Charlie Cox experience at Philly Fan Expo 2023
So LET”S TALK ABOUT ME MEETING CHARLIE. I’m actually going to make two posts - this one just about my experiences with Charlie, because they were incredibly meaningful and deserve their own post, and then another one about the rest of the con!
I’m going to talk about Charlie first, because of how amazing the experience was, one of the best I’ve had, especially at the autograph table. I’ve done photos, gotten autographs and such before from other celebs - from niche voice actors I loved to people like David Tennant - but this felt Really Really Big. Obviously, I was nervous as all hell because holy shit Charlie Cox, my favorite actor whose work altered the course of my life. I won’t lie - I’d been practicing what to say to him in case I freaked out, but I’m happy to say that everyone who reassured me it would go great, because he was so, so genuine and kind, were right.
The photo op happened first (and thank you to everyone on tumblr guiding me where to go, cause I was LOST about where that was happening), and that went fast. By that point in the con hall, I’d already ditched my Jessica Jones jacket and gloves cause holy shit it’s hot and I am a creature of snow and ice, and my hair was a mess, but honestly I didn’t care, cause there he is. You don’t get long, but he made the most of it and he was SO sweet. Ya’ll, he asked my name, said my name as he shook my hand, and called me ‘my dear’ in that beautiful voice.
I was literally on the moon, but it was time for the big question:
Will he hold the red thread from TRT?
So in a quiet, nervous, soft author voice, I asked, ‘would you be ok with holding this end of the thread?’
HE FUCKING DID.
HE HELD IT.
HE HELD. THE. RED. THREAD.
I’m fairly certain he doesn’t know about the fic at this point - he wasn’t sure where to hold it until I told him, but he loved that it lit up! AND THEN HE PUT HIS ARM AROUND ME AND I GOT TO PUT MY ARM AROUND HIM BACK.
I’m fairly certain I’m dead in the photo. My soul had left my body. I had ascended. I saw Jesus and he looked like Charlie. I had achieved fic author heights never imagined. My brain filled with enough serotonin and dopamine to sink a ship. I didn’t care that I was hot and sweaty or that my hair was messy or that my cosplay didn’t work out like I’d planned. I had been blessed.
also look at that forearm holy shit
I floated outta that gd room ya’ll. I’m pretty sure @wonderlandmind4 did the same. WE FROLICKED OUT OF THAT HALL LIKE
But things got even better at the autograph table, and I had one of the most touching experiences ever.
not me tearing up thinking about it.
That line was long, but I kept getting glimpses of him and I could already tell he was enjoying interacting with people, and he was making sure everyone got their bit of time with him instead of letting anyone rush people through. He was so happy looking, laughing and grinning, high fives and fist bumps for kids, chatting with fans. Which made me feel a little more confident.
I know some people wondered if I’d tell him about TRT, and I’d already decided I wasn’t going to. Instead, I really, really wanted just a second to tell him what his work as Daredevil had meant for me, as someone who became disabled around the same time Matt did as a kid, and who related to... a lot of what Matt went through in the show. I’d practiced it over and over again, and there was only a fifty percent chance I wouldn’t start crying while telling him, and I wasn’t even sure I’d have time to tell him depending on how much time we had.
He made time.
I got up to him with my art print holy shit he’s even more beautiful in person and his eyes are STUNNING. He said hi, and asked my name so he could personalize the autograph if I wanted (DUH, YES PLEASE), and he apologized about the line after we shook hands. I jokingly told him it was fine since I’d driven hours to get here. A little time in line wasn’t a bother. He even loved one of the buttons on my lanyard - the button of Matt wearing a heart crown specifically! And as he was writing, I knew this was my chance to tell him. He was still signing, so I just decided to go for it in case I ran out of time.
“I just wanted to tell you,” I said quietly, “as someone who became disabled as a kid around the same age as Matt did—”
And then he did something I didn’t expect, something I’d rarely seen anyone do, famous or not, and something I’d never had an actor or artist do for me.
He immediately set down the pen, leaned in close over the table, and made direct eye contact, while giving me the most genuine, gentle, encouraging smile I’d ever seen.
In that moment, I knew everything in him was listening, that he cared about what I was about to say and recognized that this was important to me, and that he’d closed the distance to make this conversation just... us. It felt personal in a way I’ve never experienced at a con or signing.
Just like that, I wasn’t afraid to tell him what I’d wanted to.
“And as someone who related to... a lot of what Matt went through, his struggles in the show, and especially the dark parts of season 3,” I said, more confidently now, “I wanted you to know that all the work you put in, the way you played it, the way you played Matt and treated it seriously, seeing that helped me process and heal from a lot of my own trauma and pain over what I’ve gone through with my illnesses. What you did was important and it really helped me. So I wanted you to know that, how much that meant to me, and to say thank you.”
The whole time I spoke to him, he kept direct eye contact, and didn’t look away once. He didn’t get antsy, or look like he wanted me to hurry up (which I’d have understood, cause damn, these are long days for him). He listened, fully engaged and leaning in, his eyes warm and soft and kind but incredibly serious. I’m not sure how often he’s been told something like this—a lot, I expect; his portrayal was just that good, and I know it was important to a lot of fans—but what I was trying to tell him clearly meant something to him. I felt heard, seen, and understood.
Charlie really does care about his fans. It isn’t an act. I’m sure of it now.
“Thank you, truly,” he said, just as quietly but with that honest smile, eye crinkles and all, and seeing it in person, that close up, I swear the room felt ten times brighter. “Thank you for coming to tell me that. It means a lot, the idea that something I did meant so much and that it could help you. I’m so grateful that you were able to come visit and tell me.”
We shook hands after that. He wished me a good day and I told him thank you again, and that was that. The interaction only lasted maybe a minute, but it meant the absolute world to me, as did what he’s done as Daredevil. And now he knows that.
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Trapped in new roles; SPN finale 15x20
There are a couple of ways you can take the finale, ranging from face-value to throwaway to the psy-pop-Sybil darkest of the dark. In this take, we're going to examine it as a trapped narrative, that here's the Home Bakery: the actual Cas, Dean, Sam & Jack.
The rest is set-dressing. It’s filled to brim with specter of the false-god-writers, agents Kripke and Singer, "miming" what they think the plot and finale should be. They are satirical and glib, missing their hearts and forever married to the Original Ending Idea and unwilling to grow. Uncanny valley- types.
Here, they’ve taken a family that is more than blood, (with Bobby Singer-style) dynamics, and they’ve force-fitted it to a nuclear family symbolism in order to kill it. The vibrant village community has shrunken to become pre-packaged American dream.
///
This is the Crowther family (sounds like crowder), of which only the father and youngest son are named aloud (Lyle and Brady). This family is being killed to appeal to your heartstrings.
1. Castiel falls; the first line of defense
Castiel is this black-and-tan-sentry of the door. This character has slightly Jack-and-Dean-esque style in terms of style (shoes and dark shirt + jacket) but he visually dies as Castiel did in 12x23. The writers break the shield (heavenly!protector) and move into the symbolic hearth of the home. They overwork him and drain him of all vitality and happiness before he goes.
2. Dean falls next; the second line of defense
This is the character they symbolically kill, but leave (bodily) intact. The one whose tongue they cut out. (As in Proverbs 10:31, "The mouth of the righteous flows with wisdom, But the perverted tongue will be cut out." Ergo, Dean is no longer righteous. He is corrupted. Broken.)
The reaction shot calls to mind the mated reaction shot to the 12x23 scene above. Sam and Dean BOTH have a reaction to Castiel being felled, but visually this character is more similar to Dean.
This could, of course, call to mind Kelly or Mary or even Sam, but her duster is long and gray, like a MoL robe. Below: "Lyle?" / "Cas? Where's Jack?" (Bonus: green eyes)
(Goodbye, Dean.)
3. Sam in despair, bunkering down with another family member, still not safe
This one is easy to see. There's long hair, and Sam is wearing the same gray hoodie in the exact same episode, perhaps the most clear visual cue of all. The child also wears an orange jacket, which is the deep amber of endurance and one of Sam’s key colors.
4. Jack is last family member, clothed in the garb of Heaven (deep blood + blue sky)
The last family member's got the yellow balloon and blond hair, symbolic rising sun/son (Jack). He wears slightly Chuck & human!Cas manner of dress, signaling the humanity trapped inside the divinity. Ergo, the lineage of Chuck->Cas->Jack. (The blue is Heaven, the deep red represents royalty. (Bright red is blood and sacrifice.) Ergo, “royalty of Heaven.”
(First two images, Mikael.)
So, in the end, Sam and Jack were visually "saved," within the narrative.
But were they actually? They are both tied to destinies that feel empty and going-through-the-motions, like they're stranded on the island inside the childhood bedroom.
Symbolically, the trapped narrative almost seems to pick up where 15x18 Despair left off...
...except it continues the poofing of the loved ones, rippling outwards from Cas, before then moving to Dean, to Sam, and finally to Jack, watching as his remaining family member is dragged out from under the bed and ripped away from him.
///
It seems to suggest that, even if Cas and Dean hadn't, as Billie said, "been in the wrong place," that there was really no hope to start with. As Dean lamented, "we never should've left Sam n' Jack," like Amelia Novak lamented, "I never should've left her (Claire)." (The failed protectors’ refrain in SPN is, “I never should’ve left them!”)
But no matter where Dean and Cas were, they were never going to save Sam and Jack.
The writers were always going to win.
The ghostly specter of this episode is unsettling and unreal, oddly picturesque and "Charming Acres" -styled, like this shot reminiscent of the Monet-style painting.
It's a false world.
("What did you do to Dean? What did you do to Sam?")
Maybe I killed them? Or...maybe you just don't recognize them. Maybe I gave them new roles when they refused to play the right ones. Who knows, Becky? All I can tell you for sure is that I won.
Charitably, maybe the fight ain't over. I offer this to Becky's "No one even mentions Cas!"
It's from Ouroboros:
Castiel: It's an odd and glaring omission.
Sam: No. It's our shot....yeah. I-It's risky. But I-I think it's probably our best play.
Come on, Sammy. Break out of it.
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Neta: ok everything is set up. Just a couple interviews. Warabi!
Warabie: hmmmmmm
Neta: warabie
Warabie: hmmm what?
Neta: I need you to manage for a little until Mahi comes in. I forgot they had orientation today and they had no time to reschedule everyone. (Clap clap) [Signing] Seth, I know you have four clients scheduled today for piercing. Help warabie when you're able to.
Seth: cool
Warabie: hmmm My stomach still hurts from the tattoo and it's still healing.
Neta: *sigh* then sit down or lean across the counter. I don't know what you want me to do. You shouldn't have gotten that if you can't handle the pain yet.
Seth: I told you it wasn't good to do it all in one sitting, I could have scheduled you for another session. But I have to say you did take it like a champ
Neta: I have no time to argue with you I have interviews I have to get to. If someone asks for an interview to send them to the back of the office.........
___________________ interview one_______________
Neta: so what would be your greatest strength?
Naomi [inkling]: uhhhhh...ummm.... I ....I'm regsijtfh
Neta:....I'm sorry can you repeat that.....
Naomi: uh.....I'm.........................hm
Neta: take your time I'm in no rush.......... It says here on your resume that you're an artist you intern at inkpin publishing you worked on several mangas. That's pretty impressive want to tell me about that?
Naomi: uh....uhhhhh..........I'm sorry......[ Leaves]
Neta: oh.... wait! Uh...ok...*sigh* She left her phone. She'll be back maybe she calms down.. we can get somewhere.
_________________Interview two__________________
Neta: where do you see yourself in 5 years?
Vinny [betta fish] definitely not in prison again hahaha! Uhh ohh shit ummm.... Being serious in 5 years? Maybe a manager or an assistant manager of this store.
Neta: really? Ok.... You used to work in a kitchen
Vinny: it was more like a cafeteria but yeah I used to prepare the food I actually made the menus for the week. See I used to tell the corrections offic-uhhhh- I mean my head manager what they needed to order for the week so I can get my team to learn the recipes and to make them meals.
Neta: so you like cooking?
Vinny: not necessarily. I kind of got into it because I just wanted to belong and be a part of something and I didn't want to join a gang..so.....uh.....
Neta: uh huh
Vinny: I just really like that kind of busy work environment. It keeps me on my toes and keeps me preoccupied. I really work well in high stake environments and I like being involved with people who also enjoy that environment. I also really like music and I used to be in a punk band back in the day it was called D.I. DIE.... Kind of sounds like DIY like do it yourself-You get it.
Neta: That's interesting... What did you play?
Vinny: drums, I used to play drums. It was really good at it never played in a while. I hope Betty didn't sell my set after I got locked up
Neta: ok ........ All right. Here's the thing this interview was pretty decent..... Once the background check is complete. Expect a phone call.... Next week around Tuesday okay?
Vinny: really?
Neta: yep... We just need to do the background check and you're set
Vinny: ..... Right, my background check...uhhhhh about that
Neta: listen man... I don't judge. What you've done in the past I probably did worse. You came here, you applied for a job you passed the interview. It's very obvious that you want to turn over a new leaf. I'm willing to help you with that... Just expect the phone call and an email and will be....SET AHH
Vinny: THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!! HAHAHA
Neta: ah ha ok ok you can put me down now....hehe cod you're strong....
Vinny: I also took up weightlifting when I was inside.
_______________ interview three__________________
anemone:...........................
Neta:.................................... So.... What would you consider to be your greatest strengths
anemone:...ehhhh ...... I don't know...... My honesty I'm very honest person
Neta: ok ...... That's good.... Resume seems fine.... You said that you play guitar and you're in a band. Tell me about that
anemone: ugh..... I'm in a band and I play guitar That's it.
Neta:...................*sigh* shit he's one of those.......ok. in a group setting, how well do you work with-
anemone: okay let me just lay it straight to you. I'm available Monday through Thursday. I do not work Fridays. I'm available in the mid shift and closing shifts. I don't do mornings I never have and never will. You have my resume and my phone number you can call me on weekdays around 12 to 5 . After that I'm not picking up see Tuesday. Bye.
Neta:................................ .*sigh*........ We need more closers anyway.
__________________ interview four________________
Neta: what would you consider your biggest achievement
Fugue [puffer fish] My great is achievement? I would say I was one of the few to be picked to play at the scuba dome during the rainbow night symphony orchestra. I was one of the youngest only 15 at the time.
Neta: Yes That's very impressive. I actually read that in the paper you used to Seiche high of the arts. I'm trying to get my daughter into that school next year.
Fugue: yes that was me. Played the tuba It's a wonderful school. I'm sure she'd love it.
Neta: That's very impressive. So why do you want to work here?
Fugue: well I'm trying to save up to go to college I'm trying to get into Brackish University they have a really good music program.
Neta: Brackish!! get out of here! My fiance goes Brackish!
Fugue: oh I'm well aware, ikkan right? That's very impressive, he must have a good reputation. They don't really take back many people once they drop out. If it's too much to ask, what instrument did he play for his audition? I'm assuming it was a bass an upright one right?
Neta: you'd think that but he actually did play the bassoon. He's actually the only one in his marching band in high school to play the bassoon
Fugue: He must have been very skilled. You don't see that many bassoons in band.
Neta: yeah.. he's very talented and hard-working. Most of it was self-taught you know outside of school and everything
Fugue: yeah.... Are you self- taught?
Neta: yeah.. I taught myself... I used to watch music videos and I used to copy their- oh Man we're out of time. I'm sorry we trailed off. I didn't even get to finish the interview
Fugue: oh I'm sorry so do I reschedule or
Neta: nah... you have the job kid. You seem like a really good kid and you have a lot of head of you. I'll send you an email and call you Tuesday okay?
Fugue: thank you sir.
Neta: aw what fine young man. We need more kids like that in this world.
_______________________________________________
Neta: it seems to be everyone... I still need to do the baristas but I have to wait for AHhhhhhh.....uhhh Stefan, you're here..... Great.... You could have said something
Stefan [betta]: sorry.... I didn't mean to startle you.....so...... Let's talk I'm thrilled to be a part of this store expansion
Neta: right.... First, how are you doing? How's business?
Stefan: business is great. I finally have my coffee in Mako March. I never thought I'd seen my brand...................in a discount chain store...............umm
Neta: I mean hey! If it makes you feel better It's the most expensive one in there.
Stefan: well of course it is. It's the best quality coffee out there. It should be the most expensive........ Anyway, did you hire me a barista for the shop
Neta: yes.....well I do have a candidate for that store. They are my last interview. They should be here in........ Maybe 30 minutes ......
Stefan: um...
Neta:..........so............. How's your father?
Stefan: he passed finally
Neta: oh.... I'm sorry to hear that.
Stefan: don't be. Its what we all wanted.
Neta: Was it peaceful?
Stefan: it was. he went in his sleep.... We were all prepared for it to happen so we had everything ready.
Neta: yeah that's how my mom passed. My aunt told me she just closed her eyes, dozed off and just never woke up
Stefan: and that's all we can ask for, no pain no suffering just go, when you're ready, you're ready...... I buried him with his prize possession
Neta: let me guess a coffee machine-
Stefan: A stove top espresso and coffee maker
Neta: of course
Stefan: it was his first ever coffee maker and used to make My mother and I coffee with that every day till the day he died. He cherished it like it was a child, Unlike how he cherished me.
Neta: oh...ok that's uh
Toguni: excuse me. I'm here for the interview for the barista job
Stefan: he's early..... Very Punctual
Neta: Right you must be ehhhhhhhh.......... Toguni!! You're the one I sent the email to!
Stefan: hello you must be my apprentice
Toguni: oh uh...wow your...
Stefan: Stefan the reinventor of coffee. Yes I know. Nice to meet you. sit down please I insist make yourself come through right next to me.
Toguni: Yes sir
Neta: well thank you for showing up today the interview will be short and simple I just want to get to know you and you're just going to answer some questions-
Stefan: Tell me what's your relationship with coffee?
Neta: Stefan
Toguni: un-
Stefan: what is your favorite type of coffee?
Toguni: I love coffee
Stefan: what is your opinion on cold brew
Toguni: hu-
Stefan: if I give you three cups dark roast, medium roast and light roast, how fast could you tell them apart? And if abel can you tell me what brand of coffee I give you?
Toguni: iiiiiii
Neta: Stefan, you're making him nervous
Stefan: what is an Americano?. Huh what is that? That's a genuine question. What is an Americano like what is that? What does that even mean? Neta you know history? What is that?
Neta: the Americano is named after a location during the mammalian period it was the first to be destroyed during world war-
Stefan: I don't need to hear one of your history lectures!!!!
Neta: your the one who asked
Stefan: what is the difference between a cortado and a flat white
Toguni: oh! I can actually answer this-
Stefan: quiet! be quiet, shut your mouth and I've had enough.......................
Toguni: ..........
Stefan:........................ I like you.... You don't sound like you're from here. Where are you from?..... Don't answer that.... I like you. I really do
Tagami: * gasp* really so I'm hired
Stefan: no. Not yet. You need to make me a single cup of coffee. Your choice.
Neta: We have a coffee maker in the break room but it only uses K-Cups
Stefan: no, he's not making that type of coffee. That's what you call coffee is an insult and abomination and you need to be ashamed of yourself for even suggesting that we use that coffee machine!!... *Sigh*.... here's my house address. You shall show up to my house at 7:00 a.m. I have all the materials needed. You make me one cup of coffee and if I like it........ You're hired.
Toguni:.........uh.................yes sir you said 7?
Stefan: Great! Be there at 7:00. I'll see you then. I see a lot of potential in you. Good bye....
Toguni: ......... .. ......
Neta: I'm .....so sorry. He's a fucking weirdo I don't know why I agreed to work with him. Listen you don't have to do any of that if you don't want to... I can
Toguni: I can't believe I'm going to his house. I'm going to Stefan's you make him a cup of coffee. I thought this was just going to be like a crappy part-time job
Neta: hurtful
Toguni: I have to. I have to go home. I have to practice I have to .. Make coffee....bye thank you for the interview!
_______________________________________________
Neta:* inhale* * exhale*.......
anemone: that guy was a fucking weirdo
Neta: ...... yeah he is ....... Why are you still here?
anemone: I just wanted to see all the other freaks I have to work with....... And they're definitely freaks *huff*
Neta: well, you're going to have to tolerate them.... Hey, maybe after a couple days you might actually like some..... Maybe you can let go of this mean facade you have on and actually make friends.
anemone: I have friends
Neta: ehhhh I don't believe you ... Trust me this whole 'thing' that you have going on, that's how I wasted my teenage years. Trust me.
anemone: *humpf*
Neta: *sigh* I still have that Naomi girls phone wonder if she's-
Naomi: I'm back! I'm sorry I panicked....uhhhhh I uh i.........
Neta:...........
anemone: heh...
Naomi [faces away. Eyes closed] .....*sigh* One of my greatest strengths. I like to show up early and on time I don't like being late. I know that I didn't show it today, but I am actually very reliable............ I don't really have a uh......uh...... Life..... outside of work so I am available whenever you need me. Just call me at any time and I will show up.
Neta: what did you choose this job?
Naomi: Truth is that.. My therapist wants me to go outside and interact with people... .... and suggest getting a part-time job...... to further improve my social skills....... I decided on rockshock because I like music. ........ and I like the alternative community and that it caters to.... People in the alternative community, though they look scary. They are actually very welcoming and patient and I feel like that would be a good environment to start my journey in to social interaction
Neta: well I must say you were right on that......... You forgot your cell phone on the table...... I'll call you next week for orientation okay?
Naomi: ok .....*huff* ok. ..... I'll be going. Thank you... he's so nice.
Neta: It's no problem.
anemone: I gave give her a week
Neta: shut up
anemone belongs to @fish-at-fish-fish-resort
And Toguni belongs to @conkreetmonkey
And neta belongs to...oh me he belongs to me nvm
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