a minute or less, I don’t bother. When people sit and force me to listen to their long winded stories for 15 minutes, inside my mind, I’m screaming, “Are you ever going to stop talking?” The value of telling our stories should be reserved for writing. And so, for all those who have forced me to sit and listen to their constant babble, here is my life story.

I grew up in Los Angeles. It was back in the days where we had high pollution, and couldn’t breathe. My school was full of mean kids who liked to prey on sensitive kids. If you reacted, they would continue their abuse. I reacted, so I was in the pantheon of the teased. I spent my days wishing I was someone else, making up stories in my head. My bubble was safe. My imagination, impenetrable. The school was called Holy Trinity. But I called it Holy Tragedy. The church bells would ring, and I would listen to the music. The sun would shine into the window, and I would watch the dust floating in the air. I was the kid who would sit for hours playing with my little “people” who lived in the perfect worlds I would create for them. I was a god.

One day we had a creative writing assignment. It was an essay on the family pet. I had a goldfish. So I had the brilliant idea of writing from its POV. My way of personifying a fish’s life was unique and funny. The teacher read it out loud to the class. Everyone laughed and cheered. And when it came time to reveal the mystery author, the class gasped in awe that it was me, that weird, dirty kid with divorced parents and a cool older brother who played on the flag football team. From then on, somehow I started building up a rapport with the kids I had grown to despise. One of the “popular” boys who sat behind me in class kept asking me what I was writing in my journal. I would lean in and cover it so he wouldn’t be able to see it. I didn’t trust him. But eventually he pestered me enough that I told him I was writing a fantasy book. We were in the 5th grade. He was impressed, and from then on he started defending me, and telling everyone I was an author.

That was when my dad was transferred to Washington, DC, and we moved away from L.A. So much for finally being accepted. Dad was in the Airforce, but we never lived on a base. He was in the aerospace field, working on Titan missiles. Apparently, he was a minuteman in Montana when I was born. I must have been about 4 when my parents split up. Half the week was spent at one place, and half at the other. To me I just had parents who lived in different houses between San Pedro and Long Beach, the harbor area of Los Angeles. My brother and I were tricksters. My mom would get out the wooden spoon to “punish” us, and we would leap around out of her reach, taunting and saying “oooooo the wooden spooooon.” Even though it was a broken situation, I liked my two homes. But when that DC job at the Pentagon arrived, our fragile existence was blown to bits.

My dad had gotten remarried, and my little brother came into the world. My mom took the opportunity to move to Colorado, where she had always wanted to be. It was 1984, the year the Olympics were in Los Angeles. Having to start over as a 12-year old who had finally earned acceptance with my peers was a contributing factor to my continued psychosis. Teenagers are fragile creatures. It is a time of developing hormones, and deciding how we fit into the world. My stepmother and I never got along from day one. She was a hard-headed woman, and I was a troubled kid turning misguided teen. It was a bad mix. While home became the clash of the titans, I had no choice but to make the best of school life.

I spent the first year watching the way kids did things in public middle school. I wore my brother’s heavy metal shirts, even though I didn’t like the music. I had been in a Catholic private school before with a uniform, so I never knew how to dress to impress. When I came back the next year, I had been to see my mom, and visited my fabulous granny in Austin, Texas. I got a makeover. The women in my life were determined to help me fit in.

I had new clothes, makeup, and a new attitude. I was popular for the first time, even considered pretty for the first time. I participated in the weird games that teenagers play with each other. I needed to fit in. I changed my very nature to become popular. I was even mean. Sometimes ruthless. It was my way of lashing back at the world for being so cruel. I became even more cruel. More manipulative. Me as a villain was a very bad thing, because I found I was better than everyone else at it.

One day, one of the girls I knew said I would make a cute couple with the most popular boy in school. I watched him for a while and calculated my conquest. Then I made my move. It was entirely strategic. I did it just for the challenge. But what I discovered was love. We actually did make a cute couple. And he was nice. And he genuinely liked me. So we had a semester of perfect love. It brought out the real me.

When summer hit, my parents decided I would move to Colorado to live with my mom. The conflict at home was just too much to bear. I denied it at first, preferring to believe my version of the story. I wrote to my boyfriend, saying I would be back, and we would start high school together. But when summer was over, my belongings showed up in a box, and I was now a Coloradoan. I grew up with a broken heart. But that was my first real heart break.

At first I tried my technique of changing who I was, and being ruthless. But the wind was gone from my sails. I no longer cared what people thought of me. I started to drink. I was now a party girl. My older brother was always good at making friends. He was a musician. His buddies became my buddies. I was the one sister who was part of their crew. I dressed how I wanted, did what I wanted, talked to people I thought were interesting. I auditioned for the top choir at school and made it, so choir became my life. Every year I went to high school, everyone thought I was a senior. I had lockers in the senior hall. We had an open campus, so I would leave school with my friends and smoke weed. I would empty out half a bottle of juice and fill it with vodka.

My mom was an international journalist, so she would travel. My brother and I would stay at home alone. Naturally, we had giant keg parties. We got in trouble a few times, but ultimately, our teenaged years were the essence of freedom. Everyone looked up to us. My brother’s band would play at the house, and people drove by every weekend to see if our little “underground venue” was popping. 6 times out of 10 it would be.

My brother moved out before the end of high school. His buddies had a big house in downtown Fort Collins on Mason Street across from Avogadro’s Number. Much to my mom’s relief, that became the place to party instead of our place. The train went down the street. We would put pennies on the tracks and find them flattened later. We played music. Dungeons and Dragons. And we drank. I suppose they did harder drugs. That was just what happened in that town. We owned Fort Collins. Every street belonged to us.

I fell in love with my brother’s best friend. He was a genius. He would serenade me with classical guitar. He was incredibly hot. The manager of Avogrado’s. I was in high school still. At first he was cautious about his best friend’s sister, but over the years, he had to submit to our chemistry. I would leave school and crawl into his window. We laughed a lot. But he liked drugs. He would disappear for days with his lesbian drug dealer, and show up again without an explanation. I would be upset, but he would fall back into my good graces immediately with his charm and good looks.

When my senior prom came around, I arranged a beautiful pink princess dress. He backed out. I tried to go with some other older guy I had met, but decided I wasn’t inspired. I didn’t attend my prom. I got drunk instead. I knew he was depriving me of an important American rite of passage. I decided it didn’t apply to me anyway. I cut up the princess dress into a mini skirt with a tank top, and rocked it at a concert instead.

I was in love with my genius, high school sweetheart, and he had decided not to be my prince. We stayed together for 3 years. That’s a long time in my world. Eventually my brother lashed out at him. He was mad that his “best” friend treated his sister like shit. Somehow years went by, and the genius never really understood why my brother betrayed him. So much for the awareness of dudes. I graduated in 1990, and joined a band called Perspectives. That was to be my future. It lasted for a while until they all decided to kick me out. I was kind of a slut. Guys don’t like it when a girl sleeps around in a group. Lame. My future was in ruins. I got my first place. A nice one bedroom apartment at Horsetooth Reservoir above Fort Collins. I had a dog named Shawnya. She was the love of my life, a beautiful Australian Shepard/pointer mix. She stayed with me through thick and thin, always my emotional support.

She got hit by a car once and fractured her pelvis. I brought her into the vet. They said they needed to operate and cut off the ball of her femur in order to get the pelvis back into place. But when they went into the surgery, they had cut at the wrong angle. They closed her back up and sent her home, scheduling another surgery date. They didn’t give me pain killers for her. They wanted to discourage her from walking on it. For weeks, her leg dangled lifeless as she hobbled on three legs. Otherwise she would lie in the bed and cry.

I spent hours holding a heating pad on her hip. I imagined light coming out of my hands. I had read about light healing. This was my first experience with it. When I brought her back in, she was limping on her leg. They said that shouldn’t have been possible. They took an x-ray and were amazed. They brought in specialists. The bone had grown back into its socket. They didn’t need to operate after all. It was a miracle.

I went in and out of depression. I was a miserable child turned angry teenager. But I had a hunger for knowledge. I was raised with religion. But the church didn’t practice what it preached. In Catholic school the kids were cruel to me, and the teachers never did anything about it. I would cry, and they would ignore me. I would have my revenge. When I was confirmed, and my adulthood in the church consecrated, I announced that was I was no longer Catholic. I prayed every night like I was supposed to. But more often than not, I would end up meditating. I would leave my body and travel through the cosmos. I would contemplate death for hours. I would wonder where the universe ended. I would try and remember where I was before I was born. I would reach out across the world and feel people on the other side of the planet.

I always believed in God. But I couldn’t wrap my head around the finite depiction of heaven and hell. I couldn’t imagine that church was the only way to reach an understanding. I went to the public library and took out books on theology. I liked Hinduism, Buddhism, Taoist philosophy. What struck me about Hinduism was their concept of time, and above all, reincarnation. It struck a chord in me. So I branched out and found New Age philosophy and occultism. I had struck gold…

(Stay tuned for chapter 2)

Mara Powers is author of the critically acclaimed series Shadows of Atlantis. www.shadowsofatlantis.com

(Stay tuned for chapter 2)