#idk why they don't do that for reserve or active because its super helpful

[theodrawsart]

idk I feel like this is a very sad and limited view on what "play" is

the word play literally just means "to engage in activity for enjoyment and recreation rather than a serious or practical purpose". so the take that play has childish connotations or is something only reserved for children is...very sad?? to say the least?? and I don't mean that in an offensive way, just in a "we really are often taught by bitter adults that it's never okay to do things just for fun and that narrative does run really deep in a capitalist society that only ever prioritizes our productivity" way. especially for people who are raised as women, the narrative that we must always focus on service for others and never enjoy something on our own is very strong.

but it's also so important to challenge these narratives precisely so that we don't grow bitter over seeing other people have fun

I don't even think it's a euphemism either. when I engage with new partners, it really is just a "we're doing this for funsies and to explore the senses". "hookup" isn't always the right word for it because not all forms of kink play include PIV or oral, and that's a super limited view of it. especially as an autistic person who is sensory seeking, some of it is literally just psychological or physically stimulating without being focused on genitalia. shibari is a great example of play that is often artistic even, and for me, it rarely escalates towards oral, any form of insertion, or anything that would count as a "hookup".

because I know kink is so varied, I also don't think the word "playmate" gives anyone a "clear picture" at all - so many things exist, I have no idea what their boundaries are, what they like to do specifically, what they don't like to do, etc. similarly, "FWB" or "bf/gf" or even "spouse" might imply sexual things, but it doesn't mean I know anything about their sex life. I also would never just give specifics with "my full chest" unless I know the person I'm talking to is comfortable with that and interested in knowing.

I also don't think saying one form of play exists (in the sexual realm or the realm of kink) negates other forms of play, like DnD or improv, at all. me saying I have a gaming friend when we only play Stardew Valley doesn't mean I'm negating that gaming friends can come from/be interested in other games. me saying I have a work friend and just calling them "friend" later in conversation doesn't mean that I think they singlehandedly define the limitations of friendship, nor that it only exists in a work context.

language shortens things and helps us avoid having to repeat context - it's why pronouns exist, so we don't have to repeat someone's name or an object over and over again. If the conversation already gave context to the focus on kink, they don't need to say "my playmate for kink" over and over again to make sure that you know other forms of play exist. just like a conversation about a DnD player wouldn't need to consistently go "and then when this player cast this spell, (the player for DnD that is)". it would be silly, and just saying "player" or "playmate" is probably because there was context to the conversation already on what for, not because they don't understand other forms of play exist. If anything, the overlap between kink and DnD communities tends to be surprisingly large!

if you're not comfortable with your friends talking about kink and who they engage with, that's fine! that's a boundary that you're well within your right to set. but I don't think it requires a ton of justification on it being inherently bad somehow as if there was any connection to children or whatever (which...ew) or that it's somehow infringing on other people's interests and forms of play to communicate that they have this interest. just saying that you don't like it/feel comfortable with it is totally okay on its own!

for some reason ppl using "play" as a euphemism for kinky stuff is like, cringe to the point of being legitimately nauseating. to me. my old coworker called her fwb her "playmate" and i threw up in my mouth a little and wanted to strangle her. i think its bcs 1) cutesy euphemisms for sex are all cringe to begin with 2) the specifically childlike connotations of that word and 3) the implication that kink is the closest adults can get to playing pretend/the direct adult equivalent of it (fails to acknowledge the existence of dnd and improv for example)

[smalleststress]

Hi. I leave for BCT very soon. I will also be at Fort Jackson. How was it? I’m getting extremely nervous as the date approaches. Anything that you can tell me that you wish you knew? Any tips at all would be great.

Hmm, that’s a good question. Keep reading if you want my advice on basic, as someone who completed it recently. In summary, it was rough but worth it.

(Every fort is different so if you are not going to go to Fort Jackson this might differ slightly)

About Basic

+ I didn’t know this when I went, I thought I was going straight to basic but there is a period beforehand before you go to basic that involves very elementary training. How to stand, how to March, all of those things are taught during this time though you definitely get better at them in Basic. The name of it is escaping me now but before basic when you ship off you’ll go there (it’s in the same state, and it will give you a light taste of what basic will be like). Basic is very difficult physically during the beginning.

+ Make sure your hair is in the requirements before you go. Males get their hair buzzed off so it doesn’t really matter but make sure to shave your face or get a profile for it if your face gets super irritated. Females with hair below their collar, yall better have perfected that tight ass bun or have your hair cut the right way above the collar. You can look up the exact requirements online but I cut my hair down so I wouldn’t have to bother with it, waking up is hard enough much less having to put your hair in a bun every single time. Females cant shave their entire head like the guys, so make sure you look up appropriate short hair cuts ( yes, ik its bullshit but its an old regulation)

+ If you don’t know your soldier’s Creed and those types of things ( you can Google search them, they’ll pop right up if you look up BCT requirements) because DS will ask you and you don’t wanna be the person that gets everyone messed up because you don’t know it fully. Know your APFT requirements. I would say make sure you can get close to them but if you have left soon don’t worry about it, they’ll get you there if you do the punishments right and work out. Use those foam rollers!!

+ Drink waaatterr! (You’ll get it after)

This is going to sound stupid but seriously drink water, some DS will be annoying and not want you to drink on the drill floor unless you are told so but usually it’s okay. Don’t be the person that faints because of heatstroke. You’re going around the time I did, which was in August, so the start of BCT will be hot but once you are in AIT it will start getting colder.

+ This sounds like common sense but you’ll be surprised how uncommon it is once you get there, don’t argue with a DS.

Just don’t. Unless it’s something serious that you could get held back for, just let it go. If they call you dumb? Ignore it. Call you slow? Ignore it. Work on that poker face, they are just trying to get a rise out of you or see you break. Accuse you of sleeping in class when you were looking at your fingers? Don’t fight it.

Most of the time, they are just looking for someone to argue with them and if you just agree your punishment is not that bad or you might not get punished at all or just get a lecture.

+ Sunday mornings are for religious times and the DS are not allowed to plan activities during that allowed time or punish you ( they can make you stand outside for hours tho so don’t use it as something to fall back on)

If you don’t want/need to go to church, use this time to write to family and friends, do hygiene ( not showering because you can’t leave quickly from that if y'all get called down), some people shave their legs (tbh I didn’t care no one is trying to impress anyways), some people draw or write. If you are going to try to take a nap, don’t do it on your cot or anywhere where a DS can walk in and immediately see you. No one wants to get in trouble because someone was sleeping, if someone is and you hear a DS coming, wake them the fuck up.

Church wise, I went a couple of times even though I’m not religious, to see a friend of mine who was in a different unit because everyone goes to the same churches for different services, including those it AIT. Don’t be dumb and try to use someone’s phone you will get caught, don’t be dumb and try to give someone your phone to use you will get caught. Other then that, the Spanish Christian church is the best in my opinion. Though I only know a bit of Spanish I had a wonderful time and most in translated into English anyhow. It’s absolutely lovely to see people singing and dancing, waving flags and having a good time after such a stressful previous week.

I can’t tell you where to sleep to not be seen in the barracks but I’m sure you’ll figure that out on your own.

+ If you wear a bra and have to wear one if you are doing physical exercise, wear one to bed. It may be really uncomfortable but if you are woken up in the middle of the night to be punished because someone was sleeping on fireguard, you’ll be happy you aren’t running around without one.

+Help clean your barracks! Don’t be that person that gets everyone fucked up because you don’t know how to hospital fold your bed corners, clean up sand from off the floor or you slacked off during your fireguard shift and everyone gets woken up to be punished. Make sure your uniform is correct and your name tags are on the right side before going out ( I remember it as the Army tag goes over your heart, left side.). Tuck in your shirt if you are in the PT uniform, and make sure your battle buddies aren’t fucked up, because if you don’t check them, a DS will and then no one will be happy cuz you’ll be punished for not looking after one another.

+ If basic is anything, it’s a group effort. No platoon is perfect, and yes your going to have people that you want to smack upside the head, but try as much as you can to help out (especially on obstacle courses, tall people I’m talking to you) and make sure your platoon isn’t the one that DS keep on having to call out for being fucked up.

+ Dear gods, please remember to call the drill floor to stand at attention when a high ranking officer walks up if you see them. You can look up exactly what ranks but please do it for the sake of your platoon. Go to parade rest when you are talking to anyone else or you’ll get punished for it

+ Never go anywhere alone! If you have to discuss something private or sensitive with a DS, still take a battle buddy. The battle buddy system is a real thing and not only helps you create stronger bonds but can really save your ass if you forget something and they remember.

+ DS are going to be the meanest people you’ve ever met for the first phase (red) but you’ll get to know their personalities later on, most stay stern but it isn’t as bad. If you have an issue that could be life-threatening or dangerous, tell them. There is no DS that would want to see their soldier fall because of something that could have been prevented.

+ Only use sick hall if you are really sick! Try not to use it during any training events, especially days where you are going to the shooting range. If you miss even one time at the shooting range, it can really mess you up for any future shooting range events. I missed one and had to get my weapon fixed while everyone else was already qualifying. Clean your damn weapon! Either 

+ Not everything is a requirement to pass basic, I don’t want to tell you what isn’t as you should try your best on everything but number one most important thing that you will get held back for if you don’t pass is the last APFT. You’ll know which one it is because it will be right before the forge, a battle buddy of mine was held back because of it and had to go to an entirely different unit (some people weren’t given a second chance because they did so horribly on it but most were) to take it again and had to go to the forge with them.

+ Don’t! Fraternize! I don’t care if you haven’t had someone kiss you since you were a baby, you can wait till your out of basic! I cannot tell you how many people got caught and messed up for that. If you think writing notes to each other is a good idea, don’t. If you think writing in a journal about them is a good idea, don’t. Those people always get caught, and this goes for gay people too. Y'all are a little less obvious but I cannot tell you how stressful it is for someone to be sleeping in someone else bed when you are on fireguard and you see the DS come in. Don’t be that person. You can get thrown out of basic for it, it isn’t worth your military career. Don’t even touch people of the other sex, even if you are gay, don’t give the DS any reason to try and call you out on it.

+Find friends of the same athletic or slightly better caliber as you. Train with them during free time in the later phases (though you won’t want to) run with them on the APFT test, don’t talk in formation on the frill form with them but carry a conversation when you are allowed to. It helps the time go by and you all can vent to one another about how basic sucks. I’m still friends with the people I went with ( not all of them of course, some people are just irritating and you have to learn to ignore them) and I even went to the wedding of one. We send each other mail and sometimes presents if we hear someone is feeling down since some are active army and others are National guard so we are split up everywhere.

+ While the start of basic is difficult mostly physically and a bit of a culture shock, the last couple of weeks are mentally draining to the core. Once you finish the forge, you will want to get out of there like nothing else. Try to be patient, it’s more difficult then it sounds but this is where most people mess up and screw their training even though they only have a matter of days left. It’s temporary and you will be out before you know it, even if it feels like an eternity spent with these people. I can still name the people who pissed me off and it’s been months and months since I left.

After Basic

+ AIT is better, but it’s still going to be training in the military. I can only speak about fort Jackson AIT because I went there for that as well (42 Alpha, yay). Just because you can get coffee at the DFACT doesn’t mean a DS won’t punish you for doing dumb shit.

Don’t miss the fireguard briefing in AIT, the DS come up in different punishments all the time so don’t be the one they experiment on. One time I and my roommates along with other people stood out in the cold for literally hours waiting for the DS because we missed the briefing and he left us there until he felt like we had learned our lesson. Not the worst punishment but damn if I wasn’t shaking like a leaf.

+ It does get better. I can’t speak for active or reserve, but the unit that I am with now, have some of the nicest people I’ve ever met and I could not be happier. It will be more relaxed (I’m sure active and reserve are to different degrees) and far more friendly than training so don’t stress too much when you eventually leave training and go to your unit.

Things to keep in mind.

It doesn’t last forever. Don’t become unmotivated because you know you have a lot of time still, it sucks ass sometimes but keep your chin up and keep going. Stopping only slows down the process ( unless you are really hurt or need help please don’t hesitate. I waited too long on an injury and I have to do physical therapy for it so stay safe friends)

You won’t see these people forever. While that can be sad in some ways, it’s also a relief as well. They are temporarily in your life, so try and manage not lashing out at them even if you believe they deserve it. No one benefits from extra stress in training so don’t be a source of it.

Sometimes letters take a while to send. Don’t become upset because no one has sent you a letter yet, I got mine faster then my friend in that state did and I live in Delaware. Even though the DS will make jokes about it, your family still loves you and are trying to do their best to reach out to you. If you get something serious or awful news do not hesitate to have a private conversation with a DS. They may seem to mean but they care about your well-being and need to be in the know if something is going on that could impair your ability to train as expected.

Keep a journal if you can. If it becomes stressful, don’t. Mine only has entries from some days, and they definitely are sequential, but try it out. If you need to vent by writing,. Use not obvious code words for people, you don’t want a DS reading it and calling you out for it. It’s interesting reading them once it’s all over, good or bad memories included. I have a ton of pages where there are huge inkblots because I fell asleep while writing. Lol

Don’t psych yourself out. Everyone messed up and gets punished at least once even if you fly under the radar. It’s bound to happen and while you shouldn’t try to make it happen, don’t cry over spilled milk.

Don’t cry in front of a DS if they are yelling at you but feel free to just let it out where ever else. Crying can be very therapeutic and even relive stress, don’t feel ashamed of you had a stress cry during lights out from a bad day, you aren’t weak and they are definitely other people doing the same. As someone who used to cry if someone yelled at me, Basic was a learning curve and one hell of one but it’s not impossible to any sense. People completed it before you many times and people will do it after you many times, you can do it.

You will most likely get homesick or at least miss your loved ones. Again, everything is only temporary. Don’t try to end your training early because you want to go home, it won’t happen and it may even prolong your stay. Get it done and over with so you can see your family on family day and go eat some french fries with them.

That’s about all I can think of, I’ll add if I think of anything but once it is over please feel free to shoot me a message saying how it went! We may even have had the same DS or company, who knows. I’ll update this if I think of anything else.

Stay safe future solider and best of luck!