#if enough people respond with fun lines I’ll make one of those fanfic prompt lists

[spocksgotemotions]

okay everyone, sound off, gimme one line from a song that you think about all the time. It can be your favorite line or just one you can’t stop thinking about.

for me it’s “Its not a side effect of the cocaine, I’m thinking that it must be love.”

[rallamajoop]

Fandom Trumps Hate 2018

So, I put my name down for the Fandom Trumps Hate fanwork charity auction. If you’re unfamiliar (and there are still a couple of days left if you’d like to sign up yourself), the idea is that fans offer to produce fic or other fanwork to a buyer’s prompt in exchange for donations to any of a long list of excellent causes.

Auctions open on January 8th, and close on January 14th. I’m offering fanfic for either Cable & Deadpool or The Man from UNCLE (TV) -- but please do read this post in full if you’re thinking of bidding on either, as what I’m offering to write is a bit specific.

What follows is effectively a list of all the semi-developed ideas I currently have kicking around that I’m sure I could turn into decent stories, in the hope that some will sound enticing enough for people to bid for. I’m going to include the option of requesting a new chapters for my existing WIPs here too -- even those I’ve not touched in ages. (Some of these ideas will likely get written eventually regardless, but realistically, most probably won’t, and when they might get written is a whole other question. Even the newest of these ideas has now been sitting around my head un-written for well over a year).

If none of these appeal (or you’d just like more details), do feel free to message me to let me know what sort of fic would inspire you to bid -- I can always add to the list if your prompt sounds like something I could work with. Just as long as we both know in advance what we’re signing up for.

Cable & Deadpool

Cable & Deadpool hasn't been my primary fannish love for some years (of late, I'm mostly writing for The Man from UNCLE), but I think my record shows that it never takes that much to get me writing for it again.

WIPS:

Good Intentions Born from a porny AU premise (where Cable and Deadpool's first meeting went rather differently) which inexplicably grew a plot, this is the epic I have been picking away at since 2009, but seriously stalled on since 2013. If you pick this option, I promise to turn out at least one new scene (I have a number in mind, I can probably come up with a shortlist if it helps). If bids go high enough (let’s say at least $40 is going to charity for this), I will extend that offer to a full new chapter. (Maybe this will be the boost that gets me back in the Good Intentions zone long enough to finish the thing, or at least churn out a few additional chapters, but I make no promises.) Oh, and as an extra carrot, I'll also privately send you a copy of this one future chapter I do have written, set around the time of Deadpool’s canonical first solo series. I've never publicly brought this up elsewhere, since said chapter spoils some of the bigger plot points I've always held back on, in the vague (and perhaps naive) hope I'll someday get to them in the story proper -- but if you'd like a little glimpse of this Cable and Deadpool's status quo from much later in their future, I'm happy to throw that in as a bonus.

The Ugly Merman Born from a crack AU premise of similar vintage, but never actually finished, mostly because I blew most of my best puns material in the first chapter. The next chapter I have in mind will be set between the original chapters 1 and 2, and will feature Blind Al (it has never been any secret that she's the sea witch in this version of the story). For a larger donation, I’ll throw in a second new chapter set after chapter 2, which will actually have Cable in it. Since my 'plan' for this story is much shorter than the one for Good Intentions, the odds that your selecting this one will prove the big push I need to actually finish the story is probably much better -- but again, no promises.

Other options:

That old, shameless sex pollen smutfic idea I have had sitting around forever Choose this option, and I will be committed to write at least a few thousand words worth of Cable having excruciatingly careful sex with a Deadpool who is really, really into it (like, all-his-Christmases-have-come-at-once and-he-doesn't-know-what-present-to-open-first-into-it), but who is so high on sex pollen that Cable is achingly aware he would probably consent to anything. (The Cable in this scenario Cable is also really into it, but desperately does not want to take advantage.) If chosen, this may be the fluffiest smut I have ever committed to paper or screen. Maybe it could even be a prequel to the Marital Commitments 'verse, if you'd like it to be.

Something set in the Deadpool Pulp Universe It's no secret that I adore the Deadpool Pulp mini and have been casting around for an excuse to write fic set in that universe basically forever. I have a couple of old ideas kicking around (some post-ending cablepool smut in which Cable comes home to find Agent Wilson has broken into his apartment, rather than make his report at the office like a normal person, a ficlet set in their shared backstory right after they both escape from the prison camp, another angstier look at Wade’s post-Weapon X future) but am very open to negotiation on this one.

Brother Nathan/Zenpool Another idea I've been toying with for some time. This one will probably be short and I doubt I'd get any real smut out of it (if only because I have already written so much psychic sex for these two that I don't think I have much left in me), but I am positive I could have some fun with them, given the excuse.

That crack idea where Deadpool takes a part-time gig working for the Mythbusters, for use in those tests where mannequin versions of Buster are just not realistic enough Another idea I've been vaguely tossing around since I got into this fandom. This one is pure gen crossover material and would not have Cable in it, but on the off chance you've always really wanted to see a story where Deadpool cheerily agrees to be repeatedly turned into mush in the name of science, I'm throwing this one out there.

ETA: Bidding now open here!

The Man from UNCLE

Since MfU remains the Fandom of My Heart, many of these may well be written eventually even if you don't go for them, but given the speed at which I write (not to mention the risk of distraction by shiny new fandoms), the odds I will ever get to all of them are probably not that high. WIPs and sequels:

The Redwing-verse For the unfamiliar, this is the AU where the role of sexy enemy spy whom Napoleon is forever ending up in bed with is played by Illya instead of Angelique. Entries thus far include Fatale, Of Suspension and Disbelief, and a third prequel story I will hopefully have up before the auction begins. I have no shortage of different ideas for more stories set in this universe, and if you want to go with this option, the next two entries go to the top of my to-do list. These particular stories are interconnected prequels, covering how Napoleon and Illya’s ‘arrangement’ came to be (though I should probably specify that neither will involve any explicit smut and should end up G-PG rated). You'd also be welcome to pick which of a few different options will be next in the present timeline (heck, you could probably talk me into writing one of those first if you'd really prefer that), and I'd be happy to share some details about where the series is headed and how I plan to wrap it up too, if you’re interested.

Alternate ending to A Unified Theory of UNCLE, in four parts Somewhere in the middle of writing this fic, I ran into a problem -- namely that Napoleon was fed up with how long the plot was taking and did not see why he and Illya couldn't skip all that nonsense and have sex now. This grew into an entire alternate ending concept where Napoleon cottons onto what's up with his partner much earlier in the timeline, and comes up with a 'solution' which greatly alters how they first end up in bed together -- and unlike the original ending, this one would involve much more than a fade-to-black. There's a third alternate 'ending' I could throw in here as a bonus, wherein Illya makes a move much earlier, but that's unlikely to add up to more than a few hundred words. Regardless, if you like the idea of a story where Napoleon responds to the discovery of his partner's preference for men with an oddly-conceived seduction based around the 'logic' that he's Illya's only real option -- well, that's roughly what I'd be writing here.

Sequel to The Flowers Along The Way I’m sure it’ll come as a surprise to no-one who has read my latest Christmas fic that I have plans for a porny sequel, and you can probably guess roughly what that ought to involve. As of now, that sequel is mentally penciled in for maybe-next-Christmas (assuming I have not fallen for some other fandom altogether by that point, which is always possible). If you'd like to see that sequel now rather than later, however, I'm totally up for that.

Other options:

Omegaverse AU I'm not usually a huge fan of fandom's omegaverse concept, but a universe in which Napoleon really does emit sex pheromones is too perfect to ignore. This particular take would involve an omega!Napoleon, and a beta!Illya who is painfully aware that he was assigned as Napoleon's partner on the basis that he prove to be the one man in all Napoleon's history who might capable of resisting the temptation to sleep with him. This one is likely to come out something along the lines of The Curious Nature of Felines or A Unified Theory of UNCLE, thus you may have to put up with significant digressions as the author gets carried away with ideas about the place of alpha/beta/omega dynamics in espionage, or about alternate history and biology (because I really am that kind of nerd). Unlike those other fics, this one will be rated somewhere in the range R-NC17, because omegaverse. I suspect it'll come out more around the length of Felines, for the record.

Android!Illya AU On reading Orockthro's excellent story  Unit I, Series LYA: Press to Activate about an android Illya and Napoleon's fascination with his strange new partner, I was struck with ideas for how one might expand the idea with an explicitly shippy (which is to say, NC-17 explicit) sequel, given the interesting questions about how an android like this version of Illya would think about relationships and sex. This option does come with the caveat that I haven't yet got around to checking with the author about their stance on others writing sequels to their work (it seemed not worth bothering them with it until I was sure I was actually going to write the story), and I wouldn't want to go ahead with this one if it would bother them. So there's a chance I may have to ask you to pick something else instead. In any case, I do actually have a complete opening scene for this one written already, and I'd be happy to let you see that much regardless of whether I do ever get as far as writing and posting the rest of the story.

Tingleverse Crackfic This one is going to be a little hard to explain if you are not familiar with the work of Chuck Tingle, (in)famously prolific author of absurdist gay short-form erotica, such as Pounded In The Butt By My Book "Pounded In The Butt By My Own Butt", Turned gay by the existential dread I may be a character in a Chuck Tingle book and the Hugo-award nominated Space Raptor Butt Invasion (a nomination Mr. Tingle naturally celebrated by publishing a story titled Slammed in the Butt by my Hugo Award Nomination). Say what you may about the man, he obviously has a terrific sense of humour, no fear of getting political for the right cause (see, for example, his story Pounded In The Butt By My Irrational Bigoted Fear Of Humans Who Were Born As Unicorns Using A Human Restroom), and an unshakable belief that love is real. Even (or especially) if that love is between a sentient floating disembodied butt and a space dinosaur, or something of that nature. Around about the time that Hugo nomination came out (which is quite the story in itself), a few fans were bandying around the idea of having a Tingleverse fic exchange in celebration. Alas, that never did get off the ground, but the idea of writing a Tingleverse AUs did leave me with the image of Napoleon saying "But Illya, how could THRUSH have invaded my butt? And how is it metaphysically possible for the both of us to be having this conversation while up my butt to investigate?" (To which Illya would, of course, be forced to explain in Very Scientific terms exactly how Napoleon had got them into this situation, while not really explaining anything at all, and so on.) Eventually, they would end up having sex, because Chuck Tingle, If this sounds like the kind of crack you'd like to see, I am beyond willing to write this monstrosity for charity. I feel Mr. Tingle himself could only approve.

Something involving UNCLE’s female support staff (probably gen) Okay, so it’s no secret I have a bit of a fascination with all the underappreciated women who scored recurring roles on the show, and it would take very little to convince me to come up with some fic about one or more of them. Like, Sarah Johnson and Illya bond through good-natured mutual bitching about Napoleon, or Lisa Rogers really is a robot or an assassin or something, or whatever else we can dream up. Give me an excuse!