#if anything is shitty its because i wrote it at 10 PM on my phone with zero ideas except for “i just write this right now”

[scribble-brain-aced]

idk what i’m doing, but i have The Urge to Write and this is awesome, idk how to express how much i love this so here we go, if i make any typos, blame the fact i’m using my phone:

Pentious glanced around the town square in the same way one might look around before stealing a piece of gum.

Of course, that didn’t happen in Heaven, so the people’s ability to detect petty crimes had mostly eroded. That made it very easy for Pentious to casually stroll to the water fountain, and make a show of curling up innocently on the stone bench. He was simply sunbathing. Yes. That was all.

He discreetly reached into his pocket, hiding a small bottle in his claws. He glanced around guiltily, just as a final check.

Well.. it wasn’t a crime. It might even be GOOD. But he was on thin ice with Sera for giving her a bag of ice and telling her to “chill the fuck out.” (No pun intended for ‘on thin ice’.) Angel had taught him that one. Thank you, Angel.

He just thought that Heaven seemed a bit too.. calm. And innocent. First off, no way any place was THIS good. Hell was— by definition— bad. He regretting ever being born in his era, as it was honestly somehow worse than Hell. And Heaven was.. just fine?

Sure, he could play along with it. But what he could NOT stand was the peace. There had to be SOMETHING fun. Destroying or exploding things.. building.. he’d done a lot of the latter. But it was only 6/8 of the fun. The last 2 bits were for chaos.

He made one final check before puncturing the bottle with a claw and quickly tossing it into the fountain, wiping his hands on his jacket so no dish soap was left on him.

He watched, forcing an innocent look on his face, as slowly, the bubbles.. well, bubbled up from the fountain, churning and mixing the water and turning it a frothy white. It was impossible not to grin evilly— er, VERY ANGELICALLY— at the sight of the bubbles spilling over the edge.He scooted back to keep himself dry, before deciding that his spot in the sun was going to flood, and evacuated the bench to watch from farther away.

The steady flow of angels and winners slowed as they realized that the fountain seemed to be more.. thick than usual.

“Huh?”

“What’s that..?”

“Did someone do something with the water pressure?”

“Ooh, Emily’s switching things up a bit, cool!”

“Ugh, was that Susie?”

“Yeah, no, that was probably Susie.”

“Ugh, Susie.”

“Oh my gawd, is there, like, a plastic bottle in there? The hell, this is, like, Heaven?”

“PENTIOUS!”

Pentious froze. Oh, shit. That voice. That meant trouble.

“What did you do?” Sera asked coldly.

“In my defenssse,” he argued, “the children liked it!”

Sera narrowed icy blue eyes at him. “..Pentious. They are children.”

“And they liked it,” he repeated. “I only had to tell ONE of them not to drink it. The ressst just made snow men! Or.. bubble-men!” He paused. “..What would they be called, anywa—”

“I don’t CARE what they’d be called,” Sera interrupted. “..Bubblemen. But you contaminated a public fountain! And for what? What did that accomplish?”

“Pen,” Emily sighed. “I know you miss.. your old home.. but we can’t possibly make you Fall. That’s not somethi—”

“I was just bored!” Pentious protested. “And, well.. it was dish soap! Perfectly harmless. Sssso.. yay, cleanlinesssss..?” he tried weakly.

Sera’s eye twitched. “…You’re on thin ice.”

“You ssaid that last time.”

“I’m this close to quarantining you.”

“That was from last week,” the snake angel reminded her. “When I disassssembled the—”

“My sanity is hanging by a thread,” Sera sighed. “Does that work?”

Pentious paused. “..Have you tried lavender saltsss?”

“For Go— just don’t do it again,” the seraphim growled. “Or there will be consequences.”

Pentious glanced at Emily. She shook her head. He decided to say it anyway. “You said that two weeksss ago. Perhaps you’re growing soft,” he suggested lightly, “ssseeing as I haven’t yet Fallen. ..Please let me Fall. Please.”

“No. But this is your last chance,” Sera hissed.

“Even though it made people happy?” Pentious tried weakly. “And, um— cleanliness? Yay? And.. more entertainment for the little onesss?”

Sera scowled.

Emily hesitated. “..I mean.. I could see about getting a bubble fountain..” she mused.

The High Seraphim let out the sigh of an old mother who can’t deal with any bullshit anymore. “..Fine.”

Sir Pentious: *desires chaos in heaven but doesn't want trouble.*...*puts dish soap in water fountain so it gets full of suds.*

Hehe, clean messy

[poodlejoonas]

Niko - Thoughtful Disasters

For @bcfanweek​ Day 2: Niko

Words: 1,382

Description: Niko’s no professional baker, but he wants to make your birthday a special one.

Notes: Niko Moilanen/Reader (gender unspecified)

Niko was panicking just a tiny bit. He’d been so busy with the album recording lately that he forgot that your birthday is coming up in less than 12 hours. He meant to buy you a legitimate present but it totally slipped his mind. Now here he was, stuck trying to read a cake recipe under his kitchen’s shitty lighting and throw you together a makeshift gift.

You loved Niko, but you also knew that he was the worst when it came to remembering dates. He once sprung anniversary dinner plans on you at 3 PM and he picked the first random place that came to mind. Sometimes he even forgets about Christmas, and finds himself working in the studio at the stroke of midnight on New Year's. You've grown accustomed to knowing that if it was an important date, Niko would probably miss it. 

You were still at work and wouldn’t be coming home until later. In the meantime, Niko was pondering over all the ingredients he would need to bake. He was squinting trying to read his own messy handwriting when he received a phone call from Joel asking where he was.

“I’m uh… at the supermarket. Do you know how to bake a cake?”

Joel sighed from the other end. “You forgot their birthday, didn’t you?”

Niko hung his head in shame and remained silent for a solid 10 seconds. “I know, they’re probably going to kill me, don’t you think?”

“I doubt it. They’re pretty chill, but if it’s that big of a deal, I can come over and help.”

“Please do,” Niko begged, which made Joel laugh out loud.

“It’s that bad, huh?”

--

Not even an hour later, Joel was pulling into Niko’s yard ready to help. The two vocalists met in the kitchen, where Niko had already haphazardly thrown the ingredients into separate bowls. To call it a mess would be a disrespectful understatement. There were bits of egg shells on the floor and flour coating the counters. It was obvious that Niko had tried to scoop the excess flour into his trash can, but his fingers left streaks across the dark blue counter. The chocolate powder was its own mess, as he’d already tried to mix in milk before the rest of the ingredients. Niko’s normally black t-shirt and basketball shorts were coated in flour, and some of it turned the tips of his hair white.

Joel paused and took a good look around the kitchen. “Jesus Christ, dude,” he muttered. “Did you murder the Muffin Man in here?”

"Shut up," Niko whined. “I had to scroll through this bitch’s life story to even get to the recipe and I got annoyed.”

Joel snickered and shook his head. “Of course you did. Anyway, let’s throw all of this together. You have a cake beater, right?”

“A what?”

“You know, the thing that goes…” and then proceeded to make a series of mechanical and whooshing noises.

“Oh, that thing- FUCK, that’s what I forgot.”

Joel would be more sympathetic if he could only stop laughing at poor Niko’s plight. He looked stressed making up for almost forgetting your birthday again, but Joel could tell that he wanted to do his best for you. He always thought that you two made a great couple. Behind Niko’s gritty exterior was a man who had a heart for his partner.

“Okay, so I guess I’m gonna…” Niko contemplated using his hands to mix the bowl until he realized that it was going to be a bigger mess than the one he’s already made now. Instead, he grabbed the wooden spoon and began to sift it until it started blending in. “How long should I do this?”

“Until it looks evenly mixed.”

“Thanks, Captain Obvious.”

Niko was unsure if he brought Joel over for help or just the banter. The older vocalist cleaned up the mess while Niko continued to stir the spoon. At one point, he almost lost his grip on the bowl and spilled its contents onto the floor.

“Want me to finish it?” Joel offered, seeing that he needed a minute to relax. Niko almost immediately accepted his offer and took a break to check his phone and sip some water. He nearly did a spit take when he saw that you were coming home from work earlier than planned. Something about your manager being nice enough to let you go early so you can begin celebrating your birthday. Your work place was only 20 minutes from home, and you sent the message 7 minutes ago.

“Dude, kill me.”

Joel looked up from the bowl to find a slightly panicked Niko realizing that the kitchen was a mess, dinner hadn't even been started, and the cake still had half an hour left on it before it was done. There was no way he could laugh at him now. “Hey, calm down. Maybe you can order something in? You know they’re not picky about what they eat.”

“I know, it’s just… I feel like such a dumbass because I can never remember the important stuff. I think they should just dump me at this point.”

“Hey, that’s not true! Sure you forget things, but you’re still so genuine when you do things for them. I was talking to them a few weeks ago and they had nothing but glowing things to say about you.”

Niko was listening but his mind continued to race. But it was comforting to hear from someone else in the band that you speak so well of him when he’s not around. “I get it. I just hope they like the cake later.”

“I’m sure they will. Now, let’s get this in the oven and then we can think about dinner.” With 10 minutes left until you came home, the cake was baking and the kitchen was being cleaned. You walked in on the two of them putting away the cleaning supplies and chatting happily as if nothing had just happened. Niko tried to give you a hug but all you could do was laugh as you got a good look at his flour-stained clothes.

“Oh, yeah… let me fix that.” And without another word, he was off to change clothes in your room.

Joel stood in the kitchen with a knowing grin. He said he’d come over to help him put together a “surprise” for you. He didn’t say what it was, but the smell from the oven gave it away. Niko returned and proposed the idea of ordering Chinese food, which you happily accepted since you had Hunan chicken on your mind for a while. The both of you offered to let Joel stay for dinner so he wouldn’t have to drive all the way back to Helsinki tonight. Joel chose to play bartender while the food was on its way.

The three of you were several drinks and large dinner specials into the night when suddenly the smoke alarm began to beep. Niko sprang on instinct once he remembered - fuck, the cake! The chocolate cake blackened around the edges and crumbled under the impact of the cutting knife. The music stopped and the only sound was Niko groaning. He looked beyond done with the situation.

“Love?” you asked quietly.

“I’m sorry I ruined your birthday,” he apologized profusely. His eyes were sympathetic and he looked like he wanted to shrink away from everything. You just held him because there was no resentment for him at all.

“You didn’t ruin a thing, kulta,” you whispered. “It was really the thought that mattered. Besides, you do so much for me every other day of the year, so what’s wrong with a day where we just get to chill?”

Niko leaned up and thought about it. “That’s true. Do you want to do anything tomorrow?”

“Just a movie and some leftover Chinese food with you.”

The moment between you was touching, and then Joel spoke up. “I can go back home tonight if you lovers are getting any ideas.”

You and Niko laughed. “Nah, we just need you here to make more drinks for us.” Your birthday hadn’t come yet, but this was already a great start. Good food, a good friend, and a boyfriend who only wanted the best for you.

Endnotes:

I wrote this on the 4th of July when I was hungry and had Chinese food on my mind but everywhere around me was closed. Consider that a self-insert too.

[mykniverse]

17

TW// self harm, beatings, suicide, death

i remember storming home first, leaving family members behind. my thighs were pinched with thongs and i was dragged and locked out of the house in the cold. i was given a jug of water, some fruits and my schoolbag.

when sh did the same, he was lectured and was told not to do it again. 

i remember accidentally lashing out and i was forced to eat cili padi at 10 pm. 

when sh and iq did it, they were only shouted at.

i remember the day you found my goodbye card for my guy friend in primary school. i was scolded and shouted at and also beaten up.

when sh and iq exchanged love letters with girls, nothing was said or done.

i remember asking if i could go out with my friend at 9. i wasnt allowed to because i failed my exams.

sh and iq are able to go out even when their results are bad.

i remember wanting to go to a level camp so bad i wrote a note, begging to be allowed to go. but i got scolded for writing the note and i wasnt allowed to go. i wasnt allowed to go to camps till i was 13.

sh was able to go to camps between ages 11 and 12 with no problems.

i remember being told that if i failed PSLE i will be married off to a random guy. i was told to aim for 200. i scored 199. i didnt get to hear any “good job” or “you did well” as we had to rush to KL as someone passed on. in fact i didnt get to hear anything even after the trip. 

i remember sunday practices. waking up to reciting the timetable at the door no matter who was passing by. no breakfast till youre satisfied. and on weekdays after school, i’d have to recite them on a stool in front of the window where the sun was merciless. i remember when i collapsed due to the heat. i was in pain when i regained consciousness. i was asked to eat but while i was getting food i was slapped. i was laughed at by sh and iq.

i joined netball at 8. i was forced to quit at 9 because i didnt do well for my exams. i wasnt in any ccas till i was 13. but i couldnt choose what i wanted. i was forced to join a uniformed group. 

sh joined a dance cca and it was approved. iq joined badminton but quit. then he joined malay dance. both times it was approved. he was in the prefect team too. you kept giving him chances after chances even though he keeps failing. why couldnt i get the same amount of chances?

it was sh’s turn to take PSLE. when i texted about his results (i was out), you told me he did better than me. i was shocked as to how he could get 200 and above. he dropped out of the normal stream to foundation. he only scored 130. you were so proud of him. he went into a technical school and you supported him so much. i couldnt even choose which school i wanted to go to. “choose a school where you dont have to spend 5 years studying” but the first choice that you put would have led me to spend 5 years in secondary school. in the end i got the last choice that you put.

i remember you finding out that i was talking to a guy when i was 10. we were just talking. you found out and beat me up. i couldnt walk properly for the rest of the day. 

sh and iq are saying upfront that they have girlfriends but nothing is happening to them.

i got my first tiny phone that barely works at 13. i got my first actual, second hand phone at 14. and an actual phone that wasnt passed down at 15

they got their first brand new phones at 8 and 12 respectively.

i remember entering a new school with an old bag that sags while they continued being in the same school with new bags.

i remember you asking me to choose a new bag and i asked about them. you said they wont be getting the same. i felt special. till you asked them to get new bags too.

you gave me an anello bag for school once. i felt special again because i was the only one who had it. but a week later they have it too.

i remember only going out with my friends at 15. but my curfew was before dusk. 

iq went out at 9. sh went out at 13.  you gave sh a curfew. he came home hours later and didnt even get scolded. i brought it up and you acknowledged it but nothing happened.

i remember going home late after school. im a teen am i not supposed to have fun with my friends? but you brought it up to one of the upper ups in school. i was put on probation for months. it was embarrassing. teachers thought that i committed a crime. an innocent me is getting probation? why? because i go home late. i cant say that i have things after school at the last minute because you say its ridiculous and bullshit.

sh goes home late. you caught him at the playground, mall, void decks. you scold him. and he does it again. but nothing major happens. iq calls or texts you that he is staying in school and you allow him to. 

i remember self harming between ages 12 to 15. i was asked to go counselling. now i realised that the counselling was nothing. it didnt help at all. they put the blame on me. when you found out about this, i remember you scolding me. “what is there to be depressed about? youre only 14. all you have to do is study” i was scolded so much for being depressed and for self harming. you had to go for some parents counselling thingy too. i remember that one time i hit an all time low and self harmed again. sh snitched on me and told you about my scars. you got so mad when you saw the scars. i remember what you said to me. “why dont you do it deeper? end the burden once and for all. it’s so burdening and tiring to go to counselling after work?” i remember crying non stop. till we meet him. i was crying in the train. sh and iq was pointing at me and laughing. what you didnt know was that i was typing my suicide notes. i planned my suicide. when we met him, you told him and he glared at me so hard. i was given the silent treatment for so long. when you asked me why, i lied and say that im hated by people. how do i tell the cause of my depression that they are the cause of my depression?

i remember when i stopped self harming and counselling sessions are done. you got new piercings and i asked you if it hurts. you would always retaliate by saying that me self harming hurts more than getting pierced. you consistently did this while i was trying to heal. i remember when jonghyun passed on. i broke down a lot. i cried a lot. i revealed my vulnerable side. but i was mocked. “when a celebrity dies, she’s crying her eyes out. i wonder if she would even cry when her mom passes away.” i literally had to excuse myself so i dont break down in front of you.

i remember that you talked to me before i went on to pursue my tertiary education. you said you were disappointed in me. you said you didnt understand why i was content with my shitty results. i was content because the entire of 2018 was peak depression period. i could barely study because it was so overwhelming. the fact that i managed to even go somewhere was huge to me. i knew i disappointed you a lot because i was the only one who managed to maintain the standard and express stream. you didnt expect me to be where i am now. i put some money from my salary to pay my school fees and uniform for the first term. i already disappointed you so i didnt want to burden you. but you took it the wrong way. you thought i was trying to overthrow your responsibilities as a parent. you said that i was excited to grow up and get rid of you from my life. i remember being so shocked. yes i want to grow up so i leave this household but i have never once thought of getting rid of you.  

i remember and i know that you are very against what im doing now and what i want to do in the future. but im 17 now. im turning 18 soon. how long more are you gonna make my decisions for me? why cant i choose what i want to be? 

why do you assume that my depression is gone just because i dont have to go for counselling? why do you still joke about me self harming? why do you blame whatever sh and iq do on me? “monkey see, monkey do” what did i do? im still harming myself in a way. i picked up smoking at 13. and i started drinking recently. i have no idea where im gonna end up. a successful writer? at the void deck passed out? on the road surrounded by my own blood? i really dont know where i’ll end up. i dont know how long more i can take your hostile words. i hear that im useless every day. i hear that im hopeless every day. you always say that you dont understand us. why dont you try? why dont you try to put down your ego for a bit and try to understand us? try to understand me. try to talk to me. dont you notice that i never talk about how im doing? all i say is that im tired. and you scold me. “if youre tired then dont go to school” you dont even know when i get sick unless its the holidays. we stay under the same roof yet you dont know me at all. and you didnt raise me. for almost 10 years of my life, i was raised by my grandparents. please for once. stop talking and listen. understand. comfort instead of scolding. please. im losing my mind.

[u-flower-u-feast]

♡TAG CHAIN♡

i was tagged by @harry-did-that  who constantly challenges me with the toughest questions and scenarios lol!!! Thanks honey!!💖💖💖💖 

im tagging @harryzayn​, @heliosfleur​, @haesthete​, @luvinari​, @anotherblackharrie​, and anyone else who wants to (i just finished this and im exhausted and can’t think of anyone else lol!!)

Rules: answer the questions given to you by the tagger, write questions of your own, and tag people!

🌸The questions I was given🌸

1. when and how did you become a fan? give me all the details and feelings hit me with that nostalgia! Tbh I was one of those snooty hoes who hated wmyb and was like “If they’re saying what makes you beautiful is that you don’t know your beautiful....... Then what happens when you finally think you’re beautiful??? They probably wouldn’t think your beautiful anymore” laskjdlkajslkdja!! But after faking like I hated the song, this girl in my science class came up to me and was like *Slams down some random teen mag with the boys on the cover* “Pick one!!”......... And I was like “Uhhhhh..... No thanks??” and she just kept getting on my nerves about picking one, she eventually said if i picked one that she’d leave. So I looked............. and I said *pointing to harry and zayn* “Either him or him” and she had the nerve to be like “No!!! You cant have him (Zayn) he’s mine!”........ me:

and since that moment of childish, superficial, decision-making........ I’ve been a dead hoe 4 harry.

2. whats ur fave 1d moment/memory? I’m blanking all of a sudden alksjdlakjslkdj!!! All I can think of rn is when harry almost died on 1d day tryna pull that cute ass stunt

Pretty much..... 1d day in general laksjdlkajls!!!

(Me too harry lol) Harry looked so divine??? So yeah lol!! 1d day for sure

3. if you were to fight harry how would you go about it

Sis........... I’ve been dreaming about this. In a perfect scenario, we’d be friends already so he knows that i’m fighting him with love from the deepest, darkest, coldest, crevices of my heart. So, it’d have to be a time when we’re just hanging out somewhere, preferably in someones (preferably mine) apartment/house. We’d be watching queer eye or something gay, and discussing what from this seasons gucci line we’re gonna buy. When all of a sudden i’ll go in for a random, friendly hug, and he’ll accept...............................................................To his DEMISE!!! CAUSE I would bite his ear (not off, just to clarify lol!! Just a nip lol!!) and go straight for his neck and choke him out alskdjlksjldjka!! He’d probably start panicking, but at this point i’d tell him how long i’ve been waiting to do this, and that i’m doing this out of love............ nothing but pure love. So when he blacks out and wakes up laid out on the couch, with me placing a cold ice pack on his head, he’ll probably ask me what tf happened....... So i’ll tell him the truth, and tell him that he fainted and started convulsing and that i had to call 911 (or whatever the emergency # is wherever we are) and they told me what to do over the phone; and that by the time they got there he had settled down and was fine, but i needed to apply a cold press to his head where he fell and make sure he has solid food on his stomach.😇😇😇

4. so like, if we had 1d (ot4/ot5 idc) locked in a room and given them truth serum slkdnlksdnf sorry for this au but, what 3 questions would you ask them (feel free to do more than 3 its been almost 8 years full of lies so)

I’ll give you one for each year of lies aksljdlakjslkd!!

1- What the fuck were Zayn and Harry laughing about on 1d day?

2- What is each of their honest opinions on the others??

3- Crystabel Riley....... Thats all I’ll say on that..... But I want the truth lol!!

4- Why tf Zayn had the nerve to say that he and Harry never talked???

5- The Infinity video????

6- If they hadn’t known Zayn was gonna leave, who would they truly want to leave the band????? Or! If they could sacrifice one of the others for Zayn to stay, who would they sacrifice??????

7- Did Liam really think that Japan would be hotter cause its “near Australia”??????? (a waste of a question, but a question i need to ask for myself lol!!)

8- And because i’m nosy and would never ever ask any other time or under other circumstances; Out of all of the people they’ve been rumored to have been dating/dated, how many have they actually dated? and which ones??*Mainly this is for harry, but i’ll ask the others cause...... you know.....

5. tell me some of your fave people on here (treat ppl with kindness spread love n all that look at me being a proper Harrie™)

I have a couple of faves lol! I love @harryzayn she’s amaaaazingggggggg even tho she tries me on a daily basis alskjdlkajsldkj!! Oh!! And her moodboards (x) are spectacular, she’s legit the reason why I started doing moodboards (barely lol!! I’m lazy y’all, but she's not lol!!)

@haesthete She always has amazing hontent and is very sweet and kindddddd lol!! And is always (in my opinion) on the right side of henny serious harry drama

@luvinari is an absolute angel who blesses my dash with harry and ariana and others i can think of rn lol!! 

@bluehydrangeia She fills my dash with my mother lana del rey, harry, and aesthetic!! That and I never fail to get more literature knowledge from her lol!

Theres a lot more, but when I’m put on the spot i blank out lol!! If we’ve EVER talked, or interacted you’re probably on this list too lol!!

6. signature scent/ favorite perfume(s)?

I don’t really have a signature perfume, but I like to mix cherry and vanilla body sprays lol!! That! Or warm vanilla honey/toasted hazelnut from b&bw  

7. please tell me a random fact or story about you, give me that Exclusive knowledge

Ummmmm....... My *tries to remember while sitting down* right side of my hip is double jointed lol!! That and i entered 2 different kinds of writing contest and won both of them lol!! Ya gurl is actually good at writing believe it or not alskjdlakjs!!! Bonus! I’ve actually gotten too deep in my feels a couple times and wrote fics for @harryzayn to read lmaooo!!!

8. money, body issues, and all that shit aside, what would your dream fashion aesthetic be?

..........Rianne you hate me lol!! I have about 50 aslkdjalskjdl!! So I’ll give you a top 5!

1- Rocker Chic

2- Simplistic Minimalist

3- 70s Kween

4- Eclectic Bitch

5- Rich Business Hoe

(Bonus!)6- Flashy young rich trophy wife having a night out

9. would you rather have: the cut bits of carpool karaoke like the mcdonalds drive through, audio’s of all the 70 songs harry wrote (yes including baby honey), the infinity music video, the 900 hours of unseen this is us footage, harry’s dunkirk audition tape, a recording of that alleged hour long zarry phonecall when zayn left, or a copy of nialls folder full of unseen selfies with his boys. you kno what im nice you can have two

You are so fucking rude rianne alskjdlkajsjdalj!! I’m gonna go with...... All 70 of harry’s hidden ass songs. And............. *has mini existential crisis cause i can’t choose between the zarry phone call or the this is us footage* I’m gonna choose the this is us footage cause that would be a lot more positive *whispers: but if you want to be a super nice, cool, amazing, totally unique, game changing, never replicated friend........ You’d let me take the zarry call too lol!! *

10. whats something you’re proud of?

*Thinks hard for about 20 minutes.....* Umm I think im proud of the fact that, any musical instrument i’ve learned (3-4) i’ve taught myself??

11. something you regret?

Being too nice to people who didn’t deserve that from me.

12. what bothers you? here’s a chance to… go off

People who have literally no musical talent, but feel the need to go on mile long rants about musicians/artist they don’t like and try to simplify any musical or artistic process like making (GOOD) music is simple and easy.

On the other hand, musicians with absolutely no musicianship at all, who get by based on looks or a really weirdly strong fan base despite....their....lack........of talent??? (Bonus trash points if they’re also just really shitty people in general)

People who feel the need to bring up negative shit in the middle of anything happy. Like??? We could all be having a party over harry painting his nails black, and they could be like “Why tf is his nail polish chipped already??? He was probably picking at it cause the devil jeff made him do it” Like????? Shut tf up cindy (Also this is a made up scenario lol!!)

...... Pms?? The thought of having to pay bills?? Taxes??? The government???? The patriarchy??????

💖💕✨🌻 so here’s my questions🌻✨💕💖

1. There are two types of people in this world. What are the two types?

2. If you had to lock away 3 of ot5 in an underground cave, who would you lock away??

3. If you could have a never-ending candle that smelled like anything you wanted, what fragrance would you want it to be?

4. An interesting au question i just though of lol! You’re chilling at home, when all of a sudden you get a call from Harry. You answer it only to find out that he has you on a party line with the other boys. They’re all panicking cause they’re having different emergencies and they all need your singular help, but they’re all in different locations 20 minutes away from you. They’re all convinced you’re their best friend and that you’ll help them first. You can only help 3 and the other two have to figure their problem out on their own, or face the consequences. Who do you help first, and so on? (and yes the bottom 3 will be mad at you. The person in 2nd place will be disappointed but they’ll eventually get over it.)

5. Whats your favorite *insert ur fave 1d member here* look?

6. What would be the scariest monster you could imagine?

8. If your life was a book, what would it be titled?

6. Quick! You just won the lottery, what are the first 3 things you buy?

9. Would you rather have: True love, but live in less than ideal conditions. Or Be rich, but be married to someone you despised?

10. Whats something you’re proud of?

11. Three personality traits you hate?

12. What are you afraid people see when they look at you?

[log-of-my-life]

2019-08-09

I need to write. Even if/when I don’t want to.

I attended the concert of Rammstein, and I want to describe it, because in three years I won’t remember anything.

We decided to go there by bus which arrived just before the concert (according to the information on the tickets). We understood that the concert wouldn’t start as per that information, they always start it later. So, the risk of being late because of some issues on the border was kind of acceptable.

I could go there beforehand. Andrei couldn’t. I finally decided that I don’t want to waste even more money and time on this trip. So, I’m now going back to Minsk with him, although I could stay for more days or move to some other places.

We gave our bags to cloak-room and ordered a taxi. It was about 8 pm when we arrived -- half an hour after the time on the tickets. There were a lot of people going there calmly, like there was plenty of time yet. When we got in, we tried to get closer to stage, but quiet soon we came to the place when it was too tight. We could go further, in theory, as there were a lot of people going back and forward, but Andrei was afraid because he got problems with his teeth and he couldn’t afford getting an accidental hit to his face. I didn’t like the fact that I almost couldn’t see the stage (although it was quite good yet that I could see it at all, shorter people near me and people slightly behind us could not see it at all. And there were a lot of people behind). So, I was trying to convince Andrei to go forward, but we stayed. Until the beginning of the show. Then we noticed that people around us stay still, don’t jump, just record videos on their phones. I stayed for 3 songs and then went forward with just another guys who tried to passed us, leaving Andrei. Some guys I passed through said me that I’m a bad man and I should have thought earlier. I felt bad but went forward. Finally, I stopped in a place where I could see the stage (at least), but people were passive there too.

The coolest show was with the “Puppe” song. There was a camera on Till’s face which was streaming to the main screen, and then there was a creepy child in a lullaby. Really creepy.

There were more than 100k people, as we estimated. Tickets costed 80 euros, so they earned over 8m euros, plus some more on selling drinks. Water (0.5l) costed 2 euro!! We decided that it’s way too much.

Then we found the closest petrol station, bought water and fruits. Ate bananas and oranges. Then went back to the coach terminal, thinking that we can find some cafes there. Andrei wanted to eat, I wanted to the toilet. We went about 5 km, and finally I just felt pain in my stomach -- fortunately, I managed to find the WC just in time.

Back to the morning of the concert day, we stopped in Biahoml, Sharkaushchyna, Hlybokaje, Dokshycy (?) and Braslau, and in 4 of them I bought some shitty food in addition to the bananas and apricots that I took with me. I messed up again, although I could stay without food, I really could. Well, at least I could stop after the first portion of snacks. But I bought 4.

At the concert, while shouting “you’ve got a pussy” I understood that it’s a good moment to finish my previous, bad life. I then bought some vegan food in the cafe, but in Vilnius I ate only fruit... and some fried peanuts, yeah. But in general, it’s time to become better, really. I need to do it.

We met Lera and Siarhei in the pizzeria, talked and played cards. I failed to take some french fries, because they ran out of potatoes. Was it a sign?

Just before the bus we bought some blueberries and lettuce. I felt okay, although my brain worked badly, of course. Then we sat to our bus (which was a little bit late) and I found out that I can’t lean back because my char is broken. So, it was a tough 4-hour ride for me. Still, I slept for a couple of hours.

We arrived about 12 pm and went to the hostel, which was right near the terminal. It was 2 hours earlier than the check-in time, but we decided to go and ask if we can check-in or at least leave our baggage. I didn’t like the hostel, except for its location, but it’s written in my review at booking.com. We slept for 4+ hours, then had a walk, bought some more fruit (Andrei bought some shit), came back about 10 pm, then I did some useful things including Spanish lessons. Told Andrei about podcasts (he had just bought iPhone SE), he liked the idea.

Then we slept for about 6 hours at night, woke up 45 minutes before the train, left hostel 20 minutes before the train because I was slow, but came to the train 10 minutes before departure. In the train, I got another Spanish lesson and started writing a letter to Ana.

At home I slept for 3 more hours, started a MongoDB course, wrote a utility for creating desktop icons for apps in Ubuntu-based distros, pushed it to Github, had a talk with Anton. Told Masha about Egypt, she was thankful. Mom asked me to come, them got sad and finished the call with “well, I won’t disturb you, you’ll call when you want”... which is just what was necessary, I suppose. I need to take my life in order before contacting them again.

Oh, also I helped Luthien to setup Xubuntu. There was a problem: BIOS refused to recognize her bootable USB, we decided that she’ll buy an optical disk tomorrow. And I made some cleaning at home.

Tomorrow I want to review my to-do lists and build a stronger routine. Start managing money (counting them first), closing the browser tabs, documenting what I need to do/write in the morning and in the evening... maybe automate some of this stuff.

[do1care]

9:37 pm thoughts, ending friendships.

Va escrito en ingles porque iba primero para reddit, ojala y alguien me lea aca algun dia:(

FYI, this is a long post about my struggles and thoughts on my problems, if you don't want to deal with them feel free to move to the next post:), it's ok.

I know that everything has to end, that's the most natural part of life, as far as I can see it, everything has to come to an end. Doesn't matter if it's your favorite coffee cup, or your longest relationship ever, that's just how life is, and there's nothing wrong with it, but the fact of accepting it can cause some real shitty problems. Or at least to me.

I lost my best friend on January, and no, by lost I don't mean he died, thankfully, 'cause he's and extraordinary human, he is such a grateful and open minded young man willing to help you no matter what; that being said, the reason why you can say we "broke up" (we weren't dating, just that i didn't find any other word that could sume up that were not bffs anymore, haha), it's pretty fucking stupid, haha.

I'll give you a few seconds so that you try to guess, haha.....1.....2......3....OK, times up. Don't know if you saw this coming, but it was because of a girl (told you, pretty fucking stupid reason).

Let me set the scenario up for you.

He and I have been friends since we were 10 and 11 (I'm younger), we are now 16 and 17. We had been together in a lot of struggles each; helping the other in whatever it was possible to, he changed school when he was 13 because his mother had a problem with our principal, anyway. It may appear that since then we started talking less with each other, but no, its the total opossite (crazy, right?). Since he got out of my school we started talking more and more, and I remember on the 2015 new years eve, I was all alone in my room hearing all the fireworks welcoming the new year 2016, and at 2:30 am or so i called him and we started talking till 6:00 am or so, we never ran out of talk, it was always so funny, haha.

Ok, now to how we stop talking.

On January 2017, he had been dating a few girls on and off. But nothing too serious, but like on the 25th he started telling me about this girl that a friend introduce to him, and that she was sooo hot, but all she wanted from her was to hook up (nothing weird about that, he always wanted that, and i think thats ok, if the girl wants that too). And he sent me this girl facebook profile, so i started checking her out, and she was a girl from another school, which, another girl friend of mine was in like 2 years ago.

(ok, now this is getting confusing, from now on we are gonna call them like this: my ex best boy friend: ed. My girl friend: luna, the girl that caused the problem: pico)

And luna had told me that the girl that pico was a kinddd of a slut (i know that that can be offensive, but bare with me here, those were her words, not mine). And I was like, oh, cool, either way ed just wants to hook up with her, so they can both be happy. But one day ed told me that he was trying to get into a serious relationship with pico, at this point I had told ed everyting that luna had told me about pico, but he didn't seem to care at all. By this point, as any teenager-best-male-friend would do, i was very concerned, cause he had gotten broken up a lot in the past, by girls that didn't deserve him. By shitty girls. And i didn't want him to get his heart broken again, and at least this time I had something in my power to stop that. Or at least that's what I thought.

Remember that Luna and Pico were very good friends in the past, at this point they talk to each other, but not as much. And also, at this point Luna and I are veeeery good friends, in fact, she is one of my 2 best girl friends (thankfully, she still is, she's awesome, haha)

So I send Luna the screenshot of the time when Ed was telling me that all he wanted Pico for was to get laid, and Luna ask me if I was sure I wanted this to get to Pico, I said yes. But told her that she said to Pico not to show them to Ed. (I think you can guess where this is heading).

Long story short, Ed realized what I did, and basically sent me to eat shit, I couldn't understand how he rather lose his best friend and having a girl to fuck and not viceversa (and oh, btw, i now it was a total dick move from me to send the screenshots of our chat to Luna. But I dind't want this girl to hurt him). By this point, it was maybe like februart 4th or something like that. We stoped talking, but I remember that this was killing me, cause I was ised to tell him everything that happened in my mind, every single deep or stupid thought I had, no matter how vain or important it was, and he knew that i'll always be there for him, so I tried to apologize, and I freacking got fully emotional with him, i remember being at bed like at 1 am texting him whyle crying, he was so fucking important to me, little did I know i meant so little to him by this point.

The important part of this is that I wrote him that i loved him. Of course i loved him, he was my fucking best friend, how am I not supposed to love him? (Again, little did I know this was gonna fuck my life in a while)

Amyway, he basically told me that he had forgiven me, just that I wasn't his best friend anymore, that, that fucking killed me, it was like a stab in the chest, I felt it deep into myself, losing a friendship with someone you value so much, that you had plans for the future with, so many memories together. Just gone. Fucking went off. It was my fault. I destroyed, it was me the one who blame. Fast forward two monts of feeling depressed and shitty af, my sister went to the beach with a friend, a girl friend, but my dad is a freacking maniac so he decided to go to their beach house without tellimg anyone just to check if she wasn't lying (spoiler. Of course she wasnt, my sister is the best). Anyway, so he told me to write to her friend cause I also get along with her (or at leaste i used to, another friendahip gone, yey) to send me their location, so my dad took my phone and started texting her like if it was me, cause of course, it was from my number, why would she think it wasnt me?

(And by this point i think i should tell you two important things:

1. My father is an asshole and a real noisy bitch.

2. He is super homophobyc, this is kinda caused because his brother is gay, and they were born in a very mysoginistic environment.)

Anyway, so my dad started scrolling around my chats, and I at this point I didn't remember my chat with Ed, until I saw it on my phone screen, when I saw it, my heart went from being calm to almost getting a heart attack. I was fucking nervous, cause I knew how his reaction was going to be, and i didnt want him to see what I wrote with him, cause it was personal shit, things that no one but you and the other person are supposed to see (now that I analyze this, I think it is kind of karma because i did the same to Ed), I was terryfied, sweating. Almost crying, and when he was about to enter my chat with Ed, i tried to take my phone away from his hand, by this point he knew i was hiding something. I fucked it up, there was nothing else that I could do, but to be waiting for him to react. There were 5 minutes of pure silence in the car, i tried as hard as I could not to cry (my very first reaction in strong emotional moments, is crying, no matter if it's a super sad moment or in the middle of the biggest argument of my life, i just can't control it).

Then he says -So you love him?

I got freezed, i really don't remember any much of it cause I was so afraid of it, I just remember telling him that yeah, i loved him cause he was my best friend. Anyway, he took my phone away from me and talked with my mom about it. My mom is genuinely the best, she's very supportive and lovely. She just tells me that no matter what I feel I can always tell her and that she'll love me no matter what, but to stop saying to some random dude that he was everything to me and that i felt fucking misserablr without him (i kinda told that to Ed when I tried to apologize). Since than, my dad has been a little lore of a douche bag with me, and he doesn't know I have my phone, cause he gave it to my mom, but she gave it to me, haha, she's the best (forgot to mention, i only live with my mom, but they get along pretty well).

Now Ed and I talk maybe once in a while, and I have accepted the fact that he's not my bf and i'm not his, and that's ok. Cause everything has to end, nothing last forever.

------

I tottaly forgot what the purpose of writing this story was, I just hope that maybe someone might read it and I don't know, tell me anything, i literally just was fucking sad and upset with lifeand general and decided to start writing this. But ended up spending an hour and a little bit more writing it, haha.

Remember that this is my first post to reddit. So feel free to comment or idk what the interactions in here are called, but yeah, i think i might post this to my tumblr later, haven't ever post there either, haha.