#if I ever watch arcane & find out it’s actually good I’ll apologize for hating it

[juniperhillpatient]

learning all the most popular tags & ship names people on here use for a show I don’t even watch just so I can blacklist as many as possible to stop seeing it because idc is such chronically online behavior I’m embarrassed but it does have to happen from time to time when everyone here gets obsessed w something lol

[alovesongshewrote]

Almost A Thousand Years - Spellbound | Hisirdoux Casperan

Plot:  You’ve known Hisirdoux Casperan for almost a thousand years.  You’ve hated him for almost a thousand years.  And for almost a thousand years, you’ve been cursed to feel each others pain.  But somewhere in that time, things changed.  [Hisirdoux Casperan x Mostly Gender Neutral but Probably Female Presenting Based on How Historical Men Treat Them!Reader]

Word Count:  5,298

Warnings: guess who’s swearing again, reader is generally sad lol, mentions of torture

A/N:  OOP WIZARDS

Tags: @furblrwurblr​ @rainningdoom​ @fluffydmonkey @blondie0458​ @sitherin-mxschief  @jinxedleo​ @lawlesshedgehog @einahpetsyarcip

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“Beware!  You, you!  Are in grave danger!”

“Archie?”

You were very surprised to see the familiar and very glad that whatever made you want to hurt Douxie didn’t apply to him.  

“(Y/N)?”

“Heyyy, Arch,”

“(Y/N), where have you been?  Douxie’s been looking for you everywhere!”

“That’s what I’m worried about,”

“Wait, (Y/N), you know the talking cat?”  Toby exclaimed, frantically between you and the cat-dragon.

“He’s a familiar, actually,”

“Familiar?”

“Nuh-uh, not familiar, I would remember if I’d met a talking cat,”

“No, familiar, wizard-assistant,”

“Assistant!  That’s very offensive, I am a wizard associate, thank you very much,”

“Yeah, okay, semantics, what do you need Arch?”

“I need you to come with me, or the world as you know it will come to end,”

You sighed, rubbing your temples.  Had you and your gang of stray children, trolls, and Akiridions not saved the planet enough for one year?  What sin did you commit to cause these unending apocalypses to rain down on you?

“Are you threatening me pussy cat?”

You put a hand on Steve’s shoulder, a little worried that he would actually try to fight Archie.  It wouldn’t be too out of character for him.

“No, I’m warning you,” Archie responded, calm as ever, “Put simply, the world as you know it is about to end,”

“What else is new,”  you muttered, following the cat-dragon down the street, “C’mon guys, let’s see what wants to destroy the universe now,”

Toby, Steve and Arrrgh kept up the conversation while you followed Archie in silence, silently praying that wherever the familiar led you, his wizard would be far away.

Your prayers went unanswered.  

“Sorry, this is a lot to take in.  Pets can talk?  The world is ending?  Again?”

“Not the best timing, I know, but we need your help all the same,”

“Douxie?”

“Casperan,”

“(Y/N)?”

“Wait, (Y/N), you know this guy too!?”  

You froze in place at Steve’s question, looking briefly into Douxie’s eyes.  If it hadn’t been physically painful to avoid killing him whenever you were in the same place, it still would’ve been emotionally painful.  How could you look into the eyes of the one person you could always count on, the man you loved, when he had left you for dead?  How could you look into his eyes knowing you had been sent to kill him?  Centuries had passed, and yet you still felt like the traitor you’d always been.

“We’re acquaintances,” you said, stepping back in a desperate attempt to quell the bloodlust rising within you, trying to escape the rage that wasn’t yours.

You avoided looking into Douxie’s eyes again, but the hurt on his face was clear to you, even if you weren’t staring directly at it.

“Wait, wait, hold up, I thought you worked at the cafe or were a model or something-?”

Douxie laughed a little, trying to shake off your icy demeanour, “There’s a lot about me you don’t know,”  

The cuff on his wrist glowed blue, the light forming an orb in the palm of his hand.  The teenagers in front of you were wide-eyed, amazed by Douxie’s use of magic.  You just shook your head and kept trying not to kill your oldest friend.

He pressed the orb to the door of the bookshop, unlocking it, “Come on then, the answers to all your questions are within,”

“Sure they are,” you muttered, hanging back as the boys filed into the store.  You took a second to look at Arcadia’s Arcane bookstore, one of the few places in town you’d never actually been to.  When Douxie started working there, you decided that avoiding the shop was a key part of not committing murder.  The same went for the cafe, and anywhere else the wizard went.

“(Y/N)?” Speak of the devil, it was the wizard.  The one whose life you were trying to save, “C’mon, I need you for this, too,”

“I-” you looked down, desperately searching for an excuse.  End of the world or not, saving Douxie from yourself was more important.  Maybe you should’ve just left Arcadia.

“(Y/N),” his voice was soft, just as you remembered it.  The way he looked at you made you want to cry.  There was so much love in his eyes.  Left for dead or not, you couldn’t deny he did care about you, “Please,”

He reached out, his hand gently clasping around your wrist.  No matter how much you longed for his touch, you tore your hand from his grip as if you’d been burned.

“Fine, Douxie, I’ll join you on whatever hell-quest this is, but you have to promise that you’ll stay away from me,”

He was shocked, clearly taken aback by what you said, “That’s… that’s fine, but why?”

It killed you to hear how heartbroken he sounded, “I’ll explain later, let’s just go,”

The hurt in your voice hit him hard.  The way you’d jerked your hand back left him feeling as if he’d done something wrong.  Whatever it was, Douxie promised himself that he would figure it out and apologize to you and make it better.  He didn’t need you to forgive him, he just wanted you to smile again.  He wanted to see the light in your eyes, the one that he’d been falling in love with since at least the fifteen-hundreds, even if he wasn’t the cause of it.  Ever since you’d disappeared, you’d been distant.  The few chances he got to look at you, you’d seemed haunted.  He wanted to help you so bad, but he couldn’t do anything unless you let him.

Silently, the two of you walked through the door.

Inside the shop, various objects floated about, surrounded by a green hue.  You recognized that magic.  It had cursed you years ago and had cursed Jim more recently.  Merlin.

“Put that down! Thank the ether you’re here!  We haven’t a moment to waste,”

“Woah, crusty creepy dude,”  

You laughed at that, trying to keep yourself quiet and failing.  You wouldn’t say it to Merlin’s face, but those were your thoughts almost exactly.  The old wizard ignored both you and Steve.

“I had hoped for more Hisirdoux,”

“Jeez, thanks Merlin,”

“Silence, traitor,”

You rolled your eyes into the back of your head.  Would no one let you live that down?  

As if Douxie sensed your discomfort, the young wizard took the attention off of you, “Look, I tried, I couldn’t find the changelings or the aliens.  I’m pretty sure most left the planet,”

“Merlin!  It’s me!  Toby Domzalski!  Y’know, War Hammer, Guardian of Arcadia, Geology Club president,”

“No one could forget you chatty,”

“Oh my god, Merlin, what have I told you about talking to kids!”  

Since the old man had awoken from his nine-century long sleep, you’d tried to convince him to do two things.  Call Douxie, because the young wizard deserved to know what was going on and you couldn’t tell him yourself, and be nicer to the children for god’s sake.

“And Steve Palchuk!  Creepslayer!”

“I have no idea who you are, but we’re desperate.  Thankfully, we have the brute,”

“Because, y’know, the traitor is of no use to you,” you muttered, scooping up Archie, trying to interrupt a dispute between him and Arrrgh.  Fortunately, the familiar did not struggle to get away from you despite your cold attitude towards his wizard.  That, at the very least, brought you some relief.

“Wait, where’s Jimbo and Claire?  I thought they were with you?”

“Yeah, good question Merlin, where’ are the kids you’re in charge of?”

“Answers forthcoming.  Make preparations, we’ve a journey ahead.  And don’t-”

“But Master!”

“‘But Master,’ me,”

“Very typical,” you sighed, releasing Archie from your hold.  Your attention was brought back to Douxie.

“But… are you sure you want to count on these children?  They’re clearly not ready for this,”

He was partially right.  Your kids had seen battle before and could probably take whatever was thrown at them, but that didn’t mean they should have to.  They deserved a break.

Steve scoffed, “Excuse me, college dude, these children fought off a fifty-foot extraterrestrial,”  he made a good point despite it being an obvious brag, and it would have held some weight, had he not promptly gotten into a scuffle with an enchanted set of armour.  

You watched, cringing a bit, before turning your attention to Merlin and Douxie’s conversation.

“I’ve spent years preparing, centuries-!”  All true, once again.  You could say what you wanted about Hisirdoux Casperan, but you couldn’t deny he was more than capable when it came to magic.   You'd seen his magic improve over the centuries, and you knew for a fact that he could kick some ass.

“Silence!”  Merlin cut Douxie off, reminding you ever so slightly of your Camelot days.  You wanted, desperately, to comfort your friend, but being in the same room was hard enough.  If you touched him, he would die.

“I mean, silence, all of you,”  Merlin corrected himself, “Can you not hear that?”

You could hear nothing, but you stopped to listen anyway.  Beside you, Toby drew his hammer, readying for a battle.

You still couldn’t hear it.

“Something wicked this way comes,”

You squeezed your eyes shut, tired and stressed, but willing to fight.  You drew your sword, and in front of you, blue magic circled around Douxie’s wrist.  Your body was telling you to murder him right now, show him no mercy, go for the throat, but you held back.  Now was not the time to kill your friends.

Merlin and Douxie walked past you to look out the window.  You joined them, squinting to try and make out what lurked in the murky darkness, only to jump back when a shadow mephit flung itself at the glass in front of you.  It bounced off a shield of blue, tumbling off into the street to join its brothers and sisters, all of which now came into view.

“Shadow mephits?  Traitor, did you lead them here?”

“You do know I have a name, right?”

“No, no, it wasn’t (Y/N), it was me, or at least I think it was,”

“Yes, it was us,” Archie said, jumping onto a shelf next to Douxie.  You would’ve laughed at the familiar’s candor, had the shadow mephits been less interested in breaking in.

Merlin just shook his head, “He found us.  The barrier won’t hold for long.  We must make egress!  Tobias, take my things!”

With a wave of Merlin’s hand, a trunk, surrounded by the green glow of his magic, slammed into Toby and flew him up to the roof, screaming.

“For god’s sake, Merlin,”  he couldn’t hear you through the attack, but it was the sentiment that counted.

But then again nothing really mattered.  A mephit broke through the barrier, only to face a bolt of magic from Merlin, “All of you to the roof!”

You grabbed Steve and Arrrgh and started up the stairs.  Douxie, of course, didn’t listen to his master.  You couldn’t hear the argument that took place between them as you guided your companions up the stairs, but you could see what was going on below you.  You had to admit, Douxie blasting shadow mephits while standing his ground in an argument was pretty damn impressive (impressive here meaning hot.)

Merlin moved past you, blasting some mephits as he went.  You took initiative and sent some magic their way as well, knocking a few away from Archie.  Douxie grabbed his familiar with magic, saving the cat-dragon from a very mephit-y death.

“C’mon Douxie,” you said, waiting for him by the door, crying out slightly when the nerd rammed his hand into a candle, feeling the burn on your own hand.  Your wizard took a brief moment to look at you, then the candle before lighting the bookstore on fire.

To be fair, it was a magic fire, and it wasn’t damaging anything but the mephits.  You were actually quite impressed by that, too, and you were very charmed by his laughter once he saw that his plan worked.  Merlin, however, didn’t care.

“Fire!?”

“Yeah, magic fire!”

“In a bookstore!!?”

“Butmephitsarevulnerabletofire-”

“Move it!”

You grabbed Archie, jumping out the door to see your friends fighting off even more shadow mephits.

“Got any more magic fire, Doux?”

“‘M afraid I’m fresh out,”

“Ah.  Fuck,”

You swung your sword into the nearest mephit, “I guess we’ll have to do this the old fashioned way then,”  You buried the blade in another one of the creatures before placing Archie on the ground and blocking a blow from yet another mephit.

“Stand back!”  Merlin exclaimed, throwing a crystal ball that released a small ship from inside of it.  The blast from the ship blew back a few of the mephits long enough for everyone to have a two-second gawk at the little boat.

“Woah, ship just got real!”

“Yeah-huh,”

“Everyone on!”  Arrrgh growled, tossing all of you on board.  

You frantically scuttled away from Douxie, double-checking your blade to be sure it didn’t have his blood on it.  It didn’t.  He was safe.  From you, at least.

You stuck to one side of the ship, watching your friends fight off more shadow mephits on the other side.  You sincerely hoped they’d never have to fight you like that.

You heard someone say, “Boy,” from below, a voice that was eerily familiar to one you had heard before, not too long ago.  You were about to rise and check to see if your suspicions were correct, but before you had the chance, green shards flew through the air, just like-

Just like the one that had gone through you.

You didn’t have time to ponder things as Merlin’s ship flew off through the night sky.  You just sat back and shut your eyes, trying to keep the internal demons at bay.

You did your best to erase the memory from your mind.  To forget a green knight who, on the orders of his masters, sent a shard of black magic right through you.  You should have died, but instead, the projectile broke through your skin and disintegrated, taking over your body, turning you into an assassin against your will.  Your captors had called it a trial, an experiment.  Sneaking a look at one of the shards beside you, you realized that you had been a test run.  That shard hadn’t disintegrated.

You kept your eyes shut.

A few minutes later, the memories faded.  You could relax, finally.  The sound of the boys screaming with joy rang through the air.  Flying was fun, you had to admit that.  You opened your eyes, first looking at Steve, Arrrgh, and Toby, then at Douxie.  

He was beautiful, staring off into the distance as if there was nothing in the world to worry about.  As if the assassin sent to kill him wasn’t at his side right now.  You bit the inside of your cheek to keep any emotion from showing.  You couldn’t let them know anything was wrong, if you did they’d never trust you again.  But what you felt was overwhelming.

You were stressed, not knowing what was to come in the future, nor what your captors would do to you if they knew your target was still alive.  You were hurt, because over the ten years that you’d been tortured your best friend hadn’t searched for you, even though he had before.  Was he tired of you?  Did he just not care anymore?  You were scared of the answer.  And worst of all, you were in love.  But you refused to admit it.

“What the heck is that?”

You turned your attention to the horizon before you, “That’s not-”

“Welcome, young squires, to Camelot,”

“Camelot!?  Like, as in ancient-old-people-times Camelot!?”

“Thanks, Toby,” you snarked under your breath.  You heard a snicker from beside you.  You made him laugh.  That made you feel a lot better.  You even smiled when you thought Douxie wasn’t looking.  Maybe things wouldn’t be so bad.

He was looking.  His fondness for seeing his old home dulled in comparison to his fondness for you.  The small smile on your lips was enough to power his world for decades, no, centuries.  You still seemed troubled, but if you smiled now, there was still hope that he could help you make things better.  

“Excuse me, I have a question.  How is this castle flying right now?”  

“The Heart of Avalon.  Its magic keeps Camelot aloft, powered by time itself,��

You took a moment to lean over the side of the ship, examining the large green stone.  It was nice.  Reminded you of Merlin’s magic.  The ship took a sudden turn upwards, and Merlin called out a greeting to someone.

“Holy crap, Gallahad’s still alive?”

“Seems that way,”

“I guess committing treason means you miss the weekly newsletter,”

You missed Douxie’s frown at your angsty humour.  He wanted you to know that no matter what Merlin called you, you were no longer a traitor.  You wished that could be true.

The ship took another sharp turn, heading for the entrance.

“I say, coming in a little hot, don’t you think?”

“Rubbish!”

“I knew Merlin would be the death of me, but not like this,”

You held on tight as the ship landed, but it wasn’t enough.  The impact launched you into Douxie, who managed to catch you, only for you to jump out of his arms, even though you would’ve liked to stay there.

“Sorry,” you whispered, once again straining to avoid murder.

If Merlin didn’t try to execute you for past treasons, he would definitely kill you for murdering his favourite apprentice.  Of course, that was only one of several reasons to avoid committing homicide, but it was the most prevalent right now as Merlin caught your eye.

Toby, Steve and Douxie exchanged banter, while you spoke in lower tones with your once master.

“So, you still haven’t gotten over your petty rivalry, have you?

“It’s not that, Master, I-”

“So we’re back to Master, are we?”

“It’s only fitting seeing that we’re back in Camelot,”

“If that’s the case, I should have you killed for treason,”

You weren’t sure if that was a joke or not, but your response was one hundred percent serious, “Please do,”

Merlin turned to you, fairly concerned.  He was not expecting that retort, to say the least.  But you weren’t looking at him.  You were looking back at his apprentice, something he couldn’t name trapped in your gaze.

“Uh, cool floating castle ship,” Toby interrupted both your and Merlin’s train of thought, “But what’s the grave danger you keep talking about?”

Merlin didn’t answer, instead, he looked ahead of him, “Ah, there you are,”

“Claire!”

“Toby!”

“Aarghaumont!”

“Blinky!”

You grinned as your friends hugged each other.  It was good for them to be back together again.  

“Whoa, hey, Steve’s here, too!  How ‘bout- how ‘bout some love for Steve?”

As much as you admired Steve’s growth as a person, you had to cringe, just a little.

“Oh, hi Steve,”  Claire said, unimpressed before her eyes turned to you, “(Y/N)!  Hi!”

“Hey, Claire, Blink,” you gave a small wave, too emotionally and physically exhausted for anything else at this point.

“What happened to you guys?”  Toby asked, frantically taking in Claire and Blinky’s worse for wear appearances, “Wait, where’s Jim?”

The look on Claire’s face told you everything you needed to know.

One room over, Jim was encased in a green crystal… thing.  

You knelt to the ground next to Jim’s crystal and immediately began your assessment.  The trollhunter’s face, arms and legs seemed to be fine, but a shard of something had embedded itself in his chest.  Unfortunately, you recognized it.  It was the same thing your captors used to force you into becoming an assassin.  It looked like the shard had gotten about halfway in before stopping, completely intact, above Jim’s heart.  You didn’t need to be a doctor to know that that wasn’t a good thing, but you were a doctor, and you needed to get a closer look before you could do anything.  Before you could get any closer, your attention went back to the conversation taking place between everyone else in the room.

“What happened to him?”

“We were ambushed.  Some ancient, dark warrior.  An unstoppable knight clad in green,”  

Your blood ran cold.  You were right.  Same knight, same shard, and eventually, same outcome.  You didn’t want to think about that.  You refused to consider the implications.

“Master, is that the same knight we saw at the bookstore?”

“One and the same,”

You swore under your breath.  This could not be happening.  You never wanted to deal with your captors ever again, but here they were, knocking at your door and trying to kill more of your friends.

“That onyx shard is working its way towards his heart.  I placed the boy in stasis, stalling its progress… for now,”

“But that’s not a permanent solution, is it?”  you muttered, deciding to distract yourself from thoughts of the green knight by trying to find a way to fix this problem.  

If you removed the shard, it might leave a gaping hole in Jim’s chest, one that would need more than a few stitches, that is if you could pull the shard out at all.  You weren’t super sure whether it would disintegrate or not, and if it did, that might kick start whatever possession your captors had planned for Jim.  

If you couldn’t remove the shard, stasis was the best idea until you figured out how to remove it.  Maybe it could be burnt away?  But that might kick start disintegration.  No, that would just burn the boy, and impalement was bad enough.  You racked your brain, struggling to find a solution.  Around you, your friends were talking, but you barely listened.  You needed to focus, otherwise, you’d explode from nerves alone.

“If I had my shadow staff, I could have saved him,”

“Who is this Green Knight?  How do I get my hands on him?”

“I do not know.  The Green Knight said but one name, which chilled me to the bone.  Morgana,”

The name of the Eldritch queen caught your attention.  You stood up, eyes now focused on Merlin.

“Oh, I hate that lady.  But wait, I thought we kicked her bewitched butt to the shadow realm?”

“Which he appeared not to know, but he bore the emblem of Camelot,”

Great.  Just great, the last thing you needed was Camelot zombies, and yet, here they were!  Merlin took a few steps away from Jim before turning and heading out the door, and into the night.  The gang followed though you stayed behind, taking one last look at Jim.  You’d failed him.  You were supposed to be a doctor, and a protector, but here he was, nearly dead because you left him alone with Merlin for more than two seconds.

“Come with me, quickly.  I fear the answer lies in the past,”  

You turned away from Jim, following behind the others, avoiding Douxie and staying silent.

“A dark menace is coming, one even I cannot face alone,”  The old wizard led you into another tower, stopping at a table in the center and opening up a time map, “You are all now soldiers in a war started centuries ago for the world of magic,”

You scoffed slightly, “Yeah, what else is new,”

Merlin ignored you, “Once, the realms of Magic and Man clashed in endless bloodshed.  King Arthur sought to wipe out magic that ravaged the lands in his war against Gunmar,”  blue light from the time map displayed images of Arthur and Gunmar as the old wizard spoke.  

You turned your eyes to the floor at the sight of your old master.  It hadn’t been long since you’d seen the old trolls face, but it still brought a sense of anxiety with it.  The Gumm-Gumm king had trained you to be afraid, to be a fighter.  He’d pretty much ruined your childhood, but there was no time for angst now.  Merlin was still expositing.

“I brought what few spellcasters I could under my protection, to spare them from the sword,”

“Including myself, (Y/N)-”

“That’s technically false,”

“Oh, and Morgana le Fay,”

“She was the finest student I ever taught… until she tried to kill me.  Thankfully, in my all-seeing wisdom,”  you rolled your eyes again.  Merlin kept talking, “I created a secret weapon- the Trollhunter amulet.  The war came to a standstill and I imprisoned Morgana at the Battle of Killahead Bridge,”

“Only for her to break out nine hundred years later,”

“Shush,” Merlin finally acknowledged you, “This Green Knight that assailed us was clearly born of dark magicks, but I have no memory of him nor what connection he could have to Morgana,”

You bit your lip, remembering the shard used to curse you.  You had a very vague idea of the connection between the Eldritch queen and the Green Knight.

“We know not what he is, nor why he pursues us, though his presence is a dire omen of things to come,”

You also had a decent idea of why the knight was pursuing you.  Or, at least pursuing Merlin.  If this green knight was, in fact, the same that served your captors, it was likely he was doing their bidding just as you were.  With the knight, they’d targeted Merlin directly, or, at the very least his trollhunter.  In your case, you’d been sent to kill one of the very few people Merlin actually cared about.  Either way, they were coming for Merlin, or for what he had.  

Back in your prison, you had two main captors.  You’d only briefly met the third, the one they’d lost.  From what you’d gathered, the other two assumed she ran to Merlin, and judging by size alone, it was very possible that she was hiding somewhere here, in Camelot.  

It was either that, or they were coming after you specifically for not murdering Douxie fast enough, but that didn’t seem likely.

The sound of a bell ringing shook you from your thoughts.

Something hit the side of the castle, knocking everyone to the floor.

“What’s happening?”

“Have you never been under attack before?  To the battlements!”

You followed Merlin and the squad outside to see your worst nightmare come to life.

Your once-prison, the ship of your captors, the Arcane Order, rose into view.

“Oh.  Fuck,”  your eyes widened as you took in the skull-shaped ship for the second time this century.

“Everyone, get to safety!  Now!”

Merlin didn’t have to ask you twice.  You grabbed whoever was nearest to you and scrambled to find the safest place possible.  It was kind of difficult while Camelot shook from each attack, but you managed.

You shoved Toby, Claire and Steve into a small sheltered balcony of sorts, raising your hands and casting a shield around the four of you.  Debris bounced off of the magic you’d projected.  Merlin was yelling something, but you kept your focus, straining to stay in place as ice hit the ship, forming bridges between the Arcane Order and Camelot.  It didn’t work very well.  The shield came down around you, but there was no time to set it up again.  

The kids ran towards the edge of the ship, their weapons drawn.  You followed behind.

“All of a sudden, flying castles aren’t so cool!”

“You said it, Steve,”

The ship shook some more as fire and ice attacked it.  You watched, wide-eyed, as the demi-gods who had tortured you for ten years sent blast after blast at what had once been your home.

“We‘ve got to protect Jim!  I’m not losing him again!”  Claire exclaimed as shadow mephits began to cross the icy bridges connecting them to Camelot.

You took two mephits out with your sword while Toby yelled something about hammers.  The four of you continued your fight, taking out as many goblins and shadow mephits as possible.  It didn’t take too long for you to clear a path, making your way to Jim and the trolls.

Another blast of ice carved its way into the tower in front of you, forcing you to remember that same ice carving its way into your skin.

“Surrender, Merlin,”  

That voice made you want to vomit.  You took a few steps back, not even bothering to prepare a spell or level your sword at an opponent.  You were somewhere else now.

Fortunately, you didn’t have to do much in terms of freeing the ship.  One of the towers crashed into the bridges of ice, releasing Camelot from the Arcane Order’s hold and snapping you out of your traumatized haze.

You followed Claire and Steve up to the main tower, where Douxie was trying his best to steer the ship.  

“Please don’t blow us up, please don’t blow us up,”

“We don’t have enough power for the jump!”  Archie sounded as panicked as you felt.

“Trust in Merlin!”  Scratch that, Douxie’s panicked shouting was much more like you.

“No thanks!”

Green fire surrounded whatever the hell device was controlling the ship, giving it enough power to tear a hole in time and space.

“We have to steer Camelot through the time rift!”

You would have helped if you hadn’t been slammed into one of the railings, left to cling on for your life.  That was probably fine, Douxie, Claire and Steve were managing.

“IT ENDS,”  it was the green knight’s voice again, “NOW,”

Panic surged through your veins as something hit the ship, tipping it, and sending you all flying.  You held onto whatever you could, trying not to freefall through the air.  Jim’s crystal nearly fell on you, instead, it fell down and into the time rift, which was probably worse than him just crushing you, but you couldn’t really think of that right now.

“What do we do man?”

“Trust me!”  Douxie exclaimed, grabbing Claire and pulling her with him into the rift.  You watched them fall, still panicking.

“Whatever, I have nothing better to do,” you joked, trying to calm your nerves.  It wasn’t working.  You let go and fell through the night and into a different time.

The sky changed.

It was daytime now.

You were still falling though.

“This is gonna hurt!”

“It- Does- Hurt!”  Steve voiced your thoughts perfectly.

The wind was knocked from your lungs as you hit blue forcefield after blue forcefield and then the ground.  The landing was pretty rough, but the good news was you were all alive.

The four of you remained lying on the ground for a moment before Steve began to freak out, something about being blind, before he was hit in the head with Jim’s crystal tomb.

The boy groaned, “What just happened?”

“Well, I just conjured an anti-gravity spell to slow our fall and keep us from dying.  You’re welcome,”

“Thanks for not letting us die a horrible, horrible death, Casperan,” you said, sitting up.  You did a quick check to make sure nothing was broken before you realized.  You didn’t have an innate drive to murder the wizard anymore.  You laughed a little, realizing the curse was broken, for now at least.

“(Y/N)? You okay, love?”

“I am much better than okay,”  You turned to see Douxie’s very concerned face, elated to find that you didn’t want to kill him anymore, “I’ll explain later,”

“Douxie,” Claire asked, calling your attention to her, “Where is the flying castle?”

“Oh, fuzzbuckets!  Well, it would appear we’ve had ourselves a temporal accident,”

“Which means?”

Douxie didn’t have time to answer before a sword was pointed at his throat.  It wasn’t yours though, so that was nice.

You looked around to see your little group surrounded by guards, all of them with weapons pointing at you.

“It means, that we are lost in time,”

“Motherfu-”

[whoacanada]

PART TWO -- Zimbits, Royal!Jack AU

PART TWO -- (Prompt: ROYAL AU + POORLY TIMED CONFESSIONS + ZIMBITS )

Part One Here

They land and pull into a private hangar with more black SUVs, more agents, and, blessedly —

“Jack!”

Bitty nearly trips over his feet getting out of the plane and crashes hard against his boyfriend’s chest.

“Honey?” Bitty points defiantly at the red coat of arms painted on the tail of the jet. “Explain. Now.”

“Bits, I didn’t know anything about this before a few days ago,” Jack apologizes, turning pink. “I swear I wasn’t keeping this from you on purpose.”

“I’m pretty sure Nursey was on the phone with the State Department when we left,” Bitty cautions as they’re waived into another car. “Just so you know what’s coming.”

“We’re aware, sir,” replies another agent Bitty doesn’t recognize. “It’s been handled.”

“Oh really? And my finals?”

“Handled as well.”

Bitty clicks his seatbelt and turns to Jack, who has fallen guiltily quiet beside him.

“You had time to tell everyone else but me?” Bitty huffs, looking out the window as the small motorcade departs, weaving through unfamiliar streets.

“I had nothing to do while you were in flight so I tried to fix as much as I could to make this less stressful.”

Bitty gives up some of his irritation when he feels Jack take his hand.

“I’m still mad at you for sending secret service agents instead of just coming yourself.”

“Lapin, it took an entire country to keep me from you.”

It takes a moment for Bitty’s brain to catch up with his heart because the line is clearly rehearsed but it still makes him swoon.

“Did you come up with that yourself?” Bitty chirps, trying to regain composure. “Which one of these suits prepped that apology for you?”

“Surprisingly, that one came from my brain,” Jack says, flashing a pleased if hesitant smile. “You still mad?”

“Tell me the truth,” Bitty says softly, lacing their fingers. “Then we can discuss how I feel.”

Jack takes a breath and Bitty watches the way the streetlights dance over his tired face.

“This is everything I know . . .”

There isn’t a castle or palace, just a federal building; albeit an old, stately one. And on the fifth floor of that building, Eric Bittle is just ripping into one Robert Zimmermann.

“How are you not king?” Bitty questions. “You’re his father, you made Jack, so how is he the successor?”

“I abdicated in ’75,” Bob explains, taking a glass of water from Alicia. “It was the only way I could play. I changed my name, gave up any rights to any titles or property — and thank God I was half decent on the ice or who knows where I’d have ended up — but the result is that I have no legal claim to the throne.”

“What does this mean for Jack? If you voluntarily abdicated, shouldn’t that remove him from the line of succession?”

“Normally, yes, but there’s no one else of blood left. I didn’t have any siblings, my father was an only child, so Jack has as much a claim as anyone. Now, if Jack ascended, he could reinstate me and step aside, but that’s only if Jack agrees to be crowned in the first place.”

“Did you ever expect this? Did you know?”

“No, and not in the way you think,” Jack is perched on the edge of his chair, hair unkempt and tie loose around his throat. “Papa always called me his little Hockey Prince but I didn’t think he was talking in a literal sense. Who would? Crisse, Bits, I’m not King material.”

“You’re a great leader,” Bitty defends reflexively, though Jack waves off the compliment, standing to pace.

“This wouldn’t be an issue at all if there wasn’t an arcane constitutional stipulation that ownership of all properties and holdings in the name of the ‘Monarchy’ will revert if there’s no natural-born ruler,” Jack rubs his eyes and groans. “No one ever amended the documents so if we don’t step in a good chunk of Canadian land will end up being owned by England again. If ‘I’ don’t step in.”

“Trudeau has called me ‘three’ times today,” Bob adds apologetically, “and I will be god-damned if we lose Banff to the Windsors.”

“It’s not on you, Bobby,” Alicia counters. “You literally gave up your right to be defensive.”

Bitty turns back to Jack, who has stopped to look out the window only to be immediately shooed away by an aide who quickly closes the curtains.

“Jack?”

“All I have to do it take the title long enough to amend a two-hundred-year-old treaty and then we can just dissolve the monarchy,” Jack tugs the knot out of his tie and falls back onto the couch beside his father. “That’s easy enough. Right?”

“You could abdicate as well,” Alicia offers. “Let them keep hunting for another heir. It could take years, or days, this doesn’t have to fall on your shoulders, Jack.”

“I would be the most hated man in Canadian history,” Jack explains, leaning his head to rest on the couch back, staring at the ceiling. “I have to do it.”

“I never wanted you to be in this position,” Bob apologizes vehemently. “I’d never even considered the possibility.”

“What about the Falconers? Can Jack still —” Bitty realizes a hair too late that Alicia is making an aggressive slashing motion across he throat.

“I watched a Knight’s Tale with you at the Haus, right?” Jack laughs sharply. “Remember that scene where the prince is trying to joust and no one will face him?”

“No more hockey,” Bob says, pained.

“Can I talk to Eric in private?” Jack says, lifting his head. “Please?”

The room clears quickly and Jack’s parents follow soon after with parting hugs.

Bitty’s never felt so unsettled in his entire life.

“Jack,” Bitty starts when they’re finally alone. “I don’t understand, where does this leave me? Why am I even here?”

Jack makes a pained sound and tugs Bitty close.

“Bits, you’re not going anywhere — this doesn’t change anything between us.”

“I respectfully disagree, hon.”

“We just can’t do things like we planned,” Jack says sadly, taking Bitty’s hand. “It’s going to be different for a while. Harder.”

“Alright,” Bitty breathes, trying to keep himself together. “I understand.”

Bitty pulls off his necklace, his ring, chest aching with the effort, and hands it to a bewildered Jack.

“What is this? What are you doing?”

“It’s okay, I get it,” Bitty can’t find the courage to look up from his feet, he knows he’ll just start crying. “It’s one thing for you to be the first out hockey player, this is something else entirely.”

“What are you talking about?” Jack questions, voice cracking. “Are you. . .  breaking up with me?”

There’s a brief rush of anger that Bitty tamps down when he finds Jack looking down at him with an expression of abject devastation.

“You’re not breaking up with me?” Bitty clarifies, trying his damnedest to figure out what is going on.

“What? No! Crisse, I’m not breaking up with you!” Jack hands back the ring and pulls Bitty toward him. “Bits, I still want to marry you.”

“It's just…I thought…you’re going to be a King now, for real, or a Prince — can we even get married?”

“That's why Papa wanted you here for the announcement,” Jack takes his hands. “You may have to give up your US citizenship but if we’re legally married before I take the throne you’ll have rights, a title.”

Bitty balks for more than a few reasons, not the least of which was he had convinced himself their relationship was over not a minute prior.

“Honey, I can’t even keep the boys in line half the time, I can’t rule a foreign country.”

”That’s not what —“ Jack drops his head and laughs. “You don’t have to do anything. You remember telling me how when you were five you were obsessed with The Little Mermaid, and your parents told everyone you wanted to be Prince Eric? Then you realized years later that it was only because you wanted to fall in love with a handsome prince? Now both of those things can happen. Papa’s working out the specifics with some of the historians but you'd get a title. Only if we’re married, though.”

“How dare you use that against me,” Bitty tries to argue, though he really isn’t that upset when Jack steals a quick kiss.

“This is a trick,” Bitty whispers before Jack kisses him again. “A deplorable,” kiss, “terrible,” kiss, “shotgun wedding of a trick.”

“As it stands, your official designation would be ‘Prince Consort’,” Jack teases, nipping at Bitty’s jaw. “But unofficially, you’d be the Lord of my Heart.”

Bitty can’t fight the laugh that bubbles in his throat.

“Was that too much? I went too far.”

“Shut up, Jack,” Bitty breathes, leaning into the contact as Jack tries to worm a hand under his shirt to tickle his stomach. “Mama is going to murder you if we get married like this.”

“I have guards, now,” Jack counters. “I’d like to see her try. Besides, they’re already on their way. MooMaw, too.”

Bitty stills, thinking through the logistics of getting his family to move so quickly.

“How much time did you have?”

“Well, I am going to be a King,” Jack chirps, burying his face against Bitty neck. “Need to make sure my Prince is taken care of.”

“Need to make sure your ‘Prince’ is even a Prince,” Bitty murmurs.

“Will you marry me?” Jack asks softly, still hiding his face against Bitty’s neck. “Officially? Probably in a room downstairs with more government officials present than family. It won’t be romantic but —“

“If I divorce you later do I get half of Canada?” Bitty interrupts, lacing his fingers in Jack’s hair to tug at his scalp lightly. “You obviously would keep Quebec but I really think I want Ontario.”

Jack stills and Bitty doesn’t know what reaction he’s actually going to get before Jack replies, “Of course, that should go without saying. Though do you think we should live so close if we separated on bad terms?”

Bitty presses a kiss to Jack’s hairline, distracting him.

“Oh, honey, of course I’ll marry you. Even if it’s only a huge distraction so you can dismantle an outdated Canadian institution and save your national parks.”

“You’re taking this surprisingly well.”

Bitty nudges Jack’s face up and plants a kiss square on his lips.

“I’m completely exhausted,” he whispers. “I’m exhausted and my boyfriend turned fiancee is long-lost royalty. I haven’t even finished school and I’m going to be a Prince. I don’t have the energy to freak out about this right now. First, let’s get my parents here, and the priest, then we can discuss crippling panic attacks and life changes we’re not prepared for.”

“Crisse, I love you,” Jack pulls himself up and crushes Bitty in a bear hug. “And if it helps at all, I think I might be able to get Beyoncé to attend the coronation.”

Bitty smiles at the thought.

“Oh, honey, one step at a time. You’re the King of Canada. Not god.”

[summysparklesprocket]

⚙ : Being hunted by an estranged family member or former friend... yeah forget that, use Sane Faye. >:3

(Long read)

It was a warm day in Stormwind Summy noticed as shewas gnome waddling her way to meet a friend of hers. It had been a decade sincethey had finished the Legion off. There were still threats popping outeverywhere, but for the past few months it had been quiet. She had left theVanguard. She had been fighting for her entire life against some enemy eversince her childhood. She needed a break. So, she had left a couple years ago.

She had kept up with some of the people she met. Mostnotably Theodore Bennas, as she now assisted him in running his lands, whichhad only increased since his marriage. However, there was one member that shethought of constantly. That was Faye Sprocketgear. It was because of thehistory those two shared with Summy keeping Faye imprisoned and being thereason that Faye was the way she was. For the most part Faye was just silly.She was always getting into something she shouldn’t be, but that was her charm.

The problem was her sane side. This side of Fayeremembered everything that had happened during their time together in theViolet Hold. Every time they were forced to let her out they had aconversation. She loved messing with her because of the guilt Summy felt. Shealways said something that made Summy hate herself, or make her question if sheshould sleep with one eye open.

Summy shook her head side to side. This had been thefirst time she had thought of her in years. She just shrugged as she walked “Hopefully I’ll never see…” She cut herthought off as she saw a familiar purple hat moving towards her.

As she quickly stepped to the side, making herselfinvisible the wearer of the purple hat waddled in, frowning. “Where’d she go?This is a toll bridge, she owes me fifteen copper.” After she had turned thecorner, Summy cursed to herself. “Fuck. I was really hoping to never see heragain.” She thought to herself. She sighed, moving quicker now towards hermeeting, hoping to leave the city.

Summy had started sticking to the base proper for thenext few days, hoping to find an assignment that would require her to headelsewhere. She had debated on visiting a friend of hers named Sallazaris for agood while so she could think what to do. She was nervous upon seeing Fayeagain. After ten years she would not just reappear like this without a reason.Especially during a time of peace. She sighed, shaking her head. “I’m probablyjust being paranoid.”

The next week passed by as normal. She had beenplanning a trip up north to Arathi. There was a Lord that had been causingtrouble that needed to be put in his place. She teleported herself to Ironforgebefore making her way out of the city to call the gryphon Bennas had given her.As she waited for him to make his way to her she sat, looking out over DunMorogh. She could see Gnomeregan from there. They had gained much of the cityback and most of it was being lived in, but there were parts that were being cleanedup still.

Summy was too busy looking over the land that she didn’thear the visitor that had walked up behind her. “Hello Miss Sparklesprocket. Imissed you in Stormwind.”

Summy’s eyes became saucers, they were so wide. Thatwas the voice she had been hoping to avoid. She looked down at her lap, shakingher head in disappointment. “Hello Faye.”

“She had been hoping to see you after so long, but youleft her feeling disappointed.”

“I didn’t even know you were in the city. Apologiesfor disappointing her.”

“Oh, it’s okay Summy. That was the last time you gotto harm her.”

Summy just nodded. “So that’s what this is about.”

“So, you just going to let this happen or you going toactually try to defend yourself?” Faye inquired.

Summy turned around, hopping off her ledge as sherolled her neck, it emitted a few cracks. “Might as well.” She said as shelaunched off a fireball at Faye followed by an explosion of fire right to herface.

Faye just yawned as she side-stepped the fireball,before blinking as the fire blast singed her. “You’ve improved. This may beentertaining after all.” She said followed by a blast of fel-fire.

Summy blinked to the side, the fel-fire hitting thestone bench she was sitting on They both watch as it gets launched to thehorizon. Faye just smirked at Summy, “You know you have no chance here, right?”

Summy just stared at Faye determined. “I know, but nopoint in just letting it happen.” Summy emphasized by launching anothermini-explosion of fire right at Faye. She followed it up by summoning ablizzard around them, making it so Faye could barely see her hand in front herface.

Faye just shook her head as she walked calmly out ofthe blizzard. As she got to the edge of it she noticed that Summy haddisappeared. Faye just said aloud. “I know you can hear me Summy. Just note I’vemanaged to fix the issue of time. Don’t you worry about me. I have freed up allthe time in the world, just for you.”

Summy could in fact hear her, as had blinked to thecliffside. She shook her head and kept going, teleporting all the way to the top.She started her spell to teleport herself. Luckily Sallazaris had set up a spotfor her to teleport to should she need it. She just needed a few seconds andshe would be home free, temporarily.

She didn’t make it. Right before the cast finished Fayeappeared right in front of her, applying some anti-magic cuffs to her wrists,cutting off the spell.

Summy just looked completely disheartened as her onlymeans of escape was cut off. Her gryphon was on the way, but there wasn’tanything he could do to help her now. Summy could only watch as Faye summoned acircle of fel-fire around them, tossing her staff outside of the ring. She’dstand there in front of Summy, opening her arms tauntingly at her. “I give youone final chance to win your freedom. A chance that I was not given.”

Summy looked up at Faye, confused. She just sighed,shaking her head. “Alright. Fine.” She tested the limits of the cuffs.

Faye shook her head in response. “Oh, don’t worryabout those.” She cut through the chain, separating the cuffs, granting Summyher full motion. “You still cannot use your magic, but I will make this as faira fight as possible.”

“Fine.” Summy said. “You want a fight, I’ll give youone.” Summy said as she started raised her fists. She knew how to hold her ownin a fist fight from her time in the military. The muscle memory was stillthere as she got into her stance like she had been training yesterday. Fayedidn’t even budge, just watching Summy slowly advance. Once Summy got close,Faye got into her stance. She was confident, but wanted to make sure this wentas planned.

The two circled each other for a few seconds, lookingfor an opening in the other’s guard. Summy made the first move by extending herarm, testing the range. She made her adjustment before sending a jab with herleft followed by a right hook. Faye dodged the jab right into the hook. Sheignored the pain by punching Summy in her stomach. Summy grunted at the pain,surprised by the others unexpected strength. She looked at Faye in surprise. “Youhave the training that I don’t. Gotta even the odds somehow.”

Summy growled as she went at Faye again, managing toland one to her face before ducking to the side to dodge the retaliation. Shehad never been that strong since she trained more in the arcane, along with nothaving trained in years. Faye meanwhile, was enhancing her strength in someway. So Summy followed the training she had done with Bennas all those yearsago, keeping elusive and landing blows where she could.

They went at it for a few minutes, Summy landing blowswhere she could. The blows Faye managed to land dealt more damage though. Summyhad just landed a kick onto Faye’s knee, breaking it. The gnome remainedstanding though, favoring her other leg heavily. They were standing a few yardsapart. “I’m impressed Summy. You’ve provided more entertainment than I expected.Even dealt some damage.” She said through her panting.

Summy, not being in the best shape herself sporting aswollen eye and having trouble breathing because of that shot to the gutearlier, among some bruising. “I’ve accepted that what happened wasn’t my fault.I will win and survive this.” She says confidently.

They circle each other for a few moments, looking foropenings again. Faye, despite the limp, is the one who breaks the silence, shootinga punch to the right, which Summy dodges with a spin. As she spins she uses themomentum to attempt to kick Faye in the head. Faye smirks, as she responds bypunching Summy right in the leg, shattering it.

Summy screams in response, hitting the snow androlling for a second, holding her leg. Faye smirks, walking up to her. “I win.”Faye, looking at Summy as she just stares up angrily at her, takes out a coin. “Yourfate will be decided with this. Heads, I light you up and you die now. Tails,and we go for a little trip.”  

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The gryphon was in eyesight of Ironforge. He was soexcited to be able to fly with Summy again, as it had been awhile. However, ashe got closer, he noticed that she was missing from the location he had beengiven. The place appeared that a struggle had happened. He landed, lookingaround as there was slight debris around. He cawed loudly as she threw himselfinto the air, flying as fast as he could towards Lord Bennas, holding a tornpiece of Summy’s robe in his mouth.

Mention of @theodorebennas