#if a colorized version of this film ever happens I’d - tears forever and ever

[stuckasmain]

Stick em’ up everybody

Dndjdkdkdkd grown cat instead of the kitten, maybe it’s the mother 🤷‍♀️

[katymacsupernatural]

Not My Reality Part 3

Jensen Ackles x Reader

Story Summary: Y/N wakes up in a nightmare. Is it her new reality, or can she figure out how to fix it. How can she get pack to her husband Jensen?

Catch Up Here: Part 1, Part 2

A/N: There is going to be 1 more part.

Jared excused himself for a phone call with his wife, leaving you in awkward silence with Jensen. You opened your mouth to speak, before deciding not to. Jensen kept rubbing the back of his neck, clearly as uncomfortable as you.

Finally, after the silence was unbearable, you gave in. “Can I ask you a question?”

“Yeah,” he answered, seeming slightly relieved that you had spoken first. Sinking down onto the low, cream-colored couch, his body was still tense as if he was waiting for the other bomb to drop. 

You carefully sat down across from him, wishing you could reach out and thread your fingers through his. To feel his strong arms wrapped tight around him, his voice deep as he told you everything would be okay.

“What’s the question?” He asked, pulling your attention back to this Jensen. The one who could barely look at you, and when he did it was with contempt.

“What happened between you, and the...real Y/N? I can tell something happened.”

His jaw clenched and he looked away for a moment. “Listen, it doesn’t matter. I can just tell you’re not her, and we need to figure out how to fix this. It makes me feel like I’m in an episode of Supernatural. Not just filming it.”

“Please, tell me,” you insisted. “I’d like to know.”

“Our Y/N, she’s gone through some troubling times,” he started slowly. “She’s been into drugs, alcohol. You name it, she’s probably tried it. She’s talented, but she lets things get in the way. We’ve tried to help her, but she’s so needy. And then, one night after a long night of filming, I came back to my trailer, and she was laying on my bed, completely nude. I tried dressing her in one of my shirts. Tried pushing her out the door, but her hands were everywhere. Then Dee walked in, and well...it took me almost a month before I was out of the dog house.”

You could see the hurt still in his eyes, the anger at being manhandled like that. His marriage had almost been ruined by your alter ego. It made sense why he was a little mad. “I’m so sorry. I promise I’m nothing like that.”

“I’m beginning to notice,” he answered. “But I think we need to keep moving. If Dee knows you’re here, things might not go well.”

Jared had just finished his phone call, coming back into the room. “Then why bring me here? I don’t want to cause any more trouble for you.”

“Gen was back,” he explained. “And I really didn’t want to explain you.”

“What the hell are we going to do?” You had no idea where to even start. “Do we travel up to Vancouver, and see if that changes anything?”

“It’s our best bet,” Jared agreed. “I can have my plane up and running in around an hour.”

He left again to make plans, and you sat there with Jensen nervously tapping your leg. “I can’t believe this is really happening,” he muttered. “And in your...version of the life, you’re married to me? But we both still work on Supernatural?”

“Yeah,” you answered. “Happily married. Jared’s both of our friends. And you and I...well we just getting ready to start the next chapter of our life together.” 

“Hey guys, have you heard?” Jared came rushing back into the living room, his phone in his hand and his eyes huge. “When I went to call for my plane, they said that all flights are grounded for right now. Because of the craziest electrical storm.”

“So we’re not going to Vancouver?” You asked, disappointed, wondering what was going to happen next.

“There’s more!” Jared insisted, handing the phone to Jensen, leaving you in suspense. “You’ll never guess where this storm happened.”

You quickly left your chair, sitting down beside Jensen, trying to ignore the way his leg tightened and he pulled away from you. You looked over his shoulder, seeing the article on the screen, your mouth dropping in disbelief. 

“No way. Lawrence Kansas. That has to be some sort of sign. Right?” You couldn’t believe it. Your life had been turned upside down, just like an episode of Supernatural. And now this freak storming was happening right above the birthplace of Sam and Dean Winchester. Things had to be connected. 

“I think instead of flying maybe we should be driving through Kansas. Maybe we can get some answers,” Jensen finally spoke up. “This all has to be related somehow.” 

“Roadtrip!” You all three exclaimed. “But first, some explaining to the wives,” Jared sighed. “We’ll leave in five.”

You anxiously waited outside by Jensen’s SUV, and soon enough both men exited the garage, a duffle bag in Jensen’s hand. You sat in the backseat, letting both men sit upfront. Staring out the window as they talked quietly, you couldn’t help but wonder. Is this what had turned your life upside down? A freak storm. And maybe, heading to Kansas would get you back to your life. And your Jensen. 

“You okay back there Y/N?” Jared asked, more comfortable around you than Jensen. “At least we have a lead.”

“Yeah,” you answered, yawning. “How far is the drive?”

Jensen was the one to answer this time. “9 hours or so. Why don’t you try to get some sleep.”

You didn’t have to be told twice. Stretching out in the roomy backseat of his SUV, you nestled your head against the window. Closing your eyes, you let your mind relax. This day had been nothing but traumatic, and you were exhausted.

“Y/N wake up,” Jared gently shook your shoulder, waking you up. “We’re stopped for food and gas. Now’s the time to use the bathroom.”

He left the door open, and you slowly climbed out of the car, yawning and stretching as you did so. The brilliant blue sky had long since darkened to a deep teal, and you wondered exactly how long you had slept. 

“We’re not stopping for dinner so I suggest getting enough snacks to tide you over,” Jensen startled you. He was leaning against the side of the SUV, waiting as it slowly filled up. 

Before heading inside to take care of business, you stayed beside him, enjoying the cool night air. “How far are we away?”

“Another three hours maybe,” he answered. “It won’t be too long now. But please don’t be too disappointed if this Lawrence thing doesn’t work out.” 

“I’m just grateful for you, and Jared, for helping me out. You could have just thrown me out, let me fend for myself,” you awkwardly patted his shoulder, wishing he was yours. At least for a moment so you could feel his arms around you. Holding back tears as your heart ached to be home, you rounded the SUV, heading into the small convenience store. 

After using the restroom, you piled your arms full of snacks. Things for you, along with a couple of items for Jensen in case he didn’t make his way inside. Jared paid for the snacks, and you followed him outside. Silently climbing in the back of the SUV, you couldn’t help but feel your nerves start to rise as you Lawrence grew ever closer.

Dean/Jensen Tags: @acortez82​​ @acreativelydifferentlove​​ @adoptdontshoppets​​ @a-girl-who-loves-disney​​ @akshi8278​​   @bi-danvers0​  @cap-just-said-language​​ @colette2537​​   @deansgirl215​​  @flamencodiva​​ @hamiltrash1411​​ @its-not-a-tulpa​​ @jerkbitchidjitassbutt​​ @justanotherwinchester​​ @just-another-winchester​​ @karouwinchester​​ @keikoraventeller​​  @krys198478​ @librarygeekery​​ @magssteenkamp​​ @misspygmypie​​ @mlovesstories​​ @mrsambroserollinsacklesmgk​​  @mrspeacem1nusone​​ @nothinbuttrouble2​​ @ria132love​​ @ruprecht0420​​  @screechingartisancashbailiff​   @sortaathief​​ @superseejay721517​​ @squirrelnotsam​​ @team-free-will-you-idjiot​​ @thing-you-do-with-that-thing​​ @thoughts-and-funnies​ @torn-and-frayed​​ @tricksterdean​​ @wonderfulworldofwinchester​​ @woodworthti666​​ @beabutterfly987​ @pink-sparkly-witch​ @sexyvixen7​ @alwaysananglophile @supernatural3002​

Not My Reality Tags: @infinityspaceuniverse​ @supernatural3002​ @dean-winchesters-gardian-angel​ @thevelvetseries​ @lexeeehhh​ @erule​

Forever Tags: @aditimukul​​ @alexwinchester23​​ @algudaodoce03-blog​​ @amanda-teaches​​ @andreaaalove​​   @artisticpoet​​ @atc74​​ @be-amaziing​​ @camelotandastronauts​ @caswinchester2000​​ @cpag7​​ @chelsea072498​​  @closetspngirl​​ @deanwanddamons​​ @docharleythegeekqueen​​ @emoryhemsworth​​ @ericaprice2008​​  @esoltis280​​   @tatted-trina6​ @foxyjwls007​​ @gh0stgurl​​ @goldenolaf25​​ @growningupgeek​​  @heartislubbingdubbing​​ @heyitscam99​​ @hobby27​​ @horsegirly99blog​​ @imsuperawkward​​ @internationalmusicteacher​​ @iwriteaboutdean​​  @jayankles​​ @jensen-gal​​ @justsomedreaming​​ @just-another-busyfangirl @karlee-fay-my-wayward-son​​ @linki-locks11​​ @littleblue5mcdork​​  @lowlyapprentice​​   @mersuperwholocked-lowlife​​ @mogaruke​​ @monkeymcpoopoo​​ @musiclovinchic93​​  @nanie5​​   @percussiongirl2017​​ @plaid-lover-bay25​​   @roonyxx​​ @ronja-uebrick​​ @roxyspearing​​  @samanddeanmyheroes​​ @sandlee44​​ @shamelesslydean​​ @simonsbluee​​ @sillesworldofwriting​​ @sgarrett49​​ @spnbaby-67​​ @spn-dean-and-sam-winchester​​ @spnwoman​​   @superbadassnatural​​ @thatcrazybookwormgeek​​   @thewinchesterchronicles​​ @valsworldofcreativity​ @vvinch3st3r​​  @whimsicalrobots​​ @winchester-writes​​ @zombiewerewolfqueen​​

[petri808]

@ktdkvalentines​ for Syd on Ig Valentines Exchange

Bakudeku College Au. TW: panic attack, anxiety, some angst w/happy ending based on the request.

Izuku Midoriya was in a great mood that Fall morning as he arrived at the college campus. His first day of his first year away from home, ready to start the next leg of his journey. He’d chosen this university for its good reviews and psychology program. He wanted to do something good in his life and what better way then helping others who’d suffered like he had. Not that he’d had a horrible life but growing up in a single parent household created some attachment issues and bullying when he was younger left him with anxieties. All through high school he’d worked extra hard to get to a point where he could function most of the time, and he was proud of how far he’d come. That growth is what led him to pursue a career in psychology, to take his negative experiences and turn them into a positive one.

So, he wasn’t ready when he walked into the dorm room and saw the familiar blonde hair and red eyes of his nightmares looking back at him. 

Oh, this couldn’t be happening! Izuku swallowed hard, a mantra of calming statements flooding his brain as a silent staring content ensued. Neither man said a word, but the longer this went on for, the voices in his mind slowed and were replaced with questions. He was starting to realize... did the blonde even remember him?! He couldn’t tell if it was confusion, or maybe pain on the man’s twisted features, but it certainly wasn’t the angry boy he’d grown up with.

“Wow, Izuku is that you?” The man spoke with no malice in his tone, even rubbed the back of his neck nervously. “Been a long time, huh?”

“Yeah... about 7 years I think.”

“H-How you been?”

“Okay, I guess. A bit surprised to see a familiar face.”

The blonde’s shoulders dropped slightly, and he averted his eyes to the ground, “probably not who you’d hoped to see again...”

“I didn’t say...”

“No, no, it’s okay.” The man waved his hands to stop him. “I— I owe you an apology Zuku. And I’m not looking for forgiveness cause I don’t deserve it, but I hope we can, I don’t know like start off fresh, I guess, since we’re stuck in this room together.”

Izuku blinked in confusion, what had happened to Katsuki Bakugou in these past 7 years?! He was certain it wasn’t all arouse, or that the man was trying to bring his guard down, because Katsuki sounded genuine. Until the age of 2 or 3 they were actually really close, but for some reason by the end of their first year of primary school, he’d started picking on Izuku, or taking out his anger on the smaller boy. He had no idea what triggered it, but in the end, he was left emotionally scarred. Now, the man standing before him exuded a broken version of that 3-year-old child he once knew.

“You’re right. I lost count of how many times I ran home in tears because of you. We were best friends and it really hurt when you started picking on me and being mean to me.” The pain evident in his voice rang out into the small, shared room. “I don’t care why you did it. But,” Izuku continued with a sigh, “you’re right, I don’t wanna rehash the past either, so if we can just start over and put up with being roommates, we’ll see how it goes.”

“I’d like that. A-and I know it might not mean much but am sorry Zuku— about how I’d treated you. I promise, I’m not that guy anymore.”

“I believe you.” And he did, for now. Deep down, Izuku always tried to stay positive because if he didn’t, and allowed the irrational thoughts to fester, it could pull him right back into an episode. He didn’t fully trust Katsuki yet, but if was serious about going into the counseling field, he also knew it was important to continue moving forward. That didn’t mean divulging all of his secrets, or telling Katsuki about his own struggles, but he’ll stay alert to make sure that at any sign the man was slipping, he’d get out of there.

As the first two months crept along, the roommates went about their own business with very little interactions at first. It was a bit weird to Izuku, to be in a shared room where their beds were literally just a few feet from one another’s, yet they were lucky to go beyond a good morning or hello. In comfortable situations, he was a bubbly person who genuinely enjoyed talking to people, so the stillness of their room was unnerving. Of course, this was better than feeling fearful around Katsuki, but how are they to move forward and maybe become friends again, if they weren’t interacting?

So, because they weren’t talking, Izuku did the next best thing and observed. One thing that had not changed about Katsuki, was being meticulous. The blondes side of the room was always neat and tidy, books or stationery on the desk stacked perfectly, clothes in the closet organized by color and type, even the bed was always made with crisp corners. Early to bed and early to rise, the man had a ritual of sorts. If he wasn’t studying at his desk, he’d be on his bed reading or listening to music. Even the way Katsuki ate was curious to Izuku, constantly wiping his hands or face of any residue. There were a few things the blonde requested of him, no scented candles or strong, smelling fish type meals, and to leave his side of the curtains closed, something about the sunlight bothering him. They were simple enough requests to acquiesce to.

The man rarely left the room except to go to class and as far as he could tell, Katsuki had only one other friend on the campus who’d occasionally drop by. A nice guy, very friendly named Eijiro Kirishima. Well, he assumed they were friends because most of the time, his roommate stayed quiet while Eijiro did the talking. Izuku was pretty sure he spoke to the man more then Katsuki during these visits. They seemed unlikely friends really, one happy-go-lucky, and one anti-social... kind of reminded him of their once friendship now that he thought about it.

Izuku could appreciate the idea of sticking to familiar surroundings. Their dorm room was a sanctuary for him as well. He avoided large, crowded areas as much as possible, and if he didn’t know anyone, did his best to be inconspicuous. But within their room, with just the two of them, it should be a comfortable experience. Before coming to the school, he’d wondered what his roommate would be like or imagined making friends, so it was a little disappointing. By the third month it was a close friend of Izuku’s that suggested he make the first move to engage Katsuki in conversations. Start out simple, maybe learn any hobbies, what music he listened to, his major, etc. Forget the fact he knew the man and pretend as if he’s trying to make a new friend. Ugh, he hated making the first move. Izuku preferred being engaged not initiating it because it drove his anxieties up. But they were right. ‘Think of it like practice,’ Izuku reasoned with himself, ‘pulling a difficult client out of their shell.’

It was a lazy Sunday around midterms when Izuku decided to make a move. As he sat rested on his bed similarly to Katsuki, with his back against the wall and a textbook propped on his legs. Every few seconds, he glanced over the book’s edge, side-eyeing the blonde who was also nose deep into a chemistry textbook. Should he say something? But the man looked preoccupied, and Chemistry is a difficult subject. Maybe he shouldn’t bother Katsuki? He didn’t want to be annoying or anything and it wasn’t important really. Then again, the guy was always preoccupied with something or other and if he waited for a perfect moment, what if it never came? Would he wait forever? No, this was as good a time as ever.

Izuku lowered his book. “H-How’s the studying going Kacchan?”

The blonde turned to look at him briefly. “Fine.” Then returned to his reading.

“Oh, that’s good.”

Ugh! It was always so hard to get a read on Katsuki! His affect and tone were flat, no anger, amusement, nothing, just his common one worded response. It was rare for the blonde to give or maintain eye contact, so at least the man looked at him this time.

He tried another question. “I noticed your chemistry book, is that your major?”

“Yup.”

“Um, what do you do with a chemistry degree?” Izuku asked genuinely.

This time Katsuki surprised Izuku when he stopped and put his book down before engaging. “I’m fascinated by the chemical reactions of fire and combustion. How it works, why it occurs, how it can be manipulated, stuff like that. And I don’t know, I could be a scientist, or maybe do pyrotechnics, just work somewhere I don’t have to talk to too many people.”

“Wow! I mean I was never good at math and stuff to understand, but it sounds pretty interesting.”

“I guess so. What’s with the questions all of a sudden?”

“W-Well,” Izuku shifted his body to face the man completely, “we’re roommates. I don’t expect us to be full-on friends, but I figured it would be nice to talk sometimes.” Katsuki’s silent reply of nothing forced him to make a decision to continue talking, because he assumed if the man wasn’t interested, he would have turned away. Silence wasn’t exactly a normal response, but maybe the blonde really wasn’t sure what to say next. “I don’t expect you tell me super personal stuff— just small talk. Like, um, what kind of music do you like?”

“Alternative.”

Izuku’s eyes flashed with surprise at such a quick response. Okay, so Katsuki was fine with answering. “I like that too! Well, some,” he giggled. “Though I mostly listen to pop now. What about movies?”

“Horror films.”

“Oof,” Izuku cringed. “I can’t handle those they scare me too much!”

“I remember. It gave you nightmares.”

Bouncing on the bed, Izuku’s legs moved to hang over the edge in his excitement. He was really surprised in a good way that Katsuki remembered something so mundane about him. “Wow! You still remember that?! Yeah,” he laughed, “I’ll stick to sci-fi or action. Plus, I’m not fond of theaters anyways so, I just watch stuff on my laptop.”

“Why not? You used to be the outgoing one.”

That made Izuku flinch because he wasn’t ready to tread into that territory with his former bully. “Oh, you know, it’s always crowded, and you have to deal with parent-less kids causing a racket in the place. I rather just enjoy my movie without all that.”

“Makes sense. I don’t care to go to places like that either.”

“Yeah, I noticed that— is there anything you do like or hobbies maybe?”

“Just exercising in the early morning, by myself, except since Eijiro inserted himself, I tolerate him.”

So, that confirmed what he’d already suspected. Katsuki kept his body in really great shape and that hadn’t gone unnoticed by Izuku. But since he wasn’t much of a morning person, he didn’t notice what time Katsuki left the dorm, only the man’s return, showered and refreshed. Needless to say, the blonde male with wet hair was nice to look at and smelled good too. “Oh,” his face heated up at the thought of it, but he needed to play dumb. “So, that’s what you do in the mornings. I wondered about that.”

Things between the roommates settle into a comfortable routine. As another month passes by, Izuku still needed to start the conversation, but at least Katsuki would respond amicably or engaged with him, and to his delight with the help of Eijiro, they’d even managed to get the man to go out to dinner once. Those years of dread and angst were melting away, and soon enough Izuku looked forward to spending time with his old friend.

He still couldn’t get a full read on Katsuki’s demeanor. The man’s emotionless responses made it difficult to tell whether or not he was even enjoying anything. So, Izuku could only assume that by participating, he didn’t mind. The old Katsuki would say whatever he was thinking, good or bad, and while he got the sense that he would do so as needed, such as letting him know about the scent issue, it would be really nice if it didn’t feel like a guessing game all the time. Regardless, the progress they were making to rekindle any sort of relationship was a win in Izuku’s mind.

“Here.”

Izuku looked up from his desk to see a plastic shopping bag held in Katsuki’s hand. “What’s this?” He took it tentatively.

“I saw it at the store. You still into this stuff?”

He opened the bag and pulled out the latest action figure of his favorite comic book character. It was a figurine he’d been saving up his spare money to buy. “Kacchan,” Izuku looked back up curiously at the man. “Is this for me? How’d you know?”

Katsuki just shrugged. “Just remembered you were obsessed with the guy.”

“Thank you, really, but I can’t except this gift, it’s not even my birthday.”

“Just take it. Think of it as an I’m sorry gift if it makes you feel better.”

As Izuku sat there stunned, the blonde simply went back to his bed without another word and picked up a book as if nothing significant had just occurred.

“T-Thank you, Kacchan.”

“Yeah, no prob.”

His face heated up and a smile took over as he stared at the action figure for a few seconds before staging it prominently on his bedside table. Izuku had left all of his collectibles at home, so it was nice to have something in their room. But even more important, was again, Katsuki remembered something about Izuku from their childhood and took the time to get this gift. Despite their long rocky history, this small act meant the world to him. It was the first true moment to make Izuku think, maybe they really could be like they once were.

Finals were approaching in barely two more weeks, and some students were already stressing out. The anxiety in the air felt palpable to Izuku. He could feel it practically oozing off the other students. Of course, everyone dealt with stress in different ways. Some went inwards, the pressure fueling them to work harder while other’s went the completely opposite route of goofing off and procrastinating. Other’s might stress eat, binge caffeine drinks, and friends banded together in study groups. But then there are the ones who took out their frustrations and stress on others.

Bullies. The bane of Izuku’s existence.

Most of the time, he could easily avoid their type around campus. He’d developed a sixth sense for such individuals which his therapist explained as a heightened sense of energy levels. It’s really not as mystical as it sounds, rather that, those like him that suffer from a high level of anxiety, are sensitive to other people’s emotional outputs. Being bullied or harassed himself certainly sent his anxiety’s skyrocketing but seeing it could also trigger a problem depending on the severity.

Hence his current predicament...

It was the end of the day for Izuku and he was ready to just get back to his dorm, eat something, and dive into his studies. One of his teachers had released the finals study guide early, so he thought it best to get a head start. But as he made his way past the row of dorm buildings, Izuku spotted something that sent a cold chill down his spine. Three men cornering a fourth. They were at least 50 yards away and he couldn’t hear everything they were yelling. Something about a group project, pulling weight— One man had grabbed the victims shirt and was semi-lifting him up while the other two men just watched and egged him on.

Oh, this was not good! Izuku’s memories started to replay and his experiences were brought back to the forefront. The men’s faces were so close... he could almost feel the hot breath wafting over, spit hitting his face, or the smell of the bullies breath. It made him sick to his stomach. Izuku’s heart raced, his throat began to close up, and breathing grew erratic. He needed to get out of there! The red piercing eyes of his nightmares took center stage in his mind’s eye... all those times he was harassed and battered by Katsuki rushing back like a wave to toss him against a wall of sandy hair.

‘Deep breaths, deep breaths, deep breaths!’ Izuku screamed in his head, ‘calm down, calm down, get back to my room! It’s not you, it’s not you... it’s not him! It’s not him!!’

Izuku picked up the pace, a fast walk over a running sprint to avoid being noticed. The last thing he needed was to draw attention to himself and risk becoming the new target. He dug his nails hard into his arm to force his mind towards a physical distraction, but it wasn’t working.

A deep voice screamed, cursing at the top of its lungs, and filling Izuku’s mind, just like that long ago day. The worst attack, the one that finally pushed his mother to move him to a different school. All the fear coursing through his veins rush back, heart pounding against his rib cage. Katsuki had grabbed him, hand fisted into his shirt as he pushed Izuku up a wall and off his feet. He could still feel the cold stone wall behind him juxtaposed to the pain from his hot throbbing lip and swollen cheek where he’d been struck.

He burst through the dorm room door, stumbling, spilling his bag onto the floor as he fell to his knees, gasping for air because his jaw felt locked up and he couldn’t get enough air. All of his muscles were tensing up, imagined or not, it felt like he was suffocating. His body was shaking, sweating— he wanted to puke.

“Whoa, Zuku, what’s wrong?!”

Katsuki had rushed over and dropped to the floor, grabbing Izuku by the shoulders to hold him up and steady. But he couldn’t answer the man in words. Tears were streaming down his face as he did his best to focus and answer the man, but it was tough, fighting against the rapid assault of images in his mind and cursing blaring in his eardrums.

“Fuck, um, allergic reaction?!”

Izuku shook his head violently, no.

“Choking?!”

Again, Izuku shook his head violently, no.

“Panic attack?!”

Izuku now adamantly shook his head, yes!

“Okay, okay, shit, panic attacks, um, it’s been awhile, what do I— oh, right, okay, okay, d-don’t move!” Katsuki stumbled back to his feet and ran out of the room, coming back within a minute with a cup of ice cubes from the common kitchen. He takes one, two, three, shoving it into Izuku’s mouth. It took a bit of effort to get the man’s jaw to open wide enough to shove it in. “Close your mouth all the way, try to get the ice to touch the roof of your mouth.”

Seconds after the ice touched, it sent a brain freeze from hell shooting through Izuku’s pain receptors. “Ahhh!” He spat out all the melting cubes as his hands fly up to his head, cradling, squeezing to counter against the physical pain, “cold! Cold! Cold!”

At that statement, Katsuki slumped back onto his haunches in relief. “Oh good, it worked.” He then took Izuku’s hands with an even soft tone. “Look at me.” Once the man complied, he continued. “Focus on your breathing, inhale when I say to, exhale when I say to.”

Izuku struggled against the embers of irrational thoughts coupled with the brain freeze coming down. His breathing stayed haggard, jagged as he fought his own mind to follow Katsuki’s instructions. But every time he’d start to struggle, the man would refocus him back to the breathing by pressing his thumb nail into the webbing of Izuku’s hand. Not very hard, but enough of a sting to bring back his focus on the physical. It took about 15 minutes until he could breathe in time with Katsuki’s words.

Be it the overwhelming sense of release or sheer exhaustion, Izuku collapsed on to Katsuki’s chest. His panicked breathing whittled down to silent sobbing. The blonde didn’t move or flinch and held the man up, simply keeping his arms around his back without a word. Minutes dragged by as the tears finally slowed.

“Thank you, Kacchan,” Izuku breathed out. “How’d you know what to do?”

“Let’s just say, I’ve had my share.”

Izuku sat back, rubbing away the moisture drying on his cheeks as he looked at his roommate with new eyes. “You? W-When? I-I mean if you don’t wanna say, it’s fine, I’ll understand. We probably both have a lot a secrets.”

Katsuki thought for a moment. “If I tell you what happened, you gotta come clean too.”

He hadn’t expected that, but after what had just occurred, perhaps it was time. “Okay,” Izuku nods.

“In middle school I was sent to a therapist because of my anger issues and diagnosed as a high functioning autistic. Frankly, I don’t know how much to believe in that, but in the end, the therapist was a good thing.” Katsuki leaned back against a desk leg. “The short answer, I learned the reason I’d started bullying you was because I was getting frustrated with myself which lead to anger, and I wrongly took it out on the closest person to me.”

“Why were you frustrated? I thought we were fine...”

“It had nothing to do with you. It was me and I don’t know, I just started feeling different, I didn’t like being around people, didn’t understand or even care about anyone because I couldn’t figure out how to fit in. Yet I’d watch you make friends so effortlessly and I got mad. There’s a lot more to it, even blamed my mom for some of it, but I just didn’t know how else to get it out except through anger. It took a few years to learn to control myself. That’s one of the reasons I got into exercising. If I start feeling frustrated, I can take it out that way now, burn off the excess energy I guess.”

Izuku was a little taken aback at the idea Katsuki’s been diagnosed on the autism spectrum. The man didn’t seem like he had a mental disorder, but the clues were there. The aversion to certain stimulus, social apathy, his fixations on certain elements. “Wow... I had no idea. It doesn’t excuse what you did, but I’m glad you’ve come this far.”

“So, what about you?”

“I don’t think it was just the bullying that started it all. After my dad left us, I was already vulnerable, it’s why I latched onto you so quickly. So, when you started— I-I felt extremely hurt. You were my first friend, my best friend Kacchan and when you started hurting me... I don’t know what was worse, the physical pain or the mental ones. By the time I moved schools, I’d developed anxiety and depression, and it got so bad my mom finally took me to a therapist where I worked all through high school to get it under control. I do really good now, but sometimes things trigger me.” More tears resurface to cloud Izuku’s eyes, but he kept them from spilling. “Today, on my way here, I-I saw a guy being harassed and it brought it all back again. Nothing was working, so I just thought if I could just get to safety, a-and I don’t know, I figured I could get it under control once I was alone. But I’m glad you were here, because I don’t think I could have. You really, saved me today Kacchan.”

“It doesn’t make up for anything. I’m the asshole who made you like this.”

He snorted a laugh, “that’s for sure, but the cause became the cure.”

“What?”

“You caused this, but today you cured it. That means a lot to me because I do want to forgive you.”

“No. I don’t deserve a second chance. I’m content that we’re at least on speaking terms again and I could make amends somehow.”

“Kacchan, everyone deserves a second chance.” Izuku’s smile returned. “We were kids. You didn’t know better. And you’ve changed, that’s the important thing. I think we’ve both changed.”

“How?”

“Well, it’s those experiences that helped me to find a new passion in life to help others— people like us who are struggling with something. Turn a negative into a positive.”

“How the hell do you do that? You just had a panic attack and you’re already sunny smiles again. I mean you were always like this, and it’s me, I just don’t get emotions, but if you wanna forgive me, I guess I can’t stop you.”

Izuku shrugged. “Nope you, can’t,” he smiled wider. “Right now, this is probably the happiest I’ve felt in a very long time.” He stood up and extended a hand, helping Katsuki to his feet. “Dinner, my treat.”

“I don’t feel like going out.”

“I know,” Izuku smiled. “I’ll order in.”

[thestoryofustaylorsversion]

Folklore perspectives ✨

As Taylor said, each folklore tale is told from either her perspective, her friends’s perspective or perspectives of those she has never met before.

Here’s who’s perspective I believe each tale is told✨

The 1- taylor’s perspective looking back at a past friendship (most likely in her 20’s) she may have thought would be more OR betty’s perspective on how she wished things worked out different with james (during the roaring 1920s?)

‘If you really wanted me then you really should’ve shown’

‘Roaring twenties, throwing pennies in the pool. And if my wishes came true, it would have been you”

‘It could have been sweet, if it could have been me’

‘In my defense, I have none. For digging up the grave another time’

‘It could have been fun, if you would have been the one’

cardigan- betty’s perspective on her & james relationship when she’s older (reflecting on what she was told she knew vs what she knew)

‘When you are young they assume you know nothing’

‘But I new you...’

‘When I felt like an old cardigan, under someone’s bed. You put me on and said I was your favorite.’

‘Chase two girls, lose the one’

‘Tried to change the ending, Peter losing Wendy.’

‘I knew everything when I was young’

‘I knew you’d haunt all of my what-ifs’

‘I knew you’d miss me once the thrill expired. And you’d be standing in my front porch light. And you’d come back to me’

the last great american dynasty - rebekah & taylor’s perspective on similar circumstances of being perceived as loud, mad and shamless

‘there goes the loudest/ maddest/ shameless woman this town has ever seen’

‘And then it was bought by me’

‘She/ I had a marvelous time ruining everything’

exile- james & betty’s perspective when they are a bit older on how they fell apart; how they refuse to listen to each other

‘I can see you standing honey, with his arms around your body’

‘I can see you staring honey, like he’s just your understudy’

‘I think I’ve seen this film before, and I didn’t like the ending’

‘We always walked a very thin line’

‘Took you five whole minutes to pack us up and leave me with it’

‘Second, third and hundredth chances.’

‘You didn’t even hear me out’

‘You never/ I gave so many signs’

my tears ricochet- taylor’s perspective on the story of her masters being stolen from under her

‘Even on my worst day. Did I deserve, babe, all the hell you gave me?’

‘Cause I loved you, swear I loved you.’

‘I didn’t have it in myself to go with grace.’

‘And if I’m dead why are you at the wake? Cursing my name, wishing I stayed, look at how my tears ricochet.’

‘You wear the same jewels that I gave you, as you bury me’

‘I can anywhere just not home’

‘I still talk to you, as I’m screaming at the sky’

‘And when you can’t sleep at night. You hear my stollen lullabies’

mirrorball - taylor‘s perspective of her career

‘I’ll show you every version of yourself tonight’

‘I can change everything about me to fit in’

‘But I’m still on my tallest tip toes. Spinning in my highest heels, love. Shining just for you’

‘I know they said the end is near’

‘I’ve never been a natural, all I do is try try try’

‘I’m still trying everything to keep you looking at me’

seven- taylor‘s perspective as a child, before she is forced to grow up and become a woman

‘Picture me in the tree’

‘I peaked at seven”

‘We can be pirates’

‘Please picture me in the weeds’

‘Before I learn civility’

‘I used to scream ferociously’

august- james’ summer fling’s perspective on their summer romance

‘Are you sure? Never have I ever before’

‘I can see us lost in the memory’

‘August slipped away to a moment in time’

‘Cause you were never mine’

‘I remember thinking I had you’

‘For me it was enough’

‘So much for summer love and saying us’

‘Back when I was living for the hope of it all’

this is me trying- told from the perspective of James when he’s a little older, who feels he lost his way and is trying to find his way back after losing betty

‘I have a lot of regrets about that’

‘They told me all my cages were mental. So I got wasted like all my potential’

‘Fell behind all my classmates now I’ve ended up here’

‘But I’m here in your doorway’

‘It’s hard to be at a party when you feel like an open wound’

‘It’s hard to be anywhere these days when all I want is you’

‘You’re a flashback on a film reel on the one screen in my town’

illicit affairs- a young woman’s perspective on having an affair with someone older

‘I tell my friends I’m out for a run, you’ll be flushed when you return’ (makes me think she’s in college, living with friends)

‘What started in beautiful rooms ends with meetings in parking lots’

‘That’s the thing about illicit affairs and clandestine meetings and longing stares’

‘Take the words for what they are. A dwindling mercurial high’

‘They show their truth just one single time but they lie and they lie and they lie a million little times.’

‘Don’t call me kid, don’t call me baby’

‘Look at this idiotic fool that you made me’

invisible string- taylor’s perspective on fate bringing her to her lover, joe; time heals all things

‘isn’t it just so pretty to think, all along there was some invisible string, tying you to me’

‘a single thread of gold tied me to you.’

‘green was color of the grass where I used to read at Centennial park, I used to think I’d meet somebody there ’

‘Teal was the color of your shirt when you were 16 at the yogurt shop’

‘Bad was the blood of the song in the can on your first trip to LA’

‘Bold was the waitress on our three-year-trio getting lunch down by the lakes. She said I looked like an American singer’

‘Cold was the steel of my axe to grind for the boys who broke my heart, but now I sent their babies presents’

‘Time, mystical, time, cutting me open and healing me fine’

‘Gave me the blues then purple pink skies (lover)’

‘Gold was the color of the leaves when I showed you around Centennial park’

‘Hell was a journey but it brought me heaven’

‘A string that pulled me out of all the wrong arms and to that dive bar’

mad woman- taylor‘s perspective of how she (and other female artists) has been persecuted by the media, celebrities and her former record label

‘What did they think I’d say to that?’

‘They strike to kill and you know I will’

‘Does she smile? Or does she mouth “fuck you forever”’

‘Every time you call me crazy, I get more crazy’

‘Women like hunting witches too’

‘I breathe fire each time I talk’

‘It’s obvious wanting me dead has really brought you two together’

‘Cause you took everything from me. Watching you climb, watching you climb. Over people like me’

‘No one likes a mad woman, you made her like that’

epiphany- a soldier’s (her grandfather’s) perspective, a medial worker’s perspective, a hero’s battle story

‘crawling up the beaches now, I think he’s bleeding out’

‘some things you just can’t speak about’

‘hold your hands through plastic’

‘keep your helmet, keep your life son’

‘Something med school did not cover’

‘with you I serve, with you I fall down’

‘watch you breathin in, watch you breathin out’

‘doc, I think she’s crashing out’

‘only 20 minutes to sleep, but you dream of some epiphany’

betty- james’ perspective when he was seventeen, after he came back from his summer with ‘august’. He chased two girls and now he wants betty back.

‘would you tell me to go fuck myself or lead me to the garden’

‘you heard the rumors from Inez, you can’t believe a word she says, most times but this time it was true’

‘it was only a summer thing’

‘plus I saw you dance with him’

‘the worst thing I ever did was what I did to you’

‘I’m only seventeen I don’t know anything but I know I miss you’

‘I was walking home on broken cobblestones’

‘i slept next to her but I dreamed of you all summer long’

‘I’m here on your doorstep’

‘will you have me? will you love me?’

‘will this fix your broken wings?’

peace- taylor telling joe she knows she can’t give him everything he may need (peace) and is asking if that is still enough? Also a promise to do everything that she can do for him.

‘Would it be enough if I never bring you peace?’

‘You paint dream scapes on the wall, I talk shit with my friends. It’s like I’m wasting you honor’

‘People think love is for show, but I’d die for you in secret’

‘Give you my wild, give you a child’

‘The rain is always gonna come when you’re standing with me’

‘I’m a fire and I’ll keep your brittle heart warm’

‘You got a friend in me’

hoax- taylor making promise to joe that no matter what happens she will always be there for him; also makes references to how he’s the only one who understands her and her pain just like she understands his

‘Don’t want no other shade of blue but you’

‘No other sadness in the world would do’

‘I left a part of me back in new york’

‘You know it still hurts underneath my scars from when they pulled me apart’

‘Stood on the cliffside screaming “give me a reason”’

‘Your faithless love is the hoax I believe in’

‘My broken drum, you have beaten my heart’

Although so many songs are written from many character’s perspective, I absolutely adore how certain lines in most songs are clearly about taylor. She’s such a magical author to weave her life into her character’s lives in her folklore stories ✨🖤🧚‍♂️

I WILL NEVER GET OVER THIS ALBUM 🖤🖤🖤

@taylorswift @taylornation 🖤✨🧚‍♂️

[lovedholic]

folklore sentence starters

under the cut are #100+ sentence starters from taylor swift’s newest album folklore. some of the lyrics have been tweaked to fit rp purposes, but feel free to change anything to your liking !! i hope you like these as much as i did  ♡

the 1

i'm doing good, i'm on some new shit .

i thought i saw you at the bus stop, i didn't though .

you know, the greatest films of all time were never made .

well, i guess you never know .

if you wanted me, you really should've showed it .

it's alright now .

but we were something, don't you think so ?

i had this dream that you were doing some cool shit .

you know, the greatest loves of all time are over now .

if one thing had been different, would everything be different today?

you would've been the one .

cardigan

when you are young, they assume you know nothing .

but, i knew you? .

baby, kiss it better .

you said i was your favorite ! 

a friend to all is a friend to none .

i felt like i was an old cardigan .

to kiss in cars and downtown bars was all we needed .

you drew stars around my scars .

i tried to change the ending, but . . .

i knew you'd haunt all of my what-ifs .

i knew i'd curse you for the longest time .

i knew you'd come back to me .

the last great american dynasty

how did a middle-class divorcée do it ?

the wedding was charming, if a little gauche in my opinion .

ah, there's only so far new money goes .

their parties were tasteful, if a little loud .

she stole his dog and dyed it key lime green !

fifty years is a long time, you know   .

i had a marvelous time ruining everything .

exile

im holdin' all this love out here in the hall .

i think i've seen this film before, and i didn't like the ending .

you're not my homeland anymore .

so what am i defending now ?

i can see you starin', honey .

second, third, and hundredth chances . how many more do you want ?

i'm not your problem anymore !

there is no amount of crying i can do for you .

we always walked a very thin line .

you didn't even hear me out .

you never gave a warning sign .

i gave so many signs .

i never learned to read your mind .

you never turned things around .

my tears ricochet

and if i'm on fire, you'll be made of ashes, too .

even on my worst day, did i deserve all the hell you gave me ?

i loved you, i swear i loved you .

i didn't have it in myself to go with grace .

i'm dead to you, why are you at the wake ?

you know i didn't want to have to haunt you .

you used to tell me i was brave .

i can go anywhere i want, just not home .

you would still miss me in your bones .

i still talk to you when i'm screaming at the sky .

you turned into your worst fears .

you're tossing out blame, drunk on this pain you have inside you .

mirrorball

i'll show you every version of yourself tonight .

i know they said the end is near . . .

i can change everything about me to fit in .

you are not like the regulars .

i'm still a believer, but i don't know why .

i'm still trying everything to keep you looking at me .

seven

please, picture me in the trees .

i was too scared to jump in .

are there still beautiful things ?

sorry, i can’t recall your face .

i love you to the moon and to saturn .

i've been meaning to tell you this, i think your house is haunted .

your dad is always mad, though ?

i think you should come live with me .

we can be pirates !

august

i never needed anything more .

are you sure ?

will you call when you're back at school ?

i remember thinking i had you .

it was never mine .

i can see us twisted in bedsheets .

back when we were still changing for the better . . .

for me, it was enough .

i canceled all of my plans just in case you'd call .

meet me behind the mall .

so much for summer love and saying "us"  .

you weren't mine to lose .

get in the car !

this is me trying

i've been having a hard time adjusting .

i didn't know if you'd care if i came back .

i have a lot of regrets about that .

i'm here in your doorway, where are you ?

i just wanted you to know that this is me trying .

fell behind all my classmates and i ended up here .

i’m pouring out my heart to a stranger .

it's hard to be anywhere these days when all i want is you .

illicit affairs

make sure nobody sees you leave .

tell yourself you can always stop .

well , that's the thing about illicit affairs .

don't call me baby .

look at this godforsaken mess that you made me !

you showed me colors you know i can't see with anyone else .

look at this idiotic fool that you made me !

you taught me a secret language i can't speak with anyone else .

and you know damn well that for you, i would ruin myself .

invisible string

i used to think i would meet somebody there .

were there clues i didn't see ?

she said i looked like an american singer, how absurd was that ?

one single thread of gold tied me to you .

now i send their babies presents !

mad woman

what did you think i'd say to that ?

what do you sing on your drive home ?

fuck you forever !

what about that ?

there's nothing like a mad woman .

what a shame she went mad .

you made her like that .

and women like hunting witches too .

it's obvious that wanting me dead has really brought you two together .

i'm taking my time .

you took everything from me .

epiphany

sir, i think he's bleeding out !

there are some things you just can't speak about .

with you, i fall down .

this is something med school did not cover .

doc, i think she's crashing out !

you only have twenty minutes to sleep .

try to make some sense of what you've seen .

dream of some epiphany, okay ?

betty

i won't make assumptions about why you switched your homeroom but i think it's 'cause of me .

one time i was riding on my skateboard . . .

when i passed your house it's like i couldn't breathe .

have you heard the rumors from inez ?

this time it was true !

the worst thing that i ever did was what i did to you .

if i just showed up at your party, would you have me ?

would you tell me to go fuck myself ?

what if i told you it was just a summer thing ?

i know i miss you .

i know where it all went wrong .

i hate the crowds, you know that .

plus, i saw you dance with him .

get in, let's drive .

i dreamt of you all summer long .

i planned it out for weeks .

right now is the last time i can dream about what happens .

the only thing i wanna do is make it up to you .

peace

suddenly, it's clear .

i never had the courage .

as long as danger is near .

and it's just around the corner, darling .

all these people think love's for show .

i would die for you in secret .

the devil's in the details, but you got a friend in me .

would it be enough if i could never give you peace ?

it's like i'm wasting your honor .

is it enough ?

i'd give you my sunshine, my best, anything .

but the rain is always gonna come if you're standing with me .

hoax

this has broken me down .

give me a reason .

your faithless love's the only hoax i believe in .

don't want no other shade of blue but you .

no other sadness in the world would do .

you know i left a part of me back in new york .

you knew it still hurts underneath my scars from when they pulled me apart .

you knew you won, so what's the point of keeping score ?

what you did was just as dark .

[prettylikeadevil-swift]

Hey Taylor!

We wanted to put together a project to show you how much we love you and your songs! We’re all so so so excited for Lover and all the new songs, the memories made listening to the album, at tour and making and meeting heaps of new friends!!

So here’s a bunch of incredible people’s stan songs and why the love them so much! @taylorswift

Debut

Harishita (ig, @tayalisonswift) - I love this song because the lyrics are so relatable with me sometimes; especially when I am sad

Heidi (@heidilovestay137) - Tim McGraw has been my Stan song ever since I was 8 years old! It has helped me through all my rough patches in life and has just always been the song I go to when I’m feeling sad or happy!! The song brings back so many precious memories and it will always hold a special place in my heart! So thank you so much Taylor, for writing the song that made my life complete💖

Marta (@mlswiftie) - I’ve never really had a favourite Taylor Swift song mainly due to the fact that every single one of them is a masterpiece. However I feel like I relate to Invisible the most… every time I hear this song it somehow makes me feel less lonely cause other people are going through the same thing as me.

Sarah (@sarah-adores-swift) - this song has helped me through basically everything bad in my life. no matter what is happening, its relevant. the emotion is completely raw and just gets out the tears so you can heal :)

Haley Grace (@stateofhaleygrace) - I relate to every single word of this song and it has helped me a lot throughout my life, especially as a teenager. It is very empowering and I love to sing it at the top of my lungs!

Fearless

Rachel (@happy-for-swift) - Forever and always has always been by my side through those tough times by reminding me that the hard times will pass.

Alina (@itsaswiftstory) - Love Story means so much to me because it is such a happy song and it always makes me smile while listening to it! It was one of the first Taylor songs I was listening to and it just amazes me because it is so beautifully written! I don't even know why I love it so much but it always lifts up my mood!💗💗💗

Emilee (@emileelovestaylor) - Change is my Stan because it is just a strong message, and as someone with white skin (and I mean this in the nicest way possible) I want to work with the privilege I have to shine light on marginalized communities. This song pumps me up to do just that, and the melody is gorgeous.

Febe (@13taylorswift13ts) - Love Story was the first song that I heard of Taylor. That was the moment I knew that she was going to be a special person for me

Sammy (@sammylovestay13) - The song Fifteen has always been special to me because I’m always nervous on the first day of school and it’s reminder that I’m not the only one who feels this way. The song Out Of The Woods has always been a special song for me and the fact that Taylor chose New Zealand to do her music video makes me even more grateful that this song is in my life.

Jane (@janeheartstaylor) - I love forever and always because it’s not only was the first song by Taylor that I heard but it also helped me when one of my closest friends and I parted ways. even though the scenarios are different, it felt really nice knowing that I could turn to Taylor and this song and having someone who understood what was going on.

Sarah (@theirgetawaycar) - Change means the absolute world to me. It’s a song that’s been there comforting me in my times of need. When things get tough, it’s a source of hope and reminder things will get better. No matter what happens in life and what struggles I face these things will change.

Speak Now

Bella (ig, @tayobsession13) - This song means a lot to me because it describes my relationship with my best friend. I have the time of my life fighting dragons with her

Clara (@claraisreadyforit) - I love this song because i can really relate with the lyrics, they make me feel better when i’m down, and i always sing along!

Sarah (@theswiftiesarah) - The story of us means the absolute world to em. It’s such a fun, uplifting song with such emotional lyrics. I can’t thank you enough for writing it T, it’s helped me through so much and always puts a smile on my face 💞

Kat (@tookapxlaroidofus) - Haunted is such a powerful song, and it’s one of those that you can sing your heart out to and it will get you out of any bad mood you were in! The violins! The bells! The whole production of the song, and the tour version! It’s also a song I listened to a lot with my mum when I was younger because we loved to sing it together! It’s a beautiful and powerful song that I’ll forever love!

RED

Mika (@handstiedtaylor) - all too well means so much to me because of how powerful the lyrics are. it really showcases taylor's talent as a songwriter and her voice sounds so so beautiful in it. i was lucky enough to hear it on the red tour & again as a surprise song on the reputation stadium tour, so this song also had some incredible memories attached to it💗

Nina (@ninaheartstaylor) - I love that song because it always cheers me up when I'm sad or in a bad mood! I relate to the lyrics a lot because I basically did exactly the things you (Taylor) are singing about. It means A LOT to me because I love the line "like we're made of starlight"! when I'm in a bad mood I just think of that lyric and I'm happy again because it reminds me of how everyone matters and is important.

Abby (@cleanspeech) - i love this song so much. it is a deep song about how fame can really be and it is important to taylor. i love this song because as soon as i heard it, i kept it on repeat for hours when red came out. this song is so glamorous and beautiful and the beat and lyrics are amazing. i love this song so much!

Jasmine (@alltootwell) - All too well means so much to me because the story and emotions behind it are so raw and real. It was one of the first songs I heard from the Red album and it has always been one of my favourite songs since then. This song has showed Taylor’s growth the most in that we’ve seen Taylor’s most vulnerable moments when singing the song and Taylor’s happiest moments when singing the song and realising that millions of people know all the words to the song 💓

Chloe (@thechainonyourneck) - sad beautiful tragic means the world to me because of the depth of the lyrics and melody. this song has gotten me through so much shit and it's just so so beautiful I stg. headphones in and rain outside, it's just perfect. and onto dbm. I listened to reputation and fell in love with this song. the vocals and the prospect of seeing it live just made me fall in love. and when I finally did see it live it literally took me to church in a crying emotional state 💀 will be forever grateful to you @taylorswift for writing these two masterpieces and for not losing the ability to hit home with your lyrics over time. I love you and much you love writing, forever and always 💓💖💕💞💗

1989

Lola (me!! @lolaheartstay) - hey Taylor!! i love ootw so much because it’s such a banger and it never ever gets old,, it was also rep tour auckland’s surprise song which was so special, it was the best day of my life! I remember when Taylor was in New Zealand filming the music video and I was so excited that she was actually in my country, like for real. when I went to australia in 2015 i listened to out of the woods on the plane, it was the first time i’d heard it and i literally listened to it on repeat for the full four hour flight, i was obsessed! one of my favourite lyrics is ‘two paper aeroplanes flying’ and i’ve always planned to get a tattoo of a paper aeroplane for this song! i really hope one day we can hug and i can tell you in real life how much i love out of the woods and you! love love love, lola!! <3

Brittany (ig, @awesomeswifties13) - This song means so much to me because at the time it came out I was in a very bad/abusive relationship and was dealing with an addict. This song gave me the strength to get CLEAN and leave the relationship. I’m now 3 years sober!mI hope can hug taylor someday and just say thank you!

Joji (@youfeltenough) - Clean means so much to me because it really helped me let go of things that kept me from being happy, thank you Taylor 💓

Priscila (@newromanticsss89) - The reason why I love New Romantics is because I can dance to it like no one is watching. It really makes me feel good about myself. My favourite lyric is “the best people in life are free” and I 100% agree with that! 🌼💗

Georgia (@celebrationofswifties) - new romantics is such a beautiful song & it makes me so so happy, it is the BEST song to dance like crazy to!!

Lauren (@thenameofbeinghonest13) - Out of the woods is a song that I’ve been obsessed with since Oct. 27, 2014, when 1989 came out. This song was so meaningful to me because I would listen to it every day in the car on the way to school with my Dad. I love the lyric, “the rest of the world was black and white, but we were in screaming color” and am so happy that Taylor wrote this song!

Gabriella (@ycuareinlove) - you are in love was instantly one of my favourites from 1989 but after seeing it live I became obsessed. I think getting to sing it with Taylor felt so special and every time I hear it I just think of us doing the echo part with her. I’ve always been a daydreamer and thinking about love and having that for myself one day has always comforted me, and the song just explains everything I ever want in future relationships. it’s the dreamiest, most beautiful song and I can’t explain how magical it is to me. it just feels like home every time I listen to it. 💗

Liv (@longlivthemagic) - This song has a special place in my heart, because i used to always play it whenever i was having a panic attack to calm me down <3

Jaimie (@taylorswiftlet13-hk) - I love the song New Romatics because it reflects ME! As a person. The song is extremely catchy and the lyricism is amazing. Throughout my life, I have been bullied and in the end, I built a castle out of all the bricks they threw at me, and became a stronger person overall. Thank you so much for everything you do Taylor. I love you so much.

Sanya (@delicateswift1989) - Blank Space was the first song that I heard and I loved it immediately.It always cheers me up and will always be a special song for me

Bella (@bellaheartstay) - clean means so much to me, as it’s helped me through the toughest times and has inspired me to keep going :)

Reputation

Lydia (@yourmarkonswift) - I love Dress so so so so much because the kind of the detail of storytelling in the song is just so heart touching. The bridge is one of the best bridges Taylor has ever written and makes me emotional all the time.

Alexander (@alexanderadorestay) - King of my heart is my favourite Taylor song because I have made many memories while listening to the song plus the chorus 😍

Ginger (@gingeryswift) - I love New Year’s Day because the reputation album came out right when I was going through a fallout with an old friends and NYD hit me hard. The lyrics were everything I needed and more and overall, the line “please don’t ever become a stranger whose laugh I could recognize anywhere” resonated with me so much because it was exactly how I felt at the time. 💗💗

Kendall (@kendallovestay) - I love getaway car because it has such incredibly written lyrics and it just makes me feel so nostalgic and happy 💓

Naomi (@naomilovestay) - At my reputation concert, metlife n1, i was in the front row of the b-stage where you sang dress. In that moment, i felt like it was just you & me in the room. I will forever be thankful for that experience. I love you so so much & i hope we can hug soon!! xoxo naomi!!

Hunter (@tayloroftodayy) - my stan song is getaway car because it has such an interesting and powerful storyline and always cheers me up and puts me in the best mood. you can listen to it when you’re feeling any emotion and it’s the best thing EVER 💗

Hayley (@delicate-stan13) - Delicate is my stan song because it helps me get through all my rough days. And it’s really fun to sing and dance to!!

Olivia (ig, @olivialovestaylor7) - hi I’m olivia and gorgeous is my favorite song of taylor’s because it is such a beautiful and happy song!! it captures the way you feel when you start liking someone perfectly and it’s just SO soft🥺🥺along with that it’s just a fun bop that you can literally listen to whenever! thank you so much taylor for writing gorgeous💕 

Emily Grace (@longlivetaysxift89) - I love CIWYW because I can personally relate to the lyric “I’m doing better than I ever was” because I’ve had to deal with a lot of mental health problems and right now I’m truly doing better than I ever was

Ella (@taylorsoldbluejeans) - i love delicate because it is such a beautiful song that can cheer me up no matter what! 🌈💓

Bessie (@flyawayswift) - Hey my name’s Bessie and New Year’s Day is my favourite song because it NEVER fails to make me cry, and it’s the most beautiful and delicate song in the world!! I’m so grateful to Taylor for writing such a masterpiece

Alexa (@kingsofmyyheartt) - I love king of my heart because it’s a pretty, happy, calm song that has a beautiful bridge and has such pretty lyrics! No matter what it’s sure to put a smile on my face!

Mia (@thisloveisdelicate) - I love the song delicate because is shows how your friends have to like you for who you are and that they aren’t gonna change you!!

Tayla (ig, @islandbreezeswift) - this is why we can't have nice things is my favourite song by Taylor because it helped me in a rough time when one of my friends kept stabbing me in the back while shaking my hand. the lyrics to tiwwchnt were extremely relatable, it felt like it was written for me. even though i'm no longer going through problems like this, this song is a bop and makes me dance!! thank you Tay for this song, ily from Tayla xoxo

Kartik (ig, @indianswifty) - On New Year’s Day I proposed to my girlfriend and this is our favourite rep song

Lena (@the-swiftie-scientist) - Call it What You Want reminds me how much Taylor had to struggle to find someone who stood by her no matter what 💫 it shows how important it is when you find someone who loves you for the things you are and doesn't care about rumors and gossip, someone who will stand by your side even when 'they took the crown' ... Also, it has a personal significance for me as it reminds me of how someone I love literally runaway with me on late November flying above the whole scene 💗 It's definitely Taylor's softest and most precious song, I will love it forever 💕

Sveva (@newtaylor89) - I was going through some bad times at school when i first heard this song. I was starting to have anxiety attacks, I started to avoid my friends hangs out and started pushing everyone away. Luckily my real friends stayed with me and helped me through that dark period of my life and so did this song. Now every time i listen to it i remember that my friends and Taylor will stay with me "when it's hard or it's wrong or I'm making mistakes". THANK U TAYLOR, FOR WRITING THIS EMOTIONAL SONGS, I'LL NEVER THANK U ENOUGH FOR WHAT U HAVE DONE TO ME! ILY

Mikayla (@weweredxncing) - The reason why i love this song so much is because whenever I listen to it, I just feel happy. It gives me hope that in the future I might find as love like that.

Lover

Laura (ig, @frenchbabytay) - I love ME! Because Taylor talked in my language with Brendon, she’s feeling better after her bad moments and the music video is like Shake It Off!!! It’s so funny and she makes me dance!!!!

Anne (@annewantstomeettaylor) - Me - ee - ee, ooh - ooh - , ohh - ooh - ooh ! This song really means to me because every time my anxiety and depression attacks me this song gives me light and joy. And every time I feel conscious about myself this song makes me realize that I'm the one of me ! I can't explain the happiness I feel every time I hear this song. ILY T !  ♡♡♡

Olivia (@so-ready-for-it) - I love the song ME! So much because it’s all about embracing your individuality, and I’ve struggled with my low self esteem for such a long time, and the positive message of the song reminds me that I’m unique and perfect in my own way 💓

[fairydust-stuff]

Wendy Darling Embodiment of Motherhood

Here’s the thing ,I have never been a big fan of Wendy Darling from JM Barrie’s classic novel Peter Pan. Not only is she a cocktail of every bad stereotype about Victorian women casually thrown into a blender to make the ultimate Grimm’s fairy tale heroines are more bad ass then you smoothie. But Wendy is just straight up the most boring character in Peter Pan. That being said she does play a very important role in Peter Pan. Also it’s gotten the point where I’m a bit tired of seeing this idea that the Never land ladies have nothing to offer. If we don’t change everything about them or let’s just leave them out entirely trend via Hollywood. Seriously when is the last time Tink got more than a cameo and I’m not talking about the sugary princess clone Disney created from her mutilated body. Anyway I want to take a look Wendy Darling how she works, how she doesn’t work what she embodies and how she’s been portrayed in various adaptations.

First let’s take a look at some themes. Peter pan is at its core a coming of age story about accepting the inevitability of growing up. However Wendy as a point of view character is kind of an odd choice for this theme. In the original novel Wendy brings a flower to her mother who declares “Why can’t you stay like this” Then the narrator proceeds to talk about how Wendy knew she must grow up. So we already have a character who accepts the fact she must grow up on page one. In fact Wendy doesn’t run away to Never land as much as take a holiday, and to be fair John and Michel suffer from the same problem. Honestly I think the closest thing we get to a character arch in the novel is George Darling who is a seriously underrated character in my opinion. So Wendy just never struggles with growing up. However another theme of Peter Pan is motherhood and oh boy does Wendy fit into that.

“She used to come to me in my and I’d say pretty mother, now she has come and I’ve shot her” Tootles laments after thinking he shot and killed Wendy. Even Hook want to take Wendy to be the mothers of himself and his crew in typical pirate fashion coveting what Peter Pan and the lost boys have Wendy becomes a treasure for them to steal. Smee when carrying Wendy even promises “I’ll save you if you promise to only be my Mother” Every boy and man child in Never land craves a mother and want Wendy to fill the position. Wendy taking on the role turns her into a kind of ideal in the eyes of everyone in Never land even her own brothers get in on the treating her as the perfect mom.

In fact Wendy only gets to be a little girl in the narrative when Hook offers his hand to her and she takes it and only because the narrative felt the need to defend her submission to her own capture. But looking back that may very well be the point when you look at Wendy and Peter’s relationship without the shipping googles it’s actually quite interesting. You’ve got two pre teen’s on two different wave lengths. Wendy states in the novel “Peter what are true feelings towards me?” and is displeased with Peter’s answer “That of a devoted son” this seems up their relationship perfectly. Wendy uses the role of mother to try to basically become Peter’s wife something which he is deeply uncomfortable with needing constant reassurance that playing an adult couple is “ Only make believe” now whether or not Peter is flat out not interested or scared of his own feelings is up for debate. I personally lean toward the former because Peter is constantly surrounded by busty topless mermaids who like to flirt with him. So if he hasn’t had his sexual awakening yet it’s not happening ever, but the point is Peter uses the reaffirmation of Wendy as Mother to keep her at a distance. When Wendy returns home Miss Darlings offers to adopt Peter which he refuses. This highlights the fact when given the chance to have an actual mother he doesn’t want one.

Wendy is a reflection of Peter’s warped relationship with motherhood. He confesses to Wendy that he did at one point did return to his mother only to find the window barred and “There was another little boy sleeping in my bed!”  It could be argued Peter’s desire to stay a little boy forever actually steam from the fear of abandonment and being replaced. This shapes Peter’s relationship with Wendy in sense he wants a mother he can actually control. One who never makes him feels too grown up or who challenges him or his choices in a meaningful way. This shows that motherhood is important and that without a proper mom boys will never truly grow into men.

Wendy plays a similar role to the lost boys only she actually ends up helping them. While the lost boys clearly already have mommy craving’s Wendy gives them a taste of what having a mom is actually like or at least what an ideal mom from a Victorian upper middle class family structure would be like. So when Wendy wants to go home the lost boys who getting a taste of what their missing decides to go with her. Where they get adopted into the Darling Family and grow into respectable members of society who all get boring office jobs in the prolog which completely contrast their colorful energetic personalities, moving on. Wendy acts as kind of encouraging benevolent guide for the lost boys and Peter her inevitable goal being to encourage to move beyond the superficial trappings of childhood and take a step forward into adulthood. Peter is the failure, deficient as the novel itself states but the lost boys are a triumph of the power of proper maternal nurturing.

Wendy Darling has appeared in various adaptations and Spin offs though I’m mostly going to focus on Movies and TV because most of the Peter Pan book retellings where Wendy plays a key role just do not fill me with any positive feelings. And I want to mostly focus on the good today with some casual snark thrown in.

So let’s start with Wendy from the 2003 Peter Pan Live Action adaptation. I love this version it makes changes from the novel while still paying homage by using actual lines from the book. Though I have very mixed feelings about 2003 Wendy.

The movie heavily leans into the annoying I’m not like other girls trope. Here Victorian lady Wendy turns fairy tales into gore fests, and has an interest in sword play and pirates. I’m not saying girls from that era can’t have those interests but it just feels like their Wendy is the product of listening to too many focus groups not to mention she learns to be an expert sword fighter who can go toe to toe with adults after five seconds with Peter. And what is with the sudden unexplained blood thirst? Where did that come from?

Though I do like how the film unlike the novel actually gave Wendy an arch. Wendy’s aunt is mortified at her niece’s interest in becoming a novelist who travels the world.  She insists Wendy’s parents separate Wendy from her brothers and allow her to tutor, Wendy to teach her how to be a proper lady.   They also have a school teacher shame Wendy for drawing a picture of Peter flying above her bed. This seems to be subtext for the Victorian shaming of sexual expression from girls as dirty and shameful. This actually makes Wendy feel like her life is changing way too fast and it scares her. Since she is twelve and her family is already talking about marriage prospects.  While the scene where Peter and her meet is pretty much played like in the novel. There’s the added moment of Peter whispering in Wendy’s ear “ Forget them Wendy Forget them all come with me and we’ll never ever have to think about grown up things again” which unlike the novel frames Wendy as running away from growing up.

Then she develops a crush on Peter Pan and this being Hollywood they go with the scared of his own feeling interpretation. I guess her whining and screaming his name for a day was just too sexy to resist.  Wendy contemplates joining Hook’s crew because when your crush rejects you validation by pirate man children is good salve for your wounds. But then realizes she can’t remember her mother and much like the novel becomes scared that her and her brothers have forgotten their parents. Then they all get kidnapped by the pirates and Hook and Peter have a show down which is way better than the novel because here Hook attacks Peter’s abandonment issues and actually brings him to his knees. But then Wendy kisses Peter and he gains the strength to defeat Hook. Basically the implication is Wendy realizes growing up is ok because romantic love is a thing. Hey, I didn’t say it was a great arch but it’s more than the novel gave her or anyone.  I’m not a huge fan of this Wendy depiction but I’ve got to take my hat off to the writers for at least giving Wendy a coming of age narrative.

Disney’s classic Peter Pan pulled a similar move taking the focus from Peter and putting it entirely on Wendy. The implications at the end imply that Wendy’s adventure was all a dream and that Tinker bell and Tiger Lilly were reflections of her own manifesting sexuality. Peter Pan her desire not to grow up and Hook I’m going to guess that he was her daddy issues.

I actually think Walt did Wendy a solid in her characterization. This is one of the few Wendy’s were her concern for her brothers and the lost boys don’t feel tacked on. Since most adaptations do very little to build Wendy’s dynamic with the other kids. Here it’s in every face wipe and tearful good bye and every “Do be careful” thrown over Wendy’s shoulder.

Also the Disney movie does a one eighty from everyone in Neverland worshiping her to Neverland treating her rather badly. It takes Wendy’s annoyance from called her squaw from the Novel and has the Indians bully her into fetching firewood instead of joining the celebrations. Also the mermaids not only try to drown her but Peter thinks is all a big joke. Disney’s Wendy constantly stands up for herself but often gets brushed off or forced to walk the plank. In this version you can one hundred percent understand why Wendy is so done with this place and ready to grow up. Here the reality of what it’s like to experience everyone acting like a self-centered child is here on full display.

Also Disney’s Wendy is not perfect she gets angry and loses her temper attacking mermaids or yelling at Indians. She gets jealous of Tiger Lilly being all over Peter and is sour towards him.  Wendy is dreamy eyed, and polite but this version of her also doesn’t take anyone’s crap and will let you know if you’ve crossed a line or if you’re flat out awful.   But she’s still pleads with Peter on her attempted murder’s behalf. Wendy also reminds Peter that Tiger Lilly is drowning when he gets caught up in celebrating his cleverness. She still makes sure she can say goodbye to her brothers and the lost boys before Hook kills her. Even on her worst day Disney’s Wendy is a kind person even when those around her are less so.

But my favorite portrayal of Wendy has got to be from the 90’s classic “Peter Pan and the Pirates” TV series which aired on Fox was about one season then got cancelled.  While it doesn’t really focus on Wendy a whole lot since its more concerned with the relationship between Peter Pan his lost boys and Hook’s crew. 

She still has a pretty important role.  Wendy often serves as a voice of reason to the group which doesn’t go against her original role in the novel since she takes a cake that’s been left out all night away from the lost boys. Which does present her as the one with the most common sense but the show lets Wendy tell Peter this is a bad idea way more often than the book and blow up at him after he does the stupid thing every one told him not to do. Also Wendy gets to be more of a moral center lecturing Peter for stealing the picture of Hook’s mother in the episode “Hooks mother” and encouraging him to return it and even getting Peter to take care of Hook after he’s injured. This is in a positive change in my opinion because it actually expands on Wendy’s role as a guide to adult hood. Here Wendy Darling encourages a kind of good behavior she helps build moral character in her boys. Wendy has strong ideals and this adaptation actually has her stand by her principals for better or worse. This not only gives her more of a central role in the story but also gives her more chances to be active. Yay character agency!

Also this version of Wendy was the first to have a bit of an interesting relationship with Hook. (Who is voiced by Tim curry and does an excellent job.)  While the writers got rid of the almost pedophilic undertones of Hook wanting to keep Wendy from the novel and the “My beauty” pet name.  Thank god for that even in the novel i thought it was too much.     There’s still a bit of a dynamic even if its way more innocent.

In the episode  In Peter on Trial Wendy not only lands on the ship unharmed but reminds Hook executing Peter without a trial would not be proper form at all. She then hits Hook in the ego by declaring “Surely you don’t doubt your powers of debate against that of a mere girl” And not only gets a trial but manages to win even when the trial is rigged against them. Hook even congratulates her before proceeding to find his own loophole and kill Peter Pan anyway. The point is this suggests this Wendy has a bit of an insight into Hook maybe more so then Peter. She knows he’s obsessed with good form and has an ego that prides its self on being the smartest person in the room.

This cuts both ways while Wendy is capable of manipulating Hook, he also consistently manipulates Wendy by offering his word as a gentlemen when he intends to break it as a pirate. This dynamic highlights Wendy’s flaw of trusting dangerous people and allowing them to hurt her friends. Hook has picked up that she trusts or wants to trust him. In this version Hook actually treats Wendy as opponent vs the usual she belongs to Peter and I want to steal her like in most adaptations. Also despite Hook being terrifying Wendy has no problem being all “There’s no need to get cranky Captain” and I kind of love how comfortable she is with the guy despite him being an enemy.

This proves Wendy doesn’t have to be a sword wielding “Who are you to call me girlie” action girl to be a good character. She can be flawed but still remain a good person and giving her a spine is always appreciated.

Wendy Darling is at her core a guide into adulthood with a strong moral character and a voice of reason who is used to shine a light on how important motherhood is since the result of mothers abandoning or neglecting their children shape the Peter’s of the world.  This makes her important to the overall story and themes of Peter Pan.

[sharinluna]

MLQC Chapter 16 translation part 3(Do not reblog)

DO NOT COPY, QUOTE, REPOST OR REBLOG THIS ANYWHERE. Links are okay but I don’t want this post to spread too much in other communities or websites.

Translation of excerpts from chapter 16.

This is not a full translation, only some parts. It’s more like a abbreviation/summary/paraphrasing of some parts of the story. Do not ask me to translate more or reveal more plots in the story.

The translation is based on KR version text. I’m not a professional translator and get things wrong. So do not regard this as the actual canon story.

I used Yōurán as the name of MC because that is the unofficial default MC’s name in CN version.

READ PART 1 and PART 2 BEFORE YOU READ THIS!

Part 1

https://sharinluna.tumblr.com/post/187751162973/mlqc-chapter-16-translation-part-1

Part 2

https://sharinluna.tumblr.com/post/187876713658/mlqc-chapter-16-translation-part-2

Chapter 15 translation

https://sharinluna.tumblr.com/post/186925543283/mlqc-chapter-15-translation

When I regained my consciousness I was lying in an empty laboratory. This… was the building from before. What happened? Where was Lucien?

Lucien was standing outside the door. I dragged him inside. His shoulder was drenched in blood.

Yōurán: You’re hurt!

I was about to reach my hand out to him when he grabbed it first. The heat transferred from the tip of my fingers to my heart. His eyes looking at me were quieter than the deepest night.

Lucien: Why did you come back when you knew it was dangerous?

His strained voice held so many emotions that I couldn’t figure out.

Yōurán: You saved me. I couldn’t just leave you behind.

Lucien: I saved you only because I could use you for my benefit.

This was not the first time he said that to me. My heart shivered as I looked into his eyes.

Yōurán: Then why weren’t you planning to escape with me? Did you have no intention to save yourself?

Lucien: There was no need. It was all part of my plan.

Did that mean it was completely unnecessary for me to come back?

Yōurán: I’m sorry…

Tears came from my eyes as my heart let out the emotions I’ve been confining.

Yōurán: Did we fall into eternal unconsciousness…

Lucien: No. We are still in their dreams. And they are in my dreams.

Yōurán: You mean after we exited the building… from then on it was your dream? How did you…

Lucien: I have a way.

Yōurán: But you said if we die in dreams, we die for real…

Lucien: Not in my dreams. In my dream you need to die to live. Death or injury cannot affect our real body.

Yōurán: So what will happen to them?

Lucien: They will be forever trapped in my dream. If they ever manage to escape, they will lose all memory of the dream.

He was very calm as he revealed this startling news.

Lucien: Close your eyes. I will get you out of here.

So this was all part of his plan. And he didn’t tell me anything about it.

I have endlessly cried my heart out. I have endlessly grasped my resolve. I have endlessly confronted my feelings and agonized over them. And it turned out it was all for nothing!

He cheated me! But he also made sure that I wouldn’t get hurt…

Yōurán: This was all part of your plan, right?

Lucien: Very clever.

I laughed bitterly. I wasn’t clever at all.

Yōurán: If I hadn’t come back…?

Lucien: I would have successfully survived nonetheless.

Silently I cried. So my choice held no meaning to him at all…

His big hand covered my eyes.

Yōurán: Will I forget everything that’s happened here too?

There was a long silence until he finally answered.

Lucien: Yes.

I could feel the tremor of his hand against my face.

The vision that I’d seen before replayed in my mind. Everything was seen in black and white. I could see myself devoid of color. Was this Lucien’s future? No, this was all in the past. Was I seeing his memories then? But why do they all lack color?

I felt dizzy as I said the words I’ve kept in my heart.

Yōurán: Lucien… who are you exactly…? We are clearly enemies…. but why do you always risk your everything to save me… and then push me away from you every time….

Even before I could hear his answer my mind let go of my consciousness and I couldn’t hold on to my thoughts.

------------------------------------------------

When Lucien realized that she was asleep he wordlessly embraced her and wiped away her tears.

The pain starting from his shoulder now could be felt everywhere.

Lucien carefully took out the pen from his pocket and placed it on her hand. And went close to her ear to whisper:

Lucien: Don’t try to face the dangers alone… please… for me…

----------------------------------------------

World Inside the Box - Lucien

Lucien opened his eyes slowly in a darkened alley. She was safe in his arms. He tried to hold on to her tighter but his injured shoulders were stiff.

He looked down at her and gently caressed her hair. His memories were a little fuzzy. When he saw that there was blood on her clothes he checked until he realized with relief that she was unhurt. He carried her into his car parked not far away.

It was still raining when he laid her down gently on her bed in her room. After staring at her for a long time, he finally turned around and went away, leaving no trace of him.

-----------------------------------------------------------

As soon as he entered the dark room Lucien took off his shirt drenched in blood without even bothering to turn on the lights first.

The injury on his shoulder was deep enough to reveal bones but undaunted Lucien just changed into a clean shirt and walked to his desk.

On the desk was a plain-looking black metal box. Lucien read his fingerprints on the box. The box opened with a click. Inside was a black pill.

Lucien took the pill and swallowed it. Then he went out to the corridor and was gone.

On the box was written: Dream-vision Fragments Recovery.

---------------------------------------------------------

I had a dream. In my dream I seemed to hear a voice calling my name and Lucien.

I opened my eye and looked at the ceiling. A flash of something black and white whizzed past my eyes. My memories were dim like badly developed films.

I was being chased in an alley… then how did I wake up in my home? It seemed like a paragraph of my memory was missing but I had no clue where to begin looking for it.

All I knew was that as soon as I thought of Lucien… a wave of grave sorrow and hurt flooded over me.

I wracked my brains but all I remembered was the press conference, the confrontation with him after and then calling him for help in that dark alley…

And next thing I knew I woke up from my bed safe and sound… so I suppose he did come to save me after all?

I put my hand in my pocket and noticed the silver pen. I’m sure that I gave it back to him…

I held on to the pen tightly and tried to recover my memories. I forgot something very important but the harder I tried the more I was bombarded with headaches.

Discussion

Okay, so that is the end of chapter 16 translation. I also inserted the translation of “World Inside the Box” It’s like a side story to understand chapter 16 better.

After Lucien stabbed his eye in chapter 13 he lost his ability to see MC in color. Her visions confirmed that. He stabbed his EYE for her even if it meant he would lose the only color in his world.

So Lucien would have survived even if MC hadn’t come back for him but I don’t think her actions were meaningless. It was a confirmation to both her and Lucien that they still love each other despite the Black Swan/Ares is her enemy thing.

What really hurts that Yōurán is unable to remember all the revelations and epiphany she went through in the dream world. Lucien probably regained his memories after he took that strange pill from the black box but now Yōurán has a void in her memory. But that doesn’t mean that her tears and hurt are gone as well.

As the chapter progresses you can see that Yōurán is going deeper and deeper into depression. At the beginning of chapter 15 she was already showing signs of it like breaking out in tears suddenly or being unable to go back to her job. Gavin patched her up a bit but due to some incidents they were in danger again.

She gets stabbed in the back protecting Gavin and even though she is losing consciousness she holds on to Gavin begging him to not go but he leaves her leaving only the ginkgo bracelet behind.

In chapter 16 she tries to put a distance between Lucien but fails utterly and admits to herself that she can never stop caring for Lucien, but after all they went through those memories are stolen from her. Her heart hurts so much but she doesn’t remember why. She is only left with his “Iridescent” pen.

[iamnotawomanimagod]

2019 Retrospective Survey

Once upon a time, in the wayback ancient days of yesteryear, aka 2006 or so, people would fill out little self-important surveys about themselves almost every night on Myspace. These surveys were then posted to your profile via a “bulletin” and could be perused by your friends at their leisure. 

Eventually, this phenomena evolved into what we now know as “ask games” - people taking these surveys and, instead of just filling them out, reblogging them in the hopes that their followers might grow curious enough to send in some numbers.

Well, to that evolution of this tradition, I say - pah! I’ll answer all these questions and you’ll like it!!

Or you’ll skip it, which is probably the reasonable thing to do. This is mostly for me, so I have some vague record of this year to look back on, which I’ve been bad about the past several years.

1. First things first, did you have a good year?

It’s kind of tough for me to discern what is good and bad, anymore, especially when it comes to my life experiences. Things kind of just “are.” I think I had a pretty good year overall, though, if I step back and look at it, and ignore my mental health and those other niggling little details.

2. How old did you turn this year?

Twenty-eight. Getting up there. I’ve been doing some version of these surveys since I was like, fourteen. That’s fourteen years of random, unnecessary internet void-shouting.

3. Do you feel your age?

Not really. When I was younger, I definitely thought 28-year-olds always had their shit together, automatically, just because of the age. Like it feels like an age where I really should’ve outgrown a lot of things. But I haven’t yet, not at all, and I have zero interest in conventional adulthood.

Did your appearance change in anyway?

I got new glasses, because I lost my old ones in Hawaii.

Post your favorite selfie.

I rarely like selfies where I smile, so even though this one is clearly some goofy cheesin’, I still consider it kinda special.

If you traveled, where did you go?

I went to a place called Monroe, in Utah, which has some amazing hot springs. Slept overnight in a converted hippie bus. It was freezing (if you weren’t in the springs), but really fun!

I also went to Maui, Hawai’i. It was beautiful and I do see why people love it there, but it was very much so not for me. Also flying while fat fucking suuuuucks aaaaass, hugely.

Which fashion trends did you love?

Eye makeup got really fun and weird this year - I love the new shapes and crazy colors.

Here’s a decent example on Halsey. The way her top lid has a line above the lid and under the brow - I’ve never seen that before this year. Really fun and new kinda twist on makeup.

Which fashion trends did you hate?

Chunky dad shoes, the popularity of Crocs (and I fucking love Crocs, don’t get me wrong,) and other seemingly-ironic “comfortable chic” styles. It’s super cute on most skinny girls but the moment a fat girl tries to rock that style, it’s “sloppy” or “lazy.” On the other hand, it was good to see some women reject more revealing or extravagant styles in favor of being comfortable. It’s just tough for a fat woman like me to pull off.

What was your favorite article of clothing this year? Post a pic if possible?

I pretty much lived in black sweatpants and baggy t-shirts this year.

What song sums up this year for you?

“I Think I’m OKAY” by Machine Gun Kelly feat. Yungblud

What album came out and has been on heavy rotation since then?

I listened to a ton of “thank u, next” and “when we all fall asleep, where do we go?” this past year.

What was your favorite movie of the year?

I haven’t seen any movies from 2019 yet. I watched one film this year: “Slow West” - it was pretty good!

Did an actor/actress catch your attention for the first time this year?

The entire casts of Legacies and Runaways.

Favorite new TV show?

Probably Legacies! Really surprised me, but it’s a fun show!

Which new ship/fandom has taken over a lot of your time, attention, and tears?

Cheleanor stole my heart this year, from The Good Place. I, of course, spent way too much time thinking and talking about The 100. Gotta give another shoutout to Legacies and Runaways. Special nod to #deanoru and #hosie, respectively.

What food did you try for the first time?

I tried dragonfruit and papaya for the first time while in Hawai’i. It was also the first time I’d ever tried and enjoyed mango. All the other mango I’d had was never sweet enough and always reminded me a lil bit of cat pee, but a fresh tropical mango is fuckin’ heaven.

Did you make any big permanent changes this year?

Not really “permanent”, but semi-permanent - I moved out of one place and into a new one. We definitely won’t be here forever, though. Maybe a year or two.

What was one nice thing you did for someone else?

I do a lot of little nice things for my husband every day, it’s kinda tough to list them all.

What was one nice thing you did for yourself?

I reached out to an old friend that I had been fighting with and made amends, and we’re friends again.

Did you develop a new obsession?

I always move from TV show to TV show obsessively - lots have already been mentioned. I think I got more into The Try Guys this past year than I have before. I also played a lot more management sims than I ever expected to - games like Dead in Vinland, Banished, Frostpunk, Weedcraft Inc, and This War of Mine.

Did you vote?

Shoulda - didn’t.

Did you move?

Yup! Moved out of my old roommate’s house and into my own apartment.

Did you get a job?

In a sense - I drive for DoorDash. It’s definitely work, but not a conventional job.

Did you get a pet?

No. :( In fact, I kinda lost some - I loved the shit out of my roommate’s dogs, I got way too attached to them. I miss them too much.

Do you regret not doing anything?

Not really.

Do you regret doing something?

Yeah, I let a friend down in July. Wish I hadn’t done that, but. I’m not a very good friend to have, and I’m okay with that. The people who get it stick around through the tough stuff.

Have you done anything that scared you?

I always think it’s a little scary to get on a plane. That’s probably it.

Did anyone/thing make you so mad it stayed with you for days?

God, yes. Too many things. Still angry at my old roommate for being such an asshole about cleaning and for threatening to kick us out. That’s the one that happened this year, lol. But I’m still angry about things that happened years ago. I can hold a hell of a grudge.

Did you lose anyone close to you?

Not this year. Got lucky. Guess the universe decided to give me a little break.

Did you fall in love?

Nah, but I stayed in love with a coupla people. ;)

Did you fall out of love?

Nope!

Did you start a new relationship?

Nah. My husband and I have been together for 8 years.

Did you go through a break up?

See above!

Did you have to cut ties to someone?

Kinda. Had one or two people who wanted to be my friend. Made the mistake of being approachable and shit. But they figured out I’m a flakey asshole soon enough. :)

Who was important to you this year but wasn’t important last year?

I made amends with my friend, Tracie, this year. She was always important to me. But I was pretending that she wasn’t, last year.

Who wasn’t as important to you this year as they were last year?

I can’t really think of anyone. I guess my husband’s best friend - she moved out of our old house first, and I stopped talking to her as often. Prior to that we’d been pretty close. Proximity-based closeness is a trip, y’all.

If you could have a do over on one thing you did, would you take it?

Nah. I made it through. That’s all that counts.

What was the best moment of the year for you?

Seeing my friend get married. It was a really, really lovely ceremony.

What was the worst?

Probably when I tried out a new form of self-harm - aka banging my head as hard as possible against the bathroom sink. Gave myself a mild concussion. 0/5 would not recommend.

Did anything happen that you were sure would change you as a person but it really didn’t?

Going to Hawai’i. I don’t know why I thought it would change me - it just seems like one of those “life-changing” destinations, y’know? But it wasn’t. It was beautiful and otherworldly, and also full of a weird and uncomfortable mixture of white wealth and brown poverty. If anything, that only affirmed my beliefs more.

Did anything happen to you that you were sure wouldn’t change you as a person but it did?

It’s tough to answer these sometimes, because I just don’t really know who I am “as a person.” I don’t think there was anything I didn’t expect. Not this year.

What are you most proud of accomplishing?

I got out and worked a lot. I pushed through some really tough times and experienced some nice things on the other side. I was able to care for my husband during his down moments, the way he’s cared for me. I fuckin’ survived, which is always an accomplishment for someone whose brain is frequently shouting at them to end it all.

What have you learned about yourself this year that you didn’t know in the years prior?

I’m more resilient emotionally than I thought I was. I’m less resilient physically than I used to be.

Did your opinion of anyone change for the better?

I feel warmer and closer to my mother-in-law than ever before.

Did your opinion of anyone change for worse?

My sister continues to find new ways to disappoint me, but that isn’t exclusive to 2019. My former roommate went from being, in my mind, a mostly-okay guy, to potentially one of the worst people I’ve ever met. And that’s really saying something. Duplicity and lack of awareness go a long way in making someone shitty, though.

If you make resolutions, did you complete them this year?

Nah, pahaha. I was supposed to go outside and also journal every day. Didn’t do that. I mostly kept up with it, but there are a lot of gaps. I definitely spent a week or two consecutively indoors, at least twice.

If you make resolutions, what will your resolutions be for the coming year?

Probably gonna keep trying with the old ones, tbh.

If you could go on an adventure during the remaining days of the year, where would you go and what would you do?

I would go pick up Cami and head north, for Alaska. Find someone beautiful and peaceful to see the aurora borealis. Drink cream liqueur and hot cocoa with scarves and hats and gloves on. Look up at the endless stars. Have a long, sleepless road trip back, screaming our favorite songs at the top of our lungs, stopping at interesting places when we can.

What do you wish for others for the coming year?

I just hope things get better, dude. Stabler. Less scary.

What do you wish for yourself?

Same as the above, but on a micro scale. I’m heading into my 30s in this next decade. I gotta find something else to do besides just surviving.

[crowdvscritic]

crowd vs. critic // BEST OF THE DECADE (2010s)

Well, people, I tried. I really tried to whittle down the decade to 100 movies or fewer just like a good little Best of Decade list does, but here we are. That is, here we are at 144.

Maybe it’s because movies have meant so much to me this decade. When I graduated from high school in 2010, I loved John Hughes and Audrey Hepburn, but since then, film has cemented itself as my favorite art form. A few highlights in this journey:

Taking film classes at Taylor University, including a trip to the Sundance Film Festival in 2013

Writing for ZekeFilm starting in 2016

Writing about every new movie I watched in 2016

Watching classic movies while podcasting about Gilmore Girls pop culture references

Discovering my love for Turner Classic Movies, including taking their online summer course “Mad About Musicals”

Watching every movie nominated for Best Picture in 2014, 2016, 2018, and 2019

Beginning a slow (very slow) but sure trek through every Best Picture winner in history

And, oh yeah— starting this little blog!

I left Snow White and The Huntsman wishing someone would review it considering how fun it was even though it wasn’t a great art. Then I thought, what if that person was me? I hope my writing and critical analysis has grown since then, but I still ask the same questions about every movie I’ve watched since then: What is the popcorn potential? What is the artistic taste?

This decade I also spent July Friday nights watching outdoor movies on Art Hill, hosted annual Oscars watch parties with dear friends, attended my first midnight premiere (The Hunger Games), paid extra for the reclining seats to celebrate my first job (Interstellar), and found a laugh break with my whole family during a stressful summer (Ant-Man and the Wasp).

So here’s a small tribute to the time I spent watching, discussing, and reading and writing about movies I watched these 10 years: 72 Crowd picks and 72 Critic picks. They’re the 144 films that moved me, made me laugh, or made the biggest impact on me, and they’re the ones I recommend most from the 2010s.

Crowd-Pleasers of the 2010s

1. 10 Cloverfield Lane (2016) – An acting tour de force you’ll still be thinking about days later. (#JohnGoodmanForBestSupportingActor) Read Crowd vs. Critic reviews. On my Best of 2016.

2. The Age of Adaline (2015) - The color palette and costumes are dreamy, and the romance taking a back seat to Adaline’s personal growth is refreshing. On my Best of 2015.

3. Austenland (2013) – “This movie is for two kinds of people: people who love Jane Austen and people who think Jane Austen fans are funny.” – A paraphrased director Jerusha Hess. On my Sundance 2013 lineup. On my Best of 2013.

4. Ant-Man (2015) – All hail, Paul Rudd and his ability to make us care about ants. Read Crowd vs. Critic review. On my Best of 2015.

5. Avengers: Endgame (2019) - An impossibly satisfying conclusion that seemed impossible when Iron Man came out in 2008. A peak in the superhero subgenre as well as ensemble films, action flicks, sci-fi adventures, and time travel comedies. On my Best of 2019.

6. Baby Driver (2017) – If you forced me to pick my favorite on this entire list, here you go. A modern musical that lights up every spark in my brain. On my Best of 2017.

7. Beauty and the Beast (2017) – My favorite of the Disney live action remakes. On my Best of 2017.

8. Before We Go (2014) – I’m a sucker for Boy-Meets-Girl-and-They-Talk-All-Night stories, and this one’s an aesthetic dream. Excellent pick if your flight is cancelled and you’re stuck in an airport for nine hours.

9. The Big Sick (2017) – You’ll fall in love with the treasure Kumail Nanjiani. Read ZekeFilm review. On my Best of 2017.

10. Black Panther (2018) – WAKANDA FOREVER. On my Best of 2018.

11. Central Intelligence (2016) – No complaints from me when the Rock and Kevin Hart team up. Read Crowd vs. Critic reviews. On my Best of 2016.

12. Colossal (2016) – The best quasi-superhero movie no one talked about this decade. On my Best of 2017.

13. Crazy Rich Asians (2018) – Three cheers for Awkwafina! On my Best of 2018.

14. Creed (2015)

15. The Dark Knight Rises (2012) – Controversial Movie Corner: My favorite of The Dark Knight trilogy.

16. Finding Dory (2016) – Read Crowd vs. Critic reviews. On my Best of 2016.

17. Frozen II (2019) – Controversial Movie Corner: Better than the original.

18. Fury (2014)

19. Game Night (2018) - Come for the sharp jokes, stay for the clever heist plotting and a hilarious ensemble. On my Best of 2018.

20. Ghostbusters (2016) – I had the option to rewatch this or the 1984 version for Halloween this year, and I chose to laugh through this one. FYI, the extra 15 minutes in the extended version make a difference. Read Crowd vs. Critic reviews. On my Best of 2016.

21. Guardians of the Galaxy (2014) – Another modern musical. Read Crowd vs. Critic reviews.

22. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 1 (2010) – Read Crowd vs. Critic reviews.

23. Home Again (2017) – Made of pure charm. Read ZekeFilm review.

24. The Hunger Games: Catching Fire (2013) The best of the best dystopian YA adaptation series this decade. Read Crowd vs. Critic reviews. On my Best of 2013.

25. I Feel Pretty (2018)

26. Inception (2010)

27. The Intern (2015) – Insanely rewatchable. On my Best of 2015.

28. Interstellar (2014)

29. Juliet, Naked (2018) – On my Best of 2018.

30. Jurassic World (2015) – Doesn’t hold up to scrutiny on second watch, but a big spectacle on a big screen. Read Crowd vs. Critic reviews. On my Best of 2015.

31. The Kings of Summer (2013) – My favorite from Sundance 2013. On my Best of 2013.

32. Kingsman: The Secret Service (2014) – A course-correction of tired spy movie clichés. On my Best of 2015.

33. Knives Out (2019) – On my Best of 2019.

34. Kong: Skull Island (2017) – Very rewatchable. Very relistenable soundtrack.

35. Late Night (2019)

36. The Lego Movie (2014) – I didn’t choose this movie, but I laughed so hard I forgave my friends for dragging me to it.

37. Letters to Juliet (2010) – Very corny. Very rewatchable for its Italian countryside setting.

38. Logan Lucky (2017) – Channing Tatum, Adam Driver, and Daniel Craig at their funniest. On my Best of 2017.

39. The Magnificent Seven (2016) – Sometimes you just want to see a bunch of movie stars tearing it up. Read Crowd vs. Critic reviews. On my Best of 2016.

40. Mary Poppins Returns (2018) – One of the most successful movies on this list because it knows exactly what it wants to be and then is that. Read ZekeFilm review. On my Best of 2018.

41. The Maze Runner (2014) – Let’s just forget those sequels ever happened.

42. Mission: Impossible – Rogue Nation (2015) – Fallout got the most attention, but I prefer the squad in this sequel. Bonus points for Jeremy Renner. Read Crowd vs. Critic reviews. On my Best of 2015.

43. Moana (2016) – Read Crowd vs. Critic reviews. On my Best of 2016.

44. Monte Carlo (2011) – Wanderlust satisfied because it takes inspiration from Golden Hollywood fairy tales like Roman Holiday.

45. Morning Glory (2010)

46. The Muppets (2011) – Maniacal laugh, maniacal laugh.

47. My Big Fat Greek Wedding 2 (2016) – Even bigger, fatter, and Greeker than the original. Read Crowd vs. Critic reviews. On my Best of 2016.

48. Ocean’s Eight (2018) – The real heist? Eight funny ladies taking turns stealing every scene. On my Best of 2018.

49. Passengers (2016) - A near-perfect popcorn flick. Read Crowd vs. Critic reviews. Read ZekeFilm review. On my Best of 2016.

50. Paper Towns (2015) – Love me some Nat Wolff with an indie pop soundtrack.

51. Prometheus (2012) – Read Crowd vs. Critic reviews.

52. A Quiet Place (2018) – Where the best of commercial and critical filmmaking come together. On my Best of 2018.

53. Ready or Not (2019)

54. The Secret Life of Walter Mitty (2013) – Another entry in the Wanderlust Canon.

55. Seeking a Friend for the End of the World (2012) – Imperfect, but sticks the landing.

56. Shazam! (2019) – Read ZekeFilm review.

57. Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows (2011) – Charismatic movie stars + flashy cinematography = A great time at the theatre (even when the projector fails in the middle of your screening and you have to start over).

58. The Spectacular Now (2013)

59. Spider-man: Into the Spider-Verse (2018)

60. Spy (2015) – I still can’t believe how much I laughed at this.

61. Star Wars: The Last Jedi (2017) – The best Star War since 1980. On my Best of 2017.

62. Super 8 (2011)

63. Tangled (2010) – Controversial Movie Corner: Better than both Frozens.

64. Thor: Ragnarok (2017)

65. Toy Story 3 (2010)

66. Warm Bodies (2013) – Who knew a zom rom com would become one of my go-to comfort foods? Read Crowd vs. Critic reviews. On my Best of 2013.

67. Wonder Woman (2017) – Anyone else almost cry in that No Man’s Land scene? On my Best of 2017.

68. World War Z (2013) – Read Crowd vs. Critic reviews. On my Best of 2013.

69. X-Men: Days of Future Past (2014) – Why I’d pick the X-Men over the Avengers most days. Read Crowd vs. Critic reviews.

70. Yesterday (2019) – You know a movie captures its audience when most stay through the credits to sing “Hey Jude.” On my Best of 2019.

71. Zombieland: Double Tap (2019) – Hello, my name is Taylor, and I declare Woody Harrelson a national treasure. Read ZekeFilm review.

72. Zootopia (2016) – Creatively and socially sharp. Read Crowd vs. Critic reviews. On my Best of 2016.

Critic Picks of the 2010s

1. 12 Years a Slave (2013) – There’s no beauty or redemption in this chapter of America’s story, but the beauty of this is it restores humanity to millions denied it in their lifetimes. Read ZekeFilm review.

2. 20 Feet From Stardom (2013) – On my Sundance 2013 lineup. On my Best of 2013.

3. 1917 (2019) – Who needs suplots? Or more than one camera? On my Best of 2019.

4. Ad Astra (2019) – Prayerful poetry + one of Brad Pitt’s best performances. On my Best of 2019.

5. American Sniper (2014)

6. Argo (2012) – CIA work: It’s just like makin’ a movie! Read ZekeFilm review.

7. Arrival (2016) - The best Hollywood has to offer. I left wishing I felt this way after every film. Read Crowd vs. Critic review. On my Best of 2016.

8. The Artist (2011)

9. A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood (2019) – On my Best of 2019.

10. Begin Again (2013) – Adam Levine singing in Begin Again > Adam Levine singing in Maroon 5. Read Crowd vs. Critic reviews.

11. The Beguiled (2017) – Sofia Coppola = Queen. On my Best of 2017.

12. Birdman or (The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance) (2014)

13. Blade Runner 2049 (2017) – Don’t @ me—I like this better than the original. On my Best of 2017.

14. BlacKkKlansman (2018) – Just when you think this undercover investigation can’t get riskier, Spike Lee finds another way to send your blood pressure rising. On my Best of 2018.

15. The Bling Ring (2013) – Sofia Coppola = Still Queen.

16. Boyhood (2014)

17. Brooklyn (2015) – I think that Saorsie Ronan is goin’ places. On my Best of 2015.

18. Circles (2013) – Love me some symbolism. On my Sundance 2013 lineup. On my Best of 2013.

19. Dunkirk (2017) – The freshest take on World War II since Schindler’s List. On my Best of 2017.

20. Fences (2016) – Denzel Washington and Viola Davis bring issues of race, class, gender, marriage, and intelligence to life in a story as relevant today as in the 1950s. Read Crowd vs. Critic review. Read ZekeFilm review. On my Best of 2016.

21. First Man (2018) – On my Best of 2018.

22. Florence Foster Jenkins (2016) – More proof Hugh Grant is just the best. Read Crowd vs. Critic review. On my Best of 2016.

23. First Reformed (2017) – I‘ve never heard a character pray in words so close to mine. Read ZekeFilm review. On my Best of 2018.

24. The Florida Project (2017) - For what this lacked in narrative momentum, it made up for in empathy. On my Best of 2017.

25. Get Out (2017) – I’m not one for horror, and I’m not one to watch the same film twice in one week, but this broke both of those rules. On my Best of 2017.

26. The Grand Budapest Hotel (2014)

27. Gravity (2013) – Maybe my favorite Sandra Bullock performance. On my Best of 2013.

28. Green Book (2018) – Read ZekeFilm review.

29. Hacksaw Ridge (2016) – Read Crowd vs. Critic review.

30. The Help (2011) – Prescient of the decade ahead for its soon-to-be-superstar cast and a story reminding white people they should probably just shut up and listen instead of thinking they have all the answers.

31. Hell or High Water (2016) – A modern Cain and Abel story. Read Crowd vs. Critic review. On my Best of 2016.

32. Hidden Figures (2016) – Read Crowd vs. Critic reviews. On my Best of 2016.

33. I, Tonya (2017)

34. If Beale Street Could Talk (2018) – Controversial Movie Corner: My preferred Barry Jenkins of the decade. On my Best of 2018.

35. Inside Out (2015) – “There’s inductive reasoning, there’s déjà vu, there’s language processing, there’s déjà vu, there’s critical thinking, there’s déjà vu…” On my Best of 2015.

36. Jackie (2016) – Changed my perspective on Natalie Portman. Read Crowd vs. Critic reviews. Read ZekeFilm review. On my Best of 2016.

37. Jojo Rabbit (2019) – Shows not just how ugly hate is but how winsome it can appear. On my Best of 2019.

38. Joy (2015) – An important film at a hard time in my life. On my Best of 2015.

39. The King’s Speech (2010)

40. La La Land (2016) – Already one of the Great Musicals. Read Crowd vs. Critic reviews. On my Best of 2016.

41. The Last Black Man in San Francisco (2019) – Like a novel on screen. On my Best of 2019.

42. Les Misérables (2012)

43. Lincoln (2012)

44. The Light Between Oceans (2016) – Read Crowd vs. Critic reviews. Read ZekeFilm review. On my Best of 2016.

45. Lion (2016) – Read Crowd vs. Critic review. On my Best of 2016.

46. Little Women (2019) – I don’t sob in every film, but one of the most realistic onscreen depictions of sisterhood will make me do it.  On my Best of 2019.

47. Love & Friendship (2016) - Captures Jane Austen’s sardonic tone and her eye for silliness in social etiquette. Read Crowd vs. Critic reviews. On my Best of 2016.

48. Mad Max: Fury Road (2015) – Bananas, but the best kind of bananas. On my Best of 2015.

49. Marriage Story (2019) – A divorce story I want every engaged couple to watch. An Adam Driver/Scarlett Johansson acting show I want every film lover to watch. On my Best of 2019.

50. The Martian (2015) – Of all the fantastic space stories this decade, this is the most feel-good. On my Best of 2015 list.

51. Midnight in Paris (2011) – Another entry into the Wanderlust Canon.

52. Midnight Traveler (2019) – A documentary that feels more like flipping through a family photo album than reading a newspaper. Read ZekeFilm review. On my Best of 2019.

53. Molly’s Game (2017) – Sorkin Part 1!

54. Moneyball (2011) – Sorkin Part 2!

55. mother! (2017) - Exactly zero people on Earth can explain what this story means, but I think we can all agree we don’t deserve Jennifer Lawrence. On my Best of 2017.

56. Mudbound (2017) – A Greek tragedy set in the Deep South. Read ZekeFilm review. On my Best of 2017.

57. Parasite (2019) – A Southern Gothic set in South Korea. Read ZekeFilm review. On my Best of 2019.

58. Philomena (2013)

59. The Post (2017) – Hanks. Spielberg. Streep. Need I say more? On my Best of 2017.

60. The Report (2019) - Solely included here for the performance from Adam Driver, who elevated this so much he became one of my favorite working actors by the credits. Read ZekeFilm review. On my Best of 2019.

61. Selma (2014)

62. Silver Linings Playbook (2012) – I’m ready for more J. Law and B. Coop team ups in the 2020s. Read Crowd vs. Critic reviews.

63. Sing Street (2016) – Listen to “The Riddle of the Model” and you can thank me later. Read Crowd vs. Critic review. On my Best of 2016.

64. The Social Network (2010) – Sorkin Part 3!

65. Spotlight (2015)

66. A Star Is Born (2018) – Sometimes a film is everything you hope it will be. On my Best of 2018.

67. The Theory of Everything (2014)

68. Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri (2017) – A needed dialogue with unexpected opportunities for redemption. On my Best of 2017.

69. Three Identical Strangers (2018) - Sucks you in with its stranger-than-fiction premise but keeps you because of its better-than-fiction characters. On my Best of 2018.

70. The Tree of Life (2011)

71. The Two Popes (2019) – On my Best of 2019.

72. Wind River (2017) – The story lead the way instead of its politics, which makes both more compelling. More of Jeremy Renner and Elizabeth Olsen in everything, please. On my Best of 2017.

Photo credits: All photos from IMDb.com.

[indirispeaks]

Titanic Fail Part the Second

!Presented in convo form!  Apologies for the length

Me:  Okay remember that glorious shipwreck of epic proportions that was the animated titanic movie I told you about with the magic anime girls moonbeam tears?

Him: .....yeah...

Me: I love your suble uneasiness in that 'yeah'. Because THERE IS A SEQUEL.

Him: .....I want to get off this planet now.

Me: "Titanic: Elizabeth And Mullet-Face Go To The Lost City Of Atlantis And There Is A Battle With Sharks And Creepy Clown Toys And Mentally Challenged Racist Caricatures Mice, And Also The Dog Has A Gun For Some Reason."  

Him: fuck my life

Me: Also called "In Search of Titanic" But my version is more accurate.  So Elizabeth and Glove Sniffer, (fuck if I remember the guy's name he made zero impression on me the first time)along with the dog -who can talk now- and the reeeeally awkward mice are riding around in a submarine looking for the wreck of the Titanic.  Which is stupid, since the giant pinkie thing put the goddamn ship back together and lugged it to the new york harbor previously. Whales saved all the people! It was happily ever after all around.  

Him: WHAT IS CONTINUITY?

Me: No one on the production team knows what that word means. It is unclear why the talking mice are qualified to make submersible dives.  Maybe it happened between movies while the dog was learning to talk.  Actually come to think of it, every animal in the first movie could talk except the dog and the whales and yet everyone seemed to understand them just fine even without the glitter spooge and it wasn’tt a big deal to ANY of them. I'm not sure why I'm searching for meaning and logic in a film written and produced by alcoholic lemurs but it still bugs me.

Him: Alcoholic lemurs could have written a better story. meth addicted squirrel monkeys though.

Me: No the squirrel monkeys wrote the sequel.  In the snow.  With their own pee. But yeah the dog can talk now and I think his name is Lucky.  Or Fritz. Or Frank.  Steven? He doesn't like being down there because there are sharks.  Water is blue, Stevie-boy. But speaking of sharks, the criminal shark gulag is back, again with the whaler asshole, still after the whales.  There are no whales in this movie.  The giant pink thingie is apparently called Tentaclino, but no one even calls him that and he's not really in the movie either. For that matter, neither is the Titanic.  I don't know what they were actually calling it, because 80 percent of the dialogue in garbled to high hell in some way or another.  

Which I guess is what happens when three different countries work on the same movie in a fourth language none of them actually speak.  They gave up 20 minutes in anyway and just started trying to out-stupid each other.

The new head shark (also with names changing every other scene) gets da boyz to attack the sub and cut it loose because it's yellow.  All submarines are yellow. Also sharks are colorblind IRL but that's the least of this movie's issues.

Him:  Of course it's yellow.

Me: Everyone in the sub is understandably shocked and upset at this development, except for Glove Sniffer who says that everyone should remain calm while the sharks chew through their tether and oxygen tube.  The breach causes implosive decompression and kills them all instantly.  The End.

Him:  That's not what happened is it.

Me: Nupe.

Him: Joy.

Me: What actually happens is Da Boss shark and his dudebros chew the Technodrome loose to the complete and utter indifference of everyone inside it because the animation budget did not have enough money to pay for more frames when the dudebros start playing tether ball with it.  They ask Da Boss shark if they should finish destroying it but he says no, first he has to stop and brush his teeth. Dental hygiene is important, yo!  This calls for a rap number!

OH YEEEEEEEEEEAH THIS ONE'S A MUSICAL!  YAAAAAY!!!

Him: This is a hell dimension.  We are in a hell dimension.

Me: It sets the precedent for the whooole circus though, because NONE of the "songs" in this technicolor nightmare make any sense to anyone who doesn't just happen to be an acid-tripping squirrel monkey.  The most I got out of this one was the opening line of "YO! YO! YO! LOOK AT MY TEETH! HOOGA HOOGA HOOGA SO WHITE AND NEAT!" and the rest of it was sung by a chorus of small clams who'd come back from the dentist with mouths full of Novocaine.  It SOUNDED like they were singing "Oh, you, you!  There's no white meat out of you!  Oh, you, you!  There's wuh walla, walla WOOOO!!" You can look it up on youtube, the comments are full of people taking guesses at the actual lyrics.

Him: ....

Me: After that incomprehensible nonsense, it cuts back to where Elizabeth, Glove Sniffer and co. have been hanging out awaiting their cues for the last five minutes that you just spent listening to cartoon prison-shark rapping.  Literally.  Upside down and motionless.  Elizabeth's long flowing hair is unaffected by gravity. They come back to life just in time to realize they're probably going to drown and are understandably panicked....except for Glove Sniffer, natch, who tells them to stay calm again but then they go unconscious again and merpeople on multicolored My Little Pony steeds (WHY) come to the rescue and save everybody by spraying air bubbles on their heads....

hang on sec

I missed the part where it became possible for the merpeople to open the top hatch without turning the people into ground sausage. I.

Magic glitter spooge.

I guess.

They're unconscious again in any case.  They're also wearing life vests like that's going to help you 7 miles down. I couldn't tell if they were dead or not as they were not sausage, but if they were it would have saved the audience 70 more minutes of this shit.  Actually I think the dogs name was Pete.

Him: I'd suggest rewatching it as a drinking game but I don't think anyone would survive the alcohol poisoning.

Me: Yeeeeeah.  The mersquad lugs their unconscious asses back to the Lost City of Atlantis, populated by more merpeople who are really just different colored normal people walking around in frog feet with artistically placed fish scales.  Pete wakes up halfway there, catches sight of a merwoman and is utterly convinced he's dead and she's taking him to doggy hell.  Doggy.  Hell.  Full throttle Don Bluth. She tells him to stay calm, they're safe now. He doesn't buy it but WHO THE FUCK WOULD.

You might be able to make a drinking game of how many times they actually say some version of "stay calm." They are met at the door by a blue guy whose name we never find out, who tells them that in order to visit the city they have to drink this incredibly suspicious green potion.  Elizabeth questions the wisdom of accepting drinks from people wearing sexy-nurse costumes complete with white cowboy hat emblazoned with a red cross.  Blue guy tells her to stay calm...and then says "GET EVERYTHING READY!!" to the sexy nurse in a tone that is in no way menacing and foreshadowy.

And from this point on, Elizabeth "I can talk to dolphins with my magiccy-farts" becomes the SOLE VOICE OF REASON.  To which the blue guy tells her to shut up and drink it already..  Total dick move. Glove-Sniffer has lost what few brain cells he had (probably from sniffing other things, like wet paint and cat piss), and says that he understands.  Just stay calm, and isn't this potion a pretty color? Can't possibly be a bad thing! CHUGGALUGGALUGALUG.  I'm not kidding he actually says that. Elizabeth questions her own sanity.

Him: .........she's just now questioning that?

Me: Yeah, well. Elizabeth has seen some fucked up shit in her day. Then the blue guy takes them on a tour! They go and meet this jack in the box clown...fish...pokemon thing with a cape and a pimp cane because why the hell not, who says he's the ambassador or something and oh by the way everything in the city can breathe underwater, never go to sleep, everything can talk, and live forever.  Scary Toy sounds like a cross between Marilyn Manson and Fozzie Bear which is creepy as fuck.  I can totally see Jeff Dunham using that voice in his stand up.  Then it gets bizarre.

Him: again, just now?

Me: More bizarre.

Him:  I didn't know it was possible to go downhill from the deepest pit of hell.

Me:  They have a backhoe for digging, and Buffy missed this particular hellmouth.  There's a bunch of toys that live in the ballroom and Creepy Toy goes into this...this...song and dance number...about how all this works..I must have blanked it out after he made this horrifying demon giggle.  He doesn't exactly sing, either, just spouts more Manson-esque lyrics until all hell breaks loose in a sort of what I can only describe as "Techno Rave Fusion Dance Party Music".  The lights go out and colored spotlights start flying around the raving toy mosh pit (there's a mosh pit) and every single word of whatever the serial killer fish clown is trying to say is completely obscured by WUB WUB WUB, WUBBA WUB WUB WUB!! WUB WUB WUB, WUBBA WUB WUB WUB!!  Elizabeth's voice actor can be heard over the soundtrack saying "THIS IS SCARY!!" and she is so right.

Him: ....

Me: He finishes his routine by abruptly telling them surprise! they're not allowed to leave the city and go home for the rest of their immortal, sleepless lives.  Elizabeth is upset.  Guess what Glove Sniffer tells her?

And then they go meet the king, who is a fushia man I think.  He's wearing a long green robe with attached hoodie cowl from which a black hole exudes so you can't see his face.  Could have been tentacles under there for all I know. He's sitting on a throne which I admit was kinda cool, made out of water with fish and seaweed floating/swimming around in it.  Or at least it was cool until it gets up and starts following the king around and there's a fucking face on it that the king proceeds to sit on and then it blows bubbles right up his ass.  It's a sentient bidet.  

Him: sec, finding the vodka.

Me:  He asks how they are adjusting to the "news" that they are now under house arrest til the end of time, and Glove Sniffer says he's glad they were told right away and in such an amusing manner. Whoever was responsible for writing his dialogue has been huffing rubber cement between sentences. Elizabeth looks irritated.  I don't really blame her.  

Then the movie remembers oh yeah, talking animals!  The dog's name might have been Happy.  Still no clue about the mice.  Happy finds a lady dog that lives in Atlantis because why not, and they frolic a bit  She has no speaking lines and it's love at first sight.  She has no name.  Meanwhile the mice are taken to meet all the other mice and why are there fucking mice in Atlantis?   There, uh.  There's a chinese one.  You can tell this movie was made somewhere other than here because that one would have never got past the MPAA.

Anyway the mice/rats have this plan to overthrow the king and steal the elixir of life and then go Pinky and the Brain.  It is not explained why they the elixir will help them take over the world. They also for some reason have laser guns.  The two sailor mice run and tell the king. He doesn't question their story and neither did I.  Elizabeth did.  

Him: ....

Me: The king decides to let the mice try to take over the world because they're just a bunch of heat-packing mice and he has a bazillion army merpeople and toys and the elixir of life.  He replaces it with water so the mice steal a fake. They test it out by tying another mouse to a rock and tossing him down a well to drown.  I mean if you're going to put Don Bluth-level incredibly dark topics in a kid's movie, you may as well go all in. The Creepy Toy is afraid of the mice taking him apart with a screwdriver because then he'll be dead, (for kids!) but a red dolphin reassures him that screwdrivers are banned in Atlantis.  (Apparently they built the city without screws. I dunno just go with it okay?)

The evil mice are in cahoots with the sharks who are in cahoots with the whaling asshole because there needs to be at least six different plotlines at the same time.  They want to feed the pink thingie to Da Boss shark.  Why? Supposedly he ruins stuff....mainly any sort of continuity when someone tries to inject some sanity into this. stupid.  stupid.  Stupid.  stupid. stupid stupidstupidstupid there's a toy army that goes up against the mice who have their own submarines and how the hell are ANY of them supposed to take over the world when your shark shock troops are stuck underwater and you don't have a tornado handy?

I need a break

Their subs also have lasers but they are outgunned via Glove Sniffer's rampaging stupidity. There's a brief fight montage, the dog sets up a sniper point and starts picking off mice even though he lacks opposable thumbs and he's scared of sharks.  And water.  I'm not sure why he's on this vacation.  Maybe they needed to sell tie in plushies?  

Pew! Pew! Pew!  Pew-pew! WHOOOOMPA! Pew! Pew!

There's also a boy doll who looks like a girl doll because he's got a wig on and it's a curse a little girl put on him to look like a girl and blah blah blah blah it's not important.  None of this is important. He sounds like a pirate even though he's dressed in scottish kit. He off a single cannon shot and ta da! he's a boy again and promptly fucks off the movie never to be seen or mentioned again. Yay, misogyny on top of pointless!  Thankfully he does not sing or rap about it.

Him:  Small mercies.

Me: The war is over!  The mice have slunk back to Atlantis and decide to test their elixir of life anyway even though...their entire battle strategy imploded.  Elizabeth's voice actor has given up entirely and she just sort of stands there, lost in her own little hell.  There's a grand total of 4 seconds where the pink thingie shows up and then leaves so the animators have an excuse to plaster him/her/it on the dvd case.  The king decides to reward the useless tourists, half of whom keep asking nosy questions, and puts the Titanic back together again (I mean this IS a Titanic movie, the ship has to be in the film for at least 12 seconds) There is now a sentient screwdriver in the mix whose supposedly the Creepy Toy Fish's best friend.  They'.....but he's scare...I thought they were ban...the fuck.

Him: Well yeah.

Me: They get the ship cleaned up and put back together (what's continuity again?) and then use it to drop Elizabeth and Glove Sniffer on a deserted tropical island to live the rest of their lives going quietly insane up THERE instead of underwater.  Which is an improvement over hostages, because now they're marooned with the Titanic parked on the beach as their own private yacht.  Thank god they don't have relatives that will miss them or go looking for them. I kinda wonder that since they have issues with continuity if there were dead bodies on the ship.  I assume there probably were but there sure aren't any now. I won't speculate as to what happened to them but you never see anybody eating fish down there, if you know what I mean. That's basically the end, everyone lives happily ever after if you don't count mind never seeing your families and friends ever again.

Him: .....you know I hate you, right?

........the dogs name was fucking “Smile” by the way. 

[roseisread]

Grammy Predictions 2017

Today’s the day! Prepare to yell at your TV a lot and scratch your head at the choices the voters make. Cross your fingers for some really memorable performances like last year’s Kendrick Lamar showstopper. And read on for my predictions of who will take home Grammy gold today.  By the way, most of the awards are given out during the pre-televised ceremony, so if you want to watch that portion you will need to go to the Grammy website and stream it. The “Premiere” show starts at 12:30pm PT, which is coming right up. The rest of the show with all the performances and millions of commercials happens this evening. 

I do my best to keep up with a lot of genres of music, but there are plenty that I can’t claim any expertise on. If I left out your favorite category it’s because I don’t feel qualified to comment on it. I’d love to hear your input on those categories though! 

Best Music Film

I’ll Sleep When I’m Dead (Steve Aoki)

The Beatles: Eight Days A Week The Touring Years (The Beatles)

Lemonade (Beyonce) WILL WIN

The Music of Strangers (Yo-Yo Ma & The Silk Road Ensemble)

American Saturday Night: Live From the Grand Ole Opry (Various Artists)

Normally I don’t pay a ton of attention to this category, but this year it should be an early indicator of how some of the bigger categories will go. Why? Because if Beyonce loses this one, she may be poised for a night of disappointments. Lemonade was basically THE musical event of the year. I feel pretty comfortable predicting she’ll win this award. I haven’t seen the others so I won’t say who “should” win--but let’s just say I feel like the Beatles already had their time to shine. 

Best Music Video

Beyonce - Formation (WILL WIN / SHOULD WIN)

Leon Bridges - River

Coldplay - Up&Up

Jamie XX - Gosh

OK Go - Upside Down & Inside Out

Again, this is Bey’s to lose; but I am happy to see Jamie XX get some love and OK Go are always setting a high bar for innovation in the video department. 

Producer of the Year, Non-Classical

Benny Blanco (SHOULD WIN)

Greg Kurstin (WILL WIN)

Max Martin (RUNNER UP)

Nineteen85

Ricky Reed

Looking at the biggest songs of the Grammy year (which runs from September to September), Max Martin and Greg Kurstin are pretty evenly split. Martin had Can’t Stop the Feeling, Dangerous Woman, Into You, Send My Love To Your New Lover, Side To Side, and collabs with P!nk and Katy Perry. Kurstin had Sia’s Cheap Thrills, Tegan and Sara’s Love You To Death, and three giant Adele songs (Hello, Million Years Ago, Water Under the Bridge) plus Ellie Goulding’s Something in the Way You Move. Because the Grammy voters love Adele, I can see this one going to Kurstin. Nineteen85 is the biggest up and comer, but probably too hip hop oriented for voters to truly appreciate (Drake, DJ Khaled, and dvsn are on the list of hitmaker collabs here). Ricky Reed mostly has Meghan Trainor and Phantogram on the resume, although the insanely catchy HandClap by Fitz and the Tantrums is one of his so that could push him over the edge. My favorite, though, is Benny Blanco who worked with my beloved Francis & the Lights on several tracks as well as Justin Bieber’s Love Yourself, Major Lazer’s Cold Water, Selena Gomez’s Kill Em with Kindness, and Tory Lanez-Luv. I love the production on all those tracks and I think Blanco is the most deserving in the category.

Best Song Written for Visual Media

Justin Timberlake - Can’t Stop the Feeling (Trolls) WILL WIN

21 Pilots - Heathens (Suicide Squad)

P!nk - Just Like Fire (Alice Through the Looking Glass)

Skrillex & Rick Ross - Purple Lamborghini (Suicide Squad)

Shakira - Try Everything (Zootopia) SHOULD WIN

Peter Gabriel - The Veil (Snowden)

Look, Can’t Stop the Feeling is well named because you can’t stop that song. It landed on the charts about nine months before the actual movie came out, and remained inescapable the entire year. But for my money, the better song is Shakira’s and it fit so well with the themes of tolerance and diversity in Zootopia. I’d love to see an upset in this category but it seems highly unlikely. 

Best American Roots Song

Robbie Fulks - Alabama At Night (SHOULD WIN)

Jack White - City Lights (WILL WIN)

Roddie Romero and the Hub City All-Stars - Gulfstream

Vince Gill (performed by The Time Jumpers) - Kid Sister

Lori McKenna - Wreck You

I’m just excited to see Chicago favorite Robbie Fulks get nominated for a Grammy. Having seen him perform numerous times at The Hideout, having listened to him for the last 12 years, I just hope this leads to bigger things and more recognition to a very deserving performer. I’m sure Jack White’s the biggest name here and therefore he stands the best chance of winning, but damn if it would be a nice surprise if things went a different way. Jack’s got enough awards by now. 

Best Rap Album

Chance the Rapper - Coloring Book (SHOULD WIN/WILL WIN)

De La Soul - And the Anonymous Nobody

DJ Khaled - Major Key

Drake - Views (RUNNER UP)

Schoolboy Q - Blank Face LP

Kanye West - The Life of Pablo

I love this category. They mostly got it right--although I’d love to see Danny Brown in here over Khaled, personally. I’m thrilled to see Chance getting the love he deserves, I’m beyond excited to see Schoolboy Q get his due, and while I personally think Pablo is the most inconsistent Kanye album it’s nice to see it here because it’s ambitious as hell and its best moments are pretty fucking undeniable. Drake had a great year so it makes sense he’s on the list. De La Soul have deserved a Grammy forever so I’m happy to see them among all the newcomers. I feel like DJ Khaled is more relevant as a Snapchat star than a musician, but hey good for him nonetheless. I think Chance is the most universally loved so I’m expecting him to win here and that’s great. 

Best R&B Performance

BJ the Chicago Kid - Turnin’ Me Up

Ro James - Permission

Musiq Soulchild - I Do

Rihanna - Needed Me (SHOULD WIN)

Solange - Cranes in the Sky (WILL WIN)

This is a super solid category--no bad songs here, and all artists I’d be happy to see grab a statue. For me, Solange and Rihanna are almost equally deserving but I have listened to Needed Me about a trillion times in the last year, so I’m giving that my vote. I think Solange got a little more critical acclaim and it could be a Knowles night overall so I’m giving her the edge. 

Best Alternative Music Album

Bon Iver - 22, A Million

David Bowie - Blackstar (WILL/SHOULD WIN)

PJ Harvey - The Hope Six Demolition Project

Iggy Pop - Post Pop Depression

Radiohead - A Moon Shaped Pool (RUNNER UP)

First of all, this is the most hilariously named category because “alternative” means nothing if these all fall under it. We’ve got an indie singer songwriter, a glam rocker’s swan song, a punk rock god, and then two actual legit members of the 90s alternative cadre coming back into the spotlight. So saying who “should win” here is kind of difficult because I do not think they should be competing against each other at all. Nonetheless, my vote for who will and who should goes to David Bowie. I loved that album, and he’s got the posthumous love going on so I’m guessing Grammy voters will jump on board. If he weren’t there, I’d give my vote to Radiohead who really did make a huge comeback last year and actually ARE alternative at least in broad terms. 

BEST ROCK ALBUM

Blink 182 - California

Cage the Elephant - Tell Me I’m Pretty (WILL WIN)

Gojira - Magma (SHOULD WIN)

Panic! At the Disco - Death of a Bachelor

Weezer - Weezer

This is kind of a garbage category, and the only really good album on this list is by the absolutely killer Gojira. The rest are mediocre to bad in my humble opinion, but maybe I’m just bitter that Car Seat Headrest didn’t get nominated here. 

BEST ROCK SONG

David Bowie - Blackstar (SHOULD WIN)

Radiohead - Burn the Witch

Metallica - Hardwired

21 Pilots - Heathens (WILL WIN)

Highly Suspect - My Name Is Human

OK so two seconds ago Bowie and Radiohead were “alternative,” but now they’re “rock.” Make up your mind, Grammys. Out of this rather odd collection of songs, I think the one with the most airplay will get it so that’s 21 Pilots; but the actual best song on the list is the Bowie track. 

BEST DANCE RECORDING

Bob Moses - Tearing Me Up

The Chainsmokers feat. Daya - Don’t Let Me Down (IF THIS WINS I WILL BECOME A CHAINSMOKER MYSELF BECAUSE I WILL HATE EVERYTHING)

Flume feat. Kai - Never Be Like You (SHOULD WIN)

Riton feat. Kah-Lo - Rinse & Repeat

Sofi Tukker - Drinkee

The only horse I have in this race is Flume. I want Flume to win and if Chainsmokers win I will riot. But this category very rarely goes the way I want it to, so I should probably prepare for disappointment. 

BEST POP/DUO GROUP PERFORMANCE

The Chainsmokers feat. Halsey - Closer 

Lukas Graham - 7 Years (BARF SOUP)

Rihanna feat. Drake - Work (SHOULD WIN)

Sia feat. Sean Paul - Cheap Thrills (WILL WIN)

21 Pilots - Stressed Out

OK I may be turning into an old person but this category makes me kind of angry. There have to be better contenders out there than the ones they nominated here. At least my beloved Rihanna gets some love. I swear to god if Lukas Graham wins then we might as well stop listening to music altogether. That song is the most treacly awful ear destructor ever. It’s what I imagine is playing on the radio in Kurt Vonnegut’s short story “Harrison Bergeron.”

BEST POP SOLO PERFORMANCE

Adele - Hello (WILL WIN)

Beyonce - Hold Up (SHOULD WIN)

Justin Bieber - Love Yourself (RUNNER UP)

Kelly Clarkson - Piece by Piece (Idol Version)

Ariana Grande - Dangerous Woman 

I seriously hope Beyonce wins this, she deserves it the most and Hold Up is probably my favorite song on Lemonade. But we know how much the Grammy voters love Adele, despite 25 being a fairly lackluster album filled with boring ballads. (Sorry Adele. You know it’s true.) I’m not sure why Kelly Clarkson gets to coast into this category when Rihanna or Sia could be here instead. 

BEST NEW ARTIST

Kelsea Ballerini

The Chainsmokers (KILL ME)

Chance the Rapper (SHOULD WIN/WILL WIN)

Maren Morris

Anderson.Paak (MY RUNNER UP)

The two ladies in this category are both country, and this category hasn’t gone country since Zac Brown if I recall correctly so it seems like they’ll either cancel each other out or voters will gravitate toward a different genre. They are really talented though, so if you like country you should give them both a try. I’m super stoked to see Anderson.Paak show up here, and honestly since I think he’s an actual new artist and Chance has been around for a while, that might be a more accurate title to bestow to Anderson. As I’ve stated above, I despise Chainsmokers; so my vote of who will and should win is Chance. He had a huge year and he’s done it all on his own terms. Even a stodgy voting establishment like the Grammy voters should be able to get behind that. 

SONG OF THE YEAR

Beyonce - Formation (SHOULD WIN/WILL WIN)

Adele - Hello

Mike Posner - I Took A Pill in Ibiza

Justin Bieber - Love Yourself (RUNNER UP)

Lukas Graham - 7 Years (THE WORLD WILL UNMAKE ITSELF IF WE ALLOW THIS TO WIN)

I know I should probably predict Adele here but I just can’t bring myself to do that. It does seem like a distinct possibility but I’m just hoping that the Grammys can surprise us all and be a little more up to date by giving it to Beyonce. I’m surprised to see the Mike Posner track here, but hey good for him. It’s a decent song. We’ve been over my feelings on the others. If Beyonce and Adele split the vote and it goes to someone else, I really hope it’s Biebs and not Lukas. 

ALBUM OF THE YEAR

Adele - 25

Beyonce - Lemonade (WILL WIN/SHOULD WIN)

Justin Bieber - Purpose

Drake - Views

Sturgill Simpson - A Sailor’s Guide To Earth (RUNNER UP)

Again, I should probably expect Adele but I think song for song Beyonce’s got this. If the votes get split between the two heavy hitters, I could see Simpson pulling an Arcade Fire. That blend of roots rock and country is definitely the type of thing Grammy voters love. 

RECORD OF THE YEAR

Adele - Hello (YEAH I KNOW)

Beyonce - Formation (WILL WIN)

Lukas Graham - 7 Years

Rihanna feat. Drake - Work 

Twenty One Pilots - Stressed Out

I don’t understand why Lukas Graham gets in here but no JT with Can’t Stop the Feeling, no Drake with One Dance... the list of worthier contenders goes on and on. I’m going big on Beyonce but it could easily be Adele’s prize. That would be a pretty yawn inducing finish but it wouldn’t surprise me. I gotta give props to my girl RiRi who definitely is worthy of this appearance, and even though 21 Pilots aren’t really my thing I’m happy to see some new blood in this category.

Alright--that’s my picks! Tell me yours and let’s watch tonight to see who’s right!