#idk where this came from but it was probably after almost crying trying to get my hair done lmao

[cxtori]

Kaveh ✮ Bad Days

summary: basically you’ve had a really rough week and Kaveh decides to help you do your hair when you get upset with it :)

genre: fluff established relationship, good ole’ feminine hair rage, hurt/comfort, Kaveh is really good at doing hair I just know he is

warnings: n/a

WC: 1.3k

song: here with me by d4vd

tori’s note: OMG a genshin fic, lookie! And HELLO! I’m alive. I’m finally getting used to my new job and routine so I’m finding more time to spend on my hobbies, which means I’m finding more time to write :) hoping to be posting more stuff soon! <3

It had been a hard day. A Hard week actually.

First, the art piece you had worked so hard on was rejected by the art exhibit you submitted it to. Then the market was out of all of the key ingredients you needed when you planned to make Kaveh some Fatteh. And then one of the art gallery’s regulars yelled at you because her piece wasn’t in the spot she felt it deserved. Plus all of the other little inconveniences that occurred throughout the week that pushed you closer and closer to the edge.

You were already exhausted, annoyed and frustrated. And now, here you were, sitting at your vanity trying to get your hair fixed and looking pretty while on the verge of tears.

It’s a style you’ve done a million times over. There’s no reason for it to be this complicated. And yet, your hair is refusing to cooperate, your strands now tangled in a hair barrette.

You let out a loud, frustrated groan. At this point, you don’t care if it’s not the best it’s ever been, you just want it to look presentable. But it seems like the harder you try the worse it gets.

Kaveh is supposed to be here at any moment to pick you up for your date and your hair is nowhere near ready. And now the tears welling in your eyes threaten to ruin your makeup as well.

You take a deep breath and try to calm your annoyed thoughts before making another attempt to untangle your hair wrapped around the intricate hair piece, its sparkling green gem reflecting in the mirror as though to mock you.

You’re making fine progress, until you drop the barrette and your hair seems to wrap around it like a magnet. You pick it back up and manage to tug a little too hard on a strand or two, causing a sharp pain in your scalp and an involuntary gasp to escape your lips. And that did it.

You let out an exasperated groan and the tears you’d done so well to hold back drop down your cheeks, dragging dark mascara with it. Great, now your hair is a mess AND so is your makeup.

You pick up the hair piece again, heavily considering whether it would truly be a bad idea to just cut it out.

Before you can convince yourself you’d look good with shorter hair, Kaveh knocks on your door and enters the room.

“Y/n, there you are, darling. I thought you’d be down-” He cuts himself off when he catches a glimpse of your mascara-streaked face in your mirror. “Y/n?”

You turn around to face him, tears now streaming freely down your face as you’ve completely given up on trying to hold them in. You’ve reached your breaking point, though you must admit, you’re surprised it took this long.

“Wh-why are you crying?” Kaveh asks, panic rushing through him at the sight of your current state. His eyes widen slightly and he straightens, placing his hands on his hips. “Was it Ms. Oshi again? I swear, her work isn’t good enough to be putting up a fuss the way she does.”

“No… I mean she did come in again this week, but that’s not why I’m crying,” you say, your words barely comprehensible through your quiet sobs and sniffles.

Kaveh’s arms drop and his expression softens. “What is it then, darling?”

“I can’t get my hair right!” You cry. He looks up at your head, only now noticing the tangled barrett resting chaotically in your strands. “And now my makeup is a mess,” you mutter, turning your gaze back to your reflection.

You miss the soft smile on Kaveh’s lips as he makes his way over to you and rests his hands on your shoulders, gently guiding you to sit up straight.

“Let me help.” You don’t resist when his hands begin working on your hair, carefully pulling it from the metal piece. His nimble fingers make quick work and before long, he’s pulling the barrett from your hair, no scissors needed.

He moves his hand around you to place it in your lap before picking up the hair brush on your vanity. As he straightens out your knotted hair, you begin fixing your makeup, doing your best to not smudge the streaked mascara further on your face.

You finish your makeup at the same time he gets your hair untangled, but when you move to start working on your hair yourself, Kaveh pushes your hands away, a humming quiet “hmm mm”. You, once again, don’t argue and sit back in your chair as he continues his braiding.

Your gaze drops down to the barrett in your lap and you pick up the cool piece of metal. Your fingers trace over the delicate, golden vines and leaves, the stems growing tighter together as they meet in the center where they wrap around a grassy-green crystal surrounded by tiny, crimson red gems.

“Do you remember when I got you that hair piece?” Kaveh asks quietly, a hint of amusement in his voice.

“You mean when you were nervously fumbling with the jewelry box and nearly dumped it into the river? I remember,” you giggle, the image bright and vivid in your memory.

“Ahh, well… yes, but not that part,” he says and you look at his face in the mirror just soon enough to catch the flash of embarrassment on his face. “Do you remember why I’d given it to you.”

You think back on the moment, but no answer comes to mind. You had been together for around 6 months at the time, and aside from that milestone, nothing of significance comes up. You shake your head, careful to do it lightly enough as to not mess up your boyfriends progress. Kaveh gives a light chuckle.

“You had been having an absolutely horrendous week. ‘Worst days of your life’ is what you’d told me.” Your eyebrows furrow as you try to dig up the memories, but you get nothing.

“Granted, I think you were overexagerrating a bit,” he says quickly before continuing. “But still, you were quite upset. I thought the gift would cheer you up. And it did, though maybe not in the way I’d intended.” You laugh again at the image of him almost dropping his newly purchased gift off the bridge into the rushing water below you and the heavy sigh of relief he gave as he clutched the box in his hands like his life depended on it.

He reaches around you to gently take the barrett from your hands, his fingers lingering on yours a few moments longer than necessary.

“All of that to say, this moment will pass. You’ll move on and forget about all of the bad things that happened this week. Well, maybe except Ms. Oshi yelling at you. Her voice forever haunts me,” he jokes and you giggle. He never fails to make you laugh, even if it’s not his intention.

“But something you will never forget are these moments,” he says as he clips the barrett into place. He brushes your hair over to the side and places a light kiss on your exposed shoulder.

“I love you, darling. On your best and on your worst days.” His whispers against your skin give you goosebumps and you turn your head to face him, his amber-red eyes meeting yours.

He takes your hands and guides you to stand up, his hands moving to your wast as soon as your vertical.

“I love you too. Thank you,” you say, leaning close to him so your whispers fall on his lips. He wastes no more time to press his mouth to yours, the scent of clay and sandalwood flooding your senses.

Every unsaid word is conveyed perfectly as he pulls you closer to him and deepens the kiss. You let out a soft laugh when he nibbles your lip, knowing it’ll get a reaction out of you. You pull apart, your quiet pants filling the space between you as you hold each other close.

“My love,” Kaveh says, stroking a thumb tenderly over your cheek. He gives a happy hum as he pulls away, his hand dropping down to yours to grasp it tightly. “We should get going, don’t want the tavern to be too crowded now.”

©Cxtori 2024 please do not copy, plagiarize, repost or translate. reblogs appreciated

[ghostfacesvalentine]

First time - Multimuse x Fem!Reader

Pairing: Multimuse x Fem!Reader

Warnings: nsfw, dom/sub dynamic, sort of ddlg? No non con, but reader begging to slow down bc overstim, mmm i dunno.

Type: blurp

Request: N/A

Word Count: N/A

Prompt: No prompt, just smut abt when or how reader came to call the muse “Daddy” for the first time.

Notes: I mainly just kind of included muses I would think to be the more dominant ones, at least ones that I could write easily for. Maybe I’ll make another one, idk. So sorry if your fav didn’t make the cut ily.

Michael Myers: Honestly what else was there to call him. As soon as you saw him, the way he towered over you as you looked up to him helplessly. It was no different from when he was tangling his mangled fingers into your scalp, gripping whatever amount of hair he could. Looking down to you through the holes of his mask as you felt him deeper you could almost swear you were going to split. “Daddy.” You repeated like a prayer as he’d hit the right spot, feeling your legs flinch deliciously as your folds clenched around him. Even after creaming all over him, you repeating his new nickname would only cause him to pin you down to the floorboards even if you’re screaming and begging him to slow down because you were overstimulated. Michael would be absolutely feral.

Billy Loomis: Kind of has a softer approach, but that doesn’t mean it wouldn’t be any less torturous. It’s almost like he’s trying to get it out of you. Billy knew when he lusted for you across the classroom that he’d have you in a puddle of your own arousal in no time. Bonus points if you’re shy. He’d be gentle at first, running his finger tips all across your tender spots, watching you intensely, so much so it makes you kind of uneasy at first. Still, to be sitting on a picnic table, exposed to him as you were, there was something so hot about it. When his fingertips plunge into you after almost a half hour of sloppy wet kisses, you were stunned at the self control he managed to have. After a few pumps he traces your arousal around the outer parts of your folds, with a devilish smile when he notices your pout. “Daddy please” You beg, your hand gripping onto his wrist. Something in him flicks, he has you exactly where he wants you. “Please what kitten?”

Patrick Bateman: He’s used to making all the calls, you always trusted that he knew best. Sometimes it felt like Patrick liked to make all the shots more than he lead on, but that didn’t mean he didn’t annoy you at times. “Don’t forget we have that dinner reservation at 7. I don’t like to eat much later than that, it messes with my schedule.” He’d call out from across the room as he worked on his button up. Rolling your eyes as you were trying to make your makeup work. “Yes daddy.” It takes him a second to register before you feel him behind you, his hand wrapping around the front of your throat. He didn’t understand what came over him, but all he knew was that if he wanted to see you pout, he wanted it to be because he was making you hold back your orgasm. Grabbing you by your throat and pulling you back against his chest, his free hand would make of your panties. “What a fucking brat.” He’d mumble into the side of your head as he’d expose you in front of the mirror you were getting ready before.

Poison Ivy: Calling her daddy probably wouldn’t be the best idea, but she would know what you meant. Sometimes it would just slip out and she understood. Ivy would even use it as an excuse to prolong your orgasm. “Daddy, please, I can’t” You’d cry out as you clenched for the fourth time in a row, afraid you had nothing left in you. Lifting your head to see Ivy’s lustful smile as you came undone so pretty, you knew she wasn’t stopping any time soon. “Oh baby, when will you learn that’s not my name.” She’d hush into your neck as her tongue would make work of your sensitive spots. Her free hand would plunge into your open cry-filled mouth to muffle your moans of the nickname. That’s the only time she didn’t want to hear it, but she can’t help but keep you riding your waves of pleasure.

Steve Rogers: He’s already kind of a kinky boy, as soon as he saw you, he was fantasying of you in a short skirt and over the knee socks, picking you up and pounding mercilessly into you as you screamed for him that it was too much, but you both knew it felt too good to stop. It wouldn’t be long for you to find yourself in that position. Steve’s super serum made it all the easier to pick you up effortlessly to keep you from squirming away as you felt his dick plunge deeper into you causing your eyes to roll back into your head. “Daddy, okay- Please-” You’d cry out, not knowing what you wanted, just knowing all you knew was Steve. With every thrust, he just became more unhinged, then when he felt your folds clench around him as you squirted all over him, seeing your eyes fumble out tears, you both knew “Steve” was no longer his name to you.

Bucky Barnes: Kind of similar to Steve, but not so much. He’s a tiny bit more gentle. Bucky would rather have you coming undone onto him, watching your eyes beg for him to keep going, hitting that spot his fingers graze when they curl a certain way. Seeing you clench your nails into his arm as you cream for the third time and whimper out “Daddy” with swollen lips and tear-filled eyes, not looking away from him. “Come on baby, another one for daddy, you know I love your pretty pies” Dirty words would flow effortlessly from his lips, he’d leave so many pretty marks on your neck as you whined out his new nickname.

Loki Laufeyson: He’d catch you in a vulnerable position, mainly focused on making you orgasm. “What is it sweetheart? Like that?” He’d almost mock as you nod, indicating his fingers were helping you. “Sorry what was that?” He’d ask, frowning as he’d look to meet your eyes, when you wouldn’t, he’d take his hands from your core, causing you to whine. “No, daddy, please I need it.” You’d beg, grabbing onto his wrists and pulling him back to where he was. Any other time this would be unacceptable, but he wanted to see you undone so bad. More than that, he wanted to hear you again, so he’d work with his fingers, then remove them, or slow down only to hear you whimper out “Daddy-” Your frustration causing you to meet his eyes, almost angry “I wanna cum on your hands.”

Cloud Strife: By no means would it be intentional, but when he’s pounding into you, your face digging into the mattress as his head is hitting your g spot, you couldn’t help but whine out “Daddy, like- like that” Which only makes him grab your hips and bring them closer to his, digging his dick further into you. He must be doing something right if you’re breathlessly crying out. Not to mention, he’d take it as praise and I would infer that he has a praise kink. When you wouldn’t moan any more, he’d grab a fistful of your hair and bring you back up to him “Do I stop?” He’d tease as his face met your damp cheek.

Bruce Wayne: You’d be begging to get his attention, crawling onto his lap, usually you weren’t this demanding, but you yearned to feel his warm hands on your body, it didn’t matter where. He put up less of a fight, you both knew climbing onto his lap or trying to get his attention while he was investigating was a big no no. Somehow you felt like maybe he wanted you to keep going too. You felt your sensitive spot graze onto his lap as you pulled yourself closer to him. “Daddy, please I wanna play.” You mumbled out, not knowing what his reaction would be, then feeling an abrupt shift, his hands landing onto your hips, planting you onto his bulge. You saw the twinkle in his eye, not knowing where it really came from until he’s pushing his dick as far as your fold would let him, bent over his desk in the bat cave “thought baby wanted to play?” He’d mumble to you as he’d pull your hair all together in a fist to pull you back by.

Jason Todd: Honestly, just meeting him and you kind of knew that was him. It was when you were giving him the silent treatment that he pulled you onto his lap, holding you still against his growing bulge “What’s wrong bunny?” He’d mumble as he would try to find your eyes. This being your first time being handled by him, you felt your center puddle, then throb when you felt your sensitive parts grind so gently against his bulge. Pursing your bottom lip, you found the courage to look him in the eyes only to see his lips curl into a smile. Jason would nonchalantly rock your hips back and forth on his lap, acting as if he was still trying to get an answer out of you. “Did I do something?” He’d ask as if he didn’t know what he was doing. “Daddy please-” You’d surrender, pleading to feel anything else but your arousal stain your clothes.

[oreowooyoung]

pirate!jongho x stowaway fem!reader drabble

warnings: mentions of blood & injuries

rating: 14+

note: i’ve never seen a specific pirate jongho fic written and i thought why not try and write smth myself :,D idk if this is actually good i kinda just threw words down and hoped for the best lmao… i’m not super good at writing lol- all and any feedback would be appreciated <3 if enough people enjoy it i might continue it :3 (i know i left at an awkward spot ;-;) so plz let me know what you think <33

do not copy, translate, steal, or revise my writing!!

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

your head spun. you were dizzy and your vision was blurred. everything hurt. you knew you should probably try and stop the blood coming from the sword cut on your arm, but you were just so tired. you were in a safe enough spot. (as safe as you can be stowed away in an unknown vessel) you were hidden between two large crates with a rough cloth you had found covering your body. i’ll just rest my eyes for a moment… you thought to yourself taking deep breaths to try and calm your thundering heart. that moment turned to a few hours. 

-

you woke to the sound of heavy footsteps coming down the ladder that leads into the room you’re in. the one you fell down trying to get down earlier that day. earlier that day or yesterday… you can’t remember… everything just feels so fuzzy. you try to keep your breathing quiet as you hear the footsteps get closer. you shift slightly and barely keep down the cry that builds in your throat from moving. everything hurts and it just the smallest move made you want to go back to sleep that instant.

 “can you check how full the water barrels are? im gonna check the crates” a man’s voice asked, it was deep but soft and if you weren’t in the situation you are in you might’ve wanted to hear him talk on and on. the footsteps came closer to your hiding spot and u held your breath hoping he’d not look to closely and see you. “yah the extra blankets fell again” he mumbled to himself, annoyed, as he grabbed the rough cloth off and revealed your hiding spot. “WOOYOUNG! COME HERE NOW” the man yelled as he grabbed your arm pulling you out from where u had been sitting. you were unable to hide your cry of pain when he pulled you to stand. you barely could, the world was spinning and your knees almost buckled after putting weight on your right foot. the other man, wooyoung, ran over quickly after hearing him call. “what the hell jongho-“ he stopped himself after seeing you. you were sure you looked terrible, probably covered in blood and barely able to stand on your own.  “looks like we’ve got ourselves a stowaway.” jongho said. “and a girl too” wooyoung added. your heart felt like it was about to fly out of your chest, you hands were shaking and you tried to control your breathing “m’sorry-“ you rasped out, your voice scratchy and strained from little use. you whimpered in pain when jongho started to pull you towards the ladder that led out of the storage room. wooyoung was just watching, shocked. “come on woo, she’s obviously injured and we need to take her to captain.”

[thedivineflowers]

Pt2. Of after the overblot. 😈😈😈😈 MWUAHAHAHBHABAHAGAHHAAGHAAHAHABSUSJSNJDHRGDJJX

You woke up in the infirmary as usual. But you oddly felt calm, too calm. You felt a warmth forming at your stomach and you looked to see Malleus standing beside you with his hands above your tummy. "You're awake, child. How are you feeling?" He asked as he gently lifted your body up and had you sit up straight on the infirmary bed. "I feel fine. And my stomach feels weird." You said as he chuckled. "That's just the spell that I placed. Don't worry. You're supposed to feel that way." He said as he helped you out of the bed. "How did I get here?" You asked him "You collapsed in Crowleys office. You're body was feeling exhaustion even though you've slept for two weeks. If you had slept longer and not force yourself to wake up you probably wouldn't have fallen." He said as he helped you put on your slippers. "What time is it? Where are the others?" You asked him as he guided you to the door. "They're waiting for you. Would you like to see them?" He asked as he guided you out of the infirmary. "yeah..."

Heartslaybul:

Dawg everything is happening at once. One is crying and is hugging you to their head. The other is posting photos of you looking better and well. one is just standing idly next to you and the other is fussing over you while another one of them is trying to feed you cookies.

Guess the order 😈😈

Savannaclaw:

Jack is giving you like protein bars and stuff (maybe a small cactus plushie idk 🤫🤫) and Ruggie is giving you one of his grandmas homemade donuts! Meanwhile Leonas keeping his tail around you arm so he can keep an eye on you and so you don't get hurt again. (He might bring Cheka over for a visit. And maybe he bought some things that you mentioned that you wanted, maybe.)

Octavinelle:

Before you came to see them Azul was whipping up a storm of potions for you. One to help you with your magic, one to help you with any side effects from your magic, one to boost your energy, and another to call for him for anything! When Azul gave it to you you fell to the ground with the potions. He used a spell to make the bag lightweight and he gave you some food to eat while Jade and Floyd guarded you and gave you some expensive gifts from who knows where.

Scarabia:

You and Kalim are running at each other full force. But not without Jamil 😡😡. As Kalim and you squeezed each other tightly Jamil as stuck trying to breath and asking you if you were okay. Once that was finished Kalim dragged you to your room that you had in the dorm along with Jamil. Kalim had given you multiple boxes full of things that you were to scared to open. While Jamil just gave you a nice meal and your favorite drink. ( He cares about you just as much as Kalim but he knows he doesn't have the money or energy like Kalim to show it. So he cooked for you and stayed close to you both. ( Y'all ended the night by you and Kalim sleeping on the floor with multiple pillows. Jamil stayed up a bit to watch over the both of you.)

Pomefiore:

Vil is fussing over you while also doing your makeup. Epel is waiting next to you so you both can goof around in the mud and Rook is doing your hair. Once your deemed decent enough your dragged off to go eat while Epel salutes to you. You both ended up eating unknown greens and kid safe vitamin gummies. But Vil then took you to go practice your magic while Epel and Room spectate. You almost cut Rooks perfect bob cut if it weren't for his hat. You and Epel then eventually get to go and goof off but you both came back with very noticeable nose bleeds and Vil scolded you both.

Ignihyde:

Idia has you take a small visit to STYX (? Is that how you spell it) and he tries to figure out the reason of your sudden overblot and magic formation while Ortho distracts you with games that match your interests. Then once the testing for the day has ended you three go into Idias room and play games while you and Idia make battery acid drinks.

Diasomnia:

Lilia is a bit weary of allowing you near the three of them because of the overblot but you were a kid! And you of course couldn't harm Malleus because you barely had control over your magic so he pushed it aside and greeted you with warm arms as he tried feeding you his ravioli with some weird sauce. Silver stepped in and gave you some sweets to snack on while Sebek stood guard to protect you and Malleus. Who simply sat next to you and watched over you just in case your magic acts up.

Grim:

He had slept next to your bed while you were resting. He tried using some magic to help you recover faster but he just sighed and slept next to you as well after your body rejected his magic. He was so happy to see you well after your overblot and collapsing that he dropped all of your gifts he had for you and hugged you. He always followed you everywhere and even helped you adjust to your magic.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHAJWJNEBENSJSNEN

[romana-after-dark]

Tell Me (Repost)

Dark!Miguel O'hara x fem!reader

Masterlist : Taglist

I posted this months ago and by the morning it only had like 6 likes by the morning lmfao and this was during the peak of Miguel days and I thought "wow this must be terrible" so I deleted it. However, it did well on AO3 so i decided to just report it.

Miguel tries to extract information from you via any means necessary DEAD DOVE DO NOT EAT

OH MY GOD DO NOT EAT IF YOU DONT LIKE DEAD DOVES

This is not like The Wrong Way where Joel alternates between horrific and soft. THIS IS JUST PLAIN DDDNE.

WARNINGS!!!!: DDDNE!!! Rape, non con, torture, verbal humiliation, degradation, forced anal, biting (fang baby), literally idk what got into me here, it's literally porn with no plot. I almost always have so much plot. Victim blaming, psychological torture, I want to reiterate its literally rape. I wanted to write for Miguel bc he's a hottie and spiderverse was amazing but lets be honest, its pretty popular on tumblr rn. However, I refuse to write without inspiration, so I won't just write something just bc it's popular. Besides, this may have gotten so far on the dark side it's not even gonna be liked XD anyway, i had genuine inspiration and I went with it. All apoligies.

700 words

*****************************

“Tell me.” Miguel O’hera grabbed your throat as you hung from the ceiling. He had been trying for hours to extract the information he wanted, using multiple forms of torture and you were exhausted, but refused to tell him what he wanted. When his hands began trailing your body, you knew the next method would be psycho-sexual.

“I’m not…” You gasp as a finger grazes over your tit. “I’m not telling you anything…”

“Hm.” was his non committal answer before cutting your ropes, watching you tumble onto the concrete. “I guess we’ll see.”

Only taking a moment to breath, you try to scramble away, but to where you aren’t sure. There’s nowhere to go, and a large man climbs on top of you hold your wrists together in on fist as his other undid his pants. You writhe underneath him, but screaming is useless.

“Get off me!” You kick and twist and scrape up your whole body that's exposed in the bra and underwear you were left hanging in, the cold floor ice against your skin. “GET OFF!”

“Oh, I’ll get off alright…” Miguel mumbles as he rips your bra off. “Tell me what I want to know, and I’ll stop.”

You weren’t sure you believed him, but you didn’t want to give up the information. Even as he strips off his pants, his insanely large frame keeps you pinned to the floor. There is no escape.

Miguel mumbles and scoffed ‘fine’ and two hands rip off your underwear, tossing the scraps aside. You scream as he pushes his fat tip into you, ripping you open slowly, slowly… allowing you to feel every inch, every vain, every hard and warm and pulsing part of him. “You can still stop this, carino.”

“No!” You whimper, deadset and determined to stay strong. You wouldn’t let him break you.

“Have it your way.” Dragging his hips back, Miguel pauses before he thrusted into you band fucks you mercilessly, you can feel the raw pain of him sliding in and out of you as you cry out, initially dry. The most humiliating part, however, came after several minutes of hm trying to coax the information out of you, slapping your face until your mouth bled, when he began laughing. “Oh my god, are you getting wet from this? So fucking pathetic.” 

Miguel looked down on you, your body wracked with pain and jolting with each thrust, he could practically feel your will breaking. “You probably enjoy this, do you play out scenarios like this with some pathetic little dicked man? Does it turn you on, knowing you have no choice? Little whore been fucked so many times she needs to feel like she’s being forced just to get wet?” His chuckle was dark and cruel as he continued to taunt you, your tears falling down your bloodied and bruised face. 

“You’re lucky I’m even touching this used up cunt.” Miguel leans over, licking at the tears and blood and spit on your face. “Tell me, and I’ll stop fucking your pussy. TELL ME!” He screams, painfully loud in your ear.

You break, telling him what he wanted. There wasn’t a part of you that really believed he’d stop, so you were surprised when he pulled out.

When he rolled you over, you began to ask. “What are you-” but are cut off by him ramming his cock up your ass. “FUCK!!!” You scream. He wasn’t lying, he did stop abusing your pussy, only to rip our asshole open.

“God, look at you…” Miquel sat back to admire his work, smirking at the way your ass contracted and spread around his thick cock. “I’d say you were made for me, but…” Chuckling, he slaps your ass. “But I can see how much you’re struggling to make room for me. No ones ever fucked you like this, have they? You should be thanking me.” Fangs dug sharply into your shoulder, drawing out more blood. “SAY THANK YOU!” Your ears rang with his screamed words, before another bite. “SAY IT!” He bit and screamed and bit and screamed until you finally cave.

“Thank you!” You sob, and he cums inside your ass with a loud, strangled groan.

Only when you shudder from the cold do you realize he’s gotten off you, his impossibly wide frame no longer covering you. Miguel tosses you a blanket, muttering something about how he may just have to keep you now.

******************

Eeeeeep well if you like it, please consider rebloging or leaving a comment!

[xo-myloves]

Helloooo 🫶🫶 i'd like to request a steven adler x f!reader where you get pregnant but you don't wanna keep it, and steven does. Idk if you're into angsty things 😭😭😭 but i love a good cry lmao

A/n: of course!! I love this idea, and Steven little cute self!!

(This includes smut, dirty talk, cursing, angst, unwanted pregnancy, arguing, hair pulling, squinting, ass smacking, I think that’s it, if not tell me!! :3)

𝙲𝙾𝙽𝙵𝙻𝙸𝙲𝚃𝙴𝙳

I’ve been in-love with my boyfriend Steven for a while now, we had met through izzy, I’ve been friends with izzy since grade school, then after we moved to LA, more like ran away, we also ran away with our good friend bill bailey, who is now known as “axl rose”.

They started the whole band thing, now they are huge, after their first debut album came out, if was life changing, nothing was happening at first, it took a while for the album to blow up like it did, now their rockstars.

This includes Steven, my baby, he immediately caught my eye when he joined the band, axl hated him, he was best friends with slash, izzy didn’t mind him, duff was nice to him, and i fell head over heels for this man, maybe it was the golden locks, maybe it was the way his finger would spin with the drum sticks, maybe the dreamy blue eyes,I couldn’t get enough of him.

after they got signed and the album blew up, Steven was always trying to be closer to me, he wanted me to know he wasn’t going to leave me, or cheat on with groupie, which was sweet, but I couldn’t believe him fully, he was always fucked up and shit happens…..

The guys are on tour, and Steven decided to bring me along with him, it wasn’t a problem since I was cool with everyone, well, besides axl, we were close, but the second I started dating Steven, everything changed.

He would almost look down at me, like I should be ashamed almost, which I never was, but then I started to second think everything, maybe something was happening and I didn’t know about it, or axl is just being a pain in my ass. Probably that.

It was the aftermath of the show, I was sitting in the green room, waiting for Steven, I was sitting on the couch that sat in the corner, I was in a short leather skirt, paired with a red tank top, to finished it off with fat ass combat boots, the skirt was extremely short showing off my fishnet covered legs perfectly, and I was honestly desperately waiting for Steven, I need him.

Seeing him on stage, drumming like there’s no tomorrow, the way his foot would bang against the kick drum, feeling the beat in my chest, seeing his hair fly everywhere, his hands shooting yo and spinning the sticks through his finger, remembering all the times he used them on me.

I knew after this show I was going to make it worth his while, I waited impatiently, bouncing my leg up and down, my palms rubbing along my knee caps, the finally.

My love.

My baby.

My world.

Steven walked through the door, with that goofy ass smile on his face, happier than ever to see me, he came running to the couch, I stood up, opening my arms waiting for his hug.

“Hey beautiful, I missed you.” He spoke into the crook of my neck, his hair tickling my face, as his hand made it way down my waist, one of my hands were on the back of his neck, the other in his hair.

“Hi baby, I missed you too.” I spoke out, he lifted his head, putting his hand behind my ear, to my neck, looking into my eyes deeply, pressing his forehead against mine, then I brought my lips to his, making my craving for him even stronger, I pushed his face into mine more, making this kiss even more passionate then it was supposed to be, then he stood up straighter, leaning his neck down still having his lips attached, now having both of his big hands on my waist.

Gripping slightly before pulling me closer, having his furry chest touch my own chest, feeling it on breasts since how low cut my tank top was.

His hands started exploring my body, going down to my ass, giving it a slight squeeze, letting a whimper slip from between my lips, my heat between my legs were even more wet, it practically felt like it was dripping down my leg at this point.

“Why you being so lovely, not like I’m complaining, but it something up?” Steven released from the kiss, placing his forehead on mine once again waiting for a response, bringing one of his hang from my ass to my chin, making me look up at him.

“I need you Steven, right now.” I blurted out, I didn’t even realize how quick I said it, he just gave me a cheeky grin, before I knew it he was picking me up swiftly and putting me in his lap as he sat down on the couch, my legs wrapping around his waist.

My hands went for his hair immediately, he groaned in response, I did grab a little hard, then his eye met mine once more.

“Why do you need me so badly baby? Or are you being a little whore for me?” He grinned, bringing one of his hand to my skirt, pulling it up softly, as he began to drag his finger over my clothed cunt, I was wearing his favorite red lace thongs, they actually were so pretty, and I knew he knows which one they are just by touching them.

I knew he could feel the wet spot on my panties, it was more than obvious, but he just pressed his finger tip directly on my clit, pressing the fabric towards it more. I let out a soft moan in response before speaking.

“I need you Stevie” I pouted my lip as I spoke, putting my face in his shoulder, he never really liked teasing so much, because he wanted to fuck too, no point in drawing it out.

Before I knew it he lifted me by hair making me look at him, as his fist was holding my hair harshly, then I felt his rock hard cock against my entrance, then sliding his finger into my panties, I groaned at the sensation.

“So wet already baby..you really did miss me, didn’t ya?” He spoke in a cocky tone, before massaging my clit with his finger tip, I gaped slightly, partly my lips slightly.

After rubbing my swollen numb for a few moments, he slide his slender finger into me, feeling him inside of me was already euphoric.

I was so needy for him, it was honestly depressing, but I couldn’t give two shits right now.

“All of this just from my hand?” He smiled, kissing up my neck as he added another finger into my heat, starting to pump into me, making my moans getting a bit louder.

“Steven, come on, I need all of you.” I breathed out, starting to grind against his fingers, his eyebrows rose, being surprised by my actions. But he gave in to my demand. Pulling his lace up leather pants down as quickly as he could.

He pulled out his member, stroking it a few times before rubbing his tip against my slit, making whimpers and moans slip out of my mouth, before giving me what I finally wanted, his hands made it way to my hips, making me roll of his rock hard member, groans leaving his lips, he fell further back in the couch we were on.

His right hand slide down from my hips, going to my ass, gripping it harshly before leaving a hard smack against it, making me gasp slightly, he just had a half smirk on his face, he was just enjoying the pleasure he was having.

My hands were in his shoulders for support, my body was against his for the most part, finally my adrenaline hit kicked in, I ripped my top off, leaving me in my lace bra, I just grabbed his head, stuffing him in my breast, before a I felt a bite on the top of my boob, making me gasp in pain and pleasure.

Since he decided to do this act, I pulled out of him completely, as he whimpered in the lost of me, I slammed back into him, having him moan louder than he ever has done.

“F-F-fuck baby, Jesus Christ.” He moaned, flinging his head back from my breasts, His cock deliciously hit your sweet spot with expertise, he just knows how to make you feel good,feeling the climax build up more and more on your stomach on each thrust he gives, you're almost there. It was so soon. Too soon.

His breath started to get heavier, I knew he was as close as I was. This was a different kinda on climax that was hitting my core, after a few more thrusts, lots a moans and scratch’s.

“Shit Steven, I-im go-gonna cum.” I panted out , barely holding on any longer, I felt his head go to the back of my head, making me look into his, half lidded eyes, he started nodding before speaking once again.

“Cum for me baby, just like that.” His hand that was originally on my hip, went to my clit, rubbing it back and forth, making my legs tremble, after that, it took me to my edge, I think it took Steven to his edge as well.

I squirted all over his hard warm veiny cock, rolling my eyes back, hearing the gush of liquid hitting his stomach and thighs, it dripping down mine, then after a few seconds later, a felt a stream on hot cum coated my abused walls.

Then I finally realized, Steven just came inside of me, we rarely did that, if we did, he had a condom on, he was still enjoying his high, I felt a panic take over my body, after I cooped myself back to normal, I immediately got off of him, putting my clothes back on, he was confused why I got off so quick.

“What’s wrong hun?” I heard Steven voice, in a soft warm tone, I just looked back with a haze over my eyes.

“You fucking came in me” I snapped back at him, I never wanted fucking kids, I hated them, especially a mini me? Mixed with Steven, might as well bring satan back to fucking life, and Steven can’t be a father right now, he is a addict, and I’m partly responsible for that, I was previously, and when I met him he began doing smack with me, I just never realized how back it would react on Steven.

I did it for fun, when I was out with friends, when there was a party, Steven does it to survive at this point, he can’t live without it, if he does, he will have the worst withdrawals, and he refuses to go through that.

“So what?” Steven popped his head up, speaking to me in a slight annoyance, “are you fucking kidding me?” I blurted out, what was not getting through his head.

He finally stood up, pulling his pants up, looking at me extremely confused and annoyed.

“What’s the big deal? If anything we get to have a mini you or me” he gave a goofy smile, trying to lighten the mood, I just felt anger go through my body.

“We can’t be fucking parents!? Are you shitting me? Do I really have to go into detail why we can’t?” I argued with him, getting closer to him, I could see he was getting more upset than angry, we never have talked about kids, and this was all too sudden.

“I’m sorry okay, it will be fine trust me, you won’t get pregnant.” He tried to calm me down, putting a hand on my shoulder, I just pulled away from his touch, I couldn’t be in this fucking room anymore, so I left him in his dressing room alone.

𝙾𝚗𝚎 𝚠𝚎𝚎𝚔 𝚕𝚊𝚝𝚎𝚛

I had been freaking out for the last few days, after everything happened with me and Steven, we haven’t been talking a whole lot, he mostly been with the guys, I just stayed there like a side character, I just needed a way to get to a grocery store. I needed to make sure k wasn’t pregnant, I haven’t had any symptoms, I don’t think at least, but how would I even know, I don’t know what it’s like feeling pregnant.

I felt myself starting to panic once again, so I took the liberty to go alone to the market, I was left alone in the hotel me and Steven were staying in, he was at a show, I told him I didn’t wanna go tonight with him because I didn’t feel good, which wasn’t a 100% lie, I didn’t feel good, not one bit.

After I made my way to the store, having to walk since I didn’t have my car, I was thankful that it was right down the road, after I got the test and bought it, I just came back to the hotel, not a lot happened in the store.

I was back in the hotel room, I ripped that box open like it was a kid on Halloween with candy, I needed to know already, I went straight to the restroom, grabbing the test and pissing on the stick, it said it would take two minutes after you pee on it, to give me results, those two minutes felt like eternity.

But my worst nightmare came true when it was done. It was positive.

Holy fuck.

What do i do?

A/n: I hope I did this correctly like you wanted, I have never written on here. And this was new for me but I think I did it right sooo yay!

[grumpybunny-edith]

Gwen's Bunny HRT - Month 1 (Part 1)

I look at my reflection for what feels like the hundredth time today, waffling on how to do it. All the other girls have already gone through all this, and compared to their one-month photos, I feel... Behind. Delilah had already started growing fur in some places, and Edith already had a little bit of tail growing in. Sure, it looked a little weird without any fur on it, but... I’ve got nothing there but soreness. Is it even worth celebrating? Like, “oh yay, my ears look longer if you squint and my teeth look a little sillier”.  

I take a deep breath and dig my toes into my carpet, feeling pain flare up in them. It just started a couple days ago — maybe it would be better to wait until something came of it? Until walking on my toes didn’t hurt so bad, or even felt better than walking on my heels? 

I feel a tiny impulse at the small of my back, my spine apparently doing its best to wiggle at its base. Am I... unconsciously wagging my tail? The soreness that comes with it matches what the other girls had talked about. I smile, showing my reflection my weird teeth and the pain subsides a little. 

“Bunnies wag their tails when they’re upset,” Edith had told me once. It’s warming to feel how right she is, to feel like I actually belong, even for a second. It’s not that the other girls haven’t done a good job of making me think so; it’s just hard to see all of them so far along and then to look at myself. 

I set my phone down and stare at myself for a while. I imagine the fur suddenly sprouting up all across my body, shiny and soft. I imagine my ears getting so tall they graze the doorway. I imagine my tail, tiny and fluffy, poking out just about the hem of my sweatpants. It makes me smile and laugh at myself, and I feel a bit of pride in my teeth. They’ll look better coupled with everything else, I think. 

I hear my phone buzz, trying to avoid convincing myself it’s because my hearing has spontaneously improved. I laugh it off and check what it was. 

raeraebun: Hey girl!! Today’s one month, right?? Where’s the update??

I smile and blush instinctively. Rae and I don’t chat that much, but every time we do it lifts my whole mood. She’s also dropped by my place a couple times because she “made too many brownies and just had to make a delivery”. 

wen-kutesuli: Hey! Idk if I’m gonna do it today honestly lol 

raeraebun: Aww, why not? i mean like do whatever you want obvi but. you okay?

I sigh. I know I can probably tell her, it’ll almost definitely be fine, and she probably has something great to say. But it doesn’t make it any easier to say it. I’m almost embarrassed to still feel the way that I do even after her and Edith’s constant preaching of “loving yourself wherever you are”. 

wen-kutesuli: Yeah I’m okay lol. Just kinda 

wen-kutesuli: Wish I had more to show, I guess? 

Rae’s response comes quite literally instantly. 

raeraebun: GWENNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN

raeraebun: okay 

raeraebun: lemme show you something 

When Rae comes back after a couple minutes of digging, she sends me a picture of some random girl with hair like her own, followed by five closeups of a pretty standard human ear. 

raeraebun: so like

raeraebun: this was from january last year 

raeraebun: Id been on hrt for like. a month and a half to the day

raeraebun: I had taken a picture of myself every day since starting my regimen

raeraebun: and didnt see anything until that picture when FINALLY 

raeraebun: my ears had grown the tiniest little bit. 

raeraebun: I didnt stop screaming about it all day lol ashley got so sick of it 

raeraebun: and yk what happened next?

raeraebun: they stayed just like that for three more weeks LMAO

Rae has this way of making people smile and cry their eyes out at the same time. 

raeraebun: so... be nice to yourself? its not gonna happen all at once, and thats ok. every little bit is worth, like

raeraebun: I dunno 

raeraebun: a thousand parties

wen-kutesuli: That’s a lot of parties 

raeraebun: and you earn every single one of them :) 

I sit in stunned silence so pleased I don’t know what to do with myself. My body wants some kind of release, and I let it have one, laying face down and kicking my feet so quickly and so hard into the floor it probably upset the people below me. 

raeraebun: you dont have to, but we all wanna celebrate with you :D 

wen-kutesuli: Thank you 🩵 Maybe I’ll do it 

raeraebun: YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

raeraebun: GO GWENNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!

---

Thank you to @flightlessbirdgirl for helping me decide on Gwen's username and for letting me bounce ideas off it!

Next

[d34dlysinner]

Said iI'd make another, couldn't resist after listening to Amen. I need some Angstsy ahh shi to live, but with good ending lmao, kings + Lucifer, our lovely butcher devil, sitri, and Zagan. (and anyone else if you feel someone wld work for this lmao) With a mc who was highly religious and devoted to our lord and savior Jesus h Christ, stemming from past loss of a lover. Y'know how people sometimes after loss turn to religion to help get through it. idk brain not braining typing this whole typing am essay for my Paleobiology class lmao. And well, y'know when they meet the reality of heaven and hell it's like.

'Aw shi-' cue internal mental crisis as they find out their faith was a lie, God is dead. And angels want their soul but not for the good reason.

So it's like, the grief starts all over again n'they're just sitting in the corner vibrating ready to claw the next angel they see in 'WHERE TF IS [insert dead partner]' and probably tried to out of sheer gremlin energy. It's like, they're going through the emotions again n'feel like an idiot for believing such things. Y'know musing over the loss all over again, yadda yadda In the end they come to terms n'shi and move on for real for real.

Ik this is a lot but it's a thought I had how things would go on an mc who was really religious and experiences well, that the religion was a lie xD. Bonus Angst points if the religious belief started to help quell the person after a loved ones death. Lol

Ok enough rambling, I need to finish this essay before I get thrown out a window again.

(Hope I interpreted this well- thanks for the ask!! XD keep on brainrotting)

There you were shivering in the corner of a small room as your mind started to race. Pictures of angels and your dead lover flickering through your mind as you started to doubt what reality and truth was. Your eyes pricked as continuous tears poured out. You seemed too deep in your thoughts. Almost to the point where you cancelled everything and everyone around you.

Satan could feel your rage and happily fed of from it. But at the same time he felt useless as he saw how shattered you seemed from learning the truth.

"I know that humans learned from the angels lies, but I promise you some sense of relief during this battle when we cam finally put an end on them...", he said as he wasn't the best to console someone who was as broken as you were right now. He didn't understand how you felt tho.

Beelzebub understood your anger. He wouldn't show it himself, but he was angry too. Of course he wants peace and to relax. This can't happen when there are angels literally hunting him and other demons. He would sit with you and allow you to cry it out before trying to convince you to join him. He promises to aid you to fight the angels. Even when you can't see him.

Mammon stared down at your saddened frame as he stood in front of you in silence. He took some time before trying to speak to you. "If you're sad about them taking away what's yours. Then demand it back from them. Or make them pay.", was all he said. He wanted you to feel determined to take back what was yours. But he had to he honest that it saddened him to see you so greedy for a past lover and not him.

Leviathan looked down at your form. He didn't know why you cried. But he felt as of he should be jealous. Where you crying for another? Or was it for him? It didn't matter at that moment as he said: "I don't know why your crying. But let's stop using time on crying when you could possibly avenge what your crying for by fighting angels." He isn't the best at consoling others. He is someone who likes to do things efficiently.

Lucifer did enjoy the tears that streamed down your face. What he loved even more was knowing that these tears came to be because of the betrayal and anger you felt towards the angels. Yes, he was an ex angel, but he just as any other demon wants and needs to put an end to the torment that the angels put on the demons. "Join us and fight. It's better to seek for some sense of peace than to do nothing in a tiny room. You could help us and put a stop to those who lied.", he says as he referred to the angels.

Andrealphus could only smell revenge. He knew how you felt and tried to convince you to fight with him. He wishes for you to join and help and hoped that it would give you some sense of peace as you go against the thing that ruined your life even more.

Zagan wasn't a man of many words, but that didn't mean that he would wait out with you and listen to you vent. When you were done he would only nod, stand up and reach a hand out to you. "If you hate them so much... please fight against them with us. We're stronger with you at our side...", was all he said as he waited for you to accept his hand.

Sitri heard your sniffles over your heartbeat. It saddened him as he sat next to you and tried to embrace you. He waited it out and was set on protecting you while you vented incase anyone tried to hurt you during this time. Only when you were somewhat calmed down did he dare to speak. "Solomon...", he started referring to your ancestor again. It somewhat made you feel inferior, but for now it didn't matter as you understood that the demons like you also lost someone dear to them because of the angels.

"I hope you're willing to fight at our side. I understand that this might be a huge change for you since you like other humans were misled by the angels. Please, understand that we also need you.", he said as he stood back up, reaching down to you.

Whether they could console you or not. You appreciated that they tried as you yet again see how wrong those lies of the angels were. You understood that like you, those demons also lost things they thought were precious. You accepted their request as you want to atleast have answers and see if you can atleast find some peace with your lost.

[natsaffection]

this is probably a weird request/idea, but i thought like a small prompt related to the series where nat says verbally she loves y/n for the first time and y/n reacts to that, or like little headcanons of their "firsts" like, first ily, first idk crying if that makes sense? 🤍

A/N: FIRST OF ALL, THERE ARE NO WEIRD REQUESTS OR IDEAS!!! THEY ARE ALL GREAT, and I’m thankful for everyone who will take their time to send one. <3

So, thank you to this wonderful ano Person to send it, I hope you like it :)) I made a mix of story and headcanons for youu.

‎

‎Warnings: None

‎

‎

Natasha says “I love you.” for the first time:

(I didn’t even realized she had never said it to you)

‎

It was late in the evening, and you were currently still alone in the house, as Natasha was on her way from work. Months passed after your life changed drastically. You are engaged, after all?! 

So it was time to start making plans. However, you shied away from doing that in front of Natasha, not knowing what she would think of the whole thing. You got to know her as a withdrawn person. Not with you, but around others. 

You've been sitting in front of your IPad for hours looking for inspiration for your wedding, your dress, the dressing code, that you didn't even realize Natasha was already back until you feel her arms around you,

"Hello, my future..." You are startled and almost out of reflex throw the IPad all over the living room, "Nat! Don't scare me like that!" Natasha was anything but Stupid, thus she knew immediately that you had something to hide. "What did you do?" 

"N-Nothing!" You try to crawl to the Ipad to turn it off, however Natasha was faster and snatches it away from you, "You have one more chance to tell me before I look at it myself." You didn't want to. You don't want her to see the plans! Not because you're afraid she won't like it after all, but rather that you want it to be a surprise as well....

"Don't do it, please..NO!-" She pretends to lift it and had to laugh at your reaction, "Y/n what's so bad you have to hide it from me, hm? Talk to me."

She puts it aside as she trusts you more than others. She knew it wouldn't be bad. You sigh out as she puts it on the table and sits down with you.

"Well..What uh.." You nervously play with your engagement ring..Natasha watched and put a hand over it, "Stop that..Now shoot." 

You know she won't stop until you tell her, "Iwaslookingatweddingspictures.." You mumble too fast again and Natasha has to laugh, "Y/n, I didn't understand a thing."

"I was looking at wedding pictures!" You snap back, ready for a discussion. But Natasha continued to look at you gently, "So what's the big deal?" You were about to start saying your prepared sentences until they caught in your throat, "Huh?"

"What, huh? What's the big deal?" She laughs and gets up to take off her jacket. You stand up with her and walk after her. "So you don't mind?" She hung up the jacket and stopped, "Why on earth would I mind?" You look down, 

"Well..I-I thought you wouldn't like..parties, I mean."

She comes up to you and looks at you again, "Parties? Y/n that's anything but a cheap party..This is going to be the most important and best day for me, okay? Just because I get to spend the day with you and no one else..." You look up at her pouting, "So it wouldn't be a problem for you if more than one person came? Roses will be standing everywhere? And-"

"I wouldn't care if the pastor stood in front of us in an angel costume. I love you, and I'm going to put that in writing that day, no matter what." Your eyes widen. It's the first time she's really used those three words. You know she loves you, she shows it every time, but she hasn't said it yet, "What's wrong?" She asks, "You.. said you love me..." 

"Y/n what's wrong with you today?" she laughed, "Well, you've never said it! Which is definitely not a prejudice, I'm-" she interrupted you as she kissed you, "I love you, I love you and...I love you." She slaps you all over until you had enough and laughed it off.

From that day on, Natasha said this to you every other time she saw you. Whether in a meeting, watching a movie, and so on. She and you didn't even notice that much that you didn't say that to each other every third time, because your presence was already saying enough. 

‎

‎

When you come home crying for the first time:

‎

Your eyes felt heavy. You came from a stressful day at work. You did nothing wrong, on the contrary, you brought a huge success to the company. You were so damn proud of yourself that you started crying right away, and your colleagues who were celebrating you, were not helping at all.

The day was perfect, but also exhausting because of the thing. So you came home and were immediately ready for bed and Natasha's arms. You came in and at that moment, Natasha came out of the kitchen, "There she is, how-" She stopped moving, and her happy face changed to a worried one, "Have you been crying? What happened?" She came at you like a gazelle, and you were so damn emotional about it that you started crying again, which alarmed Natasha even more.

She looked confused and immediately angry at the person who brought you home, thinking something had happened to you, "Hey, hey, Y/n are you okay?! Did anyone hurt you? Talk to me..." Fuck, you need to calm down or Natasha will run amok, "N-No-everything is fine-"

"Everything's fine?! You're crying!" Now a quiet giggle came out, "I made the biggest sale of the month today." You look at her with red eyes and could see the confused looks, "What?" 

You explain the situation to her and slowly it all made sense to Natasha too. "God, I thought I did something wrong! Or worse, someone did something to you!" You had to hide your laughter in your hands, "I'm sorry..." You had to laugh so hard, that Natasha thought you were going to start crying again. She was so damn overwhelmed with the situation. "Baby, please stop, okay? I'd rather see you cry differently, but not like this..." She wipes your tears away with her finger, and you got a little flustered with the statement, "I think that can be arranged...”

‎

‎

Your first birthday:

‎

Natasha was discreetly excited that day.

She canceled all her appointments that day to spend with you.

Weeks before, she innocently asked for things you've always wanted to do and booked them in the same second.

You, on the other hand, were relaxed. You thought you were going to have a relaxing day or evening...with something cooked and that was it. You didn't want any gifts from her, you already had her.

But Natasha? Well..your whole living room was filled with gifts. 

She had made it her mission to get them. In the past, she would have sent someone, but for you? She'll do anything.

On your day itself, you wake up to Natasha already sitting next to you with homemade breakfast, "Happy Birthday, Detka."

You were so surprised and excited at the same time that you almost throw the tray from Natasha's hand.

Your first gift from her was that you didn't have to go to work today. You protested, but Natasha, as always, didn't let up.

Afterward, you made it a relaxing morning, and she led you into the living room, where your chin dropped. 

Balloons floated everywhere, your name showed up big in letters, and little boxes were packed everywhere. 

Natasha could melt here and now over your reactions

‎

‎

First family meeting:

‎

You were scared, you were nervous, you wanted to disappear.

But Natasha was always by your side

She knew you were insecure about your age difference and afraid of your parents' reaction.

But they reacted fantastically. Your dad got along with Natasha right away as they both have the same mindset about business, and your mom was just happy that you found such a nice and sweeping person.

And then you dropped the bombshell.

“We're engaged."

The faces were divine, and your mom even had tears in her eyes 

They were the first to raise their hand for wedding planning

‎

‎

First time picking up Natasha from work:

‎

You were excited when Natasha left for work, knowing you'd be picking her up today

 Exactly. She knew nothing about it

You count the hours and your hands started sweating as you set off.

Before that, you let Natasha's driver know and sent him home.

So you stood in your garage and chose the most eye-catching car. A red Ford Mustang

At the Company, the unfriendly receptionist at Natasha's door wouldn't let you in, of course.

“I'm pretty sure Ms. Romanoff doesn't have time for you right now."

Oh how you wanted to see her reaction. 

So you stuffed yourself confidently and walked through Natasha's door.

The woman yelled out, and as you walked through the door, she practically fell after you,

“M-Ms Romanoff, I tried to hold her back, b-but that piece of-"

“Y/n?" Natasha saw you, got up from her table and walked over to you to kiss you

You could see the woman from earlier understand that she made a big mistake when she looked at the two of you and saw your engagement rings on each other fingers.

“Oh, god, th-that- I'm sorry ms-"

“Get out."

You were practically met with a gust of wind. 

Natasha was so surprised and delighted that she left all her work and went home with you.

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[nightdemon04]

First try at angst let me know what you think!

I gave this fanfic a very personal spin so i hope it's not too bad.

Angsty? Comfort? Idk you can decide

Warning! Self isolation, mention of sh and sh scars. If any of these trigger you please don't read.

Atsushi Nakajima x gn reader.

Enjoy!!

I splashed water on my face and look at myself in the mirror. Eyes puffy from my latest crying session, i took notice of the scars that are still there but atleast i didn't go that far this time. I was pulled out of my thoughts when my phone started ringing..

Probably Kunikida calling to see where I am, I really wish I hadn't plugged my phone in yesterday, it's been silent for the whole week. Now I'm going to have to explain to everyone why I'm missing for the week, not that any of them bothered to visit to see me. I'll just tell Kunikida I was sick and couldn't get out of bed.

I checked my phone only to see a lot of missed calls and unread messages, I'll answer later. I can't be bothered right now. I lay back in bed staring up, I don't know what happened for me to feel like this. I guess it started when I saw Dazai and the others in a bar without me, they couldn't even bother to invite me. It wasn't even their fault I was away on a mission but it just reminded me of my past and how that went.

Now i'm here talking to no one, going back to how it all was before i joined ADA. I always thought it was normal until i met the people I know now, I can't help let the past haunt me and ruin everything I've build so far.

I should probably atleast text Atsushi, he's probably worried sick about me. I'm suprised he hasn't shown up on my doorstep but I understand. I do live quite a bit away from him. I'm also glad he hasn't shown up, no idea what I'd do. I'm scared to face him. He's the love of my life, he's been there for me since he joined. He gave me the best birthday gift even though he didn't know me. I love him with all my heart so i don't want him to see me like this.

I rubbed my eyes hoping for the tears that I felt building up to dissappear. After a while i fell asleep again, only to be woken up by knocking on my door. I groggily open the door only to see Dazai. "Dazai? What are you doing here?" He pushed me aside and walked inside. He turned to look at me, grabbed my shoulders and started talking. "Get off ur ass, stop pitying yourself and get something done." i looked at him in shock unable to say something.

I felt the tears coming up again. Dazai kept staring at me. he wiped them away.

"Staying home and pitying yourself won't help you, it will make everything worse. Go work or go on a date with Atsushi, go to a store, go to a dog park, i don't know but stop it." He looked at me calmly but there was another emotion hidden deep inside of him. I couldn't say anything, just staring at him. He slapped my cheek softly snapping me out of it and i started nodding and softly said a "yes Dazai."

He looked at me so serious, I've never seen Dazai like this. It's honestly scary to see him like this. "I'll come to work tomorrow i promise." He suddenly smiled. "Good u need to help me with paperwork!" he winked at me.

Ofcourse what else did i expect. Suddenly his face dropped again "Y/N.. Don't let whatever happend stop you or push anyone away. Everyone was worried sick about you, come to us when you need help don't just isolate yourself." i nodded and hugged him tightly.

I felt him tense but slowly hug me back. "Don't ever hesitate to ask for help or advice, just don't wallow in self pity that's just stupid." i nodded again and let him go, he walked to my fridge and took out a bottle of water.

"I'm going now, i better see you at work tomorrow" he was almost past the door when Atsushi came inside panicking. "Y/N i saw your door open are yo- Dazai?" Atsushi is here now too? Just my luck.. "Hello and goodbye Atsushi" with that Dazai left quickly and Atsushi turned to me with confusion.

I just lifted my shoulders i didn't want to expose Dazai or even explain it all. "What are you doing here Atsushi?" He looked at me nervously. "I came to check up on you.. You haven't answered any of my texts and haven't been at work so I've been worried." He cares?

I decided to stop it here i might make a second part though. I've been struggling a lot with life so do excuse the rare updates.

Also I'm working on some headcannons but for some reason i just can't think if anything I'm going to ask some friends to help me cus i really don't have any idea how to tackle that. Either way i hope you liked the fic!

Stay healthy and safe!

Drink enough water and eat too!

[muskmelon-enjoyer-199x]

self portrait except it's 2013 and they're making me take antipsychotics for being trans

unpleasantries under the cut

something I don't talk about a lot is that I used to enjoy singing when I was younger. I didn't really talk about it then because I already got enough shit. I don't really talk about it now because I don't really like singing anymore. Anytime I try to sing along with something now, i just get sad. even if I plug my ears, I can still feel it in my throat.

Sometimes I wonder if things would have been different if my parents had actually given a shit. The difference between photos of me at 15 and 18 is so stark. They could have done something.

I haven't told them (and I probably won't), but I kind of hate them. It feels stupid sometimes, because I didn't get disowned. They didn't leave me out in the cold when it came to finances or housing. They actually want to see me sometimes, and they say they're proud of my accomplishments.

I guess the problem is that they have never been able to support me emotionally. I tell them something is wrong, and they tell me it isn't. I tell them something horrible is happening to me, and they tell me it's not that bad. I tell them somebody did something horrible to me and now I have weird recurring nightmares, and they tell me to get over it already. I almost died of something that wasn't my fault, and they were mad at me for it.

Being around them usually just feels like being around strangers nowadays. I feel bad saying that, but it's true. I wish they would just apologize so I could have some closure about what happened and get on with trying to maintain what remains of our relationship.

I posted something else about conversion therapy before, but I freaked out and deleted it.

It was about how negligent and malicious misdiagnosis are used to medicate the trans out of kids in places where outright conversion therapy is banned. They basically zombify you on tranquilizers ("mood stabilizers," "antipsychotics") that legit break your brain. It really sucks.

You end up a twitching mess with long-term sleep problems, sexual dysfunction, and trouble organizing your thoughts. Then, once the damage is done, everybody pretends that you actually were insane the whole time. If you complain or struggle in life, they just write you off as a diagnosed headcase.

It's so frustrating. I feel like I drift between being sad and angry all the time now. I watch shows I like, and they make me sad. I just think about various bad things that have happened all the time. Everything reminds me of them. I can't go a day without thinking about at least one of them. When it happens, my heart starts pounding and sometimes I hyperventilate.

I don't really like being around other people usually. I don't feel like we are the same species most of the time.

I keep feeling like im watching my day go by from inside my eyes. When I look at my hands, it's like looking at someone else's hands. Sometimes I look in the mirror and it feels like I'm looking at someone else. I've watched my reflection for hours before, trying to make it feel like me the way I rationally know it's me.

I cry in my car after work a lot. It's hard to hold it in when I'm there. Idk. It's like I can't usually cry at appropriate times anymore, or when I feel like I want to cry. It only happens occasionally, and never at an appropriate time. It just comes out of nowhere, because of a song or something dumb like that.

crybaby bullshit. Sorry. I was a crybaby before lil peep got it inked on his face

[cew644]

My personal interpretation of the FF16 ending

Back on my FF16 BS again since I've been replaying NG+. I haven't changed my mind much about the ending, but I think there could be two possible routes.

Major spoilers for the ending below:

So, for the people who haven't done the late-game side quests, there are quite a few narrative elements that could point towards Clive's survival.

In Jill's quest, there is a bit where she wishes to Metia (the red star) that Clive come back to her. Since Clive is like her treasure and her dawn. In the ending credits, we see Metia fade away, and Jill begins crying. She runs away to mourn but looks up and sees the dawn rising once again, and she smiles. This, alongside the lyrics of "My Star", have people speculating that Clive lives. I can get behind the Metia symbolism, but not the lyrics. The song closes with the lyrics: "And though our night is over you shall always remain, forever, my treasure, my star." That just seems like accepting and mourning the loss of a loved one, but that's just me.

The next most clear one is in the Hypocrates quest with Dion. After reuniting the two, Hypocrates thanks Clive and gives him a quill to document his journey after the fight. The bonus after-credits scene then has a book written by Joshua Rosfield. This, along with Clive seemingly narrating the book's intro and conclusion, could mean he lives.

So this is where I start to differ in my opinion on the ending. I've seen a lot of people say that this is just Clive taking his brother's name to write the book since "the phoenix's power can't bring back the dead."

There is no ending in my mind where Joshua dies. Clive did everything he could to try and help his brother. Joshua surviving Pheonix Gate and coming back is almost like a second chance to protect his family once again. Joshua dying again would go against this sort of second chance that Clive now has. So, Joshua clearly dies from Ultima, but Clive also absorbs Ultima's power of creation. I think you can pretty safely say he can use both Ultima and the Pheonix to bring Joshua back.

So with all this preamble out of the way, here are my two possible endings:

Clive lives: So in this one, all 3 of them live. We take all the sidequests as narrative foreshadowing. Clive still succumbs to the Cystals curse but lives long enough on the beach for Jill to find him. Her wish to Metia once again, came true. His hands are no longer functional, so rather than write the novel himself, he has his brother write down his story. This is why Clive is narrating the game, and Joshua's name is on the book. And if the brothers get to live, so does Dion. I abide by the film-making rules where if you do not see a dead body, they are not dead. The man is a dragoon. He can fall from crazy heights. The medicine girl and Terence can find him or something idk. This, plus his promise to Hyprocates to go and retrieve the Wyvern's Tail, could also point to his survival. This would be the best possible ending for the trio.

Clive dies: In this one, Clive is consumed by the curse completely. Joshua lives, and Dion is probably dead. Joshua, Jill and all the people in the hideaway write down a chronicle of Clive's adventure. As discussed in the sidequests, Gav takes up Cid's name and works with all the hideaway members to try and help the people learn to live without magic. All the people that Clive helps can still work to try and live in this new magicless world that Clive died to make. A world that Clive chose how he would live and die for. It's very true to the "a world where people choose how they live and die" that Cid and he vowed to make together. And for that reason, even though it's much more sombre, I prefer this interpretation. It also makes more sense to me because it's very clear that they didn't want Jill in the final boss cause they couldn't kill her and Joshua and make the healing scene make any sense. The theme is also about brotherhood. It's just an eldest sibling thing to do lol. Edit: Grammar.

[henrybarrow]

PEGGY - a fanfic of what I think her life could've been like!! As a warning it gets super lazy toward the end😭 and it's probably not the best ever due to the fact I've barely slept but shhh I'm rubbish at writing </3

I did forget maybe 1 or 2 parts but its fiiiiine I think!! I can't really think of TW's but car cr@sh mentions. Anyway, aside from that try to enjoy!! I tried to be descriptive but I'm super bad at that I think? And be warned it MAY make you cry (I dont really cry but I almost cried while writing)!!

AND NO just because it's a fanfic doesnt mean it's about being in a relationship idk if that's a connection people even make but I want to clarify this just incase^^ I do NOT write romantic things often, it makes me feel ill:D

"Marie?"

"MARIE! Where were you? You've been out all night!"

Marie's eyeliner and mascara was dripping down her face, not that she cared all that much. She had been out since 5pm on Sunday the 1st of September, and it was now 8am on monday. She was so thankful it was a week off.

Peggy stood, facing marie while holding a drawing, but Marie pushed her to the side and ran up the stairs.

Where has Marie been? Peggy wondered. She decided she would draw another picture for Marie, maybe that would cheer her up? She wasn't sure, she'd never seen Marie like this, and where was George? They were neighbors, and he certainly wasn't home. They would've known if he was, because he would've been round for breakfast.

"Marie! Wait!" Peggy decided to chase after her, the patter of her feet booming through the house, she'd never ran so fast, nor did she think she ever would again. She wanted to ask Marie if she was okay, she needed to. What if Marie depended on this question?

The hallways will still dark since no one had opened the curtains, the photos that hung on the wall of them and George suddenly began to feel like distant memories and yet she still didn't know what had happened. She loved it when George came round, no matter how annoying he could be at times, she loved it when he would draw with her, he was always very good at it but he just never showed it. The wooden flooring was cold, each plank felt as if it could've gone on forever, Marie's room felt as if it was stretching ever further away. The polaroids on her bedroom door of her and George seemed even more distant. It was suddenly like a chapter of her life was over, she didn't know what happened last night but whatever it was, it ment George was gone.

She couldn't go any more, she hadn't gone all that far but it felt as if she had been running to her sister forever. Peggy slid down the wall and curled into a ball, sobbing loudly outside the bathroom door. The cold floor felt as if it was nibbling away at her arms and legs.

No one was around to comfort her.

Marie then exited her room and gently walked to her mothers door and knocked.

"M- MARIEEEE!!" Peggy screamed, she was there, she could reach her.

But Marie just looked at her, then back away, saying nothing. Peggy screamed again, which then faded into the sound of her sobbing loudly. Marie went into their parents room, and it was as if Peggy couldn't move, like she was attatched to the floor, she felt heavy and extremely tired.

Everything started to fade from her view as she fell asleep, curled up on the cold, hard floor, in a puddle of her own tears.

Once she awoke, the curtains were open, and the sun was blaring through onto her face, Marie sat beside her and rubbed her hand accross Peggy's face, putting a letter in her hand. Marie was wearing her black coat, a pair of flared jeans and boots with a large duffel bag thrown over her shoulder.

"Peggy.. I'm sorry." She said shakily, while beginning to cry once again.

"Marie? What are you sorry for? You've done nothing wrong."

"I need to go, I'm sorry for it. I need to get away from here, from everything, just for a little while, okay?"

She still hadn't removed her hand from Peggy's face, and peggy was about to cry once again, what did Marie mean by she's going? Where is she going? How long for? When will she back? Who is she going with? Is she going to be okay?

"Marie... I'll see you soon, okay?"

"Okay. Goodbye, Peggy."

Marie removed her hand and then stood up. She walked toward the stairs, then turned and smiled at Peggy. She went downstairs and then returned with a blanket and pillow in her hands. She put the pillow beneath Peggy's head and draped the blanket over her.

"...and don't forget me, yeah? I've loved having you as a sister and I don't want to return to you thinking I'm a stranger." Marie giggled, before turning once again and going down the stairs.

Little did Peggy know, this would be the last time she would see Marie for 18 years. Watching her go downstairs made her shake, she could feel her heart pounding out of her chest with each step she took.

Suddenly, the bedroom door swung straight open with a squeak and her parents dashed downstairs. Her mother was wearing a gorgeous baby blue nighty which has small white frills at the bottom, with her hair in pink rollers. Her hair was brown, but it was also very long, Marie often used to envy the length of it. Following closely behind was her father, he had black hair, but it was relatively messy and he was usually unshaven, he was wearing a pair of pyjama bottoms with no shirt as usual. They both dashed down the stairs behind their daughter.

Peggy tried to listen, but she couldn't tell any of the words which were being said. She then heard the door slam shut and her mother breaking down into tears.

She didnt even have the strength to open the letter Marie gave her, she threw it to near her feet and screamed loudly, wailing for Marie. Two people had now left her life, but this was only the beginning.

Four years had passed, Peggy was 13 now. It'd been three years since her dad walked out and almost two since the accident. And to add even more salt to her injury, her mother had remarried to Mr. Weaver recently and changed her name to Peggy Weaver. Now one of the only things that felt like a connection to Marie had been changed, she'd been drawing pictures for Marie almost daily and adding them to a box under her bed. Sometimes she would write letters, sometimes she'd draw pictures, and even sometimes she would add photos and things she found around the house. Anything that she felt as if tied together the past 4 years for Marie went in, she hoped to one day give it all to her, show her how her life had been since she and George had left. Even things that made her sad went inside, like a dried up rose from her father's funeral and the letter Marie gave her, she'd almost read it once and put it back. It caused too much pain, even so long after.

Her parents never told her what they and Marie had spoken about, they refused even when asked directly. The relationship Peggy and Mr. Weaver had wasn't the best, she kept trying to distance herself from him and would often cry about her birth father leaving her in Gallows Creek. She would've preferred to live in Quiet Ridge with her father, though that wouldn't have lasted long. Her mother was barely present anymore, she was usually working night shifts and when she wasn't she was anywhere but at home.

Her entire family was soon about to change though, a few months later Mr. Weaver began to get sick, and he didn't last too long after, and soon after her mother was gone too. Almost her entire family was gone aside from a distant aunt from California who had to move in to look after Peggy.

The first months were extremely difficult for her, she had no idea who this woman was nor how she was related to her. But she was a hard worker, and she ended up getting a job for KFAM, she was an office lady but that really wasn't what she wanted. On Peggy's days off she would usually go with her to work and run errands, normally passing around letters from Reggie and making the occasional couple bucks. She never really grew to know the staff all that well, but she loved the building.

From then she knew she wanted to be a radio producer. Reggie gladly allowed her to have the job when she was old enough, he was told by other members of staff how cheerful she was whenever she passed them things and John would let her draw at his desk and sometimes even help with paperwork. She then began training, the days were long and tiring at first but she quickly began to get the hang of things. But there was one issue, they didn't have a show for her to produce... until a radio DJ came all the way from Chicago. Forrest Nash. He replaced the old DJ instantly on The Scream.

[grimescum-2]

other jan hcs (ft. luke) :o3

- him and luke are from new york, born to a lower class family

- both are mixed to some degree (black n white), luke is just the lighter skinned of the two

- jan got the extroverted behavioral issues adhd and luke got the introverted withdrawn adhd

- both have depression. i think luke in particular would have an inflated ego and low empathy. jan denies having depression and feeling sad at all while luke handles it pretty well, even if he internalizes it.

- jan was a sweet, albeit obviously troubled kid, and the least favorite child because of the problems that came with it. he was smart, shown by his grades, but the problem was how little he turned in assignments. he didn't see why he should and felt as if he was forced to because of it

- he often felt jealous of his brother since he seemed to be the one getting all the praise and attention. they were still close despite this and did damn near everything together (usually because of jan's insistence)

- luke ended up doing a lot of his schoolwork for him. jan still feels indebted to him after all this time, but luke just tells him not to worry about it. jan doesn't know luke cheated most of the time

- jan felt like nobody really cared for him other than his brother. developed an intense hatred for other people and, specifically, those who're in a position of power for not doing anything to help him or people like him. a lotta his violent tendencies probably stems from that alongside bottled up rage and jealousy

- has heavy trust issues because of this and doesn't immediately believe people when they say or try to show that they care

- jan went to jail for theft and some other minor charges in his youth. he still commits crimes obviously, he's just much smarter about it now. luke has always been much more meticulous and planned with his crimes

- didn't have a lot of luck with relationships if they lasted long enough to even be considered one. thinks romance is just buy thing for girl and do the sex and dismisses everything else as "corny". ironic considering his surname

- luke is very much the opposite but still had trouble in relationships due to the fact that he just didn't care for any of his partners, being mostly in it for the compliments and the benefits to himself. he'd end up cheating a lot of the time

- jan probably wouldn't even recognize any genuine displays of affection. if he did, he wouldn't know how to react, defaulting to insults and awkward laughter. he doesn't shut up often but telling him "i love you" would do it real quick

- luke isn't phased by compliments; it's just telling him stuff he already knows. he knows how to pretend to be flattered, though. would probably be the type to say "thank you" to someone confessing their undying love for him. you'd honestly have more luck earning his fancy by insulting him (NOT BECAUSE GHES LIKE A MASOCHIST,, idk thats up to you BUT because it's something new and different)

- jan still thinks men shouldn't cry and seriously beats himself up for it when he inevitably does. luke thinks the same, except he just doesn't. he can recall very few occasions past childhood where he actually cried

- jan's thoughts are faster than his mouth, luke thinks before he talks. jan will say the most out of pocket uncalled for shit ever heard by another human being and act like it's a normal thing to say

- jan's handwriting is only legible by him and his brother due to luke learning from the little schoolwork jan did do. luke writes almost exclusively in cursive, the one exception being if jan is going to read it

- jan drew those shitty S signs everywhere. luke dabbled in writing as an emotional outlet and jan would draw those fucking S signs all over his work

- when jan read his writing (usually without luke's consent) he would read it aloud and yell about how good it was, embarrassing luke in the process

- jan says shit JUST to make people mad. his ass would start an argument only to be like "haa u mad u mad". luke just naturally gets under peoples skin

- jan plays stuff like gta, metal gear n silent hill. has a few video game consoles and he plays with luke sometimes (w jan's temper he's admittedly not the best person to play games with)

- jan stole a motorcycle once, got all excited to ride it and immediately crashed bc he doesn't know how to ride one. luke let him ramble on about whatever and snuck in cigarettes and liquor for him while he was hospitalized

- luke does love his younger brother, he just doesn't like the constant noise; it overstimulates him and most of the time he's not interested in what jan has to say. instead shows his love thru small things and being overly protective. if you manage to stress jan out in any capacity luke will NOT let that shit slide

- jan frequented those shock/gore websites as an emotional outlet. consequently became desensitized to stuff of that nature and interested in weapons, particularly guns

- jan is extremely reckless with his stolen money. enjoys gambling and placing outright dangerous bets that luke often has to talk him out of despite him doing the same

- jan impatient as shit. if he isn't immediately good at something he gets mad and loses interest. luke is patient but significantly less so with people

- i think jan is chill with the lgbt community. he'd be one of those allies who have no clue what any of it means but r supportive anyway. luke does not give a single shit

- neither are inherently bad or evil!!!!! but i think luke would be the more morally incorrect out of the two. jan knows what it's like to go through tough shit while luke doesn't— and even if he did, he wouldn't care.

- regardless of jan's beliefs he'd always say "no homo" before giving anything that's even remotely a compliment to another man

- likes hardcore, hard rock, metal, metalcore, punk rock and old-school rap. luke isn't much of a music person in comparison, but he did manage to get jan into smooth jazz

- jan would blare his music loud as fuck and turn it up louder whenever someone tells him to quiet down

- jan does care about how people perceive him, he's just good at pretending like he doesn't. luke only cares about his perception for the social benefits that come with looking and acting more refined. he does actually enjoy the fashion aspect quite a bit, but he probably wouldn't say that (unless its to brag about how expensive his suits are)

- both's fashion sense is "whatever makes me look cool" but for different reasons. jan leans a little more towards whatever is comfortable

[salems-spaghettios]

It will be okay sweetpea pt.1

~Gwendoline Christie x pregnant!daughter!reader

Bold + Italic = flashback/memory

Italic = idk man, i used it for different things

Bold = thought

Warnings: light mention of alcohol, death, blood, miscarriage, somewhat descriptive self-harm, implied eating disorder, childbirth, self-depreciation, mental health, angst? (im probably forgetting something.)

a/n: this was literally a dream i had. there is fluff, and this read is complete shit, i'm really sorry. Also I had to break it up into parts bc tumblr said I wrote too much

You were four weeks away from your third trimester in your pregnancy, and you had a doctor’s appointment today. You’re always nervous with doctor’s appointments relating to your pregnancy, but your mother, Gwendoline. Always makes your anxiety dissipate. Today, she had a tight schedule and so you were left all on your own to venture to the clinic. She would be home when you got back though, so you could tell her about it.

You reached the clinic and were nervous, but your mother told you that ‘nervousness is just excited energy hiding.’ You don't have much to worry about, you don’t strain yourself working, you don’t sit around and do nothing, you eat healthy.

“What could go wrong?”

So, you walked into the clinic. “Hello, my name is y/n Christie.” You quietly said to the woman at the front desk. Watching you as you entered “Hello Ms.Christie! Your clinician has someone else currently, but will see you afterwards. Please take a seat wherever you are comfortable.” She spoke with pride, she clearly liked her job. “Um- could you tell me where the restroom is?” You asked, almost embarrassed that you have a bladder. She pointed to your right, and you entered the restroom, it was a single restroom, not one with multiple stalls. You locked the door behind you, pulling down your trousers and panties as you sat on the toilet. And that’s when you saw it. Your panties soaked in your blood, not having bleed through to your trousers though. Tears filled your eyes as you looked down, it reminded you when you got your period for the first time. Your thighs were covered in blood and you thought you were dying. You were in school and had called your mother telling her you were bleeding out and that you loved her. She realised what happened and came to pick you up from school early. She told you what it was, why it happened, how it sucks, and she took care of all of your needs, like she always has. “It will be okay sweetpea” She says after every bad day. It always lifts you up.

You were sobbing at this point, tearing running endlessly. You couldn’t call your mother, she’s going to be disappointed that you couldn’t carry this child. She’ll think you did it on purpose, you were worried she was going to hate you. You at this point had strained breathing, as you were gasping for air, and trying to breathe properly. Tears still streaming down your face, you jumped still seated, at a knock on the door. “Helloo.. Ms.Christie, I’m ready to see you now!” It was your clinician, Dr.Vogt. Shit, you tried cleaning yourself up as best as possible with haste so as to not worry your doctor. Finishing up you flushed the toilet and washed your hands carelessly, you opened the door and were greeted by your clinician. You followed her through a hall to an ultrasound room, where the first question she asked you was “Why were you crying earlier?” You couldn’t speak, your voice was hoarse from crying. “Did you and your mother get into an argument?” She noticed your mother’s absence at today’s appointment. You shook your head, accepting you couldn’t say it. You looked down realising how your hands didn’t clean well. She looked at your fingers intertwined with each other sitting in your lap, and she saw what she assumed was your blood underneath your fingernails, and she realised. Concerned for you she immediately checked your heartbeats, or you suppose singular heartbeat now. She then brought over the ultrasound machine, you couldn’t bear to look at the screen. You were going to have the gender be a surprise to you and everything, you let your mother have the ultrasound photos not trying to peek at them. But you wanted a surprise, so it was kept from you. You had your eyes screwed shut, waiting for your clinician to break the silence, she placed the cream on your stomach and checked your uterus. She already knew what happened when she had listened through the stethoscope, but she didn’t want it to be true. She worried for you. She looked at the screen and then you, seeing you hiding your face under your hands she spoke up. “Ms.Christie, I’m afraid you have miscarried, but–” You threw your shirt over your stomach and walked out, sobs poured out from you as you walked down the hall you anxiously walked through earlier, you found the doors and left. You got in your car, and sped home. Hoping as soon as you got away from the clinic you’d be fine along with your unborn child.

You walked in the door of your family’s house. You hung your bag up, grabbed a glass from the cupboard, opened the fridge and grabbed your favourite wine. You haven’t had alcohol since finding out about your pregnancy. You poured yourself a glass, and as you went to down the entire glass at once. Your mother emerged, curious when hearing your sniffles and silent sobs, “Hey sweetpea do you like this colour or-” Seeing the alcohol in your hand turned her somewhat defensive, “Absolutely not!” She took the glass and wine from you with ease, you didn’t even try to fight her. This did trigger the most gut-wrenching cry to ever come from you though, you slid down against the counter from where you stood using the counter for support, and you hid yourself in your knees when you finally reached the floor. Your mother knew it was bad, you hadn’t cried like this since your fiancé was in a car crash, and passed. You were crying even harder now than you did then. You couldn’t breathe, you let out such heavy exhales that you only got a wisp of air when you inhaled to breathe. Gwendoline immediately set down the clothing she had in her hand, and got down to your level. She assessed you before saying anything, noticing a wet spot on your shirt from the ultrasound cream you never bothered to wipe off. She decided to sit right next to you, she wrapped her arm around you. “Honey I don’t know what's wrong, but you need to breathe.” She spoke softly and with caution in order to avoid conflict. Watching you with concern. You couldn’t fix your breathing and then you felt tired, and your eyelids felt so heavy. You couldn’t sit together anymore, you just fell onto your mother. And then it was dark and quiet. You woke up on the couch, you felt tears streaming once again. It wasn’t fair, you had been twenty-three weeks pregnant, you shouldn’t have lost the baby. The chances were basically zero, which means it was all your fault. You scanned the room for your mother, not wanting to be alone for too long. You realised she was next to you on the couch, so you mustered your strength and slid up the couch and rested your head on her thighs. She gladly accepted you, and played with your hair as you rested on her lap. She wanted to talk to you, but she didn’t know what to say. She started to hum, a song that came on the radio the day you found out you were pregnant. Was it just a nightmare? Unfortunately, you knew, it was real. You were with your mother, but you felt alone. You couldn’t tell her, she’d hate you. “Honey, I called your clinician, she told me everything. It’s not your fault. You didn’t let her finish though, you are still-” Finally finding your voice, you cut her off. “Mum, I-” your voice strained more “Don’t you hate me for not being able to carry a child to term?” Looking up at her with tears flowing ever freely, “No, sweetpea, never. I could never hate you for something you have no control over whatsoever. I’m glad you're healthy. Now, can I please tell you what Dr.Vogt said?” You shook your head, eyes locked with her, she respected your choice. But she had to tell you at some point, but she could wait a little bit for when you calmed down more. For now she said softly as she noticed you were drifting to sleep, “I love you and it will be okay sweetpea.” You knew with your mother taking care of you it will be okay, which made your last tears of the night fall. As sleep overcame you.

[shego1142]

Okay so… can someone explain doctors to me like I’m a very small very scared and very hurt child?

So like… I was 11 or 12 when my family lost what I would call our “good insurance” and we had to switch to the “doctors suddenly don’t care about you” insurance due to my dad becoming disabled and us no longer having a two person income household.

We switched from me seeing a group of caring children’s doctors to me seeing an adult’s general practitioner that only saw me about once a year or less, and largely dismissed every issue I had.

I began getting migraines at 10 that increased in frequency and severity and I was told it was “because I’d start my period soon”

I had an eye test done that came back with concerning spots of missing vision in my peripheral when I was about 13 or so and I was entirely dismissed, but the doctor did ask me if I wanted to be institutionalised when I tried to quietly and privately ask about depression symptoms.

To which I began crying btw, you know, because I was a 13 year old undiagnosed autistic child.

I saw this group of doctors for things like school vaccinations, about once a year or less, ans largely I didn’t see them for anything else and I got used to hiding my symptoms and illnesses.

When I was 16 my stomach began hurting so bad in a radial pain, I went to them 3 times in the span of two weeks, telling them that I swore my stomach was hurting horribly, like real pain not just acid reflux. They prescribed omeprazole, an acid reflux medicine, and nothing else. They refused to order any tests.

I got to where I was in so much pain, crying and pulling my hair out, I felt like i couldn’t breathe and I woke my mom up and begged her to take me to the hospital because I thought I was dying at 16. And I probably would’ve, because my gallbladder would have ruptured. I ended up having to have emergency surgery, also I threw up on the hospital nurse and was so apologetic for being sick that she almost cried.

When I was 20 something I wanted to talk to those same doctors about my migraines, they’d gotten even worse than before and that is saying a lot. The same doctor who didn’t bother to check if I was having a medical emergency when my gallbladder was shutting down straight up just told me I was lying for medicine, without even looking at any of my tests prior, and yelled at me and tried to take my cane, which had become something I found really helped with all the pain I felt, away from me.

I didn’t even ask about a pain medication, I was asking about migraine preventatives.

I left that doctor’s office that I had gone to since I was 12 and never went back.

Anyway, nowadays, the closest doctor’s clinic keeps telling me that I can’t have a physical check up if there’s something specific I want the doctor to see me about?

And I have multiple chronic conditions, so there’s literally always something specific that needs to be addressed, but then it’s like they only want to focus on one thing, when it’s multiple issues that need attention?

Like… how tf do you find a doctor that can really help? How do you even start?

Also, the doctor’s office closest to me refuses to let anyone go with me, which is terrifying given that I’ve been yelled at by doctors for asking questions??

They basically always try to convince me that it’ll be just fine but then, due to my slow processing process speed because you know, autism, a day or two after the fact ill realise that them saying:

“Idk, you might have pcos, call us in four months!”

Is probably not the best way to talk to a patient…

I just… I don’t know what to do or how to get a good doctor, and I thought your general practitioner was the one who was supposed to have a general idea regarding everything that’s going on with your health, like you know, be informed of it, and then they would be able to recommend other doctors who can help you with the specific issues.

It seems to me that general practitioner means that you shouldn’t bring up anything worse than a cough or a sore throat or they get mad at you.

Idk… I just woke up today with a lot of pain and I think what is neuropathy (my arms keep going numb I’m assuming that’s what is causing it) and I just… wish I could find a doctor who actually understands what is happening and gives a damn…

I live in North Georgia, and I’m more than willing to travel… if anyone out there knows of a doctor or something… let me know