#if anyone would like to educate me more on mush as a guy. please feel free

[starscelly]

I'm over here begging you. For the love of all that is holy, please talk to me about Tyler Seguin and the new dude, Mason Marchment !

anon i would LOVE to discuss tyler and mush !!!!! im very sorry this will probably be super long winded and incoherent. but u shouldve known what u signed up for with me tbh

FIRST i wanna say if ur looking for like. in depth analysis or many Moments of theirs i would very much recommend taking time to scroll through teex’s 2791 tag it is a joy and pretty thoroughly covers all of the stupidity from this season and i feel like they r like pioneering the 2791/smush insanity. that being said. allow me to talk my shit for a moment dkfsdjkfs.

i just think its Fascinating that in the past few years tyler has for sure like, turned down his usual vibe of constantly hamming it up for the camera and getting super flirty with all these guys etc etc. it is, i think, far less present these past few yrs than before. until mush got to this team lol. i feel like he’s really been brought back out of his shell (definitely also helped by the new coaching staff, his recovery from injuries, finding a new role on the team, their success etc, but) and we’re starting to see this silly tyler that we know and love again!!! the first thing i can really remember of them being particularly fun flirty and cringe together is the sandwich video (this is prolly wrong, but off the top of my head), but their chemistry has definitely been there all season. like even before we were exposed to this type of behavior, they’ve been on a line together All Season, even when they could not get a good third guy to fit on their line, deboer clearly knew there was something working between them. which like, we all saw the first few games of the season. obviously he’s correct lol. 

so they have good chemistry on the ice which is a super plus, and we’ve seen time and time again how close they are as people - mush being insane concerned about tyler’s injury, constantly saying they miss the other when they’re injured, the sandwich video, tyler “interviewing” mush with his drink, etc - and they just have a lot of casual affection for one another. but i have to say. my favorite thing is how stupid i feel for not realizing that they’d be an obvious pairing the second mush got traded here lmao. if you look at a long line of Tyler History he fits PERFECTLY. a feisty, huge, dark-haired left winger???? that is his MO, at this point (all 4 traits have applied to his like Closest or most notorious connections, but if u wanna take out “huge” we got marchy on the b’s, if u wanna talk ancient history we have tyler brown back when he was young young idk how feisty he was, but either way these are like. quintessential traits he loves). (this is a bit tyler heavy, on account of i just know more about him in general than mush, so sorry about that lol) but he very much just wants someone he can make fun of / laugh at, someone who would probably kill an opponent for him , and someone who is a huge cringe loser who will do anything to make him laugh. and mason for suuuuure checks off all those boxes and more. and if that is what we needed to bring back the silly, god bless mush, because he succeeded and Also made me adore HIM at the same time. despite all his mess and penalty minutes fjldsfklds

this is like. super long winded i am so sorry. but if there’s anything specific u wanna talk abt with these two cringefail losers Please feel free to message me or send another ask or whatever. i can’t even begin to unpack how deranged i feel abt them sometimes !!!

[cummingforkylo]

I was wondering, if you could write a Kylo and reader smut where he’s got the readers back like presses against his front while he’s fucking her and maybe chokes her a bit. Cause like. I need they in my life. Maybe even someone like Hux walks in on them? I really just need some rough dominant kylo smut in my life. 🤪😍 your writing is amazing by the way

Okay so I may have wrote something really long, really smutty and like...really terrible. Like...Kylo is not even kind of a good guy in this. So I mixed this request with another one: “hey!!! Love love LOVE your blog!! 😍 alsooo could you write something in which Kylo and reader are not really together but they have really really rough sex and kinda dub con but not really and the reader asks him to stop bc it’s hurting a little too much and kylo realises and starts being super soft™️ and kissing her and saying he’s sorry?” but like...god he does not say sorry and is not soft. So maybe this isn’t anything either of you want, its entirely self indulgent, annndd actually kind of personal? But it is SUPER long so you know:

Following Rating: Explicit/NSFWCW: dubcon/noncon, nasty sex, throat fuckingWord count: 2,234Prompt/summary:rough dominant Kylo, mildly obsessed reader. 

Your mind was always filled with daydreams, plans, fantasies, impossible ones but you couldn’t help but indulge them. You had lived on and off Star Destroyers and other ships your whole life. You mother was a highly regarded engineer, your father, the Captain of a Dreadnaught, they were decorated veterans of the Empire and now decorated in The First Order. You were supposed to follow in their footsteps, be smart, powerful, courageously  wage war agains the Resistance, but you couldn’t find that drive in you. What motivated you was the love of language, of stories, fantasies, and people. You always felt too connected with people to be part of the cold regime of the First Order. You couldn’t detach yourself the way others could, you couldn’t let go of your empathy. Your daydreams and feelings had always been a source of frustration in your parents, you were born into a good family, a good name with the chance to really make a name for yourself, they gave you all the opportunities. The best education. The best introductions. Yet, you still struggle.

You still lived in your father’s quarters on the Supremacy while you finished your schooling, but you had begun to fixate on something, The Supreme Leader. You didn’t see him often, but when you caught glimpses of him around the ship your imagination would run wild. You wondered what he was like, if he was really as hot tempered as everyone said, you wondered at how powerful he was and you tried to understand how someone so outwardly beautiful could be as dark and twisted as everyone said he was. You didn’t believe it so you did something stupid. You took to following him around the ship. You tried to stay back from him and of course, you could never go into rooms you didn’t have clearance to enter, but you lagged behind him as he walked through the halls. You listened to his hushed conversations with Generals and other leaders within the First Order.

You ever started to write about him, just little notes about the way he moved or the tilt of his head as he listened to something he didn’t like. Nothing of significance to anyone but yourself. You kept it all on your datapad, not thinking about if anyone would be able to read it. You were finishing writing something down in the hallway right after he had ducked into a door you couldn’t follow him through when the door unexpectedly opened with a blast of air. You jumped so bad you nearly dropped your datapad and you tried to step towards the wall so Kylo wouldn’t notice you but it was too late, he had stepped into your path, towering over you.

“Are you following me?” He asked, his voice filled with a dark anger.

“N-No!” You said immediately, but your voice was shaking. Kylo’s eyes darted over your face, taking you in.

“Then how come every time I turn around, I see you?” he asked, he took a step towards you, you stepped back but it didn’t do much, he was still directly in front of you. Your heart thudded in your chest hard, you had thought you had been so sneaky, you had thought no one noticed. That was obviously not the case.

“I…” You didn’t know what to say, you had no explanation. His dark brown eyes seemed black with anger and there was a spark of electricity that ran through his expression. His energy crackled with instability. It was everything that had attracted you to him in the first place. You swallowed, searching for something to say. You were at a loss though.

“Nothing to say?” he asked.

“I don’t f-follow you.” You insisted. His mouth twisted into a grimace at the lie and he lifted his hand. There was a moment where you wondered what he was doing but then he was in your mind. You felt as though your skull might crack open from the pressure. It came in waves that staggered you, you stumbled backwards again and your back in the wall. He must have followed you because as you tried to force your eyes open to look at him, he was still right in front of you. Each thought of him was pulled to the forefront of your mind, your attraction, your curiosity, your admiration, your interest, and your writing. The vice grip on your mind released in a whoosh and a gasp. You leaned forward, trying to catch your breath,

“Insolent, girl.” He snarled and his hand closed around your datapad. You lunged for it but your hand froze in the air, it tensed there, completely locked up. Panic swept through you as he looked at the datapad, scrolling through your pages of notes on…him. There were things in there that you would have never admitted to anyone. “You stupid girl, did you think I didn’t notice you lurking around me?” he asked, looking up from the datapad. He dropped it onto the ground, it didn’t smash but the screen went dark.

Kylo released the Force that had been holding you but his hand found your upper arm. His fingers closed in a vice grip reminiscent of what he had done to your mind earlier. He drags you away from the wall, across the hall to the door he had come out of. He placed his other palm against the scanner and the doors whooshed open again. He marched you inside and shoved you so hard that you lost your balance and fell to the ground in front of him.

“If you’re so obsessed with knowing the real me, why don’t I show you?” He asked, his voice had a tiny tremor in it, like he was trying to keep himself under some control.

“No, I didn’t mean-please!” You gasped but he strode up to you and grabbed the back of your head, his other hand worked on his trousers, unbuckling them with a swift precision. You found yourself in a position you had thought about a number of times.You were stiffened by fear much more now than you had been in your fantasies but at the same time, liquid excitement gathered in your belly. It made your nipples go stiff, it made your heart beat a little faster-or maybe that was the fear.

“I thought this is what you wanted, you dirty slut.” His breathing was rough, that strained lilt in his voice echoed in your mind. His hand had worked his pants down by now and the size of his cock panicked you and turned your bones to mush.  “You fantasized about it, little girl. You’ve never been fucked by anyone and yet you thought about getting on your knees and pleasing my cock, haven’t you?” he asked. He didn’t need to ask, he had seen it. He had watched your fantasies in your mind. “It’s almost endearing. Your obsession.” He said. Your face was hot with embarrassment and tears welled up, making your eyes prickle and you lip tremble. You had no words.

“I didn’t-“

“Didn’t what? Want this?” His hand curled into your hair, his fingers scraped your scalp as he gathered a fistful of it. “We both know that isn’t true.” He said through a nasty chuckle. You hated that he was right. “Open your mouth before I lose patience.” He said. His fist in your hair dragged you down towards his cock, your mouth opened almost instinctually and you felt the warmth of the tip of his cock thrust into your mouth. His hips rocked forward and his cock entered your mouth, enveloped in heat and wetness. Your tongue circled his head, while your lips struggled to wrap around how thick his cock was. His hand in your hair tightened, pulling you unquestioningly forward, the tip pressed into the back of your throat. Spit filled your mouth, slipping in streams and rivulets down out of your mouth and down the sides of his cock. You gagged and tried to pull back. His hand at the back of your head an immoveable barrier, keeping you locked on his cock.

You couldn’t breath, your body screamed for release from choking on the intrusion in your throat. Your throat contracted around his cock, tears streamed out of your eyes. Kylo ripped your head back from his cock and you sucked in air finally. You nearly retched. He caught your face in his hand, pinching your cheeks between his thumb and his fingers.

“Do you think I’m as dark as everyone says I am, yet?” his deep voice rolled out of him and that sparking energy around him burned through you.

“Yes,” you managed to garble out through your spit and tears. You regretted every thought you had had about him, everything you wrote wondering if he was really as fearful as everyone said seemed so foolish now.

“I dont think you understand just yet.” He said. He shoved you down by your hair, pushing you onto all fours.

“No, no, no no!” you sobbed, realizing what he was doing you struggled forward but he caught your hips in his big hands, keeping you in place. You said no, but your body was a traitor and it was screaming yes. Kylo’s hands shoved your skirt up. It would only take a flick of his hand and he would see your shame, he would see how excited you had gotten by being used by him. Kylo must have head this in your thoughts because his hand paused in its movements,

“You’re desperate for me, aren’t you, little slut?” he asked. You whined, unable to manage something else. He knew it was true. He could see your mind. There was no use arguing, and he was going to use you even more. You wanted it and didn’t at the same time. Your cunt was throbbing with need but you remembered his size, you remembered how rough he was and ice daggers of fear spiked through you.

“You write all about me, about how you know I would make you feel good and now you can’t even manage a ‘yes sir’ ? Disgusting.” Kylo ripped your underwear down and you moaned in shame, pleasure and fear. Course leather ran over your exposed pussy, dipping into the folds. He knelt behind you, your fear and burning pleasure mounted at the same time. He pressed the head of his cock against you, running it along your slit, it grazed against your clit and you yelped at the sensitive bundle of nerves being touched without warning. Involuntarily your hips shimmed back towards his cock,

“You nasty girl. If your cunt didn’t look so inviting I wouldn’t bother giving you what you want.” He growled. You wanted to sob that it wasn’t what you wanted, that you couldn’t take his cock but you doubted it would matter to him. He shoved himself forward and the breath was kicked out of you in a gasp. He filled your whole pussy, he had buried his  whole cock deep inside of you in one thrust. There was no room left for motion, you were sure of it. Pleasure, pain and a mix of desperation and distress filled your body, you felt weak and unable to move. His cock felt like it would split you in half but you could also feel how lubricated you were.

“Your cunt  is so tight,” he gasped, he started to drag his cock back out, looking down at it. “You didn’t even bleed, little girl. You’re just that desperate.” He growled. Your pussy was burning with the stretch, burning with the pleasure. His cock smacked into you again, you felt garbled, uncontrollable and lost. You felt like you were unfurling underneath him, your fantasies becoming reality was too much and you were losing your mind each time he slammed into you. Each thrust sent your jerking forward. Your face pressed into the floor and he held your hips up as he rocked into you. Your breath came out in gasps or low pained moans,

“Oh…ah…Oh! No! Oh…” each thrust sent fireworks bursting under your skin, not only in a good way, not only in a burning pain. All of the above.  Kylo leaned over your back, pressing his lips to your ear,

“Do you think you understand me now?” He asked. You sobbed in response. His fingers closed into your hair again and he ground your face against the floor. “Do you think I care even a iota about you? Or that you’re sobbing on my floor?” His hips hadn’t slowed, they snapped into you again and again and again.

“No!” you sobbed.

“Good job, whore. You’ve gotten one thing right.” He snarled, his hips smacked into yours over and over. Pleasure washed over you, but it was like an out of body pleasure. You could feel your own orgasm mounting. He must have heard this, “No. You don’t get to cum.” His hips sped again and the pleasure mingled with pain once again. With his hand in your hair, tugging your head back from the floor now he thrust one last time inside before ripping away, leaving your cunt dripping and clenching on air. Hot ropes of cum spilled over your back, ass and up into your hair. Kylo smacked your ass and stood up.

“Get out.” He said.

[findmeintheafterglow]

A Guide to Every Single Newsie

There are way too many of those punks. If you’re new to all this come learn whom is who

Let’s start with some pictures, they’re blurry because it’s surprisingly hard to get a decent screenshot. There are lots of them but hopefully just seeing their faces a few times will help you. Recognizing them just comes with time trust me, I used to struggle to find Race and now I see a pic of someone's feet and am like “ah yes Finch my boy”. Also, I’m only covering the newsies live cast because that’s what you can legally watch and what most people are familiar with. Also, I didn’t want to do every cast member to ever be on Broadway or tour.

Please note some of the things I’m about to say may not be canon but are part of what I know is widely considered true within the fandom. As far as sexuality I may mention it with some characters/who they’re commonly shipped with just so y’all aren’t lost when you see fics and things.

Jack: You know Jack so I’m not going that deep into his character. He’s 17, full name Francis Sullivan, newsie nickname is Cowboy. He’s the leader of the newsies of Lower Manhattan. A charismatic asshole who really just wants meaningful relationships and happiness for those he loves. Undeniably bisexual. Played by Jeremy Jordan.

Davey: Full name is David Jacobs, newsie nickname is Walking Mouth though he’s only addressed by his nickname in the 1992 movie. The most educated, attended school until he was around 17 ish. He’s a doofy little nerd and also mom friend ultimate, I repeat bc this is a defining trait Mom Friend Ultimate. I’m not sure if this is canon but pretty much everyone recognizes that he and his family are Jewish. Played by Ben Fankhauser.

Les: Sassy angel child. Full name Lesley Jacobs. Albert calls him shortstop a few times but it’s not quite a newsie name tm. 10 years old(almost). Also pretty Jewish. He’s kind of an impressionable little firecracker, he looks up to all the newsies but especially Jack. He just has a lot of energy and wants to hang with the big kids. Sass master in training. Buckets of charm packed into about 4 feet of human. Played by Ethan Steiner.

Crutchie: Crutchie! You know him! You’ve already fallen madly in love with him! Lost use of one of his legs to polio. Last name is Morris for sure and a lot of people say his real name is Charlie. Jack’s closest friend. He’s often painted as a pure sunshine boy, he is a pure sunshine boy. However, he is also tough, streetsmart and ready to fight. Very kindhearted and eternally optimistic. Played by Andrew Keenan-Bolger(you may see it abbreviated as AKB).

Race: This boy has lots of names so strap in. Racetrack Higgins is his name, people mostly call him Race not Racetrack. He is also sometimes called Racer. I don’t think this is canon but as a fandom, I think we’ve determined that he’s aggressively Italian and his real first name is Antonio, you may also see Anthony or Tony. Best friends with Albert. Crutchie is Jack’s best friend but Race is sort of Jack’s second in command. Sprace, him and Spot Conlon, are pretty much the biggest ship in Newsies. He’s a gambler and has an affinity for betting on horse races. He sells by the Sheepshead Racetrack hence his nickname. Very easy to recognize because he always has a cigar. The definition of a disaster gay. He has good intentions most of the time but is also a chaotic piece of shit. Played by Ben Tyler Cook(BTC).

Albert: Albert DaSilva is his name, having fantastic hair is his game. Race’s best friend. Personality is similar to Race but a little less chaotic, like he still does dumb things all the time but isn’t nearly as loud. Prankmaster and Sassmaster ultimate. Lives on the lower east side with his dad and two older brothers but generally that fact is ignored and he’s lumped in as living in the lodgings.  His cap is on backwards most of the time which can help you recognize him. Played by Sky Flaherty.

Spot: Spot Conlon, the man, the myth, the legend. Leader of Brooklyn. Comically short but will also soak you without hesitation. Side note bc I didn’t know this for a long time: the newsies call beating someone up “soakin’ ‘em” because you beat them up so bad they’re soaked in blood. Back to Spot, he’s tough as nails but also cares about his boys in Brooklyn a lot. Played by Tommy Bracco.

Elmer: A smart yet small boy. Very good at math and science and somewhat interested in politics. He has 8 older siblings. Polish apparently? I learned this very recently?? A very friendly and sunshiney guy. The newsies make fun of him saying that he’s bad at selling papes. He’s a hardworker. This is definitely not canon but you may see his last name as being Kasprzak. This comes from Evan Kasprzak, the actor who played Elmer in the Papermill and Original Broadway Casts. People like writing about Elmer so they just kinda gave him that last name and it works. Played by Anthony Zas.

Jojo: Jorgelino Josephino De La Guerra where to begin. A good Catholic boy. He was raised by nuns in a cathedral in Harlem. A nice boy, a kind boy. Down for some shenanigans but is generally reasonable and doesn’t want anyone to get hurt. Very ambitious and wants to be a big baller(in KONY he wishes for a solid gold watch I mean). Played by Joshua Burrage.

Buttons: Benjamin Buttons Davenport, what a guy. So I don’t know that he’s actually younger but he definitely reads as a little more youthful. He’s optimistic and easily excitable and overall kinda has this genuine hope and happiness that some of the other guys have lost to the street. He lives with his family and has at least a few siblings but I feel like he has hella. Not gonna be last in line for the tub tonight. Played by Chaz Wolcott.

Romeo: Will flirt with anything that moves. He has very distinctive bright red and blue striped socks if that helps you identify him. Is one of the younger newsies but makes up for it with overconfidence. Very lighthearted, we never see him get too serious. A charmer through and through. Still a very kind and caring guy. Played by Nico DeJesus.

Specs: Specs is a good one. He wears glasses obviously so you can identify him pretty easy. Definitely on the older end of the newsies. There’s no basis for this in canon but I feel like he’s been around longer than Jack. Kind of helps lead and run things with Race and Jack because he’s the most responsible motherfucker in that lodging house. Think kinda like Davy where he’s a bit of a mom but more easygoing, less cautious and more one of the boys. Generally a happy guy and so so sweet. Very forward thinking and genuinely likes selling papes. Played by Jordan Samuels.

Finch: Finch! A personal favorite please show him love. Full name is Patrick Cortes. He has a family(or at least a mom) but ran away when he was little. He carries a slingshot with him a good amount of the time so use that to find him. He’s sarcastic, funny, and always rarin’ to go. Tough but not in an “I’ll fight you” way. He will fight you if needed but it’s more like “Life’s a bitch but look how far I’ve made it”. Kinda like a cool older brother vibe but throw in a good handful of antsy. Played by my main man Iain Young.

Sniper: Mkay it’s time for the tough boi trio, these next three are fighters. Last name is Wah. His dad is named Sam Wah and owns a laundromat above Jacobi’s Deli. You may see him as a girl in fics or hcs because for almost all of the tour he was played by a woman. Boy has aim like no other. He is confirmed to be the quickest and strongest of the newsies. Also sly and cunning. Boy’s like a snake or a fox or whatever simile you prefer but regardless be scared. Has a reputation so people don’t mess with him. Would never hurt another Manhattan boy, he’s scary but he defends his brothers. Played by Daniel Switzer.

Tommy Boy: Don’t know a ton about Tommy Boy but here we go. He’s a man of few words, when he talks his answers are brief and to the point. Not in a mean way though that’s just how he is. Appears to be confrontational as he’s consistently seen stepping to a fight(before the world will know when Jack says “keep your shirt on” and when he scabs he gets in people’s faces). A good dependable guy but kinda mysterious, I would not provoke. Played by Michael Dameski.

Mush: Last name is Myers. First name is possibly Nick? In the real strike, there was a boy named Nick Myers so. He lives in Harlem?? But who cares about canon, ignore that. Mush is a ‘hattan boy. Has a lisp. He considers himself to be the muscle of Manhattan and will throw down for his brothers. When the strikebreakers show up, Jack literally has to hold him back because Mush is just trying to get to those hoes so he can protect the rest of the boys just yellin’ “Nah man I’ll get ‘em”. Very caring and very selfless. Boy’s got muscle but is totally a teddy bear with a heart of gold. I’ve always thought of him as your classic rough and tumble but clean-cut caring all-American boy. Played by Nick Masson.

Henry: Last name is possibly butler after the real life newsboy, Henry Butler but the only confirmed name we have is Henry. Became a newsie at 11 when his dad died and his family lost their deli. Has a mom who he still sees sometimes but doesn’t live with. Boy really likes food. It reminds him of the deli with his dad and also he just really. likes. food. Fairly easygoing, practical, and will call guys out on their bullshit(e.g. whom the fuck cares about being famous). Played by Michael Rios.

Smalls: Smalls! I don’t got much at all but here’s what I know. Very commonly thought about as a girl as Smalls was played by girlsies for all(?) of the Broadway run. Pretty firey or at least high energy. Sometimes headcannoned as being leader of the Bronx because in the normal not filmed staging he’s the one to yell “so’s the Bronx”. Played by Julian DeGuzman.

Mike: Twin brother of Ike. These guys are hard to tell apart because they’re played by actual twins but here are some distinctions. Mike wears a brown cap, a plaid shirt, and green socks. Played by Jacob Guzman.

Ike: Twin brother of Mike. Has a dark grey cap, a striped shirt, pin-striped pants, and brown socks. Both twins seem to be pretty fun-loving. They kinda rough house a lot and are often messing around. Played by David Guzman

Hotshot: A Brooklyn newsie, I don’t really know his deal? A typical production doesn’t have Hotshot in it but he was in the filmed version and was apparently there towards the end of the broadway run. Kind of arrogant and tough. Sometimes seen as Spot’s second. Has literally only ever been played by J.P. Ferreri.

Vince/Myron: Ok so for newsies live they just threw in some extra newsboys for the heck of it and this guy is one of those. I don’t even know his name because the actor who plays him also plays a strikebreaker. On the wiki cast list, it just lists him as playing Vince and Myron with no indication as to who’s the newsie and who’s the strike breaker. Just from the nature of the names I can guess that Vince is the newsie? A big tough Brooklyn boy. Played by Stephen Hernandez.

Willie/Bart: Same deal as Vince/Myron. I’d be willing to guess that Willie is the newsie. Another Brooklyn boy. Played by Andrew Wilson.

Kenny: Also thrown in just for newsies live but I actually know his name. A pretty sunny guy, as far as I can remember he’s always smiling. Not in any of the pictures because he’s not in any of those scenes. It’s the same guy who plays darcy so go to carrying the banner or once and for all and find the guy in the yellow suit. That’s Darcy, Kenny looks just like that but in newsie clothes. Played by Jack Sippel.

Am I about to throw Bill and Darcey in just for kicks? yeah I think I am. Ok so this is a last minute decision and I don’t have pictures for these guys but here we go.

Bill: Not a newsie. Son of William Randolph Hearst, owner of the New York Journal. Full name William Randolph Hearst Jr. Katherine and Darcey’s friend. A sophisticated, classy, educated boy. Not tough in a street way but is kind of cold/reserved or maybe just a bit calculating. You can definitely tell he’s a rich boy by the way he holds himself. Looks like Mush bc they’re played by the same actor. Blue suit. Played by Nick Masson.

Darcey: Not a newsie. Son of Whitelaw Reid, owner of the New York Tribune. Still high class but more excitable and interested in the newsies world. Very kind and always concerned of behalf of others. His sweetness does not equal weakness, when Romeo approaches Kath in Carrying the Banner, he’s ready to handle the situation. Yellow suit. Played by Jack Sippel.

so there we go that is every newsie I could think of and then some. I’m gonna attach the pictures I have of an old wikipedia cast list which is what I use for reference since the one that's on wiki now isn’t great

That’s it! If you actually read all this, God bless you. If I got anything blatantly wrong or if you have any questions please talk to me

[isobel-thorm]

Don't kill me, but all the fruits for grant and alistair please 💕

Also just noticed @troyebakers asked for all for Grant too, so here y’all are:

Let me apologize to mobile users now bc this is probably just gonna be a giant wall of strewn together nonsense for them. Switching around the order of the questions to make it flow a fair bit better. 

🍍  :    how comfortable is my muse in their body? how do they feel about their height,  weight,  strength,  and body type?  how important is being attractive to them?  

🍑  :    how meticulously does my muse look after their physical appearance?  do they spend a lot of time on their hair,  makeup,  grooming,  and clothing?  is there a particular reason why they do or don’t?  Grant:  Grant is basically okay with how he looks. He doesn’t exactly like his appearance, but he doesn’t hate it either, nor does he think it’s that important. The only thing he’ll really fuss over is his hair, and his idea of fussing is brushing it but letting the bedhead win a lot of the time.  Same goes with how he dresses- if a pair of jeans and T-shirt are discarded on the floor one night and they’re not in bad condition/they don’t smell, he’ll wear them again. Alistair:  He’s a little fussy with it. He knows most people find him attractive but he’s not that invested in it. Living for multiple centuries does that to a guy. He’ll make sure he’s neatly put together daily and that’s that. He does usually try to dress nicely though. His casual is a nice sweater, well-fitting leather jacket and dark jeans. He tends to call it ‘professorly.’ 

🍅  :    how does my muse feel about plastic  /  cosmetic surgeries   &   procedures?  is it something they have done or would do?  do they mind if others do it?  Both: Both of them are usually in the “why do people do that, it’s not necessary, people age, it’s a fact of life” side of things- with Alistair noting “except for me” in that last bit. They’d never dream about getting anything done themselves. 

🍏  :    how stable is my muse’s physical health?  do they go for regular or semi-regular checkups by a physician?  do they have any diagnosed illnesses and / or take any medication?  how often do they get sick?

🍎  :    how stable is my muse’s mental health?  have they been diagnosed with any mental illnesses and  /  or conditions?  do they have any undiagnosed mental illnesses and  /  or conditions?  do they or should they attend therapy?    Grant: He’s usually physically healthy and tries to stay that way. Mentally, he’s a mess and tries to get help, but it’s not lost on him that talking with Nic and getting hugs from her works better for him than an actual therapist half the time. Alistair:  Fit as a fiddle permanently, if you don’t count the whole living undead thing. He’s also fairly mentally stable himself, and he’s had a vested interest in Psychology the last century, which helps things. 

🍒  :    how much does my muse value companionship?  do they constantly keep people around them,  or do they prefer to be alone often?  do they have or desire to have many friends?  do they see every meeting as an opportunity to make a new friend?  Grant: After what happened during his time as a soldier, Grant got it in his head that he was bad luck for anyone around him, so he tried to stay solo for as long as possible and didn’t actively make friends. Enter Nic and Matthew/John, and it was another story. They didn’t really give him an active chance to tell them to leave him alone so they wormed their way into his heart, which helped his mental state so he was able to pursue a friendship with them and then a relationship with M/J, which healed him enough where he was a little more outgoing/willing to meet and befriend other people. Alistair: Nearly the same deal. He was also fairly anti-friends because people only usually gave him the time of day to get in his family’s good graces. He was very apprehensive about making friends because he figured once they got what they wanted they’d leave him, considering that happened a lot. And then Kat and the others came along and made him feel wanted, and while he still has that distrust of people outside that group, he would die (again) for every single person in their friend circle.

🍇  :    how would my muse describe their childhood?  how much has it impacted the person they are now,  or will become as an adult?  around what age did they or will they start to mature,  and why?  do they wish to go back to their days as a child,  or have they embraced adulthood?  Grant: He had a lonely childhood, his parents did take care of him, but were also fairly neglectful and paid more attention to their business than him. When the whole ‘bi but leaning more towards being romantically interested in men’ thing came to pass his parents sent him off to live with his gay uncles which ended up being the best experience of his life because he finally got active attention/parental figures who genuinely cared about his day or interests for once. The first half of that, however, prepared him a lot for his self-exile after coming home from overseas, but it also planted the idea that there was a silver lining somewhere in life, which he found in his friends. The only way he’d want to relive his childhood is if he was with his uncles the entire time. Alistair: Looking back, Alistair acknowledges that his mother raised him to be a spineless, pompous ass. Him becoming a full vampire/getting some distance from the family when he turned thirty was the turning point where he acknowledged that ‘oh hey, a lot of this shit is messed up.’ He wouldn’t relive his childhood at all. 

🍐  :    how intelligent is my muse overall?  are they smarter than the average person,  or less than?  are they primarily self-taught,  or did they acquire most of their knowledge in school?  are they more street smart or book smart?  Grant: He never went to college, he joined the Army straight out of high school, so he’s got an extremely basic… standard education. He’s more street smart than anything, and considering That Day, he got a lot of “that’s the how the world works, it’s unfair” type lessons from that tragedy. Alistair: He’s extremely intelligent. He went to college for law, but in the centuries since he’s found modern law is a little too corrupt for his liking, so he went into veterinary science and then studied Psychology on his own just to pass the time. 

🍉  :    which of the four seasons suits my muse best,  and why?  Both:  Winter. Their personalities and wardrobes match it more, and they both enjoy the aesthetic of it the most. 

🍌  :    is my muse inclined to help others,  or will they only do it when it benefits them,  if at all?  what makes them this way?  has it ever gotten them into trouble,  or inconvenienced them? Both: Will help others at the drop of a hat for entirely selfless reasons. They both figure they’ve got awful pasts to make up for, and if little acts of kindness and paying it forward is how they can go about it, so be it. 🍊  :    does my muse desire romance?  is it something they would actively seek out,  or prefer to happen more  ‘  naturally?  ’  what is their love life like?  do they have any exes or past flings,  or crushes?  Grant: Was very anti-love/anti-thinking-he-deserved love, but then Matt/John came along and was charming and nice and patient and his heart was all “alright get your shit together because T H I S   O N E   I S      F O R   Y O U.” Because of that, he’s an absolute mush with his LIs, which is a surprise to everyone outside his immediate friend circle because “wait the stoic guy likes cuddling and talking with faces a couple of inches apart and getting all romantic on holidays?” Alistair: Got his heart shattered into pieces by his first love early in his life, so he was reluctant to ever start anything romantic ever again, but then he fell for Kat platonically, which kick-started his heart back up to be willing to go pursue someone romantically - and then said heartbreaker comes crashing back into his life and then it’s a 50/50 clusterfuck again and he’s not quite sure what to do. 🍓  :    how is my muse typically seen by others?  does it ring true to who they really are?  does their reputation matter to them? Grant: Doesn’t give a damn about his bad stoic/wide/intimidating reputation. He’s not here to be judged, and if people wanna judge a book by its cover, fine, that’s not his problem. He’s got a handful of friends who love him because they bothered to get to know him, he’s invested in them. Alistair: Used to care very strongly about reputation and yearned to be alluring/scary/intimidating all at once, but he learns that was a lot of his mother’s influence, so he goes out of his way to nice people to death so he gets a far more welcome, warm, friendly reputation to make sure it sticks. It makes him stop caring about it so actively/doesn’t make it a staple in his life anymore.

🥝  :    does my muse have any  ‘  unusual  ’  habits, interests,  and  /  or talents?  do they hide it,  or are they proud of it?  Grant: Nothing special at allAlistair: He’s a hemophobic vampire, so he doesn’t go out on hunts with his family- nor does he feed on humans unless it’s necessary. He uses his resources as a vet to ‘feed’ on animals- where he’ll only feed feed if there’s a time crunch, but even then he only takes a standard blood test’s amount and tries to make it last- and he’ll even coach the animal through it, promising that he means it no harm, they’ll be safe in a minute, “Awww, we’re done, see, that wasn’t so bad. Good job, here’s some extra biscuits/cat treats/veggies, you did so well.” 

🍋  :    what kind of diet does my muse have?  do they eat regularly,  or the standard 2-3 meals a day?  do they have to be reminded to eat,  or are they likely to remind others?  do they cook,  or have others cook for them?  do they eat healthily,  or not so much?  Grant: Unless depression is kicking his ass, he’ll eat balanced meals regularly, with the usual 3x a day. If he does have a day of depression where he misses a meal or so when Nic or John/Matthew is around, they’ll notice and try not to be too forceful about it but they’ll also make a meal with him and try to goad him into eating it, and it usually works. Alistair:  Also keeps up with regular meals 3x a day, considering he tries to make human food work as much as possible to avoid interacting with blood in any capacity. If worse comes to worse he’ll cook up/order a super bloody steak and have it, wincing all the while. 

🥭  :    how important to my muse is their hometown,  or where they’re from?  are they proud of it,  or considered a hometown hero? did they move away,  or do they wish to?Grant: Grew up in Texas, and mentioned, he hated it so he avoids going back. He considers Wyoming/his uncles’ ranch home and would live there if he could, but then the job in Hope County came along, and he sticks there for a while and he’s happy, but maaaayyyybbbeee he’d consider dropping hints to John/Matthew that settling back in Wyoming could be nice if they’d be up for it. He’d be okay if they weren’t, though. They could always vacation there, and it’s enough. Alistair: Grew up in the downtown area of [CITY REDACTED] and has a hate/love relationship with it, so when Kat comes along and he joins that crew where they’re on the outskirts of town by the bay, he absolutely falls in love with the weird suburbia feel and makes plans to move there nearly immediately. 

[catwlw-archive]

2, 9, 18, 22 for leland and cherry pretty please

ok i tried this yesterday lets try AGAIN and hope it STICKS

Can they take care of a plant? What about a pet? What about a child?

leland: .....neither of his thumbs r green. not even a little. he's AWFUL with plants. he LOOKS at them and they say "oh i'm not feeling well" and wither up and DIE. poor boy can't do SHIT even if he TRIES. accidentally overwaters it. tries to slow down and forgets to water it. is this spot good sunlight? apparently not? oh god he's knocked it off the table-- rated 0/10 plant owner.

he's never really experienced pets. not his own, at least. mom's always busy and he's always been preoccupied by Supporting Himself and making the montana public education worth it. so uh, probably not. he'd run out of time to nurture them and he'd probably remember to give a scoop of food when he's eating breakfast, but it would just be. awful for the pet. rated 1/10 pet owner, simply for remembering to feed at least once, maybe twice a day.

a child tho. he could do a child. but like, the bare minimum. the feeding, homework, necessity stuff. entertainment???? nope. this dude things reading "history of ______" wiki articles is fun. rated 3/10 babysitter.

cherry: she has succulents (each named separately, but collectively called her "Succs") and flowers and tons of various indoor plants?? she gets it from her abuela bc the woman also loves plants. AND BUMBLEBEES. but like. fresh herbs in the kitchen, a whole ass garden out back?? cherry n her abuela trade veggies w their neighbors and friends and it's +10 quality time v nice she enjoys it. rated 10/10 plant mom.

a girl wants a golden retriever So Bad but cannot bc dad's allergic to cats And dogs :( "pApI Ur NeVeR eVeN hOmE" "no." she just has LOVE and CUDDLES and she just wANTS TO FEEL CONNECTED TO HER MOM. rated 8/10 pet mom.

children scare her. but also she's the Best Babysitter. maybe it's the idea of being a Sole Provider for one of more of her Own Kids that scares her?? but yeah no she doesn't even know what she wants for Her Life, let alone a baby or two. rated 6/10 child carer.

Do they empathize with non-sentient things (dolls, plants, books…)?

leland: the guy says "stay" to things he bumps into,, and is Of Course sorry when he kills a plant but,, nothing really too absurd or anything.

cherry: she has favorite things, with "deeper" "connections." she like, she can't get rid of certain things. she names things. she cares a lot.

Kissing: tongue or no tongue?

leland: he's only kissed once,, maybe twice?? and they were awkward lip-on-lip pecks w some girl in freshman year?? which is, como se dice, not ideal ('cause he's Gay). his preference is undetermined.

cherry: y'know? everyone assumes she's dated around, because she's so pretty and confident in her mind and body and self and no one's seen her really date anyone in welford high, BUT, hear me out, she just Knows Her Worth & Doesn't Need A Partner to be Happy. but no one says she's happy alone either so-- she does like making out and sometimes that's with tongue, sometimes without, and she doesn't mind either.

Do they like being called pet names? Do they call other people pet names? What’s their go-to?

leland: boy would MELT. someone he loves, calling him "babe," somewhere in the distant future, would make him LOSE IT. he'd turn into mush. his chest would explode. he would possibly Die. "love" "darling" "sweet pea" he fucking vibrates at the THOUGHT.

he's never had a chance to, so all the pet names are Foreign As Fuck on his tongue. he's tested them out in the confines of his room before, mumbling hypothetical "hey babe"s before getting So Embarrassed and burying his stupid blush and stupid grin under his pillow.

he sticks with "dude" for all situations. has no idea what his actual favorite pet name is.

cherry: she LOVES it. whether it's a partner or some nice stranger (in a well-meaning context, like an older woman complimenting her outfit or smth) she loves "sweetie" and "honey"!!!!! her mom called her "pumpkin" and dad calls her "mi vida" ("my life") and her abuela calls her "mi tesoro" ("my treasure")

when she's close to someone (no matter the context - platonic, romantic, etc), things might slip out!

her faves r "babe" and "dumbass" and sometimes "chiquita/o" depending on her mood.

[deafwestnewsies]

Her Name Is Sarah

“I’m not Samuel. I’m Sarah.” 

read it on ao3!

soulmates

The legend of the soulmate tattoo dates as far back as mankind. The first stories and tales ever told were about the magic black ink that appeared on your wrist they day you turned eighteen years old. It was through this tattoo that you learned the name of the person you were meant to spend the rest of your life with.

katherine

Tears pricked at her eyelids in bitter disappointment. It wasn’t Jack, her current boyfriend (although she always knew that relationship was precarious). It wasn’t Race, or Spot, or Specs, Romeo, Blink, Mush, or any of her friends. It wasn’t Davey, who she had dated for a while last year.

The thing that was making her cry was the fact that it wasn’t Samuel.

Katherine Plumber had loved Samuel Jacobs since the day she laid eyes on him. She was convinced that when she woke up on her eighteenth birthday, she would find his name written in her own careful script. Instead, her loops and swirls formed the name Sarah Jacobs. Sarah. Jacobs.

Whoever she was, Sarah wasn’t Samuel. Katherine would never give her heart to anyone who wasn’t him. Poor Sarah.

jack

Jack stared at her wrist as Katherine tried not to cry for the second time that day. He was holding her tightly, leaving small white marks around her arm. She wasn’t crying because she was disappointed, like this morning, but instead her tears fell out of pity. What she had with Jack was always special, but it was more like a competition than a relationship. They worked better as friends, people who understood each other and dominated as a team. Anyways, Katherine had seen the looks that he and Davey exchanged when they thought no one was looking, ones filled with hope and dare she say it, love.

Jack looked up for the first time and their watery eyes met. His boyish charm was gone, and he looked older than the moon. His shoulders sagged forward as the worry lines on his face became clearly evident. Katherine’s heart dropped in her chest, feeling guilty that she had caused this pain. She wanted to love him, and she did, but not in the way that he needed her to. She thought all of this within the span of five seconds, while one tear ran down her face. His grip on her wrist loosened and he took her hand, holding fast and tight. Jack finally smiled, slightly, and Katherine threw her arms around him. They stood there, holding each other until the bell rang above them. As Jack walked away, Kath wanted to yell out after him that he was now free to chase the boy of his dreams. She never wanted to be a second choice with him, but Jack always felt like he had to choose what made sense. Their whole lives, people had been telling them how good of a couple they would make. Little did they know that the two of them had other plans to make their own happiness.

race & spot

She had known that she would not find Racetrack Higgins’ name on her arm, because he was gayer than a whole pride parade. He also had a boyfriend whom he loved very much, even though Spot wouldn’t say it back to him. (Spot Conlon had a rule in which he took things incredibly slow in relationships. He would eventually wait three years to say ‘I love you,’ and seven years to get down on one knee and propose. Race loved every minute of it.) So their reaction of finding Sarah’s name on her wrist was much more joyful than Jack’s, and their words installed something new in Katherine.  

Hope.

She had waited so long to find Samuel’s name on her wrist that this Sarah had become a supervillain in her head. But Race and Spot celebrated the girl’s name. Race let out a high pitched shriek and grabbed her shoulders, jumping up and down. Spot started laughing at his boyfriend while giving Katherine a small hug, which surprised her. He wasn’t one for physical affection, unless he was metaphorically making babies on someone’s couch at a party. She finally began to celebrate with them, laughing and attracting strange looks from everyone around them. Finally, Katherine broke away from the shebang and said she had to get going, but that she loved them and they meant the world to her. Parting with blown kisses and giggly goodbyes, Katherine floated to her next stop.

davey

Katherine threw herself onto her bed, crying for the third time that day. Not out of pity, but bitter anger. She had confronted Davey about the name on her wrist, and he insisted that there was no one in his family named Sarah that was right for her. Her one chance of being slightly connected to her soulmate was gone and Katherine wanted to scream at the sky. How unfair, she thought. To first take the one person I love away from me, then leave me in the dark?

Davey had been waiting at their usual table in the coffeehouse where she told him to meet her, and he greeted her with a cup of her favorite drink and a balloon tied to the back of her chair. She smiled at the gesture but then got straight to the point. Pulling the sleeve of her shirt back, Katherine demanded that he tell her who this girl was and where she could find her. Davey sputtered that he didn’t know, that the only girl in his family with the name Sarah was his great-aunt. (Who was very much married and too old for her anyways.) Katherine practically blew smoke out of her ears, slamming her fist on the table hard enough to make their drinks shudder and Davey jump back in fright. The look on his face was enough to make her want to apologize but Katherine Plumber didn’t express forgiveness unless she truly felt like she had made the mistake. In that moment, it was Davey Jacobs who had wronged her. She set her jaw and left the coffee shop to head home.

Laying on her bed now, she regretted not being more patient with Davey. It wasn’t his fault that he didn’t know the girl or that Katherine didn’t have a tolerant bone in her body. Davey had always been good and kind to her, even after she confessed her undying love for his brother while she was dating him. She was the first person he came to when he realized he was gay, and they laughed together when she confessed that she liked girls just as much as boys. She knew that he would forgive her eventually, but they both had a stubborn streak a mile wide so the-

Her phone rang.

samuel

She had a mini heart-attack as she answered the phone, knowing soon enough that she would have to tell him about Sarah. They had never genuinely discussed the idea of being in love, just a quick rejection back in middle school when Katherine told him how much she liked him and he shot her down. Thinking back at the memory, she cringed as the lines connected. The first thing she heard was his ragged breathing. What’s wrong, she questioned. Are you okay? A deep shaky gasp.

“Kath. I’m a girl.”

She stopped.

“You’re a girl?”

“A girl. I’m not Samuel. I’m Sarah.”

sarah

Katherine stared at her wrist. Sarah.

She felt dizzy.

She hung up on Sarah and raced to her car.

&&&

Davey answered the door, glaring at her as she pushed past him and ran to her bedroom. Bursting inside, she found Sarah huddled in a ball on the floor. Before Sarah had time to react, Katherine had her arms wrapped tightly around her. Katherine cried for the fourth time that day, laughing as she swiped at her tears, trying not to stain Sarah’s shirt. Katherine sat on her heels and pushed her sleeve back, showing Sarah her own name. Sarah’s eyes were wide and she smiled, dazed and confused.  

“Soulmates?”

“Soulmates!”

Sarah kissed her, pulling at her waist and bringing her as close as she could. Her heart felt so full, like the puzzle piece that had been missing for years was finally found and Katherine had snapped it back into place.

soulmates  

The legend of the soulmate tattoo dates as far back as mankind. The first stories and tales ever told were about the magic black ink that appeared on your wrist they day you turned eighteen years old. Sarah and Katherine were meant to spend the rest of their lives together.

hey friends! this is my story i’ve been working on for pride month, and i’m super proud of it!! hope you enjoy!!

i am not trans. i wrote this because the lack of trans rep in this fandom is painful and sarah is totally a transgirl in my head. if you find any flaws or mistakes, please let me know! i’m always striving to know how to write other people better, and be educated in other areas of lbgtqa+ that i am not very familiar with.

thank you to @ruthlessanduseless and @rantingace for proofreading this! you guys rock. special thanks to cath ( @newyorksgotus ) for giving me my inspiration and dealing with me all of the time and being the spot conlon to my racetrack higgins. (did u see the Standard Seven Years)

follow me on ao3 (fairiesandtea) and fanfiction.net (ffairiesandteaa) for more content like this but it’s all p much trash anyway so

[junker-town]

A taxonomy of all the fans you see at the Tour de France

Ryan Siu

The Tour de France has the most colorful cast of fans in the world. Here is one man’s attempt to categorize them all.

The Tour de France claims to be the most-attended sporting event in the world. It’s certainly the world’s largest arena. Anyone can walk up and claim a spot along 2,000-plus miles of roadside and see it live, for free, no ticket necessary. As a result, there may not be a more colorful cast of fans anywhere.

Here is a taxonomy of the people you might see next to the road of the Tour de France. It is as exhaustive as I could make it, but by no means complete. Please let me know if I missed a key subgroup in the comments. Or just @ me.

Locals

“Local” here is loosely defined as anyone who easily blends into the scenery. I reckon most of the people you see by the side of the road don’t come from far, but it’s a specific set who are so comfortable with the environment they can seem like a natural part of it.

Locals with furniture

Locals without furniture

Ryan Siu

Some people don’t think through their day at the Tour de France as much more than showing up, standing around for hours, snagging a free hat, yelling their asses off for the three seconds that riders are going by, and going home.

On the far end, some locals won’t watch the Tour go by except in utmost comfort, hauling out full living room sets by the side of the road so they can eat a four-course lunch, smoke cigarettes, snag a free hat, yell their asses off for the three seconds that riders are going by, and go home.

Man in a ditch sleeping at a 90-degree angle on a mountain

A surprising number of people like to sleep next to the Tour de France. While others are picnic-ing, drinking, chatting, or doing any of the things people usually do to pass the time before a sporting event, others are curled up on some nearby grass using a jacket as a pillow.

Something about the brutal climb up to La Planche des Belles Filles made one man supremely comfortable. He stuck his butt in the ditch next to the road, bent his body into a perfect ‘L’, and slumbered peacefully before the riders came by.

Keepers of the regional flag

Ryan Siu

Usually young men, these people have taken upon themselves the duty of reminding people where they are. It’s a noble task, given how quickly the Tour passes in and out of regions. A notable subset of these people are Bretons, who will show up anywhere and everywhere to wave Brittany’s flag.

Note: France’s regional flags are beautiful.

French local industry protestors

Either in favor of industry or against industry, and usually equipped with a spray-painted burlap sign. In the Vosges mountains it was against industry, namely loggers who had been clearing out the area. On rural roads everywhere, it was local farmers standing up against corporate mega-farming. A good reminder that the gorgeous scenery is made up of real places and doesn’t simply exist over the course of the 23 days we get to stare at it through our TVs.

Window creepers

I see you, peeking down at the road around a half-closed shutter.

Window flaunters

We see you, standing with a glass of wine and a cigarette with a perfect view down onto the finish line that everyone who’s mushed up against the barrier would kill to have.

Un-boozed

Banging on the plastic panels lining the final meters into the finish in an enthusiastic yet still-hinged manner.

Boozed

Ryan Siu

Just murdering that shit.

Cheeky old people

La Planche des Belles Filles was the first Category 1 climb of the 2019 Tour, at seven kilometers and gradients that tipped into 20 percent near the top. Its name translates to “The Plank of the Beautiful Girls,” and references the legend of a group of local girls who fled into the Vosges mountains to escape capture by Swedish mercenaries during the Thirty Years’ War. They committed suicide by throwing themselves off the mountain into the lake below rather than be taken captive.

Ryan Siu

This terrible story that gets repeated every time La Planche is featured in the Tour also set up this terrible exchange between a group of old friends sitting in folding chairs and me as I was mid-climb to the top, and very tired.

Them: “Keep going! The Belles Filles are at the top!”

Me: “Look for the plank, right?”

Them: “Oui!”

Fin.

Old guys just hanging out by themselves

Ryan Siu

LOTS of them. Just there to see what the hubbub’s about. Often reading a newspaper.

Seekers

What’s the point being at the Tour de France if you can’t get proof? And else are you gonna do when Julian Alaphilippe is suddenly two feet away from you? Leave him be? Don’t be stupid.

Autograph kids

At the start of every stage, every rider has to ride up to a big dais on a stage where an emcee is jabbering away in French to a crowd. On the way, they often have to ride along fencing where adorable children beg for autographs and look very sad when a rider goes by without stopping.

Which, in actuality, is surprisingly rare. Most riders stopped, especially if they were among the bigger names. I saw Geraint Thomas, Julian Alaphilippe, Thibaut Pinot, and Peter Sagan — perhaps THE four most popular riders in the 2019 edition of the Tour — all give their time to the kids who wanted their attention, despite being in the throes of one of the most competitive Tours in memory.

Autograph adults

Only got anything signed when they essentially shoved a pen in a rider’s hand and moved it for them.

People who will do anything for the Gram

Ryan Siu

Surprisingly few during the nine stages I saw in 2019, so I’d like to think the world is becoming a better place where people feel less and less compelled to document their every move, even to the potential physical detriment of themselves and others, in hopes of capturing fleeting joy of accruing internet points.

But I also wasn’t in the high mountains like I was in 2014, where Gram-happy fans were a pox.

People who will do anything for a polka-dot hat

Ryan Siu

Of all the iconic pieces of swag at the Tour de France — the hats, the kits, the flags, the signs — nothing is more sought after than any item with polka-dots on it. The dots represent the jersey given to the rider leading the King of the Mountains classification. More importantly, as far as swag goes, they aren’t flat yellow — which feels sacrilegious to wear — or green or white — which are far too boring.

When the caravane comes by tossing out polka-dot hats (brought to you by the fine people at Leclerc superstores), the barriers are crushed with fans. Better to politely ask someone who got two if you can have their spare.

People who will do anything for a glimpse of AlaPinot

As much as fans interfere with the riders of the Tour de France, and as taxing as it must be to deal with knuckleheads on a daily basis while also trying to stay focused on the unfathomably difficult race at hand, it is refreshing to see world-class athletes commune with the people who adore them.

Before each stage, team buses are typically situated near stomach-high metal fencing where fans might be able to stand within 15 feet of riders as they come off the team bus and mill around. For the biggest heros — the Alaphilippes, or Pinots — even just catching a glimpse of their kits through the photographers and journalists surrounding them is a thrill. After all, could you imagine ever getting so close to Tom Brady or Lionel Messi as they stretched?

For lesser riders, you can even have a conversation. And by “lesser” I don’t mean bottom of the peloton riders. I saw Rigoberto Uran, a pre-Tour yellow jersey contender and second-place finisher in 2017, walk off the Education First bus to a group of Colombian fans who had been chanting his name. EF isn’t having the strongest Tour, granted, but the scene was quiet around the bus compared to the French squads, and Uran stood with his arm up on the fence for a good three or four minutes, chatting and smiling with the people who came just to see him.

Then he popped his helmet on and prepared to put his body through hell.

Creatures

Unlike locals, creatures exist solely to stand out amongst the scenery. They’re there to be seen — photographers love them, and they love photographers. Whether anybody else gets a kick out of them is another matter, but also entirely besides the point.

Ryan Siu

Lapinou

Lapinou is a man dressed in a pink bunny costume. Lapinou holds a sign telling you he is Lapinou. Lapinou is the creepiest anthropomorphic bunny since Frank from Donnie Darko.

Zaza and Sasha

Zaza wears a gymnast uniform. Sasha is her brother. You know it’s them because above their camper is an enormous sign that says “ZAZA AND SACHA.” Vehicles in the caravane stop and talk to them on a daily basis.

The Devil

Getty Images

Tales of this man’s demise have been greatly exaggerated. Didi Senft has been a fixture on the Tour since 1993. He’s stuck around long enough to become a mostly welcome sight for fans and riders. He was reportedly going to retire in 2014, but he has continued to attend the Tour, appearing on every stage thus far in 2019.

Bro in far too little clothing

Did you know that people are still busting out Borat mankinis for laughs? In 2019!

Color

Not necessarily a local, but not necessarily looking to be noticed, either, those who add to the color of the Tour de France are perhaps the best, most earnest subset of fans. They’re not trying to stand out, but they shine all the same by making the atmosphere undeniably better.

Belgians

Ryan Siu

The Grand Départ in Brussels showed me what cycling fanaticism truly means.

In many ways, Belgium embodies the Tour better than its eponymous nation. France likes to wield the Tour with a subdued sense of duty. Belgium, a country lopped onto France’s head like a brain slug, wields it like the sack of firecrackers that it is. Belgium regularly gets Tour stages, but not regularly enough to get used to the novelty. Saturday in Brussels will be the first Belgian start for the Tour de France since 2012, and the city is filled to the cracks with decorative yellow and green and polka dot nods to the race.

The people came in many varieties — there were the locals at a Flemish bar, a dad who knew Tiesj Benoot, two old ladies drinking beer in lawn chairs just off their curb — but they all wanted to tell you their best Eddy Merckx story, and they were all supremely friendly.

The people who cheer at everyone who rides a bicycle like they’re in the Tour de France

Before every stage, fans can ride the course on their own. And every one gets cheered like they’re Bernard Hinault. I probably heard “Allez Pinot!” directed 10,000 times to people who definitely weren’t Pinot, and it never got old.

The fans who brought every nation’s flag to the Tour

Louis Bien

An evolution of cheering everyone who rides a bicycle in the Tour de France is bringing a flag of every country represented in the Tour so that, when you find out where someone is from, you can bust out their flag and shout a former national hero at them, like the German man who got “Jan Ullrich! Jan Ullrich!”

The four fans claimed to be from Belgium, Luxembourg, Uzbekistan, and Romania.

Old woman in a bright green vest who blew kisses at every vehicle that passed by

She was miniscule, appeared to be in her 80s, and walking briskly up a mountain at the time.

Guy who spent 15 minutes blowing up an inflatable lobster

No notes.

Amateur cyclists, especially geriatrics with calves of coiled steel

Ryan Siu

A lot of people like to ride their bikes before the Tour de France: some in full kit, some in cargo shorts; some with a tow rope attached around their kid’s bike, some who look and ride like they once hoped to taste Tour glory.

They’re all heroes, especially those who brave the major climbs that the professionals will be taking on later in the day. But none are quite as awe-inspiring as the older set who have faces like your grandma and legs like Pawel Poljanski. They have never gone anywhere except via bicycle, and they are both inspiring and frightening.

Mega cycling legend stuffed in a suit

They will be hauled up on stage to shake hands and be gawked at. They will either appear extremely happy to be there, or extremely uncomfortable. And they will have a look that seems to wonder if perhaps the crowd could love them more.

Bros

Bros dominate the Tour landscape, from big groups of bros to intimate groups of bros, across all ages and levels of verve. Sitting around and drinking in a weird place has been a staple of brohood since the beginning of man, making the Tour perhaps the ultimate bro out event.

Bachelor party bros

Ryan Siu

Soccer is their favorite sport, actually, but the Tour was coming right by and how could you not? Heading to a music festival later.

Old man bros

Sittin’ ‘round a cooler that they hauled up in the trunk. Not into dressing up.

Young bros

Sittin’ ‘round a cooler that they hauled up in the trunk. Shirtless or wearing a team kit and cycling casquette, most likely.

Bros who fiercely stan one rider

Ryan Siu

Usually in groups while wearing matching T-shirts and exhibiting personality traits befitting the riders.

A sampling:

Dumoulin Fan Club: Respectful, demur, cool like the rider himself. Also thoroughly lost, given Dumoulin is rehabbing in another country.

King Küng Freunde, AKA the KKF: Loyal, pensive, and happy to be here.

Sagan Team: Won’t stop jumping up and down for one goddamn second.

Bros in a cycling caravan dragging mini kegs of Heineken down the road

Ryan Siu

Tempting to call them creatures, but their friendship is real and they charm the pants off everyone who stops and talks with them. Plus they make it all the way up a mountain on that contraption.

Campers

The hardest of the hardcore drive themselves to every stage and live out of an RV for three weeks. The people residing in them are a combination of the Locals, Color, and Creatures above. But there are some delineations worth discussing.

River bathers

Showerers

Ryan Siu

Perhaps the biggest distinction among the campers is how they take care of their personal stank. If you can afford it, you get a camper with a fully-equipped shower in it, in which you case you’re probably also the type who will be rolling out an incredible spread of red wine, paté, and fine cheeses on a card table before every stage.

If you can’t afford it, you’re showering at campsites when you can find them, or, in a pinch, rinsing off in a nearby body of water. Your spread will look more like a standard sporting-event fare of salty snacks eaten on top of a cooler, but you will still have a bottle of red wine because you’re in France, for God’s sake.

Caravaners

Ryan Siu

RVs traveling in packs of three or more are particularly impressive because that means sometimes spending hours the night before a stage hunting for the perfect spot big enough to accommodate everyone. Doing that every night for three weeks represents a level of dedication to friendship that is both touching and ill-advised.

DOGS

Lots of people bring their dogs to the Tour de France. They are usually better behaved than their humans, and they are all good.

Officials

People need to run and document this massive three-week enterprise. They walk around with badges and are only semi-sure how anything is supposed to work.

Cops

Ryan Siu

Lots of them! Enough to be their own subspecies. Briefly, we have:

Good cops (Will help you cross the course)

Bad cops (Is upset you asked to cross the course)

Clueless cops (Possibly from out of town, not sure where the course is)

Cops who are taking their jobs way too seriously (Will point you to the 30-minute drive you’re supposed to take to cross the course)

Cops who don’t have nearly enough to do (Will help you cross the course, but first wants to hear about your life for 30 minutes)

Cops who probably aren’t taking their jobs seriously enough (Too busy trying to get a polka-dot hat to help you cross the course)

People with badges and green polos

Tour pro tip: Show up to the course with a yellow lanyard and a plain green polo, and you’ll have free reign over the Tour de France. On race day, no one is more respected than the person who you think looks official.

Over-eager emcee

Simultaneously calling the race for fans at the finish line, while also keeping the atmosphere FUN and ENERGETIC and just, real quick, double checking that everyone is having FUN even though the riders are two hours away still. Incomprehensible except when he’s pronouncing every rider’s name like there’s a period between each syllable, so that Thibaut Pinot is actually TEE. BO. PEE. NO.

Journalists

Also get yellow lanyards. Allowed to wander in the fence sometimes. Have it pretty good, actually.

[thestoryweneededtowrite]

Veritaserum

My canon knowledge of Veritaserum is pretty rough so this is probably not how it works but the plot bunnies invaded and I had to write it anyway. Y’know because every fandom needs more Harry Potter AUs…*

Mainly Sprace with some Javid for good measure :)

When Davey and Jack sat down at the Ravenclaw table in the Great Hall Davey looked terrified and exasperated and Jack looked smug. It wasn’t actually that out of the ordinary for them so no one gave them a second look until their whispered conversation could be overheard.

“You shouldn’t have done it. Jack, this is serious. You could get expelled,” Davey hissed desperately, trying to keep his voice down so no one would hear him. Jack had been an idiot but he didn’t actually want his boyfriend to get kicked out of school.

“What did Jack do now?” Race asked, rolling his eyes. There was never a shortage of things Jack had done that could be classed as stupid, and a good third of them could probably get him expelled if the wrong person found out about them.

Davey just shook his head, not wanting to repeat it, but Jack himself grinned and leaned closer.

“So we were making Veritaserum in potions and ours was perfect,” he started, sounding very proud of himself.

“No thanks to you,” Davey interjected.

Jack blew Davey a kiss in appreciation of his boyfriend’s potions skills before continuing his story.

“They told us not to keep any, obviously, but…” Jack withdrew a tiny vial from his pocket with only a few drops of what could have been water in it. It was only about enough for one dose but that would still get him in more trouble than anyone wanted to consider.

The reactions of their little group of friends was mixed. Davey covered the vial with his own hand, urging Jack to put it back in his pocket before someone saw. Crutchie got up wordlessly and walked away; he was absolutely not going to get involved in illegal potions. Blink and Race shared Jack’s grin, leaning in and dreaming up schemes of exactly what they could do with that potion. Mush shook his head, turning away a little and blocking out the rest of the conversation so he’d have plausible deniability.

“Jack, please, get rid of it,” Davey begged. It was his potion too and, considering he knew exactly what had happened when Jack took it from their cauldron, he was undoubtedly going to be questioned when Jack was dragged into the headmistress’ office. “I am not visiting you in Azkaban.”

“No one is going to arrest me, you dork,” he sighed, poking Davey in the arm. “They let us brew it at school.” “And then they confiscate it and threaten us with expulsion if we’re found with any,” Davey insisted. He was terrified of dementors and he didn’t want Jack to be surrounded by them for the foreseeable future.

Jack just shrugged. “So I won’t get found,” he said, like it wasn’t a big deal.

“You know they do random searches after Veritaserum classes,” Race pointed out. “And we all know you’d be a prime ‘random’ candidate.”

Everyone was nodding, some more fervently than others, and eventually Jack sighed and gave in.

“Okay, fine,” he groaned. Taking the vial out again and hiding it in his hand, he tipped the few drops of liquid into a discarded water goblet. “Happy? It’s gone.”

Davey visibly relaxed, all the tension draining from his body as he sighed and pressed a grateful kiss to Jack’s cheek.

“Thank you,” he mumbled, offering a small smile when Jack kissed him back.

The moment was interrupted when Race threw a bread roll at Jack’s head. “Stop canoodling,” he complained.

Jack kissed Davey again out of spite, only pulling back when Davey pushed him back gently.

“Later?” he asked, grinning when Davey ducked his head to hide a blush and nodded. They’d become well acquainted with places in the school they could make out without getting caught by faculty or nosy students. Jack turned his attention to Race. “You’re only mad because Spot doesn’t want to ‘canoodle’ with you.”

Race’s face went scarlet, half from anger and half from embarrassment. Everyone in their friendship group knew he had a stupid crush on his best friend, except Spot himself, and they’d all learnt not to bring it up but Jack just had to rock the boat.

“Shut up,” Race hissed.

It was just his luck that that was the moment Spot slumped down beside them, his muscles aching from hours of self-imposed Quidditch practice. He was the best seeker Slytherin had had in years and he was determined to keep it that way. Race fought to get his blush under control, trying not to think about how good Spot looked in the old Quidditch uniform he used for practice.

“Why’s Race a tomato?” Spot asked, eloquent as ever as he grabbed the nearest water goblet and downed it. Practice was thirsty work and he’d gone straight to meet his friends.

It was only after he’d already swallowed that Davey realised exactly what he’d just drank.

“Shit,” he breathed, getting everyone’s attention with rare bad language.

Spot froze. “What?” he asked, laughing nervously. He looked down at the goblet, trying to work out what was so bad about it.

“Spot, I’m so sorry,” Jack stammered, and that made everything even worse.

With so much out of character behavior, Spot got worried.

“What did you do?” he demanded, clenching his fists.

“I didn’t mean for you… or anyone…” Jack tried, before realising he had to just say it. “It’s Veritaserum. There was Veritaserum in that water.”

Suddenly there was fear in Spot’s eyes. He was the most guarded person Jack had ever met, so he could understand why everyone suddenly having the power to take whatever information they wanted from him was terrifying. Every secret and every emotion he kept suppressed suddenly became just one question away from public knowledge and Spot had never felt so vulnerable. There was so much he never talked about - how his family had treated him before he’d left for Hogwarts, how they still treated him when he went back for summers; how he’d realised he was interested in guys and kept it quiet, even though he’d managed to make friends with the queerest bunch of people to ever exist, because if his father ever found out he’d never live to so much as kiss a boy; how he spent night after night working on essays and assignments that took everyone else only a couple of hours because his childhood education had been so poor he’d barely known how to write when he got to Hogwarts. None of his secrets were anyone else’s business and the fact that they could fall off his tongue at any second made him want to run and hide.

“Don’t talk to me,” he demanded.

“It’s okay,” Katherine tried to reassure him. “We won’t ask you anything, but you don’t have to hide things from us. You know that, right?”

The question was out before she’d even realised she’d phrased it as such and before she could apologise Spot was filled with a numbing compulsion to answer. It wasn’t painful but it was impossible to fight and before he could get away, he was talking.

“There are things I can’t tell any of you. Especially not Race.”

Spot yelped in protest and pressed his hand over his own mouth, trying to clamp his jaw shut. Why had he had to mention Race? His best friend was now looking at him, hurt, from across the table and Spot knew what was coming next.

“Especially not me? What? Why?” Race asked, before he had time to think.

Spot fought the urge to say because I love you. It was the truth and it was choking him, forcing the words up to his mouth, but he swallowed it back with every bit of self-control he could summon and replaced it with something else equally as true but less damaging.

“You’d hate me,” he mumbled, fighting back tears at how horrible this felt. If he hadn’t known why Veritaserum was so fiercely controlled before, he knew now. This was torture.

“Stop asking me shit,” he growled, climbing to his feet. He wasn’t going to sit around and just wait for this to end, he couldn’t.

Jack got up, too. They were both in the same house so it made sense for him to go with Spot but he was met with a glare that could melt iron.

“Don’t you dare,” he ordered. He did not want to see Jack’s face for at least a week. It may have been an accident, but it was still his fault.

Sitting down diligently, Jack muttered another apology. There was a beat of silence before Spot turned and fled from the hall. He’d gotten as far as the stairs that led down to the dungeons when a hand tapped him on the back. Whirling around, ready to punch whoever was following him in the jaw, Spot found Race miming zipping his lips shut and waving awkwardly. There was clearly a question in his eyes and Spot groaned and nodded.

“You can come, just don’t say anything.” In hindsight it was a bad idea. Race was the person he was keeping the most secrets from, so he had the most to lose with him around. But Race was also his best friend and his favourite person in the world and if anyone could make Spot feel less afraid, it was him. So he let Race accompany him to the Slytherin dormitories, ignoring the confused stares they got passing through the common room with Race in Gryffindor uniform. House rivalries weren’t what they used to be but the brashness with which their friendship group ignored all house boundaries was still a little taboo.

When they got to the sixth-year boys dorm room Spot collapsed on his bed and hid his face in his pillow, trying not to cry. This felt awful and he was finally alone, because Race was so familiar he didn’t count, and he just wanted to die rather than keep enduring it.

“Are you okay?” Race asked gently, breaking his vow of silence because he’d never seen Spot look so small and destroyed.

The aching compulsion was back but Spot didn’t even try to fight it. The answer was already clear anyway.

“No,” he admitted, miserably. “Don’t ask me any questions. Please,” he said, closer to begging than he was comfortable with but desperate for this to all just stop.

“I won’t. No more, I promise,” Race said, holding up his hands in defeat.

He sat on the edge of Spot’s bed, trying to figure out how best to help him. He thought back to all the times he’d seen Jack run his hands through Davey’s hair, when he’d fallen asleep studying or was napping with his head on Jack’s thigh in the common room, and wondered what it would be like to do that to Spot. His hair was longer than Davey’s, loose over his ears and at the nape of his neck, and Race could imagine it so vividly. Would Spot like it? Definitely not, he decided. Because they weren’t together and he didn’t have any right to be touching him so intimately. Still, it took sitting on his hands to stop himself reaching out.

When Race had been silent for a few long moments Spot turned to look at him, barely peeking one eye above the cushion.

“Just…” he sighed, “Just go away. Until it wears off, please.” He wanted Race with him, it was endlessly comforting, but he couldn’t trust himself not to do or say something stupid.

Race was happy to do whatever made Spot feel comfortable, getting up from the bed and heading towards the door. But something made him stop. “Spot…” he tried, carefully. “What did I just say?” Spot groaned in response, throwing a pillow in his direction and missing by a good couple of feet. “I know…” Race sighed. There was a good chance Spot was going to hate him for this, but he had to know. “It’s just… In the Hall you said…”

That got Spot’s attention. He sat up fast, desperation written plainly across his face.

“Don’t!” he pleaded, but that just confirmed Race’s suspicions. There was something Spot wasn’t telling him, something important, and they were meant to be friends. Spot knew everything about him, except the fact he was painfully and irrevocably in love with him, and shouldn’t that go both ways? Taking a deep breath to steel himself for Spot’s fury, Race asked the question.

“Do you have something you need to tell me?”

It hung in the air and suddenly Race wanted to take it back. Spot visibly shattered, knowing there was no way out of this. There was nothing he wanted less than to lose his best friend but he wasn’t in control of his words. He knew there were ways, occlumency and antidotes, to stop the effects of Veritaserum but he wasn’t powerful enough to fight back and he didn’t have a remedy. Still, he tried. It was hardest he’d fought against the potion yet but it still wasn’t strong enough and that compulsion to speak the truth overwhelmed him and he had to give in before it tore his mind to shreds. “Yes. I’m in love with you. I have been since third year,” he said, gasping through the words and hating every one of them. The second he’d said them he threw his arms up to cover his face, hiding in the crook of his elbow and grasping at the back of his neck to dig his nails in as punishment for not being good enough. He didn’t want Race to see the hot tears that were falling from his eyes; he’d never felt more out of control. “You’re a prick, Anthony Higgins,” he hissed, without looking up. “Get out. I don’t want to see you.”

“But I-”

“Get out,” he ordered. “Before I make you get out.” There was so much anger and hate in Spot’s voice that it was clear the only sensible option was to flee, so Race did.

As the door slammed behind him he heard a muffled and tearful ‘colloportus’ and he couldn’t make his legs move any further. Collapsing down in front of the door, Race rested his forehead on his knees. Spot loved him. Spot. Loved. Him. Those were words he really liked, especially in that order. He just wished he hadn’t found out like that. If he’d known what he was forcing from Spot he never would have… He’d have said it first, if there’d been a guarantee the feeling was mutual. Instead he’d taken the confession in the worst way possible; Spot probably didn’t even feel what he’d said anymore. And Race hadn’t even had the chance to say it back.

 It was half an hour before someone came to disturb Race. He scrubbed dried tear tracks from his cheeks as soon as he heard footsteps, attempting to look presentable, but he couldn’t quite bring himself to stand up. There was a very good chance his legs wouldn’t support him if he tried.

When Jack’s face appeared at the top of the stairs, Race just blinked at him, a little disorientated from being dragged from his own thoughts.

“Holding a vigil?” Jack asked, forcing a smile. He’d mostly been hoping Spot wouldn’t be in the dorm. It was probably best to stay away for a little bit but all his books were in there and Davey was making him study. “He loves me,” was all Race could whisper. He hadn’t spoken to anyone yet and he just had to tell someone, to make it feel more real.

Jack cocked his head, confused and pretty sure he’d misheard.

“Come again?” he asked. “Nothing,” Race shook his head. It wasn’t really his secret to tell, not yet and maybe not ever. It might not even be true anymore.

Jack knew when to push and when to move past something and this was definitely an occasion for the latter. He just shrugged and continued his initial line of questioning.

“Spot still in there?”

Race nodded. “He’s not talking to me.”

It wasn’t for lack of trying. He’d knocked on the door and called out Spot’s name a few times but all he got was verbal abuse. By now the Veritaserum had to have worn off, but he still hadn’t come out. The only idea Race had was to tell Spot he loved him back, but that really wasn’t a conversation he wanted to shout through a door if he could help it. “Can I go in?” Jack asked. He’d been perfectly fine not doing his work and just watching Davey instead, but apparently that wasn’t going to do him any favours and he needed to stop gawping and go and get his arithmancy text book. And that text book was in the trunk at the end of his bed, currently guarded by a particularly irate dragon.

Race considered it. Maybe he could use Jack as a sacrifice so Spot could get out all his anger before they talked. But that didn’t seem particularly fair on Jack. And Davey would be mad if his boyfriend ended up dead.

“Probably unwise,” Race admitted. They needed someone Spot wouldn’t throw anything at, be it cushions or verbal abuse, someone who could keep their temper and actually makes things better, not worse. “Go get Davey.”

“On it,” Jack agreed, heading back to the library.

Davey showed up alone ten minutes later and Race couldn’t help but think that keeping Jack away was a good idea. He should probably keep himself away too but he just couldn’t bring himself to leave.

After patting Race on the shoulder and telling him things were going to be okay (Race had no idea what Jack had told him), Davey got on the task of sorting this whole mess out.

“Spot?” he said, knocking at the door gently.

An empty, miserable voice sounded back. “Piss off, Race,” Spot whined. He didn’t want to deal with the repercussions of what he’d said. “It’s not Race,” Davey promised.

He and Race held their breaths, waiting for a reply that finally came after a long wait. “Come in and shut the door,” Spot sighed, giving in a little. Davey hadn’t done anything wrong.

Offering Race a reassuring smile, Davey cast alohomora on the locked door and went inside.

Race hated waiting. He understood that everything would be easier if Davey had calmed Spot down a little but he was itching to run his fingers through Spot’s hair. Whether was now or ever a possibility was still up in the air but he couldn’t help the desire to do it when they kissed and when Spot was sleeping against his side and just to brush the hair out of Spot’s face so he could see his eyes, because he was awfully prone to trying to hide them. Every second that he wasn’t allowed to do that was driving him crazy. He had to at least know if Spot would let him.

It was exactly eight minutes and twenty-seven seconds until Davey came back out the door - Race knew because he’d counted every single one of them. He scrambled to his feet, his eyes asking the question he didn’t know how to phrase. Davey just nodded and gestured to the room.

“Maybe keep your distance,” he warned, still not sure that Spot wouldn’t lash out if he got angry. “But he said he’ll talk to you.”

Not even sparing a moment to thank Davey, Race ran into the room. Spot was awkwardly stood beside his bed, hugging his arms against his chest like he was very aware of every part of his body. He still looked more broken than Race ever wanted to see him, but he didn’t look so mad anymore.

“I told you not to,” Spot sighed, defeated. There was nothing he could do about what he’d said now. It was his own fault for having the feelings in the first place, anyway. “I know,” Race nodded, flinching. He felt so guilty. “I’m sorry. But…” He paused, trying to decide whether or not to do this. Considering there was very little chance of him making things worse, he took a deep breath and dove in. “I’m also not sorry. You’re right, you asked me not to and I did it anyway. But Spot, I… I love you too.”

That got Spot’s attention. He dropped his arms, stunned into silence as he stared at Race like he was suddenly alien to him. The eye contact was too awkward for Race to bear and he quickly looked away so all he saw was shadowy movement until Spot was stood in front of him, nudging his chin up with his thumb and kissing him before either of them could second-guess themselves. Race let out a small squeak that he would deny until his dying breath but as soon as his brain caught up with his mouth and realised exactly who he was making out with, his hand instinctively went to Spot’s hair. The sigh that elicited from Spot was the best thing Race had ever heard and he pledged himself to the cause of making it happen as many times as possible.

[assbuttyourlife]

When We Were Young - Chapter Three

Pairing : Misha/OFC

Warnings : Fire, trauma, PTSD, family members’ death (including child), therapy, flashbacks (not in every chapter), cheating. Long fic. Angst, fluff and smut will come later in the story.

Words : 3175

Summary : After her grandmother's funeral, Lily must return to the place she lived in when she was young and has to confront the ghosts of her past. She will run into an old friend that she thought was lost forever.

Note : Another chapter about Lily's childhood, no flashback this time, but lots of memories. Misha will appear in the next one ;)

This chapter was beta’d by @dixseptdixhuit

CHAPTER 3 – HOME SWEET HOME

They arrived in Hartford's airport early on Saturday morning after a very long and exhausting flight.

“Of course your hometown had to be on the opposite end of the continent.” Katie said to Lily, not hiding her sarcasm.

“You never do things the easy way, do you?”

They were waiting for their taxi in front of the airport, and Lily was so tired she could barely keep her eyes open.

“Nope. Never. Where's the fun if it's too easy?” She answered with the same sarcastic tone, even if she could easily understand why Katie was grumpy.

“By the way, remind me to thank the guy who invented coffee.” She shook her cup carefully.

They jumped in the taxi as soon as it was here a few minutes later.

“So... Where do we go from here?” Katie asked, making herself comfortable in the backseat.

“Our hotel in Litchfield.”

“Is it far from here?” Katie hoped that it would not be too long. They had traveled for more than eight hours and she just needed to settle and relax a little bit.

“About an hour.”

Katie's eyes popped wide open.

“Oh my god! That long? I'm so freaking tired, I need to sleep now,” She whined.

“Why didn't you sleep in the plane?”

“Oh, you mean right next to the old smelly guy snoring like a chainsaw?”

Lily sighed. She had a good point though, that man was just filthy and super annoying.

“Listen, I'm tired too and I'm really not in the mood to hear you complaining for one more hour, so if you don't sleep right now in the cab, I will definitely knock you out.”

Katie feigned a shocked expression, eyes and mouth wide open.

“You wouldn't!... Plus I kinda can't sleep right now... I'm too excited to see where you spent your childhood.”

Lily scoffed. “Why? There is not much to see really, I lived in a farm, so... lots and lots of fields and barns and trees.”  

“Yeah, I know that, but... you've never told me much, and I have to say I'm curious about it.”

“You're the one who knows the most about my childhood, believe me...”

She lolled her head and rolled her eyes, thinking harder.

“Actually my shrink is, but if it can make you feel better, I've never told anyone else. Not even my boyfriends.”

“Really? Not even Peter?” Katie asked surprised. She knew Lily didn't like to talk about her childhood, but Peter had been her boyfriend for eight years and it was pretty serious; she didn't understand how she could keep all those things inside.

“Especially not Peter.” Lily insisted.

“I know he was kind of a jerk sometimes, but nobody's perfect, you were close to each other for sure... isn't it normal to share everything with your man? Even your darkest side and your deepest fears? I know I do.”

When Lily didn't answer, Katie knew she had to change the subject.

She tried something, being the nosy brat that she always was.

“Talking about men... Do we have a chance to bump into one of your ex-boyfriends? That would be so much fun, haha!”

“Sorry to disappoint, but that's not possible.”

“You don't know that, most people stay in the same area their whole life. Oh my god, that would be so damn awkward and funny!”

“Katie, will you please chill? I had only one boyfriend before I met you, and he died with my family.”

Katie looked at her friend and didn't say anything at first; she was a bit surprised, Lily was a very pretty woman, so she assumed she had lots of boyfriends at school, but now she felt bad for bringing it up.

“Oh... Sorry, I thought... I didn't know. That's another thing you never mentioned.”

“It's okay. I've moved on. Relax!” Lily chuckled to lighten the mood.

Katie felt a little guilty for reminding her of that night with her stupid comment, but she also was a very nosy person, and she couldn't help asking questions about it.

“Will you tell me about him one day? You never even said his name.”

Lily looked out the window absentmindedly.

“His name was Misha.”

“Ohhh like Misha Collins! And me who thought he was the only man called Misha in America haha! Now I have a lot of dirty thoughts flowing to my mind.”

Lily turned her head to look at her friend with one eyebrow raised up.

“And who the heck is Misha Collins?” she asked, confused.

Katie snorted.

“Oh Geez! you really should watch more TV. He's just sex on legs, you have no idea what you're missing.”

She scoffed. “Yeah, like I have time to watch TV.”

She was very busy with her work, and when she didn't work she was practicing, and when she wasn't practicing she was dancing. She always loved dancing and it was her way to relax.

“I don't even own a TV”.

“It's almost sad. I'll educate you one of these days, I promise.”

Lily burst out laughing and Katie joined her soon enough. The rest of the ride was quieter and they even managed to fall asleep for a while.

_____________

There were a few places they had to stop by during their trip in Connecticut. First of all, they needed to go get the official papers and Lily's grandmother's testament from the notary. Lily had indeed her grandmother's ashes with her, but she didn't have a clue about what she was supposed to do with the urn. She was pretty sure she left something about it in her testament though, so that's why it was the first step. She couldn't mess this up.

Second stop would be to the cemetery, where her dad, mother and brother were buried. The last time she went there was a couple weeks after her mom and Ryan's funeral, to say goodbye before leaving to France with her grandma. She just couldn't come back here and not visit it.

Then, they would go to her grandmother's house in Lichtfield, and last but not least, they would go to Lily's house on the farm property that burnt in Northfield. If possible, Lily would show Katie some places she liked when she was young too, but they didn't know how much time they would have, so they didn't plan too much.

They arrived at the notary's offices around 11 am. Lily didn't want to spend much time in this place, so she didn't talk much, listened carefully what the old man in front of her explained, signed whatever she had to really fast and picked the documents and the keys he gave her. She just needed a quiet and empty place to read her grandmother's last will now, because she had to find out where she had to put the urn.

She thought about going back to the hotel to read it, but then she remembered that when she was young and wanted to be alone in a calm and beautiful place, she went to a specific spot in Brook Park, where she could sit in the grass and enjoy the sound of the waterfall and the birds singing. This is exactly where they led next.

After walking around the park to show Katie the few places she loved, they both sat on a bench near the waterfall and Lily opened the envelop. Of course her grandmother had written a letter, Lily was not surprised. She sighed deeply for courage, took and unfolded it with trembling fingers and started reading.

My sweet Lily,

I know these moments must be very painful for you, and this letter will probably be as hard for you to read as it is for me to write now, so I will try to keep it short.

I'm getting old and I don't want to leave this world without sharing some last few thoughts with you. I don't know when you'll be able to read these words, I wish as late as possible, but what I want to tell you is true now and it will be true forever, so I'm gonna write it down when I still have the opportunity.

God can do anything. He could have given you a happy life full of joy and a huge family to share your days. I know that you think he gave up on you and took everything from you, first your dad, my precious son who I can't wait to meet again, then your amazing grandfather, the love of my life, your sweet and lovely mother, my little Ryan, and even more. But God never gives up, and I am sure you will find your family one day. When you do, cherish it like I cherished mine, and when we meet again, tell me about it.

Before you start your new life though, you will have to take care of a few boring and material things I left behind, like the properties in Connecticut. I can't tell you what to do with it, it will be your choice, but don't decide too fast if you want to sell them or not, you have time. Go back there, remember what it was before, focus on the good days, and don't do anything that feels wrong in your heart. Fate will give you the answers you need soon enough, trust me.

If you're wondering where I want to rest, the answer is almost obvious, don't you think? With your grandfather, in the clearing behind the farm property. Don't be afraid to go back, this place is a part of you. It may hurt first, but you will be proud of yourself afterwards.

I wish I could always be around to help you through the challenges of your life, but as it is physically not possible, I will spend the rest of your life guiding you from above, along with the rest of your family, until you join us.

Finally, I will give you one last advice, and I want you to keep it forever and shape your life around it as mush as you can.

I've read once that a wise man said: “If one does what one can do to make the world a better place, that’s all God will ask... it is a job that can make your life worth living, no matter what else happens.”

It was your grandfather's philosophy and I think he did quite well. Follow his steps, be good, be kind, help the ones in need like we always did, and it will help you on the way.

You are without a doubt the most precious thing life gave me, and I was very lucky to have you near me all those years. Be proud of yourself, my beautiful child, you are a fighter and you'll always win, don't even doubt it a second.

Be strong, my sweet Lily.

I love you forever.

Grandma.

When she finished reading, Katie was surprised to see a smile on her friend's face. Lily wasn't sad. She was still grieving of course, but the letter she just read gave her the strength she needed. She knew it wouldn't be easy everyday, but she silently promised her grandmother to keep her advice in her heart and go along with it.

She stood up.

“Alright... it's 4 pm, we have time to go to the cemetery very quickly, and then I'll show you my grandmother's house. Is that okay with you?”

“Sure... But can we stop to eat first? I'm gonna faint if I don't eat right now.” Katie said, holding her stomach.

Lily laughed heartedly.

“Okay, I'm kinda hungry too, let's go buy something there.” She pointed at the food truck near the main road.

They ate on the way to not waste any time, then Lily stopped to buy some flowers and a few moments later, they arrived at the Litchfield East Cemetery, where her family was resting.

It was not a big place, and her family's grave wasn't something fancy. Just a simple tombstone with their family name carved on it. 'Hagen Family'. No pictures, no first names, no dates. She bent down to put the flowers on the stone and noticed something.

“Someone came to put some flowers.” Lily said surprised. Her parents were loved and respected by many here, but she immediately wondered who it could be, and she also felt a little ashamed because it was only the second time she had stopped here in two decades.

“Do you want to... say something?” Katie asked, a little uncomfortable. She hated cemeteries.

“Not really. There is nothing to say anyway.” She answered flatly. Katie could tell she was just trying very hard not to cry. Lily pressed two fingers to her mouth and brushed them on the carved name.

“Let's go.” She whispered.

“Wait... your boyfriend Misha isn't buried here with his family? Don't you want to... you know... visit it too?”

“No, they're not here. To be honest I don't know where they are. I tried to find out before leaving for France but nobody knew. Someone told me they rest near their father's place, which is hours from here.”

“Oh... okay. And where is your grandfather?”

Lily couldn't help but smiled when she thought about the answer to that question.

“He wanted his ashes to be scattered in the clearing next to the farm in Northfield. This is where he met my grandmother, and this is where they got married.”

“That sounds poetic.” Katie smiled.

“It's also where I will have to do the same with my grandma's ashes tomorrow.” Lily added.

“Oh God, it's just like in romantic movies. If we don't leave here soon and change the subject, I will cry a river.” Katie warned, and then shivered, not knowing if it was from being emotional or if it was just getting cold.

“Okay, okay... let's run then. I managed to hold back, but if you start crying I will lose it! Last stop for today : my grandma's house!”

She was serious, but she said it with a playful tone, taking her friend's hand and leading her to the car.

_______

When they arrived in front of the house and Katie saw it, she couldn't believe her eyes.

“This is your grandmother's house?”

“Yep. Nice, uh?”

“This... THIS is your freaking grandma's house? No kidding?” she almost screamed. Lily stopped the car in the front yard and got out.

“YES, Katie, get out!”

“Okay uuuh.... can I ask you a question?? How loaded were your family exactly?”

Lily laughed while searching in her purse for the keys.

“Let's just say we had a lot of problems but money was not one of them. Come on!”

She almost ran towards the main entrance, pulling Katie with her, who stumbled every three seconds, too busy admiring the mansion instead of watching her steps.

Katie was impressed, she didn't expect that at all. She expected to see a tiny old house lost among others in the city, but It was huge and absolutely stunning: a Victorian house with white and green wooden walls, very bright, with dark-gray tilted roofs, lots of windows and columns too, surrounded by a green yard with huge trees. There were three floors, and an octagonal tower on the front left.

“So, I'm gonna give you the grand tour and see what she left behind, then we can go back to the hotel and have a nice dinner and a long sleep!”

“Or we could stay here forever!” Katie said, still not believing her eyes.

“I love this place too, but it's been a while since anyone lived in here, so I don't even wanna know how many spiders can hide inside right now.”

Lily had three phobias: Fire, for obvious reasons, wasps and spiders. She was terrified every time she saw a tiny spider, and she could run as fast as an Olympic sprinter if she saw a wasp approaching her. It was irrational, she had no idea where it came from and she was ashamed of it because really, a girl being scared of spiders is super cliché and pathetic, but she had absolutely no control over it.

They entered the house and when they stepped in the front entry, they were immediately welcomed by a deep dusty and moldy smell.

“Eww! It's really been a while since anyone cleaned this house!” Katie confirmed.

“Yeah... let's not take too long. Follow me.”

Lily showed her the whole house. It didn't take long since it was mostly empty, but there were a few covered furniture in some rooms, like the grand piano in the living room, or a few book shelves in the library. There was no power and no water. Then, they went outside in the courtyard, and Lily opened the garage that was in the back of the property, which was her grandfather's favorite place.

“Oh wow... your grandfather was handy, wasn't he? What's all that?”

The garage wasn't empty, it was still full of everything her grandfather made with the kids he took care of years ago, mostly wood work.

“Grandpa was helping kids his way... teaching them everything he could. He loved woodworking, so this is basically everything he made with them.” Lily explained. She walked among the shelves, looking at all the wooden animals, the tiny pieces of furniture, the toys, tools, lots of books, and some things she couldn't even recognize. She suddenly stopped in front of a small wooden plane and took it, a nostalgic smile appearing on her face.

“I remember this one... This is the first thing he made with Misha.” she weakly laughed, obviously remembering something funny.

“We were ten. My dad had just died. Grandpa was so affected by his death that he had to keep his mind busy with something positive, so he started teaching woodworking to Misha and Sasha and I was helping.”

She laughed harder.

“He was so proud of that stupid plane.” She put it back on the shelf.

“This place is full of happy memories. It's been twenty-two years since I last stepped into this house but it still feels like it was yesterday.”

“I can see that.” Katie gave her friend a quick hug, deeply touched by her story.

“Can we go? I'm tired, all those emotions knocked me out. I suggest we go back to the hotel and we'll do the rest tomorrow.”

“Sounds good to me!”

Lily closed everything carefully, her heart heavy, leaving a part of herself behind her. They headed to the car and drove back to their hotel, done for the day.