#if anyone is bothering you drop me their urls i will fight them

[tomwambsgans]

man, i like your blog and shit but if you're having ocd meltdowns whenever someone has a different interpretation of the characters, it makes engaging with you kinda impossible. it's a small fandom and is getting smaller each day, don't spend half of your time complaining about other people's fics and posts and then act surprised when the vibe sucks

is this solely in response to that one recent late-night rant i posted? bc i'm getting the sense that this may also be about posts on my main, and if it is, then tbqh i'm gonna say that i need somewhere to vent for venting's sake or else i'll go even more insane. so like, i'll concede that maybe i should just remove my main url from my blog bio or something. but other than that, i try genuinely hard to keep my fr meltdowns to myself and, when i make meta posts on here that are fueled by the motivation to reassure myself, to still cite my sources and whatnot and put real meat in the posts bc it's really important to me to not feel like i'm talking out of my ass. and also to make posts that other people will want to see. my recent more personal posts about it are bc lately i'm not having a good time re: ocd and i genuinely kind of cannot tell how insane i look to other people. like, i want to know so that i can figure out how to get back to semi-normal.

i'm also really never actually Surprised about the vibe sucking btw (and i'm not saying that that's how i would even describe my feelings. just like, if we're calling it that), i'm just frustrated. i do try very hard to avoid seeing things that make me upset and to balance that with trying to maintain passion (by keeping this blog active), and that leaves me with bare bones. i'm well aware that i'm the one with The Problem, and i promise i hate it more than anyone else possibly can. i really don't try to make it anyone else's problem. ntm the vast majority of my ocd shit is kept off of here and stays entirely in my brain, so like, the "meltdowns" you've seen are kinda nothing lol.

on a more intellectual vein, i do wanna say that like half of all succession meta posts i ever see (especially the very good ones) are in some way covert responses, with some amount of disagreement, to other people's takes. it's like how scholars are all constantly arguing with each other. i don't personally feel the need to cultivate a fandom space where no one ever has their feelings hurt and all interpretations are only ever publicly regarded as equally valid in order to avoid it, or anything. fandom is for fun but it's obviously also a minefield of people with hyperfixations/special interests/ocd. it sucks when that seemingly winds up dividing an already small fandom, but my thing is that i am not going to have a good time in fandom if i restrict myself from one of the most beloved human pasttimes that is complaining. man i really don't even drop names when i do, i just describe general takes that i disagree with and give my own, thoroughly backed-up stance. i even admitted in that post that "i'm fighting a mostly imaginary person." if someone feels like it's about them and that really bothers them, they can unfollow/block and then go complain about me if they need to. the world is kind of beautiful that way.

i hope this all doesn't come off as hostile by simple virtue of being a long response, i just wanna hit every possible point and don't wanna risk being misunderstood. it's kinda my thing. and like, obviously i don't want to needlessly alienate people who otherwise like my posts, which you said you do. but also your message feels kinda hostile so if i do sound hostile i hope it's in a way that makes us even. idk who you are, you could easily be someone i've had conversations with and who I'll talk to more in the future, having no idea that you sent me this, and i think that's beautiful too. it's a wonderful thing that you can anonymously say something harsh to me, whoever you are, and not do any damage to whatever relationship we may have. i'm pressing our foreheads together. i forgive you. anyway i'm gonna delete that personal ocd post because it's paranoid and kind of self-destructive and embarrassing in hindsight. but my general nature will not change except incrementally so let's hope for the best ig

[bayrut]

user winlessfights mayhaps this is user winlessfights

JIYAA i was about to go to bed then got this, I'll keep it short and if you want a more detailed explanation i can write one tomorrow morning for me/late night for you but basically i love you so much you are the cutest, your textposts (even the most random ones about your personal life) are so funnt truly you're one of the funniest people on here.. I'm so glad you became a louie/solo 1d career fan actually idk what your status is you support zot3 solo so idk what the label is tbh fandom labels are dumb but i did struggle when i was making that louie blog rec because i didnt knoe where to put you anyWAY sorry for rambling i am tired. you have the kindest heart and you're never mean, even when you think you are saying something mean, it never comes across as mean idk i hope this makes sense my brain has started to shut down. Also, you are so creative? I wish we saw more of that side, i remember that one taylor edit you made and i loved it a lot and called you a content creator in the tags, i was right you are one i wish we'd see more content creator!jiya i mean of course if you want to and have time. Also your louie mask? Peak creativity i stan. One last thought before i sleep for real, i remember when you kept changing your url every 3 seconds like yes i love this chaotic talented baby and i saw your post the other day saying you havent changed your url in like what 2 months and asking if we were proud if you? Well yes i am but also if you wanna changed it 5 times a day i do support you you'retl the best I'm sorry this turned into a poorly structured essay, i talk nonsense when I'm tired

send me urls on anon so i can give u my opinion on them

[hotchley]

damaged

Well...

It's been a hot minute since an actual fic hasn't it?

Do you want to know my return is? This shambles, which is 1184 words of Hotch being sad and signing the divorce papers. Does it make sense? I don't know! But I wrote it in a few hours, and it's basically just sadness, but I worked some lines I loved very much into it... so let's just go with it! If anyone dares label this as Haley Bashing or Hotch Crit, I will fight you because I love them both very much and this was more just an excuse to make Hotch cry. Whoops.

Also, yes, it is not lost on me that my first fic with the hotchley url is sad hotchley shit, I had something fluffy planned, it did not work and ergo, we are here. Oh yes: no proofreading whatsoever lol and listening to Little Talks- Of Monsters and Men may make it hurt more? I don't actually know

Trigger Warnings: divorce, implied child abuse

read on ao3!

He signs the papers as soon as he returns to the office.

They’ve been taunting him since the day he received them. He put them in his bottom drawer. He didn’t even bother taking them home, knowing he would be spending more time in the office than in the house.

It hadn’t hurt when Haley sent them to the sixth floor, even though the embarrassment had been so overwhelming he’d had to walk away from everyone before they saw how his cheeks had reddened and his eyes pricked with tears. He knew emotions were an unpredictable and difficult thing to cope with.

He knew she would never truly hurt him, and the moment the weight of her actions hit her, she would apologise. And it wasn’t because he had profiled her. He just knew her. The same way she knew him.

(She did send a message apologising. He didn’t have the words to explain it was him that should be begging for forgiveness, so he ignored it. Just like he did with everything in his life that was overwhelming.)

He put them in his bottom drawer because it was the drawer he used the most. Erin looked in the middle drawer for things like staples and elastic bands. The rest of the BAU looked in his top drawer for their favourite snacks and comfort items. Everyone knew to not look in the bottom drawer.

It had his profile of George Foyet. And the divorce papers.

He’s read them a thousand times over, knowing deep down that he doesn’t want to go to court, that he doesn’t want to challenge the custody agreement or Haley’s possession of the house or anything written in them. He doesn’t… he does care, but not in the way everyone seems to think.

Haley deserves to be happy. She is the one that has come up with the terms of the agreement, and that is more than she should have had to do. So Aaron doesn’t want to go to court, but he does want to see Haley. Just to be sure that she’ll be okay.

He wants to see her for reasons that are completely selfish, so he doesn’t argue. He just avoids her, and tests her limits till they’re reached and she does the one thing she hates doing: phoning the BAU.

It’s being informed by JJ that Haley called that makes him realise what he’s been doing. He’s been forcing Haley to remain in limbo, to struggle along and feel miserable because he’s not ready to let go. To move on and accept that he’s going to be alone again. That he is going to prove his mother and father right. They always said he was unlovable.

Haley had always convinced himself that wasn’t true, but maybe it is. Maybe he’s destined to be alone.

But in the moment, that isn’t what matters. What matters is the pain he’s causing. It doesn’t matter that Jessica and Haley don’t feel angry with him, they’re angry because they know his thought patterns and if it’s not anger, it will be sadness, or that all Haley wants him to do is what’s best for Jack, because in the moment, Aaron despises himself.

He hates himself. He sees himself as a coward. As a man so afraid of the future that he refuses to let the past go, that he tries to keep time from passing and the world from spinning by refusing to set the ones he loves free.

But he can’t do that. He can’t stop any of it from happening, not without causing harm, so he takes the pen that Roy gave him as a wedding present- the irony is not lost on him- and he hesitates.

He reads the papers once more, even though he could recite them verbatim.

And then he signs them.

And he doesn’t feel anything.

No sadness, no numbness, no fury, no relief, no joy.

Just nothing.

It shocks him.

And rationally, he knows that he’s just shocked, that the full weight of what’s happened will hit him when he least expects it, but emotions aren’t rational and he suddenly feels terrified. Is this who he has become? Has he finally gone too far?

Will he ever feel again?

He drops the pen and closes his eyes. When he opens them, his signature stares at him. Haley’s is already above it, a mockery of the marriage certificate they signed all those years ago.

David Rossi once told him the same thing he said to Elle Greenaway: that divorce wasn’t uncommon in the BAU. He just never thought it would apply to him. And suddenly, he can’t be in the office that has come at the price it has. Nobody is ever going to love him again, and what will he have to show for it?

A hand that always trembles, scars that will never heal, and a team that only keeps him around because he can take the fall for their actions and pretend to not be human so they can carry on living.

Emily calls his name, and he gives her a shaky smile. She takes it for what it is: a plea to be left alone.

It hits him in the shower.

He’s reaching for the shower gel Haley always said was her favourite and his wedding ring glints in the light. He always showers with the lights turned off, but it’s late enough that the moon is high in the sky and able to seep through the blinds.

The wedding ring that she slipped onto his finger when they were happy and in love. The wedding ring that holds no worth anymore.

Because he’s signed the divorce papers.

He’s signed them.

Haley’s not his wife anymore.

Haley doesn’t want him anymore. Haley doesn’t love him enough to stay anymore. And it- because he cannot call it what it is, cannot shake the years of being told divorce was a synonym for failure, is definitely for the best, for both of them but it hurts.

It hurts so much that he wants to tear out the part of him that feels.

It hurts so much that he almost feels relieved that even if nobody loves him, he can still feel.

It hurts so much that the tears that fall down his cheeks and taste like salt and that mix with the shower water that continues to beat down on him mercilessly don’t feel like enough. They don’t convey how broken he is.

He’s never going to come home to a house full of lights again.

He’s never going to wake up because he can smell coffee again.

He’s never going to feel Haley’s mouth against his in a rare moment of passion again.

He’s never going to be her husband again.

He’s never going to be a husband.

He screams, and he cries.

But nobody soothes his throat. Nobody wipes his tears away. Not now Haley- the one person that never flinched at his humanity- is gone from his life.

He screams. And the abyss smiles back.

It’s gotten him forever.

[iampikachuhearmeroar]

sometime in this last week, or this week coming, my blog has turned/turns 10. god. a decade old. a whole ass chunk of my life i’ve spent on this hellsite. when i began on here, i was a kid. a lost, lonely, depressed and anxious 15/16 year old kid. a kid scared of her future. a kid confused about her future. what to do for uni. to change schools or not??? to do drama/acting at uni or english/philosophy or to move 8hrs away to another regional uni to “escape” her ��washed up, dead end hometown” that was so typical of all the pop-punk music that she was listening to at the time.

she was a tad overdramatic, loud, “funny” (as described by her school friends) and terribly forgetful in regards to homework and school assignments. she was angry at the world, most especially the catholic school she was fucking sick and tired of attending. but she was convinced that since she was the so-called “funny girl”, that she simply couldn’t be depressed or anxious. she believed herself unloveable because she didn’t look like a weird mixture of hayley williams and emo-pop queen lights. but now, i no longer believe that i have to look like the women that i looked up to in the ~emo scene~. fuck beauty standards. i am loveable.

in the years since joining tumblr, i’ve managed to get through business college, my undergrad degree and, well, failed out of postgrad due to obvious burnout and health issues amongst other things. although i’ve lost many friends irl and many followers/mutuals online on here. for those who’ve stuck around to see me get through all of this, thank you. to all the friends/casual mutuals that have since deactivated or only followed me for a short time then unfollowed; thank you.

like obviously i was never/have never been a massive popular blog on here, like thebootydiaries or vampireapologist (who has since deactivated a couple of months ago) with tens of thousands of followers. my follower count is still close to the 8,000 range at 7,892. obviously that’s still a lot of people (and of course, porn bots lmao and many, many non-active blogs), enough like one super old post from like 2012 tumblr pointed out, enough for a small to medium sized city or town, or something like that. i don’t know how many people i’ve really reached. i really don’t know how i actually amassed this small army of people.

i am aware though, that on other platforms like snapchat (lmao does anyone even use it anymore in 2021???)/instagram/youtube/tiktok etc, i’d PROBABLY be considered as some type of ~micro influencer (🤮🤮)~. hell, i actually had a bot slide into my notes about being one on here on this hellsite back in 2019. i don’t know if i’ve ever actually ~influenced~ anyone on here with my shitposts (when i started making some) or my personal posts. i don’t know my reach. even though, now, i do occasionally get featured on buzzfeed listicles (although pay me buzzfeed along with the OPs of those original embedded posts), i still don’t know how many people i’ve reached… and even with my very occasional checks of google analytics lmao. on top of this, grappling with the loss of followers at times is much, much easier than it was when i began on here and the first few years following that. i know that my follower count doesn’t determine my worth and stuff.

but over these 10 years, i have grown. i turn 26 this year. back in 2011, 15/16yo me never thought she’d be here. she was partially down the suicidal thoughts hole, with things about ~picturing her funeral and wondering who’d bother to turn up. if only she could pretend to be dead for a day to see who’d give a fuck~ and 16-18yo me was defs down it with her HSC hellscape thoughts in 2012/2013. that 3rd floor tafe/tech women’s bathroom window drop and the thought of scarring her class for life (and that cool dude from catholic school that she crushed on who ended up at tafe with her) with jumping out of it onto the concrete below. instead, she just posted on fb about ~being a failure~ etc which ultimately did lose her a bunch of facebook friends lmao. it was practically the same thing. her mental breakdown after the end of her hsc, where she let her earrings go green and get infected in her ears because “fuck self care, bc what the fuck is it??? i’ll never get better! let me fucking wallow in my self loathing bc it’s the only thing that i’m fucking good at!!!” so i no longer have my ears pierced. oh! it was just all too fucking much!!

i am happier today. i no longer have those semi-suicidal thoughts. hell, i almost died in 2020 from a fucking bowel aneurysm, after my stomach tumour excision surgery. that forced me to put things into perspective. i appreciate the little things . i appreciate the very few friends that i actually have. yes. i’m still depressed and anxious. some days are still shitty and hard. but nowhere as hard and shitty as they were back when i began on here 10 years ago.

how the fuck last 10 years have gone past, with my ass on here; clearing out my blog and caring more about doing that than my uni work (lmao whoops); having made some lifelong friends both internationally (from the US) and long distance domestically in australia, it’s been a long ride; i honestly have no fucking idea. obviously over these past 10 years, i’ve debated with myself over and over and over again whether i should delete/deactivate this account or not. would it make me healthier??? more than likely. but then when i have meltdowns or just inner ramblings i have to get out somewhere, where else to post??? on fb?? obvs not. it’s “attention seeking” or the like on there. no one will read them. no one will resonate. but on here??? even if i got/get one “like” in the notes or one “yo i feel this” response in the tags or replies, it feels like i’ve reached someone??? okay yeah. i know this place IS NOT therapy and i’m not using my followers as amateur (or probs even actual professional) armchair psychologists…. which is a thing i think people need to stop doing internet-wide: but that’s a whole other post that i reblogged a few days ago lmao. i really need to get another therapist, actually lmao.

but it’s the community i’ve found hard to leave. i have what feel like friends, when i’ve never been employed (still as of yet); and when all of my irl friends/acquaintances are working and doing the whole ~adulting~ and ~grown up life~ thing right. it’s also the frenzied rabidness of spite with hating staff’s godawful ideas. the memes. oh the memes. and also the RaWrInG 20s XD emo scene reemergence on here that’s kept me here. the messy petty drama from time to time of big blogs fighting it out.

this place really is bizarre and fun sometimes. and also the fact that i can still hide behind the ridiculous “roaring pikachu” URL that i made all those years ago. i am anonymous. it’s freeing. but on fb it’s all like “WHY WONT YOU ADD A BANNER IMAGE AND TELL US 20 FUN FACTS ABOUT YOU!!!!!???? LET PEOPLE WHO HAVENT SPOKEN TO YOU IN 10 YEARS KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU BECAUSE WE’RE ALL FRIENDS HERE!!!” and the same goes for Corporate Hellscape Facebook™️ (linkedin) but in the professional sense instead. y’all know fuck all about me really. besides my posts. and i love that and live for that. okay yeah. y’all know more about my mental health than my fb feed obvs… which is probably a terribly unfortunate thing. but still.

over the last 10 years then, my superiority complex for being ~so original and intelligent~ or whatever the fuck i had in high school, has all but ebbed away. i’m not that smart just because i went to uni. hell, i literally did NONE of my in-class work and none of my philosophy readings in uni….. so i have fuck all idea of how i got through undergrad like that lmao. i’m not original when so many people can articulate the same thoughts that i have, but like, sometimes better, on a post (even though sometimes/most of the time the Tumblr User Hot Takes Tuesday™️ takes on here are fucking awful lmao). but still. originality is not something i really have anymore. or really had in the first place lmao.

so will i deactivate after these 10 years, like i’ve been saying for so, so long??? i honestly have no idea. but just know. thanks guise. have a nice gpoy selfie day XD. grab your wands. your tardises. grab your war paint. grab your whatever the fuck other fandom specific stuff that was one that hella cringe post from 2011 til 2015 random tumblr. that relic is as old as time itself. just as this mysterious roaring pikachu is for someone whose too loyal to leave this W E B B E D H E L L S I T E that’s just as much of a train wreck as she is. lmao.

[rpbetter]

Hey there, check out this pinned post first!

Thanks for visiting Roleplay Better, where I believe that you can fucking do better! That kind of language, however, is why it is important for you to read this post before proceeding.

This blog and its posts are meant for an adult RPing audience; be over legal, adult age in the USA, 18+. Do not interact by submitting, asking, reblogging, commenting, or liking unless you are over eighteen years of age. By interacting with RPB or me, Vespertine, you are assumed to be following this rule. If you are breaking this rule, you will be blocked.

I have that rule because this blog can/will/does address topics inappropriate for a younger audience. Those can include, but are not limited to:

not safe for work - violence, injury, sexual language, smut, substance use

“dark topics” and themes like violence, unhealthy relationships, mental illness, trauma, graphic injury, dubious consent, substance use, and so forth addressed realistically

foul, sexual, and otherwise “Adult” language

 unpopular opinions and approaches about writing, RP, fandoms

“negativity” since literally anything can be, and my whole point here isn’t about holding back; it is likely that, at some point, in some post or another, a shoe will fit you-you need to be mature enough to handle that without taking it as a personal attack on you

images and links that may contain things inappropriate for a younger audience

this blog is founded upon the idea that fiction has reflections in reality, but that fiction does not utterly equate to reality. You should write with realism, your characters should be people in their own right, and you should absolutely be addressing many popular topics responsibly, which is to say realistically. I do not support or otherwise condone purity culture, so while realism is a big deal here, fiction = reality arguments are a no

seriously, you have no idea how fucking salty I am! I try to be fair, reasonable, and mellow with everyone, but it can and does come out.

This blog tags for common, major triggers, but it is not for those easily triggered or particularly sensitive. By proceeding, you take responsibility for yourself...like a mature adult. I expect you to utilize blacklist, unfollow, and block. Tag format is simple, it is literally just the word in most cases, with “cw” and “tw” added to particularly common things. Example, a post containing a breakdown of forms of dubcon will be tagged #dubcon #dubious consent. If that was specifically of a sexual nature, since tumblr is unfriendly to using Not Safe For Work now, I will be using #notsafe for sexual topics. In the event that this needs to change, it will be posted about, the previous tag left intact, so that you may update your blacklist.

You are always welcome to send me an ask or private message requesting a particular trigger be tagged for you. I try to check blogs I see following, especially if I follow back, so that I can tag what you require. However, I’m a person, I’m an ND, ill, busy person though, I do make mistakes!

If you find yourself desirous of telling me to tag in a hateful way, don’t. You will not be responded to with an apology and kindness. Do not be rude, it’s uncalled for when informing someone of a problem or making a request.

I will run the blog largely on a queue, and will not be following many people back. This is not personal! I just like to try to provide content at many different times, have a life elsewhere, and I am so happy that you love your fandom, but it might not be something I’ve enough interest in to have on my dash.

Don’t tumblr message me. Use the inbox or submit.

Due to recent events, I am changing this rule. It’s hard for me to receive messages unexpectedly, and I hate to imply that I’ll be able to get to these quicker because it isn’t the truth. Quicker, better responses come from the inbox. However, there have been too many incidents lately in which people needed to speak privately and had to make that a request. If you’re having a problem and need to vent, request sensitive advice, etc.? It’s alright, go ahead and drop me a PM, y’all. I’ll get back to you as soon as I am able. Please, do not be angry with me if I respond to inbox things or my queue is running! You’re important to me, I just might not have the requisite social cognition and energy you deserve at that time.

Aggressive inbox messages will be responded to in kind. I don’t care if you are on anon or not, if you haven’t an ounce of polite communication skills, I won’t have them either. This is not a “we don’t publish anon hate” blog.

I highly encourage asks and submissions on any and all RP topics, and it’s perfectly alright to be salty as fuck in them, you can totally vent here, but don’t take out your frustration on me or be demanding of me. I am always happy to help with information, advice, or just a response to your venting-it’s important to know someone is listening. However, it may take me a few days to a week to get to you, be patient. 

If you are going to vent, leave out usernames. This isn’t a callout or burnbook blog. It’s fine to state characters and fandoms, but if this becomes a problem, it’ll have to change. I don’t want this becoming a salt blog for one or two fandoms I very likely can’t even stand. Practice the fine art of alluding to things, its good experience for your writing! Besides, RPC problems are RPC problems, I promise. It might feel like it’s just your fandom, but there is something relatable in all corners.

I will not overly police comments. Keep the slurs and shit out of it, though. If there is an issue going on pertaining to a serious instance of hate speech, or behavior I, personally, deem as too inappropriate and/or immature to be taking place on my post, I will step in. Otherwise, I expect everyone to be adults in the comments and reblogs too. If you want to argue with each other, that’s your business. If you want to argue with me, I’m not sorry in advance.

Addition to the above: this is not a blog in which it will be tolerated that commentators or those submitting with the URLS are targeted for callouts, shaming, or other instances of bullying. No, I cannot make those people stop bothering you by blocking them, but the least I can do is address that by shutting down their access to this blog and it’s posts by blocking on the URLs I have for them. And I will. Fuck that “we can’t be responsible for” shit. It’s my blog, it’s my content I’m putting out there, I’m not going to just ignore shit like what went down over on COAR, thanks. Not. Cool.

This is definitely not a place for:

people who think giving muses labels, including top/bottom “dynamics,” is a good substitute for character traits, personality, and development

those with no reading comprehension skills

folks dependent upon aesthetics and aesthetics-based purple prose as filler for actual writing

anti-original character/just wants to fuck a FC or canon character club, get the fuck out immediately

y’all who see writing as an obstacle to getting down to action, be that smut, drama, or fight scenes...it’s literally a writing hobby

politics, any manner of phobe or ism, violent/non-inclusive feminists, purity/rpc/fandom/content police of any manner, and exactly any manner of racism, sexism, or religious intolerance - I give not a shit if it’s popular to hate the straights, for example, I neither believe in nor tolerate reactionary classifying of any group as blanket-statement evil

people who are going to tack onto my posts shit like, “it’s okay, OP, you can say x character.” Trust me, if I were talking about one character, I fucking would name drop them, don’t bring me into your fandom drama, I doubt I know or want to know who that anime guy is who looks like 12 other anime guys to me.

About Vespertine

You can call me that, Vespertine. I’d rather you didn’t go with Vesper, but as it is unfortunately so likely to happen, I won’t feed you to the dogs over it either. RPB Mun is also acceptable.

I’m alright with either she/her or he/him, they/them is also fine. Apparently, that was big enough clue-in for the poor reading comp crowd, so while I feel it is not of importance, I’m nonbinary, yes.

Late 30′s, chronically ill but still working adult with neurodivergence. I’m both busy and Busy, and always sick. This limits my brain power and ability to be here. I have an active RP blog that I won’t be sharing to keep responsible distance. That is always going to be my priority, it is my primary hobby.

Please, don’t tumblr message me totally random things if we don’t have that kind of relationship! I’m too ill and busy, and it really fucks my nerves to have a bunch of messages/have to suddenly interact socially with people. Don’t do it. Use my inbox, use the submit, comment on posts. I cannot do random messages of “hey” and so forth.

I only do written RP, don’t expect me to understand much of anything from tabletop. I’ve RPed for the last 23 years consistently, on every platform from AOL chats to forums to messengers and here. I also don’t do RP in discord, so I’m sorry, but I can’t advise you much on anything with a word count, except to stop it for serious RP. Other than that, I promise you that I’ve seen the trends, the drama, the fandoms. I can give a lot of advice and perspective on a wide range of topics, situations, and characters! When I don’t have a clue at all, I’ll try to do enough research to give you an answer.

Do I come off as a horrible, strict asshole? I do! I’m not going to say that I am just a shy bean who is more scared of you than you are me. I’m not. I’m honestly feral, but have common decency, compassion, and sense. All of which are lacking in the general RPC. So, if you can inbox/common/otherwise interact with anyone else on this site, you can totally handle me!

Honesty and openness are policies.

And in the spirit of that, I repeat; you can fucking do better, tumblr RPC!

[destielfanfic]

Group Ask #174

Relevant links to find lost fic

previous group asks

spnstoryfinders

Guide to Finding Fic

Guide to Finding Lost Fic

Try this great trick to finding fic

Ask #1 ( @hopingromantic ): there’s this fic…#1

I'm trying to find the name of a fic with angel cas but it mentions how some of the angel rituals or habits are bird-like. I don't know if dean & cas had to marry or anything like that, but the scene i remember is dean scratching the back of cas' head without realizing it's a sensual action done between mates. Cas is hurt because he knows dean doesn't understand what the action means, but later dean figures it out & confesses his love by scratching cas' neck again. It's freaking adorable.

Found by @starlightthroughbrokenglass @gracelingwithpoisewithoutgrace and @anupalya, @ginnyjake A Room of One’s Own by Northern Sparrow.

Ask #2 ( @misssassifrass ): there’s this fic…#2

Hi, I’m so sorry to bother you, but I lost a fic to the abyss that is tumblr. I found it on your blog ( which is a godsend to be honest) and tumblr somehow closed it. I’ve looked through your tags, but I can’t remember what I searched before. I think it was about Jensen and Jared playing characters Sam and Dean in an rpg game? There was Destiel and they met in a graveyard? If you could help me find it, I would be so thankful! Thank you!

Found by @welcomedistractionlove: A Fighter, A Ranger, and a Cleric Walk Into a Tavern by amoosebouche

Ask #3 ( @wordsofa ​ ): there’s this fic...#3

I've been looking for a fic I read a while back but I just can't seem to find it, so I hope maybe you can. Dean, Sam, and a friend whose name I can't remember inherit a house and the basement is full of human experiments, one of which is cas. He can't properly communicated in the beginning. I also remember an OC little girl. Cas freaks out when he sees his picture or reflection. It's a pretty long fic if I remember correctly. Thanks so much x

Suggested by Susan and @justjennyj: Experimental by Zafona [T, 276,000 word count] From poor and frugal livings to the little Winchester family finding themselves exploring their new mansion. It had to be too good to be true - no Winchester was ever that lucky. And that same fact held true when Dean discovered an underground lab set up by the previous owner. There were numerous testing chambers with strange creatures lurking inside. Dean's venturing stops at the only enclosure with a single name engraved above the door; Castiel.

Ask #4 ( @serathemermaid​ ): there’s this fic…#4

Hey there! I was hoping you guys could help me find a fic whose name I can't remember :) In it, Dean hires sexworker!Cas after a bad breakup from Lisa & they slowly fall in love. It's a pretty long piece. (Also thanks for all your hard work & have a lovely day!)

Found by @winchesters-67:  Ripped at the Seams by zation

Ask #5 ( @traumen89​​ ): there’s this fic…#5

Hi there, I was wondering if you knew of a story where Cas is (I'm pretty sure) a catboy, and he goes into heat and Dean has sex with him. It is implied that he can't get Cas pregnant. Afterwards, it cuts to them at the doctors where the Doctor is giving Dean nasty looks because Cas was obviously impregnated by him. It's not 'there are cat people and there are cat people', and I've gone through the catboy tag on ao3. Thanks!

Ask #6 ( @fattyfroggy ): there’s this fic...#6

I read a fanfic a long time ago where Castiel moved into a town where Dean was the town "bad boy" and they went to school together. Dean smoked cigarettes and developed a habit of putting them out on his skin, and it got worse with time. He also hung out with some druggies and things got bad with that. Dean and Cas went to a party together and things really heated up between them there. Does anyone have any idea what fanfic this is? Please help! (it was on Ao3 if that helps)

Found by @some-angelic-flowers: Hautley’s Bend by ColdintheStudio

Ask #7 ( private/anon​​ ): there’s this fic...#7

First off, thank you for the work you do running this blog. I’m hoping y’all can help me find a fic that’s been driving me crazy. I remember that it’s an AU, Cas is an angel, the fic possibly starts with him in his garrison in Heaven...I don’t remember too much about the plot, but Cas and Dean and etc fight whoever has taken charge of Heaven. In a fight between Cas and possibly Metatron? (very unsure which Angel he’s fighting), Cas dies and comes back to life as God(?)/Archangel/BAMF.

Found by @kingtoorew​ :  Named by mclachlan

Ask #8 ( @revolutionofyellow​​​ ): there’s this fic...#8

Hey!! I have a favor to ask. I don’t know if you find fics but there’s one I’ve been desperately looking for to no avail. Dean and Bobby and a few others run like a safety shelter for angels and when they find Cas he’s super damaged and stabs Dean with the bones of his wings. Cas like works in the barn of the safety shelter and helps with the birth of a colt that he befriends and loves dearly. They have to smuggle Cas at the end?? Let me know if you know what I’m talking about or if you need more details!! Thank you!!!!

Found by @bunnymcbunnister and Susan: Angel Rescue by squirrel_loves_wings

Ask #9 ( @awkwardpotatonk​ ): there’s this fic...#9

Hi I’ve been looking for this specific Destiel fanfic a while ago. it’s about homeless Castiel who is broken and Dean finds him in the alleyway with injuries and muttering stuff about demons attacked him and that dean is an angel but. They fall in love and live on the streets together. They went to the barbershop together and took a shower I think. One day dean went quick to buy something to eat and while he was gone cas got killed. Dean found him dead with black angel wings burnt on the floor.

Be sure to check out our tragedy tag for fics with Major Character Death

Found by @anarchiana:  Copper Park by Castiel_Left_His_Mark_On_Me [NC-17, 10,000] Not having a home doesn't make you homeless. Not seeing doesn't make you blind. Not feeling love doesn't mean you aren't.

Ask #10 ( @tabbytyler ): there’s this fic...#10

Hey! I love your blog, thank you for all your hard work. I'm looking for a fix where Dean fakes a case to take Cas to a cabin up in the mountains where he tells him his feelings. It's slow and domestic and they hike a lot and it's only one chapter on Ao3 and I never got to finish it! Please help!

Found by @theactualpiemaker and @viridiandecisions:  When It Comes to Being Loved by Sass_Master [NC-17, 37,800 word count] Dean’s extended period of self-discovery and inner reflection, of addressing all those fleeting little notions of his that maybe weren’t so little or fleeting after all, had culminated in one inescapable, terrifying fact.He’s in love with Cas. Hopelessly, completely, embarrassingly in love with him.They’ve just never had what they needed to explore this before, never had time, solitude, a real moment to breathe.But they have it now, Dean thinks. He’s made damn sure of that.

If any of our followers have anything to suggest, drop it in our ask box (mention which ask you are talking about by number or bolded title). Our anon is switched off for good, if you know the lost fic but don’t want your url to appear on this list, let us know and we will call you an anon! If you don’t see your ask here, it is because we have quite a few in the inbox. Thanks!!

[wxldchxld]

@ashayara girl I cannot keep up with all ur urls lol

so this was supposed to be the final part of this, and it was supposed to all come to a clear and concise finish.... but i don’t think it will. on the bright side i’m 99 percent certain you’re the only one reading this and i know you won’t hold it against me.

but if, by any chance, anyone needs an explanation, I was just having a fucker of a time writing Asha and Euron’s fight, because as this entire piece makes it clear: I really suck at fight scenes. But, I mean, I’m proud I stuck this whole thing out. All parts put together made 25 pages in a doc and I feel like for the most part I followed through. Maybe @ashayara will write it, maybe we’ll all just imagine Asha stabbing her uncle 50 million times, or maybe I’ll  finish this one day, but for right now I needed to put it down. Sorry Elsie. Still have mad love for you girl.

The sea was bizarrely silent beneath the prow of her ship. One ill omen among hundreds it seemed. If not for her oarsmen she doubted the tide would have carried them at all. The wind was still and suffocating, sticking to her lungs and dragging along her throat and chest as she tried to breathe normally. Everything felt wrong. She could taste bile behind her lips, and for a moment she gripped the railing of her deck thinking she might lose what little food she’d managed to eat, but it stayed. She forced a breath and straightened her shoulders once more.

The Black Wind had been driven tirelessly forward since Victarion had told her of his plan earlier that morning, and it was late into the evening now. The light of the moon was cold and unforgiving above her, unimpeded by the clouds, and the only sound for miles was that of oars smacking against the surf. Beyond the moon a million stars danced in the black sky. How could such a picturesque evening feel so sinister?

“You worry for her.” Qarl said quietly. He sounded surprised, and she could detect the slightest edge of disapproval in his tone. Just what he was currently disapproving of she wasn’t sure; it felt like she’d done everything wrong lately.

A huff of silent laughter rolled past her lips and shook her shoulders. With a half grin and a sideways glance she asked, “Are you jealous?”

It was cruel. She knew that it was the second she’d said it. Her words were a barb that sliced like a blade into a still open wound. They’d scarcely spoken since her wedding, and when they had spoken it certainly hadn’t been about her wife. It hadn’t been said, but neither of them knew how to reconcile the relationship they’d had before it’d happened, or even if they should try. She’d brought that painful reality out from the shadows and into the light with one careless sentence.

“How do you think the witches will respond when they help win me a crown paid for with the blood of their own?” In truth she wasn’t sure what her wife was to the witches. She held some station, by birthright as well as something to do with their religion, but that was the extent of her own knowledge on the subject. What she did understand, quite clearly, was that their marriage had been arranged to symbolize a promise to the witches. Beck was a breathing symbol of their alliance, and if Asha neglected or failed her wife, she failed them all. The witch king had given her this warning himself… and he did not seem to her to be the forgiving type. Asha shook her head. “If we manage to defeat Euron and she dies, we’ll be lucky if the witches with us now don’t all turn on us. Their king wouldn’t forgive that.”

Qarl was quiet, sullenly watching the waves. She couldn’t tell if he was mulling over what she’d said or covering up some unsightly emotion, or not paying attention at all.

“But you worry over her.” He said finally. This time she could her anger straining his voice.

“...I do.” She said after a long, tense moment had passed. Though she didn’t let herself dwell on that thought. The more she did the sicker she got. It was preferable to focus on the threats of the witches rather than the crushing guilt and bizarre sense of sadness that overwhelmed her when she thought about what Euron might do to her wife. Beck was vibrant and joyful and warm and---soft. She’d stand no chance against ironmen. If that light was snuffed out beneath her uncle’s boot, she’d never put it out of her mind. At least she doubted she would live long enough to let that guilt consume her.

“What the hell is that?” Asha opened her eyes and turned back to Qarl, but her gaze didn’t linger on him long. Behind him, against the midnight blue sky, a luminous orange cloud of mist was resting over the waters. At first she thought it was smoke, and that deep within the heart of a smog her ships were burning, but as they drew closer she could see it wasn’t smoke at all.

“Go and get Cuyler.” She demanded, sending Qarl a cutting look. Cuyler was the only witch left on her ship. There was little need for strategy and war council now. They hadn’t the time. Their only hope was to hit Euron hard and fast with everything they had and pray to the Drowned God for favor. Or---whatever witches prayed to.

Qarl all but ran across the ship, and Asha’s gaze drifted from him to her sailors, who had all stopped to gape open-mouthed at the enormous cloud beyond them. Wordlessly they began to brace the sails and tie down anything loose for fear they were headed straight into the eye of a storm. Was it terror or excitement she saw in their eyes? Perhaps both. Should they die here in battle not a one would be turned away from the halls of the Drowned God.

Unless he forsakes us all. She thought. The Damphair had preached many a sermon about not spilling Ironborn blood. While most of the blood would likely be spilled by her allies, they did so in her name, and she’d be a fool to let herself think she’d get through the night without having to strike down any of her own.

All for a crown… She shook her head as she turned back to the problem at hand. More than just a crown now. My birthright has driven me here, perhaps, but now it has become so much more.

This war was its own beast now, with its own life. When her uncle had sounded the dragon horn that day, he’s blown life into its lungs. Tonight she would slay it and him in one fell swoop, and in doing so it would save her people from ruin. Ruin that could only come from serving under a man who cared only for his own whims.

“The ships!” Asha startled a bit, having been so deeply lost in her own thoughts she hadn’t heard anyone approach. Culyer was standing behind her, fast approaching the railing of the ship. His thick, scarred hands gripped at the sodden wood, and he smiled for the first time since she’d met him.

“Ships? I don’t see any damn ships. Only that fog.” She jerked her head in the direction of the mist, but the witch only stared ahead.

“What fog, good queen?” He asked, not bothering to turn to face her. Though he did have the decency to drop the smile from his face given her tone.

“What fog?” She replied, her words hard and mocking, then she stopped and considered him. “What do you see?”

“Not but moonlight.”

Qarl cut in with a small, humorless laugh. “No giant cloud of orange mist?”

Cuyler, who Asha was certain at this point didn’t even remotely understand the concept of a joke at all, only looked at him as if he were the greatest idiot to ever sail the seas. “I see… Stop your ships. Drop anchor.”

“Drop the anchor?” She was starting to feel like a parrot she was repeating so much. Only that time it hadn’t been on purpose. She was genuinely shocked that he thought it’d do them any good to stop when the enemy was in sight---well in his sight at least.

“If you can see a mist where I can not the other witches must have surrounded your uncle’s boats in this mist to protect themselves.”

“Do you think all of your people can see through it?”

“Aye, and likely your uncle’s wizard as well.” The witch peered back out into the distance, and she watched as the pupil of his eye grew to twice the size, and his eyes, as well as his tattoos took on a faint glow. “Most of his ships are still far from our own; all but one.”

He didn’t need to tell her which one it was.

“If the witches who spread the fog can keep up the spell, we can take but one or two ships onward and cut down this Crow’s Eye. After our retreat we can drown all that remain.”

Asha took a brief moment to think. The swirling mist seemed to be reaching out to them now, when they’d felt miles away only a few moments ago. It was barely half a league from them now.

“Send someone to Victarion’s ship to help him navigate the fog. Have the rest of the fleet drop anchor. Bring the witch leaders here to me.”

Cuyler’s grin grew to something truly enormous and sharp and altogether horrific, “To battle then!”

Her eyes lost focus of him for a moment, even though she tried her damnedest to watch him closely. There was a blur, either in her eye or in the very space where he stood, his body contorted, colors smeared across reality as if drawn by a thick brush of paint, and then flapping two mammoth wings in the air directly before her, an eagle appeared where Cuyler had stood. The dark golden brown of its feathers muddled with creamy ivory around its head, and its tail was as white as the sea foam. He was larger than her, larger than Qarl, with claws that could have pierced a suit of iron with but a twitch. The razor sharp beak rose to the sky, and he screamed out over the waters so loud that the sound overwhelmed all her senses and carried as far as the sea was long. The shrill, grating note struck inside her like lightning, then with a single flap of his wings, he shot into the sky and soared out toward the awaiting ships.

Their short journey toward the mist passed in the blink of an eye, and when the very tip of the prow reached out to touch it, the entire ship lurched. Behind her she heard a chorus of shouts as men braced themselves while the Black Wind came to a screeching halt. The vessel pitched forward, its tip bending down to nearly kiss the waves, and then like an angry stallion it reared back up and threw its weight forward obstinately.

“Lift the oars! Pull them in!” She demanded, unable to release the rope clutched in her fingers lest she be pitched over the rail. The rough fiber clawed at her skin and chased away the normal chill of the sea to replace it with a raw, uncomfortable warmth. The bones of her fingers dug in harder, and she braced her boots against the deck as the residual motion rocked her ship like a child’s toy. When it was only just under control, she called the oarsmen to get back to work.

Asha took a steadying breath and then hurled herself toward the mast. Another rope found its way into her hand as she helped two other men grapple with the rebellious sails.

Eerily, it was not that the wind howled around them, nor that the waters below were wild, that couldn’t have been farther from the truth. There was a gut piercing, blood chilling silence to the world around them. She could scarcely see ten feet in front of her, and the mist seemed to suck sound from the air around them.

“Láta!” Came the cry of Ragna, but it was small and far away. Another voice echoed the word, and again and again. Láta. Láta. Until she could see the mist in front of her part, rolling like massive waves wide enough to allow them passage. The air rushed back into her lungs, and beneath her the ship settled.

“They’ve resorted to blood magic.” The red-eyed woman said. “Death drives this spell.”

Somehow she’d appeared at the front of her ship without Asha noticing her at all, and the other witches were fast approaching too. Now their voices were whispers, but in their hands they each clasped long iron wands in white-knuckled grasps, repeating láta, láta, over and over, keeping the mist from touching the ship, pulling more away from the cloud foot by foot.

There were shadows of ships in the smog on either side of the boat. Euron’s fleet couldn’t hope to move forward as their own vessels fought them. She watched in horror and astonishment as they lurched and toiled desperately on the still sea. And then she saw it, illuminated by a long stretch of moonlight, with mist lifting off its red hull and black sails; the Silence stopped its frantic rocking as the curtain of smoke pulled away. The ship swayed side to side like a drunk, spinning laboriously until finally it settled on the sea once more. They were closer now, nearly to the ship, and the soft light from the curling mist was just enough to see by. Through the long, narrow eye of her spyglass she could see that it was empty. Completely and utterly abandoned. Not even a shadow lingered on the deck.

Beyond Euron’s prized vessel, she watched the cloud forcibly tear in two around the floating fortress that was one of her treasure ships. It existed in a large bubble, sitting quietly beneath the starry sky, unplagued by the spell that had beset her uncle’s fleet.

“Is that his?” Harper demanded from her side. Asha took the spyglass away from her eye and gave a grim nod, but the Fox was not looking at her. Her rage was thinly veiled, and the effort that it took to contain it turned her soft face to stone. She was not panting, not audibly, but her chest heaved subtly. Was it fear? Excitement? Stress from fighting through the spell?

“Aye. That’s it.” Was Asha’s only reply.

The Fox needed nothing else. Her dark, predatory eyes shifted to the sky where the monstrous eagles circled above his masts, the tips of their wings dipping in and out of the mist like the fins on a shark.

“Let. It. Burn!”

The night sky blazed to life as the wings of the eagles burst into flames as gold as the autumn sunset. Speckles of blinding white glittered throughout the metallic flames; the frayed, toiling edges tore to reveal the ebony sky behind them, only to sew themselves together once more a heartbeat later; spears of crimson bled out against the golden field, staining everything it touched in shades of blood-spattered pink and burnt orange as they shot through the fire. The fire did not burn Euron’s ship so much as it consumed it. Like a pack of wild dogs rabidly tears apart and scarfs down its prey, the flames stripped the sails, broke open the masts, splintering them in all directions, and tore the planks apart board by board until there was nothing but embers and ash laying on the black water. She had never witnessed wildfire with her own eyes, but she imagined it looked just as unnatural as this. With a final roar and a sky shaking boom, the Silence died. What little remained sank down to the depths below, and for a time even the water glowed, as the sheer savage fury of the witches kept the flames alive even against the laws of the ocean itself.

The Black Wind glided effortlessly over where her uncle’s ship had been, and she tasted blood in her mouth.

Drawn by the violent display she saw men appear on the deck of the witches' ship only just out of her reach. Euron's men drew bows and took aiming, first at her ship, and then, upon seeing the flaming beasts in the sky, up to the air. Once more the eagles were descending, their beating wings dancing with fire. They were met the hail storm of arrows as they dove and three of them dropped with pained screeches into the sea below. Another spiraled and rolled along the deck of the ship, met with a spear before it could try and get to its feet. But those that remained swooped down on Euron's men. They took grown men in their grasp, setting their talons straight into their chests effortlessly.

Her axe was wetted as soon as her feet hit the deck. Another wave of men emerged onto the lower deck and made their charge. Her arm swung, digging her blade into a short man’s shoulder. He gasped and drew back to strike her, but she slipped out of the way and brought her axe down on the back of his neck as he stumbled. A sharp pain erupted at the base of her spine, and she heard her back pop. She hit the railing of the deck and turned to face her assailant, gasping for the air that had been ripped from her. A sword shot out from his chest and the man choked and spasmed; blood sputtered out of his lips, hot and wet, and splattered along her cheek. The sword withdrew as the man fell, and Qarl smiled sadistically as the blood only smeared on her pale flesh when she went to wipe it away.

“Duck you bumbling fool!” She demanded, her hand not hesitating as she hurled a throwing axe toward Qarl. He was quick enough to step out of the way, but so was the man behind him. Her axe was blown aside by his shield, but the moment’s distraction was enough that Qarl could land a blow to his exposed leg. The man had no sooner hit the deck than her boot crashed against his face with a satisfying crack. Around her the flood of men pouring onto the ship were swiftly driving back Euron’s small force. But she knew he wasn’t fool enough to waste all of his resources here on the lower deck. This was merely a distraction while he readied himself.

“Where are the witches?” She had to holler over the chaos around her. Now Victarion’s ship was docking, and the bloodthirsty shouts of battle hungry men drowned out the sounds of everything else. Asha kicked the man again, accidentally catching him at the base of his throat. He gagged and coughed, slobbering piteously on the sea-soaked wood, and her patience dissolved before he could recover. She wrenched the axe from his shaking hand and hefted it down into the back of his skull.

“Where are my witches?!” She roared above the crowd. Those who had captives still yet breathing momentarily paused in their assault to parrot her question, but it was one of the eagles that answered.

“The wizard and the Crow’s Eye are on the main deck.” The words echoed not in the air, but in her thoughts. “But there are no witches. None alive at least.”

Asha shot a look to Qarl, but as far as she could tell by the wary expressions on the faces of every man on the boat, no one else had heard. She looked to the eagles as they circled in the sky above.

Was this some sort of grand farce? Was Euron baiting her? Now instead of blood it was bile on her tongue. Where was her wife? Why couldn’t one damn person tell her where her fucking wife was? She looked up at the ship’s sails again, thinking perhaps she’d seen wrong; perhaps this wasn’t the Fox Clan’s ship. But in the dim light of the mist and the moon, she could see the silhouette of the fox straining against the wind.

“Ragna and I take will take a force below deck!” The Seal King panted. For the first time he was devoid of his atrocious coat. He pointed with the spear in his hand to the shrouded doorway. “The lower decks are the hardest to breech. Those that could hide would have done it there.”

The Badger was practically unrecognizable under her sheen of shattered glass and blood that seemed to pulse and fog along her once-pale skin. Her black eyes gleamed malevolently as she shot a glance in her direction, and then she followed the Seal.

“Tell your eagles to hold back and stay out of range for now.” She said to the Fox. “We’ll need them to drive Euron’s men back from the entrance to the main deck.”

The witch nodded, and after a flurry of heated words, Asha reluctantly agreed to follow behind on their way to the main deck. This was her fight, she was the one who had everything at stake, and she more than anyone needed to see if her wife was among the corpses littering the ship’s floor, but even she conceded that the greatest risk fell on those who stepped over the threshold first. But she did not want for brave men ready to meet the Drowned God, either.

The halls inside the ship were so dark that if she’d have let go of the wall she’d have wandered off into the shadows and lost herself in a second. Not even the lone torch that one of her men carried could cast light enough to fill more than a small halo around him. Without her sight, she could only feel; she could only hear and smell. And she did her best not to focus on the smell, as that the stench of blood was so thick in the room that it clogged her nose with each breath. The waves were quiet this far below the surface, but the walls creaked and groaned steadily as the ocean pressed in against them. Apart from that, all she could hear were the careful footsteps and choppy breaths of her men, occasionally interrupted by the head of the line stumbling, swearing, and then calling out for the rest of them to step over the body in the way. Each corpse she crossed she stared at twice as long as she needed to, never stopping, but always needing to be absolutely sure that the lifeless face was not that of her wife. It didn’t do her any good in the dark, and as the minutes dragged on her dread and her anger only grew.  

What few men Ragna and the Seal King had not disposed of were quickly felled by her front lines. They lost one by the time they reached the narrow staircase leading to the main deck, and that was she best she could have hoped for.

“He’s waiting for us.” Victarion said over his hulking shoulder. Even he preceded her, much to her annoyance, but he did stand a better chance against the initial assault in all his armor. He took up so much space his shoulders nearly scraped the sides of the hall as he walked, and in his ironclad boots his footsteps were about as subtle as a newly shod yearling on cobblestones. He was exhausting even when he was being helpful. They’d come to an agreement, yes, but she still couldn’t help but wish he wouldn’t make it back to the mainland. It’d save her a lot of headaches in the long run---and they’d never had much love for each other.

“He’s got the advantage. He’ll wait forever if we let him.” She said; her hand came to rest on the hook of her axe.

She felt a soft, slender figure slip past her and threw a questioning look over her shoulder to see Harper squeezing into the space in front of her as best she could.

“We’re going to ram the boat.” She whispered. Bracing herself against the wall in between Asha and her uncle. The proximity to the Fox was making Asha uncomfortable. So close to the battle Asha would have thought she’d seen fear or rage reflected in her eyes or at least a thread of tension in her voice, but her gaze was still cold and calculating, and when she spoke the words were steady. Asha didn’t feel right looking at something so pragmatic and emotionless, especially not when her rage and her worry were at war within her own chest.

Harper briefly glanced over her shoulder, then turned back to the queen once more. “With any luck it’ll knock some of his men off balance. Give the eagles a chance to come down without any arrows flying. The second you see the flames, charge. With any luck we’ll catch the bastards with their breeches ‘round their knees.”

She was unaccustomed to this much---planning in an open water battle, otherwise she might have objected to everyone else doing the planning for her. That was magic, she supposed. Even when there were no options in sight, it gave you some.

No sooner had she braced against the wall then she felt the ship pitch backward with such a force that even those who had prepared themselves could be heard stumbling behind her. Whatever had hit the boat, if it’d been anything at all, surely hadn’t been another ship. It’d come from beneath the vessel. Visions from her dreams flew through her head, flashes of great leviathans and krakens the size of a longship, but she did not have time to dwell on them. Ahead she heard the commotion of Euron’s men shouting in alarm, and then the piercing scream of eagles beneath the roar of a fire as light flooded the top of the staircase.

Asha took three breaths, trying to memorize and anticipate the residual rocking of the ship beneath her feet, and then she charge forward with the rest of them, up into the blinding white light of the deck, her axe clutched firmly in hand.

At first she could see only shadows, blurry and distorted amid the intense flames of the fire. Great, hulking shadows hovering in the air, and the mad, flailing silhouettes of men waving their swords indiscriminately. The fire began to dwindle and fade, unable to catch hold of the deck of the ship. To her left three men leaped onto the back of one of the great beasts, thrusting their swords into its hide and hanging onto them for dear life as the creature flapped and screamed. Ultimately it fell and the light faded even more. One by one the eagles were either forced to flee or were slain, but by the time Euron’s men made a decent recovery, a small force of her own was already charging, with more filing out of the hall at every moment.

“Guard the entrance!” She demanded, looking to Harper, who had somehow managed to split open the throats of three charging men by simply pointing her wand at them, and Victarion who was removing his war axe from the gut of a sputtering corpse. If Euron’s men managed to gain back the entrance to the lower deck, they’d have no reinforcements and be done for in minutes. Neither of them looked at her, but they stayed near the door as the rest of them made their charge.

An axe flew in her direction, and in one deft motion she took it up in her own hand and hefted it back at the man rushing her. It caught him in the eye and sent him spiralling past her onto the blade of one of her men. Qarl. He was still right at her back. Asha spared him only a glance before pushing further into the fray. She plunged her axe into the next man’s throat, and ripped it out only to swing it into the side of another. His sword hand raised and crashed against her chin, hard. She spat blood, the taste of it filling her mouth with copper and her chest with a boiling rage. A cry of fury was strangled from her chest as she swung her axe down on the back of his neck, almost cutting it clean from his shoulders. More blood sprayed, making her grip on her blade hot and wet, and in spite of herself she smiled.

As she jerked it free she straightened herself and wildly searched the deck for the Crow’s Eye. Her eyes frantically dragged across the blood red sea of people. She saw Victarion crash two men’s head together in a way that might have been comical if the skulls hadn’t split and their brains hadn’t bubbled out the side like a bit of spilled stew. Her gaze didn’t linger. She didn’t care. Qarl was splitting open a man’s gut, and still she looked on. A serpent the size of ten men was coiled around Euron’s wizard, forcing its mouth over his shoulders and swallowing him alive. Still she tore her eyes away until she found him, looming above the battle on the upper deck like a coward. He was watching her.

She blindly cut her way through the crowd, unaware if she was killing men or simply taking them to their knees. She couldn’t avoid every swing of their axes or thrusts of their swords, but she barely felt the sting of any blade that split her skin. Every prickle of pain only served to strengthen the bitter taste of fury and bloodlust on her tongue.

And then something felt wrong. Her back felt naked---exposed---and as she ripped her eyes away from her uncle, reality came back to her. Qarl. She couldn’t see him now. He wasn’t at her back, nor her side, nor even fighting on ahead to bait her. Every face she looked on was wrong. Each pair of eyes belonged to someone she cared nothing for.

Her wild eyes landed two figures, one slumped over the other, but shaking with thunderous laughter. Like that same laughter from her dream. Mad and wild, trembling in the air and drowning out all other sound. Like a red hot sword plunged into ice water, she felt her fury immediately harden and turn to piercing fear. She slammed the blade of her axe down between the figure’s shoulders, watching the flesh split and his body jerk. Still he laughed and laughed, and the cold terror felt like mania inside her now. She struck again and again, screaming raggedly to overwhelm the sound of his laughter. Even once he was dead and silent, she hit him three more times before ripping his body away.

Qarl.

She might have wretched. She might have fainted. What miraculous force kept her from doing either she didn’t know, but she could not stop herself from falling to her knees.

He stared back at her with wide, glassy eyes. Neither alive nor dead, caught in the agonizing limbo between the two. His hands were clutching his side uselessly. From the gaping wound she could see his entrails snaking out onto the deck of the ship. He began to cough, blood bubbling up from his lips, and she caught his head in her hands as her axe clattered to the deck.

“Qarl!” Her voice was far from gentle, far from loving, and she couldn’t force any softness upon it. Even in her grief there were only sharp edges and hard demands to offer this man that she loved… but he looked at her. By some merciful twist of fate, her words brought him back to her. Those dark eyes met hers. His mouth gaped open and then closed, and she could not tell if he meant to speak or if he was only desperate for breath. She kept his gaze, feeling tears welling in her own eyes, feeling a thousand apologies and confessions gather on the tip of her tongue, but she couldn’t speak. She couldn’t afford to cry for him now. A trembling hand pressed against the nape of her neck, and he weakly pulled her forward. She met his lips in a desperate kiss, as if she might give him some of her own life, and she held him to her until the hand in her hair went limp and fell away. Against her lips she felt him smile, and she pulled away long enough to watch the last glint of life fade from his eyes.

Dead. He was dead. She had loved no one else. She had trusted no one else. Not as a woman, at least. She had loved her mother as a ghost, she had loved her lord father as wish, and she had loved her brothers as corpses, but Qarl she had loved as the man he was. He had been real and tangible… and Euron had taken him from her.

[mindhost]

Kvetun Armoury leg guards

We recently placed a combined order with Russian HEMA manufacturer Kvetun Armoury, and I thought I should write a brief review of their Leg Protection Set with inner padding, as I haven’t seen anyone comment on these yet.

How to Order (price and options)

They don’t have a website or online shop, so you have to go to their Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/kvetun/) and message them there. Having said that, they respond quickly and communicate very clearly. I wanted the base model, which is a knee and shin guard combo (priced at 80 € plus shipping), but this can be extended further by adding a side of the knee protector (+10 €), calf protectors (+15 €) and even thigh guards (+15 €). They have other armour options as well, so I’d suggest you look through their photo album, which contains more examples and detailed specifications.

Unlike other vendors, these leg guards are always made to measure, so the first thing they do is ask you to take the following measurements and send them to them. More on this later.

Quality of Service (response times, dealing with issues)

As mentioned above, they were really quick and efficient. The guys behind this manufacturer are historical fencers themselves, so they know their audience well, what we want and how to deliver it. Unlike some of the other HEMA-dudes-into-gear-design-and-manufacturing that I won’t mention, Kvetun seem to prioritise prompt and concise communications, which makes a huge difference. The chap handling my order was Alexander Stankiewicz, who I distinctly remember from Swordfish a few years ago, in particular his elim fight with Carl Ryrberg. 

Aside from that, we placed a joint order for various products, but a club friend and I were both doing so at the same time, on two communication fronts, and as a result of that one or two items did not arrive with the first shipment. This was due to a simple misunderstanding. We reported this to Kvetun, who immediately sent out the missing items in a second package without charging us for shipping, plus they sent us a little extra for our troubles. So A+ for problem resolution.

In both cases we received the invoice after delivery (this is an important distinction), which was clear and without surprises or hidden costs. They described the delivery path to us to set our expectations; from Bryansk to Helsinki, then routed elsewhere in Europe, with an expected 1-2 weeks delivery time, but in fact in our case it took even less than that, 6 days for the second package. Once they shipped the order, Kvetun sent a Russian Post URL and a tracking number which worked fine.

Quality of Product (comfort, durability)

The leg guards are made of Polythene (ie common plastic), with added inner padding, and are fastened to the leg with velcro, with four strips.

The shins are attached to the knee guards with elastic cords, so in theory they can be detached from each other and used separately, or with some other armoured protection if needed. 

They look a bit bulky, but are in fact very light - they weigh about the same as Red Dragon leg guards - and are clearly based on medieval armour designs rather than other modern applications (Police riot gear, BMX, baseball etc). 

In fact I like everything about these guards with two exceptions, which can be easily corrected:

1. The clasp of the lower strap of the knee guard. 

They say you should never try new gear out in a competition, so of course I wore these for the first time at a local rehearsal tournament. When tight, the strap has the tendency of squeezing through the gap in the clasp, coming loose.

It’s not a huge concern and was easily fixed by replacing that clasp with another loop-type thing:

2. The length of the shins. 

I’m not sure if I measured incorrectly point 4 of the diagram above, but both me and the other friend that received a pair of these, experienced some discomfort while wearing these due to the pressure on the foot from the lower part of the shin guards. As you can see in the pic above, it’s right on the foot. 

This has a relatively easy fix, since you can just cut this plastic with any sharp knife, and even sand it down if you need to:

I’ll pass this on to Kvetun so they can maybe describe the measuring diagram a bit better, or take it into account when making new guard, as this step should be unnecessary. Once shortened, the guards became quite comfortable, as there is sufficient clearance to the foot. The armour doesn’t drop down significantly when moving around, thanks to the strap design.

I can’t say much about their durability yet, since I’ve barely used them, but they seem to have adopted the Sparring Gloves design philosophy; make the sections that are more easy to replace be the parts that are prone to material fatigue, instead of the important bits - it’s easier to replace a bit of string or a strap of velcro than it is to replace an armour segment.

How it Compares

I can’t say this is the best knee or leg armour ever made for HEMA, because I’ve never really tried the Leon Paul ones - but then again, the LP’s cost £435, which is completely ridiculous so maybe they can go EABOD. So I’ll compare it with the gold standard of leg protection, which, within competitive longsword circles in any case, is the Knee Pros with field hockey shin guards. 

I think these solutions are roughly equivalent to each other in terms of comfort and protection. Depending on where you can find them, the Knee Pros + hockey guards can be similarly priced, or a maybe bit cheaper (about 40 € + 25 € or so); particularly when you live in a country in which field hockey is popular, as you often find the shin guards in the discount bin. Football (soccer) shin guards are not quite as effective, as they don’t usually cover the ankle. 

In terms of ease of use, so putting them on and off, and transporting them with your gear and so on, they take less time to put them on than Knee Pros and hockey shin guards, and marginally more than Red Dragons or Brush-cutter shinguards, not that I much recommend either of these two for longsword fencing, particularly the latter. They do take quite a bit of space in your gear bag, so I’ve had to rethink how I pack everything, but thankfully all those years playing Tetris have not gone to waste.

The differences are down to the buyer; do you like the look of them, and more importantly, are you able to fully benefit from the customisation?

Aesthetically some may prefer the slimmer look of the ankle with shin guard tucked within the sock, others may prefer the more robust built-for-purpose look of the Russian product. If you happen to have an average size leg and are perfectly well served by your Knee Pro + shin combo, maybe this is an upgrade too far, but if you are exceptionally tall, or short, or just can’t stand the stink of the inner shin guards any longer, these might be the absolutely perfect choice for you. 

In Conclusion:

If you’re 100% happy with your current leg protection for longsword, sword & buckler or military sabre then don’t bother, but otherwise these might very well be the last set of leg protection you’ll ever need to buy. Probably great for pole weapons, horsy things or any class warfare related riots in your area as well. 

Edit with feedback from Kvetun: 

I had a chat with Alex and here are some notes from that exchange:

1) The plastic is a low-pressure polyethylene, which is much better than simple polyethylene, and will live long, taking only scratches as a cosmetic damage. 2) The clasp of the lower strap was done like that on purpose, to be able to remove this exact velcro if people don't like it. However, the suggested idea is more solid and practical for the majority of fencers, so it will be fixed in this way.  3) The shin height issue. Kvetun are developing a new, more precise measurements scheme. They recognise that it is a challenge to measure how each person's foot is connected to their ankle, but they are working on finding solutions that will improve the accuracy of the measurement.

We specifically discussed how to indicate the point of flex when the leg leans forward (foot dorsiflexion). The image above is a draft preview of their new & improved measuring chart, which is a step towards mitigating the length calculation issue I pointed out in my review.

In any case, they are really trying to get this right and are listening to the feedback they receive, so I’m really happy to endorse them as a HEMA manufacturer. They make good solid stuff, you should buy it.

[childofthemoon86]

@francisandtheworldweek Day 3: Teaching each other to dance

Two Steps to Dance

Pairing: (pre)FrUk Characters: France, England, America, Gaul, Britannia. Rating: T for language Word count: 3509 Cross posted on FF.net Summary: France has a secret. A few in fact, but one of them is that he’s not a very good dancer. But that’s not going to stop him from stunning everyone with his move at the Dance Festival. He just needs someone to secretly teach him first. Time to pay England a visit…

“Absolutely not.” “Please Angleterre.” England huffed, angrily throwing down his needlepoint to glare at France. “Just what part of ‘no’ don’t you seem to get Frog?” France bit his lip in worry. Of all things, he was certain he’d never beg England of all people for help, but, here he is. He considers leaving, after all, it’s not like Arthur is the only one who could teach him. He could always ask Spain, Toni is bound to know how to teach him right? But if he goes to him, Toni will definitely tell Prussia about his eh, lack of skill, and then he’ll never hear the end of it. And he dare not ask America, lest he risk throwing out his back, or gaining some other painful injury. No, Francis sighs, anyone else he goes to is bound to turn him into a laughingstock for the next decade. So, as much as it pains him to have to ask England for anything, he’s the only one he can trust to teach him, because there’s no way Arthur would admit to being an expert. Dropping down onto the sofa next to the green eyed man, Francis pleads, “Come on Arthur, I really need your help.” Raising a bushy eyebrow at him, Arthur scoots back, putting as much distance between them as the three seater allows. “Why is it, every time I have a day off, you always turn up to ruin my day?” It takes a lot of self restraint for Francis not to snap at Arthur for being his usual unhelpful self. Or to tease him that if he didn’t what Francis to come visit, then why’d he never ask for the spare key to his house back. Arthur knows he has it, and it wasn’t like it was hard to steal. Instead, he forces himself to stay amicable. “I don’t always visit on your days off.” “No, you also feel the inexplicable need to bother me on your days off too.” Finally growing too annoyed, Francis snaps, “And why can’t you just do this one nice thing for me?” “Oh what sort of fool do you take me for?” England snaps back, glaring at Francis, “Do you honestly expect me to believe you, of all people, can’t dance?” “Please Angleterre, I’m begging you!” Francis cries, throwing himself onto the other man’s chest, “Teach me how to square dance!” Rather than answer him, Arthur twists around, swinging a leg up to kick France off of him, sending the man sprawling back over the arm of the other side of the couch. Why Francis expected any other reaction, even he’s not sure. He watch’s as Arthur angrily stands, but before he can storm out of the room, Francis lunges at him again, tumbling off the couch to grab England’s legs as he lies on the floor. “Pleassssse!” He continues to beg, fighting to keep a hold on Arthur while the other attempts to break free. “Let go Frog!” “No! Not until you agree to help me!” “What even makes you think I know how to square dance?” “I’ve seen you! Please, just teach meeeee!” “Oh for the love of-” Arthur growls, halting in his attempt to kick Francis off of him, “If I agree to help you, will you leave me alone?” Francis grinned happily up at him, putting on his best charm, “Oui, I promise I won’t bug you anymore. Just as soon as you teach me.” Huffing in barely contained contempt, England gives in. “Fine. Now let go of me.” Smiling wide at his success, France jumps to his feet, dusting himself off before looking expectantly to Arthur. “So, when do we begin?” “Well not in here, obviously. We’ll need to go somewhere with more space.” “Lead the way then.” Arthur sighs again, making this out to be such a hassle. Honestly, France wonders how this man enjoy’s anything besides arguing all the time. “Just why exactly do you want me to teach you? And why square dancing of all things?” Francis blinks in surprise, “You haven’t heard yet?” “Hear what?” Arthur looks highly suspicious, and suddenly things start to make sense to Francis. “Hasn’t Amérique messaged you yet?” Arthur frowns, looking around for his phone, “Probably. But it’s my day off, and I refuse to spend it going through the mindless drivel he sends me every twenty minutes.” That… is actually something France can agree on. The strange humour of the younger nations these days is beyond him. Finally England locates his phone, it having fallen off the coffee table during their scuffle, and starts to sift through all the messages from Alfred since yesterday. Francis comes over to help, raising an eyebrow at the number of ‘memes’ the boy seems to deem necessary to send. “What is ‘Big Mood’?” “Don’t ask.” Arthur sighs that long suffering sigh of a man given up on trying to understand. “Ah, this one!” Francis points, happy to find the right message, while Arthur frowns down at the one of dozens of annoying texts sent from the boy. Dudes check this out!!!! 👀👣👣🤩 url “I’m not clicking some random link from him.” England huffs, moving to just delete the text, but Francis beats him to it, opening the link. A second later and an annoyingly bright and flashy website fills the screen, proudly proclaiming Summer Dance Festival. “See?” Francis asks, scrolling down the page to the invite list and those already signed up. “What the?!” Arthur roared at seeing his own name listed, along with pretty much the rest of the world. “Why the hell-? Oh, when I get my hands on that boy!” Francis temporarily ignored, England furiously dialled America and, much to France’s amusement, noticed that Arthur has him on speed dial. Deciding it’s best to get out of England’s immediate striking range, Francis heads for the kitchen. While he busies himself with making tea, the sound of angry shouting filters through to him. “Alfred F. Jones, what the bloody hell do you think your playing at?!” … “Don’t you ‘hey dude me’!” … “…oh what ever gave you that idea?” … “…I sound upset do I?... No I’m furious! You-” … “Fun?! When have I ever-? …You didn’t consult-… oh and I suppose you have everyone else’s blessing for this?” … “That’s what I thought.” … “Good cause or not-! …Yes… No… Well now your just-… Argh! Fine!” The volume slowly decreases, and Francis smiles in wonderment at how Alfred can so easily convince Arthur. Perhaps he should ask him sometime… Tea made, France heads back into the living room to find Arthur resignedly slumped on his sofa once more, sighing into the phone. “Fine, fine. I’ll see you Sunday, but don’t expect me to like it.” Once he hangs up, Francis smiles softly and sits beside him, offering the tea in Arthur’s favourite mug to him. It’s times like this that Francis remembers just how well he knows Arthur. Without even thinking, he’d made Camomile tea just the way England likes it, knowing it’s the blonds go-to for de-stressing. He blinks out of his thoughts, sipping at his own drink, but still he can’t help but see the thankful glance Arthur sends him as he sighs into his tea. Moments like this are some of the few times things can actually be genuinely peaceful between them, and Francis wonders at his strange longing for more moments like these… He shakes himself out of such thoughts, setting his drink down and forcing himself to end the moment. “So?” He asks. “So?” Arthur parrots back. “The festival? You agreed?” “Well I can’t very well back out now can I? What sort of nation would I be to not turn up for a charity event.” He sighs, leaning back and holding his cup in his lap, “So this is why you want me to teach you square dancing?” “Oui, it is the main event.” “Alright. Well, we don’t have much time before Sunday, so you better be ready for a crash course.” He sighs again, though this time he sounds much calmer, a good sign for Francis, “Damn that boy. Why on Earth did he pick Cumberland Squares as the main dance?” France tries to hide his grin as he thinks to himself, probably because he knew picking one of your dances would make you more likely to turn up. Suddenly sitting up, Arthur turns to Francis and frowns, “Alright now shoo.” “Eh?” “Go on, get out. I now have to go arrange somethings, and I can’t have you under foot all day, so get!” “What am I to you, a cat?” “No,” Arthur smirks cheekily, “cat’s are useful.” X “Arthur?” Francis called quietly as he entered the lobby. When Arthur said he’d find a place for them to practice, he didn’t actually think he’d get a dance hall for them. “Hello there, can I help you?” The receptionist asks at seeing him looking lost. Switching on the charm, Francis smiles warmly as he walks over, “Oui, I am supposed to be meeting someone here today. Do you know if Arthur Kirkland is here yet?” The woman blinks, them smiles back, “Oh, you must be the last one then. Mr. Kirkland is in Hall B with the others.” Francis nods, thanking her before wandering off to find England, while also wondering what she meant by ‘the others’. He soon finds out however, when he enters hall B, finding Arthur along with six other humans milling about. “Arthur?” He asks curiously as he walks in. “Finally. Your late.” Is the first thing England says to him, before calling out to the room, “Alright, places everyone.” Francis is starting to feel a bit out of his depth as like a switch being flipped, everyone moves at once. He watches as they form three pairs and stand like a square; two pairs facing each other one way, and the other facing Arthur the opposite way. Impatiently, Arthur looks over at Francis, raising an eyebrow at him, “Well? Are you coming?” Slowly, Francis makes his way over to Arthur’s side, guessing that he’s going to be paired with him, and Arthur quickly shoves him to stand on his right. Once at his side, Arthur turns to address the group. “Everyone, this is the Frog I mentioned, Francis. Frog, this is the Two Sisters Dance Troupe. They kindly agreed to help your sorry arse out, so be grateful.” Despite Arthur’s sour attitude, none of the dancers seem put off by it, in fact, a few of them seem more amused than anything. The first to introduce themselves is a short blond girl to Arthur’s left. “Hi! I’m Sindy and this here’s my boyfriend Markus.” She beams, hugging the taller teens arm. “That there’s my big sis Clara and our cousin Jamie.” She continues, pointing to the pair at Francis’s right. “And the last two here are Yasmine and Sonya!” She ends, indicating the pair of young women across from Francis and Arthur. “Bonjour.” He nods to the group, relaxing more as he sees how easy going they all seem. “Yes, yes,” Arthur huffs moodily, “We don’t have all day, so let’s get started. Try to keep up Frog.” He then glares pointedly, “And if you step on my toes, we’re done, got it?” “Oui.” Francis winks, smiling when Sindy and Yasmine giggle at the act, making Arthur grow flustered. “Good. We’ll go through the step slowly first, then try the full thing with music later, got it?” “Anything you say mon cher.” Arthur glares at the pet name, no doubt suspecting Francis is acting up for the groups amusement, but begins anyway. “Well then, first thing you need to know for the Cumberland Squares Frog, is we have top couples; those who have their front or back to the music, and side couples; those who have their side to the music. So Markus and James are top pairs, we and Yasmine make up the side pairs. We’re doing it this way so you can see the moves before trying them, and also because those two have a male/female paring, makes it easier to demonstrate with. Now this dance works in a sequence of Tops, then Sides copy, Tops repeat, then Sides again, get it?” Arthur explains. “Oui, I think I follow so far.” “Good, then let’s try the first part. Tops face each other in an elongated pose side on.” Arthur orders and Francis watches as the two pairs turn, spreading their arms out wide and clasping hands. “Now the guys slide back to back for eight, then back again with the girls back to back. Go.” Just like that the pairs are off, side stepping toward the centre, Markus and James pass back to back just like Arthur said, all while the two ladies and Arthur clap to maintain a rhythm, with Arthur counting out the timing. “1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, and back, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, and stop. Good, then when they return to home, we Side pairs do the same.” Francis blinks, jumping to face Arthur, surprised that the other man isn’t putting up any protest at holding hands. But Francis becomes so distracted with this that he fails to keep up with the sudden movement, resulting in Arthur half dragging him for the first few steps before he forces himself to pay attention to his feet. With Arthur taking the lead, Francis Just has to follow along with his moves. It should be easy, but no matter how hard he tries to focus, the feeling of Arthur’s hands in his and how close their bodies are is just too distracting. The trip was inevitable. Francis isn’t exactly a bad dancer per-say, he’s taken part in plenty of court dances in the past, but now it’s like he has two left feet as he stumbles over himself and tumbles to the ground, almost bringing England down with him. “For God’s sake!” Arthur grumbles as he catches himself, cheeks oddly tinted pink, “Can’t you at least try to have some semblance of coordination?” “Sorry, Sorry!” Quickly jumping to his feet, Francis rejoins hands with Arthur, and they restart the move. Thankfully for both their dignities, Francis is at least able to focus long enough to follow the steps through without falling again. “Right,” Arthur huffs, stepping back slightly from Francis, “Next part is the right and left hand stars. Pretty simple, top couples step into the centre, raising their right hands first to touch at a point in the middle, and then do eight walks to the right, then back again with left hands to the left. Go.” Carefully Francis watches as the pairs move just like Arthur said, this time also clapping along to the beat. “…2, 3, 4, 5, 6 And left hands, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, and back to home. Then side couples.” Taking the cue, Francis moves in, raising his right hand up to join the star and walk the circle. This one, he’s happy to do without trouble. “Good, now the next part is the most difficult of the dance, so pay attention frog.” Arthur glares pointedly at him again, before going on to explain, “This part is called the Basket or The Helicopter. First top couples move in to a tight circle in the middle, then the guys link hands behind the ladies waists, and the ladies hold on at the shoulders for grip. Next we do what’s called a heel and toe polka. Place the right foot forward and put your weight on it, then do a cross step to the right. The point of this move is to spin fast enough to lift the ladies feet off the ground as you spin for eight. Then when you finish, guys make sure to keep a hold of your partner so no one goes flying. Now go.” Francis blinks, Arthur wasn’t kidding when he said this part was complicated. The others make it look easy as they rotate, Markus and James easily lifting Sindy and Clara up, their feet swinging out behind them to Arthur’s counting. They separate and return to base, making room for Francis and Arthur to join Yasmine and Sonya in the middle. As Arthur clasps his hand with Yasmine at Francis’s waist and Francis is forced to hold onto the blonds shoulder, he becomes hyper aware of just how close Arthur is. Heat rushes to his face of it’s own accord, and dread fills him as he just knows he’s going to mess this up. There’s no way he can concentrate like this. The deep frown remains on Arthur’s face as he begins counting, and immediately Francis loses all sense of footing, tripping into Yasmine and breaking the circle apart, this time, actually pulling Arthur down too. “God damn it Frog!” England roars, face red as he pushes Francis off of him. “Why don’t we take a break?” Sonya suggests before a fight can start. Without a word Arthur storms out, leaving Francis bewildered on the floor. As soon as he’s gone though, Sindy grins wide and laughs, “Ha! Toooooold you~ Pay up Jamie!” France watches in confusion as the lanky teen sighs, before going over to the bags in the corner and fishing out a £20 note to hand to his cousin. “Don’t worry about them.” Clara smiles, offering Francis a hand up. “They made a bet?” “Yeah,” she nods slowly, shifting from foot to foot. “Am I really that bad?” Fran sighs. “Oh no, it’s not that! Well, I mean, your not great, but not terrible! Just…” She trails off, seeming unsure if she should really be talking about this. “Just?” He presses, but Sindy jumps in before she can answer. “So when’s the wedding?” “Sindy!” Clara cries in shock, slapping a hand over her sisters mouth. “Oh don’t be so prude.” Sonya huffs, rolling her eyes at the pair. “It’s plain as day for anyone to see,” she turns to look up at Francis, “You like Mr. Kirkland right? He sure likes you.” “Eh?” Francis balks, shocked at the suggestion. “Don’t play dumb! You like him~” Sindy sings from behind her sisters hand. “Non, Non, you’ve got it all wrong! We’re just…” Francis tries to explain, but finds himself unsure what to say. Just what is England to him? A friend? Enemy? Occasional drunken night fling, forgotten by the morning? He’s always tried to avoid labelling their relationship, it’s just too complicated for him to think about. And he always thought he and Arthur had an unspoken agreement never to discuss, well, them. But how does he go explaining that to a bunch of young humans? “Here,” Yasmine suddenly says, bringing Francis out of his spiralling thoughts, “Let’s do a test. Pair with me, Sonya, you go with James. Let’s run through the Basket again.” Francis thinks he knows what they’re up to, and the logical part of him is screaming at him not to do it. You don’t want to know the answer, it’ll only make things more complicated than they already are! But, he’s always been a man to be ruled by his heart over his head, and his hearts telling him to go along with them. It’s just like his head was warning him, he does the move perfectly, no distraction to be found. Yasmine beams, voicing what Francis has dread being true, “You like Mr. Kirkland. That’s why you’ve been messing up.” “And he likes you~” Sindy pipes up again. This is suddenly all too much for Francis to reconcile with. After centuries of skirting around each other and denying his feelings, to have a group of kids telling him the truth he’s tried so hard to avoid… He needs air. As he rushes out, an old, long forgotten memory flutters back to him. X The sea breeze ruffled Francis’s hair as he held his mothers hand, following her to the small settlement ahead. There, they met up with a woman with hair like fire, and the fiercest green eyes he’d ever seen, carrying a bundle of cloth nestled in her arms. She’d be scary, if it weren’t for the warm smile she shared with his mother. “Gaul,” the woman sighs tiredly, “you came.” “Anything for you Britannia dear.” His mother smiles. The woman, Britannia, then turned to him, and smiled, “You must be Francis. Look, there’s someone I want you to meet.” Her eyes were soft as she kneeled down, holding out the cloth bundle to him. And in it he saw a  sleeping baby, an infant no more than a few days old, but instinctively Francis could tell he was just like them. And when those bright green eyes opened at him for the first time, Francis instantly fell in love. And he’s been in love ever since… X As he bursts out the lobby, Francis halts on the steps to the street, coming face to face with those very same eyes. He takes a deep breath and steps forward. Moment of truth…

[tellerluna-stories]

uWAAA thank you so much for the tag jio!!!! it made my day to see this (´°̥̥̥̥̥̥̥̥ω°̥̥̥̥̥̥̥̥｀)

→ why did you choose your url?

frankly, I forgot LOL I think it was supposed to be something like storyteller-luna??? but it looked boring, so I just put tellerluna-stories instead. tellerluna comes from stellaluna bc I like outer space and the moon <3

→ any sideblogs?

I have two!! one for my random thoughts + fic recs, and another one that I made and then abandoned for months (I use it to reblog stuff now)

→ how long have you been on tumblr for?

oKAYY HAHA this is a tough question. I used to really want a tumblr blog as a kiddo and loved binge-reading those goofy tumblr posts in the peak of its popularity, but I only actually joined the site maybe 3-4 years ago?? and then I didn't rlly use it much till recently (1 year ago). so yeah I'm gonna assume 3 years LOL

→ do you have a queue tag?

,,,,I dunno how queues work tbh so no HAHAHA

→ how many followers do you have?

last I checked, around 303! I try not to worry too much about the amount of notes or followers I get bc it gets overwhelming and I want to focus on writing ~(˘▾˘~)

→ how many people do you follow?

I think like only,, 34??? 34 blogs max, and some of them are the sideblogs of my moots. I'm really shy to follow people and kinda picky about what stuff I wanna see in my feed keke

→ have you ever made a shitpost?

I do not know what qualifies as one, but I do post a lot of clownery and nonsensical stuff on my blogs HAHAHA

→ how often do you use tumblr everyday?

not that much tbh, but I do open my feed to check at least once or twice a day!! I just drop my fics here and check the reblogs for comments later on SJDHDHF

→ did you ever have a fight/argument with a blog before?

nahh I'm the type to just continue scrolling or block if something really bothers me that much. I don't like to pick fights HAHAHA

→ how do you feel about ‘you need to reblog’ posts?

I understand the sentiment behind them, but personally I'd prefer to avoid them bc a lot of them feel super performative :// I'd rather help out/spread awareness in my own way than to use serious topics for likes and shares.

→ do you like ask/tag games?

I ADORE THEM AAAAA it makes me so happy when ppl tag me in these!!! they're so fun to play <33

→ which one of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?

frankly I have no idea what defines tumblr famous HAHAHA but whether they are or aren't, my mutuals are all very lovely and chill!

→ do you have a crush on a mutual?

nah I haven't had a crush on anyone in a very long time! to my beloved mutuals, all of my affection is purely platonic <3 (unless your name is childe/kaeya/diluc, then it is very much romantic HAHAHAHA handinmarriageplsandthankyou)

tagging whoever would like to do this!! I'm too shy to tag people jsjdhdg (´-﹏-`；)

hello hello i was tagged by the ever wonderful @ladislavaa for this tag game!! tysm for the tag i care you so much 💕

-> why did you choose your url?

hoo boy. there’s about… three different references in it, ones i’m not quite willing to explain because i will out myself as a enormous nerd. but it’s subtle enough that most people won’t get it so it’s ok. so i chose it because of the amount of references i could fit in it without it seeming overt.

-> any sideblogs?

i have. a lot. if you look at my bio for my main, there’s a list of sideblogs i have. a dead writing one, some dead ask blogs, an au blog i need to get back to now that school isn’t actively kicking me in the face… and a dimitri one from fire emblem that’s currently thriving now that i’ve revived it. anyways i have a lot of dead ones but i’m fond of them so they’ll stay there.

-> how long have you been on tumblr for?

since july of 2018! the three year mark of my time here on tumblr is coming up and i honestly didn’t expect time to go by so fast. sure i haven’t been here as much as other people, but i’ve enjoyed my time here! for the most part.

-> do you have a queue tag?

nope! not for my main! my ask blogs do, but not this one.

-> why did you start your blog in the first place?

honestly i just wanted to find a place that was fandom-centric so i could meet more people who had similar interests to me. it sounds so cheesy now that i think about it, but i really did just want some friends who had similar interests as me because a lot of the ones i had at the time didn’t.

-> how many followers do you have?

244 as of right now! but i know a good chunk of them are p-rn bots that i’ve reported and blocked over the years, so i’m not sure if that’s an accurate measure of my followers or not. i don’t know why so many people follow me anyways i just spam reblog things lol.

-> how many people do you follow?

336 currently, i kind of have this ‘if i like them, i’ll follow them’ mentality and hope i don’t come off as weird to the people i start following randomly.

-> have you ever made a shitpost?

oh yeah, probably. i’m not very well known for making original posts though, so they kinda just sit in the void that is my blog. i don’t mind, it just means that people won’t see the silly little clown words come directly from my brain.

-> how often do you use tumblr everyday?

probably more than i should. i’ve noticed myself spend a lot less time on it recently, but that’s probably because i’ve been busy. i don’t spend all of my time here though, and that’s good enough for me.

-> did you ever have a fight/argument with a blog before?

ehh, i wouldn’t call it a fight. a little spat here and there, maybe, but that hasn’t happened in some time and at this point i’d prefer not to get involved with people who aren’t worth the effort.

-> how do you feel about ‘you need to reblog’ posts?

i don’t really like the idea of them because of how much guilt tripping they do. sure they’re about important topics, but there’s better ways to raise awareness than to guilt trip people into talking about it. they make me anxious if i’ll be honest, and that’s not great.

-> do you like ask/tag games?

oh i LOVE those, please if anyone wants to tag me in stuff or ask me questions please go for it!! i love talking to people here and interacting in general! i won’t judge you for wanting to ask me stuff or anything, honestly i feel like the weird one for being so enthusiastic about it lol.

-> which one of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?

oh for sure i think it’s @/kiiingsnake and @/jamblute. i honestly have no idea why they’re my mutuals and i’m too afraid to tag them in anything (including this). ;-;

-> do you have a crush on a mutual?

eh, no. i love my mutuals, but as friends. also i’m on the aro spectrum so attraction who?? they’re all wonderful people though and i appreciate them.

and that’s it folks! thanks for letting me ramble (somewhat) unprompted. i shall tag @pecha-cake @blackcliff-typewriter @doriduckdoodles @agent–shade and anyone else who wants to do it!!

[greenofallshades]

I saved this for when I had the time because I liked the questions, and because it was sent by a friend, @rapid-apathy.  So I had a long rainy weekend and was able to do it.  I’ve been holding onto it forever.  You’re supposed to answer the questions you like, delete the ones you don’t, and add your own to make 100.  I didn’t bullet mine but this is close to 100 either way, I guess.

So here’s a little tell-all, if anyone wants to know.  I’m tagging some unsuspecting souls so you guys can shake your fists at me and say well, fuck, it’s Monday, so naturally.   (Seriously, no one feel obligated to do it..pretending you never got tagged is perfectly fine, lol). 

@simcoedefensesquad, @abewoodhullturncoat, @cupric-solution, @enouementonism, @thesnakeinthegarden, @zaggyswag,  @080939, @teagrounebulous, @dolfinsatdawn, @west-coast-happiness

The meaning behind my url:  greenofallshades, Green is my favorite color and adding the last part made it sound vaguely...interesting, or something.

A picture of me: will post one soon.

How many tattoos i have and what they are:  none

Last time i cried and why: During the TURN finale, lol, but does that count?  Before that, a fight with my husband.

Favorite band:  Impossible to pick one, just cannot.  Also I’m one of those people who when you ask me to pick my favorite something I freeze and can think of nothing.

Biggest turn offs:  Pretentiousness, number one by far.  Also people who drop hints instead of asking for something, game-playing instead of being direct, and braggarts.

Top 5 (insert subject): Top five cookies!  Girl Scout Thin Mint, soft baked chocolate chip, M&M cookies, Nutter Butters, and Oreos.  

Tattoos i want: *shrug* none

Biggest turn ons: strong arms, hairy chest

 Age: old lady by Tumblr kid standards, I guess

Ideas of a perfect date: Sitting in front of a fire in an empty tavern with a 6'3" ginger Queen's Ranger, drinking to the point that I'm not drunk but feel good, and he gets loose and starts telling me stuff no one else knows, then getting on his horse with him (me in front, being held securely by him) and riding out to a secluded cabin in the woods only he knows about, where we spend the night having wild sex and getting as loud as we want.

Life goal: Not to have any huge regrets on my deathbed when it comes to people in my life.

Piercings i want: none

Relationship status: married

Favorite movie: Can't pick one but I love Bram Stoker's Dracula, Pulp Fiction, Gladiator, Goodfellas, Thirty Days of Night.  Not into chick flicks very much.  Also a couple of old movies---Rebecca (a total mind fuck) and Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf?, which I STRONGLY rec.  It's a middle-aged married couple who have company over and spend the night drinking and cursing and tearing each other apart with complete viciousness. 

 A fact about my life:  I'm boring but okay with it

Phobia:  Any and all bugs, especially flying ones.  I wish I could make all of them extinct, including butterflies.

.Height: 5'5"

Are you a virgin?   A what?  

What is your shoe size?  8

What’s your sexual orientation?  straight

Do you smoke, drink, or take any drugs?   Wine sometimes....red.  Used to like white, can’t stand it now, and beer makes my throat close up

Someone you miss: My parents...they had me very late in life and they're gone now.

What’s one thing you regret?  Not being a better daughter

First celebrity you think of when someone says attractive:  Samuel Roukin, are you shocked?

Favorite ice cream?  french vanilla

One insecurity: Body image.  I had an eating disorder when I was a teenager and body issues will stay with me until I die.

What my last text message says:  From me---I might answer late because we’re doing late dinner.  To me---How does she afford it

Have you ever taken a picture naked? Taken one, no---taken one OF somebody, yes

Have you ever kissed a member of the same sex?  No

Have you ever slept naked?   Yes

Have you ever stole money from a friend?  No

Have you ever gotten in a car with people you just met?  Yes

Have you ever been in a fist fight?  No

Have you ever had feelings for someone who didn’t have them back?  Yeah, I think everybody has

Have you ever been arrested?  No

Have you ever made out with a stranger?  Yes 

Have you ever laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by?  Yes

Have you ever been lonely?  Yes

Have you ever been to a club?  Clubbing and dancing, so much fun

 Have you ever felt an earthquake?  Yes, in Virginia it's a rare thing and I thought Jesus was coming back.

Have you ever touched a snake?  I've held snakes...they're adorable.

Have you ever ran a red light?  Yes, and it was stupid as hell because my husband witnessed a horrible accident when someone ran a red.  A man was ejected out of his car into the air came down, and hit the pavement, dead.  DON'T RUN RED LIGHTS

Have you ever been in a car accident?   Yes

 Have you ever cried yourself to sleep?  Pretty sure I have

Have you ever sang karaoke?  No and never will for the mercy of the world

Have you ever done something you told yourself you wouldn’t?   Oh yeah...for example today I told myself I wouldn't touch the box of Cheezits in the pantry.

Have you ever laughed until something you were drinking came out your nose?  No, but I've laughed so hard I retched

Have you ever slept with someone at least 5 years older or younger?   Yes

Have you ever dream that you married someone?   Yes and I woke up and it was true.

Have you ever got your tongue stuck to a flag pole?  No, but points for a question that made me shudder.

Have you ever ever gone to school partially naked?  *side eye glance*

Have you ever brushed your teeth?   *second side eye glance*  I hope to hell

Have you ever ever too scared to watch scary movies alone?  Yes....I cannot watch Thirty Days of Night alone, even it's daytime

Have you ever been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on?  No, and it's a good thing, because you don't push a woman who has naturally curly hair into the water or your ass is going to have consequences.

Have you ever been told you’re hot by a complete stranger?  Yes

Have you ever broken a bone?  Just a toe

Have you ever been easily amused?  Lol, every damn day...wouldn't have it any other way.

Have you ever laughed so hard you cried?  Many times

Have you ever mooned/flashed someone?  No

Have you ever forgotten someone’s name?   Yes, embarrassing

Have you ever give us one thing about you that no one knows   I never have and I am not going to have creeps following this blog, lol.

What was your last dream?   I dreamed Samuel Roukin played a biker in black leather.  Are you seeing the trend here?

Would you be up for interplanetary travel if it was a thing?  Hard pass...I will stay safe on my couch with my fleece throw.

If you could travel back in time, where would you go?  Omg.  Again, can’t pick but I’m leaving this question up because it’s a good one.  

Do you prefer tech or real books for reading?   I like both, but prefer books

Do you dread doctor visits or do they not bother you?   They make me anxious

Favorite fashion decade of the twentieth century?  1940s

Are you wearing nail polish and if so, what color?   Manicure, Essie Watermelon; pedicure, OPI I Vant To Bite Your Neck

 Are you into working out or no?  I've always worked out, but I'm so burned out now

Do you have a temper?   Yes

Do you have one item you treat yosef with, and if so, what is it?   Josie Maran whipped argan oil

Do you eat meat?  Yes I am a happy carnivore

If yes, how do you like it cooked?  Well done and y'all can drag me for that all you want

Ever had a boss or a teacher you absolutely hated?  Oh yeah....a bitch boss who loved making lives miserable.  She snatched my engagement ring and hid it for a day so I would think I'd lost it, then gave it back at the end of the day and laughed. I was frantic.  I wish I could have a do-over with that bitch.

Coffee, tea, or hot chocolate?  Coffee

Do you wear makeup?  Yes

If you wear perfume, what's your scent type/favorite fragrance?  I like fresh/clean scents...love Versace VersenseScented 

Do you have a girl crush?  Yes

Candles, wax melts, or incense?  Wax melts....I have a shameful amount of those bitches.  Walmart, $2, too cheap to pass up.

Favorite season of the year?  Fall, fall, fall, then winter

Fanfic---do you prefer smut or fluff?   Smut, but well-written fluff about the right character (GUESS WHO) is good too

Do you like taking selfies?  Why or why not?   I hate it.  Old body image issues, not photogenic, etc.

Do you want children?   We can't, but we'll be okay.

Do you prefer lots of friends or just a few good friends?  Just a few, not interested in crowds of pseudo-friends

Introvert or extrovert, or mixture of both?  Mixture...can and do initiate conversation with strangers but I'm an only child and I need solitude to be sane

Ocean/beach or mountains?  Ocean, if it's cold, cloudy, and the water is wild and gray.  Otherwise mountains.

Morning person or night person?  Morning...first cup of coffee makes me annoyingly wired.

Do you initiate conversations with strangers?  Yes

Milk or dark chocolate?  Dark

What do you post on your blog?   Mostly Simcoe stuff, other TURN material, with some Walking Dead, Vikings, and The Strain.  Occasionally fashion, quotes, etc.

Is it hard for you to apologize when you're in the wrong?   If I know I've done wrong or hurt someone I have no problem apologizing.  I wouldn't want it to be otherwise.  And if I ever piss off any of y’all, let me know.

Love at first sight?  No.  Like/compatibility that turns into love, yes.

Best/funniest Halloween memory?  A couple, I guess.  The first was a party when my hairstylist friend did my make up and I went as a gypsy.  It was perfect, the hair, the armloads of cheap bangles and the huge earrings, a white peasant shirt with a flowing multicolored skirt, etc. 

 The second is one I was only told about, and it happened years ago, but I laugh when I think about it.   My father-in-law(to be) was home alone and a flood of kids kept coming to the door.  He gave out all the candy, then started throwing in cans of Beanie Weenies, and when they were gone, he started handing out money.  Finally he said to hell with it, turned off the light, and went to bed.

Did your first crush work out or was it unrequited?  Unrequited

Do you like old movies---and by old, I mean OLD old?  Yes, I've even watched a couple of silent movies.  The main thing about old movies that bugs is me the ever-present music.

Do you tan or burn?  Burn---don't care about tanning/lying in the sun with the heat beating down on me.  I like myself pale, anyway.

Do you think people deserve second chances?  Generally yes.  Hard to say no considering how many times I've fucked up.  But child molesters, that kind of thing--hell no.

What animal would be cutest if scaled down to the size of a cat?   A T-Rex

Do you have any weird food likes/dislikes?  I hate cheese, esp. melted. (Ikr?) Also white creamy foods...cream soups, mayonnaise, etc

.What's the funniest real person's name you've ever heard?   Andrew Lincoln is really Andrew Clutterbuck

.

[terriblevocaloidshit]

Mod Mew Reads! “Don’t Trust Anyone, Not Even Yourself” (PART ONE)

Hihi, guys, and welcome back to Mod Mew Reads! And it only took eight months! Today, we’re gonna be reading something special. It’s gonna be big, it’s gonna be huge, and it’s gonna be personal. Why? Because today, we’re looking at the first three chapters of a fanfiction. 

A fanfiction that I wrote.

That’s right! Today we’re looking at Chapters 1 and 2 of Forbidden Magnetism, my GakuKai fanfiction I wrote three years ago! Is it as bad as I’m making it out to be? Well, let’s not stall any longer. Let’s dive in HEAD FIRST!

Kaito and Gakupo both have new girlfriends, they both love them so much. However, when they meet each other in a practice studio, an attraction that shouldn't be forms between the two. How long can this magnetism last before they are caught? Rated M for later chapters containing smut. Yaoi, boy on boy, KaitoxGakupo. UPDATED FROM MY TUMBLR WITH CORRECT SPELLING.

For a little context, I based this entire fanfic off of this video. The video is five years old and the creator has not updated in three years, but just watching it brings back memories. Hot tip for high school me; don’t make a name for yourself critiquing fanfic and then write a shitty one yourself. Anyways, enough stalling. 

Fate is a bitch.

I still think this is my best opening line of anything ever.

This is the conclusion Gakupo came to after the events that happened. First, he had finally asked Luka out, and, to his suprise, said yes.

Oi, past me, have you heard of this hot new tool called SpellCheck? “Surprise” still gives me trouble, but good lord.

However, he couldn't kiss her, not at the school. Luka had told him her best friend, Miku, also got a boyfriend not too long ago. He had decided to stay after in the school's expansive practice school, to write her a song.

Why was fate a bitch?

Because as soon as he stepped in, his eyes fell on a beautiful person.

He knew immediately who the person was. It was Kaito. He was part of the 'Big Five', the most popular kids at the high school. The most popular of them all was Kaito's new girlfriend, Hatsune Miku. If you were associated with them in any way, you were considered 'popular', or at the very least, 'known'.

The ‘Big Five’ in my mind were Miku, Luka, Rin, Len, and Gumi, if I’m remembering correctly.

Kaito was 16, but he looked around 20. He was tall, with dark blue hair. He always wore his scarf, no matter what.

OH YEAH I FORGOT I MADE THE CHARACTERS TEENS. Spoilers, but they have sex in later chapters, so I wrote underage smut when I myself was underage. Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay.

I know age of consent laws are very iffy, and the AoC in my state is 16 years old, but to me the AoC always will be 18.

He was beautiful.

And staring right at Gakupo.

The events that followed were a blur in his mind. He remembered walking towards Kaito, and the next thing they knew, they were kissing furiously, unable to stop.

Fun fact, the inspiration for this scene was a seen in Brokeback Mountain.

What had lead up to this? 

Well, first off a thirsty 15 year old girl who had an unfortunate habit of fetishizing gay men, but that’s a story for another day.

Gakupo remembered talking to him, remembered him being asked to practice a duet with Kaito that he was going to do with Miku. His memory fogs up, then clears up around the time he hit the wall while making out with Kaito. They didn't want to break the contact, not even to breath, as of they feared that if they did, they could never kiss each other again. Their tongues were fighting for dominance, but it was becoming painfully clear that Gakupo was the dominate one.

The tall one isn’t always the dominate one open up your eyes sheeple.

Finally, the need for air overpowered their want for each other. 

There’s this funny little thing called your nose, try breathing through that.

They broke apart, gasping for air. Gakupo could feel that just the kissing had made them both half hard. He wanted to continue, so badly. However, the sudden realizations that both of them had girlfriends hit him like a bullet train.

YEAH NO SHIT ASSHOLE!!

He pushed himself off of Kaito, and, without another word, left the studio.

What school has a professional recording studio? All I had at my high school was a shitty photo room we used as a storage closet.

If the two boys had been smarter, that meeting would have been just a little fling, and nothing more. 

YOU STILL CHEATED ON YOUR GIRLFRIENDS YOU FUCKSUCKS!

However, nobody could even begin to guess how far out of control this situation would get. And it all started thanks to a magnetism that shouldn't have been felt.

Kabosoi hi ga kokoro no hashi ni tomoru Itsu no ma ni ka moehirogaru netsujou

... What? Once a weeb always a weeb.

—

(AN: So, yeah. That 's the first chapter. More to come! By the way, if this seems like déjà vu, it's because I've posted this on my tumblr [URL HAS SINCE CHANGED]. I've fixed the spelling errors in this version. Enjoy!)

Sure you did.

And that’s it for chapter one! Sadly, I’m a masochist who loves inflicting pain on myself and we still have chapter two to read through tonight, so let’s fuckin do that shit.

(AN: Alright, still going! On tumblr, I mentioned that I didn't want to write smut. Well, I will soon, I promise you. Enjoy chapter two!)

Here’s a tip for anyone writing smut; let your inhibitions go. otherwise, it’ll be so obvious that you’re uncomfortable.

—-

It had been a couple of days since their 'meeting', and both boys had become a bit restless, unable to shake the memory of each other out of their minds. They couldn't really see each other during the day, and they felt as if they were slowly going insane. They hoped their girlfriends didn't notice.

They did.

Oh, they noticed that you two fucking CHEATED ON THEM huh?!

Luka decided to keep silent about the situation, and not inquire Gakupo. After all, if the problem was truly bothering him, he would've told her by now. She chalked it up to nerves.

Kids, if you’re having relationship troubles, just talk it out with the person, it’ll be so much better in the long run.

Miku, on the other hand, was the talkative type. 

Speakin of which, if this goes up on time, happy 10th birthday, Miku!

She expressed her emotions through many words. Including her concern over Kaito.

"What's wrong, sweetheart?" Miku asked one day between classes. She needed to know. Otherwise, it would drive her nuts trying to figure it out for herself.

Kaito smiled sweetly at her. "It's nothing, Miku," he lied. He was a performer. He could fake any emotion at the drop of a hat. And no one could see he was faking.

No one, that is, except Miku.

I want to re-write this but like, not have the guys cheat on the girls??? Polyamory, it’s a thing.

"Don't lie to me, Kaito," Miku said sternly. "I won't be mad. I promise." Her puppy dog eyes seem to be staring right into Kaito's soul.

No, trust me, you’ll be pissed.

"I'm just nervous. You're my first real girlfriend. I don't want to mess this up."

I actually ship KaiMeiko more so LMAO @ past me.

Miku grinned. "Was that all? Well, that's a relief! I thought it was something seriously bad. I'll try not to make you nervous."

Kaito was relieved that she believed him. There were truth to his words; Miku was his first girlfriend, and he didn't want to screw up too badly. However, in his mind, making out with your girlfriend's best friend's boyfriend (try saying that three times) qualified as 'screwing up', and was in the subcategory of 'screwing up pretty damn badly'. 

JESUS YOU FUCKIN THINK!!!

The warning bell rang, and Miku gave him a quick kiss goodbye, before rushing to her classroom.

Kaito always felt a spark when he kissed Miku. He always felt like it was right, like she was the one.

But no matter how hard he tried to deny it, he had felt that same spark during that meeting with Gakupo.

See, this is something that I liked; Kaito having feelings for both Miku and Gakupo was super interesting to me, and I want to expand on it one day, but maybe in a format that’s... well, less shit.

Also, looking back, this might’ve been me working through the fact that I’m bisexual...

Because of their concern, the girl decided a double date would set everyone at ease. They planned it out, and didn't tell the boys about it until the day of. The boys didn't have any choice but to say yes.

For the girl, the date went just as planned. The park they chose was close enough so everyone could walk there and back, yet secluded enough for them to enjoy the day in peace. They had a nice day, and things felt right.

For the boys, it was a totally different story. Every time they saw the other's girlfriend kiss them, they wanted to say "No, he's mine." But they knew they couldn't. It was as if the girls were trying to make them envious. Envious of a love that they wanted to share with each other.

After the date had ended, and both girl went home, the boys arrived at Gakupo's house. They decided to make a promise: whenever they could, they would meet up at one of their houses, and leave when dawn came around. No one would know except them. It was the perfect plan. As soon as they agreed, they began kissing.

Hey past me, if you actually took time to develop scenes instead of acting like you’re Sonic The Hedgehog and speeding through them, maybe your writing wouldn’t be as shit.

Of course, anyone with half of a brain could see this promise was idiotic and flawed in so many ways.

No, really? I can’t see how cheating on your s/o with their best friend’s s/o is a bad idea, not at all!

—

(AN: The next chapter is just going to kind of be a filler. I'd still read it, but hey, it's just gonna be a filler. Don't kill me. Thanks!)

A lot of these chapters were filler, don’t lie to yourself.

Overall reaction:

Me @ my past self CATCH THESE FISTS.

Oh god oh god that was so bad. Maybe if I snark all of it, we can all heal together. I could see where I was going, I really could, but GOD it’s so bad.

And to all the fucking obvious cheating going on?

Well, thank y’all for reading, and I’ll see you next game!

~ Mod Mew 

*Who’s currently cringing oh god why the hell did I think that was okay at all*

[abewoodhullturncoat]

100 Asks Answered:

The meaning behind my url:  abewoodhullturncoat... Abraham Woodhull was a turncoat so I mean, it did not take much to come up with that one.

A picture of me: will post one soon.

How many tattoos i have and what they are:  One! A large treble clef in honor of my love for music.

Last time i cried and why: I do not cry often, as I was raised to believe a guy has no right to cry and it makes him weak,  but I cried just last night... When I realized I’ve forgotten the sound of my uncles voice. He passed around 7 years ago. 

Favorite band: I have an eclectic taste in music, so I couldn’t tell you for certain.

Biggest turn offs:  Pretentiousness, number one by far.  Also people who drop hints instead of asking for something, game-playing instead of being direct, and braggarts. -I don’t want to remove this because I share much the same sentiment. But I do wish to add that another turn off is the automatic judgment that a person put on someone before truly getting to know someone.

Top 5 (insert subject): Top five Ice Cream Flavors: Superman, Mint Chocolate Chip, Cookie Dough, Vanilla, and Birthday Cake.  

Tattoos i want: Something really cool that would be really... Me. Historical, I’d reckon. As my love for history is a big part of me.

Biggest turn ons: A mind of their own and a voice to speak it. Quick wit and a voice to impart it. A taste for romance. Easy conversation. A taste for fine literature doesn’t hurt.

Age: Over 21. (My birthday is October 3rd if you actually read this.)

Ideas of a perfect date: Sitting in front of a fire, on the couch. Whoever the date may be with beside me, reading books together or maybe watching a film? I’d cook her dinner. Dessert. And maybe if she permitted, I’d take her to her home and give her a romantic kiss on the doorstep.

Life goal: Travel to all of the American Historical sights

Piercings i want: None

Relationship status: Single

Favorite movie: The Labyrinth or FBAWTFT

A fact about my life:  I’m a huge history geek.

Phobia: Of being disliked.

.Height: 5'11"

Are you a virgin?   Um... Yes. Much to awkward to get a date. Let alone a proper good shag. 

What is your shoe size?  11

What’s your sexual orientation? Straight. 

Do you smoke, drink, or take any drugs?   I have drank in the past, but I refrain lately because it would mess with my anti-depressants

Someone you miss: My Uncle.

What’s one thing you regret?  My not working harder to accomplish necessary things. 

First celebrity you think of when someone says attractive:  Heather Lind, my goddess.

Favorite ice cream?  Mint Chocolate

One insecurity: Myself as a whole. 

What my last text message says:  I actually haven’t texted anyone since I got the phone really, but it was a text to my mum. Asking how she was. She spends a lot of time in the hospital due to her diabetes.

Have you ever kissed a member of the same sex? No.

Have you ever slept naked?   Yes

Have you ever stole money from a friend?  No

Have you ever gotten in a car with people you just met?  Yes

Have you ever been in a fist fight?  Yes. Protecting my youngest brother from a group of people who loured him out of the house. I had an uneasy feeling when a friend of mine had refused to allow me to follow. Turns out that I made the right decision. They intended to beat the hell out of my brother, who has epilepsy and he’s too afraid to fight back. And the reason was because he was gay. They had no right to go after him, so I stepped in.

Have you ever had feelings for someone who didn’t have them back?  Yeah

Have you ever been arrested?  No

Have you ever made out with a stranger?  Yes

Have you ever laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by?  Yes

Have you ever been lonely?  Yes

Have you ever been to a club?  Once, and I was so very awkward. I went out on the dance floor and sort of just stood there while my friends just sat there... Grinding against me. I guess that’s part of being the only guy friend willing to hang out with the ladies.

Have you ever felt an earthquake?  Nope. But I was in a hurricane and a tornado before.

Have you ever touched a snake?  Aye.

Have you ever ran a red light?  Yes

Have you ever been in a car accident?   No

Have you ever cried yourself to sleep? The night my uncle died.

Have you ever sang karaoke?  Oh yes.

Have you ever done something you told yourself you wouldn’t?   Mhmm. I call it, “Living.”

Have you ever laughed until something you were drinking came out your nose?  It was at a fancy dinner. Root-beer out the nose.

Have you ever slept with someone at least 5 years older or younger?   No

Have you ever dreamed that you married someone?   No

Have you ever got your tongue stuck to a flag pole?  Ah, yes. Actually. To be young and stupid and willing to do anything for money.

Have you ever ever gone to school partially naked?  Ah... No.

Have you ever brushed your teeth?   Dude... Yes.

Have you ever been too scared to watch scary movies alone?  Nope.

Have you ever been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on?  Yes 

Have you ever been told you’re hot by a complete stranger?  Nope

Have you ever broken a bone?  In my right leg, yeah.

Have you ever been easily amused? Due to my own immaturity.

Have you ever laughed so hard you cried?  Many times

Have you ever mooned/flashed someone?  No

Have you ever forgotten someone’s name?   Yes

Give us one thing about you that no one knows: I  am so overly romantic that it is slightly ridiculous.

What was your last dream?  I haven’t the faintest idea. I’ve forgotten.

Would you be up for interplanetary travel if it was a thing?  Heck yeah. 

If you could travel back in time, where would you go? I would go back and fight with Washington and his men. Win the war. Make history.

Do you dread doctor visits or do they not bother you? I don’t dread them at all.

Favorite fashion decade of the twentieth century?  Fashion is not my strong suit. I’d just as soon bring back the breeches and waistcoats, and the courtships of the 1700′s

Are you wearing nail polish and if so, what color? Now I’m confident in my sexuality but myself in nail polish is not going to happen.

Are you into working out or no? Yep.

Do you have a temper?   No

Do you have one item you treat yourself with, if so, what is it? Rolllllleeeeplay.

Do you eat meat?  Yes

If yes, how do you like it cooked?  enough

Ever had a boss or a teacher you absolutely hated?  No.

Coffee, tea, or hot chocolate?  Hot Chocolate.

Do you wear makeup?  Nope.

If you wear perfume, what’s your scent type/favorite fragrance?  I’m a basic guy. Old Spice usually. But I do like Drakkar.

Do you have a girl crush?  Yes

Candles, wax melts, or incense?  Incense.

Favorite season of the year?  Winter.

Fanfic—do you prefer smut or fluff?   Smut

Do you like taking selfies?  Why or why not?  I mean, I take selfies. But I do not have myself convinced that I am God’s gift to women.

Do you want children? Not sure yet.

Do you prefer lots of friends or just a few good friends?  Just a few, not interested in crowds of pseudo-friends

Introvert or extrovert, or mixture of both?  Mixture

Ocean/beach or mountains?  Ocean, if it’s cold, cloudy, and the water is wild and gray.  Otherwise mountains.

Morning person or night person?  Both.

Do you initiate conversations with strangers?  Yes

Milk or dark chocolate? Milk chocolate is my secret weakness.

What do you post on your blog? Role play mostly.

Is it hard for you to apologize when you’re in the wrong?   I have no issue apologizing whether I am wrong or right.

Love at first sight?  Sometimes.

Best/funniest Halloween memory?  I was Jareth the Goblin King one year. Being recognized was great. But then the next year I was Westley from the Princess Bride and I scored myself a date at the very same halloween party.

Did your first crush work out or was it unrequited?  Unrequited of course.

Do you like old movies—and by old, I mean OLD old?  Yes

Do you tan or burn?  Both.

Do you think people deserve second chances?  Generally yes.  Hard to say no considering how many times I’ve fucked up.  But child molesters, that kind of thing–hell no. - Agreed sentiment, honestly.

What animal would be cutest if scaled down to the size of a cat?   Me, probably.

Do you have any weird food likes/dislikes? I hate fish and seafood in general. But I was introduced to ranch on hot dogs and I sorta dig it.

.What’s the funniest real person’s name you’ve ever heard? John Jacob Jefferson Schmidt.

I was tagged by @greenofallshades

@annastrxng @nellyforrevolution @bennjamintallmadge

and anyone else who wants to do it can. You can switch out questions if you wish, as long as there ends up being one hundred. Or about that.

[mauridianhallow]

A L L O F T H E Q U E S T I O N S

Good shit good shit this took me ages holy hell enjoy you meme loving fucks Q's for you to A Do you have a favourite sweater? I actually do, it's that kinda folded over stretchy grey one I always wear, y'know? I wore it to The 1975 and, from what I hear, it was awesome. (Although I can't remember bc I was Gin Drunk) What’s your middle name? Lawrence...no judgement...Do you still talk to the first person you kissed? I don't, I wonder how's she's doing. Heard she was studying History from her friend I met in a bar one time. Glad to hear, she was nice. Do you get on with your grandparents? I did! Sadly it's been a few years since they passed but I very much did. What was your favourite cartoon as a kid? Hmm, it's a tough one, between the 90's X-Men TV show they played on repeat on Fox Kids or Ben 10 when it wasn't absolute shit like the remake. Yeah I'm bitter. What’s your favourite cartoon now? Archer lol Do you read the news paper? Yeah pretty much every day...I swear I'm not an old man. Who was the last text you sent to? My friend Laura, asking if they'll still be at the park when I finish work. What does the last text you sent say? "Y'all still gonna be there when I get away?" If you could have any hair colour what would it be? Idk I like the one I have. Do you like nature documentaries? Not really my cup of tea to be perfectly honest. What is your aesthetic? Climbing a mountain at a 90° angle in Skyrim on a horse. When did you last pet a dog? ''Twas yesterday. Whose friend’s parents do you like the most? The twins'! They employ me! I literally get paid to hang out with friends some days that's the good shit! Have you ever been on a road trip? I've been on a couple, longest was a drive to Southern Spain from Scotland! Was awesome! Tell me about someone you know called Emma? Went to school with her, cool gal, she saw HP in London and I'm jealous, shoutout to @weewildelassAre you reading a book in english class, what is it? Oh god I'm old. I haven't had or attended an English class in over 2 years. Do you have a favourite Aunt? Well considering she also employs me...hell yeah, shoutout to my Aunt K you legend! Baths or showers? Baths for comfort and treating yo self, or sharing...😏...Showers for quickness and weird snapchats at 3am...😂 Skiing or sun bathing? Sun bathing my dude. Do you kill spiders? Sometimes, sometimes not. Have you ever made an ice pop? I have not. Are you wearing shoes right now? I'm not wearing anything rn. Tell me about you favourite primary school/elementary school teacher? Let me tell you about Mrs. Mary "The Bonecrusher" Highland, and how she was such an iconic, legendary, influential and inspiring woman that she was the person you sent into the bad fucked up schools in movies and have them all pass with straight A's, she ran a tough ship and was slow to praise but when she did, she went all out, and made you feel like what you had achieved was truly a feat. Oh and she encouraged children to learn and think for themselves, genuinely encouraged you when you said you were interested in something even when it went above and beyond the curriculum. She was charitable, friendly, and spoke to you like you were an equal, and a worthy one at that. Mrs. Highland was literally so influential in so many people in my class being successful, free minded, hard working adults that she deserves a goddamn award. And let me tell you another thing, at the end of my First Year in College, I went back to my old Primary School for a teaching assistant internship because I knew the school was becoming a bit run-down and out of control and I wanted to help the way that Mrs. Highland had, and who had they just asked to come out of retirement, come back for TWO WEEKS, sort shit out and then walk away into the sunset like some goddamn Old Lady Teaching Avenger who appears when needs were greatest? MARY FUCKING HIGHLAND, I GOT TO HELP ONE OF MY CHILDHOOD HEROES BE AN ABSOLUTE TEACHING LEGEND AND REALLY INFLUENCE SOME GOOD IN A KIDS LIFE, THAT IS THE SHIT! Seriously though, she truly is one of the good ones, they don't make em like Her anymore. Who was the last person you hugged? I think that would be my mother actually hahah. Do you wear glasses? Occasionally. Do you have a cat? I sadly do not. Do you have a favourite pair of underwear? Not a favourite pair exactly more like a favourite kind?? Next All-Black, that's the good shit, makes my ass look great among other things. What was your last tweet? "How the fuck do you work twitter" about 5 years ago and I haven't used it since. Do you still use Facebook? I do, rarely. Do you like birds? Aye pal birds, blokes, the lot. Who was the last person you called cute? That genuinely would be my niece, or you lol Who was the last person that called you cute? This is a strange answer but a regular in my work. Long story. How did you meet your best friend? I literally turned a corner and ran into a group of emo's in like Fourth Year at High School and I haven't looked back since. Escalators or elevators? Nah m8, trick question, I'd rather take the stairs. Does wonders for the thighs. Are you named after anyone, who? Ahaha yeah my dad, both my granddads, and Saint. Christoper (Catholic mum yo) What was your first url? I have no idea. Autumn or Winter? Winter I can't lie. Do you win at scrabble? I do not lol Put your ipod on shuffle , who is the first song that comes up by? "American Idiot", Green Day. Classic. Have you ever drunk from a mason jar? I have not. Can you draw? Barely even write m8 let alone draw. What was your first profile picture? I think it was Kenny from South Park. Favourite t-shirt? God I have no idea. Best tumblr friend? Shoutout to @bepizzazzed and @double-dorks-beanie and @hesitant-butthole When did you last run? Tonight when as a joke my friends took my jacket and tried to get it on top of a climbing frame? lol I had it back in seconds and decided to get some payback ahah Do you like to paint your nails? Not particularly fussed, not a look I could pull off. Did you ever do something as a kid that got you into loads of trouble? I did more things to get me into trouble as a kid that anyone should ever do. And I still did it. Who is your favourite dog that isn’t yours? Trick question, all of them. Have you ever been drunk? Literally so many times. So many. Have you ever done something you regret while drunk? Some-thing? Some-one? Getting into a slutty dance off with a professional dancer? Stealing a mannequin? The exact words "I can easily make this jump..."? The exact words "Watch this lads"? The exact words "Shots won't do me any harm"? The exact words "Another Venom? Aye no bother!" The exact words "You can crash at mine if you like...?" You get the picture...I do messed up shit I'm drunk, and yet, I continue to do so. Do you want to kiss anyone right now? Ronald McDonald ngl for the sweet sweet invention of double cheeseburgers. Do/did you like you math teacher? I had a crush on both of my maths teachers, Mr. Kelly and Mrs. Hendry, both of which contributed to me turning up to class, but also contributed to me failing said classes bc I was too busy looking at them and being a hormone ridden, horny 16 year old boy, than I was doing maths. Do you often ride the bus? I do, everyday I'm in College. Do you have a fireplace in your house? We do actually it's getting renovated right now. Are you violent when you’re angry? God no! Do you cry when you’re angry? No, I rarely get angry and when I do it can only be described as dry anger. Favourite Harry Potter book? It has to be OotP, fight me. Can you remember your last dream? I can, and let me just say, Chris Pratt, thank you. Do you go to bed early or late? "Do I go to bed?" would be a better question. Do you speak a second language? I speak various levels of different languages. Some if you dropped me in their respective countries I could find my way about, albeit difficultly, and others I can ask for the bar and the bill and that's about it. Who was your first ever best friend? A boy called Dean. Have you ever had an operation? I've had a couple yeah. Tell me about your favourite cousin? His name is Reece and he's a meme loving shit and I love him the whacky bastard. Do you have a piece of clothing that doesn’t even fit you anymore but you can’t bare to throw away? During what can only be described as the Greatest Summer of My Teenage Years; the Legendary Summer of 2014, I wore on my feet almost EVERY DAY a pair of Classic Chuck's, they cost my poor wee mum like £60 the Christmas before but they were too big and when it finally hit summer they fit perfectly. I wore them every time. If you've ever read the book Me Before You or watched the film you'll know what I mean when I say they were my bumblebee tights. Have you ever been in a musical? I played the Cowardly Lion in my school play as a kid. Do you have a porch? I do not. How many times have you watched your favourite movie? At least 100 no joke it has to be. Empire Strikes Back. What do you order at McDonalds? Plain double cheese , small fries, Oasis Summer Fruits and maybe a coffee. Do you get on with old people? Worryingly well. Science Fiction or Romance? Sci-Fi m8. Do you take naps? Anytime I can. How many classes do you/did you take in High School? In my final year I took 3 classes. At its height I think I was doing 9 classes. When did it last snow where you live? A few months back. Does it ever snow where you live? It's Scotland...hahah it very much does. How many months until your birthday? 12 m8. How much charge does your computer have right now? 42%What is your favourite Disney Channel Original Movie? I don't actually think I had one. Sorry. the City or the Sea Side? Jokes on you fool, you can have both. What is your least favourite colour? Beige. Who tf likes being beige. Do you have homework to do? Nah. Are you still friends with your first best friend? I am not. Do you have/are you the gay cousin? I have an asexual cousin, bug more often than not I'm the gay cousin. Do you own dungarees? They can look cute on peeps. Do you like to play sport? I do, not to the extent I used to but yeah. What was your favourite ever Christmas present? My baby nephew. How old are you? Ugh I'm 20. Do you ever use Internet Explorer? Not for s long time. Have you ever had blonde hair? I haven't no. I wanted to but sadly I was a kid. When did you last see the person you have a crush on? Well considering I fall deeply in love with strangers who are nice to me on the train, that question is crazy. Who did you last talk to on the phone? Laura. Pants or Dresses? This question is a lot funnier in the UK and even funnier in Scotland where a man can wear one, but to do so, he's not supposed to wear the other 😉 Do you read fan fiction? Not anymore y'know. What is you’re favourite blog? @mauridianhallow is a pretty cool blog you should check that shit out Do you write poetry? I HAVE written poetry before. Drama or Comedy? How dare you insult The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt by suggesting you can't be both. Have you ever had a hickey? Perhaps...perhaps I have. Perhaps I cannot remember how I got some of them. Perhaps I should stop buying the ENTIRE bar a round of shots knowing all too well that almost every one of these people will offer to buy me drinks all night and then I won't pay shit for another drink until the night is over. Perhaps I should...I won't but I fucking should. And perhaps this has on certain occasions resulted in hickeys I don't know.

[shaykeijser]

50 questions tag

i was tagged by the lovely @steveharringtonofficial to do this tag, thank you lots and lots! 

i tag: @heartbreakcity @firealainvigneault2k18 @shaniahnoel and anyone else who wants to (seriously go for it)

1. age? 16 2. zodiac sign? aquarius 3. three fears? drowning, dying alone, losing friends 4. where are you from? kc mo 5. favourite films? i like lots of movies and this question is stressing me out so next one!! 6. last song i listened to? currently watching izombie and like real people do by hozier (one of my fav artists) was played so maybe that. on spotify it's "it wasn't me" by shaggy and ricardo ducent lol 7. three things i love? animals, driving with friends, and tv shows 8. turn ons? funny, motivated, good hugger, caring, etc. 9. turn offs? not motivated, inconsiderate, not confrontational, 10. how many tattoos/piercings? i got my ears pierced like 3 years ago and after a year of having them in 1 fell out and i legit just wore one for a few months and once i finally took the one out i never bothered putting it back in. so they've pretty much closed up but i bet i could get an earring in. don't have any tattoos but i'm planning on getting a stick and poke (don't yell at me) 11. the reason why I joined tumblr? i was super into the maze runner and wanted to explore more 12. how i feel right now? happy but sad, tired but motivated, relieved yet weighed down 13. where do you see yourself living in 5-10 years? seattle, nashville, or maybe somewhere out of the country 14. current relationship status? single 15. meaning behind my URL? that one quote in tmr when newt says "great, now we're all bloody inspired." so...inspired by newt 16. favourite tv shows? basically all cw shows, lucifer, st, great news, the good place, just look in my bio 17. favourite songs? lots of songs off of dua lipa and bea miller's newest albums. also still not over sam smith and taylor swifts albums. 18. favourite bands? one direction, TØP, fall out boy (not that much), 5sos (i was into them when they were alive and then stopped but now that they're reviving maybe i'll be into them again) 19. fun fact about yourself? my bday is 02/02/02, which is the same backwards. my due date was also valentine's day so i was born on a holiday (groundhog's day) and due on one 20. fictional character(s) you can relate to? this is stressing me out but when i was younger i used to think alex russo since we both have 2 brothers 21. what i find attractive in other people? lowalty, good listener, basically all that i said before 22. if you had to live in a non-English speaking country, where would it be? france. i also wanna visit sicily 23. someone i love? i should say my friends and family but my science teacher's a god i love him 24. my relationship with my parents? lol we fight a lot but i love my mom but my dad is another thing 25. my favourite holiday? groundhog's day ;))) not really idk 26. sunrise or sunset? sunset 27. did you watch the wiggles when you were younger? nah 28. sexual orientation? i'm questioning 29. 3 things that annoy me easily? rude people, when people let other people stomp all over them, when ex friends do bitchy things 30. my favourite animals? dogs, horses, narwhals, this is hurting my brain 31. my pets? i have a purebred minitature poodle named domino. he's a geezer (14) 32. one interesting item in your room? i have a piece of the berlin wall that my mom gave me 33. what is your race? white 34. an embarrassing moment? one time in elementary school when i was getting lunch i dropped 3 trays of pasta. 35. would you rather change gender every time you sneeze or not be able to tell the difference between a muffin and a baby? the muffins one 36. something that’s constantly on my mind? lol you fucked that up or stop letting this bother you or why does this still bother you 37. my 3 hobbies? writing, hanging with friends, and watching tv 38. my future goals? travel, fall in love, enjoy life more! 39. something i want to do? get drunk and get a stick and poke 40. my favourite store? american eagle ig 41. my favourite foods? fruit, pasta, ice cream 42. what i did yesterday? therapy 43. something i’m talented at? idk i've been told i'm a good listener and a good advice giver 44. my idea of a perfect date? something chill, maybe a group hang before and then grabbing ice cream after 45. my celebrity crush? everyone, especially girls. been in that mood 46. most overrated celebrity? harry styles 47. any siblings? 2 older brothers 48. number of kids i want? more than 2 49. do I smoke/drink? i drink sometimes but i don’t smoke 50. what languages do you want to learn? i'm currently learning french so i plan on continuing with that and i want to learn italian

[nyangibun]

Zutara: The Blue Spirit Rises

A/N: There are two reasons why I changed my url. One, because I adore Zutara more than is probably healthy. Two, because of this damn story that won’t leave my head. So as you can see, I was totally compelled to write this (I had no choice) and I hope people like it?? Or just read it even. Alternatively, you can find it here at FF. 

Summary: While searching for the Avatar, Zuko realises the war has devastated most of the world, including the Fire Nation. He returns home after years away to right the wrongs of his father under the guise of the Blue Spirit. A vigilante by necessity, Zuko works alone, but then a new player shows up in town. A woman in red. Is she a friend or is she a foe?

CHAPTER 1: THE MASKED MAN

The night was unnaturally cold. It had rained only hours before and now the drop in temperature, usually unfelt in the Fire Nation, had left the streets empty save for a few stragglers. A man clad all in black stood on the ridge of a high rooftop. The blue and white paint of his mask glinted underneath the waning moon. From afar, he could pass for a statue, but he waited with practiced calm, silent and focused. It didn’t take long for his target to exit the tavern. People were nothing if not predictable. The guard stumbled down the street, a hulking figure dressed in standard Fire Nation black, but the gold trimmed shoulder plates indicated his high rank.

The masked man crept from roof to roof for another block, following diligently behind like a shadow, until the guard turned down a narrow street with no facing windows. In swift succession, he dropped down from the roof, unsheathed his dual broadswords and pinned the guard beneath their sharpened edges.

The guard blinked up, annoyed. “What do you want?” But the fear in his eyes dulled the demand.

“You are in no position to be asking questions. Tell me when the shipment is coming.” He needed to intercept it before it reached the harbour. Once it was loaded onto a ship, it would be out of his reach.

The guard paled, shifting underneath the menacing stare of the mask. “I won’t tell you so you might as well kill me, Blue Spirit.” He sneered the name as if he were tasting age-old sea slugs left to rot in the sun.

“You wish to die without honour?” He regarded the guard with a pitying frown beneath the mask. The loyalty of these men were misplaced. They sought only to please the royal family but in doing so, they had left much of their own city in ruins.

“What does a thief know of honour?” He spat, white spittle splattering onto the mask.

“I know that there is a shipment of new explosive shells.” He had relaxed his stance but now he leaned in, driving his swords closer to the man’s skin. “And I know what will happen when it reaches its destination. Where is the honour in massacring a village?” His voice involuntarily tightened towards the end, angry and foreboding; he could issue threat after threat but in his albeit short time as the Blue Spirit, a slight intonation made all the difference. It was a suggestion of loss of control. By the way the guard flinched back into the wall, it was enough.

“If they’re…” His voice squeaked and he swallowed nervously to clear it. “If they’re harbouring rebels then they had it coming. The Fire Nation only seeks to bring peace. If those earth kingdom peasants can’t understand that then –”

“Then what?” the masked man snapped, cutting him off. “They deserve to die? Explosive shells will not spare the life of a woman or a child. Tell me the time, guard. I am losing my patience.” To emphasise his point, he pressed the blades where they crisscrossed at the jugular, not to draw blood but enough to become uncomfortable.

“I will never tell you! I am a loyal commander to Fire Lord Ozai!”

The masked man sighed. It always ended this way. Too often the Fire Nation’s reverence for the royal family left the Blue Spirit with very little options. He sheathed his swords with one fluid move, only to draw a smaller dagger from his left boot. He pressed it against the cheek of the guard; this time, he did draw blood. Just a thin slice. “Do you know what happens to a commander who can no longer fight?” He left another incision by the guard’s right eye. “He is retired. Forgotten. Without honour, without respect. I will not ask a third time. When is the shipment coming from the factory?”

The guard appeared to understand the implication of his words. If there was something worth more than their loyalty, it was their position. The Blue Spirit knew these military men well; he could smell their selfish opportunistic greed a mile away. “The shipment…” The guard hesitated, but only for a second as the Blue Spirit pressed the dagger dangerously close to his eye. “It’ll arrive two nights from now! From the western gates.”

“What time?”

“I don’t know.” The Blue Spirit traced the curve of the guard’s brow with the tip, almost as delicately as he would with the stroke of a paintbrush. Blood pooled in the crease of the guard’s lid. “I swear! I They didn’t tell me! Please, please…” He trailed off, the fear making his voice quiver.

“I will spare your life, but not out of mercy, out of pity. With every breath you take from here on out, remember that your life is as meaningless to me as it is to the Fire Lord. But now, you have the chance to make amends for your sins. Stray from this path and regain your honour.” He flipped his dagger and brought the hilt down onto the guard’s head, effectively ending their conversation.

The Blue Spirit turned from the crumpled guard. In two nights time, he would have to intercept a shipment of highly flammable explosives around a unit of firebenders. It was times like this that made him wish for a partner.

+++

“Are you having trouble sleeping again, nephew?”

Zuko rubbed his tired eyes before taking a seat across from his uncle. The rotund former general had already placed a steaming cup of tea in front of him. Ginseng by the smell. “Why do you ask, uncle?”

“The sun is already up. You are normally meditating at this hour.”

His uncle sipped at his tea but his eyes remained on Zuko. They weren’t suspicious, only concerned. It made Zuko’s stomach tighten with guilt. He looked down at his own cup of tea and shrugged. “It was cold last night.”

“Hmm, so it was,” Uncle Iroh acquiesced, before remembering something and smiling widely. This did little to help Zuko’s constitution this morning. Anything that made his uncle that happy usually made him very unhappy. “Xun was looking for you yesterday!” Zuko sighed audibly and pressed his lips to the cup to keep from speaking. His uncle took it as a sign to carry on. “The boy looks up to you, Zuko. You should not be so quick to dismiss a young boy’s admiration.”

“His admiration is entirely unjustified, uncle. I have done nothing to deserve it.”

“On the contrary!” Uncle Iroh exclaimed, startling a still bleary-eyed Zuko. “You have done more than anyone else. You have listened to him. All a child really wants is to know they are being heard.”

Zuko clenched the ceramic cup tightly in his hands. He was too easy for his uncle to manipulate; too susceptible to a small boy who craved attention and praise. “What did Xun want?”

No longer than a couple of hours later, Zuko found himself walking behind an excitable young boy with black shaggy hair and big amber eyes. A wooden stick trailed behind him as he chattered excitedly about the upcoming Fire Nation Festival. It was to be held at the end of the month; a celebration of their culture. “Will you take me, Lee? Please!”

Please, please…

The memory jarred him for a moment. The guilt coiled even tighter from where it had remained from the conversation with his uncle this morning.

“Lee?” The young boy walked back to where Zuko had stopped in the middle of Harbour City. He proceeded to poke him with the stick when Zuko didn’t reply right away. “Hey, are you even listening?”

“Yes,” Zuko snapped, and pushed the stick aside. “And don’t poke me with that thing.”

Xun rolled his eyes and started to walk ahead again. “You should teach me how to use it and then I’ll stop poking you.”

“It’s a stick. There is no use to it.”

“It’s a sword!” Xun stopped and whirled around to poke Zuko again. “See, look. It’s got a pointy edge and a little handle thing.” He turned the wooden stick around and to the side so Zuko could see. “Mama said I’m not allowed a real sword so Dad made me one.”

Zuko raised a hand toward the boy with his palm facing up. Xun dropped the sword eagerly into his hand and watched as Zuko twisted it this way and that. As a practice sword, he had to admit it was a good size and weight for Xun, but the thought of the young ten-year-old having any need to fight with a real sword made Zuko uneasy. “Why do you need to learn how to use a sword anyway?” He handed it back to Xun and continued walking through the market.

“In case the other nations attack!” Xun cried out as he raced to catch up. “Or to protect my house from thieves.” He walked in step with Zuko, glancing up at him with wide hopeful eyes. “So will you teach me, Lee? Please?”

“How do you know I can even fight?”

“Uncle Mushi said you were a great fighter before you had to come take care of him.”

This stopped Zuko again. Why must his uncle always overshare? One of these days, he would let something slip and then they’d both have to spend the rest of their days imprisoned at Boiling Rock. Azula would love that.

“So is that a yes?” Xun nudged him with his bony elbow. “Will you teach me to fight? I want to be great just like you.”

Zuko opened his mouth to deny him but was abruptly cut off when three large men around his age stepped into view. They wore black tunics with dark red shoulder plates, and sheathed at their sides were the standard long-bladed swords. Zuko sighed inwardly.

“You’re better off learning from the old witch lady how to fight,” one of them said, laughing at his own joke. Zuko had never bothered to learn their names but they knew his unfortunately.

“Lee’s probably a better fighter than all of you!”

Zuko refrained from thumping his forehead with the palm of his hand. This kid needed to learn to keep his tongue in check. “C’mon, Xun. Let’s go find your mama.” He put a hand to the boy’s shoulder. Zuko was surprised to find he could feel Xun’s muscles tensing spasmodically as he clenched and unclenched his hand around the wooden sword.

“Oh yeah, Xun, why don’t you and Lee run along to your mama?” All three boys snorted derisively. Even their taunting was lacklustre. Zuko could only imagine how abysmal their fighting would be.

“Xun,” Zuko warned, his hand now gripping the boy’s shoulder. “Move.” Under any circumstances, he would be forced to defend his honour, and that of his young friend, but to fight three guards in broad daylight, even if they were still in training, would be stupid.

They made it barely two steps before Zuko felt something smash into the back of his head. Cold liquid dripped down into his tunic. They must have thrown the same object at Xun because before Zuko could react, the boy had already run off toward the three men. Laughter rang out, and a moment later, Xun was sent crashing into a wagon wheel cart, his wooden sword snapped in half at his feet. Zuko’s control slipped then. He could appreciate the need for calm in a moment like this, especially when the risk of being discovered was so high, but he was still at his core a hotheaded eighteen-year-old. “You’re going to regret that.”

The one closest to him lunged forward. Zuko easily sidestepped the man before ramming an elbow into his back. This knocked him off-balance, giving Zuko the chance to swipe at his feet. Seeing their companion flat on his back forced the other two to unsheathe their swords. Without firebending or his dual swords, Zuko was seemingly at a disadvantage, but it wasn’t a fair fight in the end. With a few swift moves, Zuko had managed to capture the sword of one man and knock the sword off of the other. He was tempted to reach for the fallen weapon but not many people in this city could wield dual swords and he wasn’t about to draw any more attention to himself than he already had. He kicked it instead so it would slide away from the reach of the guards.

The guard that had fallen down first was now advancing toward Zuko, sword at the ready. His grip was more confident than his companions. He was probably more skilled too.

“What is going on!” A tall man with gold trimmed metal shoulders walked towards them. The three guards visibly paled and fell into line with their heads bowed. “Actually, I don’t want to know. What I do want to know is why you are here instead of where I assigned you. Anyone? Tengen?” Neither of the men responded. That was when the commander took notice of Zuko. “You. Who are you?”

“Lee, sir. I am just a lowly tea servant.” Zuko was glad he grew out his hair over the past year. It was shaggy enough now to hide part of his scar, but none of that would matter if this commander had any power within the royal army. If he did, he would know Zuko’s face.

“What are you doing with that sword?”

Relieved, Zuko instantly surrendered over the sword. He bowed his head and kept it at an angle towards the ground. He may not recognise him but he would not risk the commander studying his face for too long.

“The next time I see you fighting in my city, I’ll throw you and your brother in the cells,” the commander snapped, gesturing to Zuko and then to Xun, who was now standing beside him. “As for you three, didn’t I tell you to report to Commander Zhao? The Fire Princess’ ship will arrive in two day’s time and they need the dungeon cleared for the prisoner. Go now before I throw you in there with her!”

All three guards scurried off, but Zuko stood immobilised by the commander’s last words. His sister had captured someone important enough to be kept in the dungeon. Someone that needed Commander Zhao’s supervision. The latter thought was what really held his interest. Whoever this person was, they did not deserve what Zhao indubitably had planned. The man was sadistic, cruel without reason or honour, but maybe worst of all, he was effective. No one had ever undergone Zhao’s torture with their secrets intact. If this prisoner was as important as they were making her seem, nothing good could come out of having her secrets spilled to the Fire Nation.

Zuko would have to free her.