#if anyone reads all of this then you deserve a medal cos its just sappy train of thought tbh

[angelgendered]

I know I'm a Hadley blog at this point but this week has been literally the happiest I've been since. Well. A long time. A very long time.

And it says something when my mum even asked me, before I told her about Hadley and me being together, if my pain was a bit better because I was walking taller and looked less upset/sad all the time.

She then said, after I told her about me and my love, that she was happy for us. She said some things protectively about them treating me right too. But she said that I looked happy above all else. And I am. I can't believe how happy they make me.

It's something about the true healing nature of queer love. The 'ordeal' of being known and seen and loved by someone.

Every time they call me handsome, my heart slips a beat.

I don't consider myself remotely desirable or attractive. So to have someone as beautiful as Hadley is, inside and outwardly, be open about desiring and loving and finding me attractive?? It's so healing. It really is. They even call me ANGEL!!! and when I tell you that I want to melt every time they do that...

God I can't wait to take them to the seaside! I have plans yall. I'm gonna buy them a silly hat and seaside treats and win useless claw machine plushies for them. We are going when the light show illuminations are on there, or maybe the Christmas events they have up there with the pretty lights too.

I want to have them sit on my lap in public, hold my hand too. I want to kiss and cuddle them and show them how much i adore them.

It's a long way off, feels like forever away. But I'm determined that we will meet. And we will make this work despite the distance. We will love and be loved. We will be together. At least for a while.

I also want to take them down to London! Maybe for a week or so there. There's so much to do that we could spend a month there and still be busy, but hotels are pricier there, so. I want to take them somewhere real fancy. Show them off to everyone. I want to sleep in a fancy hotel for at least one night and wake up overlooking the city with them and feel on top of the world for just a moment.

I don't know yet what or where we'll fill the other two weeks ish with. We'll figure something out. Manchester, Liverpool, and Brighton are all options I'm thinking over. I want to take them to museums and maybe a theatre show or two and aquariums and galleries and maybe a zoo and watch them watching the world go by. I want to see the moon and stars reflected in their eyes. I want to watch the sunset and sunrise with them. I want to show them around my (awful) hometown and have them meet my parents and my best friends. I want to tell them how much I love them. I want to show them the same thing. I want to spoil them (both with gifts and with acts of service/physical touch cause that's what I'm all about, lol). I want them to know how I adore them. How I'd do anything for them. I'm in this for the long haul, if they'll have me. Forever, even.

And the moment i see them, when they arrive off the plane, I'm going to kiss them so fiercely they'll think I'm never going to let go. I'm going to pullt hem into my lap and hold them and call them every single sappy teem of endearment I have for them.

Ultimately, I have hope that this will work out. Somehow. It will, I'm begging the universe. Just our relationship generally, not just them visiting in the first instance.

I'm sitting here crying rn, and I know it's silly, but I've never felt so loved. I've never been made to feel desirable or handsome or anything like that. But Hadley makes me feel all of that, and more besides. They love me. They LOVE me. Me!

I know this is kinda uncharacteristically soft and vulnerable for me to post here. But... I love them so much. I can't believe that this is my life and they're my SO now. I can't wait to watch ATLA and Pacific Rim and the Scifi animated movie they love, which I've forgotten the name of already, on video or voice call with them, in the meantime whule we save money up. I can't wait to show them some of my fav media soon, too. Good Omens brought us together and brought us to this point, so I'm forever thankful to DT and MS and Terry and. God. I just. I'm smitten. Big heart eyes and everything. The Crowley to my Aziraphale.