#if anyone tries to give me shit for writing an azkaban fic literally just block me this has been a wip since january and you don't own

[pufflehuffing]

I'm Well Acquainted With Villains That Live In My Head. - Sebastian Sallow

pairing: post-relic Sebastian Sallow  genre: angst, read at your own discretion, this is your only warning!  warnings: HL spoilers ✧ death ✧ poor mental health ✧ mentions of suicide and murder ✧ self-harm ✧ torture ✧ abuse ✧ hypothermia ✧ vulgar language summary: Sebastian is sentenced to live the rest of his days in Azkaban where his mind is slowly corrupted by the darkness and despair surrounding him, the only thing saving him from the Dementors being his obsession with those who left him behind to rot. [part 1] A/N: I wrote this to Mansion and Perception, albums by NF in case you want to set the mood. Thinking of turning this into a Dark!Sebastian series if this fic is received well! I've already written two other chapters.

If Sebastian couldn't already see Thestrals, he would've been graced by the unfortunate ability to do so now. The last words Anne spoke to him that dreadful day were the only thoughts still swimming in his clouded mind while the bitter cold seeped into his purple fingers and crawled its way towards his neck, finding refuge along his pale skin. 

“You’ve made your choice.” 

Not an exclamation out of blind anger or hurt; not a plea for him to mend his ways. But instead, a verdict. One that was somehow worse than the one placed on him by the Wizengamot. The vivid memory of that cloudy afternoon in Feldcroft still looms over Sebastian. Flashes of green lightning still spark in the corners of his mind. Then, red ones accompanied by the familiar voice of his twin shouting Bombarda. The spellbook of Salazar Slytherin was—Sigh. The spellbook… 

Sebastian remembers crying out a fry scream to her and weakly reaching out a hand as he slumped against the cobblestone wall of the catacomb, but alas, he was too late. It vanished into thin air—Along with the relic. Along with his innocence. Along with Anne, who Apparated away with the forever-sleeping body of their uncle, without even granting Sebastian one final look in his eyes.

Once he managed to get up, his manic state carried him out of the catacomb, his feet moving before he could process his actions. In an act of pure survival, Sebastian conjured his broom and flew back to Hogwarts, too shaken up to Apparate to the Undercroft without risking splinching. When he landed in the Transfiguration courtyard, his classmates were returning from dinner and crowding the now unfamiliar surroundings. Sebastian stumbled off his broom and hurried inside the Defence Against The Dark Arts Tower, feeling like he would both pass out and throw up from the sheer panic he was enduring. He hobbled through the corridor and up the stairs, clutching the railing to ground himself like his life depended on it, avoiding interactions with anyone in the sea of people that was now swallowing him whole.

Before his friends and classmates alike had a chance to clear their shocked expressions and ask him what was wrong, Sebastian had already disappeared. He paced through the Undercroft, biting his fingers and pulling on his hair while his mind raced a hundred miles an hour. Finally, Ominis arrived. Then, she did. The new fifth-year. The Hero of Hogwarts. The girl who had such a prowess as a wielder of Ancient Magic. The girl he had hoped would help him save Anne once he had the relic. He fell to his knees and pleaded. Pleaded with his closest friend and the girl he had grown so fond of to understand. Please understand. “I did it for her,” he lamented over and over again. “I didn’t mean it. I didn’t mean to—”

What happened after, was a blur to the boy. He was beside himself with remorse and grief. Not only for his uncle, but for his friends too. For Anne. For Ominis. For her. Sebastian did not know who told the Headmaster of his actions, but he was picked up by Professor Sharp and sent to Black's office at the highest point of Hogwarts a few days later, just before his first class of the day. He had begged and begged them not to turn him in, claiming Anne needed him by her side, but unfortunately he wasn’t granted that trust. Was it Ominis who finally had enough? Was it— A tight grasp on his cloaked shoulder led him through the nearly empty corridors before he could process what was going on.

The clutch of the ex-Auror somehow felt familiar, as if Sebastian was being dragged outside by uncle Solomon for coming home with yet another shrivelfig in hopes of curing Anne. Roughly pushed inside the Headmaster's office and onto a chair, Sebastian faced Black and his eyes shifted away in shame. Lowering his head to hide into his shoulder, his tear-filled gaze flickered to see Professor Weasley standing near the window, her face darkened by the light behind her. She… looked so… disappointed. Was that even the right word? No. Heartbroken. Distressed. Sorrowful. A look that Sebastian had grown somewhat accustomed to after getting into trouble so many times before for breaking curfew or pulling pranks, however it was now magnified beyond comprehension.

“Mr. Sallow,” Black began in his typically aloof manner as he paced in front of his desk with his hands behind his back, feigning authority. “We've received word of your…eh, endeavours outside of school grounds and—” He was interrupted by Sharp clearing his throat. Sebastian lifted his face to the front again, like a wounded animal looking for someone to help. He noticed Sharp sending his superior a pointed look, to which he received a nod, granting him permission to speak as Black stepped aside. The former Auror’s voice then resounded through the office as he went to stand in front of Sebastian too, crossing his arms beside the awkward Headmaster. “Mr. Sallow, we'll cut to the chase,” his piercing stare bored into the fifth-year, as if he were interrogating him on the Ministry's behalf. “The Ministry has sent two Aurors on their way to apprehend you. They'll be arriving shortly.”

Sebastian’s ears perked up and he blinked his tears away. Aurors. Ex-colleagues of Sharp. Ex-colleagues of… Solomon. He hoped he’d see Officer Singer, whom he knew from Hogsmeade. Perhaps he could fall into her good graces again and somehow convince her this was somehow all a grave mistake, that the boy who helped defend Hogsmeade against a troll attack at the beginning of the year had merely acted out of self-defence. Unfortunately luck was never on the Sallow family's side. 

Sebastian didn't remember much else from the conversation, he could only stare: at the floor, at the professors’ clothes as he was too ashamed to look them in the eyes. Professor Weasley broke the silence before Sharp’s piercing gaze could take another chance to fire. “Before you go, Sebastian,” she began with her motherly voice, giving him some dignity by calling him by his first name. “Your sister’s owl has delivered a letter to Headmaster Black for you that she wants us to read to you.”

Weasley took a deep breath and swallowed down her emotions, wanting to grant Sebastian a proper reading of his sister's final words to her brother who never gave up on her. It was the most she could do for him now. The Deputy Headmistress cleared her throat and unfolded the letter as she took in Sebastian's slouched posture. Memories of him asking her about her previous job as a Curse-Breaker and begging her to help him find a cure for Anne's curse flashed before her eyes and she cleared her throat to calm herself again. The motherly woman looked back down at the parchment that was dotted with dried tears and shaky handwriting. She began reading with a strained voice, forcing the words out as clearly as she could without stopping, giving Sebastian his last taste of humanity before he'd be taken away to face the horrors the Wizengamot would make him endure.

“Sebastian, Too much has happened. I needed to get away from here for a while. I miss Uncle Solomon. I need time. I will always love you, but I don't know if I can ever forgive you. Anne”

A deafening silence fell over the four people in the room. Professor Weasley rubbed her lips together as she placed the letter back in its envelope with trembling hands. She mustered the courage to look Sebastian in the eyes again and saw that he was staring at the floor again. Silent tears streamed down the boy’s face as he imagined his sister’s voice telling him he won’t be forgiven. Headmaster Black broke the silence by taking a deep, snotty breath. “Mr. Sallow—”

Before he could continue, his authority was once again pushed aside by banging on the door. Sebastian broke out into a fever and sweat poured out of his skin. The Aurors. His eyes darted around the room, looking for an escape. A way out. The door to the balcony. No. The window. And go where? Perhaps I could just drop dead and— He couldn’t even finish the thought. The lump in his throat travelled up to the back of his mouth while Professor Sharp’s boots boomed across the office. He opened the door and raised an eyebrow before straightening himself again. “Ah. Headmaster Black, a visitor.” Sebastian didn’t dare turn around to see who it was when Sharp stepped aside to show a blond quiff standing in the doorway. Professor Weasley’s heart broke even further when she saw the shaking black wand in his hand and the crust of dried tears on his cheeks.

“Mr. Gaunt,” Black piped up with a head tilt when he recognised the family friend. A Gaunt was always welcome in his office. Sebastian's eyes snapped to the door, turning his head so quickly that his neck cracked like a whip and his muscles tightened and burned. “Come in,” the Headmaster continued. The red light at the tip of the shaking wand carried Ominis inside the office, standing just beside the door while Sharp closed it behind him. Sebastian wanted to call out to him, but he couldn’t find the strength to do so.

“What is it, Mr. Gaunt?” Black cocked his chin to look down at the boy through his lashes. Ominis’ milky eyes lifted and he turned his head. “I… I wanted to see Sebastian before he’s—” His voice sounded like sandpaper scratching against metal. He had been crying. The trembling off his hand expanded to the rest of his body when he choked out another sentence. “I need to tell him something, sir.”

The three adults exchanged a dubious look before flickering their gaze back to the boy on the chair and the boy by the door. Sebastian could only stare at his best friend, he couldn’t believe this was real. “Very well. Spit it out, Mr. Gaunt,” Black nodded with a hum. Ominis was too distressed to focus on his wand telling him where Sebastian was positioned in the room. He squeezed his eyes shut and his fist tightened while he took a deep breath. After a few seconds, he lifted his head in Sebastian’s direction, his voice quiet as a mouse. “Sebastian, it… It was Rookwood who cursed Anne, not the goblins.”

Sebastian couldn’t believe it at first, then he realised it all made sense. The new fifth-year being ambushed in Hogsmeade, the raid on Feldcroft to search the Morganach home, the digging under Rookwood castle... “Children should be seen, not heard.” Why didn’t she tell him? She was chasing Rookwood every chance she got! His anger towards goblins and dark wizards only grew. His anger towards her grew. A guttural gasp escaped Sebastian’s mouth and his breathing grew heavy. She had stood beside Sebastian throughout the entire school year, coddling him with words of comfort and reassurance, all while she knew. She. Knew. That’s why she didn’t want to pressure the Keepers about knowledge of her magical abilities. She knew it wouldn’t matter. She knew and didn’t tell him. 

Blind rage started bubbling inside Sebastian again, just like it had a few days ago, which Professor Sharp noticed. He watched him closely, his hand on his wand, ready to draw if Sebastian made a sudden move. A thick, heavy silence fell over the five people in the room. Sebastian’s fiery eyes bored into the floor, it was a miracle the floorboards didn’t scorch under his burning gaze. Five minutes of silence later, they were startled by two booming knocks on the office door. With a heavy sigh, Headmaster Black opened it. When he recognised the navy uniforms, he nodded solemnly and stepped aside. 

Two Aurors walked into the office with raised wands. Sebastian still sat frozen. Professor Weasley’s eyes flickered to the now infinitely small boy. Seeing him sit in the middle of the room, she almost felt like his trial had already started. The boy who had so much love to give, now reduced to a criminal. A teenage criminal. A child… One of the men spoke, a thick Scottish accent booming through the office. “Mr. Sallow, you are under arrest for the murder of Solomon Sallow,” was all Sebastian heard through the grainy noise in his mind. A sudden grasp on his shoulder shocked him back to the walls that seemed to close in on him. He was dragged up to his feet by the other officer. Sebastian’s instincts kicked. He struggled. Then, he screamed out to Ominis. He screamed. Again. And again. And again… All while the officers did their best to cast the Incarcerous spell on him. Tears started falling out of his eyes like a river, too flooded to see Ominis was weeping too. The blind boy’s trembling hand let go of his wand, and it fell to the ground. Now completely disoriented, he shut his eyes again and clawed at them with his palms as he cried. 

Before Sebastian could reach his hand out to give Ominis a final goodbye, a final touch, the Aurors decided Petrificus Totalis was easier to restrain him. He felt his muscles tighten and spasm until he stood stiff, his arm now beside his body instead. From his hazy eyes, he could still make out the black cloak of the boy in front of him, which was being wrapped in red-coloured limbs. Professor Weasley. The tears that dripped from the brunette’s eyes cleared, and he saw Ominis, who was hugged tightly as he cried while she turned her face away from Sebastian with a pained grimace. Before he could make out the vague shapes of Sharp and Black, he Apparated away with the two men holding his arms. This was it… Gone. All of it. His sister, his uncle, his friends, his… Life. Freedom.

To be continued.