#idk. behave like that's true? but the narration is like 'yeah this is true!!'

[doomed-era]

this is a very very simplistic way of looking at it but there is something to be said about thinking about character writing the same way you'd treat an argumentative essay

show don't tell is a tired trope of a statement that I don't think everyone understands, and writing a middle school essay where you have to form an argument and defend it I think gets down to the bones of why it works. You're trying to communicate that a character is a certain way, you back that up with their behavior. State, demonstrate, reiterate. Granted, you can also skip stating entirely, state something at the end, sometimes minor things don't need to have this treatment at all/sometimes little guy just Does Shit— like all writing advice there is a great deal of nuance to it— but if you're really struggling with saying things about your characters and not being able to back it up with their dialogue, thought processes, and behavior then I think it's a reasonable framework to use.

[57sfinest]

More Crane Wives thoughts.

I don't know why but The Crane Wives music always reminds me of Dora foremost. Like yeah asshole move to leave Harry but take a look at it from her perspective. Harry was a mess when she found him, I have no idea why she recommended Harry to be part of the rcm. Harry was the first "true" relationship she had. I'm pretty sure she even has dialogues that states he started having his... Brain friends before the break up. I love Harry but I can see why Dora left, she could have done it in a much better manner. But then again I wouldn't put it past Harry to... Throw a tantrum in a multitude of ways.

The Crane Wives often have songs that tell a story of a bride who sees the ring like shackles. Also songs about women standing up (or just being toxic themselves) because of past relationships. "The moon will sing" could be a song to look at. The narrator describes of only shining with the light that their partner gives them. What if in a way that could mean the deification of their partner? They also say that they could have been anything until their partner decided for them.

Idk maybe I'm just stoned.

well see here's the thing, we have no idea what harry was like when dora met him. the last dream says that dora thought he was cool and that's really it. i imagine he was fine when they met or they never would've dated, or at least not for long. she was young and impressionable when they met and he was her first for almost everything. dora likely pushed harry to join the RCM because she didn't see teaching high school gym as a "real job" (jean says something about women pushing their guys into "fighting the good fight" so it may have been for a reason similar to that). then the stress of that job slowly tipped harry into becoming the mess we see him as in-game-- in the last dream it is implied (if psy is your highest stat) that yeah, harry had the voices and was talking to things pre-breakup. but dora leaving wasn't an asshole move, getting out of an unfulfilling, unhealthy and very likely abusive relationship isn't an asshole move. we don't know how she broke up with him, we only know what he thinks she might have done, and that comes after 6 years and full retrograde amnesia, so harry's recollection of it is completely untrustworthy. you have to remember that the seafort dream is just that: a dream. it is an amnesiac's warped perception of a deeply emotionally triggering event, a dream which he has after significant physical and emotional trauma sustained during the tribunal. while i think it's true that dora wasn't a saint or perfectly well-behaved, there was a significant power imbalance in harry's favor & it was his behavior that drove her off.

in the dream dora definitely talks a lot about what harry has made her and what he's turned their relationship into, so yeah, it could be thematically consistent there. when you can say that she's a star and she denies the claim, for example, or when harry can say that "she made him shit" and dora stands up for herself against that.

[mtvswatches]

Jane the Virgin 1x07 Chapter Seven

Spoilers disclaimer (please read before sending messages or writing comments.)

Stray thoughts

1) It’s nice to get a little more backstory to their first kiss.

NARRATOR: Unfortunately, as Jane described their magical talk, Xo had the distinct impression that…

XIOMARA: He sounds like a playboy, hon.

JANE: I know. I know. He seemed like he would be, but he wasn't.

JANE: He seemed so sincere.

XIOMARA: That's what makes a good playboy. You never feel like you're getting played.

Of course, this was before the cancer, the marriage, Petra’s miscarriage (I’m assuming it was a miscarriage, although this being a telenovela, it could have easily been a fake pregnancy, we’ll see…), and everything that has happened since the show started. Rafael was a different person then, and so was Jane. She seemed to be much more naïve and gullible back then.

The part I’m not buying, though, is how they managed not to run into each other for over 4 years? Like, she was working at the hotel he owned, wasn’t there any awkward encounters like EVER? The show definitely makes it sound as if they had gone by almost five years without seeing or talking to each other…

2) I have to say, I’m with Xiomara and with the stop sign on this one…

It does seem a bit rushed for them to get together, especially considering all the special circumstances that brought them into each other’s lives. And I’m sorry if I’m raining on the shippers’ parade, but they barely know each other? It seems they’re more in lust than in love, and the whole “meant to be” thing is more “meant to be in your pants” than fate. I really hope the show makes me feel different about this because I do enjoy their interactions so far, I like them as characters, and I can see the chemistry there, but I also need some depth to their relationship, you know?

3) Okay, so Rafael showed up and asked her out, and they almost kissed but Jane told him she needed some time and space, which, yes, good for you. But I don’t see that time and space thing lasting too long for some reason…

4) I have a feeling Petra would like to switch places with Jane right now…

5) The fucking nuns are using Jane as a fucking fertility attraction or something. Without her knowledge.

6) Did you know that I love Rogelio?

7) We all know I’m not fond of Michael, but… he did ask Jane point blank if the breakup had anything to do with Rafael, and she lied. Even if there were things Michael did that contributed to her deciding to break up with him, Rafael had a lot to do with it as well. I guess she was trying to spare his feelings, but… she lied. And Michael lying to her was one of the reasons she was broke up with him, so… that’s a bit hypocritical Jane…

8) Rafael is being a bit too pushy for my liking…

RAFAEL: Have you had enough time? Ready to go on a date?

JANE: No. I came to ask a favor, actually, which is totally unrelated to our current situation.

RAFAEL: And what is our current situation?

The girl asked you for some time and space, and it’s been, what? 8 hours? Seriously?

9) OF COURSE, he’s going to be in the club and will continue to push things. That’s so not the way to go about this.

10) Now, these two? They really are meant for each other…

NARRATOR: What you are about to witness is two creatures who are inherently dramatic attempt to behave like they are - not dramatic.

11) Desperate times call for desperate measures…

MAGDA: We can't keep him here forever. We might have to consider…

PETRA: What?

MAGDA: I know people from the old country.They could take care of him for us.

PETRA: Mother, that's crazy!

MAGDA: It is realistic. Now, here are your options: You kill him or let him go, and risk Milos finding you and then you'll wish you were dead. Your choice.

I’m not sure Petra is capable of murdering someone. Magda, on the other hand…

12) AWKWARD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

13) Oh my god, is he twelve?!

JANE: Michael saw the flowers you sent, and he was so hurt it was awful.

RAFAEL: Jane, that wasn't my intention.

JANE: I know. But that's why I'm saying it's too soon.

RAFAEL: What, because of Michael?

JANE: Yes, because of Michael. We were engaged.I was I was about to marry him.

RAFAEL: I'm sorry. But, Jane, he's kind of been a jerk to me.

He’s acting like an entitled rich boy, isn’t he? He wants Jane so he must have her now, it doesn’t matter that she’s not completely comfortable and it doesn’t matter that she still cares about her ex-fiancé with whom she broke up a day ago! And how does he justify not caring about hurting Michael’s feelings or disregarding Jane’s feelings for Michael? “Ugh he was a jerk!”

I don’t like this side of Rafael, I hope he understands why this is wrong SOON.

14) OMG

JANE: Do you by any chance know my father?

15) And now he’s taking Jane’s request for time and space a little bit too seriously…

16) I LOVE ROGELIOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

17) Get your shit together, dude…

Like, you want to date the girl who’s carrying your fucking baby, maybe don’t get salt licked by “a friend” right in front of her?

18) Well, it seems Petra has what it takes to be a murderer after all…

IVAN: Is that peanut sauce?

PETRA: I don't know. I just ordered chicken from room service.

IVAN: I have peanut allergy!

19) False alarm…

He even thanked her, that’s progress.

20) Hmmm, I’m not sold on how the show got Rafael to “refute” each single of Jane’s arguments. They simply have different points of views, and both of their arguments are valid. The most important one, however, is the fact that they clearly don’t know each other very well. It’s one thing to start dating someone who you don’t know very well under regular circumstances. That’s basically what we all do, that is literally how you get to know someone and find out whether you can have a meaningful relationship with them or not. But… Jane is fucking pregnant with Rafael’s baby… so the dating thing could potentially backfire in the worst possible way, and even if they intend to “put the baby first”, they cannot be sure that’s what they’ll do once their hearts are broken and there’s resentment or bad blood.

21) I guess I was wrong when I said Jane had a good head on her shoulders…

I’m sorry but I’m so not into this. It really feels like they’re in lust, and that’s just not my thing.

22) Rafael’s mom is totally going to come back, right?

23) Yeah, that whole “conversation that goes on forever”? I get it, I’ve had those. But it feels the writers are trying to fast-forward the most meaningful part of a relationship, the getting-to-know-each-other part, the slowly falling in love with someone as you learn more and more about them. It just happened overnight for Jane and Rafael.

I feel like I should like them, like I should be falling for them as they fall for each other, but it seems too… contrived. I’m not into it…

24) Oh, Petra, you deceitful SOB! You got me!

MAGDA: That was smart. Seeing his bracelet. You've earned his trust.

NARRATOR: Ah, yes, the classic "poison your hostage and then save him to earn his trusts" technique. Works every time.

MAGDA: I hope the rest of your plan works as smoothly.

What is the rest of her plan, though?

25) ROGELIO STOPPPPPPPPP

26) And now I feel sorry for Michael? What is this episode doing to me?

27) Oh, this trick again, Petra… it didn’t work with Rafael, though…

I’m guessing he’s going to sleep with her and not give her the money, to get back at her because of how she fooled him before…

28) rrrrrogELIOOOOOOOOOOOO

RAFAEL: Who are you?

ROGELIO: I am Jane's father.

RAFAEL: Oh, uh Oh, uh, it's nice to meet you, Sir.

ROGELIO: I wish I could say the same. Jane's mother was worried all night.

RAFALl: Oh, I am so sorry. We-we just kind of…

ROGELIO: No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I know your game. I used to be just like you. Ridiculously good-looking, with charisma, with swagger, notching girls onto my belt.

RAFAEL: No, that's-that's not what's happening

ROGELIO: I have had sex with a lot of women. Way more than you, I'm sure!

RAFAEL: I am sure that that's true.

ROGELIO: But Jane is different. Jane is special. Remember that. Or face the consequences.

29) “Deferred payment plan.” Yep, you’re not going to see that money, Petra…

30) Nope. I don’t like this, at all.

XIOMARA: And you're not me, Jane. You make smart choices, sensible choices.

JANE: Exactly. Because I was always scared of repeating your mistakes. And, mom, I'm just realizing, because of that, I've been afraid to take risks. Real risks.

XIOMARA: You've been smart.

JANE: I've been safe. And I'm gonna be a mom. And moms put their kids first. You know that better than anyone. So this is my last chance I get to follow my heart. Do what I want. And, yeah, maybe the timing isn't perfect, but I want to be with Rafael. He's a good guy.

There’s nothing wrong with being safe, especially when you’re having a baby. And I really don’t get Jane’s logic here? “I’ve been safe my whole life and afraid of taking risks so now that I’m having a baby and will put it first is the best time to take risks”? Maybe don’t? Especially if you’re taking a chance with the father of your baby who you barely know and you could potentially ruin your relationship as parents and therefore create an unhealthy environment for your child just because you had a whim and you were hot for the guy?

I know that I’m probably in the minority here and everyone loves Rafael and Jane, but I’m just super NOT into this. It feels too sudden?

I just hope the show somehow manages to change my perception of them, idk.

31) If anything, Jane’s and Rafael’s recklessness has helped Xiomara and Rogelio become the grown-ups, so I’m thankful for that. They’re still over-dramatic and ridiculous, but they’ve proven they can adult like the best of them if the situation calls for it.

32) …well, for the most part…

33) I FUCKING KNEW IT!!!

I ship this more than I ship Rafael and Jane hahaha!

34) Okay…

I’m totally indifferent to this. *shrugs*

35) Hope you enjoyed my recap, and, as usual, if you’ve got this far, thank you for reading! If you enjoy my recaps and my blog, please consider supporting it on ko-fi.Thanks!

[misscrawfords]

I can’t stop thinking about that terrible movie, The Christmas Wedding Planner. It doesn’t deserve 1/10th of the mental energy I’m giving it and yet here we are.

The main problem is that just a few tweaks could have made it a decent film and that the things that were wrong with it were just so wrong. So I’m making two lists. The first is its greatest atrocities. The second is what I’d tweak to turn it into something watchable, even good.

The premise: Kelsey is a rookie wedding planner, about to get her big break with her rich cousin Emily’s wedding to the oh so charming, Todd. Then she bumps into Connor, Emily’s ex, a private investigator mysteriously charged with investigating Todd. He wants to recruit Kelsey to help him with his investigation. She wants him to piss off. Sparks fly while my suspension of disbelief remains firmly rooted to the ground.

This post will contain spoilers. I really wouldn’t bother caring. Buckle yourself in - we’re going for a very inane ride!

Problems

The leads have no chemistry at all. This is obviously a problem. Buying a romance and attraction between them was just impossible. Their first kiss was meant to be awkward but, my god, surely not THAT awkward! 

This lack of chemistry was added to a flat script that clearly was trying to present Kelsey and Connor as a sparring love-hate dynamic who grow to appreciate each other and eventually come to realise that their connection is really deep as they share the same values. But, uh, that may have been the intention but not the story that came across on the screen. Which was just two people who irritated each other suddenly and for no reason getting upset about how the other was behaving after knowing each other for about three days and then...

THEY GOT FLIPPING MARRIED. I mean. WHAT. They’ve kissed twice. They know basically nothing about each other. Half an hour previously she thought he was a villain. This isn’t romantic, this is INSANE. I give them till the end of the honeymoon.

She’s called Kelsey. Like, that’s not a name. It’s just a random word. (This is petty as hell, but still.)

Kelsey has a “tragic backstory” where her mum died and she’s narrating her life in text messages to her mum which are text message overlays of exposition in case the viewer is finding the plot too complex to follow. I have no idea why this exists. It goes nowhere.

A romantic comedy ends with Emily, described as the most perfectly lovely and sweet person, discovering at the altar that her almost-husband was cheating on her and got a maid pregnant and then dumping him. And then she watches her wedding planner get married to her ex-boyfriend who she barely knows. I don’t particularly care about Kelsey and Connor but I’m very, very concerned about Emily! Make your beta couple happy, you cowards!

Todd was cheating with the maid. Wow, what a radical secret. And then Emily just doesn’t even talk about it. She just accepts the wedding is off and wants to plan a girls trip away instead. She was going to MARRY this guy. Doesn’t she want to IDK hear his side of the story? Why so quick to believe the worst? I mean, wow, clearly she shouldn’t be marrying this guy if she doesn’t care, but she’s meant to be intelligent as well as beautiful!

So basically none of the characterisation makes sense. In that there basically isn’t any. Just plot points that apparently have to be hit. Like, Aunt Olivia is a bitchy Rich White Woman (tm) half the time and a caring, mother-figure the other half. I was getting whiplash keeping up with her 180 degree character changes.

Connor isn’t even vaguely attractive. Physically or emotionally. That’s kind of a problem in a romance film. (I mean, YMMV with the physical aspect but, eurgh really.) He’s as charismatic as a block of wood. She’s... eh. She’s a generic Hallmark movie protagonist.

The way these characters dress and look. It’s so... 90s? I don’t mean that exactly. I mean, everyone looks the same and it’s a kind of glossy Clueless vibe. The women are all in tailored mini dresses and with long waves of hair. The men wear slacks and a shirt and have a bit of stubble. They all live in massive mansions or cute apartments that are all spotlessly clean and neat. They literally look like Barbie dolls except even my dollhouse was more realistically lived in than any of these sets. It’s such a weird aesthetic. And it makes no sense for the demographic these people supposedly belong to.

Perfect, sweet Jane Bennet Emily has three caricatured bridesmaids who are horrible. Why? Why are bridesmaids always jealous, miserable bitches? WHERE ARE HER ACTUAL FRIENDS? Speaking of, who even has weddings like this? What is the deal? Who WANTS this kind of wedding? Who behaves like this about their wedding or their child’s wedding? I’m so confused. If this is some kind of fantasy, I wonder whose it is, because everything about it is horrible. Which brings me back to this all feeling very dated in its aesthetic and early 2000s obsession with skinny women getting carried away with designer weddings in romcoms written by men. IDEK. This is 2018 and we have Set It Up and To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before. This kind of film just doesn’t belong any more.

So that’s quite enough issues. Let’s try to solve a few and make this a better film.

Most of the problems could be solved by making the lead couple appealing. Cast different actors and write the script that they think they already have. If you can actually buy the narrative of two people who have more in common than they think growing closer from antagonists to partners, then the ridiculous ending where they decide to just get married could potentially work. POTENTIALLY. If they had more lingering looks that were genuinely hot, their awkward kiss melted into something real, their interactions sizzled with wit and suppressed passion then... yeah. Maybe then the spontaneous decision at the end would make you think, “Actually, yes, it’s mad but LOOK AT THOSE TWO CRAZY KIDS!”

Work on characterisation. So Kelsey’s deal is she’s concentrating on managing other people’s happiness instead of concentrating on her own because she can’t let go after her mother’s death. This is kind of heavy for a romcom. Let’s scrap the dead mother altogether. Make Emily her actual sister instead of the cousin who is like a sister and make Aunt Olivia her mum. Streamlines everything. This is better. So Emily is the perfect daughter who is beautiful and sweet and having the perfect wedding and Kelsey is the younger daughter who is determined to make her way in the world without the family money. This causes friction because she thinks her mum favours Emily and her determination leads her to believe that if she gets involved in a serious relationship which would please her mother then she is compromising her desire to be independent. Cue touching moment near the end when her mother admits she’s got it all wrong and she admires Kelsey’s entrepreneurial spirit and reveals that it’s possible to have a career AND a relationship. None of this is rocket science or even that interesting but I’m trying to make this a better Hallmark movie, not Citizen Kane.

Connor’s turn. Good grief, get a better actor for a start. And the entire plot here needs to change now. Because the PI bit is good but being hired by Aunt Olivia because Todd is cheating is just... so BORING. So before we can improve Connor we need to work on what he’s there to do.

Time to look at the actual plot. Wedding planner forced to work against her will with PI to investigate the wedding she’s planning is a genuinely cool concept. We have a bunch of tropes here: spies! we had to kiss for cover! love to hate! fake dating! All of these need to be fully exploited and above all the spying has to be funny. This needs to be the centre of the film. Not a single montage. It needs to circle through every conceivable trope to romantic and comic effect. We need to see these two bickering and flirting and denying their attraction in ridiculous undercover situations. This should be basically 90% of the film. Because that I would watch. But “Todd is cheating” is beyond boring. So what will the scenario be?

A couple of options and I’m not sure what I’d go with at present. Firstly would be sticking with the “Todd is cheating” plotline but... he isn’t. He’s a great guy! The spying is all pointless and both Kelsey and Connor realise that but... just... can’t quite bring themselves... to stop... because that’s their excuse to see each other. Todd and Emily find out in the most embarrassing way possible, and find it hilarious. Because they’re a well-adjusted couple ready to take the next step into married life. Either Aunt-now-Mum Olivia did start it and then has to eat humble pie and realise she was wrong about everything or someone else instigated it. Maybe a jealous ex? IDK. It doesn’t really matter. They’re proved totally wrong and true love triumphs!

The alternative is that Todd is really a bad egg but in that case we need to play his relationship with Emily differently so she doesn’t come out looking like a robot or an idiot. We can do a Much Ado situation where their superficial relationship - Emily desperately trying to please her mother as much as Kelsey is trying to distance herself (two sides of the same coin) - is contrasted with the real and flawed relationship that develops between Kelsey and Connor. Meanwhile, because this is a romcom, while Todd and Emily’s relationship is obviously wrong from the start, Emily builds up a cute friendship with the adorable baker making her wedding cake - who is the only appealing character in the film as it stands. Once Emily’s relationship with Todd is exploded, then give her a shoulder to cry on and the hope of something real with the lovely baker in the future.

But even if Todd is a genuinely rotter, the spying needs to be a smokescreen. If Kelsey and Connor do discover whatever is dodgy about Todd, it needs to happen accidentally and so all their spy antics need to be a complete waste of time except to lead to them falling in love. Because actually spying on people and so on is... not very nice and turns this into a spy film rather than a romcom. Even better, let Emily come to the realisation herself. When Kelsey breaks the news to her (she has to do it, not Connor for maximum emotion, and not ridiculously while she’s at the altar) then Emily has to admit she already worked it out so she can make a really informed decision.

If you’re going to have Connor propose at the end (which is stupid) then the correct response is for Kelsey to laugh hysterically and say something like, “Are you crazy? But you can take me out for a real date!” Cue kiss, applause and credits.

So Connor. Firstly, his background needs to be simplified. He shouldn’t be Emily’s ex. That’s just weird. And the whole money business is dubious and overly-complicated and doesn’t make him look great and is just shoe-horned in for ~drama. He’s just a stranger who is a PI. The end. This ought to be an easy job for him, a boring one. He didn’t count on the genuinely smart, witty wedding planner he got entangled with. Bless his snarky, so over-it cotton socks.

So, I can see you wondering, haven’t I removed all sources of tension? No issue with the ex, no money problems, Kelsey and Connor don’t even affect Emily’s relationship. What is the massive problem that will occur 4/5ths the way through and make our hero and heroine desperately miserable for five minutes before the final denouement? But, my friend, if you think this is a problem, then you’ve completely missed the central premise of this story. They think they’re just forced to work together! As spies! Undercover! But actually! They have real feelings! For each other! Isn’t that enough of a plot? When Emily and Todd’s wedding either goes ahead without problem or is broken up no thanks to the inept spy duo, they have no longer any reason to see each other! And thinking that the other one doesn’t care, they just sadly say goodbye and prepare to part for ever... BUT WHAT HAPPENS NEXT WILL SHOCK YOU. Look, this is all the level of conflict this film needs. Nobody is watching this because they want this part of the film to last more than a couple of minutes maximum. Just let them roll their eyes at each other like the Beatrice and Benedick dynamic they so desperately wish they had and kiss!

THE END.