#if any of you put a stupid post like the one i just got reccomended through a tag onto my actual dash um. may just dont do that- yes?

[tonysaintborgi]

Feel free to respond tomorrow, I just don't wanna forget so I'm sending now!

I've tried products like that before but I'm not sure they work for me personally. To give a little insight into my particular flavor of ocd, I tier things into different categories of "dirty" and I cannot cross contaminate something cleaner with something dirtier, and it's hard for me to keep something like that in the clean category. I'm not sure why, maybe texture? My regular lotion is also hard and I have special protocols for it.

Tbh these loops come and go and I've never been sure how to break them. This one was triggered but they usually kinda just happen randomly

ough. well, again, perhaps this advice isn't as good as it could be, but after brainstorming I can think of a few ideas.

first, dr. bronners. i know, again, a product. and a soap at that! but here's what I Know: the secrets of life and love CAN be found on that label manifesto and if there was such a thing as a magic elixir it's bronners soap. every time I've had a skin irritation or anything, it really feels like bronners helps. put like a tablespoon of bronners into a squirtbottle and fill the rest with water and you'll have a perfect all purpose cleaner that you can smell. it certainly makes ME feel like things are just generally cleaner. again, this one may actually be bad advice for you, but I'm just throwing things at the wall and hoping they stick - and if they don't stick to the wall, at least, i got a reccomendation on what to use to clean that wall...

secondly, fight your impulses and brainrules with other impulses or brainrules. like that one post says, sometimes you gotta get a little ill to get well. make new rules! like "gross things cannot contaminate me without direct prolonged contact if I'm listening to the crisp clean sounds of Casiopea" - sure, it sounds stupid, but it may just work. and having to listen to Mint Jams when you wash your hands may sound annoying, but I'm assuming it's probably at worst an even trade-off for how annoying your brain is right now. and brains just fucking LOVE patterns like that. just keep telling it the smooth and crisp fusion vibes are part of cleanliness and they enhance the experience and fuckin... it might just eat it up!

third, a cleansing spell. mostly for the same reason as above. tell your brain you've not only physically cleaned the area but by lighting a few vibes candles and a temple incense you've also spiritually purified the area. help it feel like you're going above and beyond cleaning to scratch the itch(?).

equally, you could always purposefully go out of your way to make the area dirty, then clean it, to satisfy the need for cleanliness. again, scratching the itch. brain says that place is dirty even though logically it isn't? and cleaning a clean thing does fuck all. so maybe it's time to say, accidentally spill a can of tomato sauce or something and clean it up, showing brain that yeah dude the place IS clean

final idea, and perhaps the most hail mary remedial idea i can think of, is the Fast Tigers thing. squat/lay down (I'm assuming squatting is probably better in this situation) and tighten all of your muscles all over your body and hold for 5-10 seconds then release the tension. chemically tells your brain to chill.

again, idk how many of these will do you good, if any... i mean, I hope so! I hope something helps. I'll keep thinking, see if i can come up with anything. i haven't gotten stoned yet today so maybe something will come to me once I'm baked

[netheritenugget]

How To Fandom

Okay I’ve been really really wanting to write a masterpost about how to stay sane on this website for a while now, and I think it’s time.

So You Joined The Dream SMP Fandom/Basically Any Fandom.  You Feel Like You Are In Hell.  How Do You Keep Sane?

The block button is your friend.  Unless the person who has been blocked tries messaging you or interacting with your posts, then they’ll never find out they’ve been blocked.  You can also do something called “softblocking,” which is blocking and then unblocking them to make them unfollow you.  Chances are they might not even notice you’re no longer on their feed.  Block people who annoy you.  Block people who give you bad vibes.  Block everyone and anyone who makes you uncomfy.  It’s worth it.

Tag filter tag filter tag filter.  Tumblr has its own tag filtering option.  If you block the word “gore” it won’t block “gore tw” but it’s good to use because it will synch all your filtered tags between mobile and desktop.

If you use Chrome, you should install the New Xkit extension.  It has lots of different filtering options, like the option to block individual posts and all variations of them, blacklist words, hide advertisements, and more.  There’s also additional accessibility options.  Seriously I cannot reccomend being able to block posts enough, it’s extremely helpful for clearing your feed of the same annoying rants that keep popping up over and over again.

Turn off anon unless you’re comfortable with having it on.  Anon is a nice way for friendly shy people to message you, yes, but it’s not worth it if there’s people flooding your inbox with hate.  You are not a coward for wanting to see the faces of the people who felt the need to take the time out of their day to bait and harass you.  Anons harassing you this way want you to post their answers for others to see, because if it was just about making you feel bad, they’d PM you directly to tell you how much they hate you.  No, it’s about the fact that they can do it with zero repercussions.  Don’t let them get the chance.

Take breaks.  Log out of the app and have some food and water.

If you see a post that makes you angry, ask yourself if seeing the same topic in a week will make you just as angry.  Ask yourself if it’s worth it to spread that anger to others.  Is the information in the post verifiable?  Does it need repeating?  If the answer to any of these questions is “no” I suggest not spreading it.

If you’re about to argue with someone over their stupid opinions, ask yourself...  “Will this argument die out after five minutes?  Am I prepared if it goes on longer than that?  Is this person probably too stupid to comprehend that they’re a moron?” and if the answer is “yes” then just take the moral high ground and leave.

If you have a post you’re not sure about (maybe it’s controversial, or maybe you’re just feeling extra anxious today), save it to your drafts and come back to it later.  It may also help you find typos.

Posts that have already been made can be changed to “private” which will allow you to see them, but nobody else.

Alright Those Are Cool Tips!  How Do You Make Tumblr Better For Others?

Be respectful of other’s boundaries.  Unless you’re friends with a blog, do not assume they’re comfortable talking about absolutely everything with you.  The big blogs on this site don’t have social media managers, they’re not therapists, they’re just normal people who didn’t need to wake up to requests for feet pics.  Please be nice to them.

Don’t put unrelated character tags on your posts, it’s especially rude when I’m scrolling through the Eret tag and see unrelated fanart of different characters entirely.

Leave the “#m*neblr” and “#m*necraft” tags alone.  It’s not for us.  Use “#mcyt.”

When you trigger tag things like seizure warnings make sure you’re actually using the correct tag for such things.  For example if you’re tagging gifs for epilepsy warnings, “#epilepsy warning” is better than “#epilepsy” since the first tag is a warning, and the second tag is just the name of the medical condition itself. (Don’t have epilepsy, it’s just a good example)

I love it when people leave nice things on my posts!!  I love it so much!!!!! Putting things in the tags is nice if you think your comment might be cluttering, but you want others to see it don’t be shy about slapping it into the reblogs :)

Remember that there is a myriad of reasons someone might not have answered an ask you sent!  Tumblr really does eat asks sometimes for unknown reasons, the contents might not have made the recipient comfy, or they might have cleaned the inbox out, or they just might not have wanted to answer it.  The recipient might not be comfortable with you sending an ask about where the first one went, but if they are, please be polite and know they don’t have to answer you if they don’t want to!!

Sometimes fandom drama can get out of hand.  You know the author of the Dream Apologist Manifesto?  They got death threats.  Don’t contribute to harassment, no matter how much you think it’s deserved.  Don’t be that guy.

If anyone else has anything useful to add, feel free!

[lavenderjacobs]

true feelings #1 ~ quackity au

hey!  so this is gonna be a bit of a different post i’ve been wanting to write a multi-part series for a while now, but i was never sure what to write it about. then i figured that the highschool quackity au could have a lot of potential, so i’m just gonna try it out! 

anyways, hope u enjoy! im really proud of how this turned out, and if it’s received well i’m defenitly gonna write more parts to it! <3

(this whole post is gonna make a lot more sense if u read this post first :D)

also thank u sm for 300+ followers u are all very epic 

➳ wc; 0,7K ➳ tw; swearing  ➳ summary; the aftermath of kissing the stupidest boy in class. a boy that you always thought you hated. ➳ pronouns; she/her ➳ song reccomendation; 505 - arctic monkeys

the last two days have been hell. absolute hell. you didn’t realize how much you enjoyed being around Alex or talking to him until you forced yourself to ignore him. 

after what happened at the party friday, you’ve just completely forgotten how to act. everything in your life has lost structure. you had gone years, thinking you hated him. but no one, not even you, knew that that all turned out to be a facade to hide how you truly felt about Alex. 

he had kissed you. Alex had kissed you. and you crumbled completely under his touch. it’s like something shattered in your brain. this wasn’t supposed to happen. you were supposed to hate him. he’s such an idiot, he’s everything you despise, how could you ever love him? 

so, after it happened, you left the party immediately. after coming home, you checked your phone, and were greeted with countless missed calls and texts from Alex. 

‘where are you’ 

‘we really need to talk’

‘im sorry if i was out of line’ 

‘i didnt mean to freak you out’

‘answer my calls’

‘c’mon dont be like this’

and after about an hour of you ignoring his texts and calls, just a simple

‘fuck you then’ 

you completely broke down angry-crying after that. he was so- just so-.

that was the worst part. you didn’t hate him anymore. well, you hated him in a different way than you used to. you used to hate him for being his ignorant self. saying stupid shit in class, always seeking for attention, never keeping his mouth shut. but now you just hated him for being him. Alex with that stupid fucking beanie that he wore all the time. Alex and his adorable laugh. Alex who always smelled like pine and fresh rain. Alex with his goddamn dreamy eyes. Alex with lips, so fucking soft. you hated him. 

and now, after a weekend of ignoring your friends, your family, and most importantly, Alex, you had to go back to school. 

you sit on the edge of your bed, ready to leave. but the thought of running into Alex has you frozen. what the hell would you even say to him? “Hi Alex! sorry for completely ignoring you after you kissed me, i was just a bit busy crying over how much i hated you.” ..stupid. 

when you arrive at school, your friends bombard you with questions about where you’ve been this weekend. “oh, just...you know...busy with homework, nothing special.” you say to avoid any questions. if they found out you had spent all weekend crying over a boy your whole friend group despised, you’d be an absolute laughing stock for the rest of the year. your friends just keep chatting about some upcoming test, and head off to class, as you stay behind, getting your stuff from your locker. as you close it, an all to familiar face pops up behind you.

“you thought you got rid of me huh?” 

while internally screaming, you try your absolute hardest to seem unbothered. you roll your eyes at Alex as you put your books in your backpack and try to walk away from him. 

“seriously? you’re just not gonna talk to me?” he says while following you.

“why would I?” you answer him with raised eyebrows and a playfull expression.

“you’re literally so annoying.” this time he’s the one rolling his eyes. 

“oh yeah? then why did you kiss me?” 

your eyes immediately widen, as you realize what you just said. you can feel your face becoming a bright shade of red. Alex looks down on you with a stone-cold look on his face. you try your hardest to read the expression on his face, and to your surprise, for a split-second, he looks a bit hurt. 

he nods. “okay then. just forget it even happened.” 

as he walks away, you’re just left confused. 

 how where you ever supposed to forget it happened?

[plounce]

do u have any reccomendations for how to read only comics involving rictor and shatterstar?? i used to be into marvel comics so i am immune to the usual comic shenanigans but i would like to learn more about these boys

here is a guide to reading xmen comics for rictor and shatterstar, my favorite canon comics couple! they were the first on-panel gay kiss in a marvel comic! they’re very special to me!

OKAY SO... ok. for anyone else using this, here’s a standard disclaimer that obviously there’s gonna be a lot in these that just absolutely sucks because 1. the 90s, 2. comics are an extremely cishet white male dominated industry. i do not vouch for everything written in these comics, but i think the gaycoding that eventually gets canonized is worth wading through a lot of stupid bullshit and very ugly art.

quick backstory on these two: rictor is a mexican teenager who was kidnapped by an anti-mutant terrorist group and was rescued by x-factor (the original 5). he hung around their auxiliary teen group the x-terminators for most of x-factor, being a delightful little punk (wearing a sleeveless leather vest a lot of the time!) and hanging out with boom-boom (who i love) and then got put into the new mutants for a very short time (where he had a thing with rahne/wolfsbane), before it was dissolved and transformed into x-force when rob liefeld took over the title. rictor hates team leader 90sdude cable because he thinks cable killed his dad in front of him. he tends to be the snarky asshole on the team.

the first part of this article has a lot of little rictor moments i’m not covering here. if you want the full rictor experience, check out x-factor (1986) and !x-terminators! x-factor starts very slowly but it picks up and improves when the simonsons take the helm.

rictor left the team. shatterstar was introduced by liefeld - he’s an Emotionless Warrior Guy Who Loves To Fight from mojoworld (a planet run by a despot who produces tv. it’s Commentary), where he was forced to be a gladiator from birth and doesn’t know a lot of earth customs and doesn’t have emotions (or rather, he represses them). 

x-force (1991) feel free to read through all of it, but in case you just want to skip to these two, all of these issues have one or two good little Moments - just do some skimming. i tend to focus more on rictor than star in this era because star is made more interesting than Emotionless Warrior Guy by butting up against rictor:

13-16 (rictor rejoins his old new mutants friends)

19, 21-26 (the first phase of their relationship where they don’t really get along. in one of these issues rictor stares at star’s ass. big moment of star being autism-coded in here too)

29-30 (rictor drives shatterstar around and they seem to get along better, you get to learn a bit about star’s past, adam-x the x-treme is there)

32-33 (just some little moments of them hanging out, a couple good rictor lines)

34 (VERY IMPORTANT - rictor backstory issue! AND this has the first big Subtext moment: shatterstar reveals he learned spanish from tv so he and rictor can have “conversations of a highly -- personal nature” HELLO?)

35 (some little moments where you can see star and rictor are now Friends and star is affected by that friendship)

39-40 (more good friendship - rictor asks if star has been watching dating shows and they just seem close. rictor also has gotten a haircut! we learn shatterstar’s mojoworld designation! they ride some motorcycles!)

43 (VERY IMPORTANT - the two go to a club. rictor tells star he’s a virgin then asks him if he has a dick. i am not kidding this literally happens. star learns what sexual attraction feels like and says ‘i don’t know what emotions im supposed to attach to that’, and rictor tells him he’ll help him learn.)

44 (VERY IMPORTANT - rictor leaves the team because he doesn’t want to have the team communicate telepathically (VERY interesting for a character who is eventually revealed to have been a closeted gay man). shatterstar begs him not to leave - “you’re my best and only friend.” rictor tells him that if he ever needs him, he’ll come back.)

cable (1993) #22 (follows up directly on rictor leaving the team - star accompanies rictor to the airport and has a lot of Feelings and has great hair. “julio. one last time. please, change your mind. what am i going to do without you?” oh so you’re dependent on your best friend who you’re in love with? oh?)

45, 47-48 (star’s weird biology, star brings up rictor as his emotional touchstone in a situation where he isn’t relevant at all. also, a plotline where tabby gets treated terribly by her friends and the narrative!)

49 (VERY IMPORTANT - star wanders around at night wondering why rictor hasn’t contacted him yet. he goes to the club he and rictor went to in #43 and turns down a girl who hits on him. he thinks “i miss julio...” (in an earlier issue, rictor tells cable not to call him by his first name - “only my mom calls me that”), then beats up some homophobes in an alley. I AM NOT KIDDING.)

51-52 (51 has more weird star biology. 52 has two pages of star and james talking that is a nice look at star’s developing emotional state - the rest of 52 is a fight with one of marvel’s extremely fatphobic villains, just a warning to skip the rest of it. although the letter page of 52 has someone go HEY ARE RICTOR AND SHATTERSTAR IN LOVE? thank you roeland looman from the netherlands)

54-56 (the start of shatterstar’s weird bad benjamin russell backstory that is quickly forgotten, disregarded, and uncared about by everybody. BUT in 54, there is some extremely loud subtext where star’s feelings for rictor are explicitly compared to a het romance subplot!)

58 (star is very chill and flamboyant for like two pages, it’s great)

59-61 (VERY IMPORTANT - rictor returns because star Needs him in the midst of his identity crisis!! it’s so joyful and sweet for them both, and the subtext is so LOUD here - there’s just. so much going on, i won’t describe it all, but it’s very good content and their emotionally intimate relationship is very apparent - really excellent gaycoding. the weird shatterstar backstory wraps up circuitously and to no great effect, but the art in the last issue is very nice, and rictor’s plain and uncomplicated concern for star is great.)

63-65 (some little moments - shatterstar and rictor time travel and beat up some nazis, star has a lovely conversation with siryn,)

x-force/cable ‘97 (the team goes to asgard! the important thing is that star says some goofy “ah... warriors...” things, and then rictor teases star for liking delivery pizza. it’s very charming)

67 (they hang out with tabby in a van. shatterstar has pigtails!)

70 (VERY IMPORTANT - rictor and shatterstar exit the team together to go take down rictor’s crime family in mexico! they seem very devoted to each other. shatterstar’s hair is all the way down!)

post leaving x-force:

76 (VERY IMPORTANT - ricstar return for one issue - rictor gets held captive to force shatterstar to fight domino!)

x-force annual 1999 (VERY IMPORTANT - ricstar get their own story about what they’re doing in mexico! shatterstar has an ugly little goatee, but rictor looks great! they choose to share a room rather than sleep separately and then it kind of feels like they shared a bed! rictor has learned star’s alien language! they genuinely just seem so close and comfortable with each other, it’s incredible.) (if you’re using RTO, it’s within the rest of xforce’s issues)

they’re both in comics limbo for the first half of the 00s besides a couple random flavorless appearances. shatterstar at some point goes back to mojoworld to help with the war against mojo. then we hit peter david’s x-factor run in 2006, known as x-factor investigations (xfi). this directly follows the “house of m” event - what matters is that the vast majority of mutants have been depowered by the scarlet witch. rictor is one of them.

rictor is a main character of the team from the first issue (the series opens with him about to attempt suicide), so if you wanna read the run you can start from the beginning. x-factor is... well, there are worse-written comics. it’s an okay read, but i find PAD’s writing insufferable a lot of the time (he writes multiple man as a pretty blatant self insert, and literally every girl on the team wants to fuck him at some point or another). i read the whole thing and it’s decent comics, but you might want to skip to the ricstar.

PAD canonizes ricstar, which is great! but unfortunately: 1. he writes star as  “slutty bisexual just can’t stop wanting to fuck people besides his partner who is uncomfortable with that!”, which is biphobic and sucks hugely, especially since it feels so different from xforce original shatterstar (see this post). rictor also just seems so annoyed with him all the time, which also sucks - they’re best friends!! let rictor like his boyfriend!!

anyway. if you choose not to read all of xfi, here are the ricstar highlights:

first issue of xfi for rictor's horrible mental state after m-day

14 (jamie implies that star would be jealous of rictor hanging out with quicksilver)

43, 45, 49 (star reappears!! he’s mindcontrolled, but it gets fixed, and he and rictor have the first ever on panel gay kiss at marvel!! yaaaay!! then they talk about their relationship a little)

after issue #50 it changes the numbering, so if you’re using RCO youll have to go to xfactor (1986) #200 to continue

200 (SHATTERSTAR FIGHTS THE THING!)

continue to read between here for star apparently being unable to stop kissing people. sigh. star sleeps with adult layla, which... sigh. whatever

207-208 (rictor and shatterstar semi-resolve the stupid biphobic plotline, resolve to work on their relationship, rahne discovers them (she and rictor had been sleeping together earlier in xfi), rahne is pregnant and homophobic, rahne and star fight, star is a delightful bitch)

209 (shatterstar on a pirate ship. that's it)

210 (rictor confirms that he is gay and it wasn’t legit when he’s been with women. there’s a moment where it's like "oh star makes rictor laugh" which is epic)

211-212 (star is said to be frustrated about rictor and rahne, rahne’s baby’s actual dad is revealed)

213 (rictor and rahne mostly resolve their shit)

216 (star and monet hang out, star thinks monet tells him to pee on rictor, spiderman is there)

217 (there’s a joke about the longstanding theory that longshot and star are related, monet is revealed as muslim in a very dumb way)

220 (star and rahne have a pretty nice conversation about their relationships to rictor and rahne’s faith. rictor does an offscreen internalized homophobia)

221 (star and rahne continue to hang out but it’s not as good as the previous issue.)

222 (oh my god, rictor cares about shatterstar being hurt! rahne owns up to how she kind of treated rictor like shit!)

pop over to avengers: the children’s crusade (a young avengers miniseries with good ol’ billy/teddy and i like it! but if you don’t want to read the whole thing - rictor and shatterstar appear in #6, and rictor is the first mutant to be repowered! they’re more tender with each other over their five page appearance than they are in xfi, so it’s a balm)

225-226 (PAD decides the first thing rictor does with his powers is be a scab [DEEP SIGH], rictor and shatterstar discuss rictor getting his powers back, the biphobic plotline is resolved again kind of in a very PAD-y way)

235-236 (shatterstar gets to be the main character of a mini arc. fights a mojo guy)

238 (ricstar go with rahne to help her find her son)

242 (they find her son. not as important imo)

248 (oh my god... they joke together :) they like being around each other :) also shatterstar goodboy moment. then in 249 rictor’s life is spared bc of shatterstar’s goodboy moment)

259 (SHATTERSTAR’S CRAZY CONVOLUTED BACKSTORY THAT ACTUALLY MATTERS TO HIS CHARACTER! YAHOO! and star has a cute little bob)

after xfi wraps up, there’s a couple years of limbo before they appear in secret warriors (2017) #2-3 (end of #2 and most of #3), which is a big crossover event or something. i don’t know, it’s an inhumans comic, and as an xmen person i am contractually obligated to roll my eyes at the inhumans. ricstar both have mustaches, star doesn’t speak, and rictor has the ugliest costume ever (green tracksuit with no socks??) (tabby also has a terrible costume). it’s just more inhumans trying to be a match to the xmen and utterly failing to not look & act like total jackasses (except, of course, for kamala and moon girl). rictor’s jokes that daisy johnson should get more original powers (she also has seismic powers - rictor predates her!), and then daisy blows up the xmen’s jet. while it’s in the air. this is a very neat summary of most mutant-inhuman relations.

now we enter the current era of “on again off again” relationship limbo.

rictor appears next in iceman (2017). in #9 he states that he and star have apparently broken up offscreen! and then he hits on bobby! sina grace is a cool person but this writing decision is so... aghhh. the next issue he and bobby go out on a date and he’s immediately like “yeah i only have my eyes on star”, so it seems to be more “it’s complicated” than “we’re broken up for good.” he sticks around to help out with a mission in #10-11.

they’re on again in new mutants: dead souls, where rictor is a part of the team and he’s hilarious and has so many great lines! shatterstar also makes a couple cameos throughout and they’re all super sweet! they seem very domestic and comfortable and happy, i love their dynamic in this. my favorite shatterstar panel ever is in #6, where he is making rictor pancakes and is only wearing an apron. please ignore all the big plot things that happen at the end of this, especially everything with karma. they are stupid, dumb, and do not matter.

related to nm:ds, rictor appears in multiple man #1 as part of that team and looks very very cute. and he isn’t whitewashed like in nm:ds!

off again in the shatterstar (2018) miniseries. i have a lot of mixed feelings about this because i LOVE all the rictor stuff, the first issue codes shatterstar as autistic in a very characterful way, it doesn’t whitewash rictor for once, and the covers are GORGEOUS! but it also attempts to retcon a ton of star’s emotional backstory AND arc set out in xforce, casting a black woman as his emotionally manipulative ex. also star is a landlord (ew). my advice with this one is to treat all the flashbacks as not-really-canon since they suck.

star appears in extermination (2018) #3-4 and gets mind-controlled into trying to kill the time-displaced teen o5 (timetraveling baby cable is trying to put them back where they came from), and the art looks great and i feel really bad for him. rictor makes a follow-up cameo in uncanny x-men (2019) #9-10, where you can see that he’s at the school in order to visit shatterstar since he’s with cecelia reyes. he then goes to fight nate grey/x-man, where he gets sucked into the age of x-man pocket universe/event.

around half the xmen get trapped and brainwashed in that pocket universe where there is no love or family, merely friendship and comradery (it’s an attempt by nate grey to ‘fix’ the xmen by getting rid of all the soap opera stuff - it’s a bit meta wrt how xmen are the soap opera superheroes). there are a couple different titles for this event: rictor appears in age of x-man: x-tremists #4-5. people have mixed feelings about this title due to the gay characters (northstar and iceman) enforcing no-romance laws that very intentionally parallel anti-gay laws from real life, but rictor is just chilling and running an illegal romance movies theatre, and then he gets drunk and then starts a riot and he’s just delightful in this.

everyone outside of the pocket universe thinks everyone who disappeared was killed. shatterstar is part of the team in x-force (2019) (there are two 2019 x-forces: this is vol 5, written by ed brisson) who are trying to track down young cable (baby cable, or “bable”), who killed older cable, who formed good old 90s xforce. boom-boom is the best part of this entire run, hands down. the art is expressive and interesting but i Hate how they draw warpath (the one time he’s free from comic book limbo!). shatterstar is in full “i only like fighting please let me fight i am a difficult asshole” mode, and talks about grieving rictor in #7 and #10. this is never really resolved since age of x-man is thrown over for hoxpox (BIG status quo changes & current era of xmen comics), but aside from my little ricstar heart i can’t really mind.

rictor is currently appearing as part of the team in excalibur (2019), and has been very... cozy... with apocalypse. at the time of writing (halloween 2020), it’s very heavily ambiguous what exactly their relationship is besides “intense” and i still have no clue what to think about it. he and star have been stated by the writer to be exes, but i also know tini howard is a ricstar fan so im holding out for good things! and it’s cool that rictor is getting a ton of focus and a lot of powering up. i remember reading xfi #1 and being amazed at how rictor described how soul-deep his earth powers were and wanting more of that, and excalibur has that for him in spades. (i am still withholding a lot of judgment wrt rictor’s writing in excalibur until i see how things pan out)

after reading to excalibur #12, switch over to x-factor (2020). read the first three issues because i love northstar and prodigy and rachel. please ignore a couple cringe comments towards poor daken. shatterstar appears in #3, trapped on mojoworld, getting traumatized, and breaking my heart as i write this. that last data page... free my boy!!!!

after x-factor #3, read x of swords: creation. more rictor and apocalypse being Close. after that, read x-factor #4 for apocalypse being very Attached to rictor, and then rictor looking very good and freshly resurrected. then continue reading excalibur. in may, x-factor is going back to mojoworld!!

that’s all there is so far! i think within the next year there will be even more content for us, and im very eager to get to that content. i will update this post as things come out.

[thatmomentwhen345]

Ok ummmmmmmmmmmmmm

These last two weeks have been very emotionally exhausting because of finals and what I’m about to tell you and I don’t really know how to sum it up so I guess you’re getting the same treatment as my Facebook (this is copied directly from the post on there and was posted on December 12th for context)

(This is the beginning of the Facebook post)

You guys, I don’t know what to do.

You might have gathered from my last few posts, but I’m not okay. And it will sound like such a stupid reason to the majority of you. But I made an irreversible mistake back in 2019 that has been haunting me for the past week. This is the first time that I can remember regretting a decision this much. Was it my stubbornness, my closed-mindedness? Was it my see-it-to-believe-it tendencies? Was it my inability to learn from my mistakes?

For those who don’t know, on November 13th of this year, the YouTube channel Unus Annus was deleted from the platform forever. After one year of daily videos by Markiplier and CrankGameplays, it was all gone. The point of the channel was to remind us to use our time that we have alive wisely, because Memento Mori. Remember that you must die.

The channel started on November 15th of 2019, and, well, I don’t know anything about their beginnings. I just saw their introduction video in my recommended or on trending or something and thought, “Is that Markiplier? Shouldn’t he be focusing on his own channel? Who’s this other guy?” and moved on without a second thought. I occasionally saw their videos in the trending tab but ignored them. I didn’t even know they had such a big following. I thought it looked stupid and didn’t think about it until, well, the end.

A few weeks ago, my brother was watching the final livestream that would mark the day that the channel was deleted for good. I was in the room with the livestream on the TV, watching their final hours tick by, still not thinking about the channel at all. Just like, oh hey that thing that people were talking about, wasn’t it like, a cult? I didn’t think about it at all until... the fifth of December? Was it really only a week ago? That feels like a lifetime away now...

The YouTuber FootofaFerret released a video called “Pretending Unus Annus Isn’t Over” and I saw it in my reccomended. https://youtu.be/8SMpCbI9U00 I was like, hey, yeah, I remember that thing that ended. I trusted Foafy’s judgement because of his previous videos about saying goodbye to Steven Universe. So I watched it and don’t really remember how it made me feel. I just remember him saying that the Unus Annus fandom was in mourning and I was like “aw poor guys I’ve seen on TikTok some people are sad about it”. Foafy also suggested that people who were wanting more of the Unus Annus vibe to watch Mark’s Markiplier Makes playlist. I watched some of them and, again, moved on.

The timeline is fuzzy from here on. I’m still processing it, honestly. I think I might have looked up the Unus Annus theme (Turncoat by Michael Rothery) first? Then I think I found some compilations or clips from their videos and was like wow this stuff is funny. And then I realized that there are archived versions of all of their videos (that’s against the rules of Unus Annus for those who don’t know) and... don’t hate me... went looking for them. I watched two in full. I won’t say which two but just know that the second one I specifically searched out because I knew that they did a lot of random stuff on there and that there was a chance that they would do it too. And they did! It was a funny video. I realized how much of a fun dynamic that Ethan and Mark had and looked for more compilations. The more I watched, the more I realized that I had made a terrible mistake in 2019.

I had missed out on so much. And I couldn’t take it back without breaking the rules. The concept of Unus Annus intrigued me so much, all of the people involved on the channel worked so well together, they were all so funny, but now I could never experience it in full because I was stubborn and, well, thinking about other things this year. I could have jumped in at any point between then and November 13th of this year but I chose not to.

Monday was a rollercoaster. 1st stage: denial. I was like well this doesn’t matter, I’m not even in the UA fandom, it’s gone and I don’t care. But it wasn’t that simple of course. I kept watching the Markiplier Makes videos and the UA compilations and became particularly interested in Ethan. He seemed very genuine and sensitive and his on-camera chemistry with Mark was really entertaining. 2nd stage: anger. I was furious at myself for missing out. Those two videos I watched in full were just small teasers for what the entire channel was like. I hated that I couldn’t take it back. And I hated that if I did, I would’ve broken the rules and gone against Mark and Ethan’s wishes, which I also wouldn’t be able to take back. I was horribly conflicted. 3rd stage: bargaining. I desperately went after any content surrounding Unus Annus that I could without breaking the rules, and was still considering watching the illegal archives. I haven’t watched any more of them in full, but sometimes I watch parts of them in incognito mode when it becomes too much to bear.

Tuesday was... Tuesday had to have been the longest day I’ve had the entire year. 4th stage: depression. It was slowly sinking in, the gravity of my mistake. I was starting to realize how much of a phenomenon Unus Annus was and that it was so unique and had such a cool message and that it made so many peoples’ 2020 just a little bit better, but not mine. I then did what I always do and found my comfort in music. I put on a bunch of good songs that I hadn’t heard in a while and just... sat there painstakingly doing my math homework. I couldn’t concentrate on anything the whole day. Monday, either. The song Goodbye to a World by Porter Robinson came on and I was like hey, this song perfectly suits the way I’m feeling right now. I wondered if anyone else had made connections between this song and Unus Annus and looked to see if there had been any AMVs (animated music videos) about the idea and the end of UA. Lo and behold, this popped up and I watched it! https://youtu.be/-q-oByQWdlM It hit all the right spots and I just started bawling. What had I done? Why had I missed this opportunity to improve my 2020, just a little bit? Why had I missed this opportunity to get to know Mark and Ethan better? Everyone who had watched all of their videos could feel peace after the end, like Mark and Ethan. But I couldn’t. I could only forever regret my mistake. MY mistake.

Terrible things have happened this year, but all of them have been out of my control. This, however, was my fault. And I can never take it back. And I am having a very hard time handling that.

I don't know how many times I cried on Tuesday. The next song to come on after I watched the AMV was As the World Caves In by Matt Maltese which of course broke me even further. This song also perfectly encapsulated my dilemma. Later I finished my tribute drawing of the channel logo and felt the smallest bit better. The rest of the day is a blur.

Wednesday was better, I guess? I thought I had made it to the 5th stage: acceptance. I was still very sad and mad at myself but I was starting to realize that there was nothing I could do. I subscribed to Ethan’s channel and started getting to know him better. He’s so sweet and talented ☺️

But no, acceptance is still far away. Thursday and Friday were barely better than Tuesday. I painted my nails black and white as a way of coping. I went to a livestream on Ethan’s Twitch and it was really fun! I started watching more of his streams and on one of them he mentioned that his Twitch chat mods had TikToks. So I wondered if he also had a TikTok, which he does! I looked to see if he posted one on the day UA ended. The answer was no but he did post one the day after asking if someone with the skills required could make a mashup of the song Cancer by My Chemical Romance and As the World Caves In. https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMJqgyrkR/ I was like wowie this guys got taste! And so I looked up if there was a mashup. As a matter of fact, there was one by Clem Turner on YouTube that came out only three days after the end of Unus Annus. https://youtu.be/a5RTVoreSAY I cannot express how much I love this, what it made me feel, and how much it hurt/helped. So I commented on Ethan’s TikTok about it and only a few hours later a new comment appeared on Clem’s video. Ethan had seen it! So I’m just gonna assume I was responsible for that... not only that but half of the comments on the mashup were about Unus Annus as you can see below. I realized how big of a following UA had and felt bad (because of course the people who had actually been with UA the whole way would be grieving a lot more than me), but also, comforted by the fact we could all connect over the loss of something important to them, if in a lot of different ways.

I’m far from getting over this. I’m far from being okay. I’ve never really felt like this before. I feel like a different person than I was last week. But I wanted to write all this down to let it out, process it a little bit, and maybe get some comfort from you guys. It’s completely understandable if you didn’t read this all the way through so...

TLDR: Memento Mori.

(This is the end of the Facebook post)

What I just described really shifted a lot of things in my head in a way I didn’t expect and in a very short amount of time. So, long story short, my Steven Universe hyperfixation ended very suddenly because of an outside factor and I probably won’t be posting a lot about it anymore. Hope you understand.

(art by me but I used the official UA logo as a reference)

[wildflowerwattpad0217]

Clary Fray Gets Married. (My First Story On Wattpad) My Reaction After 3 Years.

So This story is going to be deleted from Wattpad on 12/18/2020. Due to how messy the story is. But I don’t reccomend reading it. So if you want to read the mess before then here is the link:

Clary Fray Gets Married

Masterlist

One paragraph is a single chapter

So Maia just got killed and Sebastian is back. That's a cheesy line. How would they be able to invite you to the wedding if they thought you were dead. Not that they would anyway. Clary is sacrificing herself for everyone. All these misspellings though, well it was my first story on here and I never edited it and I wrote it on my phone. That was short af. Well my original word count was 500 but later in the story I am pretty sure I switched it to my current 2000.

The incest plotline though, *throws up* I was trying to continue the idea of Sebastian thinking that the bloodline had to be pure. And Clary's pregnant. Jace's pov, the language was the worst in this story. Clary pov. Sebastian wants to make another demon child. Trama. Sebastian is a vampire but a new breed. Mark of Cain?

So we are starting this chapter with Trama warnings. Jace is blood thirsty and I don't blame him. This is the cringest this I've ever written and that's saying a lot. Clary made a run to hurt him. It can't be that easy.

Sebastian told Jace that was pregnant. Jace just cut of his head and he's still alive? These 500 word chapter get annoying fast.

Threatening Alec for Magnus to put up wards. That's one way to do it ig. You want the Infernal Cup too? Now he only wants Jace and Clary there.

Not much happened in this chapter but Sebastian raided Clary's closet from the Insitute.

A protective Jocelyn tho. This language is not how I would write this today.

It's like every other word is F*ck. This is so cringey. This is supposed to be first person pov not whatever you wanna call that. So much flopping back and forth between povs and I didn't make the pov change very noticeable either.

Really you're taking his head off again? Well it gave you time to get away ig.

This conversation feels forced. It doesn't flow right.

Clary is insisting on getting married before Sebastian can screw it up any more.

Magnus calling Simon by his actual name??? How did Jace just pop up like that?

What the hell was going on it that small pov with Sebastian and Lilith? "...revealing his father in a new form." Valentine? Wtf? Yeah it is Valentine and he hates what his son did.

Jace and Clary are finally getting married.

Valentine it pissed at Sebastian. Clary thinks it's halirious that he's a downworlder now. Karma is a bitch. Clary really just stabbed him in throat after he offered to help you kill your brother and Lilith?

Now why is Sebastian so worked up over a missing necklace? And Jocelyn just found out about Valentine and she shookth.

Jace has a half sister? And Luke has a niece? I don't remember this plotline but this story was all over the place.

Who is Lilith gonna bring back now? Carmen Herondale, Jace's sister.

Sebastian and Carmen reunited.

Sebastian never wanted this for Carmen? She's made at him but not for the reason you think. He was going to propose to her the night she was killed? Valentine is the reason she's dead? Clary just killed him.

Carmen is a murderer? And she got away.

I didn't even realize Simon didn't go.

Carmen you touch Alex or Max I will kill you.

He gave her the wrong spell thankfully.

Tessa is dead? The author's note was not it.

Even in a shitty fanfic Max is adorable.

Carmen's adoptive mundane father was a gang leader in Paris? What kind of crack was I smoking while writing this?

Simon compared her to Assassin's Creed. Why did Clary just pass out?

So the kid is basically going to be a full blown angel. Interesting. And the last thing she remembers is taking the pregnancy test?

That is some Twilight shit right there.

Aww Alec wants to propose to Magnus.

Her pregnancy is getting intense.

That line is so cringey wtf. Sebastian is back?

So I kinda remember the person who originally raised Lilith but tbh I regret writing Carmen's charcther because the next few chapter don't make any sense.

Clary's eyes changed colors. I really don't remember writing half of this because I was going through some stuff at the time.

The unnecessary pov switch tho. Clary just made a new Rune.

Magnus may have found a way to make Shadowhunters immortal?

Why would you try a rune on a trash can?

So everyone one agreed to going immortal. That would suck. And there was a rune made with the oil based paint Clary used. This is confusing af. I am sorry to anyone who has ever read this.

Max calls Clary, Aunt Clary. Wtf does he have to be so cute?

More Max being adorable.

Alec and Magnus are engaged. This makes me happy. Sebastian projected himself into the Insitute?

New Character is introduced: Emily Starkweather. Hodge's daughter and Lydia Blackwell's half sister and she hates her.

I made Lydia Blackwell very homophobic because I made Emily bi sexual and that's why they hate each other. Emily is traitor. Sebastian loves her? And is cheating on Carmen with her. This is very confusing. Emily is gonna teach Izzy how to cook.

Raphael got her addicted to Yin Fen. I really mixed The show and the book together. This bitch is lying her ass off to them.

Sebastian and Emily are planning to get rid of Carmen.

She's planning on killing so many people and pinning it on them.

Emily has some Trama TM

She is going to kill her mother.

Lowkey think Jace is getting sus of her. Carmen is dead.

They just found out she's a traitor.

Joyce, Luke, Myrse and Robert are all dead wtf and the baby is coming.

Emily has a good reason to trust Sebastian tho. He did save her life.

Lilith thought she was dead? Who do u think rose you from Edom?

They don't know Carmen id dead yet? Alec ripped into Lydia. Compared her to Valentine. Big ope. Emily is the 3rd Angel experiment.

Emily and Sebastian  are planning on kidnapping Lydia. Emily's angel blood is Lucifer's wtf? Emily called her sister a Stupid Ass Bitch and I'm living for it. And she's been kidnapped.

Sebastian just turned her? Ew. The left-handed joke. They summoned Lucifer for some reason.

Emily is absolutely crazy.

So she did kill her mother... I didn't make that very clear. Jace and Alec want them to make Amends so that she doesn't murder Shadowhunters. Sweetie I think it's far too late for that. Lydia is officially dead. How could she be preggers if she's a vampire? And now her mother is still alive? Jocelyn, Luke, Maryse and Robert are alive still too? Emily's mom admitted to everything. I also started going to 2000 word chapters.

Lilith is acting like a bitch, kinda. They are attacking the clave. Lilith summoned a shit ton of demons. The end of the chapter is kinda intense tho.

Raphael? Wtf are you doing here? Hodge?  They are testing by mortal sword. This is kinda confusing. Why was this the most read story on my wattpad before Avenging Riverdale?

Flashback scene to when they first met.

Then there was a short chapter. About a prochey

Time skip. The baby is coming. A blue and a black eye? Sebastian's eyes flickered green? Magnus wants to figure how to bring out the Johnathan in him.

Emily plans on making Sebastian stays Sebastian.

That was a shitty chapter.

And I forgot I discountinted it... Sorry about that.

Overall I am happy I discountinted you. It is a horrible book and I am embarrassed by it to be honest. This is my first book on wattpad so I think it's pretty normal but it wasn't my first piece of fanfic. My first work was on Fanfic.net but has since been deleted by the website. I don't know why it wasn't bad at all it was more fluff than anything. But I have decided that I am going to post this and then I'm going to take down the story in a month. I failed to put trigger warnings, failed to edit (to be fair that was back when I did all of my writing on my phone before I had am actual laptop). But I did have some good ideas when it came to the traitor part and Sebastian finding love and I deem this story on crack. So my final rating is a 2/10.

[hollandroos]

How Could I Not? | One

Playlist | My Masterlist | Prologue (I DEFINITELY reccomend reading this first) Series masterlist

Tom Holland x Reader | Fwb with an unexpected pregnancy added in the mix. Inspired by an ask that I recieved.

Summary: Tom surprises you and you surprise him back, except maybe your surprise is a little bigger.

Warnings:  pregnancy and a FWB relationship. This chapter includes some making out and cursing.

Words: 4.1k

Deep, rich chocolate and a black cherry scented candle.

An odd mix, really. But somehow you could pick up both scents as they floated around the room barely lit by the candle. Cherry and chocolate with a hint of milky tea. You didn’t know if it was just early pregnancy hormones or you just really hated the combination. A soft buzzing comes from your fridge and the tap dripped every now and then but besides that, you were engulfed in the utter, awkward silence of your apartment.

You don’t move from your seat on the couch where you were sure you’d now made a semi-permanent indent. It seemed to be the most comfortable place since you’d forced yourself to put your bedsheets out to wash– only thanks to morning sickness. You grimace at the thought, hair still wet after being kept up since your shower nearly six hours ago.

The coffee machine on the other side of the room (the kitchen to be exact) taunts you and considering it’d been around four days since your last coffee, you were nearly ready to give in but with no knowledge on whether or not it’d affect your unborn, newfound baby you shove the thought to the back of your mind, reaching for a cup of tea instead. A singular row of decedent chocolate sits next to where the mug previously sat, adorned with golden wrapping.

If you were any younger then you would’ve made a joke that correlated to Charlie and the chocolate factory but you didn’t feel as if you’d just won some kind of lottery, that much was for sure. The chocolate was your guilty pleasure, your comfort snack after a series of hardships that were yet to be over.

Bringing the tea to your lips, you want to grimace upon tasting the flavoured drink. It had nothing on coffee but you were sure you’d cope. With the help of chocolate, you could do anything. So hesitantly, you take the chocolate and dip it into your drink.

Everything had seemed to be about the baby since you’d found out. Your google history was filled with questions about what foods were safe to eat and the safest way to sleep. You had even dared to try and work out how far along you were. You knew a doctors appointment was needed and one was coming. Soon. But not now.

The mug of tea warms nimble fingers and your phone buzzes beside you, jolting you out of your thoughts. You hardly need to look at it to know who it was but glance over anyway, sliding the screen across to reveal a series of texts from the same boy that you’d been trying to avoid. It’d been two weeks and four days since you’d last seen him in person. Blunt texts barely counted for anything.

It hadn’t been intentional at first, because at first you’d believed that you were just ill and you hadn’t wanted to get him sick too. But after seeing two little lines on the test you were almost more tempted to keep your distance. Distance, a stupid fucking word.

Maybe you missed his hands on yours in a little less then gentleman-like fashion, and lips pressed against bare collarbones, legs intertwined in a mess of sheets or couch cushions with some kind of show neither of you was too interested in paying attention too on the television, far too busy with one another, muttering small reassurances that you wanted this. You missed the buzz as you come down from a high. On your neck were fading purple and blue painted marks from the last time you saw him, telling stories of your most recent– but not so recent night with him.

But a little more then you missed the sex, you missed his company. From pizza at two am to natural pick up lines through text that didn’t come with ‘are you feeling any better?’ texts and ‘do you need to see a doctor?’ messages that reminded you of the little treasure building a home inside you. You missed your best friend.

Two weeks and four days since you'd last seen him, a long time for too close friends who had spent almost every aching second together up until this point.

Tom: Can I come over?

Tom: I miss you :( x

Tom: Y/N?

Tom: Read receipts, c’mon. I know you’re there.

Tom: You good?

Tom: I’m coming over

The last message comes through while the phone is still sitting in your hand and you quickly type out a response, the phone heavy and weighing you down as you struggle to type with one hand, a mug of tea hot in the other hand.

Y/N: coping. don’t come over, it could be contagious.

You highly doubted that your pregnancy was contagious.

Tom: Wow, are you really trying to get rid of me? 🤪

Tom: come to the front door x

The text makes you groan because he couldn’t have– he couldn’t be, but of course he would. You’re proved wrong by a harsh knock at the front door, three all too close together, the same way Tom always knocked when he came over and you’d forgotten to leave the spare key under the hallway plant or tucked between the ragged, old welcome mat.

It’s a struggle to force yourself up off of the couch as you drag woollen covered feet to the front door and it’s a struggle to make yourself unlock it because In a way you’d lied and Tom had a tendency to see right through you– for you weren’t contagious and you definitely weren’t sick in the way he expected. You tug the door open with a rattle, revealing the face of your best friend with a tangled mess of brown, curly hair and crinkles beside his lips where a semi-permanent smile made way on his features. In his hands sat two movies and a share pack of popcorn and behind his back, yes, he went there, was a packet of marshmallows.

And yeah, you want to dive right into his chest. You want to throw your arms around him and let go of the waterfall of tears building inside of you but you simply pull your hoodie closer to your chest as well as the secret you were keeping, shrugging off the urge to smother your best friend in affection.

“For someone who’s really sick, you’re glowing.” He remarks first, stepping into your dark apartment. The first thing Tom notices besides the fact that you looked somehow great for someone with a rotting stomach bug was the smell of cherries and the candle that lit up whatever you’d been doing at the coffee table.

“I guess I should say thanks?” You tilt your head, closing the door with a thud as Tom steps in, dumping the gear and keys on your smaller than most kitchen table. He practically classed your place as home now, seemingly spending more time there than at his shared flat. “I told you not to come, I feel like shit and I don’t want to get you sick too.”

His face falls slightly and guilt worms its way into your stomach.

“We always make each other feel better when we’re sick and besides, I was seriously starting to miss my best friend.” He musters up a smile post frown, holding up the things he’d bought around. “I thought you’d like it if I got you your favourite movies and snacks– I know you always have hot chocolate powder but never the marshmallows so I got those too.”

Your mouth waters at the sight of sweets. “Was Harrison busy tonight?”

“No, I just wanted to see you.” Tom frowns again, reaching for your forehead. “If you’re really that sick then I think we need to call a doctor. How high is your temperature?”

You step back before you can touch your forehead, trying to bury yourself in your sweater as if you’d mould into the thing if you tried hard enough. Tom stares, looking fairly concerned and if it were the other way around you’d admit that you’d be worried out of your mind too. You were clearly distant and you couldn’t keep hiding behind a false stomach bug, not when it came to Tom anyway, who knew you better then he knew the freckles that littered his nose.

You should've known that he was going to give up on waiting eventually, this was Tom for crying out loud. He was always the first one at the doorstep of your tiny, one bedroom apartment when the slightest of inconveniences occurred. Once you called him only slightly tipsy and he mistook your giggles for sobs and was there in record time, huffing and puffing on your doorstep with open arms.

“Okay, okay, I’m fine now– recovering.” You lie right through your teeth. “I guess movies and junk food sounds good. Want to get the popcorn on and I’ll set up the movie?” You offer, taking the films from the bench where they sat. You smile upon seeing the old school Disney movies he’d picked up instead of the sci-fi movies he tended to pick when you gave him the opportunity.

“Yeah, I’ll make the drinks too.” He bids. But then Tom can’t help himself. Because you look comfortable tucked up in the sweater, but your hair hangs in tangles and you look only a little sick with bags beneath your eyes that tell him you haven't been sleeping as much as you should be. Carefully, Tom tugs you into his arms because he missed you– he missed his best friend and despite something feeling wrong in the way you hold him back, he shoves it away, yet to question the distance.

You pout but silently admit that being close to him again is nice. “I don’t want to get you sick.”

“Don’t care if I get sick, I haven’t seen my best friend for ages.”

It’s then that you relax into his arms, leaning on him for comfort for a quick moment or two. He’s so warm, smelling largely of his favourite cologne and somehow now yours too. You feel protected and safe in his arms and it’s not something you tended to admit– because you didn’t feel that you needed him around to be safe, but there was something about being held that settles your rapidly beating heart.

And Tom’s unaware as he rests his arms around you that you’re holding a secret yet to change both of your lives, so you take in every second of comfort while you still could.

When he finally decides to let go, Tom gives you a side smile and you recuperate. You were always a sucker for his warm brown eyes that reminded you of melted honey and a cheesy smile that seemed to appear on your lowest days.

“Go get the stuff ready–, oh and, Tom?”

He waits a moment, yearning to hear what you have to say next. “Yeah?”

“Thank you for coming over, seriously. I’m sorry if I was cold before.” You smile warmly, resting your hands at your side and give him a small glance. “And can you please get me extra marshmallows?”

Tom snorts. “Loser.” Taking your hand lightly, he gives it a squeeze to prevent the growing distance. “You’re lucky you’re sick or else you wouldn’t get off the hook so easily.”

It’s a joke, you know that much. Tom was practically incapable of being angry at you for longer than five minutes and you were nearly incapable of doing anything that you knew would upset him. The two of you just fit together, neither wanting to do anything to harm or affect the other in a bad way. You only wanted the best for each other, even if sometimes the best meant being brutally honest- or sometimes withholding information.

Maybe that’s why your little arrangement worked so well. It was something you both so desperately wanted and neither of you could explain why you craved the other as much as you did. Tom didn’t know at first why he’d wake up in warm sweats after dreaming of your nails raking down his back despite only having you earlier that day, and you didn’t know why you’d crawl into his lap at the simplest of times and go to town on one another.

You constantly used the excuse that your friendship was just stronger than most. To the two of you, it was just one of those things.

And for a moment you think. You take a deep breath and hope that you threw the pregnancy test in the bin instead of leaving it scattered across the bathroom table. You hope that he doesn’t question your nerves or the fact that you were distant and you hope that he doesn’t flip when he finds out. Because he had to find out.

You were worrying, but how could you not?

-

The movie draws on. The two of you finish oversized mugs of hot chocolate and you savour sweet, half melted marshmallows with a thick undertone of chocolate. You even share a blanket and at times he would pop pieces of popcorn in your mouth.

Every now and then, you’d steal quick, secretive glances at him. You’d catch Tom at the smallest of moments where he’d crack a smile at something that happened in the movie, or his brows would be drawn together in concentration or he’d be wetting his lips carefully. He looks almost carefree and at the same time, you feel almost too much weight on your shoulders to cope.

One hand– your own, lightly rests on your stomach, fingertips dusting over your clothed abdomen. In a way, you felt torn. But just as quickly, your eyes are cast back on the movie.

Maybe you feared telling Tom because it made it all too real. Maybe that’s another strong reason why you feared telling him so much. Because it wasn’t the positive pregnancy test sitting in your bathroom or the morning sickness that made it real but him knowing, Tom being aware of the life he helped create.

It’s around thirty minutes into the film when he gets closer, breaking barriers that wouldn’t be broken by two people who were just friends. A hand rests on your upper thigh, drawing circles over your clothed leg and tugging on the drawstrings. It’s innocent at first, touches gentle and he seems distracted enough as coffee brown eyes remain on the television.

Your living room isn’t all that dark anymore, besides the candle that had long burnt out both of your features were highlighted by the television. Gentle hues paint your faces bright, fluorescent colours.

Then his warm breath is fanning across the side of your face, fingers lightly gripping your chin as he guides your face towards his, inching closer but not yet pressing his lips against yours. Not yet giving you the satisfaction you secretly craved.

“Fuckin’ missed you, ya know?” He says softly, lips brushing against your own. “You weren’t answering any of my messages, blocking all my calls. Harrison told me that if I didn’t stop talking about you then he’d throw me out but what else was I meant to do when my best friend had dropped off the grid?”

You don’t give him the satisfaction of closing the gap, so you allow his lips to ghost over yours and respond without hesitation. “I was tired.”

“Thought you were sick, huh?” He teases. The hand that was previously sitting on your lap runs up beneath the sweater. Naturally, you lean into his touch. Naturally.

“I was tired and sick.” You defend yourself, however lying was growing old and you were growing guiltier by the second. “Stomach bugs take a lot out of you. I hate the damn things.”

With that, he closes the gap, silencing you but not your racing thoughts. It’s soft at first, two best friends with benefits warming up to one another after a week or so with little to no contact. But your body recognises him almost instantly, succumbing to the desires.

“What’re you doing?” You breathe out.

You feel him smirk against your lips, “Kissing my best friend, what does it look like I’m doing?”

“I’m sick, Tommy, I don’t wanna get you sick too.” You whisper hastily between messy kisses. He travels down your neck, slowly making his way down, only stopping to highlight fading purple coloured splotches. They were the ones you’d trace your fingers over at night when he couldn’t make it over and the ones you’d desperately try and cover with layers of makeup when it was hot out.

He shakes his head, messy curls brushing against your neck and you bite your bottom lip to prevent a breathy moan from escaping as warm lips trace patterns on your collar bones.

“Don’t care, just need you right now.” He speaks, words competing with the television in the background. You were unsure what part the movie was even up to currently, too wrapped up in the boy that you’d somehow found on top of you, legs on either side of your own and hands roaming your body, exploring every inch he had access to. In any other circumstance, you would’ve allowed your eyes to flutter shut and take in every little action and pleasure. You would’ve been begging him to continue, body reacting to every touch.

But you can’t let him go any further while you knew what he didn’t. The little secret had been eating away at you, picking your brain apart piece by piece until not even the feeling of his hands riding up the front of your old school sweater can get you going and you’re more focused on the smell of a burnt out candle then the beating of his heart that’s nearly pressed against your own.

“I’m pregnant.”

There’s an awkward silence, a moment of hesitation as all actions halt and you can’t breathe. You don’t want to breathe. Breathing seems nearly impossible.

Tom moves back, clearly shocked and his face morphs from amusement to confusion and disbelief. “You know, there are other ways of saying ‘I don’t want to have sex right now,’ right?”

You swallow harshly, clamming hands falling from his biceps to your lap where they fall together, fingers locking together like magnets and you mutter the same words, like a record stuck on repeat. “I’m pregnant.”

Tom grimaces, forcing himself to sit up beside you and in a hurry, he straightens his shirt out, removing the evidence of your previous endeavours. “Now’s not the time to kid around about that–”

“I’m fucking pregnant, Jesus, how many times do I have to tell you?” You sit up too and despite Tom long moving away and in result, putting a fair amount of distance between the two of you. You can still feel his fingertips against your skin. Hot, gentle.

Somehow it feels like a weight has been lifted off of your chest but still, you feel suffocated and struggling to come to terms with it yourself so it’s no shock when tears of pure frustration well in the corners of your eyes. Toms reaction didn’t seem to be helping diminish your fears but it wasn’t like you expected him to shower you in reassurances straight away.

“And it’s mine?” When you don't respond, Tom gapes like a fish, eyes widening. “I thought you were on the pill?!” 

“I was you fucktard, it doesn’t always work! You never should’ve cum inside me. Have you never heard of pulling out?” You scoff, blinking back the tears that threatened to spill. “I can’t believe you.”

Tom wets his bottom lip, feeling himself calm down from whatever confusion and temporary anger had previously been clouding his brain and sighs. He knew that this wasn’t your fault, as well as that you were both in this together.

“I mean, you’re hot and it was good… how could I not?”

You choke. “Now is not the fucking time for you to say things like that!” However, his remark makes you laugh lightly between sniffles. “I’m pregnant and the baby’s yours, that much I’m sure of.”

The baby’s yours.

Tom stares off into the distance, the words sitting in the front of his mind but he couldn’t work out if they were taunting him or if that small, spark of something in the pit of his stomach was excitement. Nerves were evident and shock? That too. In fact, there was a ton of that. Almost too much to accept.

“I’ll take your word on that,” Tom utters, admitting to himself that he knew you well enough– and long enough to trust you on that statement. Harshly, he chews on the inside of his mouth for a moment before looking down at his nails. “Are you scared?”

You nod your head, lips trembling. “I’m terrified.”

Breathing in the fading scent of cherries and hot chocolate, the smell of buttered popcorn regretfully forgotten he comes to a realisation and sighs. 

“And you’ve known about this all week?”

You nod but more hesitantly this time, being careful as the news settles. “I didn’t want to lose you.”

I don’t want to lose you. Six words were spoken a rare few times in your few years of friendship. There was the time you were in a club and it was shouted over partygoers, the two of you being tugged either way despite wanting to stick close. There was the time you got in an argument about your new boyfriend (now ex) that he despised and then there was the time you started sleeping together.

‘I don’t want to lose you’ was always followed by ‘you won’t’ and that small ‘you won’t’ was always filled with promise.

“You won’t– You can't lose me, I’m your best friend.” He promises.

Tom sits back, still feeling some kind of way that he wasn’t able to comprehend. Taking your legs and kicking them over his lap, he relaxes, knowing that stressing wasn’t about to do anybody any good. “We were so careful…” 

You agree, but only to an extent. “What are we going to do?”.

“I don’t know.” He stops, hesitating for a moment before he opts to continue. “I really don’t know, but I do know that you’re not in this alone and we’ll sort this out together, whatever it takes.”

That’s all the reassurance you need to visibly relax. The tension on your shoulders loosens and you allow your head to fall against the side of the couch, far too close to his shoulder but you steer clear. There’s still a weight larger than life sitting on your shoulders, almost resting on your chest.

He licks his bottom lip, tasting what was left of your lip balm and allows himself to draw patterns on your legs over your clothing, allowing the silence to simmer for a few moments.

Both of you knew it wasn’t exactly meant to happen. It was merely a small incident that involved the two of you that now had a huge effect on both of you but neither of you want to get onto the gritty topics yet. Like what you’d do after the baby was born, or how you’d tell your friends and family. So you stick to making jokes and laughs about of the situation, something the two of you did oh so well. Suppressing the looming topics you both wanted to avoid for as long as possible. It was why you got along so well, you tended to distract each other– sometimes with sex, and sometimes with witty jokes.

But maybe the reality of the situation hadn’t kicked in yet– for either of you. The reality of pregnancy was more than a little morning sickness and sleepless nights.

It was making the best decision, and from there it was raging cravings and hectic mood swings, appointments and scares and even more decisions. For the two of you, it’d be telling people that you were bringing another life into the world before you'd even sorted your own out and admitting that you’d probably been a little less than careful.

It’s losing all selfishness and learning to love and be loved in return.

“Whatever it takes, huh?” You question, shifting your gaze. Tom stares back and there’s clear fright in his eyes, surely you wouldn't expect anything else. You were both thrown into the deep end here. But you had each other and sometimes that was enough. However, in this situation, whether your friendship was enough was unclear.

He smiles, though he looks slightly unsure. “Whatever it takes.”

PART 2

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[amintyworld]

The Truth Hurts- Part 3 - Finale (Sanders Sides)

A/N: Hey guys! I've been working on this one for a while, in fact this fic was probably the first on I've posted and I couldn't be more proud about finishing it. The other two parts are on my blog, and I'd reccomend reading those first just so you know what's happening. -Minty

Summary: Virgil, Remus, Logan, and Patton all go to confront Deceit to get Roman back.

TW: Many implied character deaths, past mistreatment, swear, and lots of fighting.

(I swear it has a happy ending!)

Remus and Virgil lead the pack, on the offensive. They walked into Deceit's lair, the air musty and thick. As they entered, Virgil could vaguely make out the outline of Deceit's bed and what looked to be a cracked mirror. If it weren't for the hallway light the room would be pitch black. A sort of uneasiness traveled throughout the room.

"Deceit? We need to talk." Remus said, pulling out his weapon defensively. Virgil pulled out his knife. 

Something didn't feel right, and Virgil could feel it in his bones. "Remus, wait-!"

The door suddenly slammed shut behind them, engulfing them in the pitch black darkness. Their vision obscured, Virgil's breathing quickened as nervousness crept  into his thoughts. Patton sparked a small light blue flame from his hand, and they grouped together, afraid of what lay unknown on the darkness.

"Stop hiding in the shadows, Dee. It's pretty cowardly." Remus said, annoyed. He brandished his weapon, bracing for something. Anything.

Deceit appeared a few feet in front of them, arms crossed. "Cowardly? I'd say it's just more my style, Rem." He smiled. Remus tried to hide his emotions as he looked up at his brother's crown on Deceit's head. Deceit smiled as the crown glimmered from the small fire glow.

Deceit posed. "Like it? It really grows on you, and I'm not one for shimmer, but-" He looked to Remus. "Now, we can finally call the shots, just like we've always wanted."

"This isn't what I want, Dee. I told you my brother was off-limits." Remus said, anger building.

"I didn't kill-"

"BULLSHIT!" Remus cried. "His crown is right on top of your head. YOU... KILLED HIM."

Deceit's face fell.

"What… happened to you, Rem? I thought… we were.. friends."

"Friends don't kill their friend's family." Remus spat. "Hand over the crown. Now. I don't want your room to get all bloody." He said, swinging his spikes weapon over his shoulder, almost to rest his arm.

He took off the crown and held it in his hands. "You know, I never really got you, Rem. You want to rule Thomas's Creativity, and yet...you won't kill your brother to achieve it. He's the only one in your way, and still..you protect him." Deceit's voice was small. "Why?"

Remus was silent for a moment. "Because...he's my brother. I love him."

Deceit started to laugh, clutching his sides as he bent over, laughing. Remus was increasingly concerned. "Dee…?"

"Funny...hilarious, you know. You used to say the same about ME." He looked up at Remus, his yellow eye glowing as he launched himself into Remus, knocking him to the ground. Remus swung, the spikes hitting him in the head, but Dee still pinned him down, only for brief dizzy vision by the impact of the spikes. He looked down at Remus, pissed.

"When they left us, shunned us for YEARS, I  was there for you, and you side with THEM?!" He yelled, slamming Remus's head repeatedly into the concrete floor which sent gashes into his skull. "Some family you have."

Patton looked at the others. "We need to do SOMETHING!" He said. He ran over and kicked Deceit off of him. "Get AWAY from him!"

Deceit fell, grabbing Patton's leg and forcing him to the ground as well. Logan rushed over to Remus to help, and Virgil pulled out his knife and ran over, seeing Patton in trouble.

"NOT ANOTHER STEP!" Deceit yelled. He flicked open his pocket knife and held it inches from Patton's throat. "The spell only NEEDS one, but there's always room for another."

"Patton, I-" Virgil said, shaking with fear. He didn't know what to do. He wanted to do something, anything, but his body refused to move as he froze.

Patton just smiled, shaking, and still trying to calm his friend. "D-Don't worry, k-kiddo, everything's gonna be just-"

The blade went through his throat as his breathing slowed and his body went pale. Virgil's breathing quickened as his hands shook. A small light blue light flew from his body as Deceit scooped inside a small glass jar with his red one. With a poof, Patton's body vanished, leaving behind the cat onesie always around his shoulders.

"You...you BASTARD!" He yelled, charging toward him in fury, swiping and stabbing,  tears flowing down his face. Deceit's eye looked at him intently as they fought. Deceit flung him against the wall, stabbing his shoulder through to keep him there.

Remus got up, head throbbing, not giving up and charging to attack once more. He wasn't giving up. Not now.

"You're a traitor, Remus. Almost as bad as THAT display back there." Deceit said. "I don't get ANY of you. They HATED you for years, they deserve to DIE for everything they've put us through!" Deceit kicked Remus square in the chest, and he fell to the floor. In seconds, the blade was pointed square at his chest. 

As Deceit swiftly approached, Remus punched him clean in the jaw, not going down without a fight.

"They've smacked you, BEATEN you." Deceit said angrily, tear after tear falling. "Every day, we'd come back and comfort each other. EVERY DAY, WE WERE HURT BECAUSE OF THEM!"

Remus was shaking from the adrenaline. He backed up against a wall, looking up into Deceit's hate filled gaze. He tried to gain an upper hand, but Deceit blocked any means of escape.

He had him cornered.

For a moment, Deceit shed his anger. "Me, you and Vee. We were a family."

Remus almost wanted to join him. He wanted to go back to those days when Deceit would read him stories when he was scared, or say how brave he was when monsters terrorized his nightmares. He wanted to go back to being vulnerable. Scared.

Then he looked up at him and remembered why they were there. This wasn't the same man who kissed him goodnight. 

He was a sicko who killed people.

"I don't think we are, Dee. Not anymore." Remus spat.

With that, Deceit swiftly stabbed Remus and dragged the knife through his flesh, torturing him as he screamed in pain. Logan looked up from helping Virgil at Remus's screams. He set the weaker side down as he summoned a sword. He looked calm as he walked over.

Remus clutched his chest as he winced, looking up at him with nothing but anger and hate. "I hate you." He said through clenched teeth as he poofed into the weapon he brandished, Deceit pocketing the small green light in the jar quickly.

Deceit turned around. "Now for you, Logic." He spat.

"Let's fight, Deceit. One on one. Swords." He said as he replaced Deciet's knife with an exact copy of his sword. "I like to play fair."

They clashed as Deceit charged almost instantly and Logan blocked. Logan pushed him away with all his strength, sending Deceit flying into a wall. Deceit grimaced from the impact. Ringing filled his ears, his vision shook. Logan slowly walked over as Deceit struggled to stand. He pointed his sword to his chest. Deceit struggled to find his weapon.

"You kill my friends, you hurt Thomas. Just give up, Deceit. You know-"

Logan's eyes widened as he looked down to see Deceit's sword clean through his stomach. He fell to the floor, bleeding. Deceit struggled to stand, pointing his sword at him. He coughed as he laughed.

"Found my sword." He grinned. The point of the sword rested on his heart. The smile quickly faded. "You know, you take everything from me, my hope, my...happiness, my family…"

Logan's face filled with nothing but regret. He remembered his faulty, cruel, 'Logic' from the old days. They'd smack them around every time they hurt Thomas. There was no debate, no explanation. Patton was always against it. 

God, they even thought they were 'helping'.

Virgil's vision was dizzy, but tried to stand. His shoulder dripped with blood. He needed to stop Deceit. That bastard needs to freaking pay. He saw him standing over Logan, sword pointing at his chest, and he tried to get to him.  He pulled out the knife and fell to the floor. He crawled as fast as he could, but with every movement of his body pain shot through him.

Logan looked up at him, sadness in his eyes. "I'm sorry…"

"Yeah well, sorry doesn't cut it." Quickly, he speared the blade through Logan's heart, sending him screaming in pain. Deceit pulled the blade out and a dark blue light flew from the wound which he captured quickly in the jar.

Virgil stood. He breathed heavily. Deceit walked over. "How pathetic." He punched Virgil with such force he fell on the floor with the crash.

"The mighty Virgil, reduced to nothing."

Virgil struggled to get up again. He needed to get up. He couldn't just lay down and die.

"Y-you killed him…" Virgil said, nearly out of breath.

"I never did anything of the sort." Deceit said, getting down to Virgil's level. "A deal was a deal. There's nothing more than that."

"W-what deal?" Virgil said as he finally got to his knees. Deceit pulled his chin up.

"His life for yours. Fairly simple, really."

"Roman...saved me?"

"Died as he always wanted - a knight and shining armor." Deceit said. "That's the thing about the truth, Virgil. The truth always hurts."

Deceit walked off, picking up the items that remained. "You always wish it was different. In fact, if you weren't so stupid up on that mountain, Roman wouldn't be dead. It's your fault, really."

"Sentiment over...Virgil, you can finally pay for all you've done." Deceit said, finally done arranging the items and pulled out his dagger, ready to finish the job.

Deceit raised his dagger, and Virgil couldn't help but cry. He lost everyone he loved, and now, he was going to lose his life. It was all his fault because of that stupid trip.

Deceit brought the blade down, and-

It didn't move. Why wasn't it moving?!

Colorful lights emerged from each of the objects, and soon...each of the sides. They were made up of light and stood over their objects, making sure this wasn't how the story ended. The crown on Deceit's head was the only one who stayed dormant.

"You got this kiddo!" Patton called, hovering over his onesie. "We're here for you!"

Remus smiled. "You can stop him, Vee!"

Logan gave him a small encouraging smile. "It would be illogical to stop now, Virgil."

Deceit looked around. "That's impossible! I have your souls! You're supposed to be dead!"

Logan looked at him sharply. "Did you really think we'd just be gone, like that? We're a part of Thomas, and as long as part of us is here, we'll keep fighting for Thomas."

Virgil stood up, finding his balance. He coughed as he laughed. "Your plan's falling apart, Dee."

He tried to attack the others with all his effort, but they didn't take any damage. Remus pushed him into a wall, then Logan and Patton punched and kicked him left and right.

Deceit turned his attention to Virgil and attacked swiftly, sending him to the floor again. Just as Deceit was about to strike, Virgil grabbed his arm and flipped him over, grabbing the dagger.

"Not this time." Virgil said, blade inches from Deceit's throat.

"So what are you gonna do?! Kill me?!" Deceit yelled.

"Despite what I think of you, Thomas still needs Deceit." Virgil said. "But, you need to make all the wrongs you did...right."

"How do I know I'll fix it?" Deceit asked, what Remus had said weighing his mind. "Some things...are beyond repair."

"If I know you, Dee, you will."

----------------------------

Roman heard humming. It was soft and melodic, and he opened his eyes as he could vaguely make out a dark figure next to him.

Bright light filled the room, and he tried to move, but felt a surge of pain. He felt a warm hand in his, and his eyes soon adjusted to the light.

"Virgil?" He croaked. Virgil smiled. Tears filled Virgil's eyes. All his worries, his anger, his sadness melted away.

"H-hey, Princey."

[trashforkoreanpop]

NCT fic rec

Angst ~ 😭

Fluff ~ 🥰

Funny ~ 😂

Jealous/Protective ~ 😍

Smut ~ 😏

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It’s been a long, long day - Yuta meets Sicheng at a party number. For the next few days Yuta desperately tries to find him but it’s hard when he doesn’t even know his name. 🥰😏

story

Why can’t you see that you belong with me - Yuta has been there for Sicheng ever since he moved to Korea. Yuta is extremely popular and dating a cheerleader but Sicheng can’t help but fall in love. 🥰😭😍

a boy like me - Yuta always gets letters and love notes in his locker. He would just put them in a drawer in his desk and look at them whenever he got sad. One day he gets a note but its from a boy and Yutas gay ass is determined to find out who it is. (lots of texting) 🥰😂😭

Other

story

Roughly one summer - “I swear to goD CHENLE IF YOU BRING ANOTHER DEMON INTO OUR HOUSE I WILL-”

“MARK YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO YIELD!”

“MARK YOU MISSED THE TURN.”

“CHENLE STOP CHANTING RITUALS THIS IS NOT THE TIME.”

(Pretty much NCT all live in the same neighborhood and they’re all gay. This is super funny and I highly reccomend) 🥰😂😭 {very little angst}

[former-cannibal-3]

Tell us about how you got into art.

WOW this got super long, I’m so sorry!

I was given a metric assload of coloring books, glitter crayons and stuff by my grandma when I was a kid. I don’t remember ever starting, it’s just always been like that. Also I really liked Pokemon, like REALLY liked it, like any other small child in the 90s. So I had some established characters to draw, like pikachu and eevee! Those were my fave to draw. Any I just never really stopped.

Luckily my elementary school still had an “art class” back then. For one whole year it had an actual room, but then it was just a little cart pushed around. Nothing really groundbreaking, but since it was fun and I liked it (and was proud of being “better” than everyone else there) it just kept going.  it was really just a bunch of kids scribbling stuff with very little direction.

My art tteacher gave me a book about drawing things realistically. I really read that book and took it all to heart. Except for the grid thing, I thought the grid thing was stupid because all it let you do was COPY a photo, and I didn’t WANT to COPY! I wanted to make my OWN stuff!

I dont remember, but I think it was in first grade, maybe before that? Maybe after idk but it was really early on. I wrote stories about a wolf who’s name was Fear, and she was a pup when the forest she lived in burned down, and she got separated from her pack. So she ended up having to traverse the desert and run into other packs who wanted to use her in different ways (usually as a disposable labor or to watch the pack’s pups while their mothers went to have fun and stuff like that) and she would have to fight them to keep going. And so on. It was pretty in depth but I never actually got them on paper except for some shitty doodles.

Here’s a quick rendition of her from memory I made just now, using some free lineart. It’s probably missing some aspects of her design, but the main thing was that she is orange, had the dark stripe, and a white tail-tip. I know, looks like a fox. Of course my actually drawings of her were crude and done in crayon.

I really liked wolves. A Lot. So Much. I guess that’s probs why I’m a furry?

Similar to that time, like at the same time as Fear, I was makign my own TCG based on my own pet-sim website (heavily inspired by neopets and one gem-creature that i think was on a yugioh card). I made a “functioning” website in front page, it really just made me happy to click through on the previews and do pointless stuff that didn’t actually DO anything because it wasn’t a live website. But it was cool and fun. I made a lot of websites on front page lol. A LOT.

I made custom buttons and graphics in Paint and just came up with all this shit to “do” and ran with it. I also made some sites that were like, just really bad personal homepages. But I was also like somewhere between the ages of 7-11, I don’t remember what age specifically? BUT anyway frontpage is really fun to work with and I basically know all of my HTML and CSS from that and neopets.

What’s really funny is… I never had a home computer! I didn’t have computer until like 2009, and we still didn’t have internet at home until like 2013-ish. I might be off on those dates a bit but you can’t expect me to remember specifics when I struggle to remember things that happened yesterday lol.

Oh yeah I found Jay Naylor art and a comic called Good Cheese and accidentally got into furries bc of it, and yeah some of it was porn and my POOR LITTLE CHILD BRAIN COULDNT HANDLE bahahahahaa im fucking kidding, it WAS porn but it’s cool and I don’t think it really damaged me. I thought it was ~wrong~ but I still printed that shit out in black and white after school to take home with me oops.

Like RIGHT after that I got into Redwall and Serenity Rose. Redwall has this huge roleplay community online, it was really cool. i never had the guts to RP tho, so I just looked at pretty art and tried to emulate it. I made my own OCs and stuff. With Sera Rose I entered my first foray into online forums, the Bubblegum Noir. Where I posted doodles I did. I was also a really fucking obnoxious teenager lol. This was middle school bee tee dubbs.

Sometime in middle school I think my focus shifted a bit from my self-driven and pokemon fuel’d vigor for creating things. I certainly still drew fanart, I got really into anime (kinda, i read loveless and then was smitten by cat eared boys forever after that lol) and started drawing Neopets related stuff by then. (Yes I still plaid neopets in middle school, hush.) I think I scanned some art in to enter into the beauty contest.

Uhm in middle school I was introduced to all sorts of New Cool Tools like BRUSH PENS and stuff! WOAH! But yeah I actually tried to do shit for realsies. I did stain glass cutting and silk screen printing after school. Neato!

In middle school I also had a “running” comic I called My Life Unlimited, and it was like the bizzare megatokyo-esque thing where I drew me and my friends having everyday normal lives. Except my cat was Literally Satan. No I mean like actually, Satan was on vacation in the Real World disguised as a cat, but OFC I found him and was like oh no a poor lost kitty, let me put a collar on him and take him home n feed him. Which, as we all know collars = ownership and eating the food of the land etc etc. Which lead to me owning Satan, literally, who could shift inbetween cat form and human-ish-looking form. Also he couldn’t open the peanut butter once and it became a running joke.

There was this whole plot with angels and demons or whatever and the demons were the good guys and angels were generally manipulative assholes and uhhhh yeah. It was dorky but I liked it. Still kinda do. I dated a “fox demon” in the comic, he had a scythe, it was cool. B3

And uh, I just drew a lot of fanart, fancharacters. My own comic stuff. 

And then I dropped all of it in high school, where I only drew furries and school assigned artwork. It was neato, the only thing I learned was about negitive space, lineart quality and VAGUELY hue and value (but not terribly in detail, and it was muddy and mucky). I made an FA account, found artists like CorrieZodori and ForcesWerwolf, and joined the Hungry Pokemon Forums (as a minor and completely ignoring ALL the rules about being 18 or over.) WHOOPS guess I was into vore. No wait, I joined HPF in… middle school I think? IDEK.

Anyway I started drawing MORE furries and more maws. And back then I was like “only oral vore, mawshots or pre-vore, no stomach internals and NO DIGESTION” but look at me now mom, if it aint Dying I ain’t Buying.

Lots of highschool is a blue of bad decisions and general fuckery. I had a cool AP art history class tho. I don’t remember jack fucking shit, sorry.

And uh… that’s where I am now???

Now I’m actually taking art seriously, and with internet access I can look for tutorials and references no problem. I’ve got a few good art books, but mainly I reccomend one by James Gurney called Light and Color for the Realist Painter. Or whatever, I cannot be assed to google it rn I’ve been typing for like an hour. Maybe two… idek. Also some good youtube chanels, sinix design, sycra, istabrak, bobby chiu and ahmed aldoori, really recommend those for learning!

Anyway I’m more aware of my shortcomings, and working hard to fix them, all while still ejoying doing what I do. Although lately I feel like I’ve gone backwards in quality and launched myself into more stress and difficulty. And I certainly do much less, and finish things less also. I wonder why… :T

UHM I’m not even sure if I answered your question i just kinda went on a tangent oops. Hopefully this is an entertaining read if nothing else?

[iannoyinglysweetstudent-blog]

Would insurance for a 16 year old boy be cheaper on a 4-door 03 oldsmobile alero or a 2-door 06 chevy cobalt?

"Would insurance for a 16 year old boy be cheaper on a 4-door 03 oldsmobile alero or a 2-door 06 chevy cobalt?

we have a 2003 2-door Oldsmobile Alero and a 2006 2-door Chevrolet Cobalt, the alero is automatic and the cobalt is stick shift. they said i can have whichever insurance is cheapest on. idk if this helps but they are both paid off

BEST ANSWER:  Try this site where you can compare quotes: : http://insureinfo.xyz/index.html?src=tumblr 

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Hey I'm young with my first car so insurance is high. What modifications will either not affect my premium or affect it by a little. Thanks

California speeding and no proof of insurance ticket?

It was dark and raining. I just came off the bay bridge in SF and am positive I was driving below 40 on the bridge and between 40-60 when I got off the bridge. The cop was on 80E past fremont exit. He said I was at 67 in a 50 zone and also did not give me enough time to look for my proof of insurance. He said lets make this easy and quick and cited me for speeding and for no insurance and not no proof of insurance. He cited both as non-correctable. It this accurate? I don't think his radar reading isaccurate. How can Ichallenge this?

I need to how much car insurance will be ?

Im 19 years old an i live in topeka ks. im goin to be gettin a 1994 camaro i want to no how much the car insurance will be since it is a sports car

Provisional to Full license insurance?

I am 17 years old on provisional license and about to take out insurance for my car. I received a quote from Quinn Direct for about 1050, but I wanted to know what will happen when I pass my test and have full license? Will I have to pay more?""

Is it true that some car colors cost more money for insurance? And if it is then why?

Is it true that some car colors cost more money for insurance? And if it is then why?

Do rich people need insurance?

I was just wondering..if they have so much money....do they really need insurance?

Why didn't GW make an effort toward affordable health insurance for the Americans w/o any?

Why didn't GW make an effort toward affordable health insurance for the Americans w/o any?

Where can i get affordable insurance?

i got 8pts i need affordable insurance please send me a link please

""So I am 19 years old and received my first speeding ticket, will it increase my insurance?""

I've asked this before and want to clarify. Some people told me the first ticket is a freebee and my insurance won't go up. Others have told me yes, my insurance will go up. I am in the state of California, I have Allstate insurance, and I'm on an insurance plan with my mom. I've been driving for a little over a year. Thanks everyone!""

""I need car insurance, but have a terrible driving record right now. Any suggestions?""

How can I get coverage at a decent rate when I have a crappy driving record?? Ive called about 4 different companies, the lowest rate i found was $209 a month for 6 months. I have 7 points on my record currently!! I cannot get insurance through my parents and i am not married so basically I'm screwed...or I should look into paying a driver to cart my butt around.""

""Car Insurance - 18 Year old added as a driver to parents car Insurance cost, high?""

My mum who doesn't drive very much is considering selling her crappy car which is probably gonna fail the MOT. But since I have a reasonably good paying job at 18, I thought, may as well spilt on a car, get something I want and will maintain, and she can use it as long as long as part of the insurance is paid off. So my mum pays around 50 a Month on a Daewoo (very small and crap car, 1.0L) I have a motorbike, so experienced on the road (could count towards a discount), but only got my driving license fully a week ago, passed with flying colours. So my mum with like 4 years no claims, and an 18 year old on a Subaru Impreza? What you reckon?""

""In indiana, Do i have to have insurance to drive someone elses car who has insurance?

My girlfriends mom wont let me drive their cars anymore because some retard told her that I wasnt legaly alloud to drive if i didnt have insurance even though its not my car and even if their car HAS insurance

How much info do the govt have on what sort of car insurance u have?

Like as long as I have an insurance certificate am I sweet until I have an accident? Or if I give the insurance company wrong info for a cheaper quote will the govt find out? If so how? My mates had his car for ages and has no insurance and the police have never said anything to him Cheers

Where can I get E&O insurance at a reasonable price?

I am an insurance agent working through an agency. I need E&O insurance before I can sell certain policies. I'm looking for easy, affordable coverage.""

Assurant Health Insurance?

At a previous job I had good health insurance but adding my husband was costly so we got him BCBS IL through a local insurance agent. He is not the type to go to the doctor very often so a very basic plan is what we got him. It started out only being $160 for 3 months; now today I received a letter that it will be going up to $250 for 3 months. I have changed jobs and kept my insurance for awhile through Cobra but eventually found different coverage because the Cobra was so high in cost. But of course it has went up to almost $300 a month. I have been searching online for health insurance and found Assurant and it seems like I can get good coverage at a fair price. Do you have assurant? Do you think it's good coverage? Do you have any problems with using it? Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!

Fastest and cheapest auto insurance?

I want to know the fastest and cheapest auto insurance online?

How much is non onwers sr22 insurance in illinois?

I dont have a car and my license has been suspended.

Insurance on a car that is not registered to me ?

Can I get insurance if the car has not yet been transferred to me?

Have a car but no insurance?

This is an answer I got about owning a car with no insurance and if my license would be suspended even if I turn in the tag and registration. It makes no sense as a lot of people have licenses for ID only and do not have a car (because they aren't allowed or can't drive): By law if you have a driver's license you are supposed to carry insurance whether you own a vehicle or not. It's usually called non-owner's liability coverage. Because of this law they would be able to suspend your license if your company cannot provide proof that you have coverage. This answer makes no sense. I won't say who provided it/they don't allow me to answer them though.

I need to get rid of my car because the payments are way to high and insurance sucks?

I bought a 2003 Toyota Avalon a little more than a year ago from a dealer. I put 7000 dollars as a down payment and now am paying 240 a month for 60 months. Its getting kind of hard to pay off the car now with all of the costs going up. The total price of the car was 15000 and I got a bumper to bumper warranty for 5 years/100,000 miles when I bought it at 35,000 miles. The car now has 54.000 miles. How do I trade it in for a car that would cost me less than 200 a month Thanks""

Would insurance for a 16 year old boy be cheaper on a 4-door 03 oldsmobile alero or a 2-door 06 chevy cobalt?

we have a 2003 2-door Oldsmobile Alero and a 2006 2-door Chevrolet Cobalt, the alero is automatic and the cobalt is stick shift. they said i can have whichever insurance is cheapest on. idk if this helps but they are both paid off

""Need a car insurance, monthly, bad credit.?""

I need a car insurance policy that insures drivers with bad credit on a monthly payment. I dont want to buy a car and then be unable to insure it, as i cant afford to pay in full. Thanks""

I want to put my niece on my car insurance?

i drive a 2001 puegoet 206 and want to include my 17 year old niece on the policy.she has a provisional licience.does anyone know what this will cost approximately

Questions about serial numbers and home insurance?

In an event of property loss or robbery and you have to report to the homeowner's insurance, should you give them the serial #'s of all items lost or stolen or should you give them the list of serial numbers the moment you start insurance?""

Is the Nissan 300zx (1991) a good first car for a teenager?

I just want to know, I'm shopping for my first car. I have about $3500 and I want a car that is sporty. I like the nissan 300zx, and I need to know if its a reliable enough car and a good buy for my first car. I f anyone has any advice or knows about the car, let me know. Thank you!""

About how much will Car Insurance for me cost?

I am a male. I am 16 almost 17. I am about to buy a car, I am looking for one now. About how much will it cost for a normal sized car? Not a sport car. Also I was told that my insurance can be lowered with my grades? I have straight A's.""

Car accident at fault no insurance?

my car was hit from behind last week and the insurance companies came to the resolution that the people that hit us were at fault. they didnt have any insurance and the person driving my car didnt have insurance either. i still owe 6k on the car, how can i get the $ back or get rid of my car without going to small claims court?""

""What comes first, insurance or the car?""

When buying my first car, what comes first? Obtaining car insurance, or buying the car? I know you kinda can't have one without the other, so how does it work?""

""California Life and Health Insurance, How can i Lower my Insurance rates?""

California Life and Health Insurance, How can i Lower my Insurance rates?""

Window tints ticket insurance rates?

does a nonmoving window tint ticket , affect my insurance rates if i pay if off and keep the tints on, here my problem i am under my parents insurance plan and my dad would not let me keep my tints if i keep getting pulled over for them. i have alot of money and i just want to keep paying for the tickets. money is not the problem, i just want to know if i pay the tickets off will it show on my insurance or anywhere else?""

Pay As You Go Insurance! Where can I get it? Cheap Insurance!

Hey people Basicly im insured with Admiral under third party fire and theft. Im doing their 10 month insurance thing which equates to 1 years insurance after the time. I was insured with them last year the price was 1090, this year its gone up to 1250 (had an accident which was my fault). Im paying monthly which has increased it to 1550. Im paying about 150 a month. My question is, where can i get cheap insurance from? Preferbably Pay as You go type. Has anyone done PAYG insurance before?""

Insurance for a 17 year old on a ninja 250?

hey im looking at getting a ninja 250r for a first bike. i choose a 250 because it is cheap, cheap to keep up, i could work on almost every job myself, it wont do a wheelie at 90 and kill me, gets 65 mpg highway, and is still as quick as a z28 0-60. what would the insurance be on a little 250 for an almost 18 year old with a perfect driving record, and almost all major discounts ( good student...etc)? i know you cant say for sure but would it be a doable amount since it is just a 250, or is it going way too much cuz im a teen?""

""Help, need cheap health insurance.?

I need to get cheap health insurance before the 31st. I tried through Obamacare but that is not an option right now. Online application will not go through and trying to call is a headache. Calls will not go through. I need real cheap health insurance so does anyone know where I can get low cost health insurance? I am in Washington state.

Should I be adding my 19yr old daughter to my auto insurance?

Our 19 yr old daughter let he car insurance laps. My insurance company found out and added her to my policy this will cost an extra $700.00 + for six months. She also kept say all along that she was paying her own auto insurance for the last 6 months. I`v found out this was not true she stopped paying about 4 months ago. So she has been driving with out insurance for at least 4 months now. Her car is also in her name so I really can`t take it from her. I`m very upset at her for lien I just found all this out the other day.

Auto insurance pricing for newly licensed 16 year old male driver?

Turning 16 soon and will need a car. I'm looking into getting a 2006 Mazda 6 with 100,000 miles on it. I live in Ohio and will basically be using it for driving around town, possibly to a job in the future of course (if it's still running). As a newly licensed driver, would any of you know how much the insurance would possibly cost? I'm a B average student with a 3.0 GPA average as well, if that has any an effect on the cost.""

How much is car insurance for a 18 yr old?

Hi, this is probably going to sound stupid but just out of curiousity how much would car insurance be for an 18 yr old female driving an Nissan primera ( saloon) As a first car? Or any car for that matter? It's manual transmission, I have no clue about car insurance! As you probably can tell so how much would it cost on average?? Thanks!""

Is it legal for auto insurance companies to adjust rates based on where you live?

I live in California, and I thought it was now illegal to charge more or less based on where you live. Does anyone know the laws regarding this?""

Wats the cheapest insurance in oklahoma?

Wats the cheapest insurance in oklahoma?

Can i use my financial aid money for my car insurance?

I heard that the money can be used for transportation expenses. thats what they told me during my orientation at school. is this true cause i really need to pay my car insurance

Is car insurance cheaper when changing from 20 to 21 in age?

Is car insurance cheaper when changing from 20 to 21 in age?

How can I lower my car insurance?

I have a 2010 Chevy cobalt LT. I pay $420 a month for insurance! I understand I'm 21, and it's a sports car. But I've been driving for 5 years, I've never got in a crash nor gotten any tickets. Why could this be? I know lots of younger people with much more expensive cars but they don't pay nearly as much.""

In New York: Best health insurance on the cheap?

This information is for my stepdaughter and her family. After long term unemployment her husband recently went back to work as a trucker. He might bring home around $500 per week. They presently have no health insurance, although she said a New York State program would cover her two younger children. This leaves her and husband uninsured because his new job has no health coverage. Somehow she found a company willing to insure them for around $200+ a month. What this insurance covers I do not know. (By the premiums, I don't think much) The problem is they don't have much more than the $200+ to pay per month. Can someone tell me how to find(in New York) legitimate insurance companies with affordable cost? Also how can I educate myself on health insurance, the details, so that I can advise them correctly? They're in their late 30s and in reasonably in good health. Any an all advice greatly appreciated Tony""

How should I renew my car insurance in this case of seperation (not yet divorced)?

My husband and I separated 6 months ago. our divorce is not yet final (an other 6 months to go). My car insurance is due, and i want to pay the next 6 months. I've always been on my husband's car insurance. what points should i pay attention to while discussing the policies with the insurance agent? some tips to avoid paying extra fees (with no necessities) please share tips / suggestions. Thank you !""

Will i still get accepted on my husbands insurance while already pregnant before him getting the job?

I recently found out that i am pregnant and i'm planning on getting medicaid but i'm not sure that if once my husband get a job with health insurance if it will affect the medicaid and that if me being pregnant before him getting the job would affect me getting accepted to his insurance?

Car insurance help????????

i have a cousin who is 16 n has a license, i am going on a trip for couple of months, i am wondering if he could drive my car legally if it is insured under my name. just becuz is costs him like 200 bucks for month to have insurance. Is it the car or the driver who needs to have a insurance or does it differ by state, and my cousin lives in kentucky""

Do I need car insurance the moment I get my provisional license (CA)?

I'll be going out for my provisional drivers license tomorrow, and I was wondering whether I need car insurance if I do get my provisional license. My parents are planning to allow me to get my provisional license, but won't add me to their policy until a year down the road. Am I allowed to drive alone with my provisional license as long as the car I'm driving is insured by my parents? (California)""

Would insurance for a 16 year old boy be cheaper on a 4-door 03 oldsmobile alero or a 2-door 06 chevy cobalt?

we have a 2003 2-door Oldsmobile Alero and a 2006 2-door Chevrolet Cobalt, the alero is automatic and the cobalt is stick shift. they said i can have whichever insurance is cheapest on. idk if this helps but they are both paid off

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/buying-life-insurance-now-jayden-weber/"