#if anyone is going to judge Gil's genius it will be me

[softquietsteadylove]

Second round for the Thenamesh Cook and Critic AU.

This time Gil nails the next meal. Thena reacts like the food critic from ratatouille!

Thena sighs as another plate is taken away from in front of her. She looks at her notepad. She has tried twelve dishes thus far, and every single one of them was lacklustre. Her notes are mostly things like spoke at the floor during presentation, or not enough onion in ONION galette.

She only agreed to critique this farce because she wants the extra credit. That was the reason she gave her supervising teacher, that is. On a more personal level, she saw the list of students entering and volunteered to critique and write the review for the competition.

It's extracurricular, essentially a competition for a review in a very prestigious publication. It's still a review, so she has to be impartial, if critical, but the winner can get their name out into the real world of fine dining.

She doesn't think anyone on this list besides Gilgamesh stands a chance. But again, she has to be impartial, so she can't risk voicing that opinion. She has to try his dish for herself.

Thanks to her position as a third year critique student, she's graded several classes this year, three of which Gilgamesh attended. His dishes are always warm and comforting, but he doesn't lack refinement, and he's no slouch when it comes to plating. She rather thinks he has more promise than anyone else in the school.

"Just one more," Ajak smiles over her shoulder. Thena just nods, long bored of having to endure all the other entries when Gilgamesh's is the only one she actually wanted to try.

She could have just asked. He has offered several times now to make her something, or present the adjustments to a recipe that she suggested. But she can't take him up on that offer...for some reason. She'll think about it, and then lose her nerve.

The door to the examination room opens and in walks Gilgamesh, tall and broad shouldered and confident. He has a huge grin on his face, which is a stark contrast to the contestants who walked in with tears in their eyes. He shifts his dish on his palm so he can wave at her.

Thena almost waves back, but it turns to a flinch as his tray starts to tilt. "Gil-!"

"Whoa!" he startles, catching the silver cloche and adjusting the platter loudly. "Sorry, that was close!"

Ajak presses her palm over her eyes.

Thena sinks back into her chair (she didn't even realise she had risen in reflex to the scare). She clears her throat, tugging at her skirt. "What are you presenting, Gilgamesh?"

"Well, the name of the dish officially is Liquid Gold," he grins as he sets the platter down on her white tablecloth. He pulls the cloche away, "but I did think about calling it Breakfast of Champions."

The room is silent in reaction to the dish. Sitting in front of her for judging in a fine dining setting is...an egg--a singular egg in an egg holder in the middle of the plate.

Thena leans forward examining it closer. Her brows knit and she looks up at him. He's still beaming, though, and it's a little too infectious to ignore. She feels the corners of her lips tug, "what have you done?"

Gilgamesh leans in too, eager to watch her cut into the dish. "I took a chance--I hope you like onigiri."

Thena pokes at the outside of the 'egg'. The rice is perfect and fluffy, but shaped into an egg, which is renowned for being a deceptively difficult shape to construct. She pulls it away and indeed, inside, is liquid gold. She inhales.

Gilgamesh hangs on her every reaction, practically wagging his tail in his eagerness.

Ajak steps towards them, "Gilgamesh, do you want to...?"

He shakes his head though, "after she's had her bite."

Her bite--her one bite, for which she has become infamous. Because she has to taste so much in a day she has come to dislike so many foods. Because she can never just sit down and enjoy a meal. Because she's the most frightening critique student to come out of this school.

Thena pulls her bite to her lips and gasps. Her eyes go wide and she feels as if she's sinking into a warm chicken broth. The dish oozes, just like a soft boiled egg, but the grains of rice fall to the plate below and instead of egg yolk, there is a silken chicken broth dripping out, thickened like a creamy soup.

It makes her feel like a little girl digging into a soft boiled egg in her grandfather's garden. It tastes like a comforting chicken dumpling and a risotto and a breakfast dish all at once. She chews the rice and feels like when she would eat plov (pilaf) after a cold day outside.

She takes another bite, and then another. The dish is small anyway, and she wishes it weren't. She even moves her fork in the bottom of the egg holder to get every last grain of rice within. She licks her lips and sighs, leaning on the table. "It's perfect."

Ajak's jaw is hanging open.

But Gil is looking at her with pure joy on his face, "you think so?"

She nods, feeling as if she's tipsy (she doesn't drink). She taps her finger against the gold rim of the plate. "Tell me about the dish."

"So, I thought, well, what's the most important meal of the day?" he begins rhetorically, and maybe it's because she's in such a good mood that she finds it so charming. Or maybe it's just Gilgamesh. But he gesticulates as he speaks, and she wonders if anyone will mind if she licks the inside of the egg cup. "And then I think, what's my favourite thing to have for breakfast?"

She raises her brows at him, and this is no longer her interviewing him for the competition. It might never have been that. "You have onigiri for breakfast?"

"I do a lot of cooking in the day, I really value a quick meal I don't have to do anything for myself," he shrugs shamelessly. She thinks he's funny. "Anyway, I was thinking of what fillings of onigiri there are, and then I thought about dumplings and their fillings, and then I thought about how chicken dumplings are totally underrated. Then-"

"Gilgamesh," Ajak interrupts him, and Thena has never felt annoyed with Ajak before now. "More concisely, please."

"Right, sorry," he offers a more sheepish smile and holds the silver cloche of the platter against his chest. "Liquid Gold is inspired by eastern and western traditions of a self contained meal. It's all the warmth of a perfect egg with the complexity of a xiaolongbao. The 'egg' is composed of rice I seasoned with just a little sesame oil and rice vinegar, and the 'yolk' is actually a homemade chicken stock concentrated down with a little traditional seasoning, as well as some curry and all-spice, to be gentle on the stomach, then made into a gelatin so it can melt out of the egg when you cut into it."

Thena wishes she could stand up and clap for him.

"I know it's a simple concept, and maybe I'm taking a bit of a risk," he admits, some shyness coming over him. "But I thought...what would someone want to eat? What's something that would be comforting, but also nice to eat, whether it's first thing in the morning or...after a bunch of other dishes."

Thena blinks. He took into account that he was last on the roster for judging. Had he really taken into consideration how she would feel after tasting all the other entries?

"I just wanna make food that makes people happy," he concludes softly, shrugging his shoulders as if he hasn't created a truly unique and inspired dish.

She could cry with joy, she liked it so much.

"Thank you for having me," he concludes, as did the rest of the contestants. He bows to her and Ajak, then to the other supervising teachers present.

Thena wishes she could ask him to make this for her again, but just sits there as he walks out. When he closes the door, she dabs at her eyes. She has truly been moved to tears by his cooking, and she didn't even get to tell him.

She publishes her review the next day in the school newsletter.

The very idea that culinary practice requires its own form of criticism is, in itself, arrogant. Who are we to declare that the simple act of eating and enjoying food is subject to validation given by a privileged few? The purpose of food is to be eaten, and I believe that any cook worthy of being called Chef would say that they want to make food which people will enjoy.

Liquid Gold is, in every sense, food to be enjoyed. It is the perfect dish, small but rich, comforting but exciting, engaging but familiar. The promise of a liquid centre of chicken bouillon is enough to make Midas a jealous man, encased in rice capable of transporting anyone back to the kitchen of their most beloved memories.

Brought to life by a chef named Gilgamesh, I am no match for it. It does not require a perfect palette to enjoy this dish. Nor does anyone need to have refined tastes to love eating it. This charming little 'egg' exists only to evoke complete infatuation with its simple charms.

Once upon a time, many of us were told that love is a secret ingredient to any meal. With Chef Gilgamesh, this may well prove true. Love is palatable in this dish, and within all dishes of his making. And I expect the world over to fall in love with this dish as I have, created by the best chef ever to be taught within the halls of the Celestial Institute of Culinary Studies.

[silke-doomflare]

Meet the character: Silke

BASICS

► Name ➔  “Silke Doomflare. And yes, it’s got something to do with my profession!”

► Are you single ➔ Silke’s eyes suddenly get a bit wider. She blinks, and then purses her lips, becoming oddly interested in the nearby wall. “It’s complicated.”

► Are you happy ➔  “Mm, yeah, I guess I could say so”, she states after thinking for a moment. “I’m studying things I love, my family is safe and alive, I have a handful of people I could consider my friends.. Can’t really complain, although a little bit more gil wouldn’t hurt...”

► Are you angry? ➔  “Well, usually not. Though, at the moment I’m a bit pissed off at a certain colleague of mine who loudly and unnecessarily harshly judged my thesis of pyromancy in front of our professor and classmates. Like, hellooo? You can give critique and still be polite about it, geez…”

► Are your parents still married ➔  “They are”, Silke nods proudly. "I’ve seen so many broken families lately. I feel very privileged… and lucky.”

EIGHT FACTS

► Birth Place ➔ “I’ve heard it was the place named Skatay Range. But I can’t remember a thing from it. I was so young when I was taken by slavers. So I like to think Kugane as my real birth place, since I grew up there.“

► Hair Color ➔ “Black I guess? At least it was the last time I checked! In bright light it looks like dark grey, though.”

► Eye Color ➔ Silke leans closer, so that the deep turquoise can hardly be missed. "You have troubles with your eyes or what? I happen to partly know a shady medic from a certain dark alley nearby. Want to know the address?”

► Birthday ➔ “Ninth sun of the first astral moon, I’ve heard.”

► Mood ➔ “Right now? I guess I’m feeling somewhat eager. There’s this new portal we’re going to test out tomorrow, and I was permitted to take part in it. Can you believe that? Usually they’re just like ‘no, Silke, don’t touch it, don’t touch anything’, but this time I’m allowed in. They must’ve finally noticed the genius I am.“

► Gender ➔ “God!” Silke yells and gets on her feet, pointing towards the roof. A long silence follows. “Seriously! Have you ever seen me on a battlefield? Have you seen the havoc I’ve --- no? Oh...”

► Summer or winter ➔ “Agh, such a difficult question. I like both. I like to swim and lay on a soft grass under a tree. But then again I also like to drink hot cocoa when it’s cold, wrap myself up into a blanket and watch the flames of our fireplace or snow falling outside.“

► Morning or afternoon ➔ “Afternoon of course? I’m not even awake before noon… no, wait. I like sleeping as well. Both?”

EIGHT THINGS ABOUT YOUR LOVE LIFE

► Are you in love ➔ “Of course I am. If we don’t count the feeling of aether flowing through me while I cast spells and blow things to smithereens, I love most the smell of old tomes, parchment, ink and all sorts of sweets, especially ice-cream. I also love chocobos. If it wasn’t possible to be a mage I’d definitely become a chocobo breeder. Perhaps I’ll become one when my career is over and spells no longer stay in my head. I’ll retire and start breeding chocobos. Yes, a perfect plan!“

► Do you believe in love at first sight ➔ “I definitely do! I fell in love with my dog the moment I saw him. Have you ever visited Kugane? Well anyway, they have these small, orange, pointy eared and curly tailed dogs there in almost every house. It’s like their national dog or something, they’re so popular.”

► Who ended your last relationship ➔ “I hate to admit this, but it was him… I thought we were doing fine, but one day he started to complain I didn’t give him enough attention, and that I was studying too much. I mean… how can one even study too much? I don’t get it.“

► Have you ever broken someone’s heart ➔  “I guess I have. Not on purpose, though! Honestly, some people are so sensitive it’s harder not to break their hearts, geez… What an annoying subject to talk about, anyway.” Silke ruffles her head uneasily.

► Are you afraid of commitments ➔ “Of course not. I wouldn’t be able to ever become an archmage if I wasn’t dedicated to my studies.“

► Have you hugged someone within the last week? ➔ Silke’s usually cheerful expression grows darker suddenly. "My sister. We don’t see very often, but when we do, I try to show my care as much as I can. She’s hanging out with shady folk sometimes, and I can’t help but worry at times will she come home or not.”

► Have you ever had a secret admirer ➔ “I surely hope not! Would be creepy to have someone admiring you from afar, without letting you know. Isn’t that like stalking? It’s only good manners to make yourself known so we can find out do we get along or not.“

► Have you ever broken your own heart? ➔ “No, I don’t think so. Or perhaps I once almost did… there was this huge tome - as big as those holy scriptures they have in the cathedral - in a certain old bookstore. The merchant was old as sky and I was afraid they’d close the place soon. And the tome was expensive. I was a lot younger back then and didn’t have much money, and my sister was like ‘no Silke, you totally won’t buy a book written in some dead language no one can read to take more room in your previously cramped room and collect dust.’ At first I was about to leave it at that, but I ended up snitching money from her cache.” Silke grins impishly. “No regrets!”

SIX CHOICES

► Love or lust ➔ “I have to choose again? You’re, like, asking me do I like to enjoy nice things existing or actually take them to be mine.”

► Lemonade or iced tea ➔ “What if I started to ask you annoying questions like strawberries or chocolate? Can’t choose, huh? Huh?”

► Cats or Dogs ➔ Silke falls silent for a moment. “…just when I was yapping at you for silly questions. Dogs all the way! I like cats too, and maybe I would be more of a cat person if my first pet had been a cat. But it was a dog, and there’s no going back!“

► A few best friends or many regular friends ➔ “A few best friends, absolutely. I have both, but I’ve noticed I enjoy the company of my closest friends a lot more. You can do all sorts of crazy stuff with them you can’t with anyone else.”

► Wild night out or romantic night in ➔ “Definitely a wild night out! I have romantic nights by myself all the time with wine and chocolate and our fireplace, and I rarely get to go out.“

► Day or night ➔ “I like both, actually. At days I’m studying, and at nights I’m doing my homework.” Silke shrugs and grins.

FOUR HAVE YOU EVERS

► Been caught sneaking out ➔ Silke becomes more serious once more. “Like I told you, I was taken from my original home by slavers. Life wasn’t very nice back then. I tried to run, many times. But I was very small and weak, and they were big, strong and fast.”

► Fallen down/up the stairs ➔ “This actually happened during one of my escape attempts. I was lucky I didn’t die. I still have a scar left.“ Silke lifts her bangs and shows a scar near her temple.

► Wanted something/someone so badly it hurt? ➔ “Freedom. Yes… I think losing our loved ones is the first thing we usually think of when someone asks for the thing we fear the most. But I think losing your freedom would be even worse. If you’re free, you can always start anew, but if you’re being held captive, you can’t do anything. Nothing at all.”

► Wanted to disappear ➔ Silke gives a long look at you and raises an eyebrow again. “Considering the things I just told you, there just may have been such situations...”

FOUR PREFERENCES

► Smile or eyes ➔ “Mmh, both are important, but I think I like eyes more. I’m not a spiritual person, but I still think you can kind of see their soul there. Their essence. If they’re good or evil. The creepiest thing I’ve seen is probably living people with empty eyes, especially those without any kindness in them…”

► Shorter or Taller ➔ “Shorter, definitely. I’m quite short myself despite my heels and I don’t like it when someone looks down on me. Well, most of people  kind of have to, they can’t help it, but you know?“

► Intelligence or Attraction ➔  “Pff, do you even need to ask? Intelligence, of course. There are very few things that… truly infuriate me… But the one thing I absolutely can’t stand in others is chosen stupidity. Yes, chosen! Can you believe, that there truly exists people who don’t want to learn new things, be it about themselves or other people or the world that surrounds them?” Silke starts to imitate an elderly person, talking in a low, hoarse tone: “Silly girl. If we would discover new things or try them out, we would be in a situation we’ve never been in before.” She bursts into a mocking laughter. “Yes, someone really said that to me…”

► Hook-up or Relationship ➔ “Relationship, hands down. I’ve had my share of hook-ups.” Silke apparently can’t stop her eyes rolling towards the roof as a protest.

FAMILY

► Do you and your family get along ➔ “Yeah, we get along very well. I have some arguments every now and then with my two siblings, but nothing too serious.”

► Would you say you have a “messed up life” ➔ “Not anymore. It used to be such a mess, though.” Silke lets out an uneasy laugh. “After me and Asagi were adopted, we got our life eventually back together. Despite a few ups and downs it’s been quite stable after that. A place to belong to and meaningful chores do wonders.”

► Have you ever ran away from home ➔ “No, definitely not. My parents have always been reasonable. Even during our wildest teenage years I can’t remember there would’ve been anything too major…“

► Have you ever gotten kicked out ➔ Silke has some difficulties holding back a sudden laughter. "I got kicked out of class, yeah! Though I still think it was unfair towards me. It wasn’t my fault. It was an alchemy class and I guess I had made some miscalculation with my mixture… I tried to tell my professor I’m not quite sure about it, but he just had to go and push his big head too close to the cauldron.”

FRIENDS

► Do you secretly hate one of your friends ➔ “No, I don’t hate my friends. If I did, I wouldn’t be friends with them, would I? Some of them have some annoying traits, but... hate? Nah.“

► Do you consider all of your friends good friends ➔ "Sadly no… I’ve had some… disappointments. You know, there’s quite a lot of people who seem like they’re good friends, but once you have a bad day, or few bad days, they suddenly disappear and want to hear nothing about it. So weird. I certainly wouldn’t abandon my friends like that.”

► Who is your best friend ➔ “Absolutely Iris. She’s a bit odd sometimes, in a good way though, and her vocabulary is quite vulgar and it upsets some people, but I think it’s hilarious. I’ve never met anyone so quick-witted before. There’s not a single boring moment while she’s around. Oh, and nowadays there’s also this certain miqo’te called Shaura. We haven’t known each other for very long, but just like with Iris, we just clicked right away.“

► Who knows everything about you ➔ “I think my sister might… I’ve tried to keep some secrets from her, like me loaning her gil without asking sometimes, but I think she knows. I have no idea how the heck! I mean, I’m smart, but she’s even smarter… If it was possible, I would like to change brains with her for a day or two. I want to know how she does it.”

[hitchell-mope]

(Third film. At Evie’s house. Mal has very recently just fainted in midair due to fatigue, turned back into a human, and fell through the sky, landing upside down by her legs on a branch in a tree located in her sister front garden)

Evie (looking disapprovingly you at the elder demigod): you’ve not eaten since breakfast have you?

Mal: if by “eaten” you mean “surreptitiously take swigs of booze from my hip flask intermittently throughout the day” then yes

Evie: I do not

Mal: ohhhh. Then no. No I have not

Celia: and you couldn’t have been more obvious if you tried

Uma: Ceels is right. I saw you. Twice.

Mal: damn you guys sure know how to raise a girl up. Help me down?

Evie: you can fall perfectly well all by yourself

Mal: urgh, fine

(With a little struggle and a quick, extremely high pitched yelp, she shifts off the branch and falls to the ground and land on her back with a pained grunt)

Evie: now was that so difficult?

Mal: dad will judge you eventually. And he may not be so merciful.

Evie: A. He’s not my dad. B. Get up before you’re clothes are dusted beyond repair

(Just then Uma shrieks and throws a frog off her head)

Evie (snickering): really? You’re scared of frogs? Isn’t that part of you powers. Communication with sea life?

Uma: yeah sea life not pond life that jumped up bastard is not my guy

Evie: funny, I’d have thought you’d like them consider you’re dating one

Uma (laughing mirthlessly): and don’t you share blood with him?

Evie: urgh don’t remind me

Mal: hate to break up the familial bonding but is anyone scared and/or allergic to locusts?

Celia: no

Uma: no

Evie: no, why do you ask?

Mal: because a swarm of them is headed this way

(She’s right. A huge cloud of locusts are speeding right towards them. Mal takes out the sceptre and sets it into the ground, sending the swarm away from them)

Celia: what the hell was that about?

Mal: oh I think I have an idea

(Back in the forest)

Harriet: what the fuck

Cj: Jesus

Harry: what is that?

Hades: cinders.

Elsa: what?

Adam: well. You did say I was hiding behind religion

Ben: speak properly or not at all

Adam: you saw the movie, you’ve heard the stories and you have been to church

Jay: you’re joking!

Adam: why would I joke about your imminent destruction?

(Back at Evie’s)

Mal: this is gonna sound patently ridiculous, (she whacks a frog off Uma’s head), but I think, oh god how do I put this? I think

Celia: Red Sea?

Mal: yes! Ohhhh thank god for the youth

Celia: I’m thirteen

Mal: I was hatched old kid.

Evie: what do we do?

Mal: block them

(Back in the forest)

Gil: what do we do

Ben: block them

Adam: if you’d left those things where they belong this wouldn’t be happening

Ben: what?

Adam: it’s an environmental reaction to their abominable presence

Ben: it’s Maleficent!

Adam (snarling): exactly

(This is when “the plagues” happens. After the song the onslaught is still happening)

Uma: fuck lot of good that did genius. Any other bright ideas?

Mal: who has the ember?

Her sister and cousins: YOU DO

Mal: right! Yes. Of course. Hands in. Chop chop

(They all put their right hands over the ember and it starts to glow)

Mal: you've caused our friends pain and fear/we've had enough now disappear

(Nothing happens)

Mal: it’s not gonna work if you’re not gonna help. Again

The sisters rotten and the sisters Facillier: you've caused our friends pain and fear/we've had enough now disappear

(The onslaught ceases. The rogs and locusts turn to ash. Back in the forest the raining fire wafts away)

Ben: Mal

Jay: who else?

Harry: uhhhh, Uma, duh

Lonnie: Uma wishes she was as cool as Mal

Elsa: Lonnie, please, not now

Lonnie: ok. Cool. The girls are at Evie’s house right?

Jay: yeah

Lonnie: good. This Uma chick is with them yeah?

Carlos: ...yes...

Lonnie: aces. I want some words with her

Ben: Lonnie don’t please

Lonnie: no, Ben, I’m sorry. But this chick abducted you, tried to kill you, hypnotised you and tried to capsize the boat the entire student body was on. I think that warrants a dragging. Don’t you?

Harry: if you hurt her

Lonnie: what are you gonna do jar jar? Flirt at me? Yeah didn’t think so. C’mon guys. Oh Ben. Love the wings and the beard.

Ben (feeling his teeth with his tongue): I think I got fangs as well

Lonnie: can you believe this guy. King of an entire nation, almost pure magic and still inordinately adorable. How does he do it? Not as adorable as you though Gilly

Gil: YAY!

(Harry growls in irritation. They start to move. Unbeknownst to them Adam whisked away by purple smoke. Back at Evie’s palace she’s itching to get inside. Sadly for her. She’s got a clingy reptile hanging on to her ankle)

Evie: c’mon M let go. I could always kick you into the foliage?

Mal (reassuming her regular form): I have a bad feeling about who’s waiting for us in there

Evie: it’s Doug. My Doug. I’m sure he’s fine.

Mal: sis look. The way you reacted to seeing Doug in the mirror. It’s gonna be a lot worse to seeing him like that in person.

Evie: so you obviously don’t me all that well then “sis”

(She stalks off inside the house)

Mal: sadly I do know that well. (Turning to the Facillier’s) look. I’m not expecting you guys to go in there with us

Uma (already heading inside): way ahead of ya

Mal: you’re eager

Uma: don’t wanna miss the kaboom

(Inside the house. Evie’s poking and prodding Doug’s dude futilely)

Evie: c’mon sweetie stop playing around it’s time to wake up now

Uma: not as fun as I thought it was gonna be

Mal: she’s in shock. Once her body and brain catch up with each other. It’ll be horrible

Uma: but it’s a sleeping curse. She knows how to wake him up.

Mal: she’s emotionally involved ok? Like I said. Body and brain haven’t caught with each other yet

Celia: oh no

Mal: what?

Celia: uhhhh nothing. Hey, Uma, why don’t we go see the pool?

Uma: what’s that

Mal (following Celia’s line of sight and cottoning on): yes! The pool! The pool is great. And the hot tub is just what someone like us needs after a day like today

Celia: exactly so c’mon sis. Let’s go for a dip

Uma: I’ve spent a year in the ocean. I don’t need to go back into some more water. Now what are you trying to keep me from?

Celia and Mal: it doesn’t matter

Mal (telepathically to Celia): keek her away from the couch (verbally) I’ll try and pry Evie off her man

Uma (her voice very small): no

Celia: ohhhh fuck

Mal (walking over to Evie and gently trying to pull her away): c’mon kiddo. You need a breather

Evie (thickly): no, I’m not leaving him

Mal: you need to eat, you need to drink. If you’re stressing out you’ll be no help to him.

Evie (stubbornly): I’m not leaving

Uma: WHY IS THERE ONLY ONE OF THEM!!!!!!!!!!

Celia: and there we go

Mal: c’mon you can’t help him when you’re like this

(She starts pulling Evie away from Doug. Evie starts screaming and crying begging Mal to leave her there. Celia tries to do the same to Uma who starts screaming and crying demanding to know why only one twin is on the couch. Eventually it gets too much for the temporary queen)

Mal: ok that’s it. Both of you FREEZE. That’s better. Celia. Reconvene in the kitchen

(In the kitchen)

Celia: what is her problem? It’s a curse. She knows what to do. True loves kiss. It’s not that difficult

Mal: well it is if you have their combined dating history

Celia: yeah she dated the dick that’s trying to kill us. Juice please. Thank you. Merlot? Really?

Mal: my hip flask ran out. Fry up?

Celia: sure. Wait what do you mean combined dating history?

Mal: Doug is amazing and kind and attractive and will defend those he cares about to his final breath. But Dopey’s son.

Celia: ohhhh. He’s like dizzy.

Both: kid of a sidekick

Mal: and here. The social hierarchy was: Prince, Princess, hero, heroine, sidekick

Celia: poor guy.

Mal: yeah. So you’ve got. Brainwashed girl who feels compelled to throw herself at a royal douchebag. Douche bag ghosts her. She’s heartbroken, despite me jay and Carlos spending days trying push her to the better and accurate option of Doug,

Celia: as you do

Mal: right. Then you have Doug. He’s Harry Potter and lifes Dudley Dursley

Celia: what

Mal: I’ll let him explain that reference. Anyway. Because of what they’ve each gone through separately. They’re wracked with insecurity. Because there’s that niggling feeling that they’ll get heartbroken again

Celia: so what do we do?

Mal: I need to be the responsible big sister and kick her ass into gear

Celia: and me?

Mal: put a blanket on Squirmy he looks cold and try to make sure your sister doesn’t burn this place to the ground with us inside

Celia: smart plan

Mal: hold on I’m getting a call. Mal here. Jay. You found him! Oh thank god. Good that’s good. Whoever said that about my son needs a kick in the dick. Oops. Sorry hadie. What? Bastards. Squirmy’s here. Asleep and aortaless. But he’s here. Dizzy’s fine. That’s just Celia whooping. Merlot. Well the hip flask ran out. Yes I did. I know I should’ve. But I didn’t. Mom and————whatever she does to him he’ll survive and isn’t her fault. Ohhhh. Oh yeah. Yeah. I froze them. She’s heavy. Not good. At all. Oooh I dunno. Two hours. Surprise? Oh I see. This is why you didn’t FaceTime? Thought as much. Well. See you when we see you. Love ya. Bye. Got all that kid?

Celia: essentially, yeah

Mal: good. Now take Uma’s sword off her. Knowing her she’ll start swinging the nearest weapon once she’s reanimated

Celia: and Evie?

Mal: oooooh. Put a protection spell on Squirmy in case the windows shatter

Celia: done. Ready?

Mal: god no. But when have I ever been?

(They go back to their positions and Mal unfreezes the sorceress and the sea witch. Immediately the two of the resume their breakdowns. Uma peters our first and dissolves into tears. Evie keeps screaming at Mal to let her go until her voice goes horse)

Mal: are you done?

(Evie grumpily shoves Mal off her and stalks outside to the back garden)

Mal: Uma what about you? Need a drink (Evie lets out a skyward scream and the windows all shatter to dust)...Celia honey, could you be very very helpful to your very very tired cousin and clean up the glass?

(Her right eye twitches and Celia reverses tne damage)

Mal: thank you. Uma. Drink?

Uma: mhmm

(She sits Uma at the kitchen island and pours her a glass of wine)

Mal: thought you might be fed up with grog and muskat. The I’m more partial to rosé but red is Gil’s favourite.

Uma: I’m s. Suh. Rry (Celia elbows her in the ribs) I’m sorry

Mal: why? You were stuck with you’re mother for a year. That must’ve been hell for you. At least you know who what was unconscious for it. But you remember everything. If anything it should be me apologising to you

Uma: you said that back on the ship

Mal: and I’ll keep saying it until you tell me to shut it

Uma: Mal

Mal: yah?

Uma: shut it

Mal: ookay

Uma: what’re you gonna do about her?

Mal: I’ll let E cool off then try to talk sense into her.

Uma: shouldn’t it be easy though? TLK. It worked with you and beasty boy last year. So why can’t she.

Mal: I have literally just filled Celia in on their joint history. You wanna know why she’s distraught, ask your sister. Now. Drink.

Uma: mm this is good

Mal: beats grog don’t it?

Uma: yeah. More?

Mal: sure

Celia: I’ll just take a lil snifter of brandy

Uma and Mal: dream on kid

Celia: bitch

Mal: we’re you’re family

Uma: we’re allowed to be

Mal: you know. If Grimhilde hadn’t sent Evie after us. And I hadn’t, you know

Uma: yeah, we could’ve teared the isle up.

Mal: two sets of juvenile delinquents

Uma: one massive conflagration

Mal: more?

Uma: ehhhhh. Go on then

(This is when “old fashioned” happens. After the song Mal stops and looks outside)

Mal: I should probably go check on her right?

Celia: you do that and I’ll stay here

Uma: under the watchful eye of your older sister

Celia: fuck

(Mal goes outside to Evie who’s sitting in the gazebo)

Mal: hiya.

Evie: what’s wrong with me?

Mal: how much time have ya got?

Evie: I’m being serious here. A year and a half with Doug and I can’t say it.

Mal: it took me a while to say it to Ben

Evie: six months. Compared to eighteen that’s pretty damn quick.

Mal: Don’t measure your own relationship with you’re own boyfriend by mine and my fiancé’s. Remember what Professor Porter said in science class. No two people are alike

Evie: Archimedes Q Porter is a living remnant of the Victorian era. And as such. He is full of shit half the time.

Mal: oh c’mon sis. Porter was your favourite teacher. After the other guy got done for exam favourtism. Good job on that by the way. Never liked him. Smarmy ass little bastard.

Evie: it was Doug who told on him. There was literally no way in hell chad got a 100% on a test he never studied for. It also got Royston booted off the board of governors.

Mal: finally. So. Wanna talk it out?

Evie: no. It’s just that

(She sighs. This is when “safer” happens. After the song Evie looks at Mal in shock)

Evie: what?

Mal: don’t kiss him. Let him slumber. When we off the maniacs the curse will end and Doug will wake up. Of course he’ll be heartbroken. But at least you won’t have failed. Right?

Evie: how, how COULD YOU! I can’t just leave him like this. He’s my boyfriend. I love him!

Mal: and there’s your answer. Ouch! Ooo!

(Evie just slapped her around the face. Then she hugs her)

Evie: you’re a bitch you know that right?

Mal: yes. I think you may have mentioned it before

Evie (pulling away): a giant scaled covered purple soon to be shedding bitch

Mal: and your fourth fifths of the way to becoming a suburban housewife

Evie: why is that an insult?

Mal: I dunno. Saw it on a britcom. Noe go. Go girl go. Save your Robert Phillip

(Evie lets out a happy shriek and rushes back into the house)

Vision!Ben: you did a good thing

Mal: just hope the end result is desirable for all concerned.

Ben: understandable. Doug is one if you’re closest friends.

Mal: he’s first and foremost Ben’s in the entire goddamn world. It’ll kill Ben if he doesn’t wake up. Now if you’ll excuse me I gotta go out some ice on my ol’ cheek here. Sorceress packs a punch.

(She walks back to the house. In the mirror world Doug and vision!Evie have arrived back at the mirror in Evie’s workshop. With a front row seat to his own unconscious body)

Evie: she’s here! Oh yes finally

Doug: oh thank god.

Evie: there’s probably still time for a small amount of and I’m looking at your face and I’m seeing that there isn’t.

Doug: I’m sorry. It’s just that I know your true form is me. It’d just be too weird

Evie (same time as him): too weird. I understand. Physical manifestation of your girlfriends subconscious who’s true form is yourself isn’t exactly the greatest claim to fame is it?

Doug:...please don’t make me answer that

Evie: ah yeah. The clone incident. (Perking up). We should replicate that

Doug (talking over her): no we shouldn’t. Never again (he walks right up to the mirror). C’mon E. Please. I know you can do it. Please.

Evie: it will work

Doug: you don’t know that. Neither of us know that. (To the real world). Please Evie. Honey. Just say it. Say something. Please. Or just a kiss. It doesn’t even need any gravitas. Just shove our lips together. That’ll do it. Just please do something. She’s hesitating

Evie: that shouldn’t be happening. C’mon kid. Do it. Oh god. I’m so sorry sweetheart. This is where I leave you

(She turns back into Doug, jumps out of the mirror and cuffs Evie around the back of the head)

Evie: OW! What was that for?

V!Doug: hesitating.

Evie: I’m scared. I love him. But I’m scared.

Doug: oh good god almighty. You’re impossible you know that right?

Evie: mhmm.

Doug: you know what? Fine. Bimble however long you like. I am going back into the mirror and comforting your boyfriend. Auf Widershein

Evie: I’m so so sorry. You deserve better

(In the mirror)

Doug: but you’re the best.

V!Evie: it could take some time dear.

Doug: so what do we do?

Evie: we wait

(This is when “say something” happens. After the song, in the real world, Evie crouches down beside Doug)

Evie: how do I start this? I guess I should just come right out and say it. I love you. And I’m sorry. I’m sorry you’re going through this. I’m sorry I let you stay here. I’m sorry I didn’t stay. And I’m sorry if you ever thought I didn’t love you. Because I do. And I’m kicking myself for letting you stay here. I should’ve brought you with me. Screw the twins you’re more important (she dodges a vodka bottle) NOT NOW UMA! I’M SPILLIMG MY HEART PUT TO MY BOYFRIEND HERE IF YOU DON’T MIND! Idiot girl. The fact of the matter is. You’re the best thing that ever happened to me Doug. I’m sorry it took so long for me to say it. That’s on me. Not you. I love you. I always will.

(This is when “never knew I needed happens”. After the song, she kisses him. In the mirror vision Evie kisses him as well)

V!Evie: see you on the other side my dear one

Doug: you too

(Doug fades away from the mirror world and wakes up in the real world with a jolt. He sits up, strokes Evie’s cheek and pulls her into a hug)

[rise-above-the-grave]

The Curious Case of Gil-galad

Okay, so this came about from a chat in the Silm discord server. Don’t ask how it started--I don’t recall. But I offered to write something for it, and this is...what came out. Don’t judge, I don’t often write humor...

The name of Ereinion Gil-galad was not, in fact, the name of a single Elf. Rather, it was a title, passed down from High King to High King throughout the Second Age. Unfortunately--for the High Kings, at least, though not for the people who were none the wiser--the High Kingship was a cursed position. Simply put: the High Kings kept dying.

It was an idea thought of by the first Ereinion Gil-galad’s cousin and closest advisor, Elrond Peredhel and Círdan Shipwright, as they stood over his body. He had fallen down the stairs while making an improperly timed joke, and had broken his neck.

“What do we do?” Elrond Peredhel asked Círdan with wide eyes. The poor youth was barely a century old, and had only known his cousin for some 55 years. Even so, he had loved the older Elf dearly, and had sworn his love and loyalty to his King. For him to so abruptly--and ridiculously--die was both shocking and upsetting, and Elrond was both upset and in shock.

“Now you become King,” said Círdan. “You are next in line, after all.”

“No,” said Elrond. “No, I do not want to be King.”

“Why not?”

“Because it is a cursed throne,” said Elrond Peredhel with a low voice and burning eyes. “And I, for one, do not want to die.”

Círdan suspected Elrond was just attempting to avoid the Kingship.

“I see,” was all Círdan said by way of reply, however, and he nodded. “Very well. We will find someone else to take the throne--for now, at least, until we can...decurse the throne and you can take it properly.”

Elrond shook his head, looking terrified, but said nothing.

And so it was that they went down into the city that night, found a drunk Elf in one of the taverns, and convinced him that being King of a cursed throne would be #worth it.

That Gil-galad died ten years later from a chandelier falling on his head. Once more Elrond and Círdan were the only one present for the freak accident--and so once again they hid the body, stole down into the city, and found another drunk Elf willing to take a cursed throne.

With the third freak death--the newest Elf, a young woman with the requisite dark hair and silver eyes, who had been approximately the appropriate size and shoulder-width--Círdan began to believe Elrond might have actually been prophesying with his statement that the throne was cursed.

By the thirteenth, Círdan was certain of it.

By the time of the Last Alliance, they were on their 23rd High King Ereinion Gil-galad. Elrond and Círdan had stopped trying to remember their names long ago, and between the two of them simply referred to them by number.

“22 is definitely more humorous than the rest.”

“Oh, but 18 had a wicked wit.”

“But can wit truly compare to humor?”

“It depends entirely on what one defines as “academic”.”

“Oh ho, so now we are bringing academia into it?”

The Rings were formed and fashioned, Rivendell was founded, and Númenor was sunk. Each Gil-galad did their varying degrees of best--Elrond’s and Círdan’s method of finding the drunkest and most willing Elf to take the cursed throne was not, as it turned out, the best prerequisite for finding a good King--and though a few of them were deplorable, at least one was a political genius.

Thankfully it was 23 who was the political genius, otherwise the Last Alliance never would have been formed and fashioned--would never have been conceived of, let alone fruitful.

And then came the final battle on the Plains of Gorgoroth, where Elrond was nearly slain by Sauron, only to be rescued by Gil-galad and Elendil. Elendil was, as in every other iteration of this story, thrown into a cliff wall, where he fell and died--and his son rushed to his side and crouched down by him, holding him in his last moments, leaving Gil-galad #23 to face Sauron by his lonesome.

“So,” said Sauron. “Sup, Gil-galad.”

“Uh, hey,” said Gil-galad #23. “I think we’re mortal enemies.”

“Yeah,” said Sauron. “Totally. For sure. So I guess I kill you now?”

“Yeah,” said Gil-galad #23. “Or I kill you. Either way.”

Sauron laughed. “As if you could possibly kill me--I, who am immortal, and have never fallen down a staircase and broken my neck.”

“Nope,” said Gil-galad #23, who had heard the story of OG Gil-galad. “That is a thing that has never happened in the history of ever.”

So they fought, trading barbs back and forth as they did so.

“I am going to kill you just as I killed...uh, Fing--Finrod.”

“And I am going to kick your ass like...uh...fuck, has anyone ever kicked your ass?”

“Of course not!” replied Sauron. “For I am Sauron, original lieutenant of Morgoth, not some poor replica or copy.”

Gil-galad #23, who did not know that Sauron was, in fact, Sauron #42, thought that he Knew About Gil-galad, and so stumbled in anger and fear. Would Sauron tell all? Would he give away the secret? Would it even matter??

And Sauron #42 ran Gil-galad #23 through.

“No!” cried Elrond, who had genuinely almost liked Gil-galad #23, but who was more upset at having to find another Gil-galad.

“No!” cried Círdan, for exactly the same reason.

“No!” cried Isildur, taking up his father’s broken sword and ending Sauron #42.

“Well,” said Elrond much, much later, “I guess we have to find a new Gil-galad.”

“Or...not,” said Círdan. “Sauron is defeated. The Elves are diminishing and retreating into isolation. Do we need a High King?”

“Hah!” cried Elrond. “My ruse worked! No need for a High King means I get out of it too!”

“Wait,” said Círdan, “so the throne wasn’t cursed?”

“I don’t know,” said Elrond. “I just said what I did to keep from being King.”

[shockwavepulsar]

Valentine’s Interactions // send  one  of  these  in  to  see  my  muse’s  reaction (  add “ +reverse”  for  my  muse  to  do  the  action  to  yours ) ! // Not Accepting.

@decayinghonour:  [ slow dance ] back in those galbadia garden days.

No matter how hard she tried to blend into the wall, there was no way to escape the eyes of hundreds of Galbadian students. Although the dance was not mandatory, the invitation by Martine himself wasn’t one she could easily decline, not if she wanted to have a future as an instructor. It’d be hard for Balamb to refuse if she had his recommendation. Still, she felt unwelcome, foreign, a thorn stuck to the side of an otherwise beautiful rose. She tried her best to answer questions from curious adults fascinated with her ability to become a SeeD at age 15, but as the night went on, she felt more and more like an oddity than a person. She was on display, paraded around like some sort of genius murder-machine. Intelligent, beautiful, deadly, and so young. They pitied her as much as they were envious. And she wanted to be one of them? An instructor? They acted as if there was something wrong with a girl being able to kill someone with a deadly weapon before most civilians were able to drive a car. Yet, they were the ones teaching the kids. Hypocrites.

The only reason Quistis stopped counting the days until her return to Balamb was because of one person who made her feel like she wasn’t anything special—as odd as that may have sounded. He wasn’t impressed by her status, wasn’t particularly excited by her accomplishments, didn’t ruminate on her potential. To him, she was just a person. It felt so nice to feel normal. It helped that Galbadian students weren’t particularly fond of him, either, not that it was a good thing but more that it made her feel less lonely. 

They cast their eyes away from him most of the time, taking chance glances when they felt emboldened, but most of their judgement came from whispers amongst each other. She could handle whispers. She just hoped the eyes wouldn’t follow her, wouldn’t cling to him the way they did her, especially after she returned to Balamb. Two weeks, but she wasn’t counting, didn’t want to count. If they did look, he wouldn’t care. She wished she didn’t care. She wished she could siphon his confidence, even a little bit, to feel like she was more capable. If she could just trick herself into believing in herself, maybe she could learn to do it naturally. Her eyes scanned the room, looking for any sight of him. She didn’t even know if he would be there at all. If anything, perhaps for the free food and drinks, but certainly not for the students or faculty. Sure enough, she found him on his own, taking a bite from a tiny sandwich and watching. It didn’t seem like he was looking at anyone in particular, but more like he was zoning out, aimlessly in thought. She approached, but decided to stand next to him instead of greeting him. It was easy for the two to relate without speaking, without drawing attention to the people who judged them, people who were unworthy of being noticed quite frankly. Just being near him helped her feel like they didn’t matter. She could still feel eyes on her, and on him now, but standing in his presence made her feel more defiant, more rebellious. They weren’t going to take her night away from her anymore. She had just as much of a right to be there and enjoy the ball as any native Galbadian student did. If anything, she had more of a right. She was better than them. She could take any of them on. God, Vidar’s nature was infectious. God, she didn’t want to leave. Two weeks.  No counting.

“This is so much different from Balamb’s SeeD Graduation Ball,” she said finally over the music. “It’s much more...lively?” Perhaps that wasn’t the right word. It was more crowded and the music wasn’t as formulaic. The students could dance without having to worry about getting the steps right. She even found herself swaying and bobbing slightly to it. She couldn’t help it; she loved dancing. A few moments passed by as she worked up the courage to ask him to dance with her. It felt almost impossible to fight against the knot building in her stomach, but she came up with an excuse, a perfectly plausible reason for him to dance with her. Something other than the fact that it was their only chance, that she wouldn’t be around much longer. That it’d be a waste if they didn’t. After these past few months, it would be regretful not to—at least once. “I’m so tired of everyone staring at me tonight. Let’s give them something to look at?”  

She slipped her hand into his and faced him, backing up into the crowd. She was surprised when he followed her lead, but she didn’t express it with anything other than a smile. She looked over her shoulder and carved a path for them towards the dance floor, not that it was particularly difficult. Most of them stepped aside as if avoiding the plague. It just made her feel more powerful. Confidently stepping into the center of the floor, she faced her partner and began moving to the music, glad to see him follow along. He seemed amused enough with making the people around them upset. He felt even more bold in that he drew her closer to him as the music slowed. She complied, but focused on the faces around them at first. They watched, but turned their gazes as they made contact with her or Vidar. Cowards. Look at me enjoying myself, having fun. You can’t deny me what I deserve. Her attention turned back to Vidar, and his toward her. They swayed to the smoky yet sweet sound of guitar, piano, and strings accompanying a soft voice almost whispering desires of running, leaving with someone. She looked into his eyes, feeling transported within them. She knew she shouldn’t feel that way, that it was likely just because she was so lonely and he was there, and he didn’t care. About anything. Or anyone. Yet, he was with her. For whatever reason, he was there. And it made her happy. It might not have made him happy, but it didn’t seem to make him unhappy, either. It was such a shame the moment wouldn’t last. Her time at Galbadia wouldn’t last. Two weeks. 14 days. 336 hours in total. No counting, no counting. God, don’t count. “You’ll come visit me, won’t you?” The question slipped from her lips before she could stop it and she winced slightly. “You don’t have to answer that.” They weren’t even that close, not really. Why would he spend so much gil, so many hours on a train just to see her? They weren’t close, and yet he held her like they were. She found it difficult to stop dancing with him even though the thought of others was long gone from her mind. They weren’t close, and she wasn’t counting, and, and... “Write to me, at least. And promise me we’ll have one last Triple Triad battle before I leave?” She smiled, but she looked so sad. She hadn’t expected to have found someone to miss. “Unless you’re afraid I’ll beat you and you won’t have a way to rematch.” It was easier to jab at him than to admit that she didn’t want to go so soon. It was easier than admitting to him that she had wanted to dance with him because it was him. It was easier. It was so hard. She couldn’t stop counting.

[journeysintowebcomics]

Girl Genius Liveblog #197

UPDATE 197: That Family Strikes Again

Last time the train landed at the fortress, and Brother Ulm is getting some well-deserved scolding for trying to kill Agatha multiple times. Sure, it was all in an ineffective manner, but it’s bad nonetheless! So let’s continue.

Dimo is waking up, he’s getting carried on a stretcher by the bears. Pretty civilized of them, I figured they’d just carry him over a shoulder as if he was a sack of potatoes. Also, I like how they say ‘this bear’ when talking about themselves. It’s kind of endearing.

This is going to be a civil conversation that won’t end in anyone getting mauled. The topic is the bears’ master, for whom they were made as a surprise. Huh. I can’t imagine anyone who would make a bunch of bears for Agatha or...for anyone, really. Tweedle is the only spark I know that specializes in animals, and I have no reason to believe he’d give Agatha an army of powerful bears she could use against him or anyone aligned with him. That’d be a stupid thing to do, and he’s not stupid. Hm...I feel I’m missing something here. Perhaps there was another spark that specializes in animals and I just don’t remember right now?

Because Dimo has been near that master before, he’s told to take the bears to her. That’s going to be a bit difficult, unless Dimo is aware she’s at that fortress. Not that he can just get off the stretcher and say ‘so I donno where she iz, we okay?’ because I’m pretty sure the promise of this conversation not ending in mauling will be revoked.

At the fortress Agatha is wondering where Dimo is, and they all think he’ll be okay. Well...he’ll be, maybe. He’ll follow them to Paris anyway, so better get going once the current plotline is solved! Someone is tearing the lines and causing all sorts of trouble to the Corbettite Railway system, and since Agatha is the protagonist of the story they wonder for a moment if Agatha is the cause for that. Nope, it’s all Lady Selnikov, they’re looking for her.

Violetta doesn’t enjoy being part of this wreck of a family, especially when it leads to this kind of trouble.

Everyone keeps calling Lady Selnikov ‘Margolotta’, even though she was initially presented as ‘Margarella’. At this point I’m willing to say that was Wooster’s not-so-impressive spying skills giving the wrong name and therefore causing me all this confusion.

There’s some explaining to be done here, nothing we already don’t know but it’s stuff the guy they’re talking to doesn’t know. I think there’s one thing worth remarking on, though, and it’s that Violetta recommends they talk to the Abbott right now. It’s relevant because it’ll be the first time he meets Agatha, I’m sure it’s unavoidable there’ll be some sort of comment about the beast in this fortress.

The Abbott receives them and goes straight to the currently important topics, such as what people are attacking the railway lines right now. They’re looking for the book and key Margarelotta has, everyone attacking knows about it. Apparently she confessed to Brother Ulm she had those. The Corbettite monks really don’t judge!

Oh, great. Don’t pay attention to Violetta, surely she is offscreen yelling about her family again.

She’d have reasons for shouting if she knew what was happening right now. Margarelotta has a hostage and is forcing her way into the vaults. The current situation is her fault. Partly.

Ah, that explains why there two people who are on Tweedle’s side were fighting each other. I bet one of them was on Margarelotta’s side. The one-man-band guy, most likely. Other attacks somewhere else must be her orders, but yeah, overall it seems her plan was to get here.

That smug face on her is kind of funny. Heh, Violetta is right, everyone in that family is a backstabber. I have to wonder if those who marry into the family acquire the hobby of backstabbing people around too.

The fortress has a lot of horrors locked inside, who knows towards what exactly Margarelotta is aiming, but if I had to guess, it’s the creature they’re all so afraid about. I mean, it’s been mentioned and sounds like quite the important thing, so yeah, maybe it’s that.

Turns out Gil and Tweedle asked the Corbettite monks to keep Agatha safe, if anything happens to her, things will get uuuuuugly around here. One of them was polite, the other wasn’t. If I had to guess, the polite one was Gil. Even when Tweedle tries to be polite, he spews hot air. I can’t imagine he was the one who was almost polite.

Also, Brother Ulm shall accompany Agatha, joining her merry gang for the time being. He’s not happy about that, the others don’t seem particularly concerned. Must have been that ice bucket incident, it sounded like it wasn’t devious at all.

Doesn’t seem like the monks are defenseless. They have a death ray and no restraint when using it. It’ll all go fine.

Up there in Tweedle’s airship they’re not particularly happy about how things are going. Apparently one of the ships started attacking without his authorization, he’s very upset about it and demands to know whose idea that was. Some smarmy guy claims responsibility and is very condescending towards Tweedle.

It had very obvious consequences.

He has already crowned himself as the Storm King, and he’s ready to take charge the way the many nobles throughout Europe want him to: like a king. Apparently the problem they had with Wulfenbach was that he didn’t do things their way. It’s not that they do what the noble families want, it’s more than he doesn’t do things the same way they do. Tweedle will do it, therefore the families will follow him. It’s that easy, hm?

One of the guys here do seems eager to do whatever Tweedle says. The task is to go and request parlay with the monks, like they intended all along. That goes smoothly, so soon Tweedle is talking with the Abbott in an office and apologizing for the chaos, offering protection under his rule. He really is putting himself as the Storm King!

It’s a bit disappointing the Abbott’s frame is partially blocking Tweedle’s smugness. Smugness runs in this family too. But yeah, he’s making his case and appealing to them, and I can only think he’ll have a request in exchange of protection. Give Agatha to him, most likely. Shall the Abbott release one of the passengers to Tweedle?

Apparently so, according to next page. Oh well. Tweedle gets what he wants. As long as he doesn’t get the key and book Margarelotta stole, maybe everything will be okay for the time being.

I’ll stop here for now.

Next time: in five updates

[allthisandtea]

*insert ZeFrank voice here* True Facts About The Molly

Was tagged in this by several people, then forgot about it, then found it again, so here it is. ;)                     

Relationship Status: Married to the awesome Social Justice Bard @tyson-ot-nw.  Our relationship is a happily open/poly one, and has been for a long time, but I’m not seeing anyone else atm.

Lipstick or Chapstick: Depends on the outfit!  I have some new obnoxiously bright lipstick that I really want to test out, but then I get lazy because I’d feel like doing more makeup than that, and I end up not wearing anything at all.  So most days, lip balm.

Last Song Listened to: “Children of Africa” by Symphony of Science

Last Movie Watched: Does a Mystery Science Theater episode count as a full film?  Because if it does, I watched “Time Travelers” on Monday.  If not, I think the last film I saw in the theatre was going to see “Beauty and the Beast” and “Guardians of the Galaxy 2″ with @glimmeroniron, @belovedmonsterbooty, and @ginnekomiko.

Top 3 Shows: Current shows, or of all time?  I’ll do both.  Currently, Star Trek: Deep Space 9, Drifters, and Sense8 are all topping my list.  In terms of favorite shows of all time, I’m going to cheat a little and give 4.  DS9, Fringe, Babylon 5, and Farscape all wrecked me good and proper, emotionally, and I love them all very, very much.

Top 3 Characters: How about top character from each of the current three, and then other characters in general?  My favorite character from Deep Space Nine is a tie between Garak and Kira, the clear winner from Drifters is Oda Nobunaga and his wonderful awfulness, and Capheus from Sense8, though Lito’s up there, too.  Three other characters in general would be Uncle Iroh in Avatar, Udo from Desert Peach, and Bekka Cooper from Tamora Pierce’s novels.

Top 3 ships: The OT3 of Girl Genius of Agatha/Gil/Tarvek, Jadzia Dax/Kira, and Londo/G’kar (don’t judge).

Fandom Hobbies: Writing fanfic of the smutty and non-smutty kind, doing first-person writing IC, cosplaying, potentially painting some Funko figures, potentially making doll clothing for specific characters, probably more things...

Non-Fandom hobbies: Lots!  Going for walks, reptile tending, period costuming, studying history, listening to podcasts of various and sundry sorts, tabletop gaming, and many other things.  Just ask!

And, because @seams-unusualpdx mentioned adding questions, here’s a couple more:

Top 3 movies from the last 10 years: Mad Max: Fury Road, Jupiter Ascending, and Captain America: Winter Soldier

Top 3 books you’d like to see made into movies/miniseries: I want a good film version of The Halloween Tree, and would love to see Bridge of Birds and Cyteen made into films or series.

[journeysintowebcomics]

Girl Genius Liveblog #176

UPDATE 176: Something Happened

Last time Wulfenbach descended into Mechanisburg, and Tweedle grabbed Agatha. Also, Tarvek got stabbed right into the chest. Needless to say, things look pretty bad everywhere. Let’s continue.

As expected, Tarvek doesn’t look very healthy because he got a blade right between his ribs. He’s not immediately dead, thankfully, and Vanamonde tries to help him while Krosp and Violetta go to get Agatha back. Not that she’s staying passive! She’s hitting as much as she can, trying to get Tweedle to put her down, and Tweedle uselessly tell her to stop, because being punched by your hostage is seriously inconvenient, don’t you know. Did you really expect her to accept this and do nothing, buddy? Adding to that, he doesn’t understand why Agatha would be upset over Tarvek, who surely wanted to do nothing more than use her as a pawn for his own plans.

Where are they going? Do they plan to escape by using the underground tunnels? The colors took a greenish tint; I suppose maybe that’s where they’re going now. I find it difficult to believe they’ll get away without the Castle knowing, though.

What’s that supposed to be? A portal? So! The Nun of Jove is still causing trouble, and right now Moloch is not here to whack her on the head with a pipe. Thankfully, Krosp is here to rip her face into shreds for a few seconds, while Violetta tries to stab Tweedle. I’d suggest destroying the portal, but it’s too big and looks pretty sturdy, built into the wall. With some luck they can get Tweedle away from Agatha and then toss him in there! Anything so he gets away from them for a moment.

What follows may be the conclusion to this arc.

Okay, first than all, I really like this. It drives home whatever’s going on is happening at the same time and is very, very important, for reasons I’m sure are related to that device the Baron activated. Mamma Gkika didn’t reach it in time. So, what is it? I really doubt it’s some kind of bomb, I don’t think the Baron would cause his own death, even if he left a mind-controlled Gil in charge. It’d be too much of a risk, I’d say, since Gil was already wasped. Lucrezia could find a way to undo whatever Wulfenbach did, and use Gil as her puppet. That’s too much of a risk to the Baron to accept, I hope. In that case, what’s that device for? Some way to defeat Agatha and the Castle, non-fatally? Perhaps a disruptor of some sort to disable the Castle?

Wait, I think I have a theory as to where this is going. So, I think Agatha and the rest fell through the portal. Maybe with Tweedle – I don’t see him, but may be because the unorthodox image makes me not see him – or maybe not. What matters is that they fall through the portal, and if that device is a disruptor and disables everything in Mechanisburg, then it’d disable the portal too, leaving her stranded and trapped in the Knights of Jove’s clutches. In which case she’d have to go all the way back to Mechanisburg...again. But it’d be a way to progress the story!

Indeed, they all fell through a portal, Tweedle included. They all are confused about what happened. I think they’re talking about whatever Wulfenbach did. It may also be related to the portal’s sudden malfunction, it starts sparking and looking like it’s going to explode. And explode it does. Not happy about that, Tweedle demands explanations while Agatha hits him behind the head with varied items. He’s being rather mild, despite the multiple attempts to knock him out. Maybe he has a particularly thick skull and doesn’t feel the pain he should feel.

Their pleasantly civilized conversation is interrupted by another murder attempt. Girl Genius is very fond of characters dying or being close to death because of blades. Two Smoke Knights – I think they’re Smoke Knights judging by the purple clothing – die, Tweedle isn’t able to get information from them. Nothing to do for now but try to rest.

Agatha is feeling the drowsiness that comes from being awake for like three days in a row! She’s falling asleep now that she’s not constantly repairing stuff or watching her town be besieged by troops. She deserves good rest, really. Unfortunately, falling asleep right after someone tries to murder you is not wise, especially when backup arrives.

It’s another of Tarvek and Violetta’s backstabbing relatives, the red hair is a dead giveaway. His name is Leopold, and there are four Smoke Knights ready to kill them. Does that mean Tweedle fell from grace in the struggle to be the Storm King? Or he was never as big of a player as he said he was? Well, to be fair, Leopold hasn’t given an order to kill them. Maybe he’s here to simply be smug and look down his nose at them.

The story is interrupted to bring this bit of heartwarming content.

That’s a really good drawing. The smiling bottle is a bit cheesy, but this card is filled with good wishes. I can only imagine how happy Kaja was to receive this.

I’m so tempted about making some sort of counter for all the knives and blades that are used because I swear they have turned common in the last couple volumes, but I almost dread having to go count it all, haha! Ah, but yeah, Tweedle seems to have a preference for knives, especially of the throwing variety, and he’s nimble and strong. Maybe he did like Tarvek and learned from the Smoke Knights too.

Leopold is going to die, most likely, and three of the Smoke Knights must be dying too. The last one is caught and interrogated quickly. The order hasn’t reverted to calling Tarvek as the Storm King – although I’d have been so amused if even after his “presumed death” Tarvek still was a thorn on Tweedle’s side. There’s a mention of Wulfenbach.

No surprise there. I’m sure Wulfenbach knew about the Knights of Jove since long ago. That’s proven by how he was waiting for them to intervene in the battle of Mechanisburg. He must have arranged troops and preparations and, once he got his confirmation back then, he gave the order to attack. Bam, the element of surprise.

Okay, it’s true Wulfenbach was kicking Mechanisburg’s behind, but Agatha’s counter should have been notorious enough for everyone to have heard about it, right? Either they didn’t hear about the Castle fighting back decisively, or they’re talking about something completely different, maybe related to what the Baron did right before Agatha and the others fell through the portal.

Tweedle, can you stop stabbing people for a second? I want some plot details over here, goodness gracious!

He got poisoned because it’s natural for a Smoke Knight’s blades to be poisoned. He’ll have to neutralize the poison as soon as possible. Right, Tweedle is a spark too, isn’t he? He must be, if he’s aiming for the Storm King title. No way he would be able to compete with Tarvek if he wasn’t a spark too. Agatha is told to stick along, because she’s in enemy territory anyway. Better with Tweedle, who seems to want her alive, than venturing out there and getting killed by this stab-happy world. Besides, she needs to sleep and eat something.

Good question, where are they? Tweedle answers they’re in the Refuge of Storms. Keeping the naming theme, I see. Now that I think about it, Tweedle’s name is a bit more obscure when it’s about storms. If I remember correctly his name is Martellus von...something. I don’t remember what word it was, but at first glance it didn’t seem to me like it had anything about storms in the name. If it’s there, then it must be in another language, hm...can anyone tell me if I’m missing something about Tweedle’s name, please?

Anyway, they’re in the Refuge of Storms, a fortress Tweedle used to control. He knows all its secrets, including a secret laboratory he built by himself. He’ll work there, there are also provisions for an entire month. Hoh, I sure doubt Agatha will have the patience to spend an entire month trapped in the same place! She’ll get out sooner or later, leaning towards ‘sooner’. Well, she will once she slept and ate something.

This seems like a good stopping point. I’ll say, the change of setting is refreshing. I like Girl Genius a lot and I certainly think it has been a worthwhile read, but it sure felt like it was starting to stagnate, mainly because of the repetitive bigger conflict of fixing the Castle, and the extremely slow pacing. So many volumes covering just a few days!

Now things have changed drastically. Agatha is trapped in an unknown place with a man that certainly doesn’t have any plans she’ll want to take part of, and her new motivation is to escape and find out what happened to Mechanisburg, if anything did happen. Good! Here, I’ll give a tentative and hopeful point

For a new plotline!

But yeah, I’m stopping for now.

Next time: next update

[journeysintowebcomics]

Girl Genius Liveblog #159

UPDATE 159: Hiding in the Castle

Last time the Baron had returned to the castle! Yes, he’s alive! He hasn’t been shown on-screen yet, though. For all I know it’s actually Lucrezia wearing the Baron’s clothing – and a hat, never forget a hat. Now Tarvek and Gil have to run away or at least be away from Wulfenbach. Let’s continue.

Okay, the current plan is to go to Gil’s laboratory. Golly, it has been around ten volumes since the last time that place was seen! How are Punch and Judy? Still alive and kicking, right? I’m not entirely sure Gil’s laboratory is a safe place to be in. I mean, it’s Gil’s laboratory, the laboratory owned by Gil. Wouldn’t it be likely to expect that Gil would be in the laboratory he owns? I know that’d be one of the first places I’d search!

…they didn’t even get there before they encountered someone they wouldn’t want to see. Hi, Vole, how’s it going? Thankfully, he makes no move to try to catch him. He does tell about the current situation.

Everyone has to be detained…okay; I can see Wulfenbach making such move. Since he knows Agatha is the Other – uh, to some extent – of course he’d imagine she had influenced Gil and Tarvek, and that Gil in turn influenced everyone he talked with. In that case it’s kind of dangerous to send Bangladesh anywhere near Gil, she must be here because she wants to.

Now that I check the last page, yeah, she never said the Baron sent her. Still, it’s not good for her to know Wulfenbach wants them to be stopped, she’ll try to do it, won’t she?

At least they have Vole’s help! He’s willing to help Gil because he works for Gil now. I’m pretty sure this wasn’t in Vole’s job description, but hey, he’s happy because a small war between Gil and Wulfenbach will end being quite the awful thing for the empire. Bloodshed! Destruction! Pain! Vole likes the sound of all that.

…no way. Oh my god, no. Way. Okay, sound the alarms, you can’t let Bangladesh and Vole to turn into a couple. That’s not going to end well for anyone. Quick, Gil, knock someone out! You can’t let them talk to each other.

Hah! She still can’t believe what she’s hearing! Vole actually rambles about how badly everything will go for the innocent population of Europe. They’ll be impaled, and crops will be burned, and there will be dances on their bones. Huh…you sure you’re not talking about the Heterodynes? I can’t imagine Wulfenbach dancing on someone’s bones.

Oh, good, that makes sense. Better this than going to the laboratory Wulfenbach surely has invaded with guards. I wouldn’t be surprised if the Baron knows about the secret laboratory, though. He’s the kind of man who can’t be fooled for long.

Well, the part about getting to the laboratory was easy enough. As soon as he gets out of the hole he used to get in there, he’s savagely attacked! By someone that’s actually rather adorable, may I say.

Been a long time since I saw him! And for some reason, just now I noticed what he babbles is actually intelligible to some extent. I suppose I didn’t pay much attention to that so many volumes ago. Gil’s first request is to hear about the patients – Judy and Punch. They’re okay, they just need a day or two more. Alright! In twelve volumes or so they’ll make their return, I’ll mark it in my calendar.

Is this the same flying machine from so many volumes ago? That one that’s better called ‘falling machine’? Well…it’d certainly help escape, that’s…okay. Gil gives the instructions on how to operate it, it’s not difficult to drive. Either Gil intends Tarvek to be in the cockpit and therefore be the one to blame if anything goes wrong, or…

…or that. I’ll wait to hear what Gil has in mind before making any judgments, but let it be known my immediate reaction is ‘Gil, what the hell are you doing?!’

Tarvek is saying everything I’d have typed here, about how the Other taking control of Gil would be catastrophic and therefore he needs to run away too, for the sake of Europe. You’re wasting your breath, Tarvek, Gil’s going to stay no matter how much you want him to go away – just like you would, if the situations were reversed and you had a reason to stay.

Apparently Tarvek has never heard about gliding. That’s a bit of a flaw in your knowledge, dear prince.

Their argument is still going when everyone’s favorite gentleman adventurer crashes the party, he’s here to fight Gil and kill him.

…

…

…give me a moment.

There we go. Also, looks like the degenerate clone’s alignment is still firmly on the side of the protagonists. I doubt it’s going to change anytime soon.

…I love that Gil is immediately dialing up the ham, pretending to be playfully scared of Othar. He’s the vanquisher of eeeeeevil. Apparently Othar is here to take Gil to Wulfenbach, and since Gil needs to get his degenerate clone Tarvek off the ship, he ties Tarvek to Othar and throws them into the falling machine. This will go well!

There they go. That’s one problem solved. Why are you staying here, Gil?

First things first: throw Vole down the hole and into the void. He won’t like that. Tarvek better know how to fight Vole off, because he’s going to be furious. Speaking of furious, Bangladesh is like that too, throwing knives at Gil in what may be a non-fatal move.

Nothing like laughing at the person who can kill you like three times before you hit the ground. Hah! But yeah, no surprise Bangladesh likes Vole. I wonder if he’d like her?

Okay, not only he pushed off the airship the person she was interested in, she also intends to take him to Wulfenbach because the Baron wants that to happen and she still is under his payroll. Tha’s not going to be easy or simple. He even gives Bangladesh an order to clear a table for chemicals, and throws her on her back when she still tries to manhandle him. This is going to go so well!

I bet she has wanted to fight Gil for such a long time…and now it’s her chance. Fight fight fight!

It’s impressive that Gil’s managing to move so much and work on the concoction at the same time. Even with Bangladesh attacking, he can name chemical names I’d have a hard time remembering, much less during a frantic moment like this one. Heck, he only glanced at Tarvek’s notes and said they weren’t big deal. Gil is quite the strong spark and he never fails to prove it.

...he should learn when it’s a good time to remember such fun times. I doubt Bangladesh is looking back fondly at that. Also, just what kind of thing is named ‘St. Michael’s toes’, that’s kind of a weird name for something.

Well guess that didn’t last long. At some point he gets annoyed, just blocking Bangladesh’s attacks idly with a screwdriver and telling her this isn’t the time for her to try to injure him so much. Hm. You sure you needed Vole to be the subordinate trying to kill you all the time, Gil? Methinks Bangladesh would fulfill that role pretty well if you hired her. Heck, maybe that’s her main duty in Wulfenbach’s castle, attacking the Baron. I’m sure she’d love that, leaving aside she has deep respect for that man.

If it’s any consolation, pirate gal, Gil sure doesn’t need an arthropod machine to pick up girls anymore. He’s doing that with ease. I mean, look at Agatha, he did that successfully! Not that she wouldn’t appreciate a well-built arthropod machine, she’d love that, and then maybe she would build a better one.

Hmmm...this may be a place to stop, judging from how in the next page Bangladesh is strapped to a table. Let’s continue next time.

Next update: in six updates

[journeysintowebcomics]

Girl Genius Liveblog #147

UPDATE 147: The Storm King’s Coronation

Last time Phil Foglio had gone into the hospital to tell stories, and that led to him being taken into the Baron’s room so he got Wulfenbach to finally sleep. Instead the Baron is telling that guy a story. Let’s see what it’s about.

Oh-kay, I read the page and this story sounds rather fantastical, much more than I expected from Wulfenbach’s mouth. Note I say ‘fantastical’, not ‘implausible’. I’m pretty sure that, thanks to the heaps of MAD SCIENCE this world has, the circumstances and situations depicted here could be achieved if so they desired. Leaving that aside, it sounds kind like a Heterodyne story, or at least how I imagine Heterodyne stories are like: crazy awesome – and I’m not saying that because it turns out a Heterodyne ancestor is in the story.

An evil wizard…you know, maybe he was a spark, and his MAD SCIENCE was so strange and the world wasn’t used to MAD SCIENCE yet everyone decided it was magic. Didn’t stop him from getting his ass kicked by the benevolent king, who I suppose is not the Storm King, even though…in his weird wolf form he has lightning in his maw.

Haha, hey, I wonder if Agatha will hear this story at some point, even if it’s offscreen? Listen to this, Agatha, more proof your ancestors were nuttier than a Mr. Goodbar candy bar.

I know these tales are unlikely to be the literal truth, so the part about how the transformed king’s young soon had a giantess nanny is likely to be embellished. How exactly? I don’t know. Maybe she was a brave and isolated woman. The point is…

…that the young kid would leave her care only if he managed to take that pin from her hair, pin I’m rather sure isn’t a coincidence is shaped like a sword. Yeah, it’s kind of giving me the Sword in the Stone thoughts. Eventually, he did manage to take the pin, although not by sheer force. It was thanks to his ingenuity. He most likely was a spark, and a powerful one, to start at such a young age. If I remember correctly, that is a sign of a strong spark, right?

Anyway, he managed to get the pin, and therefore gained the right to leave. Meanwhile, the evil wizard’s daughter kept ruling the land, but she knew everyone obeyed her because the wolf was with her – he never stopped being the king, after all. This tidbit of information did not make her a happy camper. That was the chance the prince looked for, he disguised himself as a fortune teller, and convinced her to try to remove the crown with the sword. You can imagine how that went. Hint: metal is a pretty good conductor of electricity. Here it says neither wolf nor witch were ever seen again, but I think that’s an euphemism for ‘they turned into ashes’.

Huh…he suspiciously kinda looks like Gil. I wonder…Foglios, you’re not going to somehow pull that Gil could be considered a potential heir for the crown of the Storm King, right? Would that even work? Well it’s a bit too early to think about that, and this image is not proof, so…yeah, maybe I’m overthinking it.

This was a completely new story for the storyteller, who also apparently wrote once a collection of tales and songs about Wulfenbach – and his tone wasn’t exactly flattering, judging by the title. Of course Wulfenbach isn’t upset about being called a despot, that’s a minor thing to get pissed off for.

Once the storyteller leaves, Wulfenbach finally feels tired and decides to rest for a while. Good job, Phil Foglio’s in-universe counterpart!

When did you get here? I suppose she was always here and out of sight, but I didn’t think she’d reach Wulfenbach so quickly! It can’t be that simple for her to kill the Baron, right? I mean, this man got crushed by a flying contraption Agatha made, it’d be ridiculous if he died from being suffocated with a pillow or whatever Anevka plans to do. He’s not going to die here!

…

…right?

Meanwhile, at Mamma Gkika’s bar—okay, okay, time out. I think I’m starting to realize why the story about Agatha getting recognized and fixing the Castle is taking so long. All these cuts to different scenes and places are the reason. How many different changes have happened in the last three or so updates? Seven, I think. And like two were with Agatha or anyone else inside the Castle. I can understand cutting to Wulfenbach and the events in the hospital since he is a major player in this situation and his decisions can change everything, but is everything else 100% necessary? Even if they’re about established characters and all, changing the point of view and going back feels…superfluous. I’d almost dare to say the Foglios are padding the story.

Heck, Homestuck had less scenes happening at the same time. The only time it got as bloated as Girl Genius is right now was during the final acts inside Act 6, and those weren’t exactly the best acts of Homestuck. The comparison isn’t favorable for Girl Genius.

Maybe it’s that the Foglios are biting more than they can chew by branching off the current main story of Agatha in the Castle, and that’s why so many point of view changes are necessary, but I’m starting to get a bit burn out of having to pay attention and remember approximately six different groups of characters that may or may not appear in a short while again.

Okay, back to reading. Mamma Gkika’s bar where, as I kind of expected, Oublenmach isn’t having a good time. I was hoping the hammer was there! No way Mamma Gkika or any other Jager in there would let him enter all threatening and stuff. Effectively, he’s getting his just desserts, and Mamma Gkika is told he came here for the hammer.

…well alright. He got the hammer. I suppose…he’s getting played here. Something must be going on. Maybe Mamma Gkika actually wants the bell to be rung.

That change lasted one page. It changed again, and it’s to…a lot of people I had never seen before plus Boris, and they’re at castle Wulfenbach. Sigh. You know what; I’ll refrain from commenting on these scene changes. I have the feeling it’d get really repetitive, and you already know how I feel about those.

They’re not kidding, they do have Mechanisburg surrounded. It wouldn’t take long for them to siege the town once the Baron orders them to do it. It’s a good thing that as long as Gil is in the Castle, Wulfenbach’s most powerful moves are kept at bay. He’s indirectly saving Mechanisburg.

Wulfenbach’s troops aren’t the only ones waiting for something to happen. Many other factions are groups are positioned outside, each one likely to have their own agenda. Not only that, in other places of the empire, there are revolts and other smaller incidents of uprising.

…hm. I don’t know who to blame for this. Lucrezia and a Storm King affiliated faction are the ones most likely to be responsible for this. I’d even think Tarvek had something to do with this, but I kind of doubt it. It’s hard to command anything when you’re trapped in Castle Heterodyne.

Boris and other side characters provide some exposition about Wulfenbach’s current status. He’s getting better, much to the despair of Dr. Sun and his expensive machines. Anevka is also staying near Wulfenbach at all times, and it’s said…he listen to her. Hm. More like that’s the influence of the slaver wasp that infected him, I bet.

While they’re talking, a big monkey slams onto the window. Another day in the Girl Genius universe. It’s the first sign the situation had taken a serious turn for the worse, because not only the many factions are here, other sparks are doing their own stuff.

Aaaaand there’s also that. Welp! Everything is falling down in pieces! And the Castle is still unrepaired. Agatha better hurry up or Mechanisburg may be gone by the time she finally finishes!

I should stop here. Thank you for reading.

Next update: in four updates

[journeysintowebcomics]

Girl Genius Liveblog #131

UPDATE 131: Unholy Scheming Incoming

I apologize for taking so long, these are busy days for me.

Last time Zola had appeared out of nowhere to cause trouble. She just knocked out everyone with sleeping gas – everyone who stayed in the depths of Lucrezia’s laboratory, that is. Zeetha and her group got away, unseen, I suppose. Let’s continue.

Zola gets her villain game on, starting her villainous speech, with nobody to appreciate it because everyone’s knocked out. Just like I expected, she shows pretty much no attachment to Gil. Oh well. There goes the very last trace of positive relationship she had with anyone, hahaha. He’ll be okay as long as he doesn’t interfere, or else she’ll kill him. Tarvek will be the Storm King, but she’s going to control that, it seems. Violetta...she can go hang, apparently. That’s rude. And Agatha – much to my surprise – still has some use for Zola? What else could she have for her? I’d have thought her priority would be killing Agatha, but looks like I was wrong.

Because Violetta is not as insignificant as Zola makes her sound, she shakes off the sleeping gas pretty quickly and lunges towards Zola, just to get pummeled immediately. Oh, Violetta...you tried. You really did, but it just wasn’t going to work. That sucks.

...Violetta’s pleading for Agatha’s life. She met her just a couple hours ago, yet she’s already pleading for her life later, calling Agatha her—her something. Friend, most likely. I can’t blame her, Agatha is the kind of person that’d protect you to the best of her ability no matter what, and she’s likable, too. Sure, she’s the Heterodyne and a brilliant spark, but there are other reasons to like her besides that.

Zola talks badly of the Knights of Jove’s plan – because let’s face it, everyone in Girl Genius has to talk crap about the Knights of Jove’s plan at least once – and mentions her family doesn’t agree with it. Your family? As if throwing cryptic statements wasn’t good enough, Zola goes, wakes up Agatha and tears off the locket. Oh, fantastic, we spent like...twenty pages of story without Lucrezia, time for her to return again! Not that I’m against it, but I didn’t think it’d happen so soon!

Oh. Well...that sure explains a lot! Your family is hella rotten, Lucrezia! Are Theo and Agatha the only relatives that aren’t pure evil? And the jury’s out on Theo because pretending to be nice and wholesome is still a possibility, just like Zola pretended to be uselessly clumsy to Gil. But yeah...you have a plan, Zola? Because waking up Lucrezia just like that can’t be a good idea.

Zola’s full name is long, a mouthful and I guarantee I won’t remember most of it in like ten minutes.

It doesn’t take more than two frames for Lucrezia to knock out Zola, and when she wakes up, Zola finds herself tied up to a chair. Wow, that was a really bad drop in competence! From knocking out everyone with sleeping gas, to let yourself be bludgeoned with a tool...it’s almost embarrassing. She pleads for Lucrezia to stop and, you know, let her help her. I have to wonder what exactly Lucrezia’s planning to do. My first thought is that she means to download herself into Zola’s head, just to have once another vessel.

Beacon machine...judging by the conversation here, that’s the official technical name for the machine that inserts Lucrezia into people, and that’s exactly what Lucrezia’s doing. I knew it! The reason isn’t to have another copy of herself, though, it seems to be because things aren’t going as planned. Agatha has way too much willpower.

Okay, that has a lot of potential. If Agatha can learn to actually do it on purpose instead of instinctively, she can do a lot of progress. Think of it, she could learn the intricacies of the slaver wasps, for example, know a way to stop them, something like that. She could learn the secrets of the Other. Of course Lucrezia wouldn’t like that, so she wants Agatha to die.

The plan is to transport herself into Zola, and then kill Agatha. Simple enough, I admit, but I doubt Zola will like that at all. She does know it may not go well, even reminding her there’s a chance for cerebral death.

Apparently the Geisterdamen weren’t followers who didn’t question their goddess, there were defectors, and thanks to a rather important one, Zola’s family prepared for Lucrezia’s body-snatching shenanigans. Huh...I don’t know if we can believe what Zola’s saying, she’s not someone I’d trust at face value. Zola’s saying she can take Lucrezia with her – and I suppose kill Agatha before leaving.

Would Lucrezia be willing to play copilot? Look at how angry she is with Agatha, risking the same thing with Zola is kind of a bad idea. Then again, Zola is a rather devious person but I’m not sure she has the same willpower or skills than Agatha. Maybe it’d be less dangerous for Lucrezia to take the risk.

You’re the infuriating one! Hah, goodness! But yeah, they’re going to work together.

Looks like the actual plan is to salvage whatever’s useful in the Knights of Jove’s lousy plan, and see where that takes them. The main point is the part about Zola being the Heterodyne lady. That...is that still possible? Well, with the Castle dead it’s a bit more likely people will believe it, but there are a few influential people here that can argue against it. Not that Zola will let them go just like that! What’ll she do with Gil and Tarvek, hm...

Oh, jolly, this can only end well for the world at large. Also sarcasm. Things were bad enough with Zola and Lucrezia marauding around, them doing it together will be a lot of trouble. On the other hand, this can be a positive development! If Lucrezia’s consciousness is transported from Agatha to Zola, Agatha will finally be free from Lucrezia’s influence! That has to be positive! A bit of a missed chance with not being able to draw information from Lucrezia, but it’s a positive thing nonetheless.

Now that a bargain has been struck, I think I’ll stop for the moment.

Next update: next time

[journeysintowebcomics]

Girl Genius Liveblog #127

UPDATE 127: Eternal Moment of Supreme Clarity

Last time Agatha had come to the realization that the highly experimental and dangerously insane medical procedure she invented/modified had stumbled upon one obstacle more, who’d have guessed. However! This new obstacle is harder to fix, because unless they manage to find more galvanic essence, they’re all as good as dead. So let’s get going!

Okay, the readings do show numbers decreasing, and my professional statement is ‘that’s bad’. I’m guessing once they get low enough, they’ll get as groggy and weak as Tarvek is. Moloch suggests to hook someone else to the current – someone that’s not him, THANK YOU VERY MUCH, paraphrased – but that can’t work. Someone who hasn’t been through the first part of the procedure won’t be good enough. Makes sense to me. And there’s not enough time to really fix much. Not that Agatha is going to just sit there and wait for death to come! Only a lousy protagonist would do that, and since she’s not a lousy protagonist, she takes control of the situation. To avoid discussions between sparks, everyone receives only a portion of the information. Gil is the only one who won’t receive anything.

Moloch has settled quite well as Agatha’s helper, that’s for sure. He hasn’t protested anything for quite a while already. I don’t have any idea what Agatha may be planning, but whatever it is better be urgent. The task she gave Moloch is said off-screen.

While Agatha is feeling weakened, Higgs approaches and gives her water, introducing himself because, after this long, this is the first time he meets Agatha face to face. Say hello to the kind of employee everyone in your world should have, Agatha. When asked if she really is the Heterodyne, Agatha offers to cackle maniacally, but it’s not to Higgs to who she has to prove anything, it’s to Otilia, or...to the Castle inside Otilia.

It’s still alive, I see. I really, really doubt the Castle will open this muse’s mouth and ask Agatha to stick her hand in so the Castle munches on it for a while, so there may be some other way to prove her identity. May I suggest you start cackling, Agatha?

There’s no cackling involved, much to my disappointment. I get over it when they start discussing Lucrezia’s work, because this kind of exposition is always welcome. Do you remember that mad scientist trope in cartoons where two beings’ minds are swapped? That’s something Lucrezia indulged in often, and judging by the flashback, she was successful at that. Not only that, she also was able to swap artificial consciousness. By that, I take she means part of the Castle’s consciousness was transferred here, but the problem I see is...where did Otilia go? I don’t think it’s anywhere in the Castle. It must have gone somewhere. Supposing it still exists, that is.

That’s...actually a very impressive feat! Also, Beetle was Lucrezia’s teacher once. That may have been one of the reasons why Beetle took Agatha under his wing. He knew she was the Heterodyne, I’m aware of that. There’s likely to be a correlation between those facts.

Anyway, Lucrezia managed to swap an artificial and a biological consciousness, and the result of that is in that green pit over there. Oh boy, one of Lucrezia’s inventions is there. That can only mean good stuff! Yeah...no. Better go away and not take a look inside that pit. It isn’t like she has any time to waste, too.

Since the Heterodyne’s enemies will make their move now that the Castle is mostly dead – I still think the consciousness in this muse could be used to revive the Castle – it has taken the executive decision to get Higgs to give Agatha some water from the Dyne. Oh, I really should have seen that coming! I should have guessed, it’s not like there’s a water cooler right behind a random rock down here in the depths of this building. The Dyne is the only water source around here. Is this your way to find out if Agatha is really part of the family, Castle? Daring, daring.

Heh, since Agatha hasn’t gone more insane than normal, she’s receiving the benefits from drinking to the Dyne. Her mind is clear; this’ll help to find a solution to the conundrum. Unlike Agatha subduing Lucrezia by making use of her willpower, this was foreshadowed before. It’s nice, I could have seen it coming.

...well, except that part. The heck are you doing, Castle?

What comes next is completely unrelated to the current events. Turns out the Foglios aren’t shy when it’s about making advertisement for something when it interests them, and since Girl Genius is a webcomic with a steampunk feel, of course they’d advertise an exhibition that’s all about steampunk.

It warms the cockles of my heart that at this point Girl Genius was considered influential enough to give advertisement to events such as those. The Foglios have quite the amazing work here! Then again, by this time they had already won a Hugo award, of course their work was becoming widely known. It’s well-deserved.

Meanwhile, while Agatha was drinking water and hearing about Lucrezia’s zany exploits, Tarvek and the rest of the sparks finished the modifications to the machine, and Gil...I suppose he stared at the ceiling all this time. It’s not like he could do anything else. Tarvek is starting to notice there may be something off with these modifications, but there’s no time for that before everybody grabs him and carries him to where Agatha is – at least that’s what I’m guessing. Hello, Snaug. Nice to see you’re back and not trying to hit anyone with a hammer. So, Tarvek is brought to the bright blue glow that’s just out of the frame.

‘Oh, god, she turned into one of the X-men’. I don’t know why that was my first thought, but it was. I don’t even know if someone in that franchise has a power like this.

So, as you can plainly see here, the Dyne has once again caused quite the side effect to a Heterodyne. No wonder the one who drank it first so long ago was revered as a god! He definitely didn’t have someone giving him a shock like the Castle did, but if he had just even a little bit of this weird powerful state, that explains why someone would think that.

What do you mean one of Agatha’s ancestors exploded after drinking from the Dyne?! You could have mentioned that earlier, you two! Anyway, Agatha is in a state of euphoria where she sees everything clear.

‘I feel...suspended in an eternal moment of supreme clarity’

Hard to call it eternal when you may be about to die via gruesome explosion, just saying.

The thought of anyone dying makes Agatha upset, so she prepares to fix that and make them be alive. Does this mean she has reached the solution to the actual problem? Great! Shouldn’t take time at all to fix the machines and—

...

...

...

...okay, uh, I have literally stared at this page for around fifteen seconds. That’s definitely a memorable page. Uh...alright...guess the lack of energy has been solved! Cheers!

Everyone watching witness the burst of energy coming from Agatha and after a moment I’m sure took just a few seconds, well...Agatha’s eternal moment of supreme clarity is gone. She’s unconscious, Tarvek and Gil look half-conscious, and everything that was surrounding Agatha is melted. That was very intense energy.

But what matters is that it looks like everything may be okay. I’ll have to wait until Agatha wakes up to be sure, but until then, I’ll believe it did. Also this is a good place to stop. These sure were quite intense events, eh?

Next update: five updates

[journeysintowebcomics]

Girl Genius Liveblog #123

UPDATE 123: Ix-nay on the Ead-day

I’m a bit busy today, so this will be a short update.

Last time Agatha, Tarvek and Gil had started the Si Vales Valeo procedure. So far, Tarvek and Agatha got shocked. Tarvek is dying, and Agatha isn’t yet, but since Tarvek is now dead I guess that means thing were going okay. Then again...Lucrezia just took over Agatha. So far that isn’t much of a problem. She was going to get shocked right now, so let’s get that going!

Zap! Agatha’s body turns into a psychedelic hallucination, which is an important step to get Tarvek revived, I suppose. I don’t think this happened to Tarvek? The point is that this vital part of the process is starting, and Violetta and the other spark have their hands full. Where are you, Moloch? He’s playing with the thing in the pit – until it proves to be too scary. Yeah, keeping Tarvek alive is a bit more important right now, I bet that’s what Agatha would say.

Quick, shock Tarvek back to life as if this was some huge defibrillator. And it works!

Oh, it did work alright. Tarvek looks amazingly healthy here! And...deranged for a moment, but I’m sure that was temporal. Anyways, what got out of the pit that has Moloch and Tarvek staring in surprise?

Okay, that sure is something! What’s this that’s in the bottom of the Castle? I don’t know exactly why, but it looks kinda familiar to me, like I have seen it before. No idea what it is, but...yeah, feels familiar. What did you do to this clank, Lucrezia? Because it looks pissed off, that’s for sure.

Huh! Is that for real? This is one of the muses? Well that makes three I have seen so far! No wonder it looked familiar to me, now that I know this is a muse, it looks similar to...to what’s-her-name, the muse that was with the circus, and Tinka, the muse Tarvek had. It’s the shape of the head and the color of the...chassis (?), mostly.

Otilia demands to see Lucrezia, with what’s sure to be a death sentence. That pretty much guarantees they won’t tell you, you strange muse. Tarvek steps forward to deal with the situation, and—oh Tarvek, what are you doing. The old ‘you were created to serve me!’ routine. Take a guess if that works. It doesn’t. At least we know that, if Moloch somehow finds himself in a situation like this one, he won’t say that and get smacked away like Agatha and Tarvek did.

Tarvek’s going to try to hold Otilia away while Moloch and the others work on Agatha. It’s not too difficult, Tarvek is stronger than he looks, and he does try to reason with Otilia, telling she didn’t hear Lucrezia. It was Agatha. Well he’s...Agatha and Lucrezia do look different, so that’s not too bad of an argument, but I’m not sure if Otilia can be reasoned with. It looks to me like Otilia is out for blood, and depending on how much she knows about Lucrezia’s methods...yeah, I wouldn’t be surprised if this doesn’t work.

...for some reason Otilia isn’t taking well that the Heterodynes except Agatha are all dead. That’s...odd. She must have been trapped in the bottom of that hole for a long time.

Thank you for grabbing Lucrezia’s face like that, everything she was saying was going to ruin Tarvek’s argument, hah! But yeah, the body is strapped to the system, all is ready to deliver some serious electric charge into her. Things are going to light up around here!

Otilia demands to talk with the Heterodyne girl so she can judge her worth. Yeah, she’s not in a state to answer anything, come back later...please? Thankfully, at least Otilia isn’t intervening in the procedure, so everyone else is able to keep working – and it’s a success! Agatha is dead! Hooray!

...whooops. It could be said Moloch’s big flaw is that he’s not very good at saying stuff at the right time. This is, what, twice in twelve or so hours now? Would be hilarious if it didn’t mean putting everyone in danger, hah. Watch out that mouth of yours, buddy! But yeah, Otilia didn’t like the news.

Ya think?! But then again, it’s not like Otilia was going to sit aside and wait for you guys to be done, so...yeah, maybe it was better to reveal it now than risk her ripping Agatha away from the machines.

Tarvek is tasked with keeping Otilia busy – at least until it’s his turn to suffer horribly via electrocution, apparently – and that’s achieved by damaging what’s an antique machine. At least Tarvek’s here, he’ll repair her later. Could be worse.

Apparently Violetta used to spend hours listening to Tarvek talk about the muses, and not because she wanted. Hah! Well, at least that was useful for me reader, thanks for the info. It seems Otilia wasn’t made for fighting, yet look at that, she’s doing amazingly. Maybe...okay, theory, maybe Tarvek is not the only one who has worked on one of Rembrandt’s muses without breaking them. The Heterodynes may have done it too, actually making it a fighting machine. It’d make sense, right? I don’t think the Heterodynes would have qualms with messing with a muse like that. The Heterodyne Boys wouldn’t, but anyone before them? Yeah, I can see them doing that.

The thing would be why...but it’s not MAD SCIENCE needs a reason, does it?

Again with the dramatic silhouettes, what’s up with those appearing in the stuff I read recently? First Trespasser, now here. I bet next time I read Worm, the spaces between the paragraphs will form Taylor’s silhouette or something.

Okay! Listen here, everyone, I was going to continue, but then came the big twist. I was here...

...wondering what was up with that, because what else could Otilia be? She’s clearly one of the muses – maybe her identity and functions are different now – but I kept wondering that, and then I turned the page. I didn’t see this coming. I’m going to stop for now, and leave that for next time because this is not something I expected. Should be great for next time!

Next update: next time

[journeysintowebcomics]

Girl Genius Liveblog #107

UPDATE 107: Tarvek Disapproves All This, He Swears

Last time Gil had said all about Zola’s past – all he knew, that is. She wasn’t the most impressive person, her behavior back then being at odds with her actual behavior. Zeetha and the rest have separated from Gil. Now let’s continue!

...the very first frame is some random guy proposing to kill Gil. That’s not very nice, what happened? Did I miss something? Last I remember was Gil electrocuting himself, and now he finds himself at the wrong end of a lethal gun. Zola argues in Gil’s favor, and inquires why his so-called loyal crew has abandoned him. Tiktoffen doesn’t hesitate to say Zeetha was the one who led everyone away.

Looks like he knows who Gil is! Thankfully he’s willing to cooperate and play along Gil’s charade, although I admit that smile of his is rather unsettling. Something about this makes me be wary of Tiktoffen. He isn’t planning to reveal Gil’s true identity, is he? Hopefully not.

Zola celebrates and announces she’s going to hold a party, talking about it for – I quote: “An eternity”. Judging by Gil’s face and his wish for sweet, sweet death, that’s not inaccurate. Zola must be amazing at monologues, but of course, that has a purpose. Once they’re away from the areas they know the Castle could be listening in, Zola stops her rose-tinted dreaming and gets serious.

So it’s true! Zola is capable of putting the false image of a ditzy and airheaded gal who thinks everything is going to be just peachy! This increases the chances that in the past, when she was in Paris, she did that too, for one reason or another! Maybe to manipulate Gil back then? Though I doubt pretending to be useless right now may not work as well as she does. I have no idea if she has been careful all the time, but given that she has done things like shooting people and also ordering to hunt for Agatha I don’t think all that could have been done in dead areas. The Castle hasn’t been fooled at all, we do know that. I have interpreted everything it has said like it knows how much of a threat Zola is.

The real information comes now, so pay attention, everyone: the people who want to figure out how to control Castle Heterodyne are the Knights of Jove, name Gil recognizes. They were pretty much useless and non-players until the Mongfish got involved, and by the Mongfish surely they mean Lucrezia. The portrait right behind Zola can’t be anything but a confirmation of that. So Lucrezia not only had a hand in the Heterodyne family, she also may have been involved in Tarvek’s family and Storm King business. No wonder she’s a fearsome antagonist, that’s damn smart! That also explains why the Knights of Jove and Tarvek’s father were so devoted to her. This is seriously impressive!

And the reason why they were so devoted to the Mongfish, well...it’s certainly not what I expected.

Should have imagined something like this, this is a world of MAD SCIENCE. They mean Tarvek, of course. Everything about Tarvek must be exactly what they want the Storm King to be, I suppose. I wonder if he’s aware of that?

One of the projects of this conspiracy is the Castle, trying to control it, but they all have been failures because, well, I think the reason for their failure goes unsaid because it’s very obvious. The Heterodynes wouldn’t make something that could be controlled by any random power-crazed nutcase. So since there’s no way to control the Castle – despite the recent breakthroughs – they’ll kill it. Tiktoffen protests.

May I recommend a yurt instead of a gazebo?

There is the machine they’re going to use to destroy the Castle. It reminds me of the invisibility lamp and of the electric machine Gil uses to insert electricity into the atmosphere. I’m leaning more towards the second, that would be more useful at destroying something. Could they be planning to overload the Castle until the circuits melt and/or explode, destroying its consciousness?

Things are going ‘slow, señorita’. Hm. I haven’t known anyone who speaks two languages and talks like that. Is that a thing? Do people really do that?

The project is going slowly because some of the pieces are being stolen, and the person who did that is – oh! Isn’t this the guy who tried to intimidate Agatha when she entered the Castle and failed miserably? I think he is. And he once again failed miserably at trying to be intimidating and control the situation, all he got was a grievous wound to the leg. There goes Zola once again showing she means business. Nothing like the dancer you remember, right, Gil?

Gil’s repairs have given the Castle a good advantage, allowing it to listen into places it couldn’t access before, including the one where Zola keeps her machine. Perfect! It informs Agatha Gil is currently with Zola, and that then comes one of the best sequences in the volume so far.

Centuries of Heterodyne-grade behavior has given the Castle a very quirky view of the world, eh? The one thing it got right was that Zola called Gil clever, haha...Agatha is not as amused as me. In fact, she’s positively furious about this. Thanks a lot for this, Castle.

Agatha grumbles and starts ranting about the situation, saying that she has a perfectly good suitor already – Tarvek would leap with joy if he wasn’t too injured, sick and colorful right now – and that she’s risking her neck to find Gil, and although she acknowledges the Castle may have misinterpreted the situation, the fact Gil got into Zola’s clutches is frustrating enough. It doesn’t help that right now they’re taking a look at the device, which makes Agatha want to hurry even more.

Agatha is once again warned she’s leaving the areas where the Castle can more or less protect her and talk with her, and she stumbles upon one of the devil dogs. It’s destroyed, the Castle goes berserk on its own assets. It’s useful for Agatha, though, she starts having MAD SCIENCE ideas. An ever better death ray, perhaps? Whatever Agatha has in mind; she pulls out another assistant clank. So she did have one of those! Well, and then they start working on the task at hand. Shouldn’t be difficult!

I think I’m ending it here, I glanced at the next page and let me tell you this: fun times are coming in Girl Genius.

Next update: three updates