#idk where I'm going with this but yeah
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Is it really "too far" and "disturbing" and "concerning" or did the horror media just make you uncomfortable
#people having a conniption over poppy playtime 4's opening vhs is both funny and sad#this is the same with a lot of analog and digital horror#is it really “distateful” or was it something that made you uncomfortable#ppl have a similar reaction to sex in horror films tbh#it's a bit frustrating#bc this is horror#it's not the owl house or gravity falls#i actually feel people treat horror that way sometimes?#where they like the horror in brief moments or implied things but backpedal there is something they actually have to confront#that's more than just a serial killer#idk i could be talking nonsense though#but i do know I'm pissed ay people trying to make certain horror creators out to be “problematic ” or a bad person#simply because of the content they create#guys “he defends his terrible actions” and said actions being “an anolog horror” is not “proof” that someone is “bad'#idk where I'm going with this but yeah#quinn quips
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//I wanted to write but idk if I'll fail this mission successfully and I really wanna at least tell y'all something, so I decided I'd just come here and say hi. so:
hi everyone! 💙
#ooc: it's art again#//this is the most random post i'll ever post#if you wanna come to zach's/eric's inbox with something random today is the day#today's mood is *the* mood#idk where i'm going with this but yeah
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boeing and boston, the bad bitches that start with the letter b
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don't think I'm not still obsessing over 7-12
#art#twisted wonderland#twisted wonderland spoilers#twisted wonderland episode 7 spoilers#twisted wonderland book 7 spoilers#twisted wonderland episode 7 part 12 spoilers#twisted wonderland book 7 part 12 spoilers#sorry it's even scribblier than usual :') hopefully my chickenscratch is legible#anyway come here and join me in the corner where we go to be embarrassing about anime characters#just. between riddle and trey's dreams i've been thinking a lot about how#trey knew this kid for like two months when he was nine and then never really got over him or how their friendship ended#which. honestly. understandable given the circumstances#and then when they finally met again riddle acted like they'd never met before and neither he nor trey ever intended trey to be his vice#but every time riddle talks about his childhood post-incident it's basically#'oh yeah i constantly thought about trey and che'nya and fantasized about still being friends with them! this is fine and normal'#(there's a bit in one of his birthday cards where he talks about crossword puzzles and shit man that one got me)#idk. i can't put this into words very well#just...the implications that riddle was actively resisting trey's friendship#(presumably because it ended SUPER badly last time and he's learned that if he shows he wants something it gets taken away from him)#and trey had to work REALLY hard to just to get to the point they were at by the time canon starts#that was progress somehow#y'all can call him boring all you want but trey's defining feature really is that he keeps being like#'everything's fine :) this isn't a big deal :) i don't care that much'#(trey on the inside: THIS IS THE BIGGEST DEAL THAT I CARE SO MUCH ABOUT AND I WILL NEVER LET IT GO)#anyway i continue to be absolutely murdered by the timing of riddlepunzel directly after this#riddle's line about not wanting to keep standing in front of a door that's never going to open...#hey. hey silly gacha game about anime disney boys.#you are not actually allowed to do this to me#oh shit oh damn i'm out of tags and i haven't even talked about cater yet. NO BUT I HAVE LOTS OF FEELINGS THERE TOO --#(i am crushed under a falling safe looney tunes style)
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Here's all the 10 years later designs I nabbed from the website under the 2025ver. tab
Unfortunately all they've got for En on there is his homeless design, and not the one after he gets a cleanup
#boueibu#boueibu spoilers#boueibu eternal love#boueibu eternal love spoilers#I'm gonna be 100% real w you guys and say that i love all of this so much. oh my god man. i cant wait 4 this movie.#yumoto who hasnt changed a bit? wouldnt have expected otherwise.#en who became homeless because he hates having to do shit? literally so real. and him keeping the long hair after his glowup. YES. THANK YO#i kindaaa wished theyd let him keep some scruff but ig only arima gets to have facial hair privileges#atsushi just being a company employee and getting slightly shorter hair (more like his beta design actually) yeah. checks out.#io is the one im most vexed abt. like did he become a soccer player or something. or just involved in soccer..?#because thats where the money's at?? idk man. but im digging the ponytail.#AND RYUUU. OMG... AN HONEST TO GOD GYARUO... amazing.#kinshirou going all in on his japanese aesthetic. v fitting. and the glasses.... thank you so much.#honestly surprised he didnt already have those.#and arima... thank you for the facial hair. doing god's work. loving the suit also.#and finally... my queen Akoya..... congrats on the transition <3#tedpost#tedtalks
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Tried to make a character reference for Mariya from the new Saint Seiya spinoff since I couldn't find a character turnaround 🎀✨
Mostly I drew this for practice purposes and well, for having a reference of her outfits. Might be useful in the future... who knows!
Hope you like it! 🌟
#wren draws stuff#artist on tumblr#my art#fanart#saint seiya#saint seiya fanart#saint mariya#knights of the zodiac#kotz#los caballeros del zodiaco#cdz#les chevaliers du zodiaque#i cavalieri dello zodiaco#art#illustration#magical girl#UHHHHH I feel so rusty 😭 Haven't done a character turnaround in years damn. I'm getting way too lazy fr 😔💔#-> me after drawing a 3/4 character and calling it a day#how my 16 y/o ass managed to make almost a hundred of char ref for my ocs goes beyond my comprehension. I have to step up my game DAMN!!!#but I'm lowkey satisfied with this one. Except maybe for the colors that are a bit off AND I KNOW IT 😳🙄#bc I had only 2 colored images of her and those are rendered illustration. Tried to go as close as possible but my abilities have limits#for the rest pretty much winged it from looking very closely 2 the manga#up to chapter 3 aka that's where you can see the garther (?) with the card holder. Very tokyo mew mew coded out of her I have 2 admit#card captor sakura crossover one day or another (?) I swear I'll draw it#until then. Might try to post some sketches. And shitposts. Yeah I know. That's so me core.#Also at one point had to fight photoshop bc he didn't want to export the image with text idk what was wrong with him :/ he's just stupid ig
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Winter stainmight, winter stainmight! ❄️


Plus a comic



A silly headcanon of mine that is 100% canon/j is that Stain always has some spare pair of gloves with him ONLY because Toshi always forgets his 😭 I think after a while it will just become an ordinary thing for them. Just a small moment of Stain caring for Toshi hehehfd :3
#cj 24#art#doodles#bnha#boku no hero academia#mha#my hero academia#all might#toshinori yagi#stain mha#hero killer stain#akaguro chizome#stainmight#stainmight in big ass coats and scarfs save me#yes I know it's not winter yet but please hear me out it's fucking snowing like crazy where I live#november is basically winter for me so yeah WINTER STAINMIGHT!!!#real ones know how long it took me to figure out their clothes#stain I hate you why are you so hard to pick clothes for#I really love his boots tho#and idk if I like his coat#I feel like he wouldn't wear something that is difficult to move in because bro is always ready to fight habsbdbbd#but uhhh I mean he is just chilling with Toshi so no need to worry ig#anyways look at Toshi he is so old HAAHHAHSHSHSHHDHDHD#he is grandmacore#and also idk why but I feel like he would enjoy winter a lot? IDK???#I just imagine him always going for walks and also enjoying snow grhhhhh#tho he is always cold he still likes it :3#I need to draw stainmight snowball fighting building snowmen making snow angels and GHRHHHG SO MUCH MOREEEE#I will draw them covered in snow for like *checks the calendar* 4 months AT LEAST#idc that it doesn't snow much in Japan I'm teleporting them to my city and make them suffer from -30°C temperature
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Also, kind of odd, maybe, but one of my favourite things this ep was the way Fadel gave Style most of the water and food and gave it to him fairly easily (if not gently lol), while Bison used the food and water to taunt Kant? I guess because it's a nice illustration of their mindsets and their characters at this point and I love little moments like that (I've really enjoyed all the ways we see how differently Bison and Kant react to the same situations)
But I loved it even more once Bison is the first to break down and believe Kant vs Fadel who very obviously wants to believe Style but is still trying not to, or something. Anyway, it just felt like a nice contrast to me, and I don't know how to elaborate on why, but it stuck out to me and I wanted to mention it, I guess
#the heart killers#kantbison#fadelstyle#i was going to try to elaborate but i'm wrong like 99% of the time so i decided not to#well i will but i'm hiding it in the tags:#and like where Bison was trying to keep his distance and protect himself by being cruel and punishing Kant#Fadel is not doing any of that. He keeps being drawn to and undone by Style even if he is still telling Style he doesn't believe him...#will never believe him and is going to kill him. All very unconvincingly#but you can still see he thinks he *should* be wary and distancing himself#thinks what he's saying should be true (again vs bison who never thought that way??)#idk i started out writing this like yeah!!! and then slowly started to doubt myself#lazzarella watches tv#thk*
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I don't think Jayce and Viktor literally died. They were kind of pulled into another dimension/astral plane/whatever you call it. We see older Viktor, and while it could be another Viktor, I think it would be more meaningful if it was our Viktor, finally free from the arcane, going through the universe with Jayce, fixing timelines together. Kind of like a cosmic mission.
#jayvik#arcane spoilers#arcane season 2#arcane#the yaoi isn't as doomed as it seems#i mean arcane s2 wasn't perfect#and jayvik left me feeling colder than expected#they played a huge role in the end and they barely had screentime this season????#i will always love jayvik tho#otp otp i adore them#jayvik screentime isn't the only issue I have with season 2 tho#the way piltover vs zaun was treated.........#“omg if we work together we can solve our differences” what differences tho there was a clear power imbalance and police brutality I'm????#plus jink's “death” was kinda forced and weak?? so last minute??? like I know she isn't actually dead but yeah#and sevika????? where's my wife?????? she did NOTHING on act 3???? did she even talk????#also mel has never been my favourite bc they mainly used her as a plot device and a romantic interest to a male character which suckss#but in s1 she started to show vulnerability in the end??? even early s2??? like girl where is all of that??#that's WAY more interesting than the “tough serious warrior” character she's become#anyway everything happened too quickly#too much time spent on noxus shit#ooooh i wonder what the next show is going to be about hmmmm#and so many things weren't explained#everything surrounding viktor and the arcane and what happened to jayce and viktor was kinda foggy#also wtf is sky doing there???? it should have been little viktor or something idk#plus where are caitlyn's dictator arc and vi's boxer arc?? they barely lasted???#and maddie should have been more prominent if she was working with ambessa? we barely saw her (or ambessa) manipulate caitlyn#also ambessa's plan wasn't 100% clear either so I'm guessing that plot line (and singed's???) will appear again sometime
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No, seriously. Mephiles boss fight was so dang fun for me??? Legit the first stage I want to S-rank asap.
I never liked the Doom Morph skill. While Dash and Flying are easy to do because you just have to hold the Y button for the both of them, you have to press the B button for Homing Attack BUT hold the B button for swinging around with the Doom Morph skill. My brain cannot compute with the different button input! I often lost a lot of times and rings because I forgot to hold the button to swing, causing me to fell to my death.
CASE IN POINT:
Yeaaa...platformer games are not my strong suit...
However, in Mephiles boss fight, you won't fall to your death because the area is wide and circular. The cumbersome Doom Morph gimmick was enjoyable to play there and I was grinning from ear to ear from start to finish.
Ugh, I love this boss fight so much. If Mephiles had to come back and ruin the world just so I could fight such a fun boss battle once again, I would welcome him lickety split XD
#sonic x shadow generations#sonic the hedgehog#shadow the hedgehog#mephiles the dark#black doom#the spin attack of Doom Surf in Metal Overlord was a bit weird because it moves diagonally#there's a loophole in biolizard fight where you can just stand to the left of the mouth and the energy ball won't hit you#and Black Doom boss battle have the cumbersome Doom Morph gimmick + hardcore parkour#so yeah#Mephiles boss fight is the only fun boss to play for me#it's like a comfort area after all the fast pace stages of everything#because Shadow dash is hella fast and I am still reeling#but if i don't go fast i won't get good score#sonic games are for those who loves speedrunning games#and I'm not one of them lol#still trying to learn how to draw Shadow#idk why but his quills are so hard to draw
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༎ຶ‿༎ຶ
I can't stop imagining what Nanahiko would look like in genderbend ༎ຶ‿༎ຶಥ‿ಥ
Tall woman!Sorahiko and male!Nana, loving his tall wife ಥ‿ಥ༎ຶ‿༎ຶ
my biggest belief in genderbent nanahiko is that they do have to retain certain qualities. in other words:
sora(hiko) dresses masc, has a butch haircut, and does not play well as an adoptive mother. this woman IS going to beat up the teenager in the name of training, and she IS going to be that granny torino who beats up the grand-student.
nana (in an incredibly self-indulgent AU that @thisauthorisscreaming and i developed, nana's name is shichi) still has longer hair, has the chest of any self-respecting gymrat, and remains, out of all the one for all holders, the canonical fucker
#bnha#nanahiko#shimura nana#gran torino#torino sorahiko#shih's art#asks#eliseuocscreator#i could have sworn i had a tag for that au#ah well#yeah idk i think there's an argument to be had about leaning into a genderbent au#where it's like. does flipping gender equal flipping gender roles#does giving toshinori a harsh and canonically brutal trainer as a mother affect him? would it affect an f!toshi differently?#f!sorahiko being character foiled even more by recovery girl during the first post afo fight...#chiyo: oh you're here? you're going to be caring and loving now?#sora: no. i'm here to see if he's going to set his pipe dream down now.#chiyo: GET OUT.#anyways. in another world i'm writing t4t nanahiko
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sometimes. what i like to read or write in fic or just generally play around with.... is different and, dare i say, sometimes even contradicting to what i think the canonical reading is offering. like yeah he would not fucking say that but every once in a while i do like to indulge. sue me
#*mine#mona rambles#people do be taking things so seriously these days like#sometimes i just wanna see a silly lil oneshot where the blorbo du jour Fucks Shit Up and go#idk where this weird idea comes from to assume everything i ever write down in a fic or in some rambly headcanon post is like#equivalent to saying 'i think this is what the text says' like???#the text says they had wives and are straight and don't fuck their brothers too like. come on now#and i don't mean this in a dismissal of/disdain for canon sort of way either#i hate the whole 'fuck canon i know better' attitude that's not what i'm talking about#i mean this more in a. not every oneshot i write is a 'this is a meta-analysis of textual realities'#and more a 'okay this absolutely isn't canon but what if it WERE#let's explore'#sometimes you just gotta pat canon on the head tell it i love you and i know this isn't you but I'm going to anyway <3#peace and love. etc etc#god i know people will so wildly misinterpret this as a 'she doesn't even care about canon then what is even the point 🙄'#or a 'YEAH FUCK CANON I KNOW BETTER 😤' kind of way i'm already tired#to the three people who'll get it ily tho <3#i do think the crux is the awareness yk. like. knowing deviation or smthg. anyway#bisexuality. love wins <3
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I loved your drawing(and I love your style in general) with Leia in your recent post! If/when you have time can we see more of her in your style? I get so happy whenever I actually see people mention/talk about her and she’s not just forgotten because we didn’t get to see much of her. 😭
thank you! 💙💙💙 Leia/Leah/Lea/whatever is fascinating to me. she is the ultimate unknown. what was she like? how involved (or even aware of any details of the invasion) was she? Silver's basically a physical carbon copy of his biodad, so what did he get from her? like, I understand why the two of them kind of have to stay as these super vague and mysterious figures -- the whole point of them is that their story ended 400+ years ago and they're not really relevant anymore (and. well. the more that gets explained about them, the less that can just kinda be handwaved as "oh the politics were Very Messy") (we can sit here and theorize all day but let us acknowledge that, ultimately, canon gave us almost nothing about them post-Meleanor and we'd just be making things up). I do still wonder about her though! RIP Lea, we never knew you and we probably never will.
actually you know what, as long as we're here, I think I WILL go ahead and just make some stuff up about what Silver might've inherited from her instead.
#art#twisted wonderland#twisted wonderland spoilers#twisted wonderland episode 7 spoilers#twisted wonderland book 7 spoilers#twisted wonderland episode 7 part 13 spoilers#twisted wonderland book 7 part 13 spoilers#there may be answers somewhere that i just forgot about so uhhh if so#whoops ( ᐛ )#having one of those art days where chances are good i'm just gonna wake up and throw this post out the window so be warned#but yeah idk. i've talked before about the parallels between silver and dawnatello and how i see him as basically bad end silver#he chose the easy option that let him stay loyal and fulfill the obligation he felt to his adoptive family#he knew it wasn't right and that he was being manipulated but he went along with it anyway until it was too late#i think he ultimately had a good heart but my man folded under the slightest bit of social pressure like a wet mcmuffin#so while i'm continuing to make things up out of whole cloth i wanna say that by contrast#lea never had a chance to do shit but if she had i like to think she would've had a spine like galvanized steel#like just personally i don't think she knew much about what the silver owls were actually doing#seriously does henrik seem like the kind of person who would tell her shit about anything#i think he basically took advantage of their dad's failing health to go off and be a warmonger#and if he thought about lea at all it was to be like :) you stay here and do boring domestic princess stuff#while i tell your husband to Do It For Her#i mean this is 100% me writing baseless fanfic here#i just think it'd be fun if the part of silver that was IMMEDIATELY like 'actually no. we aren't doing this.' might've come from her#she just never got a chance to show it#(it didn't seem to come from the knight is all i'm saying)#lilia might've given silver a billion complexes but at least he raised him to do the right thing#man someone left a reply or reblog on an older post and i cannot find it so i apologize for the lack of credit BUT they pointed out#that one of the big differences between silver and the knight is that the knight's family did not really seem to like him very much and lik#yeah i think so. lea might've been the exception there for him.#rip ma'am we'll never know if you deserved better or not
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Digital Circus AMA Notes
Digital Circus is getting a season 1 at some point!!!!
#webcore aesthetic board for the series design
Pomni was going to be a frog originally. 🐸
90s toys Zooble inspo
Caine is an antagonist, but not by active choice, he doesn't know he's not helping. He doesn't feel a whole spectrum of human emotions (he's an AI).
"Caine canonically just lets things happen if he thinks it's funny."
Characters eat like Chao in Chao garden in Sonic. The characters can eat the food, but they can't digest it.
Jax's favorite food is spaghetti.
Pomni likes salmon.
Q "Was the ending a 'Last Supper' reference?" A "in a very superficial kinda way yeah." Religious stuff is sometimes just used for the funny.

Gooseworx tumblr sketches MAY or MAY NOT be canon to the series, so it's up in the air for every single one.
People can abstract from feeling too much pain if it breaks their mind from it being too much. Characters feel pain from things, but not as intensely as they would in real life.
Zooble is gonna swap parts every episode (implying they have spare parts) except their body & head.
Jax chose his own name & gooseworx likes to think he chose Gangle's name.
Ragatha was named "Emmy" originally.
They (the cast of characters trapped in the circus) can't change their clothes but Caine can. It's part of their skin sorta kinda.
There's empty space under Pomni's hat because video game model physics.
Spamton was partially inspo for Caine, Caine's VA did Spamton dubs.
Gangle only has 2 masks. Why's it (her hapiness mask) break all the time? Mental state, but the "real her" is "harder to break."
Kaumfo was gonna be part of the main cast originally before Jax.
Kaufmo's model has nothing below the waist at this time, but was made for that promotional image on twitter.

Q "What kinda person was Kaufmo?" A "He was the same as Ragatha in a sense, goofy & cheery, sometimes toxic levels of positivity."
I'm paraphrasing for the sake of note taking in real time, go watch the stream playback for more context & details if you want.
#these are all from GLITCHX 2023 on the glitch productions youtube channel btw#for anyone curious as to where I got the screenshots & details#theory crafters pop off with this#someone else can reblog this with time stamps if you want I'm pretty tired#I'm not going back through that stream right now; I'm sure someone else will put timestamps in the comments maybe#but yeah consider the amazing digital circus officially greenlit for a first season I guess! :D#tadc season 1 eventually baybeee!!#I'm hyped! I wonder if the pilot will remain canon into season 1 or if we'll get a new introduction into the series.#Wonder why Jax called Gangle... well Gangle 👀 maybe he just thought it sounded silly or something i'm curious as to what gooseworx thought#Caine's AI really thought Pomni running around looking for him & Kaufmo abstracted in his room was funny 😐 or his AI is glitchy#(we saw him glitching out already in the pilot) alternatively I think Bubble could be distracting Caine on purpose but idk just yet#imagine how much pain Ragatha was in since they can all actually feel that though like being body slammed & thrown against walls & stuff 😬#also excited to see some Gangle-centric content in the future based on that comment about the 'real her' 👀#Kaufmo would probably make jokes at really dark moments when it wasn't appropriate because that was a coping mechanism for him poor guy 😭#mine#op#the amazing digital circus#tadc
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I feel that during the first coffee date walk through the market, rye has a fraction of a millisecond's kneejerk trauma freakout of '...wait. wait. am I really catching feelings for a rich boy again. with how that went down last time. am I truly that stupid' (once derogatorily referred to quite openly at a party as 'young master anaxas' pet mortalitasi' to which the young master anaxas only grinned and shrugged and STILL you don't break up with his smug controlling ass for good for six more months because you have a desperate bottomless yearning pit where your self respect should go, twice shy lol). and then he actually looks at lucanis standing next to him getting harding spearmint to help with bad dreams and generally being so quietly thoughtful and sweet through the prosaic yet necessary medium of grocery shopping it makes me feel a little unwell to truly contemplate. and rye is like '*the softest fondest eyes anyone has ever turned on anything* ...you know what. I suspect we don't have to worry about that repeating, I think we're probably safe. I am comfortable being this level of stupid. (slowly dawning marital intent even at this stage)'.
(part of the reason rye buys NONE of illario's bullshit at all right from the beginning is that he's basically vaccinated against this exact type of dude after that relationship lol. charming suave guy who in the beginning pays you a lot of lavish attention and takes pains to make you feel special every time you're in a room with him -- but shallowly and mostly, it slowly dawns on you, when there's something he wants from you (and he's often doing it at the expense of someone else, raising you up to put someone else down and you won't believe this... it can turn into a seesaw at a whim. yay). and beneath that there's just a seething pit of resentment and inferiority complexes and bitterness left to fester until he can make it everyone else's problem and that IS going to start to bubble up between the cracks with you too if you stick around for long enough. no thank you been there done that wasted my youth and potential on it and all I got was this lousy shiny set of new emotional intimacy issues haunting me for life! trust me illario I HAVE, as it were, chosen the wrong dellamorte before, which is exactly how I know I didn't this time. go get him lucanis I've got your coffee
hilarious mental image: rye and illario sitting quietly together while everyone else is busy milling about during a cursed dellamorte family dinner (the vibes are so bad. you know the vibes are bad. sitting as still as you can and hoping for calm skies is your best bet without lucanis or teia favourite child privileges to work with) and rye out of the blue gazing thoughtfully into nothing over the edge of his glass with half-lidded eyes to go 'you know. you remind me a lot of my ex. not in a good way' and illario with absolutely no shame and hilariously also something that's the closest he ever gets to real sympathy going 'yeah, I get that a lot'. best talk those two ever had, unironically. their bond leveled up to its final form that day. *soulsborne boss defeated text* MUTUAL UNDERSTANDING REACHED)
#idly trying to decide what nevarran great house rye's shitheel early twenties boyfriend was part of#(possibly as one of the piddliest side branches of that house too b/c between that and the youngest son thing..... bad news)#there would be something especially delicious about him being a van markham of course. adds some Layers#to the baron van markham situation. but maybe that's TOO neat. nobles can just suck as a Class (as they do). I must Contemplate#I do really love the idea I'm going with here that it could be the youngest son of the duke of cumberland (so an anaxas)#(perhaps grandchild? slightly unclear how the numbers work out there we have too little information to go on I think)#who made so much trouble back home in cumberland they basically sent him off to the capital to raise hell over there lol#the classic 'god idk send him off to an aunt and she'll either straighten him out or they'll kill each other#either way he won't be my problem for the duration' move. oh the tribulations of an afterthought of a son no one really needed#(funny headcanon to make that the pentaghasts can't come up with a solid direct heir to king marcus to save his at least#seven-fold resurrected ass. while the duke of cumberland has heirs. maker help him but does he have heirs the house is full of them#where are they all coming from. his wife staring directly into the camera like she's on the office)#dragon age#dragon age: the veilguard#dragon age: the veilguard spoilers#dragon age spoilers#oc: Ellaryen Ingellvar#Lucanis Dellamorte#rook x lucanis#rookanis#illario dellamorte#doing coffee with the crows after the city choice adds quite a bit here lol. among other things it opens the distinct possiblity#that rook has overheard lucanis talk about wyverns in banter and the dagger is a more purposefully chosen thing#much like lucanis' cake choice is dependent on rook's beverage preferences later on. their freaks match#gifts to give your special person to tell them you've done deep research on them but like not in a stalker way#this post went off to places I hadn't expected. but love the rye and illario stuff that turned up here lmao like yeah that feels about righ
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lmao it is undeniably true that I am Depressi Spaghetti but you know. fuck it we continue.
#red said#i am hoping!!!! that this is January Brain speaking#it FEELS as if I've been in an extended depressive episode since like. may or June#but depression is a Filthy Fucking Liar so that may or may not be true#either way it's very tedious. there is no reason for this. i am very loved and cared for. i am doing well. it is just that my brain is soup#SAD AND SELF-LOATHING SOUP#we cannot resist the Soup we can only swim on through#idk it is like. i feel as if i don't exist beyond work i feel like I'm losing myself i feel like I'm very alone#this all FEELS very true even though actually i have many passions i do many things and i am booked to the gills with social engagements#so you know. what's it all about? The Soup. possibly also The Dark.#possibly also also that many people i care about are going through really rough times and I'm kinda. not?#and that's WEIRD both that I'm not and that I've developed like a level of boundaries where people i live going through it#doesn't mean I'm in a constant state of panic.#and slash or. where I'm too depressi spaghetti to have the energy to be there for them#i don't THINK it's that. that's never been a thing for me before really.#but idk i think it's like when i reach the end of my to do list i panic that I've forgotten something vital#i am not panicking and that makes me feel. strange and empty and immobile.#even though in actuality I'm in constant motion like. barely a free moment. but i FEEL static i FEEL inactive#because I'm not in 24/7 crisis mode#and then bc i feel inactive i don't understand why I'm so tired. I'm so tired because I'm ALWAYS DOING THINGS.#but also i do feel kind of. numb. everything is just running past me. except sometimes i feel spasms of grief cause like#I've ended or majorly changed a lot of relationships this past year#but yeah i think the numbness is PROBABLY the January of it all and will PROBABLY lift in March/April#and if it doesn't. well. fuck it. we continue. i am yet young.
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