#if anyone has any questions lmk and ill answer :3

[ppnuggiexxx]

-> PROLOGUE | CHAPTER ONE

•| you just wanted to buy groceries ,, though it seems you made a contract with the devil instead. strange how things happen, especially when an angel is after your life. maybe god truly has it out for you?

•| taglist :: empty

it wasnt often that his creations could see such beauty. the garden, full of life and everlasting love. visions of creatures that hadn't existed until now. greenery growing from the ground, covering the area in vivid color. beings covered in soft warmth, spotting different colors and roaming free with one another. they had no names, the being unsure what to call any of them.

and then came man. the first of them, made in his own image, adam. his heavenly father had called upon a few of his previous creations to view such beauty. gabriel and satan, two of his favorites. he would have called lucifer, though said archangel was preoccupied with other angels.

" isn't it beautiful?" his father asked, smiling upon the garden. adam had started naming the different creatures, running around freely among the garden's grass as he called it. " look at them all. they live in pure harmony and love, everlasting peace." he said.

" why is he alone?" satan asked, pointing at adam scavenging for berries provided by bushes. plump and sweet, the berries filled adam's stomach. hunger was of no concept to him, yet he enjoyed the purity and sweetness the berries provided him. he thanked the bush, than his heavenly father for such a treat.

his heavenly father hadn't answered satan, thinking amongst himself. he had given the creatures all another of themselves, yet adam remained alone. it wasnt right, how the lions had more of their own, or how the elephants roamed together as one. "i shall make adam another, one of him. as any of my children, he deserves to have another to love," he said.

        gabriel to the side of his heavenly father only glared down at adam in disgust. he wasnt sure why his father decided that having man would be good. he knew father could see all, the whole future lying ahead. gabriel wondered what would happen should man be corrupted, tempted away from his heavenly father. would he look down in disgust like him?

        as the sun in the sky started to settle and the moon rose, gabriel watched as adam scurried away to hide in a burrow. how cowardly, he thought, for a creation of father to hide away from darkness. how man could never see the everlasting light of heaven. maybe man would never see the beauty of heaven. there was no green or vivid flowers. there were no animals, no towering beings other than his heavenly father and the archangels themselves.

        this garden of eden only reminded gabriel of hell. the wretched place itself only soured his mood more.

        " i'll protect mankind," satan spoke. " i'll protect adam and eve. i'll protect garden of eden, father." the large being beside them, taller than that of a mountain, only smiled down at satan. compared to adam and eve, his heavenly father was enormous. satan and gabriel were large in size, that of what would be the chariot his heavenly father rides upon. to them, man was only a tiny creation.

        "thank you satan, but there is no need for protection. the garden is of everlasting love and purity. though, there is knowledge that they don't know of, there is no need for protection. it is their own choosing whether to continue living in purity and love, or to discover knowledge of impurities. it is their own free will," his heavenly father explained. satan only tilted his head to the side, but nonetheless nodded to father's words.

        gabriel only pondered about what father said. knowledge of impurities? would man betray father and fall to corruption? he looked to the largest tree in the garden, towering over all of the land. fruit bright and red grew from it, shining in the glow of dawn. the new man walked around the garden, naked and shaped differently than of adam.

        this must be eve that satan mentioned. what an interesting name for that of man. gabriel watched as adam and eve talked, unsure of what they were saying. he could tell that they loved each other immediately, tending to the garden together. how interesting it would be to see them crawl upon their bellies, wriggling around and limbless. would father love his creation then?

        how strange of father, to create mankind.

________

        "eww, what even is this?" you grumbled out and pinched your nose, pulling a strange and wet clothe from a wooden box. minhyeok only raised an eyebrow at the object before gagging at the stench it gave.

        "im not sure why mom had that, but that is absolutely foul," you quickly put the wet clothe in the trashbag beside you, careful not to touch it with your other fingers. you continued to scrumage through the box, looking for anything of value. you werent sure why minhyeok insisted on spring cleaning today, but you were dreading him for it.

"anything over there by you?" you asked him as your eyes squinted into the box. apart from the cobwebs and spider sacks full of eggs, there wasnt much in there worth anything. or anything interesting for that matter.

minhyeok only sighed and shook his head. "i've only found a small handheld mirror worth keeping. most of the stuff here can be donated." he shrugged before leaning back on his heels. "same here, unless you want to donate spider babies," you raised a brow at the college student with a smirk. "im sure any kid who picks up this box would be thrilled!"

minhyeok only rolled his eyes, "or have a heart attack." he looked around the attic. most of it had already been cleaned out before, donating most the large furniture pieces that wouldn't be of use to either of them.

"hey, what time is it?" he asked. you shrugged your shoulders, "not sure, why?" minhyeok pulled his phone out of his back pocket, opening it up to view the time; 5:24 pm. "i gotta make dinner here soon. how about you go get us ingredients?" the boy rose to his feet, ducking his head as to not hit it on the ceiling.

you quickly stood up too, ready to get out of the attic itself. it was boring having to go through everything, not to mention how dusty everything was. "sure, it'd get me out of this mess."

"you say that like you were dragged here against your will," minhyeok replied, climbing down the ladder. "um, because i was? or do you not remember ripping the covers off of me when i was sleeping?" you remarked. you didnt here a reply from minhyeok, taking the time to look around the attic once more.

you both got a bunch of work up here done fast, but as the hours dragged on it felt like you were there for eternity. you're sure the spiders would appreciate you not ruining their webs. just as you were about to climb down the ladder, a strange paper stuck out from underneath the box you were looking through earlier.

you crouched down, lifting the box up and grabbing the slip of paper. it had intricate markings all over it, in a language unknown to you. it looked like something you'd see on a jiangshi, covering their faces in those old horror movies you'd find at a beatdown dvd shop. "are you coming?" minhyeok yelled from below.

you stuffed the slip of paper in your pocket, hurrying down the ladder before he called for you again.

________

minhyeok placed a $50 bill in your hand, "make sure you just get ingredients for dinner tonight. i'll make whatever you're craving, but don't get anything else." he warned you, his pointer finger up and reprimanding you. you rolled your eyes, smiling at the boy, "dont worry. i'm not gonna bring home a cake again for dinner. i've learned my lesson from last time."

he crossed his arms and raised an eyebrow at you, as if to say 'really?' "okay okay, i promise i wont," you sighed, "though it would be good for dessert." you murmured under your breath. "what was that?" minhyeok raised an eyebrow at you.

"nothing! im going now, ill be back soon." you waved him goodbye and quickly left, not staying any longer to face what wrath he may have. the last time you brought a cake home for dinner he was outraged and scolded you for a long time. he even went over all the lack of nutrition it would provide and how you need more than just fat and 500 calories. you still wondered how even remembered all the nutrition facts a human being needs.

the sun was starting to set, painting the neighborhood a beautiful gradient of orange to pink. the air was warm but moist, birds chirping softly and flying around. the clouds were streaked across the sky, painting the whole world as though it came from a renaissance painting.

you turned the corner and walked into the small market. memories from when you were younger came to your mind. when your parents had died, minhyeok's were more than happy to take you into their family. most of your own family wasnt alive. your parents were single-children, having no siblings. their parents had died and you had no idea if you had any cousins.

though despite what happened, minhyeok's parents gave you a wonderful childhood. growing up with them allowed you to still have a somewhat normal childhood despite the tragedy of your parents.

________

"thank you!" the lady at the register said as you walked out the door. hopefully minhyeok was okay with having chicken alfredo. after all, there wasnt a whole lot you could get from $50 at the store, even the one cheapest and closest to the house.

even thinking about food alone had you hungry, your stomach already grumbling from how empty it was. it seemed working around in the attic took more energy from you than you had thought.

the sky had turned black, the stars appearing softly in the sky. if you squinted your eyes hard enough you could've made out the big dipper, maybe find the north star if you paid enough attention. though you didnt think you'd spent that much time in the store.

the streetlights weren't on yet either, making the road quite dark and hard to see without any source of light. pulling out your phone and turning the flashlight on, you followed the sidewalk and tried to navigate your way back. it was strange, how often you'd come at night and know the way home like the back of your hand. but all the sudden, it was like you had been here for the first time ever.

your skin was cold, goosebumps forming as you looked around. nothing felt familiar, rather everything was foreign to you. you couldn't recollect where to to turn or how far along the sidewalk to go.

"how unfortunate for you." a voice murmured, making you whip your head around. there was no one standing there, yet it sounded as though it came from right behind you. as though someone had whispered it into your left ear.

"hello?" you called, eyebrows knitting together in confusion yet your heart race increased slightly to the paranoia. were you lost? was someone following you?

"be not afraid, child of our heavenly father. thou hast sought protection, and protection has cometh to thee." the voice said as one streetlight turned on. there was no one underneath it, but it showed how foggy the area had become. the fog was so thick you werent able to see any buildings in sight, not even a shadow or two casted upon or from them.

"be not afraid, for i am one of our heavenly father's servants. i shall provide thou light, as thou see fit. i shall provide protection, as thou shall see fit. i shall provide guidance to thee."

you werent sure what it meant, or what exactly it was saying. something about its tone made you uneasy, your feeling of hunger gone and your blood pumping through your veins. something about the whole situation made you feel weird, your gut telling you to run yet your brain was confused. mixed signals were sent all about your body, confusion evident in your legs as to run or not.

"follow my voice, child of our heavenly father. for i am one to guide you home." something about it made you slowly walk forward, your legs ignoring the warning signals you were getting from your heart. your amygdala was telling you to run, yet your legs continued walking towards the voice unwillingly.

it was like your body wasnt even yours anymore, rather you were a vessel within it.

"yes, come to me my child. for i shall provide what you seek most." it whispered, though this time it was as though it was said in both your ears at different times. like someone said it in your right ear first than repeated it in your left. echoing amongst the street itself, it remained softly as though it was spoken in a cave.

"come closer to me, innocent lamb of mine. fear not of me, for thou hast no need." the voice sounded closer this time, almost embracing you. until a harsh grunt came from it, and soon the fog cleared from your vision.

lied in front of you, wings long and covering the whole street itself, covered in white stained with red was a humanoid figure. their head was bent down, gasping for air as their hands held onto their stomach. behind them stood another being, dressed in white and eyes narrowing at the one on the ground.

"disgusting how you call yourself a servant of god yet destroy his creations." the person sneered. they had a saint peter's cross in their eyes and on their forehead.

their eyes flickered from the one beneath them and towards you, widening upon seeing your form. as though a wave of recognition had hit them, they quickly ran towards you. your body was stuck in place, unable to run anywhere or turn your head away.

"is it really you?" they whispered, dropping the scythe in their hand. it was long and red, yet dripping of a red substance. their hands hovered over your cheeks, yet not touching them before the being dropped to their knees. "child of solomon, his wisest and greatest, i have found you at last."

the being started to laugh, almost crying at the same time. "child of solomon, how happy i am to see you. the key to all success and to hell's future!" they praised, grabbing at your shoes and staring up at your face. "please, child of solomon! theres no time! i need a contract with you, please!" they pleaded.

"gabriel will rise again soon! he can only be stopped for so long! please! make a contract with me, child of solomon, and i shall protect you from him!" they pleaded, hands moving from your shoes to your legs as they nuzzled their face into your stomach.

just as they had said, the being called gabriel had started to breath again without gasping. white scythe beside him, he grabbed at it and started to stand. his wings flexed themselves out and stared at you with fury in his eye.

"fine! fine!" you yelled, taking the person's head in your hands. "how do i make a contract?" the person smiled widely, "you draw a pentagram on my tongue, and i shall receive the strength needed to protect you." he said before opening his mouth and sticking his tongue out.

you wondered if it was a trick, yet it seemed as though gabriel wasnt going to wait around forever. he was already raising his scythe and stumbling over to where you stood. quickly, you made a messy pentagram with your pointer finger on their tongue. the lines started to glow white on their tongue until the full pentagram was painted.

bright light seemed to cover you both, as their body shook and their eyes rolled to the back of their head. their eyes glowed white as they smiled widely. soon the light dissipated and the being before you jumped to their feet. they grabbed the red scythe beside you and rushed at gabriel.

you looked away from the fight, bright white clashing against red as yells and grunts from gabriel rung throughout the air until their was no more sound.

you looked back, only to find that gabriel was no longer there and the being left stood heaving. a burning pain etched into the palm of your left hand. a sigil displayed itself, a pentagram; the mark of satan. your eyes looked back to the person, before asking, "who are you?"

"i am satan, embodiment of wrath one of the seven kings of hell." he smiled, eyes returning to red with black saint peter's crosses for pupils. "there's no time to explain, come to hell with me! i will explain everything there, but hell needs you, child of solomon!" he held out his hand for you to take.

[zooone]

hi friends!

despite not being as active, i felt like there was a need to speak on the elephant in the room. this is not at all in any way me taking sides for anything nor is it me being unsupportive of victims of domestic abuse. i just wanted to let the status of my blog be known.

until things are confirmed (and that doesnt mean there should be a rush to confirm anything, as shubble tweeted), i wont be posting about wilbur or lovejoy or anything of the sort. i feel that its the right decision as of now.

my blog will of course stay up, as will my fics, but i wont continue writing for wilbur. and if the claims turn out to be true, ill take down my fics in respect of that.

what will my blog look like now? in entire honesty, im not sure. ive been wanting to become an oc blog for quite a while now but theyre so sacred to flore and i, and im not sure if people will like it or not. regardless, if i get the okay from flore, the blog has the Potential of becoming something for my ocs :,) if not, maybe a new interest will take place of it >.< but rn my main interest is my ocs

still, however, this blog will always be a place in which you can talk to me. i dont want to let go of that prospect since its the point of the creation of this account, and i love interacting with each and every one of you. do not be afraid to talk !

i hope this could answer things about the future of my blog :^) <3 if you have any questions, lmk ! or if you just wish to talk, i am here. however, this was not the only goal of this post;

as i stated before, this is in no way me trying to steer the discussion away from the issue at hand, nor is it me trying to state what i believe and what i dont, and nor is it me trying to pressure shubble to name her abuser. no matter who it was, it was still abuse, and my love goes out to shubble as well as every single domestic abuse victim out there. you are all incredibly strong and deserving of so much more. i wish you all health and healing always 💝 i have some resources below for anyone struggling with this !

800-799-7233

the national domestic violence hotline

local resource search

what is domestic abuse / common questions

what is domestic abuse / common signs of domestic abuse

all of these links have a button to quickly exit the website, just in case <3 this is also only a mere fraction of ways that you can get help. if anyone has more resources, feel free to let me know!

again, my heart goes out to all the victims out there who struggle with this awful situation. i wish everyone the best as always

[maiverie]

( ୨୧ ) ── ꒰ update ! ꒱

hi hi everyone !! just wanted to share a super quick update <3 i know this account hasn't been properly active in a month so i firstly wanted to apologise for the inactivity and also keep u all in the loop abt what i have planned in the future :>

( note : it's kinda late here so i'll answer asks tmr :0 <3 )

ㅤㅤ↳ the reason for my inactivity is quite multifactorial but boils down to a lack of motivation to write / be on tumblr + many commitments irl !! ive been working + studying a lot, which has kept me busy :(

ㅤㅤ↳ i don't have plans to deactivate this acc or anything so don't be concerned about that!! not that anyone would even care saslkddjsj just wanna put that out there!! i still very much have a passion for writing, though admittedly my motivation has taken a bit of a hit. nothing really to do with you guys / tumblr,,, i think i just have a tendency to overthink things and sometimes writing can be stressful when ur brain literally mf hates itself :’>

ㅤㅤ↳ a few months ago i reached a new milestone (4 digits!!! that is literally so effing slay IM CRYING) but didn't get the chance to say anything soooo THANK U ALL SOOO MUCHHHH AAAA im seriously in awe at that number because tbh i really don't feel like i've achieved much w this acc T_T sometimes im super embarrassed that my masterlist is so puny and i've only got the one completed fic,, but reaching such a cool milestone is more than enough for me to be utterly grateful. in saying that, i'm so so so sorry abt how horrible my updating schedule is :’’> i'll definitely try to work on it and be more consistent :( in the meantime, if anyone has any idea on like milestone ideas then pls pls pls lmk *-* <333

ㅤㅤ↳ anyways, if you're wondering what my plans are next, the first thing i want to do is update & finally complete triage !!! i have about 2-3k written so far but the final chapter will probably reach 7k+ (kms) :’’> i have sm wips i want to publish and start, but i probably won't do anything about them until my other ongoing fics (misconduct and doublespeak) are on a somewhat steady trajectory to getting finished (i.e. i have a good understanding of where they're headed).

ㅤㅤ↳ to any moots that are reading this (but tbh blr literally looks so dead that i wouldn't even be surprised if nobody sees / reads this HAHAHS), i will defs catch up on all ur updates <33 i really wanna be active again on this acc so ill probably be reaching out sometime soon to say hi :’>

ㅤㅤ↳ lastly, i noticed some people are recommending my fics and asldk;fjl;kjew im literally crying like it genuinely makes me so happy that people are even reading my shit like?? hello?? yall got some questionable ass taste but tysm for enjoying my fics :< i gen love yall sm u !! don't !! even !! know !! sooo yeah thank you so much for all the likes, comments, reblogs, recommendations, or any other sliver of interaction bc yall are the best and i love writing and i love enhypen and i love u all MWAH MWAH MWAH !! anyway i'm probably gna sleep now but tysm for reading this long ass post aksjjadjss ill answer asks tmr!!!

ㅤㅤ— lots and lots of luv from mai <333

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[lukeyhughes]

so the other day i reblogged a post and vagued about my issues with gk’s framing of iraqi tragedies in the tags, which was then replied to and that reply was circulated. while the reply was awesome/insightful/interesting i feel like my original point sorta got lost in the shuffle. i wasnt going to make a post about this for a bit but i feel like its been consuming my thoughts all day so i’ll elaborate what i meant under the cut! 

gen kill is david simon show, so like all david simon shows the thesis is “people exist in inside of a broken system.” in this case, the broken system is the marine corps chain of command and the people are the marines who have to carry out senseless orders. this is shown in many ways, including pointless dangerous missions (see: the bridge, danger close, etc.), how capable enlisted men are vs. most officers, how the “only good officer” nate is punished for rational choices, and how the marines have their spirits crushed because they are forced to senselessly kill iraqi civilians.

when i was in first year of undergrad i took an african studies class that in one seminar problematicized coverage of the Rwandan Genocide: how many times have you heard/read a Romeo Dallaire interview/account? how many times have you read/heard an interview from a genocide survivor? how many times have you seen pictures of bodies/skulls of genocide victims? the answer for the average person is a lot, hardly ever, a lot. with the iraq invasion, the questions would be: how many times have you heard the accounts of coalition soldiers about the iraq war across media types? how many times have you heard accounts of it from the iraqi civilian perspective? how many times have you seen statistics regarding the amount of iraqi civilian casualties? a lot, hardly ever, a lot.

that is all to say that in western media/society we are very comfortable listening to white narratives and just seeing brown bodies, which translates into only hearing white narratives of the tragedies of the deaths of others in foreign countries. in generation kill, iraqi civilian casualties/fatalities/tragedies are framed so that we feel sympathy for the marines that caused them as opposed to those suffering. that is not to say that we as the audience do not feel sympathy (i certainly do!) but it is because of our own internal empathy, not the narrative framing of the show.

let’s take a look at three of the biggest cases of iraqi civilian tragedy and how they’re framed in the show:

first, when rudy goes up to the roadblock and sees the dead little girl in episode 4. we get quite a few shots of the father’s shell-shocked face, but just as many are shots of rudy’s horror/sadness; we watch him walk away from behind from rudy’s perspective and we see that rudy is unable to look away from them. rudy didn’t actually have anything to do with it (aside from abetting i suppose), but even when he gets back to camp the show makes sure to illustrate how affected by it he is, ignoring brad and ray who call out to him. this one is actually surprisingly gk’s best example of eliciting sympathy for iraqi casualties; however, the focus of the scene is still on rudy and the father’s reaction is still mostly used to contribute to rudy’s guilt/horror.

the next scene is the little shepherd boys who were shot by trombley while out with their camels. we see the mom crying over her son, but its basically background noise and is if anything used to further the marines’ (particularly brad and doc bryan to a lesser extent) guilt at causing the situation. we know this because her actions don’t exist independently: they are used for the marines to react to. we also get considerably more shots of marines looking on in horror than her crying about her son. brad’s guilt/sadness about the subject is dwelled on for about twenty minutes over the next two episodes, longer than any of the actual victims’ screen-time dedicated to their feelings combined.

the worst scene is the man in the white car, which sets off the main drama for the next episode. we get why walt did it- the show goes out of its way to make sure that we do- but at the end of the day a man is still dead, likely for no reason. in the aftermath we get about a hundred heartbreaking shots of walt’s shocked face, with a few of brad thrown in as well. on the other hand, we get no shots of the people in the car being horrified at seeing someone they know lobotomized. we just see them run away, no sadness no horror no nothing: from the show’s narrative perspective, this man’s death has no impact on anybody except for walt and the other marines. to make matters worse the man’s face is only shown when the marines notice how horrifyingly disfigured his body is; to me this is robbing the real man of his dignity even in death. 

let’s take a step back and look at gen kill’s general portrayal of iraqis. we don’t really get to see the marines interact with civilians until they reach baghdad when they go into rundown neighbourhoods. here, the iraqi men are portrayed as greedy and dumb, cutting in front of children and not understanding that there are other types of government. that’s not to say that that didn’t happen in real life- i’m sure it did- but it’s essentially the ONLY view of iraq civilians we get: ignorant, greedy, backwards, etc. deadass the only sympathetic iraqi characters in episode 7 are children, where we get a couple of UNICEF-esque shots of doc bryan holding crying kids to drive home that guilt factor. i bring this up because it means that the iraqi characters are not written so that you feel bad for them or empathize with their terrible situation. instead, the narrative wants you to empathize with the marines (in this case, particularly nate) who feel guilty for causing this chaos that they can’t do anything to fix it. 

the only other time iraqi civilians even have lines is when a refugee women tells brad about how he is destroying her home, but even then the point of that isn’t really her pain but how brad feels guilty/ashamed about what the usmc (an institution that is part of identity more than anyone else) is doing that; also she’s attacking brad who really had nothing to do with the baghdad situation and already feels guilty about other things, so its just creating more material for brad’s identity/guilt crisis and our sympathies for it.

all of this to say is that in basically every single case civilian tragedies don’t exist in the narrative on their own: they are used for the marine main characters to react to: the village. the truck crew. the men at the roadside. even the syrian student.

also @sunnygreys replied to some tags i made alluding to this issue. you should read what they wrote bc it’s a really interesting counterweight to what i’m saying and offers a different perspective. but anyway basically they mention certain lines where people are like “no ones forcing us to be here.” particularly notable was when godfather says that no one is forced to be here because they’re all volunteers in episode 3. my view of this has always been that saying that is ignorance on his part and another symptom of the broken command system. godfather chose to be career military,  he chose to accept the mission, he chose to change the ROE, etc: there was no gun to his head. for the enlisted men, the ones on the bottom who actually carried out the mission that injured the boys, they are pretty much being forced to be there by their circumstances. out of all the marines we interact with in the series, im pretty sure brad is the only enlisted man who comes from wealth and by extension had other options, while most others either implicitly or explicitly grew up in impoverished/unstable households: poverty is the new draft. thats sorta between the lines, but i imagine david simon knows that because of his previous work on poverty. what isnt between the lines is that the command system DOES force men in lower ranks to “be there” and carry out order: they can get NJPed for disobeying, they sign contracts that they’ll be dishonourably discharged and lose their benefits if they break, etc. there’s no gun to their head physically but metaphorically its pretty close. to me at least, those lines are not narratively placed to make us sympathize less with the marine main characters but instead to make us sympathize with them even more, because it shows how disconnected command really is. david simon is a huge dick irl but he’s a really clever writer.

again, i reiterate that we as the audience likely feel sympathy for the iraqi population because for most people its naturally sad when people die/get injured/etc. i think a lot of points i made and ones made by @sunnygreys can be mutually true, but the main difference being that i really don’t believe that gk’s intention was to make us step back and reflect on our sympathy with the “oppressors:” i really do think that’s who the show intends for us to sympathize with most based on their choices in camera shots, who says what, etc. that doesn’t mean we can’t step back and reflect, as i hope many of us have, i just think that was an unintended consequence. (if i’m misconstruing what you said please lmk and ill edit!)

that being said, can’t think of a way that generation kill could have done better in this regard based on the book/characters it had. the marines ARE the main characters and by conventional standards its their narrative/feelings/growth that matters. but just because there may have been no other way doesn’t make it unproblematic. its another example of western media using violence against nameless, distant foreigners for their own horror. 

there are people wandering this earth who are dealing with the loss of the man in the white car, the little girl at the roadblock, an entire village. those little boys, if they’re still alive, probably have to deal with the severe injuries they got when they were shot by marines. those slums of baghdad may still be in unstable today and have likely lost community members due to sanitation/hunger/violence. imagine knowing that there is a show out there where you or your loved ones are being used as a plot device to make viewers feel sympathy for the ones who put you in those positions. i sympathize deeply with the marines of GK, but i can imagine how hard it would be to be in the iraqi population’s place watching yourself and your experiences interpreted in a way dissociated from your own suffering so that the primary victimhood can be placed on the ones who did it to you. 

in conclusion, i love gen kill a lot. i love the story and the characters, and i think its an effective story in terms of achieving what it seeks to achieve. i think it’s okay to love something and be critical of it. also if western media companies weren’t cowards and weren’t scared of losing american military financial contributions they would make a miniseries about the iraqi people who were terrorized by american invaders, including the ones we love in gk!

[coldasyou]

Hi, Penny! If you don't mind my asking, what was the process to get hospitalized like? My mental illness has been so bad lately and I just feel so unsafe and hopeless and like I can't do anything and I really think I could benefit from being in a safe space where I actively get help for my recovery. But I don't know what professionals I need to talk to and I don't know how to tell my mom and I don't know which goes first?

I’m happy to answer any questions! I was really scared about the unknown but it ended up helping a lot.

First, I’d research what type of inpatient programs are near you. For me, I had the option of going to a psych hospital that was part of a university hospital and a privately owned treatment center. I went to the former bc they had a unit just for young adults and it was closer to home, although my insurance covered both types. Some hospital systems don’t have separate psych hospitals and so they keep psych patients in the ER, on a specific floor, or in the general hospital. Try to make sure if you’re going to a local hospital that have a separate psych hospital; the care tends to be better bc it’s the sole focus of the hospital and you’ll have access to doctors who specialize in those issues. 

Once you have found a place to go I’d tell your mother and explain why you feel like you need to be hospitalized. I’m 20 so idk how this will work if you’re under 18, but if you are your mom will probably play a bigger part in everything. Look at how the hospital you pick does intake process. The private hospital I looked at has you call ahead and then come into an intake interview and then will decide if you need to be hospitalized. If you did, they had a bed available already. Larger hospitals tend to be a lot more busy and don’t always have beds available so you may have to wait. 

The hospital I went to made me go through the ER like every other patient and from what I’ve read going to the ER is the best way to get somewhere safe quickly. You get treated like someone coming in for any other injury or illness; they take blood, temperature, blood pressure, ect. A lot of this is going to depend on how quickly the ER can take you in; I was very lucky, they had a nurse to evaluate me immediately so I was never in the waiting room, then I was moved to the psych section of the ER, and by midnight of that day I was moved to the psych hospital. However it can take as much as three days waiting in the ER before they have a bed for you so be aware of that. You can’t have your phone for privacy reasons, but the place I went had individual beds separated by walls and one curtain, a TV for each room that plays basic cable, a phone you can use to call anyone you want, and food whenever you request it. Try to come in around 10 am-3 pm since there’s likely going to be more staff available then and you won’t have to wait long before even being checked in.

While you’re in the ER, they have either a psychiatrist, a social worker, or a nurse practitioner interview you. I think it’s usually in person but bc of COVID I did it over skype. They ask a lot of questions that if you’ve ever been to therapy you know; do you feeling like hurting yourself or others, what medications are you on, what are you struggling with ect. If they determine you need to be hospitalized (and they will basically no matter what if you have plans or thoughts to commit suicide) you just wait until a bed is available for you in the psych ward/hospital.

This is pretty specific to my experience so if you have a therapist I would recommend talking to them first just bc they’ll know what local treatment options you have and how to get into one. If you feel like you can safely tell your mom, I’d tell her after talking to the therapist. I hope this helped some and lmk if you have any more questions!

[sagesspagesblog]

Hahaha No. Results

What is funny now? Sure, Tumblr is its own brand of hilarious, but let’s be real. Jokes, being funny, and all comedy in general is subjective, and what some people find funny others don’t. 

So I asked my friends, what’s funny to them? Here are some of my favorite answers to some questions I asked. 27 people answered, and hopefully the more I do these, more people I reach out too, more will! So here it is:

Q Do you think you're funny?

37% Yes

29.6% Maybe 

7.4% No

“My jokes are like a broken pencil, they are stupid and they have no point” (okay, someone must’ve googled that)

Q On a Scale of 1-10, how funny are you? 

Q What do you think your style of humor is? 

“Dark, sarcastic”

“Like weird but basic weird like little things like the shape of phineas’s head make me laugh cry” (they mean Phinneas from Phinneas and Ferb) 

“a darker more specialized humor, with the basis of ambiguous terms used in conversation.”

“I’ll laugh at the dumbest things but I also understand real humor, like Lele Pons humor is (the gross emoji)”

“I think my style of humor is weird. I sometimes say things that I think is funny but no one actually understands it. My dad also told me I have a dry sense of humor.”

Many people said dark humor, which I thought was super interesting, because all the people who answered are all “gen Z” and we, as a generation, are known for that sense of humor.

Q Do you make fun of others? If so, does it go well? 

“depends on how close we are,, if we are then yea it’s usually a 2 way thing where we both jokingly insult each other”

“Never over anything serious, that might be an insecurity, or that isn’t a choice they’ve made”

“Only the closer people (like I’d call you out on your socks not matching) it goes kinda well”

The thing is, I think we make fun of people too much, that’s why I asked the question, I feel like we underestimate how we make fun of people, and I’m no saint too. There were a lot of people who said, sometimes, yes, or maybe and didn’t explain why. (You can’t win em all.) But I think that’s them underestimating what they think of their humor. But lmk what you think. 

Q Do you think trauma and comedy are tied together? 

Many people said yes, but I like this one person. They said: 

“It just depends on your viewpoint” I think that’s true in regards to comedy. And in the eyes of the viewer, anything tragic can be funny, but when does it go too far? (Crap. That was an awesome question I didn’t write down. Maybe next time?)

“I thinking it’s a destructive sense of coping, because the self deprecating humor comes at your own expense and more serious issues a person has the worst it feels.”

“I think it is better to be able to laugh about something than allow it to get the better of you and traumatize you. Of course their are some things that just simply aren’t funny but if you can see the bright side of it then I think you should make it funny.”

Q Does some dark humor make you feel uncomfortable? 

(Those two were on the bottom page) 

Q If it makes you uncomfortable, explain why. If not, explain why not.

“I usually get uncomfortable when it’s someone of privilege making fun of something that didn’t affect them (white kids making racial jokes, a catholic cracking about the holocaust, gay jokes from cishets, etc.). Something about making fun of someone else’s struggle rubs me the wrong way“

“Being super duper sensitive to topics to the point where say you can’t say the word gun in front of a person or they’ll freak out and go on a whole rant of why gun control should/shouldn’t be a thing gets very irritating and isn’t the greatest way to live life”

“Sometimes if a person is using dark humor just to be edgy and not to actually make a good or relevant point, it makes me uncomfortable because they just end up being an asshole who can end up making fun of something they don’t understand for easy laughs”

“If they’re taken too far, obviously they’re not jokes any more. If they’re surface-level jokes, they’re fine and funny”

“anyone has the right to say what they want about those things”

(Thanks, guys. )

Q How do you feel about comedians making jokes about race/ethnicities?

“I feel like you shouldn’t make degrading jokes about an ethnicity/race that you aren’t a part of, but like the joke “no one will ever feel more loved than when a black grandma rubs your back and says ‘it’s okay sugar’” or something like that where it’s light hearted and in a way complimenting that race it should be fine”

“I think it’s common for everybody to make fun of their own race or in the city however it becomes a sensitive topic when they target a different race or ethnicity. it’s the sense of you don’t know so you don’t have the right to talk about it.“

Q Do you feel like there should be restrictions on what we make jokes about today?

Many many people said no to this one. I think its because they make jokes like these too. If you’ve ever seen the Marvelous Mrs. Mazel, you know it was BAD in the olden days. 

“I don’t think regulating humor is productive. People who make jokes in ill taste often do so because they don’t understand its wrong, and policing them could do more harm than good by pushing them into more extreme and hateful social circles. I’m a full supporter of civil deprogramming and explaining why something is hurtful”

“no, everyone has their sense of humor and an audience that will enjoy it just because it’s not your sense of humor does it mean you need to demean Or restrict them as long as they’re not oppressing other people.”

“I think as long as the joke is respectful and you know who you are saying it to and to what extent you say it, it is better to live in a world where we laugh than and learn than cry and learn.“

“Hmm not restrictions I just think sometimes people should have a little more respect??? Yk like not making fun of disabled people and such.”

“Yes, there are some restrictions when it comes to race and gender politics”

“Yes but very loose restrictions”

I also got some yes’s too. It’s pretty divided through and through. LMK what you think. 

And Finally. Q So, since it's about jokes, tell me something funny! Or, roast me if you so dare!!!!

“a hispanic magician tells the audience he will disappear on 3. He says “uno, dos-“ *poof* and disappears without a tres”

“My grandma found my tik tok account and sent all of my videos to her friends.” (This one KILLED ME)

“Gonna take this time to say that John Mulaney’s stand ups are on Netflix”

“Dude I’m only funny in person. Can’t help here”

“Yes”

And with that. That’s my “HAHAHA. no.” Survey. I hope you liked my answers and if you reached the end, let me know what you think, as well as other survey ideas. I love doing these so so much, and I hope you do too!

[lovvercore]

1-65 >:3C

uh oh… time to do this thing

1. Do you ever doubt the existence of others than you?

sometimes, but usually its me feeling like im not real

2. On a scale of 1-5, how afraid of the dark are you?

4, maybe 4.5

3. The person you would never want to meet?

s*ca

4. What is your favorite word?

hmmmm moonstruck

5. If you were a type of tree, what would you be?

aspen? ? ? ?

6. When you looked in the mirror this morning what was the first thing you thought?

i havent looked in a mirror all day

7. What shirt are you wearing?

plain black

8. What do you label yourself as?

uh gay emo nerd

9. Bright room or dark room?

dark

10. What were you doing at midnight last night?

sleeping maybe idk

11. Favorite age you’ve been so far?

hmmm probably rn, 14

12. Who told you they loved you last?

shrug….

13. Your worst enemy?

thinking emoji……… u know

14. What is your current desktop picture?

griffin cronching a banana

15. Do you like someone?

yea uwu

16. The last song you listened to?

for forever - dear evan hansen

17. You can press a button that will make any one person explode. Who would you blow up?

[thinking emoji]

18. Who would you really like to just punch in the face?

[thinking emoji]

19. If anyone could be your slave for a day, who would it be and what would they have to do?

i dont want a slave thanks!

20. What is your best physical attribute? (showing said attribute is optional)

uh uh uh eyes

21. If you were the opposite sex for one day, what would you look like and what would you do?

uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

22. Do you have a secret talent? If yes, what is it?

i dont think so tbh,,, im kinda open with what im “talented” at

23. What is one unique thing you’re afraid of?

i dont know exactly what this question is asking but ill say uhhh talking to people and annoying them and them being tired of me

24. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your disposal.

H i dont eat sandwiches often enough to answer this

25. You just found $100! How are you going to spend it?

clothes

26. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere in the world, but you have to leave immediately. Where are you going to go?

england

27. An angel appears out of Heaven and offers you a lifetime supply of the alcoholic beverage of your choice. “Be brand-specific” it says. Man! What are you gonna say about that? Even if you don’t drink booze there’s something you can figure out… so what’s it gonna be?

UH I DOnt drink bc im tiny but i guess mikes hard lemonade it sounds appealing

28. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place?

hhhh no straights unless i say theyre ok

29. What is your favorite expletive?

does thrussy count

30. Your house is on fire, holy shit! You have just enough time to run in there and grab ONE inanimate object. Don’t worry, your loved ones and pets have already made it out safely. So what’s the one thing you’re going to save from that blazing inferno?

fuck uh my phone would already be in my pocket so probs my backpack bc it has all of my super important stuff

31. You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?

oofa doofa most likely some stuff from an old discord chat lol

32. You got kicked out of the country for being a time-traveling heathen who sleeps with celebrities and has super-powers. But check out this cool shit… you can move to anywhere else in the world!

england.

33. The Celestial Gates Of Beyond have opened, much to your surprise because you didn’t think such a thing existed. Death appears. As it turns out, Death is actually a pretty cool entity, and happens to be in a fantastic mood. Death offers to return the friend/family-member/person/etc. of your choice to the living world. Who will you bring back?

heres the problem with this: i dont really…. know of many dead people. so i cant. answer this well.

34. What was your last dream about?

idk i have a shit memory something about my online friends being at my school and shenanigans started

35. Are you a good….[insert anything you’d like here]?

u never specified so rip i guess 

36. Have you ever been admitted to the hospital?

nope

37. Have you ever built a snowman?

yes

38. What is the color of your socks?

i think i wore sushi socks, theyre grey with som sushi on them

39. What type of music do you like?

a lot

40. Do you prefer sunrises or sunsets?

sunrises but im never awake for them :o

41. What is your favorite milkshake flavor?

cookies n creammmm

42. What football team do you support? (I will answer in terms of American football as well as soccer)

none

43. Do you have any scars?

yes, quite a few

44. What do you want to be when you graduate?

either an artist of some sort, a school counselor, orrrrr a teacher?? idk

45. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

skin type lol

46. Are you reliable?

id say so !

47. If you could ask your future self one question, what would it be?

are u a single btich

48. Do you hold grudges?

for some people c:

49. If you could breed two animals together to defy the laws of nature, what new animal would you create?

horse and bird. i want a pegasus. please.

50. What is the most unusual conversation you’ve ever had?

“ethan avery had such a glow up”

51. Are you a good liar?

thinking emoji

52. How long could you go without talking?

a long time……. id like to never talk again thanks

53. What has been you worst haircut/style?

i had an a line in 1st grade idr what it looked like

54. Have you ever baked your own cake?

yeah. ask me about the 8 pound cake

55. Can you do any accents other than your own?

yes. sometimes when im reading something or talking to myself while doing hw i go into a british accent im turning british

56. What do you like on your toast?

butter and raspberry jam

57. What is the last thing you drew a picture of?

me new oc bayani :o

58. What would be you dream car?

uhhhhh i dont,,,, know

59. Do you sing in the shower? Or do anything unusual in the shower? Explain.

yeah i sing a lot,,,,, like a lot,,,

60. Do you believe in aliens?

how self centered does someone have to be to think that theyre on the only planet that has living things in an infinite universe…..

61. Do you often read your horoscope?

no but i read zodiac posts a lot

62. What is your favorite letter of the alphabet?

u ;) aksudhfkasdjfkjsdh

63. Which is cooler: dinosaurs or dragons?

dragons

64. What do you think about babies?

sometimes theyre cute but from my experience they are hell and i dont like them

65. Freebie! Ask anything interesting you can think of.

u didnt specify sooooooooooooo lmk what this should b

[memedokies]

(almost) every anon ask since fall 2016

if u havent noticed i am BAD at answering asks so here’s a Big Dump of most of the asks i’ve gotten in the past few months

ps; i’ve excluded pokemon suggestions bc i plan on getting to them at some point

Hihihi!!! What brushes do you use in fire alpaca??  i dont do much in firealpaca (esp not lately lol) but when i did use it a lot i just used the fill bucket and the standard/default brush to fill in gaps n such lol! i dont really draw in it, i used flash/adobe animate for the lineart and just fill in color in firealpaca :3

when did you start animating?   uhh when i was around 11 or 12 when i started digital art i guess? i just used photoshop for the longest time then got flash when i was like 15 or so

 How did you get flash?  i got the creative cloud dealie, its technically required for my school :—-0 

 hello!! what are you majoring in in vcu?? im thinking about going there for college  im in communication arts! omg cool lmk if u come here ill tell u where to get the best bubble tea

 how many fps do you use for your wiggly animations? i work at 24 fps in flash on twos but just end up using photoshop’s 0 second frame delay/ “no delay”?

 Hey love your animations! What do you animate with?  adobe animate 2017! (previously flash) 

You mentioned a YouTube channel but I can’t seem to find a link to it? Do you post processes on there? https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCovvoZxlQjFaIA7A3w_94Zw theres not much atm but i plan on posting a lot more, including process/speedpaints! 

i really like your art style gosh darn!!! everythings so fluid and stylized and nice aaa (also ur animations are goals) do u have any tips for someone still developing their artstyle????  WAH TYSM!!!!! compile art you already like and incorporate aspects from their styles into yours, BUT dont limit urself to one style! if u like something then try it out! do straight up copies (as PRACTICE, DONT CLAIM IT as your own ofc) of stuff you like to see how they work and what you’re clicking with. spending time on fundamentals is MEGA helpful so keep going back to that too! USE REFERENCES!!! draw …from ur soul…what makes u ..FEEL good

 how do you make that burn effect on your lineart? it makes it your pieces look sharper and even more interesting, it’s super cool!!  when i used to use flash for lineart and firealpaca for coloring a lot, setting the lineart layer on BURN with the coloring layer seeping a lil past the lineart would get this effect automatically 

(like on the whiskers. u can see it gets a brighter brown(?) and the warmer yellow on the ears)

but since then i’ve been using sai+photoshop more so i just do it manually! i’ll use this funny pic of me and my cat as an example lol

^i select the lineart/everything i want the funky color around

^slam that INCREMENT button a couple times

^make a new layer under the lineart

^fill that puppo with ur preferred color! something brighter works best, or even straight up white

that’ll give you something like this

then i open it in photoshop

and i mess with the pink line layer’s blending mode..color burn usually does the trick but depending on the Look you’re going for, saturation, multiply and overlay have some similar effects that look cool. 

i also usually get rid of the outermost edge of pink line that’s visible around the lineart, just so it looks a little cleaner? to do that you just select around your lineart, increment/expand selection, and delete/erase in the selection of the pink line layer

uhh yeah! lmk if anyone needs clarification on this, i have some other #TIPS on makin ur art look crusty and funky so…lemme know if you’re interested :—3

What do you use to animate? And, a more specific question, how do you make transparent animated gifs? adobe animate 2017! (previously flash) i export my animation from flash as a png sequence then open it in photoshop, where the background will be transparent and save it as a gif from there nyaaa

if anyone needs more clarification lmk and i’ll make a proper walkthrough :-0

 Hello!! Ur art is rlly pretty and so inspirational and nice to look at!! 💗💗 I was wonderin’ if ya had any tips on choosing shapes for characters? Like, when you draw shapes for a certain character, it looks rlly like it fits with the character’s personality n stuff!! ( e.g: Your Love Live! drawings!! The characters look so good in your style.) I’ve always admired how u did that n was hoping for some tips maybe?? Anyways, have a good day!!💛💖💟💜💝💞💖 HOOGA!! TYSM!!! and YEA you basically guessed it, i mainly just think about the character’s personality and translate that into a shape or Pheeling… 

especially for anime characters i look at the Very Subtle differences in the character’s original design..or possibly canon implications…for example kotori has slightly different eyes (it also says on her wiki page she has soft droopy eyes!) so i make sure to incorporate that Detãile

 anime wiki pages that have details like that is nice, for love live they have cute lil “charm points” which is really cool n helpful! listening to how a character is described in their world can give clues to what differentiates them which you can make more clear in your design

taking into account each characters context is good too, what they do/hobby/personality and how that could affect their appearance/posture/attitude

 YEAH its really fun to figure out certain characteristics and make it evident in their appearance! or. idk thats just what i do lol. hopefully this helps!

Have you ever seen the anime jojos bizarre adventure? alas i have not..i have some friends whom are into it so i’ll prob end up watching it sometime lol

sorry if this is obvious but!! are you the creator of Fork and Knife: Food Fighters?? your gif of fork is super cute btw!! yes i am!! wah tysm!!

Hey my little sister found your animation on an online art gallery and she really loved it! omg cool, thanks so much!!

Your style is so lovely!! OHG thanks!

your blog is so precious i love it a lot! your art is so cute too ^u^ waa thanks!!

Your art and animations art really cool! Keep up the good work! You are amazing!! aahg thank you!! :’333

 your art is fuckening amazing hh broe…tysm

 Oh my gee, I used to follow you on Deviant Art, and now here I am, finding you on accident. You’re still as talented as ever. =w= b hUIOpugh deviantart, my homeland..my origin.. thank you!!!

- O mg I love your art! 💕💕💕 thank you!! heart emojis!!! 💖💖💖

- your art and animations give me so much inspiration, thank you! everything about your style is so fun and it cheers me up omg this validates my top tier goal in life, im so glad!! thank you SO much!

Your style is so charming and adorable ;__; thank you!!

ur art is so gross in the best way possible this is the biggest compliment ive gotten thank u so much. i love making gross squishy awful drawings

IM SO HAPPY I FOUND YOU!!!! IVE BEEN LOOKING FOR YOU FOR AGES!!!!!!!!! I LIVE FOR YOUR BEAUTIFUL ART!!!!!!!!! THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!! BHOLY CRAP THANK YOU!!!

 your art style is very cute ! 🌱 oohg thanks!! thanks for the little sprout emoji, i love her

GOOD ART!!!! good art good art good art EVERYWHERE I LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!! OHHGG THANK YUO

how do ya draw such cutely its driving me nuts Nuts NUTS !!! I LOVE SPARKLES AND BRIGHT COLORS AND FUNNY ANIMALS..its my lifeblood..thank u.. 

You’re a really rad artist! I’m Glad there’s some cool artists that are local! Have a good time at VCU! oh wow thanks!! 

Ur shapes r so good thanks i LOVE a nice wholesome shape!

I rlly like ur art style my dude thanks!! 

hi! just wanted to let u know that you’re wonderful and i wish u well in everything u do this is making me bVERY HAPPY THANK YOU SO MUCH!!

 Im love You!! IM L OVE YIOU

that meowth boy is so good. i love him as he is my son THANK YUO i too, love meowth a Lot

 I love how your art is basically lines and curves, it’s very cute oo thanks! 

i love your art style so much!! it’s so zesty? i cant think of a better word to describe but its like. zesty & refreshing & rly rly cool !!! THATS A BEAUTIFUL ADJECTIVE I LOVE IT thank u so much!!!

You seem like you would watch Osomatsu-san. I could see you drawin dem bois in you hella rad art style. osomatsu was the wildest ride of my life. tho i dont think i could physically be able to sit down and draw them seriously ever… 

 Pls make more angry cat comics theyr so halarious plllls 👀 more are on the way!!!!!!

Have you done a meet the artist i sketched one when the meme was still poppin..is it too late lol? maybe i’ll still do it