#idk. i need to stop typing lmao. love y'all ♡
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mkay i wrote two more good chunks (bringing us up to exactly 4k fucking words...........) of byan's bio but i'm just starting to touch on the actual lowest, darkest point of their life and it's not really helping the already shit place i'm in mentally, so. think i'm done for the night lmao
#sometimes writing byan's darker moments is kinda cathartic in a way#but uh. definitely gotta be in the write headspace for it and hoo boy am i ever not tonight#the 'nothing matters' and 'no one cares' of it all hit a little too close to home tonight#and considering the next big event is uh. mm. an Attempt. if you get me. i'm gonna just. yeah. save that for another day.#gonna practice some gentle self care for the rest of the night i think. be happy that i did some writing#even if it wasn't as much as i wanted#sorry for all the ooc lately yall... shit's just fucked and i don't wanna disappear off the face of the earth just bc#writing's a little hard again ajkhjfds#ouggghhhh i wish my mental health wasn't so fucking up and down#i wish i could expend a little more energy for a day or two without it ruining me for the rest of the week#i wish. that simple things were easy to deal with.#and i wish that every little noise that i don't make myself wasn't so jarring.#idk. i need to stop typing lmao. love y'all ♡#━━ ˟ ⊰ ✰ ooc ⋮ don't @ me.#suicidal ideation cw#just to like. be safe. idk. i feel weird not tagging this sort of shit.
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