#idk where i went with this one. thought i'd do something to show how far he went with his obsession

[gilsart]

when every equation was solved, all that remained were fields of dreamless solitude. there is no prize to perfection; only an end to pursuit.

[sunsburns]

honestly i feel like joaquin gives best friends to lovers vibes. and the moment you realize he likes you (meanwhile you've liked him for years) is gonna be in the middle of one of those heated arguments you have with each other bc he's jealous of the new guy you're seeing but one of you is stubborn and doesn't wanna admit it. idk if this counts as a request but if you like the idea i'd love to see you write something abt it!!

yes yes! i feel like it would be even better if the two of you had been working together for soo long too. like you’re in the middle of a stakeout or a mission and he’s suddenly bringing it up for the first time, trying to be all suave and subtle and you’re like ????

the stakeout had been dragging for hours.

the two of you were stationed in an unmarked van on a dimly lit street, watching the back entrance of an old warehouse where your target was supposed to show. you and joaquín torres had done plenty of missions like this before—long hours, bad takeout, and enough banter to keep you both from losing it.

except this time, he wasn’t talking.

not really, anyway. he was pretending to be busy, fiddling with the comms setup even if it had already been working fine since the start of the op.

the van was cramped, parked just far enough from the target building to stay out of sight. the only light inside comes from the dim glow of yours tablet and the occasional flicker of streetlights through the tinted windows.

and then, out of nowhere—

“you never did tell me how your date went last week.”

you barely heard him over the quiet hum of the surveillance feed. your attention is fixed on the warehouse across the street, waiting for movement, but his words pull you out of it.

you glance over, catching him looking away the second you do. subtlety had never been his strong suit.

“i didn’t think you’d want to know,” you said, testing the waters.

“of course i do.”

something in his voice made you pause. it wasn’t the usual teasing or lighthearted prodding—it was earnest. which was odd, considering the first time you brought it up there had been no jokes and joaquín had not been this curious. if anything, he’d gone uncharacteristically quiet, then changed the subject entirely.

but you’d brushed it off at the time.

still, you decide to humour him. “it went well.”

silence. then the soft creak of leather as he shifts in his seat.

“so, is there a second date coming?”

the casual tone didn’t fool you.

you smiled, mostly to yourself. “maybe.”

you expect some kind of quip, a halfhearted joke to brush it off. but you didn’t miss the way his jaw tightened, how his fingers flexed against his knee.

for someone who was an expert at recon, joaquín was terrible at hiding his tells. always had been. every thought he had crossed his face before he could stop it, which is why you’ve never had to second-guess him.

but that? that was weird.

“why? do you care?” you ask, turning slightly toward him.

“i don’t,” he said too quickly. “just wondering if i gotta learn this guy’s name or not.”

your smile grew wider. “oh? so you do care.”

he finally looked at you, “that’s not what i—“ he exhaled sharply. “forget it.”

you couldn’t.

you studied him for a moment, the furrow in his brow, the slight clench of his jaw. this was the longest conversation you’ve had outside of mission chatter in a week. and now he suddenly wanted to know about your love life?

“joaquín,” you started, voice slower now. “if there’s something you wanna say—“

“i only care when it affects our work.”

that made you bristle. “oh. am i too distracted for you?”

“that’s not what i said.”

“it’s exactly what you said.” you turned toward him fully now, forgetting about the stakeout for a second. “you didn’t have a problem last week when i was watching your six, but suddenly i go on a date and now i’m not focused enough for you?”

“that’s not—“ he stopped himself, dragging a hand down his face. “tu—you’re impossible.”

“like you’re any better,” you fired back. “you’ve been acting weird ever since i mentioned this guy, and now you’re bringing it up in the middle of a mission like it’s relevant intel? what’s your deal, torres? what’s going on? what are you trying to say?”

he pressed his lips together, clearly debating something. you knew him well enough to see the war happening behind his eyes, the push and pull of something he'd been trying to keep locked down.

“i’m not—i’m not trying to say anything,” he muttered.

your eyes narrowed. “bullshit.”

his lips curled into something sour, “i don’t get you sometimes.” his voice was lower now, “you’ll pick up on the smallest details in the field, but when it comes to this?” he gestured vaguely between the two of you, frustrated, “it’s like you’re choosing not to see it.”

that stopped you cold.

because for a second—for one stupid, fleeting second—you let yourself think about it. really think about it.

like the way joaquín always made sure you had the last protein bar on long missions, even if it meant going without. or the way he always covered your blind spots in a fight, positioning himself between you and danger without hesitation. the way his voice changed when he spoke to you, softening in a way it never did for anyone else.

the way he looked at you when he thought you weren’t paying attention.

god.

your stomach twisted. you had spent so long convincing yourself that none of it meant anything. that it was just who he was—loyal, protective, a damn good partner. that was the only way you had managed to push your feelings down, to keep yourself from ruining what you had with him.

because the truth?

you had been in love with joaquín torres for years.

and it had been eating you alive.

the only reason you had gone out with someone else at all was because you had needed to move on. you couldn’t keep wanting something that wasn’t yours. couldn’t keep looking at him like he hung the damn moon when he was always just out of reach.

but now—now—he was looking at you like he was waiting for you to say something. like he wanted you to see it.

like maybe you hadn’t been crazy all along.

“joaquín.”

he just shook his head, frowning like he was mad at himself for even saying anything. “doesn’t matter.” the frustration drained from his voice, leaving behind something hollow. “forget i said anything.”

then he turned away like the conversation was over.

but it wasn’t.

because now, there was no taking it back.

and you weren’t sure if you even wanted to.

before you could respond, sam’s voice crackled over the comms.

“guys," he said, slow and unimpressed. “you do realize your mic is on, right?”

heat flooded your face.

joaquín scrambled to reach for the radio, red in the face. “sorry. must’ve turned it on by accident.”

“glad we’re getting some entertainment while we wait, sam continued, and you could almost see that grin on his face. “but unless you two wanna keep broadcasting your love confession to the team, maybe save it for after the mission?”

[barrenclan]

ok ONE more music ask bc i think this is the third one i’ve submitted for the new issue so far:

so i went back & read issue 37 while listening to “drunk walk home” by mitski (both the original and the live at palisades version), timing my reading with the listening so that certain panels & passages would line up with the right points in the song, and dear. fucking. LORD. i wanna make a rainhaze pmv with this so badly. the only question is which version of the song to use

so the best way i can explain it:

*drumbeat intro* - the title page

“i will retire to the salton sea/at the age of 23” - that comic panel at the beginning showing how much he changed

“for i’ve started to learn i may never be free/but though I may never be free/fuck you and your money/i’m tired of your money” - idk exactly how it’d line up with the issue but something something him being influenced by defiance & ranger, something something “you can love someone and still hate/hurt them”

*guitar picks up* - the canine realization and/or slug’s reaction to the murder reveal. some combination of the two.

“and i sit on the curb ‘cause it’s the prettiest night/with no one else in sight/don’t you know i wore this dress for you/these killer heels for you” - rain gets all defensive & tries to justify the murder with the sleep thing & the hypocrisy

“see the dark, it moves/with every breath of the breeze” (+ the buildup before the guitar solo) - “convince them…okay”

*guitar solo* - slug attacks him, big fight scene

and of course the screaming at the end correlates to him screaming as he’s gutted like a baked potato

Nice!! I always love how much thought you put into song choices.

As a Johnny Cash enjoyer I must say I do prefer his cover but of course I love Nine Inch Nails too. More dark and gritty does fit Rainhaze better.

I've never actually listened to or seen Repo, but it does seem like something that would be up my alley. It does fit him too, driving in what he's done and forcing him to remember killing Asphodelpaw.

I remember every dying whisper Every desperate murmur I remember when I gaze upon her She looks just like you I remember, I remember

I like this from Rainhaze's perspective, like he's constantly trying to guess what Ranger wants from him, how much he has to hurt himself to please Ranger.

The waves suck you in then you drown If like, you'd just stay down with me I'll swim down with you Is that what you want?

You hang the anchors over my neck (Saw your end) I liked it at first but the more you laughed The crazier I became

Haha aww, Pinepaw.

I lost some weight from anxious pacing talking on the telephone If I look cool I'm fooling you At any point you can assume My mind's computing every path that screws up what I wanna do

The things that I can't shoulder well I pass onto my older self And hope I learn to cope so I don't end up broke or overwhelmed 'Cause vocally, I'm not the best

Poinsettia is an interesting pull, but I can see it. I hate to say Rainhaze once again but yknow... kinda Rainhaze...

The feelings of regret And now I'm running to forget But know, the consequence of imagination's fear I met a man downtown the other day With ruby eyes that took my life away

Thе antidote we look so hard to find To purge yourself of fear, relax your mind But heaven only knows Where my mind leads, the feeling grows

Someone has actually recently made an incredible animatic set to Ptolemaea, actually! You can see it here.

That's alright, I usually do all the lyric quoting!

Pick up another cigarette Smoke it now and soon you'll forget If only your silver lining had better timing 'Cause there's no crown for one on the way down

Your dull blade and your dusty attire Can bring back all those burning desires So go back to the pit or roll over

I'd love to see the animation if you ever make it! It does have big synergy with "The Death of BarrenClan" event.

Heed the sirens, take shelter, my lover Flee the fire that devours But the sight held me fixed like a bayonet against my throat

It was a pale white horse With a crooked smile And I knew it was my time

Not a song in the world that doesn't make me think of Rainhaze... anyways, I always like a good Hoosiers song.

Everything you love turns to dust, You'd make more of it but you felt rushed By all that's periphery, You held tight, but on the contrary

Don't look your life passed you by, 'Cause you're too attached to it, Don't look your life passed you by, 'Cause you're too attached to it

[lordichamo]

Back again with another ask.....don't mind meeee

For your Survive!Mine AU....how do you think the Daigo and Mine reunion would go?

OOO . okay i've been thinking abt this A LOT (its... honestly what i've been pondering the most w/ regards to Survive AU as of late) so I'll put my thoughts under the cut here.

Light IW Finale Spoilers ahead!

SO. We don't know exactly what happened to the 3jimas after being left on that roof which leaves ... a few questions to say the least ASHGJKEWT . I need to figure out how to get them to actually meet (seeing as Daigo's somewhere in the middle of nowhere up north while Mine's in Yokohama) and if I don't know where Daigo went after the finale fight its... kinda hard to do that. My assumption thus far has been that he went back to the fishing village eventually (most likely not to stay this time, but it's not like he moved out of there for the finale fight. He's probably got belongings to pack up and all that if he wants to leave for good.)

ANYWAY all that to say that I'm still working on figuring out the actual logistics of how their reunion happens. Part of me feels it's best for Mine to be the one to reach out? He's been running from the situation the whole time so I feel that the next step he'd need to make if he wants to improve himself would be reaching out lol. (+ Its not like Daigo's gonna search for a guy he thinks has been dead for over a decade all of a sudden. and them meeting on accident is... it can be funny! but it doesn't hit the same.....)

What I do know though is that the reunion itself probably doesn't go? great? initially? Considering its been ~15 years (if we're calculating based off 2024) there's bound to be some tension. Plus I don't think Mine is being super clear about the whole situation initially (I think it takes him a while to bring up the whole coma thing) which only serves to add fuel to the fire. Like idk if some guy who jumped off a roof in front of you sending your life into a downward spiral showed up alive after 15 years and acted like nothing happened & like things should just return to 'normal' (how they were 15 years ago) i think you'd be a little annoyed ASDJHKGHKEWT . On top of that uhh idk if Daigo's been doing all that well mentally... All that just kinda combines for a very messy reunion imo. I'd say they need to fight it out on a roof or something but uh..... maybe not GJHKDSJKG

I do believe it works out eventually though! If only because i need a bit of comfort after all that hurt. It just uh. takes a hot minute to unpack everything that went down between them & work through it all. Petition to get these guys couples therapy. (...therapy in general, actually)

[kissingkiszka]

The Sweet Symphony - Chapter Three: Kiss Me

Jake Kiszka x Reader series

Words: 1.5k+

Summary: Jake insists on driving you home after the charity event, and things just happen to fall right into place.

CW: 18+, MDNI, fluff, kissing, drinking, cheesy rom-com moments, cursing, idk

Masterlist

This chapter is inspired by Kiss Me by Sixpence None The Richer & an imagine by my friend @gardensgatekeeper :)

—————————————————————

The green room was much more intimate than at the bar. He turned to pack up his guitar, while some more small talk and flirty banter went on.

"I'm so glad you came, like really. I thought you weren't gonna show at first."

"Wow, I didn't know my presence meant that much." you smiled.

"Oh trust me, your presence radiates light. You could light up any room."

You failed at your attempt to hide your blushing cheeks. He closed his guitar case and glanced up at you, blushing as well.

"I mean, and coming as gorgeous as you are? Come on." He smiled wide, his ears starting to flush now as well. His phone vibrated, causing him to look down at it. A few moments later, he looked back up at you. "The boys just texted me, they left."

You might not have been a fan of his music before tonight, but all you wanted right now was him. His woody musk was enticing. You needed to stop this. You weren't in the right place to fall in love, especially with a rockstar.

"I- I should probably get going too." You ran your hand through your hair.

Jake had just finished packing his guitar and cleaning up the green room. He began to walk out the back entrance with you. He grabbed his keys from his pocket and spun them around in his palm and fingers. He started towards his car, but you kept on the sidewalk.

"I only live a few blocks away, it's getting pretty late."

"I don't want you walking alone at night. Let me drive you." He stopped in his tracks, begging you to let him drive you home.

"I'll be fine, get home to your brothers." You tried to shoo him away playfully, but he wouldn't budge.

"If something happened to you during your walk home, I'd never forgive myself. I'm driving you." He began to walk towards you, putting his hand on your shoulder, guiding you to his car.

You sighed, finally accepting his offer. He opened the passenger door for you, allowing you to get in. As he closed it and walked to the other side, your heart was fluttering. This was bound to end horribly. He was such a gentleman. He was so very attractive.

"Where to?" He asked, one hand on the wheel as he turned the car on.

You gave him your address and he proceeded to back up. And damn did he look good doing it. He had one hand on the wheel and his other on the back of your headrest. As his head was turned, the door began to open again. This time, the rest of the band walked out. Jake told you they had left, but you didn't want to question it.

Your house wasn't far at all, but you loved how adamant he was on making sure you got back home safe. You reach to turn on the radio and the song Kiss Me by Sixpence None The Richer began to play.

Great.

The stereotypical rom com song just had to play as you tried not to fall in love.

You had only been in the car with him for a few minutes but you began to notice he was looking over at you multiple times within those few short moments. In the distance, you were coming up to the only traffic light on your way home. And of course, it just had to turn red.

Great.

As the red light beamed through the windshield, you looked over at Jake. He was already staring into your eyes. He began to take his free hand and moved it ever so slowly onto your thigh. The eye contact was intense, and it took you back to the eye contact at the record store that had happened just the day prior.

You placed your hand over top of his hand, which was now resting on your thigh. The song playing made this feel like a moment you would only see in a movie scene.

As you stared deeper into his eyes, you saw he began to lean in closer to you. You wanted him desperately, but you could never be a rockstar's girlfriend. Right? You couldn't....you wouldn't....

Fuck it.

You closed the gap that was between you and him, your lips intertwined with his. Your breath halted as you grabbed the collar of his jacket, pulling him even closer to you. Both of his hands came off the wheel, one hand firmly placed on your neck and the other on your cheek. There was no coming back from this. Fireworks were going off in your stomach, your knees feeling like they've been replaced with jelly. Feeling the smooth fabric underneath your fingertips, you began to run your hands over his shoulders. The kiss felt heated yet delicate, and you loved the way he was able to make you feel so many things at once. Your lips continued to crash together, your cheeks burning and his palms becoming sweaty. Blood was coursing through your veins, and you needed more. But you couldn't. Not now, at least.

You softly pulled away, catching your breath at last.

"I have a new addiction and you're to blame for it, honey." He smirked, pushing hair out of his face. The amount of desire he had for you was written all over his face.

Although this moment felt like it had gone on for years, it was only a few seconds. The light was still red. You also loved the way he was able to make you feel so much in such a short amount of time.

The song still playing on the radio, the light turned green.

"This is me right up here." You pointed to your home, a tinge of sadness in your voice. You didn't quite want to leave him just yet.

He pulled into the driveway, giving you one last good look.

"You'll be alright alone tonight?" He asked, you were sure he needed more of you.

"I'll be fine." You waved, smiled, and got out of the car. You whispered him a 'thank you'.

"Call me if you need anything." He waved you goodbye and wished you a good night.

His car window was rolled down as he watched and made sure you got into your house okay. You didn't even make it into your door before you realized something.

"I didn't get your number." You shouted at him, almost about to walk back to the car.

"Look at the pick." He shouted back, grinning. And with that, he sped off. You opened your front door and got settled inside to your house. You immediately dug your hand through your pocket. There it was, his number written on the pick. You decided before you went to sleep you were going to send him a text.

You: Hey.

And then your head hit the pillow.

Jakes POV

I was now on my way back to the venue. I had lied to her about the boys leaving, I needed to have some alone time with her. I just hope she didn't see them walk out as we were pulling away. Josh had been blowing up my phone, we were all supposed to leave together and go back to his place. I turned my ringer off, in fear she would see all of the notifications he was giving me. Embarrassing. God, I'm just an idiot sometimes. I pulled into the parking lot, ready to have Josh rip me a new one. It doesn't matter though, I got to spend time with her. Even better, I kissed her. I felt like a school boy, desperately wanting to go home, stare at my ceiling and day dream about her. I was missing her already. I was just hoping she would text me soon.

"I'm sorry, I left something at my house I had to go pick up." I could be a great liar sometimes.

"Finally you're here." Josh swung my car door open, climbing inside. Sam and Danny were laughing with each other as they scrambled into the back seat.

Josh got a good look at me, and I was cheesing like an idiot. "What's got you making that dopey grin?"

"Screw you, jackass." I laughed, pulling out of the parking lot once more. Just a few moments ago I was pulling out of the same parking lot, except the most beautiful woman I had ever met was replaced by my asshole brother. I just couldn't stop reliving that car ride home in my head.

"So, you wanna tell us who that girl was?" Danny grabbed the back of my headrest, pulling himself forward.

"I don't know who you're talking about." I said matter-of-factly and didn't take my eyes off the road.

"Tisk, tisk." Sam sighed.

"I was with some fans, it was probably just them." I tried to blow it off, quickly attempting to change the subject. "So what are the plans for tonight, Josh?"

"We have a fire pit, some drinks, just a usual get together."

The rest of the car ride was silent. I didn't want them to know about her, not yet. She deserved her privacy, and it was way too early to start telling other people about her.

The rest of the night felt like years. We all sat around Josh's fire pit, knocking back beers, talking about tonight's show and some other gossip. But all I could think about was her.

[siilvan]

Solitude

Characters: Mylène "Petra" Scholten de Ridder

Summary: The feeling of being alone. (Or something like that.)

Genre: Light angst? Idk, it's just sleep-deprived rambling lol

Warnings: Semi-proofread, light cursing, some mentions/allusions to canon-typical violence, again it's just random shit

Word Count: 1.5k

Note: I wrote this in a few hours because I've been an emo bitch lately and figured I'd do what I always do when I'm sad, AKA take it out on my oc (◡‿◡) I might leave it up, I might cringe after I wake up and delete it, who knows honestly? I promise I'm working on things people actually want to read, btw

If Petra was one thing, it was a woman not easily phased by trivial matters. War, violence, exhaustion, death – all things she was experienced with. All things she knew how to handle on any given day. She earned both her call sign and her position for exactly that reason, even.

Now, if Mylène was one thing, it was a woman constantly weighed down with the things she faces on any given day. War, violence, exhaustion, death – it haunts her every waking moment. She had learned to deal with it over the years, how to put a pin in her emotions for the sake of getting the job done. People needed her to be the steady hand, so that’s what she became.

She never quite learned how to deal with the loneliness, though.

"Just call me if you need me, okay? Any time, I don't care when or where. I'm there."

The words felt foreign as soon as they left the captain's lips. She wasn't used to hearing that. She was always the one people came to rely on.

A heavy sigh escapes Mylène's lips as she unceremoniously flops down on the sofa with her old scrapbook in-hand. It was a hobby her mother had, one she didn’t understand until it was too late to even tell the woman that she learned why she loved it so much.

That's another thing she was. Sentimental. All she ever seemed to do when she was alone was reminisce. The good days, the bad days, the moments that she was sure went right in and out of anyone else's brain – her first sniping lesson with Price, the first time Nikolai called her "Mila," the first time she heard Ghost's genuine laugh, when she and Soap discovered their mutual love of art, the one single time she almost beat Gaz in a race… small moments, but ones she held close to her heart.

As she flips the near-overstuffed book open, she's immediately greeted with another memory. One she was honestly surprised she could still recall so clearly, considering she was only six years old during it.

A photo, taken in the dead of winter. Her family was in the states, visiting her aunt and uncle for Christmas. They were at the dinner table – her aunt was to the left, her honey blonde hair tossed over her shoulder as a few streaks of silvery grey finally started to show, with a three-year-old Emiel sitting in her lap and babbling away to her. To the right was her uncle, the grey in his dark hair and beard far more visible as he leaned back in his chair, a soft smile resting on his lips as he watched the six-year-old in his lap frantically scribble away on a piece of paper with a crayon. In the back, standing in the backyard and visible through the half-open glass door, was her father – younger, not yet the man she knew him as – and her two cousins, tossing a football back and forth and laughing away. Even her childhood dog was there, a blur in the picture as she ran after the ball.

Her mom wasn't in the photo. Judging by Emiel pointing somewhere behind the camera, she was the one taking it.

The more Mylène thought about it, the more it almost became funny. There was a point in time when she was surrounded by people, almost too many for her to keep up with. Her gaze lifts from the page; she tries to ignore the wetness clinging to her eyelashes as she looks around her living room. Other than her, it's empty. Her brother was somewhere else in the world, surely finishing another sensitive mission that Laswell assigned to him. "I want the best for the job," she always says. Her aunt and uncle were still in the states, but every time she thought about them, all that seemed to come to mind was how they lost fifteen years to the anger of her father.

After years of losing people left and right – allies, entire teams, patients in her care, civilians, friends – maybe it was for the best that she was alone. Even the task force had some close scrapes over the years, moments when she worried about losing one of the people she had come to consider a second family.

Mylène closes the scrapbook with a heavy thud and sets it down on the small coffee table in front of her. She shifts, pulling her knees up to her chest and eyeing the cellphone sitting next to the book. It was silent, save for the occasional spam email or update from her superiors. If she wasn't a woman ruled by her sense of pride, she'd consider sending someone a message.

Maybe she could text Freya and ask about her progress with the recent training exercises she gave her. Or, maybe she could text Christine for an update on the new batch of recruits. Maybe she could even come up with some lame excuse to text Olga, ask her how she's doing after her company rapidly expanded out of the blue.

No, no… She's a woman with too much pride for that. Johnny, Kyle, Simon… She didn’t have a viable excuse for bothering any of them. Between their work and their partners, she doubted any of those three had time for her, anyway.

Price? No, definitely busy with the missus. Nikolai? She can never predict what he's up to, but she assumed it was probably work or his own love, too. Laswell? God, what weak excuse could she even come up with in that scenario.

"Any time, I'm there."

She lowers her head and lets her chin rest on top of her knees. She was only home because she had to be – the captain claimed she was working herself to the bone and needed the time off before she ran herself ragged.

"You can take a week off," He chuckles, patting her shoulder before squeezing it in a firm grip. "Everything'll keep running when you're gone, I promise. We won't fall apart without you."

She laughed at the time. "Just give me a call if Johnny blows one of his fingers off, he's already almost done that three times this month alone." She said.

Was she selfish for feeling a pang in her chest? "It's natural to want to feel wanted," she can already hear someone wiser than her saying. Who could she actually say that to, though? Everyone around her was too busy and too interested in their own lives. She was just… well, herself. Lieutenant Petra; always stable, always the guiding hand, always the last one to complain when times get tough.

Her phone buzzes as the screen flashes to life. She picks it up and sees her brother's name in the notifications. When she clicks into their messages, it's a picture of him sitting in the back of a helicopter, his gear half-stripped off but his mask still on, covering the lower half of his face and leaving his smeared eye black and messy hair on display as he gives the camera a little thumbs-up.

Always his way of telling her he's okay after a mission. Whenever she was sent out, she'd do the same. Mylène sends a quick reply – "Try and spend more than three days at base when you get back." – and turns her phone off again.

It would be easy to message someone at this point and tell them the truth. "I'm feeling lonely, do you have time to chat?" are just nine little words. She was always the one telling her teammates and the soldiers under her command to reach out if they ever needed her, and yet the thought of doing the same felt like an impossible goal.

She turns her phone on its face and leans back against the cushion. After years of being her own shoulder to cry on, why was she suddenly feeling so lonely? She didn't need to be coddled, she didn't need to be someone's baby, she was always capable of relying on herself and no one else. She promised herself that the last time she broke down in front of someone else would be the last time she let herself do something like that. She didn't need it. She could take care of herself.

Mylène pushes herself off the sofa, worrying at the inside of her cheek. Everyone has their priorities and people they're already focused on caring for. She has herself, and that's all she needs. She doesn't need a shoulder to cry on or someone who knows how she's feeling all hours of the day.

"Verdomme…" She lifts her hands up and presses the heels of her palms to her eyes. "Get it together, Scholten…" She mutters in the empty room, drawing in and releasing slow, deep breaths until she can lower her hands to her sides once more. She handles it, just like always.

She has herself, and that's all she needs.

[bridgertonworld]

Hi, I don't know how big your account is, or how far a reach this will go, but I'm a friend of a friend of the girl on Twitter who reunited with Luke the other day, she doesn't know that I'm doing this but I just can't stand to see her so sad about a day that brought her so much joy. She hasn't been directly contacted or sent any hateful messages, a few people watching her account but nothing sinister, shes just upset at the idea that anyone could angrily hate her so much & doesn't really understand why, when its just two people reconnecting & having a laugh together. I guess I get people's train of thought but I'm not justifying that behaviour, & its weird, & it's upset her, so she's my priority.

She's actually been trying to make friends in the Bridgerton fandom for a while, no-one wanted to interact with her so she just settled to enjoy it in private because none of us watch it & she wanted to talk about it with someone, not to brag or boast, she'd even kept her connection entirely quiet, we didn't even know until a couple years back. She started watching it because she couldn't believe Luke had become part of something so huge & is immensely proud of him, wanting to support him where she could. She'd post about it every season, including his/his characters full name but no-one bothered her or interacted & so she felt she could speak freely since no-one gave her a look in until now.

She saw Luke on Monday but had sent a letter a few days prior because she had some stuff to give him from the job they worked (as she told us, he got a little emotional about it) & everything that happened that day was pure luck. She'd had a horrible time from start to finish with the theatre / show itself, & she was just going to finish her drink & go home because she was so fed up. She text us because she was so upset & then Luke & her saw each other across the bar & he was so happy & excited to see her again that he saved it all. She'd told him everything that happened (there was some harassment from an audience member due to her disability) & he stayed with her the entire time because not only were they old friends, but what with her hearing loss he knew she thrived better with one to one conversations & away from crowds. I'm guessing he knew how odd fans can be around women since she mentioned him hiding her a bit when talking to fans but she spoke to his colleagues & friends. As for the comment about celebrating something together, it was two things in one sentence, one was a job she can't talk online about because of NDA's (not Bridgerton) & the second is that he helped her (through his role of Benedict) to finally come out as bisexual & he was extremely proud of her & wanted to celebrate these for her.

He was really wonderful with my friend, shes overwhelmed & kicking her feet because she doesn't feel like she's worthy of ANYONES time in chatting to her or spending time with her, like good things aren't meant for her, so when he was excited to see her, she asked "Wait you remember me?" And he was in disbelief she'd ask him something like that like they hadn't worked, drank, or laughed together ever when she was at the beginnings of his career. She's a wonderfully radiant, warm, funny, gold hearted woman who makes you belly laugh with her quick wit & makes everyone feel so safe & at ease. I popped round her place once to pick something up & she'd made me an extra helping of food so she knew I'd have food when I got home. She's brilliant & it sucks to see her sad over the idea of people being mean about her friendship/colleague idk what to call it that she supports & celebrates like everyone else but for more good reason. She went private not because she was getting abuse, but because she'd heard about people that didn't like her over this, and didn't have the energy to explain without fear of things getting twisted because she respects him that much, she would rather have people speculate about her than make things worse & reflect poorly.

This is long, & I hope I did her justice. It should be said though that she heard people talking about the rumour of what they both were & she laughed through tears going "Oh fuck off, he's too wonderful" (like most, she has a crush but that's about it.)

Edit:lies number 2.

[louisaguy]

my thoughts on the river/louisa thing

this is not a post saying that anyone should agree with these thoughts, or that any other take is wrong. just getting my feelings out because everyone keeps talking about it lol.

some spoilers for later books (i'm not sure which one bc i haven't read them lol i'm just going off things i've heard)

oh BOY, am i conflicted about the idea of river/louisa going romantic. the thing is, i love their relationship so so so much as it is now. i don't think turning a platonic relationship romantic always HAS to ruin it, but... it's also true that there's no quicker way to get me to hate two characters i previously loved than with an unnecessary romantic subplot. i think their relationship-- especially the way louisa treats river-- is really unique and interesting right now, and i worry that that uniqueness would be dampened or overwritten if they went romantic. i love how louisa really, deeply cares about him, but also doesn't hesitate to be honest to the point of bluntness with him; see "i think he used you. a lot. and i think if it were the other way around, he wouldn't really care." (that scene still obsesses me. she's so caring with him, so defensive of him, and yet at the same time she doesn't sugarcoat anything to make him feel better. she's blunt in saying what he doesn't want to hear but she's doing it in order to defend him, because she cares so deeply about him).

i worry that if they were paired together, that dynamic would change, and they would fall into a more stock relationship, one that would damage louisa's character in particular, either taking the teeth out of her and making her overly sweet, or pushing her into the typical "nagging wife" stereotype... y'know, always fussing at him, criticizing him for doing dumb shit. that's my fear about what might happen. but, to be perfectly honest, i don't think it will. the show writers have been really good about treating their characters with a lot of respect (more so than the books sometimes do [i read the first book and have seen snippets of the others].... lol), so i honestly am willing to give them the benefit of the doubt. if they wanna go in a river/louisa direction, i'm not gonna be NOOOO about it, i'm gonna see where they're going with this. i trust them to be able to make it work in a way that doesn't step on louisa's character. i mean, my best case scenario for romantic river/louisa is that their relationship is like identical to how it is now but they just kiss sometimes LMAO. i'd be cool with that! that sounds good to me!

i will say that i am almost rooting for river/louisa a little bit? solely because i don't want river/sid LMAO. i haven't read the later books, but i heard through the grapevine that in the books she comes back and her and river get together. i really hope that's something the show diverges from, bc i really DON'T WANT that. i know it's not really fair to judge sid against all the other characters who we've had whole seasons to get to know, since she was really only in the first 3 eps, but i found sid to be very boring. idk, maybe she'd be better if she came back and they had more time to flesh her out, but what we've seen of her so far? she feels very cookie cutter to me. like she's just there to be river's manic pixie dream girl. which like... boring. seen it before. i'd MUCH rather stick with what river and louisa have going on.

the only way i could see myself enjoying sid is if she gets to have a character and an arc and an internal world completely divorced from being river's gf... like if she came back and had several seasons on her OWN telling her own stories before she was paired with river. that's the only way i could see myself being ok with it.

but hey, y'know who's already had several seasons on her own not paired with river when she's allowed to develop her own arcs and internal world? louisa. which is why i think the idea of them getting together is something i'm willing to try out, at the very least-- i'm willing to trust that the writers are good enough to their characters that she will be allowed to KEEP having an internal world outside of river even if they got together. the writers have been very good to their characters so far. i'm willing to keep trusting them, for now.

i mean, look. the long and short of it is, if i was in total and complete control, i would want no romantic relationships for river. no romantic relationships for anyone in the cast, really. because i find them quite often to be overly reliant on stock relationship types that make the stories being told feel often a bit cookie cutter or repetitive... that's just my opinion. there are so so SO many good and interesting and fascinating stories being told here between the platonic relationships-- any combo of the slow horses makes me literally insane to think about. river and louisa, shirley and marcus, catherine and lamb, lamb and RIVER, even coe and shirley now... i think there's so many varied and unique types of relationships at play in this one little fucked up family unit, i'd love to explore those more rather than wasting time on a romantic subplot that, more likely than not, is going to feel identical to 10 other couples on TV right now (TO ME).

so, if i get total dictator control, i say no romance. but if we MUST have a romantic subplot for river-- which, ok, he's the conventionally attractive lead, i suppose it was inevitable even if i don't have to like it sigh-- i would much rather have him paired with the person he's had two and a half seasons to build his relationship with (though they didn't interact this season nearly as much as i wanted them to rip) and who he thus has an already established deep bond and really interesting dynamic with.... rather than his MPDG from season 1. sorry i'm not looking forward to sid coming back lmao. part of me hopes they change it and just don't bring her back at all. (i mean the actress is on house of the dragon now and that's blowing up, so who knows if they even have a contract with her to GET her back...)

(i'd be equally worried about them slotting louisa into a role that used to be occupied by sid in the books-- louisa and sid are NOT the same character and i'd worry about louisa feeling un-louisa-like when making decisions that originally belonged to sid... but again, i have a lot of faith in the writers to make it work. i think i can trust them to justify why louisa would make these decisions too and make it still feel true to her character.)

anyway. tldr; top choice river isn't paired with anyone and i keep getting to enjoy my little gen sandbox of slough house. but if he must be paired with someone, i'd like it to be louisa (just make it their current relationship but they kiss sometimes! that's allowed!).

(to be honest, putting the romance of it all aside, i do think river and louisa could make very good life partners... i could see them moving in together, helping each other keep their lives together lol. and i think it would be very sweet to see them continue to build those lives into the future with each other-- planning around each other, y'know, putting each other first. but i digress. to me, all of that is a completely separate thing from their relationship being romantic or not. it could happen either way.)

(also this doesn't really have to do with the thing in the trailer bc i've been thinking these thoughts for A While and louisa didn't even look into the kiss in the trailer anyway lmao, i just. i've seen everyone talking about this lately and it's made me want to get my thoughts out)

(if you've made it to the end of this long ass ramble, thank you for reading, ily, have a cookie 🍪)

[sugawarassoulmate]

Hii! I was binge reading your loser kuroo and oh my god 😭 it's literally everything I hope you don't mind me just venting everything I felt when reading fr.

The dynamic is just amazing! I'm not sure if bully!reader is not that common (everytime I search it's a bit hard to find, so omgg when I came across your work!). Sub guys are just 😪😔 a want you know?

The (lots of) 'first' interactions they had were so ughshsjsbs S-est tier! I felt the excitement on my body, like actually for real! Not gonna be a weirdo and get into details 🤭

And since I was reading it throughout the day I had to pause a few times, chorezz, and when it was getting too tiring and boring I'd stop to read and!! That's when the more angsty ones started and I was about to combust like lord how can life be like that?? Ik I'm being dramatic but it was like the story was kind of matching my mood.

So! It was the best rollercoaster I've been on so far. And again I really hope I'm not being too pushy? but I wanted to ask about some parts of the universe if that's fine! 😔

• are all of the works connected in the universe? I feel like to some point yes, not all of them, but you're the author!!

• about their dynamic in bed!! is the mc kind of like a sub? cause mc definitely leads the relationship. and how would tetsuro define himself? cause he acts like a sub (just realized how repetitive it sounds, sorry!) but when it comes to sex, at times he seems to be the one in "control", control might not be the best word to describe but, you know? for example when he's drunk. Sorry I don't know how to exactly say what's on my mind but you have a gigantic brain!! So I think the question is a tiny bit understandable.

• that part where he started showing interest in someone else?? That was my biggest wtfff moment (very respectfully). The part where I think I have more questions about. I feel like I'm really pushing my luck by asking these, so of course you can ignore these or just idk 😭. 1. Why did he start having feelings for someone else?? 2. Why did mc just ignore it like it was nothing when in other occasions they would be livid? 3. Why did *he* do that to mc? I was like damn bro there's no true love anywhere. In some occasions you mentioned mc being insecure and things like that. 4. How did mc really take it? Did mc feel sad at all with all that? What was mc really feeling through it all? Why did mc forgive him so easily? How was it when they got 'back together'? was mc even more of a cruel bitch to teach him a lesson or something? I'm light headed just thinking about it 😩.

I'm pretty sure there's more I want to ask but I can't remember right now and I feel like I went way over the socially acceptable to ask 😷

I just saw that were both infp and leo!! So happy very belated!!!

Thank you for the patience!

omg no i love these kinds of questions!!! i’m so glad you love their dynamic 🥹 trust me i love hearing all y’alls thoughts when it comes to my stuff it makes me so happy.

i’ll answer your questions one by one haha 

okey the worlds are kind of connected. you’re definitely right that in some ways they are and other ways they aren’t. i like the idea of everything being kinda interconnected in the sense that loser!kuroo, bully!osamu, and stoner!suga can all exist in one universe (the peach cinematic universe if u will) but i didn’t want to make hard rules if that makes sense??? cause i didn’t want to limit what scenarios i could put the characters in! so there’s deff the canon of osamu and reader being childhood frenemies and kuroo and his reader being college lab partners yeah but other than there aren’t rigid rules they have to follow. the freedom allows people to send in whatever request they want for those characters (so long as it doesn’t break my rules!!!) i hope that makes sense!!!

you’re definitely right about reader and loser!kuroo’s dynamic in bed! i just thought it was interesting for the mean, abrasive character to also be the sub in bed?? like “you’re a fucking loser, you can’t do anything without me but alsoooo please pin me down and hold me in bed.” i tend to imagine reader as being shorter/smaller than kuroo (but y’all can imagine reader any way you want!!) just cause i like the idea of mean person a who bullies and bosses around their much bigger/taller person b 😅

ok!!!!!! so i’m glad you caught onto that! it’s a dynamic that i’ve kind of been playing around with bc i have plans for a longer, possibly chaptered fic with that kind of plot in mind. if y’all remember that monstrous 8k fic i wrote for bully!samu and reader….i kinda want to do something similar??? (maybe reader finally tells kuroo she loves him?????) that’s very tbd at the moment haha

this was fun!! it felt like a press conference 😂😂😂 please send more asks like this i love talking about my writing and i LOVE even more hearing what all of you think!!!!

it’s not a bother to me at all!!!

[zisurru]

I read a bunch of late stage anne rice books because this show got me so hyped up and idk. Marius is terrible in general and to Armand specifically but I do think it's out of line with his self perception/just not something he'd be particularly motivated to do or interested in doing. I'm not personally a Marius fan so it's a wash for me and it's an adaptation so them's the breaks. But when it comes to my special little monsters turning them into a different flavour of horror show without regard for the underlying reasons they're Like That does bum me out, so I see where the fans are coming from in that sense. I don't actually even think it would be out of character at all for Armand to pimp Claudia out in the hopes of pushing her to commit suicide if he thought he could get away with it without Louis finding out but I'd still be really upset if the show went there. Armand being whitewashed in the painting otoh obviously didn't happen in the book but is totally in line with marius' deal. it would not even occur to him why that sucks.

hmm ok i have some thoughts on this as someone who started with the books and has read all of them, i.e. a lunatic

i think the show tends to take things that were more implicit in the books and make them explicit to throw them into starker relief, and i see this change with marius as being in line with that. the themes of power & control, personal autonomy, selfish desire, exploitation of a more vulnerable person & sexual abuse are all there in the books, and this anecdote encapsulates all of them and heightens them somewhat. i think it's really effective and i liked it.

as for how closely that matches up to marius's character in the books, i think it's not that far of a stretch. marius to me is at his most interesting when he acts how you'd expect a powerful person from his era to act. he's intentionally shown to have pretty big blind spots here: he's domineering, sexist, completely convinced of his own authority and deeply stubborn when challenged. he also owns slaves and has sex with a teenager. would he draw the line at sending one of his boys out on "dates" with a visiting friend? i don't know. i think it's consistent with his relationship with power and sexuality.

but i do understand not liking all the changes from the source material. overall i like the show a lot but it misses the mark for me in some places

[findafight]

Do you think Nancy after s2 truly never felt guilty about how she ended her relationship with Steve? Do you think she thought she was in the right because Steve told her it was okay? It really keeps me up at night how this is never addressed. Especially now with the knowledge of s4 that they both made fun of Steve in their relationship. I get he's Nancy's ex, but Steve saved both of their lives multiple times. idk, it just leaves a bitter taste in my mouth. That's why if s5 only put the burden on Steve to make it up to Jancy/Jonathan, I really don't want to see it. :/

Also kinda wanted to see the aftermath of Jancy getting together from an outside perspective. I wanted to see how the school reacts to it. I think Steve tried his hardest to shut down any negative cheating rumors (probably also for his sake bc that would mean confronting his nightmare), but people would definitely talk. Especially Tommy and Carol. I would love to see what they would do to Jancy and Nancy specifically. Like, do they develop an even stronger us against them mindset. Is it that why Nancy seemingly only has Jonathan. The show mentioned two friends of Nancy in s2. What were their opinions? She was definitely close with them, given that Karen didn't question Nancy when she told her about sleepover plans. Speaking of Karen, what would she think about this. Steve spent Christmas with them, I think he was liked in the Wheeler fam, and then suddenly he's gone, and a week later, Jonathan is there. I want at least 15 episodes dealing with the aftermath lmao.

honestly...no, I don't thin Nancy feels really guilty for how she and Steve ended. They've never talked about it so there's no reason for her to conceptualize how shitty it would have been for him. If she's not confronted with that I don't think she'd feel like there'd be something to feel guilty for. One of Nancy's defining traits is her self absurdness, which is good for high stakes, life or death situations that require her to not hesitate. But it also leads to her not acknowledging/realizing (or, the show not recognizing) when she makes mistakes. She feels she's right, so, why would she feel guilty about it? She might be embarrassed about it though. Like it was messy, and so there were rumours about it and having people whisper about who she's dating/sleeping with would be embarrassing.

Jonathan I think would maybe feel bad about it, in the sort of abstract way that he knows cheating is bad because he knew Nancy and Steve weren't completely over, and he mentions it. But. I don't think it keeps him up at night? Like he also made the decision to go to Nancy, and kiss her, and then sleep with her, when he knew she was at the very least like a day out of a relationship. He doesn't care about Steve so it's not some betrayal, it's just an asshole move. I don't think Jon has to accept Steve's s1 apology, but I do not think Steve needs to apologize to him lmao that's so dumb let jon apologize to Steve for enabling cheating.

As for outsider pov. there's so many options! I'd love to see more of them. I'd say Steve definitely denies cheating rumours, partly because I don't think he knows how far they went? like he might think they kissed or had feelings realization or something, but not the extent? Tommy and Carol must've felt vindicated in their dislike for Nancy/feeling she wasn't good for Steve. Nancy's two season 2 cover story friends I want to meet them!!

Karen Wheeler....idk I don't think about her all that much but her perspective could be interesting! I think she'd maybe just be happy Nancy is taking charge or something...but yes give me 80's era sitcom plot about the aftermath of that lmaoooo

But I DO think Holly Wheeler is absolutely devastated by the break up. I think she's the og Steve stan he probably played dolls with her or something on the living room floor while waiting for Nancy and she's obsessed with him. She asks where he is and why he doesn't visit anymore and why can't he come over even though he and Nancy broke up (she's four she doesn't know what that means lol)

[lurkingteapot]

Kidnap ep 4: Trademark Owner

FINALLY got around to watching this, let's GO! incoherent rambles and squee incoming

NO GLOVES?! MIN IS2G

OH MY GOD Q doing the tying is not something I expected

Look at Min's FACE

Oh! Oh, this went differently from what happened in the book, but I like it.

Min, for someone who's hard on cash, airpods are a bad investment. Just saying.

Spoiled kid 😆 idk who first said "gmmtv said any moment can be a BL moment, and they were right", but -- yes. that.

See THIS is where I believe Min is a stuntman, making falls look dramatic and hits look painful

Oh! Seua calling?

That FACE

Dang, he looks good.

The difference between fake and real guns is the weight ...

Omg, this flashback -- I don't think it's intended to be as funny as it is to me

Men and Q tag-teaming others is my favourite thing

I really like how this is different from the book. I mean, I know the show came first, but. Still.

Okay that transition was less smooth than in the book. I wonder whether they cut the scene under the bridge, or whether that was added for the novel.

Oh! They moved it!

The fight is sorta less intense than in the book, and I think that's mostly down to Leng's acting -- this was one of his weaker scenes so far. But it's fine, especially considering this was apparently the very first scene they shot (cf. the xwitter space that ran after the episode)

Man, Ohm does caring eyes SO well. We all know that, we've known for ages, and it hits me again every single time.

The pacing of this episode feels kind of off, I'm not sure I'm a fan

I never get why they don't let folks wipe themselves down in these, like, how I'll ARE you? But I guess it's a kind of caring thing

Blushingggg

can we stop with the day clothes on the bed? I'm not a germaphobe, but these shows could convince me otherwise

They're so SOFT here, holy shit

Is the tone off for the situation? Maybe. Do I care? Not really.

Will you turn off the lightsssss holy fuck

I love Men so much

Dhdhhs we gotta work on your facial expressions, kiddo, but it works, whatever.

I thought the novel was bad, but WOW, this is WORSE 😂 these two is2g

Oh! The flashback alluded to in Ch 3, finally? nope, still no detail

Also I'd like to know when this was/is because we got the 3y ago and now this and I can't place the clothes

Oh this FUCKER I cannot (but also phew, so he does care)

Is this where I admit I bought a pack of choco pie the other day because I'm a sucker for tie-ins?

I love Men so much. Younger siblings of BL are the MVP always

This wasn't in the chapter of the book, but I'm here for it

Also I wonder what show that referenced

Men is gonna interrupt that kiss, isn't he

Oh my goodness, that preview. shit's gonna hit the fan, huh.

I'm off to read the next chapter now, aaaah.

[phantomoftheorpheum]

some last minute thoughts (PLL Summer School finale edition)

Hey guys, I already made my big predictions post a couple of days ago. I just wanted to get a few final thoughts in before the finale tonight. Inevitably I know I'm gonna be wrong about a lot of stuff, but I'm hoping that in the midst of that somewhere, I have speculated about the correct thing. A lot of these following thoughts are either some really far fetched stuff that crossed my mind and I just want to mention I've thought it on the off chance it's correct, but some of these are things I just forgot to include in my original predictions post. This is my final post pre-finale (unless I'm answering asks), so see y'all on the other side!

*Spoilers for PLL Summer School 2x01-2x07 + some social media possible spoilers.

Some of the concept art features Tabby's image on TV screens. This is image is taken from season 1 when Tabby is sneaking into the boy's locker rooms. I always thought it was weird that they dropped this storyline, particularly given the major themes of sexual violence and consent on the show. I went back to make sure I was not forgetting anything, but as far as I can tell, Tabby's mom yells at her about this, but then Tabby tells her about her assault, the conversation shifts, and the videos are never brought up again. There is a scene shortly after this where Tabby deletes the videos, but I did notice that she puts them in the trash on her laptop, but does not empty the trash, then is interrupted by Tyler's father showing up at her house. So... those videos could definitely still exist somewhere. I wonder, considering the concept art, if this will be used against her.

Principal Clanton - honestly I thought I'd just missed something (did I miss something?) and maybe he was dead or something because the show only ever talks about Archie and not him, but is he still around?? is he just in jail?? IDK. I guess he's in jail?

Tom Beasley - It did occur to me that Sheriff Beasley could be another "surprise, they're not really dead!" character, because much like Chip, he had a believable reason to fake his death. And he also has a direct connection to the Waters family. However, he looks legit super fucking dead in the shots we get of his "death," so that feels cheap to me, so I hope it's not this.

Deaths - I forgot to include Wes on my list of "most likely characters to die, regardless of whether they're good or bad," which is a huge oversight, because I actually think he is the most likely to die out of everyone. I fully believe he is either in on the BR plot (so very likely to die), or being framed for the BR plot (also likely to die). Also Dr. Sullivan. Good or bad, I think her days may be numbered.

The love triangle - It just very much feels like we don't have the full picture of this. They spent too much time highlighting how often Jen lies and steals for that to be nothing, imo. They spent too much time intentionally making Shawn super sweet/supportive/oblivious to just have that be "but then he punched a wall, so now he's bad." I think one (or all) of these things has to happen to close out this arc- 1. Jen is "bad" in some way, whether she is actually a villain who targeted Noa and is working with BR or even if she does really love Noa, but was paid to get back in Noa's life for some reason, her having a big secret/betrayal would make a lot of sense. 2. Shawn is dying and they want the audience to care and for this to make Noa feel extremely guilty about what she did and what terms they were left on. 3. Shawn is "bad" in some way (seems less likely than it did earlier in the season, but not impossible) is seeking revenge against Noa and/or unwittingly sold her out at some point. 4. Shawn & Jen are both "bad" and have, for some reason we do not yet understand, been in on this thing together the whole time. Jen was constantly trying to undermine Noa and Shawn's relationship because the two of them see it as a "competition" of sorts, they have a weird rivalry/working relationship. This feels very far fetched and I would be legit very surprised if it happened, but it is about the only scenario (Jen and Shawn working together to manipulate Noa) where Noa comes out of everything looking like the most innocent party. 5. Noa dies in the finale (likely due to a betrayal by one of her love interests). Again, this doesn't seem likely, but since the show keeps teasing that there's going to be the biggest PLL death ever, that would certainly qualify. ANYWAY, I think at least one of those things, if not several, feels necessary to get some closure on this arc, because right now it just feels like an open ended disconnected mess.

THE BIG DEATH - Like I said, they keep teasing this big major death of a character that has been "in Millwood" since season 1 (the phrasing of which also feels like it could be intentionally misleading). The way they're hyping it up, it sounds like they want us to think it's one of the girls. I'm not sure they actually have the guts to do that, but we'll see. I'm not going to speculate too much on what they mean (I already talked about 'most likely deaths' and even about the off chance it could be Noa, if she's betrayed by a love interest), because honestly if it's for shock value or because an actor is moving on, it could be anyone. I think there are characters it makes less sense for than others, but IDK. I'm going to stick with my death predictions based off of their role in the story, not based off of shock value or social media hype.

Anyway, can't want to see how things play out!

[bereft-of-frogs]

the friday list ~

this is really covering like a week and a half, because with all the traveling and eclipse adventures, I didn't have much to update last week.

books:

Jawbone - Monica Ojeda: I finally finished this one. I think it went on just a little long for the structure, which was very stream-of-consciousness. There would be like, multiple pages with no paragraph or dialogue breaks. It was interesting, I still liked the vibe, but it ended up being kind of hard to get through.

(in-progress, for book club) This Wretched Valley - Jenny Kiefer: What I like about this book is it's doing a good job showing how annoying both rock climbing people and 'I can't go anywhere without my dog' people are without fully tipping over into completely insufferable. She's walking that line really well. The metaphors are a tiny bit much but I'm enjoying the atmosphere so far. Oh also, I'm struggling a tiny bit with how many dumb decisions they're making. Like, I get that there's something supernatural going on, but outdoor horror stories definitely have a very narrow margin for error between 'understandable mistakes' and 'why the fuck wouldn't you bring a second helmet or rope? why once there's a significant injury does it never occur to you to send one person hiking out to get help? WHY DON'T YOU HAVE ANY PAPER MAPS OR A COMPASS???????' Oh, wah, the GPS is broken, WHY ARE YOU RELYING SOLELY ON GPS IN THE FIRST PLACE? (ok sort of unfair because there's some spooky shit going on so even if they did everything right they wouldn't escape BUT that's even less of an excuse to have them make a bunch of dumb mistakes. Like isn't it MORE horrifying if you do everything right and still can't get out? Idk I just like competent characters and I wish more outdoor horror did the 'super competent characters make understandable mistakes or are caught by forces outside of their control' and less just went for the imo lazy 'idiots bumbling into doom'.)

(in-progress, phone book) Into the Dark - Claudia Gray: I had some bad scrolling moments there for a couple days, but I'm rededicated to not scrolling, catching up on the High Republic series instead. I'm a little over halfway, I forgot this book does one thing I find a little irksome, but it's a can of worms I don't want to open, iykyk kind of deal. Still love Reath though.

(in-progress) The Hobbit - JRR Tolkien: I don't often reread The Hobbit, but once I finished LOTR I thought I'd pick it up. It's always funny to me when Tolkien like, slips into a lore dump in the middle of his children's adventure novel. Like we'll be bopping around and suddenly he'll be like 'and in the days of the kings of old, when the Valar....' and there's just a paragraph with all the cadences of The Silmarillion before he kind of snaps back and remembers what they're doing and it's back to being a romp.

tv:

Severance (AppleTV): Oh my GOD. WHAT. This was so disturbing and so funny and I basically had a 45 minute heart attack during that finale. I can't wait for season 2, that was INSANE. I think my only critique is that I wish some of the twists had been signaled a bit earlier. I think I might rewatch to see if I pick up on any foreshadowing but I really didn't seen the twist about Mark's wife coming at all, like it wasn't even on my radar as a direction they could take. It felt like it was signaled then revealed seemingly within the same episode, and I thought maybe there could have been more hints earlier on. Though I think some worked to come out of nowhere, like who Helly really is.

Anthracite (Netflix): Short little 6 episode cult mystery on Netflix. It's kind of a frenetic pace which I think is partially purposeful style, and partially because they only have 6 episodes. I think I'd like to see the 10 episode version of this show, where they have a little more time to build the characters.

movies:

Train to Busan (2016): I had never actually seen this. It was a truly excellent zombie film. I cried.

Jigoku (1960): I'm back to trying to work through the Letterboxd Top 250 horror list, AND try to watch all the ones on Criterion so I can drop that subscription. Bit of a slow build, but the hell scenes were cool.

Zone of Interest (2023): Do I regret not seeing this in theaters? I don't know. I didn't because it didn't seem like I needed the big screen, but the more I heard about the sound design and now that I've seen it, yeah, I think it deserved the big speaker system and not my TV's kind of tinny speakers. The sound design was for sure the real star. Extremely disturbing and effective. Maybe it would have been TOO much seeing it in theaters.

Speak No Evil (2022): I get what they were trying to do but you can refer to my liveblog to see why it didn't quite work for me.

Monkey Man (2024): Omg I almost forgot to put this one? This was such a good action movie, Dev Patel is fantastic and the soundtrack is 10/10. I really enjoyed it, if you haven't seen it yet you 100% should.

video game update: got through Ilum in my perpetual Fallen Order playthrough. Which means: purple lightsaber time :)

craft update: I have reached the underarm join on my vest! Which is exciting because I'm so close to not needing to purl anymore but I did not think through a significant tool issue so before I actually join it up I have to either 1) find another #7 circular needle among my supplies, 2) buy another one, 3) possibly just buy another set of interchangeable needle tips? We'll see if I can JUST get the needle tips and it's not too expensive.

to do:

I have to do an errand I don't want to on my lunch hour. Boo. It involves paperwork and the DMV. I know it will probably not take as long as I'm imagining but. I don't wanna. I'm watching a video of a youtuber I like also deal with car registration as inspiration. Argh. Let this saga be over, before I can't deal with it anymore and drive my stupid car into the sea (I shouldn't joke about that someone actually did that like 6 months ago).

post office to hopefully finally finish the above saga

clean apartment

finish out the first week of my new running routine with about 2 miles tonight and then around 3ish tomorrow

writing goals: I think I figured out my block on chapter 7, so my goal for the next week is to finish a really rough draft of chapter 8, then retreat back to finishing up chapter 7 and then continuing on with the more polished version of chapter 8. I moved some things around. I don't think I have to kill a darling (a paragraph I really like). I think I found a place for it that doesn't completely break the characterization and logic, like the version I started with.

figure out knitting needle issue and/or finish detangling yarn so I can make progress on other project

I might go to home depot because I have a dresser I'd like to repaint, I've had the swatches picked out for a full year now, I just have to actually get the paint and sandpaper and such.

despair: oh my god my activity page is ruined. that post about fanon has over 10k notes. I'm gradually losing faith in the reading comprehension of this site (gradually?). pray that things lessen up a bit this week LOL But also #grateful no one has called me a bitch yet, small wins, I've just learned a lot about random discourse in other fandoms, no one's actually tried to start discourse with me yet

[gontagokuhara]

OMG THAT LAST CHAPTER AAAAA my boys 🥹 if you hadn't said it on here, I would've never known you struggled w/writing Kokichi, it seriously feels so natural and I LOVE when authors include that clowny jester vibe to him!! But now that we're REALLY REALLY into the thicc of the story, I'm realizing how much I miss the camp!! idk about everyone else, but it was always the most interesting setting for me when I was into Percy Jackson! So basically I'm gonna annoy you with my barrage of questions that are 100% unrelated to the most recent chapter 😭

I know it was mentioned that Maki's cabin was undecorated for a long time, but did she ever get to personalizing it? I'd love to know about the cabins and their designs! I'd also love to know what kind of stuff they do at the talent shows? Idk if its the fact that the fic is based off the pjo musical, but I get theatre kid vibes from specifically kaede (even if she can't sing LOL) Speaking of her, since it was mentioned that she could play any instrument, I'm wondering if there were instruments /canon-specifically-talent-related equipment at camp for everyone? Also some of the dialogue had me questioning if they're even allowed to curse at camp or not 😭

HIIIIII im finally getting to this <3 first of all i love you im kissing u on the forehead every time i get an ask or comment from u it makes my whole day.

answers to ur questions beneath the cut as always!!

i also miss camp </3 i was talking about this with someone else yday (hiiiii evan) but in a universe where pointy objects reaches its end and i STILL want more.....there are little one-off scenes that dont fit into the main narrative of the fic but i'd still theoretically like to write......and the immediate reaction to the campers (+ hajime and nagito) realizing seven of them went missing along with an rv. it would be a lot of dialogue but the phone calls nagito had to make to all the parents of the missing (good and bad) kids. also the godly meetings where shit went bad, and then really bad, and then somehow even worse. pointy objects has always been very v3-centric given our main characters, but some of my favorite chapters so far have been when i've been able to feel out characters from the other games as well.

ok. THAT was a big tangent LMFAO ok re: maki: yes! it took a long time; she had very little interest in doing decoration shopping or really Anything in the first year or so after arriving at camp/her friend's death (she also did not see her situation as static or permanent — no point in something like that, y'know?). for her 14th birthday, kaede took the reins on planning with nagito a cabin design that she thought maki might like; and now presently, her cabin has a "red velvet" theme! DIY headboard for her bed made with literal red velvet that kaede and maki built themselves, plush red sheets, red walls (another eyesore of a cabin...), with a small collection of photos and trinkets and artwork and decorations she's amassed over the years since. she has a picture of her parents sitting in the bottom drawer of her dresser than only kaede knows about.

as for the others — i take a lot of inspiration from their research labs, but i haven't plotted out in my head exactly how they all look, y'know? miu's is definitely very lab-like, angie's paints her walls white at the beginning of every summer and over the summer months fills them corner to corner with new designs, kiyo's has more bookshelves than wall space, the like.

now: talent shows! it's very informal, with prizes like choosing the next camp-wide game, getting out of dinner duty for a week, etc. classic staples include himiko's magic shows (with tenko as a willing and eager assistant) (who also will at times retrieve less willing participants from the audience) (usually nagito). miu tries her own "magic tricks" that usually involve adding new features to kiibo and making them parade them around onstage; kiibo gets their comeuppance by forcing miu to learn kpop dance choreo and perform with them (as kokichi films, naturally). kaede can play instruments to get around the limitations of her power (also yes — 100% theater kid, alongside kiyo [+ kokichi, who wont admit it]), and there's a whole collection of instruments in the girls' common area that she's mastered/is working on learning (her most recent is a theremin that she and kiyo are both very interested in). it's a lot of repeats, because there are some kids who always prefer to chill in the audience rather than get onstage themselves, but everyone has lots of fun <3 (except nagito [usually made to suffer during them] and hajime [often tasked with tie-breaking the winner, also suffering])

as for ur last question: TRUST they are definitely allowed to swear. hajime would've exploded years ago if that wasn't the case. the barrier they erected following tsumugi's massacre is capable of a lot of things, but nothing can defeat the resigned frustration of wrangling a clusterfuck of the weirdest demigods they've ever dealt with (/fond)

WOW that got long again! good thing i love it <3

[torra-and-the-toons]

HEY! So. Idk if this is an analysis or observation or something, but I thought I would mention it because it interests me. While watching the show, I really like how the characters have "limits" if that makes sense. Off the top of my head, what comes to mind is when Eddy is going to throw a dodgeball at DD, but once he starts crying, clearly stops. Or in the rule breaking episode when they are fucking around in DD's room and the ants escape. It is actually really evident (to me at least) that releasing his ants was accidental compared to the other things they were doing. Maybe I am reading too much into a silly show, but I really kind of like how the writing defines what the characters would and would not do to each other, even for the sake of slapstick or a particular joke. It feels very intentional.

Ooh yes! I love this! We see this with all three of them too, I think! I'm remembering an episode (I can't remember which specific one) where Eddy and Ed are wrastling and somehow Ed hurts Eddy and he goes "YEOWCH that hurt Ed!" in such a genuinely pained tone, and Ed actually stops and says "Gosh, I'm sorry, Eddy."

The thing about it too is Eddy takes advantage of that, I'm remembering. So not only does Eddy recognize when he's gone too far (or others in this case) he can and will use it to his advantage too.

The one scene where we don't see something like this, I'm realizing, is the swamp scene in BPS. Not immediately anyhow. Eddy and Ed clearly went too far as evident by Edd's very genuinely upset reaction, I'd say he was more upset than the dodgeball scene. But for once, that doesn't stop Eddy, it even leads to a fight between them, and only took Double Dee leaving for him to realize he fucked up.

I wonder how awful he felt about that afterwards, like more than just the scenes we saw. Surely he had to look at back at it sometime and realize how awful that "prank" really was, separate from his little apology in the actual movie.