#if anyone knows more about this topic and there’s anything here i've gotten wrong please let me know

[lostyesterday]

Granted Star Trek canon sort of did this first so it’s unfair to entirely blame the fandom for it, but I really wish people in the fandom would stop equating eugenics and genetic engineering. This is something I’ve seen in a fairly large number of posts here recently, particularly in relation to DS9 and SNW. I am far from being an expert on this subject, but I do know that eugenics is a specific real-world ideology with a specific historical context, founded in racism, ableism, and colonialism. Regardless of your opinion on genetically engineering humans, eugenics and genetic engineering are not synonymous terms. In the actual history of the real world, eugenics has never been enacted through genetic engineering because genetic engineering of humans has not been done yet (at least not successfully to any extent similar to what is depicted in Star Trek and other science fiction). Eugenics has involved forced sterilization. It has involved straight up murder. But it has never to my knowledge involved genetic engineering.

If/when genetic engineering of humans is successfully developed, could it be used to further the goals of eugenicists? Of course it could, and that’s what Star Trek describes as happening prior to the “eugenics wars”. I don’t necessarily take issue with science fiction depicting a future where eugenicists use genetic engineering to further their goals. What I do take issue with is the assumption that all genetic engineering of humans is inherently equivalent to eugenics. Again, even if you believe that genetic engineering of humans is morally wrong under all circumstances, that does not mean that it is inherently eugenics. Two things can both be bad without being equivalent to each other. Eugenics is a specific ideology – it does not encompass all of the possible reasons that anyone might genetically engineer a human.

Why does this matter? Well, diluting the meaning of the term “eugenics” could have negative consequences. If we adopt a vague definition of eugenics as meaning anything related to genetics that we don’t like, we risk missing or misidentifying actual eugenicist rhetoric when it isn’t openly advocating for something like genetic engineering (and the majority of eugenicist rhetoric I have seen is not advocating for genetic engineering). Also, if we equate eugenics with genetic engineering, we would be functionally closing the door on all debate about whether genetic engineering of humans is ever acceptable. We would basically be saying: eugenics is inherently a terrible ideology (correct), and genetic engineering of humans is always eugenics (incorrect), therefore genetic engineering of humans is inherently terrible. This is not a good argument. I personally don’t know what I think about the inherent morality of genetically engineering humans, but I don’t think that using terms like eugenics to describe it regardless of the underlying ideology or situation is helpful.

There’s a potentially interesting conversation to be had about how this treatment of eugenics and genetic engineering as synonymous has happened not just in the Star Trek fandom, but also within the Star Trek universe itself. The Federation bans genetic engineering supposedly because of the harms of eugenics as an ideology. The Federation therefore sees genetic engineering as equivalent to eugenics. This causes people who were genetically engineered against their will such as Julian Bashir to face a lifetime of secrecy and fear of the government, despite the fact that they are not eugenicists at all, and are, if anything, victims of it.

There are many other possible interesting discussions about the depictions of eugenics and genetic engineering in Star Trek canon. For example, by depicting eugenicists as having successfully created “superior” superhumans, is Star Trek in some ways supporting eugenics as an ideology? What are the potential complications of Star Trek discussing eugenics without exploring or even mentioning its fundamentally racist and ableist foundations? What does it mean for the Federation to treat people who were genetically engineered against their will and people who voluntarily chose to genetically engineer themselves the same way? How are questions of bodily autonomy relevant to these discussions? What does it mean for some Star Trek episodes such as SNW Ad Astra Per Aspera to depict genetically engineered people as marginalized groups within the Federation? But having any of these conversations would, in my opinion, remain impossible as long as we treat genetic engineering and eugenics as inherently synonymous.

[max1461]

Here's my other problem with tumblr discourse: even when I make the context/intended interpretation of a post really explicit, people ignore this context and respond to it in like... for lack of a more charitable term, a discoursebrained way.

So a while ago I made a post about some ethical intuition I had, and at the top I put a huge disclaimer which said something to the effect of "this is just an expression of my feelings, it's not meant to be a philosophically airtight position, please don't take it as such", followed by a readmore and then the actual post. Why did I do that? Because I figured that if I didn't, people would nitpick it in various technical ways that missed the basic point. Lo and behold several people still did that, and when I replied basically restating the disclaimer, one of them said "oh I didn't even see that. Well I think if you post a half-baked thought online I retain the right to nitpick it".

I guess that's true. My blog is public. But the point is that I want to use my blog for certain things and not others, right, that's what I'm attempting to do. And people seem actively resistant to my attempts to guide the discussion on my blog in certain directions, which makes blogging less enjoyable. Of course some people will always do that, that fact doesn't bother me, but it feels like the irrelevant/point-missing discourse so often overshadows the meaningful discourse that I start to feel less of a desire to put in the effort.

Like, the point of issuing that disclaimer was to say, as explicitly as I could manage, "I am trying to have a discussion about feelings and intuitions here, I am aware there might be ways these intuitions are not fully consistent, but that is not the discussion I'm trying to have". But even so explicit an attempt to specify a conversation topic does not work; the discourse machine demands a certain kind of engagement and that is the engagement every post will get no matter what.

I don't want to put the person who missed my disclaimer on blast: it's honestly an error that anyone could make and on its own it's no big deal. If said person is reading this: you didn't do anything wrong and I am not mad at you, to be 100% clear.

It's not a one-off mistake that bothers me, it's the fact that this is how discussions on here so often go that putting in the effort to discuss things productively often feels wasted.

Another example of this that... if you go through my #society tag, you will see a lot of uncertainly in my phrasing. You will see me say a lot of "it seems like we should..." and "we should find some mechanism to..." and so on and so forth. Why? Because, as I've mentioned before, I've gotten a lot out of political discourse on here. When it's good, I actually find it quite good. But it's good when it has a constructive or collaborative tone, when I am bouncing ideas or thoughts back and forth with someone. Generally I am trying to invite this kind of discourse.

Sometimes, again, I say it really explicitly. I don't have them off the top of my head, but I know there are quite a lot of #society posts where I've said something quite straightforwardly to the effect of "here are some niche social/political issues I've been contemplating, does anyone have any ideas for how to respond to them". Obviously there's a spectrum in how explicit I am about this, but even when I'm really clear, most of the responses I get are still "discoursebrained", in the sense that they seem antagonistic and generally more interested in saying "X guys are cool and Y guys are lame" than in productively engaging with a set of ideas.

Even if you disagree with my claims or my premises, there is a way to state that which adds to a conversation instead of shutting down a line of inquiry. I am always trying to invite this type of mutually-productive discussion, and I so rarely achieve it.

Over the years my methods have changed. I come from a background of like, forums for specific nerd interests. Those places are plenty contentious, full of plenty of drama and disagreement. But ultimately, I always still felt that productive discussion was valued above destructive discussion; that because we were all united in a common goal of [doing our nerdy hobby], a comment where you build on someone's idea to say something useful to others or to introduce a new insight was generally valued above one where you just said "you're wrong for such and such reasons, hah!" or even "you're right for such and such reasons".

Coming from this background, I assumed this would also be the case on tumblr, and that I would not have to put in any extra effort to invite this sort of discourse. Alas, this was not true; even long and thought-out replies from respected discoursers often just amount to "here are the guys I agree with and here are the guys I disagree with, for such and such reasons". This is lame and boring and not appealing to me.

So over the years I've tried to be more and more explicit about what types of discussion I am trying to have, I've tried to tee up the sort of interactions I want as much as possible, but it hasn't really worked.

The problem is not strictly the quality or measuredness of the responses or their tone or anything like that. These are the things most people focus on when they critique the discourse, but I think they miss the point. The problem is that most responses don't seem to be intended to advance a mutually-productive discussion, they don't build on the base of what they are responding to, they just make various assertions and statements of allegiance in the vicinity of the material they are responding to and call it a day.

Maybe this is too harsh. I'm sure I do this too. And it's not always bad. Sometimes I use someone else's post openly as a jumping off point to elaborate my own ideas (although I try to be careful about this, and also make it somewhat clear that I am doing it), and this can be productive. I do actually want to hear people's ideas. It's not any single instance of these things I'm complaining about, it's just that discoursey responses seem to drown out all other types of discussion, even when you are really clear about what type of discussion you are trying to have.

So that's my complaint.

[mountain-lion-gremlin]

I have a question! You have stuff saying you practice p-shifting in your bio, could I have more info about that? I've heard it mentioned before but know very little.

Of course! Recently I havent been practicing as much, and Im currently going through a phase of reteaching myself certain important values (yet again lol) but I'll try my best to tell you a bit more.

P-shifting is basically the form (or practice) of physically changing into an animal. Its widely believed to be taboo, but if you know where to look you will find plenty of help if you are looking to accomplish it.

I practice physically shifting into an animal, and theres plenty of structured ways to go about it. (Such as PhMP, Blaze's method, etc.) I currently have been practicing more therianthropic ways of mentally shifting and sort of lost touch with physically shifting, so Ill be getting back to it as soon as my power turns back on and I have the time to delve deeper once again. (Currently my whole city has no power, im currently at a casino writing this-)

Theres this idea that its very harmful and dangerous, but in honesty I personally have never had to deal with it being very harmful and/or dangerous to me or my mental health. In fact, before it I was very mentally ill, so its been a journey of healing and self-discovery. I feel like its taught me how to care for myself, accept myself and how I look, and be present to who I am and where I am in the moment. (Sounds counterintuitive, but after all of this time I have gotten here lol)

I have read that its very cult-like, and teaches people to do horrible, nasty stuff - but I've been lucky to never have to deal with it. Im so, very sorry for anyone who has. As long as you critically think, take the time to understand and conceptualize what you are doing, and take it slow, most likely you wont hurt yourself by practicing it.

People can be very misguiding and can hurt you if you arent careful, but know that physically shifting shouldn't hurt you in such a way that you will have to heal, put you in danger, or go to the hospital. You do not need anything to physically shift either. (No spells, no eating raw meat, no cutting yourself, no starving yourself, no getting bitten or meeting up with strangers, etc. Anyone who tells you anything of the sort is wrong, or is trying to manipulate you.)

Of course, not everyone can have bad intentions, but please be weary and keep your head screwed on tight when you are learning new things about p-shifting in general. Fantasy and the real world can be very, very easily blurred together with this sort of topic. If it seems dangerous, then listen to yourself and simply don't do it. There is always another way.

Its kinda difficult to necessarily explain it in a way for anyone to understand well - its really your journey and is something that you have to go and find out yourself from finding other resources. I guess you could say its like therianthropy, but we physically shift instead. Of course, theres more differences, but thats the most basic way to explain it.

I hope this answered your question!

[luna-writes-stuff]

Day 19: This Is Me Trying, Loki Laufeyson

Song link

Fanfic, gn!reader

Angst, hurt/comfort

Word count: 2092

Tw: DISCUSSES SERIOUS HEAVY TOPICS (depression, loneliness, self-loathing) Depression, exhaustion, lack of hygiene, self-loathing thoughts, crying/sobbing, midnights are the worst when your mind is your enemy. I wasn’t going to write this, because it felt too heavy, but perhaps there are people out there who need this <3

Summary: Struggling with depression is a difficult task, especially when you are on your own, but do not necessarily with to be so. But even when you won’t talk to anyone, there is that one person who simply sees it, and understands it immediately. And he knows all the right things to say and do to offer you comfort.

For everyone out there struggling with life, getting up in the morning, talking to others, eating, changing clothes, taking a shower; please, know you are not alone. Your emotions are not invalid, nor are the reasons for the said emotions. If you can, talk about it to others, please. If you do not feel comfortable discussing it with those you know, always feel free to send me a message. I know how you feel, and though I might not be able to compare it to your pit, I truly want to talk with you if you feel the need to. About anything; even if you are looking for distractions. My messages are open. Please, stay safe, and know you are loved &lt;3

International suicide hotlines

“I've been having a hard time adjusting I had the shiniest wheels, now they're rusting.”

Time seems to pass slower when you pay attention to it. When your mind wanders places you do not want to go, you have a tough time getting out. So what is there to do, but watch the clock ticking away, hoping daylight will save you?

Moonlight shone through the curtains, a glow that would otherwise be described as beautiful, perhaps even magical. But you had grown to hate it. Days were easier; surrounded with people and tasks. Keeping your mind off…well; yourself.

But when the sun set, and night came closer, you were in your bed, alone with nothing but your thoughts. Maybe it’s true what people say: you are your own worst enemy.

“I didn't know if you'd care if I came back I have a lot of regrets about that.”

When days - or night - like that came to pass, fear and anxiety would amplify, and before you knew it, your lone moments in the waking days grew terrifying as well.

And the worst part was the fact that you were not necessarily alone. There were people all around you in broad daylight. You started doing that on purpose. But it got lonely when you were fighting on your own. And no one seemed to notice.

Maybe you didn’t even want them to, but some acknowledgment would have been fine. That small ‘you’re looking healthy today’ or ‘have you gotten some proper rest?’ would have been perfect. You didn’t want others to worry for you; you wanted them to be there for you when you most needed it. But you figured you couldn’t have either of you couldn’t have both. So, you kept quiet.

“Pulled the car off the road to the lookout Could've followed my fears all the way down.”

Silly enough, tiny things kept you standing where you were. Things such as the hot tea on your night stand when you woke up, a nice ‘good morning’, your book having been marked from the night before. Even a simple conversation about the weather was enough for you.

But it was also the tiny things that made you feel even more miserable than you already were: walking in a puddle of water in the bathroom, too many questions in one sitting, being interrupted when you listened to your music. Every little thing that went wrong was just another thing to add to the list.

Maybe you were overreacting. But you did not ask for this. You did not want to feel this awful the entire time. You wanted to be happy, you truly did. But as the days grew longer, you found it more and more difficult to pick out the beautiful things.

“And maybe I don't quite know what to say But I'm here in your doorway.”

Now on the couch, you kept twisting and turning. At least you got out of bed - That’s what you kept telling yourself. At least you had breakfast. Ten hours ago. But you ate something; that was what was most important.

This was your twelfth day you called in sick for work in a month. You were surprised they hadn’t even sent a mail to check up on you yet. But then again, you were also grateful for it. You just needed some alone time. Desperate days would come to pass.

The same film had been playing on a loop throughout the entire day. You were too tired to get up to change it. You didn’t even know which film it was, but you could quote it now.

From outside, you could hear the cars passing your street. One in particular caught your attention. One which halted in front of your door. You opted to stay on the couch, figuring the person who’d be at the door either had a key or a good story to tell through the keyhole.

“I just wanted you to know That this is me trying I just wanted you to know That this is me trying.”

But you slowly sat up from your seat when you heard nothing. No turning of the key, no walking up your path, no other slamming car doors to signify the person has gotten back in. Dead silence.

“What are you doing down here, darling?” A voice cut through the silence, alerting you immediately.

There, on the other side of the room, stood Loki. He had told you he’d stop by later today, but it seemed to have escaped your mind entirely.

Shrugging at his words, you retreated under your blanket. “This is my home,” you explained nonchalantly. “My couch. Must I have a reason to be here?”

A low chuckle was heard as he neared you, sitting down on the edge of the couch, the pillows dipping slightly under his weight.

“I suppose not.”

“They told me all of my cages were mental So I got wasted like all my potential.”

He was quiet after that, merely observing you. You felt yourself shrink under his gaze, now looking at the screen as if you were actually interested in the film.

“Have you fallen ill?” He remarked, his hand already reaching for your forehead. But you dodged your head lightly, groaning at his concerned state.

“No. I am completely healthy.”

“You do not look it.”

“Thank you.” You deadpanned, shooting him a dangerous glare. Were this any other circumstance, you might have given him a teasing look. But you were in no mood for jokes. You just wanted to be alone now.

“You look ill. When was the last day you showered?” He rambled on, causing you to quietly wish him away.

“Yesterday,” you answered absentmindedly, still staring at the screen. Again, he leaned forward, grabbing a greasy strand of your hair.

“Now, I know that is not true.”

“Will you quit it?” You interrupted, slapping his hand off; no humour in your voice nor actions.

“And my words shoot to kill when I'm mad I have a lot of regrets about that.”

That seemed to catch his attention, for he halted immediately. As if something just switched within him.

“You don’t get to comment on how I look. You’ve been here no longer than a minute.”

“Long enough to see you look miserable.”

“Wow, how will I ever express my gratitude?” You sighed.

“Beg your pardon?”

“Loki, I’m tired. No; exhausted. I am in no mood for your games or talks now. Leave me.”

The god now stood up, kneeling in front of you as he observed your facial expressions, frowning at the far-off look in your eyes.

“Loki,” you warned, scowling at him.

“You’re not ill,” he pointed out, ignoring your pleads. “This is not physical. It only has physical effects.”

Now pushing his face away, you stood up from the couch. No longer speaking to him, you sauntered towards the tv, turning the screen off.

“You can stay here. I’m going upstairs.”

“I was so ahead of the curve, the curve became a sphere Fell behind on my classmates, and I ended up here.”

“My love,” he interrupted, following you swiftly, grabbing your waist before you could exit the room. Pulling you closer to him, he looked down at you.

“Who did this to you?”

Swallowing thickly, you pushed against his chest, trying to escape his hold.

“Please,” you whispered. “I just want to get some sleep.”

“Do not ignore me again, please.” He went on, grasping both your hands, before bringing them to his lips.

“What words were exchanged?”

Staring up at him, you tried to keep up the act. Truly, you did. And you thought you were doing a marvellous job at it too. But his eyes seemed to break something within you.

“Pouring out my heart to a stranger But I didn't pour the whiskey.”

“None,” you managed out, sighing deeply. “And no one. Just going through a rough time.”

“Darling,”

“Loki, please.” You nearly begged. “Just let me go.”

“Can I help?” He went on.

“Just,” wriggling out of his hold again, you wobbled on your feet, not being used to standing up after a full day of laying down. “I’ll be fine after some sleep.”

But before you could even continue walking, he appeared in front of you again: his eyes sincere and his face pleading. You wished he had just let you leave, yet part of you couldn’t help but be grateful for his presence now.

He continued to stare at you for a couple of second, the atmosphere in the room so thick, you could have choked on it. And the look he gave you nearly broke you.

Almost. You did such a good job at keeping it together. Until he asked that dreadful question.

“I just wanted you to know That this is me trying I just wanted you to know That this is me trying.”

“Are you okay?”

Silence once more. Heavier than before, and filled with tension so tight, it could snap any minute. And that is when you did.

Your bottom lip began first, quivering slightly as you tried to swallow it. But instead of biting on it, a ragged sob escaped your mouth, followed by a sniffle of your nose. Your bottom lip slowly began to quiver more, now shaking at a speed it would only be doing when you were freezing cold.

A lone tear slipped past your cheek. It was then that Loki leaned forwards, picking it off of your face. And that was when the dam broke.

“At least I'm trying.”

Salt streams poured from your eyes, heart wrenching sobs escaping your throat as you reached your hand up to cover your face.

Unable to observe your surroundings, you felt two arms wrap around you, a head placed atop yours as a comfortable shushing came from it. Your situation only seemed to worsen at the comfort, and you found yourself clinging to his cloak, hanging onto it as if it was your final life line.

“I’m trying,” you uttered between shaking breaths, choking on air as you inhaled deeply. “I am.”

“I know,” he assured, rubbing circles on your back with his thumb. “I’m proud of you for trying.”

“It’s so difficult.” You whimpered, the lump in your throat growing with each word you spoke, until the final one was a mere whisper.

“I know.” He continued, holding you closer as he rocked you gently.

“And it's hard to be at a party when I feel like an open wound It's hard to be anywhere these days when all I want is you. You're a flashback in a film reel on the one screen in my town.”

The two of you stood there for a long time. A vicious, never ending circle of your pleas and apologies, interrupted by his words of solace and comfort. Near understanding and praise.

His arms stayed wrapped around your figure until all that escaped you were shaking breaths and sudden hiccups. His hands had found their way into your hair, wounding through them, regardless of its greasy state.

He knew something was wrong with you. He knew the second he appeared in your living room. It might not have been evident to others, but to him, it seemed to radiate off of you. He recognised it immediately, and swore to rid you off it even quicker.

“And I just wanted you to know That this is me trying I just wanted you to know That this is me trying.”

“Shall I draw you a bath?” He offered as the last of your tears stained his robes.

“No,” you mumbled in his chest. “I just want to sleep. I am happy in my dreams.”

The words were even more soul crushing than the manner in which they were spoken. Loki had sworn he could feel his heart breaking just slightly at your speech.

“Okay,” he slowly agreed. “But after you wake, take a bath. Then, we talk.”

Leaning back in his arms, you furiously wiped the tears from your face, cursing at the burning sensation. “I can’t help it.” You shook off.

“Not alone,” Loki dismissed. “But you do not have to. Don’t try alone. Do not fall down into that rabbit hole.”

Pondering his words, you stared at the wall behind him, already dreaming off, longing for that good sleep now.

“Okay,” you sighed, nodding your head. “Baby steps.”

Loki smiled lightly at that, squeezing your biceps in reassurance before placing a kiss on your forehead.

“Baby steps.”

“At least I'm trying.”

[ravenconspirac3]

not an ask but please don’t use the minecraft tag when talking about server fandoms. i know it doesn’t seem like an issue for you and i have a feeling it’s an honest mistake on your part, but tag etiquette is different on tumblr compared to other sites.

i understand you tagged it that way for engagement, to get more people to see your post, but this kind of thing clogs up the main tag with unrelated material at the expense of anyone not interested in said material. its very frustrating when i go to the minecraft tag and basically nobody in there is even talking about minecraft. as a general rule, that kind of tagging is seen as rude and spammy here.

thank you for listening!

What I am referring to with that post does relate to Minecraft. It is about Minecraft Lore Servers, so me tagging it as such is not wrong.

It is not spammy or rude to post it in there if it relates anything to the topic which is Minecraft, which it does. Also people can just simply ignore it if they so wanted. I've had no problems with any of my other posts using the Minecraft tag when talking about servers and fandoms.

I don't mean to sound rude in any sort of way, so I hope you don't take it that way. I just hope you see what I am talking about with this thing.

But thank you for letting me know if this is truly something that is apart of Tumblr and I've just never known about it, I've gotten no one else telling me this is wrong to do.

[yokohamabeans]

Hello Yoko, I hope you're well! I really enjoy your blog and thoughts. I have a few questions if you wouldn't mind, one translation-related and two for analysis/hc stuff. First: re the Tenjiku folks, do they have different/specific speech patterns each or do they all more or less talk the same? Second: Mocchi was said to come from Kawasaki in 227, does that give us any clue about his socio-eco bg? Last: Kakucho said Mucho taught him "how to be a real man", what are your thoughts on that?

ANON Thank you for your lovely words! AND I DO NOT MIND AT ALL! In fact, I got really excited by your questions! I have a soft spot for Tenjiku/Bonten/Rokuhara members so they're always a topic of interest for me.

Disclaimer / Warning: You may have overestimated my understanding of the Japanese language and knowledge of Japan ahaha... I am still a learner, so please take my attempts at translations with a big fistful of salt! This is also an open invitation to anyone fluent in Japanese to jump in and correct me if I've gotten anything wrong.

Alright, here goes!

On: Tenjiku Speech Patterns / Mocchi & Kawasaki / Kakucho’s Relationship with Mucho

1. Speech Patterns of Tenjiku Members

This one’s hard for me to answer because I don’t have a native grasp of the language, so I’m very likely missing out on a lot of nuances / slang in their speech patterns. So far, to me, it doesn’t seem like there are any particular differences in the way all members speak. They’re all speaking roughly and impolitely, the way anime boys are typically portrayed to speak hahaha. And even though Tenjiku is from Yokohama, they don’t seem to speak in an exaggerated ‘Yokohama accent’ where ‘jan (じゃん) is often used as a sentence-final particle. I guess this is because most Tenjiku members are said/implied to be from Tokyo, except Mocchi. Even so, Mocchi and the other Tenjiku mooks do not seem to have any distinctive speech style or Yokohama accent. Then again, accents can also come from the intonation as well which we can’t hear from manga. Maybe any linguistic differences may be more apparent in the anime? (Anyway, I don’t think Yokohama accent is as huge of a thing as other accents like Osaka-ben. I believe people who live in Yokohama mostly speak just like Tokyoites.)

TLDR: Tenjiku members don’t seem to have any distinctive speech patterns between each other (or even in comparison with the general rest of the cast). Then again, I could be wrong about this.

2. Mocchi & Kawasaki

Hmm, I'm afraid to say that we simply do not have enough information about Mocchi to conclude his socio-economic status.

Firstly, Kawasaki is a city, not a district like Roppongi, so the scope is entirely different. Because it is a city, there are varying levels of wealth across all sorts of wards and areas in Kawasaki, whereas Roppongi is a particularly affluent area in a city. Therefore, it's hard to decide if someone's rich/poor just by knowing they're from Kawasaki, but if someone tells you they’re from Roppongi, you can kinda assume they're rich.

That said, Kawasaki is generally considered to be cheaper to live in than Tokyo, or even Yokohama. And because of its convenient location and close proximity to Tokyo, it's a good option for people who work in Tokyo but cannot afford to live there. Kawasaki, especially its southern area, is industrialized and home to many factories since the post-war period. In the past, the city had more factories and somewhat had a reputation of being an industrial / 'blue-collar' area, so people had the impression of it being a rough place (i.e. home to more ruffians, less safe, less clean). However, this has changed in recent times with de-industrialization. It still has many factories, but it's also become more residential (especially in the northern areas) and contemporary, with many tourist spots like museums, so I don't think people still think of it as a 'rough' place. I’m just sharing what Kawasaki’s like in case you wanna make any guesses about Mocchi based on it! (Fun fact: I've been to Kawasaki for a quick stop at their famous arcade (Anata no Warehouse), and found the immediate area around the main station to be really chill! It had a suburban feel to it.)

Back to Mocchi; perhaps if Wakui-sensei had told us where in Kawasaki he is from, we could have more of a clue. BUT! In the manga, Mocchi is simply said to be from Kawasaki, though it did not specify if it's Kawasaki the city, or Kawasaki the ward in Kawasaki City. I guess common sense tells us he meant Kawasaki City, but IF we ASSUME that Mocchi is from Kawasaki the ward too, we can perhaps squeeze something out about his background? Kawasaki Ward is home to one of the largest ethnic Korean populations in Japan, with its own Koreatown. Perhaps, PERHAPS Mochi might have Korean blood in him, from this fact? Many Zainichi Koreans (permanent residents/citizens of Japan who are ethnically Korean) adopt Japanese-style names, so it's not impossible that Mocchi has this heritage even though his name is Japanese. Zainichi Koreans were historically discriminated in Japan and could only mainly take on 'undesirable' jobs (like construction or gambling), so socio-economically they were not high up on the list. Some Zainichi Koreans also turn to crime and criminal organizations, which could perhaps provide some context to Mocchi being a delinquent? I feel like I’m reaching for straws here though. Please let me emphasize that Mocchi being Korean is not my conclusion or personal HC. I am only LIGHTLY TOYING with the very vague idea that he might be, haha. It's better if you just disregard this whole spiel, really!

TLDR: We simply do not have enough information about Mocchi to conclude anything about his socio-economic background, or even his background at all haha. I'm sorry to disappoint, anon!!

3. Kakucho and Mucho

Oh it certainly does seem that Kakucho’s relationship with Mucho is one of his more positive and healthier ones!! That scene where Kakucho stopped Mucho from stabbing Angry/Takemichi with a knife in Chapter 164? It’s brief but quite revealing about their relationship. I know you’re only asking about one particular line, but I think there’s more to be said about the whole scene so I hope you won’t mind me rambling about it too! Let’s break it down:

Firstly—“You taught me to be a man among men.”

In Japanese, Kakucho says: 「アンタから漢を教わった」 the meaning of which is what’s conveyed in the translation, so I don’t have much else to add.

In case you were wondering: the word for ‘man’ used here, 漢 (otoko), is slang for ‘manly man’, someone who is tough, strong (both in terms of personality and physical power), courageous and honourable. Basically, the traditional image of masculinity. Kakucho by nature is an honourable person, even as a kid he thought it was wrong to gang up on others (Chap 165). Therefore, I’m sure that in Tenjiku, he would’ve gotten along best with Mucho, who also holds strong moral values of honour and is portrayed as the ‘elder brother’ type. Mocchi also seems to value honour in fights, so he’s another person who could be on friendlier terms with Kakucho, but Mocchi is comparatively more chaotic and battle-thirsty than Mucho haha. I personally think Kakucho didn’t interact or hang out with the Haitani’s or Shion as much because they seem to be sneakier and generally not so respectful in disposition, so Kakucho probably disagreed with their views. Also, Tenjiku!Kakucho seems to have a particularly strong ‘tough guy’ vibe in his appearance and dressing, so he could also have been influenced by Mucho in this aspect.

Secondly—“I don’t want you to be ruined by Tenjiku.”

In Japanese, Kakucho says 「アンタまで天竺に染まるな」, which honestly is kinda hard (for me) to convey the nuance in an English sentence that is grammatically correct, haha. Instinctively and immediately, this sentence strikes me as “Don’t be tainted by Tenjiku. Not you too.” I’m not saying this is how I’ll translate it, but more like the impression I got from the line.

The fan-translation is more or less correct I suppose, though I feel that ‘tainted’ is closer to the original than ‘ruined’. It also doesn’t highlight that Kakucho is saying 「アンタまで」, which means “even you”. This implies that to Kakucho, Mucho is the pinnacle ‘good guy’, who the corrupting influence of Tenjiku should not reach. This further implies that Kakucho views Mucho differently from the other Tenjiku members, which provides more evidence that after Izana, Mucho was most special to Kakucho within Tenjiku. (Lmao sorry Ran!)

Thirdly—Kakucho’s pronoun for Mucho

In English, the pronoun ‘You’ just means ‘You’, but in Japanese, there are several ways of saying the pronoun ‘You’, and it can show what the speaker feels towards the person they’re addressing.

As of Chap 247, Kakucho generally uses Omae (お前／オマエ) and Temee (テメエ), depending on who he’s talking to and his mood at the moment. (This is the same for the rest of the TR boys (and Senju), and is typically the norm for most male characters in animanga.) However, it is only with Mucho that he uses Anta (アンタ). They’re all rude ways of saying ‘You’, but this is how they differ:

Omae (お前／オマエ) - This pronoun is generally considered to be very informal and rude, though it’s used by boys and men for people they know who won’t mind it, like close friends or spouses/partners. I’ve also heard it used by superiors to subordinates in workplaces. Kakucho uses this with Izana and Takemichi, or when he’s in a neutral / positive mood. 

Temee (テメエ) - This pronoun is considered to be derogatory and more vulgar than Omae, so please don’t use it with anyone you know haha. It feels like a word a guy will use on someone he wants to beat the crap out of. Kakucho uses this when he’s mad / hostile, such as with Takemichi (when he was being spiteful about Takemichi not understanding his bond with Izana), Takeomi and Mikey.

Anta (アンタ) - Out of the three, Anta is the least rude. Boys and men also use it with people they’re close with, and I feel that it’s more acceptable to use it with elders you’re close with (like parents) as opposed to Omae. Women sometimes use this too with their husbands, though it may come off as more admonishing. It’s generally still very informal though, and if you use it on a stranger you’ll sound like you’re picking a fight. Nonetheless, between the three, Anta is the most ‘respectful’. Kakucho has only used this for Mucho (not even Izana), so it further insinuates that Mochi had Kakucho’s respect. (Kakucho hasn’t been shown to use the ‘you’ pronoun on other Tenjiku members yet btw.)

You hear second-person pronouns in animanga like Omae / Kimi (君) a lot, but in real life, Japanese people tend to avoid using it and prefer to simply refer to the other party by name. Even the neutral / formal Anata (あなた / 貴方) should be used as little as possible when speaking to someone. This link here explains the differences in the ‘You’ pronouns used in animanga really well, if you want a deeper understanding!

Bonus: I noticed that Ran referred to Hakkai as Otaku (おたく) when they were starting their fight in Chap 156. Otaku (おたく/お宅) is an old, respectful way of saying ‘You’, but Ran used it playfully (Ran uses Omae for other people). And yes, Otaku also has the entirely different meaning of a person who has obsessive interests haha.

Lastly - Mucho’s Relationship with Kakucho

Again, the only interaction shown between them is when Kakucho stopped Mucho’s knife. In the fan-translation, Mucho says “Get out, you shit” but in Japanese, he says 「どけクソガキ」, which translates better to “Out of my way, damn brat”. To me, Mucho calling Kakucho a brat highlights the age difference between them. Knowing Mucho and his inclination to be the ‘big brother’ type, he probably saw Kakucho as another youngling he could take under his wing, or at least be a role model to, like Sanzu. 

We don’t know exactly when Kakucho was introduced to the S-62, but based on the S-62′s jail term and ages, I’d say that Kakucho met them when he was 13-14, and probably only had a year or two with them before the Kantou Incident. So it’s not like Mucho was there to guide Kakucho through his formative years like Izana, but I think because of how ‘manly’ and ‘big-brotherly’ Mucho was, and how Mucho at his core was a good guy, Kakucho looked up to him the most and was most definitely influenced by him in some way. 

In addition, Mucho was one of the most shocked people around when Kakucho stood up to Izana. Attention was specially given to his thoughts about it: 「誰より忠誠心の強い、あの鶴蝶?!」/ “The one whose loyalty is strongest [to Izana], that Kakucho?!” I’m sure it’s very clear to every Tenjiku member how loyal Kakucho is to Izana, but from how Mucho found it so incredulous, it kinda implies that Mucho knows Kakucho’s feelings on a deeper level than other Tenjiku members, perhaps? 

TLDR: After Izana, Mucho was closest to Kakucho in Tenjiku, and Kakucho looked up to Mucho a lot. 

-

And so, here you have it! I think I ended up being... not so helpful in answering your questions about Tenjiku speech styles and Mocchi, but I had lots to say about KakuMucho hahahaha. IT WAS SO FUN ANSWERING THIS ANON!!  THANK YOU FOR THE QUESTIONS!!! If you have any more, I’d love to answer them! Especially if it’s about Kakucho hehehe

I hope you have a good day/night!!

[asterekmess]

i wish you would write a fic where... stiles has ocd with adhd and derek is his super supportive partner and just fluffy and cute. -- i know this is actually a heavy topic but i've always wanted to read a fic like this. with stiles having intrusive thoughts or even just repetitive patterns of behviour like turning the light on and off. im just putting it out there in case anyone wants to undertake it :D

Hi hi! So, i'll be real, I have no history or experience with OCD, and my knowledge is fairly limited. Please know that this attempt is meant with good intentions, and I'm sorry if I misrepresent anything! That being said, here you go!

"Could you--"

Derek waited for the rest of the sentence, but Stiles didn't continue. He just screwed his face up in a tight grimace and glared at the space over Derek's shoulder.

Derek frowned. "Could I what?"

Stiles shook his head, opened his mouth, and not a single sound came out. After a second, he closed it again and glared harder at the space behind Derek's shoulder.

His heartbeat was speeding up; not yet pounding, but still faster than it ought to have been after a normal night out. They were supposed to watch a movie, that was all. it was nothing that should've gotten Stiles so worked up.

"Stiles," Derek tried again. "Could I what?" He turned at the waist to try and find what Stiles was looking at, but there was nothing but the front door.

"It's--can I--" Stiles' face was getting red from frustration and no small amount of fear. They were beginning to reach the heart pounding now. "The--the door."

Derek immediately turned again and actually looked at the door. There was nothing wrong with it; it wasn't ajar or damaged. The bolt was turned to lock it, and Derek's keys were on the hook beside it where they belonged.

"I don't understand," he admitted. But it didn't make either of them feel better for him to admit exactly how unhelpful he was being.

Reaching out, because they were finally in a place where he could do that instead of just thinking about it, Derek took a step forward and put his hands on Stiles' shoulders. He let them slide down to Stiles' wrists, but didn't still Stiles' fidgeting hands. He spoke quietly as he rubbed his thumbs over Stiles' pulse points. "Hey, just tell me what it is, and we'll fix it."

Stiles looked pained and afraid, and it was starting to make Derek himself panic. What could be wrong that would make Stiles so afraid to even say what it was?

Finally, Stiles bit out, "I know it's not my house. But, could you--or can I--lock the door?"

Derek blinked, then checked the door for a third time. "Stiles, it's locked."

"I know."

"You want me to lock it...again?"

"No."

Slowly, Derek stepped to the side and moved his hands--and therefore Stiles' wrists-- the opposite way, so that Stiles was facing the door with Derek behind him. "Go ahead."

He was trying to get used to this, was getting better, but it still took longer than he wanted for it to click when something that was upsetting Stiles, or seemed weirdly illogical for him, wasn't due to outside circumstances or threats. It was hard to recognize when Stiles' internal dilemmas were to blame, but Derek would learn to recognize it, damn it.

Stiles snapped to the door like a magnet, and his hand went to the deadbolt. He opened it, then closed it, then opened again, then closed again. Then, he did it one more time.

The moment he'd finished the last close, Stiles' shoulders relaxed, only to then droop down as he rested his forehead against the door.

"It's not my house," he muttered against the wood.

"I don't care," Derek said, though he wasn't sure if Stiles had been talking to himself or Derek. It didn't matter, Derek still wanted to say it. "If you need to lock the door again, you can. Any time, Stiles."

Stiles turned against the door and leaned on it, the handle probably poking his back, but he didn't seem to care. "It's not--not any time. Just when we get in for the night."

"Then when we get in for the night, you're in charge of locking the door." He shrugged. "I'm not great at remembering to lock it anyway."

Though he'd stopped looking so panicked, Stiles still had a ragged look on his face, like he'd paid dearly for waiting so long to tell Derek what he needed to do. Derek knew that not doing what his body told him to do, wasn't pleasant for Stiles.

Since he'd explained his OCD to Derek, Stiles hadn't given many details, and Derek hadn't asked. The last thing he wanted was to make Stiles feel like a bug under a magnifying glass, so instead he'd done his own research to learn about the disturbing and frightening thoughts and images that Stiles had to appease with his compulsions.

But it almost felt worse, refusing to bring it up and learning about it behind closed doors. Acting like it was something taboo, to be hidden somehow because it wasn't fit for polite conversation.

Nothing about Stiles needed hidden.

"Did my locking it count for one of those?" he asked, keeping his tone as light and casual as possible.

Stiles' lips quirked to the side. "Not really."

"So you just need it the three times?"

"Yeah, then I'm fine."

Nodding, Derek folded his arms. "What about when we're leaving?"

Stiles shrugged. "Then it's two instead."

"Good, then you're in charge of that too."

He outright laughed then, and stopped pushing so hard against the door. Wandering forward a step, he cleared his throat and began playing with his hands. He was nervous again, but it wasn't the same as before.

"Listen, uh." Stiles cleared his throat again, and one hand moved to scrub the back of his neck. "I don't know if this would make sense, or matter to you. But...I don't need to do that everywhere, you know?"

His tone said he'd told Derek something significant, but Derek couldn't understand it. "You mean, not in public?"

"No, I mean, I only have to do that in places that I...I don't know." Stiles sighed. "It's just that the only places I do that are at my apartment and my dad's. Places that are supposed to be safe. That I want to keep safe. Because they're home. The panic doesn't work if there's nothing to make me think I'm gonna lose, you know?"

Oh.

Derek bit his lip and tried not to meet Stiles' eyes just yet. "Is that why you didn't mention it before?"

Stiles nodded. "It's only started happening here the last couple nights. Before that, it just bugged me. It wasn't as strong."

"So, if more things show up--"

"I'll tell you," Stiles finished for him. "I will."

It only took one hand on Stiles' left wrist and a small tug to get him tucked up against Derek's chest. It was nice being able to look him in the eye when they got close. Getting to see his whiskey brown eyes react to whatever Derek said. Squinting with laughter or widening with surprise or arousal.

"Good," Derek said. "Because I want to know. I want to help." He lifted his hand up to the back of Stiles' head and began to thread Stiles' short hair through his fingers. "You should get to relax at home."

There went his eyes, widening and blinking at Derek like Stiles needed an extra moment to process what was said. Once he had though, he recovered fast, lips curling into a smirk that begged to be kissed. His hands went to Derek's waist, one curling around his hip and the other going further back to hook a finger in one of his belt loops. "You know, I think you're right."

It was his turn to tug, and Derek leaned in the miniscule amount of space left between them. Stiles had gotten pie while they were out eating, and his lips still tasted like cherries as they moved slow and deliberate over Derek's own.

When Stiles pulled away, the glint in his eye implied danger. "If I'm in charge of locking the doors, then you have to be in charge of making the popcorn."

Derek pretended to think about it, then nodded. "I think I can manage that." He paused to squeeze Stiles closer and brush their noses together. "In a minute."

It took more than a minute to get the popcorn going, but it was worth it.

Stiles was always worth it.

[astro-rain]

delicate; b. barnes

chapter thirteen - “sober desires & the reminiscence of a winsome smile”

delicate masterlist

word count: 4k

synopsis: wakanda gets a visit from our favorite captain, two drinks is too much rum for a reticent psychologist, and bucky knows (& feels) more than meets the eye.

pairings: bucky x fem!reader

[A/N]: this took so long to write but WHEW this chapter!!!! pls let me know what you think >:D

The knock on the outside of his hut was followed by a deep accented voice, one that he had heard before.

"Sergeant Barnes?" it called.

Quickly enough Bucky was outside, facing the king of Wakanda himself. He wasn't sure exactly what to say. You see, the majority of their past interactions included the Black Panther trying to kill him. T'Challa was kind and Bucky trusted him. It was just... a little awkward given the history.

"Your highness," he greeted.

He smiled bashfully at the title.

"I have some news for you."

Bucky's head cocked to the side, curious. News? Should he be worried? He hadn't been expecting anything.

"Captain Rogers is on his way here. He was alerted about our recent complication with N'Jadaka," he said, referring to who Bucky guessed was who Y/N called Erik Killmonger, "and he asked to come check in, make sure you're okay."

Steve was coming. His mood was immediately uplifted. He hadn't seen his oldest friend for months. It was weird to have Steve feeling the need to make sure Bucky was okay; it was usually the other way around. Nonetheless, he was excited. And he had the sudden urge to tell Y/N.

- - -

READER

"Sharon. Hey," she said into the phone.

The friends hadn't spoken since Y/N left for Wakanda - security measures since Sharon helped Steve and betrayed the... well everyone.

"Y/N!" Sharon greeted. "How is everything? Are you alright?"

"Yeah, no I'm totally okay. The Killmonger thing was more the royal family's deal than mine. I was just hiding out in some bunker with Barnes."

Concerned weaved its way into Sharon's voice. "Oh my god. Did anything happen?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, historically, stress hasn't affected him well..."

She wasn't sure why she almost got offended. "No... he was completely fine. He doesn't lose control out of nowhere and turn into the winter soldier. It's a lot more complicated than that... We were fine."

"Oh, that's good. Listen... I'm actually on my way to Wakanda right now."

"You're-... what?"

"Steve needed to check in on Bucky after Killmonger. Wilson and I are coming too."

They must all be together. It makes sense considering what happened after the disaster in Berlin, and then the airport fiasco in Germany and then... everything in Siberia.

Aw, they're in hiding together, Y/N joked in her head. She almost laughed out loud.

"Oh. Is that safe? For you? For everyone?"

"I've been careful. We've all been careful. But, things don't always go as planned. And T'Challa feels bad about putting you guys in a dangerous situation when he was supposed to protect you."

"It wasn't his fault."

"I know. We all know. But, it's kind of his way of making up for it: letting us stay so that Steve can check in on Barnes and we can cool off for a bit."

"Was Rogers mad?"

"Well, he wasn't thrilled that his best friend was trapped alone in a country that just got taken over..."

He wasn't alone.

"...he was mostly worried," Sharon continued. "Still is."

"Right."

"Alright, well I got to go. We'll be there in a couple hours."

"I'll see you. Be safe."

"See you."

- - -

BUCKY BARNES

"Hey Buck," the happiness in Steve's voice was genuine as he patted his oldest friend on the back in the middle of an embrace. "How you been?"

"A hell of a lot better than the last time I saw you, that's for damn sure," Bucky smiled.

Sam Wilson stood next to the star spangled man with a plan. Bucky briefly glanced at him.

"Wilson," he deadpanned.

"Barnes," he returned the greeting.

"I was worried when T'Challa told me about Killmonger," Steve said. "Don't get me wrong, I'm grateful that they let you stay here, but I just didn't think I'd have to be worried so soon."

"It's alright. Everything turned out okay and I was fine the whole time. You don't have to lose your head."

"I'm not losing my head."

"You never had it in the first place."

The blonde changed the topic of conversation.

"You were with that therapist right?"

"Yeah."

"What do we think about her?" he asked with equal parts caution and suspicion. "Do you trust her?"

Bucky wasn't sure why he was almost offended.

"Of course. Why wouldn't I?"

"Well, you know what happened the last time you were with a psychiatrist..."

"Yeah well, this one doesn't have a personal vendetta against the Avengers."

"You sure she's alright?"

He looked serious, and Bucky could see the genuine concern etched into his friend's face. Steve was truly wary.

"I'm positive. She's helped so much since I've been here. I really trust her."

"Okay, if you say so. I trust you."

Bucky smirked. "Hey uh... is Sharon with you?"

Sam said nothing but radiated a smirk to match Bucky's perfectly, a kind of smirk that only a ball-busting best friend cracks.

"She is..." Steve replied. "Why do you ask?"

"Oh nothing. Just wondering, that's all."

"She said she wanted to talk to a friend."

"Oh, she's probably with Y/N."

"Who?"

"Y/N. Dr. Y/L/N. 'The therapist.'"

"I didn't know they were friends."

"Why do you think Sharon recommended her?"

"She said she knew 'the best' person to help."

"That true. She's crazy smart."

"As long as she can do the job, I'm all for it, no matter whose friend she is."

In a short-lived thought, Bucky wondered what Steve Rogers would think of who else Y/N was friends with. He wondered if Steve would think it was strange to be friends with your doctor, or if he'd be pleased that Bucky had gotten close to someone, anyone else in this world.

"How long are you guys staying for?" Bucky asked.

Steve rubbed the back of his neck anxiously. "Honestly, we were only planning on staying for like a week or so. We've been moving throughout Europe, and the other day, when we were in Prague... it was almost really bad."

"We need to stay low for a while," Sam added.

"What did you do?" Bucky asked, used to Steve getting himself into trouble.

"It's a long story..."

"What did T'Challa say about it?"

"He said to take as much time as we needed," Steve filled him in.

"You know, I'm startin' to really like this guy," Sam nodded, smiling. "Obviously when he went all cat murderer on you, he was a bit of a pain in the ass. But now? Guardian angel."

Bucky shook his head at Sam's nonsense. What an idiot, he thought. He wondered what Y/N would think of Sam, but then a more pressing question popped into his head.

"Where are you guys gonna stay?"

"I'm guessing there," Steve said pointing behind Bucky.

When he turned around, Bucky was shocked but he also wasn't. Behind and around his hut stood three more just like it, but slightly smaller. He could've sworn those weren't there yesterday, but that's the beauty of Wakanda. They were ten steps ahead of the rest of the world and he guessed that included speed building as well.

"I will never stop loving this place," he admired.

-

He tried not to sound too eager when he knocked on her door. She looked shocked but didn't really try to hide it.

"Oh," she sounded confused. "Hi, Bucky..."

"Hey," he grinned. "I have a proposition for you."

Her eyebrows lowered as her lips twisted into the most devilish smirk. She could communicate an entire joke with just her face.

"Not like that!" he exclaimed.

She laughed, smirk morphing into an endearing smile. "Like what then?"

"Steve wanted to have like a bonfire sorta thing to catch up since we're all together for once. You know, just like drinks and stupid stories from the forties. D'ya think you could part with your paper work to grace us with your presence?"

"Oh, uh... are you sure?"

"Of course. I'd love to have you there."

She wrung out her hands. "I don't know, Buck. Is that really appropriate? To have your doctor hangin' out with your friends?"

"That may be, but that's not what I'm asking. I want my friend to 'hang out' with my other friends."

Out of her composure seeped a meek smile. The air felt softer to him.

"And maybe you can analyze Wilson and tell me what his biggest fear is later," he added.

She snickered.

"Okay. Lead the way, James Buchanan."

-

The fire was a monster, roaring and crackling with all the life in the world. Bucky loved it. He loved the warmth, the heat, the lack of cold.

"I'm gonna get another drink," Y/N said. "You want anything, Buck?"

"I'm all set," he smiled, gaze lingering for only a second too long.

"Sharon?" she turned. "You?"

The blonde shook her head. "Oh, I think I've had plenty."

Surrounding the fire sat five chairs. All but one was empty as Y/N went to get her second drink. Of course they were in Sam's hut, Bucky thought. After all, even though it was Steve's idea, Sam was most excited about the whole thing, actually sitting down and just relaxing instead of fleeing from belligerent governments.

"Therapist's pretty," Sam noted with a smirk once she was out of hearing range.

"Y/N," Bucky corrected, mind going completely elsewhere. "She's so smart."

"Smart enough to call you Buck..." Steve said, catching on to Sam.

"What?"

"She calls you Buck."

"Yeah, so? You do too."

"Yeah, but I've known you longer. And I'm your friend."

"She's my friend too," he shrugged.

"She's your doctor..."

"And I'm a hundred year old man with one arm trying to get un-brainwashed in a country that the rest of the world doesn't even know exists. None of this is conventional."

"...fair," Steve said, with only a little bit of skepticism. "Are you guys close?"

Does spending hours alone talking with someone in a hidden bunker make you close? Does them comforting you after a nightmare and then subsequently allowing you to get the best night sleep you've had in forever? What about making daring voyages to quaint waterfalls and laughing a kind of laugh that makes your heart swell? What about-

"Buck?"

He shrugged. Again. "I guess so."

Sam narrowed his eyebrows. "How close?"

"Wilson," Sharon admonished exasperatedly. "Y/L/N's his doctor, come on. That's inappropriate to suggest."

Sam put his hands up in mock surrender. Briefly, just briefly, Bucky imagined kicking the leg of Sam's chair and watching him fall back. He didn't, obviously. But it would have been funny if he did.

The seemingly never ending conversation was cut short when Y/N returned, drink in hand, and took her seat next to Bucky.

"What'd you get?" he asked, demeanor subtly but swiftly changing into something lighter, something happier.

"I don't know, but it has rum in it," she shrugged sardonically before clinking her glass with Bucky's.

"Cheers," Sam raised his glass, trying to engage.

Y/N wordlessly, and with a half-smile, raised her glass in his direction.

"So," Steve started, comfortably crossing his legs and leaning back into his chair before asking Bucky, "you wanna know what actually happened in Prague?"

"Do enlighten me. I've been waiting all night."

"Jerk."

"Punk."

The rest of the night went on sort of like this. The group took turns telling stories and then listening. Cracking jokes and then laughing. Everyone but Y/N, Bucky noticed. She just... sat and drank, livelihood only extending to the borders of her seat.

He hadn't seen her like this before, and he found himself stuck halfway between confused and worried. Had something happened? Had something wrong been said?

He kept an eye on her as dusk melted into night. He told himself it was because he was concerned, but that was only in addition to the way he was magnetized to how she looked with the light of the fire gleaming on her skin.

After she would finish a drink, she'd stare into the fire for a little while, before leaving to get another. When he made sure no one was looking at him, he'd look at her. Discretely. At her eyes. The reflection of the fire in her pupils made him wonder if she would burn the fire before it could ever burn her. He was all too aware of the heat that accompanied her gaze. It was a ravishing burn that made him ache for the searing feeling as soon as it was taken away.

He didn't dare think of it for too long or else he would get distracted. And someone would call his name, pulling him out of a trance he didn't want to be caught in. A trance he wasn't sure he wanted to admit that he was in.

The night remained as such until someone - he couldn't remember who - said they were tired, and everyone bid their farewells, and wished their good nights.

Y/N spared about a side hug to Sharon before walking off on her own. Bucky half volunteered, half insisted on tending to the fire to make sure it went out, only to ignore it as soon as everyone was gone and follow after his psychologist.

He caught up to her as she was in the middle of opening the door to her living quarters.

"Y/N."

She turned around in the spot, door wide open, staring up at him.

He bore into her eyes, looking at something, noticing her dilated pupils and hazy stare.

"You're drunk," he said, but it sounded more like a question.

"Yeah."

"But you don't seem drunk?"

"I'm not wasted," she padded into the room, carelessly leaving the door wide open for him to walk through. "Just drunk enough to remember why I didn't drink in college."

She rubbed her eyes.

"Think I want another one," she sighed, heading for the door with a bitter smile. "More rum."

Bucky gently closed the door, maneuvering himself in front of it, and blocking her from exiting. Another drink is definitely not a good idea.

He changed the subject. "Why didn't you drink in college?"

Her eyebrows raised, introducing a look that said Really? You think I don't know what you're doing?

"Wow, look at you being the voice of reason for my otherwise inebriated brain."

Nevertheless, she cooperated.

She sighed. "It just... makes me miserable. I'm a sad drunk."

"Better than a mean drunk," he offered.

"Possibly. It's a real mood killer, though."

"That why you were off all night?"

"Off... ? I don't know, I guess so... I'm usually pretty inconspicuous when I'm drunk. Didn't think anyone would really notice."

There was no hesitation when he spoke.

"I did."

"I'm sorry..."

"Don't be sorry. Just... why did you keep drinking if it only makes you miserable?"

"Alcohol is a depressant," she breathed mechanically, as if speaking was difficult. "It depresses your nervous system, then you get disinhibited. Then you don't care about rationality and just drink! Then in the moment it feels kinda good... but then it makes you sad... and then you need more to blur the feeling away. It's like... the worse you feel, the more you need to drink... but then the more you drink... the worse you feel..."

"How are you drunk but still talking... sorta still like you usually do?"

She smirked, looking like she was trying not to laugh. He was glad she was smiling.

"Maybe you're not the only one with heightened metabolism as a result of the serum..."

He looked at her quizzically, amused. She wasn't making total sense, but he couldn't find it in himself to give much of a damn. She smiled, again.

"Kidding. I just have outstanding self-control."

She plopped down on the floor, deciding that she no longer wanted to use her legs. Fine motor function was overrated for intoxicated people.

He sat down with her, next to her.

"If I tell you a joke will you be less sad-drunk?"

"I already am 'less sad-drunk.' I wasn't before, but," she took a breath in, "now you're here, so... improvements have been made."

"That's good 'cause I was worried before."

She glanced up at him with brazen eye contact. Her face held a mixture of what looked like a confused and pained expression, as something changed. Some sort of realization or reality check.

She wiped her hands over her face. "God, this is so ridiculous. I'm sorry. You shouldn't be worried about me, that's not your job. I'm sorry. I should just go to bed, and you can leave..."

"I know it's not my job. I just wanted to make sure you were alright."

"I was alright- it... it's not like I was crying at the fire or something. I was fine."

"After your second drink, you were silent almost the entire time."

"You were counting my drinks?"

Not exactly.

"I was paying attention."

"To what?"

To you.

"You completely turned into yourself. Your elbows and legs were drawn in close to your body: unrelaxed and almost apprehensive posture. You were nonverbal, didn't make any jokes, no sarcastic commentary. I was literally purposefully saying things I knew you would correct or tease or laugh at and nothing. I was waiting for a 'smartass' or a 'there's a reason behind everything' explanation or anything science related. But there was nothing."

Her face was blank. It took her a second to catch up. Blinking slowly, she shook her head, eyebrows furrowed, all emphasis on the word. "Why?"

Her tone was truly confused. It was like she, in her heart of hearts, for the life of her, could not believe he was concerned.

"Y/N you're my friend," he chided. "Why wouldn't I be?"

She averted her gaze. Her voice was barely above a whisper. "I don't know."

"Look," his voice was soft. "I know you know everything and you know my mannerisms and micro-expressions and you know when I'm lying and whatever else 'cause you're a genius psychologist. But is it really that hard to believe that, after all the time we've known each other, I know you a little too? That I saw you for once instead of you always seein' me?"

"I think you're the only person who sees me."

The words leaked out before he thought to analyze them, tone lower than a whisper.

"Well I can't seem to look at much else."

He had never felt such potent silence. Did he just fuck up majorly? They just sat, on the floor, eyes glued to each other like twenty year old dried cement. He didn't think he could move away if he tried.

"I see you now," she whispered.

"What do you mean?"

"Blue," she breathed. "Your eyes are so blue. I don't... think I've ever seen that shade of blue."

It happened exponentially slowly, but the closer her face got to his, the more his chest felt like it was going to burst in the best way possible. As if liquid light poured into his lungs, inflating his chest and igniting every nerve with adoration.

Her lips hovered over his so lightly it was as if it wasn't even happening, like her affection was a ghost. But it was happening, and he could feel it. He could feel the softness in her lips and the smell of the rum she drank as they combined into the wondrous dual sensation that permeated throughout his brain.

They weren't kissing by any stretch. Their lips were hardly touching. However, in that moment, he was at her mercy. He was prepared to bend the laws of nature to her will if she would allow the continuation of this feeling for even a fraction of a second more.

Until it stopped and she waned away like the moon bidding adieu to the morning sky.

Her voice shook. "I'm so sorry."

"Don't... it's-"

"No. It's not okay. It's not okay."

He leaned back, examining her face. She looked confused and embarrassed and scared.

"Y/N, it's fine. It's okay, seriously, don't worry about it."

"I'm sorry, I'm... I'm drunk and I'm disinhibited and it's affecting my judgement and making me impulsive. I'm sorry."

He couldn't be exactly sure, but it sounded as if she was trying to convince herself more than she was trying to convince him.

Neither of them moved a muscle.

"Do you want me to leave?" he asked.

She was silent, frozen. It reminded him of a past conversation about the fight or flight response.

Bucky stood up and offered his hand to the woman sitting on the floor in front of him. "Here."

She took it gingerly and stood up with him before wide eyes stared into his apologetically.

"Please don't feel bad," he pleaded. "Barely anything happened."

"Still..."

"Why don't you just get some sleep and we can talk tomorrow. I promise it won't seem like such a big deal when you're sober."

She nodded but they both remained motionless, hands still together. He knew they needed to let go, but her hand didn't move, and she just kept looking into him.

"Okay," she whispered.

She walked him to the door, hand still in hand, and until he was forced to let go of her to open it. He stepped, ever so slowly, out of her room and onto the grass outside. He looked up at her, the doorway between them suddenly feeling like worlds of distance. They stood on opposite sides of the open door like statues. Bucky didn't know what to do and he wasn't sure what to say.

He settled on a, "Goodnight."

He tried not to make it sound so weak and timorous but he failed entirely. He didn't want to leave her like this. Guilty and alone. God knows he knew what it felt like.

Her voice was dry and quiet. "Goodnight."

He wasn't sure when the door shut or which one of them had shut it. The only thing he was sure of was the feeling of formidable regret pooling in his stomach.

On one hand, there was regret for letting her lean in and get so close because now he was scared that their dynamic was ruined and worried that Y/N felt awful. On the other hand, there was regret that he just let her pull away. Regret that he didn't lean in more and shamelessly drown in her. Regret that he didn't unapologetically suffocate himself with the softness of lips, the inebriating smell of rum on on her tongue, and the utterly bewitching taste of her he was sure would follow.

He wasn't sure what he felt, to be honest. He was a muddle of emotions of which he had no idea how to sift through. Momentarily, he wished he was drunk so he wouldn't have to think so hard. Then, he remembered the saying, "drunk words are sober thoughts," and he was damn glad he was stone cold sober; he could only imagine the things he would say to her if he was drunk.

This lead him to pondering, it got the gears in his brain turning. It made him wonder. Maybe... just maybe... if drunk words were sober thoughts, then what if drunk actions were sober desires?

Thinking like this could cause him read the situation completely differently. Thinking like this could make him read the situation in such a way that conceived the slightest sliver of hope for emotions gone repressed. Hope is dangerous...

Hope is dangerous, so Bucky shoved it down into the deepest cavern of his brain, the very same cavern where his feelings for her resided. It was a monster in a cave, growling and hissing menacingly. Intensely.

It scared him, this intensity. It scared him so much that the only way he could fall asleep was by thinking about the way James Buchanan sounded when she said it with a winsome smile.

delicate taglist: ​@bakugouswh0r3 @thefridgeismybestie @strivingforelegance @ilovespideyyy @xpurpleglitter @bluelakeee @darkacademic2 @nickkie1129 @eclipsedplanet @paradisedixon @crazy-beautiful @coffee--writes @lilithknight1111 @buckybarnesishot310 @softladyhours @alwayssandy @quxxnxfhxll @those-sea-green-eyes @hero-ically @devilswaldorf

[ashura-writes]

About Me!

Learn all there is to know about me!

(as of currently)

My name is Ashura! I also go by Ash or Lunar, so take your pick! Any new nicknames are welcome as well.

I'm 18 years old.

I go by any pronouns, so again, take your pick!

I enjoy reading and writing grammatically correct fanficitions, as well as drawing!

Currently I'm really into the Dream SMP, so most (if not all) of my fics that I share here will be about that.

Boundaries!

Probably the most important thing here! I don't have many, but I ask that you respect them nonetheless!

I will not write for things that I do not have the best understanding of, or things that I am not properly educated on. My worst fear is to portray something wrong and potentially harming or misinformation others with my stories. Please ask if you have a specific request, and I will let you know if I am comfortable with writing for that topic.

I will not write sexually explicit/NSFW stories for ANY characters. Not only is it most likely out of the comfort zones for many of the content creators to have their characters sexualized, I can personally only see these characters interacting with the Reader in friendly lights. Please do not ask for any NSFW.

SFW/Fluff/Feel-good things are completely okay! My intent is to write these characters as if they have a really close friendship with the Reader, which can include cuddles, hand-holding, and general cute things. Flirting is alright as well! This is mostly inspired by my own IRL friendships.

On the topic of flirting, I am okay with SOME romantic things. Romantic and sexual are completely different things, after all, and my expertise in romance is probably my only defining quality haha! I am okay with writing about romantic relationships between the Reader and some characters of the SMP, NOT including minors. All minor relationships are STRICTLY platonic. Do not ask for romantic relationships with minors. I will not answer. If you wish to see a story about a romantic relationship between the Reader and an adult SMP character, just ask!

As for personal boundaries, I don't have many! I'm fine with a lot of things, including cursing/swearing. The only thing I will not tolerate towards me or anyone is derogatory remarks. If you don't like something, move on.

And because I can't think of anything else to add, let's move on to questions you probably don't have!

Q.《Why did you start this blog?》

A. As mentioned above, I really enjoy writing fanfictions. They are one of my escapes from the real world, as is the Dream SMP! I started reading some fics, headcannons, and imagines here and really enjoyed it! I thought, "Why not do the same? Share your stories with like-minded people," so I did!

One of my biggest inspirations for starting this blog was the fact that there was so little fanfics for the DSMP, at least in the friendship department. I aim to write stories that center around the characters of the SMP, their friendships and hardships, and to put the story in words that the members otherwise cannot express.

Q.《What will your stories be about?》

A. The Dream SMP, and all characters included! Most, if not all of the stories I write will be 'Reader Insert's, or 'x Reader's. This totally does not stem from my desire to be friends with everyone aha nope haha definitely not-

All stories will be about the characters that the streamers portray, NOT the content creators themselves. I personally feel a bit awkward writing for real people. I may try and change things up one day, but today is not that day!

Q.《How did you get into the Dream SMP?》

A. I got into the Dream SMP a few months ago after coming across many videos and posts talking about it, and began my journey by watching Wilbur Soot's videos and the story of the rise and fall of L'manburg. Ever since, I've been hooked, and I've come to really enjoy and look forward to new streams and videos!

Q.《Will your stories be inclusive? (Gender Identity, Sexuality, Race, etc.)》

A. Absolutely! None of my stories will leave anyone out, and I will strive to accurately portray anything and everything! The Reader in my stories will never have their gender, sexuality, or appearance explicitly stated, either in walls of text or in dialogue. To make everything the most inclusive, I will be using they/them pronouns when characters refer to the Reader. I tend to avoid the use of 'insert points', as I will call them, or things like 'Y/n', 'e/c', or 'h/c' to name a few. If necessary, I will use '(Name)' for the Reader, but otherwise dodge the use of other insert points unless it is useful to the story or needs to be explicitly mentioned.

Q.《Will you write for certain things if asked?》

A. Yes, I will, as long as none of it goes out of my boundaries!

Q.《How much knowledge of Dream SMP Lore do you have?》

A. Honestly, not much. I have gotten as far as Doomsday and Dream's imprisonment, but that is about it! Not to mention, all of my knowledge comes purely from Tubbo, Ranboo, Wilbur and Tommy's streams. I don't know much about Technoblade or Philza's lore as of this moment, or any one else's, but I plan to learn! Any requests that deal with these characters lore, I will do my best. Please don't be afraid to let me know if I mess something up! Help is always welcome.

Q.《Do you have other stories not on Tumblr that I can read?》

A. That I do! I have a story up on Archive Of Our Own under the title "Hearteater"! It is an Demon Slayer OC insert featuring my character Higurashi Shion! I am very proud of it, and I think you should check it out. Look for the user 'LunarPenguinChan' to find the story!

Q.《Is there any other social media I can contact you on?》

A. Yep! Discord, at Ashura#4903, or Twitter under the handle @ashura_penguin!

More to be added as I go! Please check back here frequently for updates. I really look forward to meeting and making friends with everyone! Don't be afraid to send me a DM or ask/request anything! I'm fired up and ready to show off my horrible writing skills! :D

[little-lizziej]

"Will you talk to him?" Alya asks Marinette as she takes a seat on her chase, the soft cushions support Marinette's back as she talks with Alya.

"No" the bluenette shakes her head. "I broke them up, I'm the reason his heart got broken." Marinette lets out a sigh before lifting her legs and hugging them. "How am I supposed to even look at him?" She asks.

Alya looks at her best friend with pity, she had earlier said that out of everyone Adrien deserved love the most, but she had been wrong. She deserves it the most. Marinette deserves it the most. "It's not your fault Marinette" Alya shakes her head.

"Yes it is" She whispers, cutting her best friend off.

"No!" Alya exclaims and stands up from the chaise frustratedly. "It's Kagami's fault, yes you liked him! You loved him! But you also respected him...and her!" She yelled as she started pacing around the room. She just couldn't believe it, Kagami managed to make her best friend believe this was her fault when it wasn't.

"A relationship isn't made out of three people Marinette, and she shouldn't have talked to you about it, she should've talked to her boyfriend about it. You don't owe anything to her, he does. Because he is in the relationship"

"I was still a bad friend! Maybe I'm not in the relationship but I am her friend...and friends don't do that. I had to respect her and her boundaries because of our friendship and that's final"

"A friend?" Alya asks with a scoff. "You think what she did was friend-approved?"

Marinette stays silent, she knows Kagami was indeed a bad friend. Friends don't make them ignore their feelings or friends, they don't hurt each other. They encourage and respect each other's feelings.

Marinette shrugs her shoulders as she lets out a tired sigh. "She was a bad friend" She whispers with a nod, "but she liked him...and I know better than anyone that love makes you do crazy things"

"You also know how to love" Alya narrows her eyes at the wall as she sits beside Marinette. "You know how to love your friends"

"I think she's just confused"

"I don't care" Alya grits out, "you hate being selfish so I'll be selfish for you. You were here first, you liked him first. You loved him first"

"I don't even know what love is" Marinette cuts her best friend off. "Maybe I wasn't in love with him...maybe I just loved him as a friend"

...

"Kagami stop" Adrien clenches his jaw as he watches his ex girlfriend approach him once again. He takes several steps back and tires to maintain the distance between them.

"Adrien please!" She whines, "I-I made a mistake!"

"No Kagami!" He yells without a care about who listens. "You hurt her"

"So what if I did? She's just Marinette!"

"Just Marinette? She's the nicest and most caring girl I've ever met. She has done absolutely nothing to you!"

"She loves you!" Kagami yells and instantly regrets it. He didn't know that. Adrien didn't know that.

"No she doesn't!" The young model shakes his head in denial.

"Stop being so oblivious Adrien! Why do you think she made you that scarf on your birthday? Or why she has so many pictures of you on her wall? Or why she stutters and gets super nervous when you're around? She's in love with you!"

"She made that scarf?" He asks her unable to think about anything else.

"That's not important!" Kagami rolls her eyes and hears him approaching.

"Yes it is!" Adrien yells as he grabs her softly by the shoulders. "Kagami we are not getting back together"

"Fine" Kagami whispers after a few seconds, she opens the door of his room and looks back at him. "It's your loss anyways" she grins before slamming the door closed.

Adrien lets out a sigh as he sits down on his bed with his hands pulling at his hair. "Grr I swear if you had just let me at her!" Plagg exclaims as he comes out of his hiding spot. "I hate that girl!"

"Why do you hate her?" Adrien asks.

"She hurt Marinette, no one touches my princess" the black kwami growls. "She makes the best cheese puffs!" He adds before letting out a dreamy sigh.

Adrien stays silent, he can't help but think about Kagami's words. She's in love with you. She's in love with me. Those two sentences keep repeating over and over in his head. Plagg glances at his holder and tilts his head to the side in wonder. "What are you thinking about kid?" He asks him.

"Do you think Marinette is in love with me?" He lifts his head and watches Plagg.

Plagg's eyes widen as he takes another bite put of his Camembert cheese. He swallows before taking a deep breath, "well..."

"What?" The young model asks him with a frown.

"I need more cheese" Plagg groans. Suddenly, a shoe flies his way. Plagg dodges the shoe and places his hand on his chest. "Well someone has issues" he mumbles under his breath before letting out a laugh. "Oh I'm so funny!"

"Plagg!" Adrien exclaims.

"Ok ok!" Plagg yells as he throws his hands in the air. "I think she is in love with you...can I have more cheese now?"

"Ugh" Adrien groans, "this just complicates everything"

"I thought you already knew?"

"I knew she liked me! Not loved me!"

"Potato, poTaTo it's the same thing" Plagg rolls his eyes and shrugs. He just couldn't believe his holder was complicating things so much. If he was in this position with his Camembert he would just eat it. He wouldn't complicate his life so much.

"It's not! You don't get it Plagg, my father has never said he loved me! The only person that's said it is Kagami. How am I supposed to know how to feel?"

"You love her kid" Plagg sighs as he approaches Adrien and sits on his shoulder. "Just don't hurt her"

...

The classroom is filled with chatter as usual, only this time there is only one topic to talk about. Why did Kagami and Adrien break up?

Maybe it's none of their business, but they can't help but wonder why? And how it affected not only Adrien but a certain bluenette. To say they're worried is an understatement, said bluenette has been there for every single person in the class, even Sabrina and Lila.

It's only natural for the class to feel worried about their friend, she's always supported and helped them in every way possible. She's always been an amazing person to count on, and although they do like Adrien, the place Marinette holds in their hearts is far bigger.

"Hey guys!" Greets Adrien as he walks into the classroom. Everyone immediately quiets down and stares at him.

"Hey dude" smiles Nino and holds out his fist. With a smile, Adrien bumps his fist against Nino's. "How are you feeling dude?" Upon te question everyone listens in, eager to know how their friend has taken the break up.

"Surprisingly ok" Adrien chuckles with a shrug. Everyone lets out a sigh of relief but doesn't stop worrying. There is after all a certain designer who is yet to confirm her feelings.

"Adrien" Alya greets him with a nod, she isn't sure how to feel, a part of her is happy for him. Maybe the model hadn't realized it himself but...his relationship had started becoming toxic.

Without a doubt many had noticed, but said nothing. Their opinion hadn't been asked and Adrien looked happy. They, however, couldn't stay out of it anymore. Adrien wasn't only getting affected by this, but Marinette was too.

The young designer knew how much her friend deserved, and to see the way his own girlfriend and father treated him killed her.

"Good morning everyone!" Said Ms.Bustier  as she walked through the door. Everyone greeted her back and sat down in their respective seats.

"I'm here!" Marinette yelled as she ran inside the classroom, late true to Marinette's fashion. "I'm sorry madam!" The bluenette ducked her head as she apologized and made her way to her seat.

Because her head was firmly on the floor, Marinette didn't catch Adrien looking at her dreamily.

"It's alright Marinette just don't let it happen again" Ms.Bustier sighs knowing very well it will happen again.

"Can I talk to you after class Marinette?" Asks Adrien after he turns to look at the bluenette. Marinette's eyes widen before she quickly nods and shifts her gaze away from him. "Great" Adrien says with a grin.

Eventually the class ends and the classroom empties, "where uh...do you want to talk?" Marinette asks Adrien refusing to meet his eyes. Although it cant be further form the truth, Marinette couldn't help but firmly believe that in just a few seconds she'd be blamed for her friend's broken heart.

"I'm sorry Kagami made you feel that way Marinette" Adrien apologizes and reaches for the blunette's hand. He laces his fingers with hers as he lightly tugs on her hand pulling her closer. "I never ever want to loose you" he whispers.

"It's all my fault" Marinette mutters looking away from him, "you shouldn't be apologizing"

"It was never your fault" Adrien denies as he shakes his head. "Kagami shouldn't have done that, she shouldn't have gotten in between our friendship"

"Did you get hurt?" Marinette whispers making the model chuckle and shake his head once again.

"You ignoring me hurt a lot more than Kagami leaving me" he smiles as he grabs Marinette by the waist.

"Really?" Marinette asks finally looking at him.

"Yeah" Adrien whispers, "did you make that scarf for me on my birthday?"

Marinette's eyes widen as she recalls the blue scarf. "H-how did you-"

"So you did" Adrien interrupts her. "Why didn't you tell me?" He asks.

Marinette shrugs and squeezes his hand, smiling when the action is returned. "You looked so happy and I...I didn't want to take that away from you"

Adrien looks at Marinette with wide eyes, no one had ever cared about him so much. A warm feeling takes over him as butterflies appear on his stomach making him feel all kinds of ways.

"Do you love me Marinette?" Adrien asks feeling hopeful.

"I-I used to, but I shoved those feelings away when Kagami and you started dating"

"So not anymore?"

"No" Marinette shakes her head, "not anymore"

Adrien's stomach sinks at her words. It's such a shame he finally realized he loved her just as she stopped loving him.

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[elektroyu]

I'm not sure if I should post this on my art blog, but since it's impacting my art too I figure why not. I'll be very honest here and it's not something beautiful, so if you don't like to read about such things rn please go somewhere else and find something that suits your needs better. :) To keep you from accidentally continue reading have this picture of pretty dew-topped grasses in the morning that I took a couple years ago:

I love grass, it's so elegant and just <3

So the thing is. The absence of a close friend for me is... crippling. I'm feeling so fucking lonely that it's really not fun anymore. Not being able to share art things (in the broadest sense) or even dog training (agility in particular) with someone close is just about killing me emotionally. I'm a typical textbook introvert who doesn't need tons and tons of friends and I have a hard time committing to people in the first place, but the only people who I can talk about these things is my family, meaning my dad and my sister(s), but that's not really sharing anything. They let me talk and even give opinions or try to help if I'm struggling, but they're not involved in these things themselves. My coworkers like to see my art and are impressed with it, they will share pet stories on a superficial level, but their interest doesn't even remotely reach where mine does. I love my family and coworkers and I honestly appreciate what they DO give me, but it's just not the same as a proper same-interest friendship. Especially a close one. I had one for many, many years (and others before that), it was a truly special connection that's probably just a once-in-a-lifetime occurence. Very gradually it fell apart over time and I trusted a little bit too much that it would last forever. I'm not saying I didn't do anything wrong there, mind you, nor am I blaming anyone for addressing their own needs first and foremost, as that's simply the right thing to do. It was more along the lines of people change and sometimes their needs and expectations change too. That's perfectly normal and that wasn't the first time I've experienced this. But like I said, I didn't see the possibility of this particular friendship ever ending. To me, this thing was eternal, and in a way it still is, even though there's no possibility it could ever come back now. It did end. And that devastated me more than I can express. It ripped my entire heart out and left me bleeding. I still can't quite deal with it even after 5-6 years, although it's gotten slightly better in the last few years. This particular experience changed me in a not at all good way. It made me even more of a hermit. I'm even more afraid to reach out and commit to other people, even though I'm sometimes nearly losing my mind from being lonely. I'm constantly doubting myself to not be enough, to not care enough, to not be good enough to even deserve the friendship of another human being. I'm always, always afraid to disappoint again. I'm seriously, honestly doubting if I even should have a friend, if I'm even able to give them something back. Maybe I'm way too selfish to have a friend. Maybe I don't even really want a friend, even though I obviously do.

Almost worse for me is that the topic of 'friendship' developed into a giant trigger for me. I'm feeling perfectly fine one moment until by chance I stumble upon someone fleetingly mention some human connection on their blog or in some ffxiv tutorial or something and I instantly feel just hollow and unwanted. Instantly feel the absence of someone who can live in that giant void in my heart. It hurts so much. Usually I'm good in my everyday life, but this little thing is becoming more and more of a problem for me, and it doesn't exactly help art things either, as it warps and/ or hinders my ability to think about things properly. My therapist said I should just keep trying to find irl friends, which I'm kinda doing and kinda not doing. That bit of advice was kind of not very helpful, I feel ^^; even though I admire and respect my therapist a lot (not getting sessions anymore, though, I went there for social anxiety and got a LOT out of it, but with friends there's always at least 2 parties involved, right, not just one).

I'm a firm believer that friendships happen and develop on their own, even if there's hardships along the way. I have no interest to beg anyone to be my friend just because I want one. I'm convinced in time I'll meet someone who's feeling as drawn to me as I am to them again and something grows naturally. Or maybe I'm just greedy and it won't happen again, then that's that and I'll have to settle for looser connections. Maybe in the next life. Until I know which one it is I'm going to fight on by myself (life is too precious to waste, after all, if I'm damned to do life alone then I'll rather do it alone than waste all those opportunities to do and experience all this amazing stuff that's going on), love my pets and be loved by them (are humans even able to love so unconditionally?) and talk to you lovely guys on the internet. And believe me, you mean a lot to me and I'm beyond thrilled about every single one who talks to me ;) <3 you know who you are.

So there it is, the thing that plagues me (art me/ dog training me/ personal me) and has no easy fix. I'm putting it out there into the internets, which maybe will be one step towards me learning to deal with it, or heal from it, or live with it at least. It would be nice to process it to a degree that I can either use it for something productive or so that it at least doesn't hinder me anymore. There's no question there's going to be a major scar from it and I don't mind that, but it would be nice if it was only a scar and not such an easily opened wound that hurts like hell and still feels fresh after such a long time.

[shinwoo]

RULES

general rules:

please be respectful and kind, not only to me but to others on this blog as well.

use your common sense. just because i haven’t taken the time to explicitly write it out as a rule, doesn’t mean that it’s automatically okay to do something you know is wrong.

do not repost my (or anyone else’s for that matter) work. that is called plagiarism and it makes you a jerk. especially when you know you copy and pasted word for word and still try to deny it.

please be 17 y/o or older to follow and interact with me! i just feel more comfortable with people closer to my age range

i don't mind spam liking/interaction (i heard it can get content creators shadowbanned and whatnot) but please consider following and reblogging a few of your favorites! i'll try to make it worth your time :)

this only pertains to works. i don't really post much else on here as i have a separate blog for interactions and such but spam liking asks and collabs, etc i join is lowkey just plain weird... (asks specifically)

i will block blank blogs with no hesitation. please have a pfp, bio, and posts on your blog to follow (soft block, but still)

ask rules:

do not ask me super personal information. anything and everything you need to know about me will be provided on my about me post. (head to @kodzukoi for a more detailed about me if you're curious!)

do not send hate (about me or another content creator, because discourse is not tolerated here. please don’t be childish. block and unfollow buttons exist for a reason.)

update: i will no longer be taking requests! thank you for your understanding, but i will entertain thoughts and suggestions!

anon rules:

anons are welcome in my inbox!

signed anons: if you're interested, please consider coming to my interactions blog's inbox!

for all: please consider interacting with me through my interactions blog if you’d like to keep talking to me!

DO NOT INTERACT (DNI)

if you fit the basic dni criteria (racist, do not support LGBTQ+, etc.)

if you are going to send nsfw content in my inbox - i don't mind sfw interactions from mdni/dc/etc content creators, but please respect that this isn't an nsfw blog

if you can't understand boundaries

if your blog is blank

BEFORE YOU FOLLOW (BYF)

i usually write in all lowercase (small font in the title and normal in body)

i usually will not curse but it might show up in works for specific characters.

i have no set schedule for posting

i don't have perfect grammar - i'm bound to make mistakes

i’m horrible at talking to new people (but i do love meeting and talking to new people, it’s just that after a while i’ll get super awkward with newcomers)

but i can be very energetic and “loud” if i click with people, so yeah there’s that lol

i don’t know what counts as “dc” but the worst topics that i can write about are death (usually if it’s like canon or a part of the prompt - case by case basis though), breakups, and toxic behavior for the occasional angst prompt?

i will block blank blogs.

please note, i will do my utmost best to maintain a gender neutral reader. i don't think i will ever write for a fem!reader mostly because i've gotten so used to writing gn!reader, but i am bound to make a mistake at one point so please do not be afraid to tell me if i've written something that is discriminatory towards one or more groups of people (eg. hair type, body type, skin color, etc). thank you for your understanding!

now that you've read my rules, please proceed here for the actual m.list link! :)

[acnelli]

Hey,

I wanted to ask if you've ever gotten an ask (not me) of a well thoughtout fic of any pairing? What would you say to motivate people to try and write their stories? When people give you an idea what typically goes through your head?

Theres so many ideas, plots and prompts to choose from and write but sometimes it gets difficult for some poeple to get that inner courage to post their work.

If you don't mind me asking, what made you finally hit submit on your work?

Also, i'm a Hp Romione fanfic writer, but I do struggle with trying to upload my work whether it's here on tumblr or on A03. I've gotten give or take about 7-8 semi finished WIPs, which are all based on different varieties of prompts/ideas.

Yet, I don't know how to move on to the submitting process which is like the finished stage of writing. I've tried joining the Romione discord but I always get nervous with the huge amount of people that are on the server, it's great don't get me wrong but it's a bit intimidating. When I say that I mean that there's so many amazing writers, and artist on the server, makes me feel like my writing isnt worth posting. I know it sounds pretty lame but I cant help feeling that way.

Sorry for rambling but I just had to ask you a few questions, don't feel obligated to answer quick. I'd like you to take your time with this.

Thanks for listening and also thank you for your fanfics, they make my day always

Hello anon,

first of all, thank you so much for your kind words. I'm happy you like my stories 💛

Now to answer your questions.

1) Aside from one a little more detailed, very smutty Romione time travel story idea, I never got an ask with a full outline of a story.

2) To anyone who wants to try and write, I'd say, please do. There is always someone who wants to read your story and if you like the idea, then someone else does too. Writing is usually not a skill you are just good at, but something that takes practice. If you read a lot of fanfiction, pay attention to the writing style and see what would work best for you until you find your own style.

3) I like prompt writing, so if someone gives me a prompt I play out different scenes in my head. The prompt shouldn't be too specific, but I don't mind working with something a little bit more detailed.

4) As for the courage to post your work: I posted my first fanfiction many years ago and I just had the desire to write down my idea. When I published it I didn't think much about it beforehand. I just posted it and was very surprised when I got reviews. The fic doesn't exist anymore, btw. Like I said before, practice makes perfect and I wasn't happy with it when I reread it. I also fell out of that fandom, so I wasn't very attached to it either. BUT this is how I got into writing and I just kept trying. For years I didn't write anything and I only started again in 2019.

I joined Tumblr and through Tumblr I found a bunch of very supportive fandom folks and sometime later I joined the HPRomione Discord. I understand your hesitation and worry considering the many talented writers in the server, but to me you couldn't find a more supportive group of people. Everyone is so helpful and as long as you respect and are considerate of people's boundaries (like smutty prompts, etc.), you are more than welcome to discuss fic ideas with us. And even if you don't want to discuss your writing, you can also talk about Romione in general, stories you read and enjoyed, and also non-fandom topics.

Don't be afraid to join and talk about your WIPs. Talking about story ideas is one of our favourite past times. As I said before, you'll find many helpful people there who would be happy to beta-read and/or go over your story idea and plot lines.

I hope my answer was helpful and if you have any more questions, send me another ask if you want 💛

Ask me anything for the 500 followers celebration!

[icefire149]

Hey! I’m studying journalism at the moment and have also been wondering if this drama is going to get media coverage. I’d guess a few entertainment journalists are interested and have maybe even tried to work on stories but found the whole situation kind of unwieldy and hard to summarise and source. The stories that have got coverage (j2 fallout, Clinton article) are easy to source (actors tweets, articles from respected publications) and simple for outsiders to understand without knowing 1/2

First off I'm gonna preface with that it's 3am currently as I'm starting and I know I'm tired and not running on all brain cells so please be gentle if I make any errors spelling wise or logic wise.

Also here's the post anon is referencing.

Anon, thank you very much for msging me. It feels really nice knowing that I'm not the only one wondering what's going on here. I honestly thought the day after 15x18 aired that it would be a massive news story. Supernatural does get attention from EW and awards run on fan votes. Never mind it had the spotlight for being on TV 15years, it was close to wrapping up, and they actually green lit a massively popular (and award winning) ship. Therefore flipping 12 years of narrative on it's head because it actually was a slow burn romance as was speculated. AND as the icing on the top of the cake, it trended over one of the most important presidential elections ever.

How did nobody report on this? How did nobody point out that it's strange in this climate that the CW chose not to acknowledge any part of it that would have gotten them brownie points: LGBT rep, successful long term storytelling. [Granted it was also simultaneously a speed run in bury your gays - even though the narrative demanded more to the Empty plot which seemed to be cut - and I'm not even touching what this meant for Dean's character & sexuality - and the finale filming inconsistencies - All of these are also massively complex and worth digging into for a news story, but my mind is honing on specifically on the CW's problem with Castiel being gay tonight].

I've poked around a bit further than just relying on my memory. The stories that got coverage were: j2 fall out (although the ones I looked at missed the tweet at Robbie), Clinton, the Oscars, the prequel, and the rogue translator. (And I did find one website I've never heard of before did a small write up on the Valentine's Day Wedding)

Although I'd like to point out that (and I could be dead wrong) if I remember correctly the inside scoop on the j2 fall out reconciliation statement from Jared came from a planned interview for Walker promotion. And for the rogue translator mess, where Misha was suddenly in a pr nightmare, of course that's what got EW coverage. But it still didn't push the topic especially after several other dubs came out and some used language that confirms romantic intent as others didn't. That should've been a bigger story in itself leading into the central issues of censorship and homophobia.

Everything else is non existent online unless you know specifically where to look. Which isn't great for anyone but the higher powers that want to sweep things under the rug.

You're 100% right we should look into making things more digestible for people with little to none knowledge of SPN. It's important to step back and remember that we're carrying years of complex knowledge. This is why the fandom as a whole can look like we're living in a different dimension.

Even still, it's baffling the lack of coverage for trending topics like the big pushes for #TheySilencedYou campaign which felt straight forward after a minute of scrolling through twitter. Jared's rant this weekend was trending like crazy. I saw transcripts and videos being pushed around. I've seen TMZ report on way less (and they've jumped on reporting about Jared's arrests before in the past.) Why nothing now? I keep waiting to see something. Anything.

Fingers crossed something does pop up. Or fans organize something especially after the bullshit with CE.

[stanevansgossip]

I think celebrities (or people close to them) are adviced against apologizing for stuff unless it’s really bad because the people who are mad will never accept the apology and the apology will only end up bringing more attention to it. Sebastian has gotten a lot of haters since they got together, but it honestly doesn’t affect his career that much. Internet fandoms are not as powerful as they would like to believe. Bieber is an example of someone who is hated online to a staggering degree, but is still one of the most successful artists today. Sebastian is hardly Bieber, but he still has a loyal fanbase and if he avoids social media he’s good. The hatred is only going to make those who hate uglier inside. It’s not worth it. Like you said: It won’t make them break up. At most you are ruining the fandom experience for those of us who still love Seb and don’t mind his gf, but we can just block so idk.

thankyou anon ❤

i've talked about this specific topic a lot so im just going to put here what i said about it last time:

she clearly made mistakes, but the minute she refused to apologise for them, own up to them or even acknowledge them - those mistakes were no longer unintentional mistakes. her ignorance was no longer ignorance, because now she is aware she did something wrong- and she has CHOSEN to not apologise. she doesn't care.

but this doesn't give anyone the excuse to body-shame, slut-shame, stalk, harass or bully.

so we are just wasting our precious time trying to bring attention to something everyone is already aware of, they dont care, they will never care, im not trying to silence anyone- i think we have very clearly already made our voices heard- there is nothing more we can do, all we are doing is wasting time. Moving on from this is not defending her, it is us recognising that the rich white girl will not be affected by any of this, and it is a waste of time- because sebs fans have genuinely brought as much awareness to this as they possible can.

but be better than her, dont be bullies because you think she is awful, be better. We have exhaustedly pointed out her ignorance, she knows it, sebastian knows it, everyone knows it - so let it go, she will never apologise, seb will never address it and harassing them in their comments everyday, is not worth it.

personally, i feel that the harder your try to break seb and ale up the more they will want to stay together to prove a point, to not let you get to them- the harder you push them to fail the stronger they will be - SO IGNORE THEM, make them lose all the attention we give them, stop giving a shit - and i guarantee, eventually they will just end it on their own.

there are so many more important issues you can be using this energy to help, so many petitions, awareness campaigns - things that will actually make a difference. please, put your negative energy into doing something good, attacking Ale ( an ignorant rich white girl who will never be affected by anything we could throw at her ) is not worth it.

[alvacchi]

Phantom Thief Hanako-kun AU Story: Chapter 8- The Search For Mitsuba

((Edit: I completely forgot a small recap so allow me to just add 😂))

In case it wasn't clear, this story does have its dark themes...

Enjoy!

---

-Last time in the previous chapter...

-Yashiro accepted a missing case from Yako

-Hanako unexpectedly came into Yashiro's apartment with a fever and Yashiro took care of him

-Mitsuba got a visit from Tsukasa

-and Kou got missed calls from Mitsuba

-The story continues!

-The next morning

-Hanako slowly opened his eyes

-He hadn't slept that well and soundly in so long

-As his eyes adjusted to his surroundings

-He started realizing where he was

-That ceiling. This bed. And.

-He looked over to his side

-To what he was holding

-Daikon legs

-Which means

-He looked up to see Yashiro sleeping peacefully

-What kind of weird sleeping position did he take???

-No, that wasn't the point right now!

-He got up letting go of her legs, flustered and touched the top of his head

-His eyes widened

-Gone. His hat's gone.

-He patted himself in search of the jewel he stole during the heist

-That's gone

-He looked down at himself

-He wasn't in his clothes

-All the rustling and movements on the bed woke Yashiro up

-She stirred and got up, still slightly out of it

-As her eyes adjusted, she faced a flustered Hanako who looked at her in horror

-Yashiro: "Hm...? Hanako-kun?"

-Hanako: "Detective, what were you...??? What was I....???"

-He couldn't seem to form the words

-Yashiro snapped out of her sleepy state as she looked at Hanako

-Seeing him getting so flustered was making her blush as well

-They were both on the same bed

-Add that on top of him wearing some of Yashiro's clothes

-Yashiro sure was seeing a new side of him

-Hanako didn't seem to remember all of last night's events, judging from his reaction

-But Yashiro still did

-Yashiro: [flustered] "Nothing happened last night! You were just really sick."

-Hanako: "Oh..."

-He fidgeted

-Hanako: "Could I have my clothes back?"

-Yashiro: "Ah, right!"

-Yashiro gave him his clothes back

-Hanako quickly changed and regained his composure

-He didn't feel any jewel in his clothes

-He must have hidden it away somewhere like he did before

-Hanako: "Well I'd best be on my way"

-Yashiro: "Wait!"

-Yashiro grabbed Hanako on time to stop him from going out the window

-Yashiro: "You're not going to disappear again, are you? We still have that deal. A gentleman should keep his word, no?"

-Honestly at this point, the deal was an excuse so they could hang out more

-Hanako: "Heh~ You remember what I've said before. You want me to still visit?"

-Yashiro: "Yes!"

-There was no hesitation in her reply Hanako noted surprisingly

-Hanako: "...Very well then. I'll come by when I can"

-He doesn't seem to be so bothered anymore? Thank goodness

-Yashiro sighed in relief

-Yashiro: "Oh good. I thought I might have to resort to this."

-She pulled out the jewel which she kept in a box during the clothes swapping

-Hanako looked shocked

-Did that mean he came here immediately after the heist without a care?!

-Wow, he was not thinking straight at all

Hanako: "Oh god I didn't know you're such a savage. You got me"

-Hanako looked down and held his hand to cover his face

-He couldn't stop smiling

-Yashiro: "I can be when I want to! I shouldn't even be doing this but well..."

-Yashiro put the jewel in his hand

-Yashiro: "Here."

-Hanako covered his eyes with his bangs and looked away, turning his back

-Hanako: "Um....thanks. I'll see you some time soon."

-If Yashiro looked closely at him, the back ends of his ears were blushing bright red

-Yashiro: "See you"

-And with that, Hanako took off

-Yashiro got ready to go to Tsuchigomori's detective agency

-She just received a call from Tsuchigomori to come report

-She may still be investigating Yako's case but she should get back to the agency whenever she can in case she's needed

-She's an apprentice learning from Tsuchigomori after all

-Once she arrived at the office, Yako was sitting there annoying Tsuchigomori

-Tsuchigomori: "Don't you have anything better to do?"

-Yako: "I'm worried!"

-Yashiro: "Good morning, Tsuchigomori-sensei! Good morning, Yako-san!"

-Yako: "You're back! Any news? Good news??"

-Yashiro: "Uh I would still need more time to investigate. I'm sorry that I haven't found anything yet."

-Yako: "Ugh you're all useless! Misaki could be suffering at this very moment!"

-Yashiro: [sweatdrops] "Ahahaha...."

-Suddenly, the office door slammed open

-And in came a very worried Kou

-Kou: "SENPAI!"

-Yashiro: "Kou-kun?! What's wrong?"

-Kou: "It's Mitsuba! I don't know where he is!"

-Yashiro: "HUH?!"

-Kou: "He called me a few times last night and I didn't pick up but now when I try to call him back, I don't get a single response!"

-Yashiro: "Wait but this was last night, right? Maybe you're overreacting? He could be busy"

-Kou: "I thought that at first but then I thought about Yokoo and Satou. They haven't been responding to my messages either and they seem to have mysteriously disappeared from the traffic department for a couple days already so I'm worried."

-A bit of background:

-Yokoo and Satou were Kou's police buddies

-They trained together as novice police cadets way back

-Since they transferred to the traffic department, they gave Kou a traffic safety amulet, saying it suited him since it was a pun (The word on the amulet is pronounced "Koutsuu" in Japanese)

-Kou initially wore the amulet around his neck but now wears it on his right ear

-Kou's whistle was also a gift from them when he got promoted to a police officer

-Alright, back to the story!

-Yashiro: "What??"

-Yako: "Wait, what did you say? So, it wasn't just Misaki who disappeared?"

-Kou: "Huh? There's another person missing?"

-Yashiro was puzzled

-Were Kou's missing friends connected with the missing Misaki case?

-It was too early to conclude

-Kou: "Senpai, please! Could you help look for Mitsuba? I don't know about Yakoo and Satou but they're still part of the police force and they got each other so I believe they are able to take care of themselves. Mitsuba though...he doesn't seem to have anyone with him so I want to find him as soon as possible!"

-Yashiro: "Leave it to me!"

-Kou: "Thank you! I'll come along too! I feel responsible"

-Yako: "Hmph, if it's not about Misaki, then I'll just hang here."

-Tsuchigomori: [facepalm] "...I wonder how you're a policewoman"

-Kou and Yashiro left the agency in search for Mitsuba

-They started with places Kou believed Mitsuba would be at

-Then, they just looked around the city

-Kou had a worried look on his face the entire time that Yashiro couldn't help but worry for him

-She tried to think of a conversational topic to get his mind off the case for a bit

-Yashiro: "Kou-kun, I baked some donuts a couple days ago and I was reminded of you since you taught me how to make them"

-Kou: "Oh really? I'm glad that you like that recipe!"

-Well, he smiled a bit. That's good

-Kou and Yashiro ran into Teru in the middle of their investigation

-Yashiro: "Minamoto-senpai!"

-Kou: "Nii-chan!"

-Yashiro: "What are you doing here?"

-Teru: "I'm patrolling this area. What about you two?"

-Kou: "We're looking for Mitsuba! He might be around this area"

-Teru: "Then, let me join you! I may be able to help."

-Yashiro: "Thank you, Minamoto-senpai!"

-Kou: "Thank you, Nii-chan!"

-As always, Teru was so cool!

-But wait

-As Yashiro stared at him, she noticed that she didn't seem to feel as strongly attracted to Teru as before

-But why?

-Maybe because she spent the last couple days worrying her head off about Hanako?

-She did seem to think about Hanako a lot lately and when it comes to him, she gets flustered easily....

-........What?

-Wait why does that sound like...?

-No. Perish that thought.

-It was stupid.....right?

-Oh gosh, maybe she should talk to Aoi about this

-Yashiro crushed on a lot of hot guys in the past and Hanako just didn't apply to that category in her terms

-So it was really strange

-As the three searched, Teru stopped them at one point

-Teru: "Maybe it's better if we split up to cover more ground. We could widen our search and then come back to a spot together when we're done. Whoever finds Mitsuba could bring him over."

-Kou: "Ah! Sounds good, Nii-chan! The city does have a lot of people so it should be alright. Senpai, what do you think?"

-Yashiro snapped out of her zoning out

-Yashiro: "Huh? Oh yeah, sure. We could do that."

-Teru: "Then, let's meet back at that statue over there in half an hour. That should be enough time to cover this part of the area"

-Yashiro & Kou: "Got it!"

-And so, they split up and Yashiro was left to investigate one part of the area on her own

-She found there were back alleys in some sections so she decided to have a look into them

-She's a detective's apprentice so she should be able to handle this

-As she searched however, she felt a pair of eyes watching her

-And they gave her the chills

-Yashiro: "W-who's there?!"

-No response

-She suddenly had vivid flashbacks to that time with Tsukasa

-She still hadn't gotten over that

-And before she knew it, she was getting a bit scared as she walked through the back alley

-She's got to pull herself together

-The longer she felt herself being watched though, the more scared she got

-She started running and she didn't know where she was now

-Yashiro: "Kou-kun! Minamoto-senpai!"

-Now, she was yelling for them

-As she turned the corner, she bumped into someone and fell down

-Yashiro: "Oof!"

-"Detective! Are you alright?"

-That voice. That nickname.

-She looked up

-Yashiro: "Hanak--"

-She immediately shushed when she realized Hanako wasn't alone and he wasn't even in his uniform

-Hanako was actually dressed up as Hana from before

-And nearby she saw Mitsuba

-Yashiro: "Mitsuba-kun!"

-Mitsuba: "Daikon-senpai!"

-Not so long after Yashiro found Mitsuba, Kou and Teru came running towards them

-Kou: "Senpai!"

-Yashiro: "Kou-kun! Minamoto-senpai!"

-Kou: "You weren't at the statue by the agreed time so we--"

-Kou then spotted Mitsuba

-Kou: "MITSUBA!"

-Kou proceeded to tackle and hug Mitsuba

-Mitsuba: "Minamoto-kun?!"

-Kou: "MITSUBA I WAS SO WORRIED!"

-Mitsuba: "Ah...I figured you would be. I tried to call you before but you weren't picking up so I left a voicemail."

-Kou: "Oh. I didn't check that. Oops."

-Mitsuba: "Stupid."

-Kou: "But wait, then why weren't you picking up my calls??"

-Mitsuba: "I had my phone turned off! I may have also left it behind. Did it not click for you that I am busy? I tried to let you know that!"

-Kou: "Mitsuba...I thought you went missing"

-Mitsuba: "What? Are you worried that my cuteness would get me kidnapped? I hope you don't plan on handcuffing me and you together again!"

-Kou: "That was a misunderstanding! I thought you were a criminal! And I didn't know how it worked at the time"

-Mitsuba: "I was being an undercover journalist! I can't believe you didn't even have the key to unlock them and we were stuck together for some time. AH YOU PERVERT!"

-Kou: "That again?!"

-Yashiro: "Ahem...you guys could squabble about that later?"

-Kou: "Oh sorry. I forgot you guys were there. Thank you Senpai for the help! You're the best! And of course Nii-chan too!....Oh Hana! You're also here! We meet again!"

-Hanako: "Ah yes! It's nice to see you again!...."

-Hanako was sweating under Teru's glare who was eyeing him suspiciously

-Hanako: "Well I got to leave so I'll get going now. Bye bye!"

-Hanako left the scene, everyone watching him go

-Mitsuba was recalling their conversation earlier:

[Earlier]

-Mitsuba: "You can drop the act now. We're alone. I know it's you, Hanako."

-Hanako: "Oh? Did you just figure it out?"

-Mitsuba: "No. I knew it was you the moment I inspected your face at Daikon-senpai's apartment. Minamoto-kun may be an idiot but you can't fool me. Don't underestimate me."

-Hanako: "Heh~ but you didn't say anything."

-Mitsuba: "I didn't say anything because I figured Daikon-senpai didn't want to reveal you. I do care for her, for your information. And Minamoto-kun...I don't know if I want him to know"

-Hanako: "So why did you drag me out here then? If not to arrest me?"

-Mitsuba: "I wanted to ask you something personal. I noticed it before but I didn't mention it."

-Hanako: "And what's that?"

-Mitsuba: "Why are there bandages underneath your clothes? In my photos of you, I could spot a glint of them now and then when the wind is strong enough to reveal more of your skin."

-Hanako: "Oh? Are you concerned for my well-being, gentleman?"

Mitsuba: "No. I do not care for you at all. If anything, I do not even want to associate with you. The only reason I'm even bothering is because Minamoto-kun is worried about you and Daikon-senpai seems to be protecting you for some reason."

Hanako: "In that case, I assure you I'm perfectly fine. No bandages here."

Mitsuba: "...Let me rephrase that. Why WERE there bandages underneath your clothes back then? Even if you say that, the times you had bandages were infrequent and unusual. There were times you did have them and times you didn't. They don't seem ordinary to me and I don't think you got hurt that badly during your heists. Those bandages seemed almost as if to say you got hurt...on purpose."

-An eerie silence followed

-Hanako: "Do you really want to know that badly?"

-Mitsuba felt some odd terror

-That's when Yashiro bumped into Hanako

-So, Mitsuba didn't quite get his answer but there was definitely something going on

-As he pondered while they walked out the alleyway, he felt like he was being watched

-He turned in the direction he felt them

-But then it was gone

-Was it his imagination?

---

-Hanako was back at his hideout where a bunch of Mokke were playing around

-He was in the middle of thinking

-While he noted that Mitsuba was quite a sharp and observant boy, there was also something else on his mind

-Yashiro was looking for Kou and Teru before she bumped into him

-And she seemed very close to Kou

-Hanako was wondering when Yashiro started calling Kou "Kou-kun" instead of "Minamoto-kun"

-It didn't bother him before but now suddenly, it did

-He thought of when Kou was being all cheery with Yashiro

-A sharp pain went through his chest

-Mokke: Something smells

-The Mokke started inching away from Hanako

-His heart was aching and he didn't get why