#idk why I had to be formed this way out of silly putty but it;s fucking stupit

[sumplysilly]

Zeke moment

Sumply strange growing & traumatic memories sticking in my mind bc they had such an impact on my life while everything else good & otherwise fades away over time. I remember my teeth being ripped out with pliers & being hit with a bullwhip. But I can't remember my stepdad's voice. & I try to hold onto good memories but so much of my life was just hanging on terrified & isolated barely living

& I want to move on to better memories but I spent more than half my life just hanging on. So now I'm like those birds that fly into a window & get taken in to get their wing fixed, but when they get released the other birds don't fly w them bc they act not like a bird because there's something deeply wrong with them after being handled. So even if I forget being beaten & starved near to death it's still in my codes & ppl can sense it on me & ppl don't want me near them bc I'm a cursed wrong poison person. & even if i forget my brain will still feel wrong

But remembering doesn't help either bc nobody I loved & trusted ever helped me when I begged for it, & the ppl that physically tortured me will never validate my memories that I don't want that are their fault. So I'll never have closure & my brain is fucked until the end of everything until I die. & all I can really do is say ok :) & twiddle my thumbs over my life so far being shaped by pain & fear & violence