#idk. i’m gonna miss him. him leaving is bittersweet but im happy hes gonna have time to spend w his family

[flutteringfable]

i keep wanting to say stuff like rest in peace regarding matpat but like. hes not dead. *grabbing myself by the shoulders* please don’t get hit by apollos dodgeball please stop reflexively saying that

[faithinthefuture28]

Larry songs timeline & what it tells us about the evolution of their relationship

**These are all just my interpretations but the more I listen to the music they wrote, the more it all fits together. ESPECIALLY BECAUSE THROUGHOUT THE YEARS THEY’VE BEEN TALKING ABOUT WRITING “AUTOBIOGRAPHICALLY” AND “FROM PERSONAL EXPERIENCE”

I deffo missed some songs but these stood out to me:

2013

L-Strong: Love isn’t easy (waves trying to break it) but what we have means something and it’s worth fighting for. read: love is only for the brave (Think of how much love that’s been wasted...there’s nothing i’m running from...i don’t care, I’m not scared of love) And we bring out the best in each other so lets not throw this away (i’d do anything to save it...when i’m not with you i’m weaker). 

H-Happily: I want to fight for us too bc we’re on fire and our love is powerful af. ik we have to do stunts and stuff (and if (s)he feels my traces in your hair, sorry love but I don’t really care) but what we have is insane and fuck everyone else bc you’re MINE and i’m YOURS at the end of the day (i wanna be the one who holds you when you sleep). Together, we’re magic so just be with me so happily

H-Something Great: ****this song is very straightforward so i won’t explain it much***** (i want you here with me like how i pictured it so i dont have to keep imagining... We’re better off together here tonight). Written as a longing for what could be if they dont have to suppress the relationship. (script was written...want to rip it all to shreds) Louis’ response (you’re all I want so much it’s hurting) basically says “it’s not too much to ask babe, i want it too.” This has the kind of longing that ‘wouldn’t it be nice- beach boys’ which Harry has admitted is kind of a theme song. 

L-Through the Dark: I know all this bs we’re going through is taking a toll on you and hurts you and i hate seeing you upset (you tell me that your sad...you tell me that you’re hurt and youre in pain and i can see your head is held in shame...i just wanna see you smile again) but I will do everything physically possible to protect you from any pain bb (i’d never let you fall and break your heart, if u wanna cry or fall apart, i’ll be there to hold ya). We’re going through this together and I will take on any responsibility needed to keep you happy.  I’M WILLING TO GO THROUGH HELL TO FIGHT FOR US HARRY LOVE (entire chorus basically).

L-Better than Words: holy fuck our love is amazing can’t even describe it can i just sing to you foreva love u babycakes

L-Why don’t we go there: what if...we just forgot about the world and escaped and enjoyed each others love and rode the high??? Also sex

2014

L-Ready to Run: *******Followup to Why Don’t We Go There*********** But this time let’s escape for real bc (there’s me inside a sinking boat running out of time). Like i’m ready to get out of here and it could just be us living happily ever after (this time i’m ready to run). Honestly nothing else makes sense (without you i’ll never make it out alive...wherever you are is the place i belong). I know what i want out of life and IT’S YOU HARREH (i want to be free and i wanna be yours, i will never look back). 

L-Steal My Girl: all u thirsty hoes find someone else bc Harry is MY pretty princess. Srsly ask his family. But you can still admire how he looks in those jeans. We all do. You know the ones

L-No Control: boy u fine, let’s do what lovers do IN THE MORNING. bc we can. also you own me and i am urs

L-Clouds: WE KNEW THIS WAS GONNA BE HARD SO WHY ARE YOU BEING A LITTLE BITCH (you dont like it complicated...but love is never ever simple...you are tired of all the changes, but love is always always changing). We could be great yo, just keep fighting (if we’re never coming back down, we’ll looking down on the clouds...we go and we go and we dont stop)

H-Where do Broken Hearts Go: IM SORRY LOU BABY YOURE EVERYTHING (rest of my crimes dont come close the look on your face when i let you go... the taste of your lips...is at the top of the list of things i want). H&L’s call and  response at the end is basically forgiveness and acknowledgment (come on baby come and get me out, come on baby cuz i need you now)

H-Two Ghosts: *****was written around this time according to Harry******. This is fucking hard yo. We’re drained and exhausted and idk how much more we can fight for this... (it’s not you and it’s not me...sounds like something that i used to feel). That infatuation and electricity and hope that fueled our younger selves isn’t really there anymore and i’m just tired man (we’re just two ghosts swimming in a glass half empty, trying to remember how it feels to have a heartbeat, we’re not who we used to be...this was all we used to need). We’re empty vessels going through the motions (same eyes blue, couple more tattoos). AND WE AREN’T FUCKING COMMUNICATING (we dont say what we really mean). 

2015

H&L-Perfect: so what if... we get rid of the pressure of forever? What if we just have fun doing the stupid shit we love and makes us feel alive (trouble up in hotel rooms, secret little rendezvous, things you know that we shouldn’t do). Like we won’t be out of each others’ lives, I’m still around and we can find comfort in each other and even mess around here and there (I can be the one you love from time to time). Remember how we used to be young and EXCITED (when i first saw you from across the room, i could tell that you were curious) let’s get that energy back without the responsiblity of an adult relationship. And we can keep making art lmao (if youre looking for someone to write your breakup songs about). 

L-Long Way Down *****this song fkn hurts man. It’s overlooked a lot but shows so much insight**** We were...everything. And maybe that’s the problem? We’ve been through so fucking much, more than anyone our age should have to endure. (We've been in fire, Went down in the flames. We sailed the ocean And drowned in the waves. Built a cathedral But we never prayed) We didn’t know what we had. We were damn kids man. We weren’t prepared for all this. We didn’t know how powerful this would be. We didn’t know what it required of us. (We had a mountain But took it for granted. We had it all yeah. Who could’ve planned it). We didn’t know what to do with it, how to deal with it, so here we are. (We had a spaceship But we couldn't land it) We’re each other’s everything, but we can’t keep going on like this babe. (We found an island But we got stranded). I don’t want to leave you but being together is breaking us down. (Point of no return and now It's just too late to turn around) We thought we were untouchable. That love conquers all. Maybe, we were wrong. This is gonna hurt like a bitch (We built it up so high and now I'm fallin', it’s a long way down)

H-Olivia: I LIVE FOR YOU, I LONG FOR YOU, I LOVE YA. And i think i’ll always love ya. And I’m scared...of life without you (i get the feeling you’re walking out, time is irrelevant when i’ve not been seeing you, the consequences are falling now, there’s something i’m having nightmares about...dont let me go). But maybe just maybe thats okay, because you’re AIMH (you live in my imagination...i love you, it’s all i do). 

L-Love you Goodbye: I fucking love you and I’ll always fucking love you but i think this is the right thing to do even though it feels so wrong (i know there’s nothing i can do to change it, but is there something that can be negotiated?) We made some goddamn fireworks together though (unforgettable together held the whole world in our hands) and do ya maybe think...we can make them just once more? (if tomorrow you wont be mine, let me give it to you one last time, baby let me love you goodbye...one more taste of your lips just to bring me back to the places we’ve been and the nights we’ve had because if this is it, then at least we could end it riiiiight). ********in the interview with our FAVE Gwen Garcia, she asked if it’s better to say goodbye and end a relationship that’s not feeling right or keep trying even if your heart’s not in it. Harry responds with “I think it’s better to say goodbye...but sometimes if youre trying to protect..” Then Louis cuts him off and says “you’re going deep aren’t you”, brushing the question off as a joke but imho i think there was pain in that answer. Then Harry continues “if you’re not 100% in it, I think it’s better for both parties if you say goodbye”. And Louis adds a “yeah” at the end.********

H-Walking in the Wind: I know this is scary but i think we can do it, (you said to me do you believe i’ll be too far? if youre lost just look for me you’ll find me) I think because youre AIMH and i’m always in yours, it’ll be good for us. And look at us being mature, we’re killing it babe. We can live our separate lives and grow on our own. We dont need to make it messy and hurtful. We’re on the same page. (the fact that we can sit right here and say goodbye means we’ve already won. A necessity for apologies between you and me, baby there is none). At this point, we’re kinda part of each other right? So it’s healthy for us to be apart for a bit. (it’s not the end, i’ll see your face again... i know we’ll be alright...just close your eyes and see i’ll be by your side any time you need me). And you’ve helped me grow into the person I am, and I you, so that’s cool as hell, right? (you will find me in places that we’ve never been). We had a TON of fun (we had some good times didnt we) so i feel okay that we’re doing this (goodbyes are bittersweet) and starting the next adventure in our lives. 

H-If I could fly: I. am. yours. Louis. William. Tomlinson. (for your eyes only, i’ll show you my heart). Maybe this growth thing isn’t worth it, let me prove to you how much you mean to me (i think i might give up everything just ask me to). This is gonna be hard as shit because i’m so dependent on you (i’m missing half of me when we’re apart). I’m being honest and I’m being scared and I’m being vulnerable because I can’t lie to you and pretend I’m strong (i let my guard down, right now i’m completely defenseless). But we’re part of each other, right? (i could feel your heart inside of mine). I’ll always be here for you Lou (for when you’re lonely and forget who you are) even if for now we can’t physically be together. 

L-Home: I’ve tried, Harry. I’ve tried to play pretend (told myself i kind of like her but there was something missin in her eyes). But i was lost (i was stumblin, lookin in the dark with an empty heart) because none of it was enough, none of it was YOU (it was there i sawr it in your eyes). And then i met you and you felt the same and we’re both lost souls playing pretend who found magic in each other (but you say you feel the same, could we ever be enough?) Is our love enough to overcome everything? Maybe we can be enough. Maybe I can make this enough, let me try to make it enough for you. And if we go our separate ways, know that I’m here for you no matter what. I won’t let you be lost again. (When you’re lost I’ll find a way and I’ll be your light, you will never feel like you’re alone, I’ll make this feel like home). So go. wander. find yourself. Then when you’re ready, come home. 

 2016-2017

H- Sweet Creature: ***Harry admit that this was the first song he wrote for the album**** We aren’t in the best place rn. We’ve been fighting (had another talk about where it’s going wrong...it’s hard when we argue, we’re both stubborn). But it’s you Louis. It can’t be anyone else. (don’t know where we’re going but we know where we belong... wherever I go, you bring me home). That’s not even a question. I’m still trying to figure out who I am, but the one thing I know is that a large part of who I am is you (we started 2 hearts in one home). And aint no way I’m losing that part of myself (when i run out of road, you bring me home). It was always you. 

H-MMITH: Whenever you’re ready, I’m ready (just let me know i’ll be at the door,  hoping you’ll come around). I know I need to work on myself a little more (i gotta get better, and maybe we’ll work it out) but honestly i’m getting impatient and i want things to go back to how they were and i want to be yours again (once you go without it, nothing else would do). But I can’t communicate this to you clearly so let me just put this in a song and hope you get it (we dont talk about it, it’s something we dont do) ****Harry mentioned in an interview that he expresses himself through songwriting when he can’t say the words directly to a person because it’s easier to just write it in a song than have difficult conversations*****

H-ESNY: ****honestly no idea what this song is about but it’s something to do with them fighting and not communicating and being in a weird place before their relationship is rekindled******* edit: this could be about his stepdad

H-FTDT: I MISS YOU AND I’M TOO FULL OF PRIDE TO TELL YOU DIRECTLY JUST COME BACK INTO LIFE LOU I’M LONELY AND SAD AND EMPTY AND IM NOT FUCKING FINDING MYSELF LIKE YOU SAID I WOULD (woke up alone, played with myself where were you...we havent spoke since you went away, why wont you ever say what you wanna say) So until then I sit and wait for your sorry ass to make the first move (maybe one day you’ll call me and tell me that you’re sorry too...but you never do). Also like i have to hear from other people how you are?? (i saw your friend that you know from work, he said that you feel just fine) ANd you’re sharing OUR clothes with people?? wtf just swallow your pride and call me 

L-Miss You: OKAY BUT I CANT JUST CALL YOU BECAUSE I HAVE PRIDE TOO also my mates are trying to make me get over you (now i’m asking my friends how to say I’m sorry, they say lad give it ttime there’s no need to worry, and we can’t even be on the phone now). So i’m just numbing your absence with partying and drinks but CLEARLY ITS NOT WORKING (should be laughing but there’s something wrong...shit maybe i miss you...when i feel it coming up i just throw it all away, get another few shots cuz it doesn’t matter anyway...such a good time, i’ll believe it this time). This is weird bc like you were my everything but im trying to get used to this and it fucking sux (oh how shit changes, we were in love, now we’re strangers). And tbh, its scary af bc what if this is it (i’m asking myself, is it over?). BUT ALSO LIKE WTF U COULD REACH OUT FIRST YA KNOW (i’ve been checking my phone all evening).

H-Anna: wtf Louis how do you not see how much this is killing me. I miss you so much and seeing you on tv or in pics drives me wild bc you’re not mine. (I don’t want your sympathy but you don’t know what you do to me...everytime I see your face there’s only so much I can take...I guess it would be nice if I can touch your body). And idk if you’re replacing me (don’t know where you’re laying, just know it’s not with me) and we’re in SUCH a weird place rn how do I tell u you’re the loml (don’t know what I’d say if I passed you on the street...don’t know what I’d tell you if you asked me for the truth) so I refuse to put this song on the album and let you know this and give you satisfaction from knowing how gone I still am for you bc I have 0 idea how you feel (hope you never see this and know that it’s for you)

L-Always You: SO THIS IS ME SWALLOWING MY PRIDE STANDING IN FRONT OF YOU SAYING IM SORRY FOR THAT NIGHT... ok but fr i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u and nothing else compares like i can travel the whole world and all i think about is how much more fun it was with you and the memories we shared and i wish i could just say thx fr th mmrs and move on but actually no thx actually fuck you for making me not able to enjoy my life without you. So like...come home? and wrap your legs around me? also lmao i took El to a gay bar in amsterdam for her bday lmao i miss u come cuddle me and i’ll tell you all about it

L-We Made It: looks like we made it, look how far we’ve come my baby. They saidd I bett they’ll never make it, but just look at us holding onn, we’re still togetherr, still going stronggg. Also to the fans, miss our single bed and the nights we talked about our dreams :-* also Andrew my man luv u

2018-2019

L-KMM: our love was youthful and exhilarating and fucking electric and i think it still can be. dont know what i’d do without you now H 

L-DLIBYH: We’re strong babe and we’ve grown and we aren’t gonna let life drag us down. I’m doing better, you’re doing better, this is what we wanted. And now any shit we go through, we’ll go through TOGETHER 

L-Too Young: Okay but looking back, that was a lot of shit we went through and we were just babies and i’m sorry for not fighting harder (i cant believe i gave in to the pressure when they said a love like this would never last so i cut you off cuz i didnt know no better) baby i tried, i tried to protect you but like it was just so much and i hate that you got hurt and i wont ever let that happen again. ALso go us for being mature and COMMUNICATING (face to face at the kitchen table, we can finally have a conversation that I wish we could’ve had before). ANd i know you’re an arrogant son of a bitch who can’t admit when he’s sorry so here let ME say i’m sorry that i hurt you darling. Like we were too young to know we had everything BUT now we’re old(er) and can realize that when we’re together, we DO have everything now and omg is this our happily ever after and we can have a daughter and name her Darcy 

L-Habit: do i need to spell it out for you iiiiii aaaaaaaaammmmmmm sssssssoooooorrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrryyyyyyyy. But tbh i let you go because it felt right because mentally you were already out the door and i needed to give you room to grow babe. And i needed the space too (you gave me the time and the space i was out of control and i’m sorry i let you down). but like also i’ve learned i can’t escape you Styles. You’re always in my fucking heart and my fucking mind and in every essence of my being and somehow I knew that 9 years ago and it took me this long to realize how powerful this really is (guess that that i know what i already knew, i was better with you and i miss you now). Ooooh also my favorite line i wrote (took some time cuz i ran out of energy of playing someone I heard I’m supposed to be and honestly i dont have to choose anymore) like who am i kidding, im done pretending i just wanna be yoursss now

L-Defenseless: I can’t help it okay theres something about you that doesn’t let me stay away. I need you and I know that rekindling this relationship isn’t going to be easy even though it feels so so right. It’s going to be hard work (sleeping on our problems but we’ll solved them in our dreams, wake up early morning and it’s still under the sheets) and we need to communicate and solve our problems but here I am, raw and unfiltered and emotionally naked in front of you ready to lay it all on the table (not sure how to say this right, got so much to lose. NEver been so defenseless). So like this branch I’m reach out to you and you be honest with me too babe (you dont have to keep on being strong for me and you. Acting like you feel no pain, you know i know you do...I can’t get inside, when you’re lost in your pride but you don’t have a thing to prove). Be open with me. Lets talk. Let’s solve problems. Lets have an adult relationship. I’m asking for a little vulnerabiltiy babe. It’s just me. Theres nothing to be scared of

L-Walls: And here you have me in my purest form. No lies, no secrets, no insecurities to hide behind. Losing you was fucking painful but i got through it. I’ve been through hell and back and I’ve fought. And without you, I grew into the person I am. And any further growing i’m doing is gonna be with you. bc it was all for you babe. and honestly i can take anything life throws at me now. I’m strong baby. I’m fucking strong and fucking brave and fucking resilient and...fucking yours. ***** wtf is the I just hope i see you one day and you’ll say to me oh oh********

H-Golden: You are the literal sun and I’m not ready. YOU’RE SUCH A GOOD PERSON (you were way too bright for me, i’m hopeless, broken, so you wait for me in the sky). I’m scared to go through this alone, I need your comfort and your guidance (i can feel you take control of who i am and all i’ve ever known). But you’re scared to go through this with me bc you dont wanna get hurt and i’m too open so where tf does that leave us. ******this could be about coming out especially with the London AND NY secret shows where Harry added the lyric I’m hoping someday you’ll open*******

H-Adore You: You dont have to say you love me, you dont have to say nothing, you dont have to say you’re mine. I’d walk through fire for you. Just let me adore Lou. Like its the only thing I’ll ever do. read: Louis is a great person to just admire what he’s like. ALso I dont need anything back. I just dont want to hide my love for you anymore. I don’t need answers or promises. Just let me adore you. ********the music video is also basically a Louis appreciation post. He was the boy with the smile that the world took away from him. He found Harry lost and loved him and nurtured him and made him confident and allowed him to be who he wanted to be. But in doing so, Harry became big and unsatisfied and wanted to explore the world and was clearly interested in Hollywood and Rockstardom especially evident in his behavior 2014-2015. And Louis wasn’t about that life and didn’t want to hold him back. So he let him free. But they realized that they don’t work apart. Wherever they’re going, they’re going together, as the boy sails into the unknown following the fish. I see it as Harry’s version of “this one is a thank you for what you did for me” ************* I see it, I appreciate it, and I love you for it

H-Lights Up: ****fight with Louis. (What do you mean I’m sorry by the way) About coming out? About fame? (Step into the light, so bright sometimes) Either way, L is the guy driving the motorcycle in the video who makes H feel comfortable and safe until they get pulled over because SOMEONE wont let them love*******

H-Falling: What if i’m out, what if i’m someone you won’t talk about? Okay maybe I lied I do want you to claim me. Would me coming out of the closet make that hard for you? I CAN’T GO THROUGH AN IDENTITY CRISIS WITHOUT YOU LOU. I picked someone supportive and now I’m spoiled and I dont know how to be with myself. You want back in my life but what if I dont deserve it? (you said you cared and you missed me too...what i’m someone i dont want around). What if you’re better off without me? (i get the feeling that you’ll never need me again). I know youve been through so much shit because of me, things you’ve never even told me about and im afraid...that I wasn’t worth it. Am I being selfish? because either way, i want YOU (what if you’re someone i just want around). Does that make me a bad person? 

H-TBSL: ****Probably when they starting talking again but it was v casual and they didn’t really discuss their relationship yet*****. I MISS U BUT I WONT TELL U THAT and its nice to talk to u again i missed your voice but if u call me baby i will kill u bc that word has weight OKAY. Like i know you just call everyone babe and darling and sweetheart but baby is FOR ME and only for me when you wake up with me and cuddle me and if you think you have any right calling me baby without giving the luxury of being in a relationship with you then piss off because that shit hurts dude. (i know that you’re trying to be friends, know that you mean it...it’s hard for me to go home to be so lonely). ALso it’s not my fault i’m like this, you literally captured my heart when i was 16 like wtf do u expect (dont blame me for falling, i was just a little boy)

H-Sunflower Vol. 6: we were babies and i was so enamored by you and you’re so bright and beautiful and i want to watch you all day and make you smile and i want you to touch my hair and call me curly and i hope im not making you uncomfortable with my heart eyes but like how are you so perfect. I hope you think i’m cool, i’m really trying but like you’re SO FUNNY and charming and everyone loves you i hope im not embarassing myself. And now it’s like 8 years later and i think i can have you again and i want you so bad but i dont wanna seem too eager and im trying to have dignity and not text you first but like also i want nothing more than to talk to you. Do you think i’m cool now? did you like my new hairstyle? Do you think i’m funny on tour? I want everything i want to be domestic again and kiss in the kitchen and i want to cook for you and as;ldfa;sdhaf i want to buy you flowers everyday and shower ur cute face with kiss. boopx28 

H-Canyon Moon: Hell yea i got ma man back and i have a girlfriend named Jennifer ;) and we are domestic and even though I HATE being away from him for work (so hard to leave it) we have the 2 week rule yall then i can wrap my legs around him and after so so so long I’ll be h.o.m.e. Also did i tell you his eyes are so so blue like sky who i dont know her

H-TPWK: So we’re really doing this. We don’t need to have it all figured out. We can just be us. and happy. and dance. The world loves us babe. (Giving second chances, I don’t need all the answers and if we’re here long enough we’ll see it’s all for us and we’ll belong)

H-Fine Line: You’ve got my devotion but man I can hate you sometimes....We’ll be a fine line. Between what? love and hate? public and private? out and in the closet? each others’ and ourselves? Idk. But i’m going to swallow my pride (my hands at risk I fold) because no matter what, the worst possible outcome is not having you. And I never wanna go through that again. I know we have work to do on our relationship (spreading you open is the only way I know you). And there’s lot of unknown here (there’s things that we’ll never know) but what i do know is that i cant resist you (you sunshine you temptress) and i cant be without you ever again. I think it’ll be hard as hell. But when have we known love as anything but hard? And when have we known our love as anything but worth it? We’ll be a fine line baby. But i know, i knowww with every part of me that we’ll be alright. Because these past 10 years, we’ve been through A LOT. ANd it could have ruined us and made us cynical and cold and closed off. And I think at one point it did. But you know what we did? We fought it. We fought it together. Then we fought it individually. And we became BRAVE. And a brilliant man once said, “love is only for the brave”. 

[lesbiancarat]

Book anon!! Seeing the boys be back feels so wild in a good way like suddenly we have so much happening from pics, video performances, future jun solo stuff again and hoshi solo!?! To speculate, the spider logo gives me Spiderman vibes so is this hoshi saying he is Peter Parker lol? Like I know I said I missed the boys but my gosh they don't have to dump EVERYTHING on us lol

To slightly still talk about the mingyu situation (which I hope its alright!) I found something annoying during all of this that you echoed and some anon's said and it was how QUICK some fans were dismiss OP1 with her experience and feelings, making it seem like mingyu is the one that had it worst. Now by all means, it is upsetting to know that yes this will follow mingyu and the rest of the boys till the end of time. Sadly we cannot change that, all we can do is correct people on the situation so I do kinda feel bad BUT to say mingyu is "completely innocent and not at fault" makes me confused because ??? He isn't, not fully. Do people forget that he ADMITS to saying jokes. Yes not towards OP but he still said such jokes and to me, that doesn't mean he is innocent. He admits his faults and takes accountability to that, I give kudos for ya know? Like yes he is my bias but my gosh I am not going to claim he didn't do wrong when well...he did. It frustrates me that fans suddenly forget that the main cause of chaos (at least internationally for fans) was of that horrible mistranslations. I'm sure kfans were also upset but seeing icarats demand pledis to S word OP1 when that isn't the right mindset. I had some hope fans would be smart, especially after the news we found out about mistranslations and all but looks like this fandom isn't safe from bad apples =/ this makes me confused like how do people just idk, not have their morals i guess, when it comes to their faves?

For me, where i stand with mingyu is im disappointed that mingyu said jokes but I'm willing to give him a chance so to speak, like I'm a bit more ok with say reblogging content a out him. For anons that I saw who said they need time, that is valid! It is ok to take a step back from the member, group or fandom! This fandom space should make you happy and comfy and with what has happened, things are rocky and your feelings are valid! Never doubt yourself for overthinking or saying you're a bad fan bc you are not. If you do decide to leave the fandom, I hope despite the dark cloud with what happened, you can remember the warm sunshine (aka happy moments) from the fandom and boys. Its ok to no longer be a fan, things change and we change as people. It is also ok to not be apart of the fandom while being a fan (how im sort of in with bts). It may seem like you're the only one feeling like this but you are not! Do what makes you comfy to my fellow carats! If you are ready to comeback, I am here with cookies. And if not, I am also here with cookies!

*clears throat* to move on a bit, for the hybe naming, ahh that makes more sense! Thanks for clearing that up, I guess I miss read the article I read. I saw you mentioned pledis might be moving and oof, that kinda hurts. I sort of thought they wouldn't due to it just being an investment but should have seen it coming. I will miss that green room

right? it kind of feels like they went from 0 to 100 with the content dhfkfj

and yeah i agree, it's frustrating that it seems like a lot of people can't see or understand the nuance of the situation. i think maybe some people are trying to overcompensate for the mistranslations which had such serious accusations, and i think others are just uncomfortable with the idea that celebrities can make mistakes and be forgiven (as in, they think the only way celebs can be "forgiven" is if they were completely innocent in the first place. otherwise they must be cancelled and since they don't want to cancel mg he must be 100% innocent!). but i don't think either of those, or any reason really, justifies the lack of compassion for any of the OPs. it's possible to have conflicts where no party is a villain, actually

i do think the correct response for carats as a whole is to start moving on. the conflict between OP1 and mingyu has been resolved between the two of them, and the other claims were proven false. if OP1 is satisfied, there's no need for carats or non carats to call for mg to be punished further. but on the other side of that, which as you mentioned is more of a problem currently, there's no reason to punish (ie sue) any of the OPs. as i said in my other post, the OPs are still victims even if mg wasn't the perpetrator of the other claims. if even an institution whose primary purpose is to make money (ie pledis) can look at the situation and be like 'hey, it wouldn't be right to try to prosecute these people so we're not going to' then i think that's a sign that to sue these people would be unjust

but also to clarify when I say carats as a whole should move on i mean there's no collective action we can or should take that would be helpful. i don't mean that every individual should force themselves to move on before they're ready. as I've said before and as you've said, i think any carat that needs more time to process and isn't ready to go back to doing normal fan stuff, or those who won't ever be and decide to leave the fandom are totally valid! i second everything you said in that regard, everyone should do what makes them most comfortable ^^

also you say it makes more sense but you may have been right in the first place OTL. i mean what i said before about there being 3 different entities is true. before there was Bighit co. ltd, Bighit labels, and bighit entertainment. We know Bighit co. ltd is being renamed to HYBE and we know that bighit entertainment is Not being renamed, but it's the Bighit labels that's where the confusion lies. i /thought/ bh labels wasn't being renamed but i watched their rebranding presentation since i answered your last ask and it sounds like it is being renamed to HYBE labels. they haven't changed the youtube channel name yet though which is kind of what I'm waiting for so i guess we'll see?

yeah people have been talking for ages about how all the artists are gonna be in the new building and i was always kind of skeptical. i thought it was more likely that pledis would just have a few offices in the bh building rather than relocating their Entire Company lmao but it looks like that's what's happening. it is a nice facility, but yeah it's a bit bittersweet to say goodbye to both of the pledis buildings since so many things happened there 😭

[cheolbooluvr]

so ill get to our big shared chonker of a message hopefully later tonight (sorry i'm taking a little bit with it! i've been weirdly busy the past few days), but i just wanted to respond to the shorter one + address the latest mission!!!

fun fact, you and i are in a very similar position with jun haha. i have a lot of wips with him too, but like, i've never finished a jun fic outside of short little one shots... which is quite frankly obscene because minghao has a word count dedicated to him that's literally more than everyone else in seventeen... I don't even know how many times more because my latest fic with him just reached about 50k... but jun is meant to be my second!!!!! i really want to finish something long with him 😭

still! I know you said its your fault but I will apologise for the confusion regardless! And look at someone who both writes and enjoys angst, no angst is ever too much hehe. there's a weird sense of catharsis in tragedy, at least my onion. I'm excited for how tragic things will get in your latest jun wip. A FREE ONE WAY TRIP TO SPAIN WITHOUT THE S... I LOVE THAT... BUT I totally understand! bittersweet stuff in general sticks with me longer than any other genre of fiction I find, because you continuously think about how they could've been happy but it didn't work out for x or y reason, or maybe even a combo. I'm so happy for you though, I know how good it feels to work on something that you can't stop thinking about, because I've got that fever myself hehe. and that's such an interesting way to write? I can never bring myself to write out of order so I always really admire those who can do it haha. I just never trust myself to remember what details I have established when if I do it out of order like that. Is that how you usually write your longer fics or is this one different?

YESSSSS I ABSOLUTELY AGREE... and he's expressed his desire to act so many times... pledis please... I'm begging u... he would be so good in a tragic drama...

omg I'm so dumb I have to share this with you but ??? I started watching it and I was like wait a minute why do I feel like I'm missing a lot of context... but it was still fun to watch all the characters interact (plus it made me tear up which like.... wowee)... but turns out I started on episode one of SEASON 2...... IM SUCH A FOOL.................. 😭

also! I don't know if you saw the next mission, but were you up for making a play list? I just thought I'd ask before I sent in any prompts!

- 😺 carat anon

HOLY COW I NEVER ANSWERED THIS I’M SO SORRY :(((((((

omg no worries! i have also been weirdly busy??? idk why but i hope you're able to get some rest soon <3

i'm gonna work my way backwards :D

re: the new mission - yes!!! i LOVE curating playlists, like LOVE IT. idk why but let me know any genres you like/don't like, anything at all and i'll do my best!!

OMG SEASON 2 HAHAHA that's so funny plz!! tho tbh, the nice thing abt hospital playlist is that there's no major plot but yeah, there is a bit of context you'll miss out on T^T i hope season 1 is going well tho!! it's kinda long if you're not used to it, but i promise it's super worth it :D idk if you’ve had time to watch anymore, but i’ve been watching it/catching up and it’s rly so good. i cried so much in like…ep 5 of s2? i think? idk one of those ones. but i just rly love how they portray the small things in life. it’s rly beautiful and so well done.

i think my favorite fics are actually angsty ones. i love happy endings for movies and stuff, but the fics that make cry and hurt are my fave?? kinda interesting, the contrast. but yeah, i think you’re right abt that, there are always those lingering ‘what if’s’ those angsty fics always leave you with T^T i mentioned this in the most recent ask, but i can’t write in chronological order rly, lol. i tend to just write scenes that pop into my head first, and then go back and piece it together. it’s tricky for sure, but if i try to move chronologically, i tend to get stuck. so i just jump around instead. and i did that w jun. i divided it up into 4 parts, and then wrote fcertain scnes and then went back to add what i felt i needed to fill in the gaps!! but not trusting yourself w the details, i literally did that w this fic. there are some inconsistencies but it’s posted now and i’m like…too lazy to fix it LOL. but maybe i will……..

wahh!! junhao have dedicated word counts!? that’s amazing. what are they?? :o if you don’t mind me asking ofc.

WAIT 50K WORDS OMG. I WAS JUST READING THAT A STANDARD NOVEL/NOVELLA IS LIKE ANYWHERE BETWEEN 50K-100K WORDS OMG. you’re so amazing, i rly respect you for that omg i would LOVE to hit 50k for a single fic T^T

anyways SO SORRY THIS IS LIKE WEEKS LATE I AM A DUMMY AND DIDN’T REALIZE I NEVER ANSWERED THIS KLFDJASKLFLSA

[blakesbell]

i love hearing people talk about this so: what do you want out of the rest of this season?

ahhh anon you have no idea how much you’re indulging me rn. i have MANY thoughts so this is gonna be very unorganized but here we go(under the cut because i let myself fully scream into the void here):

i just want to start off by saying theres only 5 episodes left and my expectations are way too high so a lot of this will be me clowning:) also a lot of these are revolving bellarke so i apologize in advance but they own me. ok lets dive in

1. bellarke endgame (obviously lol). this is like pretty much the thing i want the most. its been 6 and a half seasons of me waiting and waiting and at this point if it doesnt happen i’ll be pretty pissed. i know this show isn't meant to revolve around romance or whatever but come on! its been built up for 7 seasons. just give it to us lol. but no if we don't get bellarke im gonna shit in jroth’s lawn bye

2. s5 we got “what does your head say?” “same as yours” so yeah im sure you can guess where i’m going, i need want a “what does your heart say?” “same as yours” BECAUSE THE HEAD AND THE HEART OK

3. let murphy live for the love of god. i just have this bad feeling that he’s gonna be sacrificing himself bc ~character development~ since he's the cockroach and is always doing things to ensure his own survival. but like. as nice as that is for character development my boy deserves to live after surviving for so long. i just want him and emori to be happy and if he dies i think that scene would break me

4. so now that we have our void!Bellamy i want to see that angst!! not just with bellarke but also with the rest of his friends and fam, he loves these people so much and seeing that just get turned off is gonna be interesting. 

5. RADIO CALLS. i scream about these all the time but all i want is for bellamy to hear some of clarke’s radio calls from after praimfaya. we might get em in 7x12 since clarke will be in mcap. which leads me to:

6. the head and the heart parallels. last season: bellamy brought clarke back by pumping life into her heart. literally. this season: what im hoping is clarke or clarke’s memories in some way help get bellamy back. he is brainwashed so she brings him back through the head!!!

7. a proper blake reunion. i need octavia and bell to just hug it out man. i miss their dynamic 

8. lol where tf is gaia?? this is just my spec that i want to come true but i think she ended up on earth somehow. also i want her to come to sanctum and end sheidheda pls

9. echo character development. idk i feel like her character has been kinda inconsistent this season and i can't figure out how they're gonna end her story. just let her become her own person instead of a follower. also let raven be happy and give me princess mechanic back in full force. also clarktavia team ups pls

10. return to earth!! 7x14 is called a sort of homecoming and book 3 of the 100 is called homecoming where they go back to earth and bellarke get together. give me “he tastes like joy. and joy tastes better on earth.” give me “i’ve loved you for eons, clarke griffin.” let them have the “final journey to the ground”

11. speaking of which, some phrases i want one last time: the whole “in peace may you leave the shore” even though ik thats when someone dies but it never fails to make me cry. and “may we meet again” obvi. “we're back bitches” would be nice. “together” with clarke and bell. and some head and the heart.

12. let miller have his beach. with jackson. pls

13. ok ik this is getting super long but let them all live pls. i know this is so so unrealistic and we're probably getting more character deaths but im too attached to them all and in a perfect world i would want them all to live

14. a somewhat happy ending?? its been said that it'll be bittersweet, very the 100, but at least let bellamy and clarke have a life together. 

anyways im pretty sure i can go on forever but i’ll stop here. this was a clusterfuck and i probably still missed a bunch of major things but these are the ones that come to my head rn

[normal-thoughts-official]

Do you have any hcs for Magnus taking ppl to pride for the first time? I kinda feel like he’d act as a guide for others, making sure everyone feels safe and happy during their first time. Like, I can picture him bringing daylighter Raphael out for the first time, showing Meliorn around (bc even though they’ve been around for a while, the Seelies don’t really do human stuff) and holding Alec’s hand while he looks around in amazement.

well surprise surprise this got very long. bet y’all never saw that coming

ok so i particularly love this ask because like, the idea of meliorn going to pride for the first time is a riot and i adore it

like seelie society has developed completely independently from mundane society in every way, hell, it existed before humans did. so there's absolutely no reason whatsoever to believe that their culture even has the concepts of gender of sexuality, and believing that it would be the same as modern western ones is just straight up anachronistic tbh

so like personally i hc that seelie society has no gender (and therefore no concept of sexuality in the way that we see it), so the idea of pride- doesn't even make sense to them, cuz there's no concept of these identities, much less a history of oppression that would bring forward the need to celebrate their resistance like there currently is

so meliorn would want to go just to like, see what that's like and what's it all about. and the whole time they're just following Magnus around and like, taking notes. hm, interesting, what is this trans thing again? ah yes, people who dont think their personality matches the one mundanes believe would be brought by their genitals. hm. fascinating. and Magnus is just like, laughing loudly and it's the best pride he's ever been to, because he knows how ridiculous queerphobia and cishetnormativity are, but meliorn can make that so clear in their words in a way thats just, like, fantastic to hear, you know? and they dont even mean to, but it's great all the same

plus meliorn actually does feel good because a lot of people look at them and smile broadly or even wave, especially younger people who are just like, in awe of them and Magnus, who are so unapologetically gnc and indisputably beautiful, and looking at them is just like, inspiring, you know? and Meliorn has never felt this admired and appreciated and they dont even fully understand why, they're just walking around in their usual clothing and leaf makeup and everyone is just like, in love with them. and it's nice. they can tell there's an edge of sadness to the whole thing, like how their normal everyday existence seems to be so shocking and refreshing for these people, but mostly they feel good about it

later they bring their findings to the other seelies - you know, the ones who dont usually leave the realm and are way less familiar with mundane culture(s) than they are - and the others are like. shut up. there's no way this is real. the shape of their genital defines what wavelength they are supposed to find appealing? this makes no sense. and meliorn's like "idk what to tell u buddy i literally physically can't lie" and they're like surely this is an elaborate prank

but anyway it's fun and nice and they enjoy it greatly and ask Magnus a lot of questions, and Magnus loves going with them more than anyone else because its just so fun and the way this is completely unnatural to them feels refreshing - Magnus doesnt have to explain why he feels the way he feels, for once, but rather he has to explain why people dont get that, and thats a good change tbh

okay onto other ppl im sorry for this tangent djdndjdndk RAPHAEL YES. god i just. okay i love the mental image of Magnus taking Raphael to pride aaaaaaaa

like okay first of all so many layeRS to make this emotional, okay. the fact that he's now a daylighter and can enjoy being out in the sun, the fact that this is a bright costumed parade and it kinda reminds him of the día de los muertos parade and makes him feel at home, the fact that he gets to celebrate and meet other ace ppl - just, so many good things going on here dundidmdi

and Raphael was kinda unsure about going because 1- pride can get pretty sexual at times, and while he gets it and doesn't mind other people's business, he doesn't want to be hit on or participate in that; 2- big crowd makes senses go craycray and it can get very overwhelming and he's scared of overload, plus it's just not his scene in general with huge parties and such. but a part of him does want to go and he's torn, so of course Magnus is immediately like "oh dear, don't worry, i can take you, i'll make sure it's good" and Raphael is like okay

so Magnus takes him and it's :') nice, because as always he’s just so attentive. disclosure i’ve only ever been to the São Paulo pride so i’m gonna go with how it works in here but im assuming it’s not that different in like, other places. also São Paulo currently has the biggest pride parade in the world along with NYC so you know, i think it’s influential at the very least

anyway so he finds a section that’s led by ace pride groups, one that’s considerably small (in number of ppl) and spacious, and it’s. nice. very nice. magnus makes it a point to paint the ace pride colors on raphael’s face (we deserve raphael in makeup tbh) and raphael is all like “it’s fine, it’s not like i’ll want to draw a lot of attention” (like he isn’t wearing the ace flag colors already) and magnus is like hush, let me have this, i want my boy to have a good pride experience. so raphael lets him and hides his smile and lets him, and it’s. cute okay

also idk why but i have the mental image of raphael seeing some other latino guy with some sign like. “i’m not your fetish” or something of the sort, and kind of tearing up because his whole life he’s been seen as this kind of sexual fantasy that couldn’t not be about sex, much less not be interested in it, and he feels seen. and it’s nice, okay

and as promised it’s not too overwhelming in matters of like people, tactile issues and such (there’s little magnus can do about the noise other than spell raphael to decrease his sensitivity so he doesn’t get overwhelmed, which is not ideal because it makes communication a bit harder between them, but he does it anyway if raphael asks him to), and if raphael gets tired, they can always turn into a corner and take a portal back home and cuddle the post-crowd jitteriness away. so it’s a success. and raphael hugs magnus later and thanks him and says that it was so great, that he’s missed this, the energy and the colors and the sun, and he never thought he’d get to have it again, and he did thanks to magnus. and magnus hugs him back and tells him “anything for you, my boy,” and it’s the sweetest thing okay im emo

also okay this still falls under Raphael and Meliorn but the POLYCULE okay, or at least saiaphaeliorn. like sign me the fuck up for the 4 of them together at pride, meliorn and magnus helping make some cute pride-themed makeup on the other 3, just aaaaaaaaa. maia looking absolutely gorgeous with her face framed in the bright bi colors, maybe a sunny dress with the trans flag colors? just because i think she’d look so cute in like, a mostly white dress with baby pink and blue details, okay. simon just paints the pan flag on his cheek but it’s still vibrant and cute and it suits him. and ghhghghghg meliorn delicately painting raphael’s face with colorful glitter..... effervescent, okay. just beautiful

and they get to hold hands in public and laugh and crack jokes and simon loves the music and the festival and raphael smiles fondly at him and maia singing along (him and meliorn definitely don’t know what the fuck they’re singing, but it’s okay because they’re clearly happy and that makes the two of them happy too) and just duahsdiahdaiuha soft okay. also they all get to experience meliorn’s takes on the whole thing and it’s fantastic and as usual meliorn gets raphael to laugh until he almost cries, and simon smiles brightly at the sight and gives meliorn a peck for their efforts, and just aaaaaaaa

in short they’re SOFT and i’m SOFT. and look yes i know that usually parades esp big ones are super crowded (lord knows the SP pride parade is an experience) but if in SP with 5 million ppl parading i could find sections with less people where you had enough space to walk holding hands and hear each other and not be overwhelmed, then i’m sure they can too, especially with magic and powers at their disposal. so i’m going to have this

also like. as much fun as this is for magnus (and it definitely is, it’s very nice to get to enjoy to be himself openly, and to bring kids there for their first time, and you know), it’s also bittersweet because like. he was there at stonewall, he was there for the first pride, you know? and apart from the obvious part where he lost so many friends who were there, there’s just. the very bad memories of the riots, because as important as they are and as much as he obviously doesn’t regret them, riots are hard, they are the language of the oppressed. he’s had to magically protect people from being shot by the police, he’s had to withstand trial by the Clave for using magic to shield the people from the tear gas and risking being seen, he’s had to save a lot of lives and he’s failed at it sometimes, too (i’ll always hc that he’s the reason neither Marsha nor Sylvia died during the riots and you can pry that away from my cold, dead hands). and he’s also seen it be whitewashed and lose some of its resistance and meaning, he’s seen Sylvia be booed at a later march when she spoke against imprisonment, and he’s seen so much be lost

and in that sense going to pride with alec later on might be his favorite, because it’s not like, a first time where he’s trying to get everyone to have the most fun they can and shit, you know? plus alec loves watching more than he does participating, he feels way too exposed in the crowded streets with so many openings and whatnot. but watching from a rooftop, where he has the best view, can still hear the sounds and enjoy the colors and the beauty of it from a distance? that’s perfect for him, and it’s a different experience

and magnus sits by his side as they watch, hand in hand, and reminisces about everything that he’s experienced after so many years, all the changes he’s seen, how he feels pride but he also feels loss and he feels old, and he fears what happens if pride’s history is forgotten, you know? and alec listens to him, listens to his version of this story, playing with magnus’ fingers and just enjoying the sound of his voice and the sight. and it’s nice. alec is always super attentive and enjoys hearing him talk and magnus can get lost in his memories unapologetically, you know? and it’s good

but that’s later on, of course, when they’ve already attended plenty together. for alec’s first pride he probably wants it to be like, perfect, so much so that alec has to tell him to slow down again, because of course magnus wants alec to have The Full Pride Experience, but alec would rather soak it up slowly than participate in a lot of stuff, anyway. magnus paints the rainbow flag on his cheek (one of the only occasions alec lets magnus put glitter on him, then promptly complains for the next three months because i swear that stuff is still on my skin, magnus, the other day i found some on my shoes! and magnus laughs at his antics as always and alec is forced to laugh too and can’t even be mad) and they kind of stay more by the end, and alec is kind of smiling in disbelief to himself the whole time as he watches all the colors and the unapologetic way people express their pride, and magnus can’t stop looking at him and grinning, too. and they walk hand in hand and it’s cute

(later, magnus says, see, mundane culture isn’t so bad, is it? and alec looks at him with a way more serious look, full of joy and happiness, and says, no, it isn’t. and kisses him and thanks him for everything, and it’s sweet)

also I'm soft thinking about Magnus reminiscing about planning the first pride along with "his dear friend Brenda" to Alec and/or Raphael, them putting their arms around his shoulder as he tells them the softer stories, too, the good things they did

small bonus: Magnus plays 2 truths and a lie with Simon regarding his memories of past prides, and Simon gets it wrong every time and is all wide eyed by the end, which makes both Magnus and Raphael laugh :)

[tintoki]

before I forget, 4/29/21:

[✨~songs i’ve been listening to these days~✨: a thousand miles & ordinary day by vanessa carlton; deja vu & all I want & driver’s license by olivia rodrigo; binibini by zack tabudlo; avid by sawanoHiroyuki; gurenge & homura by LiSA; renegades by ONE OK ROCK]

today is officially may 1st, but on 4/29/21 i had clinicals again. Last day of clinicals for fundamentals N301! almost wrapping up the 1st sem of nursing school here. 📚👩🏻‍💻🩺 it’s a weird feeling.

Anyway, I didn’t really have much sleep the night before clinicals, so I woke up super drowsy 😴 (as always). I left the apartment a little later than I usually do- hit both green and red lights this time, so I was thinking ‘ok, maybe today won’t be as great today. maybe it’ll be half and half.’

Arriving to the parking lot, I walked with shelly down to the facility. today was my med pass day! I was nervous, but I’m happy to say it was a good experience. I’m happy it were only Haley and I left to pass out meds - and we passed out a lot!

Sheila, our wonderful nurse, directed me to take vitals for 1B, and so I did. It’s been a long time since I’ve done vitals on a patient by myself, so I took a super long time getting respirations (ughhh). Afterwards, Kristan gave Haley and I our list of meds to look at. ‘Not too bad...’ I thought, but still nervous. I went first.

I’m so glad Haley was my partner, I wouldn’t have it any other way. She’s so great and smart and knowledgable but also realistic and just so real at the same time. She’s going to be a great future nurse. She helped me do my med check at the bedside while Kristan was passing me my meds 💊. I popped meds from a burst-pack for the first time lol and of course, I had to drop one on the floor. But it’s alright! Discarded that one 🚮. Meds were delivered ✅: right patient, right time, right med, right dose, right route, right documentation, and right reason.

After that, Haley got to pass meds to her patient. I watched her techniques on how she administered them to a drowsy and non-talkative patient (basically just talk at a good volume and guide them through it. offer lots of fluids. give them a choice still).

THEN.... I got to deliver meds into a G-tube patient for the first time (!!!). I was NOT expecting to do that lol. I got to see what it was like to apply a lidocaine patch, see her Fentanyl patch, see her G-tube location and if there’s any abnormalities; give her her nebulizer/breathing treatment.

(Note to self: before administering anything in the G-tube -- 

ALWAYS note input!

Add syringe 💉 FIRST to port BEFORE opening port. Port to tube feeding is OFF

Flush first (mL) -- w/ water, I guess 🚰

For the meds -- crush, mix with whatever medication (if possible), and dilute a little bit w/ water. Mix with syringe.

Add meds to med port.

Flush again with some more water, noting volume

Turn port OFF. Place back to feeding port?)

Man, I even gave her morphine. That’s some next level stuff for me for a first try lol. For the nebulizer, I got to piece it together and try to give it to her. Only thing to note for that is that it stays on for about 5-15 mins; 10 mins average.⏱

What else happened...

I asked Kristan a crap ton of questions, lol. She laughed at my small sticky note 📒with questions on it. My questions were in regards to the IM injection, ethics committee & who to consult, uhh… fall risk patients and padded floor mats (what counts as a fall?), care plan with health care team members only, union, NSO, and… I can’t remember 😫.

Other things I got to do that day were to change a wound dressing and to help irrigate it (notes: add chuck underneath and re-dress with gauze in an ‘X’ formation). Stage 4 is unknown… I think. That was cool. I also got to do a bladder scan on a patient and that was also cool (bladder scan for urine retention OR if they’re not producing enough urine; seeing how much is left over in the bladder post urination and if that is due to retention or not enough fluid output). Our patient for the bladder scan was Greek and she was sooooo funny. What a savage. You can tell she’s lived a good life and was very satisfied with her way of living.

Hm. I think after that we kind of had a post conference and then I asked more of my questions. We spilled all the tea ☕️ on Renea the devil 👺 and found out that Kristan is classmates with her. Learned from Kristan some life lessons about the healthcare system and nursing bullying. It’s gonna happen, but the best response is to do what you can do. Afterwards, I walked around with some of my group mates, and ultimately it just became Shelly & I trying to figure out what to do next. We went to find Sheila and asked her if we could watch her and she said yes! She asked us to set up another nebulizer and then she showed us a couple of things: wound approximation, insulin pen, med room, crash cart. She was very passionate about showing us these things. I’m glad we met her. There was also a patient who seemed kind of sad and lonesome.. I never got her name, but I wish I spent more time with her during our last day to give her some comfort and take away some of that loneliness. 😢

I think… after that, that was pretty much it? It was a very nice learning opportunity that day and stress free. I wish I could have learned more. Shelly and I said goodbye to the two patients we loved (Greek lady and lonely lady), and we finally found Sheila to say goodbye to. She teared up as we thanked her. “Goodluck to you guys. You’re going to do great.” 🤍

When Shelly and I left, I told her how I wanted to tell Derick “goodbye,” but I was not able to find him. So leaving the facility without saying bye to the friend I made felt really… mmm, idk the word? No closure? Incomplete maybe. “Eh it’s okay. He probably doesn’t care anyway LOL,” Shelly laughed. “That’s true,” I said back. And with that, we went to the parking lot.

Madison and Jazel waited for us while everyone else already left for home. It was probably around 13:50? I got a few missed calls from Frank, who texted me ‘Hi’. It’s been a long time since I’ve heard from that person. Anyway, Shelly suggested the idea of eating out for lunch since it was our last day of clinical and so we decided to carpool in my car and go somewhere nearby (we went to Cava). It was fun to get lunch with them. I just remember laughing a lot about stupid stuff from clinical and random stuff in general). We drove to and back listening to blank space and a thousand miles lol. I felt bad for playing the music too loud.

By the time 14:45 ish came, I drove them back to the clinical facility parking lot, where their cars were. As I was driving out, guess who I saw. It was Derick! He was on his way back to his car I guess, shift finished for the day. I drove up and rolled my window down with a thousand miles playing in the background.

“Thank you for all your help this semester. I really appreciated it. It was nice meeting you!”

“You’re welcome. Take care and good-luck.”

“You too!”

And with that, I drove off smiling. Happy I got my goodbye in with that luck. Bittersweet feeling, I guess.

I drove home but with a headache singing out loud to music in the car and then admiring the skies again😭. Once I got home, I showered and took a nap. Around 19:30, Issac arrived and we watched the demon slayer movie again!

It was a good day.

[riskeith]

i couldn’t stop smiling reading your last message i’m literally so happy atm. you’re so cute and i’m SO happy. i reread it three times and giggled so loud my brother asked why i was laughing... 🥺 he’s in the next freaking room 🥺

sappiness aside: YES!!! CAN YOU BELIEVE? i wish i could give my luck to you as you deserve it much more ): it’s true but it’s still important if you wanna do well in combat sadly haha dhdydbjdnd like you said it’s very inconvenient to have a unbalanced team but i decided that i’m just gonna switch around with the characters i have when it’s needed yk? they’re all mostly around the same levels so it works fine rn.. or it will until i have to focus on who i want to focus on ascending when i get to higher levels bc payments and materials and all.. sigh there’s so much to think about with too many cute characters... anyway how many rolls have you done since you started playing? do you remember?

OH???? is it easier on pc? i’ve always enjoyed smaller consoles tbh (like switch or even phone) bc it’s easier to focus so it wasn’t that difficult for me. but like you said it might just be a ‘getting used to it’ thing. also now that you’ve seen both; which differences are there in the game? are you gonna have two different accs?

i did restart it from the first ep!!! i figured i might as well get the ~full~ experience. it’s been a while too so it’s like a new experience but not rly? it’s like traveling back to your home country and you’re like wow... i belong here even if i’m not here all the time dhsjsjdhfh bad example but you know what i mean?i’ll keep you updated! rn i’m at training camp part of s1 and it’s great!!! just having a blast tbh. needed this especially now that school is back... :(

i guess we are talking about voltron in 20fucking21. i don’t know if i love that for us or not.... (our honeymoon can be whenever you want babe pick a date and i’m There 😏)

pls unrequited love is soo good. it hurts but it’s good too? haha, maybe if one has experiences with it it just hits different yk? but i’m with you—watching voltron i always always had the headcanon that keith first started to feel smth for lance in the ‘we did it’ scene and actually thought ‘i’m in love’ during the black lion scene. like the proof is all there... s8 and the sunset scene just proves his longlasting feelings nobody can tell me otherwise. keith is the type to cherish the people he loves a lot because he barely has anyone and that means putting their happiness above anything else and lance’s happiness was allura for a while and he just... accepted that despite yearning . god . i always think about is bittersweet smile while having his speech. it’s like; i know that you’re great and you should know that you’re great too and if she can’t see it she doesn’t deserve you.

you freaking out over the leave the math to pidge scene... losing my fucking mind. girl they’re literally in love fuckinf crying 😭😭😭😭😭 they depend on each other SO much like the show runners always push the ‘hunk and lance bffs’ agenda ok sure but in the show hunk was never there for lance the same way keith was. they just eased each other’s anxieties without having any expectations on each other at all? yet they surpassed all of them. the other was just.. there. always. remember the ‘we all miss shiro’ scene too???? the entire team looked at lance and wanted him to step up!!!!!! like HELLO??????? and the second lance spoke keith just calmed down... kill me now. if that doesn’t show much trust and appriciation and respect there was between them idk what does. and the fact that the others know that despite their differences they still need each other just..... yeah. *cries*

YOU SHOULD YOU SHOULD YOU SHOULD YOU SHOULD. i get you tho klance is just... comfort ship but the ship that leaves you depressed too. i’m sure you could still write them perfectly but i’m absolutely in no way pressuring you at all you truly don’t have to if you can’t. i know how hard it can be to write when the motivation is just not there... :/ anyway idk what i’d prompt i just love your fics babe hsjdhdjdjdk. that’s so boring of me to say help but everything you write i love so.. surprise me? i can’t believe you have a final klance fic tho that sounds so sad.... ): i’m curious what it’s about but maybe it’s better to keep it hush hush.. hm?

i hope you’ve slept well!! you make me so happy!! kisses! xxxxxx

FHSJFKDS that makes /me/ so happy to hear!!! i was sitting on my bed smiling like a FOOL reading this ahahahaha. and soz to your brother but what can i say 🤪🤪

nooooo im so glad you got a 5 star already pls it’s fine im just gonna use all my primogems on xiao banner and it’ll end up okay fhskjdfds. yeah just switching charas in when needed totally works too! it’s just annoying when you accidentally get caught up in combat and it’s just ‘oop im level 1 against level 50′ AHAH. (tho i guess you won’t run into that issue yet?) honestly yeah there’s so much to do with the characters like ascending, constellations, talents, weapons, it’s just like.. what do i do first.... and who..... afhdskjfhsjf sometimes i just want to use character bc pretty and that should be enough 😔

hmmmm for the character event banner I believe i’m at 60 or 70 rn? so i’m reaaaally close to pity which is why when xiao comes 🙏🙏🙏 and for the standard banner i have no idea, maybe 40? so yeahhhh LOL... i keep saying this (and i better not be jinxing it BUT) im hoping it’ll all pay off...... i hope it’s all been building up for xiao... c6 xiao.. come home FHDKSJHDS

i definitely prefer it on PC! controls aside i just like the bigger screen tbh (my laptop is 15″). mostly the differences are the controls/buttons! since you can’t hold down multiple buttons at once on mobile, they’ve got more to cover all the functions (pc doesn’t have an extra dash button, we just right click or press shift; if we’re in the air i think one of the buttons turns into the drop down/plunge, rather than showing like 3 on mobile? i can’t remember precisely but yeahhh; there’s also the joystick on the left side of the screen on mobile that obviously isn’t there on pc bc we have the keyboard. it’s also harder to move the camera around whilst doing things on mobile i feel?) 

and nah i don’t think i’ll make another acc, esp since i’ve gotten so far into game already but i did definitely think about it as a possibility ahahah (bc of my bad luck... i was wondering if i did a reroll (second) acc i might be able to get diluc FJKHSKDFS)

omg it feels like coming home what a good description 😩😩 haikyuu is just such a fun warm experience! legit so comforting and light-hearted but also get deep when it needs to be. oh yes training camp <33 gosh they were so young then :’) HAHAAH. and noooooo school has started up for you again? rip i wish you the best of luck 😔💪

maybe 2k21 is the year of revisiting old things...... god voltron ended in 2018 can you BELIEVE that (😏😏😏 i was gonna mention playing genshin co-op together (even back when you first started) HAAHAH but i assume you play in europe server? im asia rip 😥)

WE DID IT WE ARE A GOOD TEAM!! THE FUCKING PURPLE AROUND THEM!!!! THE SMILEEEE OH MY GOD THE BONDING MOMENT THE. fuckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk every time you mentioned a single line or scene im just. all the memories come flooding back fhdsfkhsdjf. hang on a second.. they are red and blue.... the scene was purple... surely i knew this back then but im thinking about it now and?????/ oh my god

the sunset scene!!!!!!!!!! that is Peak pining keith unrequited love and pain scene... my goodness. “that means putting their happiness above anything else” NOOOOOOOOOOO you are so right tho 😭😭😭😭😭 please keith deserves the univerise <333 :((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((( the fact that lance seeked him out for that too.. just like old times.. “you can sure be a hard guy to find when you wanna be huh” the way i still remember that ugh they really were my everything 😔

YES!! like they pushed the whole lance+hunk+pidge thing but then in the actual show had hunk+pidge treat lance like shit and belittle him so often?? like ?????????? (once again where fanon saves us 😩) and oh my god yeah.. when everyone turned to him and lance like walked up to keith and then said all that.. we actually had so many moments?? god. *cries with you*

speaking of shiro.. s06e05 the black paladins!!! “shiro.. please.. you’re my brother.. i love you..” “just let go, keith” 😭😭 keith suffered so much AND FOR WHAT my god i miss him so much oh no

FSHFKJDS “surprise me” the only reason im asking is bc i have no ideas!!!!!!!!! 😭😭😭😭😭😭 but i shall think.. (and if you want to think and help me out too.. 👐) & i’ve actually posted about that final fic a lot! LMAO that’s how you know i know i’m never gonna finish fdskhfksjd but in case you do wanna see, here are some links: one, two, three

thank you!! i stayed up to 4am like an idiot LOL but i swear today.... and same 😭 im so so happy to have met you 🥰❣ muah! xoxoxox

[brewdarrymore]

THOUGHTS ON THE TVD SERIES FINALE

ok ok ok. i gave up on this series long, long ago, mid season six, but my nostalgic ass had to watch the finale because i NEEDED closure. and oh boy. OOOOOOOOOOHHHH BOY. HERE WE GO.

so i’m gonna start off by saying that i am ugly, ugly, ugly, ugly crying. i have not been this emotional over a show in a WHILE, and this is a show that i gave up on!!! this emotion, these tears are how the vampire diaries used to make me feel in practically every episode all the way up to season 3. this is why i fell in love with the show. for this feeling. i used to end up in tears almost every time. i lost that as the series went on, and i missed it more than i knew. but the finale gave it to me again. the finale made me remember why i fell in love with it in the first place.

i have so much to say. since i stopped watching in season 6, i’ve kinda sorta kept up with it through the internet, so i kinda sorta know what’s going on, but not really. i knew a few plot devices, but not details. but i think that was okay for the finale. i didn’t really need to know the details because it was all about the connections between the characters, not really the plot. and the connections between the characters have always been constant. 

my biggest moments from this episode. oh my god. EVERYTHING with stefan and damon. the brotherly love. i am sobbing. when damon compelled stefan to leave, i fucking sobbed. like a baby. and then when stefan CAME BACK AND GAVE DAMON THE CURE. i am a snotty mess right now. 

stefan’s ending was so so so so emotional and bittersweet. he didn’t deserve what he got, but it was exactly like him from what i remember - he was kind, and selfless, and he would do anything for the people he loves. especially damon, and even elena, still, after all this time. it kills me. when he and katherine got eaten by the fire and damon just had to lay there, i sobbed. 

but then. LEXI. MY QUEEN LEXI LEXI LEXI GOD HOW IVE MISSED HER!!!! lexi and stefan were always one of my all time favorite relationships in the show. i think i loved their friendship better than every ship, and to see them reunited, so happy, made my heart soar. i always wanted them to be somewhere happy together in the end. stefan was always his best with lexi and i’m gonna cry just thinking about their relationship right now i love it so much. needless to say that was one of my favorite scenes in the episode.

another thing that had me crying - matt’s dad??? I have no idea who he is???? but the scene with him and vicki and matt i was sobbing???

i was also crying through all the steroline scenes even though i never really shipped them. i think a big part of it was that everyone in the show was crying and that made me cry more lol

and let’s not forget BONNIE. god. i love her. i missed her. her with all the bennett witches was amazing. it was such a beautiful scene. i still don’t understand how her and enzo happened, but i think they were sweet and i liked bonnie’s ending. i’m glad that she gets to travel and see the world. i’m so happy for her. and all of her scenes with elena were so cute, girlfriends who love each other so much just really kills me

when damon and caroline and everyone went to stefan’s grave. that killed me too. my tears were hardcore, snot was running down my face at that point. i couldn’t stop it. when they all left their reminders for stefan - the ring, the necklace, the keychain - god. like just stab me in the heart thanks. 

other little things i loved: matt is sheriff??? lol???? i knew that happened at some point, but i just find it so funny for some reason. ALSO LETS JUST SAY IM GODDAMN AMAZED MATT MADE IT OUT ALIVE BUT GOOD FOR HIM CONGRATS MATT

DONT EVEN GET ME STARTED ON THE SALVATORE BOARDING SCHOOL. god. idk how it became a thing or why, but i just started sobbing as soon as i saw the sign. i had no idea why they were making it into a boarding school but i put my hand over my heart and started crying harder. it was just an all around emotional roller coaster. 

AND THE FUCKING LETTER. FROM. KLAUS. OH MY GOD. “THAT IS THE BEGINNING OF ANOTHER STORY” PLEASE END MY LIFE IM STILL HOLDING OUT FOR KLAROLINE HARDCORE ALWAYS UNTIL THE END

and then of course the last scene, when everyone was reunited with their ghosts and the ghosts were watching over everyone. cry. cry cry cry. tears everywhere. 

(i also saw jeremy in the school at the end and i was like what cuz idk what happened to him or where he went but he was there??? and i was like oh hey jer nice to see you)

finally, the delena. i got the closure i needed. they lived a long and happy life together. they got married. and then elena was reunited with her family, and JENNA MY LOVE, and damon was reunited with stefan and then of course the brother stuff had me ugly sobbing all over again. 

idk if i talked about everything i wanted to or if i got out everything i was thinking while i was watching it, but you get the idea. it was just emotional from start to finish. and i really did think it was a great ending to the series. i wish it could’ve kept me invested all the way up until the very end, but the finale brought back all the nostalgia and the sentimentality and the feelings i used to get whenever i was watching the first three seasons. it hit me hard. it was closure, it was good, it was satisfying. i’m happy with the way this show finally ended. and even though i gave up on it, it will always have a special place in my heart - and so will the first four books of the series, what made me fall in love with it originally. this is one of the first shows i ever got super emotionally attached to, and this is one of the first shows where i experienced such powerful emotion like i felt tonight watching this finale. goodbye, vampire diaries. you had a good run. thank you. and i love you.

[tbhhhhhhhhhh]

IM GONNA RANTTTTTTTT (spoilers)

(this match was literally like 6 hours ago so???? I don't remember everything but I'll do my best to recall it. I was bummed the ENTIRETY (apart from Carmella and Eva Marie) of the Women's division could've even have made it onto the actual show but, the fact they were hyping Naomi up and let her pin the women's champ is👍👍👍👍 but I'm hoping they let Nikki and Becky win so Nattie and Mickie can win the singles matches they have (hopefully at Elimination Chamber). SHEAMUS AND CESARO LOST AND IM SHOOK and I'm really confused about what they're going to do with the two of them now and I hope they use them correctly, they're both incredibly talented and deserve to be used correctly. The Club deserved to be given something since they've lost literally everything since coming to WWE but they don't stand out to me idk, they don't catch my eye. I do like Karl's diving neckbreaker though. Nia Jax vs Sasha Banks was honestly one of the matches I was really looking forward to see since I love love love Nia and she looked so great in her new gear tonight, I'm so proud. I wish the match lasted longer and Nia just ragdolled Sasha for a bit after that Samoan drop, would've added a lot more heel heat made her look better in my opinion. The only Women's match on the actual show and, it let me down. I guess they're trying to build up that "Bayley's got heart!" and "she'll never quit!" but the match was pretty short, coming for a 40 minute long women's match at roadblock, and Bayley got pinned cleanly and idk, it did nothing for me. I wasn't really looking forward to Roman Reigns vs Kevin Owens since I don't like how they've worked up their feud idk, did Roman deserve another shot after roadblock? is he going to get another shot now? Why is Roman always looking strong over Kevin??? but I'll be honest, this match won me over mid way through because there were great spots throughout the match. The ending though, Will Kevin ever win a title defense without an interference? I like that their trying to add Strowman to the main event picture, somewhat, but I don't understand where they're going with it, Roman had a showdown with Taker in the Rumble match, which will most likely lead to something for Wrestlemania but where does that leave Roman and Strowman's thing they have now? ugh I'm salty salty saltyyyyyy because this match was the match I was looking forward to the most and my family kept distracting me!!!🙃 so I literally don't have any recollection of the moves. I love heel Neville, but it's bittersweet that he won it at the Rumble, the Rumble is a huge show but I would've loved for the King to be crowned with his championship at the "grandest stage of them all" considering he couldn't even compete in what would have been in his first Wrestlemania. Swann and Neville would've killed it at Wrestlemania. In my opinion, I would've loved to see Rich steal a victory from Neville at the Rumble so he could have a longer reign and so Neville could run through and just obliterate the rest of the cruiserweights division on the road to Wrestlemania. Wow, AJ and John gave another show-stopping performance with each other, it was a PHENOMENAL match and that's all I can say about it, but I don't understand why John got an opportunity in the first place and why he won, Styles' had a great run as WWE champion and I would've loved to see him hold it longer. Cena's already had his time and I honestly couldn't care less about his 16th reign because he doesn't deserve it, he gave a good match and AJ still looks strong because it took 4 Attitude adjustments AND ONE FROM THE TOP ROPE TO GET HIM PINNED, but he shouldn't have been pinned, in my opinion. Now onto the Royal Rumble match, I'm going to nitpick a lot because me and also I can. (it's gonna be blank if I don't have anything to say about the competitor) 1. I've said it before and I'll say it again, I don't like Enzo and Cass at all, but I understand why they'd want to start off the Rumble with two very """"likeable"""" wrestlers. 2. BREAK THE WALLS DOWNNNNNN, CHRIS JERICHO HAS BEEN IN THE RUMBLE FOR MORE TIME THAN ANY OTHER COMPETITOR, I loved that he came back in to the ring to eliminate people but he kept going back out, and as the match progressed I really wanted him to come out on top more and more and I was crushed when he got eliminated. 3. 4. (Breezango👀) 5. YOOO JACK IS CROSSING DIFFERENT WORLDS, HES OUT OF THE CRUISERWEIGHT DIVISION AND HE'S IN THE RUMBLE. His exchange between Chris was hilarious tbh and yeah he didn't get much done but you know, expected. 6.Great pop for Mark in his home state, well deserved, he's a legend. Really interesting to see him and Braun though, eliminated too quickly. 7. Braun was extremely dominant throughout the entire match and that's good considering they're building him up to be a new monster to the likes of Mark Henry and Big Show. I really like Braun, not really his character, but he's so quick for a big guy it's incredible, in my opinion the best big guy the WWE has had in a long time. Many people were predicting he win the thing but I think it's best he just eliminate a butt ton of people for now. 8. omg I literally forgot Dean literally told us Sami was going to be #8 and I was legitimately wondering who the next person was going to be smh. He lasted long which I like, but there wasn't really a memorable moment of him for me. 9. Boy if I wasn't singing Big Show's theme for 20 seconds before he came out, props to him for somewhat patching the torch to Braun and letting him throw him out, but I really want him to face Braun rather than Snoop Dogg at Wrestlemania. 10. MICHEAL COLE MISSED A HUGE OPPORTUNITY OF SAYING "who's going to enter at number..." and then Tye's music interrupts him with "Ten.." I WOULD'VE GONE CRAZY. Really hate how he was just in the background for most of his time in the Rumble and then he was jobbed out. 11. Pointless. 12. They really let their Intercontinental champion get thrown out by Brock Lesnar. That pisses me so much, Dean didn't really have any momentum coming into the match but he didn't deserve to get eliminated by a part timer so easily. 13. Really love how they let Smackdown's monster eliminate Raw's monster, since Braun got all the eliminations, it's only right Baron, at least gets to have a strong elimination to keep his momentum going. I loved him and The Undertaker going at it and I wish they were allowed to be at the forefront for a bit and given more time since Baron's supposed to basically be The next Undertaker/tall guy type of person. 14. His elimination/not elimination wasn't special this year and I'm crying. 15. I was going over who I wanted to win 15 seconds before The Miz got eliminated so I'm thinking, The Miz lost the intercontinental champion and deserves to be in the world title picture so he deserves to win this!!!! then he gets thrown out by a single clothesline by The Undertaker, so, you know. I kinda wanted Maryse to become the 4th woman to enter the Rumble and have the It couple just tear everyone to shreds but that wouldn't have ever happened. 16. 17. omg this entire time I swear I thought Xavier Woods always did the New Day intro and I'm shook. Liked him spanking The Miz tbh. 18. Woah I didn't know he had a broken nose, he's really tough to still compete in the match 6 days after breaking it. I don't like how they've wasted him in this Enzo & Cass feud thing, he should be doing better things and giving Goldberg, Brock and Undertaker a fight because he's that good. 19. I remember Cesaro entering at #19 and I was like "omg this thing is almost over." 20. I love Xavier with everything, he's great on the mic, he's great in the ring, HE'S THE BEST AND CUTEST PERSON OUT OF THE RING, but he didn't do anything spectacular, unfortunately. 21. He should've won. When it was him, Roman, Randy, he was the only the one who really really really needed the win, Bray has a great character and he's so good in the ring. (THAT LITTLE CHOKE SLAM TYPE OF THING IDK WHAT ITS CALLED HE DOES LOOKS SO GREAT ALL THE TIME) I hope Bray wins the title from Cena at the Elimination Chamber and beats Randy at Wrestlemania. He deserves good things. Give him good things @wwe. 22. Incredible in the ring, but he needs a character to make him stand out from the bunch! I'd love Apollo so much more if he wasn't just the "if you mess with him, you're messing with me" little thing he has. 23. Doesn't deserve to have won it again. If he's only putting over Bray, it's kind of a waste of a Rumble, but that's the only way I'll be happy with him winning it. Should've let Luke hit Bray with a sister Abigail. 24. why why why @wwe do you sell out your hard working talent who work 24/7 for a part timer and make them look so weak for someone so undeserving. Dolph can't even turn heel and get taken seriously by WWE and its terrible. 25. I love Luke and even though he's so going under in this feud with Randy and Bray I hope he gets another run at the intercontinental title soon. Give him good things also! 26. No. 27. No. 28. FUCKING love how they're making Brock job to Goldberg in such little time, it's hilarious and deserving to me, but that being said I'm glad Goldberg didn't win and neither Goldberg and Brock Lesnar didn't take much spotlight from the current talent. 29. I so called Undertaker entering 29 and Finn Balor entering 30 AND RETURNING. When the dong hit, I was so certain I was right. I'm a lot more lenient when it comes to Taker, he's been here his entire career and hasn't left, he deserves to eliminate a couple people because he's a legend and even though he's a part timer, it's only because his career has slowed down. 30. Like I said, I was looking forward to Finn returning and Romans music hit and I hate the people who boo him for no reason but I wanted Finn so I'll justify it, only now. IDK how I feel about him vs Taker though. Overall, the match started out really strong but dwindled down over time. I liked how there weren't any returns, people are pissed, but I'm happy WWE is putting effort to somewhat put their current talent on the forefront of one of the biggest Pay Per Views they have. It does them no favors having a retired talent eliminate a current superstar, in my opinion. Dude, I've been typing this for 2 hours djfnfnfn what am I doing omg, I really like writing out my thoughts yo and this is really long but if you like my thoughts yoooooo. I'm sleep now it's 1 am.