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starmapz · 1 month ago

Text

THREE'S A CROWD

𓉸 toji fushiguro x shiu kong x f!reader

𓉸 kinktober smut oneshot

❝ you've been working with shiu and toji long enough to know that they both have eyes for you and after a particularly bloody and frustrating mission, you give in to their teasing for the first time. you know two things for sure. shiu needs a bigger car, and it won't be the last time you give in. ❞

𓉸 warnings ; 18+ only. contains explicit content. threesome. spit roasting. marking. biting. slight voyeurism. rough car sex. p in v. oral (f! and m! receiving). manhandling. fingering. mild size kink. throat fucking. nipple play (f! receiving). mild praise. mild degradation. mild dacryphilia. mild choking. pet names (doll, girl, pretty, baby, sweetheart). use of cigarettes. toji's dirty talk is a warning in itself.

𓉸 words ; 3.9k.

masterlist || kinktober 2024 masterlist

Seeing Shiu’s car is a goddamn relief. Blood drips from your cheek to your sleeve and you can feel the crimson that coats your gloves and pants seeping through the material. Sure, the blood doesn’t phase you anymore, but it doesn’t make soaked clothing any more comfortable.

Toji rolls down the passenger window as you approach in Shiu’s largest car, the one he usually uses for kidnappings and hostages and the sight of Toji likely means that’s just what they’ve returned from.

“Shiu, I swear to god if there’s a person in the trunk on top of my clean clothes, I’ll lose it,” you grumble, leaning forward to glance into the back. At least there’s no one tied up in the back.

“Don’t worry, doll. He was in the back and the job’s done,” Shiu’s words are slightly muffled as he lights his cigarette.

Letting out a sigh, you nod. “Pop the trunk?”

A puff of smoke leaves Shiu’s lips as he leans down to flick the lock for the trunk of the car. It opens with a thud, revealing your duffle bag with a fresh change of clothes. You had requested Shiu pick you up in a fairly remote location, shrouded by trees on every side to allow you some privacy to change rather than painting the inside of his car crimson.

If Toji were a better man, he would keep his eyes on the shroud of trees ahead. Alas, that’s not the case as Toji’s eyes stray to the side view mirror as he shamelessly watches as you pull your black compression shirt up over your head. He shuffles in his seat, attempting to adjust his cock as it hardens at the sight of your cleavage bouncing in your bra.

You pull your gloves off and let your hair down and if Toji didn’t know you were an assassin, he might think you’re an angel. You wipe some blood from your hair and forehead with the old shirt before pulling on a new black low-cut top. Sliding out of your pants, you slip into a pair of gray sweatpants before slamming the trunk and groaning as you finally sit down in the back seat.

“How was the job?” Toji asks, clearing his throat as he brings a foot up onto the seat to hide his… problem.

“How many guards does one person need?” You groan, rolling your eyes as you slouch back into the leather. “It was such a pain, I didn’t think it would take so long.”

“Mm,” Toji hums a response, unable to keep his thoughts straight. “Stressed?” He asks, shooting a glance at Shiu. He barely manages to contain his scoff when he catches the strained look on his handler’s face as the man keeps his eyes set dead ahead. Oh he’s as bricked up as Toji is right now and it doesn’t do the assassin any favors as his cock jumps at the lewd thoughts running through his mind.

“You have no idea,” you grumble, throwing your head back as you stare at the car’s roof.

Toji takes a pause before deciding to get a bit brazen, wondering if Shiu’s noticed he’s not alone. “Y’know,” Toji begins, the smirk on his lips audible in his voice, “I have an idea that could help with that.”

Catching the obvious innuendo held within Toji’s tone, Shiu finally shoots him a glance. It’s hard not to notice the tent in Toji’s pants even with his leg up on the seat in an attempt to block it. The handler takes a long drag of his cigarette, equally unable to stop his cock from growing harder in his slacks just as he was beginning to get it under control.

Toji shuffles to get a better look at you in the back seat as the gears in your mind turn. Shiu is close behind, moving his head more subtly to stare at you in his peripherals. You’re not oblivious to the deeper meaning behind Toji’s words and you can’t deny that they’re both attractive. Both men have also made their attraction to you fairly obvious over the past few months of working with them. In fact, it’s hardly a debate in your mind whether you want to have sex with them. The real question is whether the car can handle both of them. Or if you can.

“Care to enlighten me?” You play along with Toji’s words, a sly smirk donning your lips.

The assassin grins, eyes darkening as his pupils blow with lust. “Y’know, you gave Shiu and I a bit of a show back there, n’ we both seem to be havin’ a bit of a problem.”

Your brow raises as you fight the urge to call them out for watching you, but you bite your tongue given that you were equally guilty in this scenario, having purposefully made a show out of changing for both men. Had you truly wanted to, you could have absolutely stood closer to the trunk to change but you made sure you were in view of the sideview mirrors, just as you know Toji has done in the past.

“I’m thinkin’ we could help with that stress, n’ you could help with our problems,” Toji shrugs like it’s all a simple exchange.

“You’ve been awfully quiet, Shiu. You gonna help with all my stress?” You purr, watching as he stubs out his cigarette in an ashtray sitting in the center of the car with a smirk.

He’s out of the car in a second, back door open as he slides into the back seat with you. His lips eagerly collide with yours just as you see Toji slide between the gap in the front seats with a grunt of effort. Though you can’t see him, you can hear him shuffling around, knocking both you and Shiu in his effort to slip into the back seat with you.

Shiu pulls back, ready to spout irritated words at Toji, but a single tug on his tie from your eager fingers pulls him back down to you. He gives in immediately, shoulders relaxing as your fingers rake through the short hair at the base of his scalp.

You gasp into the kiss as Toji’s large hand grips your thigh, a row of sloppy kisses planted along the column of your neck. His scar brushes against your skin as he focuses his attention at the base of your neck. Shiu swallows your whimper when Toji begins to suck on the sensitive spot at the base of your neck.

Shiu doesn’t break the kiss as he easily shuffles out of his suit jacket. The clanking of a belt cuts through the lewd sounds painting the air as he tosses that into the front as well.

“Such a dirty little thing, aren’t ya?” Toji hums, groping your breast with one hand as he covertly slips you onto his lap. His hardened length tents his pants and rubs against the swell of your ass as he not-so-subtly ruts his hips against you.

With each roll of Toji’s hips and sloppy kiss left on your neck, you shuffle and whine into Shiu’s mouth. The handler sighs, pulling back to shoot Toji a look. “Fushiguro, stop moving her around so much, I’m practically up against the seat.”

Toji clicks his tongue. “Not my problem,” he gruffs.

“It will be when you’re the one shoved up against the seat.”

“Boys, there’s enough of me to go around. You can both have your turn,” you purr, squeezing Toji’s thigh as you press a chaste kiss to Shiu’s lips. It seems to satisfy them both as Toji’s hands grip your hips while he continues to grind against you while Shiu loosens his tie and discards his shirt.

As Shiu undresses, Toji uses his thumb and forefinger to turn your chin to him, capturing your lips in a sloppy kiss. By comparison to Shiu, Toji’s lips are rough and he moves against you with fervor as though he’s been waiting his entire life for this moment. He commands you with his tongue rather than moving with you. Toji wants control.

With your attention on Toji, Shiu’s hands wander over your thighs before sliding along the band of your sweatpants as he begins to work them down your legs, lifting you briefly off of Toji’s lap. Your attention is pulled to the handler as you let out a surprised yelp at being lifted so suddenly, but Toji’s having none of that as he tightens his grip on your chin and pulls you back to him.

“Ah-ah,” Toji tuts, squeezing your cheeks with his forefinger and thumb. “Eyes on me, girl.” He stares at your puckered lips, running his thumb over the lower one as you stare into his emerald eyes, obediently keeping your attention on him. Shiu pushes your thighs open, resting them on either side of Toji’s knees beneath you. He begins to kiss up your inner thighs, sucking and nipping at the sensitive skin.

You bite back a moan but Toji grins as your eyes glaze over with need, growing more lidded by the second. “You wet for Shiu already, pretty lil’ thing?” Toji drawls, a puff of air leaving his nose in a dry laugh when all you can manage is a moan.

“Words, doll,” Shiu instructs, equally as pushy as Toji even as he looks up at you from between your thighs.

“Y-Yes,” you manage, lips parting as Shiu licks a long stripe up your clothed pussy.

The handler smirks, fingers digging into your skin as his tongue swipes over his lower lip. “She’s fucking soaked for us, Fushiguro.”

Toji finally lets your chin go, your head falling back onto his shoulder as he moves his attention to your breasts. Large, rough, hands knead the plush of your breasts as Shiu hooks two fingers beneath the fabric of your panties and moves it aside.

You wouldn’t know with your head thrown back on Toji’s shoulder but they exchange a look as Toji flicks your nipple and Shiu gives your clit a couple of kitten licks at the same time. A shrill gasp leaves your lips followed by a whimper as you arch your back against Toji at the sudden sensation. The assassin’s cock twitches against your ass as he hums in your ear, pleased with your moans.

Shiu occupies himself with your pleasure as he plunges his tongue into your core, lidded mahogany eyes focused on your reactions as he flicks the muscle within your gummy walls in search of what sends your eyes rolling into the back of your head. Your lips are parted as you lean your full weight back against Toji, his hands continuing to pinch, flick and tug on your nipples. Both men’s actions send pleasure straight to your throbbing pussy but it’s when Shiu withdraws and slides his middle finger deep within your walls that you jolt and your hands go out in search of something to grab onto.

“Easy, girl,” Toji chuckles at your reaction, rutting his hips against your ass as your sudden movement teases his pulsing cock with friction. His lips attach to your neck as he sucks and bites at the tender skin, leaving behind marks that you know will turn purple in a matter of moments.

Clutching onto Toji’s thick forearm and the seat in front of you, you whimper as Shiu curls his finger within you. It’s only a matter of moments before he’s found your sweet spot and begins to rhythmically bully your walls.

“Shit, doll, you’ve got a pretty moan,” Shiu groans as he begins to palm his hardened erection through his boxers. The shuffling of fabric tells you that endeavor doesn't last long as he pulls his cock from his slacks to slowly pump himself as he reattaches his lips to your clit, sucking and swirling his tongue around the bundle of nerves. He moans against your cunt, the vibrations sending a chill straight up your spine as you arch your back for him.

“You close already?” Toji teases as he continues to palm your breasts with one hand, moving the other to hold your hips in place as you begin to squirm on his lap. The movement of your hips is driving him crazy, but he resists the urge to flip you and bully his cock into you right then and there out of fear of breaking you.

“Ah- f-faster-!” you whimper, legs quivering on either side of Toji’s knees as you attempt to fasten them around Shiu’s head. The handler chuckles once more, sliding a second finger easily past your folds and adding to the intense pleasure coiling in your abdomen. Your nails dig hard into the leather of Shiu’s front seat and Toji’s forearm as the digits within your walls pick up their pace, moving faster and harder.

“Cum on your handler’s face f’r me,” Toji coaxes in your ear, his voice low and sultry in tone, sending you crashing into your climax like a ton of bricks.

“Shiu-! Shit- haah-” you babble and moan as your back arches and your walls pulse around his digits. Toji holds you firmly in place with one hand as Shiu doesn’t relent, only slowing his movements to draw wave after wave of your orgasm out of you. When you slump back against Toji with a pant, Shiu finally withdraws his fingers, getting to a hunched standing position. He leans over you, gripping your chin as he slides his slick-covered fingers between your lips.

“Good girl,” Shiu praises, wiping your arousal from his chin with the back of his other hand. You suck his fingers, the taste of your climax sending heat between your thighs once more. You subconsciously attempt to close your legs again, catching Toji’s attention.

“Still horny after that, eh?”

“Don’t be a tease, Toj’,” you groan breathlessly.

“Dunno, think you might deserve it after the show you gave us earlier,” Shiu comments as he lights a cigarette.

“Open a window, asshole,” Toji growls with a huff. Shiu shrugs, a puff of smoke leaving his lips as he cracks the window behind him.

Your chest still heaves, completely blissed out as Toji easily lifts you from his lap and sets you down on all fours on the back seat. Your legs are still trembling from your orgasm as you struggle to hold yourself upright on shaky limbs.

“Still sensitive, doll?” Shiu teases as he blows a puff of smoke out the window and gives you a moment to come down from your high. You nod as you look up at him before your attention is drawn to his cock. You blink a few times as you take in Shiu’s size. His shaft is of fairly average girth, but he’s long. You inadvertently bite your lip, catching the handler’s eye. “See something you like?” He grins, holding his cigarette off to the side as smoke cascades up to the roof and out the window.

“‘M thinking we should have done this a while ago,” you purr, aiming to sit down on your knees in an attempt to tease the man, but you’re immediately pulled back up into your original position. You yelp in surprise, turning your attention to Toji, who’s now mostly undressed with his shirt tossed aside and pants pulled down enough that you can see the tent in his boxers.

“Nah, stay on your hands and knees,” he chides, getting on his knees behind you, although he’s forced to bend over your back to avoid hitting his head on the car’s roof. His breath is warm on your back as you feel him pull his length from his black boxers. The weight of his cock on your ass makes you swallow as you turn your head to catch a glimpse of the bulky man behind you.

Toji is grinning as he slowly pumps his length, eyes lidded as he watches the way you take in just how thick and long he is. A pulsing vein runs up the side of his length up to his swollen tip, dripping with pre-cum that damn near makes your mouth water.

“As much as I like havin’ you ogle me, I wanna see that pretty lil’ mouth of yours wrapped around a cock while I rail ya from behind.” Toji’s words are filthy as he lines himself up with your sopping lips.

Shiu’s fingers grab your chin as he guides you back to him. He twitches at the mere sight of you, a puff of smoke leaving him as he pushes his tip between your lips.

“Shiiit, doll,” Shiu groans as you obediently hollow your cheeks and swirl your tongue over his swollen head. He leans his knee on the seat to support his weight as he slowly pushes himself into you while Toji ruts his length through your folds, covering it in the slick that still drips from your previous orgasm.

“D’ya think Shiu prepared you well enough f’r me?” Toji teases, and you half expect him to push in right then and there, but it’s his long and thick finger that slips easily into your cunt.

“T-To-!” You cry out around Shiu’s cock, but you don’t manage to finish the assassin’s name when Shiu pushes to the back of your throat, holding you in place by your chin and stifling your cry.

“Hah- Fuck.” A puff of smoke leaves his lips as he moans and throws his head back. “Bein’ such a good girl for me,” he groans, leaning over to stub out the last of his cigarette as he gives you his full attention.

He doesn’t move for a moment, his length pressed to the back of your throat restricting your breathing as tears form in the corners of your eyes.

“Too much, pretty girl?” Shiu taunts, lidded eyes admiring the look of your mouth stuffed full of him. He pulls back just enough to let you breathe and barely mutter out a no. “Tch.” Shiu smirks, bringing a finger to your cheek to wipe the first tear that falls.

Behind you, Toji slips a second finger into your cunt, curling his fingers so expertly it sends a spark of electricity up your spine and heat straight to your core. You moan around Shiu, grinding your hips back against Toji as he teases your clit with the rough pad of his thumb, but just as quickly as he begins to rub circles over the bundle of nerves, he pulls his digits out.

Your muffled whine barely hits the air before Toji sinks his tip in and forces a gasp from deep in your throat. You collapse forward onto your forearms as pain and pleasure mix and coil in your abdomen, forcing Shiu to lower himself with you, though he doesn’t mind now that his head isn’t hitting the ceiling.

Why the fuck did you decide to do this in the car?

Leaning over you, Toji moves his hips as he feeds you his length inch by inch, slowly so as not to split you in half.

“Shit, y’re tight,” he groans, one arm on the back of the seat while his other hand rests by your elbow. When Toji bottoms out, he waits for a moment as he allows you to adjust to just how full you are with his cock. Shiu doesn’t move either as both men give you a chance to take a breath before they ravage you with need. Your handler’s length twitches when you swipe your tongue over the tip teasingly as the pain in your stomach dissolves into nothing but pleasure.

“Hah, you being a tease right now, doll?” Shiu breathes out as he holds your head in place and pushes his cock deep into your throat, moving rhythmically as he fucks into you relentlessly. Toji takes that as his sign to move as well, his cock jerking as he watches you choke on Shiu’s cock.

The assassin rams into you, his length brushing your sweet spot with every thrust. Both men use you so meanly that you’re being shoved back onto each cock in both directions as though they’re competing with one another.

“Mmf-!” You barely manage to choke out a cry as your climax approaches quickly.

“Y’like being used like that, baby?” Toji mutters from above your shoulder. “Y’like bein’ a little toy f’r us?” He pulls out fully before ramming his full length deep into your cunt and pulling a cry from you again as Shiu continues to bully the back of your throat. “Clampin’ down on me, y’re close already, aren’t ya?”

You can barely manage a whimper when your high hits hard and fast, your stomach knotting and releasing in a wave of pure bliss. You see stars as neither man relents, chasing their own orgasms without giving you a break as you gush around Toji’s girthy shaft.

“Gonna make me cum with that mouth of yours,” Shiu moans, his cock jerking and twitching as your throat contracts around him with each whimper and whine that you release. He follows shortly after you, his release painting the back of your throat white as you swallow every drop, your tongue swiping his sensitive tip and pulling a moan from him as he jerks and slumps back into the seat with an arm over the back of the seat and one over the ledge of the window.

Toji becomes surprisingly quiet and although he doesn’t say much, his movements grow sloppy and imprecise and it’s barely a moment before his arousal fills you up and seeps out around his base, leaving a ring of white at the base of his cock as he pulls out.

He gives himself a couple of last pumps as he licks your back once before sitting back on the seat, mirroring Shiu’s actions.

At last, you collapse forward, curled into the seat as you pant to catch your breath. Your tear-filled eyes are blurred with pleasure as you come down from the high of being with Toji and Shiu.

Shiu rakes a hand through your hair so tenderly you almost wouldn’t know he’d just pounded your throat raw barely a minute ago. “How are you feeling?” He asks, tilting your head subtly to get your honest reaction.

You shoot him a smile. “Might be the best dick I’ve gotten in my life.”

Both men chuckle. “Good to hear,” Shiu replies, reaching forward for another cigarette. As he lights it and smoke begins to curl from the ashen tip, he turns his head to blow smoke out the window. “I think I owe you both a night at a hotel,” he comments.

“For the threesome or the job?” Toji chuckles.

“For the job, dumbass.”

You let out an exhausted, breathy laugh as you force yourself to sit up. Shiu grabs his suit jacket and drapes it over your shoulders, his cigarette balanced between his lips.

“You know, you could lie and say it was the threesome and make us feel good,” you tease.

“I think I made you feel plenty good, sweetheart.”

You roll your eyes. “Dunno. Maybe you could show me what you mean at this hotel you’re talking about?”

Toji scoffs, a grin on his scarred lips. “Such a greedy lil’ thing. Already lookin’ for round two?”

You put your hands up defensively. “What can I say?” You smirk, falling back into the seat to catch your breath. “Oh, and Shiu? You need a bigger car.”

masterlist || kinktober 2024 masterlist

𓉸 a/n ; ugh i hoped this would come out way earlier but ended up getting sick among other things. finally starting to feel better though so i hope you enjoyed! as always likes, reblogs, and comments are super appreciated ♡

𓉸 taglist ; currently open. please comment here or on the masterlist to be tagged in the last of my kinktober work ♡

@fushitoru @tojis-ball-sack @rathreads @sukunadckrider @nxcxllxsevens

@r0ckst4rjk

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reallyromealone · 7 months ago

Text

Title: and they were roommates

Fandom: none

Characters: vampire (oc?)

Fic type: story

Pairings: vampire x male reader

Warnings: male reader, reader insert, nsfw, biting, blood sucking, dubious consent, blow jobs

Notes:ok so it's not an OC really? But it kind of is? It's a vampire but like not a specific dude and he doesn't have a name or any description

🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸

"Aight, streams done" (name)s roommate said coming out of his room, dressed in comfortable clothes as (name) put in a pullover sweater "let's get this shopping done!" (Name) Said back with enthusiasm as he stretched, (name) was thankful his roommate and him had the same sleep schedule, (name) worked online as an editor and his roommate was a twitch streamer, usually up all hours of the night streaming.

Though tonight he started early so that the two could get grocery shopping done, thankfully they lived close to a 24 hour grocery store "I'm gonna get me some pop tarts" (name) said getting into the passenger seat of his roommates car and the other snorted "eat too many and you will become one"

"That would be awesome, I would be delicious" (name) said, missing the look his roommate gave, a flash of red passing over his eyes as he began driving.

The two had been roommates for two years now and (name) wouldn't lie... He was down bad for his roommate, he was always so cool and mysterious-- "dude! They have the barbieque sauce!" Well most of the time, after streams he was always a little more goofy, less like his online persona.

Though... He wasn't expecting this.

"Sorry... Fuck... I thought I had more in reserve..." His roommate mumbled as he pinned him to the bed, shaking slightly as he kissed (name)s neck feverishly "what..." (Name) Gasped as he felt something puncture his neck and a whine left his lips as his roommates hands held (name)s wrists against his bed.

He was so tired, having gone to bed after the grocery shop and he knew his roommate was fidgety but... "Sorry..." He whispered as he removed his fangs and licked (name) neck clean before pulling back, guilt washing over his face before feeling... "Oh" he said and (name) followed his eyes to realize that while getting bitten by his roommate (name) popped a boner and looked back up to meet his roommates gaze flustered and embarrassed "I- uh..."

"Sorry for biting you, I thought I had more reserve" he said getting closer and (name) fidgeted and looked away "I get it if you wanna move out, that was pretty shitty of me to do" his vampire roommate said and (name) bit his lip shyly "I feel this... Is a dumb Segway to tell you I have feelings for you" (name)s voice trembled slightly, this is now how he imagined confessing and god-- what if he didn't like him back and he looked like an idiot--" I like you too, guess I can do this then.." slightly cold lips touched his own, soft and plush as fangs gently scraped his lips as they began kissing slowly and a soft moan left (name)s lips.

"How are you feeling today though... Haven't taken from a person in a while..." His roommate fretted as he looked over (name) and his wound "I'm a bit dizzy.... But I'm ok..." He whispered as his roommate gently pecked his lips as comfort before adjusting so (name) could sit up "so... What happened?" (Name) Asked as he grabbed his pillow and covered his still present erection as his roommates boyfriend? Sighed "well... You know how you said you would be a delicious pop tart?"

"Yeah...?"

"Well that + me having a crush on you + being semi hungry..."

"Oh... Oh!" (Name) Quickly connected and things started making more sense "so the mini fridge..."

"You're handling this way better than I expected" the vampire said softly and a tad bit nervous "well... It explains a LOT" (name) shrugged before wincing slightly as he was just bitten "and I mean you're still my roommate... So are we like... Boyfriend or...?" (Name) Asked nervously as he played with the pillow in his lap "only if you want to be" his roommate said softly and (name) nodded "yeah... I would really like that" (name) said happily and his boyfriend moved to kiss him.

"And I promise not to bite you again" his roommate said as he set (name) on the couch, the two moving to the living room after a nice makeout session in (name)s room, the human having a dizzy spell so it was time for a cookie and orange juice.

"But what if I wanted you to do it again?" (Name) Said shifting nervously as the other set the food and drink down, (name) watched as the cogs turned in his head and then the realization clicked "oh? You like it when I bite you?" He asked as he watched the other eat his cookie "I mean... You did give me a boner" (name) said, his erection just now going down as the other hummed "alright but... I promise not to take it often, don't want you unconscious"

Their lives went on normally save for a few new additions like making out basically everywhere in the apartment and sharing a bed as both found they were fairly clingy with cuddles.

"O-oh..." (Name) Whined as he felt the other lift his shirt to nip at his chest, fangs scraping lightly across his nipple before sucking and biting, his other hand tugging at the other nipple as (name) sat in his lap stroking their erect cocks together as they both let out soft breaths and moans "fuck..." Did sucking blood somehow a god at sucking his chest? God his dick sucking game must be legendary...

"You know you're mumbling right?" His boyfriend looked up at him and (name) grew flustered as the other went close to his ear "and my dick sucking game is unmatched" before licking the shell of his ear, kissing down and heaving hickeys as he went and pushed (name) down so that he was laying on their bed, his boyfriends hands firmly on his hips as he took (name)s cock in one go, hollowing out his cheeks as he began sucking slow and hard.

His tongue rubbed the base of his cock as his fangs just barely scraped the sides, the actions causing (name)s eyes to roll back and thankfully the vampire had his hands on the others hips as (name)s hips began jerking to chase the vacuum that was his boyfriends mouth.

"S-shit-- I'm gonna..!" (Name) Came down his throat as his toes curled and knees buckled, the vampire drinking every drop with a hazy expression before pulling off "you wanna go all the way? It's ok if you don't wanna" he soothed as (name) shook, sweating as he felt the other kiss his forehead "maybe... Tomorrow night... We could?" He asked and the vampire chuckled "yeah baby, I'll make it real special for ya" his voice though teasing, his eyes said something different.

And (name) couldn't wait for tomorrow.

#oc x male reader #oc x reader #vampire x reader #vampire x male reader #male reader #x male reader #male reader smut #smut

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anim-ttrpgs · 7 months ago

Note

Wait does Eureka have its own established lore for how different supernatural creatures work?

Yes, it does!

(I’m going to preface this post by saying that just about everything I’m talking about here, and more, is available FOR FREE for you to read in the free pre-release version of the Eureka: Investigative Urban Fantasy rulebook that you can download from our website. Go to Chapter 8 to start reading about the supernatural lore. The rulebook itself will do a lot better job of explaining all this than I will, because it has the exact details of how each one works, and I’m just hitting the highlights and going over what those details mean.)

Eureka: Investigative Urban Fantasy is a game about very human and believable investigators digging into dangerous (often supernatural) mysteries way over their heads, and sometimes those very human and believable investigators will be supernatural creatures themselves.

These supernatural creatures are every bit as human and “normal” as their mundane investigators counterparts, they have jobs, friends, families, hobbies, etc. They live among mundane society, not outside of it.

Most modern fantasy settings have some kind of separation between normal society and magical society, like you see in Harry Potter where there is normal society, and then a separate, secret magical society hidden away from it, or Vampire: The Masquerade, where vampires all have an agreement to keep themselves a secret from normal society despite acting within it.

In Eureka’s world, there is no “masquerade,” but that doesn’t mean that magic and monsters are well-known and well-documented phenomenons. Supernatural creatures such as vampires, wolfmen, etc. are exceptionally rare. Don’t take this as an exact number, but you can probably assume there’s about one of these per every 3.3 million normal people.

This rarity, as well as the fact that each individual has little to gain and everything to lose by revealing themselves (try “coming out” as a person who regularly assaults people and drains their blood), has led to them going largely undocumented in the modern day. Sure, this is the digital age, there are videos, but viral videos are not exactly scientific evidence. For every real vampire caught on camera, there are a thousand hoaxes and horror short films.

There is no secret vampire government controlling things from the shadows—most vampires don’t even know any other vampires, let alone enough to form a secret society with any effect on national politics.

As for how they work, well, that’s one of my favorite parts to talk about.

There are five playable monster types in Eureka (The Vampire, The Wolfman, The Fairy, The Witch, and The Thing From Beyond) plus two extras that are Kickstarter stretch goals (The Dullahan and The Gorgon), but in the interest of time, I’m only going to really go into detail with one of them.

Most playable monster types in Eureka are very, very old-school, with an emphasis on actual historical folklore over just making up all our own lore. That doesn’t mean Eureka doesn’t have a unique approach to the supernatural, though. Little of it is “new,” but it is certainly unique, because to my knowledge no other RPG has ever taken the old stuff this far before. A PC being a monster in Eureka isn’t just a few +1s here and there and maybe a little extra damage from silver weapons, it means playing by an entirely different set of rules from fellow investigators.

The vampires and vampire lore you see in movies are not folkloric vampires, they are mostly a 20th and 21st century pop-culture creation. Eureka’s vampire abilities, weaknesses, and other traits are based on pre-1900 vampire legends, with older traits usually taking precedent over newer ones. Thus, a lot of assumptions you might have about vampires going in could end up being very wrong. For instance, in movies, vampires instantly die when exposed to sunlight, but the first ever instance of a vampire in a story being killed by sunlight was in the 1922 film Nosferatu. In Eureka, sunlight is still awful for vampires, it strips them of their vampiric powers, but it doesn’t do any real damage to them. Sunlight is an issue vampires have to deal with, but it is far from instant death. That doesn’t mean being a vampire is inherently easy though, because in addition to having all the powers that folkloric vampires have (which is a TON), they also have all the weaknesses, and it is the emphasis on weaknesses that really makes the moment-to-moment playing of a monster PC in Eureka the most interesting. A few of my favorites for vampires are the refusal to enter homes without a direct invitation, and the compulsion to count large numbers of small objects. I think most vampire media these days considers these to be “silly” weaknesses and don’t want to acknowledge them in the lore of their “serious” scary horror vampires, but honestly I think that the “sillier” vampire stuff can still be used to great effect in horror. Imagine knowing that the only reason a vicious killer at your door hasn’t stormed in to rip your throat out is because they’re being polite.

A vampiric investigator will need to work around these weaknesses, and more, in their daily life, all while being sure not to reveal their true nature to their more mortal friends. It’s something that really changes how a character behaves and goes about problem-solving.

For instance, the rest of the party may be able to break into a house no-problem, but the vampire cannot. They need a invitation. That’s a problem. That’s a puzzle. It makes me excited just thinking about it.

This was originally going to be a much longer post where I went into more of the themes of monsters in Eureka, but I have decided that that would be most cohesive as its own post, an upcoming essay titled "How Eureka Handles Disability." So stay tuned for that.

Eureka: Investigative Urban Fantasy is kickstarting from right now until May 10th! Back it while you still can!

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If you want to try before you buy, you can download a free demo of the prerelease version from our website or our itch.io page!

If you’re interested in a more updated and improved version of Eureka: Investigative Urban Fantasy than the free demo you got from our website, subscribe to our Patreon where we frequently roll our new updates for the prerelease version!

You can also support us on Ko-fi, or by checking out our merchandise!

Join our TTRPG Book Club At the time of writng this, Eureka: Investigative Urban Fantasy is the current game being played in the book club, and anyone who wants to participate in discussion, but can’t afford to make a contribution, will be given the most updated prerelease version for free! Plus it’s just a great place to discuss and play new TTRPGs you might not be able to otherwise!

We hope to see you there, and that you will help our dreams come true and launch our careers as indie TTRPG developers with a bang by getting us to our base goal and blowing those stretch goals out of the water, and fight back against WotC's monopoly on the entire hobby. Wish us luck.

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kurosstuff · 8 months ago

Note

Hihi Lovely~

I have a fluff prompt for the followers event

🍯 Reader (can be fem or gn i dont mind) is an exorcist and they get really hurt on the last exorcism and so they are gone for weeks and Sera is freaking out and can’t come see them cause of her work. But they surprise her with flowers and showing up when she’s working?? (They escaped the hospital-)

Hi sweetie ~ thank you for requesting! Hope you like it♡♡

Warming(s): fighting detailed? Idk I don't know how to write fights. Blood. Sera being a worry wart

Sera x GN!Exorcist! reader: Escape artist

The job was supposed to be easy.

It was almost always easy. But not this time. Somehow? The demons were told how to fight back. How to win. How to hurt angels. You weren't even aware that was possible. But seeing both your bosses reactions? You growled now annoyed. They knew.

Of fucking course they knew.

And they didn't tell the Exorcists? The actual FUCK is that? You raged, slicing demons left and right covered in a mix of angel blood and demon blood. Taking a deep breath, your wings flapped in anger. You weren't surprised. Their too prideful to have warned anyone. You silently cursed, Adam and Lute.

If you knew you could get hurt? Your arm wouldn't have been bleeding. You wouldn't have ran face first into battle. Dodging an attack from your opponent, you easily sliced his arm off. "Hands off, sinner," you growled out. Punching the demons face away from you.

Unaware of the crowd forming behind you. Unaware it was all a trap for you. Hands grabbed you snarling you glared at the sinners. "Unhand me-" your voice cut out from a scream escaping you as a demon broke your arm. Another grabbing your weapon, stabbing into you repeatedly, making you lose so much blood. Everything went black when you heard a familiar voice yelling at you - blurred vision - as you saw what looked to be Adam rushing to you

It was quiet as Sera worked. A usually calming day turned to an unsettling feeling. Sera felt off. It was so unnerving that - why did she have such a bad feeling? Like it wasn't as calming as she assumed? As she hoped? Glancing at the feather around her neck, she smiled, kissing it gently. "Be safe, my love. Soon, you'll be here. Back" a loud bang down the hall was heard followed by yells of something. Leaning back, she tapped her feathered pen humming that unnerving feeling grew.

Sera stopped seeing Adam. Who? Weirdly was quiet. Putting her pen down, she watched. Waiting for him to speak. Watching how uncomfortable he was. A bad feeling crept up her. She didn't like this. Not one bit. As he spoke, she listened to him. Listened to how he spoke of an accident. What exactly what happened he wouldn't say until he said your name. Her blood ran cold. Her extra eyes popping out, staring him down

"What?"

Adam gulped "i- like I said. Your mate? Y/N? Got hurt. Badly." Knowing it was his fault. And by the look in her eyes? She knew it too "look- I- no one saw the demon. No one expected them to try to fight back Ser- High Leader" correcting himself knowing how she got in when mad. Better to be fully respectful. Despite her being kind- she is still a Seraphim.

"I told you. To keep them safe. You know how-" she snarled about to break her composure. Covering her face, giving her a second. Swallowing her rage "Adam. You are excused. Do not allow another to come in here for the time being" making him nod

"I think- I think you should visi-"

"What did I say?"

At that? He turned rushing off without a word. No matter how she wished to. She can't visit. She's the high leader. She has a job to do. No matter how she longed to see her Mate. To see her love. To see how their doing. She can't

Picking up the pen, she sighed, knowing? You were aware of it as well.

Weeks.

A full three weeks since the last extermination. Since Sera saw you. Heard from you- she wasn't sure what was going on. Frantically, she focuses on her work. To not lose her composure. Yet. She wondered. Are you ok? Do you wish she gave up her work her responsibilities? To rush to your side?

Taking a deep breath, she played with the feather nervous. Oh, how she hopes you know even if she wanted to. She couldn't be able to. Not with her rules. Not with how important her reputation is. Closing her eyes. She hummed

She needed more coffee.

And by God does she need it bad.

Taking a full three weeks to rest was boring. Didn't matter the broken arm nor how the stitches in your sides burned. Made you wince by even moving. You sighed, glancing out the window, smiling the best you could. Half your face bandaged up from the slashes. Thank God it was from a normal weapon you thought. Can't lose an eye. But luckily it'll reheal itself

Glancing around the room, you hummed, thinking before smirking at a thought. You could sneak out. See Sera- God, do you miss her. Humming softly you hopped she was resting. Not overworking when she's upset or panicked.

But you knew better.

You knew she was despite you wishing otherwise. Cause, of course, she'd worry. Of course, she'd panic. So? She's over working herself.

Getting up was the tricky part. Legs aren't broken, no, but the pain in your body was too great. Thankfully, your wings were somehow in perfect condition. Helping you get up, flapping to stand up. Taking a deep breath, ignoring how your body begged you to get back to bed. To rest.

You needed to see your mate.

Luckily, it didn't take too long.

Just needed to rush to get flowers avoid the guards(who knew you'd probably run) and escape to Seras office. Now- the tricky part sneaking INTO her office. No doubt if her guards saw? They'd wisk you back to the hospital. Not wanting to be in trouble for aiding a break out.

Snickering at the thought, you held the flowers close, flying past some guards easily. Making you hum. Surely their not that blind no? Surely theyd.. be more vigilant. More watchful.

But no.

They arent

Good thing for this, but.. bad job at guarding. Rolling your eyes, you entered into her office frowning, seeing how ruffled her feathers are. Walking up to her, you gulped, nervous. Would she be upset your here?

"Thought I said no guests. Leave. I'm in no mood"

Your nerves melted at her voice no matter how angry she sounded. You were just glad to hear from her after weeks, "Not even your mate?" AT that? She snapped up, looking dead at you. Blank. Before she teared up, smiling tiredly rushing to you gently lifting upu "got flowers?"

"Oh my swan~ who cares for that? Your..your ok~ your here-" she stopped staring at you, her wings enveloping you in a hug "you snuck out. You should be resting. Not- not here!" She scoffed but the smile on her face? Said otherwise

"Needed to see you," you smiled softly, kissing her knuckles as she gently nuzzled you. "I missed you. I know you're a busy woman, but.. I was hoping you'd be resting?" Kissing her softly as she hummed

"If I did. It wouldn't be good. I'd be pulling my feathers out to find you -" whispering softly to you, holding you closer. Sighing, she reluctantly away. "My swan. You need to go back. As much as.. I wish for you to stay. You can't. Your stitches need constant watch" she frowned Kissing you again gently

"Only if you take a break"

"My swan," she huffed, giving you a look, making you huff shrugging

"Then I guess.. I'll stay here?" With a deep sigh knowing she lost she nodded. Rubbing your waist gently "fine I'll. I'll take breaks. Not long ones but.. fine" she grumbled as you grinned nodding

If this is what you're both gonna see after the five weeks are up? You both can wait another two. But for now. Until the nurses come retrieve you. She'll cradle you close. Gently as if you'd break. She's let herself be a bit selfish until then. Take her much needed break

#hazbin hotel x reader #hazbin hotel #sera seraphim #hazbin hotel sera #sera x reader #seraphim #EVENT

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morganwrites12672 · 4 months ago

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I know where my spleen is!

Dean Winchester x Reader

Summary: Vampire hunting is a bitch.

Word Count: 2.1k

Warnings/Tags: canon typical violence, language, established relationship, set while Sam's at Stanford, etc.

A/N: This took forever. Hope you enjoy it!

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Vampire hunting is definitely not something anyone enjoys. It's always bloody and quite painful. The bloodsuckers really do know how to pack a punch. Some hunters enjoyed them for the thrill though.

She wasn't one of those people.

Vampires were definitely her least favorite supernatural being to hunt down. After her parents brutal murder by a group of vampires whenever she had only been sixteen, she had hated the stupid bloodsuckers.

Her parents death was always a reminder to be careful. So, she was. She killed the vampires with efficiency. She never took the bait on their taunts. She got the job done, safely. Sure, she did get wounded sometimes. Never anything horrible though.

It made the current hunt even more difficult. Being around vampires always made her uneasy. She would gank werewolves and pissed off spirits all day no worries. Vampires were the one thing that could get under her skin. She didn't like having weaknesses.

The car coming to a stop a few dozen yards away from the abandoned garage where a group of vampires were staying made her snap out of her thoughts. The drive had flown by. She looked around. The landscape was bland.

It was practically a forest. Tall trees surrounded the small clearing were the garage was. A few dozen old cars were scattered on the lot. Overall, nothing interesting or worth a second look. She did make a mental note of how easy it would be for the vampires to hide from them.

She scanned the surrounding area a bit more carefully. She needed to be extra careful. Vampires were smart creatures.

"You ready?" Dean asked, breaking the silence. He had never had any problems hunting vampires.

"Yeah," She replied before quietly exiting the car. Dean knew. He knew every little detail of that night. She had confessed it all to him after a few too many beers. Dean knew better than to mention it though.

The two were silent as Dean popped open the trunk. They both grabbed their machetes, along with a syringe of Dead Mans Blood. The various weapons hidden in the trunk of Baby gleamed in the sunlight.

She wore dark clothes today. Vampire hunts were never anything short of bloody and brutal. She didn't have the time to spend scrubbing blood out of something light colored.

Staring at the building was a nasty reminder of what was inside. God, vampires were horrible. She had always hated them. Hunting them made a sense of unease coil in her stomach.

Dean shut the trunk softly, careful not to wake the vampires sleeping inside of the no long abandoned garage. Sunlight gleamed off of his machete as he slid it into the holster on his thigh.

The two silent walked to the large building. It was a small nest of vamps. Only four in total. Well, only four that they knew about. The duo had spent days watching this nest. But, they both knew to always expect an extra vampire. It was better to be overly cautious then dead.

She peered in through a window. All of the vampires were fast asleep. Seeing them like this made a ball of anxiety form in her stomach. Seeing vampires was something she hated. She regretted insisting on this hunt. Trying to save her fears was always a bad idea. Every single time she did it, it hurt like hell.

She nodded to Dean and walked back to the front door. She raised her machete, just in case. You never know with vampires.

Dean opened the front door. She followed him inside. Vampires were lounging about, all fast asleep. Vampires were one of the few beings who they had to attack during the day. It put the creatures at a disadvantage.

With the sunlight burning them, vampires avoided the daylight and slept during the day. Attacking them during the day was the easiest option. It was still difficult regardless.

She looked around the room once more. Dean was creeping towards one sleeping vampire. She picked one and studied it's sleeping face for a moment. She wondered if this vampire had always been so. . . horrible. It had been human once. She pushed the thought from her mind.

She positioned herself with the machete ready to execute a vamp. Dean did the same. They exchanged a quick glance, making sure they were both ready.

Her blade sliced through the vampires neck effortlessly. The gurgling sound of blood woke up the remaining two vampires. She raised her machete at one, ready to strike.

"You bitch!" The vampire snarled.

The vampire hissed at her, baring it's mouthful of razor sharp teeth, before lunging. It grabbed her machete by the blade. The blade was knocked away. That would be a problem for her.

The vampire landed a solid punch to her jaw, knocking her head back. As she stumbled back, the vampire struck again. This time the snarling female kicked her in the stomach. She groaned as she hit the ground.

She didn't think twice before aiming a kick for the vampires knee. It worked. The vampire was now on the ground with her. She jumped to her feet, running to her machete. She didn't get far before the vampire fucking tackled her. God, she hated vampires.

They were bloodthirsty bitches.

Seeing the vampire on top of her, teeth bared, made her wonder what her parents finally moments had been like. The thought briefly distracted her. Their screams replayed in her head. By time she had gotten downstairs, everyone had been dead. Her parents, and the vampire. A hunter had barely saved her life.

The distraction was everything the vampire had needed. The beast above her drank in her fear before striking.

The vampires teeth ripped through the flesh of her arm and she let out a piercing scream. The vampire was satisfied as it sat up, a cruel smirk plastering it's face. She used this to her opportunity, reaching for her machete. She was able to grab the blade.

She swung it, barely paying attention. The pain was blinding. She could feel her blood oozing out and dripping down her arm. The blade buried itself in the vampires shoulder. She didn't have much time before the vampire would rip it out and go back to trying to kill her.

She was about to attempt shoving the vampire off whenever it's head fell onto the ground next to her. Dean pushed the limp body off of her and helped her stand. He pressed a piece of cloth to the wound on her arm.

"Son of a bitch," He muttered. His face was splattered in blood, she hoped it wasn't his. He looked mostly unharmed. He had probably killed the vampire he had been dealing with and then rushed to help her. It made her feel a bit pathetic.

She wasn't usually like this and Dean knew it. Usually, she could handle anything. From Ghouls to werewolves. She got the job done. She did sustain the occasional injury but it was never anything all that serious.

"I'm barely even bleeding," She replied. Her voice came out as more of a pained groan and Dean rolled his eyes.

"Barely?" Dean replied as he kept pressure on the wound. "You look like you're going to pass out," Dean deadpanned as the two walked to the Impala parked outside.

Everything that happened between getting into the car and arriving at the motel was a blur. The next clear memory she could recall was of Dean yelling something at the motel.

She was sitting down on the edge of the bathtub, leaning against the wall. She had her hands pressed to the bleeding wound. Her long sleeve shirt was gone, Dean had probably helped her take it off. The tank top she was left in was bloody. She grimaced.

Her eyes felt heavy. Sleep was calling her. It sounded so peaceful. She would close her eyes only for a moment. Only-

"Don't you fucking think about it!" Dean yelled, suddenly kneeling in front of her. He lightly slapped her cheek, "You gotta stay awake for me. Keep those pretty eyes open."

She was barely able to stop the fluttering of her eyelids. The sharp sting of alcohol being poured over her wound made her let out a his of pain. Dean held her arm, preventing her from moving it.

"Sweetheart, I need you to stay still for me," Dean said as he wiped the skin around the wound. He needed to get more of the blood cleanse off so he could see how bad the wound truly was.

She looked down. It looked. . . nasty. Her flesh had been ripped open by that god-damn vampire. The jagged skin would be difficult to stitch. She focused on Dean instead. His eyebrows were furrowed as he carefully cleaned the wound for her.

"Did you take on any damage?" She asked. Talking would help her fend off sleep for a little longer. She just had to keep her eyes open. Easier said then done.

"I think my spleen is bruised," He replied. There was a dark bruise on his abdomen. It was hidden from her view by his t-shirt.

"You don't know where your spleen is," She retorted with a smile.

"I know where my spleen is! I'm not an idiot," Dean grumbled, saying the last sentence in more of a whisper. Hearing her make smart remarks at him was reassuring in an odd way. He knew it meant she would be alright. She had enough energy to argue back.

He didn't give her a warning as he suddenly pushed the needle through her skin. She mumbled several rather colorful curse words at the action. Dean held her arm firmly. She wouldn't screw up her stitches easily.

"You're doing great for me," Dean said in a more gentle voice. "I'm almost done." He felt bad about the last sentence. It was a lie. He had barely finished one stitch. She would need several more.

He handed her the bottle of alcohol that he had used to sterilize her wound. As she took a swig, he pushed the needle through again. The small distraction made her barely notice the pain.

Dean carefully stitched her wound, occasionally murmuring words of encouragement and reminders to keep her eyes open. After what felt like ages, he stood and washed the blood - her blood - off his hands. Once his hands were clean and dry, he picked up the roll of bandages.

She stood and instantly almost face planted. Dean grabbed her by the waist to steady her. She was woozy from the blood loss and the cheap tequila she had drank.

"i don't need you cracking your head open on the bathroom floor," Dean said in a joking tone. He wrapped her wound up quickly before practically carrying her out of the bathroom. He helped her strip out of her bloodied clothes.

Seeing the already forming bruises on her body made him feel guilty. He knew how hunting vampires impacted her. She lost her focus and got sloppy sometimes. He had tried to convince her not to take this hunt. She had been rather persistent though.

Once she got something on her mind no one could change it. Her stubbornness was something Dean loved about her.

He set her on the bed before returning with a wet washcloth. He didn't even want to try helping her shower, not when she was this out of it. Instead, he wiped away the blood. He gently cleaned off her skin. She was exhausted and only half conscious.

"I'm almost done, then you can fall asleep." He was so much softer with her than anyone else. He trusted her more than anyone else. After Sam had ran away to Stanford, he had been left alone with his father. It was a betrayal.

She had been there for him. They had met years ago while hunting the same spirit. The two had fought like dogs at first. But, years later, they had become closer than they could have ever imagined.

Their relationship had been unexpected to say the least. The two had barely tolerated each other for the longest time. One day, it was like a switch clicked. They both started developing crushes. Their banter turned more flirty. Until, after a drunken hookup, they decided maybe they did like each other.

"Thank you," She yawned as Dean stepped away. Dean said something in reply, but she didn't catch it. Her eyes were already closed. The pain didn't exist in her dreams. She was able to slip away from it, if only for a few hours.

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A/N: Don't forget to reblog if you enjoyed it! And, my requests are open.

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ramcharantitties · 8 months ago

Text

Rasiya

part 2

Part 1

S/n - :D hey guys. I was on a trip to Udaipur with my college friends so I couldn't find time to complete this. I hope you like this!!

Ram pushed your shoulder down in a haste, indicating you to kneel as he unbuckled his pants. All the time, the fingers he used on you were untouched. When you finally paid attention to the bulge, you realised maybe you should have used only half the bottle. It strained out completely, veins popping on its side. It hung low, heavy, and you have already started feeling pain in your jaw.

Ram used the same glistening fingers to pump himself a few times, rubbing your wetness and whatever potion left on his length. You could hear the grunts, waiting for his next order. "You should have a taste of your doings too" he moved forward and grabbed the back of your head by your hair, pulling your face up. You took it as a motion to open your mouth and stuck your tongue out. Ram tapped his tip a few times on your tongue, the heavy slapping emitting sinful noise in the silent room. He grabbed your jaw, sliding his half length in your mouth.

Ram sighed, the warmth giving just a bit of relief, but still not enough. Slowly he started moving your jaw, increasing pace. Your tongue lapped all that was there on his length, hollowing your cheeks. A gutteral moan left him, as he leaned on the bed frame in front of him. You swirled your tongue around his tip, which made him throw his head back, eyes scrunched. It was too soon for your jaw to ache, but you couldn't help it. He was big. You wondered if it will fit inside you. Continuing your job, your hand reached out to the base and his balls, holding them with both your hands. You were ready to do anything to make him feel better. Ram's hand moved to the back of your head, pushing himself further in you. A string of your name left his lips, when you realised he was already close- that was sooner than normal. Is it because how pent up he was? Sloppily, you gagged on his cock, when he finally shot ropes of liquid. By his preference, you kept your mouth still, swallowing it all.

You wiped your lips, glossy doe eyes looking up at him. Ram cursed at how everything you did only made him lose bounds and fuck you. Ram breathed a few times, only to harshly pull you up, the effective potion still running in his blood stream. An unexpected voice left you at his aggressiveness, and he pushed you on the bed again. Like a sweet, juicy mango with the richest, intoxicating fruity smell, he couldn't help but pounce and latch his mouth on your neck. It sting, again. Your hands found themselves flat against his chest, your knees shut. His teeth gnawed at your skin, biting and licking. Ram's teeth moved down on you, his hands digging in your thighs. He tried to pry them open, only for him to feel your hands push on his chest. Feeling the hurt more than pleasure, you might have pushed him away on your own. There was absolute betrayal in his eyes, and yours had fear.

Ram's hand found your jaw, his fingers pressing and leaving marks on your cheeks. "You're gonna push me away?" You didn't recognise his voice. It was heavier and rougher. Breathing heavily, you nodded, denying nervously. Ram's eyes were blown out, his face held an unreadable expression. He pushed you back on the bed, leaving the room in a second. Was that it? Or have you made him so mad that he didn't want to be there? You stood up from the bed, standing by the bed frame. Should you apologise or wai- Ram barged in, holding a stick and some handkerchiefs.

A stick. Confusion and terror dawned on your body language- what was the stick for? You saw Ram tightly knot the ends of the stick with two handkerchiefs, leaving long ends of the handkerchiefs sticking out. Pulling on them, he was content that the cloth won't slide out. Without even looking at you, he picked you up and threw you on the bed, again. Before you could regain your balance, Ram was grabbing your feet and tying the loose ends of the cloth with them. What was he planning? By the time he was done, you were sprawled in front of him, legs wide, unable to move them because there was a stick tied between them. You gaped at the realisation. He then tied your hands together, on your back.

Ram stood in front of you as you laid on the bed, unable to move. He held the stick in his hands on the bed, raising it, along with your feet. Ripped muscles and buff chest, you have started to feel the flow of potion too. You couldn't even fathom what was happening when he flipped the stick 180 degree, and you landed on the bed on your stomach. A groan left your lips, your open hair stuck to your face. You couldn't even move your hands to fix them. The flip did give a bit of shock, but it might as well have made you wet. You weren't expecting such inventions from Ram right now.

He pulled your hips close to him, raising you on your shoulders and knees, moving the skirt out of the way. In a hurry he got on the bed behind you, pumping himself a few times. Till now you haven't really spoken anything- you didn't get to. You felt Ram's fingers grazing the inner lining of your underwear, occasionally touching your lips. You could only whimper when you felt his hand touch you aimlessly, and then a snapping sound resonated in the room. Feeling the cold and bareness, you were sure Ram had just snapped away your underwear in pieces.

You felt his tip on your lips and clit a few times, up and down motion, slightly scared about the size. Placing a hand on your lower back, Ram penetrated you with a moan. He was big, bigger than usual, if possible. You felt your walls trying taking him in. You knew Ram was animalistic right now and would not understand your needs, so you were sure he wasn't going to let you adjust. "ra- RAM! Please, wait" Ram's movements halted for a second. You believed that he understood, until he grabbed you by your throat and pulled your back against his chest.

"Why? Didn't my wife want me to be rougher?" You gaped at his question, when he completely pulled himself out and slammed in. You cried and fell in bed forward. His thrusting was relentless. It was alright when he was holding your hips, but you couldn't take it any longer when Ram grabbed the knot on your wrists on your back from one hand and the bed frame from another. He gave all in fucking you, if you like it not. It hurt first, but it started feeling better. Ram's girth stretched you out, tip pushing the cervix. The groans leaving his throat of your name added as a lubricant. You could feel his veins on your walls. There was electricity in your fingers, your tongue lolling out. From screaming his name you went to being a blabbering mess in quick seconds.

Your orgasm approached soon, making you whine and heave. Between the noises of moans and slapping, your voice almost gave out. "I-im gonna cum" You were sure he heard it, as he rubbed the skin of your back in response. The orgasm was as rough as the sex. You arched your back, pushing your ass in his groin. Your toes curled, eyes screwed shut. Ram continued his pace even then. You couldn't even grip the sheets, sure that you'll leave marks on your palm. You wondered how much stamina did the potion give him that he can't find relief till now. The bedsheet has turned darker by your drool and tears. Despite knowing you've already come once, Ram didn't slow down with the same force and speed that he continued ramming in you. You couldn't hold on to your position any longer, your knees and shoulders buckling out. You almost fell sideways on the bed, when Ram caught you and pulled himself out.

The emptiness felt weird at this, your hole contracting, missing him. He finally turned you over to face you- your hair stuck to your face, your eyes red and nose pink. A deep blush on your cheeks and lips plump. Your breast heaved up and down, cleavage visible. A trail of love bites made its way down. Your legs were apart, waiting for him. Ram swore he was hard again. Your tied hands were brought to the front above your head, and the privilege of having your blouse was taken away too. Ram kneaded the perfect mounds, brown nipples tweaking when he pinched them. You gasped, and moaned when he massaged your breast. Ram's hand made his way from the valley of your cleavage, up to your throat. Your big eyes stared at him when he grabbed the sides with his fingers. Ram entered you again and he knew it felt heavenly when he saw your eyes roll back. Keeping another hand on your abdomen, Ram fastened his speed.

The skin slapping was quick to fill the room. Your moans were high pitched mixed with Ram's grunts. There was nothing to help when you looked like that, your breast moving with every thrust. Soon, Ram took his hands off your body and placed them next to your head, looking at your blissed out face. You opened your eyes, both of you panting. His eyes were calmer, sweeter. Your hands made their way around his neck when you felt Ram grab your waist, and deeply push himself in you. Your head threw back. Ram's short and deep thrust along with you playing with his hair pushed both of you to the edge. He finally locked his lips with you, finally coming in you. You came again, your sweaty bodies slipping on each other.

Ram laid there on top of you, as you both were tired, you more than him. Ram moved on from you, quickly untying your feet and kissing your sore ankles. He then untied your hands and kissed them too, rubbing them. He then cleaned you up, followed by himself, and wore his clothes back. He then took off your sweaty clothes- which were freshly worn after a bath- and covered you in a blanket as you were sleeping. Seeing you asleep, he couldn't help but doze off too with you. Ram looked at the time- it was five when he came back home and it was half past eight now. He fell on the bed beside you, taking off his shirt again, cradling your figure.

--------------------------------

Tagging: @ramayantika @chaanv @houseofbreadpakoda @jkdaddy01

#ghungru #ram charan #rrr #rrr movie #desi tag #fanfic #ram x reader #ram x wife!reader #smut oneshot #smut story #smut writing

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spiral-writing-stuff · 2 years ago

Note

Can I please have headcanon of Dazai and Yosano x fem reader who stressed out a lot, especially after the missions. Which is why they will always try to find a way to cheer the reader or making a plan how to make the reader relax.

WHY DID THIS TAKE ME THREE FUCKIN WEEKS???!!!

Since the agency members are usually busy themselves I thought it’s probably hard to help reader out, so I wrote them comforting reader while on the job and after the work shift ends

I meant to just write hcs but I went overboard again

I really wanna do more hcs based on this request with other characters, specifically kunikida

Imma be honest I didn’t know what I was doing or where I was going with this SO SORRY!!

ALSO I COULDN’T FIND ANY COLORED PICTURES OF YOSANO

Hope you enjoy<3

Content/warnings: sfw, fluff, light blood/injury, slightly suggestive in Dazai’s part, kissing, domestic fluff, mentions of Kunikida

Not proof read

•Solace• with Yosano and Dazai

YOSANO AKIKO

Whenever Yosano notices that you’re stressed, she starts thinking of ways to help you feel better, even though sometimes she herself is busy, she still finds time for you

When you’re sitting at your desk writing up a report, she’ll try and make you take a break, you refuse, so she settles on massaging your shoulders

“Y/n, come and take a break, you’ve been writing that report for an hour now.” “If I stop now I’ll be too lazy to finish it later, I’m almost finished anyway.” She frowns at your refusal, but she knows you won’t budge so she leaves it at that, she presses a soft kiss to your temple and starts massaging your shoulders, you didn’t think she’d be so good at it, once she finds your shoulders are relaxed, she goes to massage your scalp with her nails, massaging you for as long as you write the report and if she isn’t busy

When you come back from any investigations or missions, she checks for any injuries and patches you up. you usually come back unscathed, but sometimes your missions get a bit dangerous

You go into Yosano’s office, you look around to find no one’s there, so you start to look for some bandages, “Any injuries?” Yosano suddenly pops out of nowhere, making you jump “AHH!! Akiko!?” You turn to her with wide eyes “Fufu, Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you Y/n,” she said apologetically “so, you hurt anywhere?” She tilts her head at you “uh.. uhm.. n..no..?” She giggles at your timidness “relax, darling, I’m not gonna use that ‘treatment’ on you,” you let out a sigh of relief, “Unless you want me to?” “No thank you!” She smiles and pecks your lips ”Aha! You do have an injury!” She swiftly grabs your right arm, examining the long cut you have across your bloodied arm, she sits you down on the stool and starts cleaning up your wound “how did you get this anyway?” “Ah.. the criminals we were chasing shot at me and one of the bullets grazed my arm, but Kunikida apprehended them, then he noticed my arm and told me to come back here so I could get patched up,” she finishes patching you up and brings your hand up to her lips, kissing your hand, making you blush, “Akiko! Not here-” “heheh~ you’re so cute Y/n~” her expression is sweet, “seriously! What if someone comes in here!” her face suddenly turns a bit serious “oh, by the way, where are those men now?” Her smile starts to turn into a slightly sadistic one “Hm? Oh Kunikida gave them over to the police, he’s probably still at the station.” Yosano’s face falls in disappointment “Oh, that’s too bad, I was hoping to have a little fun with them. sigh oh well…” “..are you mad that they hurt me?” The thought of Yosano getting all protective over and wanting to beat those guys up for you made you so happy “Of course! Those men had the audacity to shoot at my sweet girlfriend! Tch! It makes me wanna go over to the police station and tear them-“ she stops when she hears you giggling “Mhm, what’s so funny Y/n?” “Ah, nothing, it just made me really happy that you’d do that for me, you’re the best, Akiko.” You say as you hug her waist from where you’re sitting, she smiles and hugs you back tightly, kissing your forehead “I love you Y/n, I’d hunt an entire army if it meant protecting you.” (She 100% would)

When you’re tired, which you are most of the time, she lets you rest on the patient beds, if she’s not busy she goes to massage your back, relieving the stress on your body

She’ll make sure you’re staying hydrated, if you don’t have a drink with you she goes and fetches you a water bottle, she also brings you snacks

“Here you go dear, I also brought umeboshi~ do you want some?” “Yes! Thanks Akiko~” you grin cheerfully at her

If you’re up to it, she takes you with her to buy supplies for the agency, buying stuff for you along the way

“Y/n dear~ look at this dress, it’d look so cute on you!”

“Y/n, do you want ice cream?”

“Ooo! Y/n, come try this yakitori!”

While you two were walking an idea popped in her head

“Y/n, let’s go to an onsen! That way you can relax your whole body~” (yes, she suggests this while you’re both still on the clock) “huh?! But I have some paperwork to file, besides, I won’t be able to relax knowing we’re still working..” “sigh… fine, I still have somethings to buy, so go take this stuff back to the agency.” You nod and head back to the agency

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

After a long, exhausting day you grab your belongings, say bye to the other agency members and finally step out of the red brick building, you see Yosano waiting for you, holding a medium-sized bag “let’s go home, Y/n” you smile at her, you hold hands as you walk back to your home

You finally make it to your home, taking your shoes off and plopping down on the couch, the thought of having to cook something is already making you frustrated, after a few minutes you hear a knock at the door, Yosano walks over to the door “I’ll get it, that must be the food I ordered.” “When did you order food?” “I scheduled an order earlier today when I was shopping, it’s your favorite, see~” she smiles at you, holding up the bag with the logo of your favorite restaurant, your eyes lighting up as you already know which meal is inside, you get up as she goes to place the bag on the table, you walk towards her and give her a kiss “Thank you Akiko~ you always know just what I needed~” she chuckled and hugged you back firmly, ”anything for my sweet darling girlfriend~” kissing your forehead, staying like that for a few moments, eventually she pulls away and looks at you sincerely “come on, let’s eat.”

After you two finish eating, you clean up the table while Yosano draws a warm bath for you, picking the scented bathbomb she bought earlier for you, swishing the water around to make it bubble. You walk into the bathroom

“what’s that?” “Oh, just a bathbomb I bought earlier.” You get in the bathtub while she pours a scented massage oil on her hands, “just sit there and relax, darling~”

you do as she says and it really is relaxing, the soft scent of the soap, Yosano rubbing your shoulders smoothly with the oil, the warm water enveloping your whole body, it stays like this for a few minutes, you feel so good you almost fall asleep,

“Y/n~ come on, you can’t sleep here darling.” “Hm? Oh, right.” You get up lazily and wash your body, leaving the bathroom and drying yourself off, you put on lotion and your pajamas on, getting into your bed

“Ah, I bought some massage lotion today for this moment, but I see you’re already tucked in bed,” “my muscles are already relaxed, Akiko, just come to bed already.” She gets in bed and starts cuddling making you the small spoon, smooching your face “muah~ goodnight Y/n~ I love you~” you grin at her antics “goodnight Akiko~and I love you too~”

Though your job stresses you out a lot, Akiko’s sweet and tender way of cheering you up makes you forget about it all, the best girlfriend! you two drift into sleep, Yosano hugging you tenderly~

DAZAI OSAMU

When Dazai sees that you’re stressed, he immediately starts planning ways to cheer you up

He’ll sit behind you and massage your shoulders when your sitting at your desk, happily listening to you vent to him about whatever is bothering you,

When you tell him how stressed you are, he tries taking your mind off it, making jokes and changing the subject to anything unrelated to work, you two usually end up gossiping. He also suggests you two ditch work and find something fun to do, (much to kunikida’s dismay) sometimes he suggests… work inappropriate things

“You know, y/n, we can go upstairs to the storage room and I can relieve your stress there~*wink*”

if remarks like that bother you, he doesn’t dare say that, he doesn’t wanna piss you off even more. But if you DO like those remarks, well—I don’t have to spell it out for you(pun intended)

Would make you go with him on cases just to slack off

Now, I know usually when Dazai “slacks off” on cases he actually IS working, but this time he actually is just slacking off just to cheer you up, but he tells you that you’re both trying to catch the culprit sneakily~ so you don’t question him. Knowing Dazai though he probably made a plan to cheer you up while simultaneously solving the case or catching the culprit

Now, Dazai would love to take you out on a formal date right now, buy you stuff and all that, but he’s broke. as always. So, no fancy dinners for you unfortunately, it’s not like you were expecting it lol

but since he’s been dating you he’s been trying to save his money more. trying.

He still takes you on a date though, just not a regular one. Is anything regular with him?

he knows just where to hide from work find fun hidden places, like abandoned buildings and sometimes tells you the history of those places (most of which he makes up on the spot to make you laugh), it’s always so much fun, you completely forget you’re working.

hours pass as you two explore Yokohama, talk about various things, buy snacks and stuff which he sometimes pays for,

All this is necessary for the case he says, but in reality he’s just taking your mind off things

though sometimes you do end up solving the case, like that time you accidentally ran into a culprit when you were visiting the Ramen Museum (yes, there is a ramen museum in Yokohama. Look it up!)

Sometimes when you’re out investigating without him, he ‘conveniently’ runs into you and helps you solve whatever it is you’re doing

This time you were trying to solve the robbery of a luxury jewelry store, the details were so confusing and it was stressing you out, having to talk with incompetent cops who weren’t listening and going back and forth with them was exhausting, suddenly Dazai appears and you hope he isn’t just here to tease you or something

“Ah! Y/N! What a surprise!” “Hm? What’s this? Oh! Are you having troub-“

“Dazai, please don’t bother me right now, I’m exhausted.”

He steps back and assesses the situation putting his right hand on his chin,

“Don’t worry Y/n~ I’m here to rescue you.” He says with a smile on his face

He goes and talks to the cops, after a few minutes he comes back and looks at you with a smile

“We can go now~ I asked the cops for the details and figured it was the store manager the whole time! but, you already figured that out right Y/n?”

“Let’s talk about this somewhere else, I wanna get out of here.”

“Right! Then, how about we go get lunch, hm?”

You let out and sigh and nod

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

“Say ahhh~~” he says as he holds a dumpling to your mouth

“Ahhhh” You open your mouth and he pops it in,

Being mentally exhausted, it’s nice having your boyfriend treat you, I’m definitely not projecting

“So, you already knew it was the manager, but the cops weren’t buying it?”

“Yeah, they were being so stupid, it was clearly him since the cameras were conveniently cut off and he was the only one in the store at the time, also, there were so many other things and—ugh, my head’s starting to hurt again..” he holds your drink to your mouth and you sip

“Don’t think about them anymore Bella, focus on the flavor of this drink.” He says cheerfully

“Mmm… It’s fruity,” like y’all lmao

After lunch, you two head back to the agency and surprisingly, Dazai actually did the report for once! he would’ve tried making atsushi do it but he wasn’t there lol

Dazai actually does do paperwork when he deems it important, so when he saw how tired you were he knew he had to do it

Not having much left to do, you finish your work and wait for dazai on the couch, you sit there eating some snacks he bought you until he’s finally done

“Y/n~ we can go now.” He says as he pulls you up from your seat and places a quick kiss on your lips, making you giggle

You both leave the agency and head back home, Dazai wrapping an arm around you the whole walk home.

~ ~ ~

As soon as you walk through the door of your apartment you immediately head to the shower, you wanna go to bed already

Few minutes pass and your out the shower, Dazai has two cups of instant ramen ready, you smile at the gesture

You two talk while eating, him making you laugh with his jokes and stories, after you two finish eating you head to bed and snuggle up to each other. Dazai massage your scalp with his short nails, kissing you every so often,

“Hey, Y/n,” he said with a raspy voice

You open your eyes to look at him “mm.. what is it?”

He grabs your head with both hands, kissing your lips tenderly “I love you, goodnight” you giggle softly “Hmhm, I love you too Osamu, and goodnight” you hug him and eventually you two fall asleep in each others arms. :,)

The end

Hope you enjoyed:)

My requests are open

#dazai x reader #yosano x reader #dazai headcanons #yosano headcanons #bungo stray dogs x you #bungo stray dogs #dazai x y/n #dazai hcs #yosano hcs #dazai x reader hcs #bsd sfw #bsd x reader #bungo stray dogs x reader #dazai x fem reader #yosano x fem reader #bsd x fem!reader #bsd x female reader #bsd hcs

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justanamesstuff · 1 year ago

Text

The intimacy of being understood

Chapter 4

Matty Healy x f!reader

A/N: She (this chapter lol) is sad and hurts very much but i swear is the only heavy chapter. I hope you like it...as always feedback (not hate) is always welcomed :)♥

Warnings: mention of death, angst, hurt feelings, typos.

Word count: 3 K

Blog Masterlist Series Masterlist

Kate walked from one side to the other, looking funny from Y/n’s perspective, who was sitting in front of the big couch. The one in front of her hid the lower part of Kate’s body, so the mixture of her friend’s figure dancing around in the air and how angry she was at the moment amused Y/n.

In the last few years, the pair of friends talked –mostly Kate– about their careers multiple times. Kate worked for a big company, she aspired to be at the top someday –Y/n knew it in her bones she would make it. Although, life was being unfair with her friend. Kate’s bosses promoted her nemesis, a very unqualified woman, who Kate despised with her entire soul, and ranted about her with Y/n.

The owner of the bookshop felt like they had had that exactly conversation so many times, so she heard half of what Kate was telling her, dropping words or sound of encouragement from time to time. Y/n accepted the reality that Kate didn’t necessarily want advices from her, just someone that could give her the time and moment so let her feeling out. So, she did.

Meanwhile, Kate shouted and walked from side to side, Y/n played with the golden neckless around her neck mindlessly. Her mind didn’t go to the same places as they used to when she moved the ring –attached to it– from side to side, creating a hypnotic sensation. Y/n found herself thinking about Matty and the messages they have shared all those weeks. A small smile creeping into her mouth.

“You have to see the amount of typos she makes. It’s painful!” Kate shouted, startling Y/n.

She added almost automatically, “Mhm.” and reached for her phone resting beside her on the couch.

“I shouldn’t say this…” Kate stopped, placing her hands on the couch, looking at Y/n. “It’s not very feminist from myself, but I think she’s sleeping with the CEO or something.” Y/n’s friend cringe a little hearing her own words. “That job should be mine, not hers.” she let her body fell forward, until her head touched the cushions of the couch.

“I bet they’re going to give it to you eventually, Kate.” Y/n said, huffing softly when no new messages popped on her screen. She tried to calm her anxieties thinking about how busy Matty must be.

“Eventually…I don’t want to wait for those morons to wake up and see she’s not capable. I’ve been breaking my back for years for them to just-”

ping!

Y/n hated how fast her hand grabbed the device again after merely minutes –or maybe seconds. Matty had sent her new memes, making her laugh out loud. The man cracked her sense of humour sooner than she intended, and was feeding it constantly. She didn’t know how he did it.

Kate pushed her head up staring at Y/n, her face red since all the blood was going to her head.

“Righ, what’s so funny?”

“Nothing.” Y/n replied, typing away with a big smile.

“Y/n.”

“What?”

Y/n’s friend didn’t answer right away. She pushed herself all the way up, staring at her best friend lost inside her phone. Kate rounded the big couch, sitting properly in front of Y/n.

“Please, make this impossible day a little bit better for me.”

“Funny pop up notification.”

Kate scoffed loud. She wasn’t stupid, and she knew Y/n.

“Okay, I’ll believe that lie.”

“It’s not a lie.” Y/n locked her phone after answering Matty and sent a few more memes.

“You have been smiling down at your phone for days now. I haven't said a word.”

Y/n sit very still, looking at Kate with her eyes full of panic for some reason.

“What haven’t you tell me now?”

“It’s not a big deal.”

“Well, you’re blushing like when Tom Dickinson asked you out.” Kate pestered her.

Y/n hid her embarrassed face from Kate, pushing a cushion on her face, “Absolutely not like that!”

ping!

“I hate when you leave me out.” Kate pouted a little.

“I’m not doing anything.”

“Mhm.”

Y/n knew it wasn’t fair from her to bring Kate’s nemesis back, so her friend went back to complain about her but, she said, “Dalia…”

“Oh, I hate the sound out of that bitch!”

Sooner, Kate went back to her rant. Y/n breathed deeply knowing she was out of danger.

****

4 days later

The weather was very cold the afternoon Matty walked all the way from Sam’s house –after visiting him, Allen and Mayhem–, to the bookshop. His heart sunk and a weird sensation travelled from his neck all the way down his spine. In all the months Matty knew the place and Y/n, he had never saw it closed so he panicked.

The typical sign he saw every time he crossed the door showed the ‘closed’ side with a note attached to it saying ‘we’re closed today, sorry to disturb you’. Matty guessed it was Y/n handwriting. Y/n.

Matty fought with his coat trying to reach the inside pocket where he left his phone. He needed to know she was alright.

Matty: Y/n x

Y/n 📚: Hey

Matty: everything alright?

Y/n 📚: yes, you?

Matty: I'm at the shop…

Y/n 📚: Oh

Matty witnessed how Y/n typed a sentence but before sending it she deleted it, and the same happened a few more times. Until Y/n added a question to her response.

Y/n 📚: do you want to go for a coffee and a walk?

The singer read it twice, thinking he was delusional or hallucinating. He never expected that boldness coming from Y/n even though he was not going to let the opportunity pass.

Matty: sure.

Y/n 📚: do you remember where I live?

Matty: yes, I’ll let you know when I'm there.

Y/n 📚: okay x

During the short walk –which Matty almost ran– he wondered what was happening. Why the shop is closed? Why Y/n is inviting me to a date? It was a date? Where they that kind of friends now? Was it more? For the first time in a very long time, Matty felt he was deeply nervous.

When he was only a block away, Matty looked around, trying to figure out if the people walking closer recognized him. The least thing he wanted was to meet fans when he was out with Y/n who didn’t know what he did for a living –or that was he knew. Thankfully, no one noticed or cared about him.

Matty reached her house breathing rapidly, almost out of breath. So, before Matty texted her letting her know he was there, the singer took a minute to admire the house. It was very Y/n and the thought took him by surprise. Even though before he could go down that road inside his head, Y/n walked the short way to meet him.

“Hi.” Y/n awkwardly said, fixing her sunglasses on top of her nose.

“Hello.”

They stood there for a minute saying nothing more, until Y/n offered him, “Shall we?” pointing with her hand to the street.

“Yes, yes.” Matty felt so stupid.

Both of them wanted to start a conversation, but neither knew how nor what to say. Y/n chose the reasonable thing from her part.

“Im sorry…about the shop.”

“Surprised me.” Matty admitted.

Y/n knew it was the main reason behind him texting her that day, but the only answered coming from her mouth was a short, “Mhm.”

“Something happened?” the singer tried.

“Yes.” she said in a cryptic tone.

Before Matty could keep trying, they arrived to Y/n’s favourite coffee shop. She asked him what he wanted, and proceed to pay for both. The action didn’t go unnoticed by him, who protested, although she shushed him.

“I like walking around the lake’s park, do you mind?” she told him when they were out of the shop.

“Let’s go.”

This time, Y/n didn’t wait, saying, “I’m sorry about the mystery.”

“What do you mean?” Matty’s purpose was to make it sound like a joke, and even though she noticed that day, Y/n wasn’t in the mood. Even less after the cashier gifted her a knowing look.

“I-”

“You don't have to tell me, Y/n.” because even though he was dying to know the reason if she wasn’t comfortable talking about it, Matty didn’t want to push her. An afternoon in silence with Y/n would be perfect for the singer.

“I want to. It’s just hard, specially today.” she said at the same moment they crossed the limits of the park.

“Take your time.”

They walked in silence for a long while, which gave Matty enough time to admire the surroundings. He knew the park by name, although he never really spent time there. His new friendship with Y/n not only pushed him to explore places inside his mind, it also made him actually discover new places. Matty silently thanked the universe for making him open that door all those weeks back.

“Do you remember when I had a panic attack back then?” Y/n asked out of the blue.

Matty turned, admiring her side, “Yes.”

“What trigger it?”

“I do.” Matty remembered that day very well.

How could he not when Y/n let him –almost a stranger– see her most vulnerable side and trusted him enough, so he could guide her through the panic attack. That moment brought Matty to think this was a very special bond. He never doubted it, though.

“Months before you came running from the devil…” Y/n started

“That…I prefer to forget.” Matty teased, gaining a giggle from Y/n.

“I know. Months before that, I was about to get married.”

Matty was stunned, “What?”

Y/n laughed louder now, “Can you believe it? I couldn’t…” they walked a few meters in silence. Matty looked between the path around the pond they were taking and Y/n face lost in her mind.

“We had everything planned, nothing big, nothing fancy. Neither of us had many to spend, and every penny we wanted to save it for a house…a place to raise our kids.” Y/n’s eyes fell to the ground. Matty noticed she looked tiny inside her big coat. “We shared a vision, a dream. I never shared that lever of intimacy with anyone in my life, not even Kate. He was everything to me.” she told Matty, playing with her empty cup between her hands.

“Was?” Matty found himself asking.

“He still is…if I'm honest.” Y/n turned, staring at Matty for the first time in almost half hour. She feared to find pity, although she found a warmness inside his soft brown eyes. “A part of my heart is always going to be his, as dramatic as that can sound.” Matty chuckled.

“I get it.” because he truly did, he felt the same with his ex-girlfriend no matter the circumstances. “What happened?”

Y/n took a deep breath before saying, “It was a similar day like today. I was at the shop, tearing my hairs out because the flavour for the cake wasn’t perfect. The baker wasn’t listening to what we wanted, doing whatever he felt like. Jason-” Y/n felt her throat sore after saying his name out loud.

She cleared her throat and continued, “Sorry, Jason was driving south to visit his sister. I remember him calling me during a stop he did along the journey. Feels so foreign to think about our conversation now, everything about that stupid cake.” Y/n look up to the top of the trees above them. “He calmed me, saying something about how the cake didn’t matter since we’re going to get married, that was the important part. He was always right, he centred me when my mind ran around in circles.” Matty noticed she smiled to the memory of her boyfriend, breaking his heart a little. “After that, we said goodbye and I told him to call again when he arrived.” tears polled around the corner of her eyes, knowing what was coming next.

“Y/n…”

The girl reassured Matty, “It’s okay. He- He never arrived.”

“Y/n.” Matty spoke again, this time taking her hand, and she let him.

Matty didn't know if she noticed, she squeezed it telling him, “He crushed his car in front of a track. The man driving it fell asleep and lost control of the mobile. Jason didn’t stand a chance.”

“Y/n, I’m so sorry.” he was.

“He died, and I was obsessing about a cake we never get to it.” Y/n laughed ironically, drying her tears with her free hand.

Matty opened and closed his mouth, he wanted to say something, although words scape his mind before he could make a single sound. Y/n noticed.

“You don’t have to say anything, Matty. I appreciate it, though.” she tightened the grip around his hand. “That’s the reason behind me closing the shop on days like…today.” the anniversary of Jason’s accident.

“Mhm.”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t want to bring the mood down.”

“Y/n, please.” Matty stared at her eyes through the lenses of her sunglasses.

“I feel better telling you.” she admitted.

“Do you?”

“Yes, I have been very fond of our…friendship. I felt like I was hiding a part of me.” Y/n let all the truth out.

Matty worried, feeling he hadn’t been very open himself. “If that’s the case, I’ve been hiding a couple parts of me.”

“You mean the band?” she cut him.

“Kate?”

Y/n confirmed it, “Kate. I felt so stupid when she told be about the playlist and…the rest.” she genuinely laughed with happiness, soothing Matty’s heart.

“It was really cute and sincere.” he caressed the skin of her hand.

Y/n blushed, saying, “Stop.”

“I swear!”

“Well, what else have you been hiding, Matty Healy?”

Matty stared at her stunned, with his eyes wide open. The singer felt how the world he lived in every day and the scape he found in Y/n’s bookshop –another galaxy– collapsed into one. He feared for a second even though he was happy, at the same time there weren’t any barriers between them.

“What?” Y/n gave him a worried look when he didn’t talk right away.

“Can I still be just Matty for you?” he pleaded.

Y/n took her sunglasses to the top of her head, saying, “Sure.”

“Perfect.” Matty felt safe again.

“You’re ignoring my question.”

“I’m not.” Matty protested. “About my ex...”

“Okay, you don’t have to. I was jok-”

Matty interrupted, “I want to.” mimicking her words from earlier.

“Fine.”

“The Universe is so weird. We- Her and I were going to get married.”

“Shut up!” Y/n gasped.

“I proposed to her. A quiet dinner, flowers and a nice ring. Everything as she wanted, as she always told me she wanted if the occasion happened.”

“Did she say yes?” the bookshop owner asked, a bit too excited.

“She did.” Matty smiled to the memory. “For a while everything felt like a film, I was going to get married to the love of my fucking life, y’know?”

“Yes.” because she did know.

“The end started slowly. It was like a film you know how it's going to end, however you’re not entirely sure, so you wait. I waited.” Matty made a short pause. Y/n noticed he didn’t let go of her hand, and she didn’t want to either.

“She was getting a lot of pressure with her own stuff, her work…I tried to be patient. We, the band, started making the last album slowly. Which took hours of my day, weeks. I started to see her less and less. Back then, I dismiss every bad sign thinking ‘it was work, this is temporary’.” the singer used a different voice for the last sentences mocking his past self. “Until one day she took off the ring, I asked about it. She complained about the band pressing on her finger or something like that. Even then I felt okay, ‘everything is fine, we’re fine’ I repeated to myself. But a seed of something planted inside me, a quiet fear.”

“Weeks went by, a month later…I returned home from the studio, and she was sitting on the couch. She had been crying, I could tell, so I got worried. I ran to her side, she didn’t let me touch her. The bomb exploded in my face. She said wasn’t ready to get married, she wasn’t sure about doing it with me. She left that night.” Y/n squeezed his hand.

“Matty…”

The stopped walking, leaving the pond behind them. Their hands intertwined still.

“She’s with somebody else now. She’s fine, and I'm better now.” Matty said, looking directly into her eyes.

“You’re better now.” Y/n truly thought it.

“The bookshop has a lot to do with that.”

Y/n said without thinking, “Jason was a big fan of movies, not books. He dealt with it.” both chuckled thinking about it.

“He sounds like a nice bloke.”

“He was.”

Once more, silence stood between them and like always bringing the two closer. Matty felt a new wave of emotions taking over his body. He took Y/n’s other hand on his. They were so different in so many ways, even though Matty thought they made sense in many other ways he couldn’t quite place.

“Thank you for telling me, Y/n.”

“Thank you for sharing yours, Matty.”

Matty let her hands go, only so he could offer her a hug, opening his arms. Y/n shyly responded, pushing her body closer to his. The singer let his arms rounded her form. Y/n lost herself inside Matty’s embrace. A thought came to the front of her head, ‘ The Universe took Jason from her life, but she also gave Y/n another incredible person…a friend for life’.

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Taglist (let me know if you want to be included): @indierockgirrl @x-a-black-winged-dove-x @iregretbeingherewheniwas10 @hswannaknow

#matty healy #matty healy fic #matty healy x reader #matty healy fanfiction #matty healy x y/n #matty healy fanfic #matty the 1975 #matty x y/n #matty healy x f!reader #matty healy x female!reader

96 notes · View notes

m-jelly · 1 year ago

Text

Chapter 9

Thank you @ladycheesington for the perfect banner

Vampire Levi x fem!reader

Victorian era like world, vampires, secrets, romance, falling in love, vampire lore, sexual tension, possessive Levi, mentions of pregnancy, protective Levi, emotional reader, emotional comfort

In this chapter: Levi to the rescue! Levi saves you and takes you home. Lucky for Rosaline, she wasn't there to face Levi's wrath. Levi and you are in a safe home where you can relax and get better. You have an emotional moment with Levi and confess what's been going on in your head.

Part 10

Damian lay next to you in his bed as you stared at the ceiling. He had been looking after you for two days and you had healed, but it was a slow process compared to normal healing for vampires. The only thing that could make you heal faster was your maker’s comfort and blood. So, you needed Levi. He was hoping Levi would come racing here after healing a bit.

A dark thought seeped into Damian. He wanted his sister dead and to help Levi, but he enjoyed lying next to you and having you close. Having you in his bed was a dream come true. He adored you, but he couldn’t take you. He had to wait. He fought the dark thought about keeping you and focused on other things. He hummed in thought and Levi popped into his head.

“Can I ask you something?” He stared at you as he waited for you to answer. “Something small.”

You turned your head. “Mm?”

“What is the deal with Levi? Does he have something special about him?” He tangled his fingers in his long hair. “Not only is my sister madly obsessed with him even though they have never had a relationship, or had sex, but he also has you.”

“He’s kind, sweet, caring, strong, handsome and he listens.” You weakly sat up in bed and rubbed your belly. “I wanted to work and being a woman…people wanted me to get married and be a housewife. He listened. He never once judged me. He got me a job with him with better pay. I do paperwork and research for him. Now, I’m starting a new company with his help. He lets me chase my dreams.”

Damian sat up and hummed. “Very well.” He looked at his door when a thunderous banging echoed through the mansion. “Sounds like someone is breaking down the front door.”

The double doors ripped off the hinges and Levi roared. “ROSALINE!”

Damian stood from his bed. “Wait there, okay? You’re not strong enough to move around. I’ll sort this out.”

You whined. “That sounds like Levi.”

“I’ll deal with this.” He yanked on a robe and hurried across the landing to the stairs. “Levi. I’m glad you made it. Rosaline isn’t here I’m afraid, she left the same day she kidnapped your wife.”

Levi flew up the stairs, grabbed Damian’s neck and lifted him in the air. “Where is my WIFE!?”

Damian gasped. “She’s…in…my…room.”

Levi studied Damian to see his robe open, he had no shirt on and was only in high-waisted trousers. Levi clenched tighter. “You have my wife in bed and you come to me shirtless!?”

“I didn’t…touch her!” He grunted. “She’s hurt! I was...helping her! She was hurt!”

Levi released Damian and watched her cough. “What happened?”

Damian rubbed his neck. “My evil sister dressed your wife up in a silver-lined robe after removing her dress.” He sighed. “Put a silver gag in her mouth and tied her wrists together with a silver binding.”

“What?”

“She threw her in the sun pit.” He gulped. “Levi, I tried to heal her with blood but…”

“But what?”

Damian stood up and sighed. “The scars on her arm and back, those parts of her got direct contact with silver and the sun.”

Levi looked over to Damian’s room and used his speed to reach the room. He broke the door open to see you in Damian’s bed. He called your name. “You…”

You gasped when you saw Levi and then covered yourself up with the cover. “D-Don’t look. I’m n-not my pretty self.”

Levi walked over and pulled the cover off you. “Darling.”

You sat up weakly and started crying. “Levi.”

He scooped you up into his arms and held you close. “I’ve got you.” He felt his heart breaking when you sobbed in his arms. “I know, I know. Let’s get you home.” He carried you out of the room and down the grand stairs.

Damian hurried after you and Levi. “Let me help.”

Levi glared at him. “You can fuck off.”

You sniffed. “Levi, he saved me.”

“I know.” Levi’s voice was laced with pain. “But I need you and you need me. We need space to be us.” He looked over at Damian. “Please understand.”

Damian backed up. “I understand. She will need your blood.”

“Thank you.” Levi carried you outside and into his carriage. “Let’s get you some of my blood, okay?”

You lightly touched his cheek. “By kiss.”

He sliced his tongue on his fang. He lowered your jaw and pushed his tongue and blood into your mouth. He hummed as you clung to him tightly. He pulled back and smiled at you. “How does that feel?”

“Better?” You closed your eyes a moment. “How’s the baby? Are you connected to them? I’m not strong enough.”

Levi placed his hand on your belly, closed his eyes and tuned in. “Mm…” He smiled a little. “There they are.” He opened his eyes. “Our baby is just fine.”

Damian ordered his men to clean up the mansion so it was suitable for his sister. He changed into a good suit and waited for Rosaline to release her rage. He sat on the stairs and saw her enter after you and Levi were long gone. He stared blankly as she screamed and shouted about you not being in the sun chamber.

She stormed up to Damian. “ANSWER ME!”

He stood up and sighed. “Levi came and took her home.”

“Why did you LET HIM!? I WAS SUPPOSED TO MEET HIM!”

Damian ruffled his hair. “She’s pregnant.”

Rosaline relaxed. “She is? With his baby?”

“Yes.”

Rosaline’s eyes sparkled in delight. “Wonderful news…no more hurting her. Let her have the baby. Once the child is born, you can have her and I will take the child and Levi.” She giggled. “Our baby.”

Damian shook his head. “Haven’t you done enough to them? Let Levi go.”

She glared at her brother. “Do you want to go to the pit?”

He turned and walked up the stairs. “If you keep chasing after Levi and his wife, Levi will kill you.”

A nervous laugh escaped her. “He would never kill me.”

Damian looked back at Rosaline. “You have no idea what he’s capable of.”

She pondered her brother’s words a moment before snapping back into her normal state of mind. “Order baby things.” She walked over to her assistant. “We must prepare for my child.”

Damian made his way to his room and waited for a loyal staff member to come to him. “I need you to do something for me.”

The woman bowed. “Yes, Your Highness.”

“Go to Levi’s home and tell him that Queen knows about the baby and she intends to take the child for her own after they are born. He must be warned.”

She bowed again. “I will make haste.” She ran to the window and jumped out. She softly landed and looked back at the man who made her a vampire. She bowed her head and used her speed to make her way across the land until she arrived at Levi’s home. She smiled at the butler when he answered the door. “I must speak with Lord Levi, it is urgent.”

The butler frowned. “You’re with the Queen.”

“I am loyal to Prince Damian. I have a warning for your Lord.”

“Hmm…come in.” He led her inside and held his hand up. “Wait here.” He moved upstairs and found Levi in the bathroom cleaning you up. “My Lord? There is a maid sent by the prince. She says she has something urgent to tell you, a warning.”

You placed your hand on Levi’s arm. “Go, I’ll be fine.”

Levi kissed you before leaving you to your warm bath. “A warning, huh?”

The butler nodded. “Yes. I am unsure what about. I am sorry.”

“Don’t be. You did the right thing.” He came to a stop before the maid. “You have a message for me?”

The maid bowed deeply. “Prince Damian has a message for you. He says his sister knows about the baby. She is buying baby things already. She intends to take the baby once it is born.”

Levi’s fist clenched tightly as he felt rage fill him. “Thank you for telling me. Return to your master.”

Levi’s butler gazed at him. “My Lord, what do we do? What are your orders?”

“I’ll have a word with Erwin first.” He turned and walked upstairs. “After that, I’ll travel with my wife to somewhere safe. I’ll go to my parents.” He stopped outside his bedroom door. “We have a holiday home there. It should be safe.”

“I will begin the packing.”

“Thank you.” Levi entered his room and went to the bathroom to see you were playing. He chuckled and sat in his seat. “Looks like you’re having fun.”

You smiled. “I was just messing around.”

He lifted your right arm and looked at the skin. “Mm.”

You stared at the discolouration. “It’ll be like that forever, won’t it?”

Levi nodded. “You never know, maybe with many years and plenty of my blood it could get better.” He kissed your scars. “I think they’re beautiful. You wear them well.”

You giggled. “Thank you.”

The gentle singing of the birds around you reminded you that spring was here and life in the forest was thriving. The summer home you’d run to was perfect and cosy. In the middle of the forest stood the home meaning it was always shaded from the sun. It was the perfect place for your recovering body and for the sweet life to grow within you. Everyone had been so wonderful and protective.

Today you decided that you needed a peaceful walk in the forest. You’d left a romantic note for Levi about what you’d decided, but you knew he wouldn’t be too happy. However, you needed the space and the air. Currently, you are halfway through your walk and enjoying the gentle breeze moving through the trees.

You came to a stop at a large oak tree, it was a perfect resting spot. You sat down and leaned against the tree. Tiredness washed over you and before you knew it you had drifted into a light sleep. The dream you had was sweet. All you could think about was having a loving life with Levi surrounded by your children. Just the image of Levi holding your baby made you feel so happy.

As you dreamed Levi stared at the letter you had left. He growled a moment before leaving the home and making his way past his staff. He used a bit of his speed and travelled along the forest path until he found you sleeping against the grand oak. As soon as he saw your sleeping face and your baby bump, he relaxed. He decided to sit next to you and take a little nap.

You woke up from your nap when you felt hungry. “Mm, hungry.” You turned your head and smiled at your sleeping husband. “Levi?”

He opened his eyes and looked down at you. “Hello, Love.”

You hugged his arm and nipped his shoulder. “I’m hungry.”

“You or the baby?”

“Both.”

He chuckled. “All right, let’s get you both fed.” He scooped you up in his arms and carried you. “How come you were out here?”

You kicked your legs a little. “I wanted some fresh air.” You stared at his exposed collarbone. Levi was in high-waisted trousers and a white sure that was open low. “Yummy husband.”

He felt a rush of pleasure when you sank your teeth into this collarbone for blood. “F-Fuck, darling that feels wonderful.”

You dragged your tongue over the wound. “You feel wonderful.”

He released a long sigh. “No horny stuff, food is needed.”

You licked his neck. “Okay.”

He moaned. “The things you do to me.” He sat you on a chair and pressed the end of your nose. “Be a good girl and stay. I’ll get you some blood.”

You grabbed the edge of his trousers and pulled him closer. “Stay a while, handsome.”

“Watch those hands.” He kissed you and pulled your hands off him. “Blood.”

You whined and flopped onto your side. “Okay.”

He chuckled and made his way to the kitchen. He grabbed some blood for you and returned to your side. “Here, drink up.”

You sat up and chugged the blood. “Yum.”

“Do you want some blood tea?”

You perked up. “Oh, that sounds delicious. Will you join me?”

“Of course.”

“Good.”

He kissed your cheek and asked the butler for a pot of tea. He snuggled up to you on the sofa and gave your cheek many kisses. “I love you.”

You felt your heart flutter. No matter how many times you heard those three words, it always made you melt. “I love you too.”

He cuddled you against him. “Did you have fun on your walk?”

“It was nice. I missed you.” You sighed. “Now I’m tired.”

He hummed a laugh. “So many emotions and feelings.”

You whined a moment. “Yes.”

“Darling?”

You welled up and started crying. “Leviiii.”

He hugged you tightly and rubbed your back. “Oh dear. What’s wrong?”

You sobbed a little. “I don’t know.”

He showered your face with kisses. “It’s okay. I’m right here for you, okay?”

You rubbed your tears away. “I think it’s baby stuff.”

“Hormones?”

You sniffed and nodded. “Yeah, I think so.”

The butler delivered the tea and poured two cups. “This should make you feel a bit better, my lady.”

You picked up your cup and smiled at him. “Thank you.” You sipped your drink and hummed in thought. “Have you thought of any baby names?”

Levi took his cup and released a long sigh. “Hm, Evan for a boy would be cute.”

“I like it.”

“Really?”

You nodded and gave him a reassuring smile. “Yeah. What about a girl?”

He blushed a bit. “I have two names. Lilly and Daisy.”

You giggled. “Little flowers.”

“Yeah.” He ruffled his hair as he thought about a baby. “I can’t believe we’re going to have a baby.” He smiled in delight. “It’s wonderful.”

You rubbed your belly. “Right? It’s going to be wonderful and magical.”

“LEVI!” Kuchel’s voice echoed through the home. “BABY BOY!”

You giggled. “Momma bear and daddy bear are here.”

Kuchel ran into the living room where you and Levi were. “Hi!”

“Hi.”

Levi sighed. “Hi, mum.”

Kuchel lifted a bag. “I have gifts!”

Sebastian strolled over to a seat and dropped four bags on the floor before sitting down. “We bought many.” He grabbed the back of Kuchel’s dress and yanked her to sit on his lap. “Excitement down to five, my dear.”

Kuchel cupped her face and hummed a laugh. “Sorry, I’ll calm down.” She kicked her legs. “We have something to give Levi memories.” She fished around in a bag and lifted a bear. “Remember him?”

Levi reached over and took the bear. “Sir Snuggles.”

You squeezed the bear’s paw. “He’s cute and soft.”

“This for the baby?”

Sebastian nodded. “Yeah, we thought it’d be a cute thing to pass down.”

Levi gave the bear to you. “Thank you. It is perfect for our baby.”

Kuchel gazed at your belly. “You’re coming along well.”

You smiled a little. “Yeah, it’s wonderful. I’m glad they’re growing well after everything I put them through.” You gripped the bear tightly. “The danger I put them in.”

Levi hushed you. “That wasn’t you. That was not your fault.”

Kuchel reached over and held your hand. “Levi is right. Rosaline was the one who hurt you and your baby. You didn’t put your baby in any danger.”

You welled up. “Sorry.”

Sebastian smiled at you. “Don’t be sorry. You’ve been through so much and no doubt she will do more to you and this family. We’ll be strong and we’ll fight.”

Levi kissed your temple. “I will not stop until I have her head. We will make this world safe for our children.”

You released a long sigh. “I…s…I feel awful that I’m a mess while you’re over.” You whined a little. “I just don’t know what to say, to think or to feel.”

Levi held you and began rocking. “You can think, feel and say anything you want. Okay?”

Kuchel smiled. “We’re here for you, always.”

Sebastian nodded. “You know you can always talk to me. With both of us being people who became vampires.”

You sniffed a little. “Thank you. Your pep talk before was wonderful.”

Kuchel showered Sebastian’s face in kisses. “I heard all about this and I am so proud!”

The conversation became light and fun as you all drank blood tea. Talking was positive as stories about Levi’s childhood were shared. Kuchel gave wonderful advice about babies and pregnancy. They showered you with gifts for the baby, each thing was perfect and adorable for them. Everything was going to look lovely on the baby and the toys seemed so much fun for them. When the conversation moved to vampires growing up, you were curious.

You looked at your husband. “So, vampires stop ageing once they reach thirty.”

Levi nodded. “Yes.”

You narrowed your eyes. “How old are you?”

“Thirty.”

You hummed a bit. “But how old in real years?”

Levi blushed. “Thirty.”

Sebastian chuckled. “I think the lad stopped counting once he reached thirty.”

You pocked Levi’s cheek. “You’re older than thirty.”

Levi bit your finger. “I’m thirty.”

You huffed. “I guess that will remain a mystery.”

Sebastian put Kuchel on her feet before standing up. “We should head home and leave these two can be alone. They have baby things to go through.”

You walked with Levi to the front door. “Thank you for visiting.”

Kuchel gave you a big hug. “We’re here for you if you ever need to talk, okay?” She took your hands and kissed them. “You’re so strong, my dear. So very strong.”

You welled up a little. “I don’t feel so strong.”

“I know it’s hard but trust me, you are.”

Sebastian gave you a massive hug. He whispered in your ear. “Little tip. Confess everything to Levi.” He pulled back a bit. “I can see that massive ball of anxiety you’re holding onto. You need to release the pressure on it or you’ll pop.”

You nodded. “I will.”

“Good.” He released you and picked up Kuchel making her laugh. “Right, I’m stealing my sexy wife.” He slapped her on the bus. “Later kids.”

Levi groaned. “Absolute animal.”

You giggled. “Now I know where you get it from.”

He snorted a laugh. “I guess so. Let’s take the baby things to their room.”

You hummed a bit and helped Levi move everything upstairs. “Levi?”

He placed a little toy in the cot. “Yes love?”

You nibbled your lip. “Can we talk?”

He turned to you as he felt a vice in his heart. “Talk?”

You sat in a comfy rocking chair as you gazed at Sir Snuggles. “Your father said I have this massive ball of anxiety in me and I need to talk to you. I’ve had a lot on my mind and I need to get it out.”

Levi walked over to you and sat on the floor by your feet. He gripped your legs and massaged. “I’m all ears.”

You gritted your teeth. “I hate feeling this way, but I need to vent.”

“Let it all out.”

“I want you to know something first.” You cupped his face. “I know that when you say everything is okay and you will kill Rosaline, you mean it. Please don’t take anything I’m about to say as not believing you, okay?”

He turned his head and kissed your hand. “I know. I love you.”

“I love you so much.”

He leaned up and kissed you. “Talk to me, my love.”

You welled up a little. “I feel…I feel so weak.” You rubbed your tears. “And that I have failed our baby.”

“Oh, darling…”

You shook a little as the tears ran down your cheeks. “I am scared, Levi. I’m so fucking scared.” The tears came harder. “What if what happened made the baby weak? What if the baby is weaker to the sun and silver because of what happened? What if when the baby is born they don’t survive? What if the baby will have to be sheltered all the time? I should have done something, anything to help our baby.” You rubbed your tears away. “I didn’t fight. I just took it and got exposed to too much silver and sun. I did this to our baby, but I knew there was nothing I really could do. I blame myself, but I know it isn’t my fault.”

Levi held your hands as you sobbed for a while unable to speak because you were crying so much. “Darling.”

“I hate how weak she made me. I hate how pathetic I feel. I endangered so many precious lives. Yours and our baby’s.” You shook hard as you felt so weak and choked up. “She won’t stop and because of my weakness, her hatred towards me she will keep coming back. You have no choice but to kill her. I feel like I have walked into everyone’s lives and made it worse. I’m a terrible wife and mother.”

Levi softly said your name. “Breathe.”

You nodded and breathed for a moment before continuing. “I just…I feel like a burden.” You rubbed your tears away. “I’m covered in scars now. I was so beautiful to you and now I feel like I have lost some of that beauty. I know you said I’m stunning and sexy still and I’m not saying I don’t believe you, I just…there is this mean voice in my head that tells me I am unlovable.” You placed your hand on your belly. “My biggest fear though is the baby, that I have already ruined their life before it started. I want them to be strong, but I fear that I have made them weak.” You sighed. “That’s…that’s everything.”

Levi knelt between your legs and hugged you tightly. “Thank you for telling me. I want you to know, you are incredibly strong.” He cupped your face and smiled. “So fucking strong. You’re a badass.”

You giggled through your tears. “Thank you.”

“Our baby is going to be so strong. So very strong.” He placed his hands on your belly. “I can sense them and they are incredible. They are a little fighter. I can feel they are strong. You have nothing to worry about.”

You released a long sigh. “That makes me feel a lot better.”

He leaned up and kissed you again. He softly said your name. “You are amazing, okay? Not only were you covered in silver, tied up and gagged but you also were put in the sun and you lived! That’s incredible for a new vampire. You survived it all. That’s almost unheard of.”

You blushed a little. “I’m that strong?”

“Yes.” He smiled a little. “I may not understand fully the pain you’ve been through, but I do understand the feeling of being hopeless to do anything. When I was younger, Rosaline became jealous of two friends of mine. I was pinned down as the two of them were murdered. I couldn’t save them. That was the day I wanted to kill Rosaline, I just needed time to get stronger. I couldn’t do it alone.”

You welled up. “She killed your friends?”

Levi hugged you again. “Thank you for crying for me.” He sat on his legs and massaged your thighs. “Rosaline is a monster. I will stop her. I know her dying sooner rather than later is good, but we need to be careful. We can’t go running into this otherwise someone will get hurt. She has some loyal followers and they are strong.”

You nodded. “I understand. You don’t want to lose more people. We have to face her when we have a strong plan.”

He held your hands and covered them in kisses. “We’re almost there, my love. We are.”

You dove into Levi’s arms. “I have full faith in you.”

Levi lay back on the floor and held you. “We’ll get through this. We’ll beat her and live a peaceful and fun life.”

“Yes.”

He sat up with you and carried you to the bedroom. “Let’s get some sleep.” He sat you on the bed and smiled. “Do you feel a bit better?”

You nodded. “A lot. Your dad was right, I needed to get it all out. I feel so much better now. I do want you to know that I don’t fully feel all that I said. I voiced the bad thoughts. I love you. I love our baby. I am not to blame for all the horrible things that happened. Rosaline is behind it all. I believe in our baby and you.”

“I believe in us and our child.”

You changed into your comfy dress and snuffled up to Levi once he got in bed. “I love you.”

He hugged you tightly. “I love you so much.” He kissed you and hummed. “I’m here for you, always.”

You rubbed his chest and suggestively kissed him. “Levi.”

He moaned a little. “Are you sure?”

You nodded. “I need you. I need to feel you.”

He rolled over onto you and smiled. “I’ll give you all the loving you need.”

53 notes · View notes

oceanlue · 1 year ago

Note

Yuurivoice boys: their S/O making him buy a fake product or non-exist product as prank.

🎊Pranking your man🎉

💗Alphonse🧁🍭

You had a paid week off from your job and lately you've been bored in the middle of the week you think that having a week off from your job would give your mind to rest but you were just bored

So you decide to do the one thing you love to do pranking Your Man

So you decide to think of ways and you thought of making a product that is not even real or even in the world at all

So it took some thinking and you decided that you were going to make him a fake new cologne

All you did was grab some water some air freshener and some Febreze and mixed it together all in all it didn't smell bad

So when he got home he kissed your cheek and you told him about the new product that came in this week's new magazine

He tested it out and he loved it

Until he got the whiff of Febreze and air freshener and then he asked what the f*** was this

So you told him it was just a fake drink that you did on him

"Now come on boo why you got to do me like Dat, but it does smell pretty great.. you know maybe if we call some companies we could actually make a selling for this but for the greater good let's just not tell anybody"

He still loves you

🧡Seth🏕🍂

You decided to make a prank on him

And it was about a new comfy seat for a bike but it was actually just a pillow sound onto an old seat and stuffed with lots of fluff

He told him about it and he was ecstatic to try it out

He attached the new seat to his bike and felt it in his hand a bit and it looked pretty great

And then decided to sit on it and when he did the stuffing popped out

It went like *poof*

He was confused and saw that you were laughing and realized it was a prank he actually thought that it was actually a seat from a new bike magazine that you saw but it wasn't

" okay sugar I'll give it to you you got me good and I should have known it was coming I know you like to play your pranks you're lucky I love you sugar"

He took you for a ride and took you to a park and then he pushed you into the lake as Revenge you can't get mad at that

💚Finn🌻🪴

You decided to prank him with a new bag of tea but it was actually the same bag of tea

When he got home from the flower shop he told him that you were out shopping and found out this new type of tea mix I was guaranteed to make you more calm and make your blood pressure pump it

He tried it out for a few days and didn't see that it was just the same tea that he always drank he just thought it tastes the same

And then you had to tell him it was just a prank that it was just the same tea that you always drink

He was a bit shocked embarrassed and read in the face that he fell for a prank

"Oh gosh darn it orchid actually thought it was something awesome you know that I can't stay mad at you but that prank was slightly efficient it made my work a little bit better but I prefer just sticking with the original"

He still loves you and as a prank to you he mustered up the courage to put hot sauce in your sandwich

❤Auron☕🖋

It was hard to prank your boss especially since he's your partner and boyfriend

So you did a lot of hard thinking of a prank

And finally you came up with an idea you are a bit of an Arts nerd so you decide to make the prank and started crafting

And finally you were done it looks like a million dollars but it was just an art watch

That's right you made him a watch but this watch doesn't work it just stays on 12:00 and will always stay on that it weighs feels and looks like a million dollars

So the next day when you were at work you gave your boss The Watch face to say he was surprised but said thank you anyway and went on with this day

At the end of the night you crashed at his place and while you were cooking some food for both of you he finally came down and talked to you about the watch how the watch never worked and it's only staying on 12th and he can't really find out where the crown was to change the time

And then you finally told him that it was just a prank and it's not a real watch

If you looked very closely you can see the pink on his cheeks and as you finished food and place it on the plates he grabbed her hips and whispered in your ear

"you know rock... I don't like being played a fool, all day I tried to fix this watch But realize it was a prank from you... it's great design I must say and you have great talent but I do not like being played like a fool, so how about we skipped dinner and go right to dessert~~"

You guys did eat your food..... eventually

His little secret is that he kept the watch in a safe apartment where you don't know where it is

---------

Hope u like it

💙💙💙

Peace out

#yuurivoice #yuurivoice auron #oceanlue #spotify #yuurivoice finn #yuurivoice alphonse #yuurivoice seth

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lokischocolatefountain · 1 year ago

Text

Purpose

Fandom: The Last of Us

Word count: 12.7k

Rating: PG13 for violence (Fluff, angst, hurt/comfort, hurt/no comfort, mention of sexual harassment, minor character deaths, major character death, death of a child, grief, blood and gore)

Summary: “I think if he (Joel) could do anything or be anything, he would be a dad, raising his daughter. Whether it’s Sarah or— he can’t quite get there yet to say it’s Ellie but that's what he was put on this Earth to do. That’s why he’s been wandering around a little like a zombie himself for 20 years. He’s trying to find his purpose because it was taken from him.” -Craig Mazin

A/N: I’ve been writing bits and pieces of this for moooonths! Since the last episode aired. So I really really hope you guys like it. I love all the Joel & Ellie fics out there but there’s a hole in my heart where the Joel & Sarah fics should be. So here you go, a one shot of Joel Miller and his purpose in life, how he earned it and how he lost it.

20th July 1989

What do you want to be when you grow up?

It was a question that adults asked way too many times. Way too casually. It was as though they had forgotten what it felt like to be a teenager with a whole world of possibilities, the overwhelming feeling of wanting to be everything from an astronaut to an actor. They never accepted the answer they got from the kids. At least that was Joel’s experience. They always laughed when he said he wanted to be a singer. That’s not a real job, they’d say. So, he made up something that he didn’t even want to do.

Accountant. That’s what he told people he’d become. He didn’t even know what that job entailed. He just blurted it out, possibly because his new classmate’s dad was an accountant and that was the first thing that came to his mind. And because it was a real job unlike singer.

That also didn’t quite cut it for adults. You need to be good at math for that. They were right. He was no good at it. As he sat on the hospital chair, too afraid to move or breathe, he wished he’d been better at math. Maybe that would’ve gotten him a better job than building. He’d be in an office and make enough money for this.

The baby stirred in his arms and let out a low whine and his heart almost fucking stopped. She was so little, so fucking fragile. One wrong move and she could wake up. His mother told him to put her back in the crib, so did the mother of the girl who was fast asleep on the hospital bed. His mother-in-law. But he couldn’t. He was afraid that once he put her down, she’d disappear. She would. Both their parents were in contact with some adoption people and they were going through a list of names of respectable men and women with respectable jobs and good loving homes. There were some accountants on the list. They were probably good at math and didn’t have to get yelled at everyday for buying the wrong valves and choosing the wrong brand of grout. The prospective fathers were all at least a decade older than he was.

But he couldn’t put her down.

So he stayed awake on the chair throughout the night, his back hurting just a little but his heart full.

Wanting to be a singer was just a childish fantasy. Accounting was just something he made up to look serious in the eyes of grown ups. There were other ideas too— soccer player, fireman, cop. None of them felt right.

And what was it they always said about jobs? Do something you love and you’ll never work a day in your life? He’d never loved anything. Until now. Never found a purpose. Until now.

He cradled her close to his chest, supporting her tiny soft head with his hand. Fuck, her head was so little, so soft. His large hands already marked up by construction jobs felt unworthy of touching such pureness.

Sarah.

He can’t give her away. Not after the name popped into his head. He didn’t know why, couldn’t explain it to anyone who asked. But she was Sarah.

Sarah Miller, he thought when he realized he had a purpose for the first time in his life.

They told him he can’t do it, that he shouldn’t. They told him he didn’t know the first thing about babies. The girl he got pregnant— his wife—is hurt, said he can’t go back on their promise to give the baby up for adoption so that she can go back to school to be a lawyer. She said it will ruin her life and he had to agree. It will. The innocent little thing that continued sleeping on his lap did kind of ruin her life. She had to take a break fro, school, put up with morning sickness and bloating and back pain and fucking everything because of the baby. Raising her for 18 years? That would be the nail on the coffin of her dreams.

But he wasn’t the dreaming kind.

“I ain’t askin’. I know it’s not fair to ya. You already done everythin’, but…” I can’t imagine a life without Sarah. He had known her for less than 10 hours and life already seemed meaningless without her in it. “I’ll do it myself, okay? You don’t gotta do anything. You never have to visit. I just… I can’t give her up, darlin’. I promise I won’t rope you into this. I’ll fuckin’ disappear, never call you or write to you.”

“Joel…”

His mother thought she was a cruel girl to want to leave her baby behind when he, the father, stepped up to provide. But he had no feelings of anger towards her. They made a promise to each other. He was the one who broke it, not her. He would break all his promises to everyone in his life, no matter what, just to be his little girl’s dad.

“We’re too young.”

He nodded. He knew that. He’d been an adult for a grand total of four years and most of it, he’d spent drinking and working on construction. No transferable skills there. He was still kind of a kid and knew fuck all about raising a whole new person. The prospect was terrifying. It was even more terrifying to lose her, though. It felt like if he was taken away from his baby girl, he would fucking die.

“It’ll be harder to do anything. Parties, work, college, sleep. Everything will be harder.”

“Yeah,” he croaked, feeling tears well up in his eyes. He was only now old enough to legally get very drunk and illegally continue smoking joints in the storage shed with his friends. They had only recently bought themselves a proper plate and silverware. Eating out of the pot used to be more than enough before.

He’d just started taking care of himself. Just started doing his laundry in the local laundromat instead of driving his dirty clothes all the way to his parents’ for his mom to wash and fold up for him. He’d just started separating his whites from his coloured clothes.

It felt like his heart could fucking leap out of his chest when he wrote it down.

Name: Sarah Miller

Father’s name: Joel Miller

When I grow up, I want to be a father. This would not have been an acceptable answer to the adults. They liked hearing that from little girls, but not from boys. Adults thought boys should have more ambition than that. Fuck, he was an adult. Fuck. Fucking hell.

She asked for a divorce, reluctant and scared. He could tell she still loved him. It may have been their parents’ idea for them to marry, but they did have a good 7 months of marriage. They were friends, kind of. Despite the young parenthood and the anger about damaged condoms and who was responsible for getting drunk enough to have sex using a broken condom, they didn’t fight much. In another world, they would have been a good couple. Not this one. Losing her hurt, but he had to choose between her and his baby.

He signed the papers.

She visited the baby a few times, but never held her. Her older sister dropped off breast milk from her a few times and he was so grateful. He heard that it was very important for the baby’s health. He gave her formula, but this was more important according to the doctor. She said the mother’s milk had some stuff in it that the baby really needed. He didn’t know what the hell it was, he tried his best to remember the complicated words but they didn’t stick. He was just happy that Sarah could be healthy.

3rd August 1989

Bullshit. What a load of bullshit.

Do something you love and you’ll never work a day in your life? He wanted to backhand whoever said that.

“I got you baby, Daddy’s got you,” he said, rubbing her back as she cried into his chest. “Here’s your bottle. Just a few seconds and you’ll have your milk, okay?”

Tommy looked at him like he was a space alien. Yeah it was fucking weird, alright. He was in his shorts in the kitchen, wearing a smelly t-shirt and talking to his baby who didn’t know how to reply. But what did Tommy know? He didn’t have to be the one with no human company other than a little baby who didn’t know shit about shit.

He loved Sarah. He never knew what love was until Sarah. He thought he loved his parents, he might love Tommy just a little even though he was fucking annoying and got into trouble all the time. He fell in love a few times before Sarah’s mom and he was in love with Sarah’s mom. But maybe he didn’t love them. He didn’t love any of them. They should either invent a new word for whatever he felt for Sarah or a new, less stronger word for what he felt for every other person.

He really truly loved her. But that still didn’t make him feel like he wasn’t working. This was the most work he had ever done in his life. Even the sleepless week he spent building that shop, fuelled by energy drinks and coffee to afford baby clothes and medicines when his then wife was 8 months pregnant didn’t come close.

Sarah woke up crying all the goddamn time.

He knew babies always cried. They couldn’t talk or write or do anything else to communicate. So they cried. But it always felt like a personal failure when she did. Like he was the bad dad everyone expected a 22 year old single father to be.

“She always do that?” Tommy asked when Sarah finally quietened down as she sucked on the bottle he held to her mouth.

“Pretty much. She can’t talk or nothin’, so…”

Tommy nodded and then yawned. God, this boy. Joel had a lot to worry about now and everything he worried about involved Sarah. But he couldn’t not worry about his baby brother. Before he was a father, he was Tommy’s big brother and he will never stop worrying about him. He always got himself into trouble trying to do something good, something noble. The latest one was talkin’ ‘bout enlisting in the fuckin’ army.

He seemed to really really want to be in the army, but that didn’t say much. Tommy really really wanted to do fucking everything. While Joel was the brother with no strong ambitions other than Sarah, Tommy was the brother with too many ambitions. He fought off kids bigger than him if they bullied his classmates, spoke up against teachers who said somethin’ racist, punched a grown man for looking at his female friend wrong. And it was always on Joel to rescue him.

He would run off to a bunch of wars to protect his stupid little brother again. But for the first time he didn’t want to. He had a purpose now. His baby brother needed saving all the time, but his baby needed him for everything.

Tommy would have to handle himself. No big brother to shield him from bullets.

“Don’t fuck up, alright? Ma don’t need that now. I’m already fuckin’ up and she don’t need you to fuck up too.”

“You’re not fuckin’ up, Joel. Ma loves Sarah,” Tommy says, his voice soft as he gently taps Sarah’s cheek with his finger. She looks up at her Uncle Tommy and he swears she’s a little annoyed at him for disturbing her third dinner time. There was no way he was imagining that. He didn’t know if babies were smart enough to be annoyed, but Sarah was. She was a smart one. Tommy had to see that too.

“Yeah yeah, sorry,” Tommy laughed as he apologized to her. He could see it, Tommy also loved Sarah. He was an Uncle and shit. His baby brother, an Uncle. Wild.

Of course Ma loved Sarah. Everyone loved Sarah. He didn’t think it was possible for anyone to look at his baby girl and not fall in love immediately.

“I’m serious, Tommy. Don’t fu—” Fuck! No swearing. Ma warned that if he kept swearing around the baby, her first word might be fuck or shit or goddamn it. “Don’t mess up, okay?” He quickly corrected himself.

“Ma loves Sarah, but that don’t make me any less of a failure. I’m a twenty one year old divorced single father with no chances to go to college and no prospects other than construction. You gotta be better than that.”

He nodded, looking stern and a little too grown up for his age. He was too grown up to be an uncle, too grown to be shipped off God knows where to shoot at other kids but it was what it was. “Yeah…”

After a couple minutes of silence, Tommy spoke up again. “At least she won’t bug me for grandkids, right? You already gave her one.”

“Yeah, the perfect one. Gonna be difficult for your future kid to meet Ma’s high expectations.” He said, smirking. He was never competitive. Never did anything just to be better than someone else at it. The age gap between him and Tommy made him more of of protective older brother than a competitive one. But he was pitting Tommy’s non-existent kid against his baby and it didn’t even feel wrong.

“Fuck you, dude,” he laughed.

“No swearing ‘round her. Don’t want her first word to be that.”

Tommy burst out laughing. “It’ll be funny, though. Just imagine that in a little baby voice.”

He chuckled and conceded, “Yeah, it’ll be funny. But I’m serious. No swearing.”

“Yeah, yeah.”

25th December 1989

“Look at that! Ain’t it pretty?” He cooed, exaggerating the beauty of the scene in front of him. Her eyes were brighter than any Christmas light on the tree in the living room. They were brighter than the sun and the moon and all the stars in the night sky he pointed out to her.

She was wrapped up in several layers of clothes. For a baby, she had too many clothes and it was a pain in the ass to wash and fold. But she looked so adorable in all those layers. It was like she was a soft, formless ball.

He laughed as she moved her arms around and bounced on the couch. She was propped up by two pillows and he put a couple more on the floor just in case. He wouldn’t let her fall, but just in case. She pointed at the bauble he plucked off the Christmas tree, her baby bird-like mouth forming into a little O shape. She laughed and reached her arms out for it. He let her touch it. How could he not when she looked at it like it was the most wonderful thing in the universe.

She looked at everything like it was the most wonderful thing in the world.

He picked her up from her fortress of pillows and held her on his waist, carrying her closer to the tree. Carefully, he placed her higher on top of him, her legs on his shoulders and her hands gripping his hair for dear life. The mirror above the fireplace framed them like a photograph, their first Christmas together. One hand still on his hair, she reached out for a bauble, a present from an aunt for his shotgun wedding.

It should make him sad, but he found himself…happy. Sure, life would be easier if he had Pam to share the duties of parenthood. Sure it was shit to be a divorcee at the age of twenty two. But he had Sarah at the end of the marriage and that was worth everything.

While he was preoccupied with the meaning behind the ornament, his daughter was completely unconcerned with events that occurred before her birth. She inspected the ornament with a kind of gentleness he hadn’t seen in many babies— he remembered Tommy to be the kind to break things with his enthusiasm and cry over the destruction he’d wreaked. Sarah tapped on it gently with her hand and squealed with delight.

“It’s cool, huh?” He said, making conversation with her. She hummed in response and moved to an unusual ornament shaped like a butterfly, her eyes wide with curiosity and her fingers cautiously inspecting the antlers. Father and child stood in front of the Christmas tree all night long, inspecting every single ornament and making conversation in the language only they knew to speak.

If she loved the tree so much, he decided, he’d keep it in the living room in the fucking summer. Who said you couldn’t have a Christmas tree in June? He fucking loved being her dad.

18th January 1990

He fucking hated being a dad.

He would never let her know. God, he would never ever tell her that.

“Daddy’s got you, daddy’s got you. Everything is fine, baby girl.”

It was like she didn’t even hear him. She kept crying those heartbreaking, soul-crushing cries. He gave her the medicines that the doctor told him to buy. He did fucking everything but she still wouldn’t stop crying. He had to be doing something wrong. He told Ma that, but she said that was how babies were and he just had to take care of her, hold her close and wait for her temperature to go down.

But what until then?

“Ma! Ma, she won’t stop crying.”

“Did you give her the medicines?” His mother’s drowsy voice came through the phone. He shouldn’t be disturbing her after the day she had, but he couldn’t be bothered about her comfort. His baby was crying, goddamn it!

“Yeah, I did. Still won’t stop,” he said, his voice breaking and he bounced the baby, hoping that would soothe her.

“Did you check her temperature?”

“Yeah. Hundred and two.”

“It’s gone down then. She’s getting better.”

“Why’s she still cryin’ then?”

He was a grown man, a father, but god he felt like a fuckin’ kid again. He wanted his Ma. He wanted her to drive all the way to his place and tell him what to do to fix her, make her pain go away.

“That’s how it is, Joel. This is normal. I’ll be there in the morning when your old man can drive me, okay? She’ll get better, kid. Don’t worry too much.”

Ma was right, she did get better. But it was the worst night of his life and he would put her in a medically sealed safe room for the rest of her life just to never have to relive it.

She got sick again, of course. She was a kid and as he learned, kids were germ magnets. It was intolerable and it made him hate being a father. That made him feel guilty. It was stupid, he knew that. What could he even do? Punch germs in the face? Throw hands with the daycare mom who didn’t vaccinate her kid who ended up coughing on his baby girl?

He hated what being a father made him think and do. He felt unhinged, irrational. But it never felt wrong. And he never hated being her father. This was his purpose and he didn’t mind being a fuckin’ psycho who thought of fighting the baby who gave his baby a fever.

28th April 1991

“Can I have one, please?”

Joel brought the hammer down on the nail, looking up every now and then for glimpses of his daughter sitting on her uncle’s lap.

She looked at Tommy with her perfect angel eyes, hand messy and gripped around a disgusting soggy cookie she’d soaked with her saliva. She shook her head at Tommy before putting the cookie back in her mouth.

“Please? Uncle Tommy is hungry. And your dad won’t feed me.” He gave her his best puppy-dog eyes, but his baby girl didn’t budge. She hugged the packet of cookies close to her chest like Tommy was gonna snatch it from her and it made both of them laugh. He dropped his hammer on the floor and walked up to them.

He got on his knees next to Tommy’s chair and looked at her. “Please can I have one? Daddy’s hungry.”

She took her cookie out of her mouth and stretched her hand out to him. He leaned in, no hesitation and took the entire soggy piece in his mouth.

“Duuuude! Seriously? I bought those cookies and you’ll share it with your daddy but not with me? What a pair of scammers.”

Joel sent a smug smile his way before returning back to work. Babies were pretty selfish and Sarah was no exception, but he was an exception and that made him feel like the most special man in Texas.

“Miller,” a stern voice interrupted his family. He didn’t know whether it was directed towards him or towards Tommy, but the both of them apologized and left Sarah to her own devices before returning to work.

“Clients are such meanies, aren’t they?” He whispers to Sarah when the client is out of sight.

“Meanie!” She exclaimed, throwing her hands up in the air and lifting the packet of cookies with her. He laughed. That was a new word. She was a smart one.

They work all night, both of them. Sarah sleeps in the baby seat he bought for his truck. The daycare moms suggested it and he was so glad he bought one. It was damn expensive but ‘twas helpful for when they’re both working and Ma couldn’t take Sarah.

16th October 1992

Kids asked a lot of questions. Sarah did too.

Why is the sky blue? Why are some trees tall but other trees short? Why are soap suds all white no matter the color of the soap? What is a library? Why does Grandma have grey hair? Why does Uncle Tommy have long hair? What is a housing loan? What is concrete? Why is concrete gray? Why won’t you let me touch concrete?

He didn’t have a problem with the non-stop questions like other parents did. It was better for her to channel her curiosity into questions than get into trouble trying to find answers herself. His problem was that he wasn’t smart enough to answer ‘em.

He eventually did. Or hoped that she’d forget that he said he’ll ask someone and get back to her with the answer. But this wasn’t something he could ask someone else. It wasn’t something he could hope she’d forget. If she forgot now, she’d ask again later at some point in her life.

“What’s my mommy’s name?”

“Her name was Pamela.”

Was, he said. Like she was fucking dead. It had been years since he’d said that name. What a strange turn life took. Once upon a time, his whole world revolved around Pam and now he’d half forgotten what she looked like.

“Where is she?”

Last he heard, somewhere in New York. She became a lawyer. Good for her.

“I don’t know, baby,” he lied. What was the point of telling her where her mother was? She didn’t even know where New York was. She hadn’t even thought to ask about her mother in all these years. Well, she couldn’t even speak for a good portion of it but still…

“All the other kids have a mommy. Why don’t I have one?” Was he not enough? A lot of people reminded him that kids needed a mother more than they needed a father. That little girls needed a mother. That he wouldn’t know what the hell to do when she wanted cookies for the school bake sale or wanted a cute braid or got her period. He told all of them to go fuck themselves. Politely.

Her tiny hands held the stuffed animal he spent too much time and money on to win at the fair. Her innocent little eyes begged him for answers, reminding him where she got ‘em from. They looked like when Pam told him she was pregnant, scared and confused and begging him to do something, help somehow.

He might get a heart attack in his mid twenties.

“It’ll be harder to do anything. Parties, work, college, sleep. Everything will be harder.”

He didn’t know it would be like this. He knew the question would come up but he wasn’t prepared.

“I…”

She was patient. He picked her up from her chair and held her to his chest, wishing she’d go back to just babbling and looking cute.

“Most babies have two parents. A mommy and a daddy. Do you know why?”

She shook her head and kept her attention on his every word.

“Because they’re all so naughty.”

That got a laugh out of her. An easy smile found itself on his lips. It was hard to not smile when he saw her smile.

“Jason has a mommy and daddy,” he said, referring to the boy she had a few play dates with. “He gets in a lot of trouble so he needs to parents to take care of him. But you’re such a good kid, the best kid in the world and God knows that. So he just gave you one parent. Because Daddy is enough to take care of you.”

He was enough. He was enough to take care of her. He could pay for her daycare and clothes and health and everything. He read her bedtime stories and took her to work and kept her away from the tools.

He was enough.

“Is she taking care of another kid then? Is that why she’s not here?”

Jesus Christ, this girl.

“I don’t know, baby.”

“Oh. Can we go to the park?”

And just like that, she was over it. Thank fucking God.

He held her curls and gave her a kiss on her head. She was so special, she was so perfect. She deserved everything, deserved the whole universe, deserved a mom. He would spend his whole life and more giving her whatever she needed.

1st September 1993

“Here’s some snacks for you. I’ll leave it in your bag. Don’t forget to have it, okay?”

She nodded, munching on her cereal as he packed her backpack for her first day of school. He was nervous, but she looked completely fine. So did Tommy on his first day of school, but he ended up throwing a tantrum at the school gates and refused to let go of their parents. Joel had to promise him a full bar of candy to get him to finally walk into school.

Just so it was not too jarring for her, he made it a point to drive past her school every now and then. As they passed by, he explained to her that she would be going there everyday very soon and make a lot of tiny friends.

Construction work meant that schedules were all over the place. Sarah, having had no independent life of her own so far, was forced to stick to his messy days, waking up and sleeping at different times. Joel changed that to prepare her for waking up early to go to school.

With her bag packed with her pencil case, water bottle, snacks, color pencils and the books and notebook her school asked her to bring, it was time to move on to the next task.

“Daddy, I want the purple bows today. The new ones Nana bought.”

“I know, baby girl. I got them here already,” he said, pulling out the bright purple hair accessories from his pocket where he’d also shoved her hair brush, handkerchief and socks. He pulled her hair together in two pigtails, proud of himself for how far he’d come in doing her hair from a confused man asking his very few female friends for help to a natural dad who did this every morning.

He clipped a bow on each side, the little purple things sitting at the base of her soft rounded hair style. She climbed up the table without notice and checked herself out on the mirror nearby, grinning as she touched her hair.

“Thank you, daddy.”

“Aww, you’re welcome baby girl,” he cooed, pulling her close and placing kisses on her cheeks and forehead. He couldn’t believe she was ready for school already. It felt like she was born just yesterday. Each day was long and difficult, but together they’d all passed by in the blink of an eye. He didn’t know if she was prepared for such a big step, to be in school everyday for a couple hours without him.

“Tickles,” she giggled as his mustache scratched her cheeks. He kissed her again, making her fill the living room once again with her squeals and laughter.

“I want the orange shoes today,” she said, placing her foot on his chest.

“Sure? You picked the black socks with the green aliens. Shouldn’t you wear black shoes?”

“You don’t know fashion, daddy. You wear only boring tops without cartoon characters. And you don’t even have Barbie clothes.”

“Yeah, yeah. Orange shoes it is then,” he said, slipping the shoes she demanded on her feet. At least they were Velcro and she could remove them and put them back on easily without help.

Soon, Tommy had arrived at their door and like the menace he was, brought some candies.

“Tommy,” he spoke in a stern tone.

“Come on, Joel! It’s a big day. Our baby girl is all grown up and going to school!”

“I’m a big girl!” She exclaimed, pumping her little fists in the air like she’d won a medal.

“Yeah, very big,” Tommy laughed, putting the candies in her school backpack. “Now, be nice and share some candy with your classmates. That’s the quickest way to make friends.”

She listened to his advice intently and Joel wondered if she’d take a pen and notepad out to take his advice down if only she knew how to string alphabets together to make words.

While he usually sat in the front and let Sarah sit in the back of the truck, he chose to sit in the back this time, offering her the comfort and confidence she needed to take this big leap.

“…be a good girl and listen to your teacher. And don’t use any rude words, okay? Stuff you hear at daddy’s work, it’s only for grown ups. You understand?”

She nodded, beady eyes focused on the glittery designs of her backpack rather than his words. As much as he tried to speak properly around her, he couldn’t stop her from learning the crass words spoken by the people he worked with at the construction sites. And because daycare was expensive and he didn’t feel comfortable leaving her with strangers for such a big part of the day, she had to be at his workplaces, heart no those words.

“Don’t be scared. It’s just school and it’ll be fun. You’ll get to read new stories and make new friends. It can be scary in the beginning but it will be so much fun,” he continued on, caressing her back as he held her close.

“What do you do if you’re scared or if you want daddy?”

“I’ll tell my teacher you’re waiting outside and I want to go to you,” she repeated the words he’d been drilling into her head for months. He had taken the entire week off work to wait for Sarah outside school. Just in case she really needed him before the end of the school day. God forbid there be an injury or something.

“You’ve seen your classroom before, remember? With the colorful stickers on the walls?” She nodded, walking next to him as she looked around at the other kids and parents on the campus for their first day. He averted her eyes from the crying kids, afraid that seeing them might make her cry too.

Joel dreaded the waterworks, dreaded how her sparkling eyes would brim with tears and her little lips would pout before fat tears rolled down her cheeks. She was too precious for that and her tears always made him want to tear up anything and anyone who caused it. It didn’t matter that she also cried for the silliest reasons and cried when she threw tantrums. They never stopped having that heartstrings-pulling effect they had when she came crying and screaming into the world. Those cries that convinced him that he shouldn’t give her up, that he couldn’t trust anyone else on the planet to comfort her the way he could.

When they reached her classroom and met Mrs. Moore, he handed her backpack over to her. Kneeling in front of her, he gave her a few kisses on her cheeks. “Be good, okay? Daddy’s right outside and I’ll pick you up when school is over. Yeah?”

“Okay, daddy!” She said cheerfully. He turned his cheek to her for a kiss, but she didn’t notice, walking off in the other direction with her backpack. She dipped her bag on the table before introducing herself to another kid with her standard script for meeting others— her name, his name, her favorite cartoon characters and a handshake while she said it was nice to meet them.

“Dang, she couldn’t wait to ditch ya,” remarked Tommy as he watched Sarah socialize and show the kids the cartoon characters on her backpack.

Joel’s vision clouded with tears as he sat on his knees in the middle of the classroom. His lips trembled and his chest clenched at being left just like that by her. She never left him. Even when she was with her grandparents, she came running to their porch when she heard him and Tommy pull up in the drive.

Tommy dragged him away from the classroom when it was time for parents to leave. While he left, Joel’s heart stayed right there in the classroom.

“Goddamn,” he muttered as he wiped his tears off with the sleeves of his shirt. To think he was worried about her crying… Here he was, crying like a child while his actual child faced her first day of school with a big smile on her face.

“Can’t believe she’s in school already,” Tommy said and he nodded, not confident that he could speak without sobbing.

How was he supposed to do this everyday? Just leave her in a building with complete strangers and be confident that when he went back, she would be there, safe and happy. Other kids could bully her, her teacher might be rude to her, she might be hungry even after eating the snacks he packed her. How was he supposed to know how she was doing in all these hours she’d spend in a place with none of the friends and family she knew?

It was like taking your heart out your chest, putting a backpack on it and sending it away to fend for itself while praying that nothing bad would happen to it.

30th November 1994

Joel Miller would beat up anyone who made his baby girl cry. He didn’t care who it was. This time though, he had no one to blame but himself. She wouldn’t let him near her. She was crying, but she was also incredibly angry. Where did she even get anger from? He couldn’t believe that such a tiny little girl could have so much anger in her.

“I’m leaving the house and I’m never ever coming back!” She squeaked into the phone between sobs.

He was disappointed in himself. She was being especially difficult, yes. He had to drop her off at daycare and run to work, but she wouldn’t stop running around in the backyard in her pajamas. He’d had enough and yelled.

So here she was with her pink backpack full of her things that she packed herself— mismatched clothes, hairbrush, hair wrap, hair tie, teddy bear. She didn’t pack any underwear. She was stood on the couch to reach the landline phone, holding the receiver to her ear and asking, no demanding, that Uncle Tommy pick her up.

“Who made my baby girl cry? I’m gonna kick their butts,” Tommy declares as he walks in, popsicle in hand. He was gonna kick Tommy’s ass. She wasn’t supposed to have that shit. It was unhealthy. But apparently it wasn’t up to him anymore. It was Sarah and her Uncle Tommy’s world and he was just living in it.

“I’ll get him, okay baby?” He reassured her gently and Sarah nods before hugging Tommy.

Fucking drama queens, the both of them.

“Go wait in the truck and have this popsicle, okay? I’ll beat your dad up.”

She grinned— what the fuck. She grinned, took the stupid popsicle and ran off to the truck which neither of them asked to borrow. Fucking thieves.

Tommy burst out laughing as soon as she left.

“If you wanna be cool Uncle Tommy beatin’ her dad up, the least you can do it babysit her until she stops hatin’ me.”

“She doesn’t hate you!”

“You said you were going to beat me up and she fuckin smiled like you promised her a pony. Take her for the weekend,” he said, handing him the bag that he packed for her. And this one had her underwear, matching set of clothes, her favorite blanket and the story book she was currently reading.

He loved her but goddamn it, he needed a break. The teenage years were going to be hell.

26 September 1996

His hands are cover in glitter. And they’re also sticky for some reason. Something happened here. He didn’t know what, but he would find out. There’s a pair of scissors on the floor. He didn’t put them there and the only other person in the house was told very clearly to not touch them.

Rules were more like suggestions in this household.

“Sarah!” He calls out, walking around the house looking for her. Where the hell was this kid on a school day? It usually took waking her up a million times, took begging to get her to make her bed and some threats to get her outside her bedroom.

He almost yelped when a something, roughly the weight of one Sarah Miller, landed on his back and began giggling.

“HAPPY BIRTHDAY DADDY!!!!” She screamed into his ear. His ears rang from the sound and his heart beat faster, but his heart also grew warmer.

He pulled her to his front and she wasted no time giving him wet kisses on his cheeks. “Thank you, baby girl,” he said, laughing from her enthusiasm. She had never remembered his birthday before, not that he expected her to. She barely remembered her own and made him count down to it from 3 months before the day. So it was a surprise that she remembered.

“I made you a gift,” she said, showing off the gaps between her teeth as she smiled.

“Whaaaat? A gift? For me?”

She nodded and wriggled out of his grip before running off. Her footsteps grew distant and then closer until she emerged with what he could only hope used to be paper. It was a sparkling red sheet. Under all the glitter, there had to be some paper left. There was paper and on it were the words ‘Happy birthday daddy’ written colorfully in crayons. He opened the card to find a drawing of him— beard, power tools, truck and all. It was labeled ‘daddy’.

On the right was a message from her, in her writing that started big and became smaller with each alphabet.

‘Happy Birthday Daddy. I love you.’

“Do you like it?” She asked, wide eyes looking at him expectantly.

“I love it! It’s perfect, baby,” he praised, picking her up off the ground and smothering her with kisses. She was the sweetest, most precious thing in the world. His Ma gave him a new shirt and Tommy bought him a bottle of good whiskey, but they paled in comparison to the card that he tucked away safely in the file with all their important documents, glitter be damned. The card collection grew over the years.

2nd February 1997

“You’ll like her, I promise!”

“Where have I heard that before?” Joel snorted, getting back under the truck to look for whatever the hell had gone wrong underneath for it to not start. They did take a bus to the construction site that morning, but they couldn’t do that again. The buses were unreliable and the walk to the bus stop took up half an hour. Sarah was already annoyed at him for not coming home on time. Last thing he wanted was to leave home earlier and come back later.

“Okay, that was one time! And she was a friend of a friend of a friend. I’ve met Judy and she’s definitely your type.”

“Sure,” he grunted, extending his hand out to get the tool he needed from Tommy.

“Curly hair, kind of tall. She’s clever. A math teacher, actually. Out of your league in that department so if you could pull her, it would be a miracle.”

“You settin’ me up for failure then.”

“Listen, she’s new to the city and she’s open to meeting people. It’s not gone be a date, Joel. Just drinks with her, a couple of her friends, my roommate and his sisters. You need a break.”

He hated to admit it even to himself, but Tommy was right. Not about dating, but about needing a break. He had been working a lot more recently. The contracting business was still in its infancy and needed a lot of his time and attention to just stay afloat. He didn’t have enough capital to invest in more monpower, so he had to take every call and make every decision and do every task he didn’t have enough guys for.

“I’ll think about it,” he said, wiping his face with the greasy cloth, getting more grease on himself than off.

“I’ll ask Ma to take Sarah. You know she’s dying to see that kid,” Tommy offered. He knew that it was meant to get him to feel better, less guilty about getting rid of Sarah for the night to get drunk. But it only made him feel worse about shirking his responsibilities to go get drunk and try to sleep with someone. The last time he did that, he became a father.

But he does it anyway because he told Tommy he would. He goes on a couple of dates with the girl and it feels nice to be around someone who is interested in him for himself, not for what he did for them or because they were stuck with him.

It doesn’t last long. Sarah and work always take priority over everything else in his life and she understandably doesn’t like being his last priority. He never tries again.

16th June 1998

“Sarah!” He called for the fourth time, again with no response. He plated the food for her, grabbed his own plate and walked upstairs to her room.

“Been calling out your name for ten minutes now, baby girl.”

She looked up at him, a weary smile on her lips. “Sorry. I was just finishing up my assignment. Didn’t hear you.”

He put the plate on the table in front of her and ruffled her hair, making her pout. “‘S nice to focus on school, but you need to keep your ears alert,” he said, sitting back down on her bed with his plate.

One glance at her books told him she was doing her math homework. Geometry, to be precise. At least it was something he knew this time. Last week, she was writing her social science essay and went on about the different parts of the United Nations or some shit. He only remembered a bunch of abbreviations and not what they stood for. She could make something up like UNCPS, call it United Nations Child Protective Services and he’d believe it. Wait, was that what UNICEF was?

Math was the only thing she learned in school that he still understood, that made him feel like a smart dad capable of helping his kid out with her homework. Not that she needed any help. She’d taken after Pam in the brains department. Thank god.

Nevertheless he checked her answers. He didn’t want to be completely useless.

She’d done well. There were one or two mistakes she’d made, repetitions of the kinds of mistakes she’d made before in long division. Just careless ones that she corrected easily when he pointed them out to her. Nothing he had to teach her.

“Oh, before I forget…” she said, pulling a plastic file out of her purple backpack. “I need your signature on this thing. It’s the permission slip for a talk from a retired army officer.”

He rifled through the pens in her pen stand, taking too long to find one that wasn’t purple, glittery, or purple and glittery. “Military? Why they teachin’ you that?” He asked, wary about his kid learning anything about wars. It’d gotten Tommy a little too excited and before they knew it, he was off getting shot at somewhere in the gulf. The dangers of that were lower with a daughter than with a son, but he was still wary. Gender equality better not creep its way into jobs that could get his kid killed.

“Yeah, you ain’t going to this thing. Take the day off.”

“No way, we might have a social science pop up quiz on Wednesday and I’m not going to miss it.”

“Aren’t pop up quizzes supposed to…I don’t know, pop up? Like surprise,” he said, earning an eye-roll from her. Wasn’t even a teenager yet and she was rollin’ her lil eyes at her dad. He’d lucked out in the baby lottery, got himself a smart, mostly well-behaved one. But it still confused a man to have the little thing that used to depend on you for everything from food to wiping her butt now rolling her eyes at you.

“Yeah, yeah. I can’t just skip classes. I’m sure this,” she said, waving the piece of paper at him. “—is just formality. And it’s just going to be some boring talk from some old guy. If you don’t sign it, they’ll still make me go and then my principal will call you up to my office and ask you why you didn’t sign the slip. Merel’s older brother didn’t get his signed and the principal asked his dad if he was a communist.”

“The worst that could happen is this old man calling me a communist? You’ll have to do better than that.”

“Uncle Tommy said that communists are evil,” she said, her eyes widening for effect.

“Your uncle also says that two plus two is five and that ice cream is good for your health.”

“Because it’s milk and milk has calcium!”

“Sure it is. And it’s a shitload of sugar.”

“But if I’m having sugar, isn’t it better to have it with milk? That way I’m also having something healthy,” she asked, showing off her missing teeth as she grinned.

“Or you can just drink milk.”

“Milk tastes like sh— garbage,” she quickly corrected herself. His little girl knew bad words. That shouldn’t be as much of a surprise as it was considering how much he and Tommy cursed around her. But it was…disturbing. It was evidence she was growing up, using these words around her little friends and hiding that from him. He used to know her better, be able to read her from the smallest facial expressions. He used to be able to anticipate her needs, predict her behavior, but it was getting harder nowadays.

“And you know what garbage tastes like because…?”

“I grew up eating stuff you cook, that’s how.”

“Walked right into that one.”

“Yeah you did,” she said, sticking her tongue out at him. He chuckled at her silly behavior, pinching her nose between his thumb and index finger before letting go. Maybe she wasn’t growing up after all.

“Whatever garbage I fed ya, it’s kept you strong enough to talk crap ‘bout it.”

He thought back on the days of fighting out how to cook. Before Sarah, he’d been surviving on takeout. Having to clothe and feed an entirely new human being left little money in his wallet to spend on food. So he learned to cook. For a little thing, she’d made big changes in his life— made him a father and a man. He remembered waking up at odd hours when she so much as stirred in her crib that he kept beside his bed. He remembered how his heart would ache with her little whines that turned into cries of hunger. How he cursed her mother who was meant to be feeding her as he fixed her a bottle—a cheap substitute for her mother’s milk.

Nine years.

Goddamn.

It was hard to believe it’d been that long since she entered his world and changed everything about it. Even when the evidence sat right before him, doing her homework and doodling on her desk. Her hand, while bigger, still held her pencil the same way it did when he taught her to write. Now it wrote faster, wrote long words beyond his understanding in pretty cursive handwriting.

He waited patiently as she ate the boxed mac ‘n cheese, ashamed that he couldn’t feed her anything healthier. It’d been a long day and he didn’t have the time or energy to make something better. But she ate it up happily, not complaining even once. It induced both guilt and satisfaction, the former from the lack of nutrients in the food and the latter because he still made his little girl happy.

He covered his mouth as a yawn took over, making her laugh. “You yawn so funny.”

“I do?” He asked before faking a yawn, making silly sounds as he did. She giggled and yawned back, producing her own silly sounds. It had quickly turned into a competition, leaving father and child making the silliest sounds until the latter crumpled on him, breathless from her laughter.

“Alright. Time to sleep, okay? And remember, Grandpa is picking you up from school tomorrow. So don’t walk home by yourself.”

“Alright dad,” she said, settling under her purple blanket. He bent down and pressed a kiss to her forehead before turning her bedside lamp off.

Dad.

Not daddy, but dad. The little girl was adamant on growing up. He left her room, remembering that she hadn’t asked for a bedtime story in months. She read on her own, borrowed piles of books from the library and narrated the stories to him and Tommy and anyone who would listen.

She didn’t need him for that anymore. While it was a comfort in one way, to lessen the duties of parenthood, it clawed at his chest to know that one day she wouldn’t need him at all. He’d had her for nine years and in another nine, she would be off to university, leaving him alone in this house with nothing to do for the first time since she became his life.

23rd December 1999

“Ma…” Tommy called out, his voice breaking as he turned to him, tears already streaming down his cheeks. Joel stepped forward and threw an arm around his little brother.

First dad and now… His chest felt heavy and his throat prickled from all the sobs he held back. He needed to be strong. There was one more funeral to arrange, a little brother to comfort…god, Tommy had seen too many deaths in his lifetime already. This wasn’t going to be easy for him.

And Sarah. She had never seen death before. Loss, yes. Her mother, her best friend who left town, the goldfish that died because he forgot to feed it. But death in the family, that was new.

He let go of Tommy and gave him an awkward pat on the back. “I’m going to call the funeral home.”

The call had been made, their mother was taken away from their family home to join her father and he drove the two of them back to his place. It wouldn’t be wise to stay there, with all the memories of growing up with their parents, especially with the holiday decorations cheering up the place in the most offensive manner.

They were supposed to celebrate together, just the five of them. But god had other plans it seemed. He poured Tommy another drink and leaned back on the couch, mind reeling with all the paperwork he had to take care of and who would take care of Sarah when he was away handling it. Not Tommy, not in his state. He sipped on his beer, watching Tommy as he followed suit.

It had been decades ago, but he remembered quite well what Ma had said after Tommy ran off to complain to her about Joel yelling at him for scribbling on his homework.

“When your dad and I are gone, Joel, you’ll be the one to take care of him. He’s little and he will make silly mistakes. But you oughta forgive him, take care of him.”

Somehow, Tommy looked just as pathetic as he did that day. Innocent, vulnerable and needing comfort. He had seen so much, so much more than what Joel could imagine in his worst nightmares. But Joel would still see him as his little brother.

“Alright, Tommy. You’ve had enough,” he said, prying the bottle of beer from his grip and taking it to the garbage. Tommy didn’t resist, only crumpled down on the couch as he stared at the ground.

“Dad?” Said a low voice, heavy with sleep. He looked to the other side to find her, rubbing at her eyes as she walked further into the living room. He’d just tucked her into bed after she spent almost an hour badgering him about what Christmas presents Santa would bring her that years as he worried himself sick about how he’d tell her that grandpa was dead. Just the thought of her festive excitement breaking to make way for grief… That was when Tommy called him, sobbing and sputtering out the words.

He’d gone to cook something for Ma and found her unmoving on her bed.

“Hey baby girl…” he said, his voice soft as he walked to her. “Did we wake you up?”

She whined and hugged him, placing her weight on him as she let him lead her to the couch. Tommy, realizing his niece was there, wiped his eyes with the cuffs of his shirt and plastered a smile on his face. “Hey Butterfly…” he addressed her in his trembling voice.

“What happened?”

Joel didn’t know how he did it. But he did it. The girl’s eyes were wide as she listened to him, her little hands wrapped around his arms like she was afraid to let go.

“We’ll never see grandma and grandpa again?”

He shook his head, his heart breaking for her. He never had the misfortune of experiencing his own grandparents’ deaths. Half of them were gone before his parents had him and the other half passed when he was too little to remember them.

“There will be a funeral for them. We’ll all get together as a family and say goodbye at Church.”

Her lips curved down and tears brimmed in her eyes, the realization of the true nature of death hitting her. With a wail, she wrapped her arms around him, her bony knees digging into his thighs. “I don’t want them to go,” she cried, her tiny fist punching his chest. He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close and kissing the top of her head.

“I know, baby… I know.” He whispered into her ear, cradling and rocking her in his arms the way he did when she cried as a newborn. “It’s going to be scary because we have always had grandma and grandpa. But we’ll get through it, okay? Together. Daddy’s here. I’ll get us through it.”

“I don’t want them to die.”

“I know, I know,” he breathed and for the first time since he lost the first two people he ever loved, the sorrow caught up to him. Her innocent words, how she thought to speak them to him- as though she believed he could prevent her dead grandparents from dying. In her innocence, he finds his own. For the first time, he allows himself to be more than the responsible older brother who made funeral arrangements and took care of his grieving little brother. His love for his parents, his remaining childlike belief that they would be permanent in his life— They dug their claws into his chest and ripped his heart right out, piercing it, making it bleed.

“Does everyone die?” She asked meekly, fear and curiosity battling each other and plunging them both into the remains of her innocence.

“Yeah. Eventually, everyone dies.”

“Even you?” She asked, pulling back, sweet brown eyes staring back at him. While he thought she had her mother’s eyes, everyone else said their expressions were his. His eyes that he got from his father. For the first time, he saw what they all said. Just like dad’s eyes.

“You don’t worry about that now, baby girl,” he said, caressing her hair. “I’ll be here for a long time. You’ll be a big girl by then. Have a job ‘n all.”

“I don’t want you to die.”

“Oh, darlin’…” He pulled her to his chest and patted her back, setting a rhythm that he used when her back was the size of his hand and she needed the rhythm to fall asleep on his chest. She relaxed under his touch, the rhythm still having an effect. “It’ll be fine. Everything will be okay,” he lied, a habit that’s come easy to him with fatherhood. Lying was second nature when it came to comforting her, lulling her into a false sense of security about life.

17th May 2000

He pulled up the hem of his T-shirt and wiped his sweat, hoping to look better for Sarah’s game. He was late. By over an hour. Sarah would already be angry at him and seeing his face in the stands so fucking late would only add insult to injury. But he had to try. After all the games he missed, he had to keep his promise to be there for the final match.

He spotted Sarah instantly as he walked close to the field. But she wasn’t playing like he hoped. She was taking a towel from her friend Candace, her lips weighed down by a frown. Candace’s mother offered her a bottle of water and she accepted it politely before walking away and settling down on the stands. Alone. The back of her soccer jersey is stained with sweat and his guilty mind reads the big bold Miller on it as an accusation. Where were you, Miller? Other kids were with their families and his sat alone.

“Baby girl…”

She looked up at him but quickly dropped her eyes back down to her lap, her fingernails scratching at the label of the plastic water bottle. From the frown on her face, he guessed that her team didn’t win. Such a shame since she worked so hard practicing while also keeping her grades up.

“It’s okay you didn’t win,” he began gently, placing a comforting hand on her shoulder. She tsked and shrugged his hand off her shoulder. Oh she was angry. “You came this far. Finals and all. Second place is still good, you know?”

Silence.

Maybe it would help to regale her with one of his own failures, show her she was doing much better than her old man, maybe even make her laugh. “I was always on reserve and hoping nobody gets injured so I didn’t have to play,” he said, his laugh coming out awkwardly as her frown deepened. Humor wasn’t it, apparently.

“Sarah!” An older woman called out from across the pitch and she looked up at her. From her outfit- tracksuit, whistle at the end of a lanyard around her neck, he assumed she was a soccer coach. “It’s time for the pictures.”

She put her water bottle down on the seat next to her and walked in the woman’s direction. It definitely hurt, her walking away from him without hesitation in the direction of someone who wasn’t family. Like a visible representation of her rejecting him for someone she saw more than him these days.

He let out a defeated sigh and walked up to the pitch and found the huddle of backpacks. Finding her purple one with the butterflies wasn’t hard. He picked it up and threw it over his shoulder and watched as she stood with the kids on her team for the picture. The coach brought a trophy over, big shiny one with ribbons tied to it. Her little friends cheered as the trophy was handed to the girl in the middle, the captain presumably and they all put their hands on it, smiling wide as their picture was taken. His little girl finally managed a smile too, encouraged by Chantal grabbing her shoulder and shaking her.

“She played well, huh?”

He looked to his side to find the owner of the voice, a man older than he was, wearing a red tee, the color of the opposing team.

“Tony,” he said, introducing himself. “I’m your Sarah’s math teacher. And the dad of the losing team’s captain.”

Joel squinted, confused. Sarah’s team didn’t lose? On the other side of the pitch, the red team stood together for a picture, looking a little less happy and holding a trophy much smaller than Sarah’s team.

“Joel,” he said, introducing himself. “Sorry for…uh-” he struggled to find a way to say something nice about his daughter’s performance. But he wasn’t at the game and didn’t know who the man’s kid was. “They played well, your kid’s team.”

“Oh, you’re being kind. Don’t tell my girl I said this, but they played like shit,” Tony said and he laughed awkwardly. Was he supposed to agree or disagree? Which would be more polite?

Joel instead changed the topic to school. “Is it hard? Teaching and having your kid in the same school?” He asked like a fucking idiot. Where did that come from? Why would that even be hard? He would kill to work at the school, see his kid more instead of working mad hours far away from home while she ate at the Adlers’ and went to bed alone. But the job paid shit.

“Well, a little…” he answered, scratching his beard. As the man spoke, Joel’s attention was elsewhere, on the pitch with Sarah. Her team won. The games she'd been stressing over for so long had come to an end and she had won. But she still had that frown on her face. Realization hit him like a ton of bricks.

She looked sad because he wasn’t there. After he promised he would be.

“…and you’d think she would be much better at math with me teaching her at home and another math teacher teaching her in school, but she’s hopeless. Soccer is life for Dolly. Your Sarah is very good. I’m guessing that’s why I never see you at the parent-teacher meetings. Never nothin’ to ask your kids’ teachers about if they’re doing perfectly well in school, right?”

“Right,” he said, nodding as he felt the guilt eat away at his heart. She had been raving about this match for so long, was so excited when they made it to the finals and drilled the date into his head. But he still forgot. He would lie to her on the drive home, say he had so much work that he couldn’t get to the match on time. But he would know the truth- that he forgot about it until he heard a soccer match inside the house of the client whose deck he was redoing.

“Now, I know your girl is very busy with the debate club, soccer and art. I asked her to join mathletes but she said she was too busy. I think it would be good for her. On her CV and stuff when she applies for college. Plus she needs a challenge.”

He felt smaller in front of the teacher despite having a couple inches over him. Sarah was a smart kid. Took after her mother there. But he wasn’t. He didn’t know art or debate and Sarah had long ago gone beyond the math he knew, taking advanced classes he never took and getting grades he never had on his report card. And did Tony say the math thing would help her with college?

“Yeah, she does,” he agreed, not even knowing fully what he was agreeing over. “Umm… I’ll talk to her about it.”

He traded some words with her teacher, the two of them agreeing to meet at the next game before he left to find his daughter and console her over her team’s loss. In a while, he found Sarah walking to the parking, holding a gold medal and a certificate. He followed and opened the truck door for her and she climbed in wordlessly.

“Come on, you gon’ be like that the whole time?” He asked, a couple minutes into their ride.

“You forgot about the game, didn’t you?”

“What? No!” He lied. “I wanted to come, baby girl. I swear. Just took too long at work today because of the sub-contractor. He installed the wrong plumbing for the kitchen and wouldn’t admit to it, so—” he stopped abruptly, feeling bad about his string of lies. But he did nothing to correct it. What was he supposed to say? Apologise for being a shit dad who forgot?

“I didn’t forget, I swear,” he lied again. Lying was second nature to him now. It was easier to lie than to confess to your kid that you forgot about something that was important to her. Plus, it wasn’t going to be worth the fight. She was a teenager and on a goddamn debate team. She knew how to argue. Whose idea was it anyway to teach children how to argue better? No one from the south, he was sure. Had he argued with his mama, he would’ve gotten a belt to his ass.

“Fine,” she huffed, folding her arms over her chest.

“A’right,” he said, feeling a weight leave his shoulder. “How ‘bout we get some pizza and celebrate your win? We can watch a movie too.”

“Okay fine. But I get to pick.”

“Yeah yeah, we’ll watch Toy Story again,” he said, smiling as her grumpy face lit up for a moment before stretching thin into a neutral expression. He had watched that movie a million times because of her. Their CD had given out from scratches from the number of times they watched it and he had to buy her a new one.

“I didn’t say Toy Story,” she said defiantly. Right… She was growing up now, watching fewer movies from when she was younger to make herself look older and cooler around her friends. He remembered that stage with Tommy.

“Sure, baby girl,” he teased, driving in the direction of their favorite pizza place.

27th March 2001

“Don’t be scared, a’right?” He said, holding her face in his hands. She nodded, putting on a brave face even though she was afraid. “I’ll be right behind you. Won’t let those assholes do anything. Uncle Tommy is inside the store too. We’ll take care.”

She took his word and got out of the truck, following the path she usually took when she walked home from school. She came home crying the other day, talking about how she didn’t want to go to school anymore ‘cause a bunch of guys stood outside a store leering at her and talking shit.

He was ready to go to prison for murder immediately, but Tommy chose to be the smarter Miller for the first time in his life and hatched a plan. Nothing elaborate. Just intimidating the whichever boys dared to fuck with his kid.

He followed Sarah at a safe distance, close enough to protect her from danger while also making sure to maintain enough distance so as to not alert the guys into running away. A few minutes in and he spotted them. Not boys. Not misguided teenagers like he was expecting. Men. Grown men older than him. He caught how their eyes crawled over his kid, how she squirmed under the gaze and he immediately wants to slam the three of them into the fucking ground. Pull their eyes out and kick them to their fucking death.

She was twelve.

He stopped outside the store. A little bodega he frequented. Tommy seemed to have similar thoughts running through his head, his hands curled into fists at his sides as he burned holes into the men’s head. They communicated with just their eyes. We’ll wait for Sarah to get home.

Joel didn’t know how he managed to wait until she walked into their street. From a distance, he could see her opening their front door and letting herself in. She better have locked the door.

Intimidation would not work on these men. Not was it enough for their disgusting act. Joel’s stomach turned as his mind replayed the way they looked at her. No wonder she was afraid. His poor girl.

They took the men out back, hand on their back, words exchanged about needing to ask something. He didn’t remember how much punches and kicks he and Tommy landed, but it seemed enough. Sarah walked home peacefully again. But peace eluded Joel from then on. He was raising a girl. He could remember how his female friends in school had to keep themselves safe- keys in between their fingers, a trusted male walking them home when it got dark. He thought nothing of it then, even walked some of his friends home to keep them safe.

It was different experiencing it as a dad. Now men were part of the list of things he had to worry about- concussion from football, period cramps, eating too much chocolate, fucking terrorists taking out goddamn buildings— He cursed the part of him that once wanted his little girl to grow up faster so he didn’t have to change diapers anymore. He would take diapers over this any day.

4th March 2002

“Uh huh,” he hummed as the client hammered on about his good for nothing son who he caught smoking weed and sneaking out to some party. He would’ve whipped out the picture of Sarah in his wallet and rubbed it in the man’s face that his kid never got into trouble and was a straight A’s student. But part of being a contractor was not being a complete fucking asshole to his clients. So he shut up.

Plus he was in no mood to brag.

He returned home late. Again. It had become the topic of all his fights with Sarah. He could understand why she would be angry. But understanding didn’t put money in his pocket or food on their table. It most certainly did not go towards Sarah’s college funds. Animals were what took up her thoughts these days. She brought home a ton of books from the library, ranting off about the different animals and how she wanted to take care of them for a living.

This obsession had stayed longer than the last one. She he believed their neighbor’s dog was to blame. And the stray cat that followed her home to get some scraps of food.

He would’ve brushed it off as his sweet daughter being kind to every fucking thing all the time. Well, he did. Until she dropped the bomb.

Veterinary medicine.

Curious, he slipped into the library close to a store he was building and sat in front of the computer. The number had enough zeroes in it for him to need a doctor and since he couldn’t afford the human one, a veterinary doctor like his kid wanted to become. It wasn’t something he could afford. Not a pet to satiate her obsession with, not a doctor for himself and certainly not enough to make Sarah an animal doctor.

He had just finished paying off the house and now this… Couldn’t she have chosen a different job to do with animals? Or relegated puppies to hobby instead of career. But the puppies weren’t the problem. He was.

No matter what education she decided on, it would end up breaking his back. When at the library, he had gone over a few other degree costs. While not as expensive as medicine, they were still significant costs. There was a little bit of inheritance from his parents, he had started an account in her name and kept his share of the money in it. But it wouldn’t be enough for a college degree.

Sarah’s anger over him not coming home on time hurt. Missing her games and not cooking her the best meals made him realize the failure he was as a dad. But by god he wouldn’t fail to give her a good education. Had he had that, he would be able to give her a better life. And he would be damned if he didn’t try his hardest to give her the education to reach her dreams.

27th September 2003

Sarah Miller came into the world crying when the doctor handed her to him, small and covered in blood. He took her into his arms then, his hospital gown red with her blood and he held her to his chest. His voice trembled as he introduced himself to her.

“Oh, baby girl…” he’d said as he looked down in wonder at the person who would become his entire world. “It’s daddy,” he said as tears of joy streamed down his cheeks. There would be no one adopting her. He wouldn’t give her to anyone else. No one could care for her the way he did.

She left the world the same, crying and gasping for breaths. She was still light in his arms, too easy to carry and still so little. The blood her father gave returned to him, oozing out of her bullet wound and covering him in his failure. He was supposed to have cared for her much better than anyone else could have.

His mother had taken her from his arms then, telling him she knew better, excited to see her grandchild even though she’d thought until then that they would give her away to another family. His brother tried to take her from him now. He held her closer, a whimper akin to that of a wounded animal escaping his lips. The chaos reeling on around them and the sobs that wracked his body weren’t enough to convince him that his world had ended.

A pole marked her grave, dug hurriedly by her beloved uncle.

“We’ll be back, okay?” He reassured the girl’s father, his hands squeezing his shoulder. Stifling a sob, he removed a chain from around his neck, a pendant shining silver from the light of the moon that sat peacefully in the sky as though unaware of the chaos underneath her.

He wrapped his chain around the pole.

MILLER

THOMAS R

9913387701

B POS

CHRISTIAN

A lot would change in the next two decades. But the dogtag would stay on the pole above her. Marking the grave of a child well loved, a name she shared and the type of blood he could’ve donated to her to save her life. The little girl would rest, but the man who had to be dragged away from her grave never would. He would wander, much like the zombies themselves, trying to find his purpose.

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