#if I'm LUCKY I'll happen to have a breakdown when youre ok enough to care

[fearandfelt]

👁️

[beetlebumxo]

Paris

Pairing: Damon Albarn (90s) x Reader

Word Count: 1,718

Warnings: some angst, arguing, language, fluff

A/N: An imagine of what took place behind the scenes at the MTV Europe Music Awards held in France, 1995.

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Our flight had already been delayed arriving into Orly, we had to make up for lost time. Damon had really messed up his foot on a piece of glass at the Belfast show a couple of days back, he was in no shape to be running through the airport with me.

 "Do you think you can make it from the gate to the pick up area of the airport?" I asked as I grabbed my carry on bag and helped Damon navigate his way off the plane back into the airport terminal. "Eh, I'll do my best, love." He smiled softly. 

I felt awful that his foot pained him so much; I really wished we could take it easy, I wanted to take care of him and make him feel better. But we still had to get back to the hotel, change and make it to the venue on time. The band was set to take the stage in a few hours. Damon made it from the gate to the front, I picked up our luggage. Luckily management arranged for a limo to meet us.   

"Cet endroit est fantastique!" Damon said eyeing the hotel up and down.  He had been studying French for over a year now. I had to admit he was pretty good at it! I also had to admit he sounded so incredibly sexy when he spoke it. I had to keep myself in check whenever that beautiful language escaped his lips; this definitely was not the time to act on any impulses. I checked us in while Damon sat on a couch in the lobby area. The hotel was absolutely gorgeous, lined with chandeliers, fountains and such lovely views of the city. After checking in, we made our way to the room, changed and had just enough time to meet our next limo to take us to the venue. As we settled in the car, this was the first time I had a moment to take in what was happening. I just realized this was my first MTV Awards show with Damon.

"Damon, this is so exciting, isn't it? I mean MTV and all?" I gushed. 

"Yeah, it's going to really be something else." Damon responded in a mellow voice.

"You're performing! Plus, you're up for an award! It's going to be amazing!! But.. oh, will you be ok with your foot?" I asked.

"I'm pretty excited. Yeah, m'foot should be fine.. I'll just take a pill before heading out" he replied.

The venue was a site to be seen. Famous musicians with models on their arms; flashbulbs going off everywhere. Damon and I snuck in through a side entrance, neither one of us were really interested in the celebrity right now. We checked in with security and were whisked away to Blur's dressing room. We met up with Alex, Graham and Dave. As soon as Damon sat down, the phone rang.

"'ello… yea… that's me" Damon began. "Wait.. but.. wait.. why? Oh that's ridiculous…. You're not fucking serious right?"  Damon huffed and slammed the phone down. He quickly brought his hand up and began rubbing his face.

"Apparently.. those Gallagher twats are getting that award tonight, ya know? There was some 'miscommunication'.." he said in a mocking voice while making airquotes. ".. for fucks sake.. we're better than they are." Damon continued. He was now clearly agitated.

"Well, that's bloody grand, isn't it?" Alex replied while noodling on his bass. Graham sat holding his guitar,  "...tossers.. why are we even going out there, then?".  Dave just rolled his eyes.

"What are you doing?" I asked as Damon tore through the duffle bag he had just come across.

"Damon.."

"What?" He replied with a bit of an attitude.

"Just.. be careful.. don't.." he stared at me. "Don't be stupid, you know what will happen if you mix... those" I motioned to the pill bottle and beer he now had in his grasp.

"Oh, fuck off!" he replied. He popped a good amount of painkillers, and held the green tinted bottle to his lips. He stared at me, while taking a long drink. Graham's mouth dropped open. Alex sucked in his lip, which turned into a slight smirk. Just then, the boys were given the word to go onstage.

I was not having any of Damon's shit today, not after all it took to get us here. "Are you fucking serious??" I yelled, throwing my hands up. "Fine. But don't you dare bitch at me if your performance is absolute shite!!" I was livid.

Damon turned and stormed off towards the stage. Alex just looked at me and shrugged, as he followed behind Damon.

To be honest, the performance wasn't a complete disaster. I was more upset with Damon's attitude and reckless behavior. He was able to hold the notes just fine, as he hid his less-than-sober self very well at times. However, it was quite clear he was under the influence as he swayed, smiled to himself, and finally, fell to the floor. I watched from behind the monitors, just shaking my head. "Fucking idiot!" I mumbled.

The ride back to the hotel was quiet. I didn't say much. The mixture of alcohol and opioids had rendered Damon quite useless. He rested his head against the car window. I watched as his muscles softened; The stress and tension faded from his delicate face as his breaths became slower and more uniform. Sleep had taken over his weary body.

I looked over at my lover who had nodded off next to me and felt a tinge of pain in my stomach. Why did he have to act that way sometimes? I knew he was under a lot of stress lately between demands from the record company, touring and now this never ending battle with Oasis. I sighed and watched the streetlights dance across Damon's beautiful features. He already had a few breakdowns before. I would stay up almost all night holding him in my arms, trying to reassure him. I think sometimes he needed me to be his girlfriend, and other times he needed me to be his mother. It was a difficult task, but, I wouldn't have traded it for anything. Damon could be so funny, brilliant, passionate, loving. Millions of girls wanted to be with him, and here I was, the lucky one. And I knew I was lucky. 

We arrived back at the hotel. I gently nudged Damon awake. "Mmhm..one more minute" he said in a very deep, rough voice, turning closer towards the window. I nudged him again "Damon.. c'mon."  He awoke and I helped him get to the room.  I put my arm around his shoulder to steady him, he brought his hand up to mine. Our fingers entangled; I felt my heart skip a beat under his touch. He always managed to make me weak, even when I was upset with him. He truly had such power over me.

I opened the door and helped him over to the bed. He was very groggy. I took off his sneakers and gently placed the comforter over his lanky body. I leaned forward and planted a gentle kiss on his perfect nose. "Fucking idiot…" I whispered, but this time with a small smile. I climbed into bed next to him and drifted off to sleep.

I awoke the next morning only to find Damon had disappeared from the room. I wasn't really sure what I was in for. But, I never really knew what I was in for with Damon. We hadn't really spoken after the performance, and certainly not in his state last night. Just then there was a knock at the door. It was Damon.

 "Hello" he said, with a slight quiver in his voice. His fringe was long, covering his bright blue tired eyes, he still looked very worn out.  I looked at him and felt any anger I had left start to fade.  He was holding something behind his back.

"I know these aren't much.." he began as he pulled out a small, slightly messy bouquet of flowers from behind his back. "but it's all I could find in the garden..." he chuckled, bringing his hand up, running his fingers through his hair. 

I smiled at him. pressed my finger softly to his pink lips. "Shhh". I said, "And don't go picking the flowers from the garden here! The staff might see you and start a fuss!" I grabbed his large hand in mine and pulled him inside the room. 

"Can we.. talk?" Damon began. I nodded and set the bouquet down on the nightstand. We sat down on the bed, he picked up my hand and began to speak. I felt heat rising in my cheeks again.

 "Look, Y/N... I'm sorry..I said some things…" he started to look down at his feet, moving his injured foot slightly in and out of his shoe.

"I let that shit get the best of me, and I took it out on you." I started to respond, but he continued. "it wasn't right. You've been nothing but there for me, and even now with this." he brought his injured foot up and pointed to it. "Well, I don't know how you put up with me." He looked up with a slight smile.

"Damon.. thank you. You know what you did last night was stupid. I know you're under tremendous stress…. but.. promise you won't ever do that again.." I sighed. 

Damon brought his hand up to my face, slowly running his fingers through my hair. He now made full eye contact with me. I couldn't look away from his beautiful eyes.

"Y/N.. I promise." He sighed heavily. "Listen, how about we stay another night here? We can relax then maybe, explore the city, take in some of the sights, see some of the little shops?"

"You know, I would really love that. I think we need that." I replied. 

"I love you, Y/N, please don't ever forget that." he sighed.

"I love you, too" I smiled back.

Suddenly, I felt his hand gently grab my face, as he pressed his lips to mine. My whole body softened with his kiss. He had made so happy. I couldn't wait for our adventures in Paris to begin.