#if anyone needs clarification I might be able to give some

[petermorwood]

I have a sword question, if I may. Or more of a sword confusion Im seeking clarification on.

In my mind a fantasy european standard sword (that obviously doesnt really exist, but like, when a knight or someone in a story has an unspecified sword), I always imaged a straight blade with a triangular tip, both edges sharp cutting edges.

Then at some point I learned about eg scimitars that have a cutting edge and a ...blunt edge?

I was looking at your recent addition to the post about the Turkish sword, where you distinguish between an inner cutting edge on a sword v an outer cutting edge.

And then Im thinking of those enormous zweihander types that are all about momentum and do those even need a particularly sharp edge? They seem in dnd parlance to be a bludgeoning weapon not for slashing.

And while Im asking, like. Rapiers are very stabby weapons, do they have sharp edges at all or judt a sharp point?

I guess my overall question culminates something like "what parts of swords are designed for what damage and why? Is there anything all swords have other than blade and handle like can they all be used for stabbing or do some have very blunt points etc? Is it a big deal for a sword to be double-edged, does that necessitate specific training? Whats up with different sword blades?"

I realise thats a pretty enormous question that might be unreasonable to ask. Im happy with whstever response you are or arent willing to give. Hope you have a good day :)

Sharp edge / blunt edge is the setup on any kitchen or table knife you've ever encountered, and being able to put a hand on the blunt "edge" - usually called the back of the blade - not only helps when mincing herbs or garlic, but also features in some techniques of swordplay.

Other techniques employed non-blade parts of the weapon, using the pommel like a mace and the crossguard like a pick-axe.

*****

Whether swords should be straight or curved, single- or double-edged, was an argument which continued as recently as the early 1900s.

The last swords issued to cavalry for combat use (modern parade swords don't count) were both remarkably similar designs, straight-bladed for thrusting, adopted by the UK in 1908...

...and the US in 1913.

There was, of course, strong opposition from those who insisted cavalry swords should be sabres curve-bladed for cutting instead.

Equally of course, both sides failed to notice - or ignored, since a certain kind of cavalry officer was only bright as regards boots, buckles and buttons - the uncomfortable fact that machine-guns and repeating rifles had made the whole ta-ran-ta-rah "cut them down with your swords, men!" cavalry charge an exercise in futility.

*****

D&D, unless they've considerably upped their accuracy game, isn't much of a reference for weapon realism.

"Enormous Zweihanders" and other big swords such as the Montante were a lot lighter and more nimble than they'd seem from reading an encumbrance chart.

They had their own techniques to take best advantage of length, leverage and momentum and were indeed sharp. Given a choice between a sharp combat weapon and a blunt one, sharp makes far more sense.

In addition, a sharp blade is lighter than a blunt one simply through having less metal. It may only be a few grams of difference, but it IS a difference.

That's also the reason behind a fuller, the groove(s) along a blade.

They're not "blood gutters", tough and cool though that may sound, but a way to reduce a sword's weight while preventing its blade from getting excessively flexible.

Finally...

The re-enactor is wearing half-armour, but these big swords were also meant for use against unarmoured opponents. Bodyguards often carried them (they looked impressive) and those sweeping strokes could block an entire street while The Boss got away.

That's when an ability to cut rather than merely bludgeon makes all the difference. Determined assassins might try to rush a blunt sword, but a sharp one would give anyone second thoughts...

*****

Double-edged swords versus single-edged ones seem to vary depending on cultural preference - also on period of history and intended function.

Bronze Age European swords had straight or leaf-shaped blades with double edges...

...while Ancient Egypt had the curved, single-edged khopesh, a shape which also turned up in Ancient Assyria (this one's in the Metropolitan Museum, New York USA).

It's listed as a "sickle sword", an incorrect term which I wish would go away because sickles are sharp on the inside of the curve while swords like this - their grip-shape shows how they're meant to be held and swung - are sharp on the outside.

And just when "the Ancient Middle East used curved single-edge swords" looks like a handy generalisation, along come straight swords, one from Ancient Egypt...

...another from Luristan, now part of modern Iran.

This next one comes from Ancient Iberia (Spain), right at the other side of the Mediterranean. Evidence of trading links? Your guess is as good as mine.

Iberia went on to use the falcata, a short single-edged forward-curved sword.

Those extra bits round the blade are scabbard metalwork; the wood and leather scabbard is long gone. This repro shows how they would have looked when in place.

Iberia also used a straight double-edged sword which so impressed the Romans that they adopted it, refined it and used it for several centuries. Here's one of the several Roman versions of that gladius Hispaniensis (Spanish sword), double-edged, mostly meant for stabbing but capable of very effective cuts as well.

Here's my repro of a similar sword, the elegant "Mainz" pattern with its long point and waisted blade. Very pretty, and pretty wicked.

*****

"Curved single-edged swords are Eastern, straight double-edged swords are Western", is another generalisation that won't work.

Here are Eastern straight swords...

...and Western curved ones.

*****

Viking swords were all double-edged...

...except when they weren't.

*****

Many rapiers could cut. Smallswords, which came later, couldn't.

Earlier rapiers with broader blades cut better than later ones with narrow blades, but IIRC even the later Italian and Spanish rapier styles include cuts directed at the opponent's face and sword-arm.

I have a notion that the modern thing about cutting with rapiers is based (like back-carry) on seeing it done in movies. IMO - more about it here - that's actually more a modern stage-combat safety thing than a period real-combat move. A fumbled cut is bruising and unpleasant even with a "safe" prop sword, but a fumbled thrust into the eye-socket or throat with that same "safe" sword can be fatal.

Even those early rapiers wouldn't sever a head or limb - a finger maybe, hence the elaborate hand-protection of swept and cup hilts - but blood from a forehead wound running into the eyes was, and in boxing still is, an efficient way to finish a fight by ensuring the opponent can't continue. One of the duels in "The Duellists" ends this way.

This example is a bit optimistic, IMO...

...but a longsword (double-edged)...

...or a messer (single-edged)...

...was quite capable of disarming an opponent in a very literal way.

*****

Some swords had minimal points, being intended mostly for cutting. One example of this is the Indian khanda broadsword. The second example is also very clearly single-edged.

Another cut-only sword without a point (but with double edges) is the Richtschwert (justice sword)...

...though this was a single-function (and hopefully single-cut) tool rather than weapon, neither balanced for nor intended for combat.

Hope this has helped answer the questions!

[aroace-poly-show]

hello friends we are starting this kind of early cause i have. a lot of mutuals. so. taking in requests now for the

marlo mutual christmas/winter gift doodles

putting this above the read more so people see it: ‼️‼️you do not need to celebrate christmas for this!! if you’re one of my mutuals that doesn’t celebrate christmas but you still want one you are still included ‼️‼️and if you really don’t want one then just like the post without commenting please ‼️‼️ otherwise i might assume you just haven’t seen the post and dm you to be sure aifbksnfnd (or let me know directly. comment or dm or ask or whatever you want. i just need to know that you’ve seen it and don’t want one)

i did this last year. really simple concept. you give me a few characters you like and i will draw a silly little doodle for you and send you an ask (or dm or tag you in a post with if i can’t send it in an ask for whatever reason) on christmas day!! i will have this post queued to go up multiple times a day so hopefully people don’t miss it sorry if it gets annoying fast LMAO

some answers to potential questions and clarifications here:

-you are not required to give me a doodle in return, you can if you want but you do not have to!! there is no pressure to!!! if you do want to make a return gift though then characters i like i’ll list them at the bottom

-begging you. if we’re mutuals and you want one pleaseeeee respond in the comments. it keeps things all in one place for me, and if i am not sure whether you want one or not i will just ask you directly and i get Anxious so if you want to save yourself the trouble of me bothering you in dms for it pleaseeee don’t feel like you’re not included in this, and just comment on the post

-id appreciate like. a handful of characters you’d be happy to receive a doodle of and not just One, since i might have trouble drawing some and i don’t wanna send you a really shitty doodle or stress myself out trying to get it right in time fjnskdnsk

-they do not have to be characters i know about!! literally any you like!!

-i’m doing this really early so i can give myself enough time for it but if you change your mind on the characters before just let me know!!

ummm. if i need to add more i will. but i think that’s it for now!! praying i’ll actually be able to go through with this i am so sorry if i end up having to give stuff out late 💔💔

anyway if you really do want to give me one in return. i think i’m pretty obvious about who i like and you’re free to do others i didn’t mention here that you know i like too, but here’s a few jic anyone wants a list: anyone from wonderlands x showtime, mafuyu asahina, basil from omori, vflower, siffrin, loop, mirabelle

[confessionsofamasc]

#1

I was born in a hospital that I drive by sometimes. I don’t understand gender or sex more than anyone. I’ve read a lot of theory. I’ve taken comfort in it. It hasn't changed my conditions, but it's granted me a sense of stability. The best of it offers clarification. The worst of it makes me feel like I don’t exist. It’s like anything, it’s complicated. It has made me suspicious of any unifying theory of gender, of simplification. That abstraction feels like more of the same. The reduction, the disappearance, the slow death. Everything begs the question and everyone is too afraid to try and answer it.

The more I read the more ambiguity I am able to accept in myself and others. It usually isn't reciprocated.

I’m a man. Right now my hair is long. It’s annoying, it gets in the way. Recently I was enjoying wearing feminine clothing, but not so much at the moment. I used to date women. I used to be a lesbian. I used to be butch, in a lot of ways I still am. I got myself into a lot of trouble that way. I sought out people who could see my maleness somewhere inside of my womanhood. This was fraught. I try not to blame myself. My maleness made me vulnerable and people could tell. That's on them.

I don’t know what I look like. People see me as different things. I’ve been told that some of these different things lie in complete contradiction with each other. To some people I negate myself and they hate that. I don’t mind being a paradox. I didn’t make it a paradox. I know how I feel and I know what I want. How other people see me is not my responsibility. I know what feels right and what feels wrong. It's one of those things, like love. No justification needed. I like what this has given me, a general ambivalence I find freeing. No one owes me understanding, not even myself, just acceptance. I roll with the punches.

No one’s going to be able to know me from a short interaction. That’s fine. That’s not my problem. It’s not their problem either. But I correct them, I give them a chance. I am as honest as possible. It’s awkward. Sometimes it isn’t, sometimes there is that moment of two people meeting, like two comrades undercover. The nod, the smiles. Some people get angry. I avoid going places where they might be able to react. I don’t go out. Sometimes I don’t correct people. 

Sometimes I know that people want me to make myself smaller, more understandable, that I must diminish myself. Categorize, define, summarize, defend, defer. I get the feeling my complexity is the wrong kind of complexity. I hate deference, I want to be an equal participant in the conversation.

I was in line for a friend’s show, waiting to get my bag searched, my ID checked and a man behind me got close, started touching my bag. Same old. Bad jokes, mean jokes, stuff to try and make me feel vulnerable. Said he was putting his gun in my bag to hold onto. Trying to get me to engage to protect myself. Flatter him, don’t hurt his ego. That boring misogynistic flirting that kids start honing in grade school. I didn’t say anything. I made myself as uninteresting as I could. That hurt his feelings. “I bet you think I’m such an asshole”, he said with little kid anger. I continued to ignore him. I didn’t want him to hear my voice or see my face. He figured I was a girl. It's the hair. Then came his quick turn to vitriol, insults under his breath. I got inside and none of my friends were there yet. I pretended to be alright, cold-blooded. Like I don't feel anything.

I learned that quickly, that being a man is not a trump card, not for me. Some people tell me this can't be true, it's not the part about being a man. I become comprehensible to them only if they separate me from an important part of my whole, if they dictate myself back to me in a way they find acceptable, in line with their worldview. Sometimes I am asked to completely disavow it to be let back into life. That is a very old trick. I got tired of it when I was still a little girl.

I know that it is the catalyst. The thing about me, the nail in the coffin. No matter what kind of man I've been, it's been true. I can't forget it even if I'm told that I must be coming at it the wrong way because I have to hold that knowledge close to survive. When I abandon it I abandon myself. Bad things start to happen again.

Why is my understanding of the violence that happens to me up for debate? How can you debate a thing you can't even look wholly at? Who gets to abstract it, define it? I should really be asking, who decides what is too insignificant to be considered part of the definition? What violence gets to slip through the cracks, undefined as violence? Why? Why are my friends disappearing into abusive relationships like I did for most of my life? Why are my friends killing themselves? Why does no one notice?

I guess there are a lot of questions that everyone's afraid to ask.

[twisted-wonderland-shenanigans]

MERMAY: Twisted Wonderland Marine Biologist!AU Skit

In honor of Mermay, I’m posting a skit from two new Twisted Wonderland AUs I’ve started working on (and I likely will find more ideas to create more AUs over time), and I’m so happy to share some of the stuff I’ve got with you all~ UvU As you can see by the title, the version today is the Marine Biologist!AU~!

So here in this scene, Yuu has started figuring out their new role as caretaker for a motley group of mermaids that arrived at the facility after their avian guardian (aka Rook) arrived to keep them all together and safe from humans trying to hurt them. Let’s see how their first official week goes~ >v>

Oh, and I forgot to mention this in the poll, but in both AU’s, the mermaids cannot speak human languages and speak in clicks, chirps, trills, and whistles (or squawks in Rook’s case). Each character’s form is based on their nickname given to them by Floyd in game just for clarification! (Crowley in these AU is a manta ray because it has wings, and because we don’t know what Floyd would call him, so I want him to be a manta ray!).

////------------////

A week had passed since the new feeding routine started, the seagull-like harpy they’d started calling “Roo” taking each bucket and passing them to each enclosure while Yuu stood near the cart. While somewhat boring with nothing to do but watch, Yuu reminded themselves that this was the closest anyone had been able to get since the mermaid’s avian guardian appeared. It was also fascinating to watch how, for the most part, he seemed to have a good rapport with the majority of the tanks. They couldn’t help but notice how annoyed Leo seemed whenever Roo got near him though—even when the harpy seemed undeterred and still smiled so cheerfully.

What sort of relationship did those two have in the first place?

‘So many questions…I wish we could communicate with one another,’ Yuu thought, moving to put another bucket on the red ‘x’ when they saw him taking off towards them again. This was the last one and they would be done for the morning feeding.

When Roo landed and swapped the empty bucket with the full one, he stopped to look at the cart with the other upturned buckets. For just the briefest moment, Roo looked…disheartened? Before they could figure out what it could mean, he had already taken flight towards the final tank: the Pom Tank.

‘Wait…are they…getting enough to eat?’ Yuu wondered.

As he landed, they paid close attention as Roo began sorting through the fish, gently passing them to Violet and Guppy when they appeared at the surface. Eventually he took at least three fish for himself before returning the bucket, a calm yet still somewhat weary smile on his human-like face. If he was only taking so little while giving everyone else the rest…

//

“Pardon?”

“Sir, I really think we should add at least seven more buckets of fish,” Yuu told Mr. Tanner. “I don’t think any of them are getting enough food, and the whole time I was watching them, Roo only took three fish for himself. He looked…disappointed when he was looking at the empty buckets.”

“Wait, who’s Roo?”

“The harpy creature. It…got a little awkward trying to communicate with him or calling him ‘harpy-man’, and he seemed to respond to the name Roo, so…I’ve started calling him Roo...for lack of a better name, anyway.”

“Oh…I see.” The director hummed as he mulled over Yuu’s words. What he was thinking they couldn’t say for sure, and for a moment they worried he might turn down the suggestion…until he nodded. “Okay. I’ll make arrangements with the supply team and have them prepare another cart of fish for tonight’s feeding. You are to report what you observe, and if it seems like they may still need more, we will add more until we find what amount works.”

“T-thank you, sir!”

“No, thank you.” Mr. Tanner’s expression was soft as he smiled at them, reminding Yuu of a grandfather as he said, “We honestly cannot afford to lose these creatures due to our own negligence. No one should ever have to go hungry, whether they’re human, animal, mermaid…or a giant screeching harpy man!”

At that Yuu couldn’t help but laugh, Mr. Tanner’s jovial chuckle joining in. Hopefully their idea will work, and this will put them in good standing with Roo…

//

“Roo! Feeding time!”

Yuu’s voice echoed in the mostly silent warehouse, mixing with the low thrum of the filters keeping the waters clean and oxygen rich. A flurry of feathers announced Roo’s descent before he landed, talons clicking against the metal floor as he approached the offered bucket as usual. One by one they continued the same routine, Yuu waiting impatiently for him to finish so they could bring out the nest cart.

When he brought back the last bucket—once more carrying three fish and disappointed look in his eyes—he was about to take off before Yuu called out his name. “Wait,” Yuu said, holding their hands up and making a motion they’d used once before. Pointing to where he was standing, they said, “Stay, Roo. Wait.”

Roo’s head tilted as he watched them, yet he stayed put with an expectant stare. Yuu put the last bucket on the cart and wheeled it away, glancing over their shoulder to make sure he stayed there. Their heart hammered in anxious excitement as they reached around the entrance to where the second cart was waiting, seeing Roo tense as they once more repeated the request…before pulling the load around the corner.

The moment he saw the fresh buckets full of fish, Roo’s emerald eyes grew so wide in clear shock and disbelief. It wasn’t until they approached with one in hand that he began crooning and squawking, nearly losing his grip on the three fish he’d had in his arms before dumping them into the fresh bucket. “There you go, Roo,” Yuu said, unable to hold back the biggest smile at the joy he was showing. “I’m sorry we haven’t been feeding you and your friends enough. We didn’t know you needed more than we were giving you. If it’s still not enough, I can talk to the director and get some more buckets…okay?”

The joyful harpy soon calmed down, though his smile never went away as he tilted his head, regarding them with a thoughtful expression. Then, he picked up the bucket—

And promptly deposited it in Yuu’s arms.

“Wha-?!” they uttered, barely managing to get a proper hold on the bucket in question. “Wait, what-?”

Before they could voice any protest, Rook had already picked up another bucket and was holding it in one hand. With his free arm, he gestured towards the tanks and gave Yuu a calm, expectant look.

“…are you…allowing me to help?” Yuu asked, pointing at themselves. To their shock, he nodded, one of his wings reaching out to nudge them forward as he guided them towards the Hearts Tank. It wasn’t until they’d started climbing up the stairs that he took off, fluttering over to one of the other tanks and landing on the platform. To their shock and amazement, several of the mermaids had approached the surface, watching them carefully as they set the bucket down and began tossing some fish into the water.

It wasn’t until Roo called out to them that they slowly began to eat the offered food, giving Yuu a good look at them. The crab-like mermaid had a heart-shaped mark on one eye, while the blue mackerel one had a spade over the opposite eye. The orange mermaid had a diamond on one cheek, and when the golden-eyed turtle appeared they saw a clover marking on the opposite cheek. Card deck markings…? That wasn’t something that the other researchers had been able to note before.

Finally, the red, black, and white mermaid appeared, slate gray eyes observing them with such an intensity that they felt…intimidated. Like they were staring in the face of royalty. Not a king per say, but…a queen maybe?

“Wow…you’re all so…gorgeous,” Yuu couldn’t help but utter in amazement, elated at the fact that they were able to even get this close to them now. Then—realizing that they would have to report this event—they hummed in thought. They were going to have to figure out names for these five just like they had for Roo. So maybe…

“I think I’ll call you…Red Queen,” Yuu finally said, pointing at the red one. “And you are…Diamond. Clover…” A moment later they smiled, adding, “If I call you Turtle Clover, I can nickname you TC! And…you two are going to be…Spade and Ace—like the Ace of Hearts!”

While the others seemed indifferent or confused by this, the moment they mentioned ‘Ace’ they noticed how the crab mermaid seemed to perk up in surprise. Did he somehow recognize the word?

Curious, they called out, “Ace?” To their surprise, he squeaked and chittered up at them, moving closer with a ‘Yeah? What do you want?’ look on his face. “Does…Ace mean something to you?”

He chirped at them in response, looking annoyed as he crossed his arms over his chest in what was yet another very human-like action.

Just how much actually separated the mermaids from ordinary humans…?

[echosoftheflower]

Okay, to kick off this “attempting to put all my ideas for IBVS online” rabbit hole, let's start with what I'm assuming is CK’s favorite theory of mine.

Rose Beamer has powers.

Now I don't really have much evidence supporting this yet but what I do have feels like some pretty good foreshadowing.

First, let's start off with the powers, we know they are genetic, potentially some kind of gene that is unlocked by adrenaline or some other fight or flight instinct. This is pretty obvious from the fact that everyone who has powers’ siblings have powers. Nevin and Drew, Edward and Geno, and even Edward and Dez are cousins (stated to be on his father’s side). So if siblings are likely to both get powers, then why don't any adults seem to have them? This could either be from them never being unlocked (like how Drew and Dez gained their powers much later on) or the gene potentially skipping generations. 

All of this is to say, that the chances of Rose having powers - or at least the potential for them - is much higher than it may first seem.

The second part of this is something that I've also noticed in Cody (but he is a theory for another day). We know a little too much about her. For a character that's gotten a total of two scenes, we have 1: A character ref,  2: A name, 3: Her job, 4: A pretty good read of her personality, and 5: Her dynamic with Isaac (caring and fun but often busy with work). 

I think she has the potential to become a bigger part of the story and would tie in well with bringing attention back to Isaac (our main character).

Speaking of Isaac, this is where the real powers part comes in. 

If Rose has powers, then what are they?

Well, we know that Isaac's main power is to bring drawings to life, but he also has a seemingly secondary power of being able to move specifically liquid art supplies at will.

And in IBVS there is one other time a person with liquid-based powers is mentioned, seemingly as a throwaway line

"Drew and Nevin both got to the point and opened up, and even their incredibly catholic grandmother, who could have been a hit or miss when it came to something like this, ended up just nodding and saying ‘oh, I knew a young lady like that about twenty years ago.’

She went into a longwinded story about the girl. About how, in her earlier years of trying to get work in the States, she needed to take an extra job at a daycare, and one of her fellow workers, a woman in her twenties, could create ripples in water like currents with her mind. While Drew was utterly thrilled at hearing this, Nevin was only surprised hearing this from his grandmother of all people.

Grandma Jovel proceeded to give the clarification that Nevin wanted to hear–she didn’t plan to tell anyone about them, due to the danger it could create for them.” (chapter 20 season 1)

Grandma Jovel knew a woman like that twenty years ago. If that lady was in her twenties then, then she would now be in her forties, the perfect age range for someone whose only child is currently 16. And also, the lady had minor water/liquid manipulation powers, a power that could easily be matched with Isaac's stronger-manipulation-but-less-materials-affected.

Grandma Jovel also mentioned that she wouldn't tell anyone, "due to the danger it could create for them," so she understands that people finding out they had powers might put them in danger. This could just be the general "we don't know how people would react" but it could also be that something happened to that lady, say, she goes missing.

This kind of branches out into an entirely new theory (and where I start losing evidence) but, Rose may have been one of the women in the lab. It's specified that the woman who wrote the letters in Ghost Stories worked there; however we don't know if it was as a volunteer or scientist, and she also mentioned how they weren't allowed to leave. We also know that the letter never left the lab. There is a chance that Rose worked there as a psychologist to try to understand how and why she has these powers. If these experiments are what I believe them to be (Mr. Wolfe and Xavier testing the supernatural gene to create Sigma) then it would explain why she would never tell Isaac about her powers or help him figure out if he had any, as she would know that people like Wolfe could come for either of them. 

This also goes into another theory about the potential of Isaac's natural powers actually only being the paint manipulation, and the creation part being the other half of Sigma reacting to it. But that's a whole other thing.

TLDR: Rose Beamer may be the lady we hear about from Grandma Jovel in chapter 20

[perfectlyvalid49]

Appreciate the input, patience, and visual

Not gonna mince words on the sourcing issue since it’s a moot point although your dismissal of tl something’s validity because it’s associated with AI is… concerning.

I find your pivot to the myth about pedophelia within Jewish spaces curious given how I’m acutely aware of that accusation as a queer AMAB and find that piece of intersectionality crucial in identifying where “hey, my in group might actually need a reality check because we are so divorced from reality it’s AFFECTING people”

Here’s more of what I mean:

The OG convo stemmed from circumcision and has now largely evolved (call it goal post shifting or whatever but the crux is still there, I promise) to whether or not the IDF/Israel was the main driver of antisemitism because of how they treat Hasidic Jews.

I ALSO have qualms with that community because they didn’t get vaccinated and still largely congregated during COVID which is just… unethical? So I think about that, or what they do to oppress women, or queer people, or their own xenophobia or whatever and then I STILL look at them being anti Israel and have to think “huh, the enemy of my enemy really CAN be my friend” and that’s the point I think most people miss.

I get if the tradition needs to be changed internally because at the end of the day, duh, but also, maybe consider external realities and how that might be a wise consideration. God works in mysterious ways or sumthin’

I did not dismiss its validity because it’s associated with AI, I dismissed its validity because it was associated with AI (which is known to give false information) with no corroborating evidence. If you had been able to link to a non-AI source also saying that you can use quotes when paraphrasing, I would not have dismissed it because the AI said it as well, I only dismissed it because the AI disagreed with multiple other sources. Can you elaborate on why you find that concerning? And I will point out that I also dismissed its validity because the link that you provided did not even say what you were trying to prove.

If you are acutely aware of how accusations of pedophilia can be harmful to the queer AMAB community that you understand how they can be harmful to the Jewish community as well. And if you are capable of understanding that, then you are capable of understanding that those accusations come largely from goyim who are obsessed with circumcision, as you are. That means that you’re either not as understanding as you claim to be, or you don’t care that your words can and will be used to hurt us. I’m inclined to believe both.

You make it hard for anyone who isn’t us to track this conversation by responding with new asks instead of reblogging with a reply. This is a shitty tactic to allow you to make false claims about what was discussed previously, and I’m not having it. So to be clear, our conversation started with you asking about my definition of Zionism, followed by you asking for clarification on self determination. You then moved on to asking about giving Gaza back, and solidarity between Jews and other ethnic minorities (which to be fair, I misinterpreted as being about ethnic minorities within Judaism).

But then things started getting weird. Your next ask was primarily a push back on my saying that some of the countries surrounding Israel have 0 Jews in their population by citing completely unrelated things, and a claim on Kabbalah, which your white ass has no right to. Your follow up to that included telling me that quotes can be used for paraphrasing, incorrect information on Kabbalah (still claiming you can play with something from a closed religion), assigning me a race, accusations of Jews being anti-feminist and anti-gay, and accusations that I’m “yucking your yum” when I tell you that Judaism is a semi-closed religion and you can’t just take stuff from it.

You continued on in your next ask by saying that you had a “complex claim to a lot of religions”, accused Israel of being a settler colonial state, accused Jews of trolling and homophobia because you can’t find a rabbi who is willing to convert you, wrote the tetragrammaton (a big no when interacting with Jews) and only here do you bring circumcision into the conversation.

So, no, that’s not by any means the “OG convo.” Also, that was yesterday, the conversation has not “evolved” since then. You did make one more ask between that one and this one and you do mention the IDF, but the IDF/Israel as the main driver of antisemitism is literally a concept you’re introducing here for the first time in this conversation.

So at this point, you’re just using these asks to put antisemitic talking points in my inbox, and I’m tired of it. I’m tired of you trying to manipulate my words into something they’re not. I’m tired of you outright lying about the course of the conversation so far. I’m tired of your entitlement toward my culture. And I’m tired of trying to have a conversation with an antisemite.

Enjoy reading this as an email because I’m about to disappear from your tumblr.

[my-hybrid-moments]

my writing

hey !! i just wanted to clarify on some things just so its clear for anyone reading/requesting anything!!

★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★

- if it's not specified in the request, i will automatically make the reader gender neutral (unless it's smut, but i'll get into that in a second)

- if you don't ask for anything specific and you only mention the character/person you'd like then i will reply asking for more info on what you'd like, but if there is no clarification in 24 hours then i'll figure something out myself and hope for the best

- i might sometimes get caught up in work outside of tumblr, which means my regular times for finishing a piece can vary from anywhere from hours to days at a time - i would appreciate it so much if patience could be given so i'm able to perfect the work as much as possible

- i will write smut however this will unfortunately be afab!reader only and will likely contain she/they pronouns or no pronouns at all as i don't feel like it is my place to be writing specified amab!reader smut since i am not male bodied - i fear that i wouldn't capture what would be needed to make it a good piece and i feel that others would do a much better job

- on that note, i'm happy to write for male readers just not for smut !! anything else i'm happy to make male!reader if specified !!

- literally just request anything in the world you could possibly want and chances are i'll give it a go - if i don't feel comfortable with a request i'll let it be known with a reason

hope this gives a bit more insight to my writing style for anyone wanting to request anything !! <33

[actuallyadhd]

This is the first time I genuinely believe that I have ADHD. Before this I kind of thought I could maybe have it but now I feel pretty sure. Like, I've been reading about it for ages (papers and stuff, not tiktok dw lol) and wayy too many things line up for it to be a coincidence y'know?

The only issue is that I don't really know what to do now. The waiting list for a diagnosis is super long, and I'm not sure if I really need it? I think I'll be fine without meds (does that mean I'm faking?), it's mainly accommodations and stuff I'm worried about. I was just wondering if there was a 'next step' I'm supposed to be taking.

Sent May 15, 2023

There isn't really an official next step. What you do depends on what you need.

Typically, you can't get accommodations without an official diagnosis, but I think there are some things you can do without that. The main problem will be that you wouldn't have any legal means to support your claim if your employer or school decided not to give you the accommodations you request.

You may be able to access an ADHD Coach without a diagnosis, and that can be really useful since their job is to help you develop systems and mechanisms so you can manage your symptoms better. Be careful when selecting a coach, though; it's not a regulated profession, so literally anyone can call themselves a coach. (I could, even, but I don't because I've never done any training specific to life coaching or ADHD coaching.) I would recommend looking for someone who has done training through IACT https://www.iactcenter.com/ because it's specific to ADHD and the person who developed the program really knows her stuff (and has ADHD).

For accommodations, I'd recommend figuring out exactly what you might require, and then thinking about how that could be logically applied without requiring official accommodations.

For example, if you have trouble meeting deadlines, flexibility would be an accommodation. But if you don't qualify for that, what are some things you can do to deal with that? Maybe setting interim deadlines for various steps so that your final step is earlier than the actual deadline could help. Maybe someone who's better at this stuff could remind you of deadlines on a regular basis.

Another example: If you don't always remember things you need to do based on a meeting, you might take notes during the meeting and then send an e-mail to your supervisor afterwards that summarizes your notes and requests clarification, so they can tell you if you missed anything. (Bonus: this can also help with any communication issues that may be happening, because it creates documentation to show that you're doing your best/not actually the one to blame.)

One more: Almost anything can be a fidget toy, so if you need to be able to fidget, do your best to use something that will give you the sensory input you need without bothering other people. Lots of things can do what you need without being disruptive, such as crochet or knitting during meetings or movies. If, on the other hand, you need to be shielded from sensory input, you can ask about using headphones or airpods to listen to music to help you focus in an open office environment, you can keep a cardigan in your desk in case the air conditioning is too strong, etc.

The idea is that you would go to your instructor or manager and say that you've noticed that X and Y is difficult for you, and you were wondering if you could start doing A or B so you can make sure you're doing the best job you can. "I'm having trouble following staff meetings, and I've noticed that if I knit during movies I can focus really well. Would it be a problem for me to bring my knitting to staff meetings?" "I know sometimes I forget what we've agreed on. I just wanted to let you know that I'm going to take notes when we're discussing things, and I wanted to ask if I can send you an e-mail afterwards to check that I didn't miss anything?" "Our office is really busy, and I have trouble focusing on my work when people are talking near my desk. I'd like to listen to music on headphones when I'm trying to focus, especially when I'm on a tight deadline. Would that be okay?"

I hope this is somewhat helpful for you. Followers, do you have any other thoughts on this?

-J

[coffee-in-veins]

Plan accord-- oh stfu, Academic

after i booted DD1 today, i think i started to glimpse what is so wrong for me and why i cannot enjoy myself in DD2. and while i in no way can tailor your way of having fun, i cannot comprehend how someone new to the game, who doesn't have everything unlocked previously, can genuinely enjoy DD2 in the state it is now - even if we forget the sudden absolution of characters from their guilt and dubious past deeds in favour of making them as spit-shiny as they could be, for a moment. i mean DD2 solely as a game - especially a game for someone who started it after this godforsaken Altar of Hope change.

a lot of rambling regarding the games, obviously. i have very strong opinions and i wanna share them

the part which got me thinking was, surprisingly enough, the joy of getting some minor trinket in DD1, i believe it was this little fella:

a Blight Amulet. relatively cheap (only 1500 gold), unassuming trinket, which granted +20% blight skill chance and +20% blight resist at the cost of -20% bleed resist. nothing to write home about, really. but my thoughts were "Oh, how nice! I can use it on my PD, now!". and i was happy i got it. it felt like i progressed. let's pin this as important for a moment and move on to a few clarifications:

first and furthermost - i didn't have a PD that run; it was an expedition into Warrens with Dis, Rey, a flagellant and a vestal. sure anyone could equip it, but none of my characters would benefit from it. objectively, this trinket was useless in that particular run. but now i had it and i felt joy and i felt better equipped for the future planned march to the cove.

why?

because i knew i had it if i needed it.

it was a viable option for later, in case i chose to use it, regardless of its importance now. it didn't matter whether i would sell it or use it as a cornerstone of my future expeditions. the most important thing was that i got it, and if i chose to see it as necessary enough to make room in my bags to bring it back, it would serve me in any way i saw fit: as a usable item, as a pile of emergency cash, or as a bragging right of having every trinket in the game - it didn't matter; i got my reward and i was free to use it in any way that suited my playstyle. it was there and it felt like an achievement; a victory, however small.

that was when the revelation of why i struggle so much to find any joy in DD2 finally hit me: in that game, i never felt like what i acquired, lost or did before, mattered at all.

let me explain.

the thing with the Blight Amulet contrasted nicely with my attempt to find joy in DD2 again on the previous day. on my first Desperate Few talk or after the first battle in the Valley (i don't remember and it doesn't matter), i got this charming thing:

and this looks amazing, right? a great thing to make Dismas into the dps monster he's supposed to be! well, you see, there was a tiny little problem:

it was completely and utterly useless in this run. and since DD2 operates on "each run is its own separate universe", it was useless period.

for those unaware: you choose hero's path before you start the run; and the moment i broke and told myself "well, maybe i will give this path thing a try, maybe it will make things better" i am "rewarded" with a thing that should make me feel good (it's even in the name, an Incredible trinket for crying out loud), but instead i feel like the game is mocking me and spitting in my face. because i would have never, being able to read and relatively sane, given this item to myself on that run, had i the ability to choose like i have in DD1.

it doesn't matter that i got a supposedly strong item at the start of the run. i'm not stronger; and since the run is a universe in itself, i will not be stronger next time for getting it this round; next time when i'll go all melee on Dis, i might never see the whiff of it. it doesn't matter now, so it will not matter at all, period.

it will not be there if i ever needed it.

so let's unpin that previous pin now, shall we?

DD2 presents itself as a management game while not being one, unlike its predecessor

it tries to be such, and presents itself as such with candles, and the Altar of Hope with a similar to DD1 rebuilding of the city, and the constant yelling in your ears about it, but it is not designed as one. unless you consider choosing Heroes' skills management, that is.

"The next Inn is leagues away!" the narrator needles me. "Plan accordingly!"

and i flip the bird to the screen as i gloomily look at the provided assortment of Chalk Dust (removes invisibility), Noisemaker (adds aggro to a hero) and a single sorry Ablative Powder (increases fire resist) with a side serving of Slime Mold (the food you do not want to give to your heroes period) while having to go to the shores where none of those matter at all. what am i supposed to plan, if i have negative options? for a game that constantly pokes you about how you suck at planning and managing your resources and squander your opportunities, it provides aggravatingly little of either. sure there is managing stagecoach inventory, and... managing stagecoach inventory, considering you don't have anything else, and all goes in it.

in DD1 i knew that if my character died from blight, it was on me: i failed to spare coin to buy antivenom from the Caretaker and bring it with me, or threw it away to make room for loot, or grew greedy and hoped they'd survive one tick without using it.

in DD2 when my guys die of blight, i throw my hands up with a yell "What in the everloving fuck was i supposed to do if all healing has round CDs and none of the three shops i visited (including a bloody field hospital) didn't have no antivenom? Conjure it outa thin air?!"

now, this can be refuted by: "oh this is roguelike" or "you're supposed to open antivenom in this barb wire sarded new gatcha minigame called The Working Fields"

well, two things regarding that:

first: i had antivenom unlocked; it didn't mean that the game felt entitled enough to roll it in any store for me (while showering me in burning salves AND failing to offer to go to the burning city simultaneously), and that's my gripe with it; let's expand on this a little bit before poking the "roguelike" aspect, shall we?

i cannot understand who in their right mind came up with "The Working Fields" idea for DD2 and i don't usually wish harm on people, and you might react very negatively to my following statement, but i genuinely wish to smack them over the head with a mobile-shaped club until they become a normal functioning person again since they can't have concussion while not having a brain.

the idea of a player having to roll for the privilege of even having a chance of the item at their disposal is utterly and absolutely abhorrent. you got unlucky and rolled the only fucking healing item in the game which works in all circumstances at your 35th attempt out of the 35 slots in this glorified gamble machine? well sucks to be you! look at this dung beetle, observe how it eats shit and contemplate what you can learn from its example.

yes, i still don't have healing salve or anything better than slime mold food; yes, it aggravates me to no end; imagine playing DD1 where you need to play slot machine to have the privilege of having a non-100% chance to have food offered in store at the start of your expedition; or the game randomly deciding you don't deserve having torches in the store; sounds like a moronic thing, isn't it? well, welcome to the DD2 experience, hope you like losing.

and it's not even a hard fix; just skew the chances of "newb friendly" items higher at the start of this bloody gatcha if you're so dead set on keeping it, before offering something highly specific and ultra-specialized, which is used in precisely 1,5 builds when you have everything else opened to support it. hell, the experience system everyone criticized so heavily was less prone to fuckups than this. and with it, you could clearly see how long you needed to suffer before it became better; even throwing items away boosted your experience - now you cannot sell them and don't get anything for throwing them away. you just get to see what the game tries to sell you as "cool" or "useful" and spitefully yeet it out of the window because you cannot do anything with it.

okay, while i was typing this i came up with another fix that might solve some of this frustration - there's a hoarder at the start of the valley, right? let the player buy back the trinkets they had at the end of the previous run if they wanna; boom, problem solved! you got unlucky and looted this incredible thing for the path you don't use this time? you're now inclined to keep it for as long as possible so you can buy it back at the start of the next run instead of yeeting it out and forgetting it existed; now there's a reason to spare that precious inventory slot for an item which is useless *now* to have a better chance *later*. why can't something like this be implemented? sure, puritans would spit at it - that's what they do after all - but it's not like they have to buy it back; don't want don't take, easy solution - all while those who struggle will have a little more of a wiggling room so they don't feel like they're permanently chewing cacti. i'm not asking for easy difficulty for those who want a challenge, i'm asking to offer options for those who struggle.

because honestly, for now, it feels like DD2 doesn't want to be played by the new people.

now, secondly, regarding the roguelike pin from earlier. i've played some roguelikes before, the most notable was Hades, and i want to show what Hades does well and DD2 handles poorly, in my opinion, and that is the same sin as almost every MMORPG in existence does:

making only endgame matter.

all is locked behind candles: your characters, their trinkets, all trinkets at all, all items (both combat and inn), cosmetics, and worse of all, hero stats. deathblow resist, stun resist, hp, damage, you name it - just push enough candles in the slot, and you can have anything. Dismas you start with and Dismas you could grind into are two very, very different Dismases even if both won't have paths and trinkets. sure you can argue it is similar to hero lvls in DD1, but - no, they're not. you got lvls if heroes survived expeditions; regardless of whether you had money or not to up their gear, they still lvled up and gained stats. you could improve them further to have better chances in the expeditions of the corresponding lvl, but you weren't paying for the lvl up itself with, say, Heirlooms. imagine dishing out busts or coins to lvl up your Dismas from lvl 0 to lvl 1 instead of spending it on the city. suddenly it becomes a lot more wtf, doesn't it?

and this is candle-bound lvl up troublesome, because combined with the lack of drops (oh yes, i forgot to mention - those, TOO, are locked behind candles!), lack of "privilege" to even have a chance to loot items, trinkets and food, it becomes painfully obvious the game wants to pad its time and make you grind. you can't experiment, you're locked out of 95% of the characters, and you WON'T have enough candles to unlock after your first death, or even after your fifths. you can't just go on a short run without healer and burn mobs before they burn you - DD2 won't allow it. at least, i'm yet to see any successful "no healer" run in it, while even i, being the unbearable ruminator who overprepares for any expedition, ran plenty of no heal expeditions in DD1 and those were mad fun.

DD2 dangles a carrot of "oohhh imagine how good it will feel to use it???" in front of you, and you go and farm the same first location over and over again for your 14 bloody candles, because attempting to finish cultists after second location each time ended up in a 32-37 round battle for me, and with all honesty fuck that shit, those are hours of my nervous system breaking apart that i'm not going to get back.

if we circle back to Hades for a moment, sure it has some grind too: the mirror, the prophesies, the unlockable weapons. but you not having bow unlocked doesn't mean you cannot make a full run with another weapon; and you don't have to lvl up your Mirror of the Night to have a chance of Daedalus hammer or Charon's well even be considered as a thing which can spawn. and for the love of everything that's holy, you don't need 100+ runs to open all the weapons' upgrades; and even if you do, if you suck immensely and cannot get any titan's blood needed by killing bosses, you can grind your way up and buy it from Infernal Brocker. i know because i've done it as a self-imposed challenge.

you can argue "but it's the same as farming candles in DD2" - no, it's not; in Hades, you had different currencies and spent it on different things; secondary ones accumulated by just playing the game. you could ignore some and concentrate on others; you could get enough to have a power boost by just playing. in DD2, regardless of whether i want my heroes suck less, have options in combat or make my vagon look better, i need the same thing. and, well, good luck getting more than 13 candles for the first region before you unlocked (with candles!) their spawn on the map at all, when your heroes want to do some obscure shit like killing a boss (haha gl with that!) or using an item you don't have yet opened from the gatcha and in-game don't know it even exists (how the hell did that pass QA?).

in DD1 the expeditions were the gameplay; you could not poke into the Darkest and enjoy the game as it was, and not bother at all - and the game didn't punish you for this anyhow, unless you opted into a special mode with limited time. harder things in expeditions were layered on top of existing ones, instead of being locked away from you with demand to come back after you paid for the privilege of trying to have fun. in DD2, if we continue the analogy, only Darkest is "the real game" and all before that is a meaningless grind you're supposed to do "to start having fun".

and frankly... if this is what my options are, i'd rather spend my limited free time on a game which offers me all it has on the second week, instead of promising that "it gets good after [insert whatever amount you think is appropriate] hours". i have enough grinding in my life as it is. i don't want a second job in those precious moments i'm supposed to have my fun - that is, if the game decides i deserve it and allows me to have a chance of rolling an item i need.

if you find DD2 grinding and gatcha mechanics fun... first of all, i am envious of your ability to have fun in this. and secondly... please tell me how. i genuinely fail to understand that.

[phatcatphergus]

when talking about wording, for the love of god remember that the same way you give some liniency to tubbo for his dislexya, fred's admin is NOT a native english speaker, and has even mentioned before that for a while they struggled with wilbur and phil's accent specifically

but for some reason you are all expecting them to be able to convey emotions or full thoughts fluently without anything that could be missread and that's wild.

there's a LOT of talks about this entire situation by tubbo watchers that are leaning to be borderline xenophobia and honestly, it's just killing my entire vibe of being anywhere close tubbo's lore or anything that might make my non-native english speaking ass have to interact with tubblings

I have mentioned many times that the language barrier plays a large part in the initial miscommunication. I don't fault anyone for the miscommunication, that is completely separate from how the fandom has treated Tubbo because of a mutual miscommunication.

I also previously stated that tone was important when reading the letter and TTS wouldn't have helped. My main issue with the admin is that the admin handled the situation in an unprofessional manner. I don't think that talking about it on stream (a stream of someone who isn't involved in the lore) and assuming that Tubbo was done instead of reaching out directly was the best option. Especially if the admin had mentioned they found Tubbo hard to understand in the past and needed clarification. I spoke about it previously, but there were a few times either of them could have reached out and the admin specifically could have reached out when Tubbo was asking about furthering his lore.

I am not someone who is blaming the admin for a language barrier. I am not saying that the admin is completely at fault for the miscommunication. I am not saying that the admin was intentionally misleading Tubbo. What I am saying, is that the aftermath wasn't handled in a professional manner. There are a few reasons for the aftermath being so bad and people not wanting to acknowledge the admin had an equal part in the miscommunication was part of it. People don't like to say if the admins have fault even, if it's shared.

I understand why you would be angry, believe me. But don't accuse me of blaming one person for the initial miscommunication when I have said multiple times that I don't.

[hermetiqa]

Hello! First of all thank you so much for performing the readings for me🤍 Here’s my feedback for the readings!

1- the person that it wronged me was someone from my teenage years. You got it right! Also they never apologised to me because they think they did nothing wrong to me.. even if they suddenly apologised to me which is so unlikely since I cut off contacts with them, it is too late and also not needed.

“They might have manipulated you in some way, something that's related to your emotions and maybe even something you're passionate about” yess that’s so accurate! They manipulated me emotionally and gaslighted me to do things that I must do, but actually I am free to do whatever I want, but they couldn’t accept that I didn’t have the same vision as them.

Also it is so accurate that when I have the closure I am more vocal about my boundaries! It is something that I worked out for a while. I found stability in myself and I am very patient with myself, since nobody had that patience with me then I got it from myself.

“Just because you said it doesn't mean that it was real” I like this part so much because they were projecting their life experiences to me and instead of acknowledging that my life and theirs are just different they keep pushing their ideas to me. I hated it so much.

For clarification, this person is not my ex or something, just an official stranger that I would usually talk with. We weren’t even friends so they feel entitled of having a saying over me made me so mad and frustrated.

The last part of this reading does resonate so much because I will welcome only the people that respect me and love me for who I am. I refuse to let random people in my life from now and on.

Also it is something that I am currently manifesting.

I am sure that I almost got closure and will never see my past ever again. That person taught me how I will never let anyone tell me what I can or cannot do because they wanted their version of me that is not me.

2- this confirmed what I knew! And you are absolutely correct that at that time I indeed was hopeful and curious of their answer. This is the same person that I was mentioning previously.

From their personality I was sure to receive insults from them because I was an ungrateful bitch or something but at the end of the day I am glad I never received their answer.

“You need to learn to heal without receiving anything. You shouldn't ask them for "closure" that you deserve because if they really wanted to give you this, you should've had it by now.” I actually I didn’t have any high hopes to receive anything for every connection that I ended. So this part didn’t really resonate with me. For “closure that I deserve” I mean let my past self rest for good. I was tormenting myself because of past experiences, that’s what I meant. I am sorry that I didn’t clarify that.

“I can also see here that if you received a response to your letter, there's a tendency that you won't be able to walk away from the connection.” This is true. If at that time I received their insults then I would be so mad that I would have a hard time to process everything.

“You might wait for them (again) and be patient with them. This person already betrayed you.” I am not waiting for them, heck no lol. But this person did betray my trust. I have zero patience for them and if I have them in front of me I would slap their face for manipulating a fucking teenage me and be the worst guide ever.

“This person has strong masculine energy here and you might've felt safe around them and emotionally connected at some point, but your connection was draining, whether you noticed it or not and whether you admit it or not.” They are a man yes! I did feel safe to tell some of my personal issue because I was looking up to him as a guide and teacher and not someone that would manipulate me because I was disagreeing with his points😃

I don’t remember if I put that much effort in that connection but it did drain my energies the last years that I was talking with him. It seems that I trusted the wrong person from the very beginning but whatever lol.

“Your spirit guide prevented you from receiving an answer to your letter because you've already went through a lot in this connection and you're better off without them.” Yes that’s accurate! That was what I am being told and actually what happened behind my back. I guess I am blessed for not receiving their letter.

These two readings resonated with me 80%! If you practice more I am sure that you will be a very scarily accurate reader! You most of the time did guess right! Your intuition is very good!!

Thank you for your energies and did overall enjoyed my readings🤍

Hello! Thank you so much for the feedback. I'm so sorry to hear that not everything resonated with you, I was trying out a different way of doing the readings when I did the free mini readings. But still, I'm glad you enjoyed your readings! Again, thank you for the feedback. You're such a sweetheart and I appreciate your feedback. It's so detailed!! I wish you well <3

[mhateesyoux]

Y’all i wanted to make another post on episode 6 cause after rewatching that heartbreaking sandray scene over and over again I noticed something that is super important for their dynamic. HEADS UP THIS IS POST IS ABOUT SANDRAY ONLY

okay so let’s dive in:

We know that the fight was the cause of Ray being disgusted over the recording and finding out that Top is in fact playing/ or was playing with Mew. Add a little alcohol & drugs to that mix and you get the mess that was Ray’s exposing. So let’s also remember that the pool scene had Ray sort of happy because he thought sand was finally going to want to address their situationship hence him asking, “you only called me out to play pool?” Which led to sand saying, “no, I want to talk about Mew.” Followed by a very taken back reaction from Ray. He then asks, “are you not okay that i like him” which leads me to think that maybe Ray is thinking, I hope me liking me best friend won’t ruin a friendship or potential future relationship with the guy I’m slowly falling for. Sand in this whole interaction is being very badly dismissive of his obvious feelings for Ray. I think at this point, Ray knows Sand likes him. And Ray possibly does too, maybe not as much as Sand but he definitely feels some type of way towards him.

Anyway, we know where that scene leads. Back to the argument. The painful argument which is breaking all our hearts. I’m leaving this:

because it is very important. In the midst of all the chaos created by hurt, which may i add; i don’t think it was just his feelings for Mew and the anger he felt about knowing the situation on Top & Boston but the constant teasing by his so called friends of him not having a lover or anyone by his side compared to them. All that bottled up and he finally exploded. I saw on many posts on here how his friends literally let him leave while intoxicated which i agree & in my opinion is very insensitive. Of course, Sand goes after him.

Getting to the point of the picture above. Look at his face. Literally translates to: “are you fucking kidding me? After all that? Yea bullshit.” Not only does he not believe Sand in the moment but he looks so sad. At this point this is a confession from Sand. But Ray doesn’t believe it. He says “why are you butting into my business?” Followed by:

So… “what are we?” He wants clarification, he wants to hear Sand say it: i like you.

Sand again, doesn’t stick to his heart or feelings. He dismissed it yet again by saying, “we’re nothing” as you saw above in the clip. Ray is frustrated at this point. Maybe not the perfect time or moment for a confession but I feel that’s what he wanted, needed in that moment. After hearing Sand say, “we’re nothing” “risk your own life but not others” he’s done. His reaction: heartbroken. Yet again, no one gives a damn about him. That’s all that he’s thinking right now. Despite Sand’s clear & obvious actions he doesn’t believe Sand feels any different towards him like everyone else. This pain all leads to him treating sand like a literal whore, trash. He’s nothing to him cause that’s all he’s ever been from the start (in his mind) I sensed a little regret when he tossed Sand to the floor but let’s not forget he’s hurting over many things: the situation with Mew, his friends, Sand, and most importantly himself.

Next episode we might get an insight on to who Ray really is, hopefully. I’m nervous, excited, scared, anxious to see what’s in store for this couple. I hope they’re able to communicate better & really start confessing if they feel something for each other, which they obviously do.

Let me know your add ons/ thoughts!

[tadpolesonalgae]

i've seen a lot of people saying they'd want cbmthy reader to end up in spring but i don't see it. reader only seems to have a bad relationship with az (and even that is not a harmful relationship per se, as much of an asshole as he's being i think he would protect her like he protects the rest of the ic and the night court) so going to spring makes no sense since 1. tamlin hurt her sister and 2. said sister damn near destroyed his court (actually kind of hate that she did that that way too but) and reader ending up there but still being on good terms with the night court just doesn't really make sense to me. also tamlin acts like a republican, he gave me the ick beyond repair, i know some people want a redemption (and i accept that) but id rather not have to read about him.

my personal feelings aside i think if reader really doesn't end up with azriel (which i think wouldn't make sense because then all the hurt would be for nothing) the best bets for her to move would be autumn with eris but only if eris is already high lord because subjecting her to beron would suck, the day court since helion is the closest to the night court and they trust him also she would love the libraries or she could replace lucien with vassa and jurian (or join him if he doesnt end up with elain or in the day court), the winter court maybe but only for the fact that it's tje other court that seems closer to the night court mostly because of vivianne. or my favorite which is just staying home lol her family is in the night court so even if her and az dont end up together she deserves to be able to stay there with her family as much as him. azriel loved mor for 500 years and knew she didnt love him back but they both still managed to act civil and be friends. even if az hurt reader more i hope it wouldn't be to the point of them not being able to be civil so they could just stay, and they live forever so she'd get over her feelings eventually and find someone new. moving a character away when something bad or a breakup happen is something i always disliked so maybe that's why im giving it so much thought but it really always feels off because what do u mean you can't both keep your family/friends? if nothing truly bad happens why does one character always have to leave? idk

before i finish i just wanna say im not trying to be mean or speak over anyone that has said they'd like her to be in spring. i just wanted to add my opinion but i know over writing like this we cant really convey much emotion so i dont want to sound mean or anything

First of all, I didn’t think you were being mean at all, but thank you for adding that clarification anyway :)

Secondly, to be fair, for me it’s not so much as where she goes rather that she simply needs some time elsewhere. Nothing permanent, but a shift in scene because she’s caught in stale waters and if nothing changes she won’t ever learn to step forward and progress. Also, while the idea of her going to the Spring Court is—I think—very fun, and would be like throwing a spanner in the works, I feel there are only really two places she could go that would make sense to the story, and neither of those are the Spring Court (as interesting as it could be)

Also, I am fully down for a Tam redemption arc 😭🤌

I don’t want to say who she’ll end up with because I think part of the fun is contained within not knowing? She might get with Bas for a bit but then move to the Autumn Court, might become happy by herself and content on her own, might get with Az only for a mating bond to pop up between her and Eris. Who knows? 👀

(I enjoy messing with you)

It might be fun for her and Helion to get in touch, even if it’s just her requesting a scroll or book from one of his libraries, but no promises about that 😭

And thank you for sending this in, it really helps guide me with future parts—helping me know what to emphasise or what I should try to expand upon if it’s been skated over in a previous chapter :) 🧡💛

[starsmuserainbow]

Sorry for going so very, very much off-anyrealtopic here. This is not IC, not about anyone here but myself, I just need to get something off my chest about, well, in a way personal stuff but also, societies or idk what exactly, and this is my place to get stuff out.

Idk what I should tag this as, so consider this the only "warning" I can give. Simple said, it's probably better if you don't click the readmore. I probably won't feel comfortable having shared all this by tomorrow or at least next week or something, anyway.

Why. Why why why do things always have to be about money? Always, everything.

I never mention this on here really, and I don't wanna go into details here either, but basically, I don't have my own income and live through support from my family. Not that my family is rich, very much the opposite, it's basically that everyone gives up some things just for me so that I can live like this. Which, I do feel horrible for, but I also do not want to give up the "state of life" I'm in/having currently. Don't ask me to explain (if you do ask, I might try to explain my thoughts a little, but I don't really wanna make this too prominent a topic on my blog because in the end that's not what anyone is here for), judge me if you must, but I just felt the need to add this for clarification or something. Idk. I wish I could properly talk about this to anyone but if I myself feel horrible about it - not sure if by my own conscience or what, or more because of knowing and having heard often enough what other people think of this type of living - and I know what the "common sense" about these things is, how am I supposed to even consider properly talking about this to anyone.

Why is it so difficult for states or whatever to just make it so everyone, absolutely everyone, gets just enough money to come by? For all these important things like food, healthcare and, idk, power and warmth or something, and like, just the bare minimum. Without any need for anyone to "do" something for it alike applying for jobs or doing side jobs or whatever. Just a general funding to keep people alive and okay. Like, if it's just for really the bare minimum with very little leeway for anything out of the ordinary (maybe if you save up for a while you can afford some new machine or device or whatever, the likes, but basically it takes a while to save anything much), I'm sure not many people would be happy or satisfied with it, and outside of that I think that most people actually want to and "have to" work out of what they themselves feel the need/urge to do "with their lives" or something anyway, so "everyone would do it then" is not an explanation. And like, those like me, that just want to live and experience some (small) things here and there that I can save up for if I do so really carefully, could live in peace with that and without having to be forced into things and suffering through like idk shtty work or not being able to pay for whatever necessary stuff, or something.

I just, I just. I just want to live in peace, be able to eat and survive and play some games and/or do my writing and iconing and watch shows or whatever. I don't need travels or big events or anything like that, I just want to live my life on my own - well, with my family, but, yknowwhatImean. I don't want much. I don't need much. I know I'm not social. I never was. I always was a loner, I never liked being among people (except for family, which is different). I have no (RL-)friends. I like my online-"friends" or contacts, I don't need more or anything else.

I wish there'd be an easy way to have like a little bit of (passive?) income through whatever online or the likes way so I could live this life I want, without having to live off of others. If it would be possible, I'd rather live "off the state" than off my family, but it's not as simple as it might sound.

If anyone actually reads this, I'm already expecting to get/hear, idk, insults or mean comments or something about being lazy and whatever, or who knows if I get especially unlucky many of you will decide that they don't want a person like this on their following/mutual-list and I end up having like no mutuals anymore by tomorrow or whatever, but, something brought all this back up inside of me today and I just have to scream it into the void somewhere.

[cakesexuality]

Yet another health update

My anorexia seems to be dormant again now, so my GP has given the okay for me to try out Latuda

My GP's not comfortable with anything other than giving repeats for prescriptions other people have written, so my options are staying on Seroquel, changing to Latuda, or going unmedicated

I'm having to put my Wellbutrin on hold for a while bc I can't take it without an antipsychotic, so I've been feeling tired from not taking it as much, but cutting back on Seroquel now is giving me some energy back

We've been trying to get me a new psychiatrist, but 4 different hospitals so far have all said no 🙃 so CMHA is gonna see what strings they can pull for me to get a consult for recommendations which might make my GP feel easier about giving me psych meds

My gynecologist has a new receptionist, so now there's 2 of them, and I like the new one better than the old one, who ignored most of my calls when I tried to call 24 times in 1 month while I was in a lot of pain and distress

The new receptionist had called me to make an appointment for the end of August to have a surgical consult and I mentioned to her that I'm changing my psych meds, so I wanted to just say ahead of time that even though I might have trouble communicating when it comes time to sign my consent forms, I've been wanting this surgery for months already, in case anyone has any doubts about my ability to consent when I'm doing my consult

(Not that I think my gynecologist would do anything with the intention of being an asshole, but in case she wanted to delay anything out of an abundance of caution)

That receptionist then called me a few days later to say she found out I can have my consult at the same time as my July injection, and she asked for clarification about what I said about my psych meds, and she and I decided that I can keep my August appointment and do my consult in July or in August, depending on how able I feel to fill out those papers when I go for my injection next week

(I like this new receptionist, she was really nice about the whole thing with my antipsychotics)

I think I'm gonna ask the gynecologist if I can try being without Lupron for a lil while after surgery?? Bc I don't like how it's altered my body shape or my facial/body hair, but maybe I just need to stick with the Estrace and Jencycla for a bit longer... I have my kit for this time around and it's another 3-month injection, so it won't be for a while that it would even be possible for me to be without any gynecological medications

[bravewolfvesperia]

Dear Yuri,

I do genuinely hope that this letter finds you well. I wanted to, first off, apologize for not being able to visit the Lower Quarter as frequently as usual this month. Things have been hectic as of late and it’s left me with little, if any, free time to spare. The few times I have stopped by, you were always away either running an errand for Hanks or probably out harassing those two men from Captain Schwann’s brigade. By the way, the next time we see each other, I would like to have a word with you regarding this new habit of yours. But that’s a topic for another time. I’m writing to you for an entirely different reason today. 

The last time I stopped by the Lower Quarter, it was mostly just to check in on everyone, including you. Especially you. You’ve been on my mind consistently, especially as of late, and I thought it was simply because I was worrying about you. Which I am, please don’t assume I’m not. I want you to be able to smile and not feel as if you have to be stuck in the Lower Quarter your whole life. You deserve to be happy, Yuri.

I’m once again rambling. Worrying over you still isn’t the main reason why I’m writing this letter. Though I suppose it could be argued that it’s related. You see, while I was visiting the Lower Quarter recently, Sylvia pulled me to the side and … scolded me, I suppose. For a few reasons, actually. I don’t think she’s actually gotten onto me like that since we were younger. Regardless she had started rambling on about how I needed to be more honest with you and with myself. That I should stop making excuses about why I’m visiting the Lower Quarter and that when I did visit, I needed to be honest about who I wanted to see the most. 

I must admit, I’m not entirely sure what she means when she says “Making excuses to visit the Lower Quarter”. Because I am genuinely visiting to check on everyone. But at the same time… I think I understand where she is coming from. I do visit the Lower Quarter because I care for everyone there. I’ll love everyone within the Lower Quarter until the day I die. But there is one person in particular who I find myself more excited than ever to see when I do visit. 

I haven’t gotten to see him lately and I suppose the disappointment on my face may have given me away. So… Silvia made a suggestion. She suggested that I be honest with myself and if I can’t see the one I want to see the most, then perhaps I should write him a letter expressing my desire to see him along with how I truly feel. I didn’t have to ask for clarification for what she was referring to on that last part. 

And so… Here’s the truth, as plain and simple as I can get. 

I love you, Yuri, and I want to see you. I’ve loved you for many years now, even during our hardest moments together and I want to see you more than anything. I know this may seem like it’s coming out of nowhere but you have invaded my thoughts every single day since we were little. It seems like I can’t even have a normal conversation anymore without bringing you up in some form or fashion. I can’t speak with anyone without seeing your face flash through my mind. I think about you so much, sometimes, that it hurts when I can’t see you. 

I know that this might seem sudden but I have given this a lot of thought. It’s not an impulsive decision or anything like that. I love you. I truly do. I would say it a hundred times if you needed me to. You are my everything. 

When you receive this letter, please take your time and give my words some thought. You’ll have plenty of time, since I’ll be going on a pilgrimage soon and will be away from Zaphias for an extended amount of time. Hopefully, it will be enough time for you to consider my feelings and to think through yours. 

I pray that you feel the same for me as I do you but I also hope that if you come to the conclusion that you do not feel the same, that you won’t let it come between us. At the end of the day, you are my most precious friend, Yuri. Your friendship is more important to me than anything else and I don’t want to lose that if you decide that you don’t see me as someone you would want by your side in a romantic sense.

I apologize for dropping this on you and then immediately having to leave the city for a bit. I'm afraid this was probably the only way I would have the courage to tell you. 

I look forward to hopefully seeing you again when I return. (And if you need someone to blame for this, I'm sure Sylvia will be glad to hear any complaints. Maybe she’ll go easier on you than she did me.) 

Sincerely, Flynn

---

…Flynn stared down at the envelope in his hand with dread and unease. He was silent as he listened to the clock in the room tick as the time slowly passed by, edging closer and closer to the appointed hour. To the hour where he and his squad headed out on this pilgrimage. To the hour where he would be away from the capital for weeks, maybe even a month and a half. Maybe longer, depending on what needed to be done. 

Down to the hour where he had planned to stop by Yuri’s inn room in the Lower Quarter and deliver the letter before he left. At least, that was his plan. If Yuri were there, he had planned to hand him the letter personally but request that he don’t read it until that afternoon. If Yuri wasn’t there, he would simply leave the letter on his table for him to see when he returned. Regardless, his plan was to deliver the letter today.

At least… that was the plan. But the longer that Flynn stared at the letter, the more he went over its contents in his head. And the more unhappy he was with the final result. What would happen if he truly gave this letter to Yuri? Would he be happy? Disgusted? They hadn’t been on the best terms lately… Would Yuri laugh at him for this? Make fun of him for feeling this way? 

Should he have worded it differently? Would leaving right after delivering the letter hurt Yuri? Flynn tried to put himself in Yuri’s shoes but… it was difficult to tell with Yuri sometimes. As well as Flynn could read Yuri, he was also just as shrouded in mystery at times when it came to his feelings, especially intimate ones such as this. 

Was this all just a waste of time…? Was Flynn just kidding himself? 

The fog of doubt began to cloud Flynn’s judgment and suddenly, he felt sick looking at this letter. No, no, this wasn’t right. He couldn’t give this to Yuri. Not like this. Not right before he left. He needed to reword some things, cut out some of the things he wrote, truly try and convey his feelings from his head onto paper. And… he simply just did not have the time to do that right now. 

His shoulders slumped as he quietly moved over to his closet and pulled it open. Yuri had been to his room multiple times and sometimes even snuck into his room when Flynn was away in order to deliver stuff from the Lower Quarter for him so leaving the letter out where anyone could read it was dangerous. So for now, he tucked it gently into his closet for when he returned. 

And maybe, just maybe, when he came home, he could try and figure out a better way of telling Yuri just how much the man meant to him.

((Hi have a secret love letter for yuri to find at the beginning of the game teeheehee))

@mistralxsoul

Yuri had simply been checking for first aid supplies Flynn might have spare, hoping to grab some now and pay him back later if need be. After dealing with that weirdo assassin, it felt safest to bring more medical supplies along, and he knew he couldn't afford what he needed if guys like that were gonna pop up every so often. While he was positive Estellise could afford whatever they needed given her status, she was in a hurry to get out of the castle. That meant she wasn't going to want to stop at a store to stock up before they got out of the city. Since she was headed for Flynn anyway, it meant they could work out replacing any supplies they borrowed once she found him.

But as Yuri was checking around for what Flynn might have on hand, a paper slipped from the closet and onto the floor. Normally he would have simply picked it up and put it away, but as he leaned down to pick it up, he noticed... his name on it. Though he didn't mean to, he'd started scanning it, only to blank out at the words on the page and decide he should just start from the beginning. When he heard Estellise calling his name from behind him, asking him what was wrong as he'd stopped searching, he could only give a quick "uh, yeah, sorry, hang on a minute...". She was in a hurry and she might get aggravated, but Yuri couldn't stop himself from checking the paper that had his name on it.

Some of the words at the beginning were familiar. Things he didn't understand why Flynn would spend the time writing and not just telling Yuri. As the letter progressed, Yuri was starting to get confused. It wasn't like it was a bad thing if he admitted to Yuri that he wanted to see him and check on him. Why did the innkeeper want to talk to him about that?

But those pieces were coming together just from the "him" Flynn was mentioning. Fact was, Yuri would know if Flynn was, he didn't know, seeing someone? If Flynn had met someone and was excited to see them again? Not that Yuri was comfortable with that thought at all. The very idea of it turned his stomach into an awful feeling knot, and Flynn hadn't even said a thing about that in this letter. But again, either way... if there was someone, it wasn't like Yuri wouldn't have found out somehow. They told each other everything.

That feeling didn't last long though. For a moment, his breath had halted when he saw the right words. They were so certain that they were there more than once. At the same time, they were... familiar. Familiar because Yuri had them too. Yuri had also been that way since they were kids.

When Flynn can't see him... That was often now, wasn't it? They had gone from being together all the time to not very often. They could have stayed together in the knights. Maybe Yuri was the one who had been impulsive. Had left after one good man died. Didn't wait longer to help Flynn fix things from the inside. Should he have have... stayed?

And the words appeared again. They were serious. It reminded him of the journal Flynn used to write as a knight. How often Yuri's name came up in it. Here, it was similar, but it was either his name or the word "love" instead.

Since Flynn had already left on that pilgrimage, he did indeed have plenty of time to think this over. As much as the castle noble who had asked for his help wanted to get to him quickly, they couldn't guarantee there wouldn't be unwanted stops. Not only that, but they had to stop and rest along the way, on top of having a stop before Halure.

Still, Flynn said he would otherwise be away for a long time, which corroborated the noble woman's claim. If not for this girl asking for Yuri's help to get out of here, when would be the next time he'd even see Flynn? Yuri hadn't even been told he would be leaving. Nobody had, evidently. Surely Flynn of all people had a reason that absolutely nobody in the Lower Quarter knew he was leaving, and for such a long time... If Flynn had been for whatever reason upset at Yuri's behavior, he would have no doubt normally at least told Hanks he'd be gone for a while. If this was just a simple pilgrimage, why hadn't he just... said so?

As far as Yuri's own feelings though, he didn't... have to think through them. He already knew them. He just... didn't know what to do with them. Things were fine between them, generally. For the most part, things were the same as always, aside from Yuri getting into trouble the way he had been. That was... complicated, but... otherwise, he and Flynn had recovered at least a good bit from their days as knights. Yuri was content with the way things were, wasn't he?

...Wasn't he?

Is that Flynn meant? By thinking through his feelings? It wasn't untrue that Yuri was happy with things the way they were. He didn't think that he and Flynn would behave much differently if they... both confessed. Maybe that was why Yuri had never taken that step. Maybe he was scared. Maybe he didn't know what to expect. He couldn't pinpoint a single solid reason. He had just opted to be happy with the way things were, because Flynn would always be in his life.

Or... was he taking that for granted? Flynn was a lieutenant now. The higher into the ranks he got, the more dangerous his jobs would be. The more possible it was that... he could... die out there. Even if Yuri was okay with things being the way they were now, would he still feel that way if he'd never told Flynn the depth of his real feelings? All of these feelings were real, but they weren't... everything. He was happy with the way things were, but that didn't mean he didn't want... more than that.

Romantic...

What a weird word, and yet... it made sense. It made sense why Yuri, as a teen, had been so attracted to him and wanted to do things that weren't just friendly. Why those intrusive thoughts would pop up and distract him. Even now, it wasn't like he could ever see himself doing "couple" things with anyone else. He couldn't even fathom someone else knowing "everything" there was to know about him. Couldn't fathom telling anyone else all his deepest feelings.

Until now he hadn't noticed the way his heart felt like it had sneaked right up into his throat. How he could feel every singular beat. He was sure Estellise had said something to him by now that he'd completely blocked out on accident.

Right. They were supposed to be leaving. Yuri placed the letter back into the closet around where he'd seen it fall earlier before, quickly scanning the closet again for what he'd came here for. Distractedly, he'd managed to find some safely stored gels and took a few of each from the stash. Probably an emergency or "can't get to a store right now" supply. He would replace it later. If he didn't remember to tell Flynn he'd taken some, eventually Flynn would notice some were missing when he was back in his room again.

For now he closed the closet doors and tried to ignore the feeling of his hammering heart.

---

And there was Flynn. Had just helped him ward off some of those red eyes nuts, then shouted his disappointment in Yuri. Of course Yuri was going to hide his problems behind pretending he was pleased with the bounty on his head. But as Flynn kept going, Yuri found himself ignoring the blond's words and thinking more to that damn letter. How it had distracted him all the way here.

His feelings... He already knew Flynn's, even if it was on accident. Even if Flynn couldn't stop yapping about the bounty on his head, he... loved him. That wouldn't get between that love? But with his nagging, someone was bound to hear him sooner than later. Yuri huffed between both the one-sided bickering and how rushed he felt, but he had to do this now, right? If he waited... it just meant the longer they kept on with him knowing what he knew and not saying anything. That... wasn't fair to Flynn.

So he sighed at the spilling of words from Flynn and pulled him closer by the shoulder, pressing their lips together and trying to push aside the nervousness. At least it got Flynn to stop yammering on about that whole business. He could explain that later. Yuri would have lingered longer if it wasn't for the fact that anyone could show up at any time now.

When he pulled away, he managed a small smile, even as he hoped desperately that Flynn's feelings hadn't changed because of this. If they... If they had... they'd be better once this was all explained, right? Because recently, Yuri had done nothing different as far as the smalltime crimes, and... the rest was made up by... whoever wanted him caught. At the very least he'd been able to respond to Flynn's letter though. The "catch up with me" one too, in fact.

"I read your letter, asshole. More specifically, I found it on accident, but... yeah. I thought about it. About my feelings. So... when you get a chance... and when this mess is all cleared up... we can talk about it. Because... I... love you too. And no, I'm not saying this to distract you. I just don't wanna lose the chance and have to keep it in while I know about your feelings. To... go on who knows how long with you not knowing I know. That wouldn't be fair to you, especially since I know I wasn't supposed to see it, at least not yet, so... I'd rather you know now. We can talk about everything else first if you need to, just... I didn't wanna wait because of all that. I wanted to make sure you knew."