#if I’d seen that some dipshit robot made this I wouldn’t have touched it

[pumpkingeorge]

This is easily one of the most disgusting things I’ve ever attempted to drink. I would rather go outside and slurp mud.

[fandomsnchaos]

Okay, i've written fanfics before, but they're either angst, really really soft fluff, or just pure chaos/joking but anyways, have some chaos Reed900! (side note: there will be a lot of cussing, just letting you know! also slight NSFW?)

word count: 2021

Gavin had been working with an android for a while now, the android was known as RK900 or Nines as Gavin called him. He got used to him slowly, took a bit getting pass the harsh vocabulary Gavin had. Some nicknames stuck though, like Tin-can, Plastic Prick, even Coffee Machine was still fired at the war machine. Nines never paid much attention to the feisty human's words, of course occasionally he'd fire back. They had a relationship that was pretty interesting and intense. They even fought physically before, Gavin never won them, of course getting in a fight with a machine that was built for war, what did you expect? As time went on they hung out a lot and actually talked, but recently, some playful and flirtatious banter along side leaving a jacket in Gavin's room, may have made a new couple.

Reed was sitting outside his apartment complex smoking when he heard the door open. He ignored it not really giving a shit of who was leaving until he saw the tall android wearing his normal white and black suit with that stupid glowing blue triangle and arm band. "What do you want, Tin-can?" Gavin glanced at him before watching the robotic cars drive by again. He puffed on his cigarette. "I came out here to check on you, detective." Nines spoke, looking at Gavin. He held his arms behind his back standing up straight, which made him look much taller than Gavin. "Great. You can leave now." Gavin blew smoke into the air. Nines was about to speak again, but decided to reconsider his words. He loved the on and off banter they had but he had to admit, even though he's a tough guy, he still cared deeply for Gavin. Instead of bashing Reed and insulting him harshly as he occasionally did, he decided on a more flirtatious route. "You know you love me, you would miss me too much if I left." The android finally spoke. Gavin rolled his eyes as he put out the cigarette. "Whatever helps you sleep at night." Gavin walked back inside the apartment heading to his flat, Nines following closely.

Gavin sighed in relief as he laid on his bed. He noticed Nines enter the room and lean against the door frame. "Do you wear anything else or just that stiff ass suit?" Gavin asked as he sat up on the bed. "I can. I wear this as it is what Cyberlife made for me." Nines spoke. "I've seen Connor wear hoodies, why don't you?" Gavin was genuinely curious of the androids style. "Connor gets hoodies from Hank, not that I'd personally wear a hoodie, I could, but I'm more comfortable with something like a turtleneck." Nines smiled softly. He liked seeing Gavin being curious. He knows Gavin wouldn't admit it, but he liked seeing him want to learn more about his partner. "Huh." Gavin looked Nines up and down. "I have a turtleneck on underneath this suit actually." Nines said as he started to take off the jacket. Gavin watched, slight panic setting in. Nines sat beside Gavin on the bed wearing the turtleneck he said he had on. Gavin blushed softly but for a human it would be difficult to tell as the lights were off except the hallway light that shined through the open door. Nines looked at Gavin. "You're silent, are you okay?" He asked scooting a bit closer to the human. Gavin scoffed. "Yeah? Why do you keep asking me that, plastic prick? It's getting annoying!" Nines smirked wanting to pick on the human more. "I'm your partner, it's my job to not only help you, but make sure you're safe and okay." Gavin tried to push the android away. "Fuck you're heavy. Most police department partners don't sleep in the same place!" Nines chuckled. "Even if they're married or a family?" Gavin glared at him. "I said most, dumbass." Nines moved causing Gavin, who still was pushing as much weight he could onto the android, to fall over on the bed. "You say dumbass as if I don't have more information in my software that your brain wouldn't be able to handle." Gavin sat up again. "Either leave or sleep out there. If you even do sleep." He said laying down again this time hiding under the covers. "Night, Reed." Nines said as he walked out the room. Gavin peaked out from the covers watching the door shut and listening to the android walk away. He noticed Nines jacket laid on his bed. He grabbed it debating on getting up and giving it back to Nines. He held it close getting hit with that cool, comforting feeling. He held it close and laid down closing his eyes. He held the jacket to his face covering his face with it making sure he could still breathe while also feeling the cool touch. He fell asleep feeling the comfort and security of something so useless and boring but so worth it.

As the morning slowly creeped into the morning, Nines walked into Gavin's room. He had knocked before a couple times, but no answer. He saw his jacket wrapped around Reed. Nines smiled and sat on the bed once again. "Gavin, get up. It's time to get ready for work." He nudged him a bit. Gavin groaned and hid under the covers. Nines thought for a second and got up. He faced Gavin and started to caress his face. "Trash panda, get up." Gavin opened his eyes slightly. When he saw Nines he sat up backing away. "Jesus..fucking christ Nines!" Nines laughed. "Sorry, it was too fun of an idea not to try!" Gavin shot a cold glare a the android. "See you have my jacket. I need that." Nines smiled. Gavin looked at the jacket and handed it to Nines. "Fuck off." He got up finally.

As Gavin got ready and even at work Nines had been picking on him about falling asleep cuddling his jacket, Nines even told Tina who helped joke about it. Gavin was annoyed. He sat at his desk pretending to do work, not that anyone fell for it, trying to think of ways to get back at his partner Nines and his childhood friend Tina. Nines walked over to him handing him a cup of coffee. "You're not very good at faking work." Gavin looked up at him taking the coffee. "I don't really care." He took a drink of his coffee before setting it down on his desk. Nines sat on the desk as he occasionally did. "Are you really annoyed about this that much?" He asked smirking. "Maybe I am, maybe I'm not, but I do plan on getting back at you." Gavin looked at Nines. "Stop looking so smug too, you always look so confident with yourself." He leaned back in his chair. "That's cause I am. There's not really anything that can make me embarrassed." Nines kept the smirk on his face. "Sure. Even if you are an android, something has to embarrass you." Gavin said not buying it. "If you think of something, let me know." Nines stood up standing by Gavin's side. Gavin sighed and started to actually do work.

Gavin and Tina were in the breakroom talking. Gavin noticed Connor walk in to get coffee for Hank. "Hey, maybe he could help you mess with Nines!" Tina said motioning to Connor. "Maybe." Gavin replied. He walked over to Connor. "Hey, Connor." Connor looked at Gavin. "Yes, Reed?" He tilted his head a bit, listening to Gavin. "Do you think you can tell me something about Nines he hasn't told anyone else?" He smirked. "Like?" Connor was curious. "A secret? Come on dipshit, tell me something." Gavin leaned on the counter. "Sorry, detective but I don't know any secrets from him. Why though? Why do you want a secret?" Connor grabbed the coffee. "No reason." Gavin sighed walking away. Connor was confused, his LED clearly showing that. He shrugged it off and went back to Hank. "Nothing?" Tina asked. "Sadly." Gavin responded. She sighed. "Well good luck, I have work to do." She smiled and walked off. Gavin watched her walk off. He went back to his desk where Nines sat looking through cases. Gavin leaned on the chair. "What are you looking at?" He asked. "Old cases and files. Just got curious I guess." Nines leaned back in the chair looking at Gavin. Gavin had made eye contact with Nines, seeing the piercing grey-ish blue eyes made Gavin's heart skip a beat. He got a bit flustered. Nines smirked his eyes trailing to Gavin's lips. "I saw some old DPD pictures of you." He looked back at Reed's eyes. "Were you always this pretty or what?" He spoke in a more seductive tone. That had caught Gavin off guard. He backed away blushing. "Excuse me?!" Nines laughed. "What the hell, tin-can?!" Gavin wanted to fire back but was too much of a mess to think of anything. Nines stood up. "You're pretty. Take the compliment." Gavin didn't know what to say. "Screw you!" He said glancing at the seductive android beside him. "When?" Nines fired back. Gavin nudged him and sat at his desk. "Just shut up, fucking plastic asshole." Nines smiled leaving him alone for a bit.

Their shift ended and Gavin started to head home with his loyal android following him of course. It started getting kinda cold so Gavin hugged himself trying to keep himself warm. Nines had noticed it. "Come here." He said wrapping an arm around Gavin. He started heating himself up to warm up Reed. Gavin looked at the android. "Why don't you have a car or something you can ride to work and back?" Nines asked looking at the human. "Uhm." Gavin looked away. "It's a long story." Nines just nodded respecting Gavin not wanting to talk about it. When they got to the apartment Gavin entered his flat. Nines moved away from Gavin, taking off his jacket again. Gavin watched eventually slowly moving over to his android. He hugged him softly trying to keep up his tough persona, but that didn't last long. "You're warm." He mumbled. Nines kinda froze. He looked at his partner that had now nuzzled his face into the machine's chest. 'There's not really anything that can make me embarrassed.' Nines remembered saying those words. Although he wouldn't say embarrassed, he was flustered. Nines eventually wrapped his arms around Gavin resting his chin on his partner's head. "You're like a heater." Gavin spoke his eyes closed. His shoulders dropped as he started to relax. Nines made Gavin look up at him. Gavin's grey eyes meeting with his grey-ish light blue, practically hypnotizing eyes. "You're a bastard." Gavin chuckled. "You're a prick!" Nines pushed Gavin off him slightly. Gavin tried to attack back but was picked up by the much more stronger android. He was forced over the android's shoulder. "Hey! Fuck you!" Gavin tried to fight back but of course didn't win. Nines dropped him on the bed. "Feral." He crawled on top of him. Gavin blushed backing away. "Wait wait." Nines stopped and looked at him. "Are you okay, detective?" He asked, concerned for him. "Yeah, that just caught me off guard." Gavin sighed relaxing again. He looked at Nines giving him the signal to continue. Nines crawled back on top of Gavin. "May I?" He asked wanting to make a move. Gavin smirked. "Go for it." Nines pulled Gavin a bit closer leaning in to kiss him. As he did Gavin eventually pulled Nines down keeping him close. He wrapped his legs around the android's waist as Nines started to play with Gavin's hair. They pulled away finally, Gavin catching his breath. Nines got off him and pulled Gavin close to him. "Sucks to have to breathe doesn't it." Gavin rolled his eyes. "Shut up." Nines chuckled. "Hey, I can go on as long as you need me to." Gavin moved away from him. "Prick." Nines cuddled Gavin again. "Feral." Gavin smiled softly letting himself relax again and fall asleep finally.

(sorry if this is a mess, it's 7:14 AM as i write this and i haven't slept, uh, yeah, hope you enjoyed!)

[deltaengineering]

Spring Anime 2019 Part 1: git gud

I was trying to wait until something really good came along. This ran into a problem. Yes this is a day behind but not because of... that.

Amazing Stranger

What: Otaku dipshit buys a figurine that turns out to be an alien robot girl from an anime.

❌❌ Otaku dipshit nonsense about perving on a figurine-sized robot girl. It’s bad, yo.

❌ Execution is as questionable as the content. I’ll give it a star for using 3DCG and 2D animation where they respectively make sense.

♎ Only ⅓ runtime so it ended before I could get mad.

Bokutachi wa Benkyou ga Dekinai

What: Overachiever gets conned into tutoring a bunch of girls with specialized talents and general uselessness. The twist is that they don’t look identical.

♎ Basic ass harem setup with little to distinguish itself. And if it’s not a real harem it’s just a lacklaughter comedy.

♎ Characters aren’t terrible but sort of just there. Their talents are also too cartoonish to take seriously but not outlandish enough to be funny.

♎ You guessed it, production is workmanlike/undistinguished as well.

❌ Didn’t I just watch this? In any case, this lacks Quintuplet’s trademark sass so it’s just painfully mediocre.

Fruits Basket

What: Poor but optimistic high school girl gets involved with a harem of supernatural critters.

♎ This seems incredibly derivative and unoriginal. Seems of course, because Fruits Basket is the OG so all the others ripped it off in the first place. Doesn’t change the fact that I’ve sampled and discarded dozens of otome harems exactly like this.

✅ The production is aware that they’re adapting a classic over here, so the production values are high. It looks nice.

✅ It’s directed quite competently as well, especially the comic bits have the right timing.

❌ I don’t like the characters much. Tohru is a little annoying and the boyz are a big nothing. That’s not good for a romantic comedy. Side characters fare much better but hey, side characters in a show like this don’t matter.

♎ I have no attachment to Fruits Basket so this will have to stand on its own. So far it looks watchable, but very middle of the road.

Hitoribocchi no Marumaru Seikatsu

What: Kiraralike about a class of middle school girls that are all named after their personality. The main character (Bocchi Hitori, natch) is lonely and made of social anxiety.

❌ Dealing with #relatable topics is always sketchy, but Bocchi talking to herself for the majority of the episode just gets really old no matter what.

✅ However, once she starts actually talking to other people it gets better. Slightly above average for a show like this, which means inoffensively cute and very mildly comedic.

♎ This is a Kiraralike where all the characters are named after their personality, so I wouldn’t expect any depth. Not that that’s unusual for the genre.

♎ I’ll probably give this 3 episodes because these shows live and die by the cast, which we haven’t seen much of so far. If Bocchi’s character development sticks and we get a few good support characters, it might be fun.

Joshikausei

What: the sound of one thigh slapping

❌ but

✅✅ though

Kimetsu no Yaiba / DEMON SLAYER

What: Edgy shounen about a dude whose family gets KILL BY DEMONS (no, he isn’t the demons (his sister is the demons)).

✅ Actually better than that sounds, it’s pretty serious with its approach to the whole revenge thing. The edginess is also only apparent on the margins, so tonally it’s more or less fine.

✅ The main guy isn’t terrible and his superpower (a superlative sense of smell) is fairly subdued for the genre. You could tell a story with this.

✅✅ This is ufotable and it looks REALLY good. ufotable shows are always very elaborate, but their aesthetics can be questionable. This, however, keeps the postprocessing to a minimum and uses CG only where appropriate. I’d say it rivals Emiya-san for the best looking thing they’ve ever done.

❌ The OP shows a bunch of supercool superdudes fighting like they're in a shounen anime, just in case you’re wondering.

❌❌ Three words: Weekly Shounen Jump. This is an instant death sentence for the long run, since it will be stretched until nobody cares anymore, then get swiftly killed - with some lipservice to closure, if you’re lucky.

❌❌ In case you’re willing to take your chances, WSJ is still a magazine for babies and imbeciles, so get ready for its “distinctive” writing style. Here it isn’t quite as bad as in Promised Neverland, but you’re still getting 100% wall-to-wall voiceover coverage explaining things that you either don’t need to know or are blindingly obvious. 

Kono Yo no Hate de Koi wo Utau Shoujo YU-NO

What: 90s eroge protagonist starts hopping dimensions to look for his dad or something.

❌❌ Those 90s eroge protagonists sure were hilarious, what with their lechery etc. Rest of the cast fills the genre template nicely as well, which is to say they suck.

❌ Doesn’t look outright terrible so far, but it already shows signs of slight jankiness that would lead me to suspect this is a candidate for a production collapse in the future.

❌ Story? Surely you jest. All that happens in the first episode is vague exposition and naked girls falling from the sky. I hear the game gets real good 100 hours in, btw.

❌ This isn’t just some 90s eroge, it is the 90s eroge. You know, before KEY came along and made them all respectable (ostensibly). In any case, YU-NO is regarded as some stone cold classic of epic feels. I have experience with those, and they usually are only great for as long as you can’t read them.

Midara na Ao-chan wa Benkyou ga Dekinai

What: High school girls hates men because her father happens to be one. Understandable, since he’s also a tiny dirty old man caricature from the 60s. Can love bloom on the ecchifield?

♎ This is mostly inoffensive...

❌ ...except when it isn’t, of course. Which isn’t that often but still too often.

❌ It would also be appreciated if it could be less offensive in those instances because hot damn.

❌ Even if it removed the main source of irritation it would still be nothing much. Something like Hitoribocchi or Benkyou ga Dekinai has at least some potential, this doesn’t look like it’s going anywhere.

❌❌ My man Kenjiro Tsuda is wasting his time on this goblin’s comedy voice.

Mix - Meisei Story

What: Some kids play baseball, very slowly. You’re supposed to care because you presumably cared about Touch (which Mix is a very far removed sequel to).

❌ I did not in fact care about Touch. Nor about baseball, for that matter.

❌ Seriously, the entire selling point for this is “Sequel. To. Touch.” It cares not for your indifference towards Touch and would rather you go away.

❌❌ The languid pace is a killer. I know baseball is a boring sport but Mix doesn’t even attempt to make it interesting. This could work as an iyashikei-type show but in that case it would need different hooks, such as characters whose personality goes beyond “good at THIS aspect of baseball”. Maybe they’ll get to that but with this pace it’ll take a few seasons.

✅ I think the 80s design with a few contemporary animation frills looks quite nice. They’re probably doing their job right over there.

Nobunaga-sensei no Osanazuma

What: One “Oda Nobunaga” is an otaku and somehow also a teacher. Girls looking for his better known ancestor approach him with marriage plans, and since they’re looking for a Sengoku warlord, they come with era appropriate sensibilities.

❌ Do not care much for anime about 14 year old time travellers falling onto some dork’s dick, sorry. Unless they’re real good. Which this isn’t.

❌ I suppose i should be thankful this isn’t an all-out ecchi show, but unlike the characters, “lmao they can’t fuck” gets old.

❌ Besides the obvious, this fails at pacing, comedy, heartwarming, production, etc. I’m getting tired of spelling it all out again, this season definitely has an overabundance of not-quite-terrible-but-subpar-in-every-way romantic comedies.

Senryuu Shoujo

What: Senryuu is poetry that’s pretty much a haiku, but not hella deep. A quiet weirdo girl and a delinquent type write some of those.

✅ This has low ambitions, but manages to meet them. It’s chill and cute and the characters are likeable.

✅ Half length, which is the correct runtime for something as slight as this.

♎ It’s cheap but not to the degree that it detracts from the experience.

✅ It’s the second coming of Go Go 575 and I’m all about that. Check it out!

ULTRAMAN

What: uLtRaMaN is an ultrasequel to UlTrAmAn in which Ultraman is now Ultradad and has to take care of his Ultrason.

♎ Decent looking by CG TV anime standards, though the amount of action is so low that it raises the question why it isn’t just live action, especially since it’s partially mocapped already. I would have expected more pizzazz, especially with Kenji Kamiyama AND Shinji Aramaki directing.

♎ Old man superhero has some charm, but the show suggests and Wikipedia confirms: He’s about to get his ass kicked and his much more standard progeny takes over. There goes your selling point.

♎ Apart from that, this appears to be a competent but not especially engaging sequel to Ultraman (i.e., it’s most definitely not SSSS.Gridman). I have no special affinity for Ultraman.